Kill James Bond! - How to Not Step on Toes | Below Deck S10 E4

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Pat and Dylan are back to break down maritime law, what it means to be genuine, what it means to not step on toes, balls of snakes, zip lines, love, sleep, war, garbage bags, visions of horror and even more from Bravo's Below Deck. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING WINTER HOUSE! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

Now, Ross and Katie, they flirt, and she says, and I quote, the reason she likes him is because he's genuine. Dylan, has the definition of the word genuine been changed to guys that will say anything it takes to bang you in a guest cabin? Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Pat Hickey. Great to be here. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. Long day. But I think it's going to help me because I was listening back to some of the Below Deck Adventure content,

which is also on this feed if you're watching that. See, I'm about to... Going to be negative? Yeah. Oh, don't be negative. This is our prime premium property. What I wanted to say was I was listening back to that. I was going a little hard on Oriana, threatening to call her Sid and saying that her dyslexia is not anything to victimize oneself over with.

What? Anyways, it's been a long day, so I'm a little fatigued down. I think I'm going to be a little bit more calm tonight. So hopefully not as much negativity coming from me just because i'm so tired yeah you know what i mean dylan i'm glad you brought that up normally i like let things i'm not like you i let things go you know and i don't think take things that personally but i gotta tell you there was a thread in my facebook group yeah another below deck podcast what'd it say i i don't like pat no shit mean and then someone said,

hey, you know, he's kind of, you know, I get it, but yeah, you're totally right though. Hey, this is my house. You're in my house

talking smack about me. Sure, sure. Go get a podcast and talk smack about me if you want to talk behind my back. Yeah. You don't do it

in front of my face. I see it on Facebook. Well, listen, it's the end of the year, okay? We've watched a lot of television, you know? Yeah.

So, you know, we're gearing up to a break. Maybe we need a little respite because when you're as dog-tied as we are, these sea rats can really fucking piss you off. Your skin, man, and the barnacles. My God. So, anyways, greener pastures it's below deck reg um lee is he's finally broken down you know which is i think great news for you are we jumping into our thoughts could that be the the point of contention do you think it's lee stands

do you think people are pissed off at you shitting on Lee? Yeah, I think someone, I don't know how you end up in a Facebook group that's called Another Below Deck Podcast and never actually listen to the content. So someone mentioned my Lee impression, which I guess has been taken the nation by storm. Yeah, spellbound. Someone went to go listen to the podcast for the first time

and it was probably not my best as far as positivity towards a cast member. Right, right. So they went back to that little facebook group and they reported uh their thoughts on my performance hey don't take it too personally man exactly but they weren't a fan of mine well we love you guys for jumping the itunes ratings and reviews uh commenting on facebook all the engagements good can i uh do some housekeeping? Yes, you can.

But just a cautionary tale for people who think they want to start a podcast. One of our patrons, one of our biggest fans, literally commented, you're a fucking pussy. Shut the fuck up, Dylan. So it's fun. But we're getting towards the end of the year. We've watched a lot of TV. So let's get into the show.

And you have housekeeping to take care of. Yes. First first off get over to bad tv we have convinced we've won the war little patties and barnacles dylan will be covering love after lockup which the first episode debuts at eight o'clock eastern time yeah on the we network right and on friday night i believe at 9 p.m yeah i was gonna say i didn't put up too much of a fight. No, you didn't. You're beaten down. You've watched a lot of TV. A lot of TV. But I'm excited for Love's Locked Up.

It's going to be good. Okay, other housekeeping. Yeah, so subscribe to Bad TV if you haven't already. Dylan and I are going to start another movie podcast. Dylan, that's going to be behind a paywall? Yes. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, subscribe. Actually, you know what? I'm going to put a pin in that. We'll address that next week, how that's all going. Yeah, we'll be watching movies like Soul Man starring Thomas C. Howe,

Waterworld starring... The Water really was the star. But who was it? Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner. Part of it, of of it will be, of course, we'll be making fun of the movies and how bad they are, but we'll also do a little history behind the production.

Did you know- And we'll go off on wild tangent. That the director kind of got fired on Waterworld, kind of quit, and Kevin Costner had to take over like a year into filming where they had that thing off,

you know, like three miles off Hawaii. It was a Kevin Costner joint. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah. I forget. The director's name was Kevin. I think he just died, by the way.

But anyway, I was dating a girl whose grandparents lived in Hawaii. And we'll get into the show in a second. They were putting up a huge stink about that huge barge they had. They were living in an atoll. Is that what that was called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they were really angry, those people from Hawaii. But anyway, it's stuff like that. Well, fucking Halleies came in and started this production a fucking kevin costner joint it's

not cool exactly dude um also we want to give a big congratulations to the queen of the sea yeah if you guys haven't heard kate chastain is in fact pregnant congratulations kate we love you we love you so much kate uh please do not allow that child into the yachting industry absolutely not do not allow that child to become a sea rat you won't you're gonna be a great mom yeah not that your mom wasn't great she loves her mom her mom was a big fan of us you know we love you what what's higher than judge of the sea we love you kate's's mom. So let's get into the show, okay? How many pots are you going to go ahead and give this episode? Dylan, I really enjoyed this episode.

A little too heavy on Lee falling apart. You know, it makes my job difficult. You know, I like to go in hard on Lee because he completely deserves it. But how do you make fun of a man who is literally falling apart before your eyes yeah i guess but you know i hey can i tell you something sure i have the fullest confidence that you're gonna you're gonna knock it out of the park yeah yeah i can't hold back i gotta be me of course you know he belongs more uh like on the land of misfit toys yeah in front of our eyes on on a television but i i love the narcissism of this man that he would show up to actually film on this show

knowing, and guys, I know you're going to be mad at me. He is literally putting people in danger by not being able to fulfill his duties. I mean, the guy, he's not up for the job, but he couldn't stop himself from being on season 10 of Below Deck. And that's the last negative thing I'm going to say about Lee this entire episode.

You know, him and Hitler have something in common narcissists bad backs is that right and lots of catchy sayings yeah i was wondering how are you going to put that together but i think you fucking you see what i'm talking about yeah yeah so how many pots do you give it 70 that's pretty high from you oh well I didn't tell why I like the episode. Yeah. I love the love triangle. Okay. Ross is such a player.

Right. And can you believe like Katie and Alyssa are fighting over this guy? And then you got this side relationship going on between Camille and Ben. Right. They're doing what they're supposed to do. Sure. So 70 pots. Yeah. uh camille and ben right they're doing what they're supposed to do sure um does that have any pot yeah yeah i want to piggyback off that because um what we're seeing in this episode is the seawrath love triangle which is um really beautiful to see because it's i mean if you've

watched the show or listen to us long enough you know that these boats are populated by some of the most damaged people who aren't criminals next step is criminal and you can see the venn diagram overlap with kyle from below deck adventure you know they're one wrong step away from a life of little white lies and cold cold bars right you know so when you see somebody like alissa say you know i don't want to step on anybody's toes, but also say so many of the things that she said tonight, and I can't wait to break them all down. But then you have Ross, who, you know, we've joked that he's a sex addict,

but tonight we got kind of the full picture. Like, he's well on his way to Wilt Chamberlain numbers without being the most famous athlete on the planet, which is arguably, not even arguably arguably it's just much more impressive yeah it is and sad right so what he's doing is showing you what addicts do which they truly do not concern themselves with the spirit souls and hearts of other human beings i mean these girls are holes right they're literally nothing more than that he doesn't care it's very sad to see

but entertaining also quick note are the walkie talkies on speakers all around the boats I don't know if I'm high when I'm watching these well I do know that but the walkie talkies this season sound louder to me anyways

what are your pots oh man so many um fucking probably 79 pots yeah oh good yeah it's tough to have such a meaningless rating system you know about what so uh last we left off lee's um you know i don't think my notes have updated on google drive it's very very pesky but my last week's notes said that we had started off with lee's uh spine cracking like a firecracker in a bull's ass or something like that interestingly enough though dylan the episode did not pick up off the cliffhanger that was last week's episode of my goddamn legs i can't feel them right right right god damn it right instead we started out with blue cooler gate okay there's a blue cooler that's missing now he was screaming god damn it about this yes he just wasn't talking about how he can't feel that his shoes are on. We'll get to that later. My God.

So bad for the guy, man. So the cooler gets to the beach. Eventually, Alyssa says it was in the lazarette. And Camille says that's actually called the swim platform. Camille, you need to cool it. You cannot be a sea rat with this much venom. You know, I know that you guys bite in your claw and whip each other with your unsightly pink hairless tails but you need to kind of get along to get along here you can't be this bristly yeah yeah it's also it's uh look i i know what you're

trying to do here uh camille analyst actually more camille camille i know why you're here but it's a little over the top yeah okay it's a it's a little it's a little over the top so it's like you're like jim carrey as the riddler in uh batman forever all the actors were so annoyed by him because they look at the director and go like he's doing it again yeah okay i can't work against this right right okay he's over the top yeah okay trying to do a fucking scene here man tone it down jesus he's an odd duck because like he he i don't see him like out yeah you know how like celebrities have like friends and like you know that they're friends with like he seems like kind of a a lone wolf who's just painting pictures of donald trump and then going on red carpets and talking about nihilism he i saw

and we'll get back to the most depressing interviews with him. Was it on the red carpet? I think it's the one I'm talking about. No, I think it's from a documentary where he, it was Andy Kaufman where he became that character. Man on the moon. Yeah, well, that's the movie he made. There's a documentary about him playing Andy Kaufman.

I am Andy or something. And he turned to the camera at some point and he says, imagine attaining everything you ever wanted in life and more money than you could ever spend in being miserable i was like jesus fucking christ so um the cooler does get there you know and these these that doesn't remedy the situation okay there's still a lot of flaming going on um they ask camille to help with a little bubbly pouring and her response is that she is on deck now now there's no real deck in sight because they're on a beach and um i can't fucking stand people like this you know I've gotten older.

I used to be Camille. I'm sure I've said tons of like dumb shit like this to people who I was working under. But when you get a little bit older and you're working with younger people and they come up with this stuff, you're like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. Now, Dylan, I can appreciate that.

I think Camille's lazy. Oh my God. Or just playing this up for the cameras. I have no clue. I got to get to bed. I got to watch a docking tomorrow. Now, what Camille did here was patently insane. Yeah. But Alyssa's response to this, if you don't mind,

I want to play a little clip. This is immediately after Camille telling Alyssa that she's actually on deck right now while she was on the beach drinking a soda wearing sunglasses. We're going to bread them. Let's go ahead and put the sauces on the table now. Do you want it? No, I'm not on service.

Who's on service right now? It's you two, right? No, I'm here to assist with the decking. We're all on service. We're on service. That's what I was going to say. Got it. When there's three people on the beach, we're all on service. We're on service. That's what I was going to say. Got it. When there's three people on the beach, we're all on service.

Sorry, baby. You can't stand around and not do s***. I'm so over being fake nice. It's literally slowly poisoning my f***ing soul. Okay. Now, Camille is bad. All right? So I'm not defending her behavior.

But Camille is either lazy, incompetent, or she's f***ing with you and us as viewers. It's lazy, incompetent, or she's fucking with you and us as viewers. It's lazy and incompetent. That being said, Camille, if you think your portrayal of being quote-unquote nice as Alyssa has fooled a soul, I got a beach property in Glendale, California.

Glendale's landlocked for anybody who is a new listener. Now, Alyssa is a master of this. You know, it's like a sleight-ight of hand magician who tries to steal your watch by like trying to rip it off like regardless of the class you're like i can see what you're doing that just hurt my wrist dude you're trying to steal my watch hey i'm a sleight of hand criminal yeah i know my wrist hurts now you're not doing a good job yeah you're not very slight no she's she's a master at that like i'm not gonna step on anybody's toes tonight why are you straddling him in the jacuzzi

she literally threw something at her yeah okay we'll get there later so um need a meanwhile meanwhile frazier ate a muffin frazier i gotta tell you you're probably a listener maybe you're not uh you're not having an exciting turn as the uh chief stew this season he'll have his stuff right now we've got smut um so he'll have his day in the sun but i want to talk about the consumption of the dreaded muffin now he's a twink right i think he's a twink what's that mean like he may be too tall to be a twink i don't know i thought twink was like delicate gay oh well he'd definitely be that but i haven't seen him in the bedroom well so great point you never know could look like uh the running of the bulls with him, you know?

Could be fucking Peter North. Right. Fucking throwing ropes. So he had a muffin, right? And he has a delicate figure. He has a beautiful frame. So I understand his sensitivity and dread after the muffin goes down. He attempted to do it in a half and that never really works right

the muffin should be illegal it should be i feel like it should be an illegal food and and you know i know that we can't uh who's that new york governor who's like i want to do small cups only and then people just got like five different cups there should be little hurdles in between you and gluttony what is what is a muffin a blueberry muffin in the morning i think you're topping out at like 7 7 50 well which do when i had an eating disorder back in the day i'd look at the muffin i go i'm just gonna eat the top i'm just gonna eat the top right that's it yeah that's not you know that's only like it's nothing it's the top it's insane they're worse for you than donuts they're horrendous that no you don't yeah here's my issue hey you can't have a muffin and a cupcake they're the same thing you got to just have one name for them

call them a muff cake okay you need to workshop that so we head back to the boat and we get quite a bit of hold on dude you're gonna skip over ross and katie no i'm not okay i said we head back to the boat and we get quite a bit of kissy kissy with ross and katie now do i have amnesia or did these two obviously fuck each other already off camera? We don't know. Obviously off camera. Because these kinds of kissies are for people who have entered one another. You just start...

Below deck producers. You're not going to even... Look, I know Ross is a pig, but you're not going to even hint that these two might get here. They wait for their moment where it's basically just the two of them, a lighting guy a boom guy and a and a cameraman on another boat filming them no pop no circumstance yes now what's interesting about this because i've compared ross to he's got a look to him like he was like uh james bond in like the 60s or something like that and she's like a spy and they just killed a villain right now they're celebrating with that amazingly romantic sexual kiss. And she's going to try to poison him later in the hotel room.

Yeah, probably not. Because in fact, they are sea rats and they'll enter each other and leave those coolers behind filled with cold cuts. Right. You know? Right. Right. It's not as romantic as being a Bond, James Bond.

No, no, no. It's not. There's a lot of romanticism around james bond yeah yeah i mean the whole thing's romanticism who was the fucking guy in uh where's that uh that pierce brosman no no no no this kid named aaron who was in those movies where they became superheroes and nicholas cage was their dad what the hell is that actor's name oh aaron taylor johnson they're gonna fucking make him the next james bond that's an insane thing no that can't be true i read a huge article on it he's in the running no no that's not i like that guy on billions damien whatever the redheaded guy no a little fucking uh you know i just all but he may be too big at this point to to but it it's idris that's the only

option he's just he's got the accent too he's got everything he's fucking handsome he's huge he's suave he's just give it to idris don't give it to my wife yeah she likes uh idris no she likes Yeah. She likes Idris. No, she likes Aaron. Aaron. Really? I mean, and that's not why I don't like him.

Yeah. I think he's a bad actor. You seen that movie Savages with fucking Benicio Del Toro. It's Benicio Del Toro, but I also think it's the Blake Lively. Oh, she's in that. Yeah. The damsel in distress. We got to get back to the show. Zoe Saldana was in that.

So Rachel gets back to the boat, and she does what she needs to do. She rats on Camille. Yep, to phrase. So halibut is gobbled up, melted passion fruit sorbet is served, and Lee looks on while a young woman vacuums his room very strange um camille is tasked with packing and asks tony a really really silly question and is returned a really solid answer do you want to take this uh i forget this i was she says why do we need to do this why did we agree to do this and he said we live under a tyranny uh this is tyrannical

rule we are told what to do we have no say in the matter and he has a thousand yard stare and then he just keeps moving you know wow i i i don't know how deep he was going with that question uh that he answered he says i don't remember the last time I had a voice. Oh, wow. She was like, I was just asking you, shouldn't we be pissed that we have to pack up the cold cuts? So we rub some feet and we actually smack some asses. God, did you see this?

Ben just smacks her right on the ass as she's getting on the tender. By God, maritime law. Well, he massaged her feet minutes earlier, right? That's a very intimate thing people's feet yeah i think it's your birthright you massage a woman's feet i think you get this birthright on your house sean conrad okay so um we also take some pictures this time no weaves are snatched from one another which is um a huge improvement for this group, I'd say. So Lee is going to be joining the ladies for dinner. Now, there is no way he can grab at anyone's wig. Don't worry about that. He's incapacitated.

He's immobilized. He can't reach across the table fast enough. But he lays up like he's in hospice care and tells Frasier what clothes he wants, and we move. Well, of course, because he'll be attending the Oscars. I mean, this is crucial, you know, rather than Frasier attending to the people paying $60,000 a day,

he's having a discussion with this diva. Right. In that closet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wear black tonight. Oh, okay. Well, for the red carpet, Lee, or the dinner upstairs?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to talk about Lee for a minute because I want to know if you got the same impression I did. You're going to be nice? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to talk about Lee for a minute because I want to know if you got the same impression I did. You're going to be nice? What kind of? Lee seems like, okay, this is what I think.

So all these women are doctors. I've noticed a pattern with Lee. If you're just a filthy, yucky, normie from, not normie, a rich person from Florida or Los Angeles. You can still be a normie and be wealthy. Yeah, or like some kind of tech person. That's a fundamental misunderstanding of the word normie. We will sit with the biggest puss on his face at dinner sometimes when he's asked to join dinner.

Like he's angry. He doesn't want to answer a lot of questions. He's got this thing where he respects military people and like uh like uh doctors like people i think he thinks are at his level yeah exactly uh otherwise he's a fucking dick at dinner well i mean i i would i would like to glob onto that theory but i think it's wholly incorrect because he does some wacky shit at dinner tonight um but he was nice you can't deny that yes he was nice no i get what you're saying but he has the utmost respect for these women and i do too i want to be earnest for a second when we get there so when frazier uh we get a moment from um camille and frazier here

there's a little walkie talkie snafu where camille gets on the radio and goes hey guys there are towels in here they go what the fuck are you talking about now she says uh i obviously mean the laundry room i thought you guys knew i'm always in here now you know he's gonna voice this to hayley later on but it's it's like she's playing a board game and she's losing really badly. You know, like board game chess, I'm thinking risk, you know,

like you just expand out and you get too aggressive with people too early on. Then you got a target on your back or like a game of commander. You just set up a early huge board state way too quickly. I think those games are a little too intellectual for Camille. up an early huge board state way too quickly. I think those games are a little too intellectual for Camille. I think she's playing chutes and ladders. Candyland's a great game. That one too.

But chance can make you flip a table over. I don't like getting stuck in that chocolate mud swamp. Freshman year of college, a kid playing Monopoly for three hours yeah i was up i noticed that the kid sitting next to me was cheating i fucking very much like who's that chick on new jersey uh theresa gadichu i was theresa i took the entire table i flipped it up on it for you there's no room for cheating and we're not three hours yeah and you're gonna cheat like this chris right right? We've been here such a long time. How could you breach?

It's that I'm hot. Actually, that's wild. My dad caught one of my seventh grade buddies cheating in Monopoly. He was taking too much when he Pascal dad went look at you. He went, what

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That's it's too quick. There's cameras in every room except for, Oh, I think I just figured it out except for the guest cabins before they arrive. Boom. Okay. Now Ross and Katie,

they've, they flirt and she says and i quote the reason she likes him is because he's genuine dylan has the definition of the word genuine been changed to guys that will say anything it takes to bang you in a guest cabin i you know it's so funny because the word genuine can never be applied to someone who has had sex with a thousand people no one was ever like you know that caligula guy he's really genuine he's super super genuine but i was just thinking like you're confusing him being genuine with him having an accent he just he just has a British accent. Yeah, that's a media

genuinely. You're a hole to him. We've expressed this already. Come on. So moving on. Katie is we've covered that. Okay, so let's get to dinner. We've got a hero's dinner this evening. one course for each of the life saving doctors. You know, it's really cool. Like I mentioned, I was high writing these notes and I was kind of floored by how lucky we are that there are people out there that literally save lives. You know, like it's really cool. Let's say, you know, somebody cuts you off in traffic. They've got a couple slacks or slabs of rebar on the back of their truck. One spears you through the shoulder.

You roll into a place like that. If you don't have these people, you're going to die. You're going to die. Can I say something, though? It's so cool. They literally save your life. I have clients that are ER doctors, a few. They are some of the coldest, darkest motherfuckers

you've ever heard. This one guy was telling me, he called it, he was a, what do you call it, a doctor on a helicopter. Anyway, he was, Jeff, he was telling me. Well, you don't call. They called, well, no one knows his last name. Right.

He called, I can't say the word, but it begins with an R, and people have, it's problematic these days to call someone that, but he called his job the R word alert force because he would get on a helicopter as a doctor and he'd be the person because you decided to install a zip line 50 feet up to a telephone pole in your backyard and you took your first ride and you ended up being a speared right through a, I don't know, a rosemary bush. Yeah. And he's there now to save your fucking annoying, obnoxious, dumb ass life. Right, right, right. And he was so cold about it,

but I found it so funny and endearing. No, I would imagine you get bitter with that. I mean, you know, people have to come up with coping mechanisms for that much tissue and blood. Yes. You know, they see a lot of it. You imagine we don't know what marrow looks like. They do. By the way, do you know I'm a, I have two,

only two fears in my life, blood and seeing a bone. No fear of heights. Oh, I used to be fine with heights. Now, if the bar is not at my head, I'm not at ease. I am not either. I don't care if it not at my head, I'm not at ease.

I am not either. I don't care if it's at my chest. I can still flip over that fucking thing. Oh, I'm sorry, Dylan. This is probably self-indulgent. Mia, I'm sorry if I'm talking too much about myself this podcast. Okay.

Sorry, Mia. How would you expect me to talk about an episode of Below Deck for 45 minutes where we talk only about Below Deck? How foolish of you. I would say, so we're commending the heroism of these people you know regardless of their coping mechanisms for you know the sites of the blood the tissue and the marrow the nerve endings and whatnot they do deserve a lot of respect they deserve a lot more than rachel rolling down a hill in neutral but um at least they have a lot of money so um dinner cannot begin

without the king though you know you'll get your fucking ass eaten out for that you know yeah tucking into sashimi without him hobbling up on his crutches frazier grabs him and he comes out and says let's see if i can get through this without embarrassing anyone. Oh, how humble of you. Do you want to? See, I was going to throw to you because I thought you were going to say something along the lines of leer and crutches. Give it up.

Yeah. You're already embarrassing us. Here's what's happened. He's laid a trap for me. He's known I've been coming for him for years years you can't make fun of a handicapped person you cannot make fun of a decrepit old jerk off right uh that is falling to pieces before our eyes and it's fake right i can't make fun of that delia okay do you understand the position that he's put me in i have to just fucking mind my p's and q's and wait till this guy's off the show and make fun

of i think it's going to be the guy's off the show and make fun of i think it's going to be the guy from the lollipop guild that's going to be replaceable oh really i love being the herb is oh shout my name's captain shot is that his name he's going to be a huge bummer big time so hayley is vented at by camille she says it happens often um she's good at being vented at and it's on display when hayley says you know i'm not having a good time i you know she's complaining about the job and camille camille is and hayley says um are the positions getting muddled and almost like a Jedi implants that in Camille's head and Camille says, I think the,

I think the jobs are getting muddled. Is that a wait? That's a Jedi. That's a Jedi mind. Yeah, I know it was truly unbelievable. I think that she might be a witch and I actually really like Haley. I want her to get more camera time.

I'm just going to hook up with someone, dude. Yeah, or something strikes me as the kind of person that would bag somebody, you know, at a bar who wasn't to see rat, you know, I don't I don't think she wants to shit where she eats. I agree. You know, I

say that so Lee sits down and begins speaking about running with big dogs. You know, he's honestly all jokes aside. He seems like a half decent decent guy, but the reason that he irks me and Pat so much, it's too on. You don't have to talk like this all the time. What are you talking about running with big dogs?

What are you talking about? Oh, I get what you're saying. I thought you were saying like, oh, he's on like he's positive. He's rarely positive, but he's always the one liners and these big like just have a conversation. It's suffocating. So first course, Rachel is in

like I mentioned last week. She's in shutter island mode in that she sounds like she's she's talking to Frazier about this first course and she is she has this thousand yard stare at something and it's almost as if she's seeing some kind of violent atrocity that she knows isn't there and Shutter Island and she it's just preparing a massive amount of large, excuse me, a massive

amount of raw fish for these people, but she's in this kind of state where I think kids are in a house and they're being lit on fire, but it's just a vision. She can push through it really crazy stuff. So meanwhile, meanwhile, captain Leevitzing. One of them asks if he's dessert. Lady, you'll kill him. By the way, he loves this. This is a trope they roll out.

They got to prompt them, these ladies. Frazier radios down to Rachel and says, they love the idea. Maybe not the food, but they certainly love the idea. Maybe not the food, but they,

they certainly love the idea of the course per person kind of thing. Look, if you Dylan, you're saying rages off her game. I think you made a reference that she's in reverse. I have to tell you from a psychological, she's a psych ward in the middle of the ocean. She's seeing a violent or trousing. Perhaps the ocean. She's seeing a violent atrocity.

Perhaps she is, but there's a certain part of her brain that's still firing, and it's like, okay, got to get through this. I know what I'll do. I'll play to everybody's narcissism. Here's something special for you. For you.

Yeah, maybe that's the part of the brain that's trying to run defense while Rachel figures out whatever's happening in that movie that Martin Scorsese made in 2009. Yeah. Her and Mark Ruffalo, they're both trying to figure out what's going on.

So, then we get to this bizarre moment with Lee wherein the women ask... I love ceviche. A rather normal question giving their professions in his crutches. Hey, Lee, what happened?

Well, what ensues is why you don't invite strangers to dinner. There's this very bizarre moment where he's like whatever it is. I'm taking care of it and they're like we just wanted to check in, see if you're okay and he's like I am okay last night of vacation. We wanted this guy at the table. Why

are we doing this so awkward? So before I tell you, but I'd have to kill you or show before the dish of just massive amounts of ceviche. It's it's the table. I think Alyssa

flashes her cooter to Ross. She flirts with Ross. Unbelievable flirting is one thing. I think in another scene she's rubbing her hands through his hair and she says she's going to do that a couple more times. My God, Alyssa, don't step on anybody's toes. Ceviche for Samantha is up next and her love of fresh fish. First course was sashimi. Second course is sashimi with lime. I, you know, I'm not trying to hate on ceviche, by the way. They're ceviche and sashimi are worlds apart.

Someone says that there is a lot of laughter at the table, and it's exactly what they needed to fill their soul. They've been through COVID. It's been a tough time, but don't do that. So, Waggy Beef with Mushrooms for Shauna, then Lobster and Mango for Tola. Lee starts to cry, as does that one that I think took that woman's hair off. There's a lot of emotions flying around the table right now,

and then Lee makes it through five courses and goes down um i don't i think there were supposed to be 10 courses i'm not sure if we just weren't shown and again i don't want to get greedy but bravo rachel is in shatter island mode right now give us every single thing she made because one of the dishes had to have just been dueling dragons of peanut butter and jelly on a plate. It had to be that. All right, Dylan, I'll tell you what.

You just talked a long time there. Yes. You did a great job. Next stint of you doing that, I'm going to hit Rachel up. Let's get her on next week and get to the bottom of this. I'm very excited. She's always a fun time on the show i can't wait to see if she

is on that boat or if she is in an insane asylum kidding rage come on so um it don't come at us with mental health shit please we're joking around I can't stand this shit. Do you see Stutz? I didn't. It's a documentary with Jonah Hill. I didn't see it. Is that about his weight? I thought it was. No, it's about a psychiatrist. He's a really fascinating guy. And then the movie quickly

turns to Jonah Hill, recognizing that in order to tell the story of this man to its fullest, Jonah Hill is going to have to get more vulnerable than he wanted to. And he's going to need to unveil some of his trauma to show the tools of this man in action. And at that point, I'm like, nope, I don't care about Jonah Hill. I don't want to know your fucking- Wait, is this a documentary? Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was a movie or something. Okay. Jonah Hill. Wow. Wow. Okay. Okay. So we'll get back to the show. Oh, sure.

My bad. So Lee makes it through five courses, goes down, and then we get to a real fucking knife fight between Camille and Frazier. Now, Camille is a bit of a monster, but she makes a rather reasonable request, I think. She says, hey, do you mind if I sleep more than four hours tonight? Fraser goes, the insult that I have just enjoyed is unlike anything I've ever experienced in my career. It's seriously, it's just a different kind of work environment to to to ask to work a 18 hour shift will work in quotations is uh is truly disgusting to fraser right yeah you know

all right so this is the first time because minutes later fraser goes to ross it really flies off the handle and he's like hey should i fire this hoe and ross like i don't know uh she's pretty it's nice to look at but i think she's useless yeah well he i guess it's fine for now i don't know yeah he does it in a lovely english accent of course he's very detached from this because sex addict people don't really move no no we well you we're looking at the holes right how could you really be impacted one way or another by a hole that's like a guard like the opening of a garbage can causing serious insult to you and i'm not saying that's what her that i'm not saying that's what she looks like i'm just i just think on like yeah you wouldn't be upset by something.

The opening of a garbage can did to you, and that's how he sees human women. So Frazier does try. He doesn't quite try to get her fired. He tries to recruit Ross to his dark side, and Ross is he's very measured about this. He's like, listen, she's a floater that's what they do they they try to manipulate you into saying they're working too much okay so this is i don't

want to fire now we have had a floater before i forget who it was maybe it was britini no she was all deck she was all that okay so camille lives in this space where she can kind of play both departments off each other because at one time, one department may not know that she's doing nothing. And then she can claim that she'd been working all day so that she can't do something for the other department. It's like Bernie Madoff. It's like, why are you putting so much work into cheating? Bad analogy.

Really crummy analogy. into cheating bad analogy really crummy analogy possibly it's okay because yeah she's burning a lot a lot of uh calories trying to figure out how to not work right she should probably just go hey fuck it can i just be on in one department and then now you gotta you got a home you got a structure where you can sleep but uh i camille i, I think Camille here, I've said it before. I, I, I think she has, uh, just, uh, fame whore intentions. Uh, I honestly, I don't think she's here to, uh, be a captain of a boat one day. She is not. She wants to be a fly girl. So, um, let's smack some ass and do some dishes and roll up our knives.

You can kind of tell that Rachel is tapping out. She doesn't even have a case for her knife. She just rolls them up in a gingham rag like a hobo it's like what is going on so four of the guests cheer i don't think the one who got her hair yanked out is jumping for joy with them and we get to the next morning next morning frazier is moping about camille to hayley she's right people vent at her um and the editing really did him dirty here he's talking to hayley and then they cut to rachel trying to operate the oven and she goes yeah yeah yeah stop being a little bitch really dicey stuff there so do you want to get to lee okay yeah yeah okay so uh he says he cannot feel that his shoes are on i got a bum fucking leg man

she's alarming producer said i could stay the whole time but the other day i say i gotta go he sucks he said yeah he shouldn't have to go that's sadly that's for clumply well yeah we'll go home i I was down. Well, he should go home because he's literally saying that he can't feel that he has tennis shoes on and that his legs are dragging behind him. He's like, who is, who is Gary Sinise and Forrest Gump? Lieutenant Dan.

Lieutenant. Yeah. Lieutenant Dan had crutches. That's what it would look like. So we should get to the docking. Now, this actually does take a turn for the worst and the only thing to ease the tension is camille commentating on the

docking she said that she needed to sleep for she's like the joe buck of of this docking well i thought you were going to say that uh what need here is a Lee-ism. Yeah. Lee tells us, as we head back to the dock, he says, if you're not going to give me your A game, don't bother showing up to the ballpark. One of the ones that actually makes sense. It absolutely does. I think he's found out that Google exists,

and you can just put in one-liners. Sure. Three-peckered billy goats don't piss in the forest when you don't have lug nuts. Are we in Narnia, Lee? What's going on? Some of his quotes in the past years have sounded like that. But were you on your A game, Lee, when you were leaving the dock on that last charter where you were 12 inches from smashing the rear part of the boat. I always love how he

squared that off. He goes, doesn't matter if it's 12 inches or 20 feet. It only matters you got off the boat. You got off the dock. That's sea game. Sea game. He's falling apart. Yeah, he is. So the guests depart.

They hug Rachel and take in the smells of the galley. And then we get to a really sweet goodbye, actually. COVID has been hard on these people. I do feel really, really bad for them. And I'm grateful for what they did over the pandemic. Well, they were paid heavily. Yeah, but I mean. You know what you signed up for, dude?

Some ugly stuff. I know, but when you haven't. I don't know if it's a KN95 or an N95 that are like the heavy duty serious ones. I mean, you have condensation from the tuna melt on your upper. I mean, it's just revolting stuff. All right. Ross, shame on you. Leaving his options open um he says for he he pretend he he he's leaving his options open he says that him and elissa could be a thing um can i say something

about ross yeah uh every male and female should have two years of their life where they get to be a pig and not care about people's emotions as far it's called dating yeah you know uh in sex in the city we made it fun care uh carrie be like uh you know she's banging this guy but she doesn't tell him because she's going on a date with this guy that's all selfish you're kind of lying and you're playing with people's feelings yeah yeah but you need to recognize that it makes people feel bad. Right. Which is why you don't take it into your 40s. Right. You got to be mature enough because people think with age, especially when you're...

Ross. Right. I know the girls are younger that want to hook up with you. Right. But at this point, this is where you pointed out, Dylan, this is love addiction. This is kind of gross. This is where he's got to be more mature and go,

stop looking at human beings as holes. Well, what's happening with ross is that you know at the end of that two years of um pigdom you kind of see the pain you've caused yourself and the pain you've caused others but for somebody like ross ejaculation and climax is not enough that dopamine hit needs to be crested by something else and the pain that you cause other people becomes that which you look most forward to that is the actual nut that's the dragon are you fucking freud dude because you are that's exactly what's happening here, man. Yeah. He's like, hey, look, coming.

Whatever. I'm not. I need to come. Yeah. And I need to make that person feel bad about me coming. Right. Yeah. That's what gets my rocks off.

I am become Bathsheba. You know what? This is what happened in Rome like 2,000 years ago. Yeah. Kings, they'd be like, hey, I get to bang a new person every day. You know, I'm bored. Hey, bring in a person that's got one arm. Yeah, exactly. And then they let all the Mexicans in and then the empire crumbled. So we have to move on to the tip meeting. Pat, hit us with it, babe. All right. Good tip. 23 large, 1800 each. That's a great fucking tip.

And these were great guests great guests great tip great charter now um let's move on past some boring stuff yes and get to the night out because we've got five minutes left on this card i think we can wrap the show up in five minutes can we how about let's do two and a half all right so the re i know that there's a ton of stuff, but it's all ball of snakes. And the tough thing about covering a ball of snakes is that it's very difficult to deduce what kind of... You know how snakes fuck? There's that kind of appendage that comes out.

Well, the reptiles, most reptiles, you can't distinguish whether they're female or male. You'd actually have to go in and see if their peni is in there. So they roll up against each other. It's just even more confusing. You have no idea what's going on. So a couple things. They get to dinner and

Ben and Camille are going straight at it immediately. Making out. Where'd that come from? It's kind of like when middle schoolers find the physical form for the first time it's weird to walk by uh school and see uh two fifth graders making out like hey where are your parents but but that's the thing like it's so good that they're completely oblivious to the social more that they're breaking. This was a little intense to me.

Like Ben, Camille, why don't you guys wait till you're, I don't know, at the club, like make out at the club. Why are you guys fucking making out at the dinner table? It's really weird. My wife, my wife would turn to me like, why don't we do this anymore? Yeah. See the problems you're causing in people's marriages at that restaurant, you fucks. Well, so then we get to the club and we get

back to the boat now the club and the boat i feel as though the main storyline here is and please no one get after us about you know patriarchal biases or misogyny or anything like that we've called ross literally like a pig a mount Mount Olympus kind of Hades like demon. Okay, so sorry for the flowery language we used for him, but he's a sick human being. Alyssa is and I know that we're supposed to have her on the show and talk dirt on Bravo and I hope hope that we can still do that, but we have to be true to ourselves and to the fans. I mean, Gorgon like shit here. I mean, you want to talk about not concerning yourself with other human beings. Her and Ross could not give two fucks about Katie. Now,

they both do some talking about how they do care about Katie, but I feel like it's a little lopsided. Alyssa is really, really forthright with the fact that she does not want to step on anyone's toes and she doesn't want to break up anything that they have, yet she interrupts them numerous times throughout the evening, is unbelievably forward about her intentions. I mean, unbelievably forward. Well, actually, I have an audio clip, Dylan, of her that I sent you. Dylan, while you're playing this clip of Alyssa and her intentions with Ross,

before you play that clip, I just want to cut back to the club because I never knew this. Ben said he just loves to dance. And he actually had aspirations about joining the dance club uh or dance group uh uh the thunder from down under this admission reminded me of a poem by robert frost yeah called the road less traveled uh-huh what's that how's that go well there's a

fork in the road yeah okay one will have you planting your ball sack on the heads of unsuspecting bachelorettes and the other will have you applying your ball sack on the heads of unsuspecting bachelorettes, and the other will have you applying chemicals on railings that will eventually poison your body. Right. You're a seerat. Yeah. Here's a quote.

Yet knowing how the ways on which way to go, I doubted if I should ever come back. I took the one less travel than that has made the difference. That's some deep shit right there. That is some deep shit right now. That was Ben and Robert difference that's some deep right there that is some deep right now that was bent and robert right now anyway so this is alyssa yeah this is her uh talking about uh her and her shot with uh ross here yeah jeremy you're amazing. Oh, God. I think you're amazing. Oh, my God. Don't ever leave me. Ever. Good. Because I'd find you.

I mean, what is there to... There's nothing to be surprised about. Sea rats are very, very damaged people, and it's really, really fun to watch them on television. We hope we can talk to Alyssa soon. Monstrous behavior from her tonight. Well, we should get more in depth with it, but we only have a minute left on the card. So let's do this guys. Join us at patrion.com for lots of additional content, PMZ,

fun stuff like that. Get in the comments, five stars, kind words. You can really say whatever you want, as long as it's five stars and join us on Facebook. You can say whatever you want there, but it does hurt us.

Let's we'll see you guys next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Later dudes. hurt us let's we'll see you guys next week i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye later dudes