Another Below Deck Podcast - Going Down Standing Up | Below Deck Med S11 E6

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Minions, hiccup remedies, Pixar movies, Cersei Lannister, the stages of grief, Carls jr, Sophie Cunningham, Amazon, Amy Laurent, Mr. Bean and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Instead, he says, look, I want you, Joy, and I have to admit something. I had sex with her. Yeah. I want to let you know, because if I'm going to go down, and these are his words, I'm not going to misquote a thing here, because this was one of the most insanely stupid things. I've heard of Sir Ratz say in some time. He says, if I'm going to go down, I'm going to go down standing up. Hey, hello, and welcome aboard.

Another Brand Spankan new episode of Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. The cricket is here with us, and that's not Kalin. That's actually the cricket, but Kalen's here as well. Is there a cricket? We heard the cricket.

We heard it. He's not partying right now, but he will at some point. Come is on the docket again. We have another episode of... Episode title. Bad Seaman. I'm going to give it 14 knots just for the... that title, by the way.

Yeah, Yeah, it's a crazy episode. We've got a lot of stuff happening. I'm really looking forward to it. I don't even know what we're doing at Patreon right now. I think in the city we're wrapping that up. And we're going to get back to another podcast show and some PMZs while we figure out the next thing.

Oh, I got a great PMC. You do? Oh, yeah. Are we doing it today? Yeah. Oh, no, I can't do it today. What are you talking about? I thought we were only doing two shows.

Oh. All right. We'll talk about it. Okay. We'll talk about it. We're here to talk about Below Deck. And Below Deck offered us just a bevy of entertainment this evening. How many pots would you give it?

Okay. I want to talk about Luke because he was the focus of this episode. Luke's dumb. Oh, my God. So it got me to thinking. Luke's dumb. So that means his DNA. is dumb, right? It's all a part of us. That means his sperm is dumb. So that big dump of jizz that he put

on Nate sheets are dumb jiz. Those little spermies, they were walking around on those sheets for, I don't know, however long they lived. It makes me feel bad for the, it makes me feel bad for the con because it had don't feel bad for them. There was like a million of them. They're like minions, you know, that those cartoons or whatever, those little yellow guys. I love the minions. So they're walking around on Nate's bed sheets and they're like, hey, where are that? having a good time and they think they're in Jen's vagina right right because they're dumb and they're like hey look at this we're in Jen's vagina like wow I never thought that a vagina would have bunk beds and a TV in iPhones and light yeah okay wow I just these are great and they think

they're going to create a baby and then they die did you not say pussy and be so fucking existential right out of the gate please I just got the hiccup I got the hiccup I got the hiccup Then the last one says maybe we're on the moon, dude, because they're on a sheet. And then he dies. It's so crazy. And you turn the temperature down? I didn't touch anything. Are you sure?

No. I'm sure. I turn on the quiet mode. Okay. I love. Oh, my God. This is so bad. What's more annoying?

Him or the cricket? Hickups. are way worse than the cricket. Hickups are funny, though. Okay. Look up how we can get rid of the... No, don't. Hold your breath as long as you can.

No, that's... One of my pet peeves is people intervening on hiccups with a remedy. Do me favor. I'll handle it. Okay. You can't fake it? Oh, you can't do that on the show.

This is our most popular show. People are going to check out. We're going to lose money. Kalin, look up how we can remedy this now. There's no way. There's no way. There's, I mean, ask, ask your phone. Dylan, ask it.

I love that you, um, so Luke's dumb come is a lot like the people in M. Night Shaming Man's the village. They have no idea that there are cell phones out there because they never, they've never, they've never. Kalin, I am insisting upon this. Okay. Well, there's a bunch of techniques. I'm so sorry.

First one is a swallowing techniques. That's right. The swallowing. That works. Oh, man. Dylan. I want to talk about the comment a little bit more. No, no.

How many knots? Give your knots. And then you're going to get out of here. And I'll host this by myself until you remember it is. I will not allow the audience. 77. Okay. Kalin, you and Dylan work this out.

I will host this show. I will not allow the audience to have to deal this. Deal with this. This is wrong. This is bad audio. It's unacceptable. I'm very entertained by it as a neutral party. Well, you get paid to listen to this.

I think it's done. Hey, hey, podcaster, dead air is not great either. So why, fine. Are we starting?

I'm going to give it 80, 80 pots. Okay. Fine. Here we go. Oh, shit. All right, the two lovebirds wrap up their conversation.

Can we get the psycho stuff. Get the psycho sting ready. Thank you. All right. They are- And I want to say, we're going to be playing the psycho sting because Jen is a psycho. We just did a whole thing about how dumb Luke is and how his come is dumb and they're all

hurtled around a fire. I mean, this is the worst hiccups I've had. Should we pause the show until you clear this up? I think so. Maybe. All right. We're going to pause the show.

It should last an hour. I don't know. You don't know when they're going to go away. We can try the various techniques. We're going to pause. Pause right now. I guess we're back. Dylan, I want to thank you for doing that.

That was such intuition. I just, I just, I went into a plank. I was like, I think if I get my mind off this, I think it'll help. I mean, that's the fastest I've ever remedied hiccups. And now, for you guys, if you have the hiccups, drop into a plank and just go as long as you can. There you go. All right. Do you guys not want to give me my flowers publicly?

I mean, it was a two-minute plank. It was pretty unbelievable. Much respect. I didn't think he could do 35 seconds. Yeah. Yes. I mean, a two-minute plank is like, I got to say. I mean, it's a long plank.

You know who I bet could do a two-minute plank? Luke and his dumb come. I bet he could do 15 minutes. I mean, my God. That's all he does. Yeah. Which begs the question, And why is joy attracted to this idiot?

Because he's hot. Well, his face isn't. His face. You know what? I don't want to body shame. Luke's a very handsome guy. He's a hulking, giant. Who's the dude from Emperor, Kronk?

Can you look up a bad guy's sidekick Emperor's new groove? That's a cartoon. So? Kronk. Kronk. Yeah. I'm not going to call him Kronk, but yeah, get in the comments. Let me know if that rings any bells.

Okay. Okay. All right. Want to start the show? Yeah, let's start the show. All right. So lovebirds, they wrap up their convo, clearly not on the same page. He tells her he wants to take a step back.

And she hears that. He doesn't, though. He doesn't say that. He does say that. That's a direct quote. Well, he says a lot of things, but he says he wants to take a step back. I thought he just said the love triangles over. He did.

God, it feels so good to be chosen. She did say that. She did say that as well. But to his credit, he did say, I want to take a step back. And she hears that he wants her to give him another hand job on his boss's sheets. Yep, for sure. Now, over time, he says that he's learned how to have these kinds of conversations with Robin. And he knows that now is not the right time to do it.

Now, because he's such a seasoned vet, just filled with D.C., he knows that the conversation is to be had when they're out at dinner and they've slung back a couple of drinks. Later on, not tonight. That's when you have that conversation. So we rise for the next day. Next morning. Cooper is walking into walls, and Nathan feels like shit. And also, he's been sleeping on come for three days. I mean, this is my favorite thing that's happened on below deck, maybe ever.

It's been a while. Yeah. Yeah. So that's count them three days sleeping on com. Dumbcom. Now, okay. So Luke could argue like, well, I wouldn't know how to do this because Nate's back. How could I explain that I want his sheets clean? This is how you do it, dummy.

You say, I spilled soda on your bed sheets. And boss, so I took your sheets off and I had them cleaned. That's how you do you, dummy. The fact is, the truth. truth is you didn't give a flying fuck. Yep. Because you're a moron. Yep. And you don't care. Yep. You have an egg for a head. For a brain. Sorry. No, for a head. The whole thing is an egg. And the thing about eggs is that they don't have brains. So he's an egg head. And you're 100% right. If you just had two brain cells, you would go, okay, maybe this is what a dumb person would do. right. They would take a cup of coffee and they would go to Nate's bed and they would just dump it all over the bed, right?

So that they could actually sell it. You don't need to do that. Just say, I spilled coffee on the bed. It's such a good point. Lie. But the most perplexing thing and I cannot stand, Jen. I cannot stand her. Not for the guilt tripping a man into sex and then trying to get into a relationship. with them. That's all psycho-sting stuff. Go ahead. But she's young. Yeah. What I really can't stand is when later on in the episode Cat is the one that's washing the sheets. And Jen goes, oh, are those those cum sheets? And Kat's like, yeah. And she's like, great.

Yeah, just let me know when they're, like, Jen, of course it should be egghead that cleans the sheets. But next on the totem is for sure you. For sure. So Nathan is walking around, seeing some sloppy work from Luke. He's distracted. Yeah. He's like that dog and up.

Squirrel! That movie's really depressing. I don't think it's that depressing. Can I say something? Can I say something? I'll get through that intro, no problem. I don't get a fucking shit about those old people. Oh, your wife died?

Yeah, that's what fucking happens. One of you dies. Let's tie some balloons to the roof. Let's get on with the movie. And then... I'm kidding. I cried. No, no, no.

By the way, that film followed Wally, which was really depressing. Oh, that, that is way too close to the source material of the hellscape that we're living in. No way. Wally. Wally. Consumerism. Wally and Eva. Drink.

Drink. Drink. Get fat. Fat. Oh, more. More, more, more. More. More.

More. and Eva are the best we can do. The best we can do is die off through a writ large morbid obesity and then Wally and Eva will kind of, yeah, we don't need to talk about it. It's very sad. I got a better idea. Yeah. Hey, let's all get on Ozempic.

Love it. Let's all fucking, listen, I don't want to get on Ozepic because I don't want to lose my fat ass. I love my J-Lo ass, okay? And I just, I don't want it to pancake. I love it too. I'm not saying that that happens to everybody, but I'm scared it's going to happen to be. So let's get back to the show.

Joe warns Luke about the perilous nature of love triangles. Oh, who would know better, Del? Who would know better than Joe? Now I'm here to tell Joe, Joe, shut up. Shut up. Well, and then I think it's Joe in Coop. bond over being happy about non-committal relationships, right? I cannot believe that Plank worked as well as it did.

You're not hiccuping anymore. I'm blown away by the efficiency of that. I mean, it took two minutes. All right. Let me get back to Joe and Coop bonding over this stuff. Because it's just a matter of time before someone brings their Eldante noodle into the spaghetti house. And then the feelings happen, you know? Uh, what?

Sex. Sex. Sex. Is an al dente noodle being brought into a spaghetti house? Yeah. I'm hungry. Okay. When did we get you something to eat?

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c red history oh um which one well first i should say breakfast is absolutely marvelous i wanted to ask you about that every meal is we've got a fresh baked knotted loaf we've got smoked nova we've got Holland days. She's just a tour to force. One of the guests referred to Joy as a bad ass Searcy. Maybe.

She did. Okay. Don't compare Joy to Searcy. Well, that was going to be my point because if I remember watching the show, Circe was a ruthless psychopath who didn't. An incestuous ruthless psychopaths. She committed genocide and also had

sex with her brother? I don't know about genocide. I mean, she blew up the she blew up the church. That killed a lot of people. She definitely wasn't a good person. He was a psycho. Yeah, he was a little.

My point is not a good person. No, no, no. I mean, what was this charter guest? If Putin could make good eggs Benny? What do you think you could say he's a badass? Yeah, yeah. I don't like these people. No, no, no.

Calling someone, Circe is not a compliment in any way she or form. I would say that joy is my number. I would like to talk to Joy. When we reach out to Bravo, I would like to talk to Joy more than anybody. Joy's my favorite.

Here's my first question. What was your attraction to Luke? Well, it'll just be torso, but let's ask her. Okay. If she'll have us. I don't like you. Okay.

So let's get to see Red History. Kat had a tough breakup. and Cooper is the first person since that she's chosen to open up to. Now, I know Cooper seems like a great guy, and he might be, but he is first and foremost a what? Basic. No. He's a sea rat.

Right. But she is too. I understand that. They're all running away from something. We've got to wait and see. I worry for Cat a little bit. Now, I worry because Cooper could grow into Luke. I'm not saying that he's going to,

but Luke is very fatigued by coming everywhere, that his work is getting really sloppy. And there are lines falling in the water. He's headbutting the side of the boat. I mean, we've got some really, he's doing a lot of cronk stuff. You know, have you seen that movie? No. You guys were talking about it during the break.

No, we came. Hey, Putin, why are you getting up so much? I'm having to adjust the camera. Okay. And I have to do it again. So this is where I think Luke said, look, I thought a lot about coming on those shades. I've done a lot of introspection on it.

And maybe I should have done something. But, you know, here come say some. Lots of come some. Whatever. Hey, you're losing it a little bit tonight, huh? No, I think he said, I don't know. I didn't. Come say some.

Come, some, see some. That's a saying. Sorry, that's, that's egg on my face. That's like Jen later on the episode. Cat goes, let's get this road on the show. And Jen goes, I think it's show on the road. Okay, got it. So as the guests get off,

Jen debriefs Kat on the amazing conversation she had with Luke, where he said, I'm terrified of you. Please go away. But what she heard was, I want to get married. Yeah. Yeah. So she and cat walk out, and this is where she says, let's get this road on the show. Jen's a little rough around the edges. She's young. She's young. So the Game of Thrones people depart the boat. And finally, we get to the sheets. Luke cleans them. Actually, no. No. Jen cleans them. Nope. That's wrong, too. Nathan is the one that takes his own sheets with Luke's dumb come on them and cleans them or throws them into the cleaning pile himself.

I've never seen anything quite like it. I really have never seen anything quite like it. I can only equate it to people making a mess of toilets in public. And after you do something like that, you just, you have to take care of the person that's coming next. All right. I don't want to jump ahead. But later in the episode when Nate actually hears the news, I am sure. shocked at his reaction to it.

I'm not. Which is kind of a joke and not really bothered by it, but then as it sinks in. It's the stages of grief. I think he handled it as best as somebody could. When you hear that you've been sleeping on someone's dumb come for 72 hours, you can only laugh at it initially and then realize the horror that your lower back has been soaked in the dried remains of Luke for three days. Yeah.

That's tough. And then the guy has nothing to say about it, but we'll get there. Nathan has a call with baby mama. He's going to go out to dinner and then come back to the boat because he's not feeling well. Well, no, he's going to quarantine. That's why he can't go over to the house. Right. He doesn't want to infect anybody.

But he will go to a restaurant. He's not going to quarantine quite quarantine. No, no, no. He's going to go out to dinner and infect an entire waitstaff restaurant. Everybody walks by. Right. And then the guests that had just left the room. No, I get it.

He's not, he doesn't want to get the baby sick. But, well, the baby could be in the other room. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I think, you know, I was pretty anxious about germs and stuff when, when the baby was born. But there's ways to get around it. I mean, you wear a mask and go to the house and clean up a little bit and then pop out. You know, there are things to do.

You make an appearance. You make an appearance. Because it really is, you know, sometimes your partner just wants to see it putting in a little effort, right? Not just slam an espresso martini's out. So she's a little pissed. By the way, you could see in this episode are actually the previous episodes. This is the breakdown of this relationship. I think so.

I think like it's totally to be expected. I think that when you have a kid, there's nowhere near a thick enough rulebook for what you're going to go through. And these two idiots flew to Croatia thinking that this was a good solution. No. No. It's not. And I think you're right. I don't think that the darkness of this experience they ever got out of, which is tough.

That's sad. So we get to the tip meeting. Tip meeting. Epic fucking job. What do we got, Pat? Well, 27 grand, 2100 each. It's not 50.

These sea rats are making a lot of money, which is good because it's coming at a time where the dollar is barely buying you anything. So these sea rats are going to need to get some pretty big tips because I think Subway sandwiches are $72. I was going to say that Carl's Jr., $16 for, I think. Can I tell you? I went to a Carl's Jr. recently because I was, I was peckish.

I didn't have anything to eat. I pulled in, I got a three chicken tender combo. They said it would be 1789. I said, you know what? I'm not, I don't want it, actually. I'd rather starve than pay you $18 for three strips of dead bird and potatoes. Fuck off, Carl's Jr. Yeah.

Oh, my God. We get back to Luke and Jen. Well, the boat's being clean. We have dueling conversations. Jen's telling everyone the love triangles over, and Luke's telling, well, Joe, that, uh... I'm scared. Yeah, Jen says,

it feels so incredible to be chosen. And Luke says, Kaelan, hit the sting. I'm fucking scared. And he should be. Now, there is not a man on this earth that could pull this off. You...

Absolutely not. You think... You think... You think... think you're going to dump this girl at dinner. Yeah. And then walk over and have conversation at the other end of the table with the new girl.

You got a killer. And I'm not saying you should. But when you say not a man on earth could pull this off, not a man on earth. Leo DiCaprio could not pull this off. Jen is, this is the problem. Jen has agency. She has her own mind, which is a whack job mind. She's young.

But so this is the problem. She has her say in this situation too, right? Crunk. Okay? You can't get her to do what you want her to do while mistreating her to such a degree. You're crazy. This isn't going to work out for you. You're acting psycho right now.

I'm over this. It's done. I want joy. It's done. And you're not going to hurt me. Oh. Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't go ahead. All right. Now let's get to a lighter moment. Kermit calls Scott. Now this is one of the lighter moments.

Her little shitty boo-boo fart bomb. Oh, farty. She's obsessed with, what's that lighter thing? Scatting. Scatatatatatological humor. That's right. Yeah. And this is just, they connect on this.

Yeah. They formed their love over a bucket. That's right. in that van in those five-gallon buckets of pooping. Oh my God, it smells like shit. That's because it is shit, my love. Well, so what you do when you're getting married, you've got to bring it all together, everything that brought you together.

So when they discuss wedding plans, they're going to have some fun. They're going to have some out-of-the-box activities for the guests because of their love of poop during the, the drink ceremony and hors d'oe have the guests throw shit at each other. Uh-huh.

Yeah. We're going to be doing a primate kind of thing. Canely, get the psychosting ready. Luke and Jen. I just went to the top of my notes. Actually, you don't need to get the psychosting ready. All right, let's go to Kay and Joe. This was actually a very thoughtful moment.

K and Joe, they sneak in some cup. I thought they were going to like finger each other. They didn't. She shares how her little brother passed. No jokes to be made here. As a parent. Oh, what are you talking about? No jokes to be made.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. As a parent, you know, this is like, whoof, tough one here. I love you, Kay. Thank you. It's the saddest thing that could possibly have. Losing a kid and going through all this. We need to remember those that we love and appreciate life.

Okay, thank you, Kay. Let's talk about come. All right. Can I say really quickly? Kaylee's attitude about this is so beautiful. And it chokes me up. Like she, she,

ugh. It's just, it's such a good way to look at life. Look at life. It really is. And if she wants celebrate her brother's birthday. All right, let's talk about come.

Yeah, let's talk about come. All right. Play the psycho theme just so we can laugh. All right. There you go. And come. All right.

And then permanent Nate chat about being apparent. Yeah. All right. Where are we? No, no, I want to talk about this Kermit and Nate conversation really quickly. Because Asia and Nate are talking. And she goes, oh, my God, it must be so hard. And I really think in this moment, Nate thinks that she's talking about him.

And Asia goes, for her. Because all you're doing is throwing ropes around and inflating floaties and sleeping on come. She's got an eight week old by herself 24-7. That must be so hard. And Nate's like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, for sure, yeah. Yeah. Our former boss and very close friend, Lynette Corolla, used to tell us before we had parents when we'd hang out. We had babies.

Before we had babies. Before we had parents would be crazy. week is the vacation is the weekend the weekends are the work which would mean the weekends are when you're stuck with the fucking kids what that's the parenting is the work the parenting the work is not the work the work is the vacation words true words were never spoken yeah uh i'm miserable during the weekend stuck with the children yeah yeah not now because i actually enjoy them i walked in the house ellie was sitting on the couch i was like what are you doing she's like uh just hanging out yeah I was like, where's mom?

She's like getting her eyebrows done. Oh, where's Lupita? I don't know. Yeah. She's like, can you buy me something? Yeah. I like that. Yeah.

She's a teenager. That's happiness. Yeah. She's a six-year-old teenager. Yeah, Ellie's so funny. We were at the July 4th party and we got to do an APS on that. But I walk by Ellie and I go, what are you eating? Stupid question.

She looks up at me and she goes, food. She was with her. her friend. She didn't want to be bothered by me. This is bearded, slightly overweight man asking me what I mean. She knows who you are. No, no, no, I know. And me and Ellie love each other. Um, so Luke and the gang head over

to the restaurant and they hatch a plan. Oh. They are going, we're going out to, to eat now. Now, Luke had actually kind of, I don't know if he planned this out, but he was withholding information. It's, it's the

dumbest gambit. Anyone could ever try to pull off. He's not only trying to pull off mistreating Jen. He's trying to, and her being just completely fine with it. He's trying to pull off having his entire work environment be complicit in it and not know what happened. Yes. And to, this is a, I love like certain sayings, hell hath no fury, like a woman scored. Yeah. That's where I said, like, if he thinks he was going to. fucking get away with this. What a fucking dumb out.

If he thought his sperm was dumb, they thought they were on the moon on those sheets. It's like Larry David's bit about Monica Lewinsky. Bill Clinton thought he was going to get a blowjob from a Jewish woman and suffer no consequences. It's like, what are you? Well, that's wrong with you. The president of the United States

got taken down by this same shit. Okay? And he should have been. It's not right to put a cigar in an intern's vagina. Sorry, that was a little gross, but that's what he did. And I don't know if she was an intern. I don't know. It was, it was bad. Ken Starr is a bit of a square, but I dated a girl that was an intern after that, a year after, still in the White House. Her name was Monica,

and Hillary was not a fan. I could imagine why. Hillary was trying to have sex with her, and she was straight. I'm kidding. Okay. So they are going to help Luke sit next to joy. And Luke earnestly looks at camera. Hold on. I want to talk about it. Sorry, sorry. Kermit is doing things that she's never done before.

Maybe this is her last season. Like, is this for TV's sake? She did something a couple episodes ago that was like, what the fuck is Kermit doing? Her and Nate trying to act like they're fucking, who's a St. Valentine or fucking matchmakers? or something. Patty. Patty Stanger.

Yeah. Her track record. Betty Stagger as Cupid. Look. I love Patty Stanger. She's awesome. Yeah. Okay.

So Aisha is doing this because, and I think the other choice you're referring to is her promoting Kaylee over Jen. But she's doing this because she does not know that Luke came twice at Jen's hand. Luke. Promoting Joy over, Jen. You said Kaylee, sorry. No, Kaylee.

She gave Kaylee the chiefs stoop position over Jim. Oh, that's right. Sorry, yes. Okay. I don't know that's what you're referring. I was referring to sitting him across the table to. No, I know. It's fine. So she decides that she's going to do this because to her it's just a fun thing. She likes Joy way more than Jen.

so she's going to help Luke get with joy. But she doesn't know that Luke is a scumbag who's already had sex with Jen and came on Nathan's bed. So Luke looks at camera and he goes, I realize that I'm going to need the help of everyone aboard this ship. Why? Why would you think that this would be something that you would be something that you would need everyone to get behind. I'm could there is no better word than dumb. He's just so done. And I'm sorry, Luke, if you're listening. Sure you're, uh, yeah, sure the boys love hanging out with you.

I don't think he knows what a podcast. Okay. Yeah. They're hard to get to sometimes. Okay. Okay. So, but I will say at the first part of dinner, the plan is going and executed very well. Well, kind of. The, the other problem is that Joy, too, is not an inanimate pawn on a chessboard. She's actually an extremely talented chef and intelligent woman. So when she gets sat next to him, she's just disgusted. She shoots daggers into him the entire time and it's not working.

Hold on. But that icy veneer quickly gets melted when he says, look, I organized cabinages that I, you know, I am. My cabinets are very organized. And they's, well, I was just trying. trying. I know. She softens.

She softens. And it's only because of Jen that's like staring daggers and says, hey, Kermit, can we go have a chat over here? I fucked this guy and we were in each other's holes. Yeah. Her words, not Mac. Not her words. Yours.

No, she said. No, she didn't. I wish I had the episode. All right. Get in the comments. Dillon's off and wrong. Yeah. Get in the comments.

She said we're in each other. that's not what you said and don't point at me sophy cunningham you said that she told ayesha that they were in each other's holes what's in each other mean Patrick to be in each other's holes means a finger in a butt while a penis is in a vagina and you made me say that okay fine tomato tomato okay um anyway But it does, it breaks my heart to see Joy's defenses crack. Because we see this with C-Rot so often. We joked, we joked about Daisy all last season that her,

her defenses were made of bubbles or whatever. Tissue paper. Yeah. It was a wall of tissue paper. So, Kermit tells, Jen, look, I'm staying out of that. this waves white flag i will not uh what would it be interfere anymore i'm out of it yeah and then uh that's i think when jen follows uh luke to the bathroom and uh confronts him yeah this goes really really well luke portends to be really smart and a high level game player not only is um

is this secret that they banged going to get out it's already out and also everyone's going to know about the come soon very, very soon. So he has completely lost control of this, this Mustang he's trying to ride. And he's going to, I mean, not to be crass, but he's going to end up like Christopher Reeves. This is the impulse control of sea rats that I discussed two episodes ago. Luke, you idiot, this is what you do. You sit at the middle of the table. Yeah. You let the women come to you. Sure. And if Joy wants to come to you, she will. Now, the problem with that strategy is that there would be, and sorry to keep,

we keep citing obsession, but if he sat in the middle, I fear as though there would have been an obsession party trick where Jen would appear behind the person sitting across from Luke and grab the chair and slide it out from the table and then she would sit down. There's no hiding, but Luke says he like calls her a crazy bitch or something like that, just is so rude to her. I'm trying to teach guys how to get laid here. Okay, sorry. All right.

Joy would observe Jen then coming to him and acting obsessively towards him. Then he could make the case later on. This girl won't leave me alone. Right. I love that. That's not what he does. No. He does not do that.

He does not listen to Patty. Instead he sits down to him. Instead, he says, look. I want you, Joy, and I have to admit something. I had sex with her. I want to let you know, because if I'm going to go down, and these are his words, I'm not going to misquote a thing here, because this was one of the most insanely stupid things I've heard of C.Rat say in some time. He says, if I'm going to go down, I'm going to go down standing up.

What? You know, Nate was going to make him lead deckhand. Yeah, yeah, he was. He smashed a tender into a... He crashes into things. Yeah. Yeah. So he goes down, standing up, and Joy's response is,

ugh, you're a Muppet. And then she gets up. Now... She calls him weak. I love that line. He is. And then he says, says she's not a fan of the sucking and fucking.

Wink, wink, wink to us. Thank you. Okay. Look, that had been around for years, but we brought it back into the core. Of culture, yeah. Right. Yeah, because, you know, booksellers existed. And then Bezos made Amazon.

That kind of thing. is what you're referring to, I think. Well, Amazon existed. There were books and they smelled bad. And then he said, you can read these things like on a computer, you know? No. No, that's actually wrong. I think I'm correct.

Look it up on the internet. Kat and Jen are having a conversation. And Jen is crying. And she says, you know what? I just need to tell, I need to tell Joy what happened. And Kat says, you know what? I knew you were a girl's girl. I'm not sure about that.

Kaelan hit the music. I don't know that Jen is necessarily a girl's girl just because the first time she ever had a conversation with Kaylee, she referred to her as a backstabbing bitch or something like that. So I'm not sure about that. But we head to the vans. Luke mocks Jen and continues to be a massive fucking asshole. By the way, this is what going down, standing up looks like.

That's right. And worth pointing out, almost 40. What Joy is referring to when she says weak is impulse control. When you are completely victimized by your impulses, there's a weakness to that. And we all have them. Luke just happens to be other human beings, which is a murky place to be. So we get into the back of the vans. And once again, we've got a,

girl who has experienced trauma and Joe using it. Now, I don't want to project malintent or any kind of odious stuff onto Joe. But we know how Joe operates. So when we get into the back of the vans and Joe says, I set it on my calendar. I set a reminder on my phone for your brother's anniversary. We just went through this with that guy getting shot underwater. He got shot and then stepped on by an elephant.

I don't know how that happened, but he said, I'm going to be there for you. And then when the death ceremony took place, he was like, I think I got to take a shit or something like that. Well, he said we've already had sex. And so this celebration of whatever bummer shit you're celebrating, I didn't. I got to get out of here. Joe is, yeah, this is a, he, I don't think he means it, I think is the point you're making. Joe is a particularly, and we could be proven wrong. Perhaps Joe.

I don't think so. Perhaps Joe and Kaylee could sail off into the sunset together and go to the undying lands. But Joe strikes me as a particularly evil kind of Playboy. where there is no rail that is too far for him to hold on to if it means having sex with somebody. Yes. He's just waiting this out and now he is, well, this is his third season.

So he's very aware of the cameras now and how he's perceived. And he's like, okay, I got to buy that aware. Yeah. In the other vans, the secret of the spillage is spilled. Jen says, this guy sucks in bed. Hey, everyone, guess what? he's horrible and bad and also he came all over his boss's sheets.

Luke, buddy, you didn't, you didn't know what you were getting into. You couldn't have pulled this off ever. It's just, it's unfortunate. We get back and Joe mentions that he's feeling a certain amount of comfort with Kaylee. And again, we're retreading. It's the same playbook. It's a physical attraction. It's a slow playing.

It doesn't want to do anything serious. Then we land on very real feelings for one another. They're confidence in each other. But this isn't where just kind of like more than friends. Uh-huh. It's crazy. So Gail calls Nathan. She's struggling.

She's breaking down, which is what babies can do that to you. You'll lose your sanity after a while. And that's exactly what's happening. and it's busting Nathan up. He's bray, his heartbreaks for her. I broke it up. Yeah. Now, we fall asleep and Cooper tells Kat that he's not going to hurt her.

And these two cutie pies might actually work. I'm thinking, I'm not sure. But we rise for a new day. Next morning. And sleeping upstairs. How do you feel about sleeping upstairs? Upstairs. What do you mean upstairs?

Oh, outside? Yeah. Could be a beautiful night. Depends on the weather. Yeah, it depends on the weather. And I'll say, I'll take my bed over a lot of outdoor sleeping. but if you're in kind of barracks bunks the way these people are, I would take a night up top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's work to do, but Cooper can't get it out of his head. He's struggling because the jizz not only made for some uncomfortable sleep, seeing as the dry particles can take on a texture of crumbled cheese hits, but now Coop thinks the dumb spunk may have spawned a virus. Yeah, the reason why Nathan's sick is because, he got his dumb come all over him. Luke got his dumb come all over Nathan and that's why Nathan has a little bit of a flu and I think that Nathan was correct to not go anywhere near Caden because I think Gail's DNA could save that child. We don't need to bring Luke's viral cum load

into that environment. It'd be bad. So I'm glad he stayed away. But he has to tell somebody so he tells Joe. And before we get to Joe spilling the beans, we have a preference sheet meeting. So let's yell at it. It's time for a preference sheet meeting. Now, this is something we've done before. The Millionaire Matchmaker. Millionaire Matchmaker.

Now, fans pointed out last time after Amy was on, the Matchmaker Amy, that she comes from a reality TV show from Bravo. Which one? I forget the name of it. If you want to look it up, Emily Morse was on it from Sex with Emily. Look up Emily Morris, Bravo. I was friendly with Emily Morris, sex with Emily. We went on a trip with her.

I think it was predated you from the Corolla days. Out to Vegas with sex with Emily. Great time with her. Smoked a little weed, went to a strip club. I don't think she. You smoked weed. With her. Wow.

Yeah. And what was the show called? Oh, I thought you were looking for the matchmaker. Sorry. What was her and Amy that did the show on Bravo? They were all like sex therapists or something. Some shit was the show. Anyway.

Emily Morse had a show on Bravo. Is that misadvised? That's right. Yeah. And then now Amy's doing this bullshit. Okay. Amy's a tough customer. Yeah, that's right.

She's a little bit of, she's grading on the Sea Rats. Very annoying. So here's the preference sheet. Yeah. Uh, dog mum with Susan. She's going to find guys. They show up first. Then the second day, six dudes will show up.

Disgusting little dogs going to come on the boat and start pissing all over everything. By the way, Jen's right. She hates dogs. Oh, Sugar Baby. Yeah, Sugar Baby's piss smells bad. And then day two is going to be a bunch of dudes on horseback riding. Right? Yeah, it's a matchmaker cruise.

We're going to find love. I guess I'm going to enjoy this, I think. All right, so Joe has to tell Nathan, and the provisions turn out to be a little bit tough, because Nathan is told that there's been come on his bed for three days while he and Luke and the rest of the sea rats have to walk past one another on the walk, on the drawbridge or whatever the hell these pirates call it, to shuttle the food back and forth. So Nathan takes a couple shots at Luke and says, hey, Bunk, Spunk, here you go. And Luke goes, what could that possibly mean?

Oh. What is he talking about? Why do you call me Bunk Spunk? Hey, Nathan? Yeah, buddy. Why'd you call me Bunk Spunk? What are you talking about? You come on my bed?

Oh, oh my God. Can I? That's what, yeah, I did. Can I tell you the breakdown of the game film of where I think, obviously, Nate's not a very mature person. I think a couple things are going down here. as I might have even taken this at his age. One is, he's very young.

So if someone did this in your teenage years, you might just think it was funny. So funny. College, you might even, this would be a story that you'd live with and go, that fucker.

Yeah. So he's in between that, like, because I don't even think he's 30 yet. So he's in between that. Now, then he's, as he starts to think about it,

he's like on TV going like, this is emasculating me. So now I think I've got to get really pissed about this. And then he's also thinking like an absolute show of disrespect and this fucking guy is my subordinate and 37 years old. I understand where Nathan's coming from because I do too. And I think the gradient of emotion is actually appropriate. I agree. He is, he finds this out and there is, I like we said, he's stuck between two like,

ages of life. And there is a humorous quality to it, but then you realize, like we've always discussed, when you're 19 and someone says, you have a ticket to Coachella, you just have to take three flights to get there, you'll go. Yeah, and when you're 35, somebody offered that, you would go, I'm going to need you to never speak to me again,

because the fact that you would think that I would actually do that is really insulting, and clearly you don't know me. But Luke is standing next to Nathan in their bunk. And I just don't know how I would handle standing next to a man who had come on my bed and not done anything about it for three days. Well, here's the other thing. I'm surprised Nathan didn't punch him in the face, quite honestly. Well, after thinking about it, here's the other thing. How do you think Sandy, as you saw the trailer, she gets the news and she said, I wish you didn't tell me this.

Yeah, because she has to fire him immediately. There's no way this guy keeps his job. No way. I actually hope they fire him because I need a change up. I don't need a change up. I think Luke's such good TV. He's so dumb. He's a fucking, he's like Mr. Bean.

He's just a pratt fall of a human being. So I could have him, but I think he's going to be fired. I don't think there's any way to keep him on this boat, but I could be wrong. It would be the first termination for coming on someone's bed, I think. I'm telling you, this is a really incredible arc. Can we get out of here? Yeah. Okay.

I think. Well, Nate says, hey, and I love this. He goes, I'm getting really pissed now. And if you piss me off one more time, I'm going to fucking leave you on the next pass around, which I don't know what that means. I don't know what it means either. The one thing I want to mention before we get out of here is Luke is upset at Joe.

He goes, I don't know why you would have. have to say something like that. I don't know what the hell. Where do you get off telling Nathan that I came on his sheets and not cleaning him up for them and didn't clean him up for it. What are you crazy? Luke, good luck, buddy. We'll see when you get fired or when you don't get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. If you have hiccups, just do a plank and they will go away immediately. I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but I do zin, so I get hiccups off. and they usually they can last i mean kaelin how long is your longest hiccup gone for at least 20 minutes what about you uh haven't had them in a while but they can last all night i think they can last for 30

45 minutes it's crazy so get in the comments let us know your best hiccup remedy what you thought about the episode and join us to patreon dot com for in the city a pspmz and more i love you so does pat you love them right yeah i love him okay we'll see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye bye guys kailen Oh.