Another Below Deck Podcast - Goodbye Jason Cauchi | The Valley S2 reunion Part 3

Episode Date: August 16, 2025

Dylan, Ruby and Pat are back to break down Janet's true evil, drinking problems, Jason's love, black outfits, lifted shoes and more from Bravo's The Valley.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkhttps://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod

What is on display here is Janet's true evil, right? Do we think that Janet gives a flying fuck about actually gives a fuck about Danny grabbing people's asses? No. No. Big family feud buzz, right? No. Hi, hello, welcome to another brands, thank you. Bad television.

That is long for bad TV. No, we're fine. I'm Dill. That's short for Dillon. That's Pat short for Patty. Patrick, yes. Hi. And Ruby is over there in New York City, her favorite place. Hello, guys.

How are you? Great. CTA, out of the gate. We have decided, the three of us, that we're going to split the baby. We've listened to your feedback as to, because as you probably don't know, or maybe you do know, we're ditching Miami. I'm sorry. It was a business decision. It had to be done. It wasn't bringing in the money that it should. Therefore, we need to pivot. So we had said, let's do Rock of Love season two, because we enjoy talking about that. That's a great show to

recap, in my opinion. And then we said, well, half our audience loves our coverage of traders. So we're going to please both of you, which very often doesn't work. but I think it will in this respect. Yeah. We're going to do Traders' Season 1, Australia, and we're also going to do Rock of Love season 2. It's a win-win for you. You can find it at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

You know, we hear you guys. You know, everybody's always going, oh, no, do this. Oh, no, that's stupid. Keep doing it. It's like we can't, we can't please everybody. Okay, we have to do what our hearts want, what our minds watch, and what helps our bank accounts. Well, and I just can't.

regardless of the bank accounts. I mean, listen, we're, Sheree's overflowing with Pelotons. We're doing fine. But we just, we can't watch fraudulent plastic Miami. I'm still blown away by the culture down there. I want really nothing to do with that city.

If I never go to that city. I mean, everyone's, everyone's talking about, oh, you got to go to Miami. You got to go to Miami. You got to go to, why to sweat and stay up super late? Like, I don't want to,

Ruby, do you hear what I'm saying? Understand what I'm saying? Okay. Yes, Dylan, but I feel like I'm the only ally that they have and I don't want to, we're abandoning them. But I, as we get on this ship and leave them on this island, I'm the last one on. And I'm standing at the back of the ship with tears streaming down my face. And I want them to know that I didn't want to do this. Yeah. She's like one of those violin players on the Titanic, you know, but then she, as soon as the boat go down, she'll grab a life raft and she'll get the fuck off that boat. She won't grab a life. She'll grab a fucking person. baby yeah yeah uh all right so we are here to break down the valley part three i am fresh off a carpool karaoke with myself um had some just some really some incredible songs just cycle through the liked playlist you know you know when adele comes on i i'm really moved i i usually don't i don't hit skip you know i mean she's just she's got such a powerful voice you know you know

That big record that she had, like, probably nine years ago. I forget what the hit was, but she gets really high up there. It was about a breakup of her marriage, I believe. Easy on me. And it's almost like all the radio stations that were playing that particular track got talking points on Monday because they all returned mostly female. The radio DJs and said, well, the co-host would say, would you do this weekend?

Well, the new Adele record came out, so of course I listened to it in my bed and cried all weekend. Well, I understand it. I completely understand it. Adele's a powerful woman. but listen, we're here to talk about less impressive people. We're here to talk about the cast of Bravo's The Valley. Now, if I could get into my rotten hells real quick, when I say unimpressive, it really dawned on me

towards the end of this episode that I'm not saying that Tamara Judge has a ton to offer the world. I'm not saying that, I don't know. Meatball definitely doesn't. I'm not saying that Meatball has a lot to offer the world, but these people are truly, truly some of the most remedial human beings, soul-wise, spiritually. And it's also crazy to think about that their parents,

most of these people are parents, and I just am happy that the season is done. It's been a dark season. I've thought it's been a fun season. But part three, we don't need this. We don't need this. I'm going to give it 11.5.5 rotten hails.

11 and a half rotten hails. Ruby, if you don't mind, can I go next? Please do. This episode... Is that a regular-sized Diet Coke or a small-dye Coke? It's regular. Just big hands. This episode solidified that I hate Janet.

And her husband, Jason, is insufferable. I dislike both these two people. I had no idea that at the beginning of this season, that it would end this way for me feeling about those two. Oh, sure, sure, sure. I also don't like Michelle at all. Yeah. I think she might be pretty horrible, too.

Which is odd because she was married to a really horrible person. Takes two to tango, I guess. Opposites attract. Oddly enough, this show has me, I'm not going to say I'm in love with. that's definitely not what I'd say but it has me liking Nia and Danny

and dare I say it Luke and Kristen Doty everyone else is a horrible person an absolute horrible person well how many goddamn rotten hells would you give it 19 rotten hills Ruby this reunion could have been

11 minutes long I thought to myself today when I woke up this is going to be the last time for a very long time, hopefully, that I see Jacks on my screen in a new capacity. It will be about four months before I rewatch Vanderpump Rules for comfort. Yeah. These people, you know what I, what dawned on me?

We're making fun of Meatball. I believe, do you think that Travis and Meatball have a bigger real estate success portfolio than Jesse and Michelle? I can answer that question for you. One million percent. We'd like to believe that, but it was out in one of those Bravo Facebook groups. Gina and Travis are back to renting. So they don't have real estate.

Well, I mean, people rent for a lot of different reasons. Yeah, but that's not a real estate portfolio. No, no, they're company. I mean selling and their companies or their jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry. Don't, don't you fucking, you highfalutin fuck sitting in your, on top of your equity,

sniffing caviar looking down and the rest of us are renters. I mean, it's just crazy. You slurp caviar, Dylan. Not you. fucking snoofe it up your nose. Okay. I'm not judging renters. I'm just saying that,

ugh. Kind of. I don't know. You were judging renters a little. Sounds like you were saying, ugh. Yeah. I would give it approximately,

uh, this episode specifically, 31, rented rotten hells. Yeah. Rented rotten hells. That's not, that's probably like 12 rotten hells.

Yeah. You know. when you say that you watch van derpump rules for comfort i a lot of people do that yeah i mean it's like seinfeld to women and friends well i think you know signfeld is probably signfeld to women although maybe it's i don't know that a lot of women are going to sleep with Seinfeld. I'm not sure, though. No. It's dudes that are very high and lonely. Yeah.

But I actually understand it because the other night we put on an episode, the episode, where in Tom punches Jacks in the forehead for breaking up his relationship with Kristen Doty. And Sheena Shay starts crying and says, they knocked me over. And I think that day she had gotten new teeth. So, yeah. I mean, mashed potatoes and gravy. I hope season three is better.

Yeah, Pat, I have to agree with you. Here's what I have to say, though. I am very confident in not a lot of things in my life. I am confident that the addition of Lala Kent and Chena Shea will not make us love this more. Period. Oh, I am looking forward to the new cast of Ayrna Pump Rules. We shall see how that goes. And I'm also looking forward to the real housewives of Salt Lake City

and also looking for the real housewives of Providence. Let's go Rhode Island. Oh, that's right. So I, sorry, just the last note before we begin. Some of you may still be stunned by the news that we're moving on for Miami. But that frees us up because we will definitely be recapping the real housewives of Salt Lake City. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

So I wanted to start off with. a bit of a eulogy. I saw this online because my wife said that she had seen on whispering Alines or something like that, that, I mean, he couldn't have taken it down this morning, right, though? Because I'll just start crying if he took it down this morning. Do tell. There was a message about the closure of, Jacks. He took it down. He took down the eulogy for Jacks's Bar and Grill, which as I was reading

through, I was, I was smiling ear to ear and I am so bummed. Why would he have taken that down? That's crazy. Could you paraphrase from memory a little bit? Please. Just that there were so many people that poured their heart and soul into this endeavor, this Apollo 13 restaurant launch. I hate this guy. I can't believe he took that down. So there was a couple things. The fact that he talked about, you know, losing his staff was one of the toughest. Yeah. Yeah. And he had a total of three employees. Right. Yeah. You own a vacuum repair shop. You have more employees than that. Yep. Gosh, Jacks Taylor, does the guy do anything good? We pick up with Jason in black saying,

you better, you better, you better, you know, it's just like, I would have said to him, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? But as recently as the Super Bowl, Janet knows that Danny has put his hands on other women. And she implies that people on this very stage know exactly what she's talking about, including stupid tits. Stupid tits, but it's Michelle that prompts her to share the other stuff that she'd experience, you know, her sexual assaults by him, which involved him being inebriated and following around like a puppy dog at a party. Well, not like a puppy dog, like an inebriated little guy. Well, like a, yeah, like an overly flirtatious.

puppy dog trying to hump or pick stupid tits. I don't want to use puppy dogs don't make you feel uncomfortable or gaze at your heaving stupid tits like Danny, I'm sure it did. Robs, you know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, but I agree. Yeah, no, puppies don't. Puppies do not do that actually. But what I will say that is annoying about this is like,

don't go to girls and say like, dude, that was really fucking creepy. He was being a creep. And then when you are confronted about it, be like, no, I didn't mean that he was being creepy. I just mean, he was just a little, no, you said he would. He was being creepy. He was following you around like a creepy little elf staring at your big heaving stupid tits. It's okay to be freaked out.

Yeah. I want to be an ally of the victims of Danny. So, yeah, keep that for the record. And we are. So Jasmine knows, yeah, go ahead, Ribs. I say, that's what I'm saying is we all are. And Brittany, don't, don't back down. You have allies here.

We will hold you up. Right, right. Gwyneth Paltrow didn't go, you know, actually wasn't that bad. Right. you know no matter how good shakespeare and love was which it wasn't no no it wasn't i mean i mean i mean is that one of the craziest you want to talk about the the fixes in uh my god there's crazier jennifer lawrence playing a 43 year old ins like uh i mean i thought you i thought you was good in silver linings playbook oh okay uh but uh

What was that one where she played like the, she invented joy? Joy. Okay. And also that one where she was playing, it was Robert De Niro was in it. Same guy, same director called The Hustle or something. Right, right, right, right. Okay. She played like a 40-year-old in that.

So you're referring to just her entire career. I'm saying that she won an Academy Award and it's as absurd as Gwyneth Paltrow. Can I tell you something? I think that she should have won her Academy Award for Winter's Bone. She was absolutely fantastic in that movie. Did she play in that? She was the mother in Winter's Bone. Oh.

It's one of those things that people may not know. If you have any interest whatsoever, give it a watch. She really is incredible. Yeah. She's just terrific. Kind of a downer movie, but. Yeah. All right.

So Jasmine knows that Danny has a drinking problem. We all know that Danny has a drinking problem. And then Andy says, Danny, do you have a drinking problem? And he goes, what? Yeah, you have a drinking problem. problem. I haven't drank it in weeks, yeah. I don't think people understand the true, what categorizes you as having a drinking problem. Some people think that it's, well, it could be a myriad of things.

You drink a case of beer a day while you sit in your house. That could be deemed an alcoholic. It could also be someone who drinks once a week and then blacks out every time and begins getting blurturing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if every time or 90% of the time or 80% of the time or 75% of the time or let's say 50% of the time you drink and you black out and walk around drooling over heaving pairs of stupid tits then you're yeah you have a drinking problem yeah i mean what are we talking about it's nuts so jesse says that he goes out

and gets fucked up that's not a drinking problem and At some point, and this happens a couple times throughout the episode, it was really, really confusing. We've referenced it before. The movie with Will Ferrell as the basketball player. What do we got? What are we got? Semi pro.

Semi pro. There's a scene in semi-pro where they're all fighting, and someone says you're a jive turkey, and everyone stops. and that has crossed the Rubicon, okay? Offense is seriously taken. Danny says you called me a clown. He is taken aback in a truly emotional way

because Jason called them a clown. And I'm just like, what are these human beings on my TV? Jason says there's a reason that he called him a clown. He says, and I quote, I'm all worked up now. Yeah. Call the police because Jason's worked up. Jason, what happens when you get worked up? Oh, I know, nothing.

Well, it was funny to me because Janet and Kristen have called each other cunts before. And Danny's pissed off about the clown moniker. But it's demeaning. We move on. I used to get pissed when a certain person used to say, you're not tracking. And I'd be like, I want to jump through this window and strangle you. And that seems way less harsh than a clown. Somebody calling me a clown, like that would have to be.

to some kind of older uncle from Philadelphia, you know? Mm-hmm. That's how that makes sense. Anybody else, I'd be like, what decade are you from? We get to the ring room, and once again, that little fucking weirdo Luke is at the center of it. I mean, he was the one that broached this topic with Janet and Jason, and I'm telling you, the guy gets in the gossip.

He's a little mole rat. He just likes to dig around and shit. Yeah. you could say he's a Colorado and you know fisher but but he's a gossipy little bit he's doing his job he's doing his job i wasn't aware that he was eight years younger than her either that's pretty cute huh yeah i thought that was very just actually not being a sarcastic piece of shit i actually thought that that was very interesting and made me like them more you know and it's so odd she has quite the spectrum of men that she's dated i'd forgotten that jacks had called one of her exes to show up at

Dave and Busters. And that guy looks like a drug dealer. Oh, he was. Oh. Yeah. He was a fallout boy drug dealer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So great question from Andy. Why'd you get a tattoo to debunk a rumor that you said you don't care about? And I love how Andy crucifies people. He does it with this earnesty and kind of like bubbly naivete like he just really wants to know but he knows

no he knows he's much smarter that he also kind of touches on something that I think we've all kind of discussed which is this storyline is so horrible why is it continually brought up it's horrible yeah and Kristen really really lands the final blow although Janet will speak

many many more times this episode and all of all of it will be evil but she says nobody gives a fuck about you I don't know why we're talking about this nobody gives in flying fuck some losers that are spending three grand for Bravo con tickets might

well they're not losers they're fans of the show that's right did I say losers Ruby are we are we not picking up what he because he had that thing about the renters and was like oh no no I wasn't judging but it did sound

like he was judging and then he just called the fans of the thing, the losers. So, no, no, no, no. I don't know. I feel, I'd roll back the tape. I didn't say losers. I said fans. Roll back to tape.

He didn't mean to call Janet a dumb bitch. He might to call her a fan, you know. All right. Let's get to the night at Brits. Nope. No way. Well, no way. Zach jumps in to say that both Janet and Jason needed a storyline.

It's so weird who doesn't like who. I'm kind of confused. This is what, go ahead, Robs. Okay, this is what I will say. And I also commend anybody doing this while they're this pregnant, props to these two women. The amount of care that Kristen felt about this Janet Jasmine segment when she was like, she wouldn't allow for any bond to be reestablished. She was like, you talk shit about her too.

And Jasmine was like, I admit that I called her a crazy dumb bitch. Like, I know. I'm just saying like I would like to be friends with her. maybe again. Kristen cares about this to a degree that is weird to me. And it was, it was respectful of Luke to say, wait your turn, please. I think that she cares because she wants to take Janet down more than anything in the world. I think maybe she wants to have a child more, but one B, take Janet down. And, and, and I don't blame Kristen Doty for that at all, because what is on display here is Janet's true evil, right? Do we think that Janet gives a flying fuck about

actually gives a fuck about Danny grabbing people's asses? Answer, no, big family feud buzz, right? No. The reason she cares is because it is a round, she can chamber, and she's chambering it over and over. And it's just so gross. And reckless. My hand would have been up when Andy asked that. Now, are we at the beach where this is where Jasmine called Janet a Karen? Well, Jasmine did not have a good showing tonight. Or the entire reunion. Or the entire season or the first season. Get her off the show. She needs to go. Get her off the show. We can see her two times in season three and it's because she just happens to be at the same party. It's so crazy that that girl got on this show and is at a bar.

Bravo reunion? Like, what are we, maybe, what are we talking about? I don't know. I agree with you wholeheartedly, but I think that maybe one of those episodes, Pat, could be like them getting ready to go to her wedding, perhaps. And that I would, I would allow that. I would too.

That would be cute. You know, if we can openly say why we felt that it was not a good fit for her, is she never found her place within this friend group. It's, there, there, there are. are no, if we really distill it down, there's hatred between people, but there aren't that many storylines of this season. Like there were a lot of forced storylines, and there was, as I said, vitriol towards one another. But outside of Jack's going to rehab, there was really no through line of anything. And Jasmine, if there's no storyline that you can glob onto, then you're just

kind of trying to throw shit at a wall, which is what she was doing. the entire season. Well, she had said at some point, and this was, I thought it was a crazy line. She said she got mad at Janet repeatedly bringing up that Danny had sexually assaulted her because every time it did, it would make her angry again. Hence, then she'd have to bring it up again. Yes. Right.

And again, another point of just clarification that I think needs to be made aggressively in all caps with periods between all the letters. I believe Danny put his hands on her fiancee. not on her, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I get that she's upset, but, yeah. But, yeah, he told Jasmine, uh, get daddy a cocktail. Yeah, which is gross.

He's a, you see he's got a drinking. Yes, he does. Yeah, he's a tiny little drunk. He needs counsel. All right, let's get to the night at Brits. Uh, the partners were happy to see Zach there, even if Jacks does not want him to be there. And, um, uh, Jason just steps in and, and says, you know, I really got to say,

Zach is trying to extend an olive bridge to you, Jacks. It's really, really important that you recognize that. These people will go on line. They will go on the Twitters, they will go on the Instagrams, they will go in the comments, and they will say genuinely disgusting things to one another or about them, about one another. then try to pretend as though they're friends.

I mean, we're not friends. We're not fans of, I can't speak right now. We're not fans of Jack's Taylor. But if I was Jack's Taylor and Zach had said the things that he said, there is no olive branch long enough or rich enough on planet Earth that I would ever grab from this piece of shit. Well, clearly, Jacks expressed those exact feelings. Yeah, good for Jack's Taylor.

I don't care what he thinks. I don't even know who he is. Yeah. I don't want to know him. Yeah. He means nothing to me. The way that Jason approached this reminded me. I don't know if this is too deep of a cup.

But do you guys remember when Matt James had to break up with Rachel Kirkconnell and recoil at her touch on national TV? And I believe it was that man, Emmanuel Ochoa, I don't know his name, who led this fake earnestness full conversation of whatever. That's Jason. Jason, you're sounding a lot like Emmanuel right now with this olive branch. Please stop talking. And I know he's been in black the whole time, but it felt very different this episode, his suit. It was so imposing. Yeah. Oh, Jason's here.

It was a Dr. Phil's kind of Johnny Cash type of outfit we had going on. And I didn't like it one bit. Now, listen, we move on to the Frank Dremant thing. Before we do, Dylan, though, I do want to just jump back to that whole Karen thing. Because I've heard the term, she's a Karen, kicked around quite a bit. So I asked my phone what a Karen was, and this is what it told me. Karen is a pejorative slang term typically used to refer to a middle-class woman who is perceived as entitled or excessively demanding.

The term is often portrayed in memes in depicting middle-class white women that use their whiteness and class privilege to demand their own way. I think that applies to Janet 150%. So, Jasmine. And I'm with you on that. I'm 100. And Cairns are also people that just, you know, they stand up to the mediocre standards of customer service nowadays.

That's true. That's what Cairns are to me. And sure, the whiteness and the evil whiteness and stuff like that. But also like, excuse me, I got a text saying it was ready. So why have I been here for 30 minutes? Right? That's unacceptable. You know, and the 17-year-old kid making $9.

$0.50 an hour, he has to explain that to Karen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he can't talk because he's on fentanyl. Go ahead. I was at CBS actually picking up prescriptions and you run into this and everybody says, you texted me. I've been here for six hours and my prescription isn't here still. Everyone is yelling and the line is like, it's always long and you just have to get there and know that this is what you're walking into. And an older man walks up and he doesn't see the line. So he just gets in line behind the person that's at the register. It's a bunch of people my age. No one is going to say something to a man that is in their 70s, if they are my age.

This person is going to go. He will be quick. And then he will probably die soon because he's so old. Well, maybe. Yeah, you know who said something? Karen. And Karen saved us. And she said, excuse me, sir, there's a line.

Yeah. And he left the pharmacy. He looked at the line and said, no, it's crazy. You know, I love that. Thank you, Karen. That guy reminds me a lot of our father who, who went into that pharmacy, said, this is way too long a line. I'm going to take a chance here.

I'm going to take a shot at this. If I get caught, I'm leaving. If I don't, I'm going to get my medication. I'm going to die soon. So I'm going to do this. One last note before we move on to that other thing. Jack's leaving rehab. That other thing is Frank Dremant and Naked Gun,

which Jacks has not seen. He knew the correct way it was. He's maybe seen 20 minutes of it. By the way, love that, Seth. McFarland. he's a genius, the tie-in with the naked gun promotion here with that movie coming out.

It's amazing. Why do you say Seth McFarland? He directed and wrote it. Naked gun? Oh, good for him. Jack's leaving rehab to see his bar name, the bar's name changed. Andy asked him about it. Yeah, yeah. And Jack said it really hurt him. And then Britt says she kept the bar afloat

the entire time he was gone. That's what does just one payment. If she means she made payroll out of her own bank account because that place was a ghost town, which it was. Yeah. Then she did keep it afloat. She made a rent payment and right not an entire rent payment because Jacks isn't footing the bill for the entire thing.

I mean, she did. I wish you went. Ruby, you never went there, did you? No. And I'm sad. It there, it looked like, to me it looked like, It had no love put into it. It was pathetic.

It was almost like, how do I say this without, almost like two idiots opened up around this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I was going to say is what Pat described is it sounds like exactly what it was. Right. Yeah, for sure. Now, let's get to the Frank Dremant of it all. He has a burner account.

So two things. One thing Jacks has not seen is naked gun. One thing that Jacks has seen multiple times is every episode of this season. And we try to reverse that reality here in this segment where Jacks is poorly acting as if he is surprised at the revelation of his burner account. Go ahead. There was a time in this episode. that I believe it was after the Brits situation. Because during that, you could see him filling with such rage.

If he had a weapon, everyone in that room would have been. Oh, absolutely. But by this point, and like at one point when Zach is coming for him, he is so, he's like, I didn't watch it. I don't know. I'm not. I don't know what he took, but wow, you're a liar. No, it's just like they, you know, crazy like narcissistic people and people with like bipolar. Like, you can kind, there's like an act that's, it's like good enough to pass for some people.

But if you're paying attention, you're like, oh, what are you doing? It's a lizard trying to be a human being. Yeah. Or like a robot. You're like, you know what I would quit? Hey, you're not a robot, are you? Jack's trying to lie about not having seen this season is a little bit like two kids getting on top of one another's shoulders in a big duster to go by liquor. What are you doing?

I need your ID. Yeah. All right. So he also has a bunion and he is selling things on eBay because he has to make money. So we get to the whole thing about it being Jack's show. I know that the three of us are not fans, but this is Jack's show. I agree. No one else could have pulled this off from VPR.

Correct, Ruby? Yeah. I mean, can you imagine trying a show called Lala's World? Where the fuck would that have gone? Katie's World? Dylan, stop. I mean, can you imagine? I am not kidding you.

Dylan, I am mad that you brought it up and I am going to rack my brain for things I'd rather watch for probably 35 minutes after we hang up. Now, my wife, Sheree, she's thrown her hat into the production creative show world she thought the production creative show world is a perilous place to be i know and it's a brave thing to throw your hat in there it's tough to get a lot of projects off the ground in hollywood she thought the next version of whatever came after vanderpump should have been called sandy and swartz and they focus on tom tom at the time sandy and swartz were both dating 24 year olds

and she thought let's let's let's in like get into the world of tom tom and all the people that work Listen, I know Tom Sandoval is a piece of shit. What he did to Ariana is bad. Ariana did that to Kristen. And I know they were younger, but these are all snakes, rats, cheaters, and scumbags. So, you know, I mean, look at what Tom Sandoval did on Traders. He's good TV. He's an absolute buffoon.

Come on. I don't want him on TV anymore. What are you talking about? You're going to get freaking Zach and Jasmine. All right. So, okay, where, where are we with this? We want to know when Luke knew he was in love with Doty. And to quote, Kristen Doty, no one gives a shit.

Okay. So, yeah, go ahead, Robs. No, no, I can't because it says we get to Kristen and Luke proposal. New bullet, don't care, no, no. I mean, the fact that we took eight to 11 minutes on this, my God. Now, do I ship them? Yeah, but I don't care, babe. Did you, Babe, would you rather watch another eight minutes of this or Katie's World?

Katie's World. I would much rather watch Katie's World. I want to see Katie arguing with the Trader Joe's employee because she's supposed to be picking up a bunch of vegan pesto for their sandwich bar. Something about her. And then the Trader Joe's employee is like, you know, you should just buy this in bulk because you don't need to come here and get 18 little things. things of this every week. Oh, no, I do. And she flips out.

So, yeah, I'd watch that. But anyways, this was very, very, very boring. And we get to Janet and Jason skipping the party. It's the best thing we could do, you know? Yeah. You weren't getting along. Thanks, Jason. Okay, thank you, Jason.

Let's talk about Jason. Nope, Jesse confronting Honeybee. Blanky. Blanky. Boy, I'd love to get some stories out of him. Oh, yeah. Holy shit, would he be a good sit-town? Aaron and him talked about the fires.

That was the last time that they spoke. And Michelle... Your B's okay? Yeah, man, they're fine. Cool, bro. I'm happy for you. I think that Michelle is an evil person, but I think that she hides it very, very well.

Jesse is the one thing that can just... She just erupts out of... of the ground like Godzilla. And when they're talking about the fires, she cannot hold it in. She's so angry at the recollection of Jesse, probably being a stubborn and annoying little piece of shit. Over the fire, she just hates him so much.

It's kind of a... I don't know if I'm tired of it yet, but it's definitely a drum we've beat quite often. Okay, so I dated a girl 20 years ago, Lebanese Lana. And when we first met, she said, And, you know, I'm hesitant to start a new relationship, Pat. And I, I, why?

Well, my last two relationships, the guys were pieces of shit. And then she'd get into detail why they were horrible people, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We have a two-year relationship and I dump her because she was a little mean little fucker. Okay. Next thing I know, I run into her with her new boyfriend at a Christmas party. I put my hand out to shake the dude's hand. He refuses. I'm like, what the fuck did she tell him about me?

But then I realized everyone that dated her is an asshole in her mind. Oh, yeah. But really, the problem is her. It's Lebanese Lata, that nasty little fucker. She punched me while I was driving a car. No, I mean, listen, it's well known. I mean, it's part of the Laura fan of Patty. And we're going to do that Patty quiz on the meetup.

We got to announce that soon. Ruby. No, nothing. Agreed. So Aaron and him. are good he and she are not so let's get to janet being a fan girl i love this rehearsed response to that question because she clearly knew it was coming and it was so not a response based that was even in the ballpark of the question my favorite part about this segment was the flashback to

shenishay singing good as gold because it is one of these things that is true you know, I envy people's confidence a lot of the time. And, you know, you have to ask yourself, though, like, would you rather have the lack of self-belief to keep you off that bar and not do that? Or would you rather be confident enough to go up there and do what she did? And you may take the former.

Yeah. I think the question you're really posing, Dylan, is the world is a much happier place when you're stupid. Ruby, yeah, Ruby looks like she's going. going to be sick right now. These, you said that why I watch Vanderpherals for Comfort. Dylan, these moments are you, you look at them and you say to yourself, they're what you didn't autotune, like you elected to actually have your mic on, you, you were, this type of

confidence in someone like you or Pat would be, I mean, it would be world altering in the best way possible. Sure. Yeah. This type of confidence in our Bravo Lever. Burdies results in things like good as gold or the birdie and Bridey having an awareness event for victims of sexual assault. So we have to ask ourselves, what world do we want to live in?

Great question. Speaking of comfort, and thank you for saying that about me and Patty, and I believe the same for you. I think that if any one of us put our mind to it, we could be president of the Ustas United States. I think we could actually. but my wife has been at home with child and one of her comfort shows is Roney. Now Roney is still goaded as, it's the greatest franchise of Real Housewives. I will not hear any other arguments.

First three seasons of Real Housewives of Orange County? No, that middle with Bethany and Carol and Dorinda and Ramona and Luann and Sonia. There's sweet spot. There's nothing better than that. I don't think, right, Roobes? I think it's because together they are a category 93 hurricane. Right, right, right, right. Alone, they are very, very, very stressful weather events that require all hands on down.

Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely. Oh, it's a perfect storm, but can I say really quickly? Yes. No, you were going to say your favorite. For my money, season one of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. as a stand-alone, like, for characters. Just a work of art.

Kyle and her sister Kim, the final episode, her calling her out for stealing her house with Mauricio. Yeah. We had no idea that was that much darkness going on between that relationship. The seance meeting where the media, medium tells Kyle that her husband is going to leave her because he wants younger women right to her face. Camille Grammer announcing to the girls constantly.

that she felt like Jesus. Yeah. Pat, I know that you guys aren't into the ticking and the talking. There are things that I will send Dylan's wife sometimes, just videos of just Ramona alone. Right. And they're present, their past, and they're just of her doing things and existing. And it's like you could do that for every single one of them. And I think that the level of delusion that exists so deeply in the makeup of,

of these women well before they got in the show. Oh my God. She was a Morgan and she's now bankrupt and she believes she is still a Morgan. Oh, she's still a Morgan. Ramona Singer will film herself having a Pena Colada on a Tuesday on a random rooftop bar in New York. And it is just joyous. It really is just joyous. But the reason I bring up Roney is because while, while Danny is a little drunk, I don't think there's,

a bigger drunk in the history of Bravo than Dorinda. This woman, really think about it. Is there anyone that has a drinking problem like Derrida? Okay. And can I, can say, maybe me, I'll give her a run for her money. Even though Lou got thrown in prison, I still think Durinda is a much. You fucking bastard, don't put your hands on me. I'm the countess.

Pat, when, okay, and I will all record, I'll download to save and I'll send it to you. That's the best fucking bird. That's the TikTok. Everyone needs to go look up after this show. Look up drunk Durinda. It is, if you don't know her and you watch this. Oh my God. Yeah, totalitarian art.

Yeah, totalitarian art. Okay, we got to get back in. So we went on a wild tangent. Okay, but what brought us here was Andy said. Do you see how light we got there? We're talking about shows. I mean, this is part three of the Valley reunion. Sorry.

Okay. So how this got. brought up as Andy point blank asked Janet, hey, we have fucking fame fucker and like trying to plan a way to get on this show. Yeah, in so many words. And she says, Andy, Andy. You're all acting.

Yeah. Like I had good as gold posters, which I don't think exists. No. On my wall. No. That was not the question. Nice spin there. Although maybe good as gold posters exist. Maybe they're like out in the desert next to that big trove of ET games.

for the Nintendo, you know. Oh, that was a great dog. Yeah. I can't believe they found them in that. Yeah, they did find them. That game was shit. I bought it for $2 when I was a kid. I popped it in the Atari.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? You know what we were talking about the other day? The Sega Genesis somehow, I don't know how they struck this deal. They had all of the Disney releases. So like the Aladdin's and the Lion Kings and all that, that was all on Sega Genesis. Not only that, they had Lucas film. They had different versions of Star Wars. a Sega Genesis is an underrated console.

Really beautiful. So there's this accusation though. Sonic's a hedgehog if I can get him. John Madden, Mortal Kombat? I mean, what the fuck are we talking about? There's this accusation that Janet has acquired an alter ego. And I don't know why, like, again, these people are very unimpressive. It would stand to reason that she, she wouldn't have an alter ego.

She's just herself now. She used the alter ego to trick you all. And now she's just awful. Very interesting. Mm-hmm. So what you've clicked on is correct here. She has been wearing her human suit for years. Right.

And she's actually been a lizard the entire time. Sure. She no longer wears that. But her skin, it looks so much like human skin because she's been wearing her suit for so long. Yep. You guys didn't see the lizard person in front of you. Yeah, and what Janet does is she goes and she meets with the other lizard people. And there's like a pecking order.

You know, Donald Rumsfeld is kind of, he doesn't really respect the work that Janet does because, you know, he's freaking Donald Rumsfeld. I think he's dead, by the way. They never die. Oh. Hey, I do want to say this, though. He's dead. There's things that were said on this reunion. If you pick up, they're just like throwaway lines.

she had said like you know my marriage you know my it's like boring yeah yeah yeah there's truth in those little things oh yeah she is she is frothing at the mouth to find some kind of high if she makes it to season five jason i'm sorry you're not going to be living in that house anymore so what i have to say is i would i would like to take credit for calling when we got these tattoos together and she said i've never heard you say the f word before oh yeah we we knew that she needed something going on you know yeah yeah i mean she married this guy would a lot agree i looked him up by the way uh he's been a practicing lawyer since 2010 same firm i think he might even be a partner now they do litigation and uh entertainment law because that was yeah look it up when you well maybe

the law firm does but he's a workers comp lawyer oh okay well it names It listed like four things that is in his purview of what he could do if he wants to. Well, we find out that he's a workers' complora because we get back into this sexual assault thing. And again, Jasmine's right that what he did is sexual assault. She's just wrong in that she's a lizard and she's bringing it up to accuse him of sexual assault. But we, yeah, we asked Jason what he thinks. And I think Zach pipes up. He wouldn't do jail time.

That's what he said. I don't think he'd do jail time. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. How much do I owe you for that? If the glove don't fit, you must acquit. Ribby, you remember OJ?

Yes, Della, I remember OJ. No, you don't. You were two years old when it happened. Did you know that Alan Dershowitz, who you may have lots of theories on because you do that? Dersh. Did you know one of his first cases

was representing Teddy Kennedy when he fucking went in the drink with that fucking woman and then took off for 24 hours? Chappaquita or some shit like that. I was like, wow. And you know, it's crazy is that was like the best thing he ever did. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I was going to say, then he helped out with the OJ case. Not a lot of people knew that, but he was teaching at Harvard at the time. And he did a class in Harvard. What could we come up with to create reasonable doubt? And they all came up with the Colombian drug cartel story. Oh, yeah. And they sent that to the lawyers in L.A. they used it and it worked wonderfully.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, lawyers are scumbets. No, well, Dersh specifically. I mean, Dersh is a real pig. Now he's going around fairgrounds accusing Perogi stand owners of being anti-Semitic, which, you know, they might be.

I mean, but it's still a really bizarre sight. Like, why are you at a fairgrounds right now? Hey, look, he's 86 years old. He can walk around and enjoy his time. I guess. Right, but enjoy your time then. Don't do what you're doing, right, Dersh. Yeah, come on, Dersh.

Yeah, come on, Dersh. All right, so let's sweep this under the rug. Janet says, hey, bitch, we haven't swept this under the rug. We've talked about it 70 times. We swept you snaking your way onto the show under the rug. That's what we did. Hands up to Janet weaponize the sexual assault. Everyone raises their hand, and we get a rare...

Not everyone. Michelle keeps her hand down and Jason and Janet keep their hand down. Well, Jason, Janet, don't count. Michelle. No, Jason and Janet don't count. Right, but Michelle kept her hand down. She thought it was sexual. No, Michelle doesn't count.

Oh. Yeah. What do you think? Should we get to the next thing? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Zen party? So let's just call it.

Yeah? Yeah. Nothing else is talking about. Yeah. No, I'm kidding. We have to keep going. So, Janet, being accused of using words to hurt people. We've all said horrible things to hurt people.

and she says Danny called Michelle a whore. Janet is, she's both good and bad at this. Like she's really good at sitting in the pocket and just looking at people and making them just fucking explode. But if she has to go on the offense, she's just sloppy and bad at it.

She's sloppy. That's a good way. Saying that Danny called Michelle a whore is one of the wildest most gaslighty things. He said that her ex-husband called her a whore in a group thread. But what kind of fucking trick are you trying to pull? And then she opens the door and like Nia and again, I think the elf has a drinking problem. I would not feel comfortable if this happened repeatedly once, twice, four times.

You can't look at the heaving stupid tits. You can't do it to my friends or to strangers. And you have a drinking problem. But I think the issue here is that there, there's, there's no, none of you are good, good. So then when Mia is sitting here looking at Janet being like, I think it's very important that we use words that are, you're lying, he didn't say horror. It's like, okay, I agree with that. But also, your husband is probably going to fuck other women if he hasn't already. I'm very sorry to say it.

I'm sorry, Mia. I'm sorry, Mia. You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. your husband is looking at heaving stupid tits when he's blacked out. And I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. When Daniel gets caught, she's going to take him off camera and she's going to have a conversation with him.

No, she's not going to say goodbye. She is not going to say goodbye. I do not agree with you guys. You think she's going to. Ruby, No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not taking into account that she went into pageants, which means, not bad.

But she's all, I think. I think that it means that she is a little bit of, you know, a stranger, right? Stranger in a strange land. And that means she'll have loyalty to a little guy with drinking problems who cheats on her. We've seen it time and time. Well, he did get her to Santa Clarita, though. Yes. All right.

So we get to Jack's. Well, we get to Brittany and Zach being buddies and cut back to a picture of Zach in 2011. And his hair has not just sucked, but it has been so dumb for so long. Very dumb hair. Did you see that hair? Very dumb hair. Okay. So we get to.

jacks banging his staff goes nowhere that goes nowhere so this absolutely no way i am not a litigious person but there have to there has to be some rules here okay you can't just say jesse sucks dick to pay his mortgage from some like gay like guy you can't just say those things because if you do it ruins the reunion because you're like oh my god i can't wait to hear this when it goes nowhere it ruins the reunions it gives them teaser bait yes that goes nowhere but we we also get to this jesse's girlfriend coming after yarmishiro and it's like this was the best part i am don't do this to andy cohen do not do this shit with andy come i i loved how he got fucking a little lesson oh yeah schooling on when you sign up to be on a reality tv show yeah ruby can you

break down the game film i was confused because i felt like he was having a little dinner with his girlfriend, Michelle called and asked if she could join is what I gleaned from it. And then she showed up with cameras. Brung. Okay, help me. Are you serious? Yeah. I mean, it was just crazy. I am. It's, it's actually nuts that you interpreted. I don't know how you did. Help me. Help me. Drinking problem. Okay. So what happened was the Zen party at Yamashiro, which was a cast as sanctioned event by the production company. Crystals and rocks at Yamashiro. Yeah. So crystals and rocks and everyone cried at Yamashiro. She showed up to that when cameras had just wrapped.

And so obviously, because this is what happens in reality TV, everybody said, oh, no, bitch, we're picking cameras back up. And I guess that's when she started to heave legal threats at people. So don't bring this into Andy's house. Okay. I mean, she better be careful because she could end up Chappaquitticate. I mean, hey, hey, listen, bitch, if you want to be vile, be vile. on camera. Otherwise, stop talking about Baywatch. Are you having a stroke? Stop talking about Baywatch and leave us alone. And Jesse is such a little pig bringing this rat around all the

time. I mean, he's doing it on purpose. He's just sitting there smiling as she flames people with legal. I can't stand. One thing of note, though, Michelle said, I don't really want to speak on what took place there because, you know, she's pretty litigious. And I was thinking, not even if she sues you who's she suing there's an old saying that says you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip right right that's your finances yeah it's like there's nothing trying to sue pk right it's the same judge too because it's both LA and so she's like god damn it guys I'm not doing this again we can't keep bringing these it's zero dollars there is no get out no it's not zero

It's minus 1.2. All right, you've been, you've won. Gaville, gavel, I thought we've done this. You've been awarded minus 1.2.2 million dollars. So we wrap things up, thank God, with nice things to say to one another. Michelle says that Jesse is a great father. It's weird because he's not. We know that he's not and she knows that he's not.

So I don't know why she would say that. It's not to say that he's not cute with her. We've seen those scenes. And it's cute. But being a good father is not throwing a fit when your ex-wife's mother is dying and wants her child to see her grandma. Being a good father is not bringing around a woman who banged someone on Baywatch around your daughter within one months.

You know what? I don't think he's a good dad. Let's just say that. I mean, is that, am I crazy? Am I crazy? I don't know because there's a lot of douchebags out there. Even if they're narcissists, their narcissism will be, I'm going to be the best dad so that my daughter will say nice things about me.

That's not Jesse. He lost that more. Yeah. I'm so good luck. But what I will say is that we started this off with the Titanic. I think that Jax would take a child and say it was his to get on that lifeboat. I do. I don't know.

Oh, 100%. Billy Zane the fuck out of that whole operation. I mean, gosh. So anyways. Congrats on your sobriety, though, Andy says. And we actually get quite a lovely thing from Jacks. He says, I just want forgiveness one day. I know that it's not going to be today.

I know that it's not going to be tomorrow. But one day, I can hope for forgiveness. She says, Rod Hail, Jax. Rod Hill. All right, that was the end of our coverage of the Valley. season two it's been a joyous journey it's been fun there was so much hope though in this season i wish it was a little bit more enjoyable how many uh rotten hills would you give the whole season i'm going to

give it 30 rotten hells ruby 33 yeah i'm going to give it 33 too had so much promise get in the comments let us know what you thought about the season how many rotten hells would you give it how many bumps would you give it they're currently filming by the way who do you want to see on would you watch katie's world how many episodes do you want of katie's world in your life do you know I noticed that Sheena is front-loading news stories now, knowing that she's going to be on this show. What do you mean front-loading news stories? So it just got revealed.

Ruby, you know this, that Fouco, Brock, his second wife, he was still with her when he started dating Sheena. That just came to light. And then also, whose kid did they take to Disney World to take to prove immigration status? I believe that Sheena went with them to Disney World or Disneyland to take pictures to prove that they were fake married. Because there was a much older lady. We have to ask ourselves, ladies, who are we having kids with, right? We have to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I got to say you have a crystal ball and that crystal ball usually. can give you an insight into something that is plainly obvious. But it gives Pat a lot of, he has a lot of fun with it. He's like, I called that. Well, hold on. It's like, Corey Feldman killing himself. Like, well, that's going to happen.

No, no, no, no, no. But it goes much deeper than that. I think the best call you've made is Brock. Because I thought Brock was just a douchebag. I mean, he was just, you know, he's just a west cider from another country. I mean, how many of those do we have floating around the city? But no, Pat saw something truly odious. I also call podcasts that are going to die.

Oh, yeah, big time. Pretty good at that. I also said Will Smith was going to lose his mind two years before he did. I also said Matthew Perry. I didn't say he was going to go for a swim, you know, and fall asleep. But again, that's one of those examples that I'm talking about. Anyways, we love you guys so much for listening the entire season with us. And Ruby is with the departed right now.

She's got her hand on her chest. Hey, are we going to do rock-a-lover traders on Friday? Traders. We're going to kick things on. All right, Ruby, you've got to watch traders. Australia, Season 1. Where am I going to watch that? Bacock.

Oh, okay. All right. I'll get on that cock and I'll watch it. All right. Love you guys. Get in the comments. Go to Substack. Follow me, Dylan P.

Follow us on the bad TV and all this stuff. And go to Patreon. We love you. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dude. Rube. Bye-bye.

life deep and deep and