Another Below Deck Podcast - Jean Jam | Below Deck Med S11 E7

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Napa Valley, Andy Dick, chickens, Men at Work, the beach, frozen margaritas, onions, ratatouille, allergies, The Never Ending Story and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

And Aisha chats with Amy. She thinks that Billy is bullshit and Amy is stunned. Again, because she is horrible at her job. Amy is like if there was a street performer doing three card Monty and he always lost money to the people that were at the stand. All right. Which cup is it under? It's that. It's...

Fuck. Fuck. It is the two cup. All right. Let's try again. Hello and welcome to Bad TV. I'm Dylan. saddled up with he's back from Napa he's back from Napa it's Pat permission to come aboard and for

clarity sake what if I said not granted I'd still be here I know what would I do just talk to Kaylin the other time Dylan had been saying on multiple podcasts in my absence that I was celebrating my birthday month yes okay my wife's birthday is a week before for mine. This was in fact her birthday week. If we're up to me, I would not spend $4,000 for four days in Napa. I should have a birthday to her. I'm sorry. I think she's okay with that. I got to get the, I got the date for my I-Cal. Trying to get better at I-Cal. Because I got kicked off Facebook for hate speech. Speaking of which, I am going to do a wild APS where I go through my entire trip about Napa. Yeah, that's going to be awesome. Where we spend at a very

overpriced hotel. And I've decided I don't like vacations. I just want to stay home. And I don't mean to be a commodgian because you should live life. But living life to me is staying home, paying reasonable prices for things that you actually enjoy. Paying $1,000 a night for a hotel, who cares? It's a goddamn room. My wife's like, oh, she's ready to have an orgasm. Hey, hey, hey, save it, man. Fine. But we always say don't go places. Could this, dare I say, be a don't go places, is part six. Why do I need to go to Napa when I have Solvane two hours north of me? Sure, yeah. It's, Napa is so much farther. And also, we went to multiple wineries with piss wine. Hey. Hey. Now my tongue, I have a pretty good palate now. So I can discern bad wine. Did it hurt your

tummy? No, I was just like, oh my God. I'm watching everyone else as the Somnier is like, and this is made from this and this and everyone's like nodding their heads. Like fucking dummies. Oh, wow. We're going to get into it at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Tonight, we have to talk about. I think that the, the CUM story line has had a lot of legs. Okay, this is, this is, what are you doing on your phone? Oh, I'm looking up as sound effect.

I'm going to play later. Go ahead. You know, you can send stuff to Kalyn. Oh, yeah, that's probably true. You don't have to play it on your phone and actually wait. I like to have control of my sound effects. Okay. So yes, come is back, as is Amy, as is Suzanne and her suitors.

A lot to get into. Let's call an audible. Kaelin, what did you think of the episode? I thought it was a great episode. I'd give it 99 parts. I really enjoyed the episode. What is the point of asking him? I'm going to stop asking him.

You do it every episode. I know. I got to stop that. Worthless input. Go ahead. Pat. Very enjoyable episode. Yeah.

What a cliffhanger. Kailen, you were right. Shot in the dark. Joe went on our competing podcast, but we're still friends with them, above deck. Oh, I love above deck. And he said that the rest of the season is going to be the best season, a blow deck ever. Really? You just wait.

Everybody gets into the mud. People get fired. People get hired. It just goes sideways, and we're just getting into it. And I believe, Joe. I do, too. one of the true marks an important pillar of a good season of below deck rotation that's right turnover turn over turn over we need new people new bodies get get real sea rats are not their shelf

life is not an entire season okay they have to either cut themselves gravely and leave or they have to drink and you know they have to anyways these are your pots oh yeah uh well i um kind of forgot would happen, but I did it, I did completely enjoy, uh, Nate explaining what, uh, transpired, uh, to Captain Sam. He ejaculated on my bed. I would argue, he could have, um, I don't think he had to be as detailed. He could have said, uh, he had sats on my bed and, uh, and then he didn't, uh, there's a lot of gray area that, that the, she could have filled in the blanks. I don't know. That's a pretty, pretty specific blank to fill out because, because honestly, give Captain Sandy a little credit here. If you vaguely spoke about it, I don't think that she would land at like,

oh, you're talking about he, his semen is on your bed. Right. That's kind of crazy. Fair enough. Pots. 14. 15 and a half. I thought it was a great episode. It's wonderful to see Amy back on our screens. I can't stand her. Well, that's why. It's wonderful. She's such a pro. She bothers Kermit for such important details. Like, can you make sure there's bottled water in each guest cabin? Well, that's why you get paid the big bucks matchmaker, Amy.

She's also brought along a collection of men that, you know, some of them are nice. But one guy is just burping and talking to other women in rooms with doors that are wide open. So, like, Amy, maybe do a little bit better background check. I'd argue. She sucks. I'd argue her and Patty Stanger are kind of in the same boat, which is you have to have a track record of success, right, to be, to continue to do this. Was that the thing? Did Patty Stanger have any marriages?

Right. Right. So we could have done what Patty Stanger did. If you mean set people up in relationships that are going nowhere? Yeah. That's exactly what I mean. All right. So that was a lot of fun.

I want to pick that dog up. And I want to kick that thing. Sugar baby. I want to fucking punt that dog off the boat. Okay, we'll talk about all of it. And Cooper, you know, he's allergic to peanuts. So we'll get into the whole thing. I give it 99 pots.

Do you want to get anything else off your chest about nap or anything like that? No. I'm going to leave it all for APS. Okay. So last we left off, Captain Nathan, Bose and Nathan had found out about Luke's come, and he wasn't happy. And I was thinking as I wrote that very obvious note,

you know, who would be happy with come on their sheets, Andy Dick? Mm-hmm. He's the only person, I think. Yeah. And let's all be honest. If this had happened in a college, Frat House, we met John Belushi.

Yeah. Kids will put up with crazy stuff. But these are men going towards, I think, the age of 40, so it's different. Now, Luke walks away from this conversation. He says, I could not believe I'd lose my job for this. Yeah, yeah, he takes. This is worth pointing out.

The free-flying jizz is not the point of contention here. Sometimes the Gene Jam has a mind of its own. We all know that. I've seen this stuff clear a football upright. Okay. Are you using ChatGPT to come up with terms for come? No. The issue here is leaving it there for three days to become part of the linens.

He's using ChatGPT to come up with words for saying. I don't even know how to use ChatGPT. It comes from my dome, brother. That's where the comedy comes from. May I continue. Gene Jam came from a chat bot. Okay. The point of contention here is leaving it there for

three days to become part of the linen, like some kind of henna tattoo on skin. But it's come. Right. That's the problem. Well, I love that he's taken inventory of what he's loved and what he's lost. He's loved nothing. He's lost joy,

Jen, and possibly his job. So he's not really doing all that great. Poor baby. So, yes, he's very blindsided. I love the blindsided nature that he finds himself in.

He's like, I can't believe this. This could be really bad for me. Yeah. Yeah, you did among the most hilariously niche, grotesque things anyone's ever heard of. And worth pointing out, there is, in the middle of the episode, towards the end, there is a little, like, come to Jesus. Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm a piece of shit. Like, I was hoping that I'd be a good man. when I was a little boy.

Yeah, and then my dad left. Dad left, and I was thinking someday I'll be like a man that women respect. I'd be an honest guy that people want to, like, look up to. And then decorative pillows were staring me in the face, and I just had to ejaculate on them. And then I guess I let the world down. Uh-huh. Yep. A story as old as Todd.

We constantly let the world down. You just got to get up and dust yourself off. Okay. Sure. Came on Bosen's sheets will be on your personal record. heard for the rest of your life. Oh, I would love to see that. If I was a sea rat, we'll get to it.

If I was a sea rat, I would say, I think it's fucking bullshit, okay, that we have memos to the file for sea rats. We don't need that, okay? What the hell? That seems like way too intense. This guy's just trying to come and go to the next boat. And that's all anybody's really here for. Dylan, correction, as I pointed out at the top of this podcast, it's not about to come. No, it's about the fusing.

So it's getting around the boat, but we've got bigger fish to fry. That nightmare, Amy and her client, Suzanne, and her disgusting rat dog are aboard. Yes. All right. Charter guests, Suzanne, is ready to find love, and Sugar Baby is looking to find any surface area to take a piss on. And this is where I was, like, thinking, boy, I wish Charter guest Joseph was here because he might have been into that kind of thing. Charter guest, Joe. He liked to be pissed on.

Oh, yeah, that's right. You're a real brick. You're a real prick. I like you, though, Sugar Baby. I respect you, though. Now piss on my back. I like you. You want to hear how I lost $5 million?

Yeah, you like that, Sugar Baby. I lost it real quick. Oh, yeah. That's very warm. Keep it coming. All right. Keep it coming. My name's Justin.

Stop. Oh. Stop, stop, stop. Sugar Baby has a thick, dehydrated, brown piss. It's almost like maple syrup. It's disgusting. Now, at some point, Suzanne says, we cut up some chicken for him.

No. I know that chicken is an absurdly stupid animal. Werner Herzog has talked about it many times. Kalen, go ahead and play the Wernerertsau clip. The enormity of their flat brain the enormity of their stupidity is just overwhelming. You have to do yourself a favor when you're out in the countryside and you see chicken. Try to look a chicken in the eye with great intensity.

And the intensity of stupidity that is looking back at you is just amazing. Okay, that's good. So with that being said, I do not think that any chicken is destined to be fed to this rat. animal this woman has brought on. I just, I cannot stand it. It drives me nuts. Okay. But, Sugar Baby is here. She's pissing everywhere. What happens next in the show? Well, I think this is where this is where a matchmaker Amy wants to strategize with Kermit. Oh, yes. Because they're on a time crunch, Kermit. And even worse creature than Sugar Baby is for sure, Amy, who goes up to Asia and goes, hey, I'm going to need a second.

And then Aisha goes, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm doing 50,000 things. So actually, I'll have to, like, get back to you. And then Amy's like, no, I'm the primary, too. So I need you to come back. Don't be too long. And then Aisha's like, yeah, it could be forever. But I'll be back when I can. And what Amy needed Aisha for was a Sundek conversation.

about how the guys are going to need drinks up top with Suzanne. These people drive me nuts, right? So, and I can slip into this because I love a phone call. But, Amy, just tell Asia the guys are getting here at 2 o'clock. We're going to do a thing up there at 2.30. What are we doing with the, hey, I need you to come upstairs. We got to do a meeting upstairs. Talk about love.

Matchmaker Amy has a little thing called, a bug of self-importance. Yeah, it's really nuts. Meanwhile, in the galley, Joy's annoyed by the preference sheet. Now, this is a little odd to me because is it, do all the guys have preference sheets, or is it just charter guest, Suzanne? The guys don't matter. Okay.

They're canon fodder for Suzanne. All right. Now, I'm not a fan of Suzanne because the way that she talks to Joy later on, don't get me wrong. You should go in and let, you know, this is your charter, you're the primary, you're paying for it. You should be able to tell the chef what your likes and just, like Zahar, but the way that she did it is very rude. Very rude. You know what?

I'm going to save my thoughts for when we get there because this moment was so beyond infuriating and for anyone regardless of the monetary amount they're spending to think that they have rule over this. It's like, if you, I'll just get into it now. If you really don't like something, of course, just put it on. and say, please don't serve me that. To critique a chef on the thematic inclusion of things you do like, the fuck are you?

Just let her cook if you like potatoes and she puts potatoes in something, fucking eat it. It's absolutely. Okay, sorry. We get to the guys rolling in and Jen throws, I mean, it looks like she almost threw like 50 flutes of champagne on the ground. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They broke. And we get to, we get the process broken down by aiming. Oh, well, hold on one second, though. Well, I think it was, Jen broke those champagne bottles, right? Yeah. Well, she has some advice to offer for Suzanne. If Suzanne falls for any of these guys, make sure she cleans up their jizz. I would suggest the advice before it gets to that point, don't jerk a guy off who had you sleep in the bottom bunk after he had sex with you.

And told you not to tell anybody. Yeah, that's what I think they call him a tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a tell. Don't jerk him off. But, you know, it's so funny because it's interesting. Now, Jen didn't clean the cum sheets. The jean jam.

Off the sheets because she's just lazy and crazy, right? But it is interesting. Maybe she's like a Shilab kind of character where she knows that that dumbass is not going too. So she can just hold that over him the whole time. She could let that shit dry for as long as she wants. Oh, yes. Women are much, much smarter. Oh, we glossed over this still. Amy had one last conversation with Kermit about strategy. And Kermit could care less while Amy was talking because in her head she was thinking about all her wedding plans, which I assume we're going to, yeah, yeah, because she's going to have a DJ there that also plays the saxophone. Yeah, and there's a tromb on there as well.

That's right. Men at work, baby. Underrated band. I can't remember. I believe she said that they were going to be bumping T-Pain, maybe? Didn't catch that one. She should definitely play men at work, though. From Australia. I believe in the London, London. Is that men at work?

Mm-hmm. Wow. Good one. Nice poll. Okay, so we get back to the com. Nathan is having a meeting with Captain Sandy about wind. And Captain Sandy looks at him and goes, is something going on?

Did somebody come in your sheets or something? And he goes, you know, funny you should mention. Luke, he tells his boss, the captain of the ship. Luke ejaculated on my sheets and didn't clean them for three days. Then he gets very melodramatic. I was the last one to know. These are details that we don't need. Nathan, it's not important.

And you weren't the last person to know. The way he frames it is so annoying. not to get too off topic here, but like the gang found out at night and told him the next morning. This was not this political maneuvering around him and people had this information. They weren't telling him he's so fucking paranoid. For a little while they did and that's what hurts. Not really though. Cooper found out about anyone who wasn't coming or milking the come out didn't know until the night before everybody told them.

Fair enough. Calm down. Well, Sandy says there has to be repercussions. Short of termination, what is suitable punishment? And I was thinking, Nate randomly gets the climax in Luke Sam sandwich. And doesn't have to tell him which sandwich it was. It just has to be between now and the end of the season. Now, sounds like a bit of an OSHA violation or, uh,

I don't know. Something that could get you a B for the health department, right? Well, now if you're eating at Sizzler. There was actually common my malibut chicken. Oh, sorry, we'll get you a new one. No, I know. Can we talk about it, though? Think about this, though, because I'd call it a repercussion.

And just make the deal with him. Like, look, I can fire you. Are you going back to the hamster? Or Nate gets to come in your macawrecha. You're only salad. You're not going to know. Yeah. And he gets to do it between now just once and the end of the season.

What do you choose? Non-leafed salads are the easiest medium to conceal semen. Potato, chicken, tuna, pasta. It's the easiest thing to come in and nobody will know. Fill it. Use to come instead of mayonnaise. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay. So, um, the boat, the boat releases the dock lines and sugar baby releases her bladder. And then brings back horrible memories for Jen of a dog who she saw pee on the curtains. And, um, she also chose not to wash them for three days. Yeah, hey, Jen, that's a boring story. That's a bad story. Um, I just want to say really quickly, a couple of the guys order frozen strawberry margaritas, which is, what's wrong with them? I, it's the pinnacle of vacation. If you are, it's so funny. I don't like, I, vacation, it takes me a little bit to get into, right?

It takes you a day or two to kind of unwind the coil, right? But then after that, I'm good on vacation. And nothing brings me more bliss on a vacation than a frozen fruit margarita. That's how you know. A frozen, a mango, mango? These guys are doing it right, is what I'm trying to say. Could you sit on the beach for a little bit and have a mango margarita or two? No, I hate the beach.

I was there a Saturday. It's filled with sand. It gets in food. It gets in your feet. I hate the beach too. I hate the beach too. But let's say it's in the right context. We go to Mexico.

We go to East La Mujarez, right? And we're just, we're going to do a beach thing. And there are restaurants on the beach and you can get good savages and you can get margaritas and stuff. Could you go on the beach for a little bit? I was in a private fucking cabana with a bunch of rock stars. On Saturday? And I still wanted to leave. Okay.

What about a forest journey? What if you went up to like Big Sur and like did like a woodsy kind of thing? This is what I differentiate. I can do travel. Travel is like learning about shit. You could go to Europe. I can't sit down for a week and do nothing. Right.

I lose my mind. I'm the same way. Yeah, yeah. I can't do that. I think you're 100% right. Traveling is different than vacation. It goes back to my childhood. There were no vacations.

I blame that on my childhood. And I can't be fixed. I'm a broken toy. There's so many elements of traveling that are fucking horrible, though. Have you caught a train? Have you caught a train in the summer? Mm-mm. Oh, my God.

The worst. Let's get back to the show. So, Susan meets, a guy and quotes her guru. Love is not what you do. Love is who you are. Worked out for her so far. Yeah.

Vomit that on a plank of wood and then hang it in your kitchen. That only... Well, that only has you and Sugar Baby in it because... Your guru's not helping you. Whenever I go into someone's home and I see that horse shit in their kitchen or living room, I think the exact opposite of you. When it says home is the heart, I'm like, I wonder how much fucked up stuff's happened. Right, sure, sure.

Where are the dead bodies? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they just wiped up the blood. So, Suzanne chats with her mates. All the men are mediocre to fine. This guy will. I'm excited to talk about him. Is this the misogynist?

No, no, no. This is the soft-spoken cult leader kind of guy. Is this the guy who looked like a caveman? Yeah, it's the one that she likes. Okay. Absolutely not. I'm getting not, he's nothing like West Wilson, but the fire alarms are just as loud when you see a character like this. Which guy is using AI to save the world?

I think that was Kurt. So here's my problem. There was like a Brian, Will and then Billy or something like that. Yeah, Billy's the guy that farts while he's FaceTiming with girls that he's banging. Uh-huh. Yeah. Okay. Hey, I wanted to just because I like to teach our listeners as we go along.

recap. We're educational. Joy cries. Yeah, many have said that we're kind of like the PBS of reality television recap. I've heard that before. I know. People say it all the time. Joy cries while cutting onions. Yeah. Amateur hour. When I was working at... This is going to piss me off. Okay. When I was working at Weatherveen Seafoods, we served onion rings there. So one of my jobs, I was low rung on the totem pole, was to spend my morning cutting the onion rings. They put a gigantic box of onions in front of me. That's a tough job. Chop them.

So it took me, I got coached up pretty quickly how to not have my eyes just like turn red. Sharp knife. That's an easy one. Sharp knife. Sharp knife. You put a fucking paper towel underneath the onions. It absorbs whatever that shit is that makes you want to fucking cry. Kenji Lope has salt is breaking it.

Also, second secret. Freeze the onions. Freeze the onions. onion. Uh-huh. But then the nut when you know that yes. I bet I don't think it's easier to chop them. It's a cleaner cut. I know, but those onion rings were probably dog shit. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no. You cut all those onion rings way before you're going to put them in the friar later. This is a restaurant. These things move real fast. You think they're fucking cutting an onion right before they throw it in a fucking no, I'm not talking about throwing a frozen onion into a friar. I'm talking about freezing something. We'll get back to

the show in a second. When you freeze something, the moisture starts to get fucked with. Then when it dethaws, it returns, but it returns in a very uncanny way. It's almost like you went to a parallel universe and you're still yourself, but you're not, there's something different. Throw that shit in a fry. It's just not the same. I understand. I'm just saying it worked. Okay. You're welcome. Okay. So meanwhile, we get water, meanwhile? Oh, meanwhile. We get water toys ready. Luke can't believe how awkward. It is. He's,

he, at every turn of this scenario, he's confused about the severity of it. He's like, Nathan and I are not doing well. Yeah, he, he found out that you came on his bed three days ago,

six hours ago, so you're not doing well. Yeah. Once again, he never says, I can't believe what I did. It's how it affects, him.

Yeah. He's, by the way, one of our listeners says... Dads, don't leave your children. Stop leaving your children. It's a horrible thing to do. He's on cameo, and his rates are as high as Captain Sandy to talk to him. It's just somebody not understanding the marketplace. And we've all been there, right?

So, Joy is pissed at Suzanne for throwing rocks in a rod. And Luke tells Joy that there's a moment where he heads in and she's teasing him about the weight of the bag. He's got too big of a bag to take out or something like that. And she's administered this punishment. And Luke looks at her and says, earnestly, I've had enough with the punishment. He is. It's been at least 18 hours, right? He has very odd energy, almost like, um,

can I say Asperger's without like... People might get upset. All right. Yeah, flag that. You just touched on it. Yeah, yeah. You were being sensitive enough to ask. Right, okay.

That's learning. Thank you very, very much. There's something a little different about Cronk. Yeah. This is what I'm saying. He's nuts. Meanwhile, Sandy Texa, familiar name. Oh, Norma.

No, no, no, it wasn't Dushka. Were you going to say Dushka? I was going to say Thelma. Oh, no, no. The woman who put down her mop on another boat to help Sandy turn a fillet into a piece of charcoal and serve it to paying guests. I forgot what season that was, but Duska, you live in the hearts and minds of all below deck fans. Well, it was an interesting kind of block of charcoal because while the top and bottom of the filet were essentially an asteroid, the middle was completely raw. So you can't say there wasn't a textual complexity to that.

But when you dry fry a fucking three inch fillet until it's dead, it's not going to be edible. She also microwaved oysters Rockefeller, I think. And smoked while she did it. So, yeah, that was a lot of fun. But, yeah, Sandy is reaching out to try to get a philin because she thinks she's going to have to fire Luke. Now, she calls him up, and she says, Hey, I heard you ejaculated on Nathan's sheets three days ago and didn't clean it. And he says, you heard correct.

And she says, okay, glad that we cleared that up. Because of this, I'm going to need to write a report. And I really, really do think that detailed records of sea rat behavior is just, I understand that if somebody's going to go to another boat, you want to know if they came on the sheets of their boss and didn't wash them for three days. That's a piece of information. But what are we expecting from C Rats? We're going to have some surly stuff.

Look, it's not going to be that detail. What it will say is, like, unhealthy, like, behavior, unsanitary conditions. So people will see that and they're like, what's up with that? Then we get back into the role play. We have a report here. you be luke uh yes uh we have a report here of um sanitary mishap on your last boat that's right captain sandy vaughan wrote a sanitary mishap we've never heard uh anyone described something like that so could you break that down for us what happened have you ever heard of um gene jam

have i ever heard of jean jam that's right no what is that it's come it's come though. Can you point your nose down a little bit? I feel like I'm talking to an aristocrat right now, and actually you're trying to get the job. Okay. All right. So, um, this goes on the C-Ret record and could really damage his career. Let's get to another meanwhile. Meanwhile, solo time with Will and Billy. And, um, I really don't care about these dates and this. Of course not. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it's the dude with the, uh, women. How about Amy the fucking horseback riding? This whole thing just got super tossed upside down because Brian got, it had nothing to do with that. You had seven minutes of daylight left. You planned

this horribly, Amy. You're horrible at your job. This is crazy. This can't even be her job. I think organizing the ceremonies of mating her is part of her job. We get a line from Jen here that is so telling. Jen is so annoying. Sorry, we'd love to have you on. She says, I'm going to Paris after this. My parents will not stop paying for shit for me.

Okay. Did you hear where Kat's response was? No. Awesome. Awesome. That's all you have to say. I can't tell you how annoyed. If your parents are buying you homes,

vacations, cars, please shut the fuck up. I'll tell you how many people I know that are like cats. We're really going through it. Did your parents just buy you a home? Yeah.

Well, yeah, but I mean, that's just works, been so stressful. Oh, I got a doozy. Okay, thank you. I got a doozy on APS with one of the couples that we went up there.

They were finding out that they might be losing some of their, what do you call it? Their, uh, Bitcoin. No, no, no. Where, They basically live off their parents putting money in their bank account.

And they were finding out that they might not get that much money. And they were, they ruined their whole vacation. I got to tell you, real quick, we'll get back to the show. I got a buddy who's one of my most communist buddies. You know, I hanging around with a couple of communists, right? Sends me a video from the semifinals of the World Cup. He'd already been two games.

sends me a video of him at the semifile. I go, the revolution should be targeted at you. We should be outside of your home with the pitchforks. Okay, Mr. Underground Communists. I forget what I think it was a guy. Fucking $5,000 seat. You're going to be kidding me. Guyco, they always make the rest commercials.

It's like, it's this old guy sitting up on the top of building. And he's like, the CEO's like, all right. Hey, we need to get, we need to talk to the man. And like one of the subores, like, I think you are that. You're the man. Yeah. What? You're the man.

Huh? All right. So, um, we get to Joe's mom, remember has breast cancer. Sandy did check in. Sandy's a sweetheart. Oh, yes. Unless you're, uh, a gay man, in which case she actually hates you. Well, you have to, uh, there's a particular type of gay man.

Okay. A twink. Skinny little guy. Fraser's not a toy. Oh, by the way, they, unfortunately, Frazier and his boyfriend broke up this week. So sad to hear that. That is sad. But, you know, I think the gays lily pad.

Yeah. They got, they bounce bad. They have more fun than us. You know, who has time to be with somebody forever? I mean, it's insane. That's true. Yeah. So, we get to dinner, cold water lobster, and I would have given them more water lobster.

I just told them it was cold. with a ratatouille ravioli. This is an application of ravioli I did not think was even possible. Ratatoui, one of the most miraculous humble working class dishes you could ever feast your tongue on, filled inside a ravioli. It's just a stunning application, a stunning love child of these two cuisines, an Italian, sat next to a cold water lobster. Suzanne hates it. She fucking hated it. I know. For a fact, this can't not be delicious.

She just wants to mope. She just wants to complain about something. Can't stand this woman. There's no way, given what Joy is put out of that kitchen and what this dish is, there's no way that wasn't amazing. So we do rapid fire cards. One guy is dressed like a prohibition era security. Yeah.

And these guys, I don't know how old they are, but they're- Amy is horrible at her job. It's like she went to a gym and she asked like the owners or managers, like, who's had the longest memberships here? Which means like the biggest douchebags. And like, here's the names. And then she just called them. You want a free vacation?

Like, does it matter if I have a girlfriend? She's like, no. Yeah, it's really weird. Like, I don't know what convention halls she shows up to. Like, she just goes to like swingers conventions or something and like picks guys. These guys. It was very bad. I don't know who these people are.

Like laser tag enthusiasts. Did you just get six laser tag enthusiasts and bring them on this boat and tell them not to talk about laser tag? That's honestly the vibe I'm getting from. I mean, these six guys. But one can't stand to the modern woman. And this guy will. Red flags everywhere. The reiki kind of or reiki kind of peaceful interrupters.

Like I work in the tech space, but I also like... He's the guy who wants to use AI to save the world? No, that's another guy. But this guy, like, I don't know. He's striking. me as like knowing more Sanskrit than anyone from America should ever know. And I'm just like, this guy is a fucking, he's a fraud. Why are you fucking 40 and single, you loser?

Because he's a fuck boy. He loves just fucking people. You know, what's that's, what's the stuff where you sit in front of your partner? Tantric. I bet he's in a tantric stuff. Who has the time? All right. So, um, we then get a dish of truffle sauce with.

fillet and homemade nochi turbo with a stunning vegetable garnish is for those who do not eat beef again Suzanne thinks it is gruel and feeds it to her dog 77 pot no 87 pots all right so Nathan heads to bed um I think Luke asks him to talk yeah Nathan says I got a shower you came on my bed I got a shower I've shower actually your come off of me. So Billy takes a phone call and he takes a little bit of a break to

solicit nudes from a woman on FaceTime. You know, you're so much prettier there. I got to just fucking burping and farting. Excuse me. I don't be home tomorrow. Yeah, can you send me a picture of your tits? Otherwise, I got to go, I got to go

to sleep. I'm exhausted. Yeah, hold on. I got to pick something on me to you. All right. So Jen over hears it and is aghast and then tells nobody. So Luke texts his mom again. Listen, it's beautiful when children have very close relationships with their parents. And we got the C-Rat history that kind of blew all of our socks off last week. So given that, I understand why there's a codependency. but there's a codependency here.

This is an edible nightmare that should not be happening. Okay. Texting your mother, I feel I've found myself completely alone here. And having her return fire with, You're Not Alone, You Have Me. It's very, it's like Joffrey and Circe. I'm telling you, not. I want to make the reality show that no one could handle.

Because that first half is a bunch of fucked up 35 year old fuck boys who've ruined people's lives, women hurt women around the world. That's the first half. You just see like this is like the guys. I tracked down their dads. The first half of the reality show. It's like intervention.

You kind of see them all fucked up. Oh, first half of an episode. An episode, sorry. Got it, got it. And then I'm going to sit down like people like Leap's dad and go, please explain yourself. Right.

What happened? You bring them together. Well, no. I just want to sit down and understand like what, what were you thinking? So you dropped a load in his mom. Got it. And then you thought it was a good idea to take off.

Okay. So your show is you meet a fuck boy. You spend 20 or so minutes with a fuck boy. Then you meet his dad, who's just an older fuck boy. That's right. Then you spend 20 minutes with him. Right. And then the show ends.

That's right. But I get to attack both of them. Okay. No, they don't want to meet. Right. The audience wants them to meet. Well, maybe. I mean, nothing's going to.

to come of it. But I just... Right, because you're making the show and they're not going to meet. No, but I think it would be cathartic for a lot of people that have experienced this to kind of see old Patty really have fun with this. Like, let's say Luke's dad's name is Brian. Brian, why are you a loser? You realize you failed in every aspect of life.

You're one duty as a human being. You created another soul. And then you abandoned your responsibilities. Did you have fun with your life? I guess you, carousing women at bars? Sure. What did you accomplish in life? Brian. Oh, really? Oh, you worked at the mill. Wow. Now you're 60, huh?

Okay, all right. So you have an extra ride because, and this strikes close to home because your father. Well, you have to be passionate about subject matter in order to be compelling. As a father, it just doesn't make sense to be how they do it. All right. So we rise for the next day. Next morning. Joe and Kaylee are going to bear back each other on horseback. Ha. That's a good one. And Asia chats with it. Amy, she thinks that Billy is bullshit and Amy is stunned again because she is

horrible at her job. Amy is like if there was a street performer doing three card Monty and he always lost money to the people that were at the stand. All right, which cup is it under? It's that. It's... Fuck. It is the two cup.

All right, let's try again. I'll put up $20. Says you can't... That's Amy. Okay, so Cooper has a delicious little breakfast treat. And we find out that he has an allergy to peanuts. Now, a couple of insane things out of this.

One, Luke, says, I don't want to be a liability. Luke, it's not a liability. You just could die if you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You said, Luke. Oh, Coop, yeah. You're not a liability. Don't worry about that. Then we get a little C-Rat history where Coop,

tells a story about how he almost lost the will to live. Did you catch this? Was it when he went into shock? Yeah, he says that when he was younger, he had a peanut, and his friend's dad kept telling him to keep breathing. But like, Kaelin, can you look up, what was a Treu's horse in Neverending Story? Is this the sad horse that went in the mud?

Yeah. Oof, that's a brutal scene, man. Yeah, it's a metaphor. for depression and quitting. You know, the lessons are attacks. Cooper found himself in the muck of this struggle, and he said, I don't know if I want to try to breathe anymore. Well, Luke,

keep breathing. You're going to be, our coop, you'll be fine. As someone who's allergic to Brazilian nuts, you have experienced this, I know the feeling. The last time I experienced this was junior year prom, the after party. There was a big bowl of chocolate, and I just stuck my big fat piehole face into it, ate a bunch of them. About five minutes later, I'm like, uh-oh, uh-oh.

My face exploded into a round size of a basketball. Right. All the swelling. You were like that girl from Hereditary. Yeah. And then all my, I started getting all these, what, do you see all those things? Do you see all those things? Hives all over my body.

My throat started swelling up so I couldn't breathe. Yeah. Yeah. And then you lost the will to live? I was thinking I want to die. Okay. Yes. All right, cool.

Yeah. I mean, I've never been there. So thank you for shedding light on that. All right. So Nathan says, it's okay. You ate nuts. I slept on nuts. That was good.

So everyone rises for breakfast. and wait what? Whoa, whoa, whoa, joy feels it's her fault. Yeah, we'll get to this. The rest of the guests rise for breakfast. God bless you. And this is where Coupe is starting to puke and die. Now, the medic arrives and joy feels absolutely horrible. She hasn't been able to focus because of Suzanne's horseshit and because of that, she feels like she might have killed Cooper. And this is actually pretty crazy. You haven't seen the episode. He actually does die. So, rest in peace, Cooper. I mean, it's actually pretty insane.

We got to bury the lead, actually. No, he's fine. He takes a Benadryl, actually. Now, this is accountability on her part. Dare I say it's not her fault at all, but it's so sweet. But this is an example of accountability. And imagine if she, if someone gave her a hand job and she came on her boss's sheets, she might throw herself off a fucking building.

That's how serious she takes this. things. She's a very serious person. And if that did happen, she would take it very seriously. Okay. So, um,

yes, as we mentioned, Cooper does, uh, does pass, square that circle. I'm trying to. Joy,

joy, joy, do not find comfort in the arms of Luke. She tells him about Cooper. Oh, God. And Luke hugs her and says that, she says that she feels safe in his arms.

Luke is the king of standing, dare I say lumbering, and not fucking saying anything. He just walks around and just takes up space. And people are like, can I fucking help you with something? He then goes outside and works. And he is a worse disposition than Cooper, who's almost died. Luke is a more mopey person than Cooper right now. It's just crazy. But Suzanne heads in.

And this is where she eviscerates Joy's menu. And this is where I say, like, I understand you're the primary. I don't think these bums are contributing to the tip either. So I get it. It's your thing. But also, like, she's the chef. She'll make you good food. If it's something that you really don't like.

But coming in here. and saying just culinary ignorant things like a potatoes and a taco don't stand actually it's done all over Mexico and actually she's a fucking chef so she knows that and if you're not that

you're just a lonely woman with a rat dog no no shade but there are lanes and to be fair to her she doesn't know how good joy is we do can I also say watching Suzanne how she interacted with everyone else on the boat

she didn't talk to anybody else this way. Yeah. Zod. She was pretty cool. She did have that moment with Sandy where she was like, I want to get out of here. It's so disgusting. But that was just a joke.

She's, listen, she's a very, very wealthy person. So we get to Molly Raji. Yeah, Molly Raj. For horseback riding.

This is a complete and total fucking bus. That goes fucking side. ways quick, man. There's supposed to be horse times and sit times, but Brian is puking, so we have to head back almost instantaneously. Joe and Kaylee lug all this shit up this hill, and then they have to take it all back down. It's kind of like a boot camp exercise. We get to a chat between Nathan and Luke, and Luke attempts to take ownership over the situation, but there's really nothing that can be said. Like, if you, I don't know what an analog would be, but like if you did something, that was really disgusting

and didn't remedy it for let's say you took a shit in a vent and then just everybody smelled shit for like three days and you knew what it was your shit up there and then they found out that it was you and you tried to apologize after the person you were apologizing to would be like it's so bizarre what you did

and that you knew there is no amount of apologizing or ownership that could take care of this. You came on my bed. That's right. What he needs to understand, of course, he's got impulse issues is time heals all come. Well,

kind of not, though. It would turn into a G-O'd after a while. That'd be really tough to sleep on. You'd get literal back pain from that. So I don't know if time heals all come. I just don't know. So in the vans we have Kaylee and Joe hitting it off. And Suzanne at this point is shit-faced.

Okay. Now, Joy is getting dinner ready because Suzanne is a tongue blind. Joy is having to push it to give 100%. I love her so much. Her attitude is unbelievable. We've had chefs in the past who have gotten an ego about this kind of thing, who are an eighth the chef that Joy is. Joy is a winner and just an incredible human being.

Love her to death. We get this. This is where Luke stands around. She starts to hug Luke. And Luke recognizes that despite this warmth that he has from joy, it's just too awkward. He came on Nathan's sheets. And he heads up to the crow's nest and he quits, actually. Yeah.

Yeah. I hope she lets him go. I mean, she is already. She's not going to. I hope she lets him go. She's already calling him. She's already calling Norma. I know, but Norma hasn't gotten back to her, so I think Sandy's going to be like,

hey, this doesn't define you. It kind of does. He's the guy that came and his boss is back. We won't forget this one. This is a super defining thing. There's a lot of sea rats we forget. Yeah, get in the comments. Let us know what you thought of the episode.

We will be back next week. Until then, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Let's see goodbye.