Another Below Deck Podcast - Game of Oars 2 | Below Deck Med S9 E6

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Dylan and Pat are back to break down caves, Godzilla, Uno, ice cream soup, dropping metal blocks on your leg, why we don't care about the windlass and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcast

She is actually kind of Machiavellian. Oh, yeah, and I have yet to see that with Bree-cheese because as I've pointed out many times before What are the stakes of of these little cunning acts of hers as we have Game of Thrones? Right there all I out to get in that goddamn fancy chair. Yeah, it's like being really good at uno Okay game of oars. Like what are the stakes? You wanna clean less piss off the toilet this week? Like, wait, we're gonna have stakes here.

["The Last of Us"] Hi, hello and welcome aboard to this show, which is another Polo Deck podcast. I'm Dylan and that's Pat. Hey, permission to come aboard. Can I ask you something? Yes. What is with this Millie Bobby Brown fandom? What do you mean? Who out there is a big fan?

It's like, what is she? Who is a fan of Millie Bobby Brown? Can I tell you why the fuck this an observation? I'm not saying she doesn't deserve it. I'm just saying I don't understand it. What's that 11 one time? What's that television show that everybody loves that copies the 80s stranger things? Okay So I see this little kid that looks like the age of Ellie now She looks like she was about we And we'll talk about boys. Sure, seven years old there. Next thing I know, she's dating guitar players from rock bands and she's married. When did that happen?

But with her being that magic little child on that magic little show that everybody watched two and a half seasons of, well, why is everybody such a massive fan? It's just confusing to me. Especially Drake, I heard. Heard he was in her DMs and their movies. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, rest in peace to Drake. Guys, we are here to talk about Below Deck. Before we get into it, patreon.com slash another podcast network. Ad-free episodes. If you are tired of listening to the ads if you're tired of Fast-forwarding through them if you want to just help us out Help keep the show up and running go to patreon.com slash another podcast network

What else bad TV our coverage of flavor of love did you that? No, I didn't. Flavor of Love, season three. It's amazing television. Our recaps are hilarious. People that love us say it's our best work. So just get on over there and give it a try. Yeah. Okay, so episode something. My main takeaway from this episode is just how powerful Asia is. She's really coming into her managerial role very, very well. I feel like she's negotiating the highways and byways of insanity caused by biscuit and cheese very, very well. I'm very, very proud of her.

And, um, yeah, I mean, drunk Judy Dench, who was it? Cindy Lauper, drunk, Cindy Lauper. You get those two confused. People get those two confused all the time. Dame Judy Dench and Cyndi Lauper. Yeah, she was a lot of fun. And I don't really remember what happened on the episode. Well, we spent about eight minutes

on this mechanism called the windlass. That was the last six or seven minutes of it. I could care less. And then I have the exact same note. And Below Deck tries to do this this it attempts to do this sometimes now it was very funny to see that the TV people interact with like the fucking Eastern block engineers that was cool. Yeah, but Don't explain these things to us. I don't care. I don't know what the clutch is. That's not why I watch

I don't know what it is is. That's not why I watch. I don't know what it is How many knots still six? Okay Um, I think I'm gonna use my time to actually discuss some elements of the show that I find interesting One is a pat. Yes. I think it's a great way to use your time. Thank you Well, first off we haven't mentioned that we have Trishel as a charter guest, famously from real world Chicago. Her nickname the cast members gave her on, that was Trash Shell. She went on to be on the surreal world and try and make a reality TV career.

I think she was actually Vegas. Oh, you may be correct and I apologize. Yeah, thank you for apologizing. She's also of Trader's fame. Oh, well she was, huh? Yeah, which we will be covering in Patreon when that comes out. Season three, definitely.

Maybe we'll go back to season one or something. But just. Great TV, right? It's hard to come up with new reality TV show concepts. They've done it. They went ahead and did it. Nice. OK.

So we didn't mention what a fame chasing extraordinaire she is. Also, this team is just coming apart, it seems. That was kind of interesting to watch. But again, back to other elements of the show. So, cheese, as Dylan has called Brie. I'm really sorry. I've already done this five times, but can we just for a moment, give Trichelle some allowances? What are these people to do other than chase relevance, stoke the sterno of relevance that they have over and over and over again because if they do not they could go on to lead happy lives. But I saw an Instagram story of a girl named Lacey. Remember Lacey from The Bachelorette? Very well, yes. I saw this video and it was a great video because in contrast to

the trad wife, I don't even remember what was her name, we covered it on APS. Oh, the trad wife, I forget her name. Narsa something. Yeah, yeah, it's a cool name. Yeah, very cool name. She just posted a doozy where she looks like a flamingo. I mean she's in a dress that is, it's like a Met G. I mean she's in a dress that is, it's like a Met Gala dress and she's making like PB&J's. Hate from California. Lacey's video was her making hamburger helper with rice and ranch dressing and pizza, hot sauce, stirred into this just this mush. A new take on it huh? Yeah yeah yeah a new take on it. That's why people watch those videos. If Trishel was not just thirsting and thirsting and thirsting she might not be on yet. She might

be making rice and beef mush you know and there's nothing wrong with that. That's probably a healthier way to go but Trishelle does not want one pot meals. No I mean she'd be a happy person go get your esthetician license. Yep yep beauty school stay Okay. So biscuit, AKA cheese, a lot of people have put in our comments, get over on our Facebook page and below that podcast Facebook page that she is actually kind of Machavelian. Oh, yeah. And I have yet to see that with Bree slash cheese because as I've pointed out many times before What are the stakes of of these little cunning acts of hers as we have Game of Thrones, right?

They're all out to get in that goddamn fancy chair. Yeah, it's like being really good at UNO Okay game of oars like what are the stakes you want to clean less piss off the toilet this week? Like when we're gonna have stakes here? Yeah. Yeah, so it's all so stupid. So I disagree with that theory. Well, I love that you brought this up and I'll bring this up later in the show. I'll probably just, you know, ruin the brilliant note, but she is Machiavellian, but in a very, very frustrating way. She is almost accidentally Machiavellian. Like she has, she's a, I don't wanna be too insensitive, but imagine like a bowling pin,

and then just imagine that it's a human, and you have cheese, right? So she just, she has no fucking idea what's going on. And so Ellie is trying to play the Machiavellian game with her. Ellie is fully playing the game of oars, but cheese almost has no clue what's happening. Sometimes the crazy being inserted in someone who's motivated a little bit,

the crazy adds an extra varial bubble that the person playing the game doesn't understand. Yes. I understand. Yes. I understand. It's like Ellie is trying to untangle a series of cords with her and she doesn't know where one ends and one begins. It's a very frustrating experience. Yeah.

Well, hopefully she wins and gets to clean less toilets. Anyway, 30 knots. 30 knots. Okay. So, last we left off, Jono had served milk steaks, which is famously one of Charlie Day's favorite foods in Philadelphia. It's essentially a steak boiled in milk, is what it looked like. And Ellie and Biscuit were at each other's throats. Yeah, they are arguing, Dylan, and although on the surface it

appears that it's about someone not feeling appreciated for their hard work on the boat, it is absolutely dibs on over a Sea Rat's cock, if I can be so crass. Yeah, if you could be so crass, that really is what it's about. And as we go through the episode and see time after time these two fighting and speaking of, you know, broad notions of hierarchy and respect, let's all remind ourselves that this is two Sea Rats fighting over one Sea Rat cock. It's very important. Speaking of low stakes, you know, okay, should we get over to breakfast time unless we had any more on cheese and biscuit? No. All right, the galley. Now this is my favorite part of

the show. Jono shares with us that he's learned a lot from that last Charter Day. He's learned he shouldn from that last Charter Day. He's learned he shouldn't serve cold eggs. And I was thinking, what a revelation. Some chefs, they spend, what, three years trying to learn that? Yeah, when you go to some place, OK, so let's say you land a per se or you

land at the French Laundry. It takes a long time before you have any notion of, you know, the mother sauces and but the hardest lesson to learn is really that eggs cannot be served cold. And Thomas Keller prides himself in patiently instilling that in his chefs. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, I hope someone lets Jono know if he lets his hand too close to the flame over the stove, he might get burned. Yeah. And these are these lessons that seem simple, but they're the most complex. You have to approach tasks with a glass that is completely empty. If you think that anything is spilling over, you can't learn.

So you could ask, yeah, well, when he says, when he says, you know, I learned that. So stupid. No shit! So stupid. Jesus Christ. Now, he knocks his breakfast out of the park, right? It's Lobster Benedict, it's Chewgee, you know, Vegas brunch fair.

And breakfast is a cruel bitch because it can go horribly wrong but even if it goes amazingly well it's expected it's breakfast you know it's not gonna do anything to undo any mistakes at dinner so Marja and the gang are going to a brand new location there are caves and they're going to be swimming in the caves Patrick would you swim in a Well, I would maybe swim in a cave, although I've thwarted off any going in water that's any deeper than 10 feet, and definitely not the ocean.

Although this cave in particular, Dylan, I would never venture into that. And once again, old Pat, he's gonna sound crass, but they did a pretty wide shot of that cave. Looks like a God damn gigantic vagina. Okay, well, we love vagina. Too big! Something Godzilla would have to overtake.

He treated it like a goddamn sex doll. Godzilla is asexual. He is motivated only by destruction and his savior complex at the same time. That's what makes him such a fascinating character. Well look, I don't want to ever change a Godzilla kind of person, but I will say this, any tourists in that goddamn cave, they're in there like, hey, what's all this green stuff in here?

You know, we, and again, we have never seen or have really any evidence of the hue of Godzilla's come. So back off, I just, I think we've talked about it before. I love Godzilla so much that I turn into like a 60s detective investigating like domestic abuse. So so when Godzilla goes and stamps all over cities and destroys thousands of lives I'm like why what did you do to piss him off because he wouldn't have just done this out of nowhere he's very hard work. In the movies, Dylan, they've awoken another king of the earth or whatever.

And he's like, you know what? You did it again. Now I got to come over there and step on your entire city. Yeah. I just get too emotionally wrapped up in animals. That's why I literally, I think I'm out on Game of Thrones. I can't do it. I can't do it.

It's either tedious war plotting, which nobody wants to watch or dragons dying. And I don't want to watch I can't do it. It's either tedious war plotting which nobody wants to watch or Dragons dying and I I don't want to watch either one of those things so I might just be out I'll tell you this if the CGI on those dragons wasn't so bad And I wasn't emotionally connected to that to a CGI thing yeah I might feel the same the CGI is sometimes good and sometimes bad. I agree with good sometimes Oh, I was gonna say one other other note. Probably something about the show Below 10. No, no, no. Godzilla. The reason I hate the movies is they always insert subplots about humans in some drama in between them. I'm like, I'm

sorry, this movie is about a gigantic lizard stepping on cities and you trying to escape. So I don't care if your marriage is falling apart. Quite frankly. That's why everybody loved Rampage so much. It was just about the monster. It was just about the monster. But it probably wasn't. I didn't watch it because I don't watch anything that the fucking rock is in.

Well, I watched it the other night. It's not bad. Did you? First half of the movie is they're trying to figure out what the hell's going on at this zoo. Cause they were doing an experiment up in space First half of the movie is they're trying to figure out what the hell is going on at this zoo. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Because they were doing an experiment up in space with animals. And then some of the bio got shot back to Earth when the space capsule exploded and

it landed all over the planet. And well, anyway, I'm going too far. You want to talk about Belodac? Yeah, let's talk about Belodac. So Ellie and Thing 2 talk about cheese and we move on with our day, which sees our boss and not really doing anything except push-ups and you know he's perilously close to just being referred to as push-ups because this guy one he's not really on the show no two he's his incompetence is most showcased on the

show and he's not even there half the time. Yeah, but but he's like a shadow Right. He's like this giant white shadow This ruinous force that just throws wrenches and things and even his shadow shows that receding hairline. He should always wear a hat Yeah, I don't mean, you know, listen, I'm losing it. We're all losing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, we're all losing it so Asia has to chat with Biscuit. Um, she's very annoyed, very annoyed by the whole thing. And I get it, you know, it's, it's a stupid thing to discuss. Okay. So what was even more horrible about this was Biscuit speaks with Kermit about Brie causing drama with a sleeping situation and telling people, know she's belittling her and Kermit asked her a point blank question.

She says, are you belittling her? And let me tell you this, if Ellie was Pinocchio, it would have gone right through at Kermit's fucking head. Oh wow. Because she's lying. She lied. She said, no, I'm not belittling her. You absolutely are.

And I love the Balkan biscuit but you know it's interesting that Pinocchio was engineered narratively to have a nose that grows slowly because I think should it have been designed to rock it out I mean you think about that I mean it really could kill people you know sounds You know Sounds like the 75th Chuckie movie to me they team up Chuckie holds him up right in front of somebody's face and he's like ask him something and then he lies and then he kills Them that way I like it Email me so um the Boson isn't the only one who's exercising Sandy's doing jumping jacks.

A lot of free time. Yeah, got a lot of free time. And also we should say that the, the biscuit drops a dime and says that, Oh, bad form biscuit. I'm going to call her bad channel biscuit. Bad. What? Bad channel biscuit. Bad channel. Well, I call it back channel. Ben, I can't just repurpose a name. It what bad Channel biscuit bad Channel well I call back Channel Ben I can't just repurpose a name it's bad Channel biscuit she tells Kermit Bree's been fired from two other jobs before yeah now biscuit I'm gonna cut you some slack on the count of that whole Barbie doll house being made out of

dead people's clothes or something cuz bombs were being dropped everywhere but cut the crap well and the reason that you could make a house out of the dead people's clothes is because it was so cold. They were like planes. You know? So you could structure them and then pretend to have a Barbie. That's right. Now that's sad. Big time. That's why I'm cutting her some slack. But I also don't know if the Balkans are cold. Are they cold? I don't know anything about the Balkans. I think the Balkans by nature are cold. Are they I think so Someone let us know in the comments. So um, Gail who loves her boyfriend is Really kind of getting closer to thing one

This is gonna be one of those things where This can't go to episode 15 I'm gonna need this to where this can't go to episode 15. I'm gonna need this to happen or it's gonna get real annoying after a while. Okay. I agree. You know, this is not a 14 course dinner.

This is two sea rats plowing into one. Well, let me say this. I think Gail may get out of this without cheating on her boyfriend. I love that take. I love that take. And the temptations there maybe on the final night they may touch lips or something. But, Dil, someone else on this boat makes a phone call as well. And that is Bree calling her mom. Yeah, you're speaking of cheese.

That's right. Cheese. Yeah, yeah, cheese. And we get a little C-rat history with cheese here, Del. Yep. In her elementary school, apparently they established a hierarchy. And you'd have to wait by the door to let the older kids walk through the door first. A hierarchy. Yeah.

And if you didn't, you would get teased. Ooh, I'm sorry. Did anyone shave your head or murder your best friend? Because if they didn't, I don't know why you're sharing this Cheese minus five points. She is this a negative five It's nothing more than a negative five minus five points on the Sea Rat sad scale And is it Sean doing Sean Bergen doing our Sea Rat scale? I Think so. I apologize if it's not you, but please update that.

Sean, thank you so much. Like the Sea Rat Sad Scale has become a blessing and a curse because it's very fun to talk about but also now that you know, it's like when you're reading a good novel and an author crystallizes something about life that you hadn't ever heard before, you know, and now you see in a different shade of life. And it's a very beautiful thing. But when you know about the Sea Rat Sad Scale, as Sean has clued us into now, was it Sean or did you invented it, right? Well, I invented the Sea Rat Sad Scale, of course,

but then he just took it and ran with it. Ran with it, right? So it's like what Scorsese did with the Ten Commandments, you know. So, or Jesus, I don't know. So now that we know about the Sea Rat Sad Scale, I'm looking at the season and I'm thinking, where's the sadness? Very important part of really any season is at least one five out of five Yeah, you know we don't have that yet now. There's a lot more drinking a lot more sleep deprivation There's going to be something that comes well and also we have a couple more Sea Rat sad stories coming in this episode

So we'll we'll address those as they come. I think we should take a quick break. Oh yeah. And talk about just a magnificent company. Tropical Smoothie Cafe. I love Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Oh my gosh. You know what it sounds like when you take a sip of Tropical Smoothie Cafe?

You know, well that, but also when you do take the sip because you're just completely wrapped up in the mango the mint the watermelon the guava the stuff tastes like ambrosia mmm you know ambrosia got a bad rap because it was like more it was cool whip and jello and fruit and shit you know for a while but ambrosia it you should remember it is the nectar of the gods and with that lacking in our life you need to find it and you can find it at one of the over 1,400 plus locations of Tropical Smoothie Cafe and you can also use the app and use promo code bad TV oh we had some delivered to the house

this weekend my goodness Dylan you got we got some delivered to the house this weekend. My goodness, Dylan. What'd you get? We got some of the mojitos. We got a couple of acai bowls. And Ellie just ate it up. It's fun food for the entire family. And Ellie, at some point, even though she's four years old and only went to the beach once, she said, dad, I

feel like I've been transported to another place. I said, really, Ellie, tell me. She said, I feel like I'm in Malibu right now I said you are yeah, and she said I'm not But I am at the same time. I'm almost in a kind of super position Where I'm experiencing two realities at one time You know

You are so go to rieCafe and use the app and use ProEnco Bad TV. Okay, back to the show. All right. So, Ian is fucking up. He's just inflating things and leaving them out. Big, giant things and leaving them out. I don't know what's going on with him.

He would claim, I think as I've heard him trying to explain himself, it's just a different way of doing things, but there's only one way to do things on this damn boat and that's Sandy's way. Or the highway. Right, right. Now there are no plane tickets, but the threat is there.

Now as you mentioned, this fucking team is in shambles. Ian is doing pushups and just sitting on the boat, scratching his ass and not talking to the guests. He tells Sandy, I had a plan and you changed it. And when I heard that, in my head, I thought Chris Tucker and Ice Cube leaning one way and saying, damn. Damn.

And then when Sandy says, your plan was bad, that's why I changed it. Once again, I went back on the stoop and Chris Tucker and Ice Cube were leaning, I mean, it was a real joust. Damn! Between these two, you know? Yeah.

We moved to see Red Sadness. Oh, or is it yeah may I break down the game film yes of course all right? Gail Genuine Gail Gail who loves her boyfriend shares as a kid she was awkward and she didn't feel like she fit in fit in? Wham! Wow. I'd like to meet a teenager that doesn't feel that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.

Now, the only reason this is going to score, for me at least, maybe for Sean, a tenth of a point, maybe more. But we're not up to a full unit, is that there was a racial element to this. So obviously, kids being bullied because they look different is very sad. Now what's not sad is that the thing you were being bullied for is something

that you didn't know yet. But it's called the genetic lottery. Everyone knows that everyone knows. She's hot. That Gail's absolutely beautiful, but that more specifically, white and Asian, it's undefeated. It's absolutely undefeated.

Can I say something? Maybe people call me a racist or something. I don't. I think when the races mix, I think that makes the hottest people on the planet people on the planet you look at England They are some of the ugliest dopiest looking people they need to start mixing it up a little bit Oh, yeah, the fucked-out teeth the red bloated face

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, but they hate the Muslims so much. They won't have sex with them And I understand it I mean there's there's a war being waged on on the white West right now you know it's horrible but mmm all joking aside white and Asian undefeated combo one of my best friend Irish and Chinese women cannot function properly when they're around this man. Completely hairless as the metabolism of a hummingbird, as does Gale. So I understand that it was bad in elementary school, but you're beautiful.

Fuck those people. You found your existence underwater. You found who you are underwater. I'm not as nice as Dylan. All right, I'm going to give you an example. Same age as you while you were probably having these feelings. Here's a sad story from one of those soldiers on D-Day. Okay. As I was running up the beach I realized my ear got shot the fuck off. Uh-huh. Which was kind of a good thing so

I didn't have to hear all the screaming. Right. Anyway. But he still heard it. Well I have one ear, you know? Yeah. And well, everything ended up OK, because I survived. Although, everyone I went to boot camp with is dead. Yeah. Or here's another one. I was seven years old. I was about to hit the stage. Ian the Nutcracker.

You know the rest. It's sad. OK, so the guests have a lovely day in the caves. Ellie can't swim and gets over her fear of swimming, you know. Yeah. We need to stop conflating, like, overcoming fear with doing something that makes you uncomfortable. You know, because you're probably still uncomfortable. So it's not like you, know yeah yeah just you know like I don't like sticky okay if I interact with sticky I didn't overcome that fear

I'm just I I just did this sticky thing I still don't like it okay all right kind of like subjecting yourself to something that you just get past but not right yes all right it's not Arthurian so Jono and Asia are doing well She's shitting her pants in the kitchen and they're just laughing about it. Yeah, a little bathroom humor from now. Now Ellie and thing to chat while cheese and Asia chat and we get some some cross cutting here. Now this was interesting because Ellie tried to smooth over some of the drama with Joe. And then at this point, he realizes that he's the cherry on top of their fight. Yeah. And he says to the camera he can't believe it and he's not

alone. We can't either. Wow. You know he's lean. He's a lean guy. He's he has all four of his limbs and he you know know, isn't a complete invalid, you know, so. He's got that going for him. He's got that going for him. You know, and that's kind of what happens on these boats. But then again, I mean, you got Ian, nobody's going after Ian. And listen, I don't, who, who, who, it would take Terrence Howard to break down the love chemicals that happen with it between Sea Rats, you know, nobody gets it.

So the guests head back to the boat and cheese is cheesing. She cannot evidently read. And we get some, this is a very, very confusing, sorry to bring up the Sea Rat's head scale so many times this episode, but we get some, this is a confusing one to place on the Sea Rat's head scale because Gale was holding a large block of metal and dropped the large block of metal on her foot, which almost broke her leg and tore open her skin and she needed a skin graft and 16 stitches.

Now I don't know if that's sad or just ouchy. I think that's just ouchy. That's ouchy. That's ouchy. I think I addressed that. Let me see here. Let me look through my notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you skipping ahead? Well, no, I'm not skipping ahead, because it's not this thing when, like, OK, so if you had to get to your mother's deathbed, and then you dropped the metal block on your leg, and then that prevented you, and then she died from sepsis or something, that would be C-Rat's add. OK, all right. This is just ouchy. All right, so I'm going to agree that would be C-Rat sad. OK, all right. This is just ouchy. All right, so I'm going to agree that this story about the metal

being dropped, it has hope of charting. Just because there's plasma doesn't mean it's sad. To me, it looked like a great white shark attack. Yeah. And moving forward, if she ever tells this story again, she should just say her mother was eaten by the shark, and it bit her while she was trying to salvage her mother's elbow or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's going to be a tough pathology to kind of walk through for the rest of your life. Well, she needed a memento. You want to hold on to something left. What was the memento? Elbow. Oh, got it. So what, so what is it? Is it

in some kind of pickling liquid at the house or something? You wrap it up in a box and you put it in the ground and you plant a grapefruit tree over it. You can always remember your mother. Interesting fact, Barbara Bush had a miscarriage, kept the fetus in a jar is that right yeah that's a weird one that is a weird one so I'm anyways I'm so fucking sorry that I mentioned that that's okay but you know I'm okay so the show is happening the show is happening and Ellie walks out onto the water docks that if I was on that The show is happening and Ellie walks out onto the water docks

That if I was on that that vacation it Seeing them walk out there with drinks. I would be like guys. We got to get up. I mean, this is ridiculous I mean we're making this person Wobble out here with fucking margaritas. We got to get up But Gail who loves her boyfriend texts her boyfriend and we get ready for dinner. Now we have a bit of an issue because Asia is seeing that both cheese and Ellie are incompetent in their own way. Now we love Ellie but when Asia asks her why didn't you do the thing that I asked you to do four hours ago, it has to be met with fuck I'm sorry I completely forgot about that or maybe

check in with Asia if it's two hours and it's still not done but the defiance is I mean it just can't happen yeah so the play here is the Balkan biscuit slash Ellie is attempting to say I was so busy because the other person's fucking useless right I didn't get to it. Yeah. But there's a way, you know, for somebody who has such a reverence for hierarchical structure, to do this straight back to your boss's face is just, you know, I dare I'd say it's hypocritical.

I agree. All right. So, Cheese can't read. Ellie wants to cut cheese's head off and wants to do the same to Asia and throw them overboard. So I mean, this crew is absolutely in shambles. We get to a classic Hollywood dinner. Jono wants to erase the little mistake from last night.

Now, he's speaking of the milk steaks that had no sear and all milk, but what about the chicken and cake and the cold eggs and the ice cream soup? There have been a lot of mistakes. There's been several. There've been a lot of mistakes. Now we don't quite have microwaved nachos with cold corn,

but ice cream soup and two and a half hour eggs is, I mean, we're getting up there. It's up there. He knows his heads on the chopping block. It's not just the milk steaks. Dill, there is a little this was a quick moment where Joe and Gail chat, which the two of them very rarely interact with one another, despite the fact of being so hot.

But Joe confides with Gail about all this drama surrounding him. He's like, I don't know who I'm going to bang. He said that he asked her advice like, you know I've been looking like who should I hang out, you know hook up with and asking Gail It's like asking Michael Jackson if he should open a daycare, right Yeah, yeah because if you asked Mike Mike would tell you that You know, is there endeavor? is there any better endeavor than opening up a daycare because

Okay, so there's nothing more pure and joyous on planet Earth than a happy child. Mm-hmm. I Got wet my beak a little money there you get to make up you get to turn a profit, right? Mm-hmm, and you get to sexually abuse children. I Mean he was a horrible guy boy. I wonder if BET will celebrate him. Yeah. Well, that's a confusing one because You know, he was a turncoat at the end now, I know he had that that that condition but I mean he died his skin very quickly very harshly a lot of bleach and you know Michael Jackson had a very tough upbringing you know he was abused himself but you know you know we have to stop with these allowances and allotments at a certain point, you know

The cycle needs in at some point the buck needs to stop Yeah, my my vehicle was broken into all my golf clubs were stolen now the person's probably down on their luck But I still want that what if you were professional golf or your first week out here your golf clubs, you know, I don't I Don't have the tools of my trade. I don't have the tools of my trade. And then someone offers you a joint two weeks later you're fucking taking in heroin next thing you know you're on the street. You're shooting smack and jerking off punks and your teeth are rotting and you used to be on the corn ferry. And then you start

stealing from people, right? The buck needs to stop somewhere. It's to stop. Okay. Go work at CVS. Don't steal from me. Okay. We'll talk about it at Patreon. We have to break down the entire, well, we'll, we'll talk about it on APS.

Dylan got robbed. I got robbed. Uh, I spoke with a city official this weekend about a development in We'll talk about it on APS. Dylan got robbed. I got robbed. I spoke with a city official this weekend about a development in Studio City. We have a lot of things to say about Los Angeles and why we're moving to North Carolina very soon. So we get to dinner.

We have another Sea Rat Sad Scale here with mom having fibromyalgia. Now, it's sad that she had fibromyalgia, but You're referring to Joe playing piano and singing to his mother while she was in a wheelchair. This is an eBay This is my this is my rangefinder that he's selling on eBay right now. Yeah. Yeah, that's mine And the LAPD said don't don't interact with the bus. I said, why can't I interact with the bus? I said you're interfering in an investigation. I said, but you guys aren't investigating anything. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah Well, I was slightly moved by this story. I'm gonna give it point five. Okay, that's pretty good

Fibromyalgia so long. it's widespread body pain and tiredness. Yeah that's a very difficult thing to deal with. Oh it's sad and I don't want to make light of it. Look, live every day like you too. Last, if you don't have your health you don't have anything. Yep, yep, a million percent. Oh point one. Point one, but you know there's good Hodgkins and bad Hodgkins. You know. Okay, I don't want to be this dick, right? But you know, let's. Are you looking at eBay with the guy selling your shit right now?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about, you know, if mom had a different disease, you know, we might be at a one point something. That's right. Now, that goes to show you that you don't want to be on the sea rat sad scale Because in the middle of the title is the word sad, right? So I'm we're very happy right that Joe has a beautiful relationship with his mom and that she's not fucking dead Okay, so dinner is fried calamari. No, it's bruschetta. Okay now apologies

Bruschetta. Now, the guests seem to love it. You may have your thoughts on this, Dylan, but when I saw this plating come out, it looked like a tray at Sizzler. I was going to say that it is fast casual fare. This is something that you would find at a Sizzler. This is something you'd find at an Olive Garden,

perhaps a Cheesecake Factory. Now, that's not to say that fried calamari can't be absolutely delicious if done correctly. A lemon aioli with coconut cream sounds absolutely disgusting, but they don't want dairy, so he can't make an aioli. That's right. What?

Well, wait, hang on a second. He said that they don't want dairy. I think he did a substitution for some. Why can't he make a mayonnaise then? There's no dairy in mayonnaise. I'm sorry. I got to look at that because that doesn't make any fucking sense. If you want to look at it, I have a chance.

Why'd you make it with coconut cream? It doesn't have fucking milk in it. Here's my issue with the all you can eat, whatever's at your insert casino here. OK. I have I will never do an all you can eat thing again. And I'll tell you why. Because first off, they're outrageously costly now. You go to a dump in Vegas, and it's on a minimum

is going to be 50 bucks all you can eat. But also, Patrick, we're not in our 20s anymore. Who wants to eat all you can eat? Have you seen those lines? It's just crazy. I don't wanna be fucking stuffed to the gills. And there's also something really, I know this is counterintuitive,

something really unsatisfying about like going around like doing like a full like jaunt around the world in a gymnasium size, I won't call it a restaurant. You're like, oh, you know, I'll take a little Mexican rice over there Yeah, but a slice of pizza. Oh, we got some fried calamari over there. Oh some pasta. Oh veal parmesan over there Okay, throw all that slop on the fucking plate you you stayed in Italy for a while You start chomping away at that and I'll tell you you're like you just feel like yeah You know, I'm okay with not having buffalo wings and sushi on the same plate That's just me. I don't think that's good

But that's just me. Hmm. So The model And the gang are tipping it back. I mean, they're getting pretty fucked up. This Calamari is so good that it is causing her to throw herself over the railing. Now, Ellie continues to go insane. She says that cheese is hurting Ellie standing within her community, which is an ESL way to kind of melodramatize

the situation, I think. And again, I'll say, in case you forgot, we're speaking with these words about two sea rats fighting over one sea rat cock. I believe she used the word injustice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. There you go. I mean, Malcolm X used those words.

Yeah, yeah. And so did Ellie, talking about her and she's fighting over thing, too Alright, so seared sea bass and sweet potato puree is up next the the women are are really torqued up They're rubbing titties and doing the splits and models husband who looks like Robert Wool Mmm is not happy about this at all. He's got a real big thick rod up his ass chill out. You're on a vacation You know enjoy yourself. Let the ladies rub the boobs. You know, it's not sexual. They're just having a fun time I'd love it if my wife did that What rub boobs yeah, yeah, it's fun she doesn't do that stuff

She's a little buttoned up. Oh yes. I bet if we got a couple of margs, maybe some chocolate mushrooms, I'm sure he's bouncing around all over the place, pretending to jump over the boat and rubbing tits, you know? It's a state of mind, state of grace. I've tried everything you just suggested except for the mushrooms. Well, leave no stone unturned. Alright, so dinner goes well. John has stepped his pussy up 71 pot. Yeah, just don't let that pussy eat his eggs because it'll spit them out because they're cold. Or you do it. Are you you're turning the pussy into like a

little shop of horrors? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like feed me Seymour type of thing. Okay. Yeah. Okay. that's cool. Fuck, this is cold! Yeah. Jesus, what am I paying for here? Kind of like a Jumanji flower that hates cold eggs. That's right. Yeah. And in that moment, you can kind of relate

to the Jumanji flower that is tendering out of the fireplace and trying to kill you, because you understand, who doesn't not like cold eggs. All right, so we head down to the piano room for a little happy birthday. The tempo is everywhere, the keys are off, it's just a terrible C-Rat performance. Can I say this? We need to get rid of the happy birthday song. Okay. It never, it's so sad and depressing. And see, this is what's happening. This is a stamp of postmodernism, okay? All these

woksers have impregnated your bite and they are, you know, you don't even know what you're doing. You're trying to, you know what the IRA did to train stations and whatnot? No. Okay, well they blew them up. That's what you're trying to do with this convention of our culture. I mean, when we have birthdays, we sing happy birthday birthday Okay, it doesn't need to be examine what I'm saying is it it doesn't work. It brings the whole party down It's so lame. It's just it's not a happy song So I don't know if you know this Dylan the Beatles the Beatles have a song called birthday. It's amazing I play it every morning when well when every morning when it's CC's birthday. That's right. Yeah, I do that as well

Maybe I've lended that tradition to you. No, I think it was just I think we play this on repeat until the person leaves the house. Yeah. And it just gets you moving. Yeah. We got to do this. Get the whole everybody. Just pull it back on the phone a little bit. Everybody at the birthday party, get them to sing this song Yeah, everybody will rock. It will be so happy. You're so right your birthday song shouldn't be the same thing that ends an AA meeting, right? Yeah, I completely agree with you. The happy birthday song is a little bit like Grocery store donuts and bitter coffee and it's not even hot. Mm-hmm that song Okay, okay.

You know when you're at Benihana being served flash frozen shrimp for $60? Yeah. At somebody's birthday, it's like, that's a lot of fun, like they do a thing. Now fucking imagine if it was da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I know it's your birthday. Everybody, the whole restaurant will be on their feet. It's my birthday too. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. You want to get on to this next morning that's so goddamn boring. A piece of equipment doesn't work, and I don't know whose fault it is. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. We talked about this. Don't explain the boat shit to people who are watching this show. Now everybody understands a dead battery though. So that was kind of fun. It says someone didn't charge the tender. I believe it was Ian.

Let him get some shit for that. But yeah, I don't understand the mechanics of the boat. I've been watching the show for eight years now. So we end with a line snapping and possibly loosing the anchor. Who knows what's going to happen? I have an inkling that what's going to happen is they're going to put the brakes on the anchor

before it falls out. And then they're going to fix it. And then they're going to get them back to shore. Yeah, that would be true to form. Let us know what you think. Mm-hmm. Okay, and let us know Let us know your favorite part Yeah, yeah, do you disagree with our CRAT sad scale yeah, let us know your favorite part Let us know saddest thing that's ever happened to you and then we'll say, you know, we'll let you know charts

But also don't thing that's ever happened to you and then we'll say, you know, we'll let you know. We'll let you know. We'll let you know. But also don't. Okay, we'll see you next week. Five stars, kind words, patreon.com slash another podcast network. I'm Dylan. Goodbye. Pat, goodbye. Later dudes! Love