Kill James Bond! - Leaving Home | Below Deck Med S7 E18

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

Dylan and Pat are back to break down the season finale of Bravo's Below Deck Med. We talk nursery rhymes, chains, Natasha's personal growth, those cameos, sea protein, the most important moment of Storms life and much more from Bravo's Below Deck. OUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING WINTER HOUSE! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com

I can't think of the bad behavior right at the moment, but 17 grand for three months doesn't seem like it's worth it to me. I think that somebody who does year-round yachting and subjects themselves to tight quarters, toxic work environments, and the real kind of poisonous thorn of the industry, which is running away from any problems that you have in your life. Probably net. Yeah. On a good year, one 2150.

That's solid. It's, it's fine, but I know I wouldn't want to do it. That way. Yeah, no, I wouldn't,

I wouldn't do it for a million welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. I'm Dylan, saddled up next to one, Patrick Hickey. Hey, welcome. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. Nicky is out tonight, and we are still in this room without a couch, so it just sounds a little odd. But rest assured, next week the sound will be back to regular. Another public service announcement. You know, Pat and I were just talking about it. rest assured next week, the sound will be back to regular. Um, another public service announcement,

you know, Pat and I were just talking about it. This show could be 22 minutes. It really could be, I was going to say 15, but I didn't want to offend him. Yeah. Yeah.

It could be 22 minutes. And I think that gets us into pots and thoughts, but really quickly before we get there, add free episodes, patrion.com, Apple premium, hit the, patreon.com, Apple Premium. Hit the subscribe button. Bad TV.

Go listen. Subscribe to it. Tell people about it. I want to explain to the audience something. We do like eight shows a week. All right. And you could probably, hey, quit your bitching. Yeah, yeahing yeah yeah you fucking guys watch tv shows and you talk about it like that's my dream job that's what someone listening saying in their car right now well you know what my dream job is your job

whoever's saying well probably not actually yeah no no our job's much better yeah but we have other jobs and then we come in here at night and we record all these fucking podcasts right so you guys can laugh at your horrible jobs that are not as cool as ours yeah yeah you see the pain that i have right right right so god the fans have been pissing me off so fucking much lately but anyways we love you so much for supporting us go to patreon subscribe leave the reviews go to the youtubes it's all positive it's all positive it's just lately we've had so many shows to record too many we're losing our minds a little bit and when you have a trough of shit like episode 19 of bachelor in paradise of uh below deck oh i was gonna say you see what's happening it's hurting my marriage dylan anyway so we have the season finale of season seven of below deck med to cover this evening

we are finally leaving malta and we will be on zoom with andy in a short short while uh but we have to talk about the episode before we get into the specifics of the episode let's talk about the episode generally in a segment called thoughts and pots pat go ahead and take it away all right well um this is episode 19 right like they needed to tag one more of these things on you money grab andy you fucking bastard yeah by the way i should warn bravo again hey bravo um i put in requests for guests We played ball with you for the second time. We will go rogue once again. Dude, the fans like it more when we go rogue.

We are not going to play ball if you're not going to give us the fucking ball. Also, Bravo, I'm warning you right now. The 21st of November is when that fake uh fake captain uh season starts up i need that episode in my inbox yeah on friday yeah uh or i will go rogue because you know what pizza rat yeah came on here without your permission yeah uh who else we had chef rachel who came on here and said you guys all suck and by the way let everybody know she's on the next season and she'll come on again she's gonna leave the show she'll come on again and she'll say horrific things about you guys she actually called out the pr person that i go back and forth with 100 so do us this favor right and it's not a threat it's not a threat oh

it's a handshake we're we're putting a contract in front of you and the the cap is off our pens right take the cap off yours get us a fucking episodes on friday my god oh yeah one last request i want that piece of shit for uh kyle from below deck adventure respond to my email i want him on our next show or there's gonna be problems between us we have to find out what happened to his dad and we have to find out why he's such a gargantuan piece of fucking shit but we have to talk about this episode. Thank you for threatening Bravo. It needs to happen every once in a while. You shake them up.

They came to the table last time I did that. Of course. Okay, I'm going to talk about this episode. These guys are all fucking turncoats. I mean, you can do them. You can get them to do anything you want if you're, you know, you wave a big enough stick. Rest in power, Teddy.

Go ahead. Teddy Roosevelt? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so here's the deal. These episodes should never exist Rest in power, Teddy. Go ahead. Teddy Roosevelt? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here's the deal. These episodes should never exist because we're going to get one last night out. A million percent. It's always going to let us down.

We're going to spend 10 minutes with everybody hugging each other or whatever, carrying suitcases out. And then Sandy will look out outside of the boat and, I don't know, talk, recap how wonderful this season was. Right. I will say the recap at the top of the show, it reminded't know, talk recap the, how wonderful this season was. Right. I will say the recap at the top of the show, it reminded me a lot of things I forgot. Oh,

unbelievable. I was going to ask if you wanted to get into stuff. Cause I completely forgot about Ray gun. Who's superpower is smoking and winning. I forgot about her. You know, I'm going to buy street fighter, the arcade game,

just so I can see her again. Yeah. I forgot about that. Dave and Tosh actually at some point did have a connection. Yeah, they were in a relationship, yeah. I forgot about Angry Jason, Indiana. Indiana Jay.

Forgot all about that. Thank you for reminding me. Soy Futures, Bubba. That was only five months ago, so I understand why my memory is a little foggy. Yep. But anyway, I'll say this. It was enjoyable.

We enjoyed recapping it for the audience but it's time to be done with it and start anew yeah like you said zero knots and I'll just go ahead and say zero knots but it's kind of like what you said last week we've got to take the show behind the barn

I believe you said shoot it in the side once and then deliver the kill yeah you want it to be in pain for the last two minutes before it's life the blood drains out and just as they're begging for the life you do what they were now are you concerned karmically about what that would kind of welcome into your uh well dylan we're talking about a tv show yeah yeah yeah it doesn't you know it a TV show. It's hard to put a bullet in its head. I don't think a mezuzah can push away that kind of energy.

I think that'll kind of just batten down your door. That's not what I'm, ram down your door. Not batten, because that's, I am, we're doing

too many shows. Too many shows. Right? So this was a bad episode. Every which way you cut it. I mean, the guests are horrible. Kyle's return is as anticlimactic as humanly possible. It's like if Gandalf came back as the gray man, you know?

It was Gandalf the gray man and not Gandalf, the white, you know? Sure. It's just like, well, what, well, what is this? You know? And Oh, really quickly. Uh, gray man. Love you. Robert Brown.

Love you, Robert. He can take a joke. This guy. Of course he can. You know how he came across my eyeballs. Uh, I've said something about captain Lee and he comments comment section called me a fucking asshole. Yeah.

This was in his early days he had no tack very listen we love the gray man it was on father's day the great man was going through something but listen um we love the increased engagement in the facebook community we you know uh what's the what's the the idiomatic expression uh rising tides raids all ships. What is it? Oh, my God. You guys are really crushing it is what we're trying to say. But back to this episode, really, really bad stuff.

Even the night on the boat where we thought we got this amuse-bouche of the stew that is the jacuzzi last week. We thought we were going to get below deck sailing type shenanigans and listen you ain't in the same league babe you ain't in the same league yeah have fun with the batons and the the twerking and stuff but we've seen what this show can accomplish a baby sea rat was made out of like two two seasons ago so it's just this kind of like, I don't know. It's just, it's not the kind of yummy that we know is really, really yummy. And we do too many shows. I just, my brain isn't working.

But I'm angry. I don't know why this is 19 episodes other than that the reunion makes it a solid round 20. Let's do this. Other than that, the reunion makes it a solid round 20. Let's do this. Make it seven, right? We got to get into the show. Let's get into the show. Okay. Okay.

So it's the season finale. If I get one more email from Raphael Warnock, if I get one more fucking email from Raphael Warnock. I've donated the $15. I'm not donating anymore, Raphael Warnock. Maybe a little bit more. I tried to get rid of this goddamn DA here in this fucking city, and I get hit up. Hey, I'm an independent thinker. I'm not a Republican, you fucking cunts.

Can we also do this? Can we just exclude people with tremendous amounts of CTE for running for public office? I mean, it's just nuts. I don't want to get political. Hey, no politics. Who is a fan of Herschel Walker? The man's out of his mind. But Raphael, I'm not paying you anymore.

To be fair to our audience, everybody's out of their mind. Everybody. Kind of. So, we've had a long season. And we've had a lot of fun. Like we said, Reagan who smokes and wins. But we've covered that. So, let's jump into the show.

Sandy begins by telling Jordan Reed to get ready for another day of great water sports, this time without a chain. He has the personality of a two by four. I don't know if it's editing, but when she says, hey, this time don't go in there without your... Too many shows. It's okay. When she tells him, you know,

maybe let's try the water sports without the chain today, there's no smirk, there's no acknowledgement of the, you know, lightning of the situation. It's just a ferocity in the face that is actually kind of terrifying. Well, Dylan, I... He's the kind of person who, for example, shouldn't run for Senate.

Jordan Reed, who couldn't stay on the field. Dylan, I take, I have a completely different take. I think what Sandy did was absolutely inappropriate. She reminds the guests not to wear expensive jewelry today. Great job, Sandy. You remind them what happened yesterday. You remember that $120,000 Cuban you lost? You want to forget people,

people to forget about trauma or horrible events. Imagine me walking by uh magic johnson in 1995 hey magic yeah no more gay sex today yeah yeah yeah what the fuck right right right you don't want to remind that guy that he got aids through anal sex no that's yucky and he got hiv oh he got hiv he took the fiat money that he had he squished it into a serum he injects it into his toes each and every day and that's why he's staving off the effects of that violent autoimmune disorder so hey magic no no more gay No more gay sex.

No more gay sex. Can you imagine saying that apropos of nothing, just saying that to him? How insanely rude that would be. You'd have no fans in that situation. Anybody who was within earshot would be so disappointed in you. And he'd walk away. And I feel like you would feel so yucky about yourself. So Sandy tells the guests that they're going to be docking tonight

because they wouldn't be able to make it to the dock in the morning. The guests say, we'll take your lead. As opposed to what? What are you going to do, demand that we try it in the morning? Come on, guy. Tosh says she hit a low point this season, which is weird because I think she's been fantastic. Yeah, she's awesome.

Did you hear some listener posted something? I think Kate Chastain went on some podcast or something. Yeah, dragged her. And just fucking dragged her over the coals. Well, she makes spicy margaritas with Tabasco sauce. She serves Smurfs blowjob shots to people when they come aboard the boat, and she is toxically codependent on betas. We'll talk about it later, but I am convinced that she is something ancient.

I do think that she either comes from Egyptian times, perhaps Roman, maybe from Hannibal's clan, perhaps the medieval times. But she sucks the life force out of weak, weak men. It is her manna. I agree with the Queen of the Sea. She is bad at being a person, and she's bad at her job. Kate said that. Yeah. Well, I don't know if she said that exactly.

Kate, let us know. So breakfast is served. The special of the day is avocado toast. Dave, we don't want to end with a whimper now, do we? I mean, are we phoning it in or what? The special of the day is a piece of fucking toast with guacamole on top? Dave, you're better than that.

Ellie looks to be another person who is phoning it in she's just sleeping uh by the way this is her second day on the job yeah you know she's just sleeping her speaking seven languages yeah and uh that friendly happy-go-lucky demeanor it can only hold as a facade for so long yeah she's a fucking sea rat no two ways about she is a fucking sea rat we love you ellie ellie maybe we'll have you on so we're no you don't want to have ellie no i don't think so oh sorry ellie maybe if you're on the show in the future we'll have you on but right now you're just a replacement for kyle and you slept in and it's not cool you're a fucking sea rat so let's get to uh our second or third bite at the pancake apple um before we get there though we have to talk about some really enriching

conversations surrounding psychedelics ayahuasca yeah oh down in peru it's sad to say but whites have destroyed the magic of that cocktail um you have aaron rogers throwing picks in the red zone you have megan fox elevating as a woman and a mother posting videos of her lover machine gun kelly doing coke off her off her knockers um it's just not taking it's not as spiritual as it once was you're saying uh what what you become after uh enduring that experience yeah you're basically taking a drug for 24 hours throwing up and laying in the sand. Shitting your pants and seeing the devil.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll say this. That conversation was very stimulating,

but, uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dom Dominique. Yeah. He,

he, he one-upped it because, uh, he said, and I quote, I know a girl who took a shit ton of Adderall, Adderall, and she's smart as shit.

Yeah. I don't even know what to say about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't take Adderall unless you're in school gotta taking a law exam yeah like if you need to tuck into something but um it's it's really not good for regular people but yeah no he said uh well i know somebody that microdoses and takes adderall and she's smart as fuck. Thank you. Just fucking focus on the pancake.

Yeah, why are you talking? That's not adding anything. Everyone is dumber at this table for you mentioning that. I award you no points. But ayahuasca has essentially turned into, you know, we've talked about it before, the glugging of the lemon-lined soda and spitting it into the face of the colonizers to cleanse them

it's just a trick played on people for instagram it's nuts that megan fox and aaron rogers and all these people are going down there and having this transcendent experience and coming back not really changed uh it's i don't this is a pmz story but it's wild to me that megan fox has children it is wild to me that megan fox has children well she's dating that uh machine gun kelly and if you want to hear us cover their relationship i've done age for that guy yeah i've done five pmz's machine gun kelly i have footage of him a guitar tech he runs off stage to attack him that is not covered in the media there the ayahuasca didn't help called her one night while she's doing a movie in italy to say he has a gun in his mouth and he wants to blow his fucking head

off yeah yeah in a documentary yeah and it's that kind of crazy young love that just keeps people together you know but she has kids and you can't have that kind of crazy young love that just keeps people together you know but she has kids and you can't have that kind of craziness around them no i can't believe she has kids and you can't have videos of that person doing cocaine off your tits it's just really really fucking weird so moving on past the first three minutes of the show into the fourth um pancakes are a whiff again they come out. They're a little too custardy for him.

They're not crispy enough. And I'm starting to wonder what fucking person or what Waffle House on planet Earth. Not a microaggression. I'm sorry. Maybe it was a microaggression. Contributing Waffle Houses with black people? It's fucking Roscoe's.

There's a place called Waffle House, Dylan. Well, I'm just saying, what diner what chef on planet earth makes them the way you want the way that he wants because it seems like the most impossible of missions to make pancakes the way that this guy wants them i feel like it is a ever moving goal post to just provide him an outlet for anger. A hundred percent. Um, he,

he just eat the fucking pancakes, man. He was nice about it that he didn't want to make Dave feel bad. What are your feelings on the pancakes? They went back to Dave. Dave analyzed him, took a bite on him. He's like, what the fuck is this guy talking about?

They look perfect. They look delicious. I'm not a Dominique. Stop being a dick. I'm not a pancake guy. I think the last pancake I had, I was violently hung over and it just sounded good. And it was good. But the previous pancake before that was maybe four

years before. I just don't eat them. Well, I'll tell you this. You want to talk about a place with too much hype. There's a place on Sunset Boulevard called The Griddle. They have 140 different pancakes. We're talking about something that a half a thing of peanut butter in the middle of it i went there after new year's eve one year the line out the fucking door i order the pancakes i take two bites i'm like i don't know what this is all about it's a pancake it's flour sugar butter sugar, butter, whatever. Give me a Lox. Give me a beautifully shaved Nova on a fucking beautifully baked sesame.

Every fucking time. Alright, so Ellie wakes up. Good start, Ellie. And Z looks back on a younger self saying, if I knew then what I know today, I'd be so proud. You know, if I knew then that my best friend would fuck me out of career advancement,

I would just be so proud. He is ever the, the optimist. He's just such a good dude. Got a little B, got to be a little bit more cunning to get ahead in life, but let's get to Dave being psychotic again. He engages with the bully on Instagram and then runs into Tasha's room,

who I guess is not herself right now. Your thoughts on the meeting the bully in the battlefield. All right. Let me remind myself of this. Okay. Oh, yeah. Here I am at. Here I am.

Too many shows. Too many shows. Way too many. There's a little drinking involved. All right, let me remind myself of this. Okay. Oh, yeah, here I am at. Here I am at. Too many shows. Too many shows. Way too many. There's a little drinking involved. All right, look here, Tosh. Look here. You need to go on Amazon right now and order a book called Love Smacked,

How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love by Sherry Gaba. Did wonders for you. Oh, in 2012 when I cheated on my girlfriend and then I thought I was going to live and marry the side girl that I had. That lasted about 30 days before she got bored with me because she was also broken and love that.

She hadn't read Gaba's book. Not yet. Not yet. So that's what you got to do tosh yeah buy that book hey let me tell you i don't think she's anywhere close to that easy a move which is just a click on amazon i don't think natasha has any interest whatsoever in changing an iota about her character now she does mention it in the show at this point where she's like i she's starting to realize these relationships aren't working out i feel like she's had that

revelation a couple times in her life yeah yeah i don't know what's wrong i think i found out i'm not gonna do nothing about it yeah they're in cycles of every year that the World Cup happens, but nothing ever changes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. She alternates. So she says that she's learned a lot about herself and she's going to get better because of it. Cut to a few months later, she refuses to come on to the reunion. The growth remains to be seen.

So Dave has had some growth too. He hurt the crew, and to make up for that, he's going to cook a kick-ass dinner in the form of the 12th offering of sea bream this season you know i gotta say i'm dave was nice in person he took me being a bit of an asshole to him seemed like a nice guy but dave on this show i'm gonna just go ahead and say it he fucking sucks you think so dave sucks on this show well because of this menu or because of him being a bitch with uh tasha ladder okay yeah well i was gonna say what i have a problem with the food hey dave don't fuck up with this fish again go up to these people and ask them what

they want for the last dinner right right right yeah it's a lot very reliant on the the aquatic protein um so let's sit down for said dinner. But before we get there, let's take a quick break to talk about these wonderful sponsors. Our next partner is a product I use literally every day. I started taking AG1 because I didn't want to eat a, you know, I didn't want to, abs are made in the kitchen, okay? I don't want to start off the day with, you know, chunky gravy and big bagels and things like that. So I wanted to keep it light and that's why I start my mornings with one delicious scoop of AG1. With it, I'm absorbing 75 high-quality vitamins, minerals, whole food source ingredients, probiotics, and adaptogens that help me start my day right and light oh it's lifestyle friendly

whether you eat keto paleo vegan dairy for your gluten-free ag1 is a small micro habit with big benefits it's one thing you can do every single day to take great care of yourself all right you're investing in an all-in-one nutritional insurance. That's nuts. Gosh. In 2020, AG donated over 1.2 million meals to kids too. So, okay. Beautiful company. Not a lot of companies do that kind of charitable philanthropic stuff. Except it's not philanthropy because I feel like you give to like museums and ritzy stuff.

AG is getting and doing it right. So right now it's time to reclaim your health and make it easy. Athletic Greens is going to give you a free one year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com slash below deck. Again, that is athleticgreens.com slash below deck to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance bye if i were to ask you to name a song by dolly parton or queen could you answer in under 15 seconds and if the answer is yes then you need

to play trivia star okay so trivia star is a free can you well if you can then you need to play trivia star okay it's a free mobile trivia game with over 60 different categories that you get to choose from, including music, TV, animals, and celebrities. If you choose the correct answer from multiple choices and beat the clock, you move on to the next level. It sounds simple, but the questions get harder over time. But if you get stuck, don't worry. but the questions get harder over time. But if you get stuck, don't worry.

You can use coins and gems to get hints and beat the level. If you love trivia like I do, you'll love Trivia Star. Right now, Trivia Star is offering 2,500 coins and 500 gems when you download and play. That's so insane. I love Trivia Star because it stretches my noggin out okay it's much better than doom scrolling trivia star has thousands of five star reviews in the apple store and is the number one trivia game on the app store download it today and challenge yourself just go to apple or google store and search for trivia star download trivia

star for free today and get ready to flex your brain muscles. It's time to get sexy. And you know what that means. It's time to talk about dames, specifically dip. Okay. Whether dip is your first vibrator or the toy that helps you rediscover what feels good for you. It's designed to be unintimidating and to courage. Huh? It's designed to be unintimidating and to courage huh it's designed to be unintimidating and to encourage pleasure without shame okay it's perfect for play it can be used both internally and externally put it up or rub it oh rub it all over the place allowing you to explore what feels good for you guys this is our last ad read with – well, I shouldn't say guys. I'm trying to work on my patriarchal language bias.

But everyone, this is the last ad read with Dame for a while. So if you would like to keep getting incredible deals from them, do us a favor. help support the sponsor of the show. It's a fun ad read every single time. You can purchase dip at dameproducts.com. And if you enter in the promo code, what will happen? You're going to get the dip. Okay. And you're going to get a discount too. It's going to get the dip. Okay? And you're going to get a discount too. It's going to be 15% off your first order. Okay? So go to dameproducts.com.

Use promo code below deck. You'll get 15% off your first order. Experience pleasure without shame. Help Dame. Help us. We love you guys very much. Okay. So we sit for a little nursery rhyme.

Pat, do you want to take this one? Oh, God. I couldn't make odds of it. It was stupid. Yeah. And it's a horrible toast. Well, it was the... Something about eating ass?

It was the hubris of the sassy gay. We've talked about this many times. The sassy gay feels confident in pretty much... Well, listen, I don't want to say this, but in situations like this... No, let me handle this. I'm want to say this but in situations like this this is homophobia but the guy says jack and joe came down a hill jack had cum in his mouth you don't know this old woman who is sitting next to you that's a fucking weird thing to say by the way i just hope this gentleman uh doesn't do this at corporate retreats or something like that.

You know, it's a work environment because they have, you know, hey, everybody, here's a toast to everybody, all the hard work we've done. And I love eating ass. Yeah. Everybody, dude, we sell carpets. Hey, here's to everybody not having too many pubic hairs in their throat tonight. Okay. Hey, I'm going gonna talk down right in between some ass cheeks tonight huh everybody have a great time it's not fucking appropriate

though man we sell corpids i will say this if there ever is a time and place in mixed company though unfortunately captain sandy but i think they think because they're paying so much they can uh do it but anyway and listen he's on vacation you're on vacation time and place this is the time where in the middle of the fucking mediterranean you get to say i suck cock yeah i beep that i'm not gonna beep that we do not need to beep that so first dish up cauliflower lemongrass puree sea bream dehydrated beet it's a picture worthy dish what a dish it was delicate lemongrass, puree, sea bream, dehydrated beet. It's a picture-worthy dish. What a dish it was. Delicate lemongrass adds a little kiss to what would be a rather gummy thing. I think one of the true, I don't know, negative fads of late is the use of cauliflower in too much stuff.

Trying to treat it as a carb like mashed potatoes yeah it's not you you're not ever going to get to a robuchon level of potato puree with a cauliflower it's just never going to happen and if you're going to eat mashed potatoes eat mashed potatoes how fucking often do you eat mashed potatoes? Why would you ever sub out cauliflower in a scenario when there's mashed potatoes? What are we doing here? We're on vacation. You're on vacation. Eat the pizza with regular flour crust. You don't need the cauliflower crust.

Cauliflower is fine every once in a while, but it does not need to be a ubiquitous ingredient in everything. Dave, what the fuck, man? 60 Pots. There was some mushroom dish. We never saw it. No clue what it was. I heard it. No clue what it was.

I love mushrooms, by the way. Oh, are you? Oh, yes. Talk to me. You like a portobello? A hundred percent. Yeah. And I also loveabella? A hundred percent. Yeah. And I also love that spread over a fucking steak.

There's something wonderful and magnificent about that. I don't know why those two things work with each other, but it's just amazing. You love a duxelle? What's that? Are you a fan of Chateau? It's not Chateaubriand. What is it? It's Beef Wellington.

I love Beef Wellington. Yeah. I've only had it in frozen form. What? Beef Wellington like in a frozen tray dinner, you know? Yeah. Pretty good. A little salty, you know?

It's very, very reliant on the mushroom. Very reliant on the mushroom. No, mushrooms are a beautiful, beautiful thing. I love going into Gelson's, which is, it's a grocer. It's not Trader Joe's. It's a grocer it's not trader joe's it's a grocer and sure when you see a 12 mango you do want to go who runs this place and why are they not dead but it's a grocer they serve a quarter copy of mushrooms it's we're in los angeles We deserve to have options for mushrooms. All right, moving on.

God damn it. I find myself to be too petulant sometimes. That's all right. You only do it when you talk about food, dude. Otherwise, you're totally normal. Okay. So let's talk about drug and alcohol merry-go-round. They asked Captain Sandy. I think Dominic Easley or whatever his name is says,

so how'd you become a sailor or whatever? Yeah. It's a tale as old as Sea Rat Time. She fell out after flunking out of school and drug and alcohol issues. And here I am. Yep. I mean, I paraphrase, but I believe I nailed her story. You did, of course.

If Dominique had watched the show, he would know you don't need to ask that question. It's as plug and play as humanly possible. She fell into it as a last resort. Yes. All right. So let's talk about Nat and Storm really quickly. Storm is finally getting it. He's looking down the barrel at her leaving the boat

and not really thinking for a fucking second about him after. Yeah. You're a play thing. Yeah, she just wants someone to cuddle up next to her. Don't get too close. But a snuggle bunny. But she does not want insertion. She does not want to be pleasured by this man.

Honestly, despite the camera footage being black and white, the color blue emitting from Storm's crotch with that footage was overwhelming. It actually hurt my eye. It was in fact blue balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really, really sad stuff. And we'll get to it later.

But for all the hissy fits that Storm throws, you know, I often say that men PMS too. It's when they haven't had sex in a while. MS2. It's when they haven't had sex in a while. To not throw a fit, and you should never throw fits. That's not becoming behavior, but to just lay around and be okay with being

walked around this boat, the leash being your dick, is just unbelievably pathetic. You don't have to throw a fit, but walk out of the room, go, no, I'm not fucking doing this. And her biggest complaints about him are his investment in his career.

I'm watching this and I'm annoyed. Right. But you're supposed to be into him and you're supposed to be supportive. That's the one thing about my wife. Whenever I bitch about you guys or I talk about work, she sits there.

She's ready to bitch with me. It's a bonding moment. She's annoyed by it. Like, stop talking about work. What else do we have to talk about? What's my fucking favorite color? Yeah. We're sea rats.

We have nothing to talk about. We drink. We have kind of surface level conversations and we fuck. And if we're not gonna fuck i'm gonna go fucking turn on netflix and or beat off three times before i can fall asleep let's move on dessert is a cheesecake with ginger cream 12 pots i'm miffed about the whole thing honestly like listen to our below deck adventure recap they They have heeded our call, okay? Show us what's going on with the food.

Do not show us five minutes of suspenseful music and a docking with no hurdles whatsoever, at least for this podcast. My God. All right, let's get to Reed being just a total flirt. He helps Ellie with stuff and thinks that he's doing something so naughty that his

grandmother would be ashamed. Yeah, well, who gives a shit about your grandma? She's modeled and can't see. And also, no, she wouldn't be ashamed. You're not doing anything but her job. You're not getting

closer to having sex with her. You're just doing anything but her job you're not getting closer to having sex with her you're just doing her job god roll tide sir roll tide roll tide roll tide episode title um all right so the guests head down for a very early very boring snooze. Why did you come here? Why did you come here? You're not up late. Go to a hotel and go down to the beach. Have a day where you do water activities. You'll have a much higher chance

of actually doing them. I pointed this out, Dylan, many times. I think this show and its four iterations at this point have done more to dissuade people from trying to do these vacations. At some point, a guy bought a yacht. He's like, hey, man, there's four fucking shows about this. We're going to fucking kill it. How much is the yacht?

It's $28 million. Perfect. We'll make our money back in a year. No, you won't, sir. No, you won't. This show is killing your business. Yeah. No, it's a...

It's a... Yeah. Going to Cancun for a week with the family seems so much more of a version of a vacation. I don't understand it. Go to the Amalfi Coast. Hire somebody to take you out on the water. You'll save $80,000.

And it'll be a better vacation. They'll take you out for the entire day. You can fake like you're on a yacht. Okay. Jesus fucking Christ. They depart the next morning. And they say, we would love to say it was a great time. Was it? What are you doing here tattoos why are you why are we on a razor's edge here just hand the fucking envelope over and

go eat something um let's get to the tip meeting uh nat pretends to be sandy it was a good impression but i have a better one you know malia you know people say she's a bit of a dyke. Oh, no. Hey, cameo. All my fans out there. Yeah, people talk about Malia. Happy birthday, John. Happy birthday, John. Yeah.

Whatever. But Malia, I heard she likes the women. Definitely not on pills. Sandy, you get most improved. I was going to save that for the reunion., you get most improved. I was going to save that for the reunion. You definitely get most improved. 100%. Yeah.

She's off pills. Allegedly. Hey, we all talk about Malia. So they toast with Aperol spritzers, and it looks like our favorite sassy pants is back. But how much was the actual tip? $20,000, $1,800 each. That's, oh, by the way, for the season. For for the season because i love to do these totals yeah uh for people working on these

boats for three months uh i can't think of uh the bad behavior right at the moment but 17 grand for three months doesn't seem like uh it's worth it me. I think that somebody who does year-round yachting and subjects themselves to tight quarters, toxic work environments, and the real kind of poisonous thorn of the industry, which is running away from any and all problems that you have in your life, probably net you on a good year, 120, 150.

That's solid. It's fine, but... I don't know. I wouldn't want to do that. No fucking way. Yeah, no. I wouldn't do it for a million. I would not want to do that.

My God. We're watching Below Deck Adventure. The guy's like, hey, you left a shit in the toilet. I don't want to do that. Fuck. All right. Please put me down. Please put me down.

Please put me down. Is it worth it, C-Rap? I've been waiting for a shrimp fucking cocktail for two fucking hours. That will be... I watched watched it and that's still in my head i didn't work for those assholes it's not worth it see a therapist get roots find a job read a book find a mate watch a show live on land So it's where we're supposed to live. We're not Tongans. We're not supposed to traverse these seas. There are very, very few people who are actually supposed to

and feel comfortable on a terrain which we are not supposed to be on. I saw Waterworld. That didn't end well. Didn't turn out good for anybody. What happens at the end of that movie? They find land. See? See?

It's a total bummer, and then they find land, and that's the happy ending. God. All right. So Kyle's back. He is speaking of a recovery process the term recovery process i don't think is applicable to laying in a hotel room and watching netflix for two days that does not seem like a hard road back to health glad his legs doing well yeah somebody who tears their acl and has to go through painful rehab that is a recovery

process you ordered room service and then were two tequila shots away from lifting up your chief stew. This is not a recovery process, Kyle. Oh, my God. So we go out to dinner on a pretty wicked party bus and we sit down for a little roundtable AA fun. I think that, yeah, highs and lows lows rose and thorn yeah i don't know i mean i'm sure it's done at uh jewish sleepaway camps and at alcoholics anonymous meetings but

um let's get us talking yeah get us talking about sharing our real feelings yeah this is a very uh tony robbins great job. I know you read that book and I know what you're trying to do. We all see what you're trying to do. It's not helping anybody. These are sea rats. They're still broken and they're not ready to confront it. Do you want to whip through them or do you want me to?

Please. Dave says he's been at a low. Yeah. Then Tosh steps up, puts on a real pretty face. I mean mean this woman is gorgeous quite the succubus quite the succubus so yeah it's then storm's turn he fails to award natalia the public rose she so desires nat despite Nat, despite what Nat is doing to Storm is like what I saw my cat do, my dear cat Theo, many years ago to a mouse.

I had never seen anything like it. And I still love cats, but there exists in them a primal evil. Is this playing with a rat that you want to kill? Yeah. So dogs are pack animals. Their evolution has enabled them to have, and I'm speaking about an animal kingdom here, but they have a little bit more empathy than other animals.

I've seen a dog pull a moose out of a fucking river. Right, exactly. They have concern for others. Think about the life of a cougar it's just solitary they kill on their own they sleep on their own they die on their own there exists in them an evil that is in natalia what's happening to storm is honestly it's it should be in the geneva convention this is really really fucked up. Now despite all of that, I'm still a huge fan of Natalia. I think

because of how hot she is. Yeah, yeah. Her ass is great. I think that's why. But no, also she has a sense of humor to her that is uncommon among sea rats. But to toy with Storm the way that you've been toying with him and

then to demand that he profess some kind of love for you at this table. Are you in a relationship? Rhetorical, no. Then Nat, don't do this right now. He's too drunk and he's too temperamental. He's going to go talk to his best friend who he fucked out of a promotion and thank God his friend is going to go, hey, not a big deal, dude.

Just calm down. I'm all over the place now. That being said, if you do start an OnlyFans or an OnlyFeet... You got to finish that sentence, though. Might use a third-party bank account to sign up. Yeah, because... Listen, we've been there before as a podcast and i would

never expect you guys to foot four hundred dollars no it wasn't four hundred dollars it wasn't four we'll let you guys guess who we were only fans all right so it was too much money now. All right, so let's move on. It was research. Important stuff. Let's get to the club. No.

First, well, yeah, we can get to the club. Yeah, Sandy leaves. Get out of here. Get out of here, Sandy. You don't want any part of this merry-go-round. Kyle wants to fuck a boy on the boat tonight. Righty? I don't think that's going to happen. Norman's his freaking mommy, though.

Reed's a flirt, and it's taking? I think Ellie would need one more charter before she fucked me. I think so. Yeah. Yeah, it's too soon. Shocking stuff, though. It's a little weird. It's been 48 hours. You can't fuck that guy.

You can't fuck that guy. So Kyle then demonstrates what being on TV for too long does to a C-Rap. He's talking about Natalia, and he has so much vengeance in him and it's, it's the blade is too dulled. I it's, it's, it's old at this point. He's fallen off so much.

Icarus wings have been burned, singed to a crisp. This was somebody we thought was a star. This was somebody we thought was the kind of character we hadn't seen on Below Deck in some time. And then what happens is you get 12 episodes past the expiration date, and now he's just kind of, go away, please. He's lived long enough to see himself remind us he's a sea rat.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I will say this uh he does at least uh bury the hatchet with an italian at least for now yeah which was nice to see you know because it's the last episode yeah so great to see um so back to z's uh well z's blackout again as is tradition um you cannot see his irises. They are non-existent. And by the way, hey, you're at dinner or at the club. Take off that fucking ski cap, please. Yeah, and let's not break 15 glasses.

It's the last night out. Yeah, I guess. I guess. I'm a miser. I can't stand drunks. I need to meet in the middle somewhere. But if I saw this, there's just no world in which I'm drunk enough to think that this is okay. I would be appalled by this.

I don't know how they get filming permits to go into these clubs with all these people. Did everybody in that club have to fucking sign a thing? I would go no. I would go no. No. And then they'd ruin all the filming. Yeah. I'm not signing that, sir.

So the girls get in their car and the sea rats are really sea ratting. Oh, this escalates. Yeah. To sea rat, like, I thought we were going to, I don't want to get into it. We'll get to it in the next two minutes. Listen, there's promise here. And I don't want to sound like sexual deviants and chauvinists, but we are men. Okay.

We're dumb. So when Ellie and Coco take their tits out and start twerking, we think that we might be getting to the K2 summits of the stuff that we've seen between Danny and the Jolly Green Dumb Giant. Gary and Gabby. Gary and Eating Ash. You know, that kind of stuff. Gary and Florida. It just doesn't. Gary and Florida. Holy shit doesn't. Gary in Florida.

Holy shit. Is there a more sad woman on planet Earth? Holy shit. Definitely. But what a lizard. I don't mean to say. That's so mean. I apologize.

I'm so sorry. Dylan, they understand us now as an audience. We're seeing twerking. We're seeing pole dancing. Oh, I'm audience. We're seeing twerking. We're seeing pole dancing. Oh, I'm sorry. We're back at the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like all the sea rat energy had been trapped in a bottle for eight charters, and now it's ready to just explode. Yeah. But ultimately, Ellie, whatever the fuck her name is, passes out. Nat tells Storm, go to bed. And Tosh decides to watch Netflix with her bestie. That's it. You sons of bitches. Four pots.

Four pots. Now, before all of those anticlimactic shenanigans ensued, we had a moment with Storm where I don't blame Natalia at all. Oh, this is him wanting to jump in the river, wanted to jump in the river. Um, and is so drunk that he takes this as a coordinated attack on his swag in

front of Natalia. Storm, there are going to be a lot of milestones in your life. Wedding, promotions. Children. Children. Watch what happens.

Watch what happens. None of them are as important as you having sex with this person tonight. Don't fuck it up. You're losing sight of the most important thing as important as you having sex with this person tonight. Don't fuck it up. You're losing sight of the most important thing to ever happen in your life. And that could sound hyperbolic, but I'm telling you that is how stunningly gorgeous Natalia is. And storm is worried about being cool in front of his boys. You've lost sight of the ball.

It's the most important thing to ever happen in your life and you failed and listen we grow from that our skin toughens but my god what a massive regret unbelievable he's sad fuck man i'm so sorry you fucked up dude so we have to get to the next day do we next day they all say goodbye. We say our goodbye. Really quickly, Ellie's going to go not work for the UN. Reed's going to go keep flirting with people. Kyle's going to go fall in love with Frank and his beans all over again.

Coco's a badass. Natasha's a witch. And Dave is a fucking psycho. I'll help you with your bags. They have wheels, Dave. Leave her alone. They have wheels, Dave. Leave her alone. They have wheels. The producers ask what Natasha is excited for.

Of course, she says she wants another source of mana, a broken cock to drain the life force out of. And then says, LOL, jokes. No, that's not a joke. Then Dave heads out. Dave, don't do it anymore. Never again. Never again. And then we get to Natalia and Storm. no that's not a joke then Dave heads out Dave don't do it anymore never again never again and then we get to Natalia and Storm

she leaves him sad soft and filled with a frothy semen that needs to be I don't know why I had to end the show like that I don't know why I needed to do that but that's

it for us jumping the itunes ratings reviews and every season you know it's the end of school it's the last you know this has been four and a half months you fuck jesus talking to andy yeah oh god damn it anyway we know what we need to do we need to talk to anderson cooper we need to get to anderson cooper and we need to talk what Yeah, what's inside his head? Thank you for listening. I wish Nikki, who was here for the last episode,

because we all did this together. We'll have a reunion, so we'll say our final goodbyes on the reunion. But all in all, it was a good season. There was a lot of toxicity that started to get grating

after a while, but it was not a bad season of below no no my favorite part was when we had a dangerous dave in here that was really fun fun times man good times fun fucking times dude yeah bro fun fucking times hope that you guys enjoyed it we'll be i mean right around the corner in two days with an episode of Below Deck Adventure. This show never stops! So... Share it, share it, share it. This isn't goodbye. Join us

on Patreon for ad-free episodes and we'll see you next week for the cobbled together Zoom reunion. You don't think they'll have them in the studio? I'm Dylan. Say goodbye, Pat. Pat, say goodbye bye guys Love