Kill James Bond! - Fear and Loathing in Australia | Below Deck Down Under S2 E3

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown Helena Bonham Carter, butter burgers, Moses, 7/11 sandwiches, mountain lions, ice, rollercoasters, E.T., and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Down Under. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

All right, so it's time for a little meeting. But first, Jason. All right, I need Luke. I need Trishina. And I need... Oh, yeah, Aisha. Did you just forget my name? I mean, this is active flirtation.

These two, I mean, it that's crazy yeah like like just a first crush like just kids you know yeah that's the game they're playing that's the game what's your boyfriend's name ben watch out ben watch out what's up slots it's another podcast network i'm feeling um you know i apologize okay i feel like if you were a little bit more outraged it could help the bit a little bit You know, I apologize. Okay. I feel like if you were a little bit more outraged, it could help the bit a little bit more. Oh, Dylan, how can you start a goddamn show that way, man?

Yeah, I'm so sorry. And I'm a slut, so, you know, I love it. I love it's the best. You know what else I love? Below Deck? Below love? Below Deck? Below Deck? Below Deck? Correct you are. Do you want to go for the $100,000?

Culver? No, no, no. I wasn't saying let's do that again. I was just doing a Regis thing. I got you. Yeah. Are you sure? Are you sure? you sure well i was

until you fucking made me second guess myself regis you're here to play for a cancer charity correct yeah all right well if you answer this correctly a hundred thousand dollars goes to children with cancer are you sure about that answer? I love that show. Should we just start over? Should we start over? I feel like... Completely up to you. Fuck it.

Okay. But you got to do the intro, though, of what the show we're recapping. You got a little thing. Let's Hunter S. Thompson this episode. Let's just say fuck it, and let's just get fucked up what are you doing lisa vanderpump for you gotta worry about your money do it oh i don't want to affect our prize beloved you know the platform here well you're doing it by

being a fucking dork that's what you're doing you're hurting the money i you know kaylin how you doing? I'm good, Dylan. How are you? All right. I'm doing great. I clearly understand what the audience wants. Let's get fucking ripped shit fucking fucked up right now.

Absolutely not. Let's talk about below deck. You will regret this hearing it back. I say we just do what we normally do, funny, sarcastic. Are you having a blueberry truly right now? I am. All right. What are we doing? We're doing below deck. a blueberry truly right now? I am. Alright.

What are we doing? We're doing Baladeck. I'm going to put my shades on. Okay. Because I'm going gonzo tonight. Okay. Alright. Let's not let this be

the fly episode from Breaking Bad that some say it was their best episode. I would say 99% of the audience said it was too avant-garde, and we hated it.

The best one is when Danny Trejo's head is on Tortuga, and then it blows up and kills everybody. Oh, sure. And it's that Saving Private Ryan thing where Fat Hank, he's looking around, he's like, oh, my God, people's legs are blown off and shit. That was my favorite because I'm going gonzo. I like death and blood in the desert.

You know what I mean? Sure. Should we start over? No, no, no, no. I think it's fine. But let's have you take a backseat. Stop going crazy. Stop goofing around and let's get into the show. Okay. Kaelin, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? What do you think of the episode?

From what I remember, I thought it was okay. i'd give it like 45 pots all right do you want to go through a critique of that with me kind of sounded like his last critique of the last episode we recapped okay so a bit of a carbon copy but also if i you're from what i remember it implies that you know he's he doesn't really have a good hold on the episode. Not a good hold. And also a lot of pauses in that.

Yeah. I think he was stumbling through his words because he didn't remember the episode. It was like Colin Firth in the beginning of that, uh, that movie. The King's Speech. Yeah. It's a great movie.

Yeah. You know, I don't like Helena Bonham Carter. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like a yucky vibe in every movie. It's all like a My Chemical Romance drip to all of it. It's like, can we just be normal, please? You know what I mean?

I'm not saying don't be yourself, but why always the Bellatrix Lestrange kind of shit? Well, to be fair, our first 19 movies were directed by that weirdo. Her husband, yeah. Danny McBride. Okay, so what did you think of the episode? Not a lot happens. And then, of course, I guess the big surprise or reveal was that

Culver's back. Butterburger's there. Yeah, exactly. You know, I've said this on the last podcast. He's a nice guy. You're a really nice guy. But I'm up to my fucking ass with the randy savage whatever alias you're going to be throwing on this season hey brother i i am

not excited to have culver here i don't think he helps this cast out at all except to create the culver show oh yeah and i i don't need that kind of energy and i don't know why he needs to do that isn't his family like rhode island rich like yeah you know but uh anyway i thought it was just an okay episode i'm trying to remember what the hell happened he has the kind of house where you're like wow there's so much stone in here where did all the stone come from and the dad's like these stones were used to slaughter native americans you're like oh God, this is really like... Cool. Hey, are those legs on that table elephant's feet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, actually it is. Wow. Yeah. You're high in this scenario? No, I'm just like blown away. Right. Who would put elephant's feet as like the legs of a table?

Sadistic one percenters, Like Culver's father. Speculative fact. Can we call him Butterburger, please? Butterburger. Yeah, he deserves a name like that. Because Culver is the fast food restaurant. They serve Butterburgers. Butterburgers.

All right, Culver, your name moving forward is now Butterburger. Love it. Okay, great. I give it 20 knots. This was a throwaway episode. Not a great episode. Not a lot happened. A lot of meanwhiles.

More Luke being awful. More Laura being awful. I hate the way Laura is treating Aisha, and I hate that Aisha just... Her pimp hand is so not strong. is so not strong she she needs she is plagued by by sassy eastern european women i mean both seasons she's gotten these subordinates from behind the iron curtain who just do not respect her jolly you know punk to whatever she's got lara was that the last one laura lara no no no magdalena was the last one.

No, but wasn't there another Russian girl? She was Italian, I think, wasn't she? Oh, was she Italian? She was running ragged. She got fired after the third charter because she couldn't get along with Aisha Kermit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and she put out that really weird Instagram

where she's like, Hello, my friends. If anyone would like to have a conversation about what happened on below that, please. Direct message. Yeah, Asia's. But given what Asia is given, she's got to. I'm not saying to physically assault them, but metaphorically, keep your pin pan strong. Well, I don't think she's learned from last season. She still wants

to be everybody's friend. Yeah. It's the worst thing about being a leader. You don't have any friends. I can't do both. You think Moses had buddies? Absolutely no. No. He was like, can I have some friends? And God was like, you fucking

asked me again. I'm going to kill all 111 of your sons. All right. Four pots. Let's get into the episode. Jump right into that nightclub. It's worth noting these sea rats are running that poor security guard ragged in this goddamn club. Yeah, they're like pulling on all the lighting and shit.

Luke tried to put Margo on his shoulders. Yeah. That's a danger. And then Laura tried to mount a lighting pole like it was a stripper pole. I think he saved her a little personal bodily injury. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if those things fall on you, you catch on fire. Yeah, because if those things fall on you, you catch on fire.

I was talking to my wife about this, the infamous story when I got punched in the face by a bouncer at a club in New Orleans, a bar in New Orleans. I was thinking about, and he didn't punch me with his fist. He punched me with a stamp of a whale so i had a whale under my uh under my eye but you know what with like all the little pumps and stuff little zans and shit like that takashi 69 i could have just tatted that on my face and i would have been totally fine but i was thinking what i had that poor guy you know has to He's 35. He's got existential crises that he's dealing with. He's not happy where he's at in life. And here come me making fun of his distressed hat.

Oh, is that why you got punched in the face with a whale stamp? Yeah, yeah. He was wearing one of those hats that was distressed and all like that. But you buy it like that from American Eagle. And I said something about like, oh, you've been on a lot of fishing trips with that. And he punched me in the face with a whale stamp. So I sympathize with this security guard.

I mean, he's got to fucking wrangle a bunch of drunk children, essentially. Not only that, I think the night ends with Luke dropping an entire drink of glasses. Now, I've been a massive drunk in my life. I've never dropped an entire tray of shots. What happens? Do you?

They, I would assume they boot your ass out. I don't think these sea rats left on their own. Uh, but what, what happens if it's like the beginning of the night, you haven't had any kind of, um,

narrative of debauchery and it just happens. Do they pour those fucking shots over? Nah, I bet they make $200 worth of shots i bought a sandwich at 7-eleven and uh i was like trying to get some mustard on it you know after i bought it and i walked by the cashier the same cashier that i just paid for that turkey sandwich yeah i dropped the goddamn thing on the floor yeah and i'm going to Oh, no, there's no impression. I was required to buy another turkey sandwich.

They didn't eat the cost at 7-Eleven. Yeah, and then as you're paying for the second one, somebody comes in and just starts taking shit and flips the guy off and walks out. Yeah, pretty much. Our next partner is AG1, the daily foundational nutrition supplement that supports whole body health. I drink it every day, literally.

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temper is because of the gut biome being out of whack you should try ag1 and i was ever since then pat has changed my life oh you're welcome but it really wasn't you it was ag1 oh it was ag1 yeah yeah so i drink ag1 in the morning um before i do anything really it's the first thing it just flushes you out and in it's a cup of water a packet of powder and before you know you have uh 70 uh vitamins and minerals in your body try 75 on for size it makes me feel unstoppable um it is hard for me to keep up with all the supplements and stuff you know people have these you've seen this guy on the internet he's like i'm 70 but i look like i'm 20 you don't you look like a vampire you need ag1 um i i you

don't need to take a bunch of different things you know you got a sarsaparilla here you got sazerac over here you know you don't need to do that. Well, no, not anymore because you got a packet of powder. You just put in a cup of water in the morning, stir it around, and before you know it, it's all done. You don't need to add anything. You don't need to be like one of those weirdo vampires that Dylan was just describing with 89 bottles of

various vitamins around your house. You can't entertain like that. You can't have people at the house like that. What's this one for? Oh, some kind of fish thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a fish thing. And you know what the worst part about that is?

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Luke is very aggressive with her. And he's a carbon copy of Gary. He's the same archetype uh that bill air and he just he just tells her like i i guess what i'm trying to sloppily say is when you're like a kind of emotionally life lost coxain and you get drunk you say this really cringy overly emotional shit like i flee i feel like our flirting like we've gone past our flirting or something like and she says to him i think you're moving too forward what are you talking about we've known each other for a day but he's just... Well, you forgot the little detail.

The second he gets back on this vessel, he runs up there and puts that hose in the goddamn jacuzzi. He thinks it's jacuzzi time with Margot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot of presumptuous on his part there. Now, meanwhile... Meanwhile? Harry's really fucking up there

because he also wants that jacuzzi filled. But instead of just getting out there and start working on Margo, he chooses to go down to his underwear collection. Yeah. It's laden with mystery. These four pieces of garment. Right. The little bikini underwear. Yeah.

Yeah. And he says, yeah, there's some crazy stories behind it. But I don't believe Harry. Because, yeah, there's some crazy stories behind it. But I don't believe Harry. I don't think he fought a mountain lion in bikini underwear laden with pineapple. Pineapples. Yeah.

I think it's more like his grandmother bought it for him. Yeah. If you were to fight a mountain lion in that, though, you'd be so fucked. You know? Yeah. You know, they say with a mountain lion, because I one time said, well, if I see a mountain lion,

I'm just going to climb up to a tree and hang out at a branch. Of course, that's what I would do as well. Yeah, it turns out they're great climbers. They actually sleep on branches. Shut up. So you've lessened his workload by going up there. He can just eat you on a branch. Right.

Right. Right. Son of a bitch. But you could like fence him on a branch. You know what I mean? Like that would be, that is a cinematic moment. Certainly. But you would need to have some kind of Carhartt product to fight a mountain lion. Something that could withstand a strike. How about

pineapple underoos? No, no, no. That wouldn't be good. But I'm not afraid of a mountain lion. I think I'd front kick it straight to the face and then we'd be done. But if he swiped out at me, caught a carotid artery, I'm not sure what happens. Well, you'd die. That's a good point. Yeah. That's probably

what would happen. You know, they're monstrous little things. I know they're scared of us, but Oh, you know what? They're not. Sorry. And we'll get back to the show. Are mountain lions the big ones? They can be. What is a cougar? Oh, well, cougars are definitely smaller,

and they're terrifying. And what about a puma? Pumas look like cougars. I don't claim to be a... A catspur? No. Kaelin, are you? I'm not a cat spur.

Okay. All right. So I want to apologize to you, to you, and to the entire audience. That's okay. Let's get to the next day. Next morning. The all cat... Oh, no one fucks anybody.

No. And I feel like he's pulling her away from a really a good first night of bonding everybody's downstairs i know in a big bowl of ramen and here's luke like i feel like there's something bigger but it's like shut the fuck up man i can't stand this guy this and i know the words overused and old patty's been using this for years now referring to these basically every single bosun except for frazier but obviously clearly he's a gay man they use weapons like this or as like fishing lures because it sometimes work like oh my god he's so into me like he thinks that's gonna work because it worked one out of a hundred times you know it's the law of averages frazier's a chief stew though he's not a bosun oh

it's true but i mean head of department sorry be a man of power yeah uh but yes uh it's just they're all kind of built in the same fucking sad sea rat factory the ocean calls people to it that are often just really i mean have you ever met a fisherman yes no i'm kidding i'm sure there are a lot of great fishermen, but there is a thing. Well, they're trying to catch fish. They're not trying to fuck subordinates. Of course, but they smoke a lot,

and they're very angry, and they will pick up a rock and throw it at a fucking sea lion's head. He's scaring off the fish, and it's like, that's fine, but I've seen it happen someone called pete on that i did you did oh yeah they got right out uh all right so the all cap texts keep flying in a little bit of uh those are culver's texts yes i'll be right there. Great. A little bit of tension in all departments.

Luke accuses Adam of being lazy. And Laura is a little cunty to Asia. Asia, I think she says, like, she's got to work on her standards or something like that. Something like that, yeah. Don't like this. I hope Asia fires her. I'm really sick of this. Or at least gets her in line.

Someone's going home. I really hope it's not Harry. That would Asia fires her. I'm really sick of this. Or at least gets her in line. Someone's going home. I really hope it's not Harry. That would be so sad. It's one of the guys. Yeah. I think it is Harry. I think it's Luke. Really? I think Captain Hotpants fucking fires him. I think it's something really bad

though. Yeah? Yeah. I think it's... Season pans out. They're making us watch two episodes a week. You know, it's probably sexual assault. i think it's season pans out they're making us watch two episodes a week you know it's probably sexual assault i think it's something like that oh i think that would have come out already or one of our little uh you know our little people that we have out there just letting us given tipping us off no they're all there sea rats are fucking wrong okay yeah all right let's get to um luke's comments about you know doing two episodes of Below Deck at night. We get a little fatigued. I'm going to pull it together right now.

Okay. Okay. So Luke says that nice guys always finish last. And that's just a weird thing for a grown man to say to a camera. You know what I mean? But also also I disagree with that comment. They end up

married. They have wonderful lives. Yeah, they're rooted to some kind of neighborhood, perhaps equity, perhaps property, remods, seeing children grow up. They might not have as many

sexual partners as you, but at least they're not going to die alone in the middle of the ocean with a, what do you call it, a cirrhosis of the liver or something like that? Or end up in a studio apartment that's being subsidized by the government. Yeah, sure. I've seen a few of those guys. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. When I used to

deliver Meals on Wheels, there was this one guy that used to be a big to-do. What do do you call it a handicapper where he picked the horses oh yeah yeah yeah big big handicapper he ended up in a in a studio apartment and i i walked up to him and i was like here's your uh meal yeah he goes uh where's pat i'm like oh it's pat i'm pat he's like no pat the woman that runs the meals on wheels i'm like oh pat uh i pat's back at cedar side eye and he's like i'd like to fuck her i'm like she's 75 all right okay this is my fault this is my fault i have set the show off on this gonzo like thing and i i i realized the the error of my ways the folly

should I say you were a hundred percent right we need to pull this together I'm going to be better all right so it's time for a little meeting but first Jason all right I need Luke

I need Trishina and I need Luke. I need Trishina. And I need... Oh, yeah. Aisha. Did you just forget my name? I mean, this is active flirtation. These two... Oh, man.

It's crazy. Like just a first crush. Like just kids, you know? Yeah. That's the game they're playing. That's the game. What's your boyfriend's name? Ben. Watch out, Ben just kids, you know? Yeah. That's the game they're playing. That's the game. What's your boyfriend's name? Ben.

Watch out, Ben. Watch out, man. Yeah. Also stop shitting in buckets, you know, to be there.

They live in a converted ambulance. So they're homeless. All right. It is time to get to our favorite. It's the kind of meeting, you know, all throughout town, up and down the billboard city.

It's time for the Preference Shake Meeting! Charter number two. Eight guests. The primary is Jack Freeman. He's a luxury interior designer based in Sydney with expensive tastes and high expectations. I was about to call Kalen a luxury fashion designer. I was going to say, or interior designer. I was going to go,en, a luxury fashion designer, or interior designer. I was going to go, you're a luxury interior designer.

And then I remembered, we got to reel it back in. No, he is not a luxury interior designer. He is the producer of this podcast, and he is right in the middle of a preference sheet meeting. Jack and his guests have all previously charted yachts and consider themselves socialites and foodies. Jack wants all drinks to be served chilled with ice. Night one will be a formal theme with a dress code to match.

He wants a tasting menu, fine dining appeal, and paired wines. Yeah. And that's it, and that's the end of the preference sheet meeting. Short one. I feel like there was more in there that he missed. You think so? Yeah. They do continue talking,

but they don't really reference the preference sheet anymore. They talk about driving to a beach. Yeah. Chef talks about how she likes to make things perfect. Yeah. All right. Well, I still don't think you did a very good job. Well, there's always next time.

Hey, there's always next time. That's a great way to look at it. But yeah. Oh, my God, Kayla. I guess why don't we just start with the CEO because he's back. Oh, my God. That's right. Okay.

Do you think I was too hard on him? No, no, no. Do you agree? Yeah. Yeah. Just a shit job. All right. So, yeah, the CEO is back.

He goes, I know that you know what that stands for. Butterburger. Nobody does. know that you know what that stands for. Butterburger. Nobody does. Nope. You know what? The people that view this show that enjoy Culver, I'm sorry, Butterboy and his antics, are the same people that used to tune in.

Okay, yeah. Butterburger, who used to tune in to see Captain Lee. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because they're both very annoying. Okay. Ah, man. I just, I don't know why he had to come back.

You're a nice guy. You're a nice guy, but you're very boring and very annoying. And also, I sense you're like a little carrot that Bravo dangles to the other, like, former cast members. Like, I sense you're like a little carrot that Bravo dangles to the other former cast members like, here, over here, behave like this idiot. You can go back on the show.

Behave like him. I feel like you're getting gonzo right now. You're getting so darned. I just, I was... Taylor, are you doing okay? Yeah, I'm good. Were you excited to see Keith Stone come back aboard? Yeah, I like him. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ Keith Stone come back aboard? Yeah, I like him.

Ah, Jesus fucking Christ. I like Culver. Bet you like Captain Lee, too. You think we were too hard on you in the preference sheet meeting? Never. Okay. Mm-hmm. You know, I was thinking, you brought up Captain Lee.

Can you imagine the monster that he would turn into if he was adorned with as many compliments as Rack-O-Lam is. I think he'd love it. No, I know he'd love it, but he would... You know how Godzilla gets bigger if it gets nuked?

Oh, sure. I feel like that's what would happen with Lee a little bit. You know? Oh, my gosh. That Maori tattoo on your chest is so hot. Thank you. Why does he have that?

Anyways, all right. Aisha absolutely shits. And then Culver gets settled. The suitcase for Sheffy arrives, and Margot shoves a cold bottle of water in her pants. That was odd. Margot shoves a cold bottle of water in her pants. That was odd.

Here is how disinterested in Margot Luke is. He walks in. To the laundry room. To the laundry room. Has a little flirt with her. And I don't think even mentions the fact that she has a giant thing shoved in the front of her pants. Do you understand why that's stinging me in such an intense way? He's not attuned

with his observations at this point. But that's because he's on a mission, Dylan. He's here to apologize for kissing her without permission. He's like maybe Chris Evans, one of Chris Evans' in not another teen movie. You know,

like how every single person that is a caricature because it's a parody. So he reminds me of somebody who like walks in and puts their arm on the door jam and is like, so you suck in my cock tonight while I wear the worst camper helmet. Yeah. He's the gross bad boy and not a teen movie. Yeah, exactly. It's just fucking all right. So we

get another meanwhile. Meanwhile, give a we give sassy a call. He says, how you doing, honey? This is your new mom and then Harry walks in on Sheffy in brassiere and underwear and Sheffy does not care because Sheffy in brassiere and underwear. And Sheffy does not care.

Because Sheffy is... I mean, Sheffy constantly says, I'm a hot bitch. I find her very attractive. Yeah, she's beautiful. Then the wealthy show up. They immediately say the captain is hot. And the meals have been sus, but like

I mentioned last episode, the platters are magnificent. Then we get to Jugsgate. Jugsgate. Remind me of that. Oh. Yeah. Laura from Lapia says we need jugs to pour water in,

and Aisha just wants to pour out of plastic bottles. Now, this isn't a big part in the story, so I don't even know why we're really talking about it. Well, it's that little game that's being played here, a little game of oars where Laura's trying to take Kermit's job. Yes, 100%. This is a defense test from an opposition. You know, you don't send your entire army.

You just send a small squadron to see how they deal with the pressure. And right now, Aisha's moats are completely dry. They don't have any alligators in them at all. These are just... It's essentially just land. It's just up and down land, her moats.

She is not going to weather this storm, I don't think, very well. Can I tell you something, though? I think Kermit's also got something else on her mind. You know, the people that will be chartering this boat are people of her own ilk. And, you know, I normally like when Americans come on, and then any people that are from America that work on the boats, those sea rats, they despise the Americans and they mock them.

It's nice to see Kermit hate people from Sydney. Yeah, I agree. Because it's Sydney's finest. It's nice to see we do that with our own country. Well, everybody hates the kind of people who inspired Gossip Girl. You don't like those kinds of people. gossip girl. You know, you don't like those kinds of people.

Can I say, this is what Kermit had to say about Sidney's finest. She says daddy paid for their Range Rovers because they couldn't pay for it themselves. She made that assumption already. Well, what kind of 16-year-old child could pay for a Range Rover? Are they that young?

Well, no. I'm just saying-old child could pay for a Range Rover? Are they that young? Well, no. I'm just saying, like, you know, first cars and whatnot. Me and Kalen went to little piece-of-shit private schools. You know, there were some kids driving around in some nice cars, huh? Oh, yeah. You guys also had great dealers, too. Coke? Yeah.

For Coke? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm not going to send my kid to those schools you two went to. All right. So glass shatters. The wind is insane. They're like sat outside.

They're driving in this fucking fishing boat. And the wind is just whipping up everything. I would be like, can we fucking move this inside? This is insane. This is like dinner theater. But the glass shatters. It is rosé with ice in it. And evidently, it is just not cleaned up.

Or it's mostly cleaned up. We'll get to that later. This is when... Gosh. Kalen, what is the chef's name? Zarina. Yeah. Zarina.

Zarina. Zarina. Zarina. Zarina. Okay. Her name is like a Legends of Zelda character. She is very good looking and a top shagger. These are her words. She's very good looking and a top shagger, but when it comes to food, it's different.

You're the chef, though. That's awful. If you're just hot and you fuck well, but the food is nowhere near as good as those two things, that is not good. You're going to be serving people bowls of chocolate milk with brownies in them. If someone says this looks like a child

on psychedelics made this, you can't go, but you wish you could fuck me though. That's ridiculous. Has nothing to do with the food. So we get one more. Why do my notes keep fucking going up here? Pat, what happens next all right

so uh the boat docks dinner prep begins and then uh i think we do a quick cut to nighttime it was really weird we spent like two seconds on the morning and then we jumped tonight and then that's when adam challenges superior to a little war room maritime this was so insane luke well welcomes it and i believe wins so they were trying to decide if there are, in fact, some headwinds, and this boat's headed in that direction, and this other boat's headed in that direction. Right. What would happen?

And it's a game of schooling versus practicality, I think. Yeah, well, also, it is a scene wherein an employee or a subordinate calls his boss a smartass. And it's this thing where it's not done in a fun way. It's done in a roid-ragey kind of way. And it makes me scared of Adam. I think that Adam has a lot of unchecked rage because of that shot at Papa last week yeah he he definitely does and he

has an issue with authority but luke does in fact uh win that game of wits despite uh leaving a steel ladder to be taken out uh while beating off to margo uh all righty and i think that was a pretty good summary of what happened oh yeah yeah game of wars uh so laura thinks asia's standard could be higher. I just don't get what's up with these subordinate sea rats. I mean, who the fuck

do these people think they are? How could you have this much confidence? You're wiping up shit in the middle of the ocean. It's insane. All right. So we move on to dinner.

It is tuna tartare. Now, Dylan, was there, Caleb, was there a theme to this dinner? Formal, with a wine pairing. Okay.

You are the culinary expert, but I was very confused by the two platings and kind of how they were connecting with one another. Yeah, it was a formal dinner of Asian wine pairings. Okay. I'm sorry,

I'm confused about what you're confused about. Oh, no, no, no. It was a jump from Japan to China. So when you say Asian now, I understand that. Hence, I asked the question. The first dish is a tuna tartare smothered in pickled onions. Which is a way you can prepare that.

I don't think anybody should i think it's disgusting but you could do that now i think pairing it with a petite chablis is magnificent i mean that is a delicate delicate white with delicate delicate fish again smothered in pickled onions. Next up, we've got a duck bow. You know, she is very aware of her faults, and she's also not afraid of a challenge. Let's go duck, duck, back to back. She knocks it out of the park, and

it's paired with a pinot. I think that's a great choice. It's a light, but well-structured red. You know what I mean? and it is made so much better with a bunch of ice in it now hold on these people drink wine like my aunt tina porch goddess or my wife shuri yeah she likes ice in her wine listen it's a thing it's a thing i don't hate it if it's bad wine if it's not great wine, fuck it. Fuck it.

You know what I mean? 100%. I mean, would you put ice in a really nice bottle of wine? No, absolutely not. Yeah. But your $12 whatever off the grocery store shelf, chuck a little fucking wine cube in there. Chuck a little cube of Frozies in there. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Throw a little orange juice on top. Oh, yeah. Put a little Mountain Dew in there. I mean a little orange juice on top. Oh, yeah. Put a little Mountain Dew in there. All right. So we move on to.

Well, I was going to say a dinner. One charter guest makes a joke about having a wet dream about Captain Hot Stuff. Okay. Captain Hot Stuff was not happy about that. He's like totally fine with the brother and sister flirting between him and asia but the second this hot little piece of ass says i almost came to you in my dreams he is militaristically looking forward and he wants to flip that table upside down like theresa gadici i think you know what i mean then culver comes out and whispers in his ear, this is what the butter boy is here to do. He's here to bust the guests up.

Unfortunately for him, if he was in charge of bringing in the ladders, they'd get ripped off every fucking time, every single time. Culver is here to entertain. That's right. He's the CEO of the boat. The last course is barramundi with a mango chutney. Looked like advanced high school home ec, but they really, really liked it. And I'm not sure what the wine pairing was.

Overall, I give it four pots. Terrible dinner. So they asked Captain, you ever chartered any boats in this area? He says, yeah. Well, I fucking, I took out like 15 people. You're never going to believe this. I fucking ran a ship through a fucking building. No one can.

No, he didn't say that. He said, like, we got stuck here. How are you doing tonight? You seem a little fatigued by this episode. Oh, yeah. You seem a little tired of it. Oh, no, I'm enjoying myself. Do you feel like he's giving me enough?

I don't feel like he's giving me enough right now. Oh, no, I'm letting you ride, man. Yeah, he's good. Do you think he's good? I think he's good. I think this episode's been a bit of a rollercoaster, so maybe he's just trying to coaster right now. I'll go. Rollercoasters are

fun. They sure are. People pay lots of money to go on rollercoasters. I want to let you ride, Matt. You smoke some weed there? Are you going to take us on a fantastic journey? No, I didn't smoke any pot. I just put the shades on. Okay. All right.

Well, next morning, Captain Hot Stuff is looking for a goddamn tow line. I feel gaslit by both of you. I think the poor quality of this episode was put on me just then because I... Oh, no. Not at all. Okay. Not at all. But I'm doing what you asked me to do.

I'm kind of holding it down with the show. Captain Hot Stuff's looking for a goddamn tow line. But wouldn't you know it that Bosun Luke has given Margo a back massage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of things take down men. War. War. Big killer. Disease. Ladders.

Of course. But most of the time it's pussy. The addiction to pussy. It's a drug. It destroys lives. And I think that's what took down Napoleon it was pussy I don't know why I brought that up why do you say pussy like that

how am I saying it I don't know like you're at a an all black like 1950's dance hall you know it's like like 1950s dance hall. Oh. You know, and, you know,

it's like the beginning of Dewey Cox when, what's that guy's name? Craig Robinson. He's like, you know, this song is about what happens when your lady catches you. That's how you say it? Pussy, I feel like. Pussy. And then everybody starts dancing erotically.

All right, sorry. That was my fault. That was a Don's speed bump. Well, anyway, Captain Hot stuff's pissed, Matt. Yeah, no, he's totally pissed. Because in the preference sheet meeting, he says, we're going to be leaving in the morning. I want the boat, the tender ready. And the reason why we don't have that clearly painted out for us is because Kalen fucked up the fucking preference sheet.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Unbelievable. So we get more Luke cock blocking. He's been cock blocking Harry this entire episode. Anytime Harry's having a little smoochie, a little headway with Margo, in comes Luke to talk about getting his dick sucked or something.

Nightwatch is easy for Adam, but it looks like he didn't do a vital task, that being cleaning up the teak. Because of that, one of the charter guests begins kind of profusely bleeding. I mean, they're stepping on glass, and then there's like sliding your foot across a perfectly placed piece of glass that's sticking out between two floorboards.

It seemed like that's what happened. It seems like somebody took an exacto knife to his foot. Yes, yes. And it was really intense. And it's all Adam's fault. Yes. And he's like, this didn't happen in Kangaroo Jack. I don't know what the fuck's going on.

Yeah, he spirals. But I think Culver legitimizes his presence here because doesn't he save the day? No, Luke saves the day. Oh, he does. Huh. God. I forgot what happened.

I mean, we really were off tonight. That's all right. That's all right. They can't all be 100, you know? Every once in a while, you give a 90. 40. How's the episode, Ed? This way.

This way. Chia seeds everywhere. Blood everywhere. Fucking Captain Nature just upstairs flirting. He's poking her. She's like, stop. And somebody's bleeding downstairs. When that girl he's dating sees his phone,

Aisha Kermit's name's in there, it's like under a, definitely not the girl I'm banging. Okay. All right, all right. You know what? We've got a couple minutes left. This has been a short episode and a bad one at that.

I think we should take a little bit to get to know Kaylin. You know, the audience doesn't really know Kaylin that yet so let's do a quick little segment where we talk to kaylin about you know his fave things okay okay so kaylin what's up dylan um let's get to know kaylin uh pat ask him the first question uh what's your uh favorite movie your dad was in i don't like that i what what's your favorite movie my favorite movie is probably pan's labyrinth pan's labyrinth that's a good choice it's an excellent movie very sad very sad very sad you know uh that little uh that little uh mushroom thing in that bowl of milk he's's all crying and stuff. That's so sad. You know, we watched E.T. the other... We'll get back to you.

We watched E.T. the other night. Yeah. Didn't I bring you to that at the Hollywood Bowl? Maybe. But speaking of that, can I make a crazy claim? Please. I think E.T. in terms of 80s blockbusters is a far superior movie to Back to the Future.

I think it has so much more heart. I think it teaches us so much more about the human condition. It is beyond heart-wrenching and moving. John Williams, who was the composer of the film and has done 99% of Steven Spielberg's films, claims that that is, in fact, his masterpiece. Oh, the music is stunningly beautiful. But I'm saying John Williams

said that of the film. Yeah. And just the way that this extraterrestrial brings those three children together as a family because, you know, the dad has left and they're just out in Santa Clarita or wherever they are.

It was filmed in simi valley simi valley you know but there was corn there so and then this little thing comes and just completely unifies them as brother and sister and sister you know how much drew oh my god do you know how much i love the film dylan how much what's the name of my daughter? Elliot. Oh, my God. I didn't put that together. That is crazy. And can I tell you something about that child? Sure.

Fantastic. That kid was so good in that movie. My bus driver, Paula, she used to call me Elliot when I was a little kid. I got on the bus. I went as E.T. for Halloween in 1983. So do you think it's a better movie than Back to the Future? I like them both, but I think it's a better movie. Can I tell you something else?

It teaches us so much about how rudimentary and simple expression of emotion is. Just point to your chest and you say, ouch. And you know exactly what's going on. All right, Kalen, we'll learn

more about you next time. Everybody jump in the iTunes rating reviews. Go to patreon.com for more. Go to YouTube for more. Go to socials for more. Have a great rest of your week. Have a great rest of your week. Kalen, have a great rest of your week. Bye, everybody. Bye, dudes.

See you.