Another Below Deck Podcast - Game of Semen | Below Deck Med S11 E5

Episode Date: July 7, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Seaworld, impulse control, truck stops, 24, soiled linens, concerts, The Last Jedi, crickets, chivalry, Medieval Times and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Jen does not have any urgency either. She's, no. She's holed up in the top bunk with these. She's in an 80s movie. I just got fucked up in here. Yeah. Yeah, she might as well have been smoking a cigarette.

And Joe says that, no, Joy. Joy says that she fears that Jen and Luke might have kissed last night. I'm going to be banned. I fear is much worse. I fear there are. Come on the sheets.

Hi, hello and welcome to Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That is Patrick. Permission to come aboard. Did you get yourself a Stanley? Yeah. It's actually Elliot's. Are you drinking water now?

It's Gatorade. Okay. Because I was blown away that you were drinking water. I don't think I've ever seen you drink water. I don't drink water. It's Gatorade Zero, I'm assuming? Gatorade Zero. You would not. Gatorade has so much sugar.

I don't think you'd touch that stuff. No, hurt my tummy. It would hurt your tummy? Mm-hmm. Yeah. The fucking gallons of aspirin a day do not hurt your tummy. I am fine with fake sugar, Dylan. You are a new species of man.

Kailen is here as well. Hello. Pat. Yes. Great episode of In the City that we just dropped on Patreon.com. Yes. Slash another podcast network, as well as APS, which...

Yeah, so on this APS, I discuss essentially my week where I took the kids to SeaWorld, which is... A post-blackfish SeaWorld. That's right. Be careful what you wish for when you support these documentaries, because while that doc did the right thing, which is we should not entrap large mammals with intelligence and make them do backflips and such, you certainly do ruin a good thing. Well, you ruin the imagination And the childhood of millions

Mm-hmm, right. Now it's an institution of learning, which is boring. Are there rides at SeaWorld? There are rides. Lots and lots of rides. Yeah. But if I want to go to one rides,

I would have just gone to Disneyland. But I drove three and a half hours to SeaWorld. Well, there are less churro eating turkey leg monsters at SeaWorld than there are at Disneyland. Oh, no. There's lots of turkey leg stands. And as Caitlin had worn, had warned me, a margarita booth every 15 feet to remind you to just get drunk because

you're going to be sad otherwise. Seaworld sucks. And I'll talk about it on APS. The other thing I'm going to talk about is going to the Hollywood Bowl to see the Beach Boys. And some of these legacy bands with very few original members, but the ones that are still alive are... It's a little bit like Kirk Douglas getting rolled out for a lifetime achievement. award. But with a microphone in his hand, and with the, um,

the expectation that, uh, they'll sing like they did when they were 22. No, no. And those days are gone. Um, yeah,

so we'll talk about all that. Thinking about good brayations. I had to cover my daughter's eyes because I didn't want to see it because it was scary to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not Halloween yet. Uh, it's July 4th.

So go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for all of that pat. Yes. What did you think of this episode? It was an amazing episode. Few things here. The idea of these sea rats, one component that I don't think we discuss a lot about a sea rat and one of their worst characteristics that they have is impulse control. Luke, the idea of,

that he is going to splat on another sea rat. And within 24 hours, he thinks that he is going to end that relationship and take up with another sea rat. You know, I'm so happy that I can't find this. It's the video of Catherine Zeta Jones holding Kirk Douglas' hand at the Academy Awards. Oh, that's her father-in-law. Yes, whose son.

Were you the one that said she gave him cancer? He ate her, you can beat me now. He ate her pussy too much and it gave him tongue cancer. That's a good way to get cancer. Hey, how'd you get cancer and die? I ate too much pussy. Make sure to beat that. I ate way too much pussy.

And I actually got, I got cancer. That's actually how I want to die. Yeah, me too. Go out doing what you love, you know? We are selfless lovers. But back to the splat. Oh, yeah. So Luke thinks he's going to have sex.

with someone and then dump that person when he gets the ickies. And then why not give it a week? I mean, you're going to be on this boat at least for, I don't know, six weeks. Yeah. But the lack of impulse control that he needs to end this relationship and then immediately find love with joy. Boy. And then this prick, I'm speaking of Luke, I want to defend Jen here.

We played the psycho music quite a bit. Kalen, can you actually pull that back up, please? All right. How dare Jen? He is, Kalin hears us call for the psycho music and he panics because he's got to switch to show. Invariably, we're going to ask him the difference between a kilometer and a mile at some point or something like that.

And then he's got to play the psycho music. So I feel for him, but it is very important to have the psycho music ready because tonight we get some Alfred Hitchcock shit. Fair enough. Yeah. All right. Jen is a little psycho, but it's not for the reason.

that Luke cites when she says, hey, you entered my vagina last night. And so me asking you, like, hey, is everything okay or do you want to hang out? And you, like, your eye, are you? What are you talking about? Who are you? Her words, not mine. What are you talking about? I'm saying, I get that when you're allowed entry into the Eden of a woman, there are certain things that you're responsible for. But not. Not in an ecosystem of sea rat dome. Those rules are do not apply the throne to the waters. I, look, the sperm on Nate's bunk isn't even dry yet.

And he's already like giving her the cold shoulder. I think it's mean-spirited. Yeah, it is. And I think it's wrong to treat her like she's the crazy one. Yeah. He's the dick. And we should not side with that type of behavior. Two things can be true.

Is she from Massachusetts? No, but she reminds me. me of a few of those crazy. I think, okay. All right. Go ahead. Hit it. Nope, wrong one. See, he needs some time. Okay. He's going to get into it. But we'll talk about... I'm defending Jen here. Okay. They had sex. I think it's fair for her to be in her mind where she was.

Although she did lick a little cuckoo, staying up till three in the morning for him to wake up for that shift. The guest just went down. No, they did not. Love the episode 14 knots. There is a come on the sheets of a manager, a boss, this episode. That's something that we've never seen before. We've never seen a subordinate come on his boss's sheets. And the most fascinating thing, and we'll break down the entire thing, is the lethargy and apathy that is dispatched to remedy this very problematic situation.

A situation that could lead to one hulking giant dickface, Luke getting fired next week. I'll tell you something. You come in my bed? You better get it off. Or you're fucking fired. Right. Son of a bitch. Listen, I'm not happy that you climaxed in my bed.

I'm not happy that you shot your froth on my sheets. But if you did, get it in the dryer after the washer and make it. Snappy. 100 pots. This episode was incredible. Let me tell you something. Not to mention. Game of Thrones stuff.

I loved this episode. These people are my kind of people. Not the sea rats. The guests. I agree. Yeah. One thought about Nate, because I fell for him,

because dried jizz has a very unique type of texture. texture. And if you sleep on it, and not saying with personal experience, but I would gather it's like someone ate cookies on your bed, you know, and they were sleeping on it. Cheez-ets. Yeah. It's unpleasant.

Did someone, was someone doing paper mache? In my bed? No, that's actually come. But it was, that makes so much sense. I'd kill him. Yeah. I'd fucking kill them. There's a three-day-old Elmer's kind of quality to it.

And the apathy. Yeah. as you mentioned, speaks to both sea rats. Yeah, for sure. Neither one is to blame less or more. I haven't seen those sheets come through. Well, take care of it then. There's come on them.

It's like a firefighter going, oh, look at there. There's a cat up in that tree. Get a ladder. What are you doing? Your job is to clean sheets, even if there's no cum on them. See, sheets have come.

have to clean. Kaelan, how many pots do you give the episode? Don't give it 99 and don't give it 100. 98 pots. Wow. Can I start us off? Of course. Okay.

So the night winds down. We got Coop and Cat. They cuddle. Those two are just cute. Hey, Coop. And Joe's taken over a new leaf. He's not going to be the pig we've seen in past seasons. He's going to take it slow.

That's funny. Right? And try and figure out where they are because he's moved too fast in the past. Yeah, Tennessee ruts are slamming and banging right now. Right now. You can hear it, and that's, you know. And then, of course, and we have Luke and Jen, and they're doing their thing. Now, I've been in a number of romantic entanglements in the past.

Let's do this. Let's hold off on the sting until, because I saw you look over at him. Oh, no, I wasn't going to play that. Okay. No, no, no. We're going to hold off. Yes. Well, the levies will break at some point because.

No, I was trying to connect with him because I know he's been in a few room. romantic relationships too. You too. Oh, no, not me. Oh, okay. Well, call me crazy. Yeah. But when your partner swears you to secrecy, immediately following a nut busting, I think you're, you might be getting off on the wrong foot. The kids call it a red flag. Now, hey, by the way, that was, that was awesome. Can you die with that? Secret. Oh, I didn't know it was a secret. It is.

Can you die with it? Can you not mention that? Yeah. Ooh, wow. Who said chivalry's dead? Yeah. Chivalry. Chivalry.

Now, to be fair to Luke, this was an attempt of kindness to make sure that she didn't feel like she was second. Okay. So this is my thing. And yes, we, as girl dads, we implore men to be better. Right. But there's worse things than second, Dylan. Like being treated like a fucking leper. Right?

Uh-huh. Like what he essentially turns her into for the following 12 hours on that boat. Oh, yeah. I mean, he essentially, she transforms from a flashlight into someone who needs to be inoculated. It's really disgusting how he's treating her. But I guess we can get a. into it now. I think that you are a week removed from the last 10 minutes of this episode, where there was a bit of a Kathy Bates kind of flirtation going on with with Jen. So, you know,

while it's foolish and selfish, you know, there's this game he plays with himself where he goes, she is really coming on. You know, let's do this and maybe, you know, you. And maybe, you know, you know, one part of you goes, oh, we're going to alleviate it. And then the demon who's really taking over goes, you're not trying to alleviate anything. You're just trying to come. But there is a little bit of like, my God, she really wants to have sex, I think. Okay. So as a mature adult, as I became later on in my life as, you know, I was a man whore.

You, uh, just a whore. Well, you start doing the math and you start going like, uh, I. That's a long, uh, that's bad math. So you start going like, is this really, I don't want to hurt her feelings because I really would just like to have sex with her and never speak to her again. And then you're mature enough to go, no thanks. Right. Because then we're going to wake up the next morning and then we're going to have to go to breakfast.

Well, and wake up the next morning they do. And as any good male sea rat deckhand would after climaxing, he says, get out of my bed. Now, now, he will, she said that she didn't want to be in the bed because she doesn't want to be next to men's sweating. But she gets in the bottom bunk. This is so sad. It's incredibly sad. I'm not going to compare this to any behaviors that happen at truck stops. But it did remind me of shenanigans at truck stops, okay?

You get some sleep. you've had a 19 hour shift and you're cranked out. I will be in the shipping container? I say, I don't need to get into it. Hey, everyone, we are bad TV and we are sponsored by Ro. Mm-hmm. Change my life to. How life-changing are GLP ones?

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That's right. Okay. There is a right side to this. The next morning. Well, there's not. They will reconnect again in the boss's bunk to get a handjob. And Jackson Pollock, that motherfucker with his wang. Yeah, I will see you tomorrow morning for a handjob.

And my boss's bed. Now, Cooper wakes. And here's the guttural sounds of Lust and come from inside. Nathan and Luke's bunk. And countdown here begins. We've got a Jack Bauer kind of situation here where not only did Luke get a handjob on his boss's bed, but he came all over the sheets. So beep, beep, he is coming back to the bow. Okay.

Now, this version of 24 would be like if Jack Bauer was four squares. Right. So we're going to have one of the squares will just be staring at said, as you've referred to multiple times. I will call it a pecker juice. That's so much better. That's so much better than come. Baby batter? I'm going to go ahead and call it come.

So there's coming these sheets. But let's get back to Jack Bauer. But let's approach 24 hours, or 24 with the apathy of the series. rat. So Jack Bauer is told by Merrilyan Rayska that there are jihadists aiming to destroy the city. Now, what does

Jack Bauer do if he's Luke and or Jen? First, goes and gets a turkey sandwich from Jersey Mikes. It's a long line, but he's hungry. Okay, so that's going to eat about an hour. Then a car wash. Vinegar,

it smells like kettle-cooked potato chips. So we're going to go to the car wash. then we're just going to get to a point where millions are dead. That's what's going to happen with these two. Luke's going to get fired because he just for some reason does not care. These are self-sabotage. I want him to get fired for this because I want him to have to explain this at his next job interview. Luke, great to have me in here.

Everything looks great on your CV. But it does say for undisclosed reasons you were terminated at your last job. Look, I don't want to make a big thing out of this. but because this is so gray, could you please explain, you know, why don't you get fired, dude? Do you want me to be Luke?

Sure. Oh, okay. Sorry, I wasn't ready. Let me just get into character really quickly. Yeah. Um, I think, there were,

there were a lot of egos on board. I felt like the, uh, the Bosen, uh, didn't really, uh, wasn't prepared for the station, so I actually left.

I left the boat. You left. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay. You didn't come on your boss's sheets. I don't know. What?

You're talking about, I told you that there, I, I mentioned the egos. I did, you're correct. I left out the fact that I did, I climaxed on my boss's sheets. Hey, dude, I don't want to tell you how to come. Thank you. But, uh, you ever think of it. I don't know, throwing those sheets in the washer? Well, I did think about it.

I thought about it for about 24 hours. It was a big tug of war in my mind. Do I, do I not? And then the interviewer goes, do you or do you not clean the come off of your boss of the sheet? You thought about that for 24 hours, my God. You're hired. Wow.

Okay. All right. So let's move on to the fourth minute of the show. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Where are we? Well, can I say, Jen does not have any urgency either.

She's hold up in the top bunk with these She's wearing sunglasses Like she's in an 80s movie I just got fucked up in here Yeah Yeah she might as well have been smoking a cigarette And Joe says that No joy

Joy says that she fears That Jen And Luke Might have kissed last night I'm gonna be bain I fear is much worse I fear there are come on the sheets No, actually, for the lack of any caring, if it were not for the lack of caring, your dirty socks

and his fucking baby pace would have been mixing it up in the spin cycle right now. Right, right, exactly. That's where it went. Yeah. But there would have been enough to detergent, if not enough detergent to wear it. Yeah, exactly. So Luke told Jen to keep her mouth shut. This is not something that she actually does, mere half hours after she has.

stroked Luke on to Nathan's bed. She tells Kat, hey, we had sex last night. That's what women do. They're actually worse than us. Men do it too. If Jen told Luke to not tell anybody, first thing he would have done is gone to Joe and go, hey, last night.

Smell, Mike. Let's not. Okay. All right, all right. She did do graphic detail, though. Yeah, she's got the Jennifer Coolidge shades on. She's smoking a Virginia Slim. Also, telling war stories.

Also, when asked, how was it? She went, nah. Yeah. Isn't that funny? I feel like the prettiest people are always the worst in bed. He's got such a good body. I feel like he just fucking hammered dicks. And it's like maybe pay attention to what her body's telling you.

That's right. Don't just Hulkomania, her vaginal cavity, you know? Because there's a time and a place for that. Hey, get in the comments. Yeah. And old Patty used to have this habit. Like having sex, like if you just ask like, hey, if you do it the right way in the right moment, you ask like, hey, is there something I can do?

Is that wrong? I don't know how to do that. How do you do that? I used to do it all the time. You ask. I would be like as we're like working each other over. Yeah. Like, hey, you like this.

Is this cool? Yeah. And they'll tell you some of them. Yeah. You think there's a cool hand Luke way to pull that off? Well, I used to do it. I don't remember because it's been. been so goddamn long.

Yeah, you were pretty drunk, too. Yeah, that's true. What happened to that? Oh, yeah. All right. So then Nate returns, and Jen and Luke, I guess they don't attend to those sheets. And then Coup asked Nate if he has permission to go on a date with Cat.

Yeah, Nathan's like, yeah, for sure, that's great. And then we have... Refranchate me! Then da-da-da-da-da. Okay. Game with Thrones, people. With Pat. He looks like a Pat.

Big round red fucking face looks like a pumpkin. You don't want to sit behind that guy at a concert, you know? Oh, God. You know when you sit behind certain people at events? And it's like I understand that there's not a lot you can do, but there's an air of remorse that I'd like you to have. And there's certain hulking, it's usually it's men. I duck under.

Just hulking idiots that are just standing up or sitting down. And there's no effer. effort to slink or at all. You're just like, what are you doing? Look, my height offers me so many advantages in life that at a concert or something where I'm blocking someone, that's one small thing that I can give to be. Yeah, I'm so conscious of it because, you know, you just should be conscious. Pretend it's a city, right?

Yeah, I'll look behind me whenever I'm sitting down at the movies or something. If I see like a little kid behind me or something, I'll ask to switch seats. Yeah, you want to swim. I'm a nice guy. Yeah, we're good people. Kalyn, you don't have that problem because you're an interesting thing about Kalen. He's not legally a midget, but he is 5'1

So that's a cool thing about Kalyn. Game of Thrones. I think I'm going to do a rewatch. I think I've had enough distance from, don't get me wrong, I'll never watch season six or seven, ever. Blasphemy. Yeah, I'll probably.

stop at four. But I love Game of Thrones people. I think that these people, you know, while some of them are fucking posers. They were. They didn't even know the names of some of the characters. Varus, the bald guy. Get the fuck out of here.

But Croatia, Dubrovnik is the two to Game of Thrones people, what New Zealand is to Lord of the Rings fans. You know, so I would say that if you're going to Croatia, you know, definitely do this. Now, we'll come to find out that the walking tour of Game of Thrones through Dubrovnik will be hosted and helmed and emceived by cat,

which is a little crazy, but that's fine. You know, she had a map quest in some pictures of the buildings with a little, uh, yeah, a little info. I mean, I'd argue they could have done that on their own. I was just about to argue that before you argued it.

So, but anyways, they want, you'd be very unhappy to know that, um, the last Jedi, the casino plan, whatever that fucking piece of shit movie scene was. Yeah.

Also filmed in the same city. De Brevinet? Mm-hmm. Huh. You remember that? They went to a casino planet. There were diamond foxes. Benicio del Toro was a good guy.

Then he was a bad guy. Then he was a good guy. And he was a bad guy. Jennifer Anderson's ex-husband was in a scene for two seconds wearing a pin. Smoking some, he was like a madame or something. What a fucking dog shit movie. I can't get it out of my craw. I can't.

There's no amount of therapy I could go through that could allow me to ease the hatred I have for that film and that man. My daughter and I watched Return of the Jedi last night, two nights ago, sorry. And I've come to this, what's, awakening, epiphany. It's a bad movie. No. It's, how are you going to outdo three of the greatest movies

that have ever been done. Wait, what are you talking about? I'm talking about a new hope. Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Well, you said, they're perfect. Just leave it alone. Nothing else. You said you watched Return of the Jedi.

I did. So how are you going to out to the two? No, I'm saying those three movies are perfect. Don't make any more other shit after that. Nothing is ever going to be as epic or as good as those. So stop it. Well, I mean, do we have crickets in here? Sounds like it.

Well, that probably says it's shop about Star Wars. Thank you, Crickets. You're 100% right. Because you know what I was about to do? I was about to make the case. Listen, on this show, I was about to start talking about, we have crickets in here. That's how many people are listening to this conversation. All right.

All right. So the boat gets turned around and join Luke Chat. Is it not on the YouTube? Are you pulling up a soundbed of crickets? No, it's in here. It's getting... My God. Hopefully the audience doesn't hear it.

Oh, they definitely hear it. That's crazy. That's crazy. Well, hopefully, hey, let's do this. Let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. And this is a sound bed. We will kill the cricket.

Parables of bad luck, fuck off. We will kill this thing. But for now, until it meets its demise, treat it like a calm app. Like you're going to bed or something. That's right. All right. The boat gets turned around.

Joy and Luke chat, and he describes his night to her as absolutely miserable. Do we need to kill this thing now? It's good luck trying to do that. Remember we tried to do that the first night we got into this studio? There was a cricket in here. We were climbing on ladders, spraying bug spray everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It took about a year off our lives, huh? It definitely did. Yeah, fucking Jiminy. Have fun for now. We will find you, bitch. All right. Okay. So Luke is not.

doing well with joy she's gone full french nazi that's right yes it and she asked him how the night was and he said it was absolutely miserable and hand jobs are like pizza there's no such thing as a bad hand job there are but but well unless the girl has no fingers patrick even then it's just sad it's not miserable god he flagged that please Let's get to Cooper Dawson's Rules of Dating. I'll help him out here. Okay. What an idiot.

I hate to say it, but I think gone of the days of the Southern gentleman. Because it's like, you can kiss me on the first date. It's fine. Which he does, but, you know, come on. Help him out. Okay. I'm going to help him out. Yeah.

First up, you know, I actually agree with the first. You got to pay on the first date. Pay the first three days. for the dates. And then also, you know, open the doors and stuff like that. Yeah. But she's going to be really disappointed after like six months when you're not doing that anymore because we stopped doing that probably after, well, honestly, after we have sex with you like six times or something, right?

Yeah, I mean, to quote Rick Glassman, you know, can you do it? You can't. Then do it. Just open the door. The girl shit. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a nice thing to do. win her heart and then stop doing it. To be fair, they stopped doing stuff too. We all do. Right. It's all... My wife ordered a salad the first time we ever went out to dinner. We got back from Italy.

You know what we ordered? Mexican pizzas. A great deal of them. And that's the beautiful thing about growing into a relationship with somebody. You don't have to put on air. No. The Mexican pizza is better than the salad you got from Hugo's with green goddess dressing. Get out of here.

Why are we putting on that facade? Oh, wait. It's because we want to be attractive. And then we fall in love. And then we say, you know what? I don't care what you think about me. Yeah. That's love.

And then you hit a wall and you go, I think we should start caring about what the other person thinks about the other person again. You go, I agree, because you're just farting. openly we have to talk about the show all right fair okay all right so always be a gentleman open doors uh the second rule no kissing or whatever what a loser you absolutely can kiss on the first date i think you probably get to third base that's totally cool yeah um and then uh meanwhile lu calls his mom because uh you know he's caught in that triangle or something and um why do the fuck boys always call their moms well we're going to get to that because

what is that all right because we get some sea rat history here adele yeah yeah Okay, everybody's strap in. I hope we're all sitting down. See you're at history. His father took off when he was five. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Are we all stunned?

Oh, you bid a dollar. Wow. Oh, my God. Yeah, he was raised by his mother, which is, this is the crazy thing. So his dad was clearly a piece of shit. And now the absence of the father actually creates another male piece of shit. Yes.

It does. It's a really sad cycle. You know, not to quote again, the disgrace Louis C.K., but I just watched this special, and it's so funny, but he talks about his father not feeling like it. And there are so many dads out there that have children. And then they just go, yeah, I don't, nah, I don't really. I'm out of here.

It sounds like, it's like, it's not someone asking you to help them, move. It's actually a human that you created now. So you can't go, no, actually, I'll hit you up later. It is, it's funny because it is kind of done nonchalantly with that same kind of, you know, I, yeah, like, you can be sitting at a bar with a guy and you're like, you got, you have a kid, oh, I got, I got three of them. Yeah. Where are they? Oh, they're living in Arizona. Oh, but we're in North Dakota. We are. we are yeah i wasn't getting along with the mother and i was like she's a bitch and then the other dude's like cool yeah yeah yeah no like people should be like that's fucked up man right right right

but we don't or we didn't and now i hopefully we do yeah we're trying to get better yeah we are as girl dads we've seen meanwhile uh those two little cuties have just like the best date ever i know these two are so adorable now um can i jump in here i'll move us along a little faster uh Meanwhile, later, Nate lays on those soiled linens. Yes, he does. Okay, now I'm personally offended by this. I believe it's both Luke and Jen's responsibility. And the fact that they neglected their duties to ensure that this would be cleaned is on both of them.

Yes. Jizzing on another man's sleeping quarters and brushing it off is... It's not like dropping loose change on the man's bed. It's, um, no, this is a carnal kind of atavastic, primordial call back to a power struggle between men. This is something that hunter-gatherer tribes would do. This is such an egregious affront to another man that it can only be met with termination. But it makes me think of Nate. being a dad right now.

One, there's, Gail texts him that this is so hard. And I, I simply cannot fucking believe that Gail is here with this kid by herself. It's impossible. It's so hard to do by yourself. But Nate is going back.

I would imagine he's not just catching Zs all night. No. Maybe I have a little fun. Heaven's now. Oh, what are you talking about? Oh, I thought maybe having to be having to be. sex. No, no, no, no, no. What am I thinking? No, no, no. I try to have sex with my wife like a year after and she hit me in over the head with a fucking frying pan. What are you talking about?

I love the Viagra story so much. What are you doing? I'm ordering Viagra. That's where we are. Yeah. Oh, wow. What a desolate place we are in. Well, it'll get better. I hope. I'll just keep my thumb in the air. So hope somebody picks me up. Look, Dill, I'm happy to report three years after that. Yeah. We are in a good place. Yep. Listen, the soldiers on the eastern front were not in those trenches forever.

Hearing the cries of the people that they had bayoneted, you move on. The wounds never heal. But you move on. Nate is taking care of this child because his wife is not sleeping ever. she is on always and she's dealing with a infant on her own. So when he gets there, he's probably lending a helping hand. He's probably up at 3 o'clock in the morning. Now, you can see the level of fatigue and carelessness in Nate

when he operates heavy machinery, just does anything around the boat. But this moment where I don't know what the lighting situation is, if another man came on my bed as we mentioned there is an arts and crafts kind of quality to the new addition

to these sheets you would see it it wouldn't just completely blend in to the thread count you would see a little change in the patterning now perhaps we can give him a little bit of grace because he's tired and he didn't see it maybe it's low lighting but when you get into that bed with your pasty british body with a fucking eagle tattoo to grab your chest or whatever it is

and you don't feel that you need to catch some more zes yeah thank god for uh i guess his uh his exhaustion mm-hmm so jen's got a big fucking mouth big time she said she would clean the and she never did. And we wake the next day. Next morning. I'm confused about whose responsibility this was at this point. Well, clearly it's, I, it's, okay, it would be Jen's responsibility as someone who's in charge of laundry, right?

Yes. Okay. But it's Luke's, seeing as he was the provocateur, right? The unloading onset sheets. Sure, sure, sure. So this gets, this harkens back to the 24. I went and got a turkey. sandwich, I thought you were clipping the wires.

And it's like, no, no, I was geolocating. You were supposed to clip the wires, then explosion and Luke's fired. So this is going to be a catastrophe. They both have their head in the clouds. Yes. So the guests arrive. Aisha thought that brothers and sisters that were fucking were going to arrive with dragons. Oh, she's hilarious.

Now, it's just guests. Now, Kaylee, her father once told her sticks and stones can break my bones, but that bitch is wrong about everything. I love that saying, but it does beg the question, why are you spilling over champagne every time you pour it into a flute, you absolute lunatic? What is it going on? She poured three flutes of champagne. They all almost fucking spilled over like Bill Nye. I saw that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing? That's wild. So the guests are really sweet. And we have a ton of meanwhiles here. I don't know where we're at this deck daddy. I'll give the meanwhile. Yeah. All right. All right. Well, first off, Luke really.

realizes Joy is going to be pretty pissed off at him if she finally, she realizes that he actually had sex with Jen, boat docks, water toys. Jen is now happy to be second stew so she can focus more on that. Luke, you got that sound effect over there? Hit it, buddy. There you go. He's really happy about that.

I was wondering where that was coming from. And as I thought about that, I listened to the Dulcet silence and realized that the cricket has spared his on life because I don't hear Jiminy anymore. And, you know, people say they can't understand us. They don't speak our language. I think he felt the rage that was coming from the cauldron of our undercarriage.

We meant to do him harm. Fucking cricket. Get out of here. Meanwhile, Cat will do the walking tour, I guess. Nate's sheets are now beginning to move on their own. And Luke attempts to chat with Joy, who ignores him. And, uh...

Yeah, God knows what microbes are just swimming around on his sheets. Ooh, all right. Uh, then the guests arrive at that fucking picnic with all those small chairs. But Joy had prepared... I'm thinking of like a contagion kind of event where there are researchers in the Amazon who have found this very specific parasite that the only two locations of this parasite are in the Amazon basin and on Nate's bed. Now, we've got a lot of tagging to do to figure out what happened.

But, yeah, Luke's got some sinister stuff boiling in his testicles. Okay, go ahead. Oh, yeah. Well, we're on that picnic, and those small chairs are problematic. Yeah, yeah. You know, this is not seven-star service. You can put a seven in front of that number of service. It doesn't mean you're going to meet that seven, you know?

Yeah. But, thank God. Sandy thinks that seven-star service, to Sandy, the pinnacle of service, is medieval times. Evidently, if there's some kind of pageantry, low-rent pageantry with a dinner, that's seven stars. But we'll get there. Well, I took Elliot to medieval times last New Year's Eve,

or New Year's, whatever, and she walked into that place as a six-year-old, and she said, this place is fancy. Really? Yeah, she loved it. Oh, I'm so, oh, God, I'm excited to take loose here. Oh, you wait. You just wait. All right, so we're at that picnic with the small chairs,

And it's a disaster, but thank God joy. Joy of all people. She made two chocolate desserts and put them in a wooden box with the guests name written on that box with a Sharpie. So everything's okay? Well, you're underplaying the feet a little bit. It was some kind of unleavened cracker on top with their names written in perhaps some kind of charcoal,

some edible charcoal that you made. It was really inventive, and I have to give Joy credit. You know, a lot of people, when under duress, there's a collapse that happens, there's a static kind of dealing with the situation. Joy just fucking goes straight to work and goes, fuck you, you're a douchebag. I'm going to focus on my work. Money has never betrayed me. Fuck, yeah. Way to go, Sasha Fierce.

I love Joy. She does not get pulled into this death trap with this guy. Me too. I actually, you know, I've talked about this quite a bit. Like, the arc of people on reality TV, we've had enough, like, they've fulfilled their arc. There's nothing left for them to give. I think we've seen what Luke has to give. He's a fucking square box.

Like, he's nothing. Like, if he gets fired, I'll be happy. I'm sorry to say that. But, like, get some new blood in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joy needs a challenge. We're told that they're going to be taking a walking tour of Dubrovnik for a Game of Thrones. And it's going to be hosted by Kat.

So she'll be saying, you know, this is where the Red Viper got his eyes exploded out of his head. And this is where Cersy and Jamie just held each other as the roof caved in on them. Fucking kidding me. You're fucking kidding me. And I hope that fat wad does not change the end of those books. because that ending makes a lot of sense. It's just we need a lot more. Yeah, he never wrote those books, huh?

No. I think The Dance with Dragons came out in 2011. This is not the show for that. I could talk about it all day. We're getting ready for... Are you watching House of Dragon? Yeah. It's fantastic again.

Yeah, it's great. Or you like it now? Yeah, I mean, it's... I don't know why they rolled into Kings Landing without anyone. I know they were trying to expedite it, but like, why did you do... Why did you go in with just you two? Like that could have been really bad.

Okay, so we are getting ready for the beach picnic. No, we did it. We did it. Did the tour. Yes. And we do the atonement scene where... Shame. Shame.

Luke has to... Shame. Shame. Or grapple with the decision that he's made. Hey, Luke. Not that big of a deal. Okay. The high sparrow is not coming after you.

You just bang Jen. She just did C rat shit. Okay. So Joy and Asia chat about Luke. And I love Joy and I love Asia in this moment. Asia is looking at joy and I think that she's genuinely in love with her. She's like, this person is not falling for this shit. She's focusing on her work.

We work well together. Like, thank fucking God for Asia. Luke gets back and Jen says, Hey, big sexy. Go ahead and play that music. Now, hold on. Then she asks the guys if they get into a dragon costume and says, I wish I had a dominatrix costume myself and points at Luke.

Kalen, play that sound effect again. Now, I want to, we're going to have both sides here. Yeah. You're making her out to be a psycho, which she is. But not for saying this shit. All right. When you have sex with someone. there is a connection here.

There is a little thing called intimacy, unless you're a porn star that does gang-king porn. I want you to listen to him. Say this, because we've known him for a very, very long time. So I want to listen to you. I want you and me to both listen very carefully to the words that this person who we know is about to say.

Okay. Unless you are a porn star involved in gang-bang porn. Doesn't always have to be gang-bang porn. I'm saying that's where you really disconnect. From intimacy. Yes. She's connected with intimacy. Yes.

And she's saying, we just had sex. What the fuck is going on? Why are you being a cold dick right now? Yeah. And I don't think she's a psycho. Well, I think she's a psycho. Go ahead. Hit it.

Go ahead. But what I'm saying is not for this right now. It's for being enthralled with this guy and wanting him so much and saying and doing that whole speech at the club. Let me ask you a question. Saying the guests went to bed just recently. just recently. Is that a little concerning to you?

She wanted to talk to him. You never did something crazy where you wanted to talk to someone that you were into so you stayed up late or went to their apartment or found yourself in a place where they would be? I was never this, I was never this, I never aggressively pursued anything the way the Jen pursued Luke.

Okay. There's an air of flippancy that comes with the way the Jen was pursuing Luke that does not coincide with the, which I agree with you, the level of respect that this kind of entanglement is owed from both parties. There's a schism there if you catch my drift. He won me over. Go ahead. Hit it. The guest just went to bed.

My God. All right. Holy fuck. My butthole. this table looks amazing. That's in Asia. And the sheets have now gone two days with come. Let's get to a feast for crows. First up, rose chicken and lobster.

And that is all we get to see from dinner. The poor man surf and turf with someone this talented. What are we doing? We've taken Ben's lobster spring rolls and we've spun them around in a 360 chopped camera with nitrous oxide beneath the table. But with this demi-god in the kitchen, we can't see what she's cooking?

What the fuck is that? They were starting to get good as far as production with labeling the dishes. Yeah. I feel like it's only with like bad chefs or something. Anyways, that's not true. Luke attempts to talk to Joy. And does dishes.

He goes, hey, do you have a second to talk? And she goes, no. No. Yeah, Joy is like a walking halftime show. Like our halftime speech, I'm on my feet for joy. He starts to do their dishes or do dishes with her. And Jen notices that he is up 45 minutes past his. This whole fucking charade you were pulling this entire episode actually makes me pretty angry, okay?

Me. Yeah. She's watching out of the corner of her eye and knows that he's up 45 minutes past his shit. he shift. This is a little bit. She's Eila Fisher and Wedding Cratchers. You have sex. You have sex with a girl. And then some guy that wanted her when you all work together, you see her spend time with him.

Wouldn't be happy about it. You would not be happy about it. Put yourself in her shoes. That's all I'm saying. All right. I'm in them. Get me out. Okay.

It's just there's a pattern of behavior. And I don't mean to go so hard on Jen. I think Jen's really fun, and I'm happy that she's on the show. She's really entertaining. And I like her as a cast member and a sea rat. But there's the immediate paranoia with Kaylee, calling her a fucking bitch. Then there's this stuff with Luke. There's just a little bit of, yeah, Kaelin, can you go ahead and hit that?

Yeah. I totally get it. So, you know. I totally get it. All right. She was off to a bad start, but there's a lot of season in front of us. And then, okay. So we'll get back to this, but first, a show.

Joe Stabs Cooper. who is dressed as a deflated great white shark slash dragon. Okay. He jumps off the boat. And Sandy says, this is seven-star service. Now, five stars would be a laughable thing to say. But Sandy's actually breaking the rating system to categorize this as something that is, it's an ambrosia kind of thing.

we're in the heavens, this level of service. I would give the dinner seven pots. Okay, so Jen confesses that she's a little insecure and wonders why she's not getting more out of their relationship. Okay. Was that a direct quote? Yes. Yes.

Okay. That's a little, you know. Thank you. We're wrapping up. People have to be exhausted. I'm exhausted. So Jen decides that she's going to stay up past her shift. She says two can play at that game. And she has a conversation with Luke.

Now, we've mentioned that there's a swim fan moment here where she says the guests have gone to bed, even though I don't think they had, but maybe we're wrong. And Luke tells Jen that there is no left triangle. And she says, that is exactly what I wanted to hear. Now, what Luke meant is that there's nothing between us. And it's so interesting that we here have a carbon copy of a fatherless fuck boy having a cowardly conversation with a woman who they have treated poorly. Unable, very, very able to have sex with them, very able to come in and on them and their boss's sheets and then very unable to have a

clear, concise conversation about boundaries. Pussy. You know, we would play that song, you know, it's like it's, it's the exact same kind of conversation that, um,

jawbone had with Ellie. What's his name? Jawbone. Jaw, Jo, with Ellie is this conversation that he's having with Jen. Yeah. Yeah.

So, fun episode. Oh, big time. Long episode. We'll probably, we might have to cut stuff. I'm not sure. We'll talk about it.

All right. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Join us to Patreon. On thecom slash another podcast network for more, comment, like, subscribe. We love you very much.

I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat and say goodbye. Later, dude. Kaelin. Bye.