Another Below Deck Podcast - I Want My Bed Back! | Below Deck Med S6 E11

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Pat, Nick and Dylan are back to talk about the lesser horrors of the debutant world, Lexi’s new servant, Matt’s culinary philosophy which included something fried and gluten-free and of course The Perfect Storm. Video of this episode here! Get our Below Deck YouTube channel to 1,000 subscribers https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtvB1iiShWreiKusHjzXI0w?sub_confirmation=1 Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2 and our coverage of Love is Blind https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork Merch: AnotherMerchStore.com

Because it seems like it's all the shifting of the rooms that is the big problem with Katie. Tell Delaney, if you want to stay on TV, you got to blow up an inflatable mattress and you sleep, work, and live and eat in the laundry room. I bet she'd go for it. There's a number of things you could offer her that aren't ideal conditions, and I think she would go for it. That is management right there. Delaney, have you ever seen The Human Centipede? Yeah, why?

Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. What's going on? Yikes, bud. Ahoy, mateys. The producer of the podcast is over there behind my glasses. Hi, everybody. The ratings are up. The ratings are up. It's our highest week last week we just keep growing

and we can't thank you guys enough but with growth comes great judgment judgment i'm gonna jump into psas really quickly if you don't mind please do dylan you're not gonna read a review about some a new listener coming in because maybe they heard kate chastain was on and then they say horrible things about us well i don't know if it's gonna get that specific but i will read a review and i'm doing this just because you know we we've talked ad nauseum about this and i say that incorrectly to make fun of pat nauseam um thank you we i've talked to you guys a lot about how we need your help in the reviews we need you to hit five stars and leave kind words not only to help the show grow but to combat the loonies who jump in our reviews and without any repercussions whatsoever, with complete impunity, say the craziest things and give whatever star amount they want.

It's the wild, wild west out here and we are the victims of it. So we need you guys to jump in there and help us out and combat reviews like this. You know, I was thinking about this. It really is unfair to give someone a one-sided argument. You know, whatever you're about to read, I'm sure it's awful, and I'm pretty confident I'll disagree with it, but I have no platform other than this microphone to persuade people otherwise. Someone goes, hey, I might check these guys out. Let me read a couple of reviews, and then they read what you're about to read they're like no way i i feel like they owe jobs reanimate and add a function to your apple podcast suite that allows the creators to combat

some of the lunacy that is getting spread about them like this from any gone wild episode uh or review title huh three stars god damn do we fucking hate that that's middle of the road middle of the road we are not we either spellbound we five stars we keep we hold the nation spellbound with our voices or one we're the absolute worst not three not two not four but preferably five so episode i keep saying that review is titled huh three stars on the latest episode with kate at 30 minutes and two seconds did dylan really say opportunity or was it opportunity you fucking idiot three stars i if you want to leave giddy trivial horse shit like this join us on facebook say whatever you want but don't dare put down a white picket fence get equity in our review section with horse shit like this guys we need you to get into the reviews, leave five stars, and say substantial things.

Things that contribute to passerby. Things that contribute to passerbys who may want to stop in and give us a listen. But not opportunity or opportunity at 32. Oh my God, that made me so upset. I'd rather an egg salad sandwich recipe than that nonsense. Jesus fucking Christ. I do love the egg salad sandwich recipe than that nonsense. Jesus fucking Christ. I do love the egg salad sandwich recipes, but I have to agree with her,

and my only problem with that review is she was too generous with her stars. You fucked that word up, and we should all suffer. All right, so let's get into the episode. I have a PSA I've been wanting to do for weeks, but I keep forgetting. It's much more positive. As Patrick said, we continue to crush our own ratings record every week. That is both on audio and on YouTube.

Go to YouTube, search another Below Deck podcast, subscribe. There are two factors you need for monetization on YouTube so you can have some money rolling in from these views. And one is 4,000 hours of watch time in the last year, which we have surpassed just in two months. And the second is 1,000 subscribers, and we are less than 250 away. Search another Below Deck podcast on YouTube. Subscribe.

We got 100 in a week just from that Kate Chastain. Hey, that is not a request, by the way, Barnacles. That is a direct fucking order. You owe us, especially you guys who aren't paying us, the least you can do is go over there

and subscribe and watch the videos for free because we already know you like to watch and listen to things for free. And we don't mean to be mean or anything. I do.

But we just love you guys so much and we need you to support us. So help us grow and help us grow. And even if you're a listener only, you listen to this on your commute to work, just go in the description of this podcast and click subscribe. We don't care if you're and even if you're a listener only you listen to this on your commute to work just go in the description of this podcast and click subscribe we don't care if you watch you could watch and listen but whatever all right so let's get into the episode um but before we do

we have to get to a fan favorite segment called more psa thoughts and knots uh for new listeners that is where we uh kind of give our thoughts generally on this specific episode and also assign a rating of nots. Pat, do you want to go first? Sure. Can I go? What? I'm just making sure you want me to talk now. All right. I'm going to give my thoughts and nots. A couple of things here. I've mentioned this quite a bit. What makes reality TV really good is having a character that you hate and see them miserable. Chef Spaz, I hate him. He was absolutely miserable. His behavior

was gross. Even though I agree with the sentiment of his case that he's making to Katie, he's still a disgusting pig. And I enjoyed all of it. And I also loved how Lexi loves her new personal assistant. Thoroughly enjoyed that. 60 Nuts. Nick? I agree with that last assessment. Lexi loves her new personal assistant. Thoroughly enjoyed that. 60 Nuts. Nick? I agree with that last assessment. Lexi using Delaney as her own personal slave is not the right word. I won't use that. Assistant,

ton of joy out of, pretty diabolical by her. Matt was really happy this episode, which is funny. What a comeback he's made. People actually seem to like him. And then Katie, I guess once again again she showed she's not your typical chief stew uh but that means uh caring too much about other people's feelings i guess uh it was a good episode lots of stuff to get into um it wasn't that good actually uh 71 knots a rough part of the season we're at episode 11 this is kind of the doldrums and the doldrums did birth an episode that I absolutely despised.

I don't know why I hated it so much. I think I was on a potent indica when I was watching these notes. So maybe I was a little fatigued. And just I didn't have time for all the bullshit that wasn't missing me. Much like Delaney. This thread. I just can't stand anymore shit or get off the pot you're gonna keep her so let's please just stop talking about this everything about this storyline stinks especially two things Sandy's constant it's your choice pep talks and

then the pigeon constantly telling Katie to fire a young woman and leave her on her own in croatia because i want my cabin back i just one pot it was a bad episode perhaps it was because i was fatigued on that indica do you want to put your phone back on airplane mode yeah sure so uh we last left off with one heck of a storm both above and below deck above it's really coming down and below this fraudulent deckhand is asking for another chance to keep being on television i call her fraudulent deckhand uh for two reasons she lied about being a stew and also she bumped up her lisp at the age of seven. She's a fraud. She's fraudulent and she's a deckhand.

She's not a fraudulent deckhand. That's right. That's right. That's right. So the deck crew is in proper carnage, anchoring, enlightening, and category 70 wins. Meanwhile, Lexi is waddling around asking for help on the radio but fear not because captain timeshare states she promises the storm will pass sure uh no shit sandy every storm passes eventually what do you think you are god that's how nature

works well i was just wondering like you know le, have you seen what happened to George and Mark and the rest of those gross fishermen in that movie? You know, they didn't communicate properly and they never saw their chain-smoking wives again because of it. You can't break up communication in the thick of a storm that will pass. The perfect storm.

That movie, by the way, which I saw in the movie theater with crazy Lebanese Lana. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How poorly acted was that? I didn't believe for a second that George Clooney would be on that boat. I know it's based on a true story. What about John C. Reilly?

Not at all. Okay. All of it was preposterous. It was really before John C. Reilly became Hollywood's darling. Boogie Nights came out four years earlier. Oh, really? Yeah, but John C. Reilly gets a lot of work. He was in Gangs of New York, Boogie Nights came out four years earlier. Oh, really? Yeah, but John C. Reilly gets a lot of work. He was in Gangs of New York, Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm.

I mean, these three films cemented themselves in cinematic history. And it is absolutely insane how much we have talked about that movie over our four years podcast. What, The Perfect Storm? Do you guys not realize? Well, we do an article show. The Dark Knight Rises we talk about a lot. We've talked about apocalypse now. We've brought up perfect storm even on the Bachelor podcast.

I watched it with my grandma. I fell asleep. We made lots of jokes about it. And they did all perish because of bad communication. Right. Not because of 70-foot waves. I did, however, take this moment on below deck as a metaphor for life.

I mean, sometimes you're going to face stormy weather and rocky seas, but like Captain Sandy said, this too shall pass. I feel like we needed a Neo beat under that. Quick aside, you know, the biggest wave that's ever catapulted from the sea actually uh hit shore in the united states of america in the 1950s in alaska 1700 feet tall tsunami isn't that insane that's pretty crazy think of that fucking wild it's those plates under the ocean they start

shifting they create a vacuum massive earthquake under under the ocean. They start shifting. They create a vacuum. It was a massive earthquake under the water. Yeah. It just shot up the 1,700-foot wave in 1956. I did an entire report with Andrew Reinhart on tsunamis back in the day, and it was all—we did it with a narrative of Johnny Tsunami. And we stole that name from Disney, but the rest of it was completely our own script. And yeah, he just had to ride the wave that was caused by these tectonic shifts.

Okay, so we keep debating about the Delaney debate. I wish Delaney was more like Lexi because she's just nice and a ginger and here to get along. And I don't care about this anymore. We've been talking about this big what if that's only ever going to be anticlimactic for four weeks now. Here's a question because it seems like it's all the shifting of the rooms that is the big problem with katie tell delaney if you want to stay on tv uh you got to blow up a inflatable mattress and you sleep work and live and eat in the laundry room i bet she'd go for it

there's a number of things you could offer her that aren't ideal conditions and i think she would go that is management right there delaney have you ever seen the human centipede yeah why um all right so katie walks up to sandy for another talk in the bridge i think we're at 150 at this point sandy drinks water and watches katie cry and says katie it's your call this is kind of crazy because basically katie says she doesn't want to hurt people and i would and watches Katie cry and says, Katie, it's your call. This is kind of crazy, because basically Katie says she doesn't want to hurt people. And I would argue that's what management, that's one of the tough jobs about being in upper management, is you're not always going to make everybody happy about your decisions. She says she internalizes the pain and sadness when she has to give bad news.

And I was thinking, slow your roll, Katie. You're telling Delaney she can't be on TV anymore. You're not telling her her parents need to die. Right, right, right. It's not that big a deal. She's like the small Indian boy in Captain Planet. Mm-hmm. Hot.

We get it. You're an empath. Be a nurse, all right? You have to be a typical chief stew. Yeah. And we're making the same point, and it made me irate later in the episode. Don't want to get ahead of myself,

but Matt made the same point we did. And I hated that I was agreeing with Matt. Yeah. And Katie needs to be more like Ian Edwards in Arrested Development, the very literal doctor. No bedside manner. Yeah. He goes up to the blue family and he goes, I'm really sorry, but we lost him. He jumped out the window.

OK, go ahead one last note on uh captain sandy because her management is an epic fail as well although you can feel that she's leaning more towards the side of please keep delaying around because she says look do whatever you want katie but have you seen that fire crotch as knockers they're pretty nice okay so factor that in while sent here sandy forgetting that they're in the middle of the day says katie go get some rest she goes i have to serve lunch sandy are you lying about your chip we're in the middle of the day captain sandy was like oh i got confused i thought it was your nap time and then i realized i mixed it up with my schedule yeah exactly all right so next up we get a little bit about Delaney and her very giving adopted mother.

What was this nonsense? Her mom was open and she thought the world would be like that? What are you, 11? Seriously, how could you think this still? And she's like, oh, my mom. Captain Sandy is your mom in this scenario, right? Your mom wants to bring everybody in. Your mom is very welcoming.

But you as the child, I'm sure you didn't like this bastard child coming in taking mom wants to bring everybody in. Your mom is very welcoming. But you as the child, I'm sure you didn't like this bastard child coming in taking half of your food. No other, no actual child likes their parents being fostered. I actually had a foster mom before my grandma finally adopted me. Sad.

No, it's not sad. Look how good he turned out. Sad. TBD, TBD. But Pat, the Frangs, they were very welcoming but i was their favorite no doubt i was a very well-behaved young child uh and they would bring in just these tears from these other families who were not as well behaved as me i remember this one kid sam he said the word bastard in front of me and he would constantly pull hair of some of the other people we were

kind of tight so he didn't we didn't really get into it but uh the point is more is not better especially when you're talking about feral vagrant children okay or sea rats the boys find delaney's instagram you want to take this yeah they check out her tits and asshole and it's pretty nice and boy is she putting some filters on because uh that was not her face on that instagram if you know what i mean yikes huh well she's uh she's a butterface she's double down triple down yes all right so the point is she's a wannabe thotty hence why she's willing to live on a air mattress to stay in this boat and be or have her fucking lips sewed to another person's asshole. I find her insufferable. So we get an exploration of Matt's culinary philosophy. Shut the fuck up, you smarmy bastard.

He takes a cuisine and then he works backwards. Give them something healthy, unhealthy, gluten-free, fried. These are the ramblings of an insane person who just so happens to have an apron on you cook based upon a cohesiveness of flavor you pig you of course you balance your courses you don't serve them a table of you know bowls. But the giddiness he expresses over this broken thought process makes me absolutely sick. The cherry on top of this insanity was him saying he's had a perfect season thus far. Someone needs to talk to him. I get he was probably talking about the performance of the food, but you missed meals.

You had a fake knee injury. You've quit twice. I get he was probably talking about the performance of the food, but you missed meals. You had a fake knee injury. You've quit twice and put everybody off by your real weird sexual deviancy. I can't cook for the crew. I can't. I can't do it. I can't make a birthday cake. It's too much. Shut the fuck up.

Evidently, he's using perfect in the same way that film we talk about too much was okay so he then says today is a good day i didn't burn my hand enough out of you though huh shut up and katie's fucking over it she just walks out yeah ignores him i admitted in this prize very improper of a podcast admit this when he almost lit himself on fire, I chuckled. I hope it took him up. I hope he was totally. All right. So a plan is hatched. Z and David are going to need to slide into a lesser known part of the job. There's anchoring and blowing up water toys. But every so often these sea rats have to turn into male whores. It is concerning how well a job Z does at the lap dancing. They come out in fireman costumes and then straddle the women. And I say again, concerning how well of a job they do. By the way, crazy that these females are so excited to have two six and a halfs walk into strip. Like it's like once dance music comes on and a guy has his shirt off and we've designated them as male strippers. Like, oh, my God.

No, there's six and a half. Well, you wouldn't look at them twice if they walked by you on the oh my God! No, they're six and a halves. You wouldn't look at them twice if they walked by you on the street. By the way, I'm a six. So I'm not judging. He's being so modest just because he has to get that cred back. You're not a six, Pat.

Oh, come on. I'm old. You've never been below an eight. Anytime you dip below an eight, you have a surgery or something. You guys chime in on the comments section and rate me on what I am. He's an LA 7.2.

Hey, I want to say this. Are we going to talk about that actual slop that this pig rolled out? What? The lunch. It was swill dill. Oh, no. Why not just roll out a pig trot? It was gross.

It was fried food and chicken. When did he serve the pizzas? Boy, high class. You're getting ahead of yourself. I just $60,000 a day. I still need to talk about the the male horrors and the firefighter and stuff if the i think these women weren't exactly as into it as they may have seemed i think the cameras like allowed them to do that because if they wanted a lap dance

from gary coleman they would have went on uh the surreal life season two all right so these ladies are rich i wrote that joke before checking, and then I looked it up, and he... He's dead. He appeared on one episode of Surreal Life Season 2. I don't know how I knew that, but it was an accurate joke. He is dead. He was an angry little guy, too. They would have. I said it past tense. They would have.

I know he's dead. I know he's dead, but... He can't even live no more. Poor little guy. He had to do dialysis twice a week to keep him alive. Alright, so I agree with you that i don't think they're that into these uh advances they they zero in on two women in particular danielle and the blonde one who are i mean they're getting drunk they're hitting on the crew they're talking about who can jerk off punks better and which one of them you know swallows and spits i mean it's very very intense the one with the beyonce ass has beer goggles and she starts announcing that she doesn't swallow and the blonde one too they both they're ready for it yeah no the one i think the one that you're

hey it's not worth it though right the one said she did swallow and the blonde one said she didn't okay so meanwhile meanwhile spaz rightly bitches about the tip being decreased uh lloyd gets hit on by the one who doesn't swallow. Little does she know he can teach her a thing or two. And we learn why Delaney is here. She is the victim of the debutante pageant industry. As often as we talk about the perfect storm, we talk about the horrors of this world far more often. Because it is a warning sign that needs to be yelled very loud and very often.

It is a damaging world that produces people like Lexi and Delaney. Now, I think this is why Lexi and Delaney got on so well. And I think it's why Lexi is trying to dominate her by calling her the wrong name. It's a catty bitch thing to do that she picked up in the pageant circles. Shades of Hannah B

and the one that's with Dean from our other program, another Bachelor podcast, two pageant girls going at it, although I have to correct you. Hannah. Five flies in here right now? Yeah, there's a lot of flies. What is happening?

There's so many in here right now. Is there any food in here? No. There's stale alcohol in that. Good God. But you are confused. debutante is not a pageant. debutante is like a rich person's ball.

I know. It's cotillion, but they're pretty, you know, pretty. It's, it's very similar, but I don't, I just don't think the,

the damage is the same besides an inflated ego. Like she was like, Oh, it's not just a pretty girl with a rich daddy. Yes, it is. That is what the debutante ball is. Okay.

And you're not even that pretty. I take your point. We'd love to have you on the show, though, Delaney, if you're a listener. She is a listener. She tagged us in one of our most recent Instagram posts. She just tags everything below deck. She's thirsty as fuck. Okay.

So let's get to dinner. Something healthy, unhealthy, fried, and gluten-free amounts to pizza chicken tenders deconstructed bolognese which translates to dry pasta with a gravy boat of meat sauce on the side and a gravy boat of ranch we are a degree of separation away from vegas night here um and crystal who is above family style does not get her own entree she is a fussy monster but she asked nicely how did you fuck this up for sixty thousand dollars a day right seven pots this is summer camp cuisine it's a cheap vegas buffet it's a cheap it's it's the you go to the caesar's one and it's like $60. Well, I don't think I'm going to eat that much.

And then you go, oh, there's one at Binion's. It's only seven minutes away, but it's $25. Let's go there. Dylan, I wasn't joking when I mentioned a pig troth earlier for his remaining meals. One should be rolled out with the service. Yeah. And the- A what?

A pig troth. The philosophy of something- they can't handle the trail you know like like some like sugar spice and everything nice is his whole thing with like fried unfried healthy gluten-free it's chicken tenders and pizza and pasta it's a talking it's a classless dinner what is healthy i would send it i throw it over the side of the fucking boat and i say all right cook us something good now you pig i was actually titillated by this meal it was it was all all the things that i would want uh what well done but if you are comparing it i think it's worse than the vegas dinner because there was no domino cake it's the kids meal selection at the

cheesecake factory it looked like fucking jolly. So next up is the next day. Next day. What is the note that got left? It was from Coco. It was from Coco? I didn't read it. Coco is Courtney's alter ego. She said, like, what's up, Mr. I don't know, gross guy.

Hope you have a nice morning. She's just fun. She's like, hey, we know you're a fucking creep, but you're still part of the team. Okay're they're just having fun all right and coco's their alternate personality you know uh i think chelsea is her alternate coco no i don't think that's right i do i know that i don't think that's right so delaney gate you think the name of her alternate personality is chelsea i just want this out there on record. It's not Chelsea. It's Coco. No, it's not Coco. Do you watch the season?

Are you doing a podcast on it? Are we the number one below deck podcast in the world? I think that you're going to feel pretty embarrassed when we look back on this. Because I don't think her alter ego is Coco. I will eat my words. And I'm prepared to. Because it's way funnier. Do you remember when we were talking about Medusa?

And you fucking gaslit me into thinking that she was this beautiful woman who who did you look it up yeah is she not a beautiful woman who seduces people with her hideous fucking snake-filled gorgon who who who was there to be slayed and was hideous. She wasn't hideous. She had a hair of snakes, but she was beautiful. No, she was disgusting. Well, there's probably different depictions of it. The myth. She used to be a beautiful woman,

and then she got turned into a goddamn gross monster. Hey, can we talk about that gross monster, Chef Spaz? Yes, please. Because he's pissed and bothered the next morning. Spaz, you cooked pizza and served fried chicken for people paying $60,000. Eat balls, you weasel dollars eat balls you weasel eat balls weasel so i can't read this wikipedia page fast enough but maybe we'll address it on a future aps uh so lexi loves delaney because she just bosses her around

everywhere she is uh her servant so matt asks katie once again to fire Delaney. That's the word I was looking for instead of slave. Matt asks Katie once again to fire Delaney. He says, go be an asshole. Hey, Matt, why don't you fucking go cook breakfast, huh? What you making, bacon and eggs? Fucking weasel. All right, so Lloyd's problem solving is on display. He angles the slide using a fender.

solving is on display. He angles the slide using a fender. Did he actually get asked about this in a talking head? Did a producer ask him? What's his methodology? About how he fixed this thing? He he's a bad episode. It is a bad episode. He employed the audience may enjoy this. He employed something called functional fixedness, which is using an object that's looked at as one thing like a fork or something and it and and used it in another way to solve a problem this is uh there's a friends reference coming here right didn't this happen in friends like there's a simple thing that needs to get fixed so one of the goofy characters characters jams a shovel in there and then duct tapes it. Come on, Resident G. I mean, it's lost on me.

I don't think this happened. Okay, if it didn't happen, then it didn't happen. I think this is evidence of production liking Lloyd, but him being too boring besides his coming out story. So boring.

To put him on screen. He's still like, hey, Lloyd, you fixed the slide, didn't you? Hey, Lloyd, how was that slide? And he really just opened up he's like oh yeah so i saw a thing and i knew it wasn't angled i would have loved it though if his engineering didn't really match up and it's like roller coaster tycoon these people

were just in a free fall off the slide action park as action civil action park great doc guys check that out by the way i love the one with the Beyonce ass, wants baby oil on the slide. I bet she's fun in bed. Sometimes you can just tell. She wants baby oil on the jet skis. Malia's like, I don't think that's going to be a fun time. I got to don the TFC.

At one moment after this whole slide, we figure out Lloyd did it, blah, blah, blah. They show Captain Sandy and Malia in the bridge, and Captain Sandy's like, wow, the slide looks great. And Malia, quote, unquote, responds, yeah, Lloyd did that. I swear to God they added that line in, and Malia was like, yeah, we fixed it. It was my idea. Put the fenders in.

But they want, again, to protect Malia's image, so they're like, yeah, she gave Lloyd credit. I'm telling you, let's do it back. I heard it multiple times. It wasn't real time. Next week, we'll talk about all the insurance policies that got yanked out of the World Trade Center a couple days before 9-11.

Now I will take off my TFC. I can't wait till Sandy gets her walking papers and she's no longer that, and then she'll be hitting the bottle. I'm only kidding. We'll get to, you're kidding. 33 years down the drain. We'll get to captain sandy in a short moment uh with the jet ski gate which was i almost turned the tv off i by the way i want the audience to know i don't joke about

people's sobriety okay i i don't want captain but you just did though i was wrong i regret it all right so alexi gets a little on the clock R&R. You guys know I grew up privileged, right? Yes. You live in Studio City. Your mother was an HBO executive. The only down part of your childhood was your father was a hick and had a gambling problem. One time.

Nope. One time. Didn't he spend all your money? I don't know. What is he spending it on? Nope. And you're also forgetting one time. Almost didn't he spend all your money i don't know what is he spending it on no and you're also forgetting one time almost none of that was true but at a 500 dollar plate dinner kareem abdul-jabbar stiffed him for an autograph let's not let's not gloss over some of the hardships that dylan has had to endure what foster home do you live in, Nick? It was a foster family. All right.

So we had a nanny named Maria who was there every day, and I loved her. But she really started slacking towards the end. Another hardship. One day, my mom walked in, and the windowsill was just completely filled with dust. She came into her bedroom, and Maria was just sleeping in mom's bed. She was like, what the fuck's going on? Why are you sleeping right now? That's what Lexi's doing.

She's catching a little R&R on the clock. One time at Sports Authority, which I worked at briefly. This is a bad episode. That's why we have personal anecdotes to fill this in. I think there are many people's favorite parts. One time after college, I worked briefly at Sports Authority. I was the shoe salesman. Everybody loved me to fill this in i think there are many people's favorite parts uh one time after uh after college

i worked briefly at sports authority i was the shoe salesman everybody loved me there i was like the quarterback of the high school that was sports authority at this time it was not a good group who cares but uh so i the shoe department was my domain everybody hung out in the break room if they wanted to kind of hide out i had the the shoe closet, which was really big, and I had a nice cushion area set up. And one time when I was really hungover, I got caught sleeping back there, and nothing happened because I sold a bunch of insoles. When I worked at an insurance company, I used to sleep in the bathroom stall. Nice, nice.

Great. So I need a little meanwhile here. Meanwhile. Malia complains about the rough terrain of the Mediterranean. Lexi continues to sleep, and the girls have some fun with water toys, and something is wrong with the Wave Runner. Looks like Dave didn't double-check the plugs,

and Sandy, because she's just sitting there, tries to sniff out whose fault this is she smells that malia is covering and while she likes the solidarity malia doesn't get to restrict the flow of information on this boat sandy go upstairs read another self-help book and kick your feet up this whole this entire thing is very inconsistent because she's very much katie this is your decision your call if you're going to let the department heads lead their departments then go upstairs and take your feet and kick them up this is what this is why we love captain glenn so much jetski almost sank problem i'll talk to the department head the department head will figure it out not he's not going

sleuthing around for who did what you know what's interesting about their dynamic is everything's going swimmingly for malia her deck crew i mean this is the only blip really there it's actually very boring because they are functioning and working together so well. There's been two times this season where Sandy has injected herself in Malia's department. One was when she thought the slide had a hole in it or something like that. And then now this. Malia has an air about her where she, I think she hates Captain Sandy is the point I'm about to make. She's like, will you get the fuck out of here?

Like, she would love to say that. Like, go kick your feet up. How could she not have Captain Sandy? Captain Sandy got loaded on benzos and then did a cameo outing Malia's sexuality, which turns out it's probably not even accurate because she's outing. She likes the dick.

She likes the dick. She likes both. Maybe she's bi-curious. She admitted it. Go back up to that, your favorite porn site, Tits and Bits, Sandy. Okay. Explore.

Moving on. She was like, Tits and Bits, Sandy. Okay. Explore. Moving on. She was like, I swung both ways in college. Still do. Hey, yo. Lexi realizes that Katie is fucking up on the color of the glasses when they're setting up the beach picnic. She says, why is this girl with all the filler so picky? No. girl with all the filler so picky no uh she says that katie is so preoccupied with the drama around delaney that she is missing basic things hey lexi go take a nap can she be right though

two things can be no she can't be right because who gives a fuck that the uh colors are blue and light blue that could be a beautiful table setting actually to alternate the color yes i would have asked my money back well the point i mean maybe also we are forgetting that the reason why katie has to be preoccupied with this whole delaney thing is because lexi is so goddamn useless and unfireable so lexi this is your fault. Hold on. You missed the part.

It was really quick. But when Crystal, I guess she's the supposed picky one as far as dinner, she specifically went to Katie and said, can I have an entree? I am not big on it. That information never got shared with Spouts. And that's wrong. That's wrong. Because she's consumed with her being uh doing uh hurting someone's feelings

and it's fucking up her her uh her quality of work i don't want it to come from lexi understood let's say you're a filthy uh heroin-fueled vagrant in los angeles just throwing trash all over the place taking shits in the street stuff like a zombie. Walking across the 101. And you get interviewed by a local news station. And you say, you know, this city is just freaking dirty. Vote yes. Fine, but not for you though, right? The vagrant's like, I turned my ballot in. Everybody vote yes on this recall.

Let's get Newsom out of here. He's responsible for me. Yeah. I am a drain on your resources because of him all right so we continue with the sandy narc horse shit um just such a bad episode all right i want to say something about these beach uh lunches yeah who the fuck would want to do this it's just you staring at the same people and now you're on a beach as opposed to floating on the ocean it's a bad vacation that's why they do that if you're so bored on vacation that you have to go hey let's just do a lunch at a different place right that's That's how you know you're not on the most wonderful time away. I get that it's some Instagram photo opportunities

to make everybody else feel bad about their lives, but I don't know. I just think it sucks. I would definitely not do this. I'd say, bring me, where's the place that's happening the most? Drive that boat right up there. I want to be seen by everybody. Right, right.

100%. That's where we're going. All right, let's get to the nighttime. Nighttime! But before we do, we have some important homework and housekeeping to, I don't want to say get out of the way, because it's a privilege to do what we do in this moment right here. First, we got to tell you about a little bit of Magic Mind. Guys, it's the anti-procrastination serum, the likes of which this human race of ours has never seen before. Do you want to have zen, hum, and focus going on throughout your entire day?

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Yeah. Okay, so this probably isn't. I can see your erection from here. It's not on the label. You're so big, Pat. But this is one of those side effects, but it's a positive side effect. Yeah. All right, so I've had a lot of vagrants and zombies stealing packages off my front door lately.

Right. So I'm like, this happened like two times in one week. I fucking gave my dog Jackie some magic mind. Yeah. I posted him up at the front door. Turned into a German shepherd, didn't he? A vagrant tried to steal baby wipes off my front porch. Yeah.

Jackie bit his fucking hand off. Right. Good for Jackie. And Jackie is obese for her to move so quickly. Yeah. Jackie doesn't really take steps more. You know, it's like if you're swinging from something to another, you kind of have to get momentum going a little bit and then just let that take you. I got Jackie on a diet now, but he he enjoyed that. you don't i'm sorry i called jackie she he's a boy jack all right uh the other thing that we have to do oh so go to magic mind.co and fucking buy it up by the way a lot of our listeners have been buying cases and cases of this stuff do it because it really works and it also helps support

us so you lazy fucks if you don't want to give us money on patreon you're too lazy to go over to youtube to hit subscribe the least you can fucking do is go over to that website and buy a case of this stuff magic mind.co promo code below deck also if you go to patreon.com slash another podcast network you will see a slew of tears not tears cried tears obtained are you a baby birdie are you a chokie are you a bird of war or are you an attack hawk well our flight of the phoenix or fly the phoenix dennis prasad is an attack hawk that is what i was saying uh guys this is a tier where if you uh want to have us say an announcement uh perhaps uh let somebody know that a family member has passed away or someone you're getting a divorce you're getting a divorce your home's been foreclosed on or if you want a good piece of news uh disseminated by our mouths go to patreon.com

slash another podcast network and sign up for the call attack Hawk tier, which again, Dennis Prasad has. So we are here to do our duty and to wish Dennis and his wife. Anjani Anjani. A happy 10 year anniversary. That's a big one.

That's a big one. 10 years, a whole decade together. Guys, that is such a beautiful, unbelievable thing. We're so happy for you guys. I creeped on her page.

She's hot. Oh, good. She's a good looking girl. And you know I'm into like the Indian women. Got it. Dennis has even said Pat's been DMing with her. That's not true.

He said, my wife's name is Anjani. Anjani. She messaged with Pat on Facebook. If you want to creep on name is... Anjani. Anjani. She messaged with Pat on Facebook. If you want to creep on her profile. Oh, okay. Wait a minute.

The way that you put that is that I'm creep on her. She messaged me. I probably responded. How dare you? I have a wife. All I'm saying. And so does Dennis. And her name is Anjani.

And guys, I just want to say congratulations. All of the baby barnacles should be clapping in their cars right now. Ten years. Ten years. That's unbelievable. And I love how a couple can enjoy things together. This is like me and my wife. We fight a lot lately.

Sure. But we enjoy things together. We like the same podcast. We love Juicy. Yes. We laugh. We listen to it together in the car. Yes.

It helps us bond with each other. And these two do this. You know what, guys? And you don't have to talk. I don't have to talk. Yeah, when you guys are both listening to Juicy. Right, we're listening to something. I want you guys to make sweet love listening to this episode.

You know what? I want to see it and maybe film it or something. God, how could you ever do that? Fuck our voices. And what a fun anniversary date they have. 9-10-11. Wow. September 9th. 9-10-11. Wow. September 9th.

September 10th, 2011. So he said he could never forget it. He also wanted, though, advice for how to keep a marriage. Oh, this is an easy one for me. I'm about ready to present this to my wife to help out our sex life in the bed. She has to allow doggy style and allow me to put my iPhone on her back in the doggy style position and let me view pornography while I'm pounding away there. Well, that's super sad. And that's one way to take it. But I would say this, Dennis.

Don't be scared. It's time. It's been 10 years. You got to start putting shit up your ass while you're having sex. You think so? There are butt plug kits out there that you can get. I'm pretty sure on Amazon. I'm pretty sure Bezos send you you one in two days, right?

Start with the small stuff. You don't want to stretch yourself too big too early. But I would welcome a little prostate milking into your guy's relationship, into your sexual dominion. Dylan, when people know each other too well, like 10 years, you can't start introducing new things like that. Did I say sexual dominion? I don't think that those words. 10 years, you already know each other too well. Like they'll be laughing at each other too well like 10 years you can't start introducing new things like did i say sexual dominion i don't think that those words 10 years you already know each other too well like they'll

be laughing at each other like it can't take each other seriously it's almost the one time i uh double teamed a girl with my buddy dr whitman i'm looking at his face i knew this jerk for 10 years i can't take him seriously hey can we move on though i didn't get to give my advice oh got it got it i was really hoping your guys's would be a little bit less crass so then mine wouldn't sound as bad but my advice uh for any marriage to keep it happy and spicy is fuck other people uh that seems to be a huge issue in a lot of marriages there's behind the back cheating or like just lust for others. Yeah. Just agree and fuck other people. And this is great advice. Or just continue to nurture each other.

Think about each other's needs before your own and listen to our podcast. And this is great advice because every time people have open relationships, it always works out well, especially if you can just be mature about it, you know? So have sex with other people and don't get jealous because it's going to work out if you don't get that way. So just be mature about it. Happy so have sex with other people and don't get jealous because it's gonna work out if you don't get that way so just be mature about it happy anniversary to dennis and on johnny all right so um and janine all right and john we have to get back to the show the white dresses arrive i would just like to say that was like four and a half minutes everybody out there go go on the offensive with the attack hawk tier, despite it being long. Let's not cut each other off.

All right, so the white dresses arrive. It makes them look like a bunch of off-rids. They need to cut their dresses down because they're too long. And once again, we get a Regina George moment from Lexi. She cuts Delaney's dress a little too short and goes, Oh, you think? Oops. God, the pageant industry is so cutthroat.

She adjusts her new best friend's dress and now everybody will be able to see what Delaney had for lunch. You know what I mean? Alright, what? By the way, white party? Like, when are we over this? And it has its roots in AIDS. Does it really? Yeah, they're like AIDS parties.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that either. All right, so Matt gets his crude sushi rolls together. He says, I put white on the outside because it's a white party. No, it's because it's how sushi is usually prepared. All right, speaking of Matt's cooking, we get to the stuffy witch, who is my kind of lady. Crystal. She says that she'd give Matt a 4 out of 10 on a Yelp page.

Now, she completely fucks up the Yelp scale, but she is perfectly accurate about his talent as a chef. He is nothing more than a 4 out of 10. Can you imagine this dumb bitch, though? Whoa. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I like her. I don't like her.

But can you imagine this dumb woman trying to skewer Oh, I'm sorry. No, I like her. I don't like her. But can you imagine this dumb woman trying to skewer some of the restaurants she's patronized and giving them four out of five stars thinking it's four out of five.

Joke's on her. What an idiot. I don't like her. I hate family style on these ships. This is disgusting to you. This is lazy behavior. And I know, Dylan,

this is your zone. But I just can't believe that he's allowed to continue to bring fit well i guess it's because the pigs they like the food that's showing up in the trough yeah yeah yeah it's like they one of them trough is filled with pasta and pizza and chicken tenders one said she'd give him 11.5 out of 10 right well that was after she tasted his dinner, which is tuna sashimi, sete, Burmese noodle salad, fried chicken bows, and salmon rolls.

I love these flavors, but the sushi rolls are crudely constructed, pushed, not rolled, but smushed and pushed together into a congealed wad that looks more like a children's toy than an angelic roll from Japanese cuisine. Fine. I'm biased because I love flavors of the Orient. I'd give it 17. Dylan, you thought that tuna sashimi. Isn't that supposed to be cut thinner?

It was like thick. It was like you were eating a fucking an Oreo cookie. It's like thick. I don't like to eat my fish that way. So I do love these shots of Lexi just eating chips and staring off in the distance. She dropped chips in her tits and then she ate the chip. That was fun, too. Do something aside from bully your new servant and catch some Z's, okay?

Gosh, he is just the worst. Can I do a meanwhile? Yeah. Meanwhile, one of the one percenters discusses starting a church to avoid paying Uncle Sam. Yes. You should have a problem with this, Dylan. What do you mean? Well, the one percenters discussing how they can avoid paying taxes.

They're not one percenters. No. No. I think that was a slight and a sign that she doesn't like that one woman. Oh, 100%. Oh, yes. Just as much as I do. That woman is not cool.

I don't care how accurate her rating is. Nick, that's interesting you said that because we haven't talked about the dynamic of the ladies. You read the preference sheet. I don't know what they do for a living, how they know each other. None of us know because we never gave it there is an under there's something under the the foundation here whatever that word is i'm trying to conjure the undercurrent yeah that they some of these ladies hate each other but they're they're smart enough not to air it out on camera i agree all right so uh another chat between sandy and katie ensues this is the perfect scheme for Sandy to get more camera time.

This story. I'm over it. Me too. Anything else before we depart? Yeah. I love these charter guests. I wish we could get a little bit more of Danielle. Danielle is my favorite.

She wants the fire suit costume in the hot tub. And I was thinking if she tripped because she's been fucking so low to the entire time, hit her head and fell in that hot tub. Those water balloons she calls tits would save her life. Of course. Flotation devices. That's a great way to end the episode. So we'll be back next week with another brand spanking new episode of this podcast.

Remember, Attack Hawk, Bird of War, Chokey, Baby Barnacle, Baby Birdie. They're all available at Patreon dot com slash another podcast network. Jumping the iTunes rating and reviews. Combat some of the lunacy there, please. Five stars, kind words. YouTube, go subscribe. We need you guys there. Until next week, I am Dylan saying goodbye.

Nick, say goodbye. Goodbye. Go fuck yourself. Bye. Thank you.