Another Below Deck Podcast - Hardened Eggs and Soft Potatoes | Below Deck Med S11 E8

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Hersey bars, tailors, ball barf, Mike Posner, Mole, Irish goodbyes, the titanic, water bears, Jared from subway, The Notebook and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

I think Luke was a lot of fun. And I know that we've been shitting on the guy a lot, but he's just an endless supply of ammo. And if you want to get him on cameo, you can either talk to him for $325. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you can talk to any of the captains for the same price. Right, right, right, right. So, fuck off, moron. I'm trying to help these people.

Hi, hello. And welcome to another brand spanking new episode of Bad Television. I am Dylan. That is Pat. Great to be here, permission to come aboard. Granted, Kalen is here as well. We will not be getting his knots today. We're in a post-Khalen-Nots era of the show.

I've had it. Guys, join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network. I don't know what we're doing over there. I don't really think anything, but go over there. We're an APS. I just did a great one where I recapped my vacation in Napa, where we overpaid for a vacation. That's right.

Vacation with rich people complaining about how they weren't going to get their money in their accounts. Yeah, that was fun. And I discussed the hardship that my marriage has endured because of the World Cup and me being married to an Argentine. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff, Patreon.com, in the cities there as well. Go donate a little or a little more. And what's one way that people could get $5 if they are strapped for cash?

Ooh, okay. This is an old one, but a goody. Let's come up with a new one because people don't need your stale arbitrage opportunities, okay? Now, we've talked about this before. You take a can of beer. You say there were hops at this. It almost killed me. And then they'll send you a new pack of beer and then you sell it to kids. Okay. Not we've heard that. Okay. All right. How about a spin on this? Okay. Okay. You call Hershey's candy. Okay. Love it. And the hotline because at, on the package of every Hershey's, She's product. There's a customer line. You tell them that the candy bar that you just ate almost killed the person that you're

standing next to. Okay. And that they need to send you some money. Okay. They're not going to do that. Right. What they will do is say, can we send you something? So they're going to send you a box of chocolate.

You'll say, I will take that. Okay. You take that box of chocolate when it shows up. Okay. You bring it down to, I don't know. Gelson's. A grocery store. Right.

You say, I'm poor. and I'm selling these for $5 a chocolate bar. Let me try to, and we're here to talk about below deck. We'll get to it. Then they say you're a 50-year-old man. But let me, let me, because there's a way to, there will be questions from unwitting victims of your effort to sign up for our Patriot. But what you need to do is you need to take that chocolate.

And you need to say that you are. part of homeboy industries. Now, you can get their merch. That's going to put you in the hole a little bit because it's $27 plus shipping. But with the box of chocolate, you'll make $45 at least. Okay? Wear sunscreen. It's very hot out.

But what we're saying is just go to patreon.com session on the podcast network. Donate a little or a little bit more. We've lost 90% of the people, but we are here now to officially talk about below deck. And the thing about this show is that it is five. on all cylinders. This show is so fun right now. And for everyone who is getting fatigued by us, happy 420, everybody,

for the people that are getting fatigued by us talking about come as often as we've been talking about, that chapter is over after tonight. I think you have about an hour left of us talking about come in very vivid, descriptive, and disgusting ways. But then after that, we're done. There are people, and they are also. are talking in the comments.

They are done with it. Now, Bravo's not done with it. The episode title was, in fact, He Come, They Saw, It's Bonkers. Now, we've been accused of drugs. Can you say that again? He come. They saw its bonkers.

That was the episode title. He came. I thought it was He Come. Why would it be that? I don't know. They write these things, not me. Right, but the saying is, I came. I saw I conquered.

Look, I write it down. Borbay. No, I know you wrote it down. He come. All right, maybe, maybe I got it. Well, it's that maybe. Maybe I. Okay.

All right. Anyway, all right. Yeah. Tomato tomato. My point here is, we've been accused of driving a bit into the ground. Okay? Many times. Now, I never want to say the word come or jiz again.

I feel like I've reached our quota for the year. So I'm going to... Oh, no. Another chat pot term. Oh, God damn it. What's he going to call it this week? Moving forward. Chode nectar.

No, no, no, no, no. It's more quaint. No, no, no. No, no. Come on. All right. No, we will refer to it as semen. Yes.

Man tears, whatever we want. Whatever. Dick tears. Whatever. Something, just... But we're going to be done after this episode. fine. Let's get into our knots. We had an amazing episode. I want Amy, I was going to say on my screen all the time. I do not want that. Two episodes of Amy is the perfect amount of

Amy. You know what, Amy, I hope you're listening because she seems like such a narcissist as she would. Amy, you were definitely deep in the vino when you told your client, hey, I trust you. It's your journey. Just pick whoever you want. So I go into a Taylor and going, does this look good? This is not my choice. This is yours. What I'm here to do is to have you choose your own suit.

Then what the fuck do I need you for, Taylor? Right, right. Yes, yes. What do I need you for? Do you imagine of a waiter? You asked a waiter with the favorites. are what's something we can't miss? And they were just like, I'm not here to do that.

There is a menu and you can take from it. You're a human that is, you should be proud that you're a human. Well, I should say that Amy was fantastic. And Suzanne was even more. Suzanne gifted us a full-blown blackout this episode, where in multiple of her suitors actually try to get away

from her because she's so shit-faced. And she will wake the next morning and take severe umbrage with the fact that some of them thought that she was intoxicated. To which Amy replies, Oh, my God. What do you mean? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I give this episode 92 pots. I'm going to give this 90 pots too. This is one of the best seasons we've had. And, spoiler alert, I mean, we've all watched the episode, right? Luke leaves. And as you pointed out last episode, we like... Turnover.

Turnover. You need a little turnover. Kalen's making me very nervous with all of this. Kalen, if you turn that fucking camera and make me look like I have a double chin, I will kill you. Okay. So last we left off, Luke had come on his boss's sheets. and he was, he's, yeah, he had gone up to Captain Sandy and said that I think that the best thing to do here is to remove myself from the situation. Now, Luke is cronk, so he does have a sense of pride about himself despite having been such an embarrassment.

He wants Sandy to not say anything. thing and that he is going to go out standing up. He's going to reveal to his coworkers that it's his call. Yes, he resigns and she accepts his resignation. Now, I thought for a second there's something deeper involved with this resignation. I don't think he wants her to write that goddamn report on him. I think he's got to be a little bit more clear because I was thinking that too. So let's do a little real play.

Can I just, can I be him? Yes, of course. Hey, I know I just resigned, Sandy. Just one thing. Can I, is there room for me, Sandy in this or no? Sandy, one thing. Yeah. About me leaving, can we, in that report, can we leave the part out where I painted my

boss's sheets with a ball bar? You know what? I'm just going to let that go. I'm going to pick up my ball and go home. Okay. So C-Rat history, we get to Chef Joy, who lost her mother at the age of 20. Oh, God. You are the weirdest human being.

There will be things that people go through that are, like, genuinely just traumatic and awful. And Pat will go, get over it. But then there will be things like someone is like upside down on a crypto. investment and they're complaining about it and Pat's like give them a little sympathy. I mean, my God. Pat, her mother died. All right. Let's back up.

Okay. All right. In the galley, Joy Strugg will prepare dinner for the roadblocks that primary Suzanne has laid out for her. I don't want it to be like too hot. I can't have it too hot mushrooms. But Joy will prevail because cooking. is what saved her dill right um joy lost her mom when she was 20 as you pointed out which left her alone but she wasn't alone she had her dad kaelin who do you think is more cynical generally me or

pat uh that's actually tough call uh anyway uh no dad she bleached her hair blonde uh took up boozing and then she started cooking to save her life. Zero points. Oh, they're at that scale. Hey, listen, nobody liked Roger Niepert because they were soft critics. They had integrity, and it was difficult to get five thumbs up or whatever the fuck those old guys did. Were they old the whole way through? I feel like they were always old to me.

They were probably 32 when they started, but they looked 80. I want to say this. She's a tough bitch, man. She is, but she likes Luke. I know. So that's what's wrong with her. We got to get Joy on the show and talk to her about that. Well, we went back and forth on the Instagram thing.

Yeah. Oh, you did. Yeah. So the problem with Joy is obviously the problems with most sea rats. Even though they're impressive. They're sea rats. it's this inescapable thing right where and i'm sorry to make such a crude analogy but no it's not crude it's reality let's say a chimpanzee scorn from his group gets taken in and taught

how to point at letters in the alphabet or something right you go oh that's very very cute there's a lot of optimism here perhaps we can break through somewhere he rips someone's testicles off the day later, or a day later. There's a thing where you can't take the sea rat out of the sea rat. Okay. There's always going to be abandonment issues. They'll fucking rip your face up. Oh, yeah, 100%.

Oh, so he sees the letter E and points of the elephant. Very good. Very good. He's going to bite your hand off. Very soon. Okay. One thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. Me too.

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And use code bad TV for 30% off your order. Again, that's LUMIGMIGumies.com, code bad TV. Lummigumies.com, code bad TV. Thanks, Loomie. So, Suzanne is making her second. guess her talent. Joy, I would say it doesn't matter what you're going to, what you do. Just get done with this charter and get this woman off the boat.

So Will and Suzanne have a lovely chat and a little smooch. And she's starting to get pretty turned up here. Well, I mean, they're bonding over the superficiality of humans. And there need to need to, their struggle over beauty as humans, right? Isn't it like they're. wasn't paying attention to what they were saying to each other. They're like, oh my God, isn't it so superficial to like want to be good looking for the rest of our lives? Yeah.

I know it's so superficial. Yeah. Says two people with Botox. All right. So they head back and Asia is really invested in this whole thing. And go ahead. Well, I was going to say, your honor, he just, he, he, I'm ready to testify. I'm ready to testify.

I am the jury. They're cross-examination. And Pat just raises his hand. Can I say something? I mean, this is bullshit. This is bullshit. Kermit has been so sidelined. And I think she's so bored and so, we're bored with her.

And she's so... I'm not. I love Aisha. You do. Okay. She's trying to find, like, part, like, how she can be on film. So she's like, I'm interested in this. No, you're not.

You hate this. This sucks. but that's why she's saying I'm interested in this. She hates these people. I'm like, okay, so where are we at? Has this been a bad up?

This has been bad so far, right? No, not at all. Are you sure? I think it's probably bad. Well, as the book docs, the primary Susan walks past the galley and tells Joy. Are you going to- Oh, yeah, because we got to head back in because of the wind.

That'll come up later. Primary Susan walks past the galley and she says to joy, are you going to bring Joy to the table tonight? And then she says, I really hope so. That's where I take a full bottle of vizene and I switch up the menu. I go, you know what? We're doing French onion soup. And one of these bowls is getting all of this vizene.

It's going to Suzanne. And if she dies, she dies. Because you cannot speak to me like that. Well, she said, I hope so. And as walking off, she said, I hope so. The second I really hope so was the real fuck you to joy, in my opinion. I did uh did joy fuck your husband in a past life?

I know what's wrong with you Susan? Yeah, Suzanne. I'm gonna call her Susan. Yeah, that's fine. So listen, it's super windy danger, Will Robinson. Uh, in the crows nest,

we've got the very intense kind of, uh, Blade Runner Hal 9,000 kind of red lighting. And that's how you know it's serious. Um, so while we sit down for dinner, we're going to dock. I'm glad you picked up that.

So dramatic music. creative editing. For a minute there, they had me thinking with all this incompetence going on, they were going to smash that fucking boat again. No. No. Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? What do you mean? They're listening to fucking Mike Posner over there. Just focus on fucking docking. It's not a big deal. I love Mike Posner. Abiza?

Yeah. Kailin's a big Mike Posner guy. I know him. I got his phone, I got his number. Oh, really? Call him right now. Yeah, why you give him a call?

Used to service his old fish pond together. You're going to call Mike Posner right now. Don't fucking tempt me. No, I'm not tempting you. I'm asking you to call Mike Posner. There's no tempt. I'm just saying just... You want me to fucking call him right now?

Yeah, Mike, call Mike, call Mike Poster. I'm not going to fucking call him, Dillon. and you asshole. All right, fine. The guy won that Mexican standoff. Yes, you did. Okay. I would be sued.

All right, so we sit down for dinner. One guy starts to move his hips and his ass. And an extremely unset. I mean, he's very good at it, but yeah, it was just kind of alarming. So this is the same spot where we last hit the boat. The party boats right next door. They're listening to Pilna Biza. They're listening to...

other songs. Yeah. And, um, Oh my God. They're always playing loud music. You kidding me. They doc. It's fine.

We get to the first course, which is a tuna sevice with, uh, avocado. Um, for the meat eaters, we're going to be doing a mole. Um, there's some clumsiness around describing, let mole do its thing.

Okay. we don't have to call it chocolate sauce, right? If we're going to do mole, let's just say that we're presenting a mole and just have people eat it. We don't need to kind of do this sloppy education for a bunch of drunk people at this table. Suzanne's a foodie. So when the moly gets sat down, she knows it's one of the most complex sauces in gastronomy. And she says, oh! She's like Orson Wells in those outtakes.

Peas! No, no. Beaves! No, not those ones. The, um... Who are you? Who's talking to me? No, no, no.

No, no. No, it's the champagne one. Oh. You know that one. Oh, the French. Champagne. There's a sparkling one from Paul Mesaun. He just throws up on the table.

Orson. Two young actors standing right next to him. I'm like, this is Orson Wells. This is crazy. And he's blackout. Fame. You know that song? Okay.

You know that song? I do. Okay. So this is, you're telling me this isn't a bad episode. People love it. Keep going. All right.

So we sit down for dinner. No, we're there. We're there. We're there. Okay. So Suzanne is a booze bag. She's on vacation. But enjoy yourself.

Enjoy yourself. We get a paté. I'm not even going to say it. It's a puff pastry with vanilla cream and salty caramel. And before everyone heads in, Joy heads up. And she says, this is your dessert and enjoy your meal. And then Joy goes to walk down into the guy. There's a lot of cleaning to be done.

And Suzanne says, wait a one second. And everyone goes, what did she just say? And she says, I had four. food. I guess something. Mm. And then she starts to moan at the table. And this is where you go.

I think it's time for night night. Okay. Night night time. How many pots would you give this dinner? Well, we should start doing that. I love a puff pastry. You love a puff pastry. You're a sweet boy.

I hate mole though. Okay. That's made on coffee grounds, right? It's chocolate. It's disgusting. And it should not be in, what was the protein there? beef. Disgusting.

You know, don't like it. And what about a, like a tuna savić? I don't like tuna. It's disgusting. Okay. So how many pots would you give? Zero. Even with the puff pastry and the vanilla cream?

What was in the pot pastry? Vanilla cream and salty caramel. That's the dessert? Five points. So you'd give it five knots. Mm-hmm. Okay. So Amy continues to be tough.

Suzanne says, who should I lean towards? And this is where Amy said. This is where the matchmaker comes in. And this is where she shines. Yes. So this is when we bring in the equalizer, right? It's been on Suzanne to whittle down her choices. And now she is stuck between two.

Kurt, who has some vague AI company. And Will, who I think does tantric retreats. something. Okay. And she goes up to her matchmaker. She says, all right. First off, there are five of you right now. But I need some help.

I'm stuck between two people. What should I do? And Amy says, as a matchmaker, my job is to do nothing. You are, this is a direct quote. You are a strong woman. You'll figure it out.

Right. right it's by you pay the big bucks all right so um luke starts to get very um melodramatic this is the next morning or this no this is night time luke um grabs his um giant tiger pillow and uh he says um can you imagine fucking a guy with that in the bed uh okay so um he is is kind of gassing him up and he says this is the last time I'm going to be sleeping in this bed. The ceremony of this ending is not lost on him. This is a new chapter in his life. All right.

So Amy did her thing and then we get to drop off day. Well, yeah. So today we finally find out who Suzanne is going to be picking. But first we have Luke who continues to be insane. He stands by joy once again lumbering and quiet and doesn't say. anything. Moping. And this is when he says, and I don't know if this is a verbatim

quote, like I'm going to go down standing up, but I'm going to get as close as I can to what he says. Because again, it's crazy. When speaking of joy, Luke says, I know I don't know her, but she means so much to me. It's really interesting

that there are, you know, on the outside, he just looks like a linebacker, right? Kind of like a logging, hulking guy. But then he has these very, like, immature,

you know what? I don't need to get, we don't need to do, he's probably listening. We've been talking about his come for a month. We don't need to get into all this stuff. But, but yeah.

Okay. Okay. I want to talk about this. He's a pretty manipulative guy. That's what I'm, like there are these petty emotional games that are being played to. It's just like, what is going on?

Here's the saddest part. Him moping around is actually working. I know. I know. On joy. Yeah. A lot of, on the socials, a lot of people are like, Joy, thank you for telling this guy to fuck off. Yeah.

But then we're going to probably find out the two of them men up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we walked that whole thing back quite a little bit. By the way, we're going to try and get joy on. We'll try. All right. So Suzanne gets with Amy and she says Kurt said something really insulting to me last night.

He said that I was intoxicated. Cut back to, I want to say something. I had a food orgasm tonight. So Kurt was making a correct observation. And Suzanne is sunset bullet. Boulevard crazy. And also, I would argue, Kurt, while he said that to you, that your main dude just said, peace the fuck out.

Bye, don't want to be around it. So she heads out to the guys, and she says, how is everybody up before me? Well, you blacked out. Suzanne says that she's going to pick Will. and the alcohol still hasn't completely gotten out of her system, I don't think. She's talking to Will and she's still a little kind of, a little in the gloom, I would say. It's this when they sit on the couch? Yeah, they have those little private conversation.

What happened last night? He's like, well, this is a direct quote. He said, my, I'll use this at some point. If I ever get caught leaving a party early, I'll go, my social battery went south. What the fuck does that meet? Irish goodbyeed you. There's a really funny sketch from, I don't know, the Friday, I think it's Friday beers or something.

There's this great sketch where they're laughing. It's four friends at a table and they're laughing and this girl stands up and she goes, that's it. I'm done. I no longer have energy. I've said all the stories. I've laughed at all the jokes. I simply must leave, which is what we all want to do when we're out for too long.

that and I you have done that especially when you're younger like I have uh I'm leaving and the younger you was much more honest and comfortable in your skin yeah yeah totally yeah I'm leaving I want to go what happens to us you know like we need to fit in and like Kate and stuff like that you but it I hear what you're saying because I'll go As other creatures, you go, I want you to lie to me more. You know what's happened to me? It offends me. And I take what you're trying to tell me to be more rude again.

No, I'm not trying to tell you that. I thought it was funny. But I really do want to get back to that place. But here's the thing. No one wants to be around someone who's honest. I know. And what happens when you do things like that? I remember I told someone that that we know that they had to leave the house now.

that everyone was being very, everyone was uncomfortable, did not go over well. And there are a ton of instances, God, I remember that night so clearly, everyone had said, and then I was the one that said,

in front of everybody, you got to go. I remember her. They all backed off. And they were like, what are you talking about? This is fun. I go,

you guys are all being cowards. This one needs to go. Okay. But what happens is, there are so many, uncomfortable moments that you have to massage your way through and apologize for that it's better to just lie always lie lie lie just lie and then sneak out okay so we get to nate going into the room the bag is blocking the door and nathan says what's going on here what do you mean what are you doing

how old is giant tiger pillow i can't get over this tiger pillow um but yes it seems as though is ready to confess, I am leaving father. He says it really awkward. He says it's really awkward because I came on your sheets and I don't think that we can really get over that. And Nathan says, listen, I'm not going to tell anybody. Cut to two minutes later. Literally everybody on the bus.

I think Suzanne knows. I mean, some of those dudes, I don't even know their names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, hey, did you hear this fucking guy who came on that bed? Yeah, he's leaving. He's leaving. Can I back up for a second? Yep.

So despite the relationship not lasting between Suzanne and Will, probably 45 seconds past them leaving, Kermit says, I love love. In any way that you meet someone, you shouldn't judge them, like whether it be meeting someone with a matchmaker or whatever, because how she meant scumers. Scott was unconventional, right? Did you see the look back? Yeah, they were. I'll tell you, they meant both shitting in a bucket at an Empire of the Sun Concern.

And the rest was history. I love this song. They met, they met in high school. They went to high school with each other. They, he had a bad haircut. Yeah. They hadn't found scatting yet as a bonding experience. Yes.

turns out turning your asshole into an aerosol can in the presence of another can bring you close that sounded crazy we've just got to cut a lot of stuff i mean this day episode is horrible okay people are going to love it okay so um the last person that finds out is joy oh luke tells her as though he loved telling her this like he was departing like leo in the Titanic sinking down to the bottom of the ocean. It was Heath Ledger leaving in the Patriot. A more niche reference, and we probably should have just stuck with yours. But not like both of those, because he'll show up and FaceTime her in 18 hours.

Exactly. Heath Ledger's wife actually was burned alive, and Leo died in the cold waters of the Indian Ocean, I think. Or the Arctic, wherever the Titanic was. I was, again, I'm not going to say I'm disappointed, Joy, because I'm such a douche, but you being so hurt that he's leaving because you were going to, your plan was to come around him? Yeah, yeah. Ultimately, we would have had a full-blown come around and that's not great. I'm glad I didn't get to see that.

Yeah, I think everybody's happy. Now, Luke is cosplaying a boyfriend here. They're cosplaying a relationship and it's tough to watch. Now, Suzanne is getting ready to pick. Amy has chosen Will and the kids take off. Now, Caitlin, can you look this up? There's, it's the animal that weirdos refer to most often. There's a smallest, look up smallest animal ever, period, possible ever, bear.

Smallest animal bear. It's like this little thing. Is it like a microbe or something? Oh, the tartagrade? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, it's some kind of bear. A water bear. Jen and John Sina and people who are just

fucking weirdos will use this animal as a reference point. So she says, I have as much respect for Luke as a water bear. Now, water bears are, have you ever seen a water bear? It looks like a maggot. It looks like a maggot. Yeah. So, um, anyways, we get to the tip meeting. Now, this is where Luke is going to give a speech.

Yeah. He says he's leaving. And then he says this. Yeah. The same water that hardens the egg, softens the potato. Now, before I get into what that means, I'll say what he should have said was, I'm sorry that I fire hosed your bed with dong water and didn't clean it up. I'm sorry about that. I didn't think about you. I was a douchebag. I'm sorry. I apologize for that.

Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Also, girls, I'm sorry that I was a jerk to you. I was a jerk, Jen, I was a jerk. Yeah. I had sex with you and then I made you feel bad about doing that. And at this point, everyone goes, you know what, you can, it's fine.

You don't need to talk anymore. All right, fine. Yeah. Then let's get back to the egg and potato. Yeah, I want to, I want to dive down on this because the same water that hardens an egg softens a potato. What does that mean in relation to you, ejaculating on your boss's bed and not cleaning it for three days. Funny, you ask.

Okay. This analogy is famous for resilience and adaptability. Oh, got it. It has no connection to what's actually transpiring. No, because if we look at the source material, it's actually a guy that came on his boss's bed and then quit. And screwed over two girls and hurt them. Right.

That's right. It means the exact opposite. Right. It has no connection with anything that's transpiring here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, yeah. So, okay,

cool. Thank you, Luke for, uh, I think Luke was a lot of fun. And I know that we've been shitting on the guy a lot, but he's just an endless supply of ammo. And if you want to get him on cameo,

you can either, uh, talk to him for $325. Yeah, yeah, uh, or you can talk to any of the captains for the same price. Right,

right, right. So fuck off. Okay. Okay. Oh, I'm trying to help these people. I know,

I know. All right. So Jen is struggling with positive mindset. She's called Kaylee, a double-crossing cunt. She's called Luke of Water. She's spent in a negative headspace. So what you're talking about here is the rebrand, if you will. This is Jen turning into Zen Jen. Yes, this is Zen Jen. This is Subway Post-Jarid. We don't have, we don't have that silly guy.

guy doing it anymore. No. We don't have them. Ouch. Yeah. All right. Now let's move on to Coupe. This one was the more

fascinating aspect. I did not see this coming. So I've- Kalen, can you do me a favor? Can we do a little check-in on Jared from Subway? Has he been killed in prison yet? We don't need, just we can keep going, but I do want to see what he's up to.

He's expected to. be released in March of 2029, so... Oh, ouch. Yikes. Ugh. Oh, my God. Um, I know this...

How long did he serve in prison for? Uh, he's currently serving his 15 year and eight months sentence in Colorado. He pleaded guilty in 2015. Why don't you bring him up? Can we move the fuck on? Sorry, it's just like, well, Pat and I are, are negotiating whether to talk about 15 years is enough punishment for a child porn. It's not.

It's not. It wasn't child porn. It was more than that. All right. So, um, all right. So, Coops. This is where Kaelin,

you got to get your vigilante suit on and you got to get him back in prison. All right. You know, he bidnights as a hero? He does? Yeah. Cheese man. Yeah.

Get him. You know what his super super hero is bucket man. He takes the buckets of chicken that he eats. And then he cuts eyes and then he puts it on top of his head. He goes out and he fights cry. But he gets winded really easily. Kill him, Kaelan. All right.

Cooper, of all people, did not see this coming. But I've heard this like as far as like society's work. When one douchebag leaves, someone will fill his spot. Well, we've talked about this. You know, the chimpanzee will cause you harm. And as we discussed with Coop, we were. trepidacious to believe that he was this just southern boy that wanted to treat.

I think chivalry is dead, you know, and I love to open a car door, and I don't think that you should kiss on the first day. Cut to him slamming his tongue down the throat of cat, which she's open to, and that's fine. But we were a little concerned. Kaelin's bleeding, no big deal. Why do you guys bleed on this show so much?

It's a lot of bleeding. It's a lot of bleeding. Cooper is at the end of the day of C-Rat. So we'll see whether or not he is going to hurt cat. Now what we're referring here is him kind of second guessing whether or not he wants to engage in a boatman's here with her because, you know, he's young. He's free. And what the fuck? How do you maintain a boatman's?

She's going to go on another vessel. Yeah. Like, well, what is this too? He just wants to have fun. He just wants to pump the brakes a little bit. And of course of all people, Joe says, hey, I'm having a lot of. having a good time with K over here. Yeah.

I think Joe. All people. Joe and Kay are actually doing it the right way. Oh, good luck with this, buddy. He will expedite this and then burn it to the ground by the end of the season, I think. But we'll see. Can I say this personal story? I don't think we've been going too long.

I have only executed one sexual relationship. I know the female audience loves when I talk about this. One hookup buddy as a friend over the course of like a six-year period on and off, where we had, we captured no feelings and just hooked up. It's very mature. Well, I don't know if it's mature, but it was like. I think it is. I think it's an emotional maturity to recognize that there is no emotion in this,

that there's emotion in that this is fun and I'm happy, but there's no messiness. You know, people get bogged down with that stuff very quickly. I mean, look at Little K and Coop. cat and Coop. I mean, they're completely confusing lust for love. Nathan heads out. He slams some espresso martinis. And he is a, it's fine. Well, before that, though, Gail says, we fucking come home. Yeah. And so we get to Cooper, who wants to slow things down. He's sitting away from Cat at the dinner table, and Cat's going, what's going on? Now, Joy and Kaylee, while Coop is talking about slowing

things down. They're ramping things up, actually. They're slamming one another against walls of bathrooms and making out, which is really fun for them. Now, Nathan is asked to head out from Gail, and we get a text from Luke to Joy. And he says, just because I've left doesn't mean I've given up on us. Now, why do you like this guy and you're trying to protect him from us busting his boss? I don't like him at all. I don't like him at all. All of this was like chivalry. Like, I'm leaving with honor. To get into, to get into the psychology of him, I felt was unnecessary because it's just

way too boring to do a deep dive on. But I don't think that he's a good guy by any stretch of the imagination. So we should continue to bust his balls. That's fine. This is such a douche move. It is. Well, it's not just a douche move. It's insane.

I mean, this guy's insane. What reality are you? living in where you're sending texts like this to people you don't know. By the way, if you don't think for one fucking second he asked production if he could go out there and meet for dinner? Oh, yeah. They're like, no, Luke. All right.

So Cooper is talking to some random ladies from Myrtle Beach. And Kat sees this. And given the distance that she's felt at dinner and now this, she and he have to have a conversation. They head out into the reign of Croatia to discuss heartsbreaking, romance growing, commitment evolving. You guys are sea rats. I mean, what are we doing here with this? What was the movie with Rachel McCadden's? No book. I want to point out something here, though. There is something I want to teach my kids, which is an inner instinct that she's feeling.

No matter what he tells her while he was making out with her out there in the rain, which is, I'm coming back to you. I didn't realize I hurt you. She felt something. And no matter what he tells her, while he's kissing her, he's lying to her. He's checked out. He wants the fuck out of there.

Can I tell you, you just kind of bubbled up in an IRL bit, like life bits? I've seen these lately. They're called life bits. So like if you're on the phone with somebody and you're in front of other people and you're being a little rude, the conversation is going on too long. When you're done with the conversation, you go, I don't know who that was. It's like a life bit. If you refer to the notebook as that James Marsden movie, that just gets me tickled.

James Marsden? Yeah, that's that movie that James Marsden was in. The notebook. The notebook. Yeah, that movie. Ryan Gosling. No, James Marsden. We've got to stop recording this podcast.

Derelliction of Duty tonight. Okay. So they kiss in the rain and Nate heads home. It is not great at the homestead. I have a feeling. Who had this idea that filming this would be interesting? Little baby seems like he's a, tough rearing.

I don't think this is an easy baby by any stretch. No baby's easy. There are babies that are much easier than other babies. Was your baby easy? The first one was much easier than the second. I will say that. Thanks for shitting them on point. Yeah.

How could you not shit on your point? It was an insanely dumb point. How was yours? Impossible. Mine, both of mine. Okay. Your babies slept all day. You had easy babies. I was drunk.

All right. So we get a little bit of a late night emergency, but not before Cooper is told by Kaylee, hey, this is the problem. You took her out on a date. You should just have sex with each other. And then everything will be fine. But when you take people out on dates,

that's when things get a little confusing. Now, when you have sex with someone, that's when it gets confusing. Yeah, that's true. Screw you, Haley. But also, the dates are probably more. confusing to see rats than sex. Late night emergency, the storm is a little bit like what those boys

sailed out of Massachusetts went through. Oh, yes, the perfect storm. Yeah. One of the worst films ever made, George Clooney putting on a Gloucester accent. That was laughable. Mark Wahlberg. Even worse. I'm our Warbur.

Hilarious. I get up at 3 in the morning. Hey, how are we going to do this? I don't know. Should I get up? I got to get some toner tomorrow. Those waves are huge. Look at those waves.

I think we're going to die. That movie was laughable. We are done recording. Nate shows up. He is two hours late. He is bad at his job. We'll get there next week. The fallout from this is going to be insane.

The Bosen is two hours late to work and is told no one anything. Can you believe that? He's going to be fire, right? Oh, I think what happens is his back will go out and he'll be removed from the boat, which will be good for everybody, especially Gail and the baby. But, yeah, it's not a shift at Target. It's, you're the bosen of the boat. You can't just show up two hours late and not text anybody.

Can I tell you something? This is what happens when you're on your third season of a reality TV show. Totally. Yep, totally. And that's where you've got to give. Asia credit because Asia's been on many, many seasons still recognizes there's a certain amount of professionalism. Let's not let the ego get too big.

And that's why production loves her. Exactly. It's why the best, like the best actors keep working. The best actors, even though they're super famous, know to be courteous to people, remember people's names. Nathan is like, he's got like Paris Hilton energy at this point. All right. Get in the comments.

Let us know what you thought about the episode. We'll be back next week. Join us to Patreon. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat's sake. Bye. Bye guys. Kaelin.

See ya.