Another Below Deck Podcast - Little God Cabin | Below Deck Down Under S2 E16 & 17

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

Pat and Dylan are back to talk lost episodes, clubs, skydiving without a condom, ramen, eggs, drilling for oil, Pat breaking the heart of a coworker, intellectual property theft and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down Under.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

yeah so melissa p is a fucking wet blanket all right she's uh she is object objectifying the men i mean we we these wokesters that's what's wrong with the country right now these people like melissa p no she's a hundred percent right this was uh way out alive What are you doing? What? I want water. What's going on? I want water, Daddy. You want what?

Water. Water. Do you want some of mine? I want a little water. Okay, I like your shirt. Me too. No thank you. Interesting.

She said no thank you. No, no, no. She did not express gratitude for the compliment. Oh, well, we teach her better than that. Welcome aboard. Another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. I'm Dylan, settled up next to one Pat. I'd asked for permission to come aboard, but I've already been aboard.

Yeah. Been stuck here for a while. Sorry for the delay on the show. We usually get it out Tuesday nights, but this one was a little bit different our producer oh can we blame him came in all hopped up on uh firehouse subs and uh i don't know fucked everything up somehow he deleted two shows or they didn't record or whatever it was whatever happened whether it was a poltergeist or kalen being what was the sandwich the the the club yeah the turkey club it was some kind of

fancy firehouse bastardization of a club sandwich anyways he was hopped up on all sorts of stuff don't forget he was also hot he was too. And he said he got bitten by a mosquito. He had mosquito bites, and he fucking deleted all of the recordings, I think in protest, because you wouldn't turn the air conditioning on. That's true. Who pays the bills here, Kalen? We have got to get into episodes one-ish and two. To be quite honest, we're fatigued with episode one.

We've already done an entire recap of it. That is, I got to say, it's the best podcast we've ever done. I think it was too. It's really a shame that it was lost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of our best work. Well, so it's hard to recap an episode twice. We're not going to do the thing where we go through and we say the same jokes and we laugh

the way that we laughed. We're not going to do the thing where we go through and we say the same jokes and we laugh the way that we laughed, but I guess we can kind of just go through some of the big heavy moments of the first episode of which there were a couple. I'm going to crack open a couple face melters real quick. Do you want one? No, thank you. Okay. So while I'm lighting up a face melter uh will you go ahead and hit them with some

public service announcements sure okay so um season one of below deck we are having such a great time with that you're really missing out if you're not on patreon for five bucks in another week you're going to get three shows a week for five bucks you get season one of below deck you get another podcast show in which dylan and i just uh you know we just shoot the shit and then we have love is blind which will be what do we talk about in the last fps uh you don't like animal ownership that's right you don't like a cat that your neighbor has or something no i don't know a dog i don't like a yorkie named rhino and then i talked off a little i talked about something personal that a lot of people had thoughts on um if you're having a wedding and one of the parents dies right do you still put the wedding on yeah so we really probe uh

kind of the upper and lower layers of the crest of life on another podcast show yeah yeah it's not us just scabbing goofing about like uh recap. You get to know us, too, on a personal level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same way Rockefeller drilled for oil, we drill for truth on another podcast show. That's right. Well, anyway, you want to get into the show? Do we give our thoughts and nods?

You said love is blind or anything like that? Yeah, I said love is blind. Yeah, yeah, and that starts next week. But you should just jump in there right now because we've just dropped the episode of recapping, I think, My Roommate is the Devil, episode seven, I think, of season one of Blowdeck with Adrienne, the person that was actually the devil in that scenario.

And it was a wonderful recap. She gives us a lot of behind the scenes on how the show was created, what everybody really thinks about Lee, if they took some truth serum and could tell him what they really think about him it's some interesting uh stuff that yeah i think she called him a drunk she did she also said uh no one really likes him because he's a dick listen plenty of people do like him you sure you don't want any face melter no thank you you're going to the hollywood bowl man i know but i'm a parent i got two kids now i can't get that fucked up are you gonna take the kids no no no

they're gonna hang out with uh lupita the nanny but uh we're gonna go to the show but you can't be uh you can't be that messed up when you have children you can have a couple cocktails but uh there'll be judgment there are some some cannabis mother and fathers out there who are you thinking you're kind of a bitch right now oh okay well i'm just saying what you smoke i can't smoke that's my point maybe i could have like a gummy or eat like a little piece of it get a little i don't smoke that crazy shit let's get into the episode we thought the first one was good yes yeah i also thought the second one was good because i was confounded and confused by what the hell was happening

at that dinner date. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quite a couple of screws loose from both of them. Yeah. It's almost like they edited out an important scene

that would have helped shed a little bit more light on what was taking place at that dinner table. Well, anyway. What are you talking about? Nothing. You know, you and the you and the sea i don't communicate with the sea rats as much as you do you and your little thumbs you love the dms you feel like a famous person talking to all the fucking sea rats they reach out to me okay okay

so anyway don't let it color your job, okay? I would never. I'm a professional, Dylan. I have integrity. We're essentially journalists. Exactly. Okay? Mm-hmm.

Let's say you're working for the Boston Globe, and some cardinal takes you out to a fat steak dinner. Are you going to report on the atrocities or not? Is it Ruth's Crisp? Ruth's Crisp? Isn't that what it's called? No, that's not is it ruth's crisp ruth's crisp isn't that what it's called no that's not what it's called what's called ruth's crisp and they took a lot of ppp loans unnecessarily also iphone 12s have too much radiation i hear the whole world is going to shit it really is but you know what thankfully they have us let's get into it okay uh do you

want to do it do you want to do it i'm gonna keep nursing this face melter for a little bit just to get primed and ready um also i i haven't the faintest fucking idea what happened okay well i'll break it down all right so the episode picks up with a live performance from thunder down under uh where were your nipples licked and your balls tugged out by a complete stranger is just another Thursday night, but it's actually a yacht. So they're having a lot of fun there. Oh, yeah.

On the first episode we did that Kalen lost, we talked about how Zara was kind of like, you know, the Egyptians have all those funny characters on the wall. So they're like one of their Nefertiti's or whatever. It kind of looks like lady justice you're with hands instead of scales and balls and the balls are on the hands yes yeah it was better when we did it the first time that's okay you know um but we did say something like that last night and then we got our chief stew she begins throwing a little shade at uh i forget

what charter guest it is but she also has a funny voice yeah yeah asia um asia makes mention that she's got an odd voice and she apologizes in the most asia way that she possibly could um so there is a primary named zara i think and there is a primary who is named melissa p now zara is um she's a party girl she's a party animal and she what was that oh she's having fun man oh yeah she came at some point yeah she came okay that's why she went and took a nap she's like all of us you come you want to sleep yeah yeah yeah and um we talked about on pmz that it's an evolutionary failure that you can't come and run for both for both all parties and and you know even the pans and you know all the the, all everybody, when you come, you have a refractory period where were there to be saber tooth tiger home invader.

You're going to be slow to the draw. 2000 years ago. Yeah. You just bang one out. You snap one off. Of course, you know, they don't have condominiums back then.

No, they do not have condominiums. Next thing you got a fucking grizzly bear hanging over you. Right. And they're even bigger and meaner. And you're like, do I want to run away? What are you talking about? Of course you want to run away. You're going to die.

All that snapping off will be for naught if you do not get away, but you can't come and run. Yeah. So Melissa P is a fucking wet blanket. All right. She is objectifying the men. I mean we these wokesters, that's what's

wrong with the country right now these people like melissa p no she's a hundred percent right this was uh way out of line but she is a fucking buzzkill uh so the the drunk one the drunk zara goes upstairs um to the captain's quarters, begins mocking the wheel size. And this is where treacherous and deceitful behavior is on display from Wenjuo. Yes. I believe he called Captain Hotpants up to the bridge with Zara in there. She's smoking a cigarette.

She just came. Right, right, right. And she sticks him with Captain Hotpants. He says, well he says well see you later buddy i think you got this yeah yeah yeah treachery bad form thankfully uh jamae's in there to save the day and pull on a full-on beaver blocker get the fuck out of here get sit down at your table please beaver blocker a beaver blocker uh-huh grosses me out really yeah oh i'm sorry you don't seem to be offended by a grown woman feeling the nut sacks of uh a number of 20 year olds no you know that's that's common law that's just gonna happen you know what i mean that you know and it's not just all right you know the wealthy really do feel as though they have dominion over us oh yes

it all started in roman times and some would argue before then maybe yeah um so you two fuck each other you two oh you want us to fuck no i want you guys to pick up a sword and kill each other yeah yeah and why for fun yeah yeah kill yourselves and then kill them you know and you're You too? Oh, you want us to fuck? No, I want you guys to pick up a sword and kill each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? For fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kill yourselves and then kill them. And you're like, I listen, Emperor. I get that you're all about.

We'll do it. How am I going to do that? And then it's like, off with his head for the talk back. All right, let me just say this, though. Okay, before I have to kill someone. Yeah. What's with the alligator in the corner? what's he doing here all right crazy times crazy times i would have been i always say what would i've been in the past well i would have been a

money changer oh right right well i'm a drunk so i would have been a bartender oh yeah yeah mixing it up with everybody but you can't get high on your own supply especially not in the roman days you needed to uh be a little finger like a creature where you you picked up on all the gossip of the day yeah yeah and i wouldn't touch a drop of gruel until after midnight oh they had wine they had delicious uh they had delicious wine back then from alva gruel not for the romans but enough this is not a history podcast no regardless of how accurate and well knowledgeable we are about ancient history. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to talk about a post-ex?

I want to talk about the next day. Next day. When Aisha tells these women. And listen, we've talked about it before. I want nothing to do with scuba. That deep? I don't want to be down there. I don't trust myself with contraptions. you could also get trapped between two rocks next thing

you know they're like what are you gonna do so what you say you try and climb in a cave you're trying to check out like a gigantic zebra eel next thing you know that scuba thing tank on side wedge between two rocks they're like right i don't know what we're gonna do here yeah yeah yeah and then you drown to death okay so there's that but also the um the contraptions there's so many valves and nozzles you know what i mean i would fuck it up somehow yeah i'd get the bends nitrogen head blows off i'm not sure i can barely work my prius it's just just a, it's just a car. It's very easy. Well, you know how I stand on this. I'm afraid of water and I hate the ocean.

So no bueno, no bueno for you. But even with us being this averse to this practice, when Asia said, yeah, to drinking, to drinking, it hits the ears incorrectly.

You're like, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense. Not at all. And then I was thinking, so, um, we, a lot of people on our facebook group join it if you haven't already another uh below deck podcast on facebook uh some had chimed in that you don't actually have to have a scuba license because i would have thought if you went through all the trouble of getting a scuba diving license you clearly would know you're not supposed to be boozing right but um i guess you

can get certified on the spot. Oh, wow. And that might have been... You see, even that would probably take like 37 minutes. I can't imagine it taking less than 37 minutes. Make you watch a video. Yeah. Well, anyway, that was a major fuck up on Aisha's part.

Major fuck up. And tonight we have an LVP performance from Aisha. I mean, it's just insane. She's all over the place. She's turning zarina into a line uh cook she's telling these women that they can get drunk before going uh you know into the bowels of the ocean and then uh she just completely forgets to tell sarina that uh captain hot ass is sitting down for dinner i mean she's just losing her goddamn mind zarina will settle her hash with

this uh later in the episode i believe yeah yeah three strike rule i like the three strike rule asia is lighting stacks of money on fire at this point and it's very very dangerous so they get back and they go up to asia and they go uh hey ash the fuck was that that and asia is teflon dawn in this moment she takes deny deny deny zero accountability for any kind of error and i respect the move i respect the moxie yeah they kind of bought it i don't know how uh i don't think they did now kermit confesses to us that she did in fact fuck up i think they showed her a little uh video playback of her saying yeah to us she admits wrongdoing to them she smashes them with uh over the head with the gas lamp is what she does to them and then add insult to injury she hams up the snorkeling aspect snorkeling's good snorkeling's

good for you you should do snorkeling snorkeling's great she hams up how incredible snorkeling aspect snorkeling's good snorkeling's good for you you should do snorkeling snorkeling's great she hams up how incredible snorkeling is and that's a very very shooby thing to do yes it is snorkeling but it works sometimes you kind of graph thoughts on people because you're like i guess i like school snorkeling oh yeah yeah yeah it's in my brain now doesn't work on you does it oh yeah you can grab you know how you get uh uh you little finger you were talking about earlier yeah yeah yeah from um game of thrones uh well what you do start uh if you hate a co-worker start going to the boss lady or the boss man start going hey uh jacob uh he's a little lazy oh yeah the first time the person's

gonna go i don't think that but okay thanks mention it like a week later he's a little lazy oh yeah the first time the person's gonna go i don't think that but okay thanks mention it like a week later he's kind of lazy and then you mention it to a couple other co-workers then you start creating a thing okay and then at some point when jacob does appear to be a little lazy he is deemed the laziest person it's really a manipulative thing of human nature and i despise it quite frankly. Is this a Bob Green, like 48 laws of power kind of thing? I guess that would be in that book, but I used to notice it with, uh, when I worked at that insurance company. Yeah. I would worry that you would run the risk of people thinking you were

a crazy person because you're going around telling everybody that one guy's lazy and then everybody starts talking and they're like, he doesn't seem to be lazy, but this guy's going around and telling everybody that this guy's lazy. I think he's got it out for this guy. My, uh, I, I shared the story before,

but my, my dear friend, Bob, uh, he's called Bob, the whatever, but, he was,

uh, uh, short. And, uh, anyway, we were good. He was not short,

Patrick. You cannot shy away from the language of your okay you know these wokesters man i know but i don't want to offend anybody but back in 2001 he was bob the gay dwarf and he's not just short all of the proportions are small yes and we were at a bar and he hit on me and said would we ever sleep with each other i said uh i'll tell you what if i ever die you can have sex with my dead body but other than that no fucking way yeah i was laughing he went and cried then the next day he went to a tupperware party with all my co-workers and decided to tell them that i am the laziest person that works at north

american insurance oh wow and then i get called in the manager's office okay little fuck i had no idea that bizarre hypothetical you laid out was such a hurtful personal tale well i live with it very pain you know um the disabled have quite a chip on their shoulder no i'm kidding all right all right all right back on where the fuck are we all right so uh yeah guess return asia denies any culpability yeah and then we get keystone the stolen character of captain lego head i know i pointed this out uh this i need to repeat this dylan because we've mentioned this on the show also it's been talked about in our facebook group i thought keystone because i don't remember

them running that ad in los angeles but it was obviously run wherever the fuck he's from i do but it was like one of those things like uh like a dual lip song that just keeps going over and over again and you hear it all the time so it just becomes like oxygen to you you don't see it you don't think about it you just fucking ingest it here's the thing with culver is he completely just steals the entire character, never giving credit to, oh, well, I stole this from a Keystone Light beer commercial. So here's the commercial.

This is an actual commercial. My Kiki, she's sucking the tree. Hold my stones. Hey, little Kiki. Easy, easy, easy. Attagirl. She'll be fine. Hey, little Kiki. Easy, easy, easy. Atta girl. She'll be fine. She's just a little shaken.

Thank you, young man. What's your name? My name? Yeah. It's Keith Stone. Now, if you don't know that character exists, you'd be like, oh, that's an original thing the Captain Lego head came up with.

But when you realize that he just stole it, it just brings, I mean, he is he i think even the the origin is derivative so to steal from something that derivative and then to through some kind of horrific floor routine convince yourself that it is of your own creativity and imagination. I mean, it's really, really horrifying. Another ding on you, you unoriginal bastard. So, yeah, I guess we're just going to keep hammering. Him. Yeah.

There's not a lot likable about him. No, I know, but I just. He's lazy. He's a jerk. He's a copycat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Culver. By the way, he's cheap. he's a copycat yeah yeah yeah no colvin by the way he's cheap he's cheap

i think in the next episode it's the second time he doesn't pay a fucking bill all right well i would hate him just on that listen i don't want to be the guy defending jafar or anything here, but you know, I'm not going to defend. Can I say this? I'm talking with half the cast and they hear me break his balls. Every single episode, not one single person. Let's imagine. Hey,

I think you're getting Culver wrong. Right, right, right. That's one single. So I say their silence is actually, um, quite deafening.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Sorry. Colv.v sorry do people call you colv uh okay so the yeah the and and let's break down that keystone light commercial real quick i mean thank god we have progressed while it was from 2018 by the way yeah i know the that commercial was we didn't say what it was it was a it was an old woman in peril

she said her we thought her kiki was in the tree the tree what kiki was was her smoking hot granddaughter and Keith Stone pulls her out. Saves her life and all that. And I was just thinking about it. Cat pussy. He's just he's going around drinking beer trolling for pussy. That's what Keith Stone does. Hold my stones. Hold my balls.

I mean, there are so many entendres double and it's just a gross character to rip off you know see now you're going in on him i know it's ridiculous all right ridiculous so zarina learns hot pants will be joining for dinner and this is when you get a you get a call from whittier. That's never good. Yeah, Whittier. What do they want? That is never good. What do they want? Anyway, Serena informs Kermit that she has a three-strike rule about communication. I don't know what she'd do on that third strike,

because I don't think you can fire the Chiefs, too. Maybe she'd complain. I don't know. Whatever. Kermit takes it well. And then... I could see Serena snapping. You think so yeah throwing a ladle of stock at somebody or something like that third strike you're out and you have burns you know i could

see serena doing that yeah food if it's really hot it can injure you as well oh yeah you ever had a fresh hot slice of pie oh yeah i mean it's essentially um you know the things that make up a cobbler are sweet sweet jammy napalm fresh out of the oven you need that to cool down for i mean i i would say as long as maybe a roast turkey or uh or uh lasagna maybe a lasagna perfect resting food you know you you can't just go in on that you'll ruin the integrity of it it'll fall like the twin towers so uh hot pants uh joins the dinner table and uh immediately i guess he joins the game. He didn't want to, which was 20 questions. Yeah. But you got to do better with the task. Hot, hot ass is not good at small talk. And we've talked about this before. He's very, very lucky that he's so attractive because he has lived. Listen, I think he's great for the show. I think he's a perfect captain, hot captain. But we've got a checkered past.

And when you plow yachts into marinas and kill a bunch of people and you're bad at small talk, there's really only one thing that can make up for that, and it's being a hot piece of ass. Good looking. So checkmate. I don't like blue cheese. Nobody can do anything with that you know the

only captain maybe captain carrie from uh adventure who will now be helming uh the the original franchise yeah no one tries at these dinners except for captain glenn he'll engage in just a really dumb conversation and seem like he's completely engaged well i mean we know why well we know why captain glenn has always had an itch to begin graduating he's been in you know 401 uh serial murdering for a while but to really go into like a graduate program of that kind of thing you have to start uh taking people out who will be missed right so you can take out lepers and homeless people and prostitutes the way captain glenn does but every time he sits down to dinner with a gaggle of wealthy women he thinks can i do it could i get away with it and part of that is to lull them into a sense of security perhaps get a phone number get a point

of contact to reel them back in. So that's why. But I don't think any of these captains like sitting down for dinner. Well, anyway, he gets the fuck out of there before desserts put on the table, and then the magic seamen arrive. Hilarious. And then they...

And what happened to Melissa P's wishes? We've got fucking Culver coming out there with his tits out and his dick out he's talking about cum and then he's snapping one of those uh one of those uh drunk ladies with a fucking baguette in their face yeah yeah yeah they have some fucking uh broiled sausage that's charred black and dead and he's rubbing that on people that smells and then they're rubbing baguette depending on how fresh it is that's crusty and uncomfortable but they're both phallic and melissa p said i am not cool with this so what do they do the next

night they tie zara to the fucking teak and start humping her face i mean it's absolutely ridiculous melissa p is not long for this friend group no she's buzzkill though you can't have those people are we at the end of this episode no no No, no, no. All right. So anyway, so they do their little fucking song and dance. And then Jemay and Luca, before everyone goes to bed, exchange IGs so they can start DMing each other. Yeah, according to the Chirons. But God knows when those things happen. That's true.

Next morning, the anchor returns home. I always love that. The only time I've ever trusted a Chiron is when they showed Culver texting in all caps always. Is that right? That, I believe, happened. Yeah. I'll be there in three days.

Calm down. Well, four juices have been made by Margo, so she's hitting her goddamn Sea Rat stride at this point. Oh, yeah. It's like the combine for Sea Rats. Four juices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Great job, Margo. Wow. You Four juices. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Great job, Margo.

Wow. You did that. Yeah, yeah. Well, and it is right to belittle them the way you're doing right now. But I mean, when you've got a mimosa bar that has variety, you're like, wow, this is going to be a brunch. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I agree. This is going to be a brunch. You remember that agree this is going to be a brunch you remember that fame day when we went out and we had uh at castaways castaways i did i had no idea i needed a charcoal mimosa until that day and then of course we got the unfortunate news that they were done serving the charcoal mimosas yeah i only want the charcoal mimosa now me too andrew so what the fuck are we are at quite a fucking impasse now, Andrew. And by the way, we all just dropped 30 bucks for endless mimosas. Yeah. You better go get that charcoal machine going.

Go fire up a fucking brick, Andrew. Also, this hollandaise is fucking broken and disgusting. I don't know how this place is as popular. Never eat at Castaways. Just go up there for the view. Yeah. All right. So they... MoDocs guest apart and a critique is given yes melissa p

the wet blanket says uh you guys told us we who can't hey who leave it alone who cares what she says okay she's trying to fucking deflate our fun balloon and besides you already handed the tip over so you can't change that yeah yeah i had the greatest time one time this is years ago um a person was like uh god i can't forget what the interaction was but basically it was one of those things where you'll never see the person again yeah uh so they're oh yeah yeah so i parked in this parking spot and they said you can um you can park there now but just so you know you can't ever don't ever park there again and i said i don't live in this state i will never be back here again yeah so this conversation is pointless right right right and then they just

stare like fuck you yeah yeah yeah thank you but i don't live in delaware because delaware is delaware no i'm kidding delaware is beautiful or so i hear it's just, it's just Delaware, you know? Yeah. Look at me, a fucking coastal elite. You are. Shitting on fucking states.

I've only driven through three times and thought every time, man, this is fucking boring. You know? So we have to get to the second episode. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. So it's 20 grand.

That's decent. Uh, 1666. The helmet goes to Joao. I think it really should have gone to the second episode. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's 20 grand. That's decent. 1666. The helmet goes to Joao. I think it really should have gone to Kermit. But we can't forget that he stuck him Captain Hot Pants with that drunk lady. Yeah. Margo asked Kermit if she can finish the charter season on service, which is kind of unfair to Jemay.

Oh, that's right. And then Jemay overhears this and they're probably... Well, yeah, let's break down the teimmy overhears this and they're probably well let yeah let's break down the teak talk because we we think that we're going to have some kind of revelry some kind of of uh joy for the sea rats they've got one charter left they just killed one they got 20 grand but no we have politicking to get to we have infighting now this was asia's dare i say fourth or fifth error, and probably the most egregious of them, because

while it's fine to let Margot be on service, you have to, you cannot give Margot that baton without asking if you can take it from Jamie. That's right. Private school girl. There's a process here. It was really, really yucky and

kind of sloppy from Aisha. so we're jimmy's private school girl rightly cries yes yes rightly cry so this is uh we're going to start the uh next episode here but not before an ad break hello and hey what is going on today's episode is brought to you by a lovely company called green chef uh you know Green Chef. It's a CCOF certified meal kit company. They make eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle, whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, whatever you eat. If you're looking to eat more balanced meals and you're one of the things that I said, Green Chef is perfect for you. If you want to build healthier eating habits this fall, Green Chef can help.

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and enter in our code bad tv at checkout to get 30 off your first little spoon order that is l-i-t-t-l-e-s-p-o-o-n dot com slash bad tv and enter our code bad tv for 30 off at checkout below deck episode 17 below deck episode 17 let's let's hit it baby all right so we begin with kermit checking in on jamaica's you know she's so upset and meanwhile joao uses this discourse amongst the interior to let captain lego head no he's a fucking useless piece of shit uh I was like, no, no, no. There's a process on these boats. And a perfect example. What? Perfect example.

Culver, you know how you were a lazy piece of shit? That's why you didn't get a deckhand. Right. So that's what happens, everybody. And Culver's just like, god damn, that was quite a shot across the bow. Now, Culver, I'm going to give you high points for creativity later when you and Jemay go down into that chemical closet or whatever the fuck you did to have sex. I am not going to give him cool points

because that was like a Dahmer processing room that reeked of paint chips and blood. To each his own, but you got to switch it up every once in a while. But there's more important business here. So get this. Jowow and Captain Leggo had get into it and then meanwhile meanwhile harry looks on what he's created because if you really think about it he started all this oh 100 he's in awe of his creation it harkened me back to when i farted on a school bus when i was nine and everyone starts pointing fingers at each

other yeah it was almost a fucking riot i'm sitting there laughing my ass off with great pride because I caused such an emotional reaction. Right, right, right. It's like if you let the bulls out early of the running of the bulls. You know, my brain doesn't work sometimes. And also, my father, one of the happiest moments of his life, and I mean, there is no exaggeration.

He farted in the Roanoke airport. He farted in the Roanoke airport. And there was a toddler behind him. And the child began to cry. And he really is one of the most joyous moments of Clyde's entire life. Wow. Yeah. He's a sick, sick puppy. Good for him. So I've never engaged in that childish behavior since I was nine. Yeah. I think dad did it when he was like 62. Well, Zarina lets Margo know her request was cool was cool with her and then kermit and jimmy

explains the reasoning for swapping everyone hugs and it will it was really harry that ruined it yeah yeah yeah there's well it was asia that ruined it and harry was just uh protecting the uh is the snitch called the snitch the golden snitch in quidditch i am not a big harry potter fan so i don't know why is it called the snitch because it rhymes with quidditch yeah but the snitch is such a yucky thing you know you don't want to be a snitch that's like thus you know it's like a little golden ball that flies i feel like it should have a different name anyways this is a really sweet moment between the three of them i think that they're a big reason why the show is doing so well um it's a really really great interior there's a lot of fun there did we somebody got fired oh yeah that rat from uh

lapia oh yeah laura yeah she sucked yeah we couldn't have you need fun synergy with hiccups you can't have nastiness for too long nastiness to overstays its welcome too often way too often nobody needs that um so we head out to so there's going to be two we're going to have two storylines we're following simultaneously we are going to have the drunk sea rats out at a restaurant doing what they do yeah and then we're going to have a date night like that frost poem yes yeah road less traveled we're on this road and zarina lets us know the road less less traveled here is two sea rats sitting down to try to date each other yeah and there's a reason why that's less travel now zarina says she has a lot of questions about joel because she's only known him for two weeks you've known him for a little bit

longer than that because he dated your friend, Zerida. Okay. When we get her on the show, which we will get her on the show, I gotta get into this because I was completely confused by this dinner because while it is a jokey kind of tension, it is certainly adversarial.

No, no, no. What makes it so uncomfortable was how the jokingness didn't mask any of the animosity or quite frankly anarchy from serena serena just went off right serena a gasket blew because she calls him fake and then then I think, oh my God, the don't ever speak to me again line, the don't ever speak to me that way. I'm not fucking joking. That was concerning.

I think he must've done something to piss her off. Yeah, maybe we didn't see something that they edited out. I don't know. I'm just, call me crazy. But because it does not make sense because they had wonderful kind of uh compatibility and same sense of humor and of course the sexual chemistry is there this is a night out where you're gonna order a bunch of i think skinny bitches and have a

fucking good old time and then bang away back at the boat skinny bitches and quite a dinner order too maybe not banging away because uh the dinner order was margarita pizza prosciutto burrata hit the table at the same time see you later i was like my god that is a way to order my god um so they have um a insane breakdown um and the the sea rats are partaking in what they partake in usually yes which is um sitting down lots of smiling drinks are ordered and asia begins a you would think that it's an unrealistic amount of enthusiasm for really any place they go but that's just age yeah that's just yeah yeah that's why we love her yeah overly enthusiastic enthusiastic about stupid things hey you know captain lego head checks in with olaf his buddy there for that oh yeah yeah yeah you know everyone's got these sea rats right they got limited time to try and get on the next boat so she's kind of waiting this may have been a big blunder on culver's side. What do you mean that he lied about it?

I don't think he lied about it. Oh, he 100% lied about it. I don't think it was a solid job yet. And he's already kind of making it like it's a done deal. Okay. His job wasn't solid. Her job didn't even exist. And then he talked to her and he said,

Hey, Captain told me I could bring someone. No, no, no. Olaf never said. Olaf never even responded to you when he said hey captain told me i could bring someone no no no olaf never said olaf never even responded to you when you said and good on olaf because your response back to him was insane um pat you be olaf or a boss tell me you got a gig for me i have a gig for you uh i'll take it and hey i got a girlfriend you want to hire her too absolutely not it's like in what world do you hire the girlfriend too i don't think that we're not not at target not at lehman brothers you know not and none of these places so culver's really stuck between a rock and a hard place and he may still be in

shock with that because one of those another one of those goddamn checks arrives at the fucking dinner table okay and uh he pretends he can't see i don't know what the read on this is i think that luca grabs it and good on luca because it's a light night but this is why culver should have leaped you gotta leap at got to leap at it. There are two C-Rats missing. You got to charter the next day. This is a subdued C-Rat night out. You got to get this bill. Get this bill.

I've done this before. I've actually talked to a friend that's in the car driving away that paid for the dinner. And I literally throw cash in the window. Literally throw it at them because they won't accept the money. And then they throw it out. And then we do that little dance. And then finally, all right, just give me the fucking money back yeah but you got to pretend like you really want to pay when that's going too far though well i agree what you did right yeah you agree that that's insane low self-esteem and i also have imposter

syndrome yes yeah why would this person want to have dinner with me? Right. I should pay for it. Yeah. And then the dinner doesn't go well because you're all up in your head and then they pay for it. And then you come running out to their car like Christina and her husband and chase them down with money. I mean, it's just not a good move,

but I know, but that's what captain, uh, captain Lego head should have done. He did not. He did not. did not harry i will say gaslights him a little bit love it he's like uh hey cheap fuck look luca got the uh the check again sorry that was not said right harry said hey you cheap fuck look luca got, he was like,

hey, you cheap fuck, you didn't pay for another one. And then when Culver's like, hey, that's really intense, Harry just gets up and slaps his knee and goes, hey, don't worry about it, man. I'm just fooling around. And it's like, whoa, no, no, no, no, no. You really meant that. Yeah, yeah, making me look bad, dude. You make me look bad.

And you should have animosity because it's a gross thing to do. Now, can we go back to Joao and Zarina? So when they get back, because they meet up at the club that's completely empty except being filled with sea rats. They go to that one. They've been here before. I love this place. They have the fancy drinks.

They have the dragon fruit margaritas. Okay. Yeah. But yeah. So, okay. So Zarina and Joao, they hit their perspective groups, right? So he goes to the guys. She goes to the girls. Let me be Dr. Phil for a second without doing the horrible hacky accent. No, no, no Zarina and Joao, they hit their perspective groups, right? So he goes to the guys, she goes to the girls.

Let me be Dr. Phil for a second without doing the horrible hacky accent. No, no, no, do the accent. I can't do it. Oh, bad baby. That wasn't good. I can't tell. My wife loves watching that show. I can't tell if it's still running or if it's just repeats from five years ago.

Oh, I'm not sure. Is he still on? I'm not sure. He always waved at our tour buses, so he's okay in my book. Really? All right. So Dr. Phil here, they should- Is he though?

Because he did some really kind of questionable things. Oh, yeah. When you're on TV and you're in this Hollywood thing, you'll sell your own children out to be famous. Yeah. So this is what they should have done. They should have taken this opportunity for dinner to learn about each other. Uh, not discuss all these expectations about a relationship on a, on a greater level. Just keep it simple. Keep it light. That's how

you get to know someone. And then you'll get to know if they have a porn addiction, do they floss their teeth with pubic hair? I've done that. Or I've seen someone do that before. Do they have a fascination with fire? I've seen a girl do that. And we also say, Oh, youic hair? I've done that or I've seen someone do that before. Do they have a fascination with fire? Which one is it? I've seen a girl do that. And we also see, you know what? We've seen a sea rat do that. Do you remember that girl?

The weird one? She used to floss her teeth with hair. Not pubic hair. Well, you've never been in the same bathroom with her. You know what? I want to move on. I don't want to clarify. Okay.

But you definitely, you'll get to know someone. You'll know if they have a fascination with fire that could possibly be unhealthy, serial arsonist. We're recording at a different time of day. And I really think it's throwing us for a loop. Because I don't think we can talk tonight.

I can't. I'm stumbling all over my words i'm going to see jacob collier at the hollywood bowl in an hour and i'm already we're trying to yeah yeah okay okay so culver does you're gonna have a coffee or anything maybe a red bull yeah i'll probably have a red bull uh culver sugar fries yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the the ones with sugar hurt my tummy. Hey, mine too. Right? Yeah.

Sugar and those things. Right. Culver pays the bar tab at this place, but they only show a snippet of that, but they show him get behind the bar with the cash. So he did pay. And see, this is not a good bill to pay for because this is a secret operation. This is, what Culver wants is to be recognized as the hero, but the recognition is the important part. You know, it's kind of,

it runs counter to really any heroic act. You don't do it for the recognition. Alright, so we go back to the boat. But Culver needs to be seen doing it. I want to talk about ramen, because I don't know what your stance is on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this is how it works, ramen, for me. It used to be poor college person food uh in college you get 20 packs for a dollar 50 now it's hour and a half line to get in and a 25 bucks for a fucking bowl of it with an egg

cracked on top of it yeah well it's not cracked it's uh it's marinated okay yeah it's lovely of course yeah no no but you want to talk about tough on your tummy my god you get a bowl of marinated. Okay. Yeah. It's lovely. Of course. Yeah, no, no, no. You want to talk about tough on your tummy. My God. You get a bowl of tonkatsu. I mean, that thing, you might as well have four Big Macs. I mean, there is so much goddamn salt. Oh, my face looks like a basketball

when I'm done eating it. I look like a basketball. It's sneaky. It's a missile of salt and fat. That's why it's so good. It's sneaky. It's a missile of salt and fat. That's why it's so good. It's delicious. Anyway, he makes Margo that. You ever get it spicy?

No. You tried tricking me one time and it made my tongue go numb. What do you mean? Oh, you're like, oh, try this. Try this. And I was like, what is it? It's not going to hurt me, is it? And of course, you lied to me because you like to mock me.

What are you talking about? You let me have a bite of ramen and it made my mouth go completely numb. Oh, that? I wasn't even trying to mock you i was i had brought in the budek or whatever it was to to do a commentary on how the people there's this lit my ass on fire the next morning there's this raising of the temperature of the palette of of culture that is fucking insane this isn't palatable everything's too spicy and i wanted to show you that because that was one of the most popular ramens in the world at the time and it's like who eats this

this is a dare not this podcast not this podcast or neither so we head back to the boat yeah well we're already back there that's we're making the ramen so uh oh yeah so you can set your clock to it jamie needs that dick yes okay she is a fucking boa man i mean it's unbelievable so props to captain lego here i'm gonna call you by your birth name culver good job here i love you getting your freaky deaky move on why uh bang it out linen sheets when you can uh bend over a five gallon bucket in some closet where if you inhale anything in there you'll probably fucking die that's hot it's dangerous yeah but you have to be cool to pull off dangerous this just is kind of like another flapjack on the stack of art and i think that's what jamie might be thinking you know what i mean yeah you know i saw a porn once where it was skydivers and they did it right up

two thousand or you know two miles up in the air yeah yeah yeah yeah not hot at all no i'm wondering about the thing if I should bleep it. Why would you, you know, always bleep it if there's a question. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, let's just go ahead and do that. Yeah. You know what I noticed about that whole skydiving porn? Yeah. Guy wasn't wearing a condom.

He came. Landed on some farm boy's head oh sad you don't see that coming plane exposed to see the whole engine flying at you take out your roof of your house not come right and i mean you know if uh you dropped a nickel off the empire states building and a person was walking laying on their head. It go right through their body. No, I don't think it can reach terminal velocity, but I'm, I'm wondering if come can,

depending on how this gets, I don't know what kind of dietary factors there are, but could that kind of congeal into a wad of sorts and pick up any kind of speed? It could kill someone. Cause of death come yeah come bullet come bullet um all right so next morning next morning last charter preference sheet meaning god damn it we don't have oh my god gets out of everything you got to give us a break

for this week okay we we had a disaster of a week. The episodes got deleted. It's a new time. We're trying to get to a Hollywood Bowl show featuring Jacob Collier, the songbird of the Zoomers. You feel cool going to see him? Not at all. I'm going to fit right in because I like good music.

It's not about being cool, Dylan. What are you doing right now on your phone my battery's dying on my phone because i left that goddamn youtube clip open and now i got five percent left on my phone fuck you your wife having to deal with your battery percentages must be a fucking nightmare it annoys her all right do you have a charger by your bed yeah do you plug it in well i need a new phone so it doesn't fully charge it. My phone's fucking with me at this point, but I've been too busy to go to the Apple store to exchange it.

Well, don't get a 12. Evidently, there are a bunch of French researchers who say it'll give you cancer. Is that right? Yeah, but who's going to sue Apple? Tim Cook's just going to sit up on his high horse all evil and gay and just laugh at us. Mm-hmm.

The time for the proletariat has come we must start striking these people down and sure striking is a great way to do it i appreciate the auto workers but i feel as though we need a more you know what i'm going to stop but i agree with you by the way preference sheet meeting sheet meeting. These charter guests, they basically want to dine out at Benihana's where you get to watch a chef flip shrimp into his pocket. These people have to be just basic people from Encino or something because they want the sushi. They want the dragon roll. You could get that down the boulevard because they live south of the boulevard. So they just drive down to Ventura, get a little dragon roll, right? And they also hit that Benihana over there, you know?

Well, Dylan, you know what kind of business these charter guests are into. Weed. Exactly. This is a stoner thought. This is a stoner preference sheet. Bunch of goddamn weed heads thinking it's cool to have shrimp tails flying all over the place

while you're trying to eat. It's not. And you can't just expect somebody to pull off a goddamn onion volcano. Do you know the onion volcano is much like fish in a sushi master's restaurant? You're not allowed to touch that until you have gone through seven years of rice tutelage. You can't just start forming onion towers you know it takes a lot of dexterity a lot of work i've seen benihana people fucking up and it's bad because they get nervous because we're expecting the tower to be built at this point for the lights to be

flipping on and off and for the smoke to be rising and they are not getting us to that promised land and people get pissed and understandable all right interior meeting then the guests arrive and jamae is a fan where is that note um jamae is a fan son maybe of luca yeah probably huh yeah she's a fan of luca i hope they hook up in the last episode. I believe they do. Really? I think they do. Oh, now I feel bad. Why? Because heartbreak. You don't want anybody to experience heartbreak.

We all have, though. Why should Culver be immune to it? I don't think he's capable of processing. Hold my stones. Okay. All right. So Jamie is, well, the people head to the boat they rip shots they head in and um there's too many secret handshakes way too many secret handshakes

that's driving me absolutely insane because they're adults right and you don't need to be doing secret handshakes when you're adults um asia and margo uh get to drinks and that is when margo brands these people as stepford wives which is kind of a you know kind of a nice nice bet because we you know these people they have the kids they have the florid explorer they have the core power yoga and they do not feel sadness yeah because there are pills for that yeah you know these people i do so uh jamie is asked to head in and clean the room uh with one of the weed heads melissa hey melissa maria quando isn't on this fucking vessel condo condo what are you chrissy t yeah dead naming naming Asian Americans. The fuck is wrong with you? I think it was a typo.

Keith Stone is pitched to help for dinner. No. Because Serena, much like many of the talented chefs who have come through the threshold of a Benihana training center in Tarzana, lost my sentence. Oh, yeah oh okay but she's too scared to do the onion tower yeah yeah she doesn't want to do it she is and rightfully so as you pointed out it takes years of training you can't just make that up on the spot there's a lot of things these sea rat chefs can do they can go on google and look at you know how do you do some

kind of spanish souffle or some shit yeah You can't do this with an onion volcano. All right? No. You could hit a baseball from a pitcher theoretically. Now get up to the plate. You got skeeters? No. What are you doing?

Are you itchy? I just itch my ankle. Do you have mosquito bites? No. I think you do. I don't. What is so bad about admitting that you have mosquito bites? Well, because I think it's pointless to bring up in a podcast.

Oh, good point. But I think what you're doing is you're not, you don't want to admit that you got bit up by the same bugs that bit up Caleb. I'm not afraid. And then deleted our podcast because of it. You, because you didn't want to be cold suffered the same consequences him but you won't admit it and now you're trying to gaslight me going oh i don't think it's good podcast that's not what's happening that's

exactly what's happening case solved stamp shut so hot pants catches wind of this and he's fucking pissed wait wait wait are you talking oh yeah yeah he's he's pissed but he's doing a lot of leg work here okay so this simultaneously jamae melts melissa's dress and hot pants is called down and he treats it kind of like a death row last meal or something he's like he tells him hey let the guests enjoy their uh their dinner then let them know you fucking ruined their clothes. Yeah, yeah. Smart strategy, I think. And Jemay, private school girl, and the primary, you know, this goes as well as it could. The primary forgives her to her face and then calls her a disgusting sea rat in the private school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love how Melissa, she's a kind goddess. She lets Jemay live, only to go down to her tiny little god cabin and discuss what a lenient goddess she is, but she will kill if this happens again. And we've got our episode title, Tiny Little God Captain.

What the fuck? We need to end these shows. All right. Not yet. So we head out to that disappearing island again. Oh, yeah. I don't want to call this season a one trick pony season, but they are a carnival cruise ship at this point. Cause this is what they do for an experience.

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. Here's how you make it fun. Grab some of these rabid dogs and, uh, from, and, uh, from that beach that had the hypodermic needles on there. Okay. Okay. Transport them on the island. Okay. You know, I think that would be fun. Order margaritas while scrambling to dodge rabid dogs. Wasn't that their season? They used to bring them to that beach where they're like homeless dogs. I don't think it was down under, but you're saying that that would make it more fun. More exciting and different just because it's getting a little boring.

It would make it different. It would make it bad. Yeah. How did these dogs get here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where do they go when the sand goes away and it's only water? I don't know. Not my problem, Melissa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Melissa, you it's only water? I don't know. Not my problem, Melissa. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Melissa, you ask too many fucking questions, don't you? Look out. That one's trying to bite you. Oh, mine was on the rocks, honey. Oh, okay. All right.

So. Culver gets pressed by PSG. Private school. School girl. Sure. Yeah. She's like, what's going on? And he goes, well, I've been texting.

It's not like they have their phones on them all the time. It's been a week. What are you talking about? That is such a bad defense of this. You're scrambling. You have to throw up a shot that's going to come even remotely close to the hoop. You know what I mean? I have to say this.

If I'm Culver and I already, like, if I'm as obsessed as I think he is of her, I'd be calling every networking person I could. I need a job for two people. I need a job for two people, whatever you can get us just to make it happen. Cause the worst thing that can happen is it falls through and she ends up sucking face with Luca. Oh yeah. And, and, and get fired over it. Make that your primary job. Who cares what you want you to do? Who cares if the boat sinks? Get that next gig lined up. A hundred percent.

You told her it was coming. So the episode ends with Z calls Z and she's concerned. He's upset. I have no idea what that note is, but it's almost dinner time and Captain Hot Stuff puts the kibosh on the Keith Stone appearance. I appreciate that. And he says, he's excited too.

He's like, you're going to see that on your tour. And she says, I'm not doing it. Fuck, you're gonna see that on your tail and she says i'm not doing it the fuck you don't know it that's right you know we're got we're setting up a fucking heavyweight bow for next episode now serena versus hot ass raca ass hot captain man i wonder who's gonna win i'm curious if next week is a reunion i haven't been able to get that out of the Sea Rats. They must have told them that's the one thing they can't tell me. But do we just get one episode next week and then a reunion?

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll find out next week. Sorry there wasn't two this week. Listen, hurts us more than it hurts you. Oh, yeah, I love doing it. I was talking about like programmatics. Oh, right, yes, financially, definitely. K was talking about like programmatic. Oh, right. Yes. Financially.

Definitely kicks us right in the nuts. Yeah. So, uh, hope Kalen, um, is kicking himself and enjoying whatever sandwich he's eating right now. I can't stand that kid,

man. Oh, come on. You gotta love him. Uh, iTunes ratings reviews, five stars, kind words.

We will read them next week pat you have to remind me okay we're reading reviews next week because we read reviews on the first episode and then kaylin deleted it oh right you remember that yeah but we don't have time now okay so we'll do it next week go to patreon.com slash another podcast network join us on um what do we want to plug this week twitter instagram fun great videos there yeah fun videos love you guys i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye later dudes