Kill James Bond! - Pasta: A Coping Mechanism | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S3 E12

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

Pat, Nick and Dylan are back to talk about the horrors of pasta, long island trash, the puzzling vodka tonic, cigs. snakes, throwing up in showers and even more Below Deck Sailing Yacht. Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Down Under, Below Deck Sailing Yacht seasons 1 & 2 AND Love is Blind Season 2.  https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetworkVideo of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw?sub_confirmation=1

The dinner consists of obviously Gary flirting with the new girl and obviously Ashley getting blacked out before the sun goes down. But she says, and I quote, gracias, gracias, gracias. Gary's a whore. Ashley had herself a hell of an episode. I actually had a lot of fun watching Ashley tonight. She gave me some goofies. She really did. She's a true superstar. Yeah. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Sailing Yet podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis.

Ahoy mateys. Fat producer of the podcast over there behind my glasses. Permission to come aboard. That was very truncated. You kind of threw me off there. Guys, we have to tell you about a magnificent sponsor before we get into public service announcements. It's one of those 70-odd nights,

so buckle up, everybody. We're getting paid. Guys, magicmind.co is where you will go to get the once-daily anti-procrastination elixir of your dreams. It's got echinacea. It's got the mushies.

It's got everything you need to have a zen hum that'll get you through your day. And not to mention a delicious taste. I mean, my gosh, this stuff is just perfect. Go to magicmind.co, enter in promo code below deck to get 20 oh no promo code glenn2n's to get 25 off your entire order patrick hand raised personal uh testimony of today this is just a news report coming in gotten one of those road rage incidents got a guy finger swearing at me said let's pull over i know i tell you guys never do this look i have money this is dangerous me do this i happen to

have a box implying that we don't have money no no i'm implying that i'm telling you guys never to get in a road rage incident because it's just bad it's bad you should be beyond it at a certain age it's dangerous people will sue but in this case the guy pulled over i took a sip of this magic mind i threw his car at him not where i thought that was gonna go i threw his fucking car out now magic mind does give you a zen hum but evidently it also does give you superhuman rage when you need it true story and that was just one option true story because the other very plausible scenario is that magic mind allowed him to have cunning to use his words to diffuse the situation

uh so it could have went either way but both results of magic mind magic mind.co my favorite part about our ad reads is uh the lies well no no um the fact that you're talking about people think they can hit the 15 second thing and be done with it. Yeah. No, it doesn't work that way, but we love you very much and we're sorry. Guys, Below Deck episode 12 or something, I think. How did we feel about it? No, but it's close.

Thoughts, pots, Pat? All right, I'll go. This is the worst episode of the season i'm so tired of the ashley and gary drama it was nice to you know meet scarlet seems like a lovely person probably a little too good for working on this boat what do you mean we'll get to it well she seems like she's not ready to wrap herself i i'll put it we'll get to it i don't think she's gonna let anybody enter her and i don't think she has uh an only fans page uh called eat uh yeah and we don't judge but we will say that scarlet's a sea rat too so let's not set the bar

too high for any sea rat ever all right all right we didn't get enough i really hate i hate dino and dr uh yeah nip nip tits or whatever yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. There wasn't enough of that. And that slug she's married to. Oh, quick public service announcement. Nick is sucking on a 100 milligram THC soda. Oh, Nick, don't do it. It tastes... Nick, I'm warning... Nick, I'm trying...

Oh, no. It tastes... And that's 100 milligrams down the hatch. Well, we'll enjoy doing the show, Dylan. We will get through this podcast. But if you want to hear Nick lose his gourd on another podcast show, go subscribe to that. And then he will be just completely useless for PMZ at patreon.com.

I want to say this. Nick, let us know when you start to lose it, dude. Hey, I think we have just under 2,000 subscribers for our YouTube Below Deck page. Is that correct, Nick? I say that again. Hang on a second. One, that number is pathetic.

This show is so big. You guys need to go over and subscribe to YouTube. Honestly, it's embarrassing. We have way too many people listening to this podcast. This is a multi-platform show. Go to YouTube. But why are you looking at the back of that with such concern just because i just found the directions and it says start with 10 milligrams refer to dosing window and something about

clearing your throat in those directions yeah wait one hour before consuming more drink responsibly right well we shake well service ice cold i did that all right that's that's the only important part well if you want to see how this turns out you got to go to youtube another below deck podcast at youtube right yeah and watch how this unfolds subscribe clit klutz tell your friends nick thoughts pots what do you think really zero uh zero obviously right if you really want to see how this turns out go to patreon.com slash another podcast network sign up for the five dollar tier uh here our patreon only version of another podcast network that will drop around thursday and then upgrade to the ten dollar tier and listen to pmz which will be your third and final show tonight when i'll be completely out of my mind that's patreon.com slash another podcast

network at the ten dollars no more plugs no more plugs thoughts pots go ahead that's you nick you already gave me you already already high, dude? That is insane that you didn't like this episode, Pat. The fresh meat is always going to be a good time. We haven't even let Barnaby really. Barnaby hasn't let the chest hair out at all. We haven't even heard his whatever horrific past he has yet. And we already have new meat who's's like immediately causing waves pun intended.

Uh, I can't wait to see how this plays out. I'm going to give it 95 knots. Yeah. I thought it was a good episode too. We wrap with a little bit more hatred of, um, scum from long Island,

but then we, you know, kind of move through the motions of the Ashley Gary thing, which just took too long. It's a he said she raped him. He said it didn't have. It's just not. We're over it. So four pots.

All right. Solid. We pick up where we left off. The crew were being subjected to the atrocities of these underworld people, and Marcos is sleep deprived, though nothing compared to what we know he's experienced, playing a life of mercenary work. The guys, excuse me, the guests head up for dinner.

Dr. Nipples orders a vodka tonic. I can't talk tonight. And while I was distracted from the double bacon Schroomburger Bloody Mary, the first episode, I do want to speak really quickly about the vodka tonic as a drink order. It might not be for trash, but I am confused by its prevalence. Have you ever ordered a vodka tonic anywhere? Maybe once or twice in my entire life. Have you ever ordered a vodka tonic anywhere uh maybe once or twice in my entire life have you ever ordered a vodka tonic anywhere a couple times just when i was like keto i mean

that's not keto the quinine has a little sweetness in it see that's my point the vodka soda is a fine beverage that makes sense gin and tonic that's a fine beverage the the botanicals in the gin dance with the quinine or however the fuck you say it. But vodka and that, it's just messy. And it makes perfect sense that Dr. Nipples would order it. I'm going to move on. So Gary hits on Ashley and Dino demands a sake glass and the doctor screams, where's my chef? I do want to note, I don't have shit on your point, but Gary hit on Kelsey

in this moment. Oh, that's right. In the galley. He's still working hard to go for the trifecta. Little does he know, he can move right past the weird one and still get that, that, uh... Well, he is ever greedy. All three of them. He wants the rhombus if he does bed

the Scarlet Witch. Um, okay. Oh, I want to say this i really despise the energy of these idiots yeah the way they talk to people you're paying 60 grand a day and some uh fucking barnacle had the temerity to bark back at me like hey you're always saying 60 grand a day they're down a fucking stew these people have a right to be pissed yes they do you address it with the captain and you say a refund is in order or a deeply discounted uh yachting experience is in order yeah you don't treat people like crap no no that you do not and you don't make people unpack and pack for you but we'll get there oh so i love how they

not to get out of myself i love how daisy uh made that call to throw that fucking their dirty fucking laundry in there like tony soprano does fucking arms go take a piss and wipe with one of her summer dresses i would i would have paid for them to see footage of them opening up their bags when they got back to bum fuck wherever okay holy shit my underwear smells like trash okay yeah they didn't wash it it must be fun for these sea rats to have like the defensive like production because like for shitty rich people if they got home and their clothes were shoved in there i wouldn't put it past them to like reach out and and call the boat and get daisy in trouble but she knows this is entertainment she was probably

encouraged to do it because no one likes this and she's a maid woman this is her second yeah we know she's a maid but i don't know what okay so the food is too much to go through it's it's fucking salmon and cream cheese rolls and fucking crab rolls just lighting the world on fire with this stuff but it's not marco's fault trash is fascinated by sushi that japanese people wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole japanese people do though drink sapuro and dino wants not going to do the accent again he wants Sapporo so does that leathery bear Chris so Daisy informs them that they don't have any Japanese beer because they didn't buy any Japanese beer yet they ask for it over and over again and I'm wondering I don't know if they're so

fucked up on their cocktails and pills or if they think that going to Ashley is going to be a successful runaround of Daisy's attempts to hoard all this beer that she doesn't have. It's just so bizarre. Daisy hit it. It was quiet and it moved quick, but she referred them to toddlers. This is how toddlers behave. Ice cream? No, Elliot.

You're not having ice cream. Ice cream? Right. Elliot, no. Yeah. No chief stew told you there's no beer she's not lying to you idiot i do are you going to note that uh she did have gary check the preference yes which i loved yeah yeah because she probably this was probably the best four seconds of her uh entire evening when she got to report back to old fucking fake guido dino in a calm polite voice um i'm sorry uh you didn't listen on the preference sheet i'm so sorry you loud piece of shit well what a what an irish accent super good you sound like an au pair i would be willing to bet that Dino, in the last couple weeks,

was introduced to Sapporo at the open bar at a wedding or something, and he's convinced knowing a Japanese beer will make him classy, even though it's no better than a Modelo. Yeah, you got to clear that throat, Nick. It's so light. It bothers you guys way more than it does the audience. It hurts. It hurts.

It's grating. And then you guys way more than it does the audience. It hurts. It hurts. It's grating. And then you gloss over the point that I made, and then we don't discuss the point. It's tough to hear the point when it's so thick in there. I'm sure it was a great point, but I just couldn't hear it because it was so disgusting. Dino, just introduced to uh japanese beer even though it's no better than a modelo and um yeah fuck you guys the dino dino's like new love for sapuro is the reason like he's the kind of person that makes things chuggy you know like sapuro's chuggy after dino's caught on to it you know what i mean yeah yeah it's like um when your parents joined facebook yes it's kind of like when people uh took up with uh cristal after uh tarantino put

it in like three movies fucking cristal everyone had to fucking order cristal okay guys the point wasn't that good we don't have to keep going hold on hold on well well well really quickly dino's response to daisy correcting him is well we didn know. Of course he has some stupid defensive thing to say. He's like, well, we didn't know we were going to have this sushi spread. How's that, dumbass? You requested the dinner specifically. How is that, dumbass? Great point.

Also, this idiot, he begins doing what 22-year-old thotties do, where he's got his camera out filming the big spread that Marco's put out there. And I was thinking, he put that up there now not knowing that thousands of people that would hate follow him would then view that later on at another date. I don't think panning around a table of food

is exclusive only to Thotties. Dumb people. I've never done it. Let's do that. Yeah, bigger umbrella term. But I've definitely done it. I do that yeah bigger umbrella but i i've definitely done it i mean when you have a beautiful plate of food and then you posted it no no no that's my point he posted that okay i really hate dino i hate chris i mean his fucking transfusion

sounds like a procedure for a person with a sex change well it's what tiger went through and it is a white power country club drink uh but um d, oh, I will give Devil's Advocate a little bit. If they requested a Japanese meal, maybe a little forward thinking and have Japanese beverages to accompany it. Maybe even if they don't request it by name. No, you don't buy booze for them. They buy all the booze for them. Yeah. That was explained to us by Gabby.

Yeah, you're not buying them Japanese beer. They have a budget set aside for that, and then it becomes theirs. And then they complained because a lot of charter guests said, well, I didn't like that the sea rats were drinking my shit because they paid for it. Regardless, we got to move on.

So Ashley washes the pubes out of the towels. What's up? I just, I don't think. Yeah, I don't think you know what I meant. So she washes the pubes out of the towels and big boy asks for a tray of booze to wash the Ambien down with as he sleeps idly by his drunk, drunk wife. At 410, Daisy goes to bed and we wake for the next day. Yeah. Next morning.

Before we get there, let's take a quick break. Talk about Rothy's. Guys, I shit you not went out to a lovely sushi dinner with my friend Matt and saw him in these beautiful, beautiful green penny loafers. And I was like, whoa. Hang on a second, Nordstrom. where'd you get those uh what's the other department store that's really nice macy's no that's the worst one uh the really nice blooming dales no that's beneath no blooming dales is nice ross dress for less that's so he's wearing these

shoes and i'm like wow those are beautiful those? And he goes, they're actually recycled shoes. I go, shut up. What are they called? And he says, Rothy's. Guys, do you want to blow people away with your footwear like my friend Matt did? Well, then go to rothys.com slash below deck. You'll get $20 off your first order. They're comfortable. They're're stylish they're washable and they are eco-friendly i mean what else can we say about these guys

they're a lovely company we're happy they're a sponsor of the show go to rothys.com enter in promo code below deck get 20 off your first order hey hey Dylan testimonial yeah the proof is in the pudding uh I was walking down the street with my new pair of rothies yeah uh and they are definitely made out of plastic bottles I had three zombies trying to remove my shoes off my feet yeah so they could recycle them hashtag true stories go to rothies $20 off because you use the promo code so we wake the next day to uh do a little sailing, and that drunk malpractitioner pukes all over the place. Chris, her husband, says, how did Columbus do this?

Going back that far, huh? Weird. Fucking colonialist. Anyways, breakfast is served. I love this wrapped burritos and McMuffins that's the only thing these people need it's the only thing these people deserve

Dino is evidently keeping tabs on what time Daisy wakes up did you guys catch that? I didn't a little shit like that just oozes out of him he's like what time did you get up Daisy? why does it matter, Dino?

You sun-crisp old fuck. Shut up. All right. Then Ashley walks into the horror that is the master cabin. Did Led Zeppelin stay here or these fucking Long Island trash bags? It's like when Willard pulled up to uh the hanging bloodied bodies at uh colonel kurtz's new home you know that's what it reminded me of um disgusting disgusting what were your thoughts on it i thought willard was that show on fx with the imaginary dog but

i realized that's wilfred that's wilford oh thatfred, yeah. I think my wife banged the guy that dressed up like the dog. So she is soaking in this slovenly massacre, all while Dr. Nichols and the sow that she married make a request, or rather a declaration. I'm not packing shit. I can't believe your wife banged Wilfred. Well, you never saw what the guy looked like under the dog costume. He's a good looking guy. He had a open face.

Yeah, he's got a big fat face. Well, okay. It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it. Yeah, me neither. I don't want to. Who wants to talk about who their wife banged? Hey, because these people, I think, are trying to beat Simple Chuck's record for being the world's

biggest sack of shit. And let's be clear, they do not. They come close. No, they don't. Because, we'll get to the tip, but I'm conflicted. All right.

I'm telling you, what they should have done, I said in my thoughts and nods, they should have just said, hey, this is who we are. We're obnoxious people from Long Island. People that know us,

love us, because they understand it. You guys will not. We're going to be a little mouthy. We're going to get a little drunk. We're obnoxious people from Long Island. People that know us love us because they understand it. You guys will not. We're going to be a little mouthy. We're going to get a little drunk. We're going to stay up late, but we're going to take care of you. Right. Start it out that way. Right, right, right. But they have no self-awareness that people actually hate them. They walk through life with

the person that made them their coffee at Starbucks going, I hate that bitch. That is the most perfect kind of tone setter not only does it accomplish the expectations you have of the sea rats it gets ahead of your rudeness and your trashness but i also feel like it would be a very endearing thing to the sea rats i feel like the relationship would just be pretty, pretty tight. Had that declaration been made in the beginning,

you know, imagine Chris walking up to him, just being like, you got about 45 minutes to why wife blacks out and turns into a complete raging bitch for three days. We're going to take care of you, but just, just don't let me hear about it.

Hear from her. Yeah. The Pat's version though, I think was a little bit better, but, but point remains. That would have been a great thing to say. You want to know where I got the idea?

Barry did it. The guy that we got along so swimmingly. We finally talked to him. Him and his lovely boyfriend. Well, we didn't get along swimmingly. He made fun of my weight gain. I am very sensitive about that. Who's he?

He's a fat fuck, too. Well, yeah. He looks like a manatee. No, I mean, we had a good time, but I still think that he's a sassy problematic bitch he lick he looks like fucking gaston's little sidekick yeah you are so intimately aware of that movie be our guest be our guest be our guest be our guest so um where are we dill oh i love the idea it's like giving 20 bucks to your bartender.

Yes, tip early and don't tip often. Yeah. Well, you tip early so you don't have to tip often. All right, so they're in the midst of packing shit, and as Daisy and Ashley shove their shit away, Big Boy asks for more vodka in his orange juice, and he enters into a state of panic when he takes the first sip and realizes that there's no liquor in this juice.

It's really, really sad, actually. You know what scene I wish they'd show, and I actually wish that happened, which is they pull up the dock, and then Chris turns over, Daisy! Daisy, I'll take another transfusion. I'm sorry. We reached the dock.

Service is over now. Daisy. So the guests depart. Dino signs off on Glenn's docking. What are you doing in the salmon polo sitting right behind the captain going, good job? Just fucking leave people alone. And captain said, thank you. But what he's really thinking, he's like, if you were the right measurements, I'd gut you like a fish.

Right. Do you know how many of this idiot's auto repair shops had to be burned down and get the insurance money to pay for this fucking trip? I'm convinced that. Do we know what Dino does? I guess we're thinking that Dr. Titsout is the breadwinner in that family. We're going to have to go back to last week's preference. Yeah, we're going to have to get old gumshoe on the case.

Do you have his profession? I don't know. Okay, so. See, everybody listening, that's a fucking professional, okay? That's why we're That's why we work so well together. We are the number one below deck recap podcast in the world. Without a doubt.

See you later. Don't let something hit you in the ass yeah don't let it do that so um here is where me gets conflicted nick hand raised dino is an investment baker and his wife donna is a homemaker so he does okay dina's uh dino's selling a penny crypto stocks to people. Hey, have you ever heard of Flora? What about Luna? Gotta get Flora and Luna. He's of the age. He probably worked under Jordan Bellflower. That's

right. So let's get to the tip, Pat. 20 grand. Which is not... That's middle ground right there. No, it is not. It is middle ground. No, it isn't. It's B2B+. Now, here's where me gets conflicted. Because that's middle ground right there no it is not it is middle ground no it isn't it's b2b plus now here's where me gets conflicted because as long as you tip well do whatever you want there's sea rats like i mean what are we doing you know i'm actually kind of fine with it almost all is

forgiven when you tip 20 grand plus good luck uh when you open that case and not having to explode because it's so smelly with all the... Well, the sea rats don't have much foresight, you know? And they, you know, Daisy... Are you saying they're impulsive? They're a little impulsive. They're running from demons. And I think it shows you just how effective the tip can be

as an apology because when the sea rats see that cash, I mean, amnesia. They don't remember any of those horrors. Dylan, you know, though, I think long-term memory, you look back, what are you going to remember? The two grand that you blew out on a night where you blacked out? Or do you remember how much you hated those people?

Money can only buy you so much. Money can buy you class. But them in the moment when they got that big tip and just forgetting about all the mistreatment they endured, it lends more credence to Pat's theory. Tell them that's going to happen up front. They'll be like the gimp, just spit in my mouth for three days. They won't be complaining.

Yeah, and when I said money can't buy you class or it can buy you class, what am I doing? It triggered in me an emergency public service announcement that we did not cover in the midst of our public service announcements. We are covering the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Feeling Giovanni. At patreon.com slash another podcast network. If you want to hear us recap Erica's slide down into pill addiction and drinking, you know, the robbery, all that stuff.

If you're a Housewives fan, go to patreon.com slash another below deck. Or how about what? Slash another podcast network. By the way, I was thinking about this still, and I'm going to do a plug for a show that I was on this week. Behind our paywall right now, currently, we have three shows that sometimes we go almost an hour for five bucks three shows a week i i listen to other podcasts and subscribe to other patrons patreons it's five bucks a month i get one show that lasts 15 minutes we give you three shows lasting an hour it's almost like we're a radio show that you're used to you just put us on whenever you need to we're killing ourselves okay we're not you know we're not

uh uh are you trash we're not friends with andrew schultz you know we gotta grind and if you want to help us support us then do it you'll have fun oh one last plug i was on rose pricks well nick has to say something before that because that's great. Go listen to Rose Pricks. I was just going to say if anybody knows the RU Garbage guys, we'd love to get in touch with them. We would love to get in touch with them. I'm trash. I'm garbage.

Oh, yeah. We're perfect for that show. Hey, go support me because one of our business models is we got to start going on other people's podcasts, and they got to keep having us on. Go listen to Rose Pricks over there on Apple Podcast uh hosted by stephanie wilder taylor i went over there and talked to meredith first sight 90 day and uh joe millionaire and it was a good uh good time and leave a five-star review over there and say have patty on more great so glenn announces a new addition to the crew and fans only waves her cash in the air and says I like it this

way which moving on she really is having a mental cave in here Ashley is not too keen on some new bitch coming in and soaking up her tips and her daisy and her dick you know she's just not happy about

it air attack she says she's having a tough time um with the fact that a new woman is coming aboard she's fine with new guys she does not get along well with women which is i mean an m night chammy man type. And it is due to the fact that her evil, evil older sister used to fuck all of her boyfriends. Yeah. There's a reason behind it. Yeah. She has a hatred and distrust of other women.

Poor thing. In her OTF, she's done this a number of times. She says these lines and kind of laughs, but there's no confidence in her delivery, and it's really cringe. She's just talking about, like, I'm a huge sloth. Okay. She's going to find God, I think, in another stage of her life. So let's meet Scarlett.

She loves San Diego, as someone from Arkansas would. Can't blame her for that. And she loves touching hot stoves. Ouch. I feel like I really got to know her for that. And she loves touching hot stoves. Ouch. I feel like I really got to know her in that. I feel like you've cut off Nick so many times. I'm talking. He's talking, too.

No, I feel like you've cut him off. Go ahead, Nick. I do slightly start before you. It's close. Well, I'm loud. It's a photo finish. It's like Nick's mucus in his throat. I do not.

It's distracting. I can hear it. The anger brought up the mucus but right before that i didn't have mucus um scarlet she touches hot stoves ouch she's like that girl that little girl was on oprah doesn't feel pain oh wow and then she put her hand on the stove and then she wouldn't know it and then she'd burn her hand really bad it was a long time ago i was like seven i was like that's when i knew that pain is just like a mental trigger to allow your body to know you're in danger and i was like you can just mentally get over pain well a lot of red flags here as i said the love of san diego little forgiveness because she is from arkansas doesn't like country music

what's how what do you think of that one? I think she loves country music. She's trying to throw us off the scent. I think so. Yeah. Think she's a big Kendrick fan? I don't know. Yeah? I don't know.

I think a girl from Arkansas who doesn't like country probably hates her dad. Whoa. That's a... Whoa, what a jump there. No, that's exhibit A. Exhibit B is the tattoo right between her tatas. Right, the Rihanna tattoo. Oh, she had a tattoo there.

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay, there you go. That's a cool tattoo. Yeah, that means Dylan's turned on by it, as am I, brother. All right. Okay. You know, I didn't want to fist bump you there, but I also didn't want to leave you hanging,

but I really regret that fist bump. Guys, mentally heal. Go to betterhelp.com and do this for us. Put your oxygen mask on first, okay? Take care of your mental well-being so that you can care for the people that love you and you love the most in life.

Pat, take it away. Huh? Yeah, when you're on a plane that's going down and then the air oxygen thing drops. Not about Yeah. When you're on a plane that's going down and then the air oxygen thing drops. Not about that. Talk about your brothers drunk together meeting and how beneficial that was for your mental health. Oh, when I'd go to my group therapy? Right. Oh yeah. Yeah. Look, it helped out a lot. Not as much as it's been working for me with Better Help now. Right. Because I used to go in there. We wouldn't want to promote a competitor.

Exactly. I used to go into this men's group therapy. There were two guys. They were both named Jay. They'd spend the entire men's group therapy when it was their time to talk, talking about what girls, I mean, I'm sorry, 58-year-old women they were having sex with. Right. And they basically talk about their conquests. And one of them, one time, bragged about not giving a girl herpes.

Anyway, I had to- What does burnout mean to you? Burnout? What does that mean to you? Burnout? What does that mean to you, man? Burnout? It means that you've been working too much. It means that you've not been taking mental inventory of yourself.

It means that you're being overwhelmed by life. Like we said, we're not friends with Andrew Schultz. We have to grind. We have to work so hard, and oftentimes we can feel burnout that is why the three of us are in dire need of better help you can get um perfect therapy from people that you don't even have to look at if you don't want to if that's's, you know, if you feel more comfortable with that. I actually shut the screen off. Actually, at my session last week, the doctor said, oh, you don't want to do face-to-face? I said, no. She said, then I won't do it either. She could look at me. She turned it off. I like that privacy. Because, you know, I hadn't dyed my hair yet that day, and I'm a little insecure, even when it's a therapist.

Of course. And she will help you with that, as will everyone at BetterHelp.com slash ABP. You'll get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp.com slash ABP. Guys, let's get back to the show. So Scarlett walks past the guys and gets introduced to everybody and once again we've got this um you're gonna banger talk from the guys and and it honestly it makes me sick that they're likely right because they're all sea rats they know how sea rats think but it's just like maybe she's a reasonable human being and she's repulsed by gary and his mullet you know you never know these people have agency call me crazy or maybe she's just uh trying to be on tv she knows what the gig is sure drop the moxie suck bag okay jesus uh gary

erupts out of bed to help her with her luggage obviously uh He sees this as an opportunity to display his heroism. A joke about the weight of her bag, which I think is something that's been uttered 115 times on this show. Why is there a dead body in here? Get out of here, Gary! And then that one moment when stars aligned, they were asking Captain Glenn, and they were right.

So, let's continue to explore the insanity of ashley as she and her new roommate are unpacking scarlet asks are you single and ashley says i'm not sure how to respond you are yeah that's what i had you are how could you not be sure how to answer that question it's so obvious and she really fucking weirds her out with her response too she scarlet can feel it ashley's like well gary's really flirty and we've kissed a few times yeah but i asked if you were in a relationship what are you talking about evidently gary's in 17 different relationships at any given time uh and also he's you know the mental like you said the mental warfare between these two like the point blank questions how old

are you 25 and she's like 23 she's like yeah you're two years past your prime right right right uh but what is this it's like something at a zoolander um i can't recall the uh the scene no no no the uh reference to pop culture that i'm looking for so uh they hop in the van and they discuss well hold on well hold on no no no no they discuss what's up baby uh van talk i call this new segment uh they discuss the thought-provoking question is your perception of reality akin to other people's experience in reality kidding they talk about who they'll fuck van talk do you know van talk was the uh barstool show that was the short-lived barstool show that was on espn uh with pft so i don't think you get sued you can't use that as they um get me they discuss whether

or not gary you know did he get raped did he not get raped all joking aside and it's okay to joke about rape if a guy gets raped that's rule 42 of whatever rape uh he didn't get raped i mean you know he came on defender this week he told everybody to cut it out then why don't you just say you put your penis in her you jackass yeah exactly everyone knows what he was doing he was relatively lucid and protesting but he wanted it that's a little well use the uh age-old uh comparison like look i licked the ice cream did i eat the ice cream yeah you went from australian to almost rafiki at the end did i eat the ice cream. Did I eat the ice cream? Yeah. You went from Australian to almost Rafiki at the end? Did I eat the ice cream? Answer yes, though.

You did eat. You ate the ice cream. You put the tip of your penis in her. Sure. You fucked her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually am of the belief that she did rape him. He was not in a state to consent and she's like this

is gonna happen now did he care that he was raped no he in fact he enjoyed it but uh i i don't think he's getting high off yeah i don't think you are consistent yeah you are consistent all right so they get to club minorca um Any reviews on this bad boy? No. Okay. So word gets back to Ashley that, get this, Gary doesn't think they had sex. And now we're in DEFCON. The dinner consists of obviously Gary flirting with the new girl and obviously Ashley getting blacked out before the sun goes down. But she says, and I quote,

Gracias, gracias, gracias. Gary's a whore. Ashley had herself a hell of an episode. I actually had a lot of fun watching Ashley tonight. She gave me some goofies. She really did. She's a true superstar. Yeah.

All right, before we get to the rest of the episode we will uh take a quick break for the 75th ad of the night to talk about green chef pat yeah how good is green chef i told you dylan uh i don't want to sound like a broken record it's uh it's enhanced my relationship with my wife. Yep. We spent years of her dispatching me on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, lunch and dinner. Oh, my God. That's Green Chef.

Actually, I'm copping up the chicken broccoli. Yeah, so don't think that's a good pitch. But let me tell you about Green Chef. So don't think that's a good pitch. But let me tell you about Green Chef. Please, Patrick, with fresh produce, premium proteins, and organic ingredients, you can trust Green Chef is the number one meal kit for eating well. It's also sustainable. Green Chef is the most sustainable meal kit on the planet, and it offsets 100% of the company's carbon footprint.

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Go to greenchef.com and use, oh, go to green chef.com and use, uh, Oh, go to green chef.com slash below deck one 30 and use code below deck one 30 to get $130 off plus free shipping. Again, that is green chef.com slash below deck one 30, uh,

personal testimony. What's up, uh, last Wednesday, uh, the box showed up. The wife and I said, we're going to stay at home.

We're going to cook together. You know, I don't know how to fucking cook anything. Uh, you, you seen that movie ghost where movie Ghost where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze, they're kind of taking that little pottery thing. It gets all hot and horny. Oh, my gosh. The wife and I are pulling out all the various little packets,

the ingredients. We start doing a little dance with our hands. It was just like Ghost. The hands and the knives and the cutting boards. We had to hold ourselves back. We prepared that meal. We ate it. It was like the best kind of, what what do you call before you have sex where you do the little foreplay it's called foreplay that's what green chef was you tucked into that mango pork chop and

then you tucked into each other exactly right threw a move on the wife she accepted the invitation bang bang bang okay shut up shut up if i've said it once and i'll say it again it is shocking how every single one of our sponsors helps pat bang his wife yes and you know what else could bad segue i did want to talk about how beautiful patrick swayze was really in all of his movies before he aged but now he's a drunk you know what will prevent you from aging like patrick swayze athletic greens guys our next potter has a product that i use literally every single day i started taking athletic greens because little gutties little tiny gutties that i didn't really like and i wanted to get a smoother day going not only am I implementing this in my everyday regimen,

my wife is, I don't want to say addicted to this stuff because that is a fragile relationship with substances. This is more of a marriage. She's married not only to me, but also to Athletic Greens. How would you describe the taste? Delicious? Delicious. And also, not about the taste, but about the benefits of it.

Yeah. You talked about how it helped your gut biome. Yeah, my little gutties. Look up on the gut-brain connection. It'll basically cure your depression if you start taking Athletic Greens. It's crazy how shit works. That's why we so smart. And guys, Athletic Greens has over 7,000 five-star reviews.

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All you have to do is go to athleticgreens.com slash below deck. And again, that is athleticgreens.com slash below deck. Take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Nick? Also, I hope Pat fuck his wife more. Okay. So, let's get back to this dinner what a dinner

nick's got his hand raised oh sorry i actually do have a trip advisory review for club menorah oh beautiful uh so this one um is well first of all club menorah 206 reviews 3.5 circles out of five the number two resort in kala and porter which isn't bad until i tell you that it's out of two yep uh so miles miles k wrote in english a review on august 2016 he's uh from the united kingdom he's got 112 contributions to trip advisor and has received 45 helpful votes for those said 112 contributions. Micro-influencer. His review is titled, oh, it's one circle. Right.

His review is titled, Like a Rerun of Fawlty Towers. Okay. Now, this is the problem with these Brits. They reference British shit. Yeah, we don't know. It's like, what was that, John Cleese? What are you talking about? I'm surprised.

I haven't seen it, man. I'm surprised you knew that much. I'm not surprised you did, but it's good that you did. Fawlty Towers is a British television sitcom written by John Cleese and Connie Booth. Did you know that? Broadcast on BBC in 1975 and 1979 1979 two series of six episodes each and it's uh thought by many to be the greatest british tv sitcom ever made uh and it's called faulty towers i think it might

be about like a rundown hotel or some bullshit uh speaking of rundown hotels oh yeah club minorca i thought you had an anecdote no no no god no uh miles writes after titled like a rerun of faulty towers recommended for recommended to visit for happy hour well that was just a bit of an oxymoron no that's not an oxymoron oxymorons are like two opposite things there's no opposite i was wondering why you stopped uh i i you should have said the ironically named happy hour because he wasn't happy there but it's not an oxymoron well that was just a bit of an oxymoron no you sound like a moron uh what a fantastic view but customer service was missing both drinks were wrong and when raised was told that was that what we had ordered dot dot dot

dot dot dot right the toilets were very unhygienic and there was a pervading unpleasant smell which we thought was cat urine we didn't try another happy hour right i added the quotes and i don't know why i love that they did that um yeah i've never heard that way to get out of a mistaken order like two completely different drinks show up at the table it's a sea rat move they're like no you ordered those and then just walk away have you heard of the window in los feliz of course uh we went to the window yesterday and um we already have food, but we wanted to try these burgers. We were right there.

I went and ordered a burger. There was, like, no line. Okay. Still took forever. Took forever. Yeah. Finally called my name. I go up to the window.

All I got was one double cheeseburger. That's their specialty. You just knock these out all day. Yeah. Get to the window. Chicken sandwich in the bag. Yeah. Ticket says burger i'm

like oh i had a burger first of all the i should have and we can't take much more time on this yeah i know i should have held the chicken sandwich in my hand but instead i held the bag and i go and he grabbed it and i didn't even get the chicken sandwich and they immediately handed me a burger they were ready they were ready but yeah so that's club minorca not very nice well he would have smushed the bag. It would have been all air. And then he would have realized you were trying to dupe them. Oh, no.

They gave me a chicken sandwich. It was worth the effort. How do they fuck that up? I ordered one double cheeseburger. That's all they knock out all day. All right. So we are at this dinner. And they are like, oh, he probably wants the chicken sandwich.

I'm done. They're like, just talking about how Gary's a whore and sucking down cigs, and all this stuff happens. But the fun really happens when we get back to the boat. Well, I do want to actually touch on one thing with Ashley. Yeah. Because she, at some point, is, I don't know what's in it. Obviously, she's had a couple but she begins

telling the table that she banged gary and she's emphatic about it and she will yell to anybody who'll listen i think the people working back in the kitchen scrubbing the dishes did you hear she banged gary who's gary someone said. And then this sound happened. That was her dad. Her dad watched tonight's episode. Okay. And he finally, he took the plunge. He should have took athletic greens. The mysterious sound.

What's it called? Oh, secret sound. Secret sound. Ashley's dad putting a bow on his head. No, he jumped off a roof. That was a thought all right so we hop in the van and ashley's eyes are rolling into the back of her head um we continue with the did he or didn't he talk and we arrived the real problem for gary according to colin this whole

ashley thing has really ruined his chances of getting with scarlet nick laugh now i love this move because colin is the voice of reason because he just eats potato chips yeah so his attempt to intervene and counsel gary which i thought was going to be emotional support and maybe that little angel on your shoulder the consciousness now wingman david if you keep this up uh scarlet you'll never see her fun back right right right it's like quentin tarantino telling uh harvey weinstein hey cool it we're gonna lose money over this he did say that didn't he yeah but he didn't care so um ball of snakes would suggest that uh scarlet is more open to gary than we thought despite her boss telling her not to and possibly a dangerous roommate who could slit her fucking throat over this but love is love meanwhile meanwhile meanwhile the weird one takes a shit

okay so we wrap with ashley who tries to talk to gary about how she remembers that they fucked and he blows her off and this leads to an all-time moment for man actually she heads downstairs and begins hammering tupperware pasta i I mean, a lot of it. You fucking go, girl. You go, girl. What a hedonist this one is. She made David Hasselhoff look like he was in some sort of manners class. What do you call those? Cotillion.

Cotillion. She made David Hasselhoff Look like he was at Cotillion That famous video Of him on the Hallway floor Nailed it Was he in a bathtub? A floor

He was on a floor He was on a floor Yeah and I think His daughter filmed him Eating that cheeseburger Yeah It was a cry for help I think

Dad say hi But when you When you put him Side by side to Ashley It's like Is that freaking Cotillion Cotillion Now I want to say this, though.

This was what was upsetting, because the jacuzzi is obviously where the ball of snakes slither. It's a litmus test for a good season. But she fucking Ashley nosedives all the fucking fun and is a major party pooper. Not the weird one. The Ashley knows. She's a spoiled little child. And instead of someone chewing some balls, they're fucking...

What could you possibly be talking about? Sea rats mixing it up. They fucking eat again. Because I always say, there's only two things that happen on a night out with sea rats. They either enter one of each other or they end the night throwing down food.

There's only two things. Why did you say chewing balls? I don't know. That's what sea rats do. So as Scarlett is showering off the sin of the evening, Ashley heads in to vomit up

four pounds of pasta that she swallowed like a snake. Look, I already have the thumbnail ready to go for this episode. Oh, nice, nice. That's going to pop. That is going to pop. That's going to straight up pop. We've got to get a good title for this episode. That should that's gonna pop that is gonna pop that's gonna straight up pop we gotta get a good title that should be your uh only fans uh uh all right let's get to the next day next

day uh ashley cleans up her vomit and begins consuming the very same food that she wiped off the floor mere minutes after doing so um ashley has a splitting headache but the good news is she is lifted because that bitch scarlet is going to be the third stew it is really sad to see her derive so much pleasure out of scarlet being green she's got so much to work on go to better help well it was it was so gross too like because she's just trying to get information yeah it's really pathetic um and then ashley i think she uh this was maybe in her talking uh her whatever stand up or whatever yeah she uh wants to know where she stands in the uh the hierarchy of the boat you know and daisy says i can call you world leader of the universe you'll still be scraping dino's old droopy ball sweat off toilets. Okay. You like that one? That was funny.

Yeah. She did. Nick liked that one. That's a direct quote from Daisy, Dylan. All right. So before we get to the attempted coup of the new girl's position, the new girl does. Oh, God. I thought it was another ad.

Yeah, I don't. Oh, it's my fault we gotta talk to that guy there's too many in here of course there are but i've nothing to do with it i'm not blaming you no we don't take away ads i think i think we do start offering an ad free version at our ten dollar tier we can talk about later yeah let us know if we uh cut out all the ads will you pay us 10 bucks listen to that that's fun all right so we wrap with a romeo and juliet kind of convo gary and uh scarlet are are speaking and you know they're floaty little butterflies right now and they're speaking vaguely of the consequences that they will suffer when and if they do uh fuck each other so that's it for us the itunes range of usually five stars what's up i don't know what part other. So that's it for us. Shove in the iTunes range of usually five stars.

What's up? I don't know what part it was at. That's why I didn't get it. He didn't get a preference sheet meeting, dude. Oh, my God. I actually forgot about the preference sheet meeting as well. What the fuck is going on? It's all right.

We have a lot of too many shows. You know what happens? I really stopped taking notes on the preference sheet. And so when they come, I take my hands off the keys and i take a breath and i don't close my eyes i'm not driving the car anymore right i would love because we haven't kind of went long if we can actually kick off next week with great idea of the preference meeting we'll really set the tone meet our guests but our service now what's fun of this is i'm friends with one of the charter guests on instagram jess samado Amato. Jess Amato. We interviewed her last year.

She's a lovely person. Right. Love Jess. I thought when she was posting pictures on a yacht on Instagram six months ago that she was just posting old pictures of when she was on with Erica Rose. Hi. What an honor. They were so shitty.

Bravo was like, we're going to split you up and make you two horrible groups of people. Well, we will see all about them's guests. The thing was like oh i forgot i forgot i was in the beverage meeting it was my joke that um ashley the funniest part about tonight was ashley saying that this is rock bottom jump the itunes ranger usually five stars words. Go to patreon.com slash another podcast network for everything. Just there's so much there. Subscribe to another podcast show and join us on YouTube. Okay, Nick and Brian are killing it there. Go there, subscribe, tell your friends, hit the smashies, leave kind words.

We love you. We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick, say goodbye. Goodbye. Pat, say goodbye goodbye pat say goodbye bye guys Love