Another Below Deck Podcast - Picky Eaters | Below Deck Med S10 E5

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down long distance sex toys, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, AI clips, Steve Irwin, Pilipino teens, laughing sickness, Jello and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

And Carlos says, salads are fucking appetizers, okay? And I'm not going to be served a salad for my main. And listen, it's his vacation. That's right. It's his vacation. Cater to this? He can be a bitch if he wants to. Now, he does something interesting, which he, is this at the point where he walks down into the galley?

He needs to, he demands time with the chef. And he tells him to put onions and tomatoes and things. He goes, listen, I'm going to need to talk to you. Because that was not okay. That wrap? Why do you put onions and tomatoes in that? Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another below deck podcast. That's not what this show is called.

It's muscle memory. It's called Bad TV. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Great to be here. permission to come aboard. Producer Kaelan is here joining us on the on the mast. Hello.

That was a boat thing I did there. How are you? Doing great. It's Buzzball Friday. Can it be Buzzball Friday every Friday? Or do we have to retire this soon? What? I know.

Ridiculous question. You have a parent-teacher conference to get to? No, it's. it's a trunk or treat party trunk or treat what is that it's where a bunch of parents that volunteered from elliott's school show up and uh form their cars in a circle open their trunks and give out candy oh does it have to be in the trunk it's a little spooky when it's in the trunk they decorate the trunks everyone has a theme yeah yeah because i'm sure everybody's got volvos and stuff but there's probably that one parent that's got a 2002 odyssey and it's just

it's a little creepy that trunk well you wouldn't volunteer if you had that car okay um so listen and there's nothing wrong with driving that car not a car is a dependable car but the trunk is a little creepy i drove a 1984 plymouth reliant with the fabric from the top of the car falling down yeah it was falling down yeah and i had a passot it was a beautiful beautiful it was great car loved the Passat. Anyways, we're here to talk about below deck, okay? Do you know a Passat? No. A Volkswagen, Passat?

What's it look like? That's a sedan. I owned a Volkswagen, too. My second car was a golf. Okay, we gotta. We got to get into the show. Guys at patreon.com slash another podcast network. We are covering Real Housewives of Salt Lake.

Dylan, I'm glad you brought a Patreon because that's going to factor in what I'm about to announce here. If you don't mind, can I take... Please. It's Buzzball Friday. Kaelan, is it this? Absolutely. Okay.

I'd like to begin the podcast with some sad news or bad news, however you want to take it. As the audience knows, I've been in development trying to bring to life the whacker. This was a brutal blow to your entrepreneurial spirit. You're familiar with what transpired over the course of last week. Okay. To remind the audience, the whacker is my invention. It's my vision. It's a robotic hand that can be controlled by a loved one as far as a different country.

To solve Jizzy and Tommy's problems. Well, to remotely jerk you off or finger bang you, or finger bang you. Sadly, a little baddie reached out this week and delivered Patty some sad news. I was notified that a device currently exists in the marketplace. Right. And upon hearing that news, did you think, well, how could this not have existed? Are you kidding me? The idea of some device that can satisfy you.

It's innovative. It's innovative. Thank you. Yeah. So despite my product being in prototype, it was a prototype in development. And it was a superior product. How much money did you spend on it? $10,000.

Okay. Mostly in, you know, law fees and whatever. Law fees? Yeah, you got to pay lawyers, patent lawyers and whatnot. Okay. Yeah, yeah. The raw materials, though. While I was developing it in the Philippines, you know, I have a team over there.

Uh-huh. But I believe this product can no longer be a priority for me. I need to focus on the podcast. podcast. Yeah. But even though my product, I thought had a different angle on it because it had an attachment that would also plunge your keyster. Right.

Gap in the market, you thought. Yeah. I still need to let this dream go by. So if you would like to recompensate me. Well, well, hang on a second. Because, again, he does need to be recompensated. Patrick needs reparations for the endeavor that he's involved. I'm 10 grand into this.

10 grand. $9,000 of which were spent on legal fees. That's right. $9,950 spent on just the labor. And then the product itself is probably about $50 worth of materials. Yeah. So that's how it breaks down. But why did the dream die?

The dream died because the headwinds were too strong, Dylan. Well, I am an entrepreneur and I did believe in this product. The fact that there's a product on the shelves already. And what's it called? All right. So the product is called Loven's. It's L-O-V-E-N-S-E, and they have... Lovens.

Yeah. Sounds like a burger joint. Yeah, but they sell devices to help people whack each other off, like when you live, you're doing business in our... You know, listen, I was concerned about your commitment to the idea because I didn't want you to get distracted. Well, I had a great tagline. If your sex life is a slacken, again, a Wackin.

the whacker. Right. But I was concerned that you were going to dedicate too much time to it because, you know, entrepreneurship is a full-time job. And maybe that's why I said that it was a terrible idea that only served the sexual desires wants and needs of sea rats. But it turns out that I was wrong and that there are businesses that are trying to take over this space.

And so for that. Did you look it up, Kaelin? Yeah, I'm looking at the sex toys on Amazon right now. And the tagline is like long-distance relationships, right? They have that whole play on that. We'll have to look at closing the distance. Ah, oh, that's a pretty good tagline. But it's definitely not, if your love life is this slack and you need to get whacken.

The whacker. The whacker. So let's get into the episode. Sure. Thought it was a very, very fun one. We finally had some. No, Jack was a bad guess. But this is like, and we've been talking about this.

The below deck really needs to lean on awful people vacationing more. Oh, it's wonderful. It's so fun when awful people vacation. And to be fair, in this episode, there's only one awful person. That's Carlos. It's not because he's awful because you should get what you pay for. But when you're rude. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do think that, yeah, awful is a big word, but rude people and considerate people. lunatics who want greens but don't want salads. We need more of those people on this show, okay? I thought it was a great episode. I'm going to give it 77 pots. Wow. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Josh's lunch

that was universally detested. Yes. Okay. I like the episode. I thought it was the first time that we had a double firing, but it's not. Oh, really? Yeah, I went back to our archivist, Sandra.

Yeah. Two seasons ago, we actually had two people fired. It was the Greek guy who punched a wall and then V-Han. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Weehan the weasel. That was a big double-firing. Invited the girl to join him in the bed when she thought it was her boyfriend in the bed. Right, right, right.

That was a double firing. And he was like, I was just trying to talk to her. That's why I wrapped my arm around her teeth and push her into me. I was just using my shoulder for her to lean on. Wow. You're a scumbag. Huh? Wow.

All right. But yeah, this is the first time we've ever heard somebody say the food is good, but it's not giving me what my body needs. That's right. That's really, that's quite special. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a dick. Okay. Yeah, I hated him.

Yeah. Uh, Kermit, I'm coming around to, like, her maturity level of how she's dealing with things is really fun. Yeah. Um, I'm going to give it, uh, 40 knots. 40 knots. 40 knots. And Kalan, what'd you give it? I'll give it 90 knots. Okay.

It's too high. Um, all right. Let's get into it. Last we left off, Christian had let a drunk almost die in the water. And Sandy had asked Nathan for, uh, the million dollars or no, no, no, it was, uh, fat da, do, do, do, do, do, um, are you sure? Are you sure? All right, so this was...

So Sandy gives Nathan a choice, and he doesn't take either. No, he says, let's kill them both. He takes an option that was not given to him. He goes, well, Regis, I think it's A, but it could be B, too, so I'm going to guess both. Well, buddy, you can't do that. Katie Couric just really didn't have it on that show, same way. Katie Couric. I don't think she hosted

Really? I think it was Meredith something. Viera? Oh, was it Meredith Fiera? They were both from the Today Show. Do you think that Millionaire is beneath Katie Couric? Yes. Yeah.

I grew up with her and Brian Gumble and who's that fat weatherman that they used to make fun of? Al Roker. No, the other guy. What? There's another fat weatherman. Yeah.

And Brian Gumble famously wrote a memo about how he was useless on the show. It was this old white, balding guy. And he said he's a joke. He used to do happy birthdays for people over 90, and it would be on the side of a jelly jar. And it would be like, Martha's 99 years old. And then he'd say what her hobbies were.

Was Al Roker a weatherman? I think he was a weatherman, too. He started out as a weatherman, right? Kalen, do you mind? Sorry, I need to know. This guy was so nice and to be amazing for you. was still alive. I don't know how to move it.

All right, so, Weatherman, the Today Show. That's very good at this, telling you what you should search to Google search. Give me his name. Tell me the rest of the Google search. I don't know. Weatherman Today's show, Al Roper. No, not Al Roper. You know, my favorite Today's show moment ever, and I don't know if it's from the American

version of it. I think it is, but they're in Times Square and they roll out these EWalks because there's like a big Star Wars fucking something going on. And the EWarks, they're like crazy. little guys. They're probably drunk, right? And they just start, like, humping people. And they're all just like, oh, what, what? They're loosing. They're humping us. It was so funny. They're doing the worm on the ground. I'm just trying to. Willard Scott. Willard Scott. See, he's alive. What do you think? Do you think he's alive? No. Fat weather man.

Probably not. God, he was such a nice guy. You know, he made it to 2021. He made it to 2021. But he's dead. He's dead now. right let's get into it so uh they choose to fire both christian and test but we don't think that test is going to be the one first we just call tattoo up to the bridge and um they're they go you almost killed that drunk guy so uh we got to let you go now this is the problem with um this is the problem with wealth right rich pieces of shit they treat the rest of the world i you know I kind of equate Jack to somebody cuts you off on the 101

and we've talked about this before but they drive forward, not a care in the world and behind them ruin is caused brake lights have slammed all the way domino effect back to Calabasas do you think rich people have the monopoly on that? Not on, I'm using cutting people off as a metaphor but no, what Jack

Jack's behavior is like that. He walks around the world, he complains, he gets what he wants at the behest of, or at the downfall of others all the time. You know, it's really disgusting behavior. But to Jack's credit, Christian needed to get off this boat because people were going to die. Yeah. I mean, they, it's, it's, when, I'm glad I got to re-see that footage of Jack, not only hit his bum on the bottom of, but then his head and then go down in the water, like four feet.

Yeah. I don't think the world would miss him, but that's. No, no, no, no. Heaven's no. Christian, at some point, I didn't write this down, but he talks about how his father was presided over multiple airplane crashes with blood and bone and glass and that this feels like that. Yeah, his dad had crashed a bunch of planes, I guess. And he said being fired felt worse than burning into a mountain. Did he say that?

He did say that. Okay, because there's something, you mentioned it, and I can't believe it didn't ring any alarm bells, but the guy is a pilot who's now a sea rat, whose father is like a cartoon character pilot, like he's a Looney Tunes pilot who has crashed multiple planes and survived each of the crashes. Something is not adding up. No, none of it's adding up. The plane, the plane. I was also going to add to that. What a stupid thing to say. and also is being eaten by a mountain lion

while you're scuba diving worse. You know, I really feel very foolish because I got duped. I saw this AI video. The guy taking his shit, right? He's taking his shit. And all of a sudden there's a window above him, right?

Like a nice bathroom. A nice woody bathroom. And then a deer explodes through the glass. And then a bear comes in through the glass. And it's very realistic. And it's all capturing him. and he's getting trampled by this bear just while he's trying to take a shit. And I looked at the comments and it was like, oh, yeah, because everyone has a fucking camera pointed down at them shitting while in their house.

I was like, oh, man, yeah, that didn't make any sense. I'm not street smarts. I can be lulled or duped into anything, man. Me too, and I do have street smarts. Dill, I can't tell you how many things I click on where I see like just a reel. Are we talking about like real? Oh, reals, yeah. And I have to click on it to see how it ends.

Right. Yeah. Now, it's dangerous the world we're living in. And I'm sorry for taking us on that tangent. All right. So I have a theory about this. All right. So two people are going to be fired here. First, Christian, then Tess. I feel that if one of them was decent, the other one wouldn't have gotten fired. It's the fact that you can't have two incompetent assholes on a boat. Nope. They, they're both anchors for one another. Now, Tess also gets brought up and decapitated. And Tess, as expected, is pretty pissed. She doesn't know where this is coming from. I love how Sandy offers advice. Because that's the exact time that someone wants to hear what they can do better in the future to maybe help them out. Yeah, it's like in hard knocks when they're like, listen, buddy, you're just. You're not cutting it, but it's not over for you.

It's not over for you. We're going to put you on the practice squad. We're going to pay $17,000 a year. It'll be great. Thanks. Tess, though, and we'll get to this in a second, is just the most perplexing young woman. She is a danger to eat. each and every person around her yet she is like i cannot believe these losers just fired me they

have no fucking idea what they're doing she said it with such authority oh yeah that i actually she had me start thinking like could she have a bit of a point here no she's just a crazy person okay yeah uh so sandy texts norma after they fire the two sea rats um i love norma oh yeah Yeah, and we start to talk about how they're going to pull this off with two deck hands. And this whole time, below deck is very, the strings are very thick when they're trying to pull these things off. Well, ultimately it's going to be V, right? And we're going to have multiple attempted roadblocks or diversions away from this.

And it's just like, it's cool, but like we can just ask V, right? Well, what's going to happen here? Because V clearly is going to be elevated to the decky position. Yes. Oh, how do we get? What are you doing on your phone right now? Oh, I was going to reenact the phone call to Norma. Okay, please do so.

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Loomigmys.com, code bad TV. All right, let's do the call from Norma. Hello? Hi, it's Sandy. I know I've called you 18 times this episode and text you if you have any sea rats available. This episode, what are you talking about this episode? Oh, sorry, sorry. Do you have any sea rats that won't kill anyone?

No, I don't. That's right. Yeah, sorry, I kind of took over the normal role there. That's okay. That's my bad. That is completely my fucking bad. actually pitiful, actually disgusting for me. Now, Max a million tells Jizzy.

Jizzy flips out. And then he goes to say goodbye to tattoo with a smile as tall as the peaks of Sukaratafinil. He rubbed it in his face. So happy. I told you 50 million times this was going to happen to you. And Christian's like, this is a very confusing interaction right now. I'm actually just going to walk away and says that he's bummed that he got fired.

But if he would have stayed on the buddy, he would have punched Max in the face. Yeah, yeah. That's probably a good time. Tess says that she wishes Nathan all the best, and then starts laughing like Harley Quinn. I think I hate her. She is a bona fide lunatic. Well, hopefully we get to hear from her again on Watch What Happens on Monday. Maybe.

So we send out the deckhand flares and ask, or an ayesha feels horrible for Nathan because his best deckhand stabbed him in the, himself in the face with jellyfish goo. It started to spike him in the face. That's his best. Yes, his, the person he can rely on, hours earlier, rubbed a jellyfish's poison into his eyes. You know, I bet that jellyfish felt like that stingray that took out the crocodile hunter, you know? If this asshole grabs onto my tail one more fucking time, I'm going to kill him. Because that's what that stingray really said. Don't do it, dude.

Don't do it. Oh, he did it. Well, see you, Steve. Took the bastard out. See you, Steve. he did I'm so sorry I just put a piece of ice in my mouth it's okay it's not okay I can't believe I did that

well that poor stingray you know Steve did a lot of really good work with conservation and stuff but one day he's just going around he's messing with this stingray and this star is like wow look at the tail on this I'm gonna grab it meanwhile the stingray's saying to himself don't fucking do it too because I'm swimming here that stingray had been there

many times before and he had tested the limits of his patience and his anger and had managed it pretty well up until this point but you know you got to give it up to him how much how much noodling can one person endure yeah done done i get out of your steve i told you steve another sting ring sway up to him is like do you just kill that guy's like yeah i did and he's like i thought we were working on this buddy and he's like you have no fucking idea you have no idea what I've been through. This guy has yelled cracky 50 times and he keeps touching my butthole.

Has anybody touched your butthole today? Jared. No, it's a really good point, man. No, he had to go. I understand. All right, so V is going to the deck. Jizzy wants her to go to the deck so she doesn't have competition. I think I hate Jizzy, too.

Okay, I was wondering if she actually had a motive here. Okay, it's to get her out of here so that she can have all the guys to herself. Uh, no, no, no, no. It's so that she can be the apple of Aisha's eye. Oh, that's what she, uh. She wants somebody like Brie to come on who can't read. Ah, okay, but that's going to make your.

That's confused. The work harder. Yeah, it's confusing. Okay. I don't think she thought this out well. No, she did. She wants to lured over somebody. Uh, Sandy calls a meeting and it looks like we've got a return.

All right. Joe, snails on his eyebrows. Snails on his eyebrows. Okay. Slug his. sluggie eyebrows is coming back. We love Joe. So here's the thing. I think we love Joe. I forget Joe. Thank you. So I'm going to sound like a jerk here. I love radio. I'm a big fan of radio.

And I would hear hosts occasionally say, dear, they like Howard Starr would be like, like, Robin, like Robert Starr would be like, oh, Howard, Matt Damon's coming on. He's like, I don't know. Have we added one here before? I don't know, Robin. How big are your tits? Come on, Rob. Show me your tits. Come on, Rob. We don't have a lot of programming today. Come on. Come on. Bonifuko didn't fill out any of this segment.

Oh, Howard. Matt Damon's coming on. And then, I don't think he's come on before. And I would be asking myself, Howard, you don't know if Matt Damon's come on your show before. And he wouldn't remember. The point I'm trying to make is, I don't remember Joe. I'm sure I watched his entire season. I know I did actually because that's what my job is.

All right, Gary. What is two plus? to 36 oh wow slow down okay 37 hold on gary badinata babbo boy you're a loser

you're a monkey gary all right um okay so Howard stern in the late 90s and early ats was truly incredible and we've talked about it before we have to get back to below deck okay 36. Robin, what do you think about that?

Oh, Howard. Yeah. It was, we don't, sorry. Okay. All right. Tommy texts. Speaking of fucking radio hosts. Tommy texts, I hated today.

Yeah. That's because you haven't heard from your girlfriend. Yeah. You're not going to hear from her, pal. Throw her off the banister. Throw her over the banister, okay? Let me tell you something, dear. She is opportunity, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Tom Likis would call this man Tommy a bitch to his face. Son, what was the last time you had sex with her? Yeah, yeah. And she doesn't matter. Two weeks. Then she doesn't matter. all right um v asks nathan about moving to the deck team way to go v just get up there and throw

your hat the ring and i love how jizzies like oh my master plan is working you've done nothing you've done absolutely nothing here's my question is v thinking like this is her way out of cleaning toilets because that would be a motivation for me personally no no no no we talked about this last week this is her trying to recapture her love for the exterior that was uh that flame was put out by her boyfriend's death underwater by grizzly bear. Right. Wow. This is a very, very strong narrative.

Oh. I think the grizzly bear had a gun. You think we know. And it's a shame. We really should be talking about this because it's a marvel. I don't know why they've not brought this to the four. And you've had to arm, you know, Filipino teens to go dig this out for us. And I didn't believe it at first.

She were like, my guy Rodriguez got back to me. He said, get this guy, got shot underneath the water by Grizzly. So just say, I'm going to let the audience know. This is on the free feed. Yes. Oh, okay. I should know. You should.

Yeah, you should. If you go to patreon.com slash another podcast network, I do a show called PMZ where I have a crack team of Filipino children. that I've just uncovered that Disneyland parks are killing people. And I'm going to do that on the next PMC. Three people in the last 10 days have died at Disneyland. And this is what the Filipino teens are good for. We can have a hunch, but we can't find the info,

the concrete raw fucking data, okay? That's where Rodriguez and co come in. And they just find shit. And they love working on the show. Yeah, they do. uh jizzy doesn't know knows that she can't have sex with the boys on the boat because it's not right to do to tom and she says that it's hard having a conscience yeah hey uh dear dizzy that's never stopped to see rap before live your best life yeah well it's definitely not got

stop you um so anyways very fun show so far i think yeah yeah hold on i i want to say this all right so uh christian and tessa got shit can four hours earlier why can't they go to dinner that's my question i always get bummed out by that like go to dinner and talk about it now they need them off the boat um now jizzy begins to talk about who joe is going to be in love with and she says that she loves everyone loving her and finally someone says it at dinner chef goes you have a fucking boyfriend essentially he says taken goods which is a crude way to refer to a woman's flower, but somebody's got to say it. I mean, what are we fucking talking about? You have a goddamn Tommy. Now, we have a little chat about guests' demands and Josh pulling back a little bit on this

charter. Wrong charter to start with that procedure, buddy. It was not him. It was Kermit telling him that he should do that because I think she knew that he wouldn't last the entire season going this intensely. Right. So Max is awarded the position of lead deckhand. And once again, we've got an anti-climactic ending to an evening, no ball of snakes, just bed and in vice. Jizzy sits cross-legged, criss-crossed applesauce and says, Aisha, is it a bad idea to have a boyfriend on this boat? And Aisha essentially says, you know, she turns into a little bit of a Tom Likas here. She goes, well, listen, it's a two-month relationship, okay?

It's not really, yes, but yes, it's a bad idea. She's a pragmatist. Yes. Next day. Next morning! Finally, we crack the cook. V is going to split joint custody with interior and exterior. And she says that she should have thought about this,

or Jizzy says that she should have thought about this before she planted her seed, that it's going to be more work on her. Again, yeah, how could you have not thought about that? And also, again, you didn't, you literally haven't done it. This is so confusing to me why she thinks that she's masterminded this whole thing. She hasn't uttered a word about this to anybody. she's just thought about it she's planted seeds all right so

Joe arrives the romance is real is real it's rekindled now I want to caution Joe they're hugging each other they're like we'll see later in the episode there Max is running around trying to work the boat and they're just having a good time with each other Joe

beware of having a romance with Nate this is what he's going to do he's going to fall madly in love with you they'll give board and want to bang someone else, and then he'll have a change of heart and impregnate you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mean to punch holes in your condom here, but, you know what? Actually, I think that is probably pretty accurate for what he's going to do to Joe if he's not careful.

Next thing you know, Joe is pushing a baby out of his butt, and Nathan is off to the next fucking franchise of below that. God, that's so heartbreaking. Life is really sad sometimes. Dylan, I have a theory. You've been theorizing that Gail comes back to work on the boat? I don't think she does. I think she just comes. Did I say that?

I think she comes back randomly for a dinner out. Somehow she's in town, and that's where they have that argument. I think he impregnates her, like, way later than that. Oh, you think? Okay. Well, we've got a C-Rat baby nonetheless. Now, Joe was driving around looking for treasure or some shit, but he's back. And he has to handle the ladies a bit better this time because last season he had to deal with Brie and Ellie. And you remember, this was very contentious.

I love the Balkan Biscuit. The Balkan Biscuit was not happy about this one bit. And Pree was just... He said, don't fuck me over, dude. I can't read. Don't fuck me over. Yeah. All right, it looks like we've got a fan favorite. Staying on the dock because of weather.

Now, we all know this never goes over well. No. How could it? You lose the point of the boat entirely. What you pay for has been ripped away from you. Now, let's get to the preference sheet meeting. It's time for the preference sheet meeting. But before we get there, guys, today is listen.

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and see what people you went to high school with and what they're, I don't know, eating for dinner tonight. Or you can download that app and have some real fun. Or you can eat Factor for dinner. Oh my God. Is there anything better for dinner than Factor?

No. Probably not. Maybe like a really nice meal out. But in terms of like everyday go-to at-home cuisine, give me Factor every single time. Hey, Dill, so I'm getting Factor. I do the Calorie Smart program. Yeah.

A box shows up to my house at the beginning of the week. There's seven meals in there. Each one is different and unique to my preferences. And every, because I'm on the Calorie Smart program, every meal is under 500 calories. 500 calories. And I can't believe it because I'm so full when I'm done eating one of them. You get more variety, more meals.

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We got real estate people. La Dana and her friends. Aside from knowing that we have some vegans here, this was a preference sheet meeting with no preferences. Nope, just vegan and Oscar, is that his name? Carlos. Demands creativity from the chef. Now, let's get to Josh.

Ah, sea rat history. Yeah. Kind of. Okay, so we get some sea rat history from Josh. Of course, he lived in a hippie commune when they grew potatoes and his grandpa's turds or something. Zero points for that unless eating some of your poop turns you into a zombie and then you start eating brains. Dylan, what was that tribe in like, I don't know, some country? where they started eating brains and then they lost their goddamn minds.

Do you remember that? Oh, you know what? Hang on. This actually... You did an APS on it. Yeah, this actually, I think, happened in New Guinea. Okay, so they decided they're going to start eating people's brains. Yeah, it's called laughing sickness.

You start getting, you know, when you eat fermented brain matter from people. You start getting the laughing sickness where you look like the joke. or like you're smiling and you're really sick and then you die. And then what happens in, you know, communities that are kind of ripped away voluntarily and to their own accord and of their own accord from Western medicine and Eastern medicine, really any reason whatsoever. They just eat those brains too.

So they get sick and then everybody's just laughing and dying and shitting themselves. Wow. They should make a documentary about it. Well, they'll throw freaking rocks and spears at you if you try to get close to them. Kaelan, have you ever heard of this story? No, I have not. Wow. I highly recommend the Blumhouse film Green Inferno.

Okay. It's spooky season. Josh, obviously lived in that co-op. He obviously took... Oh, zero points. This is not C-Rat Sadskill. This is C-Rat history. The two go together.

Kind of. but yeah, he obviously took naked pictures with beats on his dick or something. V has expressed interest in Joe, but Jizzy has a conscience, so naturally she jumps into Joe's arms and he begins to curl her. Yeah, this is pretty pathetic.

Jizzy says this is going to be interesting. Jizzy strikes me as a guy's girl. Meaning she likes the guys. She doesn't like hanging out with girls. No. No? A guy's girl. Yeah, no, well, that's what I mean.

I mean, no, she doesn't like hanging out with the girls. Yes, that's right. Yeah. Okay. Also, I think in her head, forgive me for this, I think the way that she's behaving and acting and the attention she needs is almost like how a former ugly girl feels when she gets pretty like in an 80s movie, she's like, wow, no one ever looked at me and now I'm getting all this attention and I love it.

Yeah. Like, she's like one of the guys. Well, poor V. I'm sorry, that movie's about a girl that pretends to be a guy. Sorry. What are you talking about? Hot chick. Hot chick?

Are you talking about hot chick? No, just one of the guys came out in 1985. Sorry. Just one of the guys. It was called Just, they had a theme song. Just one of the guys. Okay. Kalen, find it.

No. That's why he's here. Kalen, find the song, Just One of the Guys. Well, we don't have, do you have a plug? into the board. I can play it off the game. Yeah, play just one of the guys. Okay.

Meanwhile, we have some picky eaters. Oh, okay. So the guests arrive. Yes, the guests arrive. Okay. And Nathan and Joe are raving out to piano stock music, and we're riding cowboys. But we need to get to lunch, okay? Before you start, did you find the song?

This one I have here is. Just play it. Well, I don't know if it's... Just one. of the guys. Give me a minute. Here, scrub it. You just play the first thing?

No, just give him a minute to find it. All right, go ahead. Let's get to lunch. There's a slight pot. I don't know if this is going to trip. I don't know if I can play. If this is copyrighted, then I can't play. Don't worry about it.

15 seconds. Is this it? Is this just one of the guys? No, it's not. No, it's not. So why didn't, why didn't you let him find it? 1985 soundtrack, just one of the guys. Hey, why don't we just drop it?

Okay. Sorry, lunch. There's a slight pause to lunch. Sandy has to say, thank you for coming. We're not going to fucking go anywhere. Okay. How do you feel about the timing of this?

Because I thought this was a bad idea. Let them enjoy lunch. Make them think that the boat's going to start and go out in the ocean. And then break the bad news. it turned that's an okay play but it turned out that that was not going to be the best uh series of events hold on don't you think that they grafted on their feelings about lunch based upon that bad news that had been delivered i think lunch was always well maybe maybe but lunch was going to be bad i think i don't think there's anything that josh can do to make

Carlos happy. Carlos wants a very specific. I don't know what what vegans want, you know, I think it's admirable. I think it's very admirable, but. There's two vegans on here, right? Yeah. Carlos and his wife? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. The picky eater? Can I get like a rap or something? Like a vegetable wrap or something? She asked for a rap. Yeah. Okay.

He got her a rap. Well, okay. So listen. Lunch does not go off, let's say, without a hitch. Oysters are served. They do not want them raw. They want them fried. Why are you laughing?

Why are you burying your head right now? There's some hungry people. Yeah. Yeah. They're hungry people. They go, yeah, this is all good, but I need a giant fucking bowl of French fries. yeah and well i'm just saying what happened you get french fries at mcdonalds you come on a luxury yacht to get french fries they want french fries they want the oysters fried and after they've consumed

their meal they're just nowhere near satisfied there's been to me well they're picky eaters they're picky eaters yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Them eating looks like somebody ripping the dining cloth off of the table. Is it a tablecloth off the diner? I don't know. They eat in a hurry and it's not enough. They want fries. They want a wrap.

And Carlos says, salads are fucking appetizers. Okay? And I'm not going to be served a salad for my main. And listen, it's his vacation. That's right. It's his vacation.

Cater to this? He can be a bitch if he wants to. Now he does something interesting, which he, is this at the point where he walks down into the galley? He needs to, he demands time with the chef. And he tells him to put onions and tomatoes and things. He goes, listen, I'm going to need to talk to you because that was not okay. That wrap, why don't he put onions and tomatoes in that?

Okay. Why are you down here? I'm going to get ahead of myself here. when Josh later on the episode has the charter guests, most of them come out to basically get feedback on what they would like for dinner, Carlos was not at that sitting. He should have been there. Oh, yeah.

That was his mistake. No, but they told him just salmon, chicken, mashed potatoes, burgers, cassidias. Lasagna? Lasagna. Yeah. French fries, more french fries. Brownies.

fried oysters would be great and he's like oh my god this sounds like more like that Vegas buffet anything there everything there yeah and uh we'll get to um and we also have to stop with the clown makeup i need the clown makeup to now you know how they shoot reality tv this was one day with him with the clown makeup on and they're just talking him don't use it so much it's really fucked up sorry to break up this stuff uh did did you find just one of the guys No, I stopped looking for it. Oh, my. You said, forget about it.

I didn't say that. All right. Kalan, will you keep? He's got to switch the show. I'm fine. But now you're not going to be present. I'm going to be present. I'm going to find this song in 10 seconds.

Are you going to be embarrassed if he finds the song in 10 seconds? He told me to stop looking for it. I didn't say something. You know, we haven't yelled at him yet, you know? We will never. You don't want to. want to recapture some of the old corolla days where we just fucking flip out of them for not finding the song it is so funny to hear him with his new staff and they think like he's going to be nice now

and he's not anyways um kaelin what the fuck i mean you can't find the fucking what the fuck so um uh not carlos josh goes upstairs and he talks to the primary and her friends and he goes say. So I don't want a repeat of what just happened. So why don't you let me know what you want for dinner, but what he says first is do you want it plated or family style? Big mistake.

If there are people that have different dietary restrictions, never give them family style. Just don't do that. Have everyone, have a main, and then put a vegan spin

on the main. That's how you avoid massive plates of food that two people can't eat. That is so funny that I had thought family style was the best idea until you put it that way because he could have specifically catered to Carlos. Yeah. And shut him up. Right. If you're doing a rib-eye, you can do a portabella with a Zhu, right?

Instead of there's a plate of rib-eyes and Carlos is looking at that plate like, well, that's not for me. That's not for fucking me. There's no tomatoes and onions on that. It's just dead animal flesh. Wow. And he's going to be poopy pants about it. All right.

So they head out to a nice day in Barcelona. And the theme for the dinner is going to be Americano and Cowboy. But first, Jesse starts talking about being, about sex being an important part of a relationship while she's working with Nate. And Nate says, oh, so you're saying you're horny, aren't you? Whoa. Okay. Buddy, you're the head of a department. Have I mentioned that I worked with a guy at North American Insurance that got fired for offering a girl.

a shoulder massage when he walked by her and she said my neck hurts he got fired for that i'm not saying he shouldn't have right i'm just saying this is yes her saying uh my neck hurts is not an invitation for you to touch her fair enough but he offered would you like a a back massage right right and then she went to hr yeah no this is different because nate just says so you're horny right now again Nate's weakness is women yes and boy are they a weakness for all of us. Yes. But you have to be able to handle yourself, you know, with some kind of decorum here, Nate.

Okay. So we're going to wrap up the excursion, I think, in like two seconds. Oh, I wrapped it up. Joe lets us know that he's going to allow the charter guests to go on his date with him and V. Uh-huh. Because that's what it was. And it, well, it also wraps up with Carlos being just a little kid. I mean, he's moping around.

He's like, he's like, look, this ice cream. is vegan. It's like, I mean, it genuinely is like five-year-old shit. You're like, oh, that's good. Ice cream's vegan. All right. So with Carlos, I think he might be in the mode of, because obviously you pay for this trip or whatever, and you're a little angry. So when one thing or two things happen that aren't going your way that are specific to what your desires were, now it's in your craw. Now you're going to make it a thing. He's made it a thing. And arriving back on the boat and being offered jello shots is not going to help alleviate this thing. To be fair to Carlos, like,

what the fuck are you doing? You can make shots for everybody. You can do shots vegan pretty easily. The one thing you can't put in alcohol to make it not vegan is gelatin with ground pig in it. Kalin, did you know that gelatin has actually collagen from swine in it? Did you know that? This is the first that I'm learning that. The gelatin is not vegan. No, it's not vegan.

It's actually, they grind up a pig or a cow's tissue to connect all that fucking... The hooves and all of it, yeah. You look at Jello and you go, oh, I understand that it's probably not healthy. It's alien green. There's no animal in that. Oh, no, it's fine. No, it's fucking, it's animal parts in that. Yeah.

Carlos, good for you. I will never eat that again. That is so gross. Really? You want to eat it again. No. Ah, who knew? Now I have to start questioning what I'm eating.

Jello is the last thing that I think that you have. No. Dead animal parts of it. Muslims and vegans cannot eat jello. But I have to tell you, this made me come around to Carlos. He's not just one of these like, I'm going to be a vegan and be difficult. He's like, he literally does not want animal products in his body. Well, he's also quite difficult.

He's a bitch. Yeah, he's a bitch. So V is great, obviously. I just want to say V is my favorite person on the show. She's just, she's got an incredible attitude. She's just there to work. Her boyfriend got shot by Grizzly Bear underwater recently, and she still got a smile. It's like pretty incredible.

What was the drug deal gone bad? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so heartbreaking. I know. Life is so fleeting sometimes. times one day you're scuba diving you get a call underwater my boy wants to meet you he's like where where do you want to meet he's like at the reef with those uh jellyfish yeah and one thing that

i got to tell you my boy he's a grizzly bear and he packs seats i don't fuck around he's like no problem can handle it no problem then all of a sudden fucking swipe it at me you imagine writing that obituary. That's where they just say died peacefully in their sleep. Right, exactly. So vegan and normal potato mash is up first. Then we get some snapper. We get some steak. We get some vegan salmon, which sounds disgusting. I agree with that. Things seem to be going well, except there's one person who is not happy. All right. So six out of the seven charter guests are pleased at this point. They feel catered to their, you know, they're receiving what they had wanted. Yes. Not for Carlos.

No, not for Carlos. He says that there's too much starch. And his, as you pointed out, his body isn't getting what it needs. And he needs greens. Now, not salads. Salads are disgusting in appetizers only. He wants greens. Want some kind of kale, some type of tuscan kale or some shit like that.

But, yeah. Also an ingredient in salad. Right. Yeah. Dude, I'll fucking do a salad. it is that one of my favorite things when you go to musso's obviously it's not a pork chop right but uh yeah vegans have it tough i mean if you go to musso you can't have cream spinach that's done can't have the steak can't have pork chop can't eat those can't have um

potato most of the potatoes have like cheese and milk in them and stuff like that what a restaurant should do that doesn't want to deal with vegans is have a sign that says are you a vegan And then an arrow that says point here. And then as you turn the corner, it's the exit. That's what Carlos should have got. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. We want you guys to have a great week.

We are celebrating Buzzball Friday. Here it is your Monday or Tuesday. So, hey, kick ass this week, huh? Just go out there. Kick some ass. Fucking get it. Take the world. Grab it by the balls and make it your own.

Yep. That's what I'm saying. We love you very much for supporting us. Go to patreon.com. slash another podcast network for Real Housewives of Salt Lake and Zaita as well as APS and BMC. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Pat, say goodbye. Later, Dan. Dylan. Thank you.