Another Below Deck Podcast - Goodbye Poor People | Below Deck Med S11 E17

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Howard Stern, Budapest, The Road, Al Pacino, Jamba Juice, AA, The Mist, cave dwelling, Groundhog Day and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean   PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Let's get to it. It's the last charter of the season. Hold my purse, bitch. Tristan leads with a very intense professional posture. And I hate them already. They're walking around talking about how the boat used to be nice. And when they leave, they say goodbye pores. Just a wonderful way to ingratiate yourself to the viewing audience.

These people are nightmares. Hi, hello and welcome to bad television. That is the podcast, and I am Dylan, and that is Pat. Permission to come aboard. Kalin's here as well. Hello. Hey, before we get started. Oh, boy, were we jamming out to some Orleans earlier.

Yeah, it's a great band. Oh, my God. You're still the one. Do you want to harmonize? No, no, no, please follow me. That's enough of that. We've got a great show ahead of us, I think. Before I forget.

Yeah, what? We see a lot of people come. coming in to watch our show on YouTube that's like a movie. Uh-huh. And we need you to subscribe. That helps us out with analytics and whatnot. You guys come in, you're just watching it. Just hit the subscribe button for goddamn sake.

Yeah, and we don't need to bore you or get into the muck and the mire of analytics or anything like that. I didn't. I just said hit the subscribe button. No, I'm saying we're not going to do that. Kalin's here as well. We have a great show. Also, sorry. It's true, though, what he's going to say.

I don't like how I look on camera. If anybody can send our producer, Kaelin, some notes on how to make my face look less fatter. Go and watch us just for that. I'm a skinny guy. My fucking face looks like a melon. I don't even want to watch our own movie channel. It doesn't look like a meli. It does.

You look very handsome and you are very thin. You're on GLP1. Get in the comments, gas pat up. Say that you would like to take him to Sadie Hawkins or whatever you need to say. I'd rather like a better lighting guy. Okay, well, let's fire Kaelin then. Fine. Go to patreon.com slash, what is it?

What's the Patreon? Another podcast network. Another podcast network. Dot com for the real hostages of Salt Lake and Traders. Normies. Sad news, I will be traveling for the finale. So we'll be zooming. We've heard your criticisms.

and they're very valid. About the audio. We fix the audio issues. We'll ensure that it sounds good. You won't even know that we're not in the same room. You will because there will be connectivity issues and that'll cause kind of an awkward lull to some of the comedy. But outside of that, it'll be fine.

Another sidebar. Yeah. I tried to watch that new Howard Stern thing on HBO Max. Yeah, what is that? Well, he's trying to pretend that he's in the same room with everybody. Yeah, they do a good job. No, they do a horrible job. It's so stilted and bizarre.

I don't want to use this time to, shit on Howard. And I love when you shit on Howard, but we have other shows. Well, I wanted to like it, but he's like Bustin Jadie's balls, which he's been doing for 15 years. You didn't want to like it. I did want to like it. You didn't want to like it. You came in with a closed heart, not even a jar, I would say.

Anyway. Anyways, let's get into the episode. It is the second to last episode. We've got the owner and his harem of the Abbey, the Abbey Boys. They have lots of opinion on the boat. They have lots of opinion on the boat. They have lots of opinion on the poor. Oh, yeah.

They said, goodbye, poor people. Yeah, goodbye poor people. And then they said this boat looks like shit. Right. Can I, an observation I finally made of gay men in 2026. Okay. You know, because I... And right, not a lot, not a monolith, of course.

Of course. But just, I've always believed that gay men are a better version of straight men. They're smarter. They're cleaner. No, in no way. They're nicer. In no way. But now in 2026, especially having watched this group of gays, and I've dealt with a lot of gay guys like this recently.

I've now come around to their version of straight men, but they say things out loud that are really offensive and they fucking mean it. We're all men at the end of the day. I hate poor people. The issue is a class condescension here and really just that. We witness today the magic and real forces of karma when in one of the Antoinette's Victor. Victor. Was it a Victor today? No, no, no, no.

He erupted into the ceiling of the boat and almost broke his skull. but we've got a lot of stuff to get into. How many pots would you give this episode and then your thoughts generally on it? Okay. We have lots of things going on this boat right now. Can I ask you something? Do you think it's too much? Do you think there are too many things going on in this boat?

No, I always like a lot of things going on. Okay. Yeah. I don't like a reality show that doesn't have a lot of things going on. Right, right. That's bad reality TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can listen to our coverage of the suburban lives of double.

Who gives this shit? We'll never watch that piece of shit ever again. I say this with absolute certainty. I've watched a lot of reality TV in my life. Those are the dumbest people I've ever watched on TV. And I mean it. Oh, my God, I'm gay. Okay.

We've said many times. There is no greater documentarian of the horrors. of the American experience than Matt Sharp. Okay. Shame on you. We have Jen on her redemption, I guess. Jenny from the book. Yeah.

Yes. We have, for some reason, Kat, still tolerating Coop's fucking briefcase of bullshit, which, by the way, we will be inserting a very juicy interview that we did with her recently about Coop. And I'll tell you this right now. She is no fan of him. Yeah. And the question is, how could you be, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah.

But you think maybe they made up after the season? Hell fucking no. No, that's a little teaser there. Okay, we have Sandy in a really nice moment of Aisha, gifting her. Yeah, that was really beautiful. That was beautiful. We, of course, have Tristan and his five boyfriends and one guy he's engaged to. Let's just all be honest with one another.

Melvin is just another boyfriend. Yeah, no, Melvin is, I think, going to be sort of. disappointed coming up here probably by the time the show airs. He's probably been cast out to the cornfield because, I don't know why, but, you know, hedonists with a lot of money, they circle and cycle out human beings like their fleshlights, you know. I mean, you just have to, you have to hope for more, you know. Yeah, we'll get into that later.

And lastly, Luke, still around. Oh my God. Still hovering around and he's got a little secret waiting for joy on that final night, that final dinner. And I can't wait to see how that goes. What's the secret? Well, remember he reached out to Joe the hoe and said, don't tell her, but I'm showing up. I'm actually in Budapest and I will be coming out for that final dinner. Did you say Budapest?

Isn't that where they are? Croatia, sorry. Sorry. I was hungry. It made me think of that. Sorry. What the hell am I? No, no, no, it's okay.

And how many pots do you give you? I'm going to give it 14. Yeah. And Kaelin, if you think that I am asking you for your pots, you are sorely mistaken. I would give the episode, I think 14 pots is a little low. I'm going to give it 17 pots. There was a lot of beauty. There was a lot of love.

There was a lot of smut, a ball of snakes kind of stuff. I mean, it was damn near a perfect episode. So, yeah, that's how come 14 and 17. Let's get into it. So last we left off, we were in the midst of Gail confronting Joe about disrespecting her family, which I guess the family is about six months old. She speaks with the bravado of a kind of matriarch that's presided over a. a couple of, I don't know, christenings and holidays in the backyard and stuff.

But it's not really that. She's just kind of like a girlfriend of Nathan's and they happen to have a child out of wetlock. So like, I'm a fan of Gail, but like, can we fucking cool it? As we said last week with the godfather shit, thank you. I'm going to deal with this with some nuance. Thank you. Gail, this was completely inappropriate. You did not give Joe the hoe a nanosecond to fucking respond to this.

So it wasn't really a dialogue between the two of you. You kept asking them questions. Mano. No, it wasn't really a dialogue. It was really you just letting him have it. And I totally get it because you had Nate probably feeding you all this stuff that he was saying Joe was talking about you all season long. So you're real pissed and really want to unload on this guy. Yeah, Nathan is a worm tongue.

Right. Yeah. So I totally fucking get it. Now, here's the other note. Why the fuck are we doing this? You two idiots at this point, at this point in time. When you say the two idiots, I just want to clarify this. I'm referring to Joe the hoe and Nate.

Okay. We're never going to see each other again after the next two days, except at Bravo Cod. But now, the only way that you guys are going to see each other is with Nate watching a TV while he's wearing an orange jumpsuit, which will match the bald spot on the top of his head. Not true. There is one other way. Joe's car breaks down on the side of the road. He walks into the forest to try to find some kind of fresh water source or something. He's in a remote area.

He finds some mud-covered creature crawling on all fours, covered in beans and smelling of hot dogs. Who is it? It's actually human, and it's his former friend and Boson, Nate. So there are pretty much just two ways. ever going to see each other again. You know the road, Cormac McCarthy? Oh, that was a hard watch.

Yeah, something like that. You know, that movie was written about, that was a dedicated book to the author's son because he was never there for him. No, it's not that he was never there. He just had him when he was like 72 years old or something. Oh. Yeah. It's kind of like a Pacino moment, but Pacino's way to reckon with it is to let the child

put a Shrek background on his phone, and Cormac writes it just a bummer book in honor of the child who's going to lose his father at the age of nine. But listen, the whole thing's really depressing. And we don't need to talk about that. Oh, no. What I will say, Petino will be at, I don't know, his second grade performance of Narnia. It's just he'll be drooling on his shirt. Yeah, yeah. He might dive there. Okay. Enough. Let's talk. about, I mean, I just... Okay. Have you ever read The Giver?

Did you ever need to read The Giver? No. Do you ever read The Giver? Of course. I feel like we should have some kind of society where, let's be generous and say like maybe 65, let's just kind of, let's do a little snip. Because Pacino, just spitting out loads at 82 is just kind of like not... That's crazy.

It's the book I get... Possibly by the title. Does this male think he's giving to people? It's about a sperm donor in the future. Okay, let's talk about a scene that was evidently cut out. I'm very, very upset about this. I don't know if it's in the finale or if it's in this episode, but evidently there was a very tense scene between Joe and Nathan

that Bravo decided it best to leave out of the broadcast because of what has been going on, with Nate turning into a forest creature and whatnot. Fuck that. Fuck that. Okay? What have we been watching this for a long time? Okay?

Give it to us. Now, while Gail is dressing Joe down, Massey is in the other car making fun of Nathan and that he's as intimidating as an old Italian woman and not that intimidating actually, actually. So according to... By the way, this is how you backstab your boss. You only have two days left.

fuck do you care. Right. That's when you do it. Low stakes. According to Nathan and Gail. Is this with Asia? No, no, no. We're still in the car, but we're just kind of like, I don't know, a Nolan-esque kind of

time trick where we're recounting what happened in the van while it's happening. And Gail says that Joe was given a chance to a chance to a. admit the things that he said in the past about Gail. One, no, he was not given a chance. You did not stop speaking and he literally could not get a word in edgewise when there was a brief moment for him to speak. Nathan said he would punch him in the fucking face if he talked. So he was not given the chance to speak. And we're no great defenders or fans of Joe.

We're just calling it like we see it. Number two, I'm so sorry. Are we supposed to repent? and be remorseful for any and all shit talk that anyone's ever engaged in? I mean, the things that Nathan and Gail have said behind Joe's back is crazy. Nathan's tried to get him fired. He's tried to put him on night shifts that he couldn't possibly do without falling asleep, which would cause, like, what are we doing here?

So Gail is kind of hung up on one thing, aside from probably the information that Nate's probably been building this case against him, is that Gail's hung up on that he really didn't like them being together from the beginning because he felt like they were bringing up, breaking up the bromance. And I think she's stuck on that. I don't even think that that's, I don't even, I don't think that was technically a thing. I'd have to rewatch that season, which I'll never do. No, no, no, no, never. So Nathan and Gow get home, Nathan heads back to the boat. And this is where he and Asia psychoanalyized the moment. Joe and Kaylee have a little bit of a chat and we get some, we get some C-Rat history. Oh, boy. This is going to be a,

This is going to be a tough one. Hey, Kaelin, are you buckled up, buddy? Here we go. Okay, so Joe and Kay have a little snuggle time. And Joe shares something personal. So we get some late in the season, Sea Ratt history. Get ready for this one. It's very odd because usually what this show does is it kind of front loads the

Sea Ratt history so that everyone is on the same page that these are broken toys out in the middle of the ocean. And it's like, we know that. but okay anyways well yeah this is joe's this is his third stint on this show so for this to come in late you know it's like you know getting delivered uh a letter was uh sent in world war two right the lady's dying in her chair in 82 she finally gets it right like i've been married third you know three times i'm a drunk right who was this guy right you know anyway uh is everybody sitting down this is joe's story yeah the tragedy of that joe didn't know his dad in fact he and his mom a escaped from him because he was abusive.

I don't. Don't take too long with it. Just, just. Shocking. Shocking. Okay. Now on a serious note, while Joe inherited his dad's womanizing ways,

and he absolutely did, he swore off the aggressive, drunken stuff, which is why Nate triggers the fucking hell out of him. Right. Yes. Yes. In many ways, I have taken Joe's path.

My dad used to do horrible things to my mom. He was also a womanizer. I've never touched ever. A lady. I would never do anything like that. But I was a womanizing piece of shit. Right, right, right. Where does that land on the C-Rat sad scale?

Oh, that's very sad. That gets a one. That gets a one. I meant minus one, sorry. Oh, my bad. You got to be machine gun down. to get for sure yeah um and sorry backtrack you have to be machined gun down you're a family member a brother okay it's got to be like city of god kind of stuff exactly okay got it now um this is just

i mean it's see rat shit that's right it's just see rat shit now let me ask you because you left out one of the sadder details about the story so i'm wondering if this bumps it from a negative one to oh oh okay yeah this is where he meets his dad when he's 13 and his dad tells him, you're not mine. Well, he says, let me see your hands. And here is, dare I say, we might be on the precipice of a beautiful moment. A father holding his hand's son. He's holding his hand's son and he goes, how did this hand have a baby?

And no, I'm saying that he's holding his son's hands and he looks at the hands and he says, these are disgusting, you are not my son. And then he turns and leaves. So is still a negative one? 0.05. Okay. All right. So that's pretty sad.

We learned that Joe swore that he would never be a dumb, aggressive drunk like Nathan. That's why it triggers him so much. Then we rise for the next morning. It is time for healing. It is time for vengeance. Jen has woken on a new day. Now, I have thoughts on this.

So Jen continues her, I just might be insane to her. She's being overly complimentary to her coworkers in an effort to make it to the end of the season. To prove to everyone they were wrong, thus exacting her revenge. Right. Here's the issue with her rather convoluted plan. No one gives a fuck. Yeah, there's that. It's also a very confusing thing.

People have been so accustomed to the baseline in Santa. that this is not so much smoothing anything over, but refracturing a whole new thing. Now, Jen says, if these fucking assholes want me to be fake, then I'll be fucking fake. And she says it's hard to be part of a team when everybody hates you. And it's interesting to me that Jen's, as I mentioned, And baseline is so far away from affability and just niceties that she perceives people

who are just jolly as fake pieces of fucking shit. What's that show with Adam Scott about your work life versus your home life? Severance. Okay. I don't think it really gets this. But the idea that didn't Ben Stiller come up with this concept about how people are completely different at work versus their home life? No, I think it was somebody, I don't think Ben Stiller wrote it.

No, no, no. But just the... Pat, Ben didn't write it. I know, but the dual lives we have where you have to become a different person at work. Yeah. Yeah. At North American Insurance, before I realize you could go to happy hours on Fridays and have sex with coworkers, I fucking hated it. I'm like, what's what all these stiffs in here, man?

They're so boring. You were hating the compartmentalization. That's right. A cubicle. The gray area. You're stuck in this box all day. What kind of life is that? It's maddening.

Yeah. Your cranium is a jamba juice blender. You don't know which ways up and which ways down. Kay, when was the last time you had Jamba Juice, buddy? Probably about nine months ago. Okay. I had a feeling that Kaelin was going to be the one that it had Jamba Juice more recently out of the three of us. When was the last time you had it?

Never. It's like trickery. It pawns itself off as some kind of health solution. It makes you fucking fat. It's all sugar. What are you drinking right now? Pepsi. Okay.

Let's get into... On the bridge, Kermit alerts Sandy that shit went sideways between Nate and Joe. Okay. Fuck all that, though. Okay. Fuck all that mess. It's time for... The...

Prefranchate men! Okay. So last one. Yes, it is. And boy, do we have a big one, Pat? Take it away. All right. Tristan and the boys.

He owns the Abbey. Also... Once Vanderpump rules started, they tried to launch just down the street from Vanderpump, the Abbey Rules. It wasn't called Abby Rules. It was called Abby's Fun or something. I don't know what the fuck it was. It lasted a season and a half.

It did not work. Interesting. Yep. You can't capture, what is it? Lightning in a bottle twice. Yeah. Yeah, they tried, but it didn't work there. Anyway, they're...

I'm sorry, you tried to catch it in the bottle again? Yeah. That never worked. They want to do some snorkeling. They're going to have drag queens show up a little bit later. They exclusively want to eat protein. Make sure to get some fiber in there. Yeah.

And I think that's all I wrote down. Sandy says, I'm depending on, to Nathan and Joe, I'm depending on you two to make this a kick-ass charter. Joe says, let's do this. And Nathan says, we'll see. Awesome. Ben's rehabilitation journey continues this time with Kaylee. And Kaylee is spooked as well. Now, Sandy's last team meeting begins with a challenge issued to any and all sea rats who have tension that is unresolved.

Sandy says with one charter left to people who, and no judgment. I mean, you know, we're not the most emotional. developed people either, but she's saying to these sea rats, particularly Joe and Nathan, try to resolve your conflict. You might as well have said, because like what? Just make fart noises. Well, yes. Now, this was at the never before heard of pre-charter meeting, which was post-preference sheet meeting. Yeah, a lot of meetings. And she threw out, throughout lines like forgiveness is freedom. Yeah, forgiveness is freedom.

Yeah, okay a Tuesday night at AA, you know. Yeah. Which is fine. She's openly admitted that also a major part of this episode. Yeah. I like the effort on Sandy's part to try and bring these two together. But as you've noted, she probably should just go, yeah.

Good luck. Yeah, good luck. Oh, worth pointing out this was a small detail, but I could not believe it. Coupe walks by cat at some point. And she goes, can I have a hug? And he goes, and he walks right by her.

Yeah, he's, you know, it's his thing with, and we'll get to it later when he's like, what are your plans? I sleep on a boat. We'll go over.

Guys, stop being pussies. You're just being fucking pussies. I have thoughts on that. You're being so mean. All right, let's get to it. It's the last charter of the season. Hold my purse, bitch. Tristan leads with a very intense professional posture.

And I hate them already. They're walking around. This boat looks like shit. They're walking around talking about how the boat used to be nice. And when they leave, they say goodbye pores. Just a wonderful way to ingratiate yourself to the viewing audience. These people are nightmares. All right, so Aisha says, if I hadn't found the magical Scott, I might be sugar babying.

This seems like not that bad of a deal. Asia, God forbid. You got to be kidding me. I think she was joking about it. I think she was to. God forbid. All right. So Jen is really turning it on.

There's a New York thing going on that she keeps screaming about. And we get to rolling out the water toys. Now, there's a very, very odd moment. here where Joe goes into like a-fib or something and he goes like, I was just taking my own little ride. And you're just like, oh, sorry, what was that? I was going to ask you what the hell that was. Okay. Good to know. Heart skip to beat. While the boys are asking for a lot of protein, Joy points out, it's interesting you want all that protein because you just guzzled down 500 liters of sugar via your champagne. Yeah. Yeah. They're very, very clean, very, very healthy eaters, which is one

It all goes in the same place. Yeah, it all goes in the same place. So Sandy says tomorrow will be 36 years sober. And Coop, just a naive, you know, Carolinian looks out and says, are they all boyfriends or is he, fuck's going on here? And it's a great question. I think, what do you think the, the, sexual makeup or power dynamic, I should say, is within this group.

Do you think everybody's banging or do you think... Oh, interesting. Tristan kind of picks off kind of like the monster in the fog. Hmm. What was that movie called? It was it the fog? The mist. Yeah.

So Tristan's like that thing in the mist that just grabs you out of thin air and then fucks you in the ass. I think they're all porking. Okay. Okay. So, Kat and Cooper, this is the moment. What are you doing later? I'm going to come stay with you. Oh, that's going to be tough seeing that I live on a boat. If a woman is into you, it's going to take a little bit more to detract from that or divert than saying I live on a boat. Like, this is where I, and we've, we've done this. We've had friends that do this. Stop riding the pine, just get up and say you have a fucking difficult conversation this is why people should like i told the story but

it's been two years he's being evasive with the answers it's clear he doesn't like you 15 years ago i go to lunch at aroma where you pay for the food first met with this girl with a date had met her at a bar she ignores me on the date starts working uh flirting with the guy that works there invites him to sit down at our table oh that's right i tolerate it for 15 minutes maybe 20 excuse myself to the bathroom and uh hopped in my car and peeled off yeah i don't understand how that is any relation to what is going on here. It's clear she wasn't interested in me. Why waste her time my time? Yes. The meal was paid for. I didn't want. I know. You were a little bit older though and you know, Kat's 22. Cooper's very young as well. So we say that,

but with a little bit of a caveat because I have a feeling if I was a betting man, if there were odds on Kalshi about this. I would put a shekel or two down on Cooper having this same predicament when he's 36 years old. Okay? Yeah. Have a feeling. Let's see

though. Sandy checks in on Joe. She says, hey. Hey. Hey. Okay. I have thoughts on Sandy. You got to get it off. Okay. I have a feeling why she's chatting with Joe. It's clear an indicator that she favors.

him. How could you not? I know. How could you not? Lesser of two evils, not that Joe is evil. I mean, I think what he does to women is evil. But yeah, Nathan. She doesn't know about that part. Well, she watches the show. But anyways, she does favor Joe. Joe is a more competent employee with a better attitude and less of a violent streak. And he's not eating out of almost exclusively 10 cans right now. Okay, so she tells him, get it off your chest, go talk to Nathan about this,

and I'm just, we all know, given what has transpired with Nate, and just if you've been watching this show, as Pat mentioned, there is no point in these two sitting down and talking. The only thing they should do is continue working and in the rare moments where they have to,

sit across from one another and eat food without speaking. That's as good as we're going to do. That's right. We just got to move on from there. All right, let's get to dinner. Joy is working on protein, protein and more protein.

But before we get there, let's sit down with Joe and Nathan. Now, Joe, okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Joe approaches Nate,

apologizes and explains he's not been backstabbing him and points out he understands they are in different places of their life. Now, aside from lying about almost everything that he just said he wasn't doing like talking shit about him and trying to take his job, the gesture was big of Joe, I think, to at least open up a dialogue. Yeah, and he, you know, he says, honestly, I haven't been trying to sabotage your role on this boat, which is a lot. I haven't talked about it.

It's an also lie. But Nathan in his talking head, despite Joe being deceitful here, and Nathan just shows once a again that he is unsavable. Or you know what? Maybe he's savable. I don't want anything to do with it. Good luck, whatever fucking social worker has to talk to this guy. So to recap what Nate received from this gesture. He says, and I quote, Joe's jealous and envious of me, which is, is there any surprise this guy is currently shitting at a cave somewhere? Right. Exactly. So you are shitting in a cave and you are kind of retreating back into the existence that Plato talked about us coming from. You're scrawling pictures of elephants and your own blood and feces on the wall.

And he's not jealous. He's going out and being a coxman. Even before that cave dwelling existence, you were just an overworked balding asshole with a child. He's, don't worry about it, Nate. He's not jealous of you, okay? So dinner is lots and lots of protein. and there's a salad, of course, one of the guys says, can you toss my salad?

It's so funny. We see this on this show all the time. These charter guests get on there. Be they men, women. The sexual overtness and the humor surrounding it just makes me want to fucking puke. If I tried this shit while I was on this boat with my wife sitting next to me? She'd smack you in the back of the head. We're on an Uber ride to a party.

We both, my wife and I, in an Uber, we both have a glass of champagne in us. She's wearing the fucking hottest heels ever with this like 70s disco dress on it. Take it easy. Yeah. And she goes, what do you think are these heels wearing? And I go, I hope you wear them later from me. That was the line. She stared at me like with this death stare. She should.

You're saying it. It's like I just said, hey, we should bang right now in the back seat in front of the You're saying it, you know, in, there's company of foot. It's an Uber driver. I know. But, you know, it's still not appropriate. So the guests say about... It's not like he turned around and said.

I heard that. That was hot. Okay. The guests say, um, this is cute. Um, it's like a lunch. Yeah, we're going to be hungry at about three hours. The, the, the, the fucking... One thing that drives me crazy.

I understand, I don't mind condescension and cockiness and aboveness if it's, uh, Really, really merit it. But you got to really merit it. Even then it's gross. When you're just a fucking walking butthole and you haven't really achieved anything in your life because you're here as a walking bipedled butthole, shut the fuck up about standards. It's just so gross. Oh, they had a dinger the next morning, which I loved.

All right. Let's get to the jacuzzi. Real hot stuff here, real ball, snakes kind of stuff transpired. and this is for some reason intercut with Asia talking to her husband about marriage. I don't understand the editing choice, but let us know. So Jen is doing as well as she can with the gays, but they are just not happy. There's not enough protein. There's simply not enough protein.

Who wants protein bars? And she does pull out some protein bars. We end the night with a little cock. spinning and we wake for the next day. Right. Now, breakfast is served. Sausages served. Once again, we go, oh, there's a joke about how the sausage isn't big enough. It's very, very funny. And they have a chat with Joy, and she says something along the ESL lines of, I see the game you guys are playing and I've punched my ticket or so. She said something crazy. And they were like, okay, thank you. No more bread, Joy. We get ready to head out to the Speedo thing.

and the guests are still shitting on this. Yeah, Tristan, I believe, the owner of the Abbey, he says, this is how the ultra wealthy live, huh? In an outdated penthouse. I feel like Jaja Gabor. You know what's more outdated than the fucking boat, Tristan? That fucking reference. How old are you?

84? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You old fuck? And I would say that the Abbey is pretty outdated too, but it's not. It's still popping. Tristan, you're 84. You know what your asshole looks like? A used fucking catcher's myth.

Sorry. It couldn't. I don't know if they know how to rejuvenate that yet. I think that they have to. Dr. Balloon knot or something. I don't know. Dot com. Right.

Right. Well, let's see what your asshole looks like here. Let me get in here, Tristan. Oh, you got a catcher smit. That's going to cost you $25,000. 25 grand. That's for the consultation. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's like, that sounds very expensive for a consultation. And then Dr. Balloonott says, Do you understand what we're doing? I'm turning your asshole from a catcher's mitt to a perky little balloon knot. It's going to cost you $250,000. This is necromancy. This is magic what I'm doing.

All right. So a gaggle of men head to the floating party tent, a flotilla, and Joe and Cooper are placed in Speedos. They begin to, I mean, there's no better way of, saying it, they suck booze out of Joe and Cooper. I think one licks Cooper's nipples. And listen, I don't want to go down the essay route. You know, these are willing participants and it's men on men.

But, you know, this is essentially turning a 22-year-old boy into a lickable tapestry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for a thousand dollars or something like that. A real colligula-like stuff. So Joe really leans into it. And while heading to give mouth to mouth to Corey, he dives and hits his head on a rock. He bleeds a little bit. And that's God's way of teaching you.

You get a lot too close to seeing there, buddy. I'm just kidding. He takes it like a man, though. Yeah, he does. He puts some Vaseline on it. Now, let me do it. Meanwhile. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Luke, Luke, video messages, Joy. Can we start calling him Dingleberry? Dingleberry? Oh, bad name. What are you? I swallowed a piece of hair. Okay. Luke video message is Joy, and he, uh, I like, he gets very detailed.

Hi, Joy. Joy, I ate dinner. And while staring at a plate of vegetables, it made me think of her. Right. Made me think of you. Yeah. It's funny when I stare at vegetables, I think of you. Yeah.

When I think, you know, it's funny. Luke, when I stare at a vegetable, I think of you. Yeah, it's so crazy. I would say to Luke, nothing makes me think of you. Not one thing. That's out of you being shoehorned into this show. Dangleberry. All right.

So we take the guest back with another goodbye to poor people. I think that that's coming up on two or three. this episode. Asha's got Sandy. This is a beautiful moment between Asia and Sandy. So Asia gives Sandy a necklace that says 36 years and there's an anchor on it. And it's, it really is incredible that Sandy has been sober for close to four decades. And I would say to anybody struggling with drugs and alcohol, you can take inspiration

from Sandy. That's right. Turn it around. you can turn it around and stop bothering people with your addiction. Yeah. She was a self-described fuck up. Right. Like, can you imagine that?

And then, like, you know, she's got her shit together. But yeah, to addicts and like, I know that people are really struggling and it's not anything to make light of, but you're so annoying. I mean, it's so exhausting dealing with you. Can you please just like let people fucking breathe a little bit. Like, God. And quit stealing my shit. Stop stealing.

It's so awkward. Hey, Joe, how you doing? Sock drawer was a little messed up last time you came over, okay? I'm short $350. And where's all my viking it? Okay. So, Aisha, we got a real fucking thick streak of sad CRA history. I don't want to cover this one.

This made me endear Aisha more to me. My God. I also explains why she's on the boat. It's so crazy. Like, I don't know. We talked about this. George R. Martin never sees war, writes a medieval world filled with violence and stuff, right,

and rape and stuff like that. Tolkien actually fights in some of those brutal battles ever, has the story imbued with fantasy and optimism, right? It's so crazy how people who go through horrific things can just see the light a little bit better than people who have done okay. I agree with that. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, very sad.

Lived experience is what is called, Dylan. Yeah, it's called lived experience. Asia's mother struggled with alcohol, and it got so bad to the point where Asia as a child was not sure what she was going to come home to. When you're a child, the most important thing in your life is stability. That's not something that Asia had. And her mother went to rehab for two years, I think when Asia was still a child, and it's sober for 10 years straight. So, you know, it's a daily fight. But, yes, all silver linings and happy endings.

So we get a meanwhile. Meanwhile. It looks like Jen has manifested a positive attitude. Kalin's favorite book is The Secret. He talks to us about it all the time. And when you just kind of buy in, you can change the perspective. you can change the chemistry.

It is alchemy. And there is no movie that exhibits this better than Groundhog Day. Bill Murray's character, he was initially trying to, I don't know, what would you call? The Groundhog. Well, or just try and like get through every single day. Initially, it was just like, fuck it, I'm going to eat that Sunday, that ice cream Sunday and enjoy himself. And then he starts, like, helping people. And that's what got him the hell out of there.

Yeah. You know? Right. was it groundhog day where he goes around and kills homeless people and shoves a cat in an ATM machine yeah yeah that was on one of those days where he was like you know fuck it i got tomorrow let's see what happens uh all right so one of the gays tries to jump onto the slide and this is a very very tough maneuver um it's really you look at these things when you get a little older and you think um kiano reeves did it in the Matrix, why can't I?

And what happens is he is concussed and bleeding. And that's what happens. You get a concussion and you start bleeding. Best line, Matt's it. What's wrong with this boat? It kills people. Yeah. Anything else?

I think that was it. It ends with Luke Call and Joe. Like, hey, come on. Hook me up, buddy. I need a special request. I'm showing up at that surprise last dinner. And that's it. I think it's going to be an epic finale.

Yeah, it is going to be a really epic finale. I think that Joe and Nathan, you know, despite the significant and meaningful resolution they've achieved tonight, are going to try to kill each other next episode. So that took. Get in the comments, let us know we thought about the episode. Subscribe. Watch us like a movie on YouTube.

Join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network for Salt Lake Traders and Double Lives. if you're interested in that. Follow Kaelin at White Guys Chasing Taxis. And we'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Bye, guys.

Kailen.