Another Below Deck Podcast - Game of Oars, Again | Below Deck Down Under S2 E5

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown food poisoning, pentagrams, flat feet, European Schweppes, shower sex, red dye 40, Uncle Jerry, fresh lime juice, and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Down Under. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkThis show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

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The level of an ebriation makes this so unbelievably slow. It was like watching a tortoise eat a leaf of lettuce, but it was a drunk girl making out with a hay Arnold character on the life. Like it was just the most. It was so drawn out. Welcome aboard another brand spanking episode of another Villeau.com podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm Sounded up next to one Patrick. Promission to come aboard granted Kaelin. Hey We just did an episode of this show. I can tell you I don't like a plan. You know, it's like a what a blessed life We live but man. I'm fatigued talking about below deck. Oh, Dylan What if we did three episodes of below deck a week?

Just not even a fucking option. Not, no. It might be. You wanna do this season one thing behind Patreon? I do. I think a lot of people love below deck. I had no idea how many people loved below deck. Yeah.

This much that the creators of below deck would have five versions of this and possibly adding a six. Yeah. All stars are not all stars. We talked about it last, last episode. It could be a show or not. We have no clue. It could be it's likely not a thing at all. It's the pizza gate of reality television. But we don't care. Dylan and I might be covering. And if you think pizza gates real, we think it's real too. And what they're doing in that fucking basement is not okay.

Unless you think it's okay, then we think it's okay. No, no, no, no, it doesn't work. No, no, no, no, no. If you think it's okay to fuck kids, we disagree. Oh, I didn't know what pizza gate was. Sorry. You didn't know if pizza gate? No.

They've got the kids down there. They're feeding the pizza and fucking them. Really? John Podesta, you know, don't know that name. Oh, well, okay. Well, there's a lot sacrifices and stuff at the bottom of combat pizza in Washington DC But this is like pizza gate

The show not all stars of blood back is like that. Yeah, it could exist or maybe it doesn't Weird start huh not at all hey guys Dylan and I think I convinced him I think we're gonna do season one of of below that which we started. He is not convinced me. He's thinking maybe we'll do season one behind the paywall, but I am not convinced here. Dylan, let me tell you the upside of doing a recap of season that's that old. These cast members from that season, they don't give a fly and F. Oh, they don't give a rip. They aren't tethered to the powers that be over at Bravo. Worried that they might be on. I don't know Bravo see that all speaking up now. We have a new PR person who we have to take down I mean the whole thing. It's just very exhausting

Mm-hmm. I wish we could just deal with one person for all below deck I agree, but they have too many shows That's too much for one PR person to answer email saying no, they can't be a guest on your show, right? You know much hard how hard work that is all that Deny people of interviews of the cast. Yeah, think about't be a guest on your show. Right. You know how much hard, how hard work that is all they want to deny people of interviews of the cast. Yeah, think about this. We listen to your show. It's going to be a no from us. Yeah, I mean, it's exhausting writing that email. And then to think about the email back that I send, having to read that. Some random person attacking your character. I mean, that's what's yeah. Listen here bitch. No, I don't say that. It's much more passive aggressive. All right.

When I get into the episode, I don't call women the beware. No, it's just it's you don't do. Hey, Dylan, bleep that. So make it go away like he never said it, you know, his name is not Dylan. Oh, I'm sorry, Kaelin. And don't believe that you don't need to I had a very this is you do this, you do this, you go, you got to bleep that. But it's something that my first bleep. No, no, but we've referred to it. Oh, right. And you seem to forget that in order to bleep that one, you'd have to bleep all of the references to the word that's being bleaped. Well, forgive me, Dylan.

I had an intense bout of food poisoning. I'm just kind of coming to my own. It's the closest to death you can feel without dying. Yes. I mean, it's the closest to death you could feel without dying as a healthy person. Right. Yeah. Cause in within minutes, you can be, you know, the poison takes hold. And then you're praying for death.

This is what you have to do when you have food poisoning. You have to get pitiolet, get a raid, whatever you, your preferred hydration station. Are you going to do that? You're in the stages of death. Well, you need to get an eye dropper and take this stuff like a hamster and you need to put on John Adams starring Paul Giamatti

You will take his annex you will fall asleep and wake up 14 hours later You'll have a vague understanding of the founding fathers and you won't be sick anymore Good to know. Yeah. Wow. Do that next time. John Adams. Yeah. Paul Gianlotti's just pissed. He's like, where is Thomas Jefferson? He's never here. That was my Paul Gianlotti. Now he's fantastic in that show. All right. Get into our thoughts and not let's talk about below deck now. Yeah. Oh, sure. Okay. I want to not let's talk about below deck now. Yeah. Sure.

Okay. I want to go first. I want to go first. Kaling. I thought it was a fantastic episode 86 pots. You haven't been a good enough. You know what? Crazy Wild Thornberry here, but I thought last episode was better. Are you

out of your mind? I said crazy wild Thornberry. 12 pots. Fuck this episode. Oh, you fuck you. You are so wrong. Yeah. Let me tell you about your rock. This is where game of wars comes into play. We're still at this. There is no Game of Wars, Patrick. Oh, well, there's a few players here. Yeah. And they're making moves. Saying that this show is a Game of Wars is like being fascinated with a rat maze.

Like you're like, oh, wow, they're really famous. It's like to your point, to your point, in this sister companion of Game of Thrones. A Game of Wars. Can we call this episode Game of Wars again, please? In this version, Game of Wars, they're not fighting over the, who controlled the Seven Cagdives.

Yeah, or more Game of Wars, yeah, go ahead. They're fighting over who's gonna fuck Marga. Right, right, right. Yeah. You know, it's intense play. They're fighting over who's gonna get the teaspoon of peanut butter. I'm not trying to equate Marga to that.

I'm just saying the stakes are very low board this vessel. There's no polyticking involved. Right, right, right. But there is, which makes it hilarious These lights are so bright man. I know I look like a douchebag, but Here let me let me know if you'd like me to start off the show Because I know exactly where we pick up. Did you even do pot? Oh, I thought it was great episode 90 90 knots So much fun. Would you lose your marble?

There's a strike to me. All right, so this is where Luke. She is this man. Luke really hits his stride as a goddamn pick. Oh my god, yeah. Uh, uh, uh, Colver, as always, is extremely annoying. Uh, Margot being torn, whether or not she can come back to Luke. Uh, Laura basically just throwing it out there to anybody who's ready in a willing to quote Don, and she is ready. Will and enable.

You sound like what Lindsey Graham's father wanted him to sound like. But he doesn't sound like that. So he hates him. Totally fun episode. Lots of hooking up. Adam is angry. Adam is angry. Adam, he needs to go. I hope he's the one who gets shit cans soon and we've replaced him with someone more fun.

Yeah. Yeah. Possibly possibly a female decky. Mm hmm. Anyway, great episode. Well done. I can't believe how much I'm enjoying this season. Dude. I feel like Riley Gerber should always get a call just always just throw her in the show. She should be on so many more seasons than she is. Well, they've been

I think they're keeping her at just on the shelf whenever the right project comes along. Yeah. Yeah. Which will be winter games this season. Right. Right. So winter house. Winter house. You know what? These people, you think they're your goddamn friends Dylan. They come and sit on the couch right where you're sitting, drink a little booze, have a good time. Yeah, ask them, hey, are you on winter house? They don't respond, like you're nobody to them. It's pretty insulting this world. Did I miss a spot shaving here? No, it looks great.

No, come. Anyway, look at me, bitching complain. We have to get in the episode. Okay, let's do it. I think one of the reasons why the beginning is so awkward is because they're all like, searats, but also this environment is just not the vibe. It's like, it's not the fucking vibe.

It's not, there's no TSDO at all, not a quarter note of TSDO. It's an empty bar on a Tuesday. It's a fucking, and not even a bar, it's like a nice restaurant, and they're like, they're too long. You know, I like how they made the most of it though. Definitely. So Harry is optimistic starting out. He's like, well, Luke is out of the race now because he's making out with Laura

because he's making out with Laura, but oh, Harry, oh, Harry, you do not understand who you are dealing with. You're dealing with, I don't know, a colligula type monster. Culver says that he wants to stay at home. What did he say? No, no, no. He's with a full-court press on Zarina. Yeah. He's saying, oh, he wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

And you know, have a minivan and whatnot. Yeah, he's saying oh he wants to be a statement stay at home dad and you know, have a minivan and what not? Yeah, yeah, well Culver's been well taken care of most of his life. I think that I don't know Culver is such an odd duck. I'd like to talk to Culver, but you've said so many horrific things about him I don't know. I don't know that we could ever have that interview in good faith because what what happened is we'd get him on the blower And then you'd be like, love having you out. We've got a lot of fan questions. I'd be like, are you going to tell this guy you fucking hate him? Like what's going on here?

Dylan is often is the case. I hate their TV personas, but once I see them as real people, it's a whole different thing. All right. So Laura's hair is a rat's nest. That, that, uh, hermese, you know, headband is just doing untold things to her hair. Deri says it's also a web or a trap because it traps poor Adam's fingers in there.

It's tentatively little very long creepy fingers. Angry fingers. And they get, oh, I'm sorry, don't, Adam, Harry, Harry. Oh, Harry, Harry, Harry. Now, Harry should be seeking out Margot because she's, you know, you know, uh, I'm sorry, don't add him Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Harry. Now, Harry should be seeking out Margot because she's, you know, you know, supposedly Luke is busy with Laura.

One problem. Yeah. She has the Ick on him. Yeah. I want to, you know, that's, that's great thing to point out. But I do want to also point out the resolve of sea rats and their, their beliefs in themselves because this young man does accomplish what he wanted at the end.

He does somewhat. He does over tougher where vats of fried vegetables. And again, it's it's beating it on a technicality, but the objective truth to this is that she only has the yik for him right now. Perhaps he can be some awkwardly cute soapstone to her. She openly admitted she couldn't see herself ever having sex with him. Yeah. Well, okay, we'll get to that in a bit.

But Luke and Margot Head off to the bathroom. This is why the tall the tall young man can't find her because she's off Making out with Luke in the hallway of a restaurant. They've been out for too long This is why I talked last episode. I'm gonna lose patience with this because I like Margot a lot It's gonna make me really disappointed to see her go back to Luke over and over and over again, despite him being absolutely horrible to her. Treat him like, uh, treat him like, uh, dirt, they stick like my, to quote, an old pig. Yeah. Well, so, so here's the, this is why I'm, I'm disappointed.

Yeah, well, so here's the, this is why I'm disappointed. He hooks up with another girl and then literally says, all right, let's have a threesome. Don't pick that guy. That's not the right guy, right? Margot, how bored are you people? Holy shit. All right, let's get back. What I do want to say, Kermit breaks down the game film, which I think we've just done.

This is, it always worries me. It always worries me when the big thing about the trailer happens too early on in the season. I hope we don't, you know, I hope the wheels don't fall off of this parallelogram or whatever the fuck this is. Which by the way, I think that was, she used the wrong term. I believe that's one of those things that which is used that you draw on the ground No, she actually nailed that she said a pentagon you're referring to a pentagram right. Oh, that's how she said no a pentagram was a portal to hell Same thing No, not the same thing she nailed it. You're talking about a portal to hell agree to disagree No, not the same thing. She nailed it. You're talking about a portal to hell. Agreed, disagree. There's, okay.

Parents. Parents, someone looks like summers over. Back to school. Back to school soon. There's a lot of drama on below deck, but you know where you don't want any drama? Making our lunches for our kids. And you know, it can help with that. Well, yeah, our newest sponsor.

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out in the bathroom or the hall wherever the fact that is they return to the bar and apparently uh... she shuts down any further pdpda because she doesn't want anyone to see. Yeah. What are you doing? Why are you being quiet? Oh, we all saw. Oh, no, no, no, but she's talking about Harry.

Oh, yeah. Let's get back to the boat. All right, we're back on the boat. Let's get to the watering hole that the snakes need, the jacuzzi. It's never have I ever this what you do. You just name things you haven't done. Like I've never been to Timbuck too.

Boring. Let's just fucking talk to each other. These moments make me feel so, seeing awkward group interactions just makes my skin crawl. I don't know what it is. I think it's because like I've been a part of them. And I think I think I was a part of it on mushrooms and just implanted it in. That trip. It was just like I think that's the root of it because these things really bother me. I know, Dell, but sometimes it's like the journey. It's going to start out a little rough, but if you stick with it, it could get good.

Right. What are you talking about? Well, you know, sometimes I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and I'm like, oh my god, this is so fucking boring. Right, right. And then I go up to the bar and I order two glasses of wine. And then I come back and like 40 minutes later, I'm totally into the conversation. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are laws and you have to get comfortable with the laws.

Yes, yes. But I jump the gun. Okay, we have a lot before we get to the stereotypical sea rat standing up going, we should play truth or dare. Right, right. I do want to say this, because I'm thinking about Luke and how to really break down how this works with him and get to the male mind with respect to Margo and Laura, because at this point is the jukuzi's either filling or they're in it, Luke's mindset, it's as simple as it could be in a man. It's first come first fucking serve. First girl to pull him out of that jukuzi and attempt to suck his dick in a shower wins. Yeah, it's like a winning.

Yeah, it's like a like a like a like a deli counter. Exactly. We ran out of two and a seven. Yeah. Yeah. And you got that bastard that's got 170 skips in front of you. Yeah, he says I'm 97. And then you literally have to get into a violent altercation over a beef rib. It's cold. Why are they even serving this? It happens more often than you'd think. Yeah, no, no, I've listened. I've seen untold horror at the Gelsen's Deli counter.

Short of going to war, I don't think there's anything that can teach you as much about the human condition as the Gelsen's Deli counter. But if you have like flat feet or something, maybe, you know, you're not, you don't see the horrors of war. No, no, they won't even let you in, man. Isn't that so funny? That's the one thing that keeps you out. China has made a landing on our shores.

It's the first time it's ever happened, we need you. Sorry, I got flat feet. And they're like, oh, damn it, we're sorry. Oh, I'm 14. Sorry, I got flat feet. They're like, oh, damn it, we're sorry. I'm 14. Now, you're fine. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm 14. Yeah. You're fine. And you're not even an American citizen. You're just a little British boy who got lost at the Grand Canyon, but not the guy who flat feet.

And he's all pissed because he wants to serve his country. We're all right. Yeah, so the jacuzzi is going, the ball of snakes is happening. And Laura is making me want to throw up. She says, I'll make your jacquoo she's not a yenta I don't know why I started with that she says I'll make your jacquoo oh I'll make your jacquoozy warm it's just she keeps I'll make you feel like a good I'll do I'll make your jacquoozy words like and do you get what I'm saying she says these things that make my fucking skin crawl also if you're a male she leaves

no no question to the mind. It's, I think this is a go if I'm gonna pull the trigger. Yeah, which I can respect. I can respect. Very forward. Yeah, absolutely. Shoot your shot. Because God knows Luke's been more aggressive

than fucking Laura. Yeah, he asked, I think it was. Yeah, so she could feel his cock while she was sitting on him. Yeah. Sorry to cut you off. Oh, no, you were gonna say I was going to cite another example where he said he wanted to dick sucked with two girls in the room. Right. Exactly.

So the pentagon thing gets said, I thought we already covered that. Are we in the jacuzzi? Yeah, we're in the jacuzzi. Let's be in the jacuzzi. No, well, Margot tries to cock block Laura a little bit. Oh, no, before we get to the jacuzzi, we have to take a quick break. We've got a lot of steam, right? This is going to happen. It's a ball of snakes. Everybody is slithering. The mucus is starting to lubricate the scales.

And then we've got to sit down. I talked to Culver's mother. We got to lean the phone up against a bottle of sweat so we could check in with mom. God, dammit. Although I will say that specific kind of Schweppes product makes it worth going to Europe or Australia. The quality of the bubbles and those glass bottles of Schwepp, be it tonic or club, it's unrivaled. Anything we have here, which are, which are, which are feeling on an orangeina. Love an orangeina.

And that can't be made in the United States. It's got a funny little bottle. Yeah, I think it's a towel. You know, hairy men from England or something. Yeah, yeah, what? I don't know. Little hairy men from England make orangeina. The bottles are funny. They're like they're like dwarves. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, orange

gene is great. Yeah, you like finally get to the Jacuzzi. They're slithering, they're biting, and we play a game of truth or dare. This is when Laura is like, I am at Whitsend. I'm about to pop and I need to pop. She pulls a Brett Michaels right here. I love it. She pulls Luke out of that ball of snakes to help the sister in finding her phone, slash give her a coach massage or something like that.

Why do you have to sing that? I think she said that. You think wrong. That was that was a lie. You do not think that you said that. Well, the images prove me right. Some may ask, why did they hop in the shower? Now, if you're a die-hard below deck fan,

you know the answer to this. But old Patty didn't know until we had Chef Dave on last season. And we interviewed him and said, why'd you guys go in the goddamn shower? And the reason is to hide the mones. Not only that, it's the only place there's no cameras. Right. So what Chef Dave didn't explain is why he went in with his clothes. And

it's because chef Dave love you. You're a nut job and you were black hat drunk. But he also pointed out it allows the the pair to have a little thing called plausible to die ability. Yeah. Not really. We've talked about pleading the fifth and how that is a stamp of guilty without being a stamp of guilty If your hair is wet together after 40 minutes, I think you guys had sex in the shower We plead the fifth aisha has the right commentary on shower sex Shower sex is awful It's awful it can lead to things but shower sex is awful. And she says it so succinctly,

so beautifully, you can't get the friction, you know. I would, I would, if we were ever allowed to talk to Kermit, I would ask her, well, have you ever had sex in the toilet room, which also does not have cameras. And I bet that little freaks tried the, the water fountain, cameras and I bet that little freaks tried the the water fountain. The water fountain. Did you just have another stroke? You had a stroke right there. No, no, I was the fuck are you talking about? I was contemplating if I was because you know, children listen.

The water fountain's killed eight people. What are you talking about? It's a sexual position that can only be performed in a toilet room, Dylan. Okay. All right. Just he wants to be asked. No. Yeah. He wants to be asked. No, no. So why are you getting ready to mark this and patch us? Tell us what it is. I don't want to draw this out anymore. Cause eight poor souls drown while trying it. eight poor souls drowned while trying it. Okay, I think I know what it is. Okay. You invert.

You invert a woman, put her head in the water, either make her, or clog the toilet so much that it shoots out a bunch of water. Yeah, you had it right first time. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. What's the point of, I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I don't wanna talk about this anymore. I tried to move on. I don't think it's funny. I tried to move on. All right. What happens next?

All right. In an interesting game. Was that a low? No, you're good. Mm-hmm. Okay. So at this point, Laura jumps in Luke's bed following the shower activity. Like the airs left the room. Well, you know, I Jumps and Luke's bed following the shower act. Like the air's left the room. Well, you know, I, I, I hesitated to bring up that sexual position. Yeah, but you made me when you brought up Kermit, bragging about how she knew the shower didn't work. D-Do you like shower sex? Now, it's too much work. Yeah.

You're standing up. What are you going to do in there? I know. It's like, I think I've done it twice in my life. Yeah. One time I almost slipped. Oh, and by the way, don't I even ever try to just have, oh my god, yeah, the fucking perilous nature of that. I mean, are you to do any other position, but doggie? You throw it all against the wall. You need to.

Doggie. In the shower, you'll drown the poor young lady. All that water going on around her. Well, it's like, what do they have? What George Bush dude, all those terrorists over there? Water board them. That's what it feels like, especially if she's got long hair. Like the fuck are you talking about, man?

And, and George Bush didn't water board those people. Rob O'Neill did it to those people. Not only is he the guy that killed us, I'm been lot and, and a fan favorite of the Jim Norton podcast. He also operated all the Guatana of black sites. Wow. I know he's got an impressive CV and he's hilarious on fly on the wall with David Spade. So what are you doing here, man? What was his favorite SNL episode? The one where they were talking about how he killed those salmon.

No, all right, shower sex done. Let's move on. Should we get to an ad read about children's food? Why not? No, don't put it there. Okay. Okay. Okay.

By the way, we have a lot of listeners that have children, even though we say offensive things, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Anyway, after this beautifully romantic shower of sex, Luke crawls in his bed thinking he's just going to call it a night because that's what bros do. He just came. Oh, yeah, yeah off right maybe feeling like a God. It feels like a God.

So Laura, this is where she's so persistent. He's like, gross to her. Like, he's very clear that he wants nothing to do with her. So much so that like at one point, he's like, let me brush my teeth. Like, he just says it really coldly, like, me, the fuck alone. Not quite angry at him, but he's like, hey, you know, calm down. But then we get to the saddest thing about this is that Margot is going to go right back to him despite this unbelievable moment on the galley couch.

on the galley couch. Now, Harry and Margo are staying up eating. The level of an ebriation makes this so unbelievably slow. It was like watching a tortoise eat a leaf of lettuce, but it was a drunk girl making out with a hay Arnold character come to life. Like it was just the most, it was so drawn out. It was, yeah, he waited it out. I got to give it to him. I don't got to give it to him. Well, don't do this. Don't do this now.

Not after you've eaten a serving bowl, like something you put a salad in for the table. It's worth of ramen and a bunch of fried broccoli and stuff. I don't know. This was disgusting. Well, he's on cloud nine. So he disagrees with you, Dylan. Yeah. All right. Guess who's a Taurus? Okay. I have to say this. You are obviously not a fan of Laura. She was designed in a C-Rat lab

for this show. Yeah, totally. She doesn't want any expectations of men that she will bed. Right. I think she said something like to the long lines of the last episode. She has lovers across the world. I have lovers across the world. And because she's a tourist, she doesn't mind fucking people over something to that. Yeah, no, all we need her to do next is voice her bigoted homophobia and then kick her off the boat. We'll see.

All right, what happens next? Ah, let's see. I'm not saying that all people who come from the tundra's of Eastern Europe are homophobic, but it is kind of intense there. Not the weather, the homophobia. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. Nick, we're in the next morning yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Lauren Luke, fold clothes. Is that a low? She jokes with Luke that she's a, he's her boyfriend. Is that, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he does that, he's like, I have probable cause to never speak to you again. In fact, Facebook, you when I see you, you know, if you want to be that much of a pig, but he is that much of a pig. Well, yeah. Sorry. I'm stepping over.

No, no, no, I'm being too antagonistic. I know I agree with you. So anyway, I mean, while Adam fucks up again, and then we get to a fan favorite part of the show, Dylan, unless you'd like to cover something else. I don't want to dunk on Laura too much, but I did have this thing written out that I'd like to get to. She's like 15 minutes late for work and she can't be bothered. She genuinely does not care. And you know how people say like like who do you think you are? I actually mean like specifically Laura who do you think you are? You're from a country that makes dog balls, you're not like

a saw. I don't know. It's like she's, she's like a Romanov or something like a, she's so self-important. There's an, I kind of appreciate this in certain human beings which is just that confidence that I never had as a human being. I know. Deep beneath it it could just be a broken human being. Oh, and 100% is. Oh, yeah. 100%.

Well, no, that's really sad then. That is really sad. Sorry, Laura. All right. So we've got a redeem. Oh, God. Where do you want to go next? Okay, this is what I think is people have to watch this show

or see sea rats having worked on these vessels. Luke and Laura chat in Margot walks in on the conversation. Yeah. Word to the wise, it's a small boat. Sea rats always keep that in mind, even if you're on a converted Japanese fishing vessel with walls made of paper or even cheap fake wood paneling. It looks like Uncle Jerry's house. He had lived before closure.

Yeah, he had liver spots by the time it went into four like a lot of liver spots. Total dumb. But anyway, and then someone else into four, like a lot of liver spots. Total dump. But anyway, and then someone else gets caught talking, like just keep your mouth shut. Jesus Christ. The wood paneling had that kind of, you can't dust it. It has a grease that's caked on from all the steaks that he cooked. It was the only thing he ate. Okay. So Luke is like, man, I really messed this up, but something like heroes are made

for challenges or something like that. I could not root for this guy less. I can't wait to get to the point where he explains what happened in that Jacuzzi and how he ended up in that goddamn shower. All right. Well, we'll get there in a second. Let's get to Serena Having a wait, we got to get to the preference sheet me sorry. Sorry. That was that was really really way way out of line And I want to apologize to you That's big of you. You accept the apology. I accept okay. It is time To get to know our charter guests. It's time to hear Kaelin help us get to know our charter guests.

It's time for the preference. Shade Madegg! Charter number three, eight guests. The primary is Renee and Sandra Ramirez. God, I hope he does a good job. Cause I don't wanna rip into him. I really don't. Renee is the owner and CEO of a rapidly growing solar company.

And his wife, Sandra, is a stay-at-home mother. They want to celebrate their high-rolling friends and employees. They want to celebrate with their high-rolling friends. Nice. A little stumble. Lots of likes and dislikes. Likes include surf and turf, lamb lollipops, Japanese sushi and Cuban theme cuisine, which the chef has never made before.

Japanese sushi, huh? Dislikes from the ladies are as follows, Karina doesn't eat red meat. Theresa doesn't eat pork and dislikes red meat, jenne dislikes wheat dairy and red meat. Okay. The guests also want to snorkel and see turtles, although it will be pouring rain for both days they're on board.

Got it. That concludes the preference sheet. That concludes the preference sheet. I thought he did a fantastic job. I'm gonna give that 91 pots. Good job. And it would stand to reason if you have all of these people

who are red meat averse. Maybe don't get a bunch of tomahawk steaks. meet averse. Maybe don't get a bunch of Tomahawk steaks. Loft stalls at the rich and the famous, they love Tomahawk steaks. No, they don't. They're writing that they don't. Serena really calling them fussy pants and stuff like this. This kind of pissed me off a little bit. Just because if you're a chef in 2023 or 2022, just be grateful that they're not, that they're just this chill. You got people going around going, are you cooking that in grape seed oil? No, no, no, no, no, do that again.

It's a great point. Chill out, Serena, okay. Does that have red dye in it? Is this a snack with red dye? And they're not wrong, you know, these things, these things are slowly killing us because that's what they're designed to do. Yeah, that red dye, it's been illegal in like most countries. It's for America.

Not here. and it is covering The Doritos tangy ketchup chips, which I you know, I just can't we've talked about it on APS I haven't been that proud Of a chip company in a long time the courage it took to make those two flavors the ingenuity The the the the the the kismet with summer coming in that line. I the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, That's not like a forced laugh, but I was really laughing. I was too. I enjoyed it. Okay. Like ran on a there there at the end. I don't know. I don't know. You two up in your head, man. All right. We'll go ahead. All right. We cut to the kitchen. Now, I believe, because you know, I'd seen in the trailer

that Zarina was gonna, you know, fuck up with this, you know, serve a little too much red meat. But Kermit and Zarina are going over the food and the galley pre-guess surviving. So I'm like, oh, they're gonna catch that. Listen, I love Asia. I think she's amazing. Also, one of the most beautiful people to ever grace this show. I mean, so stunningly beautiful. But um, she's not like god of a cheap still. No, no, no, no, no, definitely not. She's still new. Yeah. But I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so many of them said they don't like the red meat. You know, like, let's of them said they don't like the red meat. You know, like let's. Well, maybe it was those tight thongs, Dylan, you know, they didn't affect just Yeah, serenisense flaps maybe to the fucking brains because no one read a god damn

preference sheet, you know, what it did serenis say something about her, maybe yeah, yeah, it's called flaps flaps. And then a Kermit called the pucks or something. I put them together, puck flaps. Yeah, puck flaps. Yeah, apparently tight thongs, they cause your brain to not function properly. Because they didn't read the preference sheet meaning, which is a big part of their job. It's crazy what we've done to, to a woman. I can't imagine a woman designed a thong. I think men had to have designed that in the marketed. Yeah, they're so uncomfortable. Yeah.

Oh my God. Men are disgusting. But we fight all the wars and pour all the roads and do all the science and stuff in the past. Not anymore, not anymore. What am I doing? I'm in a panic right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Okay, okay. It's pouring fine. But I'm doing that, you got it. You got to cut me off, man. I'm in a panic right now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no By the way, this looks so much like Uncle Jerry's house. Where's the fucking ping pong table? This thing is such a dump when they give that goddamn tour. And by the way, we'll get to dinner in a minute, Dylan. When they're putting, how about the fucking decor? I know it looks like Uncle Jerry's game room, but you could set the table with a little bit more clapp. Who is Uncle Jerry to you?

Because Uncle Jerry to me does not have a game room. Well, he converted his downstairs, I guess, living area. Okay, okay. So Uncle Jerry to me has no downstairs. Oh. It's a mobile, it's one story. Let's call it one story. Well, in the East, we always have to have a salad.

Oh, right. You got to have a mud room or whatever the fuck you guys have. But no, Uncle Jerry to me, it's just a one story home. It may or may not be unwheels for mobility. But when the kids come over, there are no games. He puts them to work. They cut coupons off of parliament cartons. That's there.

That's Uncle Jerry's. Uncle Jerry, I don't wanna do this anymore. Go outside and play with rocks. That's what my auntie Clare did to me. Rocks, huh? All right, yeah. I don't want to do this anymore. Go outside and play with rocks. That's what my auntie, Clare, did to me. Rocks, huh? Right. Yeah. I don't want to come here anymore.

You go, he says go play Cowboys in Indians and then you tell him that that's no longer a term we use. And he goes, eh. And he blows smoke in your face. And he continues watching John Claude Van Dam. He's like, this guy's weird. All right. So you are fucking up here.

What do you want me to do? We have to get to Adam and Laura continuing to be scumbag employees. I don't remember what Adam does. I think he like flips out about the spray thing. I have a note. Adam fucks up again. That's it. Yeah, but he's like biting and snapping at other people. Here's a note, Adam Fox up again. That's it.

Yeah, but he's like spiting and snapping at other people. Here's the thing with Adam and Lauren. They have this unique thing where they suck objectively. But they're like three out of 10 people, not looks wise. I'm not talking about looks wise. Person wise, but they're quite prone to hyper defensiveness.

Yes. And, um, lashing out at others, Laura is literally drinking on the job. Do we get there yet? That was crazy. Captain Jason hot ass, uh, big fucking thick dick, rack of lamb, hot ass, Captain Jason says it's like it's his main thing. Colver almost got fired for it last season. Right. Don't drink on charter. If you do, I mean, it's the closest he came to say, and I got

to put, I got a pocket full of tickets. Who's saying that? I got a pocket full of tickets. Was it, was it Colby Kelly? I got a pocket, got a pocket full of sun. full of sun trying who sings that. I don't know. Is that Cheryl Crow? Who sings pocket full sunshine? Hmm. You go ahead. Captain Lee and the fakes. Great name. All right. We're all over the place. We got to bring this back down. The second episode always goes like this. It's fun. I'm gonna look at pocketful sunshine. Go ahead. Alright, alright. So then as the gas around the

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That's lanedds.com. That's lane dds.com. Okay. So what were you saying? I'm a guest here yet. No. But we can skip all this. Yeah. Guests arrive.

Yeah. This is one serenet that says the phone is taking it or flat. Right. Right. Guests eat the food in Adam because this is one serenity says the phone's taking interflash. Right, right. Uh, guess eat the food in Adam, because this is patently insane works in an industry where he's constantly sick based on the elements of said job. Who are you talking to? Adam, he see sick. Oh, yeah, he's sick. Yeah. And then we get to the lime squeeze gate. It's like if Michael Scott was afraid of paper cuts. Exactly. Or a stapler. He was kind of, he was upper management though.

All right, so the drinks get ordered and we have a real line versus store bought line conversation. Here is when Aisha is not that great of a chews do. Just juice, like squeeze fresh juice, that should just be part of the thing. I get that they're not running a bar program, but like, I don't know. The quality of service on below,

down under specifically, it's among the worst. It absolutely is. And I'd argue, I think Kermit made the case that once you put it in an alcohol, the taste doesn't really make that much of a difference. It totally does. It's actually the exact opposite current. You should know this.

When you add a bunch of sugar to a vodka, it could be a $20 vodka or $100 vodka, because you put the fucking sugar that's meant to kill us in it. That negates the type of vodka. Well, but even if it's just store-bought, bottled citrus, you give me a vodka soda, a crispy vodka soda, a crispy, crispy vodka soda,

with a real, real lemon juice or that shit that comes in a green bottle, call me a fucking basset-hound. I'll sniff that shit out in a second. People can tell the difference, but luckily these are people who want barada, surf and turf, and Tomahawk steaks, and they're blackout by the fifth

drink. So it doesn't really matter, but Laura's right here. Aisha confesses that she thinks Laura's right, but that it doesn't matter because Laura is such a piece of shit. It's like you're, you're, um, nope, don't want to get into politics. Oh, no politics. Not doing politics. Not no politics. All right. I'll give a hypothetical example. Okay. It's like if your crazy racist uncle was yelling about how 9-11 was an inside jump and then some report comes out and he's like, you see I was right. If you're like, it doesn't matter though. He's a racist old quiet. Yeah. Like Laura. Yeah. There you go. I'm not accusing her of racism, but wouldn't surprise me. It's from Lapia.

Yeah. She fucking hits you over the head with a fucking dog bowl when you're not like a... The ring of that. Boom! Yeah. Mm-hmm. What happens then? Okay, okay.

Well, the guests go out to do that little scuba diving thing. Yeah. What happens then? Okay, okay. Well, the guests go out to do that little scuba diving thing. I guess that was wonderful snorkeling. That guy named Elmer Fud, he kills a beer. That looked cool. And then I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then that dinner party.

All right, you're moving too fast. I gotta look at my notes. We go for 45 guys. No, I know, I know. You're so true. You're so true about that. Okay, so we get to lunch, Culver and Serena are flirting. IE, she's jacking off a sushi roller and telling him to do the dishes.

This is the power that they hold. You know, you just do that and then you can do it. It's man. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like if you didn't wanna do the dishes, but old Cherizzi showed you a nip, you'd probably get up into the dishes. There you go.

That's how it works. So Culver does that thing where he's really annoying. In that, he talks about how he wants a summer fling or even worse that that's usually what he gets, which is just a roundabout way of saying that's what I like. And that he hopes he isn't sending mixed signals to Serena, IE, having a face time with your mother, telling her that this is the girl that you could see living with. Yeah. Yeah. Having a mini van. I think you are sending mixed signals. I think you're doing living with it. Yeah. Yeah. Having a mini van. I think you are sending mixed signals.

I think you're doing it on purpose. The sushi looks absolutely disgusting. It's more mayonnaise than sushi. It's one of these. It looks like sushi Dan made it. You know, sorry, Serena, I think you're fantastic, but you know, it's just like there's more eel sauce. It's drowning in shit. Let's get to Adam and Luke though.

Adam doesn't know how to clean floors, but it's sick of people babying him. I I don't understand why he isn't just told to shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. Um, angry Adam. We snorkel for quite a bit. Um, Luke says this is what life is about. And whatever life this is, I think it's gonna be short-lived because you're a filthy drunk. I think you're gonna punch through a bit. Luke says this is what life is about. And whatever life this is, I think it's going to be short-lived because you're a filthy drunk. I think you're going to punch through a wall. All right, the guests get back. They are absolutely hammered. And then we get ready for the black and gold dinner. First up, Luke and Margot, she says 100%. He is a fuck boy. He is not my type. I do not have a crush on him. Now what, what prompted that feeling, Dylan?

You know, this is a very important part of this episode, in my opinion. What does he say? Like I'd love to see your asshole or something. Well, he comes over in true douche fashion. He tries to explain to Laura why he hooked up with that girl from Lapia. Here's his ass. Margo. Yeah.

He explains it to Margo. Apparently, Laura knocked him out while he was in the jacuzzi. She dragged him by the hair like a cave woman to the bedroom because she's built up all that arm strength. And you're saying that she raped him? Well, because she's been carrying around dog bull. She can take his whole weight, throw him in the room, and then she threw his fucking her. Oh my god. Damn it, dude. Try that again again douchebag. That's horrible. That's not what happened at all. But he blames it all on Laura. He has no accountability for sleeping with this young lady.

I don't like this at all. I don't like this at all. Well, you know what? Well, I just didn't like it in Margot. She shots him off and calls him a fuck boy. Good on you, Margot. Now I'm not talking about the show. I'm talking about this.

I don't like this. Have you heard, did I talk about this? CNC, have you ever heard about this. I don't like this. Have you heard, did I talk about this? The CNC, have you ever heard about this? CNC. And see, uh, consensual non, non consensual. I saw this thing the other day, this, and we'll wrap up the show. Is this thing the other day? It's like one of these fucking, you know, YouTube, like first eight things. And this guy is asking this girl what porn she watches. She looks like a substitute teacher. She looks like a, like a, I don't know. She's very a placet. She's like a butter churner. She's in some kind of burlap overall jumpsuit, whatever. Let me guess she answered. No. Wrong guess. No me guess, she answered. No.

Wrong guess. No, actually, right guess. She did answer the question and she said, non-consensual non-consenting. And he's like, what the fuck is that mean? She said, rape play. Ah, it's like, what the fuck? I thought she was gonna say, stepping on f**ks.

I, you know what? You gotta bleep that and you gotta, you know what, You got to bleep that and you got to, you know what, I think you should bleep a fair amount of, I think you should bleep what Pat said. It's a category that people are really into. It's like top 10 dude. It can't be top 10. Bleep this stepping on Asian.

It's a top 10 porn category. It's just not. It's not. It's on one of those deep websites. Like you porn x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I get a second date. Not sure. When I'm watching porn and I see these little 12 minute snapshots, essentially, condensing the narrative of the tennis instructor having sex with the client. I'm like, no, no, no, I can't. You need the story.

I need to at least figure out who these characters are. So that's when I go to X and X, X, X, X, X. And that's where you can feel the feel the real thrust of the full blown narrative. And then it's there for you to fast forward through. A hundred percent. I want to choose my own adventure. Like it looks like she's wrapping up grocery shopping. I've got a I've got to skip through this. I think this year put out the vegetables in the fridge. Fuck that. Okay. I've got to skip through this. I don't think this year put out the vegetables in the fridge. Fuck that. Okay, so end of the show.

Okay, yeah. Kermel and Margot, Chad, Margot now loves Harry, although she doesn't want to bang him. Lord then feels where Adam's at, that was an interesting moment because he's sitting on Adam and he shuts the possibilities of that down. And then I guess we start getting to dinner. Yeah. We get to more of Serena and also really quickly Luke says one of the doucheous things he could possibly say to Laura. He's like, one of you go get your fucking tally up.

Leave me the fuck alone. I go fuck a bunch of other people. But he just says it in a really really gross way. Wow. The meal is an, I, I gotta mention where our culinary journey starts off. Fridays, the place where I used to have sex with co-workers in a parking lot, man.

Yeah. Hallopany of poppers. The sting of the fast casual appetizer like nature of that dish did not hit me until you said Fridays. Um, but I'll take it's unfair to do that because you can get a gourmet talk or you could get a jack in the box talk. But this was, this was a jalapeno pop. And it looked like the kind of jalapeno popper where the pepper was not prepared, like heated down in its tensed dial. And this, you know, when you get a jalapeno popper

and you're like, ooh, this is still kind of hard and it's too spicy. That's what it looked like it was. She's not doing a good job. I don't think so either. She's really complaining about the people aboard the vessel as well. It's like, you know, what's that thing that people get on in the gymnastics and they do the thing around the thing?

And it's like a saddle, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, like a Pilates? I don't know, man. I haven't seen a gym in 25 years. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I don't know what it's called, but I know you're talking about it. Oh man, it's something we do with a horse.

Well, this meal would be like, if, here, let's go to a different, a gibastic snake. The, what do you call that? Uh, ha ha ha. She didn't land it. Ha ha ha. You know, Dylan, but she explains why.

By the way, I was curious what you thought about the color on that meat. What do you mean? Well, didn't the lamb look a little undercooked. Lamb is supposed to be undercooked. Lamb is a, I don't understand it. It tastes gamy and it's a baby animal. I don't understand as why it's as ubiquitous as it is.

I love lamb. Okay. You know, I do want to mention this and I touched on this. The bow can be a dump, but the interior can dress this up. Yeah. White linens, fresh flowers. The guests were like fiddling with some decor that was on the, it looks like party city every night.

But, but the, the end of the episode, we, sorry to, to, I, I feel like I really stepped on you. Not at all. I, if you were asking, well, by the way, I was going to say this little dining hall or whatever the fuck it smells like Grammy's house. Her excuse. What does that smell like?

Death. Yeah. Death. Yeah. Mira Lacks and fucking Turkey meat. Oh, we at the end of the episode because. It's like an old banana bread. Are you dying here? Well, yeah. Oh, God. All right, let's knit something. I love grandma's good. Grandma's are great. Oh, they're great. They're amazing. They're great. Until they lose their mind and start saying mean things to you for some reason. My grandmother

told me I was hot. I know. Anyway, Zarina's excuse. You could have a grandma like the one from wedding crashers. Oh, she wanted to fuck everybody. Now, that was James Seymour. Oh, the grandma thought, uh, Eleanor Roosevelt was a bulldyke. She was very angry. Oh, wow. Let's be new. Got about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the episode ends. Well, Zarina has an excuse. She apparently put her blinders on for Janay, her words and kind of forgot about everybody else. This is one of those things where it's like, you got to just not talk. And we've all done this where you're coming up with an excuse and it just, it's either, well, it definitely doesn't make it better, but sometimes it can make no sense at all.

And it's just like not a good thing to admit, you don't even believe what you're saying. It's like, yeah, sorry, boss. I was just, I was really focused on one of my tasks, which is why I failed on the other ones. It just doesn't make any sense. But Asia is, I don't wanna have to couch it with this, but I really do feel this way. I love Asia so much.

I think she's such a great character. Very nice person. But her not being that great of a chiefs do is on display here. When the woman says, I don't eat red meat. Aisha's question to her, the follow up is the Tom Hock is up next. Are you, are you not going to eat that? There's a pregnant pause and she goes, no, I'm not going to eat that.

So absolute nightmare to end the show. Thanks for sticking in there. I like the second one's a little loopier. Yeah, loopier. Yeah, it's loopier. You let us know how it is Let us know something negative didn't say then keep it to yourself All right, I like that. I will see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye later. Do Thank you. Circle K's new free inner circle membership program is all about making it easy to reward you with the things you'll love. Sign up and save $0.25 per gallon on your first five fill-ups, plus get every sixth free on a tasty selection of Circle K products. We're talking piping hot pizza, fresh coffee, ice-cold fountain

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