Kill James Bond! - Graduation Day | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S4 E12

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to breakdown allergies, Regis Philbin, Frankenstein cake, Sideways, Balthazar, Cookie Monster, personal stories, Poquito Mas, Sigmund Freud, and much more from Bravo’s Below Deck Sailing Yacht Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

but there's crazy stuff aboard parsnips right now i mean we've got a captain who is insatiable we've got death trying to claim lucky we've got the cookie monster this is for cookie i mean what are you doing it's a season unlike any we've ever had before. We have Gary and Daisy talking about DPing each other or something. What? You don't remember that? That's a real conversation.

Really? Wildly inappropriate. Wildly inappropriate. How would they DP each other? Well, I guess you got hands. Hi, hello, welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. Part one. No, you said we don't do that for this. Oh, we just released the episodes.

Well, there's two episodes. I don't want to confuse the audience. Oh, that's what you're talking about. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, God, I'm so dazely. My allergies are just flaring up with this June weather coming. Mine too.

You know, and somebody tells me, why don't you do an allergy panel why would i ever do that you go get some supernova of all these allergens shot up in you you break out in hives they're like oh you're allergic to that and you're like okay what do i do about it and they're like take another pill nothing yeah i think i'm just gonna remain remain sniffly, you know. But if it gets any worse, I really have to talk to somebody. Yeah. Always see a physician. I guess, you know.

But there's kinesiology. You know, you could just do a bunch of windmills and connect your nasal passages to the rest of your chakras a little bit better. And that could heal things. and connect your nasal passages to the rest of your chakras a little bit better. And that could heal things. And you may be picking up on a sarcasm to my voice, but I really believe in this stuff. And we're here to talk about Below Deck. And Pat said, I'm Pat and he's Dylan.

Pat said that, and Caitlin's over there. Pat said that this is part one. And it's part one of our Monday night lineup. Of our Monday night lineup because Bravo is maliciously releasing two episodes a week now. I think I have a theory on this. I shared mine. No, no, no, no. I do have a theory on this. I don't think I do.

I'm pretty sure that I have one. Have the theory. No, just one. But before that, we have to do some psas because pat said part one now i was confused because what we're doing with bad tv is we're releasing two parts of 90 day fiance it's a longer show television show and it's a longer podcast because it's me pat my baby sister ruby talking about one of the best television shows the best on television right now it's they're usually longer podcasts so we're breaking them up into two parts go listen to those if you have not yet uh also join us on

patreon.com me pat and rubes will be breaking down vanderpump rules season one episode one we're going way back into the time machine vault super fun fun. But if you don't mind, Dylan, bounce back to bad TV. Oh, big time. We are recapping season two of Flavor of Love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our first episode held a nation spellbound. Went viral on TikTok. It is some of the best television.

I don't want to overstate this, but a girl named something took a shit on the floor. Yeah, she lost control of her bowels, and that's something that can happen. So episode two. Galen, when was the last time you shit your pants? Eighth grade? Movie theater? Well, this woman was just shy of her 35th birthday. All right, so I have a theory.

We've got this two episode a week thing and we've had a a real consistent history of mistreatment from bravo to this show i think and i think andy's got a feud with somebody at below deck oh really i think that cronin guy mark cronin i think the i think that that Andy and or the Bravo Brass doesn't like Cronin, but Cronin is a perfect enemy because he's like, don't care how you feel about me, the show's doing numbers. There's five of them. Right, exactly.

But I do feel like there is friction between the network and the production. Well, Dill, as I stated on our guest appearance on For Crying Out Loud this past week. When's that out? It's out this week. My theory is that Bravo finally figured

out, hey, let's be like every other cable network and that have two-hour shows. The reason they have two-hour shows like 90 Day, Love After Lockup, Married at First Sight. I don't like this theory. It's because it's harder to have

a one-hour show and get the same people watching it to stick around for whatever piece of shit offering they're throwing up there. It's just easier to have two of the same things that people already like and they know we are fucking dumb enough that we won't even realize that we're watching a second episode yeah i don't like that theory i like the blood feud theory because i think it's more narratively rich and i also think

that there's this kind of practical problem with cutting the season in half you cut the season in half you have less weeks to air the show so i guess you can sell the if you have five of them and they're going year round now down under you know i just think it's too much guys hey bravo don't ruin this show by over cannibalizing it i know you get ad dollars and everything like that just kind of take little bites out of the thigh you remember when who wanted to be who wants to be a millionaire that debuted in like 2000 it was a resurgence of popularity for regis philbin a 79 year old fucking news anchor yeah or whatever that show everybody tuned in when it was on one day a week and then you greedy fucks said hey how about three times a week fuck it seven times a week oh i got it we'll have a day version and a night version and then you ruin it yeah and you know talking about ruin i

mean regis philman laid waste to people's mentals on that show i think it's turks and keikos and he's like are you sure and they're like yeah i think i'm sure and he's like are you certain you're sure and then you're like all right i'll phone a friend and they're like it's turks and cagos and then you're like all right i'm gonna go with turks cagos and you just feel like they could be wrong are you sure and then you're like all right fuck it's probably saint kits and he's like that was you lose loser yeah that money you were gonna donate to uh children's diabetes you don't have it anymore. Want to get into the show?

Is the girl in my room, is she ready? Yeah, let's get into it. So, tonight we had the departure of some lovely guests. We had a continuation of the throuple, which in my estimation was really the only blemish. I thought tonight's episode was absolutely fantastic. I was rooting for the Sea Rat underlings. They're finally figuring out the schemes of one shitbag, Gary.

And we've got love blossoming all over the place. This Chase and Alicia thing is really, really something, man. All right, A for effort. 92 pots. First off, if you pull it off, Chase, I guess you could factor really something, man. All right. A for effort. 92 pots. First off, if you pull it off, Chase, I guess you could factor it in. She has a boyfriend. You don't know him. You don't know him.

Fine. Fine. It's a disgusting thing to do. It's a disgusting thing to do. If you pull it off, though, great television. Oh, yeah. Good for you. I love how you ruined it, because I was like, why is he going after the girl with the boyfriend?

Oh, he's already given the ick to the other single girl on the boat. And we love Chase. And I love how you ruined it, because I was like, why is he going after the girl with the boyfriend? Oh, he's already given the ick to the other single girl on the boat. And we love Chase. And I love Lucky, but you got some big old titties that I'd like to drink some tequila off of. You earned the right that she has the ick for you, leaving you with one choice, one option, the only non-single girl, Alicia, and you're going for it. Yeah. I got an idea. Why don't we suck booze

out of your titties? Chase, this is like the birthright of a sea rat. This is why sea rats were put on earth to ruin things. And so I can truly respect.

Well, it's not their fault. They're put on earth to be a blank slate. But with the familial trauma being as powerful as it is, it's like a goddamn, what do you call those things? Rip currents? It's inescapable.

Chase, don't feel bad about what you're doing. It's innate. It's what you were born to do. Ruin relationships and also embarrass yourself on TV. No, no, no. Too tough, too tough, too tough. Being too tough on the kid. I like him a lot.

He's going to retire when he's 31, 32, 33, maybe 60. But he's learning lessons right now. You know what I mean? You can't say to women, I'd like to suck booze out of your boobs. Unless they're fucking into it. But that's a very, very clear signal. You can't just take risks like that. Like God, man.

I think Chase has got a shot at another season. I think so too. I think Chase is endearing himself to the crowds despite saying that thing about the boobs. You could just be the good old boy, hardworking kind of dull background player archetype that we've seen so many times. Instead, now you

are becoming uh you're forming into the red red dragon type character you're turning into a pig and i think that that chase is not a pig i think that he's actually quite cute with alicia at times the coffee in the morning he's just going about it the way a good old boy would and now the thing with good old boys is they're very polite but once they start sucking down booze they start fucking you know pitching ideas like let's let's drink this but out of your tits you know i've seen it a thousand times oh sorry this is your thoughts and not no it's not it's yours how many pots do you give it i thought it was very serviceable i gave it 50 knots okay i they were going to make a lot more hay

with that whole sea rat eating cake incident. I was so disappointed that that was not taken. By the way, though, I was thinking, well, as the charter guests have seen this, you know, they left a nice tip. It was a very complimentary service. Everyone's seen happy as they parted ways. Is her name the primary her name's

segenia segenia uh dylan do you mind i reached out to her to be a guest okay yeah i'm okay did we spend too much time on chase i'm worried that we lost some people no not at all okay um so like rfk talking about vaccines for two hours it's like come on man no don't do that actually don't fucking make fun of his voice. It's kind of his fault. What do you mean? Well, didn't he have a stroke because he was high on crack? No, he took a vaccine.

Take a vaccine. No politics. No politics. Anyway. But it is like if you're running for president, I mean, we got to branch out. I mean, you're intimately aware of the corporate capture of the government. Killed your uncle.

So let's talk about other things. We get it, though. They're spraying the wheat with the stuff that kills it, lest any moisture get to it and ruin the crop. And we're ingesting it in our cereals and our breads and our cookies and our crackers. And no wonder people are gluten sensitive got goddamn fucking poison and the cheeses talk about that you want to talk about below deck yeah absolutely okay all right um where the hell

where are we so so you hit up uh se. Okay, because after seeing what they did, they fucking Frankensteined a piece of cake that had been nibbled on by multiple sea rats. Mad spit that out. And I was personally disgusted by it. I can't believe they did that and thought that that would be pulled together as service. Given that it was being filmed,

okay, this is something you do behind closed doors at a restaurant. Okay? Honor among thieves. You understand that no one knows, no one's the wiser. It's like it would never happen unless it's not like that and it's on TV. So I head up the primary, and why don't you read my message to her? Now, this is, then I know you don't do this all the time.

I know that you're technologically deficient, but I know that you know to not reach out for guest bookings in the comments. No, I didn't. I reached out. I said it was Kaylin, the producer reaching out. She didn't respond to that yesterday, so I figured I have to go directly to a photo of the cake. Well, so there is a photo

and it's a carousel of memories. And the caption is, if you tuned in on Monday and watched the At Below Deck sailing, or watched At Below Deck sailing, then you saw how phenomenal the crew were. And then Pat comes in, top rope. Hi, it's the Ginny of Patty here

from another Below Deck podcast. A couple questions. After watching the episode, I wanted to know if you took any issue with seeing the crew prematurely eat your cake and then frankenstein a piece to serve to you regardless would love to have you on as a guest um i'm gonna be monitoring my phone all night i sent that about an hour ago if she does uh fire off a response while we're recording this episode i'll keep you right in the moment okay thank you thank you very much like fucking

bob costas i enjoyed the episode uh 40 knots all right all right let's get to an ad break no don't can't don't don't all right so um all right we'll start the show though we begin with colin and daisy but more importantly the sea rats have eaten the dessert this is the important part but not to the editors the sea rats have eaten the paying guest desserts and unfortunately more is made of the colin and daisy situation and they're having this conversation and colin says you know when somebody does something that you would never do it makes it impossible to understand and it's this kind of very shallow depth that we do not need from the sea rats on below deck i don't mean to sound like an asshole but this is like this isn't even psych 101 this is like you know two people who have

perused the oceans been drinking talking about how they're confused about someone else doing things it's like yeah we don't need it also i i want to reiterate the drama between colin and uh and daisy there and he's upset he could only be this upset and feeling like he was lied to if in in fact, they were banging prior to filming. Because I've only seen two bangs thus far. And in my experience, you have sex with someone twice. That's still just a hookup, having hookups. Later in the episode, Dylan, did you catch that Colin referred to the relationship status of him and Daisy as being in a relationship.

Boy, that moved quick, Colin, you lying piece of shit, which I would argue makes you and Daisy keeping secrets because you guys were clearly having sex with one another before filming this season. You liars! Liar, liar, liar! Okay. All right, man, he's so right right now.

And I get it it he's angered but um i think that call the call and daisy thing that made me want to yuck yuck throw up later on the episode is when he's like see we're going in the right direction you're checking in on me in the morning it's like let's not fucking do this okay and and i you know i i'm not gonna get there i don't i don't want to sound like a pig, but the whole thing is like, Colin goes, Daisy doesn't just sleep with anybody. And there's truth to that, but also there's... She sleeps with Gary.

That's like sleeping with anybody. Sleeping with Gary is sleeping with a spiritual amalgam of every man. So kind of, yeah. We've all been there. How many times have we been there? Been there all the time. Lots of times. We have been there so many times,

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now or go to dave.com slash bachelor that's dave.com slash bachelor sign up for an extra cash account to get up to 500 instantly for terms and conditions go to dave.com slash legal instant transfer fees apply banking services provided by evolved bank and trust member fdic um but but but colin i i was talking to my wife about this because she, like every other woman who watches Below Deck, is all fucking pussed out and sopping over Colin. That was disgusting, and I'm sorry that I said it like that. People really love Colin. Feeling for Colin? People think Colin's the hottest guy on Bravo, and I don't blame them for thinking that. It's between him and Shep.

I can't stand that guy. He's a drunk. Bloated drunk. Alright, I'm sorry I was so crass, but yes, lots of women find Colin attractive, including my wife. And my wife was talking about how

she has sympathies for Colin, and I i go i'm a little leery about this because you know well the hots and whatnot but she said it is this thing where i'm saying that you don't feel comfortable being left out of things when you feel like you've been left out of something you feel very embarrassed and you feel very powerless because there have clearly been machinations behind the scenes that you had to do with, but you were left out of. And there are people who know things about it and you're just kind of this helpless portion of what's going on. And that's a shitty feeling.

I get it. It's tough to relate to. So well said. Oh, my God. Well, I'll put it down. I was pretty upset when a former colleague and his girlfriend and you and your wife went out to dinner. 100% see that. I was not told that I also have a wife and I was friends with you guys.

See? And you guys went out to dinner and didn't tell me, and I will say I was hurt, but I wasn't a whiny bitch like Cole. I confronted you. I told both of you. I was angry with both of you, and I was upset. And then we moved on, and that's how men behave. Well, we don't need to gender the behavior,

because that's a disgusting thing to do, right, Patrick? It's a spectrum, and you know that, idiot. But idiot but also you did you were really bitchy about it we've talked about it for like six months after that every podcast you're like it's kind of like that time you guys went to that dinner didn't invite me um so anyways um alex and mads are up next we spoke of him not having game i fear it's worse than we could have ever imagined. Yeah, right down there, man. That's like a very large aquarium. Yeah.

It's called an ocean. Yes, yes, yes. Fish are in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Swimming around. No, but he's a goddamn nerd, I think. Oh, yeah, self-proclaimed nerd. Yeah, he's a nerd. I wish we had the shard cast right there.

I do, too. Yeah. Those are nerds. To think that Seth actually fought a herald. Oh, my God. It would be amazing if he fought a herald. Well, he did fight a herald, and he was backed by multiple knights' radiance,

but the herald did not need them because his lashings do literally... That was so awesome. God damn it, Patrick. Let's get to the next day. Next morning. Breakfast is served. Chase flirts with Elysian and Daisy congratulates Lucky on graduating.

In response to that congratulations, Lucky says, thank you. I'm going to go fold laundry. Daisy says, don't get any sharp objects or anything. Death is coming for you. She says, I know, I know. They didn't show it,

but a plank of wood shards and flies behind her. Try taking her out. She's not supposed to leave this boat. All right. So Gary has never lost a friendship over a woman, he says. In response to Colin, he says that if Colin is willing to throw this relationship away over Daisy, then he can do that. What a sex addict way to frame that and deflect the blame he's in fucking confessionals talking about how colin can go fuck himself if he wants to and then in others he's like if colin wants to throw this away he

totally can i don't like the toxic manipulative behavioral patterns of addicts. I can't stand it. It's a darkness that is really, really gross. And I know that they can't help it, even though, I don't know, just fucking meditate. Stop trying to find happiness in pussy. Seek therapy. But, you know, do you see the tactic there?

I do. It's gross. It's totally gross. Can i do a meanwhile thanks for agreeing with me 100 well i've been men's men's therapy i've been in therapy for years yeah try and work myself out of those old bad habits yeah because you'd manipulate people right absolutely you know like paul giamatti going up and robbing his mom blind. Yeah. He didn't manipulate her. He waited until she got so drunk she passed out, and then he went in her dresser drawer where he knew she hid the money

until he stole a fistful of 50s to pay for that vacation in Solvay. Great movie, Sideways. It's not a terrible movie, but it's an overrated film. And Alex Garland. No, not Alex Garland. Who's the guy that directed it? I don't know. Why do we always do this?

We can't... Kalen, can you do a quick goog on that? You got a little hot water during me too, by the way. Alexander Payne. Alexander Payne, yeah. Guy's kind of a piece of shit and he doesn't make good movies. Did he do I Heart Huckabees? He definitely did that one with Matt Damon

where they turn into small people oh we bought a zoo yeah no no he did not do that one he did a different director that's the that's another piece of shit who george clooney almost fought when he was directing three kings because he was yelling at extras yeah george clooney's like don't talk to people that way yeah and that was like fresh-faced ER Klundog, right? Yeah. He stepped up. That was like, this could be a leading man kind of Klundog, I think, right?

Or was he already Klundog? I think he did the Tarantino vampire movie that was a piece of shit. Love and Alexandria? Exactly. All right, so. I'm going to do a meanwhile. Well, are you going to hit breakfast? Because breakfast, I do want to hit breakfast.

Oh, please. Yes, let's go over breakfast. Okay, so it's a corn and zucca quiche. Beautiful. A little different, I noticed. Oh, yeah. Beautiful dish. And then we've also got baked eggs with spinach and za'atar.

We've also got fresh pastries. Are we at fucking Balthazar right now? Are we at the restaurant where James Corden and his wife order egg yolk omelets? And when they're not great, they flip the table over. Are we at that restaurant? No, we are aboard parsnips and she is just knocking it out of the park.

I'd say this is a 87 pot breakfast. It looked delicious, looked absolutely delicious. And this is the kind of reinforcement that alicia needs to perform at her best she knocks the johnny cakes out she's told that it rips segenia back to her grandmother oh yes and the next day she's putting forth balthazar like fair now on the flip side of that colin says she's a fucking piece of shit chef. She goes in the bathroom and cries.

Alicia needs to be told she's doing a great job, and she is doing a great job. Other point, additional point, really quickly. These chefs are too good. We need a Kiko. We need a Kiko. We need a Russian spy. We need someone who's going to... How about a dishwasher from a different boat?

Let's get somebody like that aboard. Somebody who's like... The guests find pubic hair in the food, right? The food gets brought back down. The chief stew is very upset. And the chef goes, what's the big deal? We need that kind of person on this boat. Or even better, oh, I meant that to be there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or what's the big deal? All right, let's hit a meanwhile. Meanwhile, Chase does a little inspection of the boat after, I guess Glenn had noticed a few things and Chase reports to Gary that Alex is not doing a good job

or the cookie monster showed up on the boat the night before. He is a cookie. Bad job. How did cookie monster up on the boat the night before. She is for Cookie. Bad job. How did Cookie Monster get on the boat? No idea. But there's crazy stuff aboard Parsnips right now. I mean, we've got a captain who is insatiable.

We've got Death trying to claim Lucky. We've got the Cookie Monster. She is for cookie i mean what are you doing it's a season unlike any we've ever had before we have gary and daisy talking about dp'ing each other or something like what you don't remember that that's a real conversation really wildly inappropriate wildly inappropriate how would they dp each other well i guess you got hands oh my god yeah i feel like gary would say i'm not into that it's gay but just two fingers he's that kind of guy now i'm not saying that i'm saying that gary the joke is that he's performing a heterosexual act and saying it's not right yeah i apologize if that made anybody uncomfortable

me too i apologize uh a couple of the meanwhiles A little lull there. A little one. Oh, sorry. Okay, okay. Colin and Daisy's boatman appears to be on track. I think this was after they embraced in the morning. This is what made me yuck, yuck, nosh, nosh. Totally gross. Yeah.

And then, oh, by the way, I have to say the tail ending of this boat was something I'd never seen before. What's that? It was hair-raising. Another boat running into them now that is a cliffing you're getting way ahead i know i'm just saying it got me excited all right so listen we move on to lucky's graduation no we do not but lucky's graduation equals sad drunk that is a note that i have um oh well she's talking to her family. Yeah.

Okay, so Colin stalks Gary and Daisy's conversation about Gary's testicles, and his cover is almost blown. Captain radios him. That'd be pretty alarming if you were talking about testicles for five whole minutes. Then you just hear a Colin, Colin. But anyways,

they dock. And that is when so genia and the rest of the gang who were so lovely, so lovely, get off the boat and say, Alicia, thank you for connecting me to my grandmother. Now, before we get to the tip meeting,

we have this little thing between gary and alex um who have a chat and and uh chase was there as well chase enters stage left but this is where gary once again does this disgusting down to the butt kind of fucking just just duplicitous manipulation of these two young guys who are working underneath him i it is so bizarre and it's so known to gary that that's what's going on well here's the weird thing about gary's behavior and we've touched on it and forgive me if you think we've run this into the ground gary is unstable right now because he has no control in which he typically has a lot of control. So I would assume that he's behaved this poorly in the past,

but we've just seen him put in a light where he gets what he wants every season, which is 22-year-olds that he just bangs at will and decides when the relationship is over. This season is a completely different fucking boat. He's getting denied. He's being rejected. and decides when the relationship is over. This season is a completely different fucking boat. He's getting denied. He's being rejected. He's being embarrassed. His underlings do not have any respect for him.

And therefore, it's almost like it's just pouring more gasoline on the fire. The worse it gets for him, the worse he gets. It's really sad to watch. Yeah, it is really sad to watch. Quite heartbreaking, if I cared. But he tells Alex once again that Chase wasn't pleased with his work, and that's when Chase comes in. And Alex, he had known that he didn't like Chase, and in this moment, it's cemented.

Alex is really pissed off, and deservedly so. A little pissed off at Chase, but really pissed off at Gary. No, he's more pissed off and deservedly so a little pissed off at chase but really pissed off at gary no he's more pissed off at chase right now you think so yeah yeah i think he's like this guy keeps fucking ratting on me it's fucking gross and chase keeps coming in as though nothing's wrong so that yucks the situation out even more because it makes him seem even more fake but don't you think they kind of work it out here? Because Alex clearly sees what Gary's doing. And he says, I wish that maybe you, Chase, and myself can kind of work these things out and even reflects that Gary has little dick energy.

No, that happens later on in the episode. That happens right here. No, it happens later on in the episode. Kalen? I believe it does happen later in the episode. Thank you. Incorrect. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Correct us in the episode. Kalen? I believe it does happen later in the episode. Thank you. Incorrect. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Correct us in the comments. How can I possibly have a note that says, I think Big Dig Energy should be retired in 2024. It's the Karen of 2022. I don't want to hear that anymore. Alex might say that in an OTF, but he does not fully uncover the scheme quite yet. Two wrongs can be two rights.

Is that the saying? Yes. Okay, let's move on to the tip. Patrick, what do we got? 20 grand, and Dylan, I'm tired of being mocked by both you and Kalen. That is 1,957 euros. What are they putting this in two currencies for? 21.50 USD.

I did my homework.enn says uh twenty thousand dollars it's cute but uh we're on to you so chase is hitting on alicia i hope lloyd doesn't watch below deck who's lloyd he's her boyfriend uh we'll get there it was a long hug it was a very long hug it's the kind of thing where we'll get there but if i was if i was lloyd i'd be pissed i'd be pissed um god that's what this fucking boat does to you man in the goddamn bermuda triangle out there on the dock that's nowhere near the bermuda triangle it's just this thing it just scrambles your brain fall in love with a guy who a couple nights ago said i'd take tequila shots off some big old

titties yeah man you got huge boobs i won't suck some booze out of them. All right. So Daisy and Gary have a little chat about what I don't remember. Well, she proposes a group chat between the three old friends. Oh, that's right. Yes. Here is not only does he decline. He's like, well, what? No, absolutely not. We do not need to do that.

Okay. What the fuck? No, absolutely not. We do not need to do that. Okay. Colin, up until this season, has been our old laid-back sea dog. We've seen a lot thrown at him. You know, boats falling apart.

A couple seasons ago, I think they almost ran into a goddamn island when someone overslept an anchor watch. His poor dog died while he was on. He was just only a sympathetic character. Is that right? I forgot that part. Yeah, that was so sad. If he continues this with daisy this will be a self-inflicted torture every time he thinks that him and daisy are doing well he will see gary and daisy talking yeah and he will be wondering what they're talking about and they will be talking and joking about double penetration

sex yeah uh and you will torture yourself. Can I tell you a little personal story? Yeah. All right. First girlfriend, lost my virginity to. Oh, let's sing the song. It's time for Patty's personal stories. Okay.

They get pissed if we don't sing it. Of course. First, lost my virginity to. First girlfriend, dated for a year. She and my dear friend ryan uh she decided you start over i zoned out that's okay the audience heard it okay so she takes up with ryan a dear friend and he came to me said you know kelly and i have been talking uh do you mind if we date and i said absolutely you should not do that i do not appreciate that i do not want you guys to date okay well you young loves, they can't stop.

There's no wall too high or too thick for two people to enter one another. Well, anyway, she dated Ryan for a while and she got bored of him. And then she wanted to come back to me. And I wouldn't allow it. Only every other week I'd sleep with her. And then Ryan would constantly call me and says,

is Kelly at your house? Yeah. And I'd say, I don't know, Ryan. Spoiler figures. He would call me. That's so gross. He'd say, have you seen Kelly? I'd say, now?

Yeah. I don't know where she is. You know, it's so funny. Torture that bastard. And I have no idea what's going on in that story because I zoned out in the beginning. It's the same thing that's happening with Colin Deasy. All right, I'll take your where she is. You know, it's so funny. Torture that bastard. And I have no idea what's going on in that story because I zoned out in the beginning. It's the same thing that's happening with Colin Deasy. All right, I'll take your word for it,

but it reminds me of a quick personal story from me. Let's sing the song. It's time for Dill's Personal Stories. My roommate in New Orleans had quite the hankering for a young woman now we were I was intended to be completely respectful of that

but one night Marty Groh you know stuff came over us carnal we we intertwined and we had intertwined. And we had intertwined a couple times after that as well. Now, had he intertwined with this same person?

No, he had not. He just had affection. Just had affection. Okay. And it continued, the intertwining, physically, spiritually. Balls and stuff, you know. Of course. And so one night I'm of course the ball i'm with uh i'm with my roommate and a couple people and i'm texting

it's clandestine i'm trying to keep it quiet and uh i text um hang tight i just gotta blow this guy off i'll be there in a second and uh he reached down and eventually saw the text. Really rude of him to go through my text, but I think a text popped up and he just opened it. And he said, I'm pretty upset with you right now. I said, I understand. He caught you. Yeah, he caught me.

Was that similar? Not really, but that's Colin right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's going to be tortured. Right, he's going to be tortured. Right. He's going to be tortured. Because you are Gary, and that girl that you were intertwining your balls with was Daisy. Oh, God.

Your metaphor. Okay. It wasn't a metaphor. It was the deal's personal story. It really happened. It wasn't figurative at all. Our next partner has a product that I use literally every day. I started taking AG1 because...

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that lasted 14 seconds but it was sweet Daisy got her parents to call in her gran it was lovely we wrap with that Jersey Shore shout out and Daisy Gary and Colin Daisy forces this kind of treaty of

sea rat versailles kind of thing to happen in this van colin and gary are not having any of it not having any of it they're just sitting there sucking down their hineys one of nine which will be consumed throughout the evening interspersed with wine and cocktails now alex and mads have a little uh little fire going on here now i want to say something about mads mads we want you on too lucky you're definitely coming on we're not listening to bravo anymore mads you are the perfect revenge, you're definitely coming on. We're not listening to Bravo anymore. Mads, you are the perfect revenge for Gary and what he's done to young ladies. I was going to say, did Bravo book those?

Not for us yet. Yeah. They better, though. Mads. Why do we have to threaten Bravo every season? We have to. We have to. We're going to start going after the charter guests.

They always come on, and they're going to talk so much shit about you. Yeah. So respond to that email, please. Oh, and when we're done with the season, we will have sea rats from the first season, and they will tell us everything. Yeah.

They'll tell us what's in Lee's cabin. And I know, and I may say it on our next patron. Yeah. Yeah. So keep it up. Keep it up. We'll go rogue. Yeah. They want want to talk and uh they ain't gonna get on an interview and go whatever you see on camera that's what really happened yeah they're gonna tell us no that was completely edited that never happened they're liars right right so get ready bravo all right anyway madge is the perfect revenge

for all the girls gary screwed. You think we don't know? Do they think we don't know? You try to be respectful. You try. We're trying to be respectful. Obviously, you're not on the same page. Mads, I think you've got a future. When do I get to fire off an email?

I'm really excited. Well, you did last week, which was a little fiery. Well, no, but I mean really. We'll just let them know on air, and then we'll just do whatever we want to do. Okay, but I really do want to write that email. You know, the listeners, the Barnacles, they want us untethered.

They miss those fiery, crazy interviews with the likes of Simple Chuck and Erica Rose. Right. They miss us mixing it up like we used to. Yeah, like we used to. We can make that happen. Before we reached out to Bravo PR and said, hey, you know those crackheads that were on the boat? We wanted to talk to them.

And they go, well, we don't think it's a good idea. And we go, okay, fine. It'll help us grow. You're going to let us talk to Glenn this season, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think Mads could be on Summer House. She's that good.

Oh, yeah. I think Mads is phenomenal for reality TV. Phenomenal. I love how she's making gary's life hell you know what i cannot fucking wait for when she says next week if i wanted something quality i would have gone for alex and gary goes well that's all relationship over i can't wait for him to attempt to reel her back and her be completely unaffected by it. He is going to possibly join Glenn to get some yaya sound because he is going to lose his fucking mind.

Well, I actually thought about this quite a bit. All right. So this is one thing that we've watched with Gary and over again. When our resident sex addict, whenever he depleted of uh like any attention from females he goes back to daisy have you noticed that's like the thing that he does yeah he gets rejected by mads and then he finds daisy on the boat and starts hugging her yeah kissing her or then starting to be mean to subordinates it's the weird the weirdest god yeah yeah anyway but i'm gonna head to myself we're at the restaurant myself. We're at the restaurant. All right, we're at the restaurant.

The food looks absolutely delicious. Delicious, delicious food. And Gary and Colin have a little chat. We split off into little factions. Colin is still very much on this you lied to me thing, you lied to me thing. And we can't concern ourselves with this anymore. We understand why Gary did it. We understand why Gary did it.

We understand why Daisy did it. Colin, we get that you feel left out. But we also get that we just can't possibly care. So Mads and Alex, Alex tells her that she picked the wrong guy. And he's very, very kind of like the organizer of a most dangerous game hunt cold in this situation where he's just like it's done nothing can happen you chose the wrong person and now i'm gone it's like hey alex why don't you calm down a little bit i point out last episode it's the only foolish thing that alex has done alex gary can't do anything just have sex with mads in fact do it in his cabin and go what are you gonna do boss yeah yeah yeah he can do nothing to you i wish

he'd do that so poor alicia is stuck with chase who's hitting on her quite a bit now i say poor alicia but alicia is she's handling herself in this situation and she's slowly being worn down by the nice body nice jawline good looks good looks and good manners except for that one time it wasn't her of chase so they get back gary manages to get lucky in the water i think gary is always always he's always he is he is just tuning to whatever station has frequency right now. He's like, yeah, I'll fucking listen to Christian gospel. I don't care. And not to say that Lucky's not beautiful.

Lucky's extremely beautiful. But he, like, it's inappropriate for him to do that. But he's such a sex addict that in this moment, he's like, yeah, this could happen. He's literally, he's smacking her ass. This gave him a little drip of sex addict morphine. Don't say drip. But not enough. Okay, it's the morphine.

Okay. Can I do a meanwhile? Yeah, yeah, of course. Meanwhile, we cut to Glenn playing chess with himself with classical music. Bravo. If you're going to do this to us, you fucking cut to him. We already know that sea rats is in the urban dictionary as a term for yachties. It's common.

You know the lore that we're creating. Is it really? Yes. Cut to him. Cut to him sharpening knives, you fuckers. Okay? If it's going to be a joke and it's going to be funny, cut to him sharpening knives with classical music playing,

you sons of bitches. Yeah. There's a video game called curse of the sea rats came out in 2023 did we do we are we getting our fucking ip stolen my god i don't want i don't want to get in and how the sausage is made too much we'll deal with any trademark issues later on at another time. Because, I mean, we'll come after everybody.

Metroid Divinia is the maker of the game. They're Barcelona-based. A lot of fans over there. Patrick, I would be more than happy to go have some potatoes bravas and say th a bunch. Try to hunt down the men that are stealing from us. We won't let that happen. Okay, sorry.

Bit dead. Now, Daisy mistakes Colin for Gary while they're sleeping, but we're going to get there in a second. Mads and Gary have a little fight where she's talking on the phone with her family and Gary comes out, says her name twice. Then when he doesn't hear her, calls her pathetic. And my favorite part about the episode was his defense the next morning.

I was so blacked out, drunk. Yeah. We'll get there. Sorry. I keep getting ahead of myself. Let's talk about Chase and Alicia though. This is where the hug takes place, and this is something. This is a lingering.

This is a long hug, a close hug, a warm hug, and a meaningful one. Like we said, if we were Lloyd, we would be pissed. Yeah. Because this is something here. This is a spark. It could be a spark. It's the kind of spark to equate Chase with Bear Grylls or somebody stuck in the wilderness.

Maybe Anthony Hopkins in the edge. You're cold. You're tired. You just want to have sex with something. you're cold, you're tired, you just want to have sex with something. And you finally get that ember going. Your hands are torn to pieces because you've been doing that stick thing

that you saw on YouTube. Create fire. And you put the thing in the kindling. You start blowing. But the kindling's wet. It just smokes and it never catches any fire that is the kind of spark that alicia and chase have i think alicia is far too camera ready and savvy to not have a rando hookup on a boat yeah no i don't think she's going he's going to try though yeah i think so more yeah now daisy mistakes calling for gary in this this thing that's so

weird like our fans have been very leery of daisy i i don't think a lot of people especially women don't like daisy because of what they feel for calling and what Daisy represents and is doing to Colin. A lot of people are like, Daisy is a red flag. This is one of those moments where it's like, what are you doing? I know it's an unconscious thing. Yes. To be fair, she says Gary probably 18 times a day and Colin.

I get it. And I get her response to this. this she's like you guys are both in my head that but but when you're doing this it's torturous she also it's torturous to him but colin now it's self uh inflicted and self-inflicted you know what you're buying here dude uh quick very quick story uh 2009 date now let's sing it actually it's a very quick story it's a very quick story it's a very very very quick story half the length of our intro song yeah uh 2009 started dating a girl named ashley her mother deb came out we're gonna order paquito maz i she asked what do you want pat i said sash get me the nachos that was my ex-girlfriend right they uh her mother and her went and had a little

talk yeah at my apartment and they threatened to leave because i called the new girlfriend ashley my ex but we used to love eating nachos at paquito moss to me and sasha yeah so i should have dumped her ass then you insane person next morning next morning gary heads back into the room never have we had so many sleep swaps. I don't understand. The Scooby-Doo hallway the entire season. It's musical chairs of sea rats. So Chase says, Hey, Gary, I think Mads is pretty pissed

off at you. And he goes, Why, bro? And he says, I think you called her pathetic last night. So he goes and has a chat with her. And Gary uses a tried and true defense. I don't remember. imagine you get a knock at your door you answer and in the foreground is a bunch of police and in the background is a sidewalk almost entirely covered in blood

hey why are you guys here sir do you mind turning around what what's up and we fast forward to the trial public defender says ladies and gentlemen the jury my client does not have any fucking recollection of this and they go you know what i mean we can't acquit this guy he doesn't remember killing 14 people and a dog in front of his house my god gary what a fucking dumbass how could you say this to a girl i don't remember and and not just saying it getting pissed off that it doesn't go down like a sugar pill so when she does not take this kindly and denies him of uh of an apology where does he go straight to daisy yeah so daisy and colin have

a chat about um what what transpired the night before and then then Chase and Alex finally get to this illumination that Gary has been manipulating them this entire season. I couldn't be more proud of them. And what it does is really, you know, it's like Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud were on a train together. And Sigmund Freud said, I don't want to talk about my dreams with you. I would lose my authority over you.

And in that moment, the underling, the Padawan, loses all respect. Really? All respect for the person that's above them. And that's exactly, dare I say, exactly what's going on with chase and alex they have completely seen now that gary is a weak man and then out of nowhere the fucking cookie monster and we're just like what is going on with this season it's the craziest

all right what happens next oh they fucking uh preference sheet meeting you got that ready kayla yeah sorry sorry kayla we're running a little long here that's all right i'm going all over the place but we do have to say with a little bit more pomp and circumstance it's time for the preference shape man. Charter number seven. Six guests. Elisa works in finance and can't wait for a trip filled

with Casamigos and water sports. I'd love that. She wants to be serenaded with a guitar under the Italian moon. Don't we all.

Day one. The primaries want a sushi and seafood lunch. Sorry. Primaries want a sushi and seafood lunch with sashimi and oysters. Day one, night one, they would like a Capri-style Italian dinner featuring the chef's choice of dishes, which just so happens to be Alicia's all-time favorite thing to do.

Oh, wow, that's great. You know, this is like Bowen Yang is the Oompa Loompa. Willy Wonka walks in. I want a candy that makes children dream of gumdrops. And you're like, yeah, what about it? God, some of these guys. Get out of here. Sorry, Caleb. what were you saying uh night two the guests would like a viva la france themed party with lots of seafood inspired dishes and captain glenn

thinks they might as well just sail them over to france for that that is a beautiful beautiful gesture on uh on glenn's part and uh yeah they love seafood they want sushi and seafood which is a redundant dinner pat Pat, go ahead. Well, I'm going to wrap up the episode really quick. Provisions are dropped off. Final preparations are made. Toilets don't look good. Oil drips are found on the deck.

Guests arrive. Tour of the boat. Blah, blah, blah. Oysters are served. Engines fired up. Drinks are ordered or taken. Photos are taken. Glenn and Gary note supermodels are on board.

That's not true. The boat anchors in the middle of the ocean, and then another boat begins to flow towards them, and they say, fire it up. And then it's noted here. Fire it up! 60K a day. You too can be killed on your next vacation.

Yeah, that's it for us. Jumping iTunes ratings reviews, the five stars kind words. Let me pick up, let me pull up one real quick, and you hit the other ones. Okay. The other plugs. Oh, sure. sure yeah say for what people should do oh uh well you gotta head over on to patreon.com slash another podcast network support us we are breaking down this is a perfect review from rach vdb five stars kind words smiley face five stars i love this podcast that's all you

gotta do that's all you gotta do it means's all you got to do it means the world how many we got because let's get to let's have a milestone here i think we got like 15 30 let's get up to uh 25 000 yeah yeah 25 000 join us on tiktok we're gonna putting below that content there bad tv podcast i think that's it that's's it. Can we go home now? Yeah, let's go home. Later dudes. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Pat said later dudes. Kalen say goodbye. Later. Bye.