Another Below Deck Podcast - Make the Boat Wood | Below Deck S12 E12

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

Dylan and Patty are back to break down booze, boats not working, food, single mothers, god's country, matcha having a moment and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkhttps://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod

Well, that's when Kyle goes and visits a familiar friend. An old friend. An old scotch whiskey. Yeah. Let me tell Kyle something. It's something that I learned a long time ago. The answer to your problems is not at the bottom of that problem, my friend. But it might be to sip away.

Hello all you handsome people Hey Hey, bad TV, I'm Dill, that's Pat. Hi. Below deck, what's going on? You little skank. Yes, you little sleuth, you little skank. Okay, okay.

Call to action here. You want to show Dill and I that you support us and you love us and you want us to stay around and not leave the podcast. And that you're not a filthy gross poor. Or a cheapo, which Solay quoted the show tonight. Yeah, yeah. We are doing traders. Season one, Australia at patreon.com slash another podcast network.

Can I tell you something? Yes. No, no, no. Amendment. Yes. Can I ask you something? Please. How much fun did you have?

I had a great time. The first episode is 10, 20 minutes. It's, okay. If you've never watched the show, especially our Aussie friends. I cannot like to just talk like this for an entire season at Patreon. That might get annoying to the listeners. No, no, no, it's not going to.

They love my Australian accent. You do a pretty good one. Well, they say it's good. That's right. What are you doing having to diet Pepsi? Why do you have Diet Pepsi? What's the difference? It's all going to kill you.

It's that goddamn aspartane, you know? I've been drinking it for 35 years. Nothing's ever happened to me. Anyway, please. Well, that's not true. You get pretty serious. cough spells that was like three years ago you have a lot of ailments sometimes you eventually get over them but yeah i move on like we should with this segment please sign up at patreon

com slash another podcast and start traders season one i love it i can't wait to hear ruby and dylan's thoughts on it here's one to say season one is just regular people they're just we have a a grocery store clerk in there in the mix okay we have a sparky yeah and you for your assies out there you know exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah. And when I hear them deliberate, um, they are so much smarter than those

moronic reality TV people. You realize how intelligent regular people are over people on reality TV. It's amazing to see the social experimentation unfold in a group of fucking normies, right? I mean, just the, the king complexes, the queen complexes,

the dumb clues. My favorite thing about traders is the dumb clues. Just, just, just, just looking into something that is not there. I mean, there's so many amazing things who go to patreon.com slash another podcast network, donate a little or a little bit more five stars,

kind words. We love you guys very much. And I'm not in the Facebook because I was hacked by some foreign agent and evidently spewed hate speech. But I hear it's a great Facebook group. Join us there. Oh, the groups are all that exist on Facebook now. My feed, other than the Facebook groups...

Well, that's not true. There are a lot of anti-Semitic memes and stuff like that. You know, I don't get those. I hear those are going around on there. I mostly just get people I went to high school with posting pictures of unfattering photos of themselves where they're trying to humble brag. Like, just got my hair done today, not looking so bad. Oh, no, you look awful.

Okay. So listen, we have below deck to get into right now, don't we, Patrick? Yes, we do. Jesus Christ. It's not about how they look. It's the cries for help. from your old college friends and high school friends, too, yeah. And we call that a Facebook crime.

When you do something really stupid on Facebook, usually it's because you're crying out for attention. Something along the lines of just writing, I've had it. I'm tired. I can't anymore. And leave it there. The vague is possibly to be.

Just post it. Just post it. And then just wait for the comments. Honey, are you okay? Yeah, yeah. Okay, listen. Below that guy. It's stuck at the dock.

We have one of these every season. It's like a sitcoms, I don't know, like box episode or whatever the fuck you call it. Oh, like the tropes of sitcoms. Sure, like, like, what's that? Breaking Bad. No, no, I was going to say, what's that, they used to make it. It's like almost like a pie, but it's, it, it's the, you're talking about an oatmeal pie? No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm talking about souffle. Okay. And then a sitcom trope would be, someone would be preparing a souffle. and then someone would open the door and slam the door and it would pop the souffle. Oh, deflate the suflay. That's right.

And they go, God damn it. I almost pulled off a souffle. It happened like 80 times in the 80s. Did it really? Yeah, that was a common sitcom trope. Okay. Well, a common sitcom trope or a common trope for politic is something goes wrong every season,

whether it's beside and whether it's Neptune, choose your God. Not letting them get off the boat or an equipment failure or sea rats slipping their cock into somebody. you know, there are these tropes all over the place. But this one, we do not leave the dock. We have a man with a hair-dye job that I'm very excited to get into. Can we talk about Ron's hair for a second?

Well, I want to talk about Ron's hair later, but first can we get into our pots and knots? Well, maybe I'll somehow stuff Ron's hair issues in my thoughts and knots. They are my thoughts and knots. When you say maybe, I think you mean certainly. That's right. Yeah, go ahead. Why would God do that to a person?

I don't think it's hair-dye at all. I think he just has black hair in the back, white hair in the front. It looks totally weird. I'm going to call him, I'm going to call him Carrella DeVille for the rest of the weekend. Oh, you know, I was thinking of a good name. The only thing that I could come up with was rogue. Rogue, not bad, but that's just a stripe of white. I know.

Yeah, he has an entire area in the front that is white. And rogue superpower. Touching people to poison them. What a curse. She can't ever have sex. What a curse. guys will risk it though they'll hey you know we could try

yeah but if I do I'm definitely going to kill you yeah well see what happens hey fate's there to be tested right not really with this you'll die well listen I love you no I think Cyclops and her

have a challenging lust for one another but anyways this podcast is not about X-Men no mythology no it is not or superpowers okay so you I want to get your eyes check because you think that's normal hey i've seen it before i've seen it before come on okay come on you whack i want to talk about ron because i don't want to like ron but in the back of my mind

if they did in fact pay 60k full freight for this thing yeah then another 20 grand on top of that for three days essentially sleeping on a low grade hotel whack up the money they went on a boat excursion they did a little scuba diving they jumped off that boat in their wedding dress what would those cost if you just did those as tourist activities seven grand what would every meal cost if you just went to a nice restaurant and had you served at a restaurant yeah does that add 80 grand for three days i don't think so no that being said i think they should have tipped uh i think their tip was fine honestly it ended up being like 7500 a day completely fine and uh completely fine yeah i'm making a case but I hope that the audience doesn't despise me,

especially people that work in the service industry. Half the boat's employees didn't have to lift a fucking finger for three days. All we have to do is speak what is in our hearts. If that is that somebody looks like a wheelbarrow with peg legs, then we have to say that. You know, that's what's on our heart. And somebody may listen to that and go, ooh, disgusting. And perhaps we should curb those things.

But we just have to be true to our sense. I got to be me. You have to be you. All right. How many knots? Okay, I'm going to give it 14. Yeah, I didn't think it was a very good episode. I thought it was great.

Can you allow me, afford me, perhaps my pots and nots. Forgive me. What does your fucking hat say? Beckman. Dirt, don't lie. Yeah, it's one of my favorite vineyards up in Solvane. I'm about to say something gross. You know this Maccabee Dynasty show?

Everybody's wanting us to watch. Just block-headed, weird-looking people. You know what I'm talking? Yes. Their countenances make me uncomfortable. If I look at it for too long, I'm just, what are we doing? The lead guy was on a B show last year called, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?

He was the guy and another guy who was poor. And the ladies had to figure out who was the millionaire or not. One of them drove a helicopter. Hmm. See, I wonder who the millionaire is. The lead guy, like the son of the Maccabee dynasty? Yeah. Are they millionaires or are they just like?

No clue. I thought in a recent episode, I saw a trailer where they're filing for bankruptcy. Yeah. They might as well be PK, you know. But with land, the only thing you can't make more of, so. Is dirt. Is dirt. Dirt, don't lie.

I hated this episode. I don't like when we don't get off the dock. I need the waves. I need the ocean breeze. I need movement. You didn't like the deliberation of Ron and his buddy Doug. Like, hey, it's not a reflection if we fucking dine and dash out. I mean, I was fine with it.

But I mean, Patrick. Two different minds, two different opinions. I didn't like the episode Zero Potts. Fine. Yep. Take that, bitch. Take that, you bitch. Can I start us off?

Of course you can. Okay, this crew is tearing itself apart. Mm-hmm. Okay, we got Olai, who's jealous and mad at Jess, who is completely enjoying Solet be miserable. And then simultaneously, we have Stilly, aka Kyle, uh, now thinks that he can't trust Damo because, uh, he can't, can't tell him any of his secrets.

And I want to point out to Stilly that it's worth managing you told every human being alive on this boat that you had sex with hell. Yeah. You told the urine on that bathroom floor that you bang that strange girl. Yeah. That you banged hell. Yeah. And the urine was like...

Well, it was confused. Yeah. The urine was like, I'm sorry. Right. You're on top of me right now. You're not even acknowledging that I may have a sentience. And now you're trying to whisper rumors to me, which is kind of a soft acknowledgement. And rude. Yeah, it's like... You're inside another girl right now. Right, right, right. And by the way, if you think that joke's hacky, jellyfish don't have brains and they are beautiful creatures in the ocean. Oh, by the way, my wife, don't want to have my wife. But I mean, she was watching last night. And, you know, our lovely martini went with... to the bathroom and started having sex on the ground. And I was like, oh, God. What the fuck? I was like, hey, she's a free spirit.

She's like, ugh. I guess. Yeah. My God. I always love that. Free spirit. Yeah. Yeah.

She is a free spirit. Soaked in piss right now. Listen, when you're young, you can do crazy things. Yeah, we all did. We did things we're not proud of. you know um all right so i don't know what these sea rats are confused about kyle is suspicious of dameau for speaking to fraser and now kyle is saying that he needs to be leery or careful of of his alliances uh what are you on survivor what do you think this is your fucking sea rats

how many times are the are these these this species going to be confused that they are not capable of accessing loyalty. We'll get to that later. I mean, goodness, gracious. We have a lot of dietary restrictions this episode. Anthony's been doing a great job all season. He is, I'll say that Anthony's been doing a great job all season. God, remember, we kick things off with that Christian fella.

Remember him? No. It was, it was... This season? This season. He was speaking of the Armageddon that would... come. Oh, wow. Do you remember revelations? You know, I, I always have to empty my brain so that I can absorb. Well, you have a bit of a drinking problem. Well, that too. Yeah. Yeah.

I have a pot problem. It does the same thing. That's why, you know, you know, C rats that we talk to and fans will be like, do you remember? No, we have addiction issues that wipe our memories. There's girls that I dated for like two years. I can't remember their names. Yeah, well, that's, you know. I want to say something about these restrictions. I don't think a vegetarian has to have turtle soup or something like that, but you're on vacation. You know what I mean? Like, leave the restrictions at home.

If it's not going to kill you, like it's not some fucking onion that will make your face all puffy and your nose explode or something. Onions or want to do that. Right. Enjoy yourself. Why don't you keep vamping? I'm just going to really quickly take care of something around the studio. Go ahead.

Oh, okay. Well, meanwhile, Hugo Boss, quote unquote, her words, Jess saves her from an awkward conversation with Olay that she initiated. Jess is young, but I want to point something out about Jess. And I'm going to get a lot of shit for this. She engages in behavior of the opposite sex, which we deem a fuckboy.

I'm starting something new. It's a real trend. I'm going to call her a fuck girl. Hashtag fuck girl. It's started here. There's still room and still time to start new things. Yeah. Hashtag fuck girl.

Yeah. People are starting new things every day. She is more like Olai than she has. barbs if you really think about it she doesn't care about people's feelings she gets off on creating drama she's a fuck girl she's a fuck girl yeah hashtag fuck girl you know i really got some uh some traction when i started one the last one i did like eight years ago uh no more uh single mothers on the bachelor hashtag right yeah that trended you know yeah in what way a lot of people were sharing it that's what hashtags do in what way they uh hashtag they uh hashtag they uh

Actually, I'm going to make it even share. I don't understand how hashtags work. Sure. I don't think you understand how trending works. I don't think you understand how virality works. Really, anything on the Internet you're not too confident with. But I do think you have a knack for branding. Branding, the mores of this world.

I mean, here you are seeing a new creation of social moray, the fuck girl. I mean, this is a fuck girl. started people hashtag fuck girl hashtag fuck girl and hugo says listen you know you can't going you can't going around to fuck girling like this he's like you have to stop fuck girling like this um but Kyle and Celine oh well we get a little bit of a meanwhile here meanwhile rainbow I got to say rainbow is really coming into her own she's finding her flirtation with demo not that that is her coming into her own but but there's a little bit more liveliness with rainbow where is in the beginning of the season

she was just kind of lamenting the fact that she had murdered her sisters and that she was stressed out at work. Yeah, and those, if you watch the trailer for next week's episode, she reflects back to that blood-soaked sand of that dead island that she lived on for a while and she killed her sisters,

and she threatens violence against Olai. Yeah, I mean, Rainbow next week will break down the textural change to sand when it's soaked in blood and how it kind of turns into a more, I don't know, a pasty, kind of sticky thing you can mold it into shit yeah you can you can um so kyle and selain makeup kyle apologizes for saying that the girl he banged on a piss soaked and pub soaked floor

is uh better and bad than her and she's like it's okay yeah sorry if he really wanted her feelings he should have said it was better with helen you know yeah again I let that building on fire. Did you? Just kidding. Just kidding. I did it again at the end of this episode when he makes that very awkward toast.

Oh, yeah. Kyle's the villain. Kyle is, Kyle is, you know, we mocked Damo for saying that Kyle reminded him of a friend who was spiraling, and that's what C rats do.

They flee and they spiral, and they flee and they spiral. So we were like, what are you talking about? But I think Damo did recognize a pattern. Kyle is not doing what. I thought Damo was stepping, way out of his zone by announcing that. And now I'm seeing what he saw. Absolutely. So Ron and the

gang make it aboard. The hair is a die job. And if it's, okay, I don't think it's possible for it to be real, not because of the patterning, but because of the contrast. And less so the contrast and more the hue of the black. Now, the black in the back is... Black in the back. The black on the back is kind of a xenomorphic universal black, something that doesn't exist on planet Earth. It's a darkness that was manufactured in labs in Switzerland and afar. It's one of the darkest heads of hair I've ever seen in my life. And on a man that age with a little stripe in the front, that's silver, I have to think that he is melting down tires and putting it on top of his hair.

Yeah, it looks like black paint or tar. Yeah. I will say this, Howard Stern, who has 120,000 listeners average each show a day. Howard, we're pretty close to you, fucker. Yeah. Anyway, and he's getting $100 million a year, but not anymore. He has continually said that he does not dye his hair. And I think he's saying that because he's not lying.

He's wearing a wig that old fuck. You think so. Yes. You can't have jet black hair and be 75 years old. I'm sorry. Yeah. So you do think it's a die job? For Ron or Howard Stern.

For Ron. Why would you leave that? white in the front. The good news is that it really doesn't matter. I do want to say this, though. When they arrive on the boat, we kind of gloss over this, but, you know, Kyle, he's losing his mind,

but he's also, like, completely obsessed with the fact that he can't hang out with the charter guests. And so as a result, when the charter guests, that Denise shows up, who's way too hot for Ron, by the way, he whispers in every single female's charter guests. Yeah.

He goes, I can't slip in it, captain's orders. Yeah. Yeah. And it was confusing for everyone. Yeah, but some of them took it pretty well. They were like, oh, oh, I see what you mean. That's okay. That's okay.

Yeah, that's fine. I'm sorry. I can't say. Yeah, to Kyle, I would say it's okay to speak to the women and the charter guests. You just can't fuck them. And, uh, yeah. He doesn't seem to understand the, the, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And, you know, people say fine line. Um, there are thick lines, though. Again, back to social mores. There are very, very, very thick lines in this life. And that's one of them. There's a lot of room between talking and fucking, you know what I mean? Slipping it in. Yeah, slipping it in.

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L-U-M-I-Gummies.com. And use code bad TV for 30% off your order. Again, that's L-U-M-I-Gumies.com, code bad TV. the Loomygummies.com code bad TV. All right, so Barbara and Salain have a chat, Babs, and Jess, I got to say, they're making fatal errors. Well, I should, bad hosting. One of the reasons why I didn't like this episode is because I don't like dealing with boat shit.

The boat, to me, is a narrative vessel. It's a literary device. It takes us through the sequences of the episode. I don't want to know about the ins and outs, the ropes, the pulleys, the mechanisms, and brain of the boat. I don't care. Okay.

This I can do with parking the boat, the boat leaving the dock, I could do with that. Well, so Captain Kerry says, there's something wrong with the brine of the ship. And if all I can't fucking, uh, all I know, something's wrong with it.

Can I say something about these boats? Yeah. Okay. Can you imagine the headache of owning one of these things? What's with all the issues? This thing's like $60 million. It's not like it's a fucking used lawnmower. No, I know, but that's the thing with all.

Why isn't this thing starting? That's the thing with all of it. It's like, it's, and if you rewind, I just said the sentence, that's the thing with all of it. So, super vague. But from my poor, poor vantage point, I'm just down here going, I know, I wish I could take out loans against my illiquid assets, you know. Sure, sure. The more expensive the piece of machinery, the higher room for error. Think about race cars.

Think about race cars. Think about Ferraris. Think about Aston Martins. Think about yachts. There are all these fucking things that can go wrong. And so were we to strike it rich one day? We go to purchase a lottery ticket and the person in front of us scans his and goes, I won.

We knock him the fuck out and then chop them up like Robert. Well, we don't have. We just hide him somewhere and then we take his and then we get really, really, I still wouldn't get a yacht. Here's my theory. Yeah. We, too much technology being integrated too early that it doesn't work yet. You know what I'm saying? Take it easy, Terminator.

You'll fuck us in the ass in the future. Go back to wood. I want to ship that the pilgrims came over here on, right? Just put a fucking motor in the back of a fucking pilgrim boat. I want to come over on the Mayflower. That's what I'll own. You know? Yeah.

Give us the pent. in the Santa Maria. Yeah. Okay, so back to Barbara and Jess. They're making a fatal error because they're seeding too much heartbreak to Salent. Now, this is what you have to do. Salen is the bully. Selen is the puppeteer and the ringleader and the sex addict.

Okay, she is the one who is perhaps not out to hurt, but, but. I don't think she cares. Unruffled, right. So she's the one of the wrong. If you rubber band back too aggressively and, let's say, finger bang each other directly underneath her bunk, you cede the emotional power back to her and just keep it steady. That's all you have to do. Don't be super offensive towards her.

Just move on. And the reason why they don't is because it's pointed from fuck girl. That's right. The reason why they don't is because this is a tactic being used and deployed from fuck girl. Why is Barbara being taken into this rouge? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the one time I ever...

And it's ruse, and you've said rouge for... Rouge. Okay. The one time I ever caught someone off. It was a girl that had cheated on me. Oh, you're talking about emotionally, not in traffic. She had cheated on me with every single player of the football team. That's right.

And when I found that out, I said, I will never talk to you again. And I meant it. He meant it. And that woman turned out to be Jenny Lewis of Riloh-Kiley and other things. So listen, Star Cross lovers. Barbara is being used. Now, Carrie goes to tell. The heads of department.

What, no, no, no. But what, what was the nickname you gave him? Curella Deville. Yeah. Okay. Boy, that's not hard to remember. It's right in front of your fucking face. I know, but he's a man.

So can we call him Cuello DeVille? Corrello DeVille. Yeah. I like it. Do you? Yeah. Okay, so he goes to tell Cuella DeVille. Well, first he tells the heads of department, we're fucked.

We're fucked. We're fucked. And he tells, uh, Corello DeVille. Yeah. You're fucked. And he goes, you guys are now in the magical hands of my chef, who's uncle. took his wife. Yeah.

Now, I want to say this. This is the first time ever we've heard a discount from the boat owners discussed. And it's discussed multiple times. And it's a conversation that needs to at least be had. Yeah, yeah, I think so. But listen, first up, we have lunch and it's octopus with flowers, strewn haphazardly across the plate. They do some kind of maneuver which.

Oh, there's a meanwhile. One of the big issues that I have with this episode is, excuse me they did did you hear that what it was a soft escape of gas oh i'm not proud of it i don't know i'm well dill this is where uh we're two different people i don't judge people for natural things that come out of their body yeah you do you think people are disgusting for all of the things they do with their body externally or internally yeah but i only talk about it on this podcast i don't say it to their face i say it behind their back which is way more mature.

I think so, too. Keep rubbing that calf down, buddy. Okay, so the issue I had with this episode was that they just didn't give us enough of any one thing. I mean, lunch is that bowl. That bowl. Dinner is pasta and a cake. And then we speed through the second day. It's just like we were just knocking dominoes over this episode.

I agree with that. I agree with that. So we do this maneuver. again, boat stuff. You know what? How many pots did I give it? Zero. You gave it zero.

All right. I'm going to give it zero. Okay. And then Corrello DeVille, he looks especially bitchy upon hearing this. And then Frazier realizes they really need to up the service. And I would just spare Frazier this. All the espresso martinis in the world, they're not going to create ocean. You know?

Mm-hmm. They paid to be out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Here's another espresso martini. Ocean is one of the most difficult things to plate. Yeah. Yeah.

How about a champagne sunset cruise? Would love it. Would absolutely love it. But this maneuvering thing, we're, we're stretching the ropes out, right? Mm-hmm. All the stuff of the exterior didn't make any sense to me either. And they didn't really explain what was going on, so that's why. They should have done a from above graphic to, oh, yes, show us what was steaky plans.

Right, right, right. So we pulled the boat out. Kerry's like, these fucking ripes, right? You fucking kill somebody, right? But they didn't do that. They were just stretching and then they stretched enough so that they could get all the stuff out. Now they get all the stuff out, but then once the stuff is out, they're like, well, we can't put any of the things out. But it's not clearly conveyed why.

It was just a bunch of nonsense. That's true. And they take them on a sunset cruise. I never would have, I did not understand how they could have gotten them jet skiing in that area. There's a million boats. there's a lot of traffic made no sense to me I agree with you so Anthony is spiraling he knows not what to do there are too many dietary restrictions but our boy Anthony will pull it out first well I was going to say yeah the walls are closing in and we've seen this before that's uh that's when they start

talking and it's just a matter of time before the chefy uh starts to spiral into madness and it didn't happen at this very moment but of course it happens later in the episode the seeds are planted yeah he's a nutbag I have to say on a personal level I don't like him oh really Really? He's a sweet guy. You think so? Too sweet. Yeah. He's also erratic and combative.

Well, yeah, I mean, listen, when you set precedents in life, the patterns follow, right? So what did you do in that for? Well, I thought you were going to say the precedent of his ex-wife banging his uncle. No, no, no. But that is a consequence of the precedent set, right? So when you're too nice and you're a bit of a dormant kind of a person, what do people do with dormats? They step on them, right? And just like that piss, that doormat has feelings too.

And that dormant thinks, you know, hey, maybe one day, I'd like to step on somebody else, you know. And then they get erratic, neurotic. There are schisms psychically spiritually. I think everybody was perfectly polite and professional with him, this entire charter. And I think he was being overdramatic. We'll see. But we get to Kyle and a little C-Rat history. It tells his grandma that he almost got fired.

Yeah. he calls his Grammy and he to say that he underplayed the actual reality of what took place you would have been proud grandma I thought uh I don't wow I'm not going to we get a little sea rat history from uh from Kyle here yeah um are you all sitting down ha ha Kyle was raised by a single mother okay could have been worse he could have been raised by chef anthony's uncle hey uncle Why is my girlfriend's underwear in your room? Don't worry about that. Did you do your homework?

Why are you asking me if I've done my... You've never asked me if I'm doing my own work. It feels like a diversion tactic. Let's get back to it. Why is my girlfriend's underwear in here? Oh, I fucked her. Go do your homework. See?

Yeah, no, bad guys, bad guys. Let's get to dinner. Captain Kerry is joining them. He has to do what he can to kind of bring the level of this vacation up and that is going to be achieved by gracing them with his presence. They did request him.

Now, first up is a black truffle carbonara. And I gotta say, Carrie's really not good out of the park with these guys. They're like, what's your favorite boat? Know this one. Oh, there's what I like this one, you guys? I mean, it doesn't even work. Captain Kerry is the band.

So, next dish is a chocolate cake called Stokes for the Soaks? I think their last name is Stokes. Thank you. I want to say this. Because that name didn't make sense. No, it didn't. Derserts in general.

I don't think ever need to be, I mean, it's a cake. Okay? Flower, eggs, butter, cook it in the oven, right? A little frosting on it. Oh, you're being very reductive about the art of baking, but... Am I? extremely you bake a cake like to see you try to bake a cake i'll tell you something i'm never buying a cake

from ralph's grocery store again that's what i i thought i was getting a cookies and cream cake for quentin's uh birthday party you know he's fucking two he doesn't give a shit but the family members cared that thing was dry you could tell it had no love in it this is what i'm saying what what you just reduced this process down this ritualistic kind of practice down into is what you'd get from Ralph's this this brick of to-do you know I mean just boxes check no presence with the dessert at all and that's why you go to Susie cakes you'll get a moist bun cake I'm going to say this about Susie cakes all right everything tastes good when you put three pounds of butter in it yeah of course that and that's

their business business everything tastes good when you pay 80 doll for a fucking birthday cake, you go, well, yeah, this has to taste good. Otherwise, I'll fucking kill myself. Because it's not just about me spending $80 on a birthday cake. It's about the world we live in. And how we have all bought into the back. Is that Susie cakes?

L.A. is the dumbest place in the world. Everyone's just like, this pizza is 9.50, this slice of cheese pizza. Why are you waiting outside a coffee shop to get coffee for 45 minutes? Because the Internet told you it's cool. It's crazy. You don't need. Let me tell you something.

You don't need a piece of pecan pie in an iced macho latte, okay? You need to hug a tree, root yourself, ground yourself. I mean, what are we doing here? Did you say pecan pie? Yeah, they're throwing all. I told you, Munch is having a moment right now. That's right. I don't know what we're doing here.

I've told you so many times we need to go get land somewhere. But you don't want to move to the East Coast because it's too cold. You want to live in the first. fucking four corners of the United States. One of the most haunted grounds of this country. There's been so much blood spilled there. Anyways.

Dylan's moving to Thousand Oaks. Not yet. I'm still fighting. There's a lot of people that love Ronald Reagan out there. And I just, I don't think I... Oh, no. That's what the Ronald Reagan Museum was.

Yeah, I don't know if I could do that. All right. So we're taking out the trash. Or are we? And I'm not even going to rate that dinner because it wasn't even at dinner. I don't blame you. The exterior, thank you. The exterior just isn't doing

anything, okay? Now, I understand that Anthony was having a bit of an erratic, bit of a melodramatic episode, but this is one of these things where I do think that he was just ignored, and I do think that the crew... Hold on. Yeah. We had conflicting footage. You ask me whatever you want. We have him

freaking the fuck out, and then you have Hugo Boss boss answer the walkie-talkie, and then Soleil takes the trash out. what's the problem here people wasn't done on the minute he wanted it done it got done and look there's people to make out with on this boat okay yeah you know that's a good point i think from his perspective like selen's really working her ass off she's been helping with dinner service the exterior hasn't been doing much but smoking and uh i don't know deemming uh you know sending the

pussy flares out and stuff like that. But there are pussy flares to send and people to make out with. Of course. I'll get to your trash when I'm good and fucking ready, douchebag. Yeah, so leave it alone. Next day. Next day. And we should say, kudos to Salin, who, one, said the word autonomous.

I mean, I don't even, I couldn't say the French version of that, the Spanish version of that if I tried, you know. And she's also working really. hard she's starting to like really kind of click well as pointed out she's got a lot of time on her hands now she's not making out of anybody next day next day we find out that they paid 60 grand i think these people especially corello de ville what a fucking sucker all you had to i think his wife is probably a fan of bravo denise is a looker okay i don't know what she's doing with that weird and uh i think she probably got in contact with some producer and they just threw a number out there. Yeah, it's 60 grand. They didn't realize you could go, we'll fly out there and we'll come up

with the tip. Okay. I think they did pay 60K, but the point I'm making is I think most guests that we've seen on these boats did not pay $60,000. Yeah, I know it's a cheap vacation. Kidding, it's ludicrously expensive. Right. But you could have gotten, if I talked to Corello DeVille, I would have said, dude, you can get this lockdown for like 22K. Okay. Yeah. So Anthony is really, uh, getting quite the curt treatment from the sea rats. He asks Rainbow how breakfast was and says that he needs details on what they were thinking about the Holland days and whatnot. And she goes, I don't have time for this fucking bullshit.

And she walks out. He goes, yeah, don't, don't like to what does that? Okay. This was my favorite part of the episode. Sure. And it reminded me of a favorite scene from a movie called Dirty Work. Yeah. in which this filthy bum

asked for a couple bucks from Norm McDonald's. Yeah. And then starts going into how he ended up on the streets of Los Angeles. And this is the scene. I think I finally realized

just how low I'd sunk. Is that down? I was at my daughter's soccer game. She lives with her mom. And I was standing on the sidelines and a cop came up and asked me to move along. That's when it hit me.

Here's your $2. Yeah. Here's your $2. Yeah. I don't care. You know, it was so funny. I was thinking about Norman the other day, and he did that,

him as Sully Sullenberger. He did some bizarre bit on Conan where he was doing a Sully movie, too, after the Tom Hanks version. had come out, but it was just about Sully before the flight on the Hudson. It was just him flying planes. Yeah. And he's like, no, no, no, you don't understand. It's not, this is before he landed that plane on the Hudson.

No, there's nothing crazy, but he was just a pilot. I miss him. I do too. And I love that Downey character. What's he up to now? That Downey character is just sitting in his home and, Rhode Island or whatever, kind of collecting a check. And I think reading, I think he's a, well, I don't want to get into politics or anything, but I think he's a kind of a, I think him and Dennis Miller have a lot in common.

Oh, do that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Came up with a lot of great bits on Saturday Night Live. Oh, I forgot my lucky stabbing hat. Yeah, that was a great one.

Okay, so, sorry. Lunch. Lunch. Chicken patai. Chicken patai. No, I didn't see chicken patai. That's not what that was? You don't serve pet tie and a hollowed out pineapple.

It's never done. I think he did, though. No? It's not chicken terriarchi. It was a chicken pet tie? I think so. Okay. There's a famous clip of Gordon Ramsey

cooking pat-tie for a Thai chef and the Thai chef tastes it after Gordon's gone through you know how Gordon does he dances through a recipe off the heat you know beautiful bliss of tomatoes mushrooms and he goes through this whole godlet of cooking his pat-tie and he serves it to the the Thai chef and the Thai chef looks at him and he says this is disgusting it's not pat-tie at all and you've failed this this is orange chicken this is not even this is this looked like lacquered lumps of dead bird with no fish sauce no lime no no no no bean sprouts it was it was something you would get a panda express i cannot believe that this was cult pet tie yeah my god crazy thanks for hey thanks for bringing that to my attention you're welcome all right so we really

whipped through the day. We get to the 70s dinner. We're going to do Wellington, beef, plantain, lobster. The episode, as I mentioned, didn't take time with anything. It was... It's tough for you to analyze. It was cut at a TikTok's pace, right? Damos says, nice ass to Rainbow,

and we wake for the third day of the charter. Now, Kyle wakes with an awkward feeling in his stomach. He's bummed, he can't slip it in anymore. And again, we talked about the thick line. you know that you know that plot of land in between North and South Korea that's littered with landmines I believe that's called the no zone

the no zone the demilitarized zone that's right so if we look at what if we put slipping it in and saying hi on either ends there are so many little landmines you can walk right so grabbing a tit right It wouldn't quite be slipping it in, but that you'll blow your leg off if you're a C-Rot doing that.

You see what I'm saying? And it's definitely forced, but Kyle, I'm very worried about him. I'm very worried about the young man. Now, this was filmed a year ago, so he could be better. We met him after he did it. Oh, did we really? Yeah. Oh, okay.

I actually asked him, and these are private conversations, I said, did you ever sleep with a charter guest? And he answered that question that day. He did answer that question that day. And then we went out for drinks, but I'll keep that to myself. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I love a secret. I know you love a secret.

You are not good at keeping them. I am right now. What does that mean? I am right now. Did he sleep with Helen or not? I know. Being good at keeping secrets is not a current status thing. It is a principle.

Oh. Yeah. I thought it was case by case basis. No, definitely not. I'm really good of keeping secrets. I will go to the fucking grave with shit, you know. I can't. You tell me anything.

you want you tell me don't tell anybody i won't tell anybody really nope my wife constantly gives me shit why won't you tell me it's not yours to know it's not yours to know wow and you tell your wife everything correct yeah i think so except maybe some embarrassing stuff what's like what i don't know things that happen during the day you're gay no honey this is really embarrassing but I'm a homosexual. And I'm sorry for that. Okay, so let's move on to Kyle and Jess, who have a chat. Well, I was going to say this is when Rob and Doug have that powwow,

and the line comes up. No tip is, isn't a reflection on us. So sorry, I moved ahead. About the circumstance. There's a moment that I'm really excited to get to where Kyle tells Jess that he loves drinking. But before we get there, yes, Ron and. Ron and Doug, Crewello DeVille and Doug or Ron,

whichever they are, had this conversation. And then he approaches Kerry and goes, listen, we didn't get up the boat. So, what are we going to do here? And Carrie goes,

well, I mean, what are you talking about? You still got to take care of the crew. If I was Crewello, I would have been like, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? All right.

So I want to say this about Corrella DeVille. There's something about you I don't like on a deep level. That being said, I think you were perfectly in your right, and I actually respect you more for approaching the captain about this. Right. And having a polite conversation about it. Yeah.

So that's my, that's Patty's take. I think you don't like Corello because Corrolo has the vibe of like, you know when you watch poker on TV and people are like kind of chopping it up and then there's that one guy in like Oakley sunglasses who's just not speaking to anybody? That's right. I'm getting that kind of vibe from Crewello. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Weirdo. No, sorry. Curello's a nice guy. Like we discussed, Kyle. He's having an existential crisis here, Dylan. Yeah, because he loves to fucking booze.

Well, you think they cut off his wang. Dude, they asked you to not have sex with a charter guests in front of their husbands anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, listen, we have sandwiches to get to. These sea rats have to eat. Now, Anthony, once again, gets shit. for not serving enough food. And Damo, upon receiving the sandwiches, goes, ugh.

Sea rats will chew through copper wire if things are bad enough, okay? So I don't understand what the snooty-to-to-y attitude about this is. I'd also argue, Damo, you haven't had to lift a goddamn finger for three days. I mean, I think you could probably even walk off the boat during your break and go get a snack down the street. Amo, eat the sandwich. That being said, Sheffy is an erratic idiot. And he totally overbleu this.

Well, you know, I would just say, you know. Eat the sandwich, see, rat, okay? Some meals are going to be better than others, all right? We get to the guest departing and we get to the tip meeting. Now, the tip meeting is a very, very tense one, right? Because we don't know what we're going to get from Cruella. in the gang. But also, if one person says anything about lunch to chef Anthony, he's going to cry and scream and throw paper towels. I love that it was Barbara that asked. Hey, um, when's lunch?

Where's your luncheon? That's it. I'm out of here. Hey, she didn't have sex with your ex-wife, dude. Relax. Yeah. You know? Right. And she could have. By the way, you know, I think Barbara is beautiful. and last night we were watching Willardek and I let it slip a little bit too much in front of the wife she goes she has that hair is crazy I was like oh my God that hair and Cece goes Jesus what do you mean that hair I was that well I just think she has beautiful hair you lucky I wasn't watching TV in that bed with you I would be like what's with the hair

she looks like Louis the fucking 14th does she have a fucking mirror she has sexy hair it looks ridiculous okay so Oh, Anthony once again flips out. Frode shit all over the play. Yeah. Yeah. But he is eventually called back up to top. And Jess is very sweet to him.

And so is Frazier. And they get up to find that their tip is only what? 19K. And I think Olay-S-Lay calls him Cheapos. I think Kyle's the only one in the right frame of mine here. Fuck it. I'm glad to get anything. Yeah, exactly.

But also, like, I understand him coming from an exterior place. Like, the only thing they did was scoge the boat out so that they could open stuff up and then not put anything out. And then they just slept the rest of the time. So Kyle's really happy. But I can understand why interior is a little pissed. But listen, we get a great lunch, chicken tacos or something. Well, that's when Kyle goes and visits a familiar friend.

An old friend. An old Scotch whiskey. Yeah. Let me tell Kyle something. It's something that I learned a long time ago. The answer to your problems is not at the bottom of that bottle, my friend. But it might be. So sip away.

Yeah. Ah, that crude dinner and that speech. Dude, that was, there was a fear and loathing package of him swirling Johnny Walker black around debating whether or not. It was so weird. So we have this, this very, like, magically real. That's not the, it was a,

trippy montage of him debating whether or not to drink. It was like a fever dream. And then we just snap back to reality. And Hugo Boss is sitting with him and Damos standing there with his cock out and they're all just drinking. Yeah. I mean, it's a night out, but he got an early start, let's say. Yeah.

And much like a thermometer, like it gets to that red point when it gets hot, always look at Kyle's nose. Sure. It gets redder, the drunker you does. He looks like fucking Rudolph. Well, Rudolph turns into quite the villain. I would say Blitzin. He's more like Blitzen.

Because he decides that he is going to make a speech at this table saying that, again, I was on that plane. Which was. Yeah. You were you, though? Maybe I wasn't. But if I was, you guys didn't catch me. Right. You fuckers, even though you tried.

Yeah. So he says, I think I got away with something. I'm happy to have gotten away with something. And then he pulled the, he essentially pulls the kind of, the reverse Scooby-Doo, right? So he goes, I did get away with something. And it would have been that,

what are the ghost robbers say at Scooby-Doo? I would have gotten away with it. I would have gotten away with it. It wasn't for you pesky kids. Yeah. Okay. So he got away with it. pesky fraser attempted to take him down kyle is in listen we we've seen drunks just go out and

have a good time right when him and i went out emotionally kind of fractured place i have an admission uh we went out for drinks with him after we potted with him last year you left early to go do something i went to another bar with him i'm the one that got wasted and he was the normal one And I felt like a douchebag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm sure you both tied a couple on. He maybe can hold his liquor better than I can. Really?

Yeah, we did a couple shots at tequila, and I was fucking out of my mind. Gosh, if I do tequila shots, I mean, my butthole will fall out of my body. Me too. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode five stars, kind words. Traders at patreon.com slash another podcast network. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat, pat, say goodbye.

Okay. Bye. No. No. No. You know, I'm going to be able to I'm going to

I'm Thank you.