Another Below Deck Podcast - Jasmine You Can't Say That | The Valley S3 Reunion Pt. 2

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down having kids, love, taking out PPP loans like Jesse and Adam Carolla and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

I think that Jasmine's monologue about having children and not blaming them for things is a fireable offense. I think it was a moment that was so low in, in terms of what a reality cast member can provide to a show that they're on, that I think that she should be, honestly, air lifted off of that set directly. Now, you do not get to participate in the third part. That was a Billy Madison monologue of stupidity, and we are all dumber for it. Hi, hello, and welcome to Bad TV.

My name is Dylan, and that is Pat. Great to be here. Hi, how are you? Wonderful. What's been going on with you? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?

You know how people go, what's going on? Yeah. How it just generally refers to like your life and what's been going on with you? you. So that's what I mean. Work's been pretty hectic. Yeah. I'm not going to be able to make my Quentin's birthday at school, his celebration today. I feel some parental guilt about that. But it's very important to do a podcast about the Valley today. How are you doing? I'm doing good, man. Yeah, I'm doing really good.

How happy are you that you missed that? At a 10. Well, his mom can't make it either. So he'll be surrounded by strangers, blowing out a cake. Well, it's the kids, though, right? Yeah, yeah. And I try and compartmentalize it as something that, because he's so little, he'll never actually remember this in his mind.

But maybe emotionally, he'll reflect back on why weren't my parents there? And he'll know on an emotional level that his parents didn't support him when he was young. Yeah. Right, right, right. Yeah. So that's how I'm doing. Okay. Well,

that sounds good. Okay. We are here to break down Bravo. The Valley. You asked. And what do you always say? Don't ask.

Don't. Do not ask. I think it's safe to, and we'll get into the valley. It sounds like fucking Kristen now. Mm-hmm. It's okay to ask strangers. what's going on?

Oh, no. To break the, let me say this. I think the worst person you can ask what's going on to is someone that you have an acquaintance with. Perhaps somebody that you were close with a couple of years ago, but now you don't see them that often. I feel like that's a really dangerous what's going on because there's a slight, there's enough comfortability to where they can go there with you a little bit, you know?

But it's not, but the concern isn't there, right? So if it was a close person who was telling you something, you go, oh, well, you would engage with it, but it was somebody that you're just an acquaintance with, and they start going in this mumbo fucking jumbo about how they're drunk now, and they're getting into, you know what?

We can move on. No, no, before we move on, about a year ago, I was up in beautiful soul fame. I was under a gazebo with another couple, my wife and I. Deer? Did you see any deer? No, we had a beautiful bottle of wine. It was a beautiful morning. We were about to leave,

and we were going to finish this bottle of wine. Yeah. Go back to work. It was a Sunday. And this stranger came down, this woman with a dog. And it was just the four of us. And then this woman came down. And she said, hey, I know, I don't want to disturb you guys.

Is it okay if I come down here with my dog? And we said, no, not at all. And then she said, so you're just visiting? Yes, yes. Do you live here? Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, I do live here. And on this is your dog?

Yes. And once we ask the question, is that your dog, that went into about a 25 minute story about how her dad had passed and she took care of him and this was initially his dog but she completely hijacked the rest of that morning. So then we proceeded to politely exit that conversation,

go up to the gift shop, buy a few things and then we needed to use the restroom before we're about to leave. And as we were waiting in line to go to the restroom, I decided to talk about how annoying that person was and how she ruined that morning. And while we were waiting in line, I was like, what's fucking taking so long?

And I had been talking quite a bit of shit about that woman with the dog. And it turns out the person in the bathroom was that woman with the dog. She heard every goddamn thing I said about her. And there was a lot of horrible things. That's why it took so long. She was listening to everything I said about.

How horrible you were being. Now, So don't ask people. And we're going to cover the value, but I would say that if you are a human being with a dog and two people ask you, is that your dog, you have to know that they're on the ropes, they're uncomfortable, and they don't want this. Of course it's my dog. What kind of question is that?

What have I acquired this dog randomly? Who walks a dog, but the dogs are? honor. So you got to know, leave these people alone. You have a dog with you. Guys, it's part two of Bravo's The Valley reunion. Um, a lot of very, very strange lines of questioning from Andy Cohen tonight. I feel like we really, we kind of went hot porridge with Andy Cohen tonight. We, we often lament his ability to follow up on things. I felt like he was quite grindy tonight. base, a lot of, a lot of questions taking into the finances of people, which I, you know, listen, all's fair and love and war, but it's like, my God, he's really going for that whole thing,

huh? And he's off his game because he's got court next week. He's being sued, you know. By who? Some former Bravo people that texted him. So he's in a little hot water. The chickens have come home to roost. I think so settle. It'll be fine. Oh, he'll be fine. Yes, of course. But no one likes personal text being out there in the ether. What do they say? Like, are they out there?

I don't think so. But they're in discovery. So they could come out there. So you're right. You're goddamn right. They'll probably fucking settle. Yeah, yeah. And I give this show.

Oh, I want to say a couple of more things. Jasmine after this evening. Oh, yes, Jasmine. All star of the evening. After this evening, I think that, I think that Jasmine's, I think that Jasmine's monologue about having children and not blaming them for things is a fireable offense. I think it was a moment that was so low in terms of what a reality cast member can provide

to a show that they're on that I think that she should be honestly airlifted off of that set directly. Now, you do not get to participate in the third part. That was a Billy Madison monologue of stupidity, and we are all dumber for it. I'm going to have to agree with you, Dill. That monologue fell flatter than a carving board. We are all dumber having heard what you just said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, she just wanted to talk. And that's the problem with Jasmine. We don't mind if you talk. Of course, talk, but don't talk about that. Don't say that, though. Very passionately as well.

Last point. On subject matter, she does not understand. Yeah. It's like, okay, let's say there was a reunion of oil workers and you were just on the show and they're all sitting there and throughout the season. You guys are always talking about oil. Okay. I get it.

It's dangerous. I get it. James has a broken back. okay. And they're all like, they all turn to her and they have like oil on their faces. And they're like, you sell, you sell condos in Sherman Oaks. I don't know what she's talking about. Jasmine, sit down and pray this did not cost you season four.

Oh, it definitely did. There's no way she's coming back from this. Okay, so Luke. Hold on. Did I, I didn't get my? No, I want to wrap up my schneves really quickly. I think that Luke is. I think he might be mentally impaired.

The things that were coming out of his mouth tonight. Yeah, I've joked about sling blade kind of stuff with Luke, but the level of awareness that he had for the environment he was in was shocking. And I don't know if it's just bumpkin stuff or if there's like, Like seriously, something in this reality that he cannot comprehend. I'm not sure, but he is awful. 72 schneaves. You know, sometimes a bad relationship makes you a bad person.

I think that may be the case here. This isn't a Patty prediction. I'm not going on record with this, but... There's no way. No way they get married. There's no way they get married. And I don't see a second kid coming and quite possibly living in different dwellings

by next season. That's not my prediction. Sounds like a prediction. I'm just putting that out there. Okay. Here are my, did you give your sneeps? Now, can I ask you something, coward?

If this does come to fruition, this exact non-prediction, will you take credit for it? Absolutely. Because it was a thought I had. Go ahead. Okay. Lacey is a killer,

and how she did not get on Real Housewives of Orange County is a shocker to me. Shock. They should be welcoming her with open arms. I don't know what her in would be and how she'd fit in. It doesn't matter. We've learned that it's meaningless. They should be banging down her door. To get her there.

Absolutely. Because it was so fun, and I know there's a lot of people here that love Lala. And there is a lot to love. She's sassy. but Lala is at her best when she's going back and forth with dumb people. She can really have fun with the Sandoval's, the DJ Kennedys, the Shina Shays, because they're morons. Once she is up against someone with half a brain, Lala is rendered defenseless. And go ahead because I'm doing my best.

to win the game of guess who here. Who on this day is, do you think has half a brain? Nia. Nia. Lacey. Lacey. Dare I say, Janet. It's a two-person list.

Danny does not have a brain because he gets so emotional. And Lala is able to get to him because he's quick to anger. And that's like, so she's able to. pull him into the mud really quickly and that's how she can beat him. Yeah. Yeah. But Lacey don't play like that. Lacey sits there calm and Lala can't get to her. So that's why Lala has to go, you've been talking too long. And she's like, no, I haven't. Andy asked me a question. She's like, well, I just wish she'd stop talking, you know? Yeah. Right? Yeah. Come on. Girl. Huh? I'm from Azusa. Okay. We have to get into like the fourth. Oh, sorry. 14 tits. Okay. So, um, we,

start off with Pirates Booty and debriefing on that bitch Lacey. Well, we're at that catered lunch made for a king. I saw a bowl of grapes there, have been a pirate booty. No expense spared for Bravo Talent, though. No, no, no. They're very important people.

Now, we pick things up with Michelle and Jesse and a lot of Lacey. I could have never imagined that we would spend what felt like four hours on Michelle and Jesse and their divorce. I mean, we spent so much time on this. I felt like it was the first quarter of the show. Now, but there is a lot to break down here,

and I did enjoy this overall. Okay. So we get Jesse and Michelle in the hot seat over parenting, or co-parenting. And of course, that $300,000 loan, which 100% he did take out. Now, he denies this.

You can tell that he took it out because he doesn't ever address the accusation directly. He just attacks Michelle's character. That's right. He says, she's lying about this, and on top of it, she's a cheater.

Yeah. She's a cheater. Yeah, yeah. You remember this? Oh, shit. Yeah. You remember that? Yeah, yeah.

How could you forget? She was just hanging out with that guy. She met him at his honey convention or something. Yeah, I know. Sure, she did. We used to just go on hikes, she said. Sampling his honey is not necessarily a lie, but you're leaving out a lot when the truth of the matter is that you licked it off of his body.

Okay? It's kind of cheating in a lot of people's eyes. Yeah, and then she'd keep the extra jars at their home. Right, right, right. Wow. So, all right. Now, but I do believe Michelle, when she says this piece of shit, couldn't pay for a lot of Isabella's activities and he always came up short. And here's the thing.

A lot of Jesse's how he sees himself on this show and probably in the world is that he's a success story. Which isn't true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the exact opposite. He's abject failure. Right. Yeah. It'd be like me trying to convince people that I was a knight. I'm not. No. I don't know. No, I'm the opposite. You're a podcaster. Yeah.

So then Lacey jumps in to say, hey, I don't pay for Jesse's stuff. I'd sooner light myself on fire, which I'd highly recommend against because her face would melt away like those Nazis and Raiders the Lost Arc. because her face is a little questionable. There are layers to it. Yeah, there's a crust there that could, if exposed to extreme weather conditions, have unpredictable shapes, textures, aesthetics. So, Jesse, for sure, and can I say, what red-blooded industrious American did not take out a $300,000 loan?

during the pandemic. Well, I mean, come on. Well, I didn't because I have a little thing called. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're a loser.

Yeah, I guess I am. You're a fucking loser. Yeah, no, I looked at the landscape and I said, I think I'll figure this out on my own.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, but others, others chose a road, uh, more traveled for losers. Yes.

Which is, I think I'll bilk society. Right, right, right. Like, Jesse and, Adam Carolla.

Adam Carolla. Yeah. Why are you taking money from the government? Adam, you took $250,000. I got a business. I didn't even know. My accountant took the money. He didn't tell me.

He's got business. Adam, you never stopped working. You didn't need the money. You were doing podcasting. The ad revenue was coming in. We were working for you. You were doing live shows, in fact. You didn't need the money.

I don't know why your account. Give it back. I don't know. By the way, you never even admitted this. We had to find this out in 2024, you fucking liar and hypocrite. You're a fucking hypocrite. Everything that you say and preach is a lie. The biggest takeaway that I got from, and we'll get back to the show,

from working with the ace man, is to make it your own way. You don't want to be these fucking, these fucking, suckers of the tea, right? You don't want to be getting handouts. Especially when you own seven properties. You're bankrupting the country, these people that take handouts like this. Why would you sell off one of your buildings

to pay people that you don't actually need to sell because you're still making your same income? Okay. No, I am, that one floored me. I was just like, are you shitting? All right. So, anyway. Lacey is just full of,

she's just a tornado that is flying at Michelle Michelle is spinning through the air doing a 180, doing a 360 doing whatever Tony Hawk did up there and she has no answer for Lacey her insults are are so conclusive

there's no room to respond to anything like Lacey's saying I would not allow Jesse to pay for things I would rather light myself on fire and have my face melt off and do that. I am not with people so that they can get me through life the way that you were, but that's your choice.

And then she just quickly moves on to another topic and it's absolutely masterful. Now, the other thing that Lacey does here, which is masterful, is she says, she accuses the cast of being misogynistic. And I believe Lala took great issue with that. And they're all like confused like misogynistic.

How dare you, We're women. How dare you accuse me of this? Yeah. And I looked it up. Misogyny is actually when you're essentially, all right, here's the definition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're demeaning to women, that's the definition.

It doesn't define whether or not it's coming from a woman or a man. Uh-huh. You can be misogynistic from a woman to a woman. Lacey is absolutely correct here. It's not defined. by sex who's doling out the misogyny. I mean, listen, you're, you are such a wokester and you always have bad. You know what I mean?

You really, you really, I am dear. You've been part of woke one, you've been part of woke one, you've been part of woke two. You are I am woke one. And let me tell you something. Woke one, we got a little crazy there. You know, um, sorry about Woke one, everybody. Let me tell you something. Woke one.

Some people got killed. Okay. That's what happens. What is the point of, is, is, is a reform without blood really anything at all? Let's get on to the show. Sure. Okay. Okay.

So. There wasn't that much blood. It was a little bit of blood. That's right. Okay. The point that she's making is you fucking hypocrites, you're accusing me of coming on the show. I'm dating this asshole just to be on the show. The beekeeper came on here.

Right. And she brings up Aaron. No one ever fucking brought that up. It's a really good point that she brings up that Aaron came on the show after he had been sleeping with Michelle for three months. And her and Jesse have had a relationship for a year, two years, and she finally comes on the show and people are judging it.

It is not fair. Let's get to Schwartz. Oh, yes. Let's get to Swartzy. Who just had his nine-month anniversary with Cayucas, which is actually a really big deal and everybody's really happy for them. he has not um he hasn't spoken to somebody i did not write down the name but he he oh they

he hasn't spoken with kayukas about having children but he wants to have children but it's up to her it's up to her and also tom tom's ip is up for let me cover this still well first off him and moana have been going strong for nine months now congratulations swarty right now they discussed Tom Tom, which has been up for sale now for several months. Oh, that's right, because they were, well, they recorded this recently. But they made it look like it's recently up for sale, but no, no, no. Tom, Tom has been up for sale for quite some time. You can, as Tom said, buy the IP. Yeah. And the Instagram with the lease. As an entrepreneur, I'm going to tell you what that business will sell for. Right. Um, whatever the cost of taking

over the lease. Right. Yeah. Now, if you had the right buyer, right? So let's say Tim Heidecker comes in and buys Info Wars, right? And we're all excited to see about what. Of course.

Eat the bugs. Right, right. So Tim Heidecker comes in and is going to change the face of Info Wars, which previously platformed folks that I don't know said stuff about Sandy Hook and stuff like that. It was a bummer of that show. Wow. But they had great vitamins. If somebody came into TomTom

was like, we're actually going to be ironic about this, they could make a buck or two. But Pat's describing the more likely outcome, which is it's going to be a fucking macha shop in about two months. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Or a smash burger. So I would warn also Lisa Vanderpump fucking sell sur. like ASAP. Get from under that one too because that one's the next fucking domino to fall.

Now, Swartz says he's proud of the eight-year run that Tom Tom had. And he was able to recoup his $50,000 investment because we'd all like to lend a business $50,000 at zero interest and work at that job for eight years for no money. for eight years, right? Because that's how you make something yourself in America, right? Can you imagine Lisa cutting that deal with him?

So this is what we're going to do, darling. You're going to loan us money. You will not receive any interest on that loan. You will work for no money, and you will get 2.5% of the company. Sounds great, Lisa. Where do I sign? Sanibal. This is a great deal.

Yeah. Explain that to your friend in a way that he will understand. You're saying she's offering us. What? Hey, by the way, it's also how you are, this is referring to Swartz, are on a TV show for 14 years, and you live in a townhouse next to a fucking drive-thru that sells hot dogs.

Great business accuracy. Okay, all right. So, I fucking hate this. All right. So Andy turns, and Andy is still with the line of financial questions, aiming them at Tom, too. It's really bizarre. He's getting into the finance. So Andy turns to Zach, who congratulates him on his, he congratulates Zach on his little boyfriend. Let me take that again. He congratulates Zach on his little boyfriend. And of course we get an insight into that disgusting apartment. We find out what we already know,

that Zach does not have any furniture yet in his home. So let's, I want to examine the human being that is living with a roommate at the age of, I don't know, 37, 38. That roommate moves out. Essentially gutting the place because you never owned any furniture. It was all his. And you leave the place empty, Sands and IKEA dining room set for almost an entire calendar year. What?

Are you in Sigma Kai? What is going on there? I think there is a point. I can only speak as a dude. I don't know how, I don't think women go through this bullshit. This is a dude thing. Uh-huh. You have to look in the mirror at some point and say, I have to get my shit together.

Holy shit. I mean, it's just, it's crazy. Well, he gets a frog in his throat about Brittany and Kristen paying for his slob ass to remain in Los Angeles. This was sweet because he's the one who brings this up. Kristen and Brittany never said that they were basically loaning him money to... Yeah, well, he feels guilty about it because he took their money so that he could do karaoke three nights a week.

Okay. So, thank you. For letting him... Have we ever found out what he does for a living? No. Let us know if you know in the comment. So, Zach doesn't want to have kids. And he's also very sad about that

because it means that Benji is going to be run over by... He's going to be lifted out of the country by some kind of crane operated by Stephen Miller. We've talked about it in the past, okay? He's going to be on a ledger. Stephen Miller's going to come out there. It's one of his favorite ways to blow off Steen. You take a giant industrial grade caterpillar and you fling tiny migrants back into Canada.

Well, whether or not that happens, Dylan, this isn't a political podcast. Yes, it is. Zach should not have a child because here's my rule. And it's just me. You have to get a couch before. If you don't own a refrigerator, you can't be a parent. No, no, no. You call me crazy.

you have to refrigerate honestly so many things when you have children. That's crazy. So do we need to talk about Lala and Randall? No, let's get to. Okay. No. Kristen and Slingblade. Let's go to Luke and Kristen.

I'll just sum this up real quick. How's the sex life? Yeah, kind of. Still getting married? Mets. Second kid? Mah. What's the future?

Mah. Well, this is where we get this stuff from Luke, which like, I don't know. I, Luke has always been in my crosshairs more so than you, but we have this moment where Andy goes, has your sex life improved. And then everyone on the, oh, we're done. We're doing one word answers on the reunion from Luke right now.

Wow, that's unbelievable. Really, really fantastic. He should be on TV. There's this conversation about six weeks. I can't remember six weeks, six months. We're going to move on. We talk about Luke getting shit on by every woman that watched him on this show. And Kristen is super protective over him.

It kind of pains me to see that Kristen has to like kind of soften the history of it all. Okay. So what you're referring to, Dylan, is that. she's not really freaking out by all the fucked up shit that's coming out of Luke's mouth. Like, I don't know. Maybe we're not going to get married. Is that what you were referring to?

I think it's just like his behavior on the show was so abhorrent and dumb that she's running cover for him. I understand that she's modeling her entire life off of Danny and Nia. So she's taking up the mantle of, you know, standing by your man, which is totally fine. But she's, yeah, trying to frame. Luke as somebody who just was a first time father, didn't understand that it wasn't okay to go fishing and then black out on the couch because he didn't want to wake her up getting into bed and stuff like that. And I know that he said that, oh, it was just I would watch movies on the couch and I wouldn't come to bed. But it's like also, but you were also going out and ripping

it up a little bit. Now, Dill, in reality TV, as a viewer, you're at some point, you just have to have to give in and immerse yourself in reality TV and just believe what they're giving you, right? But with Kristen, she's a special character. And even our own castmates, as Jacks has talked about this, she is a special case. Like, she has gone to reality fucking arts of dramatic reality TV. You have to take her with a grain of salt because you can't put it past her that her and Luke concoct these things to create this.

Yeah, I mean, I don't. know that there's a lot of teaching you can do for Luke. I think that Kristen probably sits Luke down and she goes, this is what we're going to do, okay? Right. And he, she looks up and he's just watching diners drive-ins and dives. And she's like, did you hear any of what I just said? And he's like, yeah, of course. Yeah. And she's like, I don't think you did. And then he goes, this is what I'm talking about. You're, you're so hard on me. And then they just move on. We get to the reunion. He's giving one word answers. So we get to this moment where he's, He brings up the fight that they got into at the bar and that he makes sacrifices that go unnoticed,

like not going on the golf trip and not going on the fishing trip. And, you know, this kind of happens in marriage as you make sacrifices. You don't want to announce that you're doing it. But if they do go unnoticed, which often is the case when women are raising children, there's a little resentment that grows. So right now, in its current form, Luke actually hates Kristen so much that they cannot do therapy. We turn to therapy and Andy asks what's going on with therapy? And Kristen says, oh, funny thing about therapy, like we've been attempting to do it, but our therapist says that

we're so volatile in the room that we actually aren't suited for the remedying effects of that kind of work. We have to fight it out in our living room before we can actually pay for some. I thought she said in their own silos. Yeah, their own silos. Essentially, in short, the couple's therapists would not take them. She said, please leave, get out of here. I've never heard of that kind of therapy before, by the way. Yeah, it's really beautiful.

And that's when Andy then asks, okay, this sounds really bad. And Kristen and Luca, yeah, I mean, it's not, it's, it's not cool. It's fine. If we are to take this at face value, he will be splitting time. between L.A. and Colorado next season. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So he asks, would you still propose to her? And this is where the Slingblade comes out a little bit.

He says, it's hard. He says, it's hard to say. It's hard to, Luke, take Patty's class, lie. say just lie okay or uh dan ackroyd and ghostbusters when a dem demigod asks you if you're a god you say yes lower stakes but yeah same same kind of point you know all right so he then asks them if they are happy and christin says yes if he does a robert deniro phase okay goes like this.

Hey. Pat, has your disdain for him growing it all throughout this season? Danny? No, Luke. Oh, Luke. I just take him as he is. I've never liked him.

I've never had much love for him to begin with. It's just a dummy. God, I can't stand him. All right. So where do we go next? We move on to Jackson and Janet verse Danny and Nia. Yes. So it seems like Kristen is just on a war path with Brittany.

as we're getting into this, she makes fun of Brittany talking with her hands because we're discussing Britney being up, we're discussing Brittany not being upset at Janet and Jason for hosting Jacks at a Christmas Eve party. And Kristen and Zach, not ever being able to do that kind of thing. And Zach says this is where we have to talk about

how there are rules for thee and not for us. And it's this thing where Zach, you're such a goddamn idiot. And Kristen, you're just, I think you're just acting really disingenuously and malicious, but you could be an absolute moron too. Here's the difference between you two and Janet and Jason. She didn't cry on Jason's shoulder

about the abuse that she was suffering at the hand of this man. She did tell you and Zach all about it, and you got her through that experience. So Jack's hanging out with Jason is not ever going to be, as big of a deal as hanging out with you who understand the full context of how abusive he was in the relationship. Not to mention that Brittany okayed it so that she could have Jacks away from her. Janet and Jason were doing her a favor. This was an act of love having this cocaine fueled monster at their home on Christmas Eve. Forgive me, I was taking this from a way

different angle. Jack's being a abuser of women, she allowed in her home having been a trauma victim of at the hands of a male. Yeah, I mean, why would you allow this guy in your home? Maybe that's there. That's not how I read it. I thought it. Well, maybe it's a little bit of both. I thought it was much more vain from Zach and Kristen. Well, absolutely, but I'm just saying I thought that it was also, why are you allowing Jacks who there's footage of him taking your friend picking her up and throwing her into a fucking bush. Yeah.

It seems a little hypocritical. Yeah, I don't know. I think it's on a friendship line but you get in the comments and let us know. Now we turn to Danny versus Janet and Jason. Danny's very little. A lot of people in different podcasts, I listen to like eight different podcasts. Everyone has commented on how

little this motherfucker is. He really is little and what's kind of, and I'll go there. just because, I don't know, Kristen's been kind of monstrous and mean towards Brittany, so I'm just going to go here. But when he's sitting next to Luke and Kristen, he is, it is like Gandalf and the Hobbit. It is. That forced perspective thing?

Yeah, Kristen and Luke are gigantic compared to. But it's not forced perspective because they're sitting next to each other. Right, right, right. Yeah. No, there are no Hollywood magic tricks going on. he really is just that little. A little guy. The one, sometimes there's just little things they pass by that just, I'm like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we need to hear more about this. They have an O'Pere living with them. Okay, this is 2026. This is some weird fucking shit. For a lot of people, listeners, young, whatever, Opaire's shit is like some young gal lives at your house because it has to be young. Like, no other person would accept this job. usually it's from a different country.

A girl usually lives at your house. You provide a car. You don't pay this person. Normally there's like a per diem. They live there. They work a certain number of hours. And the deal is they can live their life, go to school or something,

and they take care of your kids. In what fucking, you guys belong to a church. You have a village to come help out with the kids. Why do you need free fucking labor? At your Santa Colita. I'm sure that this, opair is paid. I think this is

complicated work. Look up the fucking arrangement with opairs. It's the crazy, it's free labor. It's the weirdest deal ever. The pay is the car and the housing. I'm telling you. Yeah, I mean

there's the housemaid with Sidney and Amanda Seekreade, maybe she was kind of like an opair. Great movie. Did not see that twist. Did not see that twist. Are you being sarcastic? I did not see that twist coming. I knew there had to be one. And it also didn't make sense. You didn't see that twist? I did not see the twist coming. And Amanda, why would you leave that house and that poor girl?

Like, you knew what you went through. Why would you leave her like that? Yeah. Well, we can review, it on another. Let's do a, let's do a podcast about it. So Danny is extremely, I love our first sworee back into movie reviews would be Sidney's Sweeney and Amanda Secrets The Houseman. Well, I mean, we did Soul Man 32 years after its original release. That's true. A lot of people loved it.

Yeah. So, Danny, there's this moment where Janet had mentioned something about not needing to know Charles Manson to know what he was capable of. And Danny has a moment where he goes, just full victim, and says,

it's just unbelievable. I mean, he is, he is aghast and taken aback that she would even think to compare him to a serial killer. Oh. And it's like, oh, but Danny, she's just kind of,

no, she's not, are you, are you, are you joking right now? Do we have to explain? She didn't say, okay, you're upset. I get it. Now, Nia explains that Janet

tries to use her words to hurt Daniel. and Daniel says that because of Janet, he could barely get drunk this season. Now, we get to this moment where Nia was trying to finish food. And I'm going, can we get a package here?

Who are you people to assume that we have all of these things burned into our brain? Okay. If something is an integral part of a conversation, let's roll a little bit of footage on it. Okay, just to chug the memory, please, because I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. La, la,

in this moment wanted to deck Danny and we talk about him being a dick in San Diego when they went to that amusement park and stuff and I'm wondering if we can move on. Yeah. I think we can. Okay. So Andy asked Kristen about how she feels, um, how she feels about Dark Side Danny. And she just sloshes water for these two. Um, she does. At, at a, Lala is so, vital to this conversation because without Lala, we would just be dancing around this nonsense. And Lala is the one that goes, oh no, you guys just forgot to close the blinds there. That's right. Forgot to close.

I love that line. Great line. And this is where Danny starts a mountain. Can I give the context of that? It's in their real life for getting to close the blinds. Danny speaks to her like that. You typically hide your life and then this one time you let us all see inside your house. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that line. I'm going to use it. Yeah. And I think that she, I mean, who knows if he's actually abusive towards her in waking life? He, I think there's a good chance that he is. But this is where Danny starts to amount to defense about being against being abusive when the cameras are turned off. And Jasmine,

in, she's been the queen of muttering things under her breath through throughout this entire reunion, and I think past reunions as well. And for some reason, we get to this moment where she can't take it anymore. Danny is talking about something that I don't, I'm not even certain that it directly pertains to children. Well, Danny's talking about it this time that people in marriage because they're tired and stressed, occasionally say horrible things to one another. Which is true. Which is absolutely true.

And this is when Janet, I'm sorry, Jasmine, poor Jasmine, stands up and says, very passionately, why are you guys always using parenting? Yeah. As an excuse for bad behavior.

It's very, it's very annoying. Now the entire cast says shut the fuck up. I am so blown away that Jasmine Jasmine ends the bout by saying

you people make me not want to have children you make it look miserable and here's the thing Jasmine this is why they make it look miserable it's miserable Okay, so that's the reason why everyone's talking about the sleep deprivation and the stress and all that stuff that you've never gone through. It's miserable.

That's why it looks miserable. Now, these people are not that well suited to those stressors, but, you know. But there is a bright side, Jasmine, and old patty's in it. I have a three-year-old now and a six-year-old. It's fucking fun. Right. I have too little, dare I say, humans walking around. Yeah.

that, you know, are fun. Right. But when they were babies... It sucks. I wanted to... Well, I was questioning my choices in life. You didn't. You were not happy.

I wanted to live like Jasmine. You wanted to be a lesbian and getting married again. Yes, I wanted to go down on Melissa. Right. So, unbelievably dumb, fireable offense. We get to Luke being a great guy, more of that. He was invited to watch what happens live. and he said only if I can come without my wife.

Now, oh boy, they're not going to make it. No, they are not. Now, he is such an idiot. I love him going to Bravo production thinking he can confide in them and have them grant him free passage to New York without his wife. It's so funny. The reasoning is absolutely fine because Kristen pitches that she should come with Luke and he says, I don't want to fly with the baby.

I don't want to throw her to a new time zone. come around or fly back around in two days and fuck her sleep up i don't want to do that hey why don't you guys this is andy cohen hey you guys you always need a backup nanny okay fucking rich guy right he is so in a bubble that asshole you oh you gotta have a backup you always have that backup oh you need a back you need backup child care and he lives in a world where where certain people are just trying to get child care period for people and he's talking about the backup Okay. So, um, we move on to online hate.

Danny and Janet bonding. Over online hate. Yeah, about being told to kill themselves. And there is a really, dare I say sweet moment where Janet and Danny, who have both endured that kind of darkness, apologize to one another for fueling the different fires that came for them. Danny reposting stuff about Janet all the time. Janet using the show as a torpedo against his character.

They've suffered. And maybe, just maybe, these two can heal. Now, Annie asks Kristen, why are you crying? And Kristen says, well, I've been through that too. I was canceled, if you recall. Yeah. The better question is, Zach, why are you crying? I don't know.

Zach, why are you crying? Because I think I know the answer. I think you want to be asked why you're crying. Yeah. I think you probably want somebody to ask you about what you've been through online. And by the way, before we end this, Danny, when was the last time you drink? Oh, man, I haven't been drinking in quite a long time, man, since the show wrapped. Really?

Before we get there, there's this moment where I'm so grateful for Lala because Danny mentions that he's getting mixed messages from the cast. They say that you're an inappropriate drunk and women don't feel safe around you, but also drink as much as you want. And Lala is... She's got his back on that. She's the only one with the lucidity to go, no, it's not okay for you to drink as much as you want.

You're a problem drunk. But she points out that he is getting double messaging, though. Yeah, she does. She totally does. Now, we do wrap with this mystery. box inside what Danny did at Jasmine's wedding. Now the only person that knows this evidently, the only people, Danny, well, he doesn't even know it because he's probably like that. Yeah. So the only people that know what happened are Jesse and likely Nia. And next episode,

we're going to find out exactly what they know. Until then, get in the comments. Let us know you thought about the episode. We will be back next week with more. Join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network for the double lives of suburban wives and real housewives of salt lake is right around the corner we love you guys very much i'm dylan saying goodbye pat and say goodbye later dudes