Another Below Deck Podcast - Ms. Steal Your Girl | Below Deck S12 E6

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to talk about anacondas, geese, waiting rooms, opportunity, veal, lions, Dawn and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkhttps://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_VIIA.com use promo code BADTV

Mortgage tips are like opinions. Everyone's got one. Say hello to good mortgage advice and get up to $5,100 with a new TD mortgage. Learn more at td.com slash mortgage dash offer. Conditions apply. Offer ends August 31st, 2025. TD, ready for you. I thought this was a good episode because what do I always say about what makes good reality TV done? Sex. No. People we hate. Hi, hello and welcome to another Ransom Hagener episode of Bad TV.

I'm Dylan, that's Pat. Permission to come aboard. Granted, what is going on? Well, not much. Just hanging in there. What was that? What do you mean? What was that neighborly character you just went into?

Oh, well- Not much. Just kind of hanging out. Well, it's kind of silly because before we turn the mics on Dylan and I catch up with each other and yeah yeah so he clearly already knows what's going on in my life so I can't fake it I'm sorry. No worries we just got back from the ENT one of the saddest waiting rooms I've been in a while we were going to get my daughter's tongue cut. And there was this door, the loudest slamming door over and over and over again,

people walking in the door slamming people walking in the door slamming. I mean, people complaining about how many pages they were on the intake form. There was a woman with a child who was an hour they'd been they were an hour late. There were people that didn't speak English there was a woman in a wheelchair I think she was dead I don't know why she was there because you can't really do anything to the ear nose and throat of a fucking dead person but I was like we gotta get the fuck out of here it's funny you say that because I have a parent friend

another parent that I think I might be friends with. I'm taking him golf. He is in fact a nurse and he's been sharing some of his issues. Power stories. Yes, and he's like, he's just over it and that's why I'm gonna take him golfing next Saturday. Okay, that's fun. And he was telling me, he's like,

I don't like the hospital anymore. They're telling me to do things that I don't like doing anymore. And I'll have a patient staring at me going, hey, what's next, nurse? And he's like, well, I'm going to give you this drug so it doesn't hurt that much. And you have diabetes.

So the next step is you're going to die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I can't say that. Diabetes is always fatal because you know these fatties can't stop. Anyways, this is below deck. If you're a first time listener, you'd be like, is it? It is.

We're here to break down I gotta tell you this door. Yeah, I Got up and I started door monitoring my wife took a video Everyone that came in I grabbed the door handle and I softly shut it probably did it 17 times Well, I probably took your mind off of you you know, worrying too much. Yeah, a little loosey. Yeah, the CNT. There's no blood. What are you talking about?

There's blood all over the place. Anyways, okay, patreon.com slash another podcast network for Two Dads, One Heart. Five Star kind words. We've got some great five star reviews to kind of counterbalance the one stars. Recent ones. Oh yeah, recent ones. We really appreciate it. So while Pat makes some more announcements,

I will find one and then we'll read it. Also, we have a great sponsor this episode, Viya. Viya. Oh yeah, so you're gonna do the ad read for this one, Delia? Yeah, I'll do the ad read for this one because I'm an actually massive, I'm an actually massive fan of this one. And I, with a tail between my legs said,

Hey, you know, can you send us more free product? Can I get a little more pot please? Because, because I like Viya. Let me tell you something about this company as far as gummies and whatnot. They don't hide the ball. They want you to get high. Well, or they want you to get chill because I took I unbeknownst to me, I mean, things taste so God dang good, right? I popped one during a conference call at the house. I'm driving over to this bloodbath we're about to go into, you know, this sad waiting room. And I realize I'm pretty there, but you know what? In a stressful situation, the CVD and the two billi grabs

of THC were just enough to keep me cool, collected, and light. You know, that's what we need in a situation like that. The wife's freaking out. Let's make some jokes, right? My baby's head, she has a lot of hair on the back, and her alter ego is Trey Reynolds. She looks like a balding CPA in the back. So we were just kind of riffing with that. But anyways, Viya's. We'll talk about it later. There you go. Any more announcements? We are starting our coverage of Real Housewives of Orange County. I've watched the first episode. It's phenomenal.

There's a character on there, if you're not familiar with the show, but you should definitely hear our recaps of it, named Katie. Katie is a sleazebag. Oh, is she back? Oh, first episode. Oh my gosh. The daggers are out for her. She's getting it from every direction.

Didn't she run somebody over with a car and be like, I got to go home and not sure why people have a problem with it or something? Well, actually, she falsely accused another person of hitting her car, screaming at her when it was the exact opposite. And then didn't show up to court and then ended up having a warrant for her arrest.

She's a real dirt bag. She's a real fucking dirt know, I've been watching a lot of old New York just reminiscing Luann statement necklaces are some of the most oh darling. I love those so much She is wearing full-on Comanche like war regalia Just going out to the Upper East Side. It's absolutely insane Alright, so five star from Red grime red girl me f the one stars love these guys so funny now. That's that's a perfect review

Yes, we don't need you guys to take a lot of time on this stuff brevity is the soul of with here's another one great fun escape From triplets three and one funny comments ad great comments about my favorite reality show best escape in these dark days especially Tom like his classic 90s LA reference now that was either written by a actual Filipino or a Chatbot and I'm not saying that the ones in America aren't Filipinos. I'm just saying, you know. Well, who'd be paying the chatbots, you know?

Right, exactly. Okay, so, let's get into it. This was episode four? Six? Of Below Deck OG. What did you think? What are your pots? What are your pots? What are your nots?

Well first, I should have done a little more housekeeping at the top of the show. I'm in touch with Captain Carey. He is coming on the show. Oh great, I love Carey. And so get in our Facebook group if you haven't already. We always use your questions because I'm too lazy to put them together

and you guys always do a wonderful job. Secondly, we're going to have Barbie in studio the first week of August. So once again, get in that Facebook group. I know a lot of you want to deal with Barbie. One be known to me, I mean, what a crazy announcement. I don't have a problem with Barbie coming in, okay? But I would hope that if any of you have businesses

that you're starting and you want to go into partnership, you don't partner with somebody like Pat, who just springs these crazy Argentines on you out of absolutely nowhere. You have no idea that they're coming in, but listen, that's going to be, did you talk to Scottish or are we all good? All right. Okay. All right. What do you think of the episode, the thoughts and the pots and the knots? Okay, I thought this was a good episode because What do I always say about what makes good reality TV doesn't sex? No, damn it people we hate Yep, we have charter guests. We have jackass

What is his name? Jackass Jason Jack and demon dawn JJ. I despise these two human beings. Dawn is such an odd name because it sounds beautiful. The word is beautiful. But I got to tell you, I've never damn near never seen a dawn or met a dawn I liked. They've always got a freaking gerbil up their tush. Is that right? I think huh? Yeah. Okay. Well, there was some highlights here. One was the party that Frazier has to pull off, which is a music festival on the dock. Yeah, I love the event coordinator. Oh, I love him. He was, he was cutting up conk in a stand and Frazier overheard Frazier talking about need to throw a concert. He was like, I can do all this.

I can do all this. Now I like to cut to that, uh, that man's jib. I think he is going to pull it off. And let me tell you something. When you got 20, 20 K USD floating there on the island, you can pull off a hell of a music festival. I mean, we're talking better than fire fest. How much did they pay again? 20, 20 grand has been allocated for this music festival. Are you kidding me? Dylan and I used to do this in our sleep. We'd have 500, 600 people show up. We had offspring play. Yeah. Yeah. Frick, yeah. There's nothing, dude.

I remember, and I've noted that this reminded me of the the Corolla Drinks Barbecue's that yeah used to throw and I remember getting the the rider for Green Day and offspring Offspring, excuse me. I fucked up on that. Are you gonna point out how I know no no no no no but Because Pat did fuck up, you know, I wasn't even gonna bring it. I wasn't That's not that's not part of the tapestry of the story in my head, okay? So the manager of Offspring sends me their writer and I copy pasted it as I used to do when I didn't understand how phones or copy paste worked.

To be fair, it was five years ago, okay? Patrick, there's no hatchet anywhere, okay? Which by the way, watch The Patriot on July 4th. I mean my god It's well done movie. Now. He's a problematic man, you know But I would say if you're still listening to Kanye West I can watch a Mel Gibson movie. Okay I'm not a fan of the guy Anyway, so we didn't have a writer so I took it upon myself to just get what I thought was good They were like what the fuck is this I was like, what are you talking about? It's a plot. It's incredible cheese

They're like we didn't ask for that. I was like What'd you ask for? 19 bottles of vu champagne and they drink all of it when you finally did arrive I've never seen a band drink that much before they hit the stage. Alright, how many pots? How many knots? Okay. Um, I'm trying to think if there was anything else worthy here. Oh, it was kind of fun seeing Oleya get the ick. Oh, yeah Lesbos. Oh, I thought you're talking about Lesbo stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed it. I'm gonna give it 42 knots. Okay, yeah, real good episode. What do I say? Always makes really good season. Mortgage tips are like opinions. Everyone's got one. Say hello to good mortgage advice and get up to $5,100 with a new TD mortgage. Learn more at td.com slash mortgage dash offer. Conditions apply.

Offer ends August 31st, 2025. TD, ready for you. Sea rats having sex? Love triangles. Mm-hmm. We've got a wicked one. One that fits a generation. A poly... Cool triangle.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Jess is cool cool Scottish is cool Cirque du Soleil is this French love Island hopping all over the place, you know the Peter Pan. I mean, it's absolutely fantastic stuff These people are dirtbags. Okay, absolute dirtbags and when you think about the kind of wealth that can come from the franchisees of strip joints Their profit margins are coming out of those ladies pockets

Okay and and to me to me listen if you want to not pay your your poultry slaughterers or whatever Well, what that's your prerogative it's gross but to take money out of the the thongs of strippers and go on vacay like this Repulsive. Yeah Repulsive and I'm talking to you charter guests Jason you scumbag for you to have an opinion on where a spoon should be placed On a table. Yeah, let's remind the audience Your business has women show their vagina for $2. Well, I don't know about $2, you know, Jesus.

Fucking Jesus. Saves. Sorry, let's get into the show. I give it zero pots just because of the wealth disparity. All right. I give it, well, I shouldn't deduct points because I don't like Demon Dawn. Yeah.

We don't really like strip clubs either. I hate strip clubs. They make me depressed. They do the exact opposite they're supposed to do to me. They make you depressed. Very. All right. Take it easy.

So, Kawhi fired. Yeah. It's good bloke though. He's a good bloke. But Captain Carey says, you don't thrive in him, mate. You just survive. That was more of a Beatles impression

than a Carey impression, but that's what he says to Kawhi and he is terminated Deimos says that it's not surprising at all Yeah, Captain Carrie continues by on the brighter side. He says to KO Kawhi whatever his name is who cares he's gone That He's gonna be very successful in the industry and he also believes in him

Except not really because he's firing your ass and the one true thing that he said was that you're a good bloke because you are You are yeah, you're a great guy, but he doesn't believe in you and he only thinks that you're going to and I don't mean to speak ill of the industry but he only believes that you're going to be a success in the industry because Who can't be you know what I mean, I mean what kind of person can't do this Right, you know what I mean? Well as you jumped ahead, Dill, I think you were referring to when a KO You know what I mean? Well, as you jumped ahead, Dill, I think you were referring to when, uh, K.O., uh, Bates made his rounds around the boat to say his goodbyes.

And it was nice to the entire crew to go out to the dock to see him off. Yeah. And then once he was out of sight, they all said, whoo. I thought he was going to fucking kill us. Glad he's gone. Yeah. Should have been sooner. Yeah, that's a weird bit, because when I think of him, I don't think of serial killer. No, no, no. Norman Bates. Oh, God damn bridge. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. He almost killed us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a super good point. And Deimos like, um, well, this is not surprising. What is up with this guy? They've got a freaking, you know, a golden

loom here, I feel like, and they're just not using him. Yeah, he's, he's maybe not every bit as weird as who was the weird Davidell. I let the casting people of the show know like that was a real misstep. So Deimoimo is a little bit like Daffodil, obviously not as weird, you know. I married a horse in Algeria when I was, you know, it's like, what are you fucking talking about? I don't think sailing has gotten renewed yet. Though, I mean- I'm sure it will, because I love Captain Glenn, but-

What would the world would cease to spin? What am I going to do with three months of my life in, in, in, in the beginning of the year? Now, Dale, I want to talk about, uh, the casting choice for Koala. Yeah. Okay. Clearly this was a casting choice to watch him trip up or have him step up to the challenge. For sure. I mean, you have to know this as a Sea Rat and really anybody who's being cast by some wide-grinned, veneered producer in reality television, you may be chump. So,

you know. On the brighter side, he'll have more time to play that goddamn guitar. Every day is a school day. Kawhau says love it. Scottish is coming on to Love Island. And Tom, what does Scottish need to do to secure the bag? Tom, what does he need to do? I'll tell you what he has to do, dear, okay? Is he needs to treat her like dirt. Yes.

He needs to make her think that she's a used clinic so that he should just throw it on the floor. This is how women work. This is how they work. Is he dead? Mortgage tips are like opinions. Everyone's got one. Say hello to good mortgage advice and get up to $5,100 with a new TD mortgage.

Learn more at td.com slash mortgage dash offer. Conditions apply. Offer ends August 31st, 2025. TD, ready for you. No, he's retired. I've reached out to him. He's not responded. God.

I was shocked that he didn't respond. I was trying to get him on the Adam Corolla show. I would love to talk to Tom. I'd be like, the craziest thing about you is you look like a lizard. Let me say this, you can stop right there, bitch. I know I'm hideous, but I have money, you see. Yeah, it's this crazy thing where I'd wanna know

from Tom, it wouldn't really be about how stupid and smelly women are, it would be more about how to find inner confidence, right? Because for someone to look like the monster and smelly women are, it would be more about how to find inner confidence, right? Because for someone to look like the monster in Mulholland Drive and be that confident, I want to know what that special sauce is. He got his balls busted quite a bit because people would see him out and they'd post the pictures of the girls that he was on dates with. Let's just say they weren't, they weren't. They weren't tens. No. Yeah.

OK. All right, so a lot of dawns in Tom Lycus's lineup. So Kyle tries to get a little loving in the galley with Cole Solet. I'm not saying dawn's not beautiful. I'm just saying, you know, trash. That's right. Now this little minx is starting to think she's got a stage

five clinger on her hands. And that's where the ick begins to set in. Yep. So they head out. Before they do, Jess has a little oyster. It says that it tastes like pussy. Yeah. Hey, Jess, don't date girls that cook bread in their cooch,

OK? OK. Jesus Christ, man. Hey, what I was going to say was someone saying that the oyster tastes like pussy is really no indication of the quality of the oyster, right? You know, oysters, depending on where they're coming from, A fresh oyster?

Tastes like beautiful. They taste like there's an entire spectrum of, you know, sensorial overload with those kind of sludgy things. Basically what Dylan's trying to say is, Jess, what you described to us was nothing. Nothing, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we head out to dinner. She does get the ick, Love Island, and they raise a spritz to KO.

And Rainbow talks about how she's very good at letting her emotions fly, and this is because she lost the regulator when she killed her sister on Fight Island. If you slaughter your entire family because they will kill you otherwise, you will not be able to regulate your emotions. There's a it's an impossibility. I want to say this when she stood up and announced this at that table it was kind of out of place but to be fair standing over your sister holding a rock saying I have to finish you yeah you know would make anyone an emotional person yeah and shut off to the world yeah absolutely so pretty fucking crazy twist we hit the Rainbow Cafe and Scottish loses his

girl to Jess Wow yeah well Kyle won't take no for an answer. So Ole, Sole and Jessica. Kyle's been actually terminated from the boat. You can't be speaking of Kyle. I said Kyle. Oh, Kyle. Okay. Sorry. I know. I get so mad at it that they cast two people with similar names. Yeah. Well, they go in for a make-out session and I've mentioned this on the podcast. I can't do it in a public restroom. A home bathroom, completely different story. The height of sink counters were designed for boinking. It's so crazy to me that people, you know, canoe, what is it

canoed and, and you fucking spit on each other? Like, what are you doing? Smoke cigarettes in bathrooms? It's it's disgusting. What is anybody doing in any bathroom? It's where you poopoo. Oh I told a story I'll share it again it won't be crass. I went into a bathroom at a bar called Cabo Cantina. A beautiful young girl followed me in there she said can I go peepee in here? I said no problem at all I hit the urinal. Yeah. We're both washing our hands we start making out and I'm gonna leave it there. No she wants to do a little bit more and I could not do it dear. Oh thank you. God damn. Oh thank you. That was that was like a

Listerine ad in Magum, Maxam magazine or something like that you know what I mean like what kind of fucking dentine ice commercial look did you two share with each other at the fucking sink? Oh my god. So stupid. All right, so we had home well, I was gonna say upon leaving the bathroom, I believe Olay Soleil and Jess had had a pack of secrecy to what had very loose. I would say it's a loose spec. Well, I'd say they hit that dance floor at his fucking show time. Yeah, exactly. Curtains peel back. We had home and the guys lost their shirts somehow They bond like the lost boys on the dock and Kyle is really down to the dumps

He says that he's done it again. He's a bad judge of character I mean, he's really beating the shit out of himself and I'm like what happened to guys being like Tight. All right. I'm gonna help Kyle out here. She's doing lessbos stuff. That's tight. That's tight. And also Kyle, I hung out with you. I know what kind of girls you're into. Go go find a nice girl at church. There's sluts there too. What? Hmm? What a nice girl at church. That's what people used to meet, you know, Dylan. Church and the grocery store, I think were the number two. Can I say something? Well, maybe a wedding.

You are bugging me out right now. What do you mean? With this whole Clint Eastwood act. Err! You can meet sluts at church. Goddamn problems, there's too many fucking monks. I don't even know where they come from. What is Laos?

You know? Well, I'm just saying there's fun girls at church too. There's all this repressed like, you know, sexual stuff. Yeah. You know the best place to look for girls? When you're not looking. That's the best. Or a gay bar. best place to look for girls when you're not looking? Huh.

That's the best. Or a gay bar. Yeah, AA meeting. Yeah? Yeah, sex and love meeting's probably the best. Can you imagine bothering a woman at the grocery store? Well you just go, oh, are those fresh apples? You go, oh, are those fresh apples? You go, oh, are those fresh apples?

I don't know. Because let me tell you how that would go. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, I don't know. I'm going to go find my mommy. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah.

Have you, oh, do you get the hot hummus? Is that? I heard it's good. I've heard that's good. Where'd you hear that drum? Yeah on our next PMC I Found who the oldest guide ever sire a child was he's from Australia, you know he's he's Aussie and he

He fucking met a girl on a dating site when he was 93 in 10 months and he got her pregnant. Yeah way to go And he gave that kid The best eight years of his life And then he died because that's what hundred year old men do they just die. Yeah, what do you die of? Uh Earth earth, just die. Yeah. What do you die of? Earth. Yeah. Time. Yeah.

I just I'm hung up on all hitting on people at the grocery store. Now you're getting all milk. I can't touch the stuff. I'll shit my pants. Oh my god, me too. Want to go for coffee? Yeah. Well, it has milk there. Yeah, I'll go for black coffee. All right, next morning. But that's why I get there. Let's for coffee? Yeah. Well, it has milk there. Yeah. I'll go for black coffee. All right.

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with Viya okay when you are checking out they will ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that we sent you Enhancer every day with Viya. Okay moving on. Next morning new bosun arrives his name is Hugo he's going to be the crew's new boss so I'm going to nickname him Hugo Boss. new boss so I'm gonna nickname him Hugo boss. I love that I absolutely love that. Kyle before we get to Hugo he takes an emotional break because of the stress of Celine and Deimos like I don't think he's doing well you know he's really busted up about this stuff and he's in the bathroom he says his heart is doing backflips and I think it's less being heart-sick and more that he's still wasted from the night before.

He's about to throw up. Yeah, yeah. That's anxiety. That was pointed out to me by our former co-host. Because I was always wondering why I was waking up literally every day anxious. Yeah, you were drunk. Yeah, I was hungover.

So we get to some Sea Rat history with Hugo Boss. Very cute baby pick. Big, fat baby. He's going to put the boat first, and he seems like a very serious chap. Yes. So just to review Sea Rat history, parents have big expectations.

He's worked in the industry for nine years, which leaves a very important question. Why is he in this industry and what is he running away from? Yeah, of course. And we've been talking about it all season. We don't want a plastic shovel. We want an excavator. How am I going to burst the pipes with a plastic fucking shovel? Okay,

let's get to it. It's time for the preference. All right, so first thought here, Dylan, first out here, was production running ads on Pornhub? What's what all the sex industry like? Yes, we had porn stars last episode yeah people that own strip clubs here who's coming on next chart of the inventor of the double-sided dildo like yeah this is ridiculous you know he just got in a Hollywood star is that right the guy from Requiem for a Dream he invented the double-sided dildo no I just always think about that scene when I think about double-sided dildos.

Who's that guy? What's that guy? The guy who wrote the film sued me like 20 years. I'm not talking about that guy. Who's the guy? The black guy, big black guy. Was he Damon Wayans? Because he's in it. No, you know what? Actually, he was. He was. Who's that hot girl? Jennifer Connelly is in that too. Jennifer Connelly. Yeah. I don't remember the guy. Who's that hot girl? Jennifer Connelly's in that too. Jennifer Connelly, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember the guy.

Who's that guy? Anyways, get in the comments, let us know. I mean, he's a fantastic actor. He's been in so many things. All right, so they want to do a 90s themed party. Now this is odd. Let me give the wording here, do it. Teenage shows.

Okay. It's a 50th birthday party for Jackass Jason. Yeah, he's turning 50. Right. His request is a teenage shows from the 90s theme. Okay, doing some math here. Jason, Jackass Jason was in his 20s during the 90s. Almost all of the 90s. Sounds like a real creepo to me. Yeah, I mean, he's just a 24 year old man sitting around with nobody by his side watching saved by the bell thinking one day I'm gonna open up seven strip clubs. And

that's why he doesn't have any friends. He's a piece of trash. Hey, Jackass Jason and demon Don, why don't you come on our podcast and explain yourselves? I know people that you know are listening to this podcast. Probably you're listening. Come explain to me why you think it's okay to talk to people this way. All right. I dare you.

So you know, surprise is Patrick. Patrick's first off. It's Patty. It's Patty and it's old Patty. Okay, it's actually old Patty. You bitch. OK, so I was going to say, you know, these Sea Rats need to fucking figure out how to work ahead of time.

I mean, what are we doing here? You know, I mean, how did the Simpsons do it? Right. You're animating your your're storyboarding, you're writing, you know, the Sea Rats can go, hey, we've got a charter coming up where we have to stage a music festival on a dock. Maybe we take care of that a week in advance? Maybe.

You know? You know, my wife works for like a very high end clientele and they will say, we need a belly dancer and we need an entire party set up for a hundred people in our backyard. And my wife will go when? And they'll go Thursday. Yeah, and it's Tuesday.

Yeah, and my wife has to figure out. Now the belly dancer, you can find those anywhere. Oh yeah, yeah. They're all over Los Angeles. Whether or not the high end clients would consider them a belly dancer is, you know, that's a problem you have to, you know, bridge you have to jump off when you get to it. But yeah, they're all over Los Angeles.

Yeah, it's hard to pull this all together in what, 24 hours? 24 hours. So we get to the nighttime and Jess says that her move is to take people into the bathroom. Start calling her Jess the janitor. Weird. Janitor Jess. So, Frasier gets some golden voice gay that he hooked up in the past to pull through, or so I thought. to pull through or so I thought and he sits down with Anthony who says that it's difficult to sit with Frazier because he didn't protect him. Still holding

the grudge. Here's the thing with Anthony. Anthony is very very sweet. He's a soft soft guy. The world just eats these people I mean does my goodness my wife said of our son she goes honey You'll make sure he's not a punching bag right and I said yeah, I watched a show called below deck There's this tool bag called Anthony well his uncle banged his wife. I'll never let that happen to pork well I mean, he's a sweet guy. Oh sure yeah, he's a sweet guy But yeah, Anthony there's no love in war and sea rats. OK, the event planner gets there.

And I actually don't think that he turns out to not be the golden voice gay that Frasier hooked up with in the past. The event planner is somebody who just appears out of nowhere who says, I can get you a live band tomorrow. Are we talking about like the wedding singer? Like who is going to be performing at this music festival? Can I say this?

As I was hearing this preference and then I was seeing like Fraser trying to figure it out because I love this stuff. I like, I was thinking my first move is I'm calling all the local bars and seeing what cover bands they have. Yeah. I'm calling a stage company to get the stage out there.

How much is that going to cost me? Right? I might have to hire some security. Who knows? Then what you do is you go to the locals and you go, hey, free fucking ice cream. If you show up to this thing, you pack the place. Right. I got all these ideas. Yeah. Yeah. And there's no free ice cream, but when they get there and they see the Neil Diamond cover band on Stash,

they're gonna be like, what ice cream was promised to me? They're gonna be having such a good time that they'll completely forget that their entire purpose of being here is a lie. That's the kind of party that old Patty would throw. Dill, did you ever do extra work here? No. Okay, so when I first moved here,

I thought I'd hit the lottery. I signed up to go sit at like a game show. And lunch was a table with Wonder Bread on it and peanut butter and jelly jars. And they told me they're gonna pay me $25. Yeah. I mean, how can you beat that? I thought I won the lot. Yeah, how can you beat that? PBJs are delicious Now it doesn't matter that the other extra they hired as a guy that has fucking post coming out of them

And he spills a little into the jelly but 25 bucks and you can scoop around it. I Mean, that's how you make it in this town. Fuck man. All right, so the guests arrive and they are to quote Frazier obnoxious, rude and classless. They were yelling. Certified douchebags.

They were yelling about them being late or something and stepping the fucking shit up or something. And if trucker meth was a group of people Yeah Let me rephrase that if you were just out of the tax bracket of The demo of trucker meth, but you loved it and you still did it. That's what these people remind me of So we head out Hugo's first test people remind me of. So we head out, Hugo's first test.

Kea was a panicky little squirrel. But Hugo is a stick. He's very serious about this. He's very calm. This isn't a difficult thing. We have five meters on each side. Let's get through it and freaking party. Frazier heads up to the captain and says,

hey, we may have a little bit of an issue here. These people are like if Trucker Meth was a group of people. I love Captain Carey here. He like you know keep me in the loop I'll fucking get these people in straight yeah I got him in line demanding we can do demeaning we cannot that's right lunch is served it's a Greek salad with veal panna cotta lamb rack but the important thing is that what will one the veal is overcooked I don't understand you know I don't understand this veal thing hmm I don't understand this veal thing which

just I mean we've got two babies on the on the lunch table. We've got baby sheep and we've got baby cow and I get the I get the impulse right let's serve cruelty to these fucking dirt bags right they'll suck it up, right But I mean I mean I'm not eating I'm not eating feel you kidding me. I'm not eating frog wah Yeah, I mean flaws a difference it's pretty good yeah, I know but do you know what they do to those poor geese Yeah, but they like it after a while They do Geese are sick fucks man. Yeah. Yeah, is that who bit you when you were a kid? They're violent they they they geese take a defensive posture

about everything. And when people get defensive about stuff, birds or people, it's a they problem, right? Because you're triggering something. All right, Dylan, this just triggered a thought. Okay, so I get fed a lot of videos, mostly animal, because I'm into like great white sharks and stuff.

And then a lot of it's like AI, like having a tiger fight with like an anaconda snake or something. I don't know why it's feeding me that stuff. And then a lot of it's like AI like having a tiger fight with like an Anaconda snake or something. I don't know why it's feeding me that stuff. I saw a video where a goose or a geese whatever, fucking flies near like a, what do you call it? Where it's a bunch of lions hanging out. A lion pen. No, there's a word for it. A pride. A pride. And they're all there and the geese, the goose is like, Hey like hey fuck you guys and the tiger is like Hey up are the lions like I'm gonna eat your head off right and the goose gets in his fucking face

I'm telling you then they ate him alive. Yeah, sure sure absolutely and see this is why they have such a chip on their shoulder geese are the honey badgers of the sky, okay, and You know getting back to this, you know defensive posture that sky okay and you know getting back to this you know defensive posture that they take you know if you get really upset and angry at somebody you fly at them begin flapping your wings at them and peak it like beaking them in the chest you have to recognize that what they said is a rhyme in your head right something you hate about yourself has been expressed outwardly by this person, right? So when I throw a rock at you,

you've probably wanted to throw rocks at yourself. But getting back to the anaconda, you brought up the anaconda. I, you know, I watched a video of the anaconda the other day and I was thinking, what losers these snakes are. They are such clutons. They'll eat something that's super big all the way,

and they can't even move after. No, no, for weeks they just sit there. If they weren't apex predators, I don't know why the other snakes or predators haven't figured this out. Imagine you're like, oh, I'm being attacked. I can't even freaking move right now. I got a water buffalo.

And he got like some tribesmen coming over, right? But they somehow have an iPhone, right? And they're like, you know what? The sad part is this motherfucker ate our fucking cow. The good news for us is I have a machete and an iPhone. I'm cutting this thing open. Yeah, he can't do anything. And you get the cow out and it's like,

I'm covered in all this slime, but other than that, I'm fine. Anacondas have a lot to work on. Yeah, evolution, fuck them. Okay, so, Rainbow kicks Barbara. Barbara is not okay with this. Babs is not okay with this.

Okay, all right, okay. So this was crazy, and this was the most interesting thing that happened at that dinner service. Now, I understand Barb's is pissed, but she's lucky lucky she's alive because the last person that stepped on rainbow's foot got a battle accident Orbital sock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was not pretty And they survived that and then more came I can't I I can't even imagine what you went through

You know, I can't even imagine what you went through. I can't even imagine. You know what? I can't even imagine. When we talk to Bravo PR, I know we're going to have Captain Carrie up soon, but I do want to talk to Rainbow about this experience on that island. Oh, yeah, 100%. So the guests hit the banana boat.

If I was Kyle, I would concuss them. Just saying. And we get to the 90s party. Rainbow and Daymo, I love the this isn't happening hallway conversations that they have. Rainbow kind of like manically hitting on Damo via her work ethic and Damo being like, that's pretty crazy.

Carrie in the 90s. It's not often we get a little C-Rat history from a captain. Okay,, this is Kerry's past. He had multiple roommates with guitars and they loved grunge music and he had hair back then. Sure. His hair lasted longer, this is a fact, than most grunge band singers because they're all dead. Lane Staley, Alice in Chains, dead. Chris Cornell, Soundgarden, dead. Andrew Wood, he was Mother Love Bone. Kirk O'Vane, Nirvana, dead.

Famously dead. Mark Lanigan, more recently, Screaming Trees. That pretty much covers top 10 grunge grunts. There's a lot. And so good for you, Kerry. Your hair lasted longer on your head than them.. Well grunge is about pain, right? Right. So you fly too close to the The you know the black pools that we all have access to and you know, you'll fall in every once in a while That's what happened at Chris Cornell

His wife disputes that said she had a great last phone call with him and he was doing fine Lauren gives a toast to pussy and gunpowder live by one die by the other. We love the smell of both Has her pussy ever been charged with murder and I don't know how you'd put handcuffs on a pussy I did not like that toast at all. No me neither and and they're just keep running away. There are like There are a lot of like standard X There are a lot of like standard icks. You know, like archetypal icks. Things that just make your butthole kind of just go, ooh!

Guys pulling guitars out and singing to people. Hate that. Hate it. And these kinds of toasts they always make my organs move around it's like Fucking to rattle snakes and condoms two things I don't fuck with to gunpowder and pussy live by it's like shut the fuck up Can you just say I'm so happy to be here with you guys? We we we work our tails off and I'm just so excited for the next couple of

days. Like, why do you have to do this? God damn freaking a freaking, what was that show? What was that freaking show? What, what do we have to do a dead wood toast for? You know what I'm talking about? I know. It should have been like to us living, although half our staff will end up hanging from a tree in Sun Valley. You know, because that's what happens. Don't go by that tree, son.

Yeah. Such a sad life. They would actually, if it was Sun Valley, they'd be hanging from a light post across the street from a tire shop. And neither one of those things are operable. The only thing that's operable in that situation is the fucking rope.

Sun Valley is gross. Oh my God. It's where dreams go to die. And apparently strippers that work at their clubs. Yeah. All right. All right. Fucking hate these. I really do. I thought I hated fucking those porn stars. I really hate these people. Yeah. Oh, leg gets turned on by seeing

Jess looking like left eye Lopez. Yeah. Yeah. Lauren gave that toast and dawn says, present future swallow and then Lauren gave that toast and dawn says present future swallow and then starts doing this like this is another not quite as archetypal and anic but the hang on we're not friends kind of behavior like if I had no if I knew you for 10 years, this would be annoying behavior. I don't know you at all. So what are you doing yelling at me like this? Super bizarre.

Um, but we got to get to dinner. Oh yeah. Dinner. Um, what? Oh, uh, we get some Sea Rat history at dinner. Uh, he's in an open relationship and Oh yeah. Hugo. We Boss, sorry. We'll learn about him in one second.

Let's get to dinner first. First course is a seafood paella with sea bass, lobster and mussels. Now, there are a lot of modern Wiley-Dufresne takes on classic dishes. They should all be, they should have their time in the sun and then be put out to pasture, okay? Now I'm not saying that we have to live in this world of traditionalism, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? I mean, what would we do to enhance a PB&J? Nothing. What would we do to enhance a paella? Be it the socorat, the saffron, and the beautifully cooked rice, just put it on a goddamn plate. What are we doing stacking this and stacking?

It's like, my gosh, man. I mean, come on. That's how they ruin pizza, man. Yeah. Well, what's that pizza? Oh, that's a no cheese pizza. No cheese? Well, you know, a lot of people have a lactose.

That's not my problem. Pizza is bread, sauce, and cheese. Well, I mean, a lot of people do tomato pies. OK. So anyways, that's the first course. And then we learn that Hugo is in a relationship. Boo. Hit the brakes.

It's an open relationship. These kids doing this polyamory stuff. I don't believe this for a goddamn second. And he loves it. No, you guys are friends with benefits, right? Whenever you see each other and the other person isn't with another person. If you bang, that's right, right. That's fine. Let's not call that a relationship. I would say not the birthday cake lands and this guy I mean these people are so fascinating

This is this is a guy who Watch saved by the bell religiously when he was 25 years old He throws the birthday candles off the cake I've never seen a human being do that in my life Oh, I've never seen a human being do that in my life It's below him to actually have to blow on the cake shirking the convention completely Just not having time for it. It was absolutely insane I want to say this about demon dawn too because you touched on her. Yeah, she starts acting like a grumpy good first off dawn your trash

She starts acting like a grumpy goose. Okay first off Don your trash And you should know this better than anybody don't ever fuck with food prep people Rainbows going behind a door that you can't see and she's about to bring something out to you. Yeah watch it Never mess with food prep people and also you're way too drunk to pick up on any pubic Danger, you know, you can't see straight. We get to bed, Love Island has to clean toilets, and Jess and Celine are still hammering away in that top bunk. I don't know if they're hammering away.

I think they're just snuggly cuddling. That's how it should you work your way up to slamming into each other. It's like you cozy up to one of you. Well, lesbos can't really slam. Yeah, they bump. They bump, they rub and they gyrate. Obviously, you know, there are there are toys you can use and stuff like that. But I think Jess and Love Island are probably up there just, you know, probably just doing circles on each other.

You know, probably something like that. Nice. I love, what's it called when you grind over your clothes? The dry hump. I love a dry hump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dry humps nice. Except when you're in, you know, high school and college

and you're doing it for such a long time that you actually have a zipper pattern on your fucking, I mean, what are we doing? That's crazy kids. Fair enough. Okay, next thing. Next thing. We've got Kish and we've got a concert

that we have to prep. Frazier has to leave the boat to go set this thing up. And it turns out that the guy that was just walking by who said, yeah, I can do that. Has nothing ready. I love that he had the confidence to say, because I don't know if he paid him any money up front. I mean, this young event coordinator starting in his business, he's got nothing to learn.

He's got to prove himself here. So I think he's going to pull it off. Yeah, I mean, here's this guy, right? And he's just a bartender. But he sees the live streams of Coachella on YouTube. And he goes, one day, I'm'm gonna throw a music festival of my own. And here comes Frazier going, can anyone throw a music festival?

He goes, what? This is when the universe gives you doors, a jar. You have to kick them open. Five stars kind words, you should go on us, just go on us at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Next week, Rainbow will break down. That'll be fun. We'll see you then

I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye Love