Another Below Deck Podcast - Kory Wants You to Be Sexier | Winter House S2 E2

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Dylan, Pat and Ruby are back to break down grocery runs, pickles, how Kory is vomit inducing as he wants women to look hotter when changing into sweats, what hills you can and cannot snowboard down, Alex and Danielle: A Love Story and much more from Bravo's Winter House. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code: (badtv) to get free shipping & 30% off your first order.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

You ever thought about eating a vegetable every once in a while? No. Okay, are we ready to go? Hi, local. Gonna keep it. There's a lot of stuff on TV, but not all of it's good. In fact, a lot of it's bad TV. It's bad TV. It's bad TV.

It is short for bad television. I am Dylan. Saddled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Great to be here. Joining us from across the country, you know her well. Listener favorite. Listener favorite calling in from the Statue of Liberty. It's none other than Lady Liberty herself.

She loves freedom. Come one, come all. It is papaya dog girl. One, two, three. How you doing, NYC? Very good, Del. How are you? I am worn down. I'm stopped up like crazy my allergies are going nuts I went golfing yesterday the Santa Anta winds are here and present and dangerous I mean I have stuff up my nasal passages from 24 hours ago I have a different uh issue with the Santa Ana winds uh those damn winds knocked my next door neighbor's tree all the leaves into my fucking yard yeah what's the protocol for that I I don't know. I really don't. I think you just got to pray to the gods that the wind blows the other way.

I guess you're right. You know what I mean? And you're a polytheistic guy. I know we don't talk about religion a lot on the show, but you have a pantheon of gods that know we don't talk about religion a lot on the show, but you, you see, uh, you have a pantheon of gods that you worship. Of course.

Of course. Your favorite being the sun God. Yes. Rah. Yeah. You love summers and rock gives you that time where you can find your hot little body, but we're not here to talk about that.

We are not here to talk about that. We're here to talk about the season of Hades when everything is dead, everything is cold, and young hopefuls get to go to Colorado, they get to shack up, they get to spend $700 on groceries, and then they spend $1,000 on Chinese food. I cannot wait to talk about that.

That is just budgetarily irresponsible. Then they do this. It's the most picturesque P-Stream I've ever seen in my life. It's lit up by some fucking candlelight. Isn't that fun to be young and still doing that? Well, he's not that young. So

before we get into it, I feel like we should possibly hit some PSAs. Oh, sure. Uncensored ad free episodes at patreon.com before we get into it i feel like we should possibly hit some psas oh sure um uncensored ad free episodes at patreon.com slash another podcast network another podcast show is there we just had papaya girl on to talk about new york that was a fun episode join us on youtube we also have pmz over there matthew perry's dead pat has this is it's pat's destiny to talk about the death of matthew perry and that will happen at patreon.com slash another podcast network. You know what else is going to be over at patreon.com

slash another podcast network next week is our coverage of Captain Sandy's first voyage on season two of Below Deck's Med. That will be behind a paywall. So it's going to be really fun. We're going to be doing the current season, and then on Patreon, we will be doing Captain Sandy's first season. Yeah, the butchiest season.

Ruby, anything to plug? No. Okay, great. So I think we should kick off Snowballs with Rubes. How did you feel about... I have hot flashes. I'm going to just turn it down a little bit.

How did you feel about... I have hot flashes. I'm going to just turn it down a little bit. How did you feel about the first episode, the second episode? Are you okay that you have been asked to cover this show? Is it going to kind of wear on your mental health? What's going on with you and Winterhouse right now? Okay. How do I feel about the first episode underwhelmed worried right then we got the second yeah so if you had asked me how did i feel about

uh covering it would aware of my mental health after episode one yes hard sad not the best yeah now i'm strapping my little feet into those goofy snowboard shoes and I am going down this mountain and I love it I would honestly it has all of the makings all the little droppings of an avalanche waiting to happen

really random analogies you're using I think they're apt I can't pick out why you're kind of thematically tying them to this show, but they sound off to me. But anyways, keep going. Okay, thank you. So as I'm going down the mountain, creating my avalanche in my goofy snowboard boots, I give it 82 snowballs. What's up? And that's a good score. I think it improved quite a bit this week um i think we needed tom schwartz um i think that batman is one

of the most pathetic human beings i've seen on winter house uh and and i i didn't know that we needed this on winter house i mean we've had luke striking out in marvelous ways in the past but luke's too hot to get really any kind of like get me out of my skin kind of embarrassment, but Batman is here for that, and Alex is here for that too, and the only thing more embarrassing than striking out with every woman you ever talk to is this is going to sound harsh, but Danielle and you being perfect for one another, right? Like that's not Not a thing. That's kind of almost worse. The light is covering the piss. Aha, it's fun.

It's 83 bucks. 83 snowballs. Yeah. Okay. You, welcome to Swartz's entrance onto the show. I'm a little concerned. I mentioned this last week. I do not want this to turn into

another season of vanderpump rules where we relive recap uh too much of the scan of all we've been there done that bought the t-shirt don't need to cover that too much they fall into that a little bit i understand why they need to this was a week before the reunion was filmed um also with swartz kind of annoys me with the, oh, shucks, I just don't know what I'm doing in life right now. That's fucking getting old. Yeah, yeah. So he's very annoying.

I also made an observation, and perhaps this is not a new thought. Winterhouse is the real world for people in their 40s. Yeah. But cold. The real world should sue the shit out of Winterhouse because they just took their idea. Yeah. And naked

and afraid is like the real world but with no house. Well, it's only two people. Anyway, I thought it was a decent episode. 40 snowballs. Survivor is like the real world with no house. Watch it. Survivor is the best social experiment that has ever been documented on television. it was a decent episode 40 snowballs survivor is like the real world with no house watch it survivor is the best social experiment that has ever been documented on television well

speaking of social experiments let's pick up where we last left off with this classic social experiment uh schwartz saturday march 11th 5 33 p.m God. Schwartz has entered into the home. He is speaking to Kyle like they are best friends and not people who don't really know each other. And he's meeting the other people with the excited relief of someone who just got out of prison now. I don't like myself for saying this, and I'm sorry to alienate any fans if I do,

but I just kind of like Tom Schwartz. He's not the best person. He kept a secret about the Scandival, and he lied about it. But listen, he's not the brightest bulb in the shed. And when your friend, sorry, I would think men and women likely do this. If your best friend comes to you and goes,

hey, I cheated. cheated yeah you kind of you know you you take your p's and q's from your best friend if your best friend says you know i want to talk about it then you talk about it if they say you got to fucking go to the grave with this you go to the grave with this that's just loyalty to the friend that's right i mean it's not the worst thing in the world yeah i agree and he's And he's goofy. What is the worst thing, though, is the constant cheating that he did on his wife and girlfriend over the 12 years of their relationship.

That was pretty bad. That's way worse. We don't like him for that. That's way worse, but I think the new crop of people hate Tom Schwartz for his lack of loyalty to Ariana, which is not... There is no loyalty to Ariana. He's loyal to the karaokeriana which is not there there is no loyalty to ariana you know you know he's loyal to the karaoke singer he is not loyal to ariana i'll say i'll say this say what you will

about swartzy and being a horrible person and making bad judgments but uh there's even even worse person uh it's jamie who wrote that one star review review for Sandy and Swartz, the Yelp reviews, said, and I quote, burn this place down, collect the insurance, and give it to Ariana. They showed that on the television there. Well, Jamie, that's a crime, okay? That's arson. That's insurance fraud and arson.

You'll end up 10 years in the Fed, and they don't let you out in half the time, okay? You do the full stint in the Fed. Come don't uh they don't let you out in half the time okay you do the full stint come on that's crazy what a bad idea so schwartz is going to be here for 10 days long time i was shocked to hear that's him for pretty much the entire season he will have the reunion two days after this where having watched the reunion i think that we can see the effects of the binge drinking of this classic social experiment might have lingered with him, because if I remember correctly, he was saying some pretty bizarre and nonsensical things on that day. Yeah, really bad showing from

Schwartz. You know, they're like, so Schwartz, what do you think? He's like, listen, I just, if everyone just had a garden and if everybody just had a sense of community, wouldn't it all be better? And Andy's looking at him like, are you on methadone right now? No, it was Winterhouse. That's what happened. You know, I got a little stuck there because my wife and I have been listening to, ironically listening to a Morgan Wallen song called Mama's

House, and we just keep singing it over and over again and riffing different things, and I went in there, but you don't have the context of what's going on in my brain. So I was a little, my feet were on two little lily pads there, but you don't have the context of what's going on in my brain. So I was a little my feet were on two little lily pads there. If that was incoherent and nonsensical, that's okay, man. Yeah. Thank you for supporting. Sure.

Both of you. Well, Tom's going to shred some some nor while he's here. Yeah. Kyle saddles up right next to him to see how the vibes are. And he said that he's worried about his spontaneous combustion. He was worried that he wasn't going to make it to Winterhouse. Kyle and Schwartz are

both two versions of the same type of lovable rescue dog. They're bad people. They literally cheat on their wives. But for some reason, you're like, come on, guys. It's Kyle Schwartz. But that's not okay.

Right, right. But it is. If you weren't in our living room, you'd be euthanized. It's that kind of thing. It's that kind of sympathy we have to have for these people or not have. We don't have to do anything. Schwartz was like, listen, I thought about spontaneously combusting and not making it

to Winterhouse only because I felt bad for my business partners. But his presence was not good for the business. And that is how you know that Tom Schwartz

is many things, one of them being not integral to the success of Schwartz and Sandy's because they gave up any other business. They were going to celebrate him and Sandy opening the restaurant.

The next day, they were going to shred some gnar to celebrate. That's not how that works. So we've got two roads this could have gone down, both ends of the spectrum. One, a wild success wherein and in which Tom would have left. Or a fucking nightmare, fire nightmare going on at the restaurant with Yelp reviews coming in, one stars all of them,

and he's like, you know, I'm going to take off. So both of those things point to Tom not being the most important part of Schwartz and Sandy's. And I know that we saw him sitting down with the menu and picking out the baby shark drinks, but that was, I think, all a ruse. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have to agree. Yeah. Well, I think, all a ruse. Yeah. Yeah.

I'd have to agree. Yeah. Well, you know, he's going to pay for it now because he's going to be rooming with Alex where there will be absolutely no sex occurring because Alex toasts to things like, I don't use condoms. Yeah.

Really cool stuff from Alex. What did you think? No, you go ahead. Oh, I was going to say, if you don't mind, Ruby, if you don't mind, can I just do some meanwhiles? Because once Swartz arrives, we just bounce around this house, just catching up with everybody. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Katie and Malia think Swartz is cute, but they have no clue who he is.

And I believe Katie. I don't believe Malia. I agree with that. And they both decide to take a nap. And then Alex and Swartz learn they came from the same sub-zero region of the country, which no one should live in. Casey and Danielle hit the- And they shouldn't live there because it's inhospitable to human beings, to quote Jazz. They should live there because it's a fucking boring and uninspired land. To all of our Midwestern listeners,

we love you and we know that you're nice. Well, while all this is happening, this is what Kyle's doing. This is the most picturesque P-Stream I've ever seen in my life. It's lit up by some fucking candlelight. Isn't he great? That's why he gets paid the big bucks.

Before we started recording, Pat asked me, hey, Dil, is there a possibility for us to have Kyle talking about his piss ready whenever we need it? And I said, yeah, you know, we could get the board going, but the computer's going to be far away so Rubes can see us. I don't know about tonight. He said, all right, I'll be back. And Pat went and got that clip.

Dedication to his craft. So the guys proceed to hike up the hill. The girls are in the hot tub. And Jordan talks about how disgusted she is by Batman and Alex. And then we get to Casey. And I should have mentioned Casey in my snowballs. Yeah, we all should have. We all should have.

Yes. And that was a dereliction of duty on your part, my part, and Pat's part. But Casey in this hot tub here, I am very concerned. I was very concerned about Casey in the first episode. Casey in this episode proved that she may be the MVP of this season because Casey is a whack job in the best possible way. Forget the taxidermy. Her thesis paper was written about how the Civil War revolutionized the funeral industry. And if that does not make you go, whoa, that person's interesting. I don't know what does.

Well, Dylan, I'm going to have to disagree with you for a minute here. And we'll hear what Ruby has to say about Casey's stint on the show thus far. It's okay. We'll sandwich Pat's horse shit together. Okay. Okay. All right. Five points deducted on Casey because she tells us she doesn't want to have sex with anybody because she might fart on him. Yeah. Here's what I'll say to you, Casey. Okay. This is in the contract.

Take some calpectate or get the fuck out of here because your job description in the contract as it reads says, drink lover boy, spit in someone's mouth and have sex with Corey. It's literally written. I think that Casey, the reason I think that she's going to be mvp despite the fact that she doesn't want to fuck anyone because she'll fart on them maybe yeah is because i like when when you find out that people are elite athletes in their older youth sure they they possess a sense of discipline that is very admirable right and then she's insane enough to fuck that up by roundhouse kicking someone in the face because they hooked up with her boyfriend yep who and and then she's insane enough to fuck that up by roundhouse kicking someone in the face because they hooked up with her boyfriend. And then she writes the thesis paper on that.

And she taxidermies. I love her. Patrick, take it away. I forgot a lot of those details. Thank you for that. Do you want to walk any of that reductive patriarchal talk back? I'll reflect on it later. That's brave.

Can we get to Swartz, Kyle, and the boys on their little snowboarding excursion? Yeah, sure. I don't want to tell someone how to do their business, but I don't think you're able to snowboard down a hill that's technically not a hill, but a plane with a five degree pitch. They don't have superpowers,

so this was never going to happen. Well, and also a lot of trees in the way, but listen, you know, we shred the gnar, and we head out for a night on the town. Jordan is a DJ. That

makes sense. I mean, it would make sense that we have one DJ here, right? Of course. I didn't think it was going to be Jordan. She seems like she's too put together to have failed like that in life. Yep. Brian. What?

Has less than no game, in my opinion. Who is Brian? Oh, Brian's Batman. Batman. Oh, got it. He's looking at her furry and he says, I just like your fucking vibe. Yeah. Well, let me say really

quickly o'neill's uh is the place they go to this place is sick the laminated menus the beer tavern vibes the fried cheese the hot man i mean this is what we've come here for and i'm being sarcastic about each and every single one of those things i listed about o'Neill's. It is a hometown mom and pop TGI Fridays and this is an establishment we're going to go to time and time again. Maybe not O'Neill's, but something that looks and sounds and tastes and smells exactly like it. Well, I at least appreciated that there were people from the opposite sex there for some of the ladies. Sure. And I just, it's worth pointing out that, what do we call him, Brian, again?

Batman? Batman. Was he the idiot that ordered Minestrone soup? He did order Minestrone soup. I don't hate that move, but Minestrone is quite, it's an uninspired soup. Sometimes it can be okay.

Other times it can be bad. I agree. I don't think Minestrone soup- It's safe, though. Yeah, it can be bad I agree I don't think yeah it can never be excellent I don't think right agreed agreed like a friend Brian exactly now they can Batman a friend of mine the other day made a gazpacho and she was like how do you what do you think about it

and I said it's good I she was like what would you write it and I was probably like a seven. She's like what do you mean a seven? I was like it's gazpacho. I mean gazpacho is never getting into the eights, nines and tens. I mean it's just not that kind of a dish and I was frankly being kind. It was a five. So let me do a me. Yeah, of course course immediately at the bar cory must be the center

of attention and establish himself as the alpha in the group he will do this by exposing his little tic-tac nipples uh yeah uh you disgusting pig uh and ranch waters ordered i had no idea what ranch waters are are you familiar with the drink ranch waters are so 2021 they're just they're chewy they are the half sister of the Skinny Margarita. They're tequila, lime juice, and Topa Chica. Yeah.

They are one of the best drinks in the world. They are so good and you will suck them down like a trashy little sea rat and before you know it, you're gone. Now that's really dangerous

rhetoric, Ruby. Well, are we trying to have a good time? We're here to fucking shred the gnar. So we get to Schwartz saying, hey, listen, I just wanted to be best friends

with Katie after the divorce. And Danielle says, that's crazy. I wanted to be best friends with Robert. And a little bit different because you stalked Robert in Aspen. You took a hopeful, chancy flight out to Aspen just to see if you could run into anybody who knew him. And that's, I had to, that's strange. I, I have a question for East coast people. Like I will need to make it clear. Hopping to Aspen is not a thing. Like no, no do that.

So what the fuck was that? Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Great question. Great befuddlement because it's a great question. And that was great befuddlement because it's a great question and that was great befuddlement now i want to say what prompted this conversation was uh everyone was inquiring where the status of everybody's past relationships i loved alex here he was like hey cory why don't

you shut the fuck up about ours talk about you cheating on your girlfriend well we've we learned completely coincidental completely coincidental most of the people that are here, their relationships ended the week before their agent called them and asked if they'd like to join the cast of Winterhouse. About seven months ago. Seven months ago. Sam posted on Instagram some weird carousel photos, very much so signaling that they are, in fact, an item. As of the first episode when he said no i i can fuck whoever i want cool it's confusing but here we are i'm excited to see sam um who is like one of my least favorite kinds of uh like feminine archetype where

you or just one of my least favorite kinds of people where um you'll... Women often defend their partners in this Stockholm syndrome-y kind of way that when you talk to people about Apple moving production back to the United States and they just instinctually go, well, iPhones would cost $7,000. And it's like, why do you lurch to defend something that is rat-fucking you?

I don't understand. Why sam gets in malia's face so quickly and not cory's we haven't seen the episode but that was like it's like oh my gosh is that a bad instinct um okay so let's get to their status of the relationship cory he lets everyone know he's dating sam but he's definitely not exclusive although she wears a locket um that he got it for valentine's day with his spit in it yeah very meaningful he was very yeah it was a billy bob kind of thing uh billy bob and angelina kind of thing and and and he was getting pretty pissed about this you know he was like sam doesn't ask me this much about our relationship i wish these people would shut the fuck up and then in in his OTFs, he says, quite literally, I get hot and sweaty when I talk about emotion.

He is the worst. He is. He also, he says, I believe, I don't want to cross the line, but I don't know where the line is. I can't see the line. Yeah. Okay, Corey. line is i can't see the line yeah okay cory well we can and you did so that's kind of like um i don't know if somebody wanted to violate any hr rules uh that they themselves wrote they would just highlight the word document put it in chinese characters and then print it out and just go but i can't fucking i can't understand what the fuck it means oh this says i can't bang my the girl that sits next to me in

the cubicle it's all in fucking mandarin can't fucking read jack shit can anybody help me out with this such an asshole and then you know who stands up des bishop and he's like i can't because i speak fluent fucking mandarin so the girls take a lap to find the guys, Jordan and... Don't you dare apologize for that. Jordan and Malia continue chatting with Corey and Alex, and they break down Alex's horrible game, and while he'll never fuck anybody, in front of Alex. Loved it.

Loved it, but the problem with that is that, and they don't know this yet, but maybe they do. Alex is a chronic blackout. So at this point, he, much like Corey, can't really see any lines, any hard shapes of anything,

and he can't really understand language. So berate him all you want. He's Teflon done. He has a shield on right now. Now, while that's happening, Danielle, Casey, and Katie, they're getting the lay of the land of these fucking townies, what that town has to offer. Turns out everybody's got a girlfriend in town. Yep. Big X's across everybody's face and an X across Casey's face because she is too big of a nut job to be able to carry a conversation with a normal person because they are not weird enough to have a conversation with her. Don't let your opening

question be what's your net worth, okay? Because if any of these guys listen to Tom Likas, which Dylan and Ruby and I did on afternoon radio in the 2000s, we know, well, dear, I'm worth $8 million and I'm starring on a series on Tubi. And also, to men out there, never ask a woman that you're trying to have sex with who you are just getting to know what their two-year plan is, because you're not a financial advisor. And that is, I can't even put words to how fucking bad that game is. Unbelievable. So, Batman. It's terrible. that game is unbelievable. So Batman

terrible says, like you know me and me and case, you're perfect for each other, because we're just we're just two nerds, you know and we're not going to play the shard cast, but I know for a fact that at the very least, Batman is not a nerd. He just can't be a nerd. There's nothing that would qualify Batman as a nerd.

Everybody's seen Shrek. Everybody. I can almost guarantee he has not. Who? Batman? Batman. Yeah. Oh, you don't think he's seen. Who? Batman? Batman. Yeah. Oh, you don't think he's seen Shrek? He quoted it last week.

No, no. I don't think he's seen Lord of the Rings. I'm saying nerd level. Yeah. You glitched out a little bit there. I left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You left.

No, no, no. Listen, I hear you. I hear you. Schwartz and Katie, Kyle says, and Schwartzzenkatie flood i should say schwarzenkatie flood kyle tells schwarzenkatie about katie flood i feel like you two would shoulders up and get ready to heave vibe you're 42 years old kyle we cannot speak like this, right? We're not hanging out in Venice after a sick Narsesh getting a pastrami sandwich, okay? You cannot talk like this anymore.

But he does. Oh, you already said that. Some patron foolishly asked Katie Flood. You had said two-year plan. I thought that was Batman, but that was a patron. But being a sea rat and all, they don't have plans for two days god no god no um we head home jordan takes off the music it's a bad kyle jordan takes off the onesie and cory um rubes we can we can hand this over to you because this is when um the tactic of negging begins. This comment that he makes

when she's putting, trying to undress from her uncomfortable clothing into more comfortable clothing to enjoy herself, and he says, like, that was the least sexy thing I've ever seen, and then she jokingly dances, and he says, that's a little bit better, made me think of the Tom Sandoval comment when he said that him and Ariana

fucked and it was really hot, she kept her t-shirt on the entire time. In that I wanted her to then slit his throat and let him bleed out, leave, walk downstairs, get in the jacuzzi, have a good time, come upstairs and say, oh my god. Somebody slit

Corey's throat. Knives out three. I completely agree with you. Let's get Ana de Ar armas in costume she's the maid again and she's scared of who could have done this because that kind of dominion over other people is one of the most disgusting things imaginable it's disgusting when people actually have dominion over other people like when jeff bezos speaks in kind of a human amoral and inhuman kind of ways you're like oh that's that's weird but i get it because you're kind of like a master of the universe but cory is

just um i'm not going to say that word but he isn't he's he's not worthy of treating people like this. I don't get his appeal. I get the bad boy thing. And this is the last thing I'll say on him. Katie Flood going for old Jack Scouser with the hair and he's tatted and he's Scottish and he's a C-Rod. That was Aisha. Also, but Katie Flood also dated him. Oh, did she really?

Yeah, I think so oh yeah wow wow wow yeah yeah but that for some reason also gross i get the attraction cory is truthfully just a bad it baffles me what the fuck is this no i know i know i know it's crazy hey we can say a lot about cory but at this moment in this episode i I'm more concerned about Kyle wielding a knife. Yeah. He's playing Fruit Ninja and he's playing Fruit Ninja with glass. Yeah. That's crazy.

41 years old. He's not conscious. He has that poison called Loverboy. Yeah. He could kill someone. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. I think the night ends there with him like swinging that knife around like Britney Spears

no no no the oh wow I think it might end there yeah yeah yeah well should I set us up I don't know not yet because Batman is fucking the air before he goes to sleep which is really odd I don't know if you guys saw

that but it needs to be said that he was trying to have sex with the air but before we get to the next day we have to take a quick break to talk about an amazing sponsor um rubes when you are having trouble sleeping does it help to do a little micro dose yeah yeah of course pat when you're a little stressed out does it help to do a little microdose? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Pat, when you're a little stressed out, does it help to do a little microdose?

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to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com and code bad TV. All right, Pat, hit us with the chiron. Next morning, Sunday, March 12th, 913. Oh, I'm sorry. 913 a.m. a.m. Yeah, I could be wrong. Why Swartz up so early? He cleans the entire place place he's had to be up at six i might have messed this up no no no this is am yeah and tom wakes up alex with a bottle of valley mountain spring water if that isn't one of the kindest things you can do to a hungover person i'm not sure what is but i don't know why tom is doing so well this morning while everyone else is struggling so hard why is that well because i don't think that he got to where everybody went because i think

katie was like giving him shit about not drinking enough you know i was trying to do the time the time thing too but this is in colorado right so it's really only one hour difference yeah no no he's not jet lagged you can't be just If someone goes, I just got back from Utah. I'm jet lagged. You go shut the fuck up. Shut up. So he cleans the whole house. He sits down with the nerd Casey and she begins the conversation with

this line. Did I tell you I found a dead owl in my yard and taxidermy did no, you you did not. You did not in my yard and taxidermied it. No, you did not mention that, Casey. Well, she elaborates moments after that, Dylan. It was after a visit to the Natural Museum of History.

She fell in love with dead stuff things. And then as a result, she started killing things on her own. And then Tom, because this is how these people talk, he says, I love cemeteries. Right. And luckily for him, so does she. She wrote a paper on the Civil War

revolutionizing the funeral industry and she may have that paper with her. She is far and away my favorite person on the show after episode two.

I cannot tell you how much I love this person. She and and she's a hundred percent right about this. The gap in quality between good taxidermy and bad taxidermy is the stuff of nightmares. I mean, you've got something looking like celebrity death match and you've got another thing looking like a deer that roosevelt killed you know they're just two completely different things you're right how many so dwayne the rock johnson what did you say dwayne the rock johnson got a wax figure recently and he is a little too white people said oh did you or do you have that for pmz no no i'm sick of the rock this week but i did look over that story so his people had reached out to the london uh version of uh what is it called marie antoinette yeah yeah that one and they said a uh put a spray tan on this thing huh yeah yeah

yeah he's polynesian but i mean at this point i mean he, he's really lost any ties to any cultural truth whatsoever. He is simply a capitalist reptile who is trying to squeeze every penny out of whoever will give him said penny. Hey, how you guys doing? You dropped by. You guys just in Los Angeles. Hey, you're not taking him to my house, are you? Yeah, the rock loves to pull up my house, are you? Yeah, The Rock loves to pull up next to TMZ buses. Yeah. So Alex continues to flirt with everybody in a very

aggressive way. And the good news for us is we've got our first theme party tonight, Pat. This is big. It is, isn't it? Is this going to be a pirate party? It's going to be a sexy pirate party. All right. Amanda right now will not be able to make the sexy pirate party and for that i am thankful i do not want to see her in her kind of gaunt midriff as like a a bar wench going like oh my gosh i can't believe that question. Amanda is like, I don't know. She's like, she's a little bit like heroin in an Instagram

blonde kind of, you know, she's just very like, you know, too subdued with the eyebrows fleeked up like that, and it's too subdued. Hey, sorry to kind of jump back into our snowballs.

Ruby, how do you feel about the overall casting? I'm so happy that we're not seeing Sierra on this stint of Winterhouse. I can't. She's just the worst. Yeah, I'm really happy that we've moved away from the classics and that we've truthfully decided to throw whoever the fuck we can. Casey and Captain Sandy have no right to ever be in the same place at the same time. And I can't wait to see them.

Yeah, they're going to run into each other in town at a ski resort, apparently. To think that we could have had Sierra and Paige eating Flaming Hot Cheetos in bed, talking about how everybody sucks. But we instead have Casey, who's going up to strange men and talking about aliens and we have Captain Sandy. I mean, it's just better. It's just so much better. It's just so much better. So I think we've got a little split

here. Oh, we got three groups. Dylan. We got Corey, Danielle, Brian and Alex. They're going to go mountain biking. They're not even doing anything today. No, I can break down what happens on each excursion, but Tom and Katie, they're going to be grocery shopping. This is an attempt for producers to see if there's any chemistry between the two, which there is not. And Corey, when he sees the bikes, he goes, I want the biggest one with the

biggest tires. And I just think there should be some kind of person with a leash that's attached to him, and they should be talking about how he'll get snacks after. He is that fucking dumb. I just cannot stand the guy, but I kind of ship. Tom Schwartz and Katie Flood. Interesting. I mean, I wouldn't wish that on Katie, because Tom Schwartz, as we mentioned,

is a loyal friend and a cheating piece of shit of course yeah well on that drive over to that uh local grocery store tom uh confesses he misses the comfort and stability of a relationship but he'd but he gave it all up to live in that apartment across the street from a wiener schnitzel because he loves the smell of hot dogs more yeah Yeah. You can smell the chili and how loose it is from his smoking balcony where he has a hookah that he has not cleaned in a year and a half. So, speaking of, oh my gosh,

this was the worst sagui I maybe have ever heard. And me and Pat have done a lot of really bad saguis but they get to the top of the mount and they're all a little exhausted because of the altitude and someone says i'm fucked and danielle has really she's gone down the black diamond over the last couple of years because again danielle used to be one of my faves and same something has happened she's also morphing into this series version of kyle richards she's dressing like kyle richards from last season of housewives she's being a puppet master like kyle from last season i i'm not liking her her performance thus far yeah yeah yeah but it's only episode two so i will refrain from judgment

yeah totally i didn't like anything she brought but i was very i was personally i laughed when she was so offended by the potential of tom schwartz bringing bad energy to the house even what she assaulted us all with last season on summer house i thought that was very ironic yeah very ironic uh have you heard they didn't tell me about this until today cory gives batman game chat. He goes, here's what you do. First things first, call her fat. Next, say she has bad style and then have sex with her. And Batman's like gee willikers, that's a great

idea. So works every time. Casey is also once again just such a breath of fresh air. She's the only skier in this group. She can ski backwards, dude. She is a skier amidst a cohort of snowboarders.

Now, I got nothing against snowboarding. It's not my kind of mountain sport. I'm a skier. But it's just, it would make sense that everybody in this house snowboards. Of course. It just does. It makes sense. And the fact that Casey skis and not only skis, but almost made it to the big league. She almost went pro dude. If she didn't try and fucking kill someone in a jealous rage, she not

only was very, very good at skiing, but she was very good at the empty handed arts as well, the martial arts. And because of that, she roundhouse kicked a chick in the face because her boyfriend hooked up with her. Now, again, akin to Sam, let's deliver the roundhouse to the guy and not her. But, you know, we can dole out the punishment. It's just got to go to both. So it also makes sense that she's had a few concussions. She has a very Tweety birds are flying around me at all hours kind of vibe. As Kyle would say five awkward flirting in the car with Schwartz. He says I never thought I'd be single at 40. Oh, you're here. I think a lot of people thought that you'd be single at 40.

I was going to say, but why? Why didn't you think that's the only thing we all thought? So all hands on deck, Malia and Katie get the questions ready as the groceries are unpacked. Katie says that she is most attracted to Tom and Malia says she is most I am I'm I'm concerned about I don't know. I feel like there should be if we were to have a kind of Jodie Foster run Elysium like Utopia in the stars and and I was J of Corey and I would go, are you attracted to this person? And if they said yes, they would not be allowed in Alicia. They just would not be. I like that. You know, the fact that Malia is attracted to him after not just seeing him, seeing him, I get it's an unfair test for me to administer.

But after knowing him for two days how are you still attracted to him do you hate him as much as me and Ruby do they're so when I moved to Los Angeles that I felt like I meant so many Corys and I was intimidated them by them initially because I couldn't understand what they had that I didn't yeah and then I grew to hate them. Yeah. Because I thought they were very stupid. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't. I genuinely I am searching for for I'm waiting for Godot. Yeah. I have no idea what is attractive about him. I take it like his body to me is disgusting and that's a nightmare. But looking at Corey genuinely looking at Coreyory genuinely looking at cory is like looking at a little dumbo with little curly pubes on the front of his hair and a pearl necklace what are you doing here we're not sure get me a beer we're not sure but please get me a beer well

only one person probably uh ruby would think uh is less appealing than cory and that is batman brian yeah who i would like to potentially just put this out there, have his name changed to Y, because he keeps saying dumb stuff. He tells Casey he's a hopeless romantic, only problem, Casey hates hopeless romantics, and also, I think, hates Brian. Yeah.

Well, the reason why these two are not going to work is because, well well let's just take the interaction first off um what we know about casey is all the things that we've talked about what we know about batman aka why aka brian is that the only thing he brought on this trip were chelsea boots so then we get to know a little bit more he lays down he's never heard of a siesta which is insane and when she says it's to nap and fuck he leans back like the fawns and says i like that now that's five alarm fire right there but also she's reading a book and he is talking about women as though they are a sales pipeline so this is not going to work definitely not again uh they bond over though

dylan one thing they both want to have three kids um to which i'd say attention assholes stop saying that because um you don't want three kids because that would mean you have two kids and once you have two kids you realize you don't want a third because you're either insane or you have enough money to hire five nannies to handle three children i know fuck off imagine how we did it back in the day i mean if you're gonna have more than three you have to put them and you have to put them to work well yeah you needed to you know someone needed to do the gardening yeah so you have fuck it five kids yeah fuck it 11 yeah why not you don't know you don't need any help ever no you just have your child labor laws really ruined the world and air conditioning it drove us all inside and and we just did not we used to have neighborhoods we used to be able to

see people on the street because we sat outside then we got air conditioned as we all came inside ruined America also ruined serial killers because you know you just see that open window with that screen window thing you crawl in there you stab two people yeah that's who's really pissed at central air yeah fuck you

know I used to be able to tell if your children were smoking because I used to sit outside to cool off now I'm inside watching the Green Gables and I have no idea. I'm not even sure what the Green Gables is. Me neither. But bringing it back to this show, I do. Family Karma is a very underrated Bravo property. And I was really happy that we got it sprinkled in there for a little bit.

What is it? It's a show about an Indian community and it's like a generation of Batmans and his friends and whatever family and their parents and aunties. And it's like, first of all, very culturally interesting because I don't know much about it, but they are fucking insanely great. Made for TV.

It's just, it's a riot. A very false equivalent and bad comparison. The shawls of sunset wore on me so much. I couldn't take just like, Oh, we're going to make a Bravo show about a specific. Yeah.

And here we go. And we've talked about this so many times. I say, every time I walk into the studio, I say, Patrick, let's not sloppily compare brown people. And he goes, all right, I'll try not to do it tonight.

And I go, Pat, I need you to try harder. And he goes, all right, no, no, all right. I'm not going to do it tonight. I was saying a sloppy attempt at Bravo trying to condense an entire ethnicity into a Bravo show. It's so fun how Bravo progressively fetishizes entire cultures. Right. Well, I'll check it out. Martha's Vineyard, they tried to do a black summer house.

And granted, it was great. It was a great fucking season. Better than a white summer house. Genuinely, it was. It was great. Family Karma is a lighter, like Reza and Mercedes. That was dark, uncomfortable bullshit. Dark. Family karma is fun.

It's light. It's, you know, give it a whirl. Shaws of Sunset got to a place where I would imagine that the producers of TLC got to 22 years ago and then said no to every kind of angel and demon battle they had about airing any of the things that they air. But Reza and Merce were saying things to one another that I'm sure the producers were just like, do we put this on television?

Do we do this? Because I don't know. I love the first three seasons. I passively watched the final couple seasons. How many abortions have you had, Merce? Oh, God. You should be killed. Okay. So let's get to the night. Casey has a peg leg. Jordan is making fun of Alex doling out adoration and compliments like Oprah and Tom orders Chinese food. Oh, nice. Why there isn't a meal made for this evening is, I mean, it doesn't make any sense to me. They got so much food at that grocery store, and here we are ordering Chinese food. And also, let's never have Tom order Chinese food ever again, because he orders, and we didn't hear the whole order, but we heard the first seven dishes that he got three orders of fried rice,

four orders of chicken chow mein. You don't need that much chicken chow mein. You just don't. Ruby, it's Tom. Stop. So, by the way, Swartz, his pyrocosm, he went as Brett Michaels this year. Yeah. So we play a game of FML.

Excuse me. FMK. Mary fuck kill. We also play a game of who wants to kiss. He kissed the most. Brian, aka why, aka Batman says Katie flood because Corey told him to neg Casey.

That's right. Yeah, good boy. Corey's proud of him, teaching his little Padawan there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he loves steering Y into a blue ball cliff. Yeah, it's insane how dumb Corey is, and it's insane how dumb it would be to take Corey's advice. So Tom and Schwartz Kiss, or excuse me, Kyle and Schwartz kiss and everyone

flips out and that's cool. Then we have a threesome kiss between Jordan, Danielle and Alex and then we move on to Corey saying Sam and I are in a limbo stage. I don't want to cross the line, but I cannot see the line line of the night line of the night. Then Alex and Danielle, they're going to happen. We head into the hot tub. But first, we have another disgusting moment in the history of Corey. And this is a very, very big quilt, very big quilt, Kind of like something that would be hung at the Amundsen. It would take up an entire wall, and it would be donated by Cheryl Hines or something like that. Oh, nice.

Corey is insulted by Malia. She calls him out for being too cocky and bottom of the barrel. His response to that is to demonstrate how good he is at beer pong. He throws something in her cup and he says we're for sure at the bottom baby. I let's move

on. Danielle and Alex head to the hot tub and they she spits in Alex's mouth. They're perfect for each other. They're just perfect for each other for right now. Although I want Danielle to find love. I want Danielle to have a family. I don't want her

to be hooking up with Alex in a hot tub. You know what I mean? Things are just going crazy at this point. Yeah, it's just when she goes back into her room also at one point and she's like talking to herself and she's like you're pretty you're cool yeah you i was like don't do that because you are just don't fucking fly to ask me like are we broken up yeah have your boyfriend that broke up with you'd be like no no yeah we are yeah yeah but i love that you said you're

i'm trying to make out with you but you're like making it hard to add or to alex i was like that was a good line yeah yeah it's crazy you know like when you're you're like making it hard to add or to Alex. I was like, that was a good line. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. You know, like when you're, you're crushing on somebody and you're like, Oh, should I call them?

Should I not call them? Don't call them. Don't call them for sure. But imagine that, but flying to Aspen. Oh, should I fly to Aspen? Should I not fly to Aspen?

No, no. Yeah. And then you buy the tickets and it's expensive. And then you go through security and you're like, should I be doing this? And then you get on the plane and you won't throw up and you're treated poorly. And then you land there and you're like, should I be doing this? And then you get on the plane and you throw up and you're treated poorly

and then you land there and you're like, I don't really know anybody. I got to ask a lot of questions. It's just the fact that she went through all of that is just really, really, it's heartbreaking.

And Robert is a chef, so his hours are not normal. So then she, what, was going around at 4.45 looking for Robert in the streets of Aspen. All of it is bad. It's all bad, but this show's great.

We love you guys very much for listening. Jump in the iTunes range. You can easily leave five stars, kind words. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network for more content, ad-free episodes, uncensored stuff. I was so close to saying so much uncensored stuff tonight, but I reeled it back.

We'll let it fly a little bit when we're ready. We're not quite there yet. Until next week, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later, dudes. Bye-bye, girl. Say goodbye. Bye-bye.

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