Another Below Deck Podcast - Not One Hint of Pink | Below Deck S12 Premiere

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down beef, Jesus, fruit purees, pressing buttons, loafers, black lights, roaring and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkStoryworth - Storyworth.com/BadTV 

Speaking of drinks Dylan, she orders what's called a porn star. Yeah, which is vodka fruit Puree vanilla sugar in a shot of champagne. I think I'd rather drink calm. I Would rather I think I'd rather drink calm it depends on how much let's not be silly I'm not gonna drink eight ounces of come but if it's just half an ounce, I'll take the cum There's more dignity Hi, hello and welcome to another brand spanking new season of below deck. Well bad TV. It's the we do the podcast every week but it's a new season of below deck. So we're clapping and we set it in unison.

It's on bad TV. It's on bad TV. It's the podcast. I'm Dilly. That's Patty. Great to be here. Permission to come aboard for this wonderful season. Granted. Hey, can I ask permission to come aboard for this wonderful season? Go ahead. Can I come aboard permission to come aboard for this wonderful season? Granted. Gosh, man, I'm so excited to get aboard for this wonderful season. Granted. Gosh man, I'm so excited to get going on this season and also crazy news I'm gonna be a dad probably like tomorrow. Yeah so actually as Dylan actually we're recording this episode early thank you Bravo for giving us the screeners. Thank you Bravo. You're already gonna be a dad when

people are listening to this isn't that nice?, um, yeah, just pray for the child. Oh, yeah, pray for the child. But listen, who fucking cares? We got below deck to talk important things. Okay, we have important things to discuss, like this rag tag group of Sea Rats hitting the open seas of St. Kitts and St. Whatever, you know, they always break down the topography and the location. I couldn't tell you where any of these shows are filmed. I don't even know where they are. That's not what matters. That's not what matters. That does not matter. Listen, patreon.com slash another podcast network. All the baby content, all the recap of the lovely, hopefully lovely birth

at sea to sign I all the fun stuff new parenting podcasts that'll be patreon.com slash another podcast network in a couple weeks once we're back on the saddle we'll be starting traders over at patreon.com slash another podcast network. And until then, you know, just buckle up enjoy the ride five stars kind words. We love you. We do. how are you feeling I feel great yeah is that it oh yeah I am excited about this season

Dylan I'm very optimistic after seeing this first hey do you see am I eight not yet not yet okay I drove by that movie theater today that you always go to the Vista. Yeah, it was four in the afternoon. There was a bunch of loony bags out there in a long line to go see like League of Heroes or I don't know what the hell the movie was. I'm like League of Heroes League of I don't know what it was. It looks like a superhero movie or something.

Everyone was dressed up like those cosplay weirdos. Thunderbolt. What are you talking about? It was like League of stuff I don't know anyway Yeah I said before that you have trouble going to that movie theater because you'll go there at four o'clock on a Friday And it's like an hour wait to get inside. Yeah, it's pretty nuts depending on the movie. I mean sinners That freaking line was ripped around Los Feliz that whole thing, but listen, it's a great theater. What were you doing out there?

Oh, I was working. Oh thing. But listen, it's a great theater. What were you doing out there? Oh, I was working. Oh, cool. All right, so listen, enough hyper-regional low-cal convos, we have to get into Below Deck. It's the premiere episode of this, what feels like the 45th season of this show. It's the 12th.

Fraze is back, Captain Carrie is back, and we've got a new crew. Entirely. A lot of funky names. Captain Carrie is back and we've got a new crew entirely. A lot of funky names. We've got Chow, we've got Rainbow, we've got Dano, we've got Followers of Christ, we've got everything. We have a lot of things. Also a push against a lot of orthodoxies that we've had on this show before.

Preference sheet meeting now split into two separate meetings. What wacky world are we in? What happened to our little vignettes of Sea Rat histories? And now we have kind of a get to know you kind of thing with no past mentioned. I'm going to that's very problematic for me. Patrick, I think I speak for both of us when I say we fear change. I do fear change. Yeah, I didn't like that Yeah, especially that cast member Rainbow. I cannot put my finger on her

The only thing fucked out about her right now is her name Yeah, which is every letter of the alphabet, right? Right, right. I'll just cut to it Frazier Has his work cut out for him this season. Oh, yeah. Yeah these The I mean, well, God case a boy. We got a goddamn, uh, chief. Uh, we have a stew that already hates her co-worker. Yeah Yeah, those two live wires are really going out. We have Lawrence Lawrence, I'm concerned about that young man. He's not that young. He's the only one that they gave that little get to know you package where I was like okay

this is all making sense. Well the entire show makes sense right and when you learn about these people you know there's there's not a lot of you know how jelly beans have a ton of flavors? Yeah. Not Sea Rats. It's really just one flavor of Sea Rat. There are variations though. Someone like Jess, the, she's kind of like a Scooby Doo character, like a, Jess, she's

the kind of Sea Rat that wants to die on the ocean. Okay, you have certain times you have these convicted sea rats that just love the life. Yes. But most of the time, they're just rootless runaways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or camera whores. Jess, especially, her dream is to one day be a captain and then go down with the ship. Yeah. And if she lived in 1912 she would have got that goddamn dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was the Titanic. Pretty traumatic. Now I do want to speak. Hey Pat, I completely agree. Have you ever seen that thing where you can test it, you can test out what it feels like to be in those waters. Oh, you'll die in two minutes. I'll die instantaneously. My heart would just quit. It would anthropomorphize and talk to me and go, listen, I'm not doing this. And I would go, you know what, that's fine.

I don't think it's a bad way to go. What? To die by freezing to death. Your heart rate slows down. It's pretty, I think, short. It's like about a minute or two. Yeah, the only thing is that it was the heart rate was so high, though, because the boat split in half and then fell

into the water. And then Jack and Rose didn't actually get to spend eternity with each other. So it's really traumatic, actually. Well, in her heart, she did. But I want to talk about Lawrence, because he does fit in archetype. Uh, he has said that he was troubled, um,

not in a good place and then had some addiction issues. Uh, check, check, check. I need two for bingo or two more for bank. It's like a playbook for how to be a C rat. Yeah. Uh, I don't see him making his way out of this season. And listen, we'll get to it later, but good on Lawrence to recognize I Think you guys want to see me fail and film it. Yeah. I'm not fucking doing that shit. Okay Yeah, yeah, maybe the young man does have his head on top of his shoulders. Well, I mean he's gone with Christ. So that's good Listen, we've got a whole show to get into.

Okay, I was just kind of giving my beats on what I liked about it. Okay. I love that they started with a charter guest like Sam. Yes. I don't hate Sam because he sent the steak back that had jockey marks on it. Yeah, he asked for it to be well done. You should cook that steak to every inch of its life. He should be able to throw that through a car window and break glass. Oh, he should be able to kill somebody with it. That's my point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate him because he's- He should be able to storm the Capitol with the steak that he requires. It's a deadly weapon. Yeah. It should be cooked so that it is a deadly weapon. Right.

They failed on every level with that. The reason I don't like Sam is because Sam is a germaphobe. And if you are a germaphobe, you don't thrust your weirdness on others. You spend your entire life at your home staring at a wall. Yeah. Yeah, you don't go out there and do this to other people.

Also, you're from Tampa, Florida, you fucking jackass. That place is a swamp with a bunch of people with crooked teeth. And limps. Everyone has a limp in Tampa. My god, Sam. Oh, I loved the episode. 100 knots. I'd give it 100 knots to is an amazing episode. I mean, we literally you want to talk about, we always say, why do we love this show? It's thrusting incompetence upon the wealthy. Okay. We leave the luggage and take off for the vacation okay I mean my god we have a love island France contestant on

this show serving paying guests I could not be happier a hundred dots I want to say the show begins with Frazier telling us that yachting is about the wow factor yeah and if he meant wow did did you leave my entire family's luggage yeah yeah that he nailed it he nailed it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this show is about the wow factor wow are you guys having sex on top of a laundry machine Wow Wow did you just pull a sea cucumber out up on from under the ocean and put it on the table and now it's dying? Wow. Wow. That's what this show is about. But listen, this season starts off with a real, like we said, we fear change. I I mean this is new this is a new idea

Frasemeister is at home with some let's cook Chyrons I mean we mean business we have air travel b-roll we have wine being poured split screens and drone shots I mean what show are we watching but we kick things off with a Loford Frazier and some at some very neat lounge kind of thing. And we get a role of the season. People are crying, no fucking or sucking that I see, which is not a good sign, but he orders a margarita, you know, like a real slut. Okay. I mean, he's, listen, Frazier is in service,

but that does not mean he does not look down upon service people. Okay. He's a star of a reality show. Okay. Get me a margarita. Not too sweet. Now we're gonna do an off the boat intro. First up is Solene. Solene. What? I thought it was Solene. Cirque du Soleil. Solene, Moon, whatever. Winter Mars. so she is a reality TV star already? She was on French Love Island, and she is perfect like I mentioned she has no clue. What's going on She was on her last boat for barely a few weeks and to her the dryer is no different than I don't know the fucking Cern Collider well she says she she doesn't understand well

She doesn't like to clean dookie out of toilets, but she does know how to press buttons She does and I'd argue so do chimpanzees chimpanzees do know how to press button I think this little one is gonna be trouble on this chart Yeah Well, she loves to roar and what I can say about this hire is thank you Bravo Yeah, I don't think she's gonna provide five star service either speaking of drinks Dylan She orders what's called a porn star. Yeah.

Which is vodka, fruit puree, vanilla, sugar, and a shot of champagne. I think I'd rather drink cum. I would rather. I think I'd rather drink cum. It depends on how much. Let's not be silly. I'm not going to drink eight ounces of cum But if it's just half an ounce, I'll take the cum

There's more dignity in it, that's my point Okay, let's next up is chow It's pronounced Caio. Sorry It's just because I've gotten so much heat. It's like an anime character. This guy's I agree. Kyle. I'll tell you this. He's not even think that's his name.

Maybe it's not. But I'll say he's a handsome motherfucking devil. I like it. And he's my prediction for the first fire. No. Yes. No way. He is technically responsible for that luggage getting left on the dock. Yeah, but I think he's really smart

And I think that he I like him. I think he's gonna make it through the whole season We've had past Sea Rats say they were nuclear physicists or something Well, there are lies and then there are unbelievable lies right So if you couldn't spell simile and probably don't even know what it is, I'm not going to believe that you're a physicist. If you say that you went for civil engineering

and you're an upstart Brazilian kid and now you're a Boston, that's a believable lie. Fair enough for now. Right? We shall see. For example, me. What that's a believable lie. For now. Right? We shall see. For example, me. What's the more believable lie? I am in the NBA or I play recreational kickball on the weekends. I don't do either one of those things. Ah. But one's more believable. Is this belabored? Not at all.

Okay, great. So moving on to rainbow. Can you imagine her insisting that she gets married to a dude and he take her last name? Well, what's what? Her last name? What's your last name? Unicorn? No, no, no. It's like every letter of the

alphabet. Alpha, Pachylogelus, Ifri, Alpha, Dosha. Oh, that's her real last name. That's her real last name. Yeah, there were too many. Her last name would break the former character limit on Twitter dot com. That's my point Yeah, so I'm not gonna marry her Well then in in in quite sharp contrast we then meet a lady named Barbara Barbara, yeah, and she's gate What she's gate was that she's gay. Oh She's gay. Oh She's gay That hair really gets me going yeah, I got her hair is so beautiful. I wish I had it Can you imagine me with that? I would look incredible. Yeah, my dad had that thing going on really

Yeah, okay It's called a perm then next up is the filthy Scotsman himself friend of the show Kyle. I Love Kyle. Yeah, he took such delight. There was a smirk on his face when he realized they'd left the luggage on Yeah, well the Scots are crazy, you know, they they they sell chaos everywhere They go and they love life. You know what I mean? So yeah, he does He loves a prank prank I would imagine. Yeah, yeah, he loves that stuff. He's like a little Pied Piper jumping all over the place, luring kids in.

That's what that guy did, right? The Pied Piper? Isn't that what the Pied Piper did? I'm not saying Kyle does that, but yeah, I just remember talking to him. He's rolling up his own cigarettes and bouncing all over the place. Did the Pied Piper like, get the comments It's the put did the pipe piper like?

Get the comments. Let us know what the pipe piper did. I'm really not sure I think he like lured fucking kids. Oh, uh, not saying that kyle does that. I thought it was ducks No rats, no, i'm not sure i'm really not sure But listen, that's my fault now We're told that Barbara is gay and then we meet the new deckhand, Jess, who now you know I don't profile, you know that I don't profile.

But if I had a billion dollars, I'd probably bet that she was, she was a homosexual woman. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, when they show the season trailer, I mean, look, these kids these days, I mean, they're not getting the fuck a what's a who, you know, I couldn't make ends of it. Everyone's making out with everyone. I don't even say what you are. No,

no, no, no, you are a child of earth and a child of God. Yeah. I, you spit in my face, it doesn't matter. And it's not out of disrespect, it's eternal. No, I've asked you to do that. We discussed it over porn stars. Vanilla sugar and fuitpare. What? That's the dyslexia flaring up right there. So then we get to Lawrence.

Now, he's got a swag about him that is nauseating, right? Um, he has ketamine energy and that's because he probably was addicted to ketamine and then found Christ. He found the Lord. So now he doesn't throw plates at staff anymore. Uh, he used to be an asshole, but he's now he's a nice guy, but we'll see how, how, uh, how nice he is. Yeah. I mean, we're not quite there yet, but if I was him. I'd get out of here.

Oh, yeah. One would one would have to ask. Why are you here to begin with? Great question. And it's always a great question when when you see a chef unfurl a Culinary CV the likes of which you know few could comprehend and you're out at Sea I

Gotta go. What's going on something's going on right and I'll tell you what else is going on Production got to this boat and they started gnarling at the wires like rats, breaking things, smearing things. You're talking about the Gatling. Yeah. And so he's working with his burners and he's realizing there's been some kind of evil hamster in here destroying things. And I'm not gonna stand for it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I'm being set up. And I'm not going to stand for it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So then we meet Dan-o.

I'm telling you, man, these names are crazy. Dan-o. Or no, is it? Damo. Damo. Damo, do you know that Chow-ow is your boss? I mean, what is that sentence? So it's Kyo.

I spelled Kai, who is one of the daughters from Randy Gerber and Cindy Crawford Kai. And then I put an O after it, Kyle. Kyle. Yeah, so Kyle and Damo, apparently they practiced. Kai is also Donald Trump's granddaughter. Oh, is that right? Yeah, Don Jr. is famously in a video with her. They're both getting their makeup done.

And he said, are you going to make me look sexy like Kai? Ew. Geez. No getting their makeup done. And he said, Are you gonna make me look sexy like Kai? No. She no politics, no politics. All right. Well, anyway, they did apparently we have some footage of them practicing that bridge run earlier or something. Okay. All right. So we'll get to the bridge thing. But Frazier is in a relationship. Kind of. Not really.

Not really. When he was in here, he had just been falling in love. And everyone deserves love. Of course they do. But when you're a Sea Rat, love is hard to attain. No, no, no, no, the sea is your love. Whether you like it or not, you are at the bottom of Buffalo Bill's pit when you're a sea rat.

And the waves are Buffalo Bill. You know what I mean? I do. So Carrie greets the gang. He says, what's his name? Cal. What's his name? Kyle. Kyle. I watched the bike too much. It shrank it. The problem is they left it out at an anchor point

because the wind was swirling around and we have this bridge. Okay. Yes. Now this bridge is a perfect storytelling device that I'm really looking forward to this entire season. now I believe that We have seen the viral video of this bridge just possibly another captain on below deck Wasn't that the same footage was that sandy no, isn't that captain hot pants Jason? no captain hot now captain hotpants plunged his into a fast casual restaurant, killing many.

This was one that went around the Twitter sphere. I remember seeing it. Yeah, I remember seeing it. So yeah, Kerry says that this bridge is a little nasty, and that recently someone actually ran into the control tower of this bridge now if you're working in that control tower quit yeah yeah yeah this thing was built in 1942 boats weren't that big no no yeah no no

they were the size of canoes you know boats didn't get big. No, no, no. Yeah, no, no. They were the size of canoes. You know, boats didn't get big until very recently. I think, yeah, I think when John Legend got real hot, I think they said we got to start building yachts for these people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, his wife wants a real big boat and she says something like you've never seen before. And at that moment, that's when boats started getting real, real big. And John Legend was just like, you know know he didn't really eat you there's a word for us called the John Legend effect it's on wiki look it up yeah JLE all right so but yes the wrinkle of this bridge will pump down

stress upon the group of Sea Rats finally there's some stakes with poking a parking a boat. Yes yes yeah death is around the corner every time we leave this docking. So a lot of wood paneling on this boat has a twin peaks vibe to it a little bit and you know I think before you know it some of these Sea Rats may actually see a midget speaking backwards to them you know I mean people really lose their minds. Well case in point it's not too long with Lawrence in that galley and the walls are talking to him.

Oh, yeah, listen, Christianity and its dogma is scary, but Christianity and its faith is very beautiful. And whether you're a child of Christ or not, you, Lawrence, are most importantly, a Sea Rat. You have no say over what these lenses capture, young man. Okay, these grunts are here to capture everything you do, that being the elation, the mirth, and most importantly, the downfall.

So no, you don't get to say, get out of here, okay? Oh my God, that was ridiculous. I haven't seen that in a while. Yeah. I believe the provisions arrive next if I'm not skipping ahead. Yeah, Lawrence, I mean, this guy's a mess. He gets stressed out.

But I would argue, unpack them for the Lord, Lawrence. Here you go, Lord. Here's some tomatoes going in the fridge. It's the least I can do seeing as you died on the cross for all our sins Lord I mean literally think about it like would you rather unpack tomatoes and big messy little messy place or would you rather get freaking? Crucified for all our sins like what the fuck? It's a great point Would you rather drink a porn star or get crucified for all of our sins like a

duh? Here's what I'll say, Dill. The countdown has begun. Oh, yeah, he's gone. He's a goner. Now we get to a little team meeting and Kerry breaks down all the saints. It's his same fucking Lucia here. Yeah, he breaks down the islands,

but are there mangroves? I guess we'll see. Yeah, the mangroves, the beauty of the fucking mangroves. I take pride in this. You know, Kerry, he's one of the best captains ever. He came on the show. He was so gracious. Yeah, he was so gracious.

He had said, he noted we'd mocked him a little bit, and I believe it was the mangroves that got to him. And there'll be no mention of that this season and I take pride in Possibly being responsible. Oh, yeah. I mean listen I don't even care if there are no mangroves on this show we're still gonna talk about the mangroves and you know Carrie and me got a little testy because you know, I told him that mangroves are disgusting and

You know, I told them that my favorite place was Virginia and he said that Virginia was disgusting so he was right no he's not right Virginia is a beautiful state one of the most beautiful so I was thinking about West Virginia oh yeah sorry I mean just think of an opioid pill as a state now put chili on top of that pill and you have West Virginia. Okay? But he says, die! Take my kindness for weakness, okay? We're gonna have a stellar season. Let's get to it. Now Jess is a boss-ass bitch and wants to die on the open waters like we discussed and it's just chaos and stuff and folding towels and Kyle's talking even with subtitles I can't understand what this

guy's saying I know it's it's gonna be kind of ridiculous that he's gonna have subtitles yeah yeah yeah dialogue listen I mean Kyle we love Kyle we went went out to drinks with Kyle I couldn't understand a goddamn word I mean we're sitting there I've never spoken to somebody for so long and had no clue what they were talking about. That's how nice. Yeah, that's how nice Kyle is. Okay, so anyways.

Barbara. Yeah, we meet Barbara. So these are like quick get to know yous. Again, these do not fall under the category of Sea Rat histories. Shame on you, Bravo, for doing this to me. Barbara is a spicy Latina that's direct. Those two things go hand in hand with one another. And she's a Sea Rat. So this is a little hinting at she's a Sea

Rat to support her mother. Yeah, which begs the question. Where's dad? Well, we know. Torturing old Patty here. And then Damo and Jess get to know each other and she likes girls that speak different languages. She's on the right boat. Listen, I mean us not knowing for sure what happened to Barbara's father. And listen, I'm sorry to joke about it. You know, he could be, you know, very much there and alive and not absolutely horrible. Now listen, we've seen the show a lot. So, you know, it, you know, people always say that, you know, these wokesters out there, you know, they always like to take into account everybody's differences. And we always like to say that life moves at light speed, you know, sometimes you do

have to generalize. And if we've seen sample size after sample size after sample size, and the sample size is getting so, so big, and we've seen all of the deadbeat dads, we've just got to go with our North Star but not knowing what's going on with Barb's dad is a little bit like placing a hot dog in front of you and saying you do need to eat this in about a week it's torture but you're not gonna know definitively whether or not you like it and then you do eat the hot dog and what happens you bleed out of your butt. That's right food poisoning Yes, exactly. Well, uh We'll see where this goes. I need that's a pretty convoluted analogy and I want to apologize to everybody who's listening

I completely got it. Well, you do cuz you know me but anyways Listen, we're gonna take a little break. Oh, let's take a break We're doing so much hard work talking about the show. Yeah, we need to take a little break and talk about, you know, speaking of fathers, I think that this is the perfect time to discuss story worth. If you want to make Father's Day extra special for your dad this year, get him story worth story. We're going to do it. We wanted we want well Pat's dad is dead.

But mine is still quite alive. So I want to make it special for him and that is why I'm getting him story worth now. We've joked in the past of you know, putting together a collage of the horrors that he witnessed in Vietnam. I am not going to do that this year. Father's Day that didn't you know actually turn out all that great, okay? What I'm instead going to do is send him each week an email and say hey dad Give me a what was your favorite memory from when you were 14 and he'll answer that yeah And then that will be sent to Storyworth

and they'll start putting together a little book about this. All your loved ones need to do is respond to the Storyworth email with a story. They can either write a story over email or record it over the phone for Storyworth to transcribe. It's so easy and there's no special apps required, okay? Hey, Dill, you know what?

Since I don't have a dad anymore, maybe I'll hit up Peter, your dad, send him an email saying, hey, why'd my dad leave me when I was two? And have Peter have to handle that. And dad's dad was not a great dad either, so he could probably give you a nice little roadmap, a little recipe for why that happened, right?

Because he has an intimate understanding of that as well. And that's why he fled to the jungles of Vietnam. Now listen, we're not gonna do that this year, but listen, with Story Worth, after a year, Story Worth will compile your loved ones' stories and photos into a beautiful keepsake hardcover book. Photos are printed in vibrant color. And listen, ever since, Story Worth has been with us

for a while and we had so much fun with the first ever Story Worth read that we did. I do not want to make this company seem like a joke. It is not, it is such a cute, it's such a cute thing to do with your parents. It really, really is. It is, or it doesn't always have to. I mean, this ad is for Father's Day and your dad, but it's

loved ones. You want like the best Christmas gift you've ever, like a meaningful, you can buy someone a sweater or a gift certificate to a nice restaurant or you create this. This comes from the heart. It really does and it's like a commitment to the relationship and it's actually a really beautiful thing and it does not need to be filled with pictures of humors and pain. Okay, so listen, give all the dads in your life a unique heartfelt gift that you'll all cherish for years. Story Worth. Right now save 15 bucks during their Father's Day sale when you go to storyworth.com slash bad TV. That's storyworth.com slash bad TV to save 15% off your order. Seriously guys, if you want to supportworth.com slash bad TV, that's storyworth.com slash bad TV to save 15% off your order.

Seriously, guys, if you want to support the show and you want to do something cute for the people in your life that you love, try Story Worth. It is very, very fun. All right. So that made me depressed talking about my dad. So I'm going to grab a drink. That checks out.

All right, so, um Like pat said we're doing a little getting to know you Getting to know All about you and we do get confirmation that I was right. Jess is a lesbian Yeah Hands off boys. She's disgusted by all of you Hands off, boys. She's disgusted by all of you. Barbara and Cirque du Soleil are popping off a bit and we get to our very first preference sheet meeting. Now, I hesitate even screaming it. Let's forego that this episode in. Where is it where we reject the notion that this is how this should go? We protest, protest, I'm protesting, you're not gonna hear an old patty say the preference sheet meeting loud in

excitable. Yeah, I'm just not gonna do that. This is a change I'm not sure I'm happy with. Well, listen, we're gonna get Sam Rashid from Tampa. He's a germaphobe and travels with a disinfectant spray and a black light. They're bringing a bunch of chrome grunchers and make sure they don't drown. He what? They talked about that. Oh, do they really? I thought you just said that? No, no, no, no. They said that. And he likes his

steak burnt to a crisp. Now we first we have our first instance of mutiny. Barbara drops a dime. Day one 18 hours before charter. She says, I can't work with Cirque du Soleil. She's nuts. Trouble in paradise already. Trouble in paradise already. Now we get to Kyle and Barbie after Celine fails to see Clorox wipes directly in front of her and turns out that Kyle and Barbie did not work out. We're referring to the previous season with Barbie, yes. She chimed in on our Instagram this week. She took a great umbrage with us still talking about her when we had Haley in. She told us to

get over it. Why are you looking at old videos of us talking about you? Knock it off Barbie. Yeah, you got a lot of, you know. Barbie, you got to go defend Israel, OK? Get out of here. Yeah, get out of here. I still love you. And I'd love to see you back on this show. Yeah, you'd be fun.

All right, so Cirque du Soleil and Barbara are back at it, squabbling. Deimo has Peter Pan syndrome, the Poiroturnus. Uncommon with male C-Rat. You almost never see that, but we have to get to the next day. The next morning! Solane and Barbara are back at it again with the white vans. I mean these two are, they have bloodlust for one another. I have to say this, thank God

Cirque du Soleil has a great attitude because she doesn't take any of this seriously. And it's quite interesting that they would actually have her on one of these boats. This is technically her 23rd day at sea. Yeah, it's a great number. She's gonna be like Mike. Okay.

So she's just trying to be a sponge, the best sponge she can possibly be. Oh, yes she is. Kerry goes into the gallery, I think he's smelling some issues down the road with Chef Lawrence. He spends a little too much time in there. Yeah, he's like, what's going on?

This guy seems like a real nut job. He seems like he's gonna stab everybody on this boat. I gotta talk him down. And he does. And then Kerry asks Fraser a question. He says, I've gotta go pick these guests up. Who should I bring with me? And Fraser says, Cirque du Soleil. He does get her off the boat. She's incompetent. And if the

boat sinks, that might be a good thing for everyone. For everybody. Okay, so Rainbow is selected to be the second stew, and Kerry goes around and does his rounds. He's a bit of a stickler. But he misses the switches by the bedside tables. Well, he needs to buy a black light. Well, we'll get there.

So the guests arrive, ragtag group of folks. Selena doesn't understand, quote quote unquote the baby people. Um, you referred to them as breeders and non-breeders. That's right. She's not, she does not get the breeders. Now we get our first tour of the season. Damo falls in the ocean and Frazier begins to deal with the germaphobe.

Now he's already putting the full court press on. Okay. The guests arrive at the boat. I should say bad, Bad, bad hosting. But we get snacks next. We do. And I want to get your take on those snacks because they looked lovely.

And they were more than snacks. Sometimes we get a chicouterie. We get some chopped up fruit, some watermelon, whatever. Sometimes we just get fricking brownies and shark gummies, you know? In a blue drink. Right. But not the case here.

Now, I was asking myself as the guests went on that boat and the luggage was sitting there Shouldn't someone have been watching the luggage. I know this is the storyline a complete colossal Fuck up. I know what you're gonna say. What am I gonna say? It's Captain Carrie's fault There's a lot going on there's a lot going on I'm confused. It's only Captain Carrie's fault. There's a lot going on. There's a lot going on. I'm confused. It's only Captain Carrie's fault if they left the luggage at the place where they picked them up. Carrie addresses this basically this is your job to the deck end. This is your job.

They had to have brought the luggage with them on that tender because Carrie wouldn't say this is your job if he was never there. Well Carrie was with Soleil picking up the guests and the luggage was left on the dock that was the confusing part. Shouldn't someone have been watching that? Maybe that's the point you're making? Yeah. Okay. I'm confused by the whole thing. Get in the comments let us know what happened but we got to get to the fun snacks. Salmon Bellini, harissa tartare, sea bream with a Virgin Mary foam

to which the primary says. Gross. Gross. Gross. Now, I'm wondering if Sam might be on the spectrum. Okay. Because that's the only way that I can. He's not, he's just rich.

And rude. Yeah. Okay, here's not, he's just rich. And rude. Yeah. Okay, here's why I hate Sam. Okay. Not only is he a fucking weirdo, he's taught this to his daughter. Yeah. Dermaphobia, I don't believe is a genetic thing

that you pass on. It's Munchausen's kind of thing, yeah. You scared the hell out of her when she was a little girl and now you've made her a fucking weirdo Yeah, don't be that don't make your daughter a weirdo now listen to be fair to him And I'm gonna I'm gonna shock some people when I say this I love Sam I Absolutely love Sam he reminded me of simple Chuck a little bit he's like no light He reminded me of simple Chuck a little bit. He's like

light But then says like crazy things like you want to talk about being in between two poles simple Chuck I mean, that's why we call him simple Chuck, you know, I mean that guy. Hey Barnacles do old Patty a favor see if Sam has an Instagram. I want to talk to him. Really? Yeah Oh, okay. So you guys got to do the work if you can get me his Instagram I'll reach out or maybe you hit him up. Let's get him on the show. I want to know why he's an asshole Yeah fans of the show just book the show for us All right, so um To be fair to him

It's pretty wild to serve raw beef To a charter with people who want their steak cooked to a crisp one person still He's the primary don't serve tartar Especially when they make proclamations like this goes against everything in my life everything I believe in yes Which is what you can only eat animals if they're overcooked Yeah, What kind of Cindy Lou? That's gonna be my first question. Sam, you said this.

What the fuck are you talking about? All right, so Selena and Barbara are, I think they're lovers, you know another dust up fight Oh, you think there's a little sexual tension? No, I just think there's like their sisters like that. I think they're so funny Let's get to the luggage though major fuck up. This is the first time we've seen luggage left on a dock. Yeah, I mean Kato Leaves the luggage on the freaking dock. These people do not have, I mean I don't know how long it took to get the luggage back to them. Pat? I'd be pissed.

Yeah I don't know how long either especially if you're a germaphobe like Salmon is dying to get that black light in his head. Yeah. But luckily for Captain Kerry who's really pissed at Kato, there's a nice guy named Curtis who's willing to help out. I like that name. I'd never name a human that I spawned that, but I like that name. Name a dog that. More of a lizard name. Curtis.

Yeah. Like a bearded dragon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here, Curtis, have your cricket. Oh, he ate his head off. All right.

So Sam goes around with the black light and this is psychotic. But I will say you can never trust these fucking C rats. Okay, hotel employees. I mean, if we went into every hotel or Airbnb that we went that we stayed at with a black light, the things that we would find are horrifying. Now, it's how are you going to live life like that? That's the question. It's about it's about what do you do now, right? You see that there is some kind of new global pandemic spawning in the the

coffee table next to your bed. So what are you going to do about it? Sleep, huff it up, become patient zero. That's all you can do. That's all you can do. You have to accept this. Now, you don't want to see it right in front of your eyes, which is why bring a black light, right? You know, every time a cheeseburger through the fast food window gets handed to you, what do you got to get? You're really going to start working? gonna start working out what I like like oh yeah I'm sure it was all pure from the cow getting slaughtered its head chopped off and thrown in a dumpster yeah then to the you know cut up and then driven to McDonald's you want to worry about that and then so you know I think and and and listen I'm the king of insane bad examples and analogies but I think that that you know you could argue that McDonald's is in a very demonic and fucked up way

some of the cleanest food you can eat. Possibly. It's so laden with chemicals and mouthwash. It's like eating bleach. Yeah. This can't hurt me. McDonald's is essentially the Barbasol of food you know. I have to tell you. Is Barbasol the blue stuff that you put the combs in? Barbasol. Oh no, that's shaving cream? What's the blue stuff? Oh, I think I know what you're talking about.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yeah. All right, anyways, moving over. So let's put dinner in the Lord's hands and get to it. It's an Asian fusion feast. And Sam says, I would like to remind the chef once again, Frasier says we got it burnt to a crisp. Now, how do you feel about this with Frasier? So you realize that you were you're kind of being implicated as part of the

fuck up team that left people's luggage. This is the first five minutes of season your next season. Yeah. Frasier not going to Chef Lawrence and going I need to make sure this thing is burnt to a crisp. Did you hear me Chef Lawrence? Yeah, did you hear me? But I believe Frasier is thinking you were hired for a reason. Right? That's probably his first mistake. Yeah. to not fuck up like this. Well also, you know, there's some There's professed loyalty amongst the Sea Rats

There is not right so Not my job not my problem I mean, that's you know It's your fault the only thing that I'm gonna say about this course and I can't to hear your thoughts, because there were multiple courses is the fact that it was a single course in five courses, dessert included. And so the fuck up was one little blip on the radar. Or you may have a different opinion. I will see. First up is a turbot in

shiitake broth. I saw it after fish. Disgusting looking. Looks like it's the loony tune run over by a car fish. Of the fishes. Wow. But. A beautiful fish a flaky fish, a delicate fish cooked in a shiitake broth. Now I would say that there was way too much broth. I mean this

this fish was swimming again I'd say and it was too much. We get some chicken tenders and fries that's a sweet thing to do. That's for the kids. And then we get to the steak and spinach with crispy onions on top the steak is under now It is not it's well done But he does not want an ounce of pink because it goes against quote everything everything he believes in okay so he What he wants to Virginia will oh Lawrence wants to kill himself. Yeah. When the stakes get set back, he says he wants to kill himself. He wants to grab a rock and fall on a lake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So next up is a teriyaki chicken wing. Now this is, this is kind

of Hollywood Boulevard food, but elevated to dare I say quite an impressive degree. These are chicken wings that are deboned, compressed, fried or roasted to a beautiful crisp and this was actually a lovely preparation. I would pay anywhere from 17 to 28 dollars for this restaurant. Yeah. We then get tropical fruit salad with mango cream and the guests are going, right. We're back on track. Oh, okay This is a nice little hand of a meal the plates look beautiful, and it looks like you know Jesus does save I mean this guy does look like he can cook now if

You really can cook and I mean at a very very high level I don't mean to flame all chefs on this show, but if you can cook at like a very, very high level, you won't cook in these kitchens. Why are you here? There's no way you'll cook in these kitchens because you need kitchens that work, not kitchens that are designed to make you put rocks in your pocket and jump into the ocean, right?

So I'd give it four pots. Dinner is over, but the trauma of service remains. Lawrence is up all night tossing and turning. And the next day, he cannot work. He drags production into the galley because of his screaming and his fits. And they say, listen. I mean, everyone's doing their job.

This reminded me of that scene in Casino where they bring him back and they put the guy's head into a vice. It's like, what do you think this is child? Okay. You are set up to be made a mockery of. You'll be Instagram famous. You shot up a restaurant.

You killed a poor waitress and had two kids. I have to put your head in a fucking vice and squeeze your brains out. Right, right, right. Exactly. So listen, it's going to be a great season. season my baby sister Ruby's gonna be filling in for a couple of episodes but and the triumphant return of Kaelin oh that's right Kaelin will be on the zooms now you probably Kaelin will probably fire the zoom up and then go watch I don know, some really bad horror movie on Netflix.

And at the end of the episode, Pat and Ruby will be going, Kaylin? Kaylin? So I don't think you'll hear a ton of him, but he will be here. The return of Kaylin next week. We love you guys very much. Five Stars, Kind Words. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye. Later dudes. Love you