Another Below Deck Podcast - Rest in Peace Christopher Cross | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S5 E7

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

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I got I need I need some crisscross right now. He's dead, huh? He's dead Yeah, you know, I like to eulogize some people that were instrumental in my pop culture as a child He was definitely there. I'm gonna try and put something together for this week's PMZ. Let me see if he's dead. You're not even sure he's dead? I'm pretty sure he's dead. You don't announce someone's dead in this one. No, he's alive. Hi, hello and welcome to another BrandsPankey.

I think we might... Can you put the heat on? Yeah. I mean, my goodness, is it chilly. I mean, what is it? Let me see. All you East Coast fans will probably mock us for this, but it is currently 50 degrees outside.

That's pretty chilly. I mean, you know, to us. My name, Dylan. His name, Pat. Permission to come aboard. Granted, how's the coffee? Little too strong. It doesn't have a lot of flavor.

I like a little cream and some. I knew you were gonna say this. Yeah, this is like just taking a drink and a shot of espresso. It's a nitro cold brew, okay? So it has, do you notice the mouth feel? It's kind of like a more velvety mouth feel. Do you do you notice the mouth feel it's kind of like a A more velvety mouth feel do you notice the texture? Do you notice the mouth feel I'm overwhelmed with caffeine, okay?

How's your morning going? It's okay. Mm-hmm. Yeah, how's the war with Bravo going? We're losing No, Dylan, we're losing or with Bravo. Okay, Bravo We know you sent out a memo to everybody on the show to not talk or correspond with us. That's fine. We have workarounds. I'm working on it.

We'll get back at you. OK. It's a war. It's not a battle. All right, Dylan, I'm going to start off this show, as we're talking about Bravo, to make some waves in the Bravo world. And I want all those publications those online the radar

Online reality blur of all you shows to take our content and then write little stories about stuff that happens on this podcast I'm gonna drop a bomb here. Well, you're talking about the about the show, but no no No, but what are you talking about? They take this stuff and those two boats ready to collide with each other cooked Manufactured 100% and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it oh you think it's fake I absolutely think it's fake mm-hmm I think you're manufacturing a storyline I don't think so quote me on reality blurb let me let me lay out the facts here I know I'm getting ahead of myself normally like to promote our other properties and what big time no all well, let me at least start with this. All right, how does the final scenes,

the scene ends with Emma's at the back of the boat, Gary comes up, she's working on something. Danny. Danny. And then he runs to the front of the boat, realizing that it's gonna collide with another boat. Yeah. Hmm.

And then at the same time, there's a drone 50 feet in the air while everyone's sleeping capturing perfectly, the two boats headed towards one another. Also, there's a cameraman filming from the back. He didn't notice the boat was moving towards, you know, they're supposed to be anchored down or tied up, right. But I can't figure out yet with this theory, whether this is to sabotage Gary or to help him from a PR standpoint.

You've always been such a tinfoil hat kind of person. You always tell me like, why didn't they find any black boxes, look at the hole in the Pentagon, it doesn't make any sense, why are there no camera angles? And now you're doing it again and it's like, dude, where there's not any smoke. There's not any fire

Well, okay, Dylan Not every you were trying to rehabilitate a main cast member. What would you do? What are we like? We look people have been horrible in the world and then they do something redemptive and then we once again like them Imagine if Gary saves the ship that was almost gonna collide with another ship and kill a bunch of people. I wouldn't give a fucking shit. I wouldn't give a fucking fuck. Okay, or we can go another way with this.

What if this is Gary's undoing? He got set up to fire his ass. They're about, I don't know, seven episodes in, they were like, we gotta get rid of this guy. How do we get rid of this guy? Make him look like a buffoon. I think that you are projecting on to the people that work on this show any concern at all. I think that they're just

kind of going through the motions and don't really give a fuck about their jobs, the quality of the show, or the future of any of the Sea Rats aboard parsnips. I see your side. I don't see your side. I think you're a loon. I think you're absolute fucking loon. But listen everybody get in the comments let us know if you agree with that. This is why I don't want to watch the show on Monday nights. It's cruel and unusual punishment. I want to watch it on a Friday afternoon. I know, I know babe. We'll get back to it. If you lay your sword down next season, the screeners will come back and

you can feel like Mariah Carey again, or you can go on a path of vengeance and put yourself in a position where you have to win a war. You know, these are Napoleonic qualms. You know what I mean? Exactly. All right. Do you want to promote some stuff? Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Salt Lake City is there. We just did an APS.

I introduced Pat to the magic of Brian Jordan Alvarez. And I talk about a bomb that hit up an entire store at a donut shop. Can I tell you something? I'm driving in Hollywood yesterday. I'm on Santa Monica Boulevard and all of a sudden It's just this not going anywhere. That's just not moving very fast at all. Like what's going on? And I look you know how you try to look around right? Mm-hmm, and

There's a couple cars in front of me and then it's just street. Nobody's moving. I'm what is happening There's no in front of this car. It's just a fucking filthy goddamn bum You know with a wheelchair in the middle of the lane just rolling like he's a car Yeah, it's it's always sad when they move it with with the tip of their big toe and it doesn't have a shoe on it It's just a sock. What do you mean? They move it with the tip? You never see a zombie in a wheelchair where they try and make you feel extra Sorry for him by not even using their hands to roll the wheels on the wheelchair they kind of scoot themselves by using okay buddy you don't

have to do that you know so it's tough out here and people have it very tough but uh-huh you know please do get the fuck out of the way. And stop fucking lighting fires on the freeways, you bums. We're driving, sorry, quick bump story. Second bump story. We're driving to some appointment. And you can't make this shit up. Can I just, because we have tens of thousands of listeners. And they're probably like, why are you

calling homeless people bums? I'll tell you why. Because they're bums. Stop calling them on house. It's a bunch of fucking mentally ill and drug addicts on the street lighting things on fire. Well, they do have a lot of fun on the streets. So we're driving the other day.

There's just a guy. My favorite thing is seeing the camaraderie. They're like, you have buddy cop vehicles. You know what I mean? There's just there's. And bums know no race, no creed, no religion. Oh, they're colorblind. Right, they're completely colorblind. We've apparently also lost the other scent of smell.

Have you ever smelled those bums? Of course I've smelled them. They smell like death. Now, there's an old white guy, and when I say old, mean he's a hundred and eighty five years old I mean his spine is bent forward like a candy cane and his best buddy is This black guy who's just pissing in public, right? They're just having a good Monday morning now We keep driving right and about a mile down the road on Beverly Boulevard lovely lovely Boulevard, oh yes

There is a bum Who is transfixed, dare I say, hypnotized, kind of like Frodo looking in Galadriel's pool. At a fire he's recently started in a recycling can. And it's just flames pouring out of this recycling can. And I'm just like Hollywood. Hollywood, yeah. Yeah, it's really cool. So anyways, patreon.com.

You can hear Salt Lake City. We are starting. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week on Bad TV. That's right. Yep. OK, so thoughts and pots on this episode loved the fam Is her name Cindy or Kathy well we have two families the episode concludes with a family leaving don't give a shit about them

Okay, and then we have I have their names. Yeah Lovely well Sherry and Philip Sherry and Philip. Okay, I do want to ding them a couple points for being what I call, I'm going to call them the Chattersons. They're people that like to make small chit chat. Right, right, right. I liked them. Well, I wish I could be more like Sherry and Phillip because they're completely unaware that the people that they're chit chatting with-

Don't want to chit chat. ... could give a flying fuck about Sherry's energy levels or what her psychic thinks. You're paying these people, and they're paying to smile back at you, but really in their head they're saying, I can't wait till this person goes away. Yeah, a very lonely kind of transactional relationship. I wanna advise everybody, this is some advice,

and we have a lot of parents that listen, if you have teenage kids, let them work in the service industry for six months or a year. I look, I know it's a dead end job. Working on the end of service, you get a perspective on humanity that other people don't get when they don't. If they just-

Yeah, but it's a bad one. Uh, well, it could be cynical, but it also teaches you how to behave in society. You know, you shouldn't talk your waiter's ear off. You know what I mean? They got a job to do, but you'd only know that if you are a waiter. Here's a pro tip. Ask the waiter or waitresses name. Oh, they love that. Well, it's not just them loving it. It establishes a foundation of humanity.

The concrete is poured. I recognize that you're just another human being. You're not just arms and legs serving me food. Let's bring back the peace and let's bring back the love. But I loved these people because, what's her name Cindy? Sherry. Sherry. Real drunk. Oh she is a drunk. Big time. Also she's horny. She made a couple innuendos about, oh I want the boat to tip. We know Philips not doing the job. Yeah and neither is... Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable? By cutting down on food waste, you can help protect the environment and save money. Simple actions like planning your meals, storing food correctly, and using everything you purchase make a big difference. Learn how to make every bite count

at toronto.ca slash food waste. Gay best friend. Well, he's there to provide emotional fulfillment. Phillip's also not fulfilling her there. Hey, Phillip, if you and Sherry want to come on the show, we'll interview you. We'll break down why your marriage is falling apart. Yeah, we can Gottman the entire thing,

but I really enjoyed the episode. You know, when we talk about the the cooked... Boat collision. Boat collision. It's a perfect kind of cross-section of who Gary King is, right? Because he goes, he throws a move at Danny and then immediately snaps into five alarm fire professionalism and tries to, you know, I know that you think the whole thing was building seven and stuff like that but yeah the episode had it all for me okay four pots it was interesting watching Cloyce and his redemptive trajectory finally gives a shit for some reason hmm I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks some people on our social media

groups have Questioned his age at 22. They think he's a lot older than that. He's lying about his I haven't seen a guy I got banned from Facebook. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Okay Well, I really wish I could communicate with with all of you and our Facebook group another below duck podcast Facebook group I you know, I really miss I miss Stu. I miss chief still. Oh, he's great. I see him post all the time. I know. I miss Chief Stu. Jed's in there still?

Miss Jed, Miss Gray, Miss, you know, Miss all of the Mr. Gray, the Gray Man. He's still there. No, I'm talking about Gray. Oh, Gray McCarty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably shouldn't have said his last name. No, don't say the last name.

No, I don't miss the Gray Man at all. The Gray Man doesn't even listen to the show. Oh, he doesn't? I don't talk to him man at all. The gray man doesn't even listen to the show. Oh, he doesn't I Don't talk to him because he on he insulted me on Father's Day of all days to tell me that I'm a jerk He's the gray man. He knows no ethics at all, you know, he does not so anyways All right. I enjoy the episode as well. I am really curious to see what happens next week mmm, that being said, decent episode, 50 knots. Okay, let's jump into it. Do you wanna kick things off?

Sure, oh, so the episode begins with Daisy chatting Cloyce up, she's basically approaching him to up his game and she's doing it with kid gloves. And this is, this has not worked for Daisy. I think, I don't condone violence, but I think she needs to take the gloves off and smack some sense into this little moron. Yeah, he is a little bit of a moron.

He says that he has been called the most reliable chef on the West Coast. That's one of the more bizarre made up titles I've ever heard anyone give themselves. I can give some clarity. On his social meds, he's bragged about catering certain Hollywood parties. And I do want to say to this to Cloyce Just because you are catered a P Diddy party before he and Drake went in the back room

So Drake could use the back end of a business end of a mop on on P Diddy Does not mean that you're reliable to the entire Western seaboard by Fred. Yeah. Yeah Well, he says that he's the most reliable chef on the Western seaboard. And he says that he's never experienced someone being confused about that. Are we? You can't make sense of that.

I'm worried that, like, we'll get to Cloyce a little bit. We proceed with our morning. I do want to say this with Cloyce. And Daisy has all the evidence. Show him a picture of his last three desserts and point out that one of them was in fact for a 50th anniversary Right and just say you will listen to me now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you go you see this cake that looked like an organ rupture Okay, you served that you see this trifle that looks like a Mountain Dew code blue

You served that you see this trifle that looks like a Mountain Dew code blue Okay, you served that did you serve a chocolate chip cookie with ice cream on it at someone's birthday? No, that was a different show Okay, he was horrible. That was a Jono Oh Jono. Yeah So yeah Cloyce needs to figure it out, but he does figure it out tonight We'll get to dinner. We proceed with our morning freshly squeezed orange orange juice. One of the ladies, so gross, she goes, I think I saw that come out of a box, but it's cute that you thought it was, cute that I thought it was, ugh. If you don't think those two texted each other last night

while they were watching the episode, I got something for ya. Oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She's one of those friends, first off, you clearly didn't see the box, okay? And you're not a good friend, and you can read into these friendships. Yeah, okay, so one, you didn't see the box, okay? And you're not a good friend and you don't, you can read into these friendships.

Yeah, okay, so one, you didn't see the box, you just made it up. And the mind can play tricks on you like that. But you definitely don't like Regina George or anything. It's cute that you thought this, just so gross. The guest apart, yeah baby! And- They also note, boy, that experience went fast.

Yeah. It was a day. 18 and a half hours goes by fast. That's not a long time The universe has been around for like 4,000 years. I think so. So compare that to 4,000 years It's just not a long time. So Glenn Canada runs to get the horn going and once again, we have Reagan We have Reagan, AKA Emma, AKA Reagan, who woke up late and is still kind of just sitting around. I've never seen someone as immobile as Emma on this show.

Now, we had Cheese last season, who was the most useless stew I'd ever seen. The third stew that worked primarily in the laundry and could not, for whatever reason, figure out what clothes belonged to who. Right until she beautiful minded it in the I think second to last charter and learned that she was color coordinate. But let's get to the tip meeting. We talk about some things before we get to the the monetary amount. So we had a good docking and I wanted to bring this up because have we,

the pomp and circumstance surrounding the docking hasn't been, I feel like I haven't seen any Christopher Nolan cuts. Editing is listening to us. They realize we don't need to see it. Right. It's B-roll and leave it on the fucking floor. Well also, was Emma asleep for the docking?

Yes. So Gary had decided to not wake her because he felt that him and Keith could just handle it so they let her sleep. That is not a good sign. That is not a good sign. If you are in a work environment and people go she's asleep or he's asleep and that's okay. Not a good sign. That's how you get your head on the chopping block. So Daisy and Glenn's constructive criticisms of Cloyce are quote-unquote ruining his entire day. Well, but good for him though. He doesn't have an ego

about it and to that I ask how could you? Yeah, I mean. You design desserts for four-year-olds. Right. Yeah, I mean last charter the The guest said here comes something here comes something. Yeah Wow Here comes something here comes something from the most reliable chef on the Western seaboard What do we have for the tip? All right, it's boy. This is an odd one if I got this right $22,000 and then they whack it up to 20, 105 euros. Why? Why? Why are they doing this? Why do you get so hung up on this? I don't understand. Why does it have to be broken up into euros? Just do it in the USDA or USD. Like why? Yeah. What is the USDA?

I think that's referring to how they grade meat. Oh yeah, yeah. And then USD is United States dollars. They added that. You seen that Curb episode? You're like that woman with the orange juice. Have you seen that Curb episode

where Larry... I've seen four episodes of Cur Larry? I've seen four episodes of curb. I've seen no episodes of The Office. I've seen zero episodes of what's that show that takes place in Cleveland that everybody talks about about the cops chasing a bunch of drug dealers? What? It's beloved show. It's right up there with Breaking Bad. I've never seen it. Are you talking about the wire? The wire, yeah, yeah. OK, it's Baltimore. Oh.

That's why I haven't seen it. There's an episode of Curb where he becomes a car salesman for a little bit. And someone asks him what GT stands for. And he says, or GTS on the car. And he says, guaranteed tremendous safety. And he says, so GT stands for guaranteed tremendous. He goes. Yeah I mean, it's a great show. Hmm. It's a really good show and you should watch it

I don't think you need to watch the wire I heard the last two seasons of curb really stunk of course the last like six seasons of curb stunk not stunk But you know once Cheryl we've talked about it before, once Cheryl and Larry get divorced, you know, his anchor, his heart, leaves the show and then it's just him and he's just... Right. Men need, they need their wives. They need their partners. Yes.

They absolutely need to. We can't be on our own. No. So Daisy, the criticism is kind of fucking Cloyce up. And that's why he takes sheets of paper to dinner. Dinner. Yes, yes, yes. The walls are closing in on this young man. Someone says, don't bring homework to dinner.

He says, it's not homework, it's life work. Are we wearing a little thin with Cloyce? These kinds of things, I know he's a young man, but so annoying. It's not homework. It's lifework. Don't say that. I don't like that the leverage has to be you're going to be fucking fired unless you get your shit together to motivate someone. It should be I want to do a good job. I have a problem

with him. Yeah, well, we can all hope so new charter tomorrow. So tonight is a school night. Remember that Sea Rats next scene Gary running around like a hobo with a garbage bag screaming about how they're gonna party. So. That's right. But first we have a French-shaped May Day! Okay, Sherry and Philip, those are the parents. They'll be celebrating their lovely daughter Sweet 16. They'll want white glove service. And Glenn politely asked Cloyce to step it

the F up. Yeah, we've got a 16th birthday party. And it's for a lawn and she wants a white glove dinner for her 16th birthday What do you like a fucking oil baron? Yeah, I know you're wearing Monaco. Oh Monaco Yeah, I mean, it's like the Monopoly mad. Yeah, she's like who's Daniel they Lewis and they're what we like I don't know his characters Dave Daniel something

Yeah, he just kept yelling milkshake. Yeah I drink your zl Then he caves his fucking head in with a bowling pin. Should I watch that movie? Yeah Yeah, for sure. You know what people should watch go back and watch Early seasons of my super sweet 16 on m MTV. Sure. That was a great show. Yeah. I used jokes with my wife last night that it should have actually been called, We're Checked Out Parents, So Can We Buy Your Love Back by having O-Town play at your party? Yeah, O-Town was big

back then and so was Ashley Simpson. Yeah. But I think Hilary Duff was the one that did the theme song for My Sweet 16. Oh, she did. Get in the comments. Let us know. My favorite episode was, of course, the superstar Tiana Taylor, who became just a flawless musical artist. I mean, she's so fantastic.

You know that sexy music video of Kanye, um, I feel it. You showed it to me. Yeah. Is she just sitting in the chair and she's singing the song? Well, although she's working, she's like doing a flash dance kind of dance. That's her. That's her. Whoa. Yeah. Check that video out people. Well, yeah. I mean, it's pretty hot. It's very hot. She's very hot. Hey, oh, so sidebar. I feel it. Sidebar, another series.

You don't have to watch Below Deck anymore. Go look for old episodes of my big fat gypsy wedding. No one was fat on it. It was a bunch of skinny 16 year olds. They're like a year later, they were playing with fucking toys and now they're marrying them up. It's a crazy show.

Three seasons of that one. I think it was on TLC. It was nice to see programming on TLC that didn't involve little people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We talked about it. Did you know that more than 50% of food waste in Toronto homes is avoidable? By cutting down on food waste, you can help protect the environment and save money. By cutting down on food waste, you can help protect the environment and save money. Simple actions like planning your meals, storing food correctly, and using everything you purchase make a big difference. Learn how to make every bite count at toronto.ca slash food waste. Oh, no.

No, let's not get into it. No? Imagine the guy who created TLC though. He's like, you know, at his high school reunion or something. Like, oh, you created TLC. Cool. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know there were that many little people running around.

I'd like to believe that there's a God, you know, I don't know that God exists outside of, you know, what it means in essence to be, you know, but if there is, you know, a kind of lady justice kind of God at the end, I certainly hope the person that kicked off the exploitation of midgets and fatties is rotting in hell because that's not a good thing to do. The fact that we're all watching it. I mean, I told you the other day that scene of that woman that only ate cheesy potatoes for 30 years

and then she tried to eat a Brussels sprout, she started crying. It's like, why are we watching this? Makes me heartbroken. Anyways, below deck. Yeah, yeah. So, dinner out. We get to the dinner out

and we get cool slow motion shots of actual chefs. And then we get to Danny and Keith. Now, I paused the TV for a sec and looked at the juxtaposition of the two while they're doing this summer camp never been kissed dapp up moment. He looks like a priest on Casual Friday. That's true.

And she looks like an ecstasy dealer. What are we doing with this? Priest on casual Friday. That's true. She looks like an ecstasy dealer this is What are we doing with this? Yeah, it's just never gonna work. Well, he has the it right at this point I don't see these two ever hooking up. No, and that's because Keith knows a secret now. She hooked up with Gary she has been tainted and Glenn's reading some interesting stuff. We get back to the table. Cloyce is manically going over some kind of list. It's putting together his menu. Okay, let's get back to the boat.

Keith and Danny. I do want to say, Gary and Emma flirt at dinner. Oh yeah. And she makes them a step of thinking, oh, for every step we have four, we go two steps back. She needs to understand that these steps forward are fueled exclusively by espresso martinis. It's meaningless. Yeah, and also, you know, Gary just as soon bang is fire. Yeah,

that's right. Gary, Gary, probably bang yet and then fire you the next day. But maybe get a little buffer. Day or so 48 hours, maybe. All right, back on the boat back on the boat. Keith and Danny. There might have been a shot in the hot tub, but no. He's not interested. So they talk, and then meanwhile, Cloyce is working like a mad scientist on that food prep.

Like he cares. Squid and Gravioli, yeah. So the guy is like, OK, I got a problem with Keith. Keith. Keith. One, get, okay, first get over it, right? Get the fuck over it. You're a C-Rat, okay? People fucking, fucking suck, okay?

You're a C-Rat, rep but two you're on a fucking TV show stop with this you know Moonlight Spotlight whatever that fucking movie about kids that fuck or priest that fuck you know you know that movie right well I don't like to watch movies like that what's about Boston? Oh, yeah. I lived it in the news when it was happening. Yeah? Did you ever? No, but it, you know, people always wax poetic about the 70s and 80s.

I talk about this quite a bit. Where you just would get on your bicycle and go for a ride throughout the day or you'd hang out at your neighbor's house. And then there were days Everyone was getting molested. Right, exactly. Like, okay, so the 70s and 80s, yeah, we didn't have phones and our brains weren't rotting, right? But,

I wasn't being touched by my neighbor, Ted. There's that. And then there's also like, you know, in 2024, there's no Pennywise in the sewers. In the 80s, there was Pennywise in the sewers. People driving down the street on a rainy day, and then your boat goes in the sewer, and there's a goddamn

Clown that's like a spider. So beep beep Reggie Stephen King gets really kind of out there sometimes doesn't he? What was it? What was Pennywise getting the comments? Let us know some alien from a different planet. It's like is that what he was Yeah, oh, it's like why do you have to go there? Just somebody edit these stories. Okay, so she texts Anthony Anthony dog, what's going on? Good for her. Oh, I thought he texted her. She shot out a pussy flair. Wow, I like that. Yeah, because there's no chance he's getting there. But you know, you just throw it out there, right? I'm not. I don't want to

get in trouble. And I'm not, I don't want to get in trouble. And I'm not saying this because he said no to Danny. And obviously it doesn't matter, but are you getting? Keith doesn't like girls? Yeah. No, no. I'm not. I think Danny is an attractive, interesting young lady. Yeah.

However, she's not my cup of tea either. I wouldn't put any work on that. Well, okay. I'm not saying that you, you know, to be intimidated or shy around Danny's, you know, full-court press means that that you're gay. I'm just saying that there's like, he just seems very uncomfortable. Dylan, you made the case earlier, Keith is a Sea Rat. Maybe Keith isn't your typical Sea Rat. Perhaps he is someone that's in this industry for a Sea Rat. Maybe Keith isn't your typical Sea Rat. Perhaps he is someone that's in this industry for a little while. He found himself on this show, but he's not just a mindless Sea Rat that just puts his little pippy in everything that will

allow him. You know what I mean? You said pippy. Yeah, it's pippy. You know, it's maybe he's just a regular person that doesn't feel like they need to have pointless sex with co-workers. Who knows? That sucks though. But you know who does? Gary King. The next morning, you see Gary, he asks his roommate, he's like, do you hook up with her last night? And he's like, no, I didn't.

But you kissed her, and Gary goes, it meant nothing. And very often when people say, that didn't mean anything to me, I always suspect that perhaps it did. But not with Gary King. When he says it, it literally means that the gum on the bottom of his shoe elicited more feeling. No, I think that there's definitely no emotional equity, right? But I think that Gary does daydream and night dream about the things that he could or wants to do. So in that sense that he can be consumed by it,

but it is a meaningless carnal thing. So let's get to Daisy. Coming off the fucking top rope, Danny is talking about how she's done with Keith. Good for you. Such a Danny stan right now. Good for you, boo. And then Daisy's like, good for you. Such a Danny stan right now. Good for you, boo.

And then Daisy's like, I can understand. Daisy, what are you doing getting involved in her feelings for another castmate? It's like, get out of here. Yeah, well, sometimes this is more about Gary. But again, we don't care about that. You're all making poor life decisions. Give me a break.

Yeah, there's Sea Rat. So let's get to Emma trying to drive the go-kart of the C, the tender. She says that she usually thrives under pressure but not in this environment. That can't be true. Also I feel safer if Stevie Wonder was driving that thing. Well Stevie Wonder can see. You've seen them, you know, and you have to ask why the roos, right? He's been pretending for years. For years, you know what I mean? I like how many ex-wives he has.

Really? Yeah. How many? I think he's got like three or four. Unbelievable. Mm-hmm. See what pigs men are? Pigs. Absolute pigs. We talked about Marla Brand, I'd fuck a mailbox.

That's what Quincy Jones said. Yeah, Quincy Jones is another pig. All right, so Operation Fuego is in full effect. Cloycism. Danny picks up a tampon applicator. And Gary has a chat with Glenn about how Emma is a danger to herself and everyone. She could kill everyone.

She could kill everybody. Because the driving of the go-kart While me and Emma would perform the same. I don't understand. I'm very bad with like Spatial puzzles like that. Like if you flip it this way 360 degrees it actually goes that way and then if you put the Throttle this way it'll if you put the throttle this way it'll actually... You don't need to explain it I saw the footage Dylan vacationed in Peru or something he lasted two and a half seconds on a moped before he ran it into a wall and broke his arm. Yeah yeah yeah I didn't

break my arm but I did almost break my leg wicked contusion I mean the thing was like a softball but yeah I did almost drive a leg, wicked contusion. I mean, the thing was like a softball. But yeah, I did almost drive a moped into the Pacific Ocean. The only thing that prevented me was a lone stick of rebar that I slammed the moped into. I mean, it was like, you know, you think there aren't angels looking out for you. There are absolutely angels looking out for me.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. All right. Are we all over the place? Who cares? This episode was all over the place. All right. Commercial break. I want to tell you there is now a Mexican street corn whopper at Berkirk. Do you know that? No. You can have it your way there. A Mexican street corn whopper. Wow. What do you know it tastes like? I pulled into Burger King the other night

because I hadn't eaten all day. And as I'm eating this chicken sandwich, which was wrong, they just gave me the wrong one. It had like bacon on it. It took like three bites of it I'm listening to Bill Maher talk to a health expert about how we're all dying and I was like this is a punitive endeavor I'm doing right now it's not good for my mentals to be eating this while listening to the it's just this so it's like a nightmare all right so let's

get to the gas we pour glasses for everybody. Not a good start. Including that 16 year old. Including the 16 year old, yeah. Philip, impressive handshake, very vampire-y, this guy. Glen asks Danny, hey, did you just serve champagne to a 16 year old? She goes, no, I don't know what you're talking about. So the husband and wife are a lot.

The wife speaks on a sidekick. I don't know if that means she's banging someone else or if she's talking about the guy with the lips. I think it's the guy with the lips. Yeah. They look like they're about to explode. The lips. Yeah.

They're too big. I don't like it. It's not hot at all. I think my wife did that one time like four years ago. I didn't like it. I couldn't wait till it like went back to normal. Yeah, it's like crazy. And what is it like embalming fluid I don't know what they

put in your face all right we get some searat history for cloyce's 16th birthday I must have missed this what is it he catered an event and he did such a good job that he got to take a picture with all these models oh wow the models were like this guy's a dork. Yeah. Get him out of here. This guy's a fucking dork. Get him away from me. We sail. Everyone falls. Everything breaks. Philip says, we're sailing now, big fella.

This is getting to be infuriating. It's so dumb to just see complete carnage. Every single time we do this, it's like, why do you have to heal like that? Why do we have to do this every time? You know, sailing is something that everybody does once and then they pretend to like it. It's like going to your 20th high school reunion. I might have a 20 minute conversation with a guy

who gave me a fucking wedgie when I was 12. Fuck that guy Christopher cross dead Christopher cross died. Mm-hmm. Oh wow. I saw him in concert with Michael McDonald McDonald. Yeah a couple years back. He just died, huh? Yeah, he died one best new artist in 1980 for that record with that ended up being partially the soundtrack for the film author and that record with that ended up being partially the soundtrack for the film author and then I don't think he ever made another hit again. No he's a big fat guy with a soul patch but I gotta tell you even though he didn't move when

he was on stage that voice never went away. Sailing take me away to where I'm going. It's such beautiful guitar. I played on the golf course when I'm really hot. Yeah. I need to settle back down. I need some crisscross right now. He's dead, huh? He's dead, yeah. You know, I like to eulogize some people that were instrumental in my pop culture as a child. He was definitely there. I'm gonna try and put something together for this week's PMZ. Let me see if he's dead. You're not even sure he's dead. I'm pretty sure he's dead. You don't announce someone's dead. No, he's alive. I am so sorry. That is crazy. He is alive. The other half of Criss Cross is dead. Yeah, he was never good-looking.

I remember as a little kid, I'm like four years old and the song comes on and that was the, I'm like, oh wow, that's what he looks like, huh? That was a judgy little four year old. Like he's fat. The lyrics of that song make no sense to me. This is all these different words. Very abstract. So abstract. It's like a Mad Hatter kind of love song. All right. So the family's fun. I'd like to party with these people. They brought their own party stuff.

The mom is a fun gay friend. I think it's very fun. And then we get to Emma. Glenn says, can you take a look at the thing that Gary told you about an hour ago? Answer, absolutely not. She is, she is. I mean, you know those things that you put

on the side of the boat to make sure that those are also called tenders. Those are also called tenders. Yeah. Fenders. Fenders. Yeah. Yeah. Those have much more utility than Emma.

And you think about a person, you know, they have a brain and they can learn all these things and stuff like that. But an inflatable little cannonball thing is more useful on the boat than Emma is right now. Like I said last week, I mean a raccoon would be better. Emma, I love ya, hit me up, DM me. The gum on the bottom of his shoe is a little more helpful at this point. At least it keeps you awake.

You're like, oh wow, why is my balance off? We slapped some GoPros on the anchor, have some real fun water time. All the while, Emma literally just stands around. I, I, like I said, I've never seen someone this immobile. She just stands. I have to give it to Gary King. You know, I can't stand him. Uh, he's pretty patient. Uh, despite the laziness and incompetence. Yeah. He's better at managing women than he is men. Um,

because men are a threat to him, correct? So this conversation that he has with Emma is pretty soft given how bad she's been He says, you know, I I'm having a tough time with you You kind of just Smoke and drink coffee and she tries to beat him on a technicality. She goes, I don't drink coffee. That's impossible. He goes, OK, well, it's tea then.

She goes, this is bullshit. So I think Emma's going to be in her walking papers pretty soon. Well, he goes straight to Captain Glenn, and he reports that she's pretty useless. And Glenn, I love him. He's also a patient dude. He's going to give her a couple more days. All right so we get ready to suck down some helium and play with a floppy cock kind of

for a while and then we get to Alana's birthday dinner this is a very dance mom's moment mom is absolutely hammered she says words of wisdom it's important to take the high road and enjoy life as it comes and drop the mic. I need a tequila. She is gonzo. She ready to rip it up. She ready to rip it up. Which is fine. You're on vacation. It's just I'm feeling there's a little bit that runs deeper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, there are these kinds of families that like party with their kids and stuff. I've seen my dad drunk a couple of times. It's always a you don't want to see your parents drunk. My dad is so annoying when he gets drunk. It's like, just go away. Last time we were in Virginia and he got, he got all he's dude, he got, he got, he drank like six beers and he started smoking bowls, right? Because he harvests his own marijuana.

He's very proud of his marijuana deck and he's got a quitted insane grow operation, but he starts ripping all these bowls and I'm reading and sees he's reading he's like, what do you guys want to do? And I'm like, I want to sit here and read go away It's all mopey. He's like you guys don't want to hang out. It's like you're fucking 70 years old. Just go go away I you know I want to find a nice balance strike a nice balance to be Being my kid's friend and also being someone that they look up to

And aspire to be like yes, of course So Cloyce is gonna do some wicked table stuff side table stuff first off We've got a gelatinous tomato tartar with purple cabbage Reduction or jus and when you add citrus to it. It has a kind of eighth grade science project effect. Hideously gross dish but but... Nice try? Well a firework show you know it's the only thing that matters but if you if you see gelatinous tomato tartare on a menu you'll go can you get a sharpie for me? I don't want to look at this it's disgusting. Gelatinous tomato tartare. Now we get to ahi with tobiko and an edible puffed rice cracker the

presentation of these dishes are Lovely, they're really really good It's like if Jose Andres was In a four by four kitchen in the bottom of a boat. He's the deconstructive guy. Right, yeah. Everything is pretty and he knocks it out of the park.

The final course is squid and creviole with these fried garnishes. The food's very elevated. This is what life work, not homework, can net out. I thought the dinner was great, 83 pots. He really turned it around. Now next week he's going to rest on his laurels and there's no way this dinner is job security. Right, that's right. He's going to serve another, you know, rotten organ next week for dinner. But because he did this, they know what he's capable of. So the conversations aren't going to be,

we know you don't have it. They're going to be, we need you to get back. So the party people head to the club. Sherry faceplants before she even gets to the boat. She's drunk. Did you hear that speech she gave her daughter? I mean, she was absolutely pissed. I think Cloyce might have put GHB in the purple shit.

I was like, what is going on? But the girls have fun, childlike time in the coups while the parents head back to the club. They arrive or head to the club. They arrive back at 2 o'clock in the morning. And when Gary is woken to greet them on the bow, like we mentioned, he flirts with Danny and then immediately snaps into action It's very funny. Gary's panicking right because there's a boat that's about to hit the boat and he's like

Tell Glenn Get Glenn up and Danny's like okay, and he's like go get Emma and she's like, okay She's just very she's very calm about the entire thing. I like people like that. Not her fault, not her problem. You know, if the boat runs into another boat, she's fine. All right. Get in the comments.

By the way, we need some reviews. Let's get to 2000 finally on Below Deck or Bad TV. Whatever you listen to us, leave us five stars. Just say, Pat, I disagree with your theory on that boat being concocted. Or say great show. Or say or say great or kind words. Yeah We love you guys very much. We'll be back next week Join us patreon.com for Salt Lake City APS PMC video content and more. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat

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