Another Below Deck Podcast - Legally Brunette | S20 E2 RHOC

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Dylan and Ruby are back to break down love, bags, football, conflict resolution, burgers, aging and more from Bravo's RHOC.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

So she heads over to meet Shannon Bador at this boutique that has a John Paul Gautier bag that isn't a Birken but looks exactly like a burkin. Again, I have two questions. Why would you make this? It's such an embarrassing thing to make John Paul Gautier. And why would you buy it? Go ahead with your two questions. How did Legally Brunette get made? How did this book get made?

Someone tell me. Hi, hello, celebratory horns. And all of it. It's bad TV. And I'm Dylan. and that is Ruby. Hi, Jill. How are you?

What happened to your finger? Oh, it's a clip, nothing. Oh, thought you cut it. Speaking of cutting it, Pat's cut, okay? He's not in the show. Forever? Nope.

He's actually, he's going to be back soon, but right now he's in Napa, California, slugging back wine, and skipping through vineyards, shirt off, rocking tattoo exposed, and just having a great time. So it's going to be the Wren siblings holding down the fort today to talk about the show known as the Real Housewives of Orange County.

This is in its 20th year, and it is in its 20th year. Ruby, what did you think about this episode, and how are you doing with this show in its 20th year? Okay. I'm happy we got taglines this week. Yeah. I am also happy that it's been 20 years and we still have not figured out a way to get these women in a booth. The taglines feel like they were made by an AI generated person that was made for the 20th anniversary of this show.

Yeah, for sure. Vicky is giving me more more positive feelings about her than I thought I would same with her. Before you get into Vicky, can we just go through through these taglines and you just tell me chatbot or not?

Sure. Okay, so we've got Tamara. I'm still the hottest house wife and that's my opinion. That one, that could have been a normal, not chatbot. Okay. Heather DeBrow, my motives or like my tastes. Best left on question. That means that means nothing. That means absolutely nothing. That's one of the worst tagline. Shannon Badorra. How do I hold it all together? Resilience and shapewear.

Not bad. Also though, not a person. Definitely a bot. Jennifer Pedrantis is the truth speaks volumes and I'm about to turn it up. Chatbot. Has to be. Gina. Just because I'm spoken for doesn't mean I won't speak up. Honestly, like a really self-important woman writer. Emily, my body may be new, but my mouth is the same as always. I don't know.

Shane wrote it. Sure. Shane wrote it. Lastly, from Mella Garcia. still with the surname of the former quarterback of the Cleveland Browns, I think the Philadelphia Eagles, cheating POS, a CPS. I'm the center of attention and the center fold. Now that will go in the annals is I think one of the worst taglines of the show's history.

That's not one more time. I'm the center of attention and the centerfold. It's unoriginal. It's not inspired. She could have had a lot more to say there. And it was a lost opportunity. Vicky's being what hers was like, legends or wives die,

but legends, we whoop it up all the time. Wives come and go, but legends, we whip it up forever. No. Oh, man. chatbot Catbot Listen We've got a lot of show to break down

Get in the comments Let us know what you think of The new catchphrases Ruby what'd you think about the episode It's Emily's 50th All right I don't Okay I'm sad that I'm also happy

That the Pat won't be here So that he won't be triggered By so much of Shannon's bits A lot of bits tonight A lot of bits I like watching them get dressed up for parties I think the best drag queen thing we've ever seen. I don't know if you were privy to.

Lydia, I think, had to dress up as like Charlie Chaplin. And then she got really uncomfortable at another drag queen event and said it was unchristian or something. So this was a little bit uneventful for me at this hamburger place. Overall, filler of an episode, I'll say, I'm going to go 38 breasts. Yeah, 38 breasts. I'm hopeful. You know, fans of our program know that this is my least favorite show on Planet Universe.

But this episode seemed to suggest that the seams will come apart in the future in a pretty big way. I think Vicky is a welcome edition back. And I love her what with her children's criminal records as robust. Doesn't the son have like a, he doesn't have a criminal record. He's just like a piece of shit that like does percissettes and like talks about how Mexicans shouldn't be in America or something. Yeah, I think that's her son-in-law, Ryan. Yeah, but also could be. Michael, though. Could be your son.

Okay. Well, regardless, love her judging other people's children, love her judging other people's marriages, love her judging people ever. It's so fun. Yeah, I give it seven tits, a horrible episode. But we start with another hallmark of this show, which is, I'm convinced there is a philanthropist in Orange County, some kind of shadowy, joker type character that is starting businesses just to make fun of people. And it's one of these weird things where you can't, maybe there's a closed circuit thing that he or she has access to. But it may just be a mysterious kind of satisfaction that you can't really tangibly enjoy people just going to, whether it's giant foam rollers on people's taint and haunches for some kind of therapeutic purpose. Maybe it's an incense bath, a yonies. steaming facility that serves mochi today we have a bungee cord workout class and this is where the bador bits really really hit us over the head there there is no need for this time first of all

the insurance has to be crazy for this workout class you have people over the age of 50 flying i don't know it's extremely dangerous yeah and and someone like Like Shannon, like Dylan, realistically, you could bounce off of a wall and be fine. Shannon can't. It's honestly shocking she hasn't seriously hurt herself already falling. Didn't like this. Also, can't imagine it's a very good workout. I was not to cut you off.

What could this possibly do to the muscular or how could this be a positive impact in any way to perform? You're bouncing around a bungee cord. This is where I'm talking about the Joker of Orange County. They're starting these businesses as a prank. The prank Joker business starter is, and sorry for the crime, I think this is the type of thing that these people start homeless, not toothless. You know what I mean? And it's like, I don't know what this board meeting sounded like, but you're all not good, probably a business.

I don't think so maybe I'm wrong. So, Bador falls a lot and Emily's turning 50. Now, the ladies all sit down after the bungee workout class. Not a sweat was broken. And they talk about Tamara. Now, as soon as Tamara is brought up, what does Shannon say? I don't want to talk about it. And what does she then proceed to do?

Talk about it. Yeah, go ahead. Oh, no, I just wanted to clarify. that she is, and this is what I'll say, we just got a new report and the we is me and people on Facebook that I guess there was like a new some camera person came out

with another report that was like Shannon Madore is a fucking witch monster to all of the crew. And it's like, we're not falling for these bits, okay? But bits or not, you're kind of an evil wench. And I don't forget it, Shannon.

There's this thing that we're, when Shannon, was betrayed by the gray hair David when she was going through the ringer when she was down and out we rooted for her right

and she really hasn't climbed back to any successful degree she's still a drunk by herself with two dogs falling everywhere yet it's worn off in such a major way I do not root for Shannon Bador I am I am fatigued by Shannon Bador and only

fatigued by Shannon Bador. When you hear things like she's rude to people, the bits don't land. It's not funny to see you fall on the floor, be it attached to a bungee or not. We're over it. And also, the I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to address it while she does get into it. Last week, there were no fireworks. She stays away. He gets up from tables. She is someone who has just gravely overstayed her welcome. And there's nothing else to say about it. I mean, it's just, it's nuts. This is just a side note for people who are listening,

but we have a relatively small Christmas every Christmas. It's just me, Dylan, Dylan's wife, Cece, and our mom and our aunt and uncle. But every once in a while, my mom invites over strays in the form of some. Are you talking about Thanksgiving? No, no, Dylan. I'm talking about the one Christmas where Aunt Lynn had to, someone overstayed a welcome.

That's what made me think of it. and our loving aim. I mean, she quite literally, I believe, just looked at people and said, well, we have to open presents now so you two should go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have to tell people to leave sometimes. And there's not a real delicate way because, you know, it's a, I don't want to equate it to politics. It's not get into politics. But there is nothing you can say to appease the person. So let's just go ahead and be rude. Right. Because because trying to wrap this in some gilded politeness, it's still going to come off as rude. So let's just go. go, hey, guys, got to go.

And that's what we need to do to Shannon, I think, after this season, maybe. I don't know. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Just everyone in the trench, everyone in the trench, all of them, all of them. Maybe not Carmela. I think she might be great. Maybe. All right.

So what is up with Jen? Jen is Heather's new best friend also communicating to Tamara that Heather and her have problems. there's some back channeling. The issue that I have with bad iterations of the housewives is the unique aghast to back talk or speaking behind someone else's back. In good versions of the show, it's kind of just like it's either taken in stride, noted, and filed, or it is. or it is immediately met with aggression, see Alicia. Okay. This show does this thing where they all speak about one another behind each other's backs.

And when it comes to the fore or it's on earth, there is this, I can't believe she would do that kind of thing. And it begs the question, do you have amnesia? Because not only have you been doing this for 20 years, it's your entire personality. So what could possibly be so confusing? Right, right. Like, are you stunned by yourself?

Are you so scared of yourself and your actions that you don't know what to do now? It's a really, yeah, no, they, it's all of them do that, that episode of the reunion. I think it's, yeah, it's New York when Ramona. Andy is like, well, Ramona, but you said it. And she goes, well, I guess I don't remember it then. Well, but that doesn't mean that you didn't, right? because so how are we ending up where we are every time? I think it is because, and I mean this,

I do not believe that any one of these people, least of all Tamara, think that they are remotely a villain. They are only victims in this story. Can you, and you're so right about that, you're 100% correct that Tamara does not think that she is a villain. And just get inside the head of that for one second. It's a very, very scary place.

there are cobwebs and bats everywhere. They're hanging upside down. There's no light. The only light you can see is a kind of little gleam off the eyes of the bats. And if you're there, you have to realize it would look more like Candyland if you were not the villain that you are. You know what I mean? Yep. But she doesn't realize that, Dylan.

Let's get to the shoot. This is a shoot with Little Shane and Emily. I was going to say Little Shane and Giant Emily. but can't do that. But you know what? I guess I'm like Ramona. I just don't remember saying that. But again, you are not Dr. Strange.

You cannot, you're not going to open up some portal here. I didn't know. So. They had a show her and her tiny little husband called Legally Brunette. By the way, are you watching the show with June Day and Rayfield? No, but everybody should because I hear that she's a show. fantastic, are you? No, I don't.

Just say no. I do not watch it, but Cecee, my dearly, my dearly wife, Cici is in love with it. And I'm a big fan of Legally Blonde. So legally Brunette should be criminally prosecuted. Just because it's such a slight to such a beautiful thing, like let's not even allude to something that's so much better than what you're doing. There should be like the fact that there was no, and I don't know who needs to do it, but there was no trademark issue with that.

Get on it. Sue them. This is insane. Don't let them touch you. Don't let this little person and this much taller woman do this thing to that. Okay. So their new show is going to be called till death to us part. Are they getting a divorce?

I, Dylan, I was just going to ask you the same thing. I know that Pat is the predictor of this, but I actually do. So, okay, they, you know how she talked about how when they got married or proposed to? He was like, I sent her. She was like, he sent me a G chat. And then we were like, should we get married? Like, everything has been so unceremonious about this entire marriage and relationship. And he makes these jokes about how he has to kind of roll over.

And that's how he stayed married to her. If my husband said those things to me, first of all, I would cry. And then I would cry more. It would break my heart. If you said those things to your wife, wouldn't she be like, What? Emily Simpson has officially confirmed that her marriage to Shannon's come to an end, but in months of speculation to rest with an emotional update that left fans heartbroken. After years of sharing the highs and lows and their release.

Dylan, is this AI? This is, I don't know. It's the real housewives of New York City fans from July 11th at 740 p.m. Hashtag breaking news. Hashtag R.O.HC. A broken heart emoji. Hashtag Emily Simpson. hashtag Shane Simpson.

I think you're... You're spreading fake news. I did this with Danny and Nia, and it's not good. We shouldn't do it anymore. But I do not think they're happy. I'll say that. Their podcast is Till Death Do Us Part. Now, this is a married couple with a legal background in that she's passed the bar and he hasn't so many times.

So they have a legal background. Did he pass it? Yep. Okay, good. They are moving the fee. Now, this is going to be a murder podcast that's. It's a podcast of couples murdering each other, which it happens. Very often.

Jody Arias, you know Jody Arias? Of course. There's one, you know. Stabbed. Yep. She stabbed. Yeah, probably one of the like 0.04% of women. The women on men.

I shouldn't have led with that. It was just the person that came to. the way that you said it's okay makes me think that it's actually not okay actually though good because that was my intention okay so emily is moving the feed over and she is promoting this feed switch as one has to do right when when you've switched up distribution in the podcast world she put out a post and um the post expressed little to no gratitude to the two t's Okay, this is going to be a problem because the two T's are the reason why legally Brunette hit the soaring heights that it did. Right, exactly.

Okay, so I was watching and watch What Happens Live episode with Tamara and she was like, I need to actually explain this. Teddy and I have, okay, and then she starts to go into the information about what a podcast feed is as though people don't understand that. Well, as though she does understand it is the important thing to do. Right. Thank you for clarifying Dill. And she says, we have two T's has 100 million. And she goes to say subscribers, which is obviously a flat out, just absolutely belligerent lie. And then it says downloads correctly. And so it's like, hey, Tammy, I don't know what your, I don't know who's giving you your numbers, right? But I don't know. I don't know. one person who listens to your show. I don't know anyone else on this network. I am sure that you did drive a lot of traffic to Emily's new podcast. Does she owe you that big of a thank you? Like, were they that helpful? I do not understand. I just wanted to look up really quickly. So Mr. Beast, he has 500 million subscribers. But Tamara,

um, a hundred million is, um, one of the most egregious lives you could possibly. Even the downloads. I mean, that may be aggregate. I don't want to pull a Tamara and get deep in the weeds of the podcast business, which is what she does this episode. And I just want to say that if I did need to switch my RSS feed for a show, I would sooner employ a kangaroo to do it than Tamara Judge. Okay? All right. Wait, quick question, because I was just going to be like, oink, oink, but then I said that's not. What sound do you think kangaroos make?

You know, I've been doing this. I've actually been thinking a lot about animal sounds because our little baby bundle has been pointing at picture books with farm animals and house pets and wild animals. And sometimes she points to an animal, I've got it, right? An owl is who, right? Easy. Sure. But then she will point to something like a rabbit. And I just have not got an answer for you.

I have no fucking idea. Okay? I don't think they make sounds. What do you do? You kind of, I think kangaroos and rabbits make the same sound in that. They just, they only like make chewing noises when they eat. I think that's it. Okay.

I think it's universal. Sure. Another just, what about a moose? A moose. Oh. I mean, incredible, Dill. Okay. We can move on.

Thank you. Heather and Tamara sit down for dinner. Tamara paddleboard, I want to say this, and I just want to say this. Tamara paddleboarded today and has not slept in 48 hours. So again, we go back to that very, very scary cave. What is a lone time with Tamara like? What is time with Tamara and herself like? Daying up for two days straight, how could we, how could we be here? Well, why aren't we sleeping for 48 hours? And like when Eddie comes home and he's like, hey, honey, and she's just staring at the ground and he like has to come over and like wave his hand in front of her to break her into reality. Does she just like, does she bark at him? Does she acknowledge that anyone else is, I think worst case scenario is that it's just

you and her at a place like, God forbid, the big bear house. If I had any one-on-one time with Tamara, like, let's say me and her sit down to, I don't know, one of the many cassidia restaurants that they visit, I would sit across from her head and I would just exhaustedly just go, I hate you so much. I just have to say, let's start there. I couldn't hate you more for what you are. She would, for some reason, Dylan.

I don't know how I feel or why I feel this way. she would spend over one hour at the table with you trying to prove you wrong. I feel like she's sleepwalking all the time. I think that's probably why she's so aggressive. But she spills the tea about what Jen had mentioned about Tamara and Heather, the whole hoopla. Rips, I'm sure that the fans have felt this numerous times when I, Mostly me are breaking down reality television. When we get to something like this, when we've got Jen saying stuff about Heather to Tamara,

vice versa, and then we have kind of recaps and conversations about it, I have no clue what's going on. I have no, I have no clue who said what. I have no clue what is going on. So could you help me out a little bit here? I'm going to try, but my short answer is no. So this is what my understanding is. Right.

Yeah. Is I believe that Jen is, Jen has told Tamara that Heather is kind of code switching and talking shit behind her back and then being like super buddy buddy with her in person. Got it. Heather does not feel that this is true. So she's enraged by this and feels like she's being like gas. gaslit by these people. And I think that it's this dinner where Tamara, broken clock, is like, oh, okay, Heather.

I see how you're moving. This is very, very kind of deceitful because Heather says, I can have a massive problem with your behavior, Tamara, like the way that you spoke to Emily about her podcast, and then reach out to you as a very, very close friend. What is wrong with that? Right, right. And like, well, because you can't, right?

So that's what's wrong. So yeah, yeah, Tamara says, no, I think I'm clocking that. Jen is podstering, but Heather is also kind of a lying bitch. And here's the part where we need, we need to go back to the cave because Tamara having an issue with any of this is absolutely hilarious. Again, only because she exists in this stasis always. This is her natural place. Can you confirm for me, do you remember last finale or last reunion? Nope.

Did we not get? Okay. But remember, let me jog. You remember? Answer. No. Okay. Your Honor, we picked up cameras again when they were doing Gina and Shannon did that like

War Sharper call with the card. Right, right, right. So like, I'm pretty sure Tamara has been spilling secrets to the press and yet, oh, here we are again. No. Yeah. And here's the thing. like like why is tamra one why why why have we not discussed it so so so so like i know that we was that was that the finale i think and then we we brought it up on the reunion yeah and okay

tamra just screamed about it but yeah we're just going to drop that we're not going to talk about it anymore and she's still going to be on the show making everyone want to gouge their fucking eyes out um okay anything else before we get to end quay and katia no so the new housewife Carmelah, what is her name? Carmelah. Carmelah. Shout out Edie Falco. Shout out Edie. I mean, I agree. Yeah. What do you want? Sorry, I visually, I saluted her. No, no, no, no. I want nothing. I just wanted to shout out Edie Falco. I agree. So she heads over to meet Shannon Badoor at this boutique that has a John Paul Gautier bag that isn't a Birken, but looks exactly like a Birken. Again, I have two questions.

Why would you make this? It's such an embarrassing. thing to make John Paul Gautier and why would you buy it? Go ahead with your two questions. How did Legally Brunette get made? How did this purse get made? Someone tell me. I mean, our mess is it has to be run by a bunch of French pedophile elites. How did they not have legal leathers to burn all of that leather to the ground? I mean, it's crazy. So the two of them are really hitting it off and we get a little bit of Carmel's history. She married an NFL quarterback Jeff Garcia. I want to look at what his quarterback rating

over his career was. I was going to ask is he good? Oh, no. But okay, pass a rating of 87. Okay. That's not horrible. Yeah. That's not, I mean,

it's not good, but I don't even know ball, right? So I don't even know what I'm talking about. But what I do know is that if you play 11 seasons in the NFL, you even if you're a journeyman bouncing from San Francisco to Tampa Bay to Detroit, you will make ungodly amounts of money. So she's in a good spot.

And I think that when we discuss their complicated kind of marital status, it's the most adult thing you can possibly do, right? Jeff Garcia goes, listen, I don't want to lose half my money to you. Carmela goes, I don't even want to go through the whole thing. And they just go, let's call it what it is. If one of us wants to get remarried, then we can discuss it. But right now, it's fine. What's the problem?

And also, Jeff says to Carmela, thank you, by the way, for being sort of a layer between me and any future, a woman I may date. You know, I'd love to be with you, but the marriage thing is just heroic is beautiful. And net worth $40 million. Okay. Classic love story, quarterback found a playboy model and married her. And we get a little kind of a walkdown memory lane of the Playboy Mansion in the early 2000s.

David Schwimmer was there. Friends. It friends. Let's get to Vicky and Tamara. Vicki hurt herself working out and thinks that working out is bad for you. Tamara is still not feeling great about Heather and I have to say

this is where I'm like with Vicky there Vicky will encourage the seams to split if she sits down with Gina Gina is just going to be well maybe you should talk to each other

maybe you can no not Vicky Vicki's going to say I think you're right I think she's a snake right Jen's going to try to come to an understand And we, we, as awful and reprehensible as Vicky is, I feel like that she's very, very needed because she's going to contribute to the kerosene nightmare that is this show. You know, and people may yell at me for saying this. But I, I mean, bring back Kelly Dodd. We need these types of people who are going to go ahead and yell.

Go ahead and yell. Bring her back. She was in, she was a Tinder box walking around in high. heels. That's what she is. She's a Tinder box that has shoes on. And this is my problem. This is my problem. This is my problem. Okay. I understand that she's racist. Do you people not think that Vicki Gunvelson isn't racist? Right. What are we talking about? She just hasn't been caught at the valet saying things, but she's been at so many valet stands saying these same things. I'm going to go out on a limb and say. we don't know Carmelo well enough for me to voice my opinion on her,

but I think Gina may be the only one that any of us would be comfortable watching live their lives outside of the show, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put a fucking GoPro on the back of Tamara Judge's head. Holy shit. Oh, no, Dylan. The comments you hear, you think we're brutal about zombies? She may run them over.

She would hit and run and then hire. the best lawyer and never she'd never see a day in court or jail no no no so anyways um we get into this deep dive on what it means to switch feeds over and tamara explains that um tamara explains essentially that she's an idiot they had a podcast and they were releasing emily's show on their podcast feed which is just one of the most insane business strategies yeah I was going to ask you, to me, at an unknowing ear, it sounds like she almost made a mistake. And then she's sitting there saying, well, I had to commit to it. And now she's being an asshole to me about it.

I think there could have been a little bit more gratitude maybe from Emily and Shane small Shane. But this feels like a weird call to be making just as a baseline. Yeah, it was really, really bizarre. Not anywhere near as bizarre as the story we get next from Thickey, which is she was. in the desert, also known as Palm Springs, California. Okay. She was at the nest. Which is a very like, like, that's a place that the older rich folks go in the desert.

Yes. They go to acquire fluids from other people. I mean, that's just why you go to the nest. That's only, the only reason. Now, who did Vicki run into it, the nest? failed congressman Steve Lodge I thought his name was Don Sorry sorry it was Don I'm so sorry

I thought it was Steve it was Don it was Donvinson Failed Congressman Steve Lodge Why did you say that Because she's quite literally had so many fucking Almost husbands and ex-husbands I get them confused She goes up to Don grabs his face and says I hope you're doing well

While her current partner is three feet behind her Yeah, she also says, I think I, I think she said I accidentally divorced you or something like that. Regardless, not a good thing to say when your person is right there. Okay. I will say, though. It's a drinking problem. Oh, my God, of course she does. But I think that I do think, this is what I will say, the only ounce of credit I'll give her,

Vicky has worked for her money. And I am sure every time she sees this guy, it is a thorn in her side that she's, She lost so unbelievable. She lost 50% of it. And that's good. You got to do it. You got to do what Garcia and Carmela did. Shout out, Idy Falco.

All right. Let's get to the new housewife. Carmella, shout out Edie Falco. Her kids are little assholes. And Carmela explained, they're teenagers. They're going to be little assholes. They're teenagers whose father is worth $40 million. There's no way that these kids are not going to be little assholes, all right?

Dylan. What? Okay. I have a question. Okay. Yeah. Would you have ever told our mom that you were going to a sports practice and then gone elsewhere, ever? Did you?

Maybe I would have, but I certainly would not have given the lip back that. Perfect example of my kind of rebelliousness when I was a kid. So my friend Dusty and I, we had just gotten our licenses, and Dusty took his dad's car. And there was a big puddle outside on the street. So Dusty wanted to drift in the puddle. Now, we hit the puddle. He cranked the wheel and then slammed on the gas. Now, obviously what happened was the car spun out of control.

And we slammed into a no parking sign. Okay. We were fine. The car wasn't even really that damaged. I didn't even think it was that big of a deal. And I wasn't driving. It really wasn't even my plan. I just got in a front seat.

So I never told mom that. But the parents call, they say, hey, I just want to let you know this happen. And then mom looks at me like I was deceitful. I genuinely, in my mind, just was like, this isn't anything to even talk about. It's not a big deal. I didn't do anything. That's why I didn't bring it up. But no, I would not have been this brazenly defiant towards our parents.

Never. Ever. Or school? Like, I couldn't not go to a practice. They would have been like, I don't know what they would have been police calls. They would have called. They would have called. So you know what?

Good job, kid. Have fun when you're skipping track. And I loved how she was like, you know what? The teammate thing didn't work. You guys are right. Okay. Jacks is the kid's name. Great.

Can't. Great. Can't do that, right? Maybe though. Not even because of Jacks Taylor. Forget that. We've talked about Jack's Taylor's name, just divorced from who he. is can't can't be a name for a human right and i don't care how you're spelling it it's not okay

let's get to emily's birthday party okay she has done so much in her 50 years on this planet successful podcast other stuff but today for those reasons we're going to be celebrating her okay and we're going to be doing it at hamburger america or something and we're going to be dressing up as the elderly now um jeaned does an impression of some of the demure wear from some of the ladies. She throws a little British on there, and I'm confused about it. Well, so Gina seems to think that Tamara and Vicky are going to morph into the late great Maggie Smith, okay? And become Downton Abbey characters.

Right, right, right. No, no, they actually won't, right. They're going to probably. Yeah, Professor McGonagall's not here, actually. She's nowhere near here. It's not even Hogwarts. It's a burger place with drag queens. And their lives will, instead of spending in the hallowed halls of learning at Hogwarts

institution, they will be spent likely either in Big Bear with the Math or in Porta Viordaura at Andalais, where she can invest, drinking, slowly dying, and being what they are, which is not bright lights. Yeah, no, they're... It doesn't roll off the tongue the same way as wine hag, but Vicky is... She's a margarita hag. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. She just is a fucking... You're right. She's a booze bag.

Okay? And so is Bador. Why does Bador fall all the time? Dylan, do you recall... Do you recall, or not Shannon, Tamara? I think it was two seasons ago where she gets so drunk and she falls when she's leaving the gate and Eddie is like

I'm so more, I mean, they're all trunks and it's great. Yeah. Orange County will do that to you. And no, excuse me, I understand there are pretty parts of Orange County, okay? There are also not pretty parts of Orange County. Yeah, like any place else,

but more so stark there. Thank you. So let's get to, we sit down, the ladies arrive and Jen walks in, and this is a real problem. When she arrives, Heather gives her a look. That's what Heather does. He looks. Okay, thank you, Heather. So we talk about Carmela and her kind of tumultuous, choppy waters of love.

She's been cheated, she was cheated on by Jeff Garcia, but they make it work. is a cheating SOB, but they make it work. And they kind of float between houses, but there's no concrete definitions. And this is where Vicky Margarita Hagg opens her mouth, her dentured mouth, and says, I just think about the children and how tumultuous that would be.

Yeah, as two children of divorce, it's not like the clear legal lines that are drawn are any less tumultuous. So I would just, you know, given her age and the wisdom that comes with that life experience, shut the fuck up. Right. And my favorite, too, is she's like, that's a really unstable environment for a fourth to sixth grader. And Carmel is like, oh, they're adults.

So no. Yeah, it's fine. Shut up, you fucking old wench hag. Okay. So we have some really lovely words of encouragement about what it means to be in your 50s and sick. We should mention that Emily walks in. Should we? We have some words of encouragement from the ladies about how there is more vitality than you know is there at this age.

There's more youth, lightness, so much of life at this age. It's not a death sentence. It's not a death wish. It's not an expiry date. And then Vicky says it actually is, and I feel like I'm very, very terrified of debt. Yeah, no, don't worry about it because you guys are about six months away from feeling like everything you've ever known is about to leave you. You're going to die. Yeah, right, right. And this is what happens. And Pat discusses this, the knock-on effects of being a booze bag.

It's not just that you fall, you ram your car into the sides of condominiums, you grab your ex-husband's face and say, I made a mistake in front of your boyfriend, the anxiety, the tumult, the, the murky, opaque kind of psychic nightmare that you're in because your body is so confused with the poison that's distributed so consistently throughout the network, it can kind of lead to more cynical outlooks on life. And many would say that it actually does almost proven. There is no, it's not a correlation. It is a. causation, I would say, actually. So, you know, they're dark.

Right, right. So Carmela is building trust back. Turns out Danny cheated on her too. Ah, weird. Fucking love that guy. Yeah. So, yeah, golf pro, Vicky, or golf pro Danny. And then Vicki once again opens her mouth and says this is going to affect the kids moving

past it. We get to Jen and Heather. And Heather mentions that, you know, one of the big problems. with the approach that Jen took is that she spent a lot of money on that party. And to have Jen come in and kind of, I don't know, execute some nasty strategy to tear a fault line between her and Tamara is just not okay, given that the party costs like $70,000. I want to talk to Heather about a few things. One, anything less than half a million dollars, I don't want to hear about from her. Because she doesn't, she misses it in no way.

And then really quickly, if it is over 500 or over 500 million, what was it, 500,000? Yep. Yeah. And if it is over 500,000, also shut up. We don't want to hear about it. Right. But just that's the number that I'm like, you know what? That might be a lot for her.

I don't know. Yeah. Right, right. So don't just shut up. And also everything else that you're hypothesizing about Jen's ability. And I mean this with love, she. Heather, she can't strategize or try to come up with schemes. She's not.

Jen is here to somehow not go to jail for Ryan's crimes and allow her children to set fires and speed on the freeway, right? She's not scheming. She doesn't have the ability, I don't think. No, she doesn't. And if she did, she would be maybe even worse than Heather and Tamara. The thing about Heather talking about her money is in this day and age. Now, I don't think America is quite at the level of like a Bangladeshi slum. But we're getting there.

Almost. So if it's over 500,000, also shut your fucking mouth. Okay, let's get to Emily and Tamara, who have a little chat about the podcast. Tamara equates what Emily has done with this feed switch without gratitude to winning a Grammy and saying I did it myself. Now, I'm the king of bad enough. But that ranks, that's on the Mount Rushmore of one of the most insane comparisons I've ever heard. She is delusional beyond belief because I also, I think I don't, to compare yourself to the people that are giving out Emmys, Grammys, the Oscars, Hey, Tam, Tammy Sue, take a seat. You're, you know, right?

Like, we're not doing, you aren't there. What even is this podcast? Two T's in a pod? No, no, till death do us part. Oh. Emily and Shane podcast. I don't even, it's still legally brunette. They haven't changed the fucking, they haven't changed the name of it.

But they did spend $1,400 on that photo shoot. Thank God. So they will, Dylan. Don't worry. God, that's so crushing. Okay. Fighting with Tamara is like trying to solve the dumbest riddle of all time. you're like confused by it and then you get baited into thinking that you can do it and then you realize that

you can do it but that it would just be one of the most fruitless things you've ever done in your life so cheers to being 50 and fabulous we're going to get back on this show next week get in the comments let us know have you listened to legally brunette are you a fan of the two t's network on the iHeart media radio network and are you um in agreement or disagreement with anything that we've said. Follow Ruby at papaya dog girl everywhere. Except on X.com. She is Radical Patriot at Radical Patriot on X.com.

We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Ruby, say goodbye. Bye-bye.