Another Below Deck Podcast - Hire The Unhoused | Below Deck Med S9 E2

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

Pat and Dylan are back to break down cheese, love, long pieces of excrement, paninis, hiring the unhoused and the entertainment that would come from that and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcast

Oh also when he's sleeping in a hallway at night if you step over him he lashes out because that's Conditioned in him. Okay Do you have any idea what it's? Do you have any idea what it's like to sleep with people stepping over you you don't know if they're friendly You don't know if they're a fire so but he'd be way better than then cheese. He'd be much better than cheese But he that's not to say he would be perfect. Welcome aboard, mofos. It's another brand spanking new episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to Patrick hecky permission to come

aboard. So, uh, two ads tonight, everybody buckle up. Uh, if you would like ad free episodes, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Also the reviews have been abysmal. We see the downloads. There are a lot of you listening. If you wouldn't mind. Five stars, kind words if you're listening on Apple podcast. You know I think that one of the prop this is that you know Apple's suite of podcast programming is really getting quite accurate. What is it? Accutane. so if you want to and you're still listening there leave a five-star review and kind words or less stars if you think that Flavor of love flavor of love we are covering season 3 of flavor of love on bad TV for free Yeah, you don't need to have watched the show. Maybe you did. Maybe you kind of remember it

It doesn't matter. We'll weave the narrative. You'll enjoy it. It's some of our best work Yeah, it's really cool There are a lot of really Sweet women. Oh episode 2 is really fun. Dylan. I don't know if you've watched it yet No, well, they go to like a broken down like abandoned hospital and flave apparently has a broken heart from you know That Amazonian woman that he dated. Bridget Nielsen. That's right.

And so anyway the women dressed like scantily clad nurses go in the room with Flav and try and mend his broken heart. Oh I'm sure it becomes quite sexual quite fast. That's right. Yeah. Are Thing One and Thing Two there? Oh yeah yeah. And they're up for a threesome too

Oh cool. It's nice to know i'm sure mom and dad a real prep. Yeah, so it's a good show. It's a fun show Yeah, unfortunately the girl he named the I think she goes home. I'll have to look at my notes Well, that's tragedy because we need the girl named the Around as long as we possibly can but listen, we're here to talk about below deck The reason why I hesitate to get into it is because, hey, a little bit of a stinker episode. It was a stinker. It was a stinker.

And we can't stink two episodes in, right? You know, this video has been going around where Biden shits his pants. Oh. Right? And I don't think there's any- Hey, no politics. This is gonna get political. No, no, it's not gonna get political. I don't think there's any, um, Hey, no politics. This is going to get no, no, it's not going to get political. I don't think there's any hard evidence that would

demonstrate that he shit his pants at the celebration of the veterans of D-Day. You're bringing this up, but if he did shit his pants, it's kind of like this second episode of Below Deck and we can't have that this early, right? We cannot have shitty pants this early in the season, okay? Well, I don't think Below Deck pooped its pants this episode don't, so I disagree. Well, how many pots do you give it? Well, hold on. Let me break down why I enjoyed the episode. First off, off Jonah. I'll get to you, Jonah Oh, no to fan Jonah Jonah. You have to calm down

Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, he says some pretty stupid stuff later in the episode I'll make fun of it. Um, and then Captain Sandy, you know She was turning the corner for me last season starting to become a big fan of Captain Sandy. No longer calling her Captain Timeshare. Yeah. This episode though, when she had that tender sent over to that other kajillion dollar yacht to see if they could buy Rosé and then brag about it like it's something to be proud about. I thought that was interesting. We've got a lot to discuss there because You know, it's very clear that nobody involved in that exchange had ever read a business book in their entire life I mean they were just setting themselves up to get ripped off

But also sandy is firmly their third favorite captain behind of course captain Carrie and the horror murderer captain Glenn They're all very different captains if you think about it. Yeah. Well, if I may continue. Right, because there's three white men and one white woman. Two of them are bald and she's a woman. And then the third one has like thoughts on Sierra and West. But he's like 70. So.

That's right. Well, I thought the episode. I can't believe that he did that with her heart Oh, by the way, are you watching Captain Lee's new spin into the murder reality TV world? No Yeah, Captain Lee in the high seas. He does like recaps of murders that happened on boats Anyway This episode should have been called the Sea Rat Hood of the traveling pants and I think you know why This episode should have been called the Sea Rat Hood of the Traveling Pants, and I think you know why

Bree is an absolute disaster. I almost think she's a plant. She's that bad. Yeah. Yeah, she's horrifying Well anyway, I actually enjoyed the episode. I'm gonna give it 40 knots. Yeah, I'm gonna give four pots right because Poop is what I think I is poop is what I think. I got through 20 minutes of it and little had happened. But we're getting into the season, we're getting to know each other. There are things being sewn right now. What with the cold war between Jono and the Balkan Biscuit,

Gail's fervent loyalty to her boyfriend. Yeah, yeah. The last 30 seconds, I don't know if we watch what people get to see. Yeah. Yeah, it's, those loyalties are strained. Yeah, yeah, they're very strained. Because it's been a day, right?

It's been one day. And Thing One also demonstrated that he's quite a piece of shit. I'm not a big fan of guys who hit on women who are taken and don't care that they're taken. Well, Dylan, I have to say this. I think he's prescribing to the age old euphemism. I don't know him. I don't know him. Right, right, right, right. And there's a difference between owing and actively.

Trying to have sex with some guy's girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. It's like, well, I don't owe you anything. That's not really a debt. That's just you going out of your way to be a piece of shit. But we'll get into the entire thing. We begin though with a big sigh from Pat. Yeah. Well, it was a Sophie's choice but Slightly less steaks, you know, no one was being chosen to go to the gas chamber, right? It was whether or not someone's gonna make grilled cheeses or not. Yeah Gail and the Balkan Biscuit are trying their best to take care of the children

It's a really good look when the children begin doing the job for you They they they go. Hey, I can help you make some drinks or this is exactly They they go hey, I can help you make some drinks or this is exactly Would cap the captain sandy meant during that crew meeting where she said this season we're gonna be shooting For five-star service because we all know when we go to a nice restaurant on a date or with our spouse You know, no one's around for a little while. So we just go behind the bar and start making our own cocktails, right five-star service Yeah,, it's five star service. You know when you're at a restaurant and the appetizers haven't come out in a little bit and you're like, you know what?

I'll go back there and make my own spinach artichoke dip. You know? Five star service. Five stars. Give me a hairnet. Give me a hairnet. But I will say the little pig influencers actually, oh, and by the way, I've got to talk about eats con

eats got we went to eats con eats con eats con like a convention a convention for foodies free food god no we'll talk about that at Patreon.com. I went into an existential spiral, fought with multiple vendors. It was a nightmare. So the Balkan Biscuit tells us a little Searad history. I don't know where this is going to rank because... I'll be the judge of this. because it doesn't have the visceral violence that some other Seerat histories have given us but it does have this very kind of bleak I don't know

like there's a child who wants a Barbie doll and a Barbie mansion, but she can't have that so she makes one out of cardboard and glue Now duct it now to me That ranks as close to a five as you can possibly get but Pat. I'm not the arbiter of this scale No, no, no, no, no, you're not Dylan. All right, so it's pretty sad Just on the surface level. That's a one. You know, it's a war-torn place that she was living. There's bombs being dropped everywhere. So I started thinking, you know, that whole Barbie house made a duct tape and whatnot. Yeah. Here's how you get to ten. Had someone's head fallen off, you know, bombs are going off everywhere.

Well, bad, the skeleton go to ten, doesn't it? It can. No, it's a one to five scale, I thought. Oh, okay. All right. If you want to get to a four. Okay. All right.

Then where you were living, some guy's head got blown off and you had to unravel some of that duct tape from your Barbie dollhouse and go tape the guy's head back up. That's a five. Okay. Okay. Get some duct tape. I think that- It popped up into his head. I think it's over there. I think that we're what, what you're missing a little bit and why I might have

to step in, um, is because you're not really recognizing the kind of subtextual horror of the situation, right? The reason why zone of interest works is because it's not visceral. It hints at the nightmare that's happening. So you see a girl making a Barbie dollhouse out of duct tape and cardboard, and then you hear the screams of the bombs going off in the background and call her Mia 5. I mean, that's just about as high as you can get. Yeah, she kept the whole war thing close to the vest though.

Right, but you know that that's on the landscape. See, what happened to that guy's head? It's over there. Hey, let's someone have duct tape. Let's do this. Let's talk about it off mic. Fair. So I don't, I want to go back for just so Gail is making those grilled cheese. Gail and I don't want to judge the young lady, but the ratio of cheese on that, on that piece of bread was way off. What do you like a lot of cheese on that on that piece of bread. Yeah, it was way off. What do you like a lot of cheese? No, I don't want that much cheese. I'll be sitting on the throne for the next three weeks. Are you kidding me? Right. And we've just built a new. Oh, the the studio has a bathroom. We've built a bathroom into the studio. And I think it's a little snug. Very snug. I say we I mean Pat and when I say Pat

I mean the people that Pat hired to build this the bathroom, but anyways, we're coming up So it's late night That ends at 6 a.m. And we rise for the temple of Poseidon day Which we never go to Sandy just says temple of Poseidon and then we see him. Anyways so Jonah wakes for a new day and a very big statement. I'm very happy that I didn't betray myself last night. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you but we're not doing ayahuasca right now. You're a Sea Rat. You're about to make avocado toast.

Dill you're getting what I'm throwing down. Yeah. Okay. So he also adds, he needs to do him. And at the end of the day, yeah, he stood up for himself. Joano, I am not a fan of yours. Standing up for yourself would generally mean people were pushing you to do something that was out of your character or against your moral code. Okay. Not asking you to make fucking grilled cheese. You idiot. Okay, got it. We are producing a generation of idiots, Dylan. Uh huh. Yeah.

By the way, did he add, he might've just said, hey, I'm brave for that too. Yeah, no. Because he refused to make grilled cheese. Fuck off. I'm Russ McGowan and I am fucking brave. I feel like he speaks in like, Jenny from the Block fortune cookies.

Like if JLo had her own line of things that came out of fortune cookies, it would be a lot of Jono isms you know what I mean which I wouldn't put past her I mean she's she's doing everything in the world to remain relevant and there's a great clip from when she was relevant when she walks past her old house and there's a there's an old man that lives there now. And she goes, that's my house. He goes, no, it's not. She goes, no, I used to live there. He goes, who are you?

She goes, Jennifer Lopez. He goes, hell. I mean, it's a marvelous cultural moment. Yeah, she's struggling though. Yeah, she is. So provisions are her and Ben together still. I don't know juries out You know, they really fucked me over old Patty has a crystal brain head

I've predicted so many stupid things over the years that always come true always and I predicted probably about six months in I said There's no way they're making it till the end of the year. Mm-hmm. Well, they screwed me Yeah, they've been together for like three years now. Yeah, I mean that's that's nuts But you're I did predict people would be murdered at Disneyland and that happened this week Yeah, I mean but that's like predicting that You know You know homeless guys gonna throw rocks at something, you know, that's gonna happen. Okay According to you, I mean, people are dying at Disneyland

every half hour, according to you. That's right, and when it's one of the costume people and they roll a seven, they throw a fucking tarp over their dead body. I get it, they don't want to scare children. Who wants to see Goofy laying on the ground hemorrhaging blood? Not me.

Not me. And to think you'd have to hemorrhage so much blood that it would have to seep through your clothes and through the costume, that's how grisly that injury'd have to hemorrhage so much blood that it would have to seep through your clothes and through the costume That's how grisly that injury would have to be man Should we talk about hella fresh? Sure. No. Yeah, I'm sponsored. So provisions are late. Yeah. Yeah, these people need to be put in prison you know, I

Mean, I really don't think that jail time is completely ridiculous for these provisioners What you know what they've done here is? You know I get this and forgive me But there is another saying that says something to the effect of when people show you who they are Believe them. Yeah, these people have already not come through about four times at this point People have already not come through about four times at this point. Yeah. Fucking fire them.

Fire. And hire a new company. No, there are a bunch of gypsies sitting around a warehouse just slugging down all the fucking red wine that's supposed to be on your bout. I mean, you can't trust these people. They play spoons and they're drunks. So, boasting rats on the Balkan biscuit a little bit.

It had to be unintentional, I believe, but we shall see. We shall see. I don't know what Ian's character is yet. Aisha tells the little one that day one is behind us and that she's going to do a fantastic job today and you know optimism is much more desirable than pessimism but you have to be you have to be realistic about these things. I mean, this little cheese is here to destroy the boat.

And that's the only reason she was brought aboard this vessel. So I know that you can maintain this and try to, you know, it's delusional to think that today is going to be a good day with cheese. Okay? Cheese doesn't, cheese was chauffeured around, she had her, I mean, you have to think of the level of wealth to have a child have their laundry picked up, pressed, and driven back to them. I mean, that's kind of unprecedented for spoiled sea rats.

Now if you remember, Dylan, this is what I'm getting. Forgive me. I'm starting to get concerned that Below Deck is allowing some frauds on these boats. If you remember a few seasons back, we had the daughter to the air of Whole Foods to come on for one charter. That's right.

I assume she was a super fan of the show. Right. I don't want it. Well, we want frauds, but again, we want them to be more entertaining. So, you know, the reason I brought up that, that bomb throwing rocks is because that actually happened recently.

We discussed it on a PS, I think, get him on the boat. You know, we don't need, we don't need her to figure out how to do laundry. We need him to figure out how to do laundry we need him to figure out how to do laundry hey uh kermit i think one of your stews keeps throwing shit off the side of the boat dude i would love to see that can you imagine that he's just like eating the tide and then throwing shit out off the i mean that would be the best episode of below deck in the history of the franchise producers just hit us up at the DMs.

We have a lot of ideas. Let's take a break to talk about HelloFresh. Oh, I'd love to, Dylan. You know what never, you know what is a lovely provision that never arrives late? HelloFresh? HelloFresh, okay. Ditch the meal planning woes and dive into Hello Fresh's biggest menu yet with over 50 recipes and Even more market items to choose from every single week cut down on time spent in the kitchen

So you can get back to enjoying the summer sunshine Thanks to Hello Fresh's quick and easy recipes every week menu features options that are ready in just 20 minutes or less That's even quicker than delivery. It is quicker than delivery. And the thing about this is okay, so many things I am so sick of being in the kitchen for long. I'm not I don't want to do what I don't want to do. This prep. We're not doing Osabuco.

I just want to meal prep and get it out of the way. So I don't go to Arowan and spend $60 for no reason. I don't want to get delivery which is going to for no reason. I don't want to get delivery, which is going to cost $80 more than it should and likely get stolen by the driver. Anyways, sometimes that food shows up and it's been flown around like someone swung it, like it had a bag full of rocks. Oh, I'm sorry.

Was there a meteor shower that I didn't know about that you were driving through? What happened to this pizza? But not with HelloFresh. Not to HelloFresh. What? Go to HelloFresh.com slash below deck apps for free appetizers for life. One appetizer per box while subscription is active.

That's free appetizers for life at HelloFresh.com slash below deck apps. HelloFresh is the number one meal kit for eating well. You know what else, Pat? What, what, what? You know what else is unbelievable? Tell me, tell me. If HelloFresh could possibly deliver in the package

Tropical Smoothie Cafe. Oh my goodness. I don't know that we would really ever have to leave our homes. That would be the end and the beginning of the end. I wouldn't leave the house ever. But Tropical Smoothie Cafe is far too marvelous to be shipped anywhere. You can however go to one of the 1,400 plus locations and get unbelievable tropical bright and refreshing smoothies. How

about those mocktails, Del? Those are my favorite. The mocktails are Pat's favorites and why are those your favorites? Well I just love how they taste. It just you feel like a million bucks after you have one and you also feel like you're at a beautiful beach with the sun shining down on your toes. Yes the sun is shining down on your toes and also the whales are speaking to you and so are the dolphins. The like whoo-hoo. He's saying hey, give me some of that tropical smoothie Yeah, and some of the fish Who are more well adjusted to the world actually just speak plain English or whatever language you speak They say hand it over and I say no no no no yeah, I only have a little left

It's all for me, and then the dolphins go. Oh, I'm just kidding. I wouldn't be that aggressive towards I wouldn't try to steal your trouble the nice movie cafe But another reason why you love the mocktails because they have no booze and you're recovering booze that's that's right so the watermelon mojito smoothie has watermelon mint strawberries and lime you're on traffic time now go to one of the fourteen hundred plus locations okay and order a smoothie or use promo code bad TV in the tropical smoothie app we love you very much

Let's get back to the show. All right, so this is when I who meets with Captain Sandy. Oh, this is what you mentioned this already So Ian unintentionally or intentionally let Sandy know the chef had to be woken up to make food and Sandy answers immediately without any other Information. Well, that's not going to happen. Yeah. Why not? There was like, OK, so Balkan Biscuit, friend of the show, obviously needs to chill out. I know she's from the Balkans, but we

are launching another Cold War against Jono. It's not worth it. But where is all this Mr. Rogers neighborhood friendliness when it comes to what the Balkan biscuit did? You know, this whole thing is like, hey, it's okay that you shrunk the Charter Guest pants down to an infant size. It's fine that they don't have half of the clothing that they came here with. It's fine that this jerk-off didn't bother read the preference sheet that explicitly said late night food. But when it comes to this, it's also, don't wake up the chef.

And then walking down the stairs, don't ever wake me up. Where is all the happiness? Where's the raindrops and the gumdrops, OK? As far as I can tell, it's only raindrops. Well, at the end of the day, he needed to be himself. Yes, exactly. And that is Jenny from The Block. So Jonah and Asia have a little bit of a tiff,

recounts the tale of not betraying himself. And Asia says, well, to be fair, they did say that they want late night snacks. And you said that you would have those ready. So, you know, Dylan, I am shocked by the preference sheet and these employees of these vessels that rarely look at those goddamn preference. It's not just that it's a. It's a failure of reading comprehension. And I can't talk. Oh yeah. I can't talk. Here's me. I'm a charter guest. Hey, is this shellfish?

Yeah, it is. Oh, I'm allergic to shellfish. It can kill me. Oh, did you put that in your preference sheet? Actually, I did. Yeah, yeah. Oh. Tonight's first course is asparagus ceviche. Tonight's first course is asparagus ceviche. Hi, we're all here because we're part of an asparagus makes your piss stink and that's why we hate it group. Yeah, it's a convention. I don't know why. That's how we all met is because of our hatred for asparagus.

So I don't know why you would have pulled out some sick, cold asparagus dish for us. Was it on the profergy? In fact, it was. Oh. Yeah, no, it's pretty wild. But sea know sea rats are gonna see rat and that's never good I mean we've discussed it before when people go. Oh, that's just Mike It's not good when people chalk up your behavior to your chronic behavior to just being you that's right. You know what I mean?

Hey, I do want to go back to Kermit and I do appreciate her positivity. It's a little too much for me But I like how she pushed back against Jonah's assertion that it was based because he was clearly trying to get out Ahead of this in front of the Balkan biscuit, right and she was hearing no part of it Well, he's an incredible chef breakfast specials gonna be avocado toast with an egg on top of it Okay, I mean it's like never mind. So we talked to the boyfriend of Gail and this conversation doesn't go great. She says, you know, I don't know if I'm good at this long distance thing, you know.

Clearly not. We're looking for shoots everywhere. We're just trying to get out of this. Sandy and Jono chat, he says, I couldn't sleep because I had so much anxiety after one of the stools woke me up. And this is another one of these things where? We can't speak like this right? That's I mean, that's a you problem

I I can't be around a guy like Jonah or anybody like this that sees the world this way Well, what way is that? Well, it's just if this bothers me Then I'm not doing I mean welcome to living on the planet Earth. I have to do shit all day long that I don't want to do. My kids crying, weee daddy, I want milk. I wouldn't be myself if I made that milk for you. I think you're going to have to starve. To get up and to get you this treat that you want would be a betrayal of my character

And as your father I want to teach you to never do that. Okay, and that's why Sit the fuck down and watch Coco melon. So Gail will don't watch Coco melon though, because I think it's like MK ultra Programming from the Chinese or something. I have no idea what the hell it is I get I'm glad I don't have to watch it anymore. Yeah, okay. She's moved on to pinkalicious Oh, it's bad for your heart pinkalicious. Fantastic. Oh, yeah, that's great So Sandy and Jonah chat nope covered that Gail and thing one or thing to have a chat

They talked about keeping their relationship platonic. I think. We'll see how platonic that is. We have no rosé, so we're going to ask another boat for their stock. Now, Dale, hold up here, because this is where Sandy, Captain Sandy, really earns her stripes with her problem-solving skills, rather than call a new provisioner or acquire rosé or perhaps have someone take one of those tenders into town to buy it from a nice little wine shop. She sends a decky to ask another super yacht to purchase their wine. Why Sandy working as a captain when she could be helping out with this whole peace thing between the Russians and the Ukrainians? Yeah, I mean, you know, we've listened to a lot of coverage about Gaza and I don't think that we have really allowed Sandy a crack at

that at all. You know, I can imagine Sandy goes to Qatar or brokers some kind of peace talks with Netanyahu and Benny Gantz and the leaders of Hamas. And she goes, hey. And they sh-t** and nothing gets solved. I mean, it's a very complicated issue. Now that would be a horrible thing, clearly. Yeah. But in that hypothetical, that's a possibility. Yep, absolutely. So, they go over and they... Why? Why? I'm not just putting the on Hamas you know I mean Netanyahu

Netanyahu is capable of it too I think yeah I mean he loves war all right I was actually hoping that the other boat didn't have any wine for some reason. I was I was praying that it was this Recoverers cruise or something like that. Oh, no. Sorry. We only have milk But alas they do have Rosé and this decky Eyebrows gets a little bit too big for his britches, you know another Sea Rat You know, you're not a pirate. We're not going on a rescue mission here. You're going to get

Whispering Angel, okay? It's piss. What you're getting is, what you're trying to acquire right now is corked piss. So, thing one or thing two says we're getting the rose or we're getting the rose or we're not coming back. Again, I mean, that's a SEAL Team Six kind of thing. And then he heads over and says, name your price, and we'll pay. Now, any good businessman worth his weight in salt

would say $500 a bottle. But this Rube says $75. Now, these bottles of rosé are Sold at Ralph's yeah, I mean I think you can get them Six for five dollars each something like that. This is not You know a hard-earned vintage. This is mass-produced bottled and corked piss That they're paying $75 a bottle for but the solution has arisen we purchase the

Rosé and we head back to the boat to cheer somebody says is that a jellyfish? It stung me in the face. Would you piss on my face funny? Do you think it was funny? Not at all. We've got soba noodle salad and chicken for lunch. Jonah and the ball can have an undercurrent of passive aggression towards one another. He has not apologized yet. No, he has not. And then we get to the and you know, we're going to call her cheese.

Yeah, we're going to call her cheese. All right. Yeah, boy. Stress and balls in that laundry room. Yeah. We're gonna call her cheese. All right. Yeah boy stress and balls in that laundry room. Yeah She she loses a pair of pants and she begins to hyperventilate and cry and In the tea she said that she's been yawning for some time and she's never made it through an entire charter season

I think that was last episode and we find out why She was a Fauntleroy. Right? Now on a scale of Sea Rat Sadness, now again this is difficult to chart, right? Because well it is very privileged to grow up this way. What it can do if you have to come into contact with real life is turn you into cheese. Well, look what happened to Harry

and William and their lives don't look too good. No, I mean, you know, Harry's sitting up in Montecito and he's looking at Megan every day thinking I should just kill myself. And Megan's looking at him thinking,

you know, I should just fucking kill myself and and to think about They're living their lives in Montecito and what they miss is the bloodlust of the bloodlust and the the satanic ritual of the Royals I mean, that's that's the fucking shit for them. You know how a lot of people, you know, like like that guy in for them. You know how a lot of people, you know, like, like that guy in Shawshank, he got out of jail, he didn't know what to do with himself. So he hung himself. That's right. Right. Who was that? Was that blue? What was his name? God, I should know this job in the comments. Let us know what his name was. But red, red, no red was red was Morgan Freeman. That's right. Yeah. Red was here too. That's what he carves into that

banister where the other guy had took in his own life. Yeah. And it's very clear at the end of the film that Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman are engaged in a gay relationship. And that's what happens in prison. Okay. And for anybody to have any judgment about that I'd tell you to you know, don't be so judgmental Okay, where am I? I don't know. Well, I'll say this.

Alright, so originally with cheese if the movie was about cheese it would be called the Sea Rat Hood of the Traveling Pants. Okay. At some point she finds those goddamn missing pants. They were somewhere else. Anyway, that the sequel of that movie be called Sea Rat got her groove back No, no, it would be the Sea Rat hood of the traveling pants, too It would be the the Sea Rat hood of

the traveling pants er I I am I'm off today. No I am, I'm off today. No, no, no. I'm off today and I apologize for that, but, you know, I don't know. So when someone is this bad, there are so many things that can go wrong. Like let's put the homeless guy in the boat, right?

So he's eating the detergent and he's trying to scratch people and he's throwing things off the boat. Now- He's also manufactured some kind of living dwelling in the goddamn walkway. So none of us can walk on the boat. Yeah, right.

He has a bed, but he's not used to that kind of life. So what he's making a boat. Yeah, right. He has a bed, but he's not used to that kind of life. So what he's making a lot of mistakes, right? You're having to walk over him at night. And he's lived a little. He keeps starting fires. He keeps starting fires to keep warm. And it's fairly warm inside.

He doesn't need to do that. But with the fires. And somehow he stole someone's bicycle. I don't know how we pulled there are they keep they keep undoing the hatch to get the water toys out and it's just more and more bikes I mean it's just spilling out it's like if like many PB Hermans were in there and I don't know where he's getting them but people do hear a a splash at night and they can't find it but anyways hey listen man with oh also when he's sleeping in the

hallway at night if you step over him he lashes out because that's condition didn't him okay do you have any idea what it's do you have any idea what it's like to sleep with people stepping over you. You don't know if they're friendly. You don't know if they're a fire. So, but he'd be way better than cheese. It'd be much better than cheese, but he, that's not to say he would be perfect. And what with the fires and the bikes and the detergent Eden, there are so many things going wrong that you have to pick your battles and that's exactly what Asia has to do with cheese because cheese it cannot be bull rushed with all of her mediocrity on display okay she

has to get kind of tempered into this boat now speaking of no so eyebrows aka Speaking of, no. So, Eyebrows, aka Thing 2, doesn't do... Nathan for the audience. No. Joe. Joe. Oh, you're going to talk about how he kind of Fs up here. Yeah, I mean, we can. I was confused by it. I understood the whole concept of the rope having too much slack.

I didn't. I didn't understand that. Oh, you didn't? Okay. Yeah, I think that was, he was like, why isn't this tightening? It's well, you got eight feet of rope sitting on the deck there, dude. It's not taut. I don't really know how really any of that stuff works. That's okay. Yeah.

But you could tell that Sandy was pissed. Yeah, she wasn't happy at all. But the document goes fine. And the children leave and we get to our tip but not before Aisha talks about taking a massive shit. Yeah that's her thing she likes bathroom humor. I think part of a brand. I think what Aisha does is it's very clever now I don't know if that this I don't think that this is the motivation behind it. I think that it's just a convenient byproduct. No one views Asia as a sexual creature.

She's not going to get involved in any of these trysts or anything like that. She's walking around the boat talking about taking massive shits. Okay. Gail's not doing that. The Balkan biscuits not doing that. Cheese is not doing that. None of the guys are doing it either. So it's all fair game for them. They can fuck and suck. Meanwhile, Aisha's over here talking about shitting. Anaconda length turds.

And because of that, she friendzones pretty much everybody in the vicinity. Very, very smart. You know, my ex-girlfriend, you know, her mother was the Deb, who didn't like me and I didn't like the Deb either. One time we're out eating at Michelli's, that Italian restaurant, and she tries telling me, I was so in demand at my former workplace

that I put on a ton of weight because I loved my husband so much. I was like, sure, Deb. Deb, you bitch you Sorry, sorry Okay, so we get to the tip meeting And it's all smiles and lollipops until we get to never wake the chef the Balkan biscuit pipes up.

And this is where, you know, the Balkan biscuits got to, you know, sit back, take the lashings a little bit, right? We can't be popping off in the first tip meeting, you know? Well, all right, so there's a few things to break down here. Well, first we had an interior meeting where Kermit holds this meeting to let her team know what they can improve upon. And when she looks at Bree she says everything or she

should have said that yeah and then we have the tip meeting or we're there right Dill yeah okay when you lead with kindness they will follow and never wake the chef says Sandy yeah and then they'll rely on paninis moving forward yeah and I have a question for Captain Sandy. What if I don't want panini's? Yeah do you guys have any like wings or nachos or like pizza or chips and guac or bagel bites anything like that Would you like a panini I

Didn't say any I didn't I said so many things. Paninis, all you have. And it's crazy like the five-star service element of this. Like, when are we going to give this up? I mean, you literally feed them, depending on the night, edible food at seven o'clock. And then they're told to drink until their heart's desire. And then, you know, if they want anything, it's going to be pressed sandwiches pre-prepared or nothing you know that's not five stars that is not five-star that's some aquatic prison you know prisoners don't get late-night snacks they just get dinner so we the Balkan biscuit goes into a bit of a spiral and the war has now been waged against Juno and Like I mentioned it's cold right now, but I think nukes will be dropped at some point in the future I said I predict he doesn't make a past episode 5. Let's see if I'm right

I think Jono is gonna be around for a little bit Jono's boyfriend is named David Would you like to comment on David or his looks? No? Opera singer, I think that's what opera singers look like in Europe. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it looks like a Viking. Yeah, he looks like if Kyle Gass and Jack Black were one. A little bit. A little bit. You know? Mm-hmm. Am I am I way too much tonight? Not at all. We might want to bleep out one thing that we'll talk later but other than that I think it it when I call Devin? Oh no no no I totally agree with that one. The only reason I called her that is because she's so she

was so harmful to you. She was so mean to me. She was awful to you. Thanks for getting my back. Yeah of course. So we get ready for the night out. Nathan thing one sees Gail and says she has a boyfriend but he doesn't owe him anything then we get to dinner mr. charisma aka thing two aka Joe begins the macking I had I had no idea that he was such a hot commodity on this boat well he's not it's just there's only there's only so many people you know which I guess makes him a hot commodity so in fact he is that's Terrence Howard math right there oh yeah you're gonna sneeze yeah thank you so we get ready no date night well boatmances

are disgust and Gail's not sure she can be loyal to anybody I appreciate the candor and then Kermit shares that she never has to worry about Scott right yeah because and it's not just because he lives in a van in the middle of the woods and shits in a bucket, right? No Asian Scott have a beautiful relationship and I ship them very very hard But yeah, what happens is you know, I was being facetious earlier you need not Talk about the length of your feces or anything like that in order to ward off predators. All you have to do is be in a loving relationship with somebody that you really care about. Yeah. Which Gail's not in. Which is why she'll

bang thing one at the drop of a hat. You know, I mean, it's been 36 hours and Gail's like, you know, I don't think I can do this. Now that's not love if you ask me. No, she probably shouldn't be using that word. All right, so Aisha is the producer we need. She's just juicing Gail up and she's juicing the Balkan biscuit up too. The smut is escalating all the way back to the boat and we get to the strawberry. Now the strawberry is a code word for I think fingering. Yeah, yeah. Something like that like if I was a gambling man yeah so um the two of them text they coordinate this this black ops mission to evade the cameras where are

they where's the only place I have cameras I'll tell you in that goddamn shower but mommy daddy and also your boyfriend gail are gonna know your fucking yeah here's the thing like you can try to evade the cameras but if you talk can try to evade the cameras, but if you talk about trying to evade the cameras in front of the cameras, then there's really no point, right? Do you remember Zarina, one of our favorite chefs from a couple seasons ago, she told us that she didn't even know that they have cameras

on their iPhone screens. So they're reading everything that you got, even if you think you're being discreet. Yeah, they have your texts. It's really Orwellian what these producers do jump in the comments Let us know what you thought about the episode five stars kind words help the sponsors out It helps us out help them out add free episodes at patreon.com slash another podcast network. We love you So so so much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye. Later, dudes! Thank you.