Kill James Bond! - Her Name is Audrey | Below Deck Adventure S1 E7

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

Pat and Dylan are back to break down disruption in the alcohol industry, Audrey and what she eats, baked alaska, fire and ice, a new stew and much more from Bravo's Below Deck Adventure. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING LOVE AFTER LOCKUP! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

See you later, George Washington. Yes, exactly. So, moving on. This show might be an hour and a half. I don't think so. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Pat Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Brandon.

Thank you. Public service announcements. Yeah, bad TV. Two new shows coming up. Oh, you guys are going to love this. So you love us recapping Below Deck. Thank you for that. You get two shows a week, obviously, with that.

But how about two more hours of us in your ears a week? If you want. If you want. Where can you do that? Well, you can go head over to Bad TV because you know what you'll find there. Dylan and I recapping Love After Lockup and season one of brett michaels rock of love now it's the holiday season and butterflies are afloat and everybody's hearts and guts both of those shows have one thing in common you know what that is positivity no

love love so how could you not want to hear us break down that stuff it's a holiday season next week we'll drop both of those in the bad tv feed go over there subscribe leave a review if you have not also join us on facebook uh and we would love you more if you joined us on patreon.com dot com slash another podcast network um all right episode five i think yeah tonight was an important night for this season also we got an injection that had we not got i don't know if we could have finished this show. I think we would have had to take the show behind a paywall and filled the 45 minutes with at least a half hour of us just talking absolute nonsense. And the people who pay us wouldn't mind that,

but the cheapos would. But tonight we got Seth, which I feel will be a catalyst for an improvement. I'm not saying it's going to get to an eight or a nine, but we might be at a seven because lately, I mean, I've talked about it, B squad.

And I think the internet is ablaze with the same sentiment. It's just not an inspiring cast or spinoff of this franchise. It's just not that good. Is this your thoughts, Dylan? No. Okay. Well, it's my not that good is this your thoughts dylan no okay well it's my thoughts but not general thoughts all right let me or pot let me jump over to my general thoughts the episode because i agree with you adding seth is a truly fun addition to this show

before that i had i liked how they're out now doing the chyrons for the food so it makes your job a little easier to be able to see what the fuck they're cooking up there i love the hookups you know orianna is uh the uh what do we call her sid what's your nickname for her i haven't called her that yet okay well she's an interesting character i've worked with people like her uh she's paying the ass ancient lemurs huh i don't even know what sid was but i haven't called it so go ahead okay well here's what's fun about seth and what was interesting about it because it reminded me that confidence and a shiny uh title job title yeah captain the guy's walking in like he owns the place right you see how human behavior behavior truly like we don't get things like

this on reality tv where you can go like oh i think i'm watching some guy come over and completely take over the boat by just walking on with confidence and a shiny job title right so you're saying that we're watching kind of like a cubicle it's a cubicle kind of examination of our primal nature exactly in a purple button i mean the seas are split when he walks on there. Everybody kneels him. No, no, no. He's cleaning off railings like you. Who cares about the shiny title and the confidence? Lewis knows him for 10 minutes and he starts telling him about his feelings of what will be his coworkers. Yeah. Later on, I think minutes later, the guy decides he's got such balls. He's like, I'm going to go smoke a cig. Yeah.

So I think what we're driving at here is that. Someone read the laws of 40 laws of power. But also, sea rats are extremely vulnerable to cults. If they were ever on land long enough, I feel like they would have to run to some type of NXIVM kind of organization because that will essentially do the same thing as being a Sea Rat. It'll pry you up from reality and take you into a soft place where you get branded, but that doesn't happen to Sea Rat. Go ahead. Dylan, I love that analogy because in fact, yes, it's like a cult because Seth, well, if he's the cult, you go up to a person, you go, hey, why am I listening

to you? And you say, I'm the cult leader. Ding. Right, right, right, right. Which is such a great answer to that question. I'm the cult leader. But also think about if let's get an acre in montana let's put this cast on that fucking land in a year is oriana casey and fit are they not going to kill a neighbor for him of course they will it's got a nice ass my god so how many pots four you know i'm worried that you're not taking the scale seriously. No, I'm dead serious about skills. I want to say, I got a little recap of Nate's behavior on the last episode, just really briefly. I want to remind the audience, Nate apparently left the boat at three in the morning to either go take a dump or fall asleep, leaving that boat

so that it could slam into rocks and kill everybody. The next day, Lewis has some thoughts about it, but it's like, moving on. Hey, dude, you could have killed us all. And the captain, too. He's like, hey, you can't do that, man. All right, fine. I don't know why this was brought up in this manner. You wouldn't do this to Mike. Oops, I did it again.

So, yes, the episode does kick off with nate having fallen you can't get up he's fine he didn't break anything well that all right so this is what's amazing he didn't sprain anything either he strained it he strained it bag of ice 20 minutes rest you're back on your feet well carrie he jumps in this guy he wears a lot of hats apparently he's got some kind of medical background because he diagnoses nate as being a pussy come on mate it's a strain can you hand me the wine please oh sure thank you it's the holiday season oh yeah we're kind of uh i mean i don't want to say uh tapped out or what's the expression for uh not not giving a fuck tapped out phoning it in phoning it in or anything but we're not doing

that no we're not doing that i'm just going to get a little bit more intoxicated oh enjoy your life yeah it's the how it's the holiday season okay and happy holidays to everybody out there all right so um we march on techno plays us through water activities and heather says nothing bad ever happens here well heather have you ever heard of uh fjoltof hansen oh have you ever heard of fjoltof hansen i don't think so yeah well he was a terrorist and a serial killer in norway between his bombs and his blades he claimed the lives of 77 people gone families torn apart brothers sisters mothers fathers whoa just all right so to quote the stupid guest they said nothing bad ever happens here well that's that sounds

like something bad happened well the the, I have to check the stats, but something truly, truly sad happens in Norway. I believe it has the number one suicide rate on the planet Earth. I'd say that's pretty sad. Between that and Fjortof Hansen, it's a pretty dour play. It's a twofer of sadness. So, well, Nathan is not one of the things that is sad, regardless of the cute cuts back and

forth and back and forth. So we go through the motions and we find out that Lewis has named a new deck hand in the process. Uh, lead deck hand. Mike is going to get the Wally Pip call up Lewis. Come on, man. He's got a strained ankle. Hey, I want to say this about Nate.

He survived a fall of 15 steps. Good word. Okay. And, but he only got a strain are you listening michael peterson your wife didn't die after a stair fall okay and that that owl did not try and eat her face off no it didn't you killed her yeah he did i hope he's a listener god damn it did you watch the staircase i think he is a listener actually is that right yeah hey we know you did it and even though you got off and you know when you're sitting at home Damn it. Did you watch the staircase? I think he is a listener, actually. Is that right? Yeah. Hey, we know you did it.

And even though you got off, you know, and you're sitting at home in your palatial mansion, you got four different streaming services making docs about you killing your wife, throwing her down the stairs. Yeah, with Colin Firth. Unbelievable. Is that his name? Is that who played him? Yeah.

I didn't watch the staircase, because I already seen like 10 years of datelines. Well, yeah, there's 15 staircases, but, um, who was the guy in the King speech? Is that Colin Firth? Yeah,

that's Colin Firth. Yeah. He played him. Oh, he did. Yeah. Wow. We don't content is so derivative nowadays.

We don't, by the way, documentarians and filmmakers, we don't need five different versions of the same goddamn story. I bitched about that on PMZ. If you want to hear me talk about it. Hey, Try Not Combs, that's another podcast network. So let's get to the fire and ice dinner.

Now, Faye says we've got napkins and we've got silverware to resemble ice. Okay. But they have nothing fiery. However, that is where Jess comes in, the showstopper. Faye wants her guests to be wild. Nothing fiery. However, that is where Jess comes in. The showstopper. Faye wants her guests to be well. Palo Santo is burned to push away any negative energy. And I don't think it took because this dinner was a fucking nightmare.

I'm so excited to get to the big. Well, her little witch magic, whatever. That was to fight off evil forces, Dylan. Because the forces are trying to kill Nate. And those same forces tried to let an angry hick from Kentucky assault people. I hope you're not joking about this. Are you fucking joking about this? No, man.

Dead serious. It's going to be risky, apparitions and demons and things alike are not anything to fucking joke with i mean imagine if you dug up some goddamn native american iconography in your backyard and then all of a sudden I put a pool on top of them. Well, you put a pool on top of them and then he starts haunting your goddamn family. Exactly.

It's not, it's not funny. I know people. All right, let's get back into the show. So, um, Hispanic open a brief carry on dinner,

which will be steak, carrots, and potatoes. I have to tell you though. I know you and my wife have been at odds with each other, especially with culinary stuff. You know, you made fun of her, uh, her Caesar salad that she added avocado to. Uh, but when she's avocado belongs in the Caesar, I do, it's delicious. Well, she also, Oh, newsflash. You're wrong.

Well, that being said, Dylan, perhaps this may continue your evaluation of my wife's non-culinary experience. She saw the plates later on in the episode come up and she went, ooh, potatoes. They were rubbish on and they were piped, but let's not put lipstick on a pig right it's prison food but the dinner is not what i want to focus on the dinner is uh fine the dessert is the thing that i

oh you don't think that execution was a little clunky is the thing that I... Oh, you don't think that execution was a little clunky? Why is she kneeling down? Why did she just dump a gravy boat of uncooked booze onto my dessert? My dress is on fire. Yeah, fire it up! This show's so dumb so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so let's see if let's see if

let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if

let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if

let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if

let's see if let's see if let's see if let's see if so annoying. She says that Faye is hot and cold to her and has not taken the time to give her a reason for why she has been in different kind of emotional phases with her. And I don't want to sound like Gran Torino, but in what world does an underling have the right

for their boss to explain the emotional nuances that go through throughout their day? Like these youths, they really live in a delusional world. You know what I mean? And I think me and Oriana are probably the same age. Fucking crazy. She always looks like she's an a**hole.

I'm going to have to bleep that. It's so goddamn mean. It is. Yeah. By the way, someone in the Facebook group, they said they didn't like me. Yeah. They said because we're getting mean.

We are. We're getting mean now? So Captain Kerry has found his Seth. The person who is qualified enough to throw lines at dark rats. I'm excited to see what he can do. So the first quartz gets dropped. Said that flawlessly. Wagyu beef, carrots, jute potatoes, fine enough.

But then we get to the Haywire Act, but not before Heather talks about disrupting the alcohol space. I think there's room. I think there's room in this space to disrupt. Yeah, a $4 billion market where every fucking rich fucking hooligan thinks it's a great idea to go buy 18 barrels of some bourbon and sell it to their friends while it rots. Well,

rots on a fuck in a fucking storage unit. Sorry. Did you say Mickey Avalon has the same name for the same tequila? God damn it. Who is that? Yeah, it's a bad idea. There is not a lot of room for disruption. There's zero. You and baby gorgeous should start a fast food chain. That's what you should do, and I'm not commenting on your weight. I'm just saying that you and baby gorgeous could have i don't know i feel like you could blow that up don't get into the alcohol industry and also don't tell people

that red wine goes with red meat and white wine goes with fish and chicken it's not that simple it's so stupid it's really not that simple hey can i talk about the meat by the way did uh spanakopa uh what is it spanaford coppola yeah did she check maybe she just looked at the preference sheets or something because they rarely read those things but uh yeah those things every piece of meat look like it came out with the jockey marks on it man what do you mean jockey marks what do you mean i think i'm making an old-timey joke where it's horse meat you know uh it's so red jockey mark it's so red undercooked yeah know, I just had a friend of mine who is a neurotic Persian

recount a trip to Paris wherein he got into multiple fights, multiple waiters, a little bit of an abrasive personality. Multiple fights, multiple waiters, no shit. About the cook on the beef in Europe. Let me guess. Your friend likes it very, very raw.

No, he likes it very, very gray. Oh, interesting. He likes it well done. And over there, they just don't cook the meat that way. I mean, when my wife and I honeymooned in Rome, we asked for medium rare. They just don't do it. That's not what they do.

But you can't eat meat like that. No, I don't think it's a good idea. What's it called when you put fucking raw meat in a fucking blender and then you put a raw egg in it? It's called tartare. Tartare. Yeah. My best friend from college, Amir.

Yeah. We used to have that all the time. He loved it. It's like cereal for him. It's one of the true classics in gastronomy is beef tartare. And whether it's dressed up in a nouveau riche way or it's Pan Am quail egg horse shit, it's always delicious. He loved it. He said it was his favorite thing. What about you? Did you ever try it? Of course. That's where I got it. How do you

think I'm so smart despite being such a filthy, yucky normer? Raw beef. I hung out with wealthy people. He flew me around the world. Middle Easterners. Yeah. Well, he was, you know, I later learned that a lot of people lied about this. He always claimed that he was the grandson of the Shah of Iran. And so that's where he had all the money. Sorry? Yeah.

That's who my buddy was. But that was a lie. Well, it never was confirmed. But I told someone that one time who was Iranian. He said, all the rich kids say that. Where did you meet him? In college college uh university arena classical music program so he went there later he left and flew to boston and went to school at berkeley uh completely different discipline jazz music but we remained friends yeah um if he is the Shah's kid, cease communication from what I've heard.

Grandson. Kind of a yucky, yucky guy. Well, they treated him. You're speaking of Ayatollah Khomeini. No, no, no. I'm speaking of the Shah of Iran. Oh. He was the guy that got booted.

They got overtaken by the Ayatollah Khomeini. Oh, wow. Oh, no. he was the guy that got booted they got overtaken by the ayatollah khomeini oh wow oh no it was the guy who was ruling over the progressive hate aspirin they say that iran excuse me meanwhile he had his his political enemies in prisons and he was cutting off people sure but people had a good time outside 100 you know yeah okay so we got to get back sure so sorry about that and to the people of iran fucking bravo god i wish we were that brave but we're too comfy there's nothing really wrong so we're not gonna go fucking sacrifice our lives to change our government bro i got

fast food places on every block and netflix why do i need to go anywhere so um we have to get i think we've covered six minutes of the show what do you think conservatively um all right so we have to get to this fucking baked alaska i'm so excited to talk about this so they asked mike to come down and okay all right so the alaska begins to be whipped the piping bag does not have the correct tip and casey is applying the meringue not spanakopita but the one who deciphers aura that's the one who's piping the baked Alaska. And the torching of the sad meringue looks like somebody just kind of spit a little flame all over it.

Have you ever seen a baked Alaska? Oh, of course, yes. It's brûlée'd perfectly. I mean, they're really impressive desserts. If you've ever seen what it's supposed to look like and what this looked like, it was sad. And Faye gets really, really pissed off at mike for not

springing into action to help her fay he was having a conversation okay um but she says do you have any fucking idea what we're trying to do and what they're trying to do is serve home ec desserts to people who are paying sixty thousand dollars a a day. So I understand why Faye is really upset. Now, when they get out there, it's what I imagine like a junior high improv class feeling like. Like, oh God, please find some, please. Like the overcompensating guffaws and hyping up of this really really awkward moment in the dinner is it's cringeworthy it makes your skin feel like steel wool well i

would have uh said to poor jess as she's doing this i would have said oh this is my dress on fire my dress on fire but also this is making us all feel uncomfortable and uh that's we're paying to you know avoid things like that i need you to leave our presence now you can leave the cupcakes on the table or whatever the fuck they are cupcakes on the table or whatever the fuck they are. I was so close. I was so close to spitting red wine everywhere. All right. So. Safe to say everything goes off without a hitch can we

the next morning no hold on so uh they're going around as she's my dress is on fire and she's pouring beaut uh butane uh fucking on everybody's cupcake yeah uh the heather the salt lake uh lake city housewife the heather yes she has an epiphany uh-huh oh my god now i get it fire and ice that's the fire yeah now i think that there are two parallel realities that we can exist in here one where she's that's concerning right two she's trying her best to make jess and the gang feel better oh with her enthusiasm because this and she seems like a smart cookie to me. I think that she's a nice person too. I think she's just trying to ease the awkwardness.

As is the entire table of ex-Mormons. Yeah, yeah. The same person that said four minutes earlier that the alcohol business, there's space for disruption. I see which reality you're picking. She's an insane person. The end of the evening finally arrives and uh we get to the next morning well you know during this whole thing as you mentioned uh casey was yelling over the goddamn walkie talkie for mike to answer uh and she was calling they kept cutting all the different

bunks because her cries fell on sleeping ears obviously yeah yeah right um and then uh useless mike not my name for him this is faye's name yeah uh he is brought down to help and uh she says uh hey uh did you have your goddamn uh walkie on mr useless yeah i bet mike i feel bad for mike he's got to get be uh tired of being called useless you know yeah you should have said whispered of course you know if i go your hair looks like a dead president yeah your hair looks like a dead president did it again like you go get her now when you say dead president um like those horrible wigs uh that they put on their head or something oh god i got it her hair is horrible, right?

My wife looks like she's been in a gang bang for three days and then she walks out the door. That's what she presents herself when she starts her day. Hey, what are you talking about? My wife? Oh, in the morning. Yeah. Okay.

So she walks in and then it looks like her hair. It looks like she's been being fucked by multiple people for multiple days. For three days. Oh, my God. What that would do to a dude. Really mess it up. Let's talk about blood. I'm telling you, I am so high.

I ate too much of that chocolate. Yeah. You know what, Dylan? I think you're doing great. This last year, Dylan gave me chocolate. Unbelievably hot. I went to a holiday party for work and I was so high that I hid, Dylan, is this hyperbole? I hid under a table for two hours.

A little bit metaphorically he did, but when the- The shareable? No, no, no. The shareables you didn't have too much interest in but there was a bowl and there was a bowl and yeas at the table and you suddenly came out of your turtle shell and began to it was a shareable yeah it was i kept it to myself. I didn't even know. So, all right, back to the show. Next day. Next day. Nathan's okay.

Lewis has color for a wonder well. And Faye barges into the guest rooms to ask if they want coffee. Can you get out? Mm-hmm. And then Faye has something else to say. Mike disrespected her last night. She tells Lewis that something needs to happen because this needs to be corrected. And there's more to come from this,

but my God, I do not understand Faye's entitlement over Lewis's staff. I really don't understand it. Maybe it's just an ignorance with the way that Sea Rats operate, but in my world these are different departments why do you feel like you're running everyone on a serious note dylan what the fuck it's actually been explained in previous episodes the uh chief stew actually is one rung up over the bosun so she technically is slightly kind of his supervisor in a weird way got it okay so she can bitch about that and not

vice versa he can't do the same to her so she can actually ask his staff to help her and also bitch at the bosun yeah now how long have we been watching this show oh i was gonna say six months but um five years yeah well i don't get it hey uh can i do a meanwhile yeah meanwhile one of the guests mistakes a 30 foot humpback whale for a dolphin yeah money don't buy your brain stems what money don't buy a class money don't buy your brain stems that is that is a fucking terrible rendition you do it no no i mean just from the start the lyrics i mean jesus christ one of the guests mistaken a 30 dylan not a small baby humpback whale right a 30 foot humpback whale have you ever considered the institutional racism

viewed in marine biology a great white shark is called a great white shark even though it's much more fearsome and a killer whale because it's black is called killer have you ever thought about that i haven't yet but maybe i gotta look in the mirror do all right so um mike and fay need to um kind of they need to apologize to one another i think that's where this is yeah yeah so she basically so uh lewis goes yeah yeah yeah get out of here i'll talk to him right right right but we'll get to the apology in a second so lucky for fay she she has a problem that she needs to solve but she doesn't know this she has a mastermind beneath her in oriana oh yes yes who um we're having technological difficulties so i wish i could

play this clip but it's an all-time orionism she says the guys have been acting like shit so when the new guy comes on we should treat him really really well so that he sets the tone the other guys get jealous about how we're treating him but if he treats us like shit then we should otherwise and ellipses one high but two it is are you 10 let me are you 10 years old dylan or is she like seth also an avid reader of a book called 48 laws of power because you'd think she's in the show the game of thrones yeah okay yeah only it's not a throne she's seeking it's more help cleaning piss off toilets yeah so oriana to me if she were a game of thrones character strikes me as like a handmaiden with a thirst for ambition but she gets killed in like an episode and a half joffrey like shoots her in the throat or something. He's like, stop talking.

And by the way, as he's giving that threat, he's already got a sword through her head and her death goes to show the audience the fragility of the female life in this world in Westeros, but she doesn't do anything. Can you imagine her plotting like that? she's literally trying to she wants a a three inch piece of fabric on her shoulder drives me so nuts is is the inflation of her where she should be it drives me fucking nuts so she then says that she's moved on from lewis to new prey she's looking for someone with some more charisma height and confidence okay sid

i think the producers got to her and uh told her or the this strikes me as a line that was said after meeting Seth. You know, it's almost as if she, you know, Miss Cleo? There's a documentary on it. What about? Her being a fraud in the 90s. So she was a fraud. She wasn't even Jamaican. She was born in Los Angeles.

Oh, you like the Miss Cleo. Don't. Why? She did it and made $8 million. I don't have a right to do that, Dylan. Just don't say Bamba Clot. Okay. Okay.

The doc is real slow. Kate Casey recommended it to me. Yeah. I fell asleep through half of it last night. Go listen to Kate's podcast. We love Kate. So let's get to an apology podcast. We love Kate. So, um,

let's get to an apology for Mike to Fay. She doesn't really take it. Well, she wants Mike to feel further pain. Fay, it was baked Alaska. Okay. The guy is a crab fisherman and it was baked Alaska.

He apologizes. He falls on plausible deniability. Oh, maybe my radio is turned down yeah see you later george washington yes exactly so um moving on this show might be an hour and a half i don't think so all right we got to carry telling us that the marina was not built for super yachts yes it's been around for 500 years yeah and it's going to be dangerous now call me an asshole but uh carrie uh why not bring them in on the tender i didn't have to go to sea rat school well to figure

that one out and i was so ready to call you an asshole because you said call me an asshole. But that's a great point. Hop him in the skidoo and then get him over there. You don't have to do all the yelling and the walkie-talkies not working. Right. So Faye and Oriana need to speak about the epaulette citation. What?

The epaulette situation? Lewis throws trash at Nathan. Oh, oh, I forgot to say they dock oh yeah they dock aurora sees a dog and then we get to the epaulette um situation so how does this conversation go it's very confusing okay so oriana actually this is her she does this yeah and it's to kind of clear the air because it's been a little weird yeah although i don't know why she pursues this because uh she's speaking out of both sides of her mouth she walks in and says hey look my contract says two stripes you know yeah it says i'm a second

stew here you know simultaneously said i didn't tell uh lewis i don't know the conversation was weird uh casey was there maybe me or her uh ordered uh the two stripe thing right i'm not sure but it kind of is in my contract yeah i'm a second stew so did you fucking do it or not i love what you're getting at because i i don't understand what happened i think in summation faye said you rat bitch i know what you did and you can have two stripes but you're not second stew so it looks professional nailed it then we get to the tip meeting and fey is just staring daggers at lewis speaking on how he's cream patrick well she says he's a boring flirter yeah yeah he's uh what kind of hue is he is he beige beige

okay by the way this is not casey she's the color uh person uh the aura color uh person reader the person of color yeah yeah faye is not that right i got a problem with faye because she's not doing a good job either she's got a lot of throwing a lot of daggers over at lewis yeah she's not uh yeah you know who's a good business person? Let's say she's. Mark Cuban. Yeah, she's not Mark Cuban, okay? Right, right.

She's a sea rat. Owner of the Dallas Mavericks. She's a sea rat. She looks like John Adams. What was the tip? Oh, it was $25,000. Yeah. You know, my wife and I, that was 2,100 each, basically.

And how many Norwegian Durangos is that? What the fuck was that money? It was like 342 million or something like, guys, you can't have... Guys, this is too many. So, moving on. Mustard stains. Aurora and Mike joke about cum stains,

and then we get to Seth. But really quickly, this cum stain thing. Does anybody care about Mike and Casey? Is it a joke about jizz, or is it in fact mustard? Because mustard, I'm an avid eater of avid uh eater of mustard it goes on all my turkey sandwiches give me your top three mustards i only have one you only have yellow i don't like spicy mustard it's just plain grocery store french's yes okay yeah and i always uh drop that is extremely limiting well i always drop it on my clothes yeah and you can't get a mustard

stain out of your fucking war you can with gasoline is that right you can clean everything with gasoline you really only apply french's mustard to everything yeah you know i hate mayonnaise yeah which was shocking you don't do a great coupon hell though why hell it has mayonnaise in it or something it's got some creamy egg stuff in there no no no not at all actually there's no egg there's no cream there's no mayonnaise in great coupon it's just a di. Maybe I was turned off by the 80s commercials. Pardon me.

Do you have any Grey Poupon? What about a whole grain? Into a fart joke. A whole grain with a German pretzel? You won't do that? Whole grain? Jesus. You're opening a new world to me, Dylan.

What about Chinese mustard? I mean, that'll light your... It's a little spicy. That's a little... I don't like spicy. It'll light your hair on fire. No, no deal. Okay.

I understand why you don't. Well, okay. Let's get back to the show. Sure. Again, though, if that's your only condiment, you really should open it up a little bit. Well, I'm a simple man. Okay, so let's meet Seth.

He is exactly what we needed. He is tall, confident. He is exactly what we needed. He is tall, confident. He is type A and charismatic. Shiny title. Well, what does Oriana say when he walks on? She's not impressed, but she's playing a game. Not impressed. Not impressed at all.

But this is, you know, I don't know that we have seen this a whole lot. I said it was new at the top of the show. I love it. I guarantee. Well, we have the biting at the tails of, in the interior, but we don't often see someone this overqualified come underneath a bosun.

Honestly, in real world, not reality TV, this person would be overqualified and be like, no way in real world not reality tv this person would be overqualified but like no way but he wants to be on tv which is fun he so wants to be on television he's been told by every uh every stew that he's had sex with that worked underneath him like oh my god you should be on below deck he's like i don't want any part of that a hundred percent but he so wants to be part of it he's been asked to model once and it was a guy in a park asking to take a picture of him and he handed a business card but it was really to like a little uh gay porn possibly but more so we could sell him headshots right right right yeah before you get that modeling contract, what you got to do is I got this guy who'll get you some headshots.

Right, because the other guy would have to say that he's got a house and there's a bunch of people that live there and there are cameras on all the time and you can make a shit ton of money. So I'm withholding judgment on Seth, but it's concerning. He's just a fuck boy.

It's concerning that he has this many thoughts because i watched the trailer for next week he's already starting to undermine lewis well and also i feel like he's a little too old doesn't he look older well not for a captain he's a captain right who's cleaning railings for the purposes of being on a reality show all right so i think you meant to say... So there's something wrong there. Oh, it's the... Yes. So you asked me what Oriana said about him, but I think you meant to say,

what did Faye say? No, I meant to say Oriana because Oriana looks at him and goes, eh, Oriana, please. Well, this is my wife's joke because my wife helps write this show. Faye said, as she's looking at him talking to the girls on FaceTime,

says, he's a seven and a half. My wife said, oh, really, on that scale? What are you, Faye? That's Cherie. Just so I'm in the the clear she's a black woman and judgy all right so he goes out for a cig with fay and immediately we can see promise he's a sex demon older guy handsome seems to have been active in his decision

not to settle down and immediately begins getting the scoop on who fey referred to as that uh creamy little bitch who's heading up the uh the tech crew she wants someone manly to be able to navigate crab fishermen uh so that she can get baked alaska out on time let's get to the night out vino bar time i feel like we haven't to the night out. Vino bar time. I feel like we haven't had a night out in a while. I feel like it's been a couple episodes. They've only had two nights out, this being the second. The first one, they forego the night out

and said, let's just eat dinner on the boat. I'm telling you, dorks. So Barolo is poured. Mike is too trashed to feel comfortable in this room, but Oriana is not. She oozes class and she oozes sex appeal. Louis knows what she's doing. He can see that she wants to get in his head

and in Seth's penis. And Louis doesn't help his cause. He yelps out, you know, he's been working on boats longer than I have. He does. He jumps in like he's listening intently to their conversation. But Mike, who makes a joke like, hey, well, look at you over here, man.

You didn't have to work and you're fucking eating all the free food. Good for you. I'm going to fuck you up, man. Well, Seth's like, well, in his head, he's like, well, you're the first one that's going down, you little bitch. Right. And then he's like, he's like uh orion is flirting with him and he's like uh he's looking at lewis and he's like uh i actually forgot my thought i'm so drunk so um scouts are dropped nathan uh hovered up uh hoovered up crustacean lakes and we get to it

to a little me time with captain carrie oh okay, can I do a meanwhile? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, Cary, I think he's beaten off in a jacuzzi because he had his phone out, which is necessary because that jacuzzi is like Audrey, the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. Do you ever see that film? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. The plant would eat people to live. I used to do a Black Theater Box performance of it. Feed me, Seymour. Bimonthly. But Dylan, we've pointed out this jacuzzi is so important.

It's not like Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors. It eats blood and meat and people. The jacuzzi eats jizz. Yeah. And it needs to be fed to live. Right, right.

I love us anthropomorphizing the jacuzzi. That's so, how have we not done that yet? It lives or it will kill. It needs to be fed jizz. Audrey. Yeah, it's Audrey. It eats.

It eats jizz. it eats it eats shit how is it taking us this long all right so this is the end of the show but we should really quickly talk about the very overt double entendres that phase throwing out my goodness

woman season my nookie with loads and loads and loads don't say it like that. She's it's good enough. Good, but good God. So Casey knows this isn't going to work. Grinding pepper will not get you into someone's pants. Casey, you are a homeschool as a person.

You are a homeschool. So we wrap with Seth popping that top off. He's so on purposely going in and like I know you guys are in pajama, but look at this fucking torso. This could be on top of you not making you come. That's it for us. Jumping the iTunes

ratings and reviews like five stars kind words join us on Patreon rock of love and love is locked up. Love is coming to bad TV. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye.

Later dudes. you