Kill James Bond! - Private School Girl | Below Deck Down Under S2 E9

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down the cuisine of the shire, the danger of birds, crying in baseball, desert. pole milk, the miracle of childbirth and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down Under. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

Now, Zarina is doing a great job with this clientele. Is she doing a great job with just food in general? Maybe not, because this is more bizarre, futile European Lord of the Rings food. I don't really understand it. The first dish is called grab my rack. I believe it's a, I believe there are lamb lollipops stuffed inside of a roasted pumpkin. This is something that Sam wise and Frodo would eat once they were rehabilitated enough to consume the Shires food.

They've been on a long journey. They can't just go straight into Grab My Rat. This is just insane. This is the food. Hi, hello, and welcome to a bit of an odd one. We've never done this before, huh? I'm phoning it in. No, you are not. You are phoning in from Cedis Sinai Hospital.

That's right. In Los Angeles, California. That's how important it is to me to feed the barnacles, Dylan. Is that I'm literally sitting next to my newborn son and my wife in a hospital room waiting to be, hey, honey, when we get to leave, what do they call that? Discharged. Discharged. Yeah we get to leave, what do they call that? Discharged. Yeah. Wait. And then leave here.

Your baby boy just got his foreskin removed. He did. He took it like a man. They said he didn't drop a tear. No, they didn't. They didn't say that. They said that. The doctor came in't say that they said that the doctor came in yeah he said that he took it like a man he didn't drop

what the fuck all right so public service announcements if you want to see pictures of pets beautiful new baby boy go to um our facebook group that'll be in the show notes and follow us at another below deck podcast on the insties also uh patreon.com slash another podcast network for season one coverage uncensored content and ad free content as well as well as tons of other shows tons of other shows oh yeah um of other shows. Oh, yeah. Pat, how are you doing otherwise? I'm doing great. I'm a little exhausted.

I'm happy to just get home and get my life back to normal with the baby boy home. And his older sister, Elliot, is really excited to meet him. You know, the doctor, oddly enough, he said, keep the three-year-old away from the baby. I was just going to say, I recently talked to some friends, and they have a beautiful little baby daughter, and they just had a new boy. And the daughter strikes the child. She sometimes strikes her brother and sometimes treats him like a doll and tries to take his clothes off. And because of the lack of coordination, she ends up kind of smothering him in a really violent evil looking way but it's just you know it's just play but i recommend kids yeah yeah separate them

yeah yeah yeah uh yeah i'm doing well but dylan it's the highlight after i'll tell you what this is a solid top five number one being uh with my new baby boy but this is in top five what i wanted to do right now is recap below deck and i mean what were some of the other ones uh marrying my wife uh and then oh and then there's that there's that famous story of where a guy spit on my uh my windshield of my car and then i asked him to's that there's that famous story of where a guy spit on my my windshield of my car and then i asked him to come over to speak to me about doing so and i had just gone to carl's junior and had a full soda in my hand and i covered him with it

and then i drove out like a laughing maniac that's definitely top three achievements in my life oh okay so have we gone from achievements or we've gone from what you want to do this week to life achievements i'm not sure but let's talk about the episode um it's episode nine we've still got some porn stars left we've got a new addition to the cast in jimmy i'm gonna call her a private school girl jimmy and um i she's probably the most beautiful thing that's ever graced the show. I mean, it's absolutely stunning that Butterboy is

kind of a... I mean, he's prey to her. It's unbelievable how intense she goes in. But we'll get into all of it. Pat Potts. Alright. I loved this episode. We're calling her Jemay. It's not Jamie?

No, it's Jemay, private school girl. Okay. Jemay, what a firecracker. Bringing her Sea Rat A game here. This is how you join the boat, by the way. This is how you come in. Some would say it's a little too hot. It's never too hot.

We have Kermit crossing the line, I think, on a personal and working relationship with Zarina. We have porn stars still on the boat. One of them almost, I guess, was in danger of being crushed by a tender, or maybe not. And then we learned Culver's a foodie. So Captain Legohead is getting more and more annoying as we go. But yes, he will be prey to Jemay. She'll eat him up and spit him out, and it will not be good.

And I will be here for all of it. I love how Culver is a – and how many pots? Oh, 40. Yeah, the foodie himself, Butter Boy Butter Burger Culver, a.k.a. Captain Lego Head, a.k.a. Captain Entertainment Officer, whatever, himself butter boy butter burger culver uh aka captain lego head aka captain uh entertainment officer whatever uh said last episode uh when or two episodes ago or whenever it was he looked at the eggs benedict and being a foodie he said uh what's that sauce and serena said that's hollandaise which is one of the mother sauces and And he said, yeah, I don't like that stuff.

So, yeah, a foodie. A foodie he is. According to him, I wish – according to him, everyone is a foodie because – Yeah. Yeah. On a good day or a bad day, depending on how you look at it, most people qualify, at least if we're going by Culver, is a foodie. Totally. And if we're breaking it down to just things that consume food, we could call bovine foodie.

And if we want to take it down a little bit further, is the sun food, in which case celery is a foodie. And I would say that celery is more of a foodie than Culver is. So maybe he's got a point um i thought it was a great episode uh i don't you know we've been in such a such a haze what with quentin entering into the world um so um also the double episode releases i don't know what's up what's down what's heaven what's hell but i know that i'm in heaven recapping this i don't remember what happened so let's give it seven pots we do begin with uh more confederacy of dunce's shit um the dangerous yo-yo is being thrown all over the deck of this boat by culver who is he he has a five-year-old shit his pants kind of confusion to his face about the whole thing.

He's so glazed over. He almost slams his captain in the head with a propeller on the back of a tender being swung all over the place. But he's quite unflappable. I know he's probably too stupid to be in clandestine services but i think that he i don't know he's cool under pressure well dylan don't forget he nearly crushed a porn star too that was jesse in that uh what you call it a kayak right or at least editing would have us believe that jesse was directly under uh that tender and in harm's way. I wouldn't want

this to happen, but had that tender fallen on her, I bet those breasts would have just flown off in different directions. You know how you have a birthday balloon and you let the air out and they just fly around like an insane fly that is missing a wing? You're like, where the hell is that going? That could have happened to poor Jesse's

breasts and no one wanted that. Okay. No, I don breasts and no one wanted that. Okay. No, I don't think anybody did want that. I don't think anybody even thought of that as a possibility. But if they did arrive at that as a possibility, they'd probably go, no, I don't want that. None of us want that. You talked last episode about how um captain rack has 700 repair no property minimizing it minimizing things that's dangerous when you minimize things like that no no no no that could have seriously killed someone that that had to be

that tender was probably it has to be 2 000 pounds and it's just flying around imagine if george w bush had minimized 9-11 and not fought a 20-year war in the desert when we knew osama bin laden was just hanging out in Pakistan waiting for Rob O'Neill to kill him. I mean, you don't want to minimize big things. No politics. Well, that's not politics. That's just facts. If George Bush had minimized that, we would not have Rob O'Neill going on wild ride with Steve-O talking about how he killed Harlan Williams.

These are the consequences of minimization. Yeah, he referred to killing Osama bin Laden to to uh i believe he used he said he gave him a dirt nap which is so quaint yeah yeah he said the same thing on the adam carolla show um all right so uh angry adam is really doing a lot to kind of shake off that moniker um he's been really wonderful over the last couple of episodes and he delivers a fantastic line i think we know who's getting the disco ball helmet because as much as jason is a delusional optimist and a serial minimizer there's no way culver's not getting the disco helmet you know oh yeah the writing was on the uh on the railing yeah yeah um so so um he angry adam and joelle are not getting along we'll get to that later but

jimmy comes aboard the boat later, I think. Margot here, though. I don't know. Does she come aboard the boat? I have a note that Margot says she wishes she was ugly. Yeah, she wishes she was a troll. And I totally get that. It's always high school.

They ever want a new hot girl coming in from a different high school to take all the boys' attention. And she will do just that at the tail end of this episode but um yeah i don't think she has she arrived yet oh no she couldn't have arrived yet she couldn't okay yeah she hasn't because i have i was gonna play a clip but i don't know if i can play it it's when kermit and jamae meet for the first time and jamae tells her that she's been a chief stew on a bigger boat for like a year or something and kermit couldn't be more fake which which which is to cover that out she does an overly sincere excited excited uh like welcome and uh i i just knowing kermit as i do now uh i i i think she's she can be pretty fake sometimes well you know her very well

okay so uh should we talk we get to dessert yes that's what you were sorry the connection's not very good but are we we're talking about dessert right we're painting the bodies yeah let's get to yeah yeah zarina works frantically to pull off i guess a common dinner request which is how will brownie round cakes uh fit atop uh porn stars breasts uh-huh yeah yeah yeah very very common i was thinking like can you imagine these porn stars They're like, this goes everywhere with them. Even through like a drive-thru at McDonald's, Laura and Sky are in the car. They're like, hi, two quarter pounders with cheese, chocolate milkshake, and order of onion rings around my cock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laura's like, hi, I'd like one of those Cardi B meals, but could you put the ketchup on my tits? And they're like, no, it's not. This is like a really well-run logistical nightmare of cardiac arrest delivery. We can't just have you come back here and put your tits down on the line. And she's like, oh, don't be a bummer. But they don't. So, um,

we do see... No, no, no. We'll get to the feasting later. Sorry, this is bad hosting. The new Stu Jemay private school girl gets aboard the vessel. Just as two disgusting cis males, I think we can both say.

Very attractive. Why are you, what do you, I mean, listen, I'm not, I don't want to reduce people's ambitions to modeling, but if you've got it it's a pretty plush gig and you make a lot of money i mean it's a lot easier i would say than being a fucking sea rat or at least a little bit more rewarding well i don't want to jump ahead because we don't know where the rest of this season goes but you know uh the former stew who's now back on the factory line stamping dog bowls uh she had been much bigger ambitions to i

believe take over the tv show uh misguided uh uh ambitions to take over kermit's job as chief stew if that was going to happen jamae is someone who could pull that off because to remind the audience uh kermit's in love with the guy that she shares a converted ambulance with and jamae's ready to she's got the resume and the qualifications and is also ready to party so yeah yeah she i could see her getting screamed at by tyra about disappointing everyone you know but i could also see her staging a coup the way that laura wanted to but was completely incapable of um all right so we get a lot of boring stuff big meanwhile okay so hot captain speaks with uh his boats and about nearly uh killing everybody and determined

that it is in fact culver's fault and by the way as he's having this conversation where is culver uh aka captain lego head uh he's managing the hot tub with the porn stars in there yeah that's what he's doing yeah yeah yeah um so there there's we we get some date stuff uh jimmy private school girl is loving a good boat man she's already set up the fact that she's single she's here to mingle she's here to uh make friends make enemies kill everybody on board and drive the boat into that very same dock that jason drove it into years earlier but jumping off just beforehand like a crazy ending of a episode of white lotus or something sorry i'm having a brain aneurysm um we then get to more kind of dinner preparation there was a little bit of a pervy line from uh from the jay man hot rack a dick jay man um boobs and tattoos big boobs tattoos walks past jesse yeah jesse um and he says uh i need to be

caged my god man what the fuck keep it together um look no one's perfect. Not great leadership. Nobody's perfect. But Aisha is closer to perfect because she is hit here with a little bit of a leadership dilemma. Margot is, how do we say, barely holding it together. She's sleep deprived. She's lovesick. And she's dropping and catching bottles all over the place. But she doesn't want to get pulled off service because Jemay private school girl hit this boat. Aisha sees that in this game of wars, you do need to have loyalty. And I think that she sinks this putt perfectly. She lets Margo stay on and she puts Jemay, private school girl, in the laundry room.

Now, this accomplishes two things. One, it gets you a buddy signed in blood. A Faustian agreement, though Margot does not know how insidious it is. And it also gut checks Jemay, private school girl. You are not going to take my position. In fact, you're going to be looking at laundry machines for the next four days. I mean, it's just perfect mcavelly yeah it absolutely is no better way to describe it you know because you know and

also margo aspiring to you know meet her true potential and not you know take a few steps back in that goddamn laundry room cleaning porn stars i don't know where yeah yeah so uh yeah. I will note, as Jemay enters the boat, it's interesting how men, it's like a sixth sense. Like, I think a hot girls here. They all like simultaneously leave whatever they were doing to stand before Jemay and ingratiate themselves with her and make wildly stupid connections where there are in fact no connections. Case in point, Harry, he's quick to jump down there and uh his connection is he's an aussie she's yeah they're both aussies they were meant to be together yeah who would have thunk it yeah well margo has to walk by and remind him that she's from wisconsin uh but uh yeah now i've never been to australia and i've heard tons about how snake and how jellyfish and how alcoholism and stuff so you would think that with the poisonous

animals and the commonality of alcoholism with wisconsin wisconsin would win because there's none of that stuff but i call call me uh call me crazy but i'd rather live in australia i think sounds more interesting i know it's a car um so yes you're 100 right with the it's like the first episode of family guy with the thermostat um all the dads come in it's it's like when when jamae private school girl hits the boat all of the men are magnetized down to the galley like you know when agent smith gets a whiff that like neo's on the wrong side and they just all appear and there's some kind of kung fu jiu-jitsu thing that takes place it's unbelievable i think it's like a dumb superpower that we have um so we move on to dinner this is family laura is the vin diesel of this um this crew and we are these guests and we we keep getting this fish eye lens that i don't know

if i just hadn't noticed it before but they keep showing us how awful the tablescaping is with this bizarre overhead um taste made whatever uh buzzfeed cooking lens um the production shits on them and and i i would be insulted if i was asian margo because this is so clearly a tactic yeah well dylan what do i always say solution to all these tablescapes white linens fresh flowers white linens fresh flowers look if you want to accompany that with your shopping spree at the dollar store for some other stuff but you can take the tackiness uh down like 18 levels just by white linens fresh flowers but yeah kermit uh even admitted that that's not her uh that's not her uh cup of tea knowing how to do that and i agree with her

so so a couple of things uh while dinner's happening culver for some reason is in a lego head safari outfit uh zerina states if culver looks at jamie she'll be very annoyed uh it may have been in chess but uh she's gonna be really pissed uh later out of the episode uh yeah because she said she didn't say what she would do if they started making out in front of her. She just said that if he looked at her, she was going to be pissed. So, you know, we really have no indication of what she's capable of if she sees them make out. But we'll see it next episode. All we know is that she storms off.

But a knife may be wielded later. Anything with dinner, Dylan? I didn't catch what Zarina was putting out. Zarina is doing a great job with this clientele. Is she doing a great job with just food in general? Maybe not. Because this is more bizarre, feudal European Lord of the Rings food.

I don't really understand it. The first dish is called Grab My Rack. I believe there are lamb lollipops stuffed inside of a roasted pumpkin. This is something that Samwise and Frodo would eat once they were rehabilitated enough to consume the Shire's food. They've been on a long journey. They can't just go straight into grab my wrap. This is the food. And after just that one course is served, they're like, like all right let's fucking get this over with and let's get to the main show there literally is not another course it is a chicken with lamb

inside and then laura gets naked and gets on the table now i want to talk about this uh dessert table uh the naked fruitcake um now the crew starts watching, and that's when Captain Rack-a-Land Pants, apparently he's wearing his nun outfit here, he mentions that it might be more of a private moment for the porn stars. And I appreciated Kermit here,

because she correctly pointed out to Hot Captain, she said, these people fire hose pole milk at each other for a living. Alright? That's what it is, real work. Take off the nun hat there, dude. Okay? They love people being observed. Yeah.

And yeah, we don't have to. We don't have to. We don't have to. So it might have been, I mean, it was probably a good bet. What with Laura asking for like, you know, chicken McNuggets all over her boobs and stuff. boobs and stuff um but there was this period in the beginning where i did sense a little bit of awkwardness um just because serena starts painting and you're like oh this could take a while and everybody's just kind of standing there looking at her naked body and angry adam and culver and his fucking weird you know crocodile dundee outfit they're all just bricked up and looking and breathing really

heavily and everybody's quiet it was just very very strange of course it turned smutty and fun but um yeah well here's here's the thing dylan you and i have learned this uh by kind of talking to a lot of sea rats and know them on a personal level famous people or rich people notable people uh are fans of the sea rats and they reach out and so clearly there's a lot of people that have power and status that are big fans to below deck and my main concern with desserts like this is next thing you know you got lauren sanchez and jeff bezos and bezos calling he you know it's not a televised it's it's not film he wants to go on a yacht and fucking have hot chocolate sauce and caramel poured all over

his body and next thing you know you got a crew members you know hosing them down to get the caramel off his balls and it's wildly inappropriate. It's wildly inappropriate. I just don't want it to be okay. I think that, I think that you're, you're right in that. This is a slippery slope. We may see Bezos on this show getting knit. We may see Jeff Bezos on this show getting naked and getting painted for dessert. But I was this show getting naked and getting painted for dessert um but i wish still a little caramel under there hit it with the hose you know yeah yeah yeah so if we're not careful jeff bezos is going to be getting posed like a fucking racehorse uh with caramel on his

balls but i think that he's going to be painted not with um sweet things but rather the blood of one of his factory workers that tried to unionize but either way he's going to be naked and he's going to be dessert um so serena says that she's worried about crossing um what do you what do you mean what do you what are you gonna do um she then she then keeps it going and she tells captain uh captain hot pants to uh go get naked because she's got a little chocolate left over i mean listen the the uh the customs are flipping a little bit and by that i mean they're not really because the madman uh stuff still goes on but karina is don draper in this situation she's like uh hey peggy why don't you go get your tits out i'll uh i'll pay you in whiskey or something um so we move on to Adam showering Laura off.

Yeah. And Joao and Serena. At this point, I think it's just full-blown flirting. And like I said last episode, I don't have an issue with her not coming good on the threat. I just don't like to see the playing with your food kind of thing that culver does like it's it's fine but they they have this kind of quasi commitment to one another and it just listen at the end of the day i couldn't give two fucks what a c rat does um but while we're here recapping the show some hearts are going to get broken this is just messy messy ways of love it is but you you know

there's certain uh social structures where they're they're they're not all built the same way we we know that in sea rat life for example uh well there's a scene actually i think that just happens the interior crew all the girls engage in the sea rat pastime of who's going to bone who uh jamae passes on adam and joao uh but she's contemplating culver at this point and of course zerina has dibs on him right yeah but in this sea rat social structure very uh there's no loyalty in vessels very much like there's no crying in baseball uh there's no loyalty in sea rat life so this conversation is moot because uh sea rats are going to do what they're going to goddamn do gillett i would ask tom h character, what if you get hit in the head real

hard? What if... I mean, it's just ridiculous. What if... What if a crow pecked out your eye? You know? You're in left field, it's boring, nothing's happening.

Yeah, you lose a fucking eye i i'd argue there there could be crying yeah a hundred percent hey i just recently heard this story i don't know if you've heard the story there was evidently this woman that was out in her backyard okay she's weed whacking i don't know what she's doing but a hawk flies over her head now unbeknownst to her the hawk's even there and unbeknownst unbeknownst to her the hawk has a snake in his now the hawk gets a little loosey drops the snake the snake hits her arm it wraps around her arm she's got a goddamn gardener's stake trying to attack her and then what does she know the hawk comes swooping down for its food starts packing her in the face she's wearing sunglasses thank god but i mean there is crying in baseball

well also you know birds kill all the time if you will i watch the the documentary the stairwell uh you know, an owl killed that lady. Her husband definitely didn't throw her over the head with a goddamn fire poker and smother her to her last breath. It was an owl. The scratches are from a bird of prey. It was not my wife fighting me. I don't know how many times, how many documentaries we're going to do on this guy. I mean, Colin Firth is playing him at this time, and he's an innocent man. It's ridiculous. We teased it.

I haven't been this jacked up about a sponsor in some time. Now, we already did an ad read, but we got the product, and I am, if this was the Manson family, I'd be in it. Is that right? The cult of Little Spoon, yeah. Little Spoon. 100%. Mm-hmm. This stuff is, you have two children. Well, now I do.

Yeah, yeah. And this is going to work out for both children, because it works out for newborns, and it also works out for toddlers. Yep. The flexibility of these meals is one of the big pluses of Little Spoon. Get into it, Dylan. What is it? Let's talk about this.

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And in many cases, it's gluten-free. They make vegetarian things. So here's what's wonderful. So it shows up in a box once a month and it's these little flying saucer meals. And they're all different and they're easily, they fit in your freezer or your refrigerator. And they're basically like, you don't have to prepare anything for your children anymore. You can just buy Little Spoon and then you heat it up and you put it in their lunchbox and bam, you're done. You're an amazing parent. These people listening to the ad, they go, well, organic, fresh baby food sounds pretty expensive. It's not. It's under $3 for a blend, under $6 for a meal. Unbelievable stuff. And did I mention it

all comes right to your door? It's so flexible. It's so easy and everything stores right in the fridge and freezer. You can pick the menu and change up what you order every time. The price is right. The quality is unmatched. We love it. Children love it. The grandparents love it. Oh, yeah. It makes sense. Ruby was noshing on one the other day, you told me. Are you kidding me? My little Ellie, she loves these little juice packets that are completely sugar-free. I had a mango chia one the other day. Oh, Ellie loves peaches and cream and Greek yogurt.

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Just use all caps BADTV at checkout to get 30% off your first Little Spoon order. That's L-I-T-T-L-E-S-P-O-O-N.com slash BADTV. Enter our promo code in BADTV for 30% off at checkout. You will be grateful thanking us. Thank us. So we get to the next day um this is when we have our serena jamie sea rat no loyalty conversation and we also have asia and hot captain um

putting in contacts once again um you know we have to make these brave claims sometimes yes colton is a gay man on the bachelor and sometimes the fans get pissed off they go oh how dare you you know what i mean and you think and by the way you think they'd come back around three years later and go you know what i really left you some bad reviews about that but uh turns turns out you were right. No one ever comes back to say, old Dilly and Patty were right about something. And listen, I'm not saying that Aisha is going to cheat on Lovely Scott, who is taking a shit in a bucket right now in the middle of the Sequoias somewhere. I'm just saying there is fairy dust between these two.

There is fairy dust between these two. These two are the hottest, coolest kids in this high school. And I don't know. You can call us nuts, but there's something there. I mean, am I speaking crazy, Pat? Am I speaking crazy? Absolutely not. The listeners, some will be mad that you've looked into your crystal ball and saw the future. But it is something that will happen.

Yeah. And we're sorry. We just predict the future. Okay. Don't blame us. Blame the crystal ball. Yeah. Blame the crystal ball.

All right. So we dock. Joao's getting everybody involved involved i think one of the charter guests is helping doc this time he's like it's a team effort why the fuck is everyone on deck right now um yeah oh i was gonna say uh the guest apart laura says uh she'll be tell me if i got this wrong she says she'll be eating Zarina's food out of her fingers for weeks. Did I get that right? You got that right, yeah.

It's not that crazy of a concept because she's been eating Zarina's food out of Jesse's ass all weekend. But also, I just yelled rim job in a hospital. Don't yell rim job in a hospital. But also, I would say that, um, the,

the Shire dish where you have to kind of claw inside the inner linings of a roast pumpkin, the fibers can turn into, uh, kind of, um, um, what's it called? A malleable little splinters. And you'll be fishing those things out for weeks. I don't know why utensils weren't served with the dish, but, you know, Serena's food's fun. Sorry, I'm very hung up on how insane that was. Okay.

All right. So Laura's ass has warmed a very special thank you to the guests. I wonder how special it was, but we'll get there before we do. Culver, it's so insane how – Joao says it later. He's unbelievably lazy, and he's unbelievably useless. He's literally there just to have a good time and that's that's his he's done this thing where it's like a bad

magician tries to steal a watch off your wrist and you feel it the entire time but then they just kind of wave a top hat in front of you and you're like why are you waving a top hat in front of me give me my watch back that's the kind of trick that he's pulling on the audience of below deck and this this crew he's eating food that everyone is going to eat before people eat and while they're working he's just dare i say he's a little comfortable. Keep in mind, Dylan, he's a sophomore in this little high school. And that gives you a little hierarchy. So he's getting a little too comfortable for his own britches. And it's making him more unlikable.

Before you know it, you're getting hit in the nuts by juniors in the locker room. You're crying. You're telling teachers. They say you need to not cry and you need to not rap and you need to deal with it yourself and that's exactly what you do and you learn life lessons that way okay um i i want to i don't think we've mentioned during the episode and the real die hard below deck people that hear us talk about this like they didn't even talk about this there is mutiny afoot with uh the deck crew and i don't see it as I'm seeing the images, but everyone actually, as opposed to saying that Culver's a lazy piece of shit,

are saying that, in fact, Joao is just a delegator and doesn't do anything himself. Did you witness that during his last two episodes on this show? I haven't. It seems like he's very involved. I'm very glad that you brought this up because i don't i do believe that joao is just being a super delegator right now but below deck does such a bad job of showing that it's happening it's just joao telling someone to do something which we can expect from a boson and then he walks away and then they go what a fucking piece of shit and there's this narrative that he's like lazy he might be but they just don't do a very

good job showing it every time it happened i was writing something i was like i don't even know what the fuck just happened i'm not sure what to write um so do better production but we have to get to the tip and we have to get to the disco helmet um pat the ceiling of australian tipping has once again reared its very low low head 20k 1666 each um what was nice about it this time is well actually i don't agree with my thought uh they didn't show any emotion, negative or positive about the tip. It was just kind of like a, and then they moved on. You saw something differently. No, no, no.

I mean, it's a – maybe I don't agree with my thought. Maybe I don't agree with my thought, which happens to us constantly. of thought um which happens to us constantly but 20 000 is the the bare minimum for an okay tip we've decided right yes yes so yeah yeah if but in australia specifically i think it's a really good tip because one we're on a converted um oceanic vessel. And two, we're in Australia. So the tip should be lower than this. Yeah. As we've been coached up in Australia, they pay a living wage. So they don't require tipping there.

I've been, yeah. I believe some of our Aussie listeners have said that to us. Well, depending on the restaurant, I would say I don't want that. If I worked at Eleven Madison Park, I'd say pay me slaves wages. I'll take the tip. This guy just ordered a $35,000 bottle of wine. If I was working at Tarot's, I would say, you know, this old woman just ordered shit on a shingle for the fourth time this week. And she keeps throwing it at

everybody she's not tipping anything and she's not even paying so i do want a living wage um all right so we get to i love i love jason's um brief acknowledgement of the alcoholism of the sea rats aka his crew um jume private school girl private school girl says, I want to, um, I want to divvy this out because I was only here for a day. And Jason, uh, hot rock lamb goes,

uh, well, I'm sure there's a bar bill that's coming in your near future. So just take care of it there. Very presumptuous, very presumptuous. Or he knows. Very presumptuous.

Um, all right. So by Jumae, by the way, it actually, I'm not going to say that it crosses out the unthinkable act of, what do you call it, when you girl code, but... Breaking girl code, yeah.

It endeared me to you to offer that up. Yeah, I think it has something to do with the... People like this. They cast spells on people. It's literally a spell. So, you know, hero and all. Yes. But also, you know, she broke girl.

It's a it's a cardinal thing. OK. You know, the connection's been actually pretty good so far but you're you're starting to yeah now you're frozen now you're frozen let's see if we can oh that is okay there you are what i'm here i'm here okay okay okay so um we get to date o'clock. The Margot and Harry date could only go this way. He gets a shallow bucket of cheese and he brings it up to the deck so that they can have a lovely, just best buddy sit down over some champagne and some cheese that Margot does not like.

Yeah. And then when you're talking about algae, Dylan, we're talking about levels of small talk that are unbearable. When you start talking about green algae and seaweed, the date's a dud. I want Harry to not have the riz and disposition of an 11 year old boy but he just does you know and it's this weird thing too where he's like you know he kicked off the season talking about how like he knows that women don't want six five they want six four because six five it's like he wrote the game and then he gets up onto the deck with margo and he's like d what kind of algae is it uh is it blue is it green oh my god it's raining um

really really sad stuff from from both of them again i ship them but she's just she's got the ick yeah i thought we were going to be spared more of that zero chemistry date when it began pouring. But no, it picked up at the bar. And that's when Margot really, that really, the ick really came to be. But we get a kiss. And fortunately for Harry and Margot, their romance is going to exist in a kind of quantum twilight zone where the two of them are so blacked out that they're really not on planet earth anymore and in that window their love can blossom and then be forgotten the next day um so let's get to the bar. Everyone gets in one van and leaves Jemay, private school girl, and Joelle in one.

You don't have a chance. Just in case, you don't have a chance. you i don't think that's what was happening here i think people had already specifically his crew or underlings had already determined him to be a dick and not want to be around him socially so forgoed going in that van with him jimay not knowing joao just got in the van with him because it's like you're just going in the van with people expecting the others to show up and i actually if it was in fact what transpired i I thought it was very immature of the deck crew to do. What are your thoughts? I think that's probably the right read on it.

And I agree with you. That is an immature thing for the deck crew to do. And I hope the audience can listen to the feigned concern we have of the lack of ethics. We don't care. That was way out of line. Way out of line of the boys. All right. We get to the bar.

And Aisha calls Serena out on the flirtation something that you for a solid 24 hour period now have had a huge issue with uh me or kermit because you oh the way that this starts off is that Zarina does kind of like a speech or a toast, and it kind of talks about new beginnings. And I think Joao gets up from his seat to join her on stage, almost like he's accepting an Academy Award. And then they touch each other. And when she sits down, that's when Kermit says, why are you being nice to a womanizer?

And when she sits down, that's when Kermit says, why are you being nice to a womanizer? And Serena explains it away as I'm just trying to get along, essentially, because this is a work environment. And then Serena's like, well, I mean, then Aisha's like, well, you don't need kind of out of line. Some people I've looked on the Facebook group, they're like, well, Kermit's trying to help her. I don't think so. I think Kermit hates Joao. And you know how you want your friend to hate the same people you do? I think there's a little bit of that going on here. Right, right. You're good at this. Like you wanted us to hate The Rock.

And now the world does. I hated The Rock, but I didn't know how much I hated The Rock. Well, he does social posts every other week of him doing charity work about him personally doing it. And he can only do charity work when it's being filmed and put on his Instagram.

Some can already do it. He's doing nice things, I know, but he's doing it for his self-promotion. That's why The Rock's a dick. Yeah, well, and also, you know, the cheat meals. You know. Yeah, we also got to witness him eating In-N-Out Burger for the first time after he lived in Los Angeles for 32 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so rock not a great guy joelle possibly even worse asia is trying to warn her of that asia says you know how annoying duane the

rock johnson is joelle's even more annoying um so we move on to the bar well it's just one thing so so this is where i thought it was really inappropriate. Uh, Zarina and Asha, they kind of, um, Asha really digs in at her and accuses her of wanting to sleep with him. That's where I thought the line was crossed. I just wanted to lay it out there. Kind of agree with Kermit. So we get to the bar and, oh, but before we do, Serena is just not having a great episode, be it serving roasted pumpkins with mutton inside or ratting on another department to the department head. Oh my God, that was so weird. This is insane behavior um i i don't know if she was put

up to it i don't know what was going on but pandora's box the latch half you know half been broken off by this so just so for clarity's sake so zarina and after kermit warning her that she thinks she's just trying to sleep with him and did not cozy up to him zarina does kind of just that she pulls joao aside for one of those ciggy breaks and she tells him his entire team hates him yeah um very odd well and by the way while she's doing this uh that's where Jemay and Culver have some time on their hands. Yeah, yeah. And much like that hawk dropping that snake on that woman and then attacking the woman that had the snake on her arm, I would imagine that in that scenario, the prelude to it was the hawk catching the snake.

Culver is the snake now he's he's much more he's like a flirty snake snake and he like loves entertaining people with the body that he works on so hard but he is an animal a prey animal right now i mean he's he's kind of softening the attempts a little bit. But at the end of it, Private School Girl goes straight in like an octopus cup. I mean, she just sticks right to him. And when Serena sees it, she's crestfallen. Great showing, Jermaine. Great showing, Jermaine. You've been here for seven hours you're causing drama that's that's how you come in you come in hot she came in hot that's how you fucking do it right

there um and that's how you do it here uh you zoom in from a hospital room so that we can give the people what they want. Comedic commentary on Peacocks Below Deck Down Under. If you are enjoying this, get in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave five stars. Kind words. Join us on Patreon for season one of this show. It was

the Wild Wild West. There was no Will Smith, but there were animatronic robotic spiders and lots of transphobia. Anyways. Um, also follow us on the socials, um, YouTube's all that stuff. We love you guys very much. Uh, Pat, any final words?

Uh, we'll be back in the studio next week. And, uh, yeah, we, uh, did our best to get through this and, uh, hopefully you liked it and appreciate it. And, uh, but we'll be back in the studio next week and uh yeah we uh did our best to get through this and uh hopefully you liked it and appreciate it and uh but we'll be back in the studio next week all right love you guys very much i'm dylan saying goodbye pat say goodbye later dudes Thank you.