Another Below Deck Podcast - Jeff Puked In The Sink | Below Deck Med S11 E13

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down open wounds, Minority Report, nation states, Liberace, Switzerland, Twilight, Powder, The Perfect Storm, Carrows, nachos and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

He hears the story of his son's redemptive journey to save his father. They're improving to his father that he didn't fail, even though he should have loved harder. And Nathan says, I can relate. I just had a kid. Yeah, and also it brings, this is a direct quote from him, it brings home the importance of family. Right, right, right.

And we know he really met it seeing he has that court date this week. Hey, bad TV. podcast. Dylan Pat. Great to be here. We're in a new studio. It's a new stew. Kaelin is here. We have an on-air button. We need to get a camera on Kaelin because this pulp brick looks so magnificent. Kalan, Kaelin, have you been doing Wagovi? You look very slim, babe. Oh, thank you. No, I think I've gained about 10 pounds. Okay, great. My eyes are getting worse and worse and worse. You know who's losing weight? Nate, he's on the run. He's on the lamb. That's what I heard.

Pat and I were discussing before the mics heated up. And the mics that we have are a little bit like an egg boiler. They take a while to turn on and get nice and hot and ready for us. But we were talking about before that happened, before they were hot and ready. Nathan is a wanted criminal in Ireland. He is wanted for domestic violence charges. The local law enforcement are looking for him. Is this a true story?

You might want to just verify that. That's a true story. It's reported by people. Oh, okay. Because little did I know. No, it's reported by reality blurb. Well, they've been around the box. Are they reputable brand?

They've actually taken some of our stories off the pod and printed them. Oh, have they? So we know they're reliable. 100%. Now, one little... We're like Woodward and Bernstein. We are very, very regimented about the accuracy of the information that we get out there. That's right. One little nugget of news that came out this week is this was not Nathan's first running with the law.

He actually has an outstanding warrant in Ireland for him because he punched a guy in public. Oh, well, that happens. Yeah. I don't know what they're doing trying to arrest people in Ireland for punching other people. It should just be legal. Well, show up to court, though, I think. For sure, yeah. Yeah.

And it's amazing you just wonder, you know, how could it get any, easier to be hired. McDonald's, I think, has a more robust background check than this show. Yeah, but Dylan, they make fries. So we are going to get into Below Deck this evening. It's the show we love. It's the show we know. And Patrick is still infirm.

Oh, Jesus. Mew me when that happens, right? Can you bring his fader down? Because the audience has been really complaining about how Pat has been sick for two weeks. He also has a gash on his. leg that he suffered about a week ago. My wife thinks I'm a secret serial killer. Right.

I don't think that you are. I think that's so exhausting. I have too much compassion for humanity. You're also a little scatterbrain. You've got to be extremely compartmentalized and organized if you're going to be a serial killer. Don't you think so? I'm pretty, I'm pretty, uh, are you?

Huh. Well, uh, he caught his leg, uh, what, 10 days ago? Yeah. It needs stitches. Now, has it been, is it doing a re-bleed? Pat walked by a clay pot, sliced his leg open and spent bleeding. He's not gone to the doctor. Just wrapped it up with a t-shirt came home, wrapped it up with.

Is that a painter's tape? No, it's a bandage. Okay. But it's bleeding through. That's why it's red. Oh, okay. So after a week, it's still bleeding. Yeah, I should probably go to the hospital.

All right. By the way, you didn't say below deck and you didn't say, allow me to say permission to come aboard. Oh, sorry. Below deck. What do we say? I don't know. It's your line.

No, it's your line. I don't even, I don't welcome it or anything. Let's do some housekeeping. Right around the corner, we have. Can you say welcome? I already did. Okay. We have Real Housewives of Salt Lake City coming around the bend.

And the version of traders that I had signed up for, but they never got back to me because I signed up too late. So it's real people doing traders. And do you think they didn't give back to you because you signed up too late or because you had a pretty risque audition? Well, actually, I didn't submit my video was the problem. But I did submit the application. But the video portion you didn't. Yeah.

So they couldn't see you. Correct. So even if they liked the application, you could have been some gigantor with sores all over the place. You can't film something like that. That's the society we live in. It's not right, but that's the society we live in. So yeah, that's coming to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Get in the comments.

Like, subscribe. Tell your friends. Tell your family. And steal from people to sign up for the Patreon. So let's get into the episode. How many pots would you give this? And what did you think generally about the episode? Okay, I'm glad you asked Dylan.

Yeah. This episode was very interesting, given the news about Nate this week. Mm-hmm. And here's why. There were two separate conversations that this little guy had with the people that he has. Little bald guy. The little bald guy. By the way, I am now very happy that I did a 16-episode arc on that little bald bastard because he is truly an angry little fucker.

Yeah. And a lot of people at the time were like, hey, Pat, I think you're going hard on this guy. This is like the, you know, seventh time. Well, what you don't know is that Pat is like that, uh, I'm an Oracle. You're like that Oracle child floating in that thick pool of gunk and minority report. You can see that this ball. I see douchebacks.

And then a ball rose down and I say douchebag. Right, right, right. And it turns out you were right. It's not just that he's a doucheback. He's a criminal on the lamb. He choked out the mother of his child. So go ahead. Allegedly.

You got to say that. Okay. So this little, he's emotionally immature. he's a little guy he's confrontational and he's controlling now do you remember when he talked to Kaylee he's extremely dumb and he's dumb

in this episode him confronting excuse me him confronting Kaylee was one of the one of the most insane things I've ever seen a boss do on this show it was controlling it was to say I think

I'm so much above you that I can confront you about what You're talking about it in your personal relationship. Right. And Kaylee's like, who the fuck do you think you are? Do you think that you are Barack Obama commanding me to tell you things? Get the fuck out of my face, you little bald guy? That was about control.

So you can tell that he's a very controlling asshole. Yeah. The second one was when he went to Cooper. Barack Obama was a bad poll because Barack Obama is a black man. Nathan's not. Right. Also, he's not bald. She would have never confused the two.

Okay. The other one was with Cooper, where he wanted to know what he had talked about with Joe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so now you're kind of like filling in the blanks of, or filling in who this guy really is. He's actually curated his kind of persona a little bit more than we thought he had. He's, you know, he's like so many we see on reality television, which is a joy to watch. It's a stupid cunning. It's a village idiot trying to pull off some master plan.

And it always fails. And it's always super embarrassing. But yeah, Nathan is, you know, I have it later. But as much as we dislike the melodrama and the emotional deceit of one eyebrow Joe, I'm so excited to see him get his day in the sun. because Nathan is going to be sitting in a jail cell, fighting off knives made of toothbrushes, and Joe is going to be the star of this television show.

Now, that sounds awful, but the solace that we take is that Joe will not last as a bosa for very long. I mean, he will do something just completely inappropriate, and he'll be fired very soon. Yeah, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Joe and Nate are almost the same person. Why do you think they hate each other so much? Exactly. For that reason, and many, many more, I'm going to give it 14 knots.

I'm going to give 14 knots, too. I do have some general thoughts about the episode. This is a, it's just such a great season. I can't put my finger on why it is such a great season. You know, we've had seasons in the past where there are these events, right? So angry Greeks, punch cabinets and shit like that. I don't know if there have been that many, like, event dots throughout this season. It's just been kind of every episode delivery.

What am I saying? A guy came in his boss's sheets. Yeah. I mean, if they just gave us that, we'd be talking about that for years. Right. But now we have Nate versus Joe, Nate getting, you know. We got Max. Nate got written up for domestic violence.

Max is going to Tunisia. by way of Libya. The whole thing is just absolutely insane. And I give it 14 pots. So we start with Max leaving the boat. Well, Sandy's still trying to talk Max out of entering Libya. But Sandy said it, well, she said it's littered with landmines. And she said, I think the people there killed their last president by stabbing him in his chocolate faucet.

And although I did hear he was a pretty bad guy. probably deserved it, but it's a dangerous place. I mean, when you're the head of a nation state, you're probably not an angel, right? So if we're going to go ahead and knife-wap everybody that's the head of a nation state, I mean, it's not going to be good. But, you know, Sandy was talking about how Hillary Clinton is still laughing about it. You can hear her laughs. She laughs like a ghoul, like some kind of evil ghoul.

And that man was unceremoniously dragged through the streets of Libya. and well I mean he was bone tomahawked essentially I mean with a pairing knife I mean it's crazy the poor bastard Mo Marcotafi um but yeah so max is going there you oh yeah and then max makes his around but first he makes his way around the boat to share the epic journey of human redemption and sacrifice can I say really quickly fathers you have to teach your children to have a brain. It's very important. Your walls cannot be subterranean. So I want to say that like, listen, maybe it actually is happening. We spoke last week that all he needed to do was go to a local target or whatever Croatia has, get an apple gift card and then just read off the number.

If you wanted to, he could pretend to be a grandmother and hack the people on the other side of the phone. But no one on this boat, like it doesn't surprise me that Max thinks that he's in a Spielberg movie and he's going to go save his father. It does surprise me that no one else on this boat is going, don't you think it's just a scam? So it might actually be a scam. I'm not sure. Well, I think we're going to call a spade, a spade. I think it's pure lunacy. Yeah, I don't mean to say a scam. Maybe his father actually is stranded in Tunisia. But yes, you're right. It is complete lunacy.

Now, Nathan says that, you know, when he hears this story. Oh, yeah. He hears the story of a son's redemptive journey to save his father. They're improving to his father that he didn't fail, even though he should have loved harder. And Nathan says, I can relate. I just had a kid. Yeah.

And also it brings, this is a direct quote from him, it brings home the importance of family. Right, right, right. And we know he really meant it, seeing he has that court date this week. Yeah. Way to go. Nathan. No way to go.

Dad of the year. What a piece of shit. So we've got a lovely lady coming onto the boat. And because of Weva, the weather, we're not going to be able to leave the dock. Now we've seen this time and time again. It is one of the myriad reasons why you should never, ever agreed to come on this show. Max calls his dad and Nathan brings it up to the rest of the boys.

Now, Nathan throws another little shit fit here. And, you know, Joe goes, this is going to be so tough because Max is leaving. You're down. and Nathan goes, I'm not down. I don't know what you're talking about. Nathan, even if you had a working back, okay? You're sleep deprived. You're on your nights off.

You're going back to do what little you can with the child. You're not at 100% regardless. And also, you just bruised your back so badly that you couldn't lift a flotation device. Okay, so please. You are useless, although that was shade by Joe, right to his face. Yeah, Joe cedes the high ground to Nathan this episode. All Joe has to do is sit back and let Nathan crash and burn. What do you say when your enemy is making an ass out of themselves?

Stay out of the way. Stay out of the way. Just stay out of the way. You don't even have to wave the little cape in front of them. Just let, he's going to go crazy and stampede all over the place. So there's a moment where Sandy asks to get a trolley. And this is one of these instances where Joe, shut up. Joe, just shut the fuck up, okay?

Let Nathan do his thing. You're ruining this. And this is, again, it's dumb cunning. You don't have the mental capacity to pull this stuff off in an effective way. So when Sandy asks him to do this, he goes, oh, no, I wish I could. But I can't actually touch anything on this boat without Nathan's permission, which she knows is horseshit. Okay. And calls it out immediately.

She goes, you guys have got to figure this out. This is nonsense. This was, yeah, this was Joe intentionally. I'd love to do this. But yes, once again, stupid. But now, just to back up here, this is, I think you already talked about the interior meeting where they discussed that they're going to have to step up for these charter guests because they're not going to leave the dock on day one, which I always equate to staying at a subpar hotel that smells like fish. Uh-huh. Right?

Oh, yeah. Docs. Docs always smell like a, you. Yeah, I miss that one. Just try to. Sorry. People are going to fucking lose their mind. I do, man.

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Give me a hands up. Give them a royal wave. Do a royal wave. way. I apologize. I apologize. I do too. Ugh. But yes, every dock that you go to smells

faintly of bird shit, fish guts, and some salinity that kind of binds the two together and this just uncanny, horrific smell. And, you know, that's why we don't really like boat stuff. That's why I say, why don't

you just refund me the money? I'll go stand a hotel in town and you let me know when we can leave the dock. Now, Kermit says they're going to go to, they're going to go ham, which is hard as a motherfucker. Oh, you leave off the, yeah. Motherfucker one word, okay. Yeah. Yeah, is, yeah, motherfucker can be one word, right?

I believe it can. And, you know, there are lots of ways to skin this cat. We could also have the F be a silent F, right? Hamph. So you don't pronounce the F when the, you know, they're going hard as a motherfucker. And this is their grand plan. Cocktail making class. Porn stars.

And ravioli. Ravioli. And if I was a guest, I'd go, you know what, actually? Don't refund the money. That cocktail demonstration, where you taught us how to make a porn star martini, rolling into that ravioli evening, I've never had more fond of my life.

Who needs the ocean? Let's just stay here and do more shit like that. So worth it. Now, Cooper and Kat continue to have their, oh, Max leaves. Oh. Cooper and Cat. Well, and then we learn of his plans.

Right. Point by point. He's going to fly to Libya. He's going to find his dad, somehow fly under the radar of the Libyan cartel, and make his way through the desert with his father, then somehow get a plane and then fly to Prince. Kaelin, can you do me a favor? Can you look up who is heading up the government of Libya right now? Now, I don't want to denigrate the man's passion or his goals or loving his father. But let me remind the audience just a mere two seasons ago, when the waters were a little rough,

he was the guy that stood directly under the swing jet ski. Oh, sure. While attempting to hook it to a crane that almost got multiple people killed. So my point, he's a fucking moron. Yeah, Nate was going to make him lead deck hand. Caitlin, who's running Libya right now? Well, right now I'm seeing that it is split and ruled by two rival authorities. Oh, even better.

That's great. Even better. That's great. Who are those two authorities? The West Tripoli, the government of national unity. Okay, yeah, that's what I thought. And then the Libyan National Army, the east and the south. The military.

Okay, great, great. So my question is, why the fuck are we flying there instead of Tunisia? Can we not, are there no direct flights to Tunisia? Why do we have to fly to Libya? Nothing about this makes any sense. Get in the comments. Let us know if you have anything illuminating. So Cooper and Kat continue to have their secret romance and everyone knows about it.

Well, because Coupes tells us, or what he told the producers, this is my favorite part, he says he's not good at keeping secrets. He said when he was seven, he told all his friends that Santa didn't exist. Yeah. I did something similar when I was seven. I told everybody Liberace died of AIDS. Yeah. And you could hear a pin drop on that school bus. And then everybody asked, who's Liberacee?

Uh-huh. And what's AIDS? Yeah. And you were like, you guys don't get. parked in front of a television with your grandma, you just watch whatever shit she watches for six hours a day? They're like, no. And you're like, well, that's why you don't know who the fuck Liberace was. And then the bus driver stopped the bus and said, who's this strange kid on this bus? Yeah. And then with your telepathy, you split the bus in half and raised the two halves in the

air. And that's just part of your pat. Galen. I got it. You got it. Okay. Okay. Okay. What we're trying to say is Pat is an X-Men. So, but yeah, you were just like, people were like, who's Liberace? You were like, he's this badass heterosexual dude that plays the P&O. Okay. God, we are gullible sometimes, us as a people. Oh, my God, yes we are. Liberations. Hey, everybody.

All right. I don't think he sounded like that. Yes, he did. So Joe asks Cooper to have, hey, he goes, you got my fucking back, man. And Cooper is like, would you calm the fuck down? Again, these are not war games. We're fucking docked on a boat.

We're doing ravioli demonstrations in a half an hour. Calm down. But if we were at war, Coupe is slowly becoming Switzerland. He moved from the country of Jocin. Sure. To now, fuck both you.

And he's, Switzerland is a perfect comparison because Switzerland presents as gentlemanly, but they are just mud creatures. I mean, they'll take a shekel, they'll take a dollar or a cronner from anybody. You know what I mean?

Wash it, hide it, whatever. So, you know, they make great chocolate. They make fantastic chocolate. but that's part of the ruse. I think those people are the evil bet.

I'm like, hey, I think you guys are up something. And they go, hey, would you like a piece of chocolate? The chocolate makers, you think us charming little chocolate makers? What are you talking about? Toblerone. Toblerone. Okay. So I love that candy.

Yeah, it's delicious. Toblerone. Steal my money. Kill my people. So I go. I go off on that tangent about Switzerland to say, where are you at with Coop? I think Coop is not even a quiet douchebag at this point. We'll get to this Twilight comment later on in the episode.

Biggest tell so far. Well, we do have an upcoming interview with Cat, which was very telling. That's true. I will say it colored my... We should start doing that more often. We should interview with Sierra and then say that we did it. We shouldn't, but then we wouldn't get the fan questions, then we wouldn't know what to ask. Well, then we'd get the fan questions, then the C-Rat would never show up, and then we get pissed again.

And then I have to talk shit about them like I did Toomey that horrible person. I knew Toomey's name was coming down the pike, and it shit every time. We'd discuss something like this, because Toomey is a fucking asshole. We hate Toomey. We hate Toomey. This podcast goes on record. We are not fans of Toomey. No, but maybe she's turned the, turn the, turn the first favorite sea rat.

Oh, no. There's some others. Who do we like less than Toomey? I mean, just as watching people. I mean, she burned us for an interview. Yeah. Others have burned us. No, I know, but not like Toomey.

True. All right. So we get to Cooper, who he feels like, this is the twilight moment here, where he goes, I feel like Bella in book three. I'm just sitting on the sidelines. it's such a tell that he's a pussy hound because there's no there's no world where this guy

has that reference to just pull out unless he's trying to use it at a bar or at a kickback he's trying to get women with his knowledge okay you're talking about the canned one liner the canned one liner about the fucking what what it genre the y a franchise known as Twilight. I mean, Kaelan, did you know a lot about Twilight?

Just the basics. I know that Robert Pattinson. I have to tell you, the first one was good. It was directed by that female director that did 13, and then they make those sequels. Oh, my God, they're awful. I know. The wife has it on from time to time.

I walk in there, I go to these giant wolves. They look like shit. People are just jumping into these giant wolves. They look like shit. People are flying through the other. These vampires, everybody looks so white. It's awful. It's awful.

And the writing's bad too. I don't want to be, I hope I don't sound reductive. And obviously there are exemptions for every rule. But like, I don't know that men know a time. I don't buy that Cooper just, just out of fandom, started to get into Twilight. Well, this is obviously he had a girlfriend that he'd watch all those movies with. So Joe and Nathan, they butt heads in front of,

in front of Captain a little bit. Yeah. this is the second time. And she goes, hey. Hey, come on, you guys. Come on. Come on. She says, you've got to nip this in the butt because we've got some personal injury lawyers coming aboard this boat.

Wow. We. Again, I don't know that I want to come off as ignorant, but I don't know. Personal injury lawyers, I know that there are some good ones out there, but there are also some. Oh, yeah. working for you. There's some real scumbags out there. Well, I'll say this. First off, especially Jeff on day two once the boat started floating into the ocean, he became a very happy guy. But in general, if you'd like to know why your car insurance is $380 a month,

it's because of these assholes. And those billboards they have that say, Your Honor, my client fell victim to the negligence of this grocer. Your client was on a bender. He was on meth for three days. Sir, the floor was slippery. Okay? That is why he fell. Not because he was zomified, okay? You're 100% right.

Let Sue Vaughans to the ground. Oh, I got one. Your Honor, your honor. My client here, okay, he was in Target. Yes, he robbed the place. Right. But when he accidentally tripped while he was trying to escape through the exit door, that was improperly mopped.

Look at the raspberry that he has on his elbow. Oh, this is a traumatic injury, Your Honor. No less than $4 million. Right. We'll settle out for $125,000. Yes. If you'd like to know why no one can afford insurance, it's because of these fucking douchbags. Like Jeff.

Like Jeff. All right. So we're going to, they get on the boat. $380 for a 2004 Honda Civic. You fucking. I know. It's crazy, huh? So we're told that they are told that they're not going to be leaving the boat.

And Jeff, the boy who's, um, paying is a real rat about the entire thing. I wish Luke was here to come on his pillow. Me too. He might like it. Who knows? Jeff seems like he's into some funny stuff. And Jeff will puke in a sink in a couple of moments.

Who pukes in a sink? College kids and Jeff. Good point. So we go to, we go on a little tender ride so they can feel something oceanic. something Seamus whisk, you know, whipping through their hair, right? And what is it? Carmela? Cassandra. Cassandra.

Cassandra. Cassandra starts to get a little turned. Jeff goes, I don't like that. Cassandra, stop drinking so much. I don't like when you get drunk. Now. Can I say something about Cassandra in their relationship? She, well, I'm talking about Cassandra and Jeff.

She 100% is over the moon so in love with Jeff's money. She loves him's money. That's right. She loves him's money. Loves him's money. Yeah. So much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's way too hot for him. He's a, what was that movie? Was it powder? Is it called powder? The white kid? Yeah, the white kid. With all the electricity? Yeah.

Yeah, powder. What is that movie? Powder. No, I know. No, I know, but what is it, what happens in it? Well, he, um, he's just kind of isolated. And then he gets in with a group of friends who tease him. And, uh, and then I think he dies at the end.

Does he electrocute people? Um, I think he can hurt them when he, he doesn't know how to use his power as well. Really depressing movie. Really? Mm-hmm. Is it just about bullying? Kind of. I think so.

Kalin, have you seen powder? I have not. some help he is it's unbelievable um all right so before we get to the tender ride asia has to reckon with adulthood and we get back to the struggles with joe who brings up his mother for the first time in a couple of episodes oh yes it's been a minute yeah he can't believe uh

he can't believe how affected he is with the demotion he has to pay bills i mean he's got to take care of his mom now Well, we'll also have a tendency for the dramatics as we'll remember. Death is on me door, Joe. He's smoking. And I said you can't come in, devil, because me Joe's got some money for me. But I can't see a sickle through the keyhole, Joe. Save me.

I'm going to toy. That's what Joe has to deal with. I don't think anyone understood a word you just said. Oh. Did you say the devil's sickle was coming through the... I can see it through the keyhole, Joe. He's coming for your mom. I don't know that the Reaper is the devil.

I think it's kind of like a contracted employee. Okay. That's true. It wasn't me. Right. She's the one who's overdramatic. Yeah, yeah. I'm dying, Joe.

Maybe I should have done it in a higher pitch. Joe. I could see his sickle, Joe. It's not funny. The woman has cancer. We shouldn't. I wasn't making fun of her cancer. I was making fun of the fact that she scares the bejibas out of her.

son who can't do anything about it. When you have cancer, you're afforded a little bit of grace that we've not given her, right? We've only mocked her and said that she told her son that the devil sickle was outside the door. So, yeah, when you get a terminal illness, you get a little, you know, things get in going flux. You start seeing the grim reaper outside of your door and you think it's the devil, even though that doesn't make any sense. All right. So we move on to, yeah, well, one last thing. thing on this. Joe frames his ability to

boast in this boat as better on every front, including this front, the highest front, the front of purpose. Because his mother is dying and he has all of these treatments that he has to pay for, he has a purpose that is more sound and full than whatever Nathan's got going on. He's got a young baby to take care. I'm telling you, Joe's losing his mind this episode. So, Jeff, the wet blanket is really upset because the waves don't even look that bad. I don't know what's going on here, but they do get them out there.

I want to talk about these tender rides. I think it's such a bad idea. It never works out when they're like, all right, let's just get these people in the water. It reminds him how much it sucks because they're on the water and they also become meteorologists like Jeff did. I don't think it's not bad out here. Oh, really? with your vast knowledge of how the weather works, Jeff. Right.

Yeah, yeah, Jeff. And so we've seen this happen like three times. Jeff, Jeff, are you Dallas rains? Are you fuck? I love Dallas. He's great. Is he dead? Nope.

He's retired, though. He is retired. Would they yank him off at like 87? No. They just fired a bunch of people. Did they? Yeah. So to KTLA.

We're talking. This is another edition of local news. Now, Dallas Raines was an archaic man. and I can't even imagine what the makeup budget was to polish up a cadaver and put him on camera. I mean, it must take hours. No, no, no. He wasn't that old. We kid.

No, no. He's probably got a good golf game, and he's probably enjoying himself. But the point is Jeff is not down his range. Jeff does not understand the nuances of meteorology. Now, you could look out on a horizon and go, well, it's fine, let's go out there. Little do you know.

Satellites are telling you the storm is inbound. We don't want to end up like Mark, like George. George. Dock and Starrister, Wilshire Place? What was it? Is this the perfect story? Perfect story. Wow, I didn't know you know that knew their names.

The names of the most famous actors, I know their names. Oh. Did you say George? I said Mark and George. As in Mark Wahlberg. Right. And George Clooney. I mean, he really became that character.

He really did. I've never seen a person from Massachusetts that grew up there, play a person from Massachusetts and completely do a shitty job with the accent. What are we going to go out there? Come on. Come on. The weather's real bad. We can get killed out there.

He absolutely was horrible at it. So is Ben Affleck when he does it. There's a lot of crab out there. We got to get out there. I need some fish. Okay, George Clooney. I like the little guy who smokes a lot, and he's in love with the big gal that smokes a lot. I don't know who he was.

Yeah. He landed in the line. And where was that place called? Gloucester. Gloucester, Massachusetts. I need some fish. That's all I know. Well, the weather padding's are pretty bad out there.

Well, I need to get some fish. You don't need fish that bad, man. Come on. All right. We got to bail on the perfect storm. We have so much fun with the perfect storm. Mark and George and the rest of the cast and the crew. All right, meanwhile, Jen drops her second tray of champagne this season.

Yes, she has an injured wrist. Now, she gives us the origin story of this. It was on a trip to Bali. She was on a four-wheeler, and then she hit a goddamn palm tree, and now her wrist has the shakes. Yeah. How does she explain what happened to her brain? Well, sick burn.

Way to go. Fuck yeah But yes No Jen has the The turf toe Of the sea rat world Royal Wave

That was a more panicky Royal Wave Oh my God Is that going to be enough Muting his mic? No Okay You were saying?

Hey So What was I saying? She has the turf toe of the cereal world. She is the turf toe of the sea. Here's an idea that I have for you, maybe. When you have a, you know, a sickle-seeking disease like you have right now, right? Maybe instead of crushing 50 cans of diet Pepsi a day, before you come into the podcast, maybe we have a little tea, right?

Maybe we have a little tea with some honey so that we're not throat, coming all over the mic the entire time we're having to do fucking panicked royal waves to show gaelin that you're about to die i'm gonna get some honey after we record this show okay so um guess arrived back the guests arrived back and we do a porn star demonstration but before we do nathan calls gale that's right what is going on with gale how did how did you how did you how did you a child with this guy. Because I always say this, you don't really know someone. I know. They weren't really with each other that long. They're bound to, they traveled with each other. We saw Nate, we, you know, clocked Nathan is not the greatest guy. We clocked him as

incompetent, immature, and an idiot. We did not clock him as controlling. Power hungry, angry, with no power, angry. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so we do the porn. our demonstration. Jeff is still not happy with Cassandra, you're spilling. Cassandra, shut the fuck up. I mean, Aisha mentions it.

She's like, Jeff's really upset that Cassandra is drunk on vacation right now, which is pretty nuts. So we wrap the noodle class and then we go to dinner. And we get to Joe complaining quite a bit more about Nathan. Well, can we just prior? Jeff tracks down Sandy again.

Maybe this happened right before dinner. Jeff tracks down Sandy to complain about the weather. Mm-hmm. Okay. I hate people like Jeff. Right. Because there's nothing Sandy can do. So what is the purpose of this?

He probably thought, you know, how, like, in Greek mythology, how, like, gods just disguised themselves in plain clothes. Like, maybe he... Wearing a white... What are those pants that Sandy wears? Caprize? Caprice. Is that God? Yeah, that's beside. Oh, okay. Hi, God. I'm sorry. I got Jeff here. Can you do something about that? Rain? Yeah. Hey, God. Hi. We've got a personal injury attorney. They've chartered a boat at a 45% discount. And he's really not too pleased with the weather. I'm wondering if you could do anything about that. I know there are children dying all over the place. But, um, carve out. He carve out sometime. He's a real fucking douchebag. Yeah? Oh, Jeff. He said, go fuck yourself. He hates you. And he says,

he can't wait to see you burn in hell. Yeah, you're going to be burning hell. Yeah, you're going to be burning hell. Yeah. Right. All right. So Joe shits on Nathan a little bit more, complains to the boat. And Nathan, you know, he is, you know, I know that we're supposed to say allegedly, but given the information that we know about Nathan, I mean, it wouldn't surprise me if all of this was true. Now, while Nathan is a POS, I do hate to say that I agree with him. Joe, just bring it to Nathan. Like, what are we doing with this, this? Either shut up or go be a man about it and talk to Nathan. They need a safe space for shit talking for this show.

Right. Because everyone always gets caught talking shit about somebody. The walls are made of paper. The walls are thin. The walls are kind of, uh, they see they hear they listen this is a haunting environment okay which is a marvel that people come out you know we talked about it last week how is Asia such a good person despite this pressure cooker that she's in all the time so we have a wonderful fashion show Cassandra's tits are falling out and Jeff is very happy now

now the filet mignon is the first course it's going to be paired with a side of steamed vegetables so We're at a caros now. And what's happened is, and if you don't know, Caros is a dining establishment. Its clientele is almost 100%. People that have four weeks left before there. Children put them in a rest home. Right. So a hospice bus will kind of pull up and the hydraulic hiss will erupt.

And the people who work in that place know, dying people are about to come in. They're about to complain about the beetloft being dry. even though the meatloaf is 75 cents. So that's what tonight is. And Joy is just, I don't want to say that she's slipping. I don't want to say that she's losing her standards. I think that Joy recognizes that she doesn't need to do all that shit anymore. Foam reduction, horseshit.

No. Give them steak and veggies. Just going to puk in the sink anyways. imagine if it was an agri-dolce that you slaved away on. Now, filet mignon and veggies. Oh, this is delicious. Oh, now we're talking. Now, what I think happens with Jeff is,

one, it was very odd that his buddy cleared his plate instantly. He's choking on the steak he gets up and the friend just takes the plate. It's a full plate of food. He choked on it with some of that steak did make it back out onto the plate. Oh, is that? Why? Everybody else throw up. Oh.

Yeah. Because I would have said, what are you doing with my plate? This is the only food that we've had the entire day. These people are starving us. I know I choked on it, but leave it. What happened to Jeff is a little something called Gerd. It's actually not called GERD, but we call it GERD in my world because I have this syndrome where what I think happened to Jeff is it's an esophageal tightening where if you do not

chew. Maybe he was too ravenous. He took down the steak like a pelican. Does this happen specifically with steak? It happens with dry meat and dry carbohydrates, right? So if you got to chew the stuff, otherwise it gets lodged in the in between. And then you spent, you can spend, my brother-in-law has it too. You can spend upwards of four hours with this just tug-of-war. You can feel this lump of food. So I think that's what happened to Jeff. He cut it off at the past. He just puked his guts out in the sink. And they said, hey, Kaylee, can you go plunge that shit? Oh, my God. Hey, by the way, production.

Do that to Jen. What are you making Kaylee do that for? Nobody wants to watch Kaylee do that. Also, everyone wants to see Jen do that. Production, feel free to blur out that shit, too. I was eating some chips. Gah, gross. He's disgusting on the outside. Never mind what comes out of his body. Yeah, we don't need to see the bile of Jeff. Jeff's bile. What kind of chips were you eating uh nacho chips nacho chips what do you mean oh i mean like tortilla chips okay glad you asked when you go to the movies do you ever get nachos no do they not meet your standard of what a nacho is well it's well first off they're probably twenty eight dollars and then they come with that really disgusting seemingly burnt cheese right it's a it's a liquid cheese that it tastes burnt

Well, it tastes like a petroleum product, which it is. Nothing in a movie theater. We'll get into the episode in a second. Nothing in a movie theater is, the butter is not butter. It's a petroleum product. And the cheese is not cheese. It's actually, again, it's just oil. So we learned that because Cece couldn't have dairy.

And she was like, no, butter, please. I can't have dairy. Oh, don't worry. It's not butter. You thought that was butter? It's poison. It will kill you. Yeah, no, it's corn that we've pressed down, flavored with butter.

So anyways, he throws up in the sink. Kaylee plunges it out, and Nathan goes out and sucks it up with some kind of vacuum made for vomit. Now, Sandy has a chat with Nathan. She says, you got to go suck the puke out of the sink, but also, Hey, hey, you've got to talk to show, okay? This is not going to work, all right? Now, we eventually get to said chat between Nathan and Joe, and Joe's going, what do we have to talk about?

And Nathan says, what did I do to have you pouting around for two days? Not a good starting point. The way that he approaches literally anyone that he has conflict with is so fucking gross. It's so inappropriate. And Joe slow plays it, but then he brings up, well, you know, you have the temper of an asylum inmate. So that's why I'm a little trepidacious with, you know, coming to you with stuff. And, you know, Cooper feels similarly.

This is what a couples therapist would refer to as an unproductive conversation. Now, Nate goes, oh, Cooper thinks that too, huh? Oh, thanks for telling. He goes, yeah, I mean, everybody's just a little bit scared of you because you're a little bald, angry man. and he goes to Cooper and presents it in a way that is just never going to get a corroboration. Nathan goes up to Cooper and goes, hey, Joe said that you thought I was a real fucking piece of shit and that you hated me and wanted to throw me overboard.

And Cooper's like, no, I didn't. He said that. I didn't say that at all. So Cooper remains Switzerland and then tells a story about his dad. Do you want to get into the Sea Ratt history there? Oh, let's see here. Remind me, remind me. Well, Cooper grew up playing football, so he's used to hard leadership.

His father actually drove him to football practice late one day. Oh, that's right. And he had to run laps before practice and after practice, and the coach was the dad that drove him late. Yeah, it's a great story. Where is that on the C Ratsats? Minus 10 points. Okay.

Because I don't think there's any truth to. it? Yeah, it's like, yeah, I just, Cooper gives me the hebie-jee-jee's man. So next day, next morning. We are going to get out on the water, finally. And a cute moment between Asia and Joy, Asia takes a crepe. And Joy says, take a crepe and disappear. And Asia goes, oh my God, thank you. I want to say this about Joy. I hope they already signed her up for another season. You got to bring Joy back. She's a stuff. Now, we find out that a new deckhand is coming.

And Jen says if the new deckhand is brunette and tattooed, everyone's sheets are fucked. That's my favorite line. Well, you're paraphrasing. She said, if that dude is good looking, I'm not going to stop stroking his rod until everyone's mattress is a biohazard. Yeah. Yeah. forgive me for getting the quote wrong. Jen, you are a filthy animal.

Okay, stop milking people onto sheets that are not yours. It's disgusting. Also, although never stop being you. Great TV. All right. We'll get to Moore on her wrist in a second now. Nathan overhears Joe talking to Kayling and goes into a doom spiral, right? because again, we're all adults here.

And we get to breakfast. Now, Water Jeff is very happy. Oh, different Jeff showed him. Way different Jeff. Water Jeff is like Mario flying through the air. He goes, he's also a big fan of Small Talk, too. So he sees Asia. And because Water Jeff is so happy, he goes, hey,

what a life you guys have, huh? This is great. Who the fuck are you? Yeah, actually, I'm never with my family. so it's not that great. Also, we had to clean up your puke last night. So would you like to do that, water, Jeff? Now, Nathan asks Kaylee.

This is the moment where Nathan corners Kaylee. And I don't know, man. It's fucking insane to do even if it was a, it would be crazy to do if it was somebody in your own department. it would be crazy to do if it was a guy. But none of those two things are here. This is a young woman who has nothing to do with your department. What the fuck are you doing trying to pin her down in an interrogation like this?

I've done this a lot in life and it's really served me well, which is kind of seeing how someone else, imagine if Joe called Gail while you were at work and you asked her if Nate was talking shit about you. How well would that go over with you, Nate? He would punch Joe. He would be fired from the show for physically fighting Joe. My point is, before you do something, try and see how you would feel if someone did that to you. Well, and also, going up to somebody and asking if they've been talking shit about you, you cannot ever pull that off without looking weak. Nathan looks so weak in this moment. And Kaylee is just, I can't even imagine what Kaylee thinks about Nathan, just how

pathetic this human being is sitting across from her. It's just so sad. I hate to give these losers advice, but if you want to be more cunning about it, you go to Kaylee and go, hey, you probably know Joe better than I do now. I really want to make this work with him. Can you offer me any advice how I can get us back on the right path? Boom. You don't need to mean it. You don't need to have any intention with fixing anything. Just plant a little seed. That's how you do cunning. people are fucking horrible at it. Also, everything that comes out of her mouth will technically give you the information that you're seeking. Right. Well, maybe you could find a better way to talk to him when you're, like, she'll just say it. Nathan's an idiot though. He needs to have a fucking court stenographer

tell him what Joe said. Nate, use the subtext of what people tell you. You can figure this out. You don't even need to ask her this. You know what he's been saying. You're a piece of shit with a short temper. He doesn't like you. He thinks you're better. He's better than you at this. So, Joe does not want to, Jen does not want to wash the egg plates. She goes, these things, you've got to let them soak for so long. And Kat says, it's fine. I'll wash him.

And Jen goes, thanks. But if you wash him, then I got to take them up the stairs. And Kat says, that's okay. I can do that too. And then we get to Kat talking about Jen's wrist. And, um, cat isn't necessarily. buying it because the wrist goes in and out of pain. Now, when she hears that a young buck is coming on the boat, she sprung up like an Olympic sprinter, right, at the thought of milking somebody else

onto a pair of sheets that don't belong to her, just erupted off the ground, but not the egg pans, which, why do we have egg pans? What are these, there's specific? There's specific Pants for the eggs. I don't want to get admired in this, but yes, Jen's lying. Well, that doesn't matter to these personal injury attorneys. She should tell Jeff what's going on with that wrist. And she'll go, what do you think? Who should I sue?

He'll go, we'll sue that fucking palm tree. We'll fucking sue Bali. I think we're looking at $10 million here. We'll sue the four-wheeler. That palm tree's got more money than God. We'll squeeze it out of it. Yeah. All right. So, we wrap the show with Nathan and Joe having a chat.

as I said, I can't stand Joe, but I can't wait for him to be the Bosen. But Nathan continues to do this big guy shit. Like, I'm the fucking, I own this roadhouse kind of shit. And he accuses Joe of trying to start a mutiny. This is a day after he texted Max that he needs his support and that he would make him deckhand, even though he knows he will kill people. Nate is a hypocrite.

He is a fleeing criminal. And we'll keep our eyes peeled for the reports that come out of the proceedings. Who knows what's going to take place with that? But get in the comments. Let's know what you thought about the episode. Join us to patreon.com for suburban wives. Real Housewives of Salt Lake coming down the pike. Real Housewives of Orange County.

That's not a patron. Oh, I was just saying all the shows we do. Oh, we're doing a lot of shows. Listen to them all. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Galen.

See ya.