Another Below Deck Podcast - Liquid Food's Bad Food | Below Deck S9 E9

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

Nick, Pat and Dylan are back to talk liquid food, why it's bad, why Nick wishes it was his diet, why Eddie is obsessed with white wizards and much more from Bravo's Below Deck.  Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2 and our interview with Lexi Wilson.  https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork Video of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw Merch: AnotherMerchStore.com Go to https://betterhelp.com/belowdeck to get 10% off your first month. 

so I thought it was a little over the top though when tinsel teeth referred to herself as or she likened herself to being a homeless person walking by a restaurant that's starving yeah yeah yeah yeah that was you're on a yacht you flippant bitch I'm so glad I I've watched it twice as I do how insane is that it's insane and the second I gotta talk to her the second time... I gotta talk to her. The second time I met... Welcome aboard. Another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys.

Pat Pritchard. Podcast over there behind my glasses. Hey, everybody. Are we exchanging Christmas gifts on this show? No. Oh, on another podcast show, patreon.com slash another podcast network. That's going to be fun. I brought unwrapped weed chocolates, and you guys have beautifully wrapped both of your gifts,

so I feel as though I didn't bring a lot to the table. It was a dumb question asking if we're going to do it on this show, but a great way to plug it, another podcast show, Our Other Property, where you can listen for free or get a second episode every week at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Let me continue on. Yeah. Well, we did an interview with a real life sea rat yeah her name's gabby she's a member of our facebook group longtime fan of ours right and so we had her on in

the pat cave yeah she divulged a bunch of information about the ins and outs of the actual sea rat business yeah it's a fun episode i think we just put like 10 minutes on the free feed i seen a lot of you listen to it but if you want to hear the full interview which is an hour and a half we've never done an interview we get into a lot of stuff listen to it. But if you want to hear the full interview, which is an hour and a half. We've never done an interview that long. We get into a lot of stuff. We talk Titanic. We talk about a bunch of other stuff, too. And can I continue?

And to continue the extra below deck content, next week before New Year's Eve on our Patreon, we're going to be releasing our episode with Riley. Riley Gerber, baby. We talked to Riley Gerber, baby, about how she's newly homeless. Well, she's living in van life, Dylan. It's different. Not really, though. I mean, you don't have a home and you sleep in a vehicle,

but it's a little different than being homeless, I think. It's just homeless on Instagram. That's all it is. Riley's doing great. We're going to talk to her before the year is up. She's selling trees. All right. So we got one more PSA,sa actually and this is only for the audio listeners because if you're watching this on youtube you're experiencing it but vintage banana republic right here we're gonna

start releasing the videos at the same time every thursday it's gonna be at 8 p.m eastern 5 p.m pacific and we're gonna use the premiere tool on youtube so we can all get in there and chat it's a weird week to start because this is uh this is uh going to be christmas eve that it drops but i'm going to be home back in wisconsin twiddling my thumb so i'm going to hop in the chat with you and as we watch our episode below deck we can chat and all talk talk to each other yeah that does seem fun i might be there yeah i mean i feel like a lot of people do have a free night on christmas eve unless you're YouTube. Yeah, that does seem fun. I might be there. Yeah, I mean, I feel like a lot of people do have a free night on Christmas Eve, unless you're one of those families that does Christmas on Christmas Eve.

I won't be there, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the nights of Chanukah. Yeah, my wife's family, they love Chanukah. So anyways, join us on Thursdays. Moving forward, hereafter, let's get into a lovely episode of Below Deck. Episode whatever. Thoughts, nods, Pat. moving forward hereafter let's get into a lovely episode of below deck episode whatever

thoughts nods pat okay i'm really excited about this i thoroughly enjoyed this episode okay cool that curveball of trying to feed tinsel teeth was amazing it's incredible what an amazing reality tv curveball yeah the chef needs to prepare food for five people that can chew, and then a complete monster that has her jaws wired. All right, Nick, can you get a hold of Chelsea? That's Tinselteeth's name. She is one of the worst human beings I've ever seen on reality TV. Why Tinselteeth? I need to talk to her, and I want to see if she's going to make me feel

as uncomfortable as she did all of her supposed friends at dinner. Okay, so we know your take on her. Well, Dylan, the reason I don't like her is she has one of the worst traits a human being can have, which is she's not happy about something. Therefore, everyone that is around her will be made aware of it and ruin their time too. She's Vanessa Bayer. And what are we doing in the shadows? She's an emotion vampire.

Full mark of a narcissist. Nick, I got to talk to Chelsea. If I can talk to her and I can like her after this performance she put in, I can like anybody. You've been doing great with the DMs, though. All right, I'm going to hit her up. I'll try it, too, because the best way to couch when we want these shitty charter guests on, when I say shitty, I don't mean not entertaining. She was wildly entertaining.

Like, shitty person, is tell them that we want to hear their side of the story we know production purposely made you look bad and and we want to help you get your story out there hopefully she doesn't listen to this but that's going to be my angle oh yeah the top of the show when we're talking about what guests we want i think it's definitely uh kaplunked a lot of potential guests uh bookings how many pods last note the snakes are all going to be coming together wow yeah to form a joyful ball right right right as you said it will be magnificent yeah yeah i can't believe what my eye saw in that trailer yeah i know it's so fun. 90 pots. Wow, Nick. I love the enthusiasm, but I agree on almost all accounts. The reality TV curveball, as you said, I don't know if this was a curveball. I feel like this might have been premeditated by Bravo.

They're like, let's vet these people, find the shittiest person that's going to come on, and then stick through their, because she was a bike accident. Oh, wow. I feel like they might have. I thought you were going to say Andy beat the shit out of her. No, they were much more subtle. I feel like they just stuck a stick in her front wheel. She went over the top, banged her face, and now she's Kanye.

Oh, gosh. That is so, makes me cringe hearing that kind of injury. There is a lot of good stuff with the crew, too, and the goddamn back clipping this episode. 91 knots. Take that, Pat. I got to say, I've been just chopping on edibles too much lately, and I was extremely lit when I was watching this episode.

I wrote a lot because I think there is just a lot of meat to chew on here or to sip on, so to speak. Nice. But I really have no idea what I wrote down. I think I enjoyed the episode, though. 93 pops. Oh, snap. Take that. Shit.

I am just going to just revise mine to 94 pops. Hey, Nicky, how do I find the... Do you have that charter primary's name in your notes from the last primary preference sheet? I'm going to hit her up on Instagram while Dylan's talking right now. Why would you do that now? I got to get on it. Why would you not do that after the show? He's going to be a busy little beaver.

Don't give it to him. Just be present. We're podcasting. I want to. So it's another beautiful morning on the high seas. And once again, Jess has woken up on the mopey side of the bed. She approaches Heatherather who is fresh off of saying the n-word to a fellow uh sister um she asks her for a chat and is pretty

deliberate with her um there's really no pomp there's no circumstance there's no suspense she just says almost like a marine of sorts uh the laundry and the opening of wine bottles. It's just destroying my body, and I have to leave the boat. Chelsea Ganella, G-O-N-E-L-L-A. Nice, thanks, pal. She was very marine-like, wasn't she? Yeah. Now, I don't want to laugh or make fun of what people can handle.

It was more than that, though, Dill. I don't want to step on the joke, but Heather and Frasier were emotionally beating her up and down. handle you know it was more than that though dill i don't want to step on the joke but uh heather and frazier were emotionally uh beating her up and down there there could have been a little bit more positive reinforcement but jess is a cat you know she even if there was positivity i still think that she would be you know beckoned back to burritos yeah i mean if if you're dealing with a cat you don't constantly talk shit about the cat behind its back. Right.

And then basically wish that it would leave. You chill and make it come to you. Yes. Instead, they got their comeuppance. Yeah, you got to give it a treat. You got to rub its back. And Dylan, this is evidence of Heather just really being a really nasty person. Ice queen.

After Jess says, hey, i'm out of here she says great you got one hour to beat it like oh okay you have one hour to pack um i mean she's just she's a nice cold cobra here and the problem that i had with this is that it exemplifies a persistent problem with the show bad cliffhangers who cares about eddie giving high fives to jake for being a dick you know end an episode at this chat why did they not end the episode with this everybody for a week would have been like will she leave now will she leave later you know it would just be a tremendous amount of suspense um anyways frazier is back in brown face and is having to deal with the fallout of just leaving um interesting character by the way is the name frazier or frazier it's it's a razor

frazier no i no i it's frazier frazier okay well he's a douchebag yeah uh he says that he's no come on shocked yeah that she's leaving Fraser. You busted her balls for two full charters. You've been a complete jerk. And then old sandpaper hands have been even nastier. Who's that? That's Heather. She said it. She doesn't want her first hand jab to feel like sandpaper. Stay clear, Jake.

Ouchy. He sits down with old sandpaper hands and they enter full bully mode. The way that Heather walks and talks, she's like, I knew it from the second she came out in those sweatpants. Just like flipping her hair. Oh, my gosh. It's so nasty.

So just the parts get a real Judas hug between Frazier and her. Oh, yeah. It's almost like he doesn't realize. Well, someone in our barnacle in our Facebook group was like, boy, he's so good at being two-faced. Not really. I have it right here. It's the super fan of Below Deck and of another Below Deck

podcast. It's Robert Brown. Oh, Robert posted too much again. No, he said Frazier is the king at playing both sides of the fence. Except for the part where they're catching him on camera, and in a couple months, we'll see it with our own eyes. Sure, sure. He's a two-faced, lying piece of shit.

Right. He's on both sides of the fence, but he is on the wrong side of history. I mean, that brown face is just becoming more and more alarming every OTF we see of him. What is this, Soul Man with Thomas C. Howell or whatever that movie was? Nailed it. Right? Oh, by the way, never mind.

I had a joke on there. He should have stayed gold. It was like my favorite joke I've ever said. Go to Patreon.com. Check out PMZ. It's a great show. It's not a pun. Arguably the best show.

He tells her to keep in touch. You snake. You absolute snake. He's fun, though. So anyways, should we get to the meeting between Heather and Lee? Yes. She continues to be a huge bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She kind of does. So Heather heads up to Lee, who is talking to himself like he's in The Shining. He's just looking out the window, and he goes, good. I love when people pay attention. Captain? He's bleeding. What the fuck? Lee also notes this is one of the worst one-liners.

I mean, this makes absolutely no sense. Are you aware of this one-liner? Yeah, well, he deduces that this situation is not good and then says something about Georgia. He says it's as fucked up as a Georgia road lizard, if I heard him right. Did I hear him right? I looked up Georgia lizards. Yeah.

A road lizard. This is what makes you hate this man, because the insane tasks he sets you out on to find ciphers for his insanity. It's a fool's errand and a waste of time, but you have to do it because you're a professional podcast. Well, I also want to bring up that Leah's continuing to embarrass the boat. Well, she sits down, and even her negi worm energy. Yeah, what's up? I just also Googled the saying, couldn't find anything.

In fact, what was coming up was like recaps about Below Deck and a bunch of info on the Jesus Lizard, which is a fascinating animal. Well, yeah, if they want to know why they call it the Jesus Lizard, he walks on water. Yeah, you can tell them. They run so fast across water, they have webbed feet and they can go like 30 meters. They run like the Lord.

Yeah, no, I've seen Discovery Channel. The official name is the Basilisk Lizard. That's a cool name. I didn't learn that is the Basilisk Lizard. That's a cool name. I didn't learn that from Google. I knew that. That's a freaking cool name. Dude, I saw this video this morning. There's some giant jellyfish named a phantom jellyfish.

Have you seen this thing? Oh, my God. I don't know how big it is, but it looks like it's like Godzilla. Oh, yeah. It's just down there in the freaking darkness. Yeah, yeah. Gosh, it's so scary. Maybe we yeah. They're also on there in the freaking darkness. Yeah, yeah. Gosh, it's so scary. Maybe we'll talk about it on another podcast.

I said it. All these billionaires are exploring space when there's so much uncharted territory on our own earth. Dorena's Trench. Yeah, Jeff Bezos could go down there and fall in love with something that looks like him. Fucking asshole. So anyways, Heather sits down with Lee

and even her negi worm energy is way too much for him she she like sits down she's like she walked her sweet ass right off this boat sweet ass and he's like all right jesus fucking christ calm down yeah come on don't use the word sweetie um so yeah lee um well the whole thing is is framed as though jess's irish goodbye was an attempt for her to say go fuck yourself to Lee and the crew. And it's just like Lee being an adult. She's a young girl or she's a young woman. She's third stew.

She's very shy. Give her a break. She's not like, you know, spitting in your face. My wife did not like her excuse for why she left without saying goodbye to her potential sex partner, Wes, or Raina, one of her best buddies. She said, if I go around and say goodbye to everybody, I'm quitting. That's not going to allow them to set up for the charter that's coming on the boat. It's better for me to just get off and not be a distraction. That's exactly what my point was going to be.

Me and Sharia are simpatico. She said she was doing it as a favor to them. Didn't want to put more on them after she's leaving them high and dry. No, it's because you're anxiety riddled. And the idea of having to confront these people is crippling which is fine but say that yeah i guess like the rope that i give her is i just feel bad for her because i know that's exactly what she's feeling like she is so tightly wound that she cannot go and even say goodbye to these people it's like when i wouldn't get on the phone with jeff de groot and tell him I just didn't

want him to be my big brother anymore. A story from another podcast show. Exactly the same. I want to let any Barticles know that I might be friends with in the future. You ever come over to my house and party and have drinks? We watch a UFC fight? Go ahead and Irish goodbye me. I actually appreciate it.

Yeah. It doesn't affect me or offend me in any manner. No, it's fantastic. And you should express gratitude, but only if you have a really good time. Any other time, you can just leave. Yeah. And Venmo him some money for the UFC fights because it's not cheap to be a UFC fan.

If you buy all the pay-per-views and ESPN Plus and Fight Pass. Don't forget the pizza. You're at like $1,100 a year. You all right? I'm great. Okay. So.

I was just giving more tips for people, barnacles who may come over And party with Pat I think Rachel knows what's up I think she's got the right opinion She's like you want to bail bail Just fucking leave I said fuck you and then I left last season God what a gem she is

She's just unbelievable Economy of screen time Every time she's on the screen She's just blowing it out of the water but it does bother me it irks me so bad how they continue to use that clip of her saying go fuck yourself like she said it to captain lee right she was hypothetically saying that to the very demanding charter guests on their preference sheets it bothers me so bad fuck you bravo um all right. So Eddie lets his staff know. Heads and beds?

Heads and beds. And Wes is heartbroken. Over what, dude? I mean, come on. And he shouldn't be heartbroken. He should be embarrassed. It's his fucking fault this happened. He couldn't step up and lay the pipe and she'd still be there. I think that there, well, maybe not lay the pipe,

but perhaps if he had been a little bit more courageous, she would have had something to fight for. Oh, good point. Absolutely. That's my whole point. But I reiterate, laying the pipe would have done it. You're talking about fucking her. Now he's made his own bed because imagine in a couple weeks

when that ball of snakes is pretty much everybody that is living on that boat except for him. Right, right, right. Really sad stuff. So we move on to Raina, who is still distracted, not only by the fact that Heather called her the N-word, but now that her first officer just doesn't give a shit. She's growing in anger, rightly so.

Something is looming. I don't know why she hasn't gotten Heather bounced yet, but to each their own. I don't know. Now, I want to say this because i actually reached out to raina she completely ignored me she goes to me nikki you might have to hit rain up because you're better looking younger than me and have a larger following it might mean more to her it's just the following i mean people see a number they're like oh this

can you hit her up and ask her to come on the show i'll give it a shot because she's uh she's talking a lot on her instagram story she answers all the questions in fact tons of spoilers in her instagram stories yesterday which i'm not happy with. If you're going to ruin the show for a bunch of people, do it on our platform. Don't be so selfish. She gave some conflicting information from last week's where she said Lee never knew and didn't do anything about it, or Lee did know and didn't do anything about it, and then also the questions that she answered from fans yesterday.

And then we saw from the trailer, Lee does, in fact fact is aware that the n word was dropped yeah in her presence yeah i think she's a little wacky is my point oh okay okay still problematic though the way this whole thing is oh 100 things can be true at once yeah and i'm actually shocked the way bravo's handling it we kind of talked about last week like usually they're so like scared of these situations they're gonna go the complete side with reina get heather off the show but i i just have in the back of my head that they love heather and they want her to be like a kate type staple of this program she's too nasty to ever be queen of the sea i i think i think it i think their dreams are are blowing up before their

eyes i think so too so the heavens open up open up and piss rain on all of them. And when Lee sees it, he says, I can't control the weather. Well, I thought you could. You old fuck. The weather outside. By the way, once again, Lee is opting for an early docking departure. Yeah. To allow guests more time with the water toys.

Yeah. Well, at that point, making the decision while it's pissing down, God's pissing on them. Yeah. the water toys yeah well at that point making the decision while it's pissing down god's pissing on them yeah and also yeah no obviously you can't control the weather what one human being can control the weather and basis yeah got me there so eventually they do head out um they get a lot of scurrying done they ram each other with the slide heather dropped shit on the floor and then the guests arrive anything before we get there yes i'm going to point out to the audience this is a new lame trope of the show in which uh lee uh uh yells profanities over the walkie talkies while they all scramble to be ready for the guests now being driven out right to the yacht yes get ready

this is our second time this season this is going to be a reoccurring annoying thing about Lee. God damn it! The guests are here! Get in your white and tights! But in an orphan Esther is actually a 33 year old former prostitute type twist.

They all get on the dock in the nick of time. In the nick of time. In the nick of time. You don't like that hurry up shit, do you? Hey, Lee, whoa. It's just like when Tom Cruise gets that crystal vase

right back on that counter right before mom and dad walk in. Despite, while they were gone, he had an entire prostitution ring in there. Yeah, Mission Impossible. Mission Impossible 2. Oh, I'm an idiot.

With the chimera. So, we get a big whiff right out of the gate um with the guests so we've got one woman with a wired jaw and we've also got a witch um that's the homely drunken one right can you it's the one with the broom patrick oh that's the one like I said, big whiff in the beginning. They offer her champagne. She needs a straw. And I'm just thinking if you know there is a woman coming on with a destroyed face, maybe offer some five-star service.

Don't put the straw in the flute and ask whose face is fucked up. You get this one. But just have it in your back pocket just in case they need a straw. Well, later on, in an effort to put a unified front on, everybody began drinking champagne with straws. I want to talk about the supportiveness

of this entire group. Oh, they were running around like, oh, you mean the fear? Right. Does she have all their family members in a dungeon? Yeah. And holding them at their will? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was like, what's that, the Twilight Zone thing where with the corn, wish you out in the corn? It's the little boy? Right, right, right, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Whatever you want, Jimmy. Jimmy, what do you need? Right, right.

And I would love to try this as extra content or something, but I'm pretty sure I can drink from a flute with my jaw wired shut. Okay, so all good for this, but how are we going to get your jaw wired shut? You just don't open your jaw. I just did it. Yeah, so we'll talk about her in one second um like now so rachel looks to have a pretty tough culinary gauntlet coming up for the next couple of days it's gonna be how she's gonna be cooking for a woman with a wired jaw and it will be a tremendous challenge don't get me wrong but i

was not expecting her to already have experience cooking for a person insane with a wired job can i just say but my thoughts i've done this before what what for one other person she said this is absolutely rachel god love you uh blended in my world equals gross if it doesn't involve fruit sure or vegetables you start turning chicken into a shake i'm gonna hurl lobster chicken nachos uh burger unbelievable the big the big the biggest problem is is the color when you liquefy stuff like that but i've i've often said like eating to me is like a nuisance i would love if i could get delicious meals just blend it up like so so i want to touch on that because that's an impossibility almost right um but i wouldn't need need to strain as much as her.

Sure. You'd be fine with Chunky. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. But this woman is out of her mind because, you know, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's really shitty.

But this problem is yours and yours only. Figure out your preferred soylent. You know what I mean? Like get the nutrients in you and just stop bothering people about it. Don't ask for every meal to be blitzed for you. That's absolutely insane. Oh, this person.

I gotta get to the bottom of this. Chelsea Ganella. Can I, I'm gonna, right after I tell this hacky joke, I'm going to hit her up on Instagram. Just tell, just, okay. Meanwhile, Lee continues to micromanage and be annoying. And I'm sure, and I don't want to toot my own horn. It's because I basically have been calling him useless

for the last three years. Unintended consequences. Now he's overdoing it, over micromanaging everything the team does putting his finger down wiping some dust off some metal thing or something my favorite is when lee has to hurry to solve a crisis on deck and i don't think he ever does anything uh like contributory or if that's a word but he does like move quicker and he bends down for stuff and you're like oh dude you look like you're gonna fucking For three years, all we see him doing is in the tip meetings

and then when someone gets in trouble, he threatens to give them plane tickets and then he orders his pancakes in the morning. Cheers. Or he'll wake up with his shirt off and say, you don't embarrass the boat. Now, they got shots of him walking all along the boat. You have a huge impact on this show.

I know. Huge. I love it. Think about it. Huge. Captain Sandy, micromanager. Pat complains. Gone.

Completely hands up. Gone out of the galley. And then we get the inverse with Captain Lee. You should be like, man, I can't believe they're not wearing ankle weights all charter season. All right. So let's get to the witch. If we see them wearing ankle weights next season case closed case closed uh let's get to the witch who is not a witch but she is on pills or

something oh yeah she's fucked up she's on something i think she's an alcoholic she is fucked up but i love her i love her um i actually fucking hate that friend she's definitely lonely and single and she's like oh i'm gonna be a wiccan now and she brings the broom to gatherings with her friends it's it's really it's grating to me no she's kooky yeah i know because she doesn't have children i don't like kooky all right so fraser uh heads down to greet the ladies and he just excels at this at this part of service because he's a bitch too you know what i mean um you know i sprung a leak in this glass well let me get you another bottle darling um he walks inside and heather tells him that they're swapping out and he stops

in his tracks and talks about her beauty and it's very strange they compliment and hug one another like they're holding a knife behind their back like their relationship is so fake and he just makes me cringe uh he stops and just talks about how beautiful she is it's like jesus christ um okay is this are we gonna get to jake getting his uh his ass massaged by a kitchen utensil yeah i was gonna ask for meanwhile oh meanwhile um what's up we get our first ask of reina to help with interior it does not go well as there is tension between her and the girl that called her uh or said the n-word um jake pulls his ass out in the kitchen and gets subbed by Rachel and her fly swatter. Did I?

Oh, it was a fly swatter? I hope it was a utensil that's being used to stir tinsel tea, pita bread, and cheese shake. No, no, no. It was an electric fly swatter. Did I say subbed correctly? I think so. No, she, well, she domed him. She domed him.

Because she was doing the domination. Got it, got it. Okay, got it. He was subbed, I think. No, he was domed. He she was doing the domination got it got it okay got it he was subbed i think no he was domed he subbed for her he submitted to her yeah right okay uh but are you serious that was an electric fly swatter yeah and did it does it sting you when he's no i've done that before that stings you a little bit um uh kara henry kills a fly kara hendrickson who i went to a grade school in high school with uh grade school in high school with

and middle or middle school in high school with they had one of those like electric dog fences and we would put that on our neck and run across if you get far enough away from it it stopped shocking you right right you just have to have um i don't know what does jocko talk about um discipline discipline and that equals freedom if you get far enough away from the sensor a hundred percent god he is almost christ-like isn't he with his advice should stay out of the uh the seltzer business though you know i mean oh is he in the seltzer what are those things back there i almost got you uh no no jocko that's not bangs not bangs not jocko oh it's not bang it's not jocko jocko go is jocko and it's not alcoholic Bang's not Jocko. Oh, it's not. Bang is not Jocko. Jocko Go is Jocko. And it's not alcoholic.

That would be absurd. Those weren't alcoholic? Bangs are. Bangs are. Jocko Go is not. Jocko Go is just a caffeine filter. Bang is those energy drinks. It's creatine, caffeine, artificial and natural cotton candy flavor, and malt liquor.

No, there's no caffeine in the liquor, which makes it not even bang. I don't even think there's creatine in there. They're just bastardizing the brand bang. That's absolutely insane. Disgusting whatever it is. All right, so speaking of Jocko, for your gift, I almost got you his latest book,

but I was like, I haven't read this. Right, right, right. I can't part with it. No, you got to do QCN on that stuff because he could just, I've read one of his books, his children's book. Oh, you're read one of his books his children's book oh and you're going to make fun of the children's book the way of the

warrior the way of the warrior it's about a little kid who can't do enough pull ups till uncle Jacko comes to town calls him a pussy and he becomes a marine yes dope so let's get to lunch time but before we do let's take a quick break to talk hey everybody hope you're having

a lovely holiday season um hey do you ever wake up in the morning and you know have an entire to-do list in front of you and feel a little frazzled or intimidated you ever wake up in the morning in a panic because you were supposed to do an ad read when you were recording the night previously and you didn't put it in and it makes you spiral about how your life is in chaos and there's mishigas all surrounding you? Well, then go to betterhelp.com slash below deck. Join 1 million people, over 1 million people who have taken the charge of their mental health you know you don't have to be um yeah this doesn't have to be a melfi tony kind of thing you know you can go in for a wide array of things like family conflicts i can't imagine no one's having

those right now grief self-, self-esteem, sleeping. Are you having a tough time getting to bed, catching those good quality Zs? All of these things can be helped with BetterHelp. It is not a crisis line. It is not a self-help line. It is professional counseling done securely online. We want you to start having a happier life today. So as a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month

by visiting our sponsor, BetterHelp.com at BetterHelp.com slash Below Deck. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Below Deck. All right, so naan and Chutney hit the table, and the woman who was in that horrible accident begins to get pretty pissed off

because said Naan and Chutney isn't liquid for her yet. Like I said, I love the camaraderie at the table. They're very, very supportive of her. What can we do for you, Chelsea? But later on in the episode, it does begin to get a little bit children of the corny but also there's this very interesting dynamic that chelsea's sister i believe chelsea's sister i believe i'm not sure that speaks for her and i know that chelsea can't really talk but i wonder if that's been their dynamic their entire lives you know freud would

have probably brushes uh chelsea's teeth when they were little girls chelsea's jaw being wired shut is actually quite the metaphor for what she's endured her entire life endured thank you so uh i thought it was a little over the top though when tinsel teeth uh referred to herself as or she likened herself to being a homeless person uh walking by a restaurant that's starving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was. You're on a yacht, you flippant bitch. I'm so glad. I watched it twice as I do.

How insane is that? It's insane. And the second time. I got to talk to her. The second time I met. How do you spell her last name? Gonella, G-O-N-E-L-L-A, like Rinella, kind of. But the second time I watched it, I missed what part it is but I had it

in my first time when I just I kind of write down things I want to talk about and I couldn't remember where it was so I'm so glad you brought it up what a bitch that's pretty much my only point all right so her food is strained and the first course hits the table it is a butternut squash with dukkah um i try i really do i i try but i just what's there to say about pretty good pretty good food that's your job though people with trash but i don't i don't know what they're serving explain to me what what all of this stuff today i didn't know what it was okay dukkah is a Middle Eastern spice blend. It's getting very, very popular. You can actually buy it down the street from us at Botanica Cafe,

natural wine bar and restaurant. So it's in places like that. It's a very hip spice. They're dousing everything with dukkah at these tapas restaurants across the city. It's very in right now. This is your angle. When the food is great, just pretend you're explaining to me why it's great. Okay, okay.

Because I didn't, all of this, even like the green drink and whatever. Yeah, the spiced cucumber gazpacho. Yeah, gazpacho. Good start with that, I think. Good start. Oh, yeah, it was brilliant. She's like, you know what? You're all going to fucking drink out of this shit.

Isn't gazpacho the people who found Anne Frank in the closet? Yes. Yeah, that's what I thought. Hey, a little update on booking update. Booking update. I found her, and I put in a friend request, so I'm awaiting her approval. Okay. I love that he searches on Facebook first.

Okay. No, I did Instagram. Oh, she's private? Yeah, she'll be my friend. Lee, she'll be your Instagram friend. Lee calls down for OJ, and he and Eddie have a very bonkers back and forth on the walkie. I want to play the clip, but I don't want to pull it up on the internet. But do you guys remember this?

This little back and forth they had? Which one? But do you guys remember this? This little back and forth they had? Which one? Eddie tells Lee, because he's working in the galley, I can get that OJ for you. And Lee says, I knew you weren't just a pretty face.

And Eddie says, yeah, I don't know. I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just a model or something like that. Oh, yeah, fun banter. And then Lee says, a hair model? And, you know, Lee took it one step too far you know the walk you should have just went quiet not only did he kill the you know the this beautiful dance they did together he contradicted himself contradicted himself and also if you're working and you just got these two fucking schmucks on the walkies

just shooting the shit trying to get work done. I can't even imagine. That's why they turn it off probably. Yeah. Or lose them. My biggest problem now that you point it out is the contradiction. You're like, oh, you're not just a pretty face. I'm a model.

That's good improv, Andy. And then you switch to hair. That's like me saying when Dylan said his grandma was attacked by a bear, all of a sudden I go shark even though it was a method of my madness. I mean, that's not good improv, Captain Lee. Now everybody's got their radio off and you're gonna have to eat some ass. What show was that on? I don't remember.

Okay, so Rachel genuinely made me laugh out loud when she's cooking the second course. She says, would somebody just fist fuck me and get this over with? I mean, she's just unbelievable. Then we get a hilarious one with the deck crew. Wes and Jake are giddy about the new meat, you know, because they're fucking creeps. And Jake is a hedonist who views everybody as holes.

And Raina says, I hope she's a lesbian. You guys are fucking disgusting. I like how she clarified, though, because they were like, what? And she's like, no, not for me. I just don't want you guys to get laid. I'm not a dyke. She said that. Got to bleep that.

So great editing, though. They cut back to Jake's stone face. Just funny stuff. Credit where credit's due. So a jet ski somehow gets 100 yards away without anyone noticing it. Eddie says, hey, Rainy, you miss something? To which she replies, oh. It's a

$20,000 jet ski. So far away from the boat. What's going on right now? It is crazy how far away and how fast it gets. You feel like on the ocean you're not moving, but then all of a sudden, Wilson's fucking 100 yards away. Ski-do!

Ski-doo! Yeah, no, no, no. Ski-doo, yeah. No, there are unspeakable and unknowing forces in the water. That's why we should concentrate on what we haven't discovered. They're able to unlock two carabiners. We'll talk about that in one second. So, Eddie is frustrated with Raina, and he speaks of a white wizard in his OTS. Did you catch this?

Yes, I did. He's afraid of the white wizard. He's speaks of a white wizard in his ots did you catch this yes i did he's afraid of the white wizard he's calling lee a fucking wizard is is eddie on pills was that the reference yeah i thought it was afraid of the white wizard walking down there with a walkie talkie okay well i just thought it was poor timing after um uh rain has been uh here's the n word she she complains to him and he's talking about all the white wizard nice yeah the white grand wizard right well that's why eddie didn't give a fuck he's a fucking clansman he's been burning crosses up and down the fucking gulf coast so um let's get to the beach picnic

to no one's surprise the rave that they're going to be uh throwing for the guests is jake's favorite kind of party he loves music he loves getting fucked up and extracting pleasure out of strangers he is a hedonist and a virus essentially man couldn't agree more yeah i i the party did sound like a good time, though. I feel you, Jake. Well, there's three setups, you realize. So there's the pink party. There's the, I think, which is Slash Disco.

Silent Disco. There's dinner. And they got this bonfire. And Frazier's like, hey, he queries to Heather, why do we let the guests choose to do what they do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a great one from him. Now, we get another wild moment with Eddie here.

Eddie has been called to shuck oysters, and he speaks of how dangerous it is. And it is shucking oysters. You know, you can nick yourself, but you usually have a guard or at least a dish towel. Eddie is just stabbing at slippery rocks barehanded. So that's why he's cut himself so many times. And no one has come up to him and said,

hey, hey, whoa, dude, that's not how you do that. I did gain a little respect for Eddie just finding out all the past jobs he's done. He's not afraid to carry the water and wash the dishes and shuck the oysters. I mean, he will be hands-on.

Of course, this season he gave himself the title of first officer so he doesn't have to do anything. But in the past, he's been quite-on. Of course, this season he gave himself the title of first officer, so he doesn't have to do anything. But in the past, he's been quite the hard worker. I respect it. Quite the hard worker, but a bad worker because he's trying to stab himself in the hand, shocking oysters. Work harder, not smarter.

There's a weird moment where Heather takes requests from the guests and blows a balloon in their face while she's doing it. Do you guys want to talk about that? Yeah, all right. So this is kind of crazy. So while Heather's blowing up the balloons a charter guests i don't know maybe it was just the way i saw it sheepish sheep sheepish sheepishly sheepishly asked for a latte what is sheepish about that well she was like she was a little sheepish um do you think she was very

polite she was anti-chelsea yeah she was like scared of heather like afraid to ask it's okay you can ask her i know she's blowing up balloons right right but i think she works for you yes at least for a couple of days yes right and uh heather i guess couldn't have been fake nicer about it yeah yeah but blowing the balloons in her face was quite a bit of a power move a charter guest should not feel awkward asking someone to make them a coffee. It's awkward. Not at all. That sounds like a lovely, lovely cup, actually.

A day of water sports, a transition from the afternoon to the evening. You go take a little lie down and have a cup of coffee in your robe with your loved one. Oh, read a book. Oh, my God. That sounds incredible. Maybe get a handjob from your husband. What? Huh?

A handjob from your husband? I thought there was a gay couple on here or something. My problem. I don't know. I was just trying to make something up. My problem with the balloon blowing was not that she blew it in the guest's face, but later, and I'm not exactly sure where this landed, but she inhaled the helium. Oh, that's right.

Under the guise of just making a funny voice but did she let the charter know that she was going to be taking in helium right i feel like she was operating under the influence and honestly this entire boat should be shut down and she should never work in the industry again not because of her rampant use of the n-word but because of her imbibing stuff that'll narc Narcotics, essentially. Yes, yes. It's like when people say, oh, you know, I wasn't drinking and driving. I was just stoned. Well, you know, you're still impaired and you could still kill a small family in a minivan. You know, so Heather was ingesting drugs.

And, you know, she's got two demerits now at this point. Let's not go crazy, though, Dylan. I mean, you know, let's not go crazy. So Sally is casting a spell on the crew, and because of that, the jet ski has come off once again. It's back clipping gate, and it is here to stay. Anything on this? Lee's pissed.

Yeah, so Eddie and he have a chat wherein Lee refuses to believe the carabiner is in front of him. He's like, is this magic or is this yachting this is your fault now the the when the evidence was presented and eddie did that quick hand thing where the two things did separate of hand i was wondering if he'd in fact practice that as he was walking up to the principal's office because he made a pretty good uh i don't know impression on me as a viewer sure like oh maybe that can happen right right right i mean that's that's adventure education right there i mean he he showed us

all what could happen that was his major but okay so my favorite is it's like if you had one of those you know one of those old puzzles one of those old-fashioned like you know you got to get the the ball out but you got a broom stuck in the bottle or something oh old fashioned like you know you got to get the the ball out but you got a broom stuck in the bottle or something oh okay and then you know eddie like massages it and gets the ball out and he's like see and he hands it back to lee and lee just yanks on it he's like no you see it doesn't fucking work this is your fault although i will say eddie um it's been a while and your crew is uniquely bad at their jobs. They're worried about fucking.

The jet skis are literally, they're deploying themselves all over the Caribbean, and your team are like, huh? You got to tighten it up. Yeah, at some point, back clipping or not, I mean, you can't just let the jet skis go away. You can't. You can't. Extreme ownership. Sois go you can't you can't extreme ownership so um let's get to more eddie looking bad though um the sea rats are in the kitchen vacuuming up food uh vacuuming up food when heather comes down and sticks her finger in

what i what looked to be pasta salad of sorts uh reina asks can you not do that and eddie who she filed the hostile work complaint with last night says hey what's your problem she's exhausted okay it was a punk move reina it's it's just a classic case classic case of none of your business like that was just a little quibble why did he have to say anything right it's he's not in her... She's not in his department. They're not fucking... She said the N-word in front of her, and she told you.

Just a bad move on Eddie's part. I did forget what we just uncovered, though. He is part of the Klan. Yeah, yeah. So now that makes sense why he had to... It's all coming into focus. Should we title this episode, Eddie is a Klansman, or is that true?

Sure, why not? That'll get us some downloads. I don't like putting it on YouTube. Yeah, that could be defamatory. Hey, a personal story. But factual, so not defamatory. I think this is the end of the episode pretty much. But when I was on that Ally McBeal show.

Ally McBeal. Ally McBeal. In between scenes at the catering thing. And there's some nuts in a bowl. And I put my hand in there and I grab them and I put them in a napkin and Portia de Rossi, one of the worst human beings ever,

Ellen DeGeneres' wife, said, did you just use your hands to pull that out of there? And I said, yeah, it wasn't a spoon. What's the big deal?

She's like, ugh, gross. And then I was like, you know what? You know, she's a jerk, real jerk,

but I'm going to try and make peace here. Five minutes later, I walk over and I'm like, hey, Portia, what's going on with summer break?

Because it's my second season on the show. It was her first. I go, you're going to be making a movie or something? She goes, ugh. Never ask an actress or an actor what they got going on in the summer. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Right, right, right. I've hated her ever since. You were trying to fuck her, though, and she was a lesbian.

I was not trying to have sex with her. I was trying to get along. She aged like absolute dirt. If you've seen the new season. Good, she deserves it. She's evil. Of Arrested Development. She's got a lot of work done, and it's weird work.

And also, I was going to say that that interaction that you had in between her is very similar to double dip the chip from Seinfeld. Double dip the chip. The fact that someone saw you from across the room do something uncouth and still had to come up and say something. You should have stuck your hand in that bowl of nuts right in front of her and be like, well, this is how I do it. Well, when I started telling everybody behind

her back that she was difficult and a bitch, no one heeded my warnings, and she ended up firing, like getting three people fired. She got the hair girl fired. She got some poor extra fired. she was an evil evil devil little woman hey can we get back to this oh sure we're great on time we've been very tight that's why i'm trying to stretch buddy no well i was just i i don't want to sound like you

know uh you know we've hit the bitch counter quite a bit tonight and i do want to say i didn't call her a bitch no No, you did. I've called Chelsea a bitch a number of times and Heather once. Oh. Well, beep it. You forgot... They won't know what we're saying.

You forgot to mention that you patted Portia de Rossi on the butt before you asked her what she was doing. I did not. You be quiet. You didn't.

No, I didn't. Where did you hear that from? He didn't do that, guys. I just want everybody to know that. All right. So, um... I can't believe you're defensive porsche de rossi let's get to dinner she hit a wall huh nicky oh anyway dinner let's get to dinner where rachel has worked out like i said a very diabolical strategy if she's drinking

liquids you guys are fucking drinking liquids first course is a spiced cucumber gazpacho. Not strained well enough for Chelsea. Up next, we've got oysters on glass that was just horrendously presented. Horrendously plated. It looked like Dorsia. But Dorsia, if he was having a psychological break and chainsawing women you know that's what it evoked in me and once again we've got Chelsea on the verge of another meltdown and she does this thing where she says that she's going to have a meltdown

in the midst of a meltdown you know um at this point she's gone full-blown monster and it's really really bad she asks her husband maybe this was she says maybe this was a bad idea well they went out she left the table by the way what's that mean i'm her friend hey chelsea what to what should we finish this i mean they made so they made the food it's all right it's gonna be a waste of food if we don't eat it should we follow her right what a horrible person but she yeah go ahead and they were all clearly they've been through this ringer before because they were like man we've got a big night ahead of us and they're like do we chelsea might have just squashed it all i would love like if uh years down the line after we have 50 iterations of uh below deck we do some sort of real world road rules challenge s competition but only

between the charter guests and i would and just being like really horrible people would be the competition and chelsea up against uh who's the one that you call barry no uh barry's good but the one who hit her friends and dated ross and we we talked her, the blonde one. She hit her friend. She's like, why are you such a fucking monster? Oh, my gosh. Kelsey or something like that. Nicole or some bratty white girl name. I don't know.

Chelsea versus that one. That one wins every time. I don't know. Chelsea is. Well, she asked her. She says to her husband, maybe this was a mistake. Yeah, it was a huge mistake. You have a grave injury that you're healing from right now. Yeah, it was a huge mistake. You have a grave injury

that you're healing from right now. Don't go on a yacht vacation. Yeah, well, she's Crystal. Crystal. Crystal, nice. Her Instagram name is Yogi Chelsea and she refers to herself as she and her and I would rename her Pain

and he asked. Alright, that's it for us. We'll be back next week to find out what kind of ball of snakes we are looking at. We hope you guys have a marvelous Christmas. Spend it with your family. You know, things could always be better, but things could always be worse, okay?

Just remember that people love you unless people don't love you and then like take a look in the mirror and just figure some stuff out. It's the end of the year. It's time for reflection. But have a good time out there. And find out what your interests are and then join clubs or something so you can get new friends.

Yeah, have hobbies. Because if you're alone, you will kill yourself. I like what Dylan said. It's time to do an inventory of the last year. Anybody that's bringing your life down that's a friend of yours and they're always borrowing money. Like Andy Dick and the Assistant. Lose their phone number. Yeah.

Block them. Hope everybody has a good time out there. People love that. Have a good winter, okay? Bon voyage. Later, dudes. Get in the iTunes ratings reviews. Five stars.

Join us on YouTube every Thursday. This is a big one. Also, get in the Spotify ratings and reviews. Oh, my God. Are you kidding? No, they just added it. I actually couldn't find it on my app. I don't know if we need to update, but there are Spotify reviews on podcasts now.

That is such a hugely important thing. If you're listening on Spotify, please drop the ratings. This is going to be a new thing. So if we can really bump it up here now, new, let's do it. 2022 is coming. We love you for the support. We'll see you next week i'm dylan saying goodbye next say goodbye that's gone No