Another Below Deck Podcast - How to Use A Searat | Below Deck S12 E15

Episode Date: September 9, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down horny chicks, marriage, gluten allergies, In-N-Out, Steve Harvey, dead cats, dishwashers and more from Bravo's Below Deck  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

I think we could make it work. Yeah, I think you and Rainbow could really, really do something special together. The unfortunate thing is the violence that she's capable of is a terrifying thing. It's like sleeping next to a Python. Yeah, it's kind of hot. Oh, yeah. But, you know, you got to worry about dying.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You'll wake up one night and Rainbow will just be stiff as a board looking over it, you're measuring, if you can swallow you or not. Hi, hello there and welcome to Baird TV. I'm Dylan. That is Paz. Permission to come aboard. Granted, you know who else we have in the studio? Do you have a mic?

I do have a mic. I don't have a camera. He's back. He's back. Fan favorite. Fan favorite. Kalin is back. I am so excited to have Kalin back for two reasons. One, he's got the cutest laugh.

Two, if the faders are fucked up, we can just take our animosity out on... In real time. Yeah, in real time, on and at Kalen. Yeah. You know, his lovely wife, I believe, listens. And so all that shit talking that we did, she hears it. Oh, but that's fine.

Yeah. We love Kalyn. I know. I'd say it to his face. Yeah, 100%. But he's back, and the show is going to be better because of it. Better because of it. So we have a crazy episode of Below Deck to get to, Fire and Ice,

which is the subtitle of the hit book series that hasn't been published in 15 years and the HBO show that actually turned out to be dog shit. Yeah. It's a very touchy subject for me because we invested. so much time and energy into it, you know? Think about me with Star Wars, dude. Oh, my God. What a big pile of dog shit that is.

It's unwatchable. You know how much money they pour into that stuff? It's really, really tough. And let's take a quick break to get to our fan favorite segment. Let's get to know Kalen again. Kailen, do you like Star Wars? Yeah, I like Star Wars, but I'm not. His dad was in Star Wars.

No. Okay, great. Well, what's the Mandalorian? Oh, okay. We've now gotten to know Kalen, and we are back here. to talk about below deck some housekeeping though i don't think dill is aware of this because he's like been kicked off all social media platforms but uh if you remember last week dylan uh razzled me about mentioning a possible appearance by a very uh important sea rat only because you've done it 75 times

and it's not my fault it's never worked out the sea rat heard that and he reached out and he said i don't like that dylan hassled you like that i am absolutely coming on and Let's grab dinner and drinks next week. Then you're welcome. You know, it's so funny. Like, imagine, so if you go up to a, let's say a rat, right? And you put your hand in its face and you smack around and it bites you. And you do it over and over and over again.

You could blame the rap, but it's your fault. Shame on me once. Shame on me twice. You never get fooled again. Yeah. And who's that again, Mr. T? I believe that's a former president, Mr. Bush. Oh, because that sounded like a black man.

Oh, he did? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Oh, man. Shame on me, shame on you, um, won't get flukin. Yeah. He's still with us, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's painting away.

Yeah. Well, let's not talk about the Bush administration. Let's get into below deck, a fantastic television show brought to you by Bravo. This is the last charter. They have saved just a hot group of single ladies for this one. Way to go out. And they are really heated up. They are frothing.

I love horny chicks. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. Okay. Nothing wrong with that. Well, I mean, it's a little cumbersome and it does get old after a while, you know, because we've seen them. Now, we do lambas.

bass gay guys for coming on and talking about, oh, I'd like to throttle that banana boat. And it's like, okay, we get it. We condemn gross fatties that do it. So we got to keep it consistent. We got to keep it consistent. Okay. There is a correlation of patience and appetite with how hot you are, right? That's just reality. That's true. But we should say that this is inappropriate. Oh, yeah. The rolls reversed. Do you imagine a gaggle of guys, straight guys going, Hey, uh, rainbow, uh, sit on that, uh, banana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and take your shirt off. Yeah, I'd be like, what are you?

You probably get thrown off the boat. Oh, yeah, definitely. So, uh, listen, uh, Kaelin, how you doing? I'm good, Dylan, great. Uh, so, um, we're here to talk about below deck and let's get into our pots right now. And I think during the negotiations that we had with Kaelin, which were, uh, trying and difficult, okay, Kaelin mentioned that he doesn't want any, fucking thing to do with any of the other shows.

No, he doesn't want to work on Orange County or trainers. He wants to be quote unquote on our money maker. Yeah. Okay. He also, I believe, and I didn't tell you this during the negotiations, he said, were our lawyers there?

Yes. Okay. He said, I don't want to fucking have to watch that fucking shit. I don't blame him. I don't want to watch it either. Well, so I was like in my head thinking about throwing to Kaelin for his pots, but I don't think we're going to be throwing to Kailen for his pots. Also, we've watched the episode before.

Most people get the episode. Oh, that's right. I suppose I can send him a screener, but why? No. All right, so what did you think of this episode of Bravo's Bullodeck? Okay. I like the episode overall, but let's be honest with ourselves. It was bloated with B-roll, otherwise known as filler.

So much B-roll. A lot of meanwiles. lot of meanwhile just taking a face time call about possibly going to new york but never going to new york with some friend yeah why why'd you film that and put it on television well that's a b-roll yeah we need some filler up in here um i'm going to give it 42 knots went pretty quick there i thought you were going to go longer oh no i want to be uh brief okay well let me pull up my notes kaelin if you saw the episode what That's a great question.

That's a great question. I'd give it 15 knots. 15 knots. That's pretty low. I don't think he liked it. I've heard it wasn't great. So, this is the last start of the season. We have...

This is the second to last episode of the season. Yes. And we've got a lot of things going on. I actually quite enjoyed this episode because these ladies are not just Sasha Fiercing all over the place all horned up. These people are actually quite cynical about the institution of marriage. I read a New York Times article written this week

because it was touching on that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey have gotten engaged. And this particular writer... How many think pieces have been written about those two? How many articles have been written? If you lived a million years, you wouldn't have time to read it all. We're infatuated with her. It's like crazy.

Well, this particular writer, was a little cynical of marriage and then she is married and she threw her own husband under the bus. She said being married, you have to deal with a lot of annoying things and smells and I really don't want to be around him, but I'd say that, I'm paraphrasing her, I think he'd probably say the same thing about me. Yeah. I'll say this, to each his own, some people like marriage.

I personally like it, but I'm old now. and uh yeah you know your tea has fallen through the floor i have no testosterone levels i cry at pixar movies i'm a pussy oh gosh i've been crying so much so anyways 40 pots fun episode we're fans of marriage okay that's just me and pat unless my wife ever chees on me then i'll completely uh right it um so anyways left the last way i left off uh so de salee had gone full joe Pesci at the CEO of this boat. And actually, Jess had gone full Joe Pesci at Soda Soleil for going Joe Pesci at the CEO of this boat. So it's like we have all these little angry Italian men running around. Yes. But at the heart of this, Frazier, the supervisor on the

boat, has an employee review meeting. Also known as the chiefs do. The chiefs do. He has a meeting with Ole and call me crazy, but I don't think it had any impact on her job performance. It's like trying to teach a little person how to dunk a basketball. Yeah, I was going to say that it would... It's just not going to happen. Yeah, I'd be like talking to a cornhole board about improving your work ethic. That's right. But little person dunking in basketball is a much more...

It's a much more better. Yeah, I mean... Much more better. You know, maybe if a trampoline was involved, a little guy had a lot of heart, you know? But otherwise, you can't wish these things into existence. No, no, no. And the heart is a nice kind of... kind of thing, but still not really.

Yeah, even the heart's little, you know? Oh, yeah. And if it's too big, I mean, they just, body can't handle it, as is often the case with those, those little creatures. No, I'm kidding. I don't know how many little people we have listening. So I think we can.

No, and also, you know, I'm getting, when you have a daughter or a baby, you get so much more sympathetic to the things that go on with people's health. Yes. So we shouldn't be pieces of shit. No, no, no. But if you're a little person and you were offended by that, feel free to leave us a one-star review.

Yeah, we're trying to get to 2000. So come one, come all. Okay. So last we left off, I already said that. But yes, he does sit down with Cirque de Soleil, and it's going nowhere. Sitting down with Cirque de Soleil now is like negotiating with bank robbers who have already killed everyone inside of the bank.

Okay? It's the last day of the charter, or the last charter of the season. What are we doing here? I think your point is it's absolutely pointless. Just let her, I don't know, walk around for the next day and a half. Yeah, exactly. All right, let's get to the preference. Well, I was going to say, meanwhile, we have Jess, who is owning her own mistakes and doing a lot of self-reflection.

It's something we've seen many times. The problem is, is she's living in Groundhog Day because she keeps doing stupid shit reflecting and then doing it again. Jess is super good at HR apologies. Yeah. that being absolutely nothing. Mm-hmm. All right, let's get to it. It's time for the preference sheet meeting.

All right, we've got some ladies and some ladies that eat like Elliot. Yeah, it would be easier if they just said what they would eat, which is lettuce, chocolate, and veal. Veal. I don't know. I just do that out there. Okay. I used to like that when I was a kid until you saw. how it was produced or learned about it and it's not pretty who wants to drink milk all day

yeah what do you mean oh uh veal is calves that aren't allowed to grow they stay stationary in a box and they're exclusively fed milk until they're brought to slaughter yeah which is like a like a month or two yeah welcome to planet earth you know it's a tough place round trip ticket back to whatever primordial goo you came from yeah i don't touch this stuff um but listen me neither they they eat lots of things like uh chicken cutlets and lettuce and chocolate so um we also have some dirty martini drinkers and we're going to be going to uh happy bay you know i'm so glad they're going to happy bay because it seems like a wonderful destination and i'm glad they didn't pick that over a chlamydia co you know because uh that doesn't sound welcoming

happy bay just says come on in yeah happy bay sounds like a mario cart track you know but i will say at any time there's a little opening in an outlying rock yeah i think of that guy in the squirrel suit that tried to get through one of them and just smushed himself on the rocks really yeah oh you're talking about like one of those guys that jump off a mountain Of the squirrel suits. He tried to go through one of those little holes or rock. And even more ridiculous, like writing an article about Taylor Swift and her fiance getting engaged, is Brian Gumbull sitting down with the wife who was just grief-stricken

by this man who tried to fly through a hole to rock at 90 miles an hour flying. It's like, well, yeah. he's he's fucking dead there's only a stupider person then the guy in this squirrel cost him jumping off a mountain yeah it's the idiot behind him with the camera filming it yeah yeah yeah because he's busy he's dead too he's also dead too they did not cover him in real sports so um eight course dinner fire and ice we're going to have a chef anthony meltdown and that will be coming up later in the show so carry says it doesn't matter if it's the first charter or the last charter these people are paying And I was thinking, well, yeah, yeah, obviously.

I mean, it's, yeah, they're on the, they're on the boat. I mean, it's, I mean, it's a pretty cheap vacation. Yeah, his, his speech was only rivaled by that of Frazier's later on the episode. Oh, which one was that? It was like, we all hate these people. And if we're all being honest, we kind of hate ourselves. We wouldn't be here, but let's step it up so we can, uh, get a good tip can i tell you this is a quality spin drift oh that his dad brought a bit really i saw

him carrying a bit this is a quality spin drift and his father is actually famed actor um michael being from star mandolian sir mandolian by the way to continue my hacky joke yeah have you ever heard that winston church hill speech uh never surrender we shall never surrender we shall fight on the land we shall fight on the sea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the fields. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever the cost may be,

we shall never surrender. Yeah, easy for you. You're fucking sucking down champagne. Yeah, you're fatty. Smoking cigars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look that up, people, if you've never heard that.

And also, Iron Maiden would play that before every show. It's awesome. Yeah, I feel like I've heard Christopher Nolan put that in a movie or something. Oh, I'm sure. All right, so the sea rats get their work done

so that they can engage in their true passion, that is acquiring a base of food for copious amounts of booze. Now, the bathroom band at Jazz Strikes Again, her and Babs head to the toilet to make out. And we come back to the table to play a classic C-Ret game. Mary F-kill. Now, we've played this on this podcast many times, Dylan, and I have to say, if we're all being honest with ourselves, we all want to be the F-person. Because you could say kill, that's hurtful, right?

But when they want to marry you, that means a lot of things. You're safe. You're boring. They don't have to fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. But to say, I'd F that person. That's the, that's the, that's the Lane.

That's the trophy. That's the gold medal of Fuck Mary Kill. The bronze being kill. Yeah. So listen. So Lane plays, I actually don't even think that she was asked to play. I think she just had a little interjection. Yeah.

wherein, I think, I mean, apropos of the game, I think she just said I wanted to kill Jess. I want to kill me. So I'll kill you. Yeah. Yeah. So Jess goes, okay, well, we've got to go have a conversation.

And this is where Jess kind of rifles off another HR apology where she recognizes that she had some unresolved personal tension with Salin that she allowed bleed into a work conversation. and that that's inappropriate. Very inappropriate. Yeah. It doesn't take either. No.

Ole doesn't give a shit. No, she doesn't give a shit. No, she doesn't give a shit mode right now. She's got a day and a half left to work. No, no, correction. Soleil is, I don't give a shit mode. That's right. Yeah.

Salene says, and this is where we were talking, you have to be very careful with, she is an emotional terrorist, this woman. Jess or O'Lay? O'Le. Jess, too, a little bit, but O'Le is... So O'Lay will treat you like shit. She has no allegiance to anybody but herself.

If you put a foot wrong, she'll be... She'll just milk it for all its worth. And Saline equates what Jess did to her to murder. She says that if you kill someone, you can't apologize. to them after it was just a little bit of a grandiose comparison because just didn't kill her she just kind of said you are lazy yeah so it's different you know uh out of the two of them

who would you welcome back to another season both i love both of them yeah yeah you know i saw someone in our facebook group say that they would watch another season with this same cast run this exact same cast back maybe a new chef yeah you got to switch that out I'm sorry. Anthony's a softy. We love Anthony, but like... I don't like him. I don't have any respect for him.

Right? Well, he is, you know, I could do without someone who's not going to have sex with anybody. And I can also do without the spirals. Right. And I could also do without the compulsory. to bring up that his uncle banged his wife because that's just me and but it is an automatic thing in us you know and necessary we've got to remind the audience because some people jump in halfway through the season they have no context for why he's such a spasomatic beard of and pathetic

sorry it's true he is not pathetic he's a talented chef and the chicken pie art was oh my gosh it was magnificent tame night we get back to the boat and we have have a conversation that we've had many times before. Oh, Sea Rats discussing the future? Yeah. You want to talk about pointless. Yeah. Yeah. Can we make this work after the boat?

Answer. And I wish we had Pat's actually that's that's not on the board of family food sound effect. Because what we were asking for was things you would find in your dresser. And sword

was not. at the top of the list things you find in your dresser a raccoon yeah yeah no number one answer underwear yeah yeah underwear was the number one answer sorry somebody else is like another woman's underwear another woman's underwear let's see if it's on the board someone already said underwear you dumb ass yeah he Steve Harvey is incredibly talented oh you bet man incredibly talented i mean to make the most of what i mean let's just call it how it is i mean it's just disgusting filthy yucky normies walking into that studio the guy that did the job uh two people behind him hung himself yeah yeah yeah steve harvey just said don't come in my dressing

room. I have to, I have to discuss things with these, these fucking, I mean, I had to talk to a family from Arkansas last week for three hours. Do not come in my dressing room. So what do you guys like to do for fun? You know, it's like crazy. So, uh, Damo is tired of Rainbow and he always wanted O'Lay. She's smoking hot. Well, this is, this is the watchman kind of doomsday clock we get now. So he has three days, three days. I think he can pull it off. Oh, my God, yeah. Are you kidding me?

So Captain Kerry, no, we wake the next morning. Barbara gets three concussions before getting to work, and we get to Salin's baby crush on Demo. Soso says that he has always stomped on her feet to understand where she's coming from. And one of my favorite things with Solent is just the second language kind of translars. yeah always keep me on my toes like what did she just say yeah that you know that's funny you and I are on the safe way and like she said he she's got a a good baby crush on him but the real question is will she have sex with him uh-huh right yeah uh i don't know about that oh i don't know

about that i was trying to read in between the lines what does it mean to be baby crush yeah yeah we'll see we'll see next episode if she says well that's that's first base he says well where do we go with me a couple strands of pubic care and a zit on my face, right? What? That would be your teenage phase or something. She's going through the phases of Oh, you know? But by that logic

home plate would be like, what? An elderly man. You're like Brad Pitt in that fucking, uh, defecating on yourself and dying. Yeah, what was that movie? It was pretty good. When we starts out as an old man. The curious case of Benjamin Buttons. Yeah. That was a great movie, man.

Was it? No. no it was not and he looked weird it was bad pretty weird captain carey gives hugo boss the chance to be a boss he's going to be driving the vessel um now we've said many times on this show we don't know boat shit oh i don't know how big of a deal this is i mean it seems like a pretty big deal but uh i don't no boat shit. Maybe it's a tip of the cap to people in the industry that are fans of the show.

Like, you can do this someday. Yeah. Like a dare campaign for C Rath. We've got a, This is your brain on drugs. Yeah. Do you remember that ad? Oh, yeah.

I loved it. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me. well there was it a frying pan yeah it was an egg yeah it was boiling it looked weird he goes this is your this is your brain and then he cracks it into a cast iron and it starts cooking and it looks good it's it's about to be a yummy egg it's like this is your fucking brain this is the era of uh the just say no campaign yeah apparently whoever created that had never done heroin sure you know it's a little tough yeah Um, I'm sorry. Have you ever had a quad stack before? You fucking loser? Get out of my face. I got this. Just say no. Um, all right. So we've got dinner. Uh, there's going to be a timing issue on the horizon. Um, chef Anthony is going to have to go to the beach come back. But right now he's got a charcutory board to handle the guests arrive. And we get a little bit of an issue right out of the gate. That being Kyle being, um, unable to not bang charter.

guests yeah now before we keep moving on this subject i want you to look at me and i want you to please don't okay let's not go back in the past oh please don't oh uh mention uh who he had sex with well well he wants to have sex with all of them yeah yeah okay anything else oh that's it i feel bad because well you don't edit this show anymore I don't, but still, that doesn't mean that we have to, you know, call people barrels or warthogs or any of that stuff, you know? That's true. That's true.

It's beneath me. I don't know about that, but, but, all right, a lot of meanwhile. Meanwhile. Anthony talks to the guests who aren't really allergic to anything. Well, one of them was kind of on the fence about gluten. stuff like, you know what, which she basically just said, you know what, I put it on the preference sheet, but fuck it. Yeah, people with, like, gluten allergies are real, you know, people can, I don't know, die or something. People with gluten insensitivities, you just get

a little bubble gut and maybe shit your pants a little bit. You don't want to do that on vacation, though. That's the time to do it. You can't afford to do that in waking life, right? When you're on vacation, after a full meal, you can have a little bit of bubble gut. You're going to bed. You got nothing to do the next day. You know what? People in America, aren't you surprised they don't see more people on the side of the road just pulling down their pants i mean we eat like pigs here oh yeah here i mean the fact that people are making it out of buckies i mean people are are walking into buckies eating tri-tip gas station brisket before they've even left the gas station

the hiss of the hydraulic door is going off and they've finished half of the sandwich How are they not shitting them? On their way home. I'm just, I'm always shocked. I don't see more people pulled over. I mean, that, that place serves hot dogs wrapped in tortillas. A hot dog wrapped in a tortilla. Any Buckees fans get in the comments, let us know.

It's a very foreign thing to, to Westerners. Oh, wow. You know, I don't eat hot dogs, so I will not be a patron there. No, no, you will not. We have in and out out here. Yeah. I don't know if you've heard the recent comments from the Nepo Conto. who is the CEO.

What you have to say? Oh, it's too difficult to do business in California. Well, it probably is. It probably is, but also like, Hey, bitch. Oh, suck it up? Well, you already have $500 million.

I mean, right? I mean, things were going okay. You know what? I was going to defend her, but it's still a private company. They would owe shareholders. Calm down. Well, it's a pretty tough regulatory climate over here in California.

Well, they've been doing it for a hundred years. So I don't know how you're Parents did it, okay? You keep going, all right? Sell us cheeseburgers. And everybody says, oh, it's so cheap. It's so cheap. It kind of is.

Dill, that is so funny. It's not really, though. So we have a car, and I saw a receipt in there. It was for In-N-Out Burger. My wife left the receipt. I don't know what she needed it for. She ordered a cheeseburger and some fries. The thing was like, that's not what I'm used to.

You feed a family of four with In-N-N-N-Out. It's going to cost you $60-70 bucks. Yeah. Cheeseburgers? Cheeseburgers? Also, a little trick with their fries. They taste like dry potato sticks after, they have a short shelf life.

They have a three minute shelf life. Yes. What you do is when you get the fries, you wrap them up in the bag. That is the worst piece of advice you could possibly, I mean, that is the worst piece of advice you could possibly get out. So what happens if you follow up,

what Pat is telling you to do, is you will create a kind of convection steam oven, and making them limp and further tasteless. Now, what you have to do is unhinge your jaw while you're driving and just tip it back like a concrete mixer. Like a dump truck, just dump in a bunch of garbage. That's the only way those are palatable. All right, so lunch is chicken.

Steak with Chimmy Churry and a corn salad. Oh, by the way, I don't know if it was on this show or another show, but I had a coughing fit and some fans were like, that was a bitchy cough, okay? I was in the middle of a coughing fit. okay. I almost died. And it took you, I think, 27 seconds to go, you okay. Well, I was probably finishing my drink. You know, we're going to get to the listeners of this podcast. Where are your buzz balls? Oh, it's Buzzball Friday. You know, people are grabbing on to that. I know. What are we doing?

I know. Free advertising for Buzzball. Well, I'm going to see if I can get a sponsorship. You know, Damo, he reached out. He's a big fan of Buzzballs, too. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. And he likes it too. So he's drinking a buzzball while he's listening right now. Oh, really? Yeah. Um, uh, what was I going to say? God, I lost my goddamn train. Uh, we're going to talk about the fans of the show. Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, we're going to get to a little batty. Because when you don't give the little baddies some credit for some suggestions they made, they fucking go nuclear on you in the comments section. Well, deservedly so. They should get credit. Okay. One particular, uh, little batty gave us the great rating system for Orange County called fatty photos. We've used it. It was

genius and we will give you your due but shut up shut the fuck up Jesus Christ we you know I feel like I feel like there's a renewed sense of energy with Kalin in here someone laughing over there yeah and then also um we have we have fallen into of kind of fear complex with the fans we've we've given them too much leash and too much rain I'm starting to feel like I work for them. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Can't have that dynamic at all. So, all right, so Jess gets a call from a friend.

Oh, by the way, I want to say, I'm not sure if some of the fans have noticed a bit of a fall-off on my culinary segments, something that people really rushed to the airwaves for. People are fans of your expertise in that field. Right. Well, so as I've gotten more repulsed by the foodie culture, and as we've become Mariah Carey, our screeners have something called, it's a Chiron that says owned by Patty and Universal Media Group, and so it blocks all of the fucking ingredients and the food. I hate that too. Also, when they do subtitles, it blocks it. I have no idea what these people are saying. So, you know, it is, it's a gilded cage we're living in.

And it's just, it's tricky. It is. Okay, so, sorry. Jazz gets a call from a friend. Why filmed? Then we get to a little conversation with Frazier and Anthony. This was a woe Fras moment for me, but I think Fraysh really manages Anthony well.

He takes on the job. He manages Anthony in the same way that you just managed that fan that wants credit for fatty photos. Shut the fuck up and get to work, okay? Because if you, if you, You can't indulge it. You can not indulge Anthony's panic attacks because that's exactly what the panic attacks want.

It's kind of like that Jumanji flower that's trying to like suck people into, you know, it's really, really treacherous. So the late, oh, by the way, did you see the fifth episode of Alien Earth? I have not seen it yet. Someone, one of my friends said, it's just one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen.

Someone was talking about it. Yeah, my Facebook group. Oh my friends. Oh my God. Kailen, did you see it? Fantastic. Fantastic. It's great. It's so great.

Dylan and I, we do not, we're never on the same page as far as shows. There are two shows that we both love right now. One stars Jason Mamoa, Chief of War. Chief of War. Is it on Hulu? It's on Apple Plus. Apple Plus. Apple TV.

Is it? Okay. Anyway, pay for the five bucks or whatever for a month and just. It's probably like 30, but who's going? Is it really? Oh, wow. I don't know. It's awesome.

An Alien Earth on FX. is great writing we're back to great writing wait until you see the fifth episode because in the fifth and sorry we'll get back to the show in a second but in the fifth episode you find out what happened to the ship oh really they do a uh what go back in time oh they do holy cow i guess can i tell you something i love that little eye i love the eye they're giving an evil eyeball with tentacles personality I mean, it's a character. It's absolutely incredible.

All right. I already love it. Now you got me excited. I can't wait for my wife to fall asleep so I can actually watch a show that I like. I know. And, you know, it's so funny, my wife is giving me shit because I watch Alien Earth,

but I won't watch the pit because the pit grosses me out. But Alien Earth is the ooziest, goziest thing. But it's clearly fake. Yeah. The pit, you never know. The pit, somebody has like pus coming out of their vagina. And then there's people kissing in the hallway. It's like, I don't want this right now.

That guy's fucking leg is broken in half. It's gross. All right. So the ladies hit the water toys and they are frothing. They're very into the sea rats. And this is how you use a sea rat, right? They want to be used. The sea rats want to be used.

Do you think Damo wants to strike up a relationship with any of these women? No, he wants to be used by them. And thereby using them. This is arbitrage. And I want to say this. Later on, the guys go over which charter guests they'd like to have sex with. For our female listeners, the little female baddies, I wish this wasn't how men behaved,

but we are all pigs, and we're all pigs until we have no testosterone. It's just like a rope talk. That guy's been a pig all his life. Yeah. You know, it's just a matter of fact. You know, famous people have power. They let it, you know, it's unfortunately or for some, fortunately,

you know, my dear. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if Donald Trump has ever gotten, how many syllables is unfortunately. Okay, so we get to nighttime. Nighttime. And Soso is setting us up for a tough little dilemma. And I'm sorry I got into politics there.

We don't do that here. We don't do that there. And I know there's a lot of you Trumpers out there. So I'm sorry to bespriced. Half our audience is MAGA do. yeah he's just a likable guy uh fucking bruised okay so so so setting us up for some uh a tough dilemma she's going to i believe bang damo maybe not though uh she's gonna kiss damo for sure well she wants to have one of those uh i wish i could pull this piece out of him and then this piece out

of him and make the perfect guy yeah yeah yeah yeah to have sex with for three weeks and then never talk to again. Well, here's the thing. This is on Kyle. I blame any of the future tension that comes from this on Kyle. Really? Yes. He had her first, though, first dibs. There is no possession in this. I'm just saying he had his heart on her first. Sorry to use a crass term like dibs, but he already has. I know, no, no, but we've spoken about Soso. We've spoken about the little people. She's a free spirit. We've spoken about the little people. She's a free spirit. We've spoken about the little people trying to dunk basketballs. Okay, so you can't fall in love with not a little person trying to dunk a basketball.

You can fall in love with the little person, but you can't, you can't fall in love. Well, you got to get an apple box. Well, you can't fall in love with the pursuit of them dunking, you know, because it's just wasted energy. And Kyle's doing this thing where he's chasing her around like a puppy dog and trying to make this, you know, more than it is. She seems pretty willing. it's a rouge a rouge yeah yeah

so don't fall for it Kyle let's get to the easy menu tomorrow is going to be the difficult menu the ladies get ready for dinner chicken pie art also known as a chicken

cutlet is served for dinner we also get a cute little pink lava cake with a delicious little strawberry ice cream you know can I say this is probably

my favorite dinner of the season Really? All right. So I have issues with this. And sometimes it's, you got to put people to actually create something. Actually, I was talking to this guy who's a painter the other day. And I said, you know, I know this artist. He just prints out the art and then he sticks it on the paper. And he goes, that's fine. That's still art. I don't ding that guy anything. When you fucking slap down a scoop, a strawberry ice cream. I want to know that you put it into an ice cream maker and made that yourself to buy it and then just throw it on the place. Yeah, that's, I didn't think about that. I assumed that he made it. You assume that he made it. He could have. And that's foolish of me.

What is he back there churning salt ice to make this strawberry ice cream? My Grammy used to do it. I know, but Anthony is not your Grammy. Okay. So, yeah, I mean, had he made the homemade ice cream, this is exactly what you want to do for a dinner, okay? This is elevated meat and potatoes, which is at the end of the day. all we really want, right? You know, these New York restaurants are blowing up

with French tip sandwiches and burgers. You know, they're not blowing up with molecular gastronomy. You know, let's get back to our roots, right? I mean, we haven't advanced any further than the Greeks, right? And all they wanted was meat and potatoes and boy ass. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's it. It's just a joke. Yeah, yeah. You know, I don't want boys. I know me either. But you know who did Michael Jackson? And I was thinking about Michael because he's got a buy-off. Well, you know, there's a new theory coming out that it was actually, it's amazing.

Twitter is so good at sewing things back to Israel. But evidently, the Jays tried to get Michael Jackson to do something that he didn't want to do. And he was like, no way, Jays. And they were like, oh, will he show you? and then they put out all this. Oh, really? They probably wanted him to play a private concert. And he said, no, I'm not going there.

I don't like planes. I like to sleep in all day. I think settlements are wrong. And they said, Michael. Yeah. We have a dossier on you. Your fucking children. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, come and get me. You know, here's my theory on Michael. Or this will end the argument. Okay. If he loved out of children, why the fuck did he exclusively only have little seven-year-old boys on those private chats. I mean, this is an open and chat case, right?

There were never girls. There's a lot of people that, you know. I don't let go. I want to keep going with this. You know I do. You know, there are people, though. They defend Woody Allen. It's like, I get it.

I get it. He technically didn't do anything wrong, but he also courted his adopted daughter from a very, very young age. Yeah, he's someone, Bill Maher. Those two were buddying it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

Guys, 90, he's still with it. Yeah. And listen, I love Matchpoint as much as the next guy, right? But, uh, we watched that on Christmas. That's my wife's dad's favorite movie. Hmm. Isn't that shocking? Wow.

Yeah. Has he ever had to kill someone? He was in an extra marital affair with? No. Ruben was like, I got a movie. I was like, go ahead. What, dad? Match point.

Oh, all right. Listen, I was not going to do my dad. Do it. Do it. Yeah, yeah. It's called match point. It takes a while to, I'm nailing him. My wife's like, don't, my wife said, I will record you and play it for him, and he won't

like you anymore. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so crazy. a large, black car salesman's favorite movie is match. Match one. Scarlett Johansson is pretty Scarlett Johansson in that movie. Okay, so we have gotten off track.

Oh, yeah. Carrie has Hugo drive. How's the show, Kailen? Is it okay? It's fantastic. Yeah, just like you remember it. Yeah. Carrie has Hugo drive the boat even though he almost killed everybody.

That was nice of him. Yeah, there's a moment where there's a moment. I think you're getting ahead of her. Oh, sorry. Let's get, let's get to the fashion show. No, you're right. The fashion show was them walking around and somebody fell down.

Let's get to the next morning. Yeah, next morning. Tough look for Hugo. So Hugo, I don't know, boat ship, right? But he was too busy getting femmed up. Yes. To pay attention to the boat hitting the rock. I think, to his credit,

I believe that he was probably distracted by production saying, this is what you need to be doing right now, and he got caught up in the cameras. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. which is probably why Carrie was so chill about it. Yeah, exactly. So, I love Carrie.

We keep rolling on the day and we get to Happy Bay. Love Frazier. Damo asks if you can spit the limes out and start sucking face with the charter guests. And Frazier just goes, we don't have limes. Really shit on your parade there. I loved it. I love it. So the beach picnic is popping.

The stray dogs are having a blast. Is there anything that brings you more joy than, and just an affable stray. I'm not talking about a three-legged one that wants to bite you. That's not joyous. That's one that's been hit by cars repeatedly. Yeah. No, no, no.

Oh, by the way, started my morning with a dead kitten in the middle of the road. Yeah. Drove past it. I said, you know what? If this thing is still alive, I'm going to have a tough time here because I'm going to have to pick it up and figure it out. So it was dead as fuck. And I called 3-1-1.

and after 25 minutes of Chicano heritage at Union Station messages, I hung up. And I was like, I don't think anybody picks this phone up. I wanted to tell them there's a dead cat on Seward and Lexington. Now, Dill, what was the indicator? The fact that it was in the shape of a plate. It was fairly flat. And I don't want to joke about this because it made me really sad.

Okay. clearly some there's no excuse to run over a cat in a residential neighborhood you should never be driving that fast and to the person that did I would I would throw exclusively elbows just the sharpest bone in my body and I would too but they probably wouldn't feel it because clearly they live in L.A. and they're driving

so they were very high. Unbelievable so angry anyways hey 3-1-1 pick up the phone good luck with that one my god all right so love We talked about that. The stray dogs having fun. We talked about the dead cat. Okay.

We need to get ready for a, the biggest dinner of the season. I mean, it's an eight-course song of fire and ice kind of dinner. I mean, we have teams for this dinner, right? These ladies are very invested in this. Before that, though, Rainbow asks Cirque to Soleil

if she's excited about having a dishwasher again. now um i don't think that sozo has a dishwasher or uses it if she is excited about i mean so-so is a takeout kind of lady i think oh yeah yeah i didn't have a dishwasher until i was 40 i'm not kidding really paper plates i don't know you know everybody tells me you got to leave the food on the plates for the dishwasher because they the the soap needs yuck to activate to touch it i i can't do that it's like crazy to me to like put up what a plate soaked in spaghetti sauce and in the that's gross well here's a admission i didn't get a dishwasher until i was 40 and i haven't ever used it yet yeah get in

the comments let us know when do you get a dishwasher and also do you put your dishes in there with schmutz on it or do you clean it off before they go in i'm actually pretty interested to find out so um the the dinner is we're getting ready for the dinner and all of a sudden anthony cannot do an eight-course dinner. So we're, we're an hour and a half from game time, and he cannot lace up the cleats. He's talking to Rainbow about how stressed out he is. So Rainbow is the second stew on this vessel. She has no power to do anything you need her to do, and you're just fighting windmills right now.

And she has a phone, though. And she can text Fraser saying, this fucking chef is losing his goddamn mind, which is exactly what she did. Rainbow is really good at dropping dimes. Not that this is a dime drop. This is more like, you know, there's a fire down there. You know, I'm really attracted to her. If I wasn't afraid of her crushing my cranium with a boulder while I slept,

I think we could make it work. Yeah, I think you and Rainbow could really, really do something special together. The unfortunate thing is the violence that she's capable of is a terrifying thing. It's like sleeping next to a python. Yeah, it's kind of hot. Oh, yeah. But, you know, you got to worry about dying. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You'll wake up one night and Rainbow will just be stiff as a board just looking over at you, measuring. If you can swallow you or not. All right. So Hugo has a big day. He got to drive the boat, even though he fucked up. Mm-hmm. And I don't know boat shit.

So back to Anthony's fucking, but this is a big deal, right? Yeah. It's a big deal. Big deal. And listen, you know, working a roadcaster is intimidating for some people. You know, so, I mean, fucking piloting of, uh, how many pounds does this way? 60, 60 pounds, yeah, it's a big deal. So, um, back to Anthony's fucking nuclear fallout.

Um, Frazier finally gets down there and he says, just shut the fuck up, okay? Just shut up and cook. Focus, motherfucker. Stop talking to me about this. You have an hour and a half. And we're, we're going to find out what happens next week, but he says he's not an octopus. So he can't pull this. off yeah no fire no ice uh something tells me that uh he pulls it off this this season will go go out

with a a bang and not a whimper no a whimper i think but that's fine because i really enjoyed it yeah it was a great great season and next episode we're going to have kyle catching feelings for circtosotland kyle we love you buddy but i mean what are you doing you cannot dunk that basketball You're too short. Get in the comments. Follow Kaelin at Badass Eats on Instagram. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye.

Later, good. Thank you.