Kill James Bond! - I Want to Have Sex With You | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3 E14

Episode Date: May 31, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to break down the power of the jacuzzi, super good pick up lines, Ashley's hated of other women, misleading texts, how we need help with reviews, Allan Watts and even more Bravo's Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Down Under, Below Deck Sailing Yacht seasons 1 & 2 AND Love is Blind Season 2.  https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetworkVideo of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw?sub_confirmation=1

So, Gary heads back to the table with a little jig and a little smile. He has laid waste to this dinner and Colin asks the question on everyone's minds, How do you do this? Hi, hello, and welcome to another Brand Spankin'. That's the wrong intro. Welcome aboard another Brand Spankin' new episode of another Below Deck Sailing Yacht Podcast. My name's Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys. Pat, producer of the podcast, podcast over there behind my glasses.

Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. I'm doing well. Thanks for asking. I'm just so happy to be watching Sailing Yacht. We're covering Below Deck Down under at patreon.com slash another podcast network. And it's the best season we've ever watched. You can go and hear me go into an existential spiral because of the toxicity on that cast.

Now, we're on that show, rather. It's a lovely show, but just it's so, it's day and night. I mean, the camaraderie, the ball of snakes we've got on Below Deck Sailing Yacht. I mean, what a marvelous show. Any other PSAs? Well, Beverly Hills of Housewives is behind that paywall as well. Beverly Hills of Housewives, go check it out. PMZ, my show.

PMZ. An extra APS where we just shoot the S. Yeah, and this week's episode will feature a tale of basically a zombie went on my property today, scared the bejeebas out of my wife. Yeah. And I told Dylan and Nick that I was going to go to a homeless encampment where she stole some of my shit yeah yeah with a bat well well and and and we i like to think talked you off that ledge a little bit you call me dumb definitely let's get into the whole story

of patreon.com slash another podcast network and we don't want to hit it too hard but the most important thing we have to say dylan talked him down. I was reading the text message with my hands like this. The most important thing we have to say is that ad-free episodes are patreon.com slash another podcast network for the War of Birds tier. Whatever the fuck it is. Ten bucks. All right, let's get into it, guys. I have my own PSA.

It's a pat service ask uh i know you've had a really hard week and this is really low on your priorities do you have any idea where my bread polo might be your red polo oh uh well funny you ask uh nick i had politely brought all the shirts that we wear in here you know you always wear occasionally i I do to have them washed by my housekeeper, Lupita. And because the DWP shut power down in my house on Friday before three day weekend without the ability to turn it back on. We didn't have the power to, you know, fire up those washing machines. So, you know, yeah, I'd say be upset with me, but be upset with L.A. City and the Department of Water and Power.

I'm not upset at all. Just like those on Below Deck sailing out. We have to deal with whatever comes our way. And you are our charter guest as the listener. And I'm sorry I'm not wearing my uniform. Yeah. Find it in your heart to forgive him. Let's get to thoughts and pots.

Pat, take it away. Okay. All right. This was episode 14. was titled smashly smashly you know we got uh hi honey hi honey hi sheree oh she hears me bye sheree no she said bye to you great pod just awesome pod um so i'm watching the episode and it's and it's always this point of the season how many we got left two four no way they do 18 of this for a reunion that andy will fucking just fucking just give it to somebody else yeah you don't care andy um so there's nothing really left here i guess we're hoping that uh we get to see a ball of snakes with gary and scarlet i'm pretty sure he'll pull that

off uh okay but i was thinking to myself you know when you go back and you re-look at the entire season and all the drama you know gabby she didn't leave because of mental health she left because uh she liked gary and smashley was fucking with her gary caused that gary's caused all the drama on this boat all of it astoundingly by a guy named gary yeah well let's agree to disagree i think little gabby probably did have some mental health issues that she had to take care of okay that were exacerbated by gary yeah and i all right one little pet peeve and I am getting ahead of myself because I'm going to be talking about the last 45 seconds of this particular episode.

Hey, Bravo, don't fucking... I know it was someone else texting Marcos, but don't fucking have us thinking that Marcos' mother's dead, and then it turns out it's a friend's mother. Who cares? I don't even know his friend. Okay. Give me a break. How many pots?

Hold on. It's like, hey, I'm calling about mom. Something happened. Oh, my God. My mother's dead. No, my mother's dead. It's not the same thing. Yeah.

He can still pull off dinner. Yeah. Zero pots. Have you no heart, young man man a bunch of people die i think 7 000 people die in united states uh a day yeah 7 000 and on memorial day of all days thank you for your service um you know my father likes to tell me a story of his uh his gunny telling him you know how to go out there and when my father said you know we lost some people he said well you know not everybody's gonna make it how's the dog yeah so it's a cruel fucking world out there big time man big time big time nick i just can't disagree enough with patrick's last sentiment

uh i felt so bad for marcos he described the man as his brother which those type of relationships are also can often hurt you even worse yeah his brother didn't die flesh and blood uh but yeah yeah but he's not get hung up on this his brother is in pain and his brother thought i am not gonna bury my mom my mom is gonna bury me John Q. And it didn't turn out that way. So our heart goes out to you, Marcos. Me, most of all, as you are my close friend and confidant. I am the only one that has met you in person. Other than that, wow.

Below deck. Episode 14, I didn't think you could have this much going on. And I would just like to give all the flowers to uh to gary mvp of the season mvp mvp i i hope we bring you back but like on a different cast where they you haven't played really yeah a hundred knots yeah no oh one other piece of business before we get into the show i want to talk to bravo we have two pieces of business then one my fucking thoughts and pots oh you have turn your ears on for christ's sake and i'll get to him i love that you said gary is the mvp of the season i hesitate to give him such a title because he's kind of a

piece of shit but he is a nuclear bomb of toxicity. I mean, he just melts everything around him. What I gained from this evening is an amped up hatred of Ashley, who is truly an awful little creature. I mean, the vindictiveness that is coursing through her veins. I mean, the little comments throughout the entire evening, I'll cover them because, man,

I just, I looked at her and thought, you're such a sad human being and I hope you get better. But I mean, what a wonderful episode. Like you said, episode 14, how do you guys keep doing it? It's like a Kenyan running a marathon. How are you this fast at mile 20? Anyways, all the pots. Pat, what were you going to say? Oh, well, I want to talk to Bravo directly because I think they pulled a fast one on us at the top of the season. I'm not going to call anybody else by name, but Bravo, people working there that are listening to us,

I'm talking to you. If you don't start delivering the guests, I put in two guest requests a week ago very politely, and also I'm not getting my episodes early anymore. week ago very politely and also i'm not getting my episodes early anymore uh that was that was enough to incentivize us to not be fucking rogue and then just call guests and talk people that work on these boats come on the show and they will come on and they will talk smack about you and there'll be no fucking guardrails so smarten up answer emails and get the guests that i requested or we're going fucking rogue.

End of story. And I got to let you know, Bravo, I would heed his warning because you guys have been fucking up a lot, but it's not just you that's building up, but he needs some place to put this rage. He almost beat the hell out of a zombie with a bat today. That could, that either could tear to you. All right, next.

And Dino. We have the episode recap. last we left off america was waiting with bated breath for glenn to release the genoa and in an m night shammy man type twist he does just that there's glass everywhere and all at once and just shit fucking flying and breaking and once again we have to ask why is this ever done um it's really quite fucking pathetic uh the showing from glenn and his team um glenn while 100 meters behind begins kind of chopping it up with the guests telling them how things work and uh says it's important to clue the guests in on the process of a race.

And I'd argue not when you're in fucking, you know, about to get lapped, man. Grab the wheel and focus. We're losing this thing. Imagine if this was a fight. It's middle of round two, just getting the shit beat out of you. You just yell out, you're like, yeah, I'm really getting my ass kicked now. He punched me right in the fucking face. Yeah.

Didn't see that coming. But also telling someone how to snap a jab in the middle of said round but alas this really does turn out to be quite a nail biter um it's a photo finish the mass of parsnips allows them to catch more wind and catch up to that little tiny boat they were racing and if glenn's mission is to always give the guests an epic sailing experience he's done that and so much more i mean i imagine being a part of this gauntlet of sea and wind i mean i would have been totally jazzed now i would love to believe this was one of the most exciting photo finishes in the history of racing uh i love sport tfc i i not yet but i was getting

there i was gonna put it on i love sport uh i cried tears of joy when the titans did the music city miracle and beat the bills at the first round of the playoffs i'm a packer fan but i just loved the drama and this had that drama yeah but i do i'm gonna have to don the tfc and glenn's a hundred meters behind and that little tiny boat all of a sudden has a problem with the jib yeah was i born yesterday bravo you're not getting the screeners to us yeah the other thing pat complained about and now the trifecta you're lying to us show me the race unedited next time but i like it as a trope i hope they do it again 100 knots 100 pods eight up 10 minutes of this fucking episode uh so jess says that she has had such an awesome trip that she wants to move to parsnips and i mean i can't say enough what a

horrible situation that would be just living on that boat it'd be like a fucking sad um so the guests pack and they do the splits and that's when daisy and ashley have a little chat that goes a little something like this how are you going to handle tonight what do you mean you know exactly what i mean no i know what you mean dude sweet yeah so daisy tells ashley that she can't fuck multiple members of the crew if she wants to be in a managerial position and then flames gary quite a bit she says his little dick has somehow torn her team apart.

It's true. This is a little break in the fourth wall, but we see these people do these OTFs where they get interviewed, and it's various points throughout the season. They'll fly them back and get their ideas on the season to help shape the narrative. That did happen, but, man, Daisy and Ashley in this episode's OTF seem to have really turned the corner on Gary.

Yeah, he was doing bad with the DMs like a couple days before they landed in Los Angeles. The ire was strong from Ashley. Yeah. Are you going to get to the old sea dog? I like what you did there where you kind of broke down the transcript of the conversation. Reminded me of what happened in the episode. It's very helpful when people bring in transcripts. Yeah, yeah.

Old Sea Dog does the same thing to Gary. What is wrong with me? I think he didn't want to have him so close back-to-back to transcripts. Oh, got it. Is that a little buffer there? Did you take any weed chocolate? No. Okay.

No, I'm too angry to do that. I think he's just really angry, and he's trying to just let go. It's been a tough day. I think you should take a little weed chocolate take the edge off after after the first show i really wish i could have accommodated and recorded tomorrow guys i'm sorry no it's okay you gotta go to san francisco to fucking look after a drug addict not look after hopefully find yeah good luck uh yeah good luck man needle in a stack um pat okay so old sea dog he's simultaneously working with gary to try and prep him because they don't want to ruin the fucking night out

this is their one night out right so uh this is what sea dog thinks he's giving him samantha advice he thinks getting out in front of the night yeah will be helpful yeah so uh he tells uh gary should go tell smashley that while his tiny dick accidentally got lost in her pussy if it ends up in scarlet it's it's intentional well um and i love the poetry that was on display right there from you um but yes what he does say is essentially well he says you need to go talk to ashley right and And at that point, we're like, yes, obviously, we're on board. But then he, you know, hit the brakes a little bit. He says, you need to prepare her for what she's about to see tonight.

Not you need to try to be respectful. You need to maybe do it away from her. Be what's the P word uh platonic with scarlet in front of ashley no it's tell her what you're about to do in front of her face with scarlet so that she knows i was just bad samantha advice i thought you're tricking me i was going to say psoriasis it reminded me of that scene in Eastbound and Down season one when Ashley Schaefer, played by Will Ferrell, was talking to the character played by Craig Robinson, and he was talking about having sex with his wife

and the children walking in, and he's like, the wife said, don't let them in, and I said, no, let them watch. Let the boy watch. You're such a huge eastbound guy. Yeah, big fan. Our editor Brian's going to love this little segment. I bet there'll be some extra added to it because he's also a huge Danny McBride fan. And Ashley Schaefer, Schaefer BMW.

Ashley Schaefer BMW. There's no doubt in my mind he was modeled after, horse owner and mogul Bob Baffert. Have you ever seen this guy? He's got the exact same white stringy hair. Some people out there will know what I mean. He comes up every year at the Kentucky Derby, except this year because he was suspended for giving his horse steroids. I'm sorry. No, no, no, that's okay.

I wanted to add that my favorite part of Eastbound and Down is that little guy. Scott. Scott. The guy from the streets. Scott, put your finger penis in that child. Don't fucking do it, Ashley. Wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. It's the guy who's from the streets of Bombay.

He played the Oompa Loompas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the season two when he was down doing the chicken fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this real guy. That's Bob Baffert. Oh, he's got, yeah. That was the season two when he was down doing the chicken fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this real guy. That's Bob Baffert. Oh, he's got to have longer hair. I understand that.

So enough about this. Colin, like we said, gives some pretty terrible advice, but he is just trying to avoid what happened last time, which was Ashley swallowing cold pasta like a whale shark. Yes. One thing that you glossed over, as you should have, because it was of no import, but I do want to touch on, and the only opportunity to do so, is the guests doing splits.

And I wanted to say about the guests, one of them may have DM'd one of us. Can I say this or are you going to ask me to cut it out? Go ahead. They were initially upset at some of our content. She was kind of joking around a little bit. Oh, she was? Yeah, I think so. Oh, I thought she said really nasty.

Well, she said you guys are fucking horrible people, but you're hilarious. Oh, okay. I didn't hear the hilarious part. Okay. I was about to flame her. Oh, okay. I'll continue how I was going to flame her anyways. Very nice person, Jess.

Love you. You're awesome. But she also continued to talk to Pat, and she was like, yeah, we're available if you want to talk to us. And my question to her would be why? I don't want to turn her into an asshole when I'm the asshole. I said, would you like to come on the show sometime? Okay, wow. So strike two.

Yeah. But this is what you do, though, right? You cause rifts between people, and you leave out nuggets of information almost purposely. I didn't know. And like, it's Machiavellian what you do. It's really sadistic and fucking sick. Yeah, so that's not my bad at all.

What else happened in the show? Sorry, Jess. A ton of stuff happened in the show. Love you, Jess. So let's get to an ad read. No, I'm kidding. So, is it wrong to be strong they dock flawlessly let's get to the tip oh before we get there though i love glenn um i don't

know if he does it every time but when they hand him the envelope oh oh no thank you it's like like it's a surprise oh oh my Oh, my God. I forget. This is so nice of you. Thank you. I forget often that he's Canadian, but this is always a nice reminder. Oh! Thank you. So, Pat, tip.

$16,400. And because, I don't know if they were a member down, this seems a little high, this breakdown here. $1820, if I heard it correctly, each. That's some serious cash. I'm starting to not trust any of the math on this program yep i was thrown into a fucking pretzel because of this maybe they're hazing bargabee and they're like you don't get one yeah at all he's just completely

cool with it uh because he is so wealthy already uh all right so gary calls ashley over and says hey let's go up so i can have a sig and we have a little chat between the two and there was a hundred percent chance of this being complete nonsense uh do you guys want to cover the beats i'll start by saying that gary started this really poorly he's like i just want you to know there is no us Way to let her down easy Gare You want to handle the rest of the beats I don't remember the rest she seemed to get pissed And make a bunch of funny faces it didn't go well

Well one perplexing line from Ashley She says it's tough because if I called Gary a piece of shit to his face He'd probably buck and say I'm always right You called someone a piece of shit to their face, they would... Yeah, obviously they would fuck. Why would you?

I mean... Wait, let's try. That's not an argument. Let's try. Okay, who's who? Call me a piece of shit. Okay, but I really would like to know a role. He's Nick.

I'm just that person. You're just Nick? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to be Ashley. This is taking too long. I am going to take offense to what he's about to say. Okay. Hey.

Didn't want to take it this long. How's it going? I'm Nick. Hey. I love your work at onlyfans.com slash eating no G underscore Ash. Thanks, you piece of shit. It it's saying that you just say that to me i just gave you a compliment that's not cool i'm not i'm not okay with i'm bucking this isn't going anywhere world-class improv it's fucking crazy that wasn't my fault it is so crazy that only one of us sank 300 into ucb

so um she is so young and stupid and sexuality is such a big part of her identity that she's just really not processing this correctly but she'll get there so we had to watch uh with commercials tonight. Thanks, Bravo. Which was a fun little treat because I saw this commercial for Rinvox. It's an eczema drug. Oh, nice. And it went through various professions that were plagued by this pesky rash.

First among them. Podcasting? No, search and rescue officers. She hops into an Apache and she's's itchy i feel like that's poison oak i was like what is this uh all right before we move on you did uh you missed a big part uh because what set up part of her anger was that he said that his little dick and scarlet have chemistry we asked you for the beach i i well i thought we'd get there, you know? Yeah. I said, do you guys want to break down the beats? And you said, I don't know.

And then I moved on. And then you said, hang on a sec. You missed something pretty big. Well, sometimes it is tough because he had a nice punchline. So he wants to mention that thing that happened. You set up your own punchline. I've done it. I've done it.

Yeah, yeah. All right. So, guys, let's take a quick break to talk about something everyone needs that's magic mind i was just worried you were gonna do the other one i want to do magic mind first because i like them more yeah no magic mind is a company we we don't just like we love them okay it is the anti-procrastination elixir you can take once every day it's something you should take once every day. It's filled with echinacea, lion's mane, matcha, all the stuff you need to make your brain hum. Like those bowls, you know, that you go. You know, Alan Watts said consciousness is.

And then he just bangs a bowl. You know, that's what your brain is going to feel like when you're on magic are you getting into alan watts or have you already been i don't really dabble with alan watts the ceo of uh magic mind alan watts or the ceo of magic but that would be crazy if the ceo of magic mind was alan watts no the ceo of magic mind is james bechera and he is alan watts is one of his heroes he used to be in his car listening to alan watts tapes didn't even know what it was his father had made him listen to it just like like you guys listen to tom likus james bechera listened to alan watts and then he rediscovered him on his own decades later he's like oh my god this is what my dad

was listening to and it shaped his life and helped him create the very drink that we are telling you will help your life magic mind.co enter promo code glenn with two n's to get 25 off your order perhaps you should be listening to alan watson drinking magic mind and not listening to tom likas you will be yes don't listen yeah dtb hey i got a confession to make i had a bottle in my car as I was driving over to that homeless encampment. Yeah. And you know, you can live on the sidewalk. I've become accustomed to that and do your fucking drugs and ruin our city. But when you walk on my property and try and open my window, scare the bejeebus out of my wife and my fucking little child that was four feet behind the wall

that you were stealing shit from, and then had a meth argument with my wife. Okay. I was going to take that magic mine as I was driving over there, but the reason I didn't is because I'd be in a jail cell tonight because magic mine,

it doesn't say it on the bottle, fucking lasers would have came out of my fucking eyeballs. I would have burned that entire encampment down and probably melted the fucking freeway off right yeah so thank god i didn't take it magic mind does give you a zen hum but it does also give you a violent streak and superpowers evidently so let's get back to the show everybody um What happened with this nobody special line? Ashley's talking to Daisy about nobody special or something like that. Scarlet gets pretty pissed off about this. I think she overheard wrong.

It sounded like Ashley was talking shit about Gary, really, at the end of the day. But more and more, it's just missteps by both Ashley and Daisy pushing Scarlet further and further into the arms of Gary. Shut your mouth, ladies. It's a bad idea. Well, I mean, not. If your goal is to not have them fuck, quit talking about it. Right, right, right. Okay, so more great bro time.

Obviously, Bravo, much like South Park, are equally as brilliant in editing on the fly they're listening to our show we asked for more bro time and it did come anybody who wants anything featured in the show the upcoming week just let us know we'll talk about on the show and then they'll just rip it from us and make more entertaining television I would love a dunk take yeah and you could think like oh that sounds pretty narcissistic. But I mean, we've been at this long enough to know. I mean, that's exactly what's happened. I will say because of the process of editing and creating the show and stuff, dunk take might be hard and it should be something more small and conversational that they can edit in.

I don't think so. More bro time. So Ashley tells Scarlett that she does not look bloated and then everyone gets in the cars. Gary's got two beers just in case, and we get to a little game of fuck, marry, kill. Very common game now in the vans. Yes, exactly. Daisy asks Scarlett, Gary, Colin, Marcos,

and Ashley says, I'd kill Gary. Hey, Ashley, why don't you pipe down back there, huh? It's not your turn. Fucking little monster. What about you guys? I'd fuck Marcos. Well, I you guys i'd fuck marcos well i mean i'd fuck them all so poor barnaby uh he's not even getting killed by anyone he's just left off completely much worse the worst place much worse so they sit down for dinner and obviously scarlet's uh

orders an espresso martini someone find a new upper downer drink because the espresso martini is becoming chuggy. I mean, it was many moons ago, but I mean, it's we're almost at a point where it's just trash to order one. We're not quite there, but we're getting perilously close. Obviously, they've been around. People knew about them. But do you think this show like really infused it within the culture? I mean, it's been on for eight seasons. It's almost as popular as Housewives.

That's why I drank it. And I showed it to my sister because I saw it in Below Deck. Now she loves them. Yes, I do think that the butterfly effect really did, in part, spawn from Below Deck. Bravo's Below Deck. i thought you were gonna spit my face and laugh no no no so dinner progresses marcos speaks of his ego and we find out that scarlet has kissed gary and it becomes time for grandmother blackout to deliver

some wisdom to scarlet um again they're talking to one another and Ashley says um I'm not gonna get fucking hurt so don't worry about it Ashley again shut the fuck up no one is talking to you right now Jesus try to fuck Barnaby or something I don't know do whatever you want just go somewhere else Scarlet starts heating up a bit and I understand it completely leave me the fuck alone yeah bug off why in God's name do you think you can tell me who I'm ho alone yeah bug off why in god's name do you think you can tell me who i'm hooking up with and why in god's name do you care leave it alone well she doesn't know daisy unless she watched the show and couldn't wait to be on it but uh so uh daisy basically says hey i don't want to hear your bag of bullshit after this fucking idiot fucks you over

she's like hey he's just my friend pointed out later in the episode they're a little more than friends you know daisy had to put this albatross around scarlet's neck a real daisy chain yeah and fuck i had another one that i i thought that one maybe lose the other one yeah no literary oh yeah okay if uh ashley did fuck barnaby and they made a porn, it'd be called Barnaby Bones. Oh, my God. Pat loved that one. Brought in the theme song. She says, why doesn't Scarlet... Oh, okay. So Ashley says,

why doesn't Scarlet just get on the boat and focus on her work? The irony. So Gary heads back to the table with a little jig and a little smile he has laid waste to this dinner and colin asks the question on everyone's minds how do you do this so daisy says like brutus although how could you ever be loyal to ashley um to scarlet she says between me and you ashley's full of fucking shit and then we get back to the dinner table where ashley exclaims i'm just gonna laugh and giggle and smile all night you are a mean little bitch stop hating other women so much

you're gonna need them because men are not going to treat you well if you keep acting like this you're gonna need some girls in your life forgive your sister forgive yourself stop hating other women it's fucking annoying you guys i will say though great job though because anytime you want to convince someone that you're having a good time just proclaim how much you're gonna laugh and giggle and i was sold ash Ash, you could go on social media or whatever and give a little tip and a nod to Dylan that you're hearing this podcast, you're hearing what he's laying down. But it would mean more if you do it on your eat, Ash.

Go like, this picture isn't for my dad that I hate. This is for Dylan. And that will really show up. And believe me, Dylan, you know what? That was actually a sign from God not to say my joke. Yep. Well, sometimes you got to listen to those. So Barnaby heads outside with quite a bit of sass.

This is clearly an attempt to get in Daisy's pants. Oh, yeah. And that is confirmed in the vans right before the weird one shits her pants. Barnaby and Daisy hook up a little bit. Well, she's on top of him. Yes. Yes. But he does say, I i mean he's laying it on pretty thick and he says i've been flirting with you for many days now and i thought he did actually a pretty valiant effort like setting the stone when he went and consoled her he was very funny he wasn't too like oh i love you so he was doing a good job but gary

is still controlling the situation from the back basically like calling him a pussy for the uh the kiss he laid on her he's still somehow the center of attention the alpha he's like yes he was alpha wing barnaby very well nothing ruins an intimate moment like a voyeur two inches from your face you know what's a voyeur mean but yeah yeah it's somebody who's watching oh yeah somebody who's watching you i think i think that's what it is and barnaby and gary hook up too i mean what a cast we've got i mean what an unbelievable cast so scarlet heads into gary's room and says hey get pants on we're're going outside. Whoa.

Whoa. Marcos realizes it. He's like, whoa, we've got a sassy Latina there. Gary should have been like, oh, just let me rewind that in my head. Are we back on the boat? Get in here and take your pants off. How could you be confused about that? Well, we were talking about being in the vans and we're kind of conflating. No, I was being sarcastic.

I've done a poor job. Kelsey farted. Kelsey farted. Kelsey farted, which is really gross. It's like, it's not that big of a deal. All right. And then Daisy makes out. And then they get back at that boat and it's jacuzzi time. And I was thinking about this.

And it's going to fucking go off, this jacuzzi party. They had some shots there. It was pretty wild. And I was thinking all the sea life these uh sea rats have to endure all the waiting on tables the scrubbing of barnacles off the side of that throwing up pasta in a communal bathroom it's not the pride in their career that propels them on this boat it's not the the money the tip it's entering a new sea rat if you could bottle that moment that these guys have on that you could sell that shit for a trillion dollars what's what the second austin

powers was uh centered around mojo it's mojo and we've talked about it before the litmus test for a good season is what the sea rats do with that body of water it is the transformative um you know pool of mojo that we need for a cat and it's not all sexual a lot of of drama goes down around the jacuzzi sigs injuries fucking. It is where sea rats nest and really live life. And it's very- Even if it's for four hours and they don't remember it the next day. Yeah, no, it's extremely important.

All of it is for that four hours, once a week, the night after a charter. And that four hours altogether, gentlemen, it's magnificent. Magnificent. You said they should buy it up, sell it for a trillion dollars. Gary somehow has been able to bottle it up, but he's keeping it close to the vest and he hasn't sold it.

Yes, he's greedy. He's going to spend a life on boats using this mojo. Yeah, he has too much mojo. So there's so much mirth and so much revelry. I don't even know how to break all this fun down um but i guess hit me with a meanwhile meanwhile uh daisy says she'll fuck gary if he uh stops talking the weird one is being weirder than ever screaming in spanish and after a smooth a few smoochies between scarlet and gary gary delivers incredibly smooth line, I want to have sex with you.

He gives a C-Rat thumbs up to sex. If he could have cut himself off. Which is redundant. If he could have cut himself off just a little bit, he said, let's disappear. Yes. Sexy line. Right.

I want to have sex with you. Not a very, very aggressive forward line. There's cameras around. She's trying to save face. I think he could have had this one, Gare. Yeah, well, Gare, the good news about Gare is he is unflappable. He will march forward without any shame whatsoever. Well, not on this night, though, because she does, in fact, shut it down.

And somewhere in Florida, there's a proud father. Hey, Scarlett, it's dad. Thanks for not fucking that guy on camera. Your Aunt Tammy, it's her favorite show. You know, it'd be weird. And he's like, thanks. That's what dad sounds like. He's like, I used to work with this other girl's dad.

She went crazy, fucked everybody on board, and he put. I was going to transition into better help, and he put... That was at your ass. I was going to transition into BetterHelp, and I think I can bleep all that. We still can do it. They do not like mentioning, you know, the... Okay. Also going to bleep that. But, guys, let's talk about BetterHelp.

If you are in a place where you're burned out, right? You've seen your sons and your daughters do bad stuff on reality television and you're burning the midnight oil at both ends, candles and stuff. And you need to go to betterhelp.com. Burnout means what, Patrick? Well, burnout, I don't know what burnout means yes and uh no i'll tell you what i'm calling there tomorrow because i am anxiety filled i need to talk to somebody because you guys aren't helping it's what a great service it is yeah you know

i've talked about this i went to go see therapists and you have to go to someone's grimy old office and on balboa in the san fernando valley and you're like 200 to someone's grimy old office on Balboa in the San Fernando Valley. And then you're like, $200 without insurance. And then the person's like, you're like, I think I'm smarter than this guy. How are they going to help me? Or you got what I'm going through where I'm trying to diagnose my mental plagues. And you call up, I don't know, an unnamed healthcare company. Let's call it Kaiser Permanente. an unnamed healthcare company let's call it kaiser permanent day and they're like um yeah first we need to schedule a telehealth appointment for you uh and then you can see

a psychiatrist great and the telehealth appointment will be july 25th and you're like wait hang on a second it's going to be two months before i can even speak to somebody before I speak to a therapist? Then they said, no, 2023. You're like, wow, this system sucks. You know what system doesn't suck? BetterHelp. So go to betterhelp.com, enter in. No promo code. Just go to the URL, betterhelp.com slash A-B-P.

Our listeners will get 10% off their first month if you go to betterhelp.com slash A-B-P. All right. Let's get back to the show. Boys, do we wake for the next morning? Next day. Next day. I think.

Yeah, Glenn and the fucking maps, and he's going to charter around that goddamn storm because he wants to go sailing. I got the same thing, Gary. Cap made the boat plan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you guys are 100% right. The wind, it is a-blowing,

and we're going to need to anchor in one spot for the whole of next charter. So let's get to a little chat with Samantha. Gary is not the person we're supposed to be talking about. Daisy heads down to speak to Colin do you guys want to break this down well she goes down there and she's kind of complaining about Gary and she and really what get Colin the old sea dog knows cuz you know he's an old sea dog he's very

knowledgeable and whatnot he knows that she likes him he knows you can see it from a mile away a mile away dear yeah she wants a little bit of that she likes him. He knows. You can see it from a mile away. A mile away, dear. Yeah, she wants a little bit of that, as she referred to it, little dick. That little tiny dick, yeah. She's seen it, obviously. Yep, yep.

But yeah, he doesn't give a shit. But he's all-knowing that sea dog. Well, he issues a little challenge to her, though. It's pretty interesting. She says, oh, do you think if I came on to Gary, he would refuse me? And he said, yeah, I do. And she said, alright.

Immediately went up and kissed Gary right in the lips, planted a fat one on him. And this is what Samantha's and Sea Dogs can do. They can really bring people together. It's the beauty and magic of a gossipy bitch like Colin. So let's get to the Preference Sheet Minute!

We are not going to talk about those last charter guests, okay? I forgot twice, and I'm not going to do it. They didn't matter, and they've been on the boat before. Who gives a fuck? Charter guests, primary, Lane, Merrifield. Location, British Columbia. Starting out strong. Damn it.

Why are you letting him do that to you? It was a great point. I really flubbed at the beginning of this uh british columbia alberta yeah i wrote british columbia columbia and that's just not right i think british columbia and alberta are two different places but alberta could be in british columbia i don't know how Canada works. Damn. That bothers me. Now I'm trying to think of the Hart family because they were from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Doesn't matter.

And the Hart family is a family that no one but you knows? No. A lot of people know the Harts. Owen Hart died falling off the ring. Oh, wrestling. Yeah, yeah. Oh, got it. Okay.

I thought it was like somebody from your childhood oh no no the heart family yeah the hearts that was sad uh the executioner um yeah was his brother or was cousin brett right it would be ironic if it was called the execution right the primary is lane Merrifield. It says right here, British Columbia, Canada. I'm an idiot. Lane runs his own startup company, which he operates between Orange County and... What's going on with you?

I mean... Okay, you want to know what's going on with me? I'm taking my screenshots off my camera off the TV because of all our rigmarole. Bravo. It gets better, I swear to God. I think you're doing fine. Thanks. Well, I mean, you don't think.

And that was a lie, but I appreciate it. He is accustomed to five-star dining. He's been to over 30 Michelin-star restaurants. And we'll see later. This is a very regular group of people. Star dieting, he's been to over 30 Michelin star restaurants. And we'll see later. This is a very regular group of people. It seems, I feel like they were nice. They hang out with them. And that's because this is real wealth we're talking about.

Lane. I don't know. Real wealth doesn't brag about going to 30 Michelin star restaurants. I think they might be. I think lots of times if you do get real wealth on the show they're fans of the show and then they're like oh why why do you like opulence but this man founded club penguin which he sold to disney for 350 million dollars he has since co-founded uh fresh grade which is another startup company that's bilking people out of their money

if it's technology it's probably taking right now. And a bunch of people who joined it because they got stock options are probably not getting the stock options. I read a huge Twitter thread on how you shouldn't do that. Now, this is how a preference sheet meeting goes. That's what I'm talking about. Thanks, brother. And, yeah, so this guy's got real money. He threw me off with the compliment.

That's what i'm talking about uh but yeah so that's what you need to know about oh and then they also have um his wife amanda who works in product marketing uh for a technology company probably laid off that's what i'm talking about thanks brother and then we have some guy. We don't have any lights in here. I mean, this is a kooky night. But I think the cameras look amazing with no lights. I love it.

Please stop saying that. Then we have some guy and his wife, Becky, who works in the office as that guy's boss. His name's cut off, brother. And then we have Matt and Brittany. No, on night one, the guests would like to celebrate Lane and Amanda's engagement with a white party accompanied by a seafood-focused dinner spread. After dinner, the guests would like to continue. I've gotten really good at reading.

That was just hard to read. They would like to continue with their white party theme while enjoying cocktails and late night snacks. On day two, the guests plan to do an early morning workout. Boring. After their workout, a few of the guests would like to go on a scuba diving excursion after their diving excursion guests would like to complete against the compete against the yacht crew in a who's the best seaman relay race the guests plan to dress up and have outfits for the crew to join them on night two the guests request sunset cocktails followed by a birthday celebration for becky who's married to some guy and she's his boss

the birthday girl would like a golden sparkle formal themed party and a five course dinner. So if you're counting, we're going to have gold sparkle and white. They want molecular food and that concludes the preference meeting. Good job.

Thanks. Hey Dylan, how long have we been going? No idea. Well, you can look down at the clock there, can't you? You get quite the glare because of the weird lighting in here. 47 minutes. Oh, okay. Just real quick deviation from the podcast. I made the mistake while I was in line at Target yesterday to look up.

Some of our peers are ranking in comedy podcasts. I don't know who ranks them or whatever. Like, you know, pretty high up, like 39th orate casey will be on there or heather mcdonald whatever i'm like i wonder where we rank so i found this website and uh it it didn't give the ranking you had to pay for that it was like a pay to play kind of thing but what it did do is it opened up a another uh uh can of worms can of worms of reviews that I've never seen about us before. Oh. Yeah. So did you bring one?

No, because they're too mean-spirited. But I'll share it with you later. Sorry I brought it up. But we need some help on reviews. I forgot to put that in the talent. Where are these reviews? Do we have a Yelp page that someone created? I'll show you my search

where i did it's really mean there's a lot more negativity out there than i see when i look at podcasts about us and well so you got one of you guys said something like misogynistic or something and that triggered that thought that i should bring it up to you guys just probably dylan i don't know one of you guys and uh people say mean stuff about us had to have been one of us we've got a long night ahead of us yeah there's a lot more reviews out there on other sites one said that one that said our business model was like scientology and try and get out of our patreon is like exactly like getting out of a cult. I never heard that one before. Well, that's what we set out to do.

That just sounds like mock slang. It's been a rough week. It was left six days ago. Pat, why don't you go fucking eat some weed and let's get through the rest of this show. My gosh, Grumpy Pants. You know what you need?

You need to watch jackass part four we'll talk about it on aps it's totalitarian art it is perfect excited here do you know what jackass four and a half is is that extended scenes extended scenes in the documentary and the same and the same movie or a whole different thing whole different thing okay good to know and also my thing my thing that I forgot to mention that I have for APS is Punjabi rapper, Sadoo Moose, slaying much more to come.

Check out APS. So Ashley has a very big moment after Provisions arrives. She says she could be a huge bitch to Scarlett, but she's just trying to play it cool. Ashley, everybody's going to fucking hate you if you keep acting like yourself, so change. I don't think she cares right now.

I mean, imagine that, that being on the table. I could just be a huge bitch. Why would that ever be an option? It's just unbelievable. She's done nothing to you. Nothing to you. Except ask how you feel about stuff thank you so um not a lot happens until we get to the canadian debrief glenn heads out and says well bad news you can't really do

much of anything sailing wise the masochistic reason you chose this particular vessel but as he says canadians are a pretty easygoing people and that that is on display after Glenn tells them all this. And they say, well, it's a bummer we can't sail, but I'm really looking forward to the rest of the trip. My God. Canadians are such affable people. The guy's got $350 billion, so make his own goddamn water. That's true. So I don't have shit until lunch.

We're at lunch, brother. So lunch is a ribeye, red snapper, chicken, veggies, and burrata salad. I know Marcos has a lot coming up on his plate, but that's just a wave of protein with a couple sides. Nothing wrong with that, but nothing to write home about 12 Pot. So Ashley is told that she has been named Smashley by the guests, and she really leans into it and lets the guests know just how right they are about that kind of branding and um i was really torn on this

for two reasons uh because well i was torn on this for one reason on each side i guess which i guess is a total of two opposing reasons every actually i've ever met in my life also has at some point in their life qualified as a smashley i don't know it's like usain bolt being the fastest man in the world it's insane how drunk these these women get right right right uh they usually grow out of it many of them are nice mothers that i know today oh sure you gotta get out of your 20s you know it's interesting like you know daisy has a really good, like, let's say we go on a luxury vacation or we go to a luxury setting, perhaps a high tea or something like that. And the person waiting on us is like, oh, my God, you guys wouldn't fucking believe it. I blacked out and head butted a mirror last night.

I got stitched up. I was bleeding everywhere. I took a crazy shit this morning. I'll be back in a second. What the fuck? Can I get you anything while I'm going to bed? My opposing thought to that was, what an inappropriate thing to ask to someone who's serving

you. Hey, your name reminds me of some drunk whore. Now freshen up my drink. That's a great point. Chop, chop. It was a little insulting on their part. But that guy was having a couple drinks. He was having a good time. He regrets it. Yes, they are servants though, so Daisy does call her in and say hey let's uh keep it classy okay uh this has ended uh perilously in the past what am i doing she is uh they set up the

rope swing now this has ended perilously in the past uh you'll remember uh last week we witnessed a woman barely escape death and i thought it was kind of harsh to air this episode immediately after that shit sandwich that she ate uh because these guys and and ladies are absolutely crushing it i mean we've got one back flop but he was trying to attempt to flip. That was hubris, not a complete inability to pull off the rope swing. We end with that really unclear and leading or misleading text

that Marcos got from his quote-unquote brother. Guys, that is it from us. We'll be back next week to break down molecular gastronomy and tears and pain. Marcos, call me. Marcos, call Nick. Shoulder. And guys, jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews.

We need your help, evidently. Let's pick Pat right the fuck back up. We'll see you on the other side. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Bon voyage. Pat, say goodbye. Later.

Later. Later. Later. Cheers.