Another Below Deck Podcast - Poopgrate | Below Deck Med S10 E13

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Giant buzzballs, potatoes, tar and feathering, white rappers, Avatar, John Carpenter, cheating, aura frames, house rats, foreshadowing and more from Bravo's Below Deck MediterraneanPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

We get back to the shit. Asia has to scoop it out of the pipes. Again, cross-contamination. I don't like that she's doing service. There's gloves here. No. And you know what else I don't like? Kizzy deserves to have to deal with this.

Yes. This is the universe saying, here's a bad person. Let's make this person do this. And Asia steps in to do it. Also, I have to say this. It's not like you're dismantling like a thing of dynamite that's going to blow up a building. are you talking about like a this is like a hurt locker kind of operation i'm saying i think kizzy could have handled it you know what i mean

hi hello and welcome to another brand spanking new episode of below deck it's below deck it's below deck pot it's bad tv and it's our last episode of the year, and I'm Dylan, that's Pat. Hey, great to be here. K's over there on the ones and twos. You know, I asked Kalin, what did he want for Christmas? You know what he said? No.

White Claw. We've got a lot lizard producing this podcast. But you, my friend, wanted something entirely different. And that's why we should open up Patty's gift right now. Oh, we're going to see this here. It's incredibly important to the show. I think we should do this when Ruby's here. No, Ruby has nothing to do with this.

Where's my gift? Well, you have three sequential backs. Nope. Go from the, go from the first. No, go from the first one. And then work your way back. Are you sure we should do this? Yeah, this is the last episode of the year.

It's right before Christmas. Oh, my God. I know what this is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. These are buzz balls. Not only buzz balls. These are actually very exciting new flavors.

Oh, my God. There's an elf-branded maple syrup one, which is disgusting. But they're all disgusting. By the way, I think this is the one that that nice Armenian purveyor of the liquor store there. Garvig. Yeah. Oh, my God. Expresso martini.

Yeah. That's going to be great. And it's just, there's two. There's more bags, okay? So you got. Go to the next one. Go to the next one. Now, it is worth mentioning.

And I don't know how the barnacles feel about this. I have not been drinking lately. But you said you can have a buzzball whenever you want. Yeah, that's right. I'm not thwarting off alcohol. I am a true alcoholic. Right. Exactly. I mean, what are we even talking about? Okay. Next gift. Next bag. Okay. Oh, this is a excite. Are you kidding me? Dylan, I'm trying not to drink. No, I know you're not. I know. I know. I know. But behold.

The Barry Cherry Limeade Buzzball 32-ounceer. Yeah. I am in love right now. That's a biggie. Oh my God. You got to watch this on YouTube to just see that this thing actually exists. It's so beautiful. Dylan, you are a wonderful friend, and you're also the devil on my shoulder. Thank you so much. My wife is going to be so pissed at you tonight. That's fine. We can just, you know, studio.

No, I have to drink it tonight. No, you do not. You do not need to drink it. If you drink that, you will die. Go to the next bag. Okay. All right. By the way, it is Buzzball Friday.

It's Buzzball Friday. Let's celebrate together. Yeah. If you're in the, if you're on this Tuesday, having a good Buzzball Friday, then drink a buzzball. By the way. Is your throat horse? Maybe it's because I'm not drinking. It's like a side effect or something.

Anyway, how easy is it to buy for alcoholics? Am I right for Christmas? Oh, my God. What a gift. Oh, my God. It's Buzzball Biggie, Strawberry Rita. Dylan, I'm off the wagon. I'm sorry, Sheree.

I'm drinking this tonight. Look at how festive that buzz ball. Kayland, do you mind putting this in the fridge? I'm really going to ramp this up. There's no room in the fridge for that. I don't think it would fit in the fridge. That's how big the buzz ball is. It won't fit.

Show the camera real quick, the buzz ball biggie, the holiday buzz ball. Dylan, you spent a lot of money on this. No, I did not spend a lot of money on this. Remember, this is like grain alcohol and artificial coloring. I want to say this to the audience, and I mean this. If I don't show up for work in January, blame Dylan. Uh-huh. And we'll soldier on, but it will be a sad departure.

Thank you, my friend. This is very, very meaningful. Of course. Merry Christmas. Thank you, good. Merry Christmas. All right. So we have below deck season one dropping for you guys over the holidays. You want to binge that.

You want to come back to it. Do whatever you will, but that'll be on the bad TV feed. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network for the real housewives of Salt Lake and our end of year APS and PMZ. You've got a big PMZ today. Oh, yeah, I do. Whoa. That's exciting.

Packed. Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Donate a little. Or a little more. Also, check us out on YouTube. Kalen's been doing a lot of hard work over there. So go over there, subscribe, hit the bell, you know, all that stuff. So below deck, Gail Returns, we have shit in the shower.

We have shit in the shower is really, that's the lead that we've buried. Yeah, the episode title, by the way. What was it? It was called the Pooh-Pertrator. Okay. The perpetrator. This is why I'm not really a big fan of puns. They always make me feel.

feel like I need to run away from something. Especially production of Blowdeck. While they are bad at creating episode titles, they are good at creating drama by having Gil back. Well done. Uh, good job. And let's just get into our pots right now.

I'll take the lead if you don't mind. Well, before we get in the pots, I think, I do want to mention this week, it was brought to our attention, the horrible, devastating shooting in Australia on a serious note. What are we doing right now? Oh, well, Nate was involved. No. You hadn't heard this story. He was at the celebration?

He was, I don't know what this is, but it's called shark tagging. Him and some boys were out off the shore doing that. They heard the shooting. They just, rather than just go offshore, they headed towards danger, and they helped some people that were running away from the firing, and they loaded them on the boat, and they got them off safely. Wow. That's how I got the story. But that's very great of him.

Joe wouldn't have done that. He would have tried to have sex with anybody that hadn't been shot. No. Yeah. exactly yeah uh and then uh after you had sex he'd say you know uh you're moving a little quick for me yeah a little yeah so i got to tell you Nate um some of us run towards danger others run away from it yeah much respect to you and for that I'm not going to make fun of you losing your hair anymore because I owe that to you that's a good that's a good thing yes you deserve better

to that by the way your hair isn't as brave as you because it keeps running away from your head last one got it um you know I run towards danger unless it's guns. I don't run towards guns. That's actually fucking crazy that they did that. Well, let me tell you something. You're half Irish. I'm basically full Irish. We have a death wish. There's something about us

where we just want to die. So we do, we will run towards the fire. Maybe, yeah, maybe. But, you know, we have beautiful children to take care of. Nate doesn't. Oh, he does. He has a CRAAP baby. He didn't then, though. Oh, he didn't.

Mm-hmm. What? Oh, no. What am I I'm an idiot. Yes, yes, a child. We don't care. We have a death wish. We want to die. Potatoes tried to kill us.

And they did. They succeeded. I mean, think about that. Potatoes killed tons of Irish people. Well, a lack of them. It was called the famine. Well, it was more like the potatoes were like, you know what? No.

So I still blame the potato. Anyways, let's, God, fuck. That was so, that didn't make any sense. What was I talking about? I don't make sense at all. They weren't going to do it. Like, what? the fuck was that the audience loves it um let's get into the episode but not get into the episode we

have to get into our pots i found this episode to be quasi mid but also quasi good and maybe even great i give it 90 pots the fact that we are listen i don't i don't want to be i don't be crass here. And also, miss me with the homophobia thing. Okay, let's just be practical about this. The guy who his friends were joking about had come coming out of his ass the night before was probably the one. We can't be certain, but he's probably the one that let a shit slide out of his ass and put it in the pipes. Okay. I'm glad you're getting out in front of this. It's not even anything other than just the clues we have available. Okay. He also said, I can do whatever I want. I'm like Madonna. So I think it was Joaquin.

Also, that thing with Kathy at the end was, I mean. Yeah, it was rolling credits. Normally, I walk away from the television. Right. That was heartbreaking stuff. Yeah. Are you done your thoughts? 90 pots. Okay. I'm glad you touched on it because the poop gate took up so much of the show. And I find that distasteful and disgusting. A lot of people are eating while they're watching this program. Right.

And if you're going to do it, do it on the deck. That's right. Or just keep it. It was also cross-contamination. That bathroom is in that far from the kitchen. Same people that are serving. Sure. It's a biohazard.

And by the way, the biohazard, had these people gotten sick for some reason, it's really on them hanging out with some disgusting human being that would do such a thing. Right out of the gate, because we shouldn't spend too much time on this. I actually know how this happened. At some point, Ben Higgins, a former cast member from the bachelor, Bachelor, yeah. Said he never actually went to the bathroom or wiped. He would go to the bathroom in the toilet, flush it, and he would finish off in the shower,

which is absolutely disgusting. And I believe that is what took place here. I think that if people are operating at a really, really efficient and healthy clip, then it's okay. But so few of us are given the suicidal diets. we're all considering. Oh, correct. You can't eat flaming hot Cheetos and then do no,

not do a, we'll do a no wipe class and get in the shower after that. Like, that's not, okay. Right. Last note, Asia in her investigation, horrible profiler, immediately eliminate all the women on the boat. This is all the markings of a male.

Women don't do this. It's like a serial killer. There's like four women's serial killers. Yeah, Eileen Warno's. Yeah, knocked them off the block. This is a gay man that did this. It's disgusting. Well, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. When we zero in on who did this, we need to make an example out of them. We should tar and rabbit poop them. Throw tar on them and then, you know. Let's do rabbit poop and feather because we talk about tar and feathering as if it wasn't just a catastrophically evil thing to do to somebody.

I mean, imagine your skin. I don't know if they have fourth degree burns, but you essentially die before the feathers hit you. So let's do rabbit poop and feathers. Sorry, I just, I think it's important to mention that we shouldn't be so willy-nilly with that word, you know. I mean, it's really, really, I mean, it sounds really painful. Yeah.

Okay, this episode had some heart, too, with Nate really realizing that the clock was ticking regarding Gail leaving the show. Sure, yeah. And I love, there are some upsides to upper management, which is you can tell your two underlings to get the fuck off the boats. You can really spend some time with the girl that you're trying to, you know, make nice with. Well, and, oh, yeah, and Pots? 14.

Can I get two things off my chest? Sure. One. We talked to the Housewives how obscenely wealthy people, you're almost always like, I don't want you to have all that money, you know? Right. People that are listening to loud music with their windows down, it's never good music. It just never is good music.

I was driving over here today, and this man was listening to some white guy. You know, Eminem's white and it's fine. He raps and it's good. he's still really angry about a lot of stuff. He's 52. He's been a multi-millionaire, dare I say, a billionaire for most of his life. What's he pissed off about? This guy today was listening to like an Asher Roth kind of white guy rap.

And it's like, okay, roll him up. Roll him up. Roll him up. Next thing I want to get off my chest. I can't tell you how excited I am. Tomorrow morning at 8.30, I'm going to depart my home. And I'm going to go to the cinema, smacked on edibles, to see XD3D Avatar Fire and Ash.

Okay. Do you know how long this movie is? Kaylin, you want to... Can you take a guess? It's James Cameron, so it's going to be three hours, I think. It's three hours and 17 minutes. That is insane. Why?

Well, also, I'm going to put the glasses on. I'm going to put the glasses on. Would you put the glasses on for three hours and 15 minutes? What I'm doing here? I can't, I am so jazzed for this. After this podcast, I'm going to look up the early reviews. I have to, they're not great. They're not.

No, I don't think so. All right, Kalen's dad is going to interview him tomorrow. Yeah, oh, tomorrow? Yeah. He was supposed to be doing it in this studio. I was going to lay out the red carpet for Mr. Cameron. James Cameron is not coming to North Hollywood for anything. He used to live here, you know.

What? He used to live here. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people used to live here, but, you know, James Cameron. I would imagine he, he goes from Bel Air to maybe Santa Monica back to Bel Air, and then he just flies to Australia or whatever to film shit. Anyways, we have to talk below deck. Yeah. Three hours and 17 minutes of blue people running around.

Can you imagine that? No, but you're going to see it. And it's going to make $65 billion. Three hours and 17 minutes blue people running around. Here's the crazy thing. He's got three more, three more of those things coming out. I know, I know, I know. He'll be dead, and they'll still be coming out.

Yeah, I don't know why I like Avatar so much. All right, let's get into the show. We have quite an episode. Like I said, I give it 90 pots. I mean, that's really, really high. But, come on. This is not loading. Oh, there we go.

Gail arrives. She has some sort of guitar or something with her. Yeah, I'm a very odd backpack, long backpack. She's hot on the inside and the out. I am going to ding her a full point for the guitar. Sure. No, Bueno. Right.

So we get a big hug. Nathan cannot let go. And this is where we get a look back that things ended poorly, but Gail wants to move on in a plutonic manner. And I would say that hug is a little long in the tooth for platonic manners. That's funny. The word plutonic, I had no idea that plutonic meant have unprotected sex until you create a human being.

That's why I failed English class still. Yep. That's why you're so stupid. And they have a platonic relationship. Me and my wife have a platonic relationship. That's why Lucy's here. That's why Lucy's here. Well, maybe I do know how to speak English.

Yeah. I want to say this about Gail. I was shocked that when he, this is later in the episode, I thought there was going to be a real problem when she came and he'd have to tell her that he made out with Gizzy. I like a real Sophie's choice. If you do tell her, she's going to be pissed, or so I thought. Yeah.

If you don't tell her and she's hanging out with Kizzy at the bar, she's going to be, feel foolishly. And Kizzy just blows a plume of cigarette smoke in her face. Right, right. It's a real Sophie's choice, or dare I say, even worse than Sophie's Choice. And I think someone died in that film. A child did. That's right.

Did you know that person that made Sophie's Choice also made that movie about Brooks Shields being a 14-year-old prostitute? Talk about range. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, the choice that Sophie was making was which child? to kill. So it might not be as bad as Sophie's choice. The 80s were so weird.

A couple of pieces of shits are not fan of Gail. Now, you know, we were wondering whether or not to elevate Joe and Jizzy to pieces of shit. And I thought it was a little harsh last episode. Maybe we're getting soft. If you two are hooking up with each other while V is, I mean, what? she's still she's in line at jack in the box and you guys are making out with each other

okay so if you're doing that you're a POS if you're doing that and you don't like Gail I think jizzy says ugh when asked about Gail yeah what you don't know her what the fuck is wrong with you also like uh what do you think uh she like you think you got a shot with Nate at this point like you that's going to hurt your chances so so she goes uh Joe does not trust her. We'll get to that in a second. But if you two are making out with each other while V is in line getting Supreme Tacos from Jack in the Box

and is going to return soon, and you don't like the nicest person on the boat, you guys are pieces of shit. I mean, let's just call Spade of Spade. Here's the funny part about Joe, the hoe. Gail does not like him, and he knows this, because she sees right through you and it bothers you. Did you ever see the film, uh, them?

It's like an underrated film by John Carlin. Routy Roddy Piper was in it. It was just like his only movie. Okay, there's a bunch of aliens around and they're taking over the planet Earth. He's the only one that can see them because they have these satellites. Oh, that's the glasses.

That's right. Got it, got it, got it. Gail is Rowdy, Roddy Piper in this metaphor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She sees that he's a piece of shit. Did John Carpenter do anything that wasn't people being, like, gross and slimy and stuff? Do you consider the thing gross and slime?

Well, absolutely. It's the grossest and the slimyest. Escape from L.A.? Is that gross and slimy? What are they escaping from Los Angeles from? Bums. No, no, no. Bums, gangs.

No, is it really that? Yeah, it's gone like, it looks like it does now. You know, it's so funny, we were doing, my wife and I were, we're doing a little thought experiment going, let's list the things we love about Los Angeles that are not our friends and family. and it's about two, three items long. The theaters, I mean, you just can't beat the theaters in Los Angeles. We have some of the best theaters in the world.

You know, it's really tough. I mean, you have to drive by MacArthur Park to get there. Well, maybe not. You could go around it, but you definitely don't want to drive through that place because you'll catch a straight bullet. Or you'll step on something sharp and then your foot will turn greed at like 48 hours. Or you'll pass by some of the most.

Okay. Okay. All right. Sorry. So, Kizzy says, ugh. And Joe says that Gail does not respect him, which begs the question, what on fucking planet Earth is there to respect? Nothing. So, we get a little bit of a meanwhile. Meanwhile. Lint roller of the ages. Do you see that thing? I didn't. Oh, my God. What a marvelous thing. And something else. But Kathy, begins to weep over a nice note that Max wrote her. Yeah, this is kind of, uh, this is kind of crazy

here. Um, she's starting to, where, can I really quickly ask a question? Were these waters for Stanhope? Yes, you can absolutely drink them. Doug Stanhope. That's hilarious. What's his whole, uh, angle on comedy, Kalan? Let's not do. No one knows who Stanhope is. They don't. I just thought it was so funny that we came in here and, like a professional studio, the producer had put out Fiji water for me. Can I tell you something, Kaelan? Next time lie and say you had that out for Dylan. Dylan always brings his own water bottle. It's right over there. My wife one time walked into the fridge and there was like a fresh, squeezed orange juice bottle in there, not open. She goes, because she wasn't feeling well. And she goes, is this for me? And I was like,

yeah. It was for me in my mimosis. But she got on to it later. And she said that wasn't for me. No, you got a lot. Okay. Now, talking about Kathy. Max's intense obsession with Kathy is oddly beginning to warm her up. And she says he has layers, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so does Taramousseau. Teramisu. You don't want to fucking date that, right?

Spongy. No, it would be impossible to date. It would be purely platonic. You can't fuck a tiramisu. And it didn't stop that weird lady that fell in love with railings. Remember her? Oh. Just feel.

I remember that. She was like Molly Shannon. in Talladega Nights. It was a dude that loved Bridges, too. Was that on, like, the real life or something like that? Something weird. I feel bad for those people. So we've got real estate agents coming aboard.

Can you imagine if a bridge broke up with you? I'm going to take that guy out for a beer? Yeah. Well, it's, uh, imagine, well, I don't want to get sidetracked, actually. Okay. Because, speaking of bridges i mean we could go down that one for 15 minutes i mean the things i was about

to say worse than the potato thing earlier way worse hey guys today's episode is brought to you by a magical company uh that will make your life happier and better lola lola i love lola lola is the best blanket on the market the softest blanket on the market the best looking blanket on the market the best looking blanket on the market okay and if you like are struggling on christmas and you didn't get somebody a christmas get them a new year's present go hey sorry i missed you but sent you a lola blanket this is what you do you say i ordered this for christmas and they were sold out they were so in demand that's how many people want this it came in for new years here's your christmas gift they'll they'll think

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thousands of people are already going to Rula to get affordable, high quality therapy. That's actually covered by insurance. Visit rula.com slash bad TV to get started. After you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about them, support our show, and let them know that we sent you. That's Rula, RULA.A.com slash bad TV. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. Just completely nonsense. There are three shows to do. To a preference shape meeting.

We've got real estate. agents coming aboard this vessel, also known as house rats. Oh, we could otherwise note as rude, pushy humans that are otherwise unemployable, but decent salesmanship. Yeah. So there are two professions wherein you can do Coke during the day as part of your job. Coke dealer and real estate agent. Okay.

So these are house rats. They're aboard this vessel. They're pescatarian, gluten-free, vegetarian, all the shit. And they want to do, get this. an 80s party. Now, I thought everybody was actually fairly nice outside of whoever shit in the shower. Yeah. And Joaquin, who might, they might be the same person.

We don't know. Here's the thing, though. You are who you hang with, in my opinion. Uh-huh. Yeah. We need to track that individual down. And they need to be, what's it called? Rabapoo pet and feathered.

Well, and then they need to be thrown out of the group. What happens when you're in a town? Excommunicated. right joe and gail sit down and he tells her about the 360 that he's been through he is a completely changed person and i believe he said 360 i don't think that this is me but a common mistake right so let's talk about what we should respect about joe real quick so when talking about his personal transformation he referred to a rotation that would see him right back in the same place that he was to begin with.

Okay? Gail doesn't respect him, and he doesn't understand why. Well, you're an idiot. So despite the 180 that he's gone through, even that's bullshit, right? Because he's the same womanizing POS that we saw last season. Now, after he says this and Gail listens, we begin a game of Princess Bride Wine Cup through interviews,

wherein gail and joe say yeah i fucking hate that piece of shit yeah i don't trust him i don't trust her and he accuses her of cheating now this is in his interview yeah this was great joe had the balls to point out that gale's a cheater and thank god there was a producer on that set that day that uh pointed out he's also a cheater and here is the audio response that he gave He had no response. Well, so when he accused Gail of being a cheater, I had written down something along the lines of you'd know a thing or two about that. And I knew that the defense, not from our audience,

because they know Joe's a POS, but from him or any of his allies would be, well, he's not dating Victoria. They're not in a... She thinks they are. Well, whether she thinks so or not, miss me with the bullshit do you think that joe hasn't cheated on an actual girlfriend at some point when he was homeless and that girlfriend he was embarrassed to be homeless yeah he lived in the woods

in that car he cheated on her well i guarantee it i love that montage he apparently only had one photo and it was him holding a bagette send us all your photos joe right um yeah Imagine if we just had an aura of Joe's, you know, an aura? An aura? An aura? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Round him like this. No, no, no.

An aura frame, a picture frame. Oh, okay, yeah. It's the perfect gift for boomers because it's simple enough to work technologically, and it's a picture frame where all of these, it's like a magic trick to them. It's like peekaboo for children is the aura for boomers. Can I tell you something? The boomers like to gift those things to the young ones. my mom got me a, I'm not young, but my mom got me a Framio.

A Framio. Framio. Sounds like an aura. This is the thing, you download all your pictures. She can share. That's an aura. Her pictures, the company's called Framio, and that went in the wastebasket. We're not putting that on her show.

I'm sorry. I'll tell you what, though. You have to plug it in. A boomer will put that on their shelves. Oh, yeah, they will. Right next to that home goods thing that says, we love our family. So, Joe, when asked about V-Bi production, Stammers

And then says Does like a real Patrick Bateman Let's go again He asks four takes Compose myself And I'll deliver this line The guests are on their way When Aisha has made a breast of Joe's cheating

And she is shocked So the guest finally arriving already Squat Joaquin starts Starts off like a scumbag I mean you know It's always tough with with different sexual orientations, but we're pretty,

um, we're pretty consistent across the board, whether you're a straight woman, a gay man, a straight man, whatever flavor you are, if you come onto the boat and you look at people who you have not, any claim over,

you've not had any, any conversations and you just go, found two people I want to fuck. It's just like, okay, I mean, my God, do you, we always joke. Do you want to see, if they want to fuck you before exclaiming this, please?

It's just so fucking much. The guests, they talk about being in office, a team of real estate agents, aka house rats, and that they have left HR on land. As though there is any HR on land to begin with.

These are real estate agents. Well, I can tell you, save your breath. It doesn't matter if you left it on land. something you don't like happen on that boat it's still you can still write about it when you get back on land sure sure you can sue the hell out of it's all filmed yeah there you go uh so kathy tells the women where she's from i don't know what this weird half measure sea rat history was she starts talking to the guest says she's from a small town they show a picture of her and then we

move on it was five seconds i i'm not going to even give that any i mean what the fuck would we even do there uh nathan and gale sit down and i don't know that we're Whoa, whoa, whoa, bo, bo, blah, blah. Before they sit down, this is a very meaningful moment. Captain Sandy, because she's intuitive, she picks up that Nate's wearing cologne. Oh, really? That's a big deal. Yeah, usually.

It's a sign of dudes trying up his game. Usually, he smells like, um, what? A wombat. You're stinking. Now, you put cologne on. You're trying to impress a lady. Or a man, or a man. I was going to say monoxidil.

But we're not going to do that because he saved those people. That's right. And so I don't think that this is within the pages of how to close ass for less money. Because how to close ass for less money is not about love. It's about closing ass. Right. This is about love, though. Right.

This is trying to, I don't know, you want to get the pheromones going and the cologne is a wonderful way to do it. But as the author of the forthcoming, How to Close As for Less money. Why are you laughing? I just love that title. It's cracking the code, actually, closing more ass for less money. By Patrick J. Hickey. Coming, 2028. I've had some problems with editors lately because we went through that whole woke thing.

Right, right, right. My publisher said it wasn't the right time for a decade, but now it's opening up. Okay. your publisher voted for Trump so that they could get this book out eventually yeah um all right so as the author of cracking the code how to close ass for less money so there is how do you feel about nathan's overwhelming full court press it's not overwhelming he's putting just the right touch in there by the way completely disagree i don't know where he put the place to the cologne but i suggestion for all the guys out there stop what you're getting hung up on the cologne i'm

talking about him sitting down with her and saying, I love you. He didn't say I love you yet. Yes, he did. He did that right here? Yeah. He said, I think I love you. I think they put that in the trailer that they're going to do. No, he said it here to her. Wish Kailen watched the episode. Kailen never watches. I think. Okay, fine. Oh, we didn't get his pots. What do you think?

50 pots. Okay. Wow. Coward's pots. Okay. Then that was a little too much. Mm-hmm. I would say. Seeing as they hadn't seen each other in the way that she kind of explained. that he got scared or what I think is possibly when you're on a television show and people are in your DMs. Yeah. Scared, long distance, probably having a little.

It's called the bender. And also being a little fuck boy for a little while. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, I kind of feel these two can make it. I think he is a good guy given what. Well, they have a baby. Well, yeah.

Well, like that means something. That's true. We get a little C-Rat relationship breakdown. So, yeah, there were six weeks. that they were together. Then he ghosted her for five days to the point where she didn't even know if he was alive. So let's get to Kizzy, who isn't feeling great about the whole V and Joe thing. And she says the only way she can get through it is by pretending that V doesn't exist.

Bold strategy, cotton. I mean, you have to be some kind of witch in order to pull that off. That's like cerebral magical powers. I don't think that Kizzy possesses those. She can't, she can't do that. She's, she's eating crisps next to her all the time in the galley or whatever. I also don't think she really gives a shit. No, no, my God.

So, um, meanwhile, um, one of the charter guests, uh, notes that one of the bathroom smells really bad in the film biz, uh, we call that a little foreshadowing. Right, right, exactly. Um, um, well, also, Daniel asks, uh, Joaquin um should we should we not i mean it was on the show no get the breakdown well daniel asks wakene if he still has come dripping out of his ass from last night her words not mine let me ask you this did you uh did you write in your publication that white people need to be paying for reparations your words not mine

well yeah obviously you're asking you about a fucking article i wrote you lunatic do you have an aura frame by any chance i don't understand that that's pertinent but yes i do and i love it uh okay so we get ready for the dinner party kale and joe have a little chat about v i can cover this yeah she said what's going on with v he says and i quote i don't know it's like a little boat manz he also had a quote earlier in the week which was uh let me quote him uh he told her i'm in it the way and i want you to come back to my hometown to meet my mother yeah yeah yeah so joe saying to gail that uh it's good but v is giving him relationship vibes is is um he's not ready for a serious relationship now yeah i'm trying to think it'd be like uh i don't know

joseph mccarthy trying to throw somebody in jail for being gay is that too inside i mean i don't It's absolutely hypocritical. Well, your word's not mine. I mean, it's wild stuff. Joe is a real. Joe was last season a POS. He was messing around with sea rats. It's never a good thing.

You know, I don't know if what with times out and the Me Too. Maybe we're just lame and uncool, but like, you go out and have fun with girls. You just, but you don't play with their hearts. You don't play with their heart and you don't, like, actively not care about them. This whole, like, playboy, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to do me thing. It's like it, we're not in the Dirk Diggler era anymore. It's just not a good look for anybody.

And so he did that with Bree and the Balkan Biscuit last season. And later we found out during our C RackCon that that relationship, I call it. Well, let's, let's tease it. We'll drop that eventually. The Balkan Biscuit had a lot of insight on Joe the Hull. But now he's doing it to a girl who told him she wanted to pump the brakes whose boyfriend just died and he's pressing the issue, then reframing it as her giving him relationship vibes

while he hooks up with other people on the boat. I mean, it's real, real gross stuff. Hitler was worse. I think so? Yeah, I think Hitler was worse. I just want to get that out there. Okay. I mean, that's your opinion.

I'm going to wear that. So Joe, nope. Josh. Ah. Loves the 70s. Yes, he does. And recorded an album and a music video for the single falling apart.

His band or artist's name, Pink Elder Flower Moon. Now that is, that is, that is never going to work. That is a mouthful. It's too many words. It's too many syllables.

You know, Prince. Rush. The Beatles. Pink Elder Flower Moon is just, that's too much. Well, I'm going to make you feel good about this.

Only him and his thumb that pressed the record button heard it. So don't worry about it. And we love Josh. Josh is a fun guy. He's a nice guy. He's a little too much. He's a lot.

A little bit too much. The clown makeup is a little bit too much. We don't like the clown makeup. The food's great. The disposition's great. Too much. The clown makeup is terrified. The clown makeup is terrifying.

You know, something like Edward Sharp in the magnetic zeros. You know, it's got a rhythm to it, you know? Yeah. So everyone gets in their 80s gear in the house rats play Scooby-Doo hallway. And Daniel and company say, no one come in our room. Don't anyone come in our room. How much cocaine is, too much cocaine like if the bedside table is just entirely filled with it is that too much i don't know but

they don't want anybody in their room so we start dinner but before we get there someone's shit in the shower and it's not that someone's shit in the shower that's that's gross and obviously if that happens it's an accident hopefully you clean yourself up you grab some toilet paper you put it in the toilet and you make... Your point is it's up to you to do the cleanup. You make absolutely certain that no human being ever knows that you did this. You go to the grave with that. What this person does is kick it.

Okay. All right. Kick it over to the grate. Smush it into the pipes. and puts the grate over it kind of the way like kind of like a japanese dessert the way the like a purple yam would be compressed out over an ice cream cone or something like that or perhaps a playdome mold that a child would play with but this is actually human shit it is so disgusting and and we always talk about how are people not more embarrassed

i that's that's the that's 64,000 dollar question here's the thing um Um, maybe this is just because it's a bone and their safety issues. Uh, one, uh, tactic could, that could have been employed was, uh, why not just throw some fucking drain-o on top of that motherfucker. Oh, yeah. If you can clear eight years of pubs out of the drain, I'm sure you can do it with, uh, human, uh, you know. It would take a while and there may be some kind of explosion. I've never seen.

Let them live with it then. Right, right, right. Let them have to come to you and say, um, I, I genuinely do not know how this was not run up the flagpole. I don't know how no one told Sandy about this. And to production, I would say, if someone shits and puts a grate over it and smushes it in the pipe of the shower, that's an excellent opportunity for collective shame.

So let's turn the guests on each other. Let's have the guests sort out who did this and let's film it. I have a great idea. They have another thing on this. and I assume there's a holiday break, so they're going to see themselves on TV. All right, if any of you are listening and you know who did this,

you are a charter guest, we're going to have you on to point out who was the perpetrator of the poop. Yeah, if you'd like to come on. If you want to come on, and we'll have you on 2026 when no one cares about this. Well, I care. Well, okay.

Maybe we'll do a little social clip because we don't need to talk to a real estate agent for too long. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm really great. Well, we can also ask where the market's going. Yeah, exactly. It's just, I don't mean to shed on real estate agents. It's just real estate agents in Los Angeles in particular are really gross. So we've got an unbelievable dinner by the kid, the clown kid.

Really? Tuna toastatus. The mayo was garnished via the, you know, the star. um the star nipple on a QP bottle I believe I think my point is there was too much mayo on the tuna toastata I hate mayo

this would have been inedible to you there were three globs of mayonnaise right on top now I'm a big mayo fan especially an egg-based mayo like QP so this would have been fine for me but I think quite intense for a lot of people including Patty who wouldn't have eaten it

next up we've got a yellow tail and halapeno. We've also got a salmon and avocado roll. And then we go to the miso cart a little too often here. We've got a miso egg plant. And then we've got a miso seabass. That's fine. Overall, I think it was a lovely meal.

I'm going to give it one. Two is 12. 12 pots. 12 pots. That's pretty low. Yeah. So we get back to the shit. Asia has to sco.

scoop it out of the pipes. Again, cross-contamination, I don't like that she's doing service. There's gloves here. No. And you know what else I don't like? Kizzy deserves to have to deal with this. Yes. This is the universe saying, here's a bad person.

Let's make this person do this. And Asia steps in to do it. Also, I have to say this. It's not like you're dismantling like a thing of dynamite that's going to blow up a building. Are you talking about like a, this is like a hurt lock? kind of operation. I'm saying, I think Kizzy could have handled it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, sometimes, you know, you need to call in the big bucks. Jeremy Renner. Hey, do you remember when he got a snowplow, ran over his legs?

This is the weirdest thing in the world. I'm not trying to get conspiratorial or anything like that. How is he still walking? It's like the most unbelievable thing to me. Well, vehicles weigh a lot, Del. They're like 6,000 pounds. I imagine that. thing must have been 12,000 pounds you know the kid that played uh yeah that's what i'm saying who was the kid in uh star trek like the j j abrams thing oh yeah the the russian kid yeah he was trying to open his gate to his mansion and uh his car smashed him i know so sad so tragic but i'm happy that jeremy piven's still a hawk guy or something jeremy piven jeremy renner oh jeremy renner god that would be so funny if marvel just slipped

Piven in? What is his name? Hawkeye? What is he? Who is he? What is Jeremy Renner in that? Hawkeye. I think he's, his character's dead. Oh, is he really? I think they killed them all. I hate those movies. By the way, I do miss living with Piven, a podcast that the Little Patti's and PMC destroy. Yeah, remember it only lasted 16 episodes and we just haunted him. Oh, really? You took it down, huh? Yeah, we did. Why couldn't you leave Piven alone? Because it's a stupid podcast. And I know his heart wasn't into it. He was just doing it until he was waiting to get another TV show. Okay.

And he said, you just wait for season two. And we said, you're not going to do a season two. It's been three years. And when you say we, you mean you and the little patty. Yeah, yeah. Right. We left like 22 reviews for it. Okay, great.

More than his actual listeners. All right. It's amazing the time you waste. All right. So Aisha's on a hunt. Again, I think it's probably the guy who got pulverized last night. Oh, who knows. Let's get to Nathan and Gail.

I'm sorry. I have to say, Nathan is being inappropriate. Yes. Can I join you? She said, come on in. You're the bosun. She's a lead deckhand. You didn't text her for five days.

She thought you were dead. Now she's back. You've said, I love you. You've dismissed two C-Rat so you could spend more time with her. and you're getting in her bed at night. She's clearly uncomfortable. This is a lot. Maybe she's not uncomfortable.

They love each other. They have a baby together. Yeah, it all worked out. But it all worked out. So next day. Next day. We check in on V because, you know, her boyfriend died eight months ago today.

You remember a couple episodes when you said as their eight-month anniversary of her boyfriend's death? Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah, I was wrong. I was wrong. You know, it's great. I love how, I think, he texts v the morning he's like we all miss you yeah yeah that was great it was like a text she

might have gotten from like the dentist office that she goes to sure sure sure we all miss you or like if she was at like cheer camp and broke her leg yeah yeah it was real heartfelt yep totally um so we have some coffee and we learn that gail is badass and can run a vessel and we're going to a beach picnic for a lighthouse now nathan has some people to send to the lighthouse. And those people are Frenchie and the hoe. That's right. Get him off the boat. Now, Maximilian is disgusted. He's fighting Nazis again. And naturally, when you fight Nazis, you completely lose respect for them. And he is completely lost respect for Nathan. One little batty in the comments section on Patreon said, I lived in France. And I used to

hate that we'd have to celebrate how we surrendered twice there you you you they celebrate that yeah yeah is that pastile day or whatever it is what is that okay can you look up bastille day what the hell is that is that it even it pastile day is that what it's called i don't know what the french do but one thing i do know about the french a certain some podcaster thinks the uh the first lady has a cock i mean it's all over the place it's crazy it's crazy it's crazy it's crazy um I do want to say this. Kathy crying, obviously it's someone that was very meaningful in her life.

Her stepfather, yeah. Oh, they said that. But obviously not close enough for her to leave her station. No, no. Because, and also not hurtful enough that she will be making out with Joe the Ho in two episodes. Oh, well, clearly, you know, when somebody dies, you've got to get under somebody else. You know, that's what they say. And Bastille Day?

It's in reference to the French Revolution. Okay, great. That's what I figured. Join us next year. We love you guys so much for listening to the podcast. Can't believe we get to do this. It's so fun. And it's because of you guys.

So we hope you have a lovely end of your year. Happy New Year. We'll see you in 2026. Also, enjoy season one of Below Deck. And hopefully you're not too offended. And also, we'll be beginning with Traitors. The Traitors in 2026. We love you.

I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Say goodbye. Bye, guys! Thank you.