Another Below Deck Podcast - Satan at Sea | Below Deck Med S6 E5

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Dyl, Nick and Pat are back to talk sex parties and the kind of clientele that attend, David and his close-talking, Satan, how Lexi is clearly going through a lot, why going through a lot doesn't give you an excuse to act like fucking Satan and much more Bravo's Below Deck Med.  Patreon here - Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork  YouTube Version of this episode: https://youtu.be/QaNNRF9a7K0 Merch here - AnotherMerchStore.com  Another Podcast Show here - https://apple.co/3cpI2CX Thank you to MagicMind.co Use Promo Code BELOWDECK for 25% OFF  

I guess Lexi has been horrible the entire season. It's just spotlights really being, you know, shined on it or shown. But this begins quite a sad, sad spiral. I mean, this is a horrific thing to say to somebody who's essentially a stranger. Dylan, most people, we evaluate people's character with our eyes, not our ears. She is good looking, therefore she gets to behave badly for a lot longer than ugly people. Right. Matt, Matt, everybody is pretty much done. We hated him right off the bat. He fucked up.

Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys! Pat, producer of the podcast over at Bahama Classics. Hello, everyone. How are you? You know, I'm doing okay. I had a friend's birthday party. Is this where someone brought a fucking dog? No, but if you want to hear my qualms with everyone bringing their animals to social events, go to another podcast show. It's a feed on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and take a listen.

We talk about whatever is at top of mind. But no, I was drinking, and I was a little hungover yesterday and I still feel it. I just can't do that anymore. My body is just... You're getting old. It's so weak. Yeah. Everything inside of me and on the outside, it's all so weak.

As you get older, Dylan, it takes longer to recover. You start getting a man of my age, it's brutal. You have a big drink at night, it can take you down for two days. The brain doesn't function. It just doesn't. It's brutal. You have a big drink at night. It take you down for two days. The brain doesn't function It just doesn't it's mush and then there's that brief thought at the peak the pinnacle of the pain The next day where you're like, I'm never drinking again. Yeah, and that lasts until you were invited out No, it's too beautiful spirit not to so, um, we have got to get into Below Deck and not my binge drinking. But before that, you got any public service announcements? I do.

It's Patrick's 49th birthday. Shut up, dickhead. I'm not at all. Happy birthday, Pat. Well, I had two wonderful things happen this week. I've had my birthday, which is today, and the boys are going to take me out to Laurel Tavern so we can pay for $19 cheeseburgers drink uh beers that are really snobby yeah i mean i'll i'll be having a a negroni but anyways go ahead oh okay yeah so and then also i already mentioned this i'm not sure if i did on this

platform i am going to be a father of a little boy that is that is so unbelievable it's just going to make everything in your life so much better having two times the amount of children that you currently have. Well, Dylan, there's a method to my madness. The reason I'm mentioning that is not only because I am, what do you call it? Expecting. No, I'm excited about it when it begins with an E. Elated?

Yes, that's what I meant. I'm an idiot. See, I'm exhausted with the little one already. Imagine two, I won't be able to form a sentence. Anyway. And you won't be able to afford anything either. Thank you, Dilly. The wife brought this up to me.

Look, I'm getting paid. It's solid. I don't have to do as much work, my black expert in black culture work, my Uber driving, all my other hustles. You haven't sold sneakers from China in like a year. So anyway, this has got promise here, this podcast thing. The wife is going to be pretty pissed in eight months when I'm out here doing six shows a week

and then I show her my paycheck for doing all this podcasting. So you guys need to pony up so Patty doesn't have to quit. So get over to that patreon.com slash another podcast network and give us five bucks. We've got to hit at least 900 this month. I've got to show her that the numbers are going up it's not even about pat and sheree do it for a little luke that's his name luke j hickey oh your voice crack lj yeah he'll little he'll literally starve if you guys don't go to patreon.com do you want him to be a future sea rat then you got to pay his daddy yeah you don't go to patreon.com do you want him to be a future sea rat then you gotta pay his daddy you don't want to do that to anybody

we do not want to do that do you have any thoughts on this before we get into what is the most sea ratty of all episodes very sea ratty happy birthday Pat congratulations on the child I can't wait for it to fix all your problems sure and you can't wait to play catch with it that's true

it is a boy I will be an wait to play catch with it. That's true. It is a boy. I will be an uncle to that. And make it kick. And make it kick. I want to make one last plea and a little bit of a tease for our Patreon. I am going to tell a story where I have a certain family member that when all the other family members are gone, he likes to sit next to me, drink a mimosa and and confess to me of people that he's killed yeah and uh he's a great guy it's pretty puts me in a pretty uh precarious uh situation but i will

share that story behind the paywall but it's also shown you the rehabilitative powers of the prison system industrial complex okay so um guys and god and and lord god mostly god um we have a hell of So, guys. And God. And Lord God. Mostly God. We have a hell of an episode to get into. Last week, we couldn't stop talking about how we had watched ahead because we were just so jazzed about the events that unfolded in the penultimate episode five, which is what that word means. So, let's get into it. But before we do, and we really should put a time code down when we start the episode i i'm so i'm staunch on that we have to do that um we have to get into a

fan favorite segment that is thoughts and knots i think thoughts and knots is pretty much getting into the episode you think so uh it helps when we give specifics about it so they know what we're talking about but all i'm gonna say is uh this one was a banger, 100 knots. Okay, Pat. All right. Oh, God. I'm torn because I was annoyed by it because I'm starting to really hate some of these characters. Sure.

I'm going to put these sea rats on here. I'm going to give it 70 knots. Short. Oh, you want me to talk about it? I thought we were going to give our knots and then get into it. No, no, no. How are you confused about what thoughts and knots is? Because he was so brief. I just confused him. Yeah, I was me to talk about it? I thought we were going to give our nods and then get into it. No, no, no. How are you confused about what thoughts and nods is? Because he was so brief.

I just confused him. Yeah, I was brief because the cameras were off. I keep getting off. I'm sorry. No, he was looking at the camera. Okay, okay. Go to YouTube. I've never heard of real estate so expensive that a condo in Miami can be eight grand.

I hope it wasn't one of those fucking things that just melted into the earth. Sounds like it. $8,000. Did I catch that right? Well, it was a high rise. Oh. That she said are you from the netherlands why are you speaking like that uh lexi is a psychopath yeah yeah big time and soon to be one of the greatest villains in reality tv history on the next too hot to handle or whatever island she's fucking on yes exactly so um i've watched the last 30 minutes of this episode at least three times. It makes me laugh. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me sad. It's a rainbow of emotions in this penultimate episode five. still have to watch orby and his whiskey barrel body and his his you know yankovic hair walk

around the boat for a little bit um but what unfolds in the second half of this episode is marvelous uh 12 pots as a as a kind of preventative measure we're gonna lay into to lexi tonight am i speaking right we're gonna lay into her Lexi tonight. Am I speaking right? We're going to lay into her tonight. Well, I might defend her on a certain level. So we may have a balance of, maybe we'll have a balance, but as a preventative measure, a lot of people are talking about,

you know, Lexi's going through a lot as a kind of defense or softening for her behavior. Obviously losing a father at her age is horrible. You know, horrific knock on wood. My parents are both healthy. horrible, you know. Horrific. Knock on wood. My parents are both healthy. But, you know, we've lost people. You've lost your parents, your father.

Yeah, but I didn't care. You had a tough childhood. I've had friends lose their parents. It does not allow one to kick over the cauldron of darkness that exists in all of our hearts. I'm sorry your father passed away, but it does not give you an excuse to turn into a Zodiac-obsessed, bat-winged demon. It's not how the world works.

To be fair, she referred to herself as Satan, Dylan. Hey, I do want to say this, and it seems like we're getting way ahead of ourselves. I apologize. It's just general thoughts. I apologize. I just wanted to say, you know, if you disagree with that, you know, kick rocks, but we're going way ahead of ourselves. I apologize. I just wanted to say, you know, if you disagree with that, you know, kick rocks, but we're going to be tough.

I agree with everything you said, except that another person should not be coming back knowing that you're in a drunken, escalated state and essentially keep picking at that scratch. Let it, everyone go to bed, we'll pick it up the next morning. Nothing is going to be solved tonight.

I think we'll get into a quarrel later all right i don't see that happening but anyways we begin with z snapping a thick rope in half or something normans is mommy too they're fine and orby goes to bed any thoughts on well quite a lot of chaos the first 30 seconds we got that boat nearly slamming into the dock and we got a 52 year old bloated drunk with a dad bod fighting uh his bedtime yeah come on drunky it's bedtime but norman's his mommy too go to bed everything's fine go to bed malia mentioned something about the line snapping that happens all the time. Was it something he did wrong, or was he just not used to this thing that happens all the time? Does anybody know this?

Don't care. Okay. No. Sorry. We're laying some groundwork because we've seen some stuff in previews where Malia's patience with Z starts to wear a little thin. So I'm wondering if this is part of it or not part of it. Or maybe orphan Esther is actually a 33-year-old former prostitute or not,

and everything's going to be fine. I don't know if that made sense. Yeah, no, it did. Everybody knows what we're talking about. So that was disgusting. Lexi wants to munch on some more food. Demons are absolutely insatiable creatures. But Courtney, so Courtney offers her a bite to which she says,

I don't know if you've been sucking dick tonight. I guess Lexi has been horrible the entire season. It's just spotlights really being, you know, shined on it or shown. But this begins quite a sad, sad spiral. spiral i mean this is a horrific thing to say to somebody who's essentially a stranger dylan most people we uh we evaluate people's character with our eyes not our ears she is good looking therefore she gets to behave badly for a lot longer than ugly people right matt matt everybody is pretty much we hated him right off the bat

he fucked up and and thus far these these uh women seem to be getting along on the boat so this is in some context you could like say this to your girlfriend sure you you whore you've been sucking dick tonight but that's not how lexi said it no it's like i'm not sure if you've sucked dick tonight right and she confirmed that she wasn't joking malia was like you were so funny and and they start talking about her tone. And she's like, no, no, no, I'm not kidding. I don't know if she's had cock in her mouth. There are people I've met in my life that are off almost in an Asperger's way. I believe Lexi may have a little bit of that.

She has bipolar disorder. And has she said that? No. Oh, okay. But to your point about she's very good looking, you don't think of people with Asperger's as really hot. No. But yeah, she definitely could.

Well, they're out there. It makes sense. Hey, one other thing. A lot of hot bipolar people, though. I think she's fucking bipolar as fuck. Was this conversation taking place when they were joking about the burn list and they're all laughing about a burn list? Which they shouldn't because it's terrifying. Well, so the burn list gets brought up here.

And yes, let's talk about how inherently concerning the burn list is. Primarily for the reason that it exists at all. But the fact that it has so many names on it reeks of an ignoring of the common denominator between all of the names. You know, it's those people's faults it has nothing to do with the fact that i'm a violent cunt you know it's everyone on that burn list has wronged me no no you're an abrasive horrible human being father or not that's why all those people you wrote down hate you especially when when you start really diving into that list. I took a screenshot and was really just trying to dissect it.

I did that thing where you're like, enhance, enhance, because they tried to blur it out. Right, right, right. But it was like Gandhi, Mother Teresa. Right, right. Jesus. Yeah. Although Mother Teresa has been accused recently of performative activism. Right.

I don't know if you guys know about that. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. I was thinking about this when I was thinking of that burn list. I probably, on any given year, probably hate three people at any given time. Oh, yeah.

But I think if you go above five, it's probably a little bit of you. You got a problem, yeah. You got a little bit of an issue. You're a tornado or twister of a human being. So, Courtney, hand up. I, for the last time, am going to get up and fix that computer. I'm having storage management issues.

That's a camera. Running out of SD cards. I'm going to fix it. Two minutes. You guys go. We will proceed. Charge on without. Okay, so Courtney is the angel on the shoulder of this show's shoulders. She says she has a bang list not a burn list um she

is just such a lovely human being who is going through something arguably worse than what lexi is going through but we'll get there uh lloyd he's an odd duck. He says that... You know what? I just got to get this off my chest really quickly. A plane just flew overhead. As everybody knows, we're going to war with China. They're spying on us because this podcast is so controversial. I was on Patreon the other day, and I don't look at the messages often, but I saw one from a person who had

cancelled because I think I think I was the culvert but we were being too mean too nasty and Dylan was complaining too much about the noise that was going on outside I just want to say thank you for coming back to Patreon and also

go fuck yourself you have no idea how hard it is to do this show with fucking aleppo going on outside okay his neighbor has a goddamn refugee camp in her backyard and there are fucking planes flying overhead at all hours hey let me give some context here jesus uh the boys are nice enough to cater to me while i have a young one at home we basically built out the guest house to our studio we leave the doors open while we record and uh melee generally ensues yes at all hours so sorry i uh there's a fucking 747 did that person that

said that they left because of you they came back may? Mayhem, generally. That's what I meant. They came back, not because of me. I think I've made an enemy of that person, but, you know, who cares? We've got a big audience. You know, not everybody's going to love you. She straight came back just because she missed us, despite our flaws. Is that what she said? Yes. I said, I like to think we've cooled down.

I lied to her. Okay. So, Lloyd, like I said, is an odd duck duck he says that he's been able to take down his walls around this group uh because everybody's so cool uh just don't put your tits in his face because it'll make him cry well you gotta call him a pussy first either way i think if you break the game film down i think it's the tits that made him cry oh yeah i really do i mean he said it he said she has no so well ahead of herself yeah yeah i won't uh lloyd have you seen those those knockers those are beautiful well yeah they're very expensive they're big fake knockers

is my giant boss next to you did i leave it on the ground this is in disarray i feel like we're really about to hit a straw you have a giant boss who are you you have to yeah and after this you just have to sit down just sit down you have you have to sit down all right anything before the next day now um all right so katie yeah i'm sorry i'm an idiot is there anything pat Well, we just hear Orby and the drunk failure in life. His wife continuing to order that idiot to go to bed. He refuses. Go to bed. This is a common thing between people who are married.

I don't know. Do you hate when your wife gets drunk? No, she's more fun. Oh, really? Does she hate when you get drunk? Occasionally, when I have people over too long, that's why I'm not doing my birthday at the house this year. The last two years in a row when I've done it here,

my friends stay too long, and then she starts getting very irritated. Not me. Not you. Except for that time that we drank that really expensive bottle of champagne. And I said, it's because it's my birthday. And she said, Pat, everyone needs to go home now.

Okay, we could get into that story, but that's not what you said. Because it's my birthday. And she said, Pat, everyone needs to go home now. Okay. We could get into that story, but that's not what you said. You said it was more like, oh, Dylan opened it and then he left. That was more of what you said. Well, I didn't want to get in trouble. No, I know. I have to sleep with her. You're a fucking coward. So, next day.

Next morning. All work and no play is back in the galley. Lexi tells David that he was making fun of her for talking to herself yesterday and that she Googled to confirm that brilliant people often speak to themselves. This is red rum written in fucking blood on the wall. I mean, just an offhanded, hey, you talking to yourself? What's going on? Spiraling someone into, I'm brilliant.

That's why I'm doing it. I'm going to Google this and tell you about it the next day. Crazy person. Can I tell you? All right. So there's some mental illness in here, I'm feeling. And I am not licensed as I'm speaking to this. this is just me as a talented podcaster giving my opinion i'm not a medical professional uh a little mental illness and i think her dad uh who's a sense

passed away uh loved her and coddled her too much that's how you create these monsters okay she's the daddy she believes that she uh walks on uh she floats on her yeah i wouldn't be shocked don't stink i wouldn't be uh she poops cotton candy shocked to find out that she has zero other siblings being the only child which is so uh it may not help improve your life but it's so good for your young daughter that she's going to have someone to not yes yes so she's not always the center of attention. Right. I think that's part of what's going on with Lexi. Yeah. Also, severe chemical imbalances that are not as a result of nurture. I said, whose bread is this? And she said, it's mine.

I go, can I have a piece? And she said, no. You don't get your own stuff. And she was dead serious. He's really soft. And he just said that he thinks his wife has a little bit of Lexi on her. A couple episodes ago, you said, my wife is Lexi. Right.

I think she listens now. It's a great show. We're great. I don't want to have to sleep with one eye open. So you may still have to. But good news for Sheree and for you. Sheree is not a pathological liar so let's get into the whole nursing school thing she says that she's a brilliant human being case in point i got into nursing school which i don't mean to be insulting we nurses i mean that's

a a very fine profession but it's not like you got into fucking Oxford. And then she says that she couldn't afford it because she bought three cars instead. These are the kind of people who are so pathological in their lives. They make you uncomfortable when you're around them. You know, they're just lying and just stupid lies. It doesn't make any sense. It's just like, oh, can I? Can I tell you what's going on in her head there?

Cause she's braggadocious, right? But, but there's moments of some kind of truth. So she wanted to say, Hey, I'm smart. I got accepted to nurse school. Then she's got to explain why she didn't actually go.

So then she says, I couldn't afford it, but she's like, Hey, what I just said makes me look poor. Oh, but I had three cars. I mean,

it works on that pathological level. Once again, I'm just a talented podcaster and I don't take any of my medical thoughts seriously. And after she actually Googled it and buying superfluous objects in lieu of an education that will give you a secure career path is a sign of intelligence. Yeah, it's what brilliant people do. That's what brilliant people do. I did. Well, it's not Oxford, I will say, but nursing programs are insanely, insanely competitive, like more than they should be even. Well, it's because of the demand.

There's a high number of people who want to get into it. I've been I don't actually think I've even heard criticism of me before saying this, but I've said it before and I'll say it again. Nurses and teachers, a little overrated in what they do for our society. I mean, I think teachers are unbelievably important. Unbelievably important. You know, my grandmother was an educator, so I have a bias. If I had to pick one, I'd actually go nurses. I think I'd go teacher.

All right. I don't want to lose any listeners because you guys talking like that. What are you talking about? We just, we propped up two professions right there. Oh, well, your favorite out of the three of us, old Patty, thinks both of you have a lot of value and thank you for doing what you do. Thanks, Pat. Thank him, Dylan. He just said we both have a lot of value.

No, he does that to endear himself to the fans and he would rip both of those professions to shred as soon as the mics turn off. My joke was that he didn't specify his antecedent and it kind of sounded like both of us oh got it yes i was very confused when he was talking so let's get to lexi and matt do you guys want to um break this down i feel as though i've been speaking too much well and also i didn't write anything down for this i'm confused by this interaction because is lexi in the right here okay yeah 100 what is it i i had lexi is actually right i mean he she the chief stew did the overnight she's so she's the second stew she's in she's in charge she says they're ready for breakfast he's like i'm gonna wait till she gets up that's not how it works well but right any

interaction between these two is going to end up this way because he's an insult and she's a well and also the way that she talked to chef spaz is she says, I'm breakfast girl, you bald piece of shit. So start frying some bacon. Here's the thing. Katie did tell fake Captain Spaz for fake Chef Spaz that she didn't want him taking word from Lexi. But here's the thing. Breakfast. You don't need to put eggs in a ring mold, buddy.

And also you can fucking, Lloyd can run your shit out. I don't care. It's fucking breakfast. But he's a fake and he's never been in this situation. So he's, you know, very, I need to talk to Katie.

But yes, Lexi is in the right. Admittedly, Chef Spaz says annoying people is his superpower yes so we own sit on a certain level um so katie wakes up and lexi says if you put me on breakfast with matt one more time i'm gonna fucking kill him and her boss says take it easy you crazy fuck um and once again lei falls into the, if I was her, I'd be doing a better job thing. I think it's moot because I think Lexi will be fired

in one to two episodes, hopefully. I don't think that we can do an entire season with Lexi. I really don't. It's too one-dimensional. But then David takes a massive shit. Oh yeah, that's right. It was Aspile, and he set off the fire alarm because he was spraying so much Lysol. I would be very, very concerned.

You know, imagine if your bed, your pillow, where you put your head at night was a foot and a half away from where you spit shit out of your butthole. Why did I need to say it like that it's all right there's a number of reasons i actually don't we as much as we make fun of these sea rats there's a number of reasons i don't think i do well on one of these boats and the close quarters of the bathroom with someone i have to work with would be one of those things i feel i feel like i'd set off the fire alarm every day yeah i uh my first paying gig was at a quality control bay in burbank it was a bungalow uh kind of soaked into black hot asphalt the middle of a fucking parking lot it was a very depressing place uh not a lot of light because you're sitting at editing bays and testing the subtitles of rango in 50 different languages

but there was only one bathroom and it was on the floor of the edit bay 50 different languages. But there was only one bathroom and it was on the floor of the edit bay and I went in there one time and I had a really upset stomach. I had a really bad tummy. And I took a shit that was, you know, it wasn't good. It wasn't a healthy stool.

And one of the managers walked in and immediately did the, kind of like he got punched in the face, kind of recoiling, and said, Jesus, who just went in there and everyone started laughing and then somebody pointed at me and they just kept laughing and these were all people who were they worked at a quality control bay they tested dvd menu functionality and i was looking around i was like where do you guys get off i'm gonna be a podcaster one day and all those people are now on dylan's burn list uh i will say though dylan i

recently watched rango in belgium and it was riddled with errors so someone was fell asleep at the wheel i didn't i didn't do belgium if you watched it in Portuguese, it would have been perfect. Johnny Depp to the voice for in Belgium. All right. So while the kids play hide and go seek with Captain Sandy, Lloyd speaks of the inappropriate things said in Crocodile Dundee. I like Lloyd, but he is not somebody I would want to hang out with. You can't joke around him. No.

I mean, Lexi's right. He's just a gigantic pussy. I mean, he's a sweetheart. I mean, Lexi's right. He's just a gigantic pussy. I mean, he's a sweetheart, but. I actually think I would get along with him. He'd be one of those guys, like if we're on a night out, we're trying to really get into mischief. I'd get stuck talking to him, actually, because he doesn't know how to mingle with anybody else.

And I'm just like, I would get a kick out of talking to this guy. I haven't seen Crocodile Dundee, but I want to now and shoot the shit with Lloyd about it. And then he'd be like, do you want to go chase some dick? And you'd be like, what? I don't think he would. He loves poon. All right.

So let's move on to. I don't want to be at odds at this anymore. What do you mean? I think he's straight. You think he's gay. I think. Yeah, I think he's very, very gay. I think that's why he got so upset when Lexi and Courtney.

She throws those knee shooters in my face i'd say i started licking a nipple or two you know what i mean that it's true you play a sort of chicken at that point right i'd go i'd fuck her if she kept going is that too yeah it'd be consensual you didn't even finish the sentence is that too yeah yes but it'd be consensual because she would stop i would stop i was just saying what he said right pat in summation you guys wouldn't tear up no definitely not okay let's move on jesus all right so i think a good time to talk about Magic Mind because I might be. Oh. I think I'm a little frantic at this point because we're babysitting a second dog.

It's very cute. Chewy is in love. Oh, yeah. But it did cause me to only get six hours of sleep last night. So instead, I did have my daily shot my once daily shot of magic mind uh a matcha infused uh drink that has 30 milligrams of caffeine that will slowly drip throughout your body for a cool calm concentration zen focus it's zen focus but uh it just in my lack of confidence in the process i didn't think it would be enough so i got a i got an extra five hour energy and i had it right before we came and it's oh my god i think it has

me all over the place to be honest oh my god that's not clean zen energy that's not magic mind which you can get at magic mind.co promo code below deck we'll get you 25 off i mean five hour energy is a little vile that is nowhere near as magical as magic mind do you need to talk about fucking and sucking or can we not no i was just gonna say okay uh we left some extra magic mind in the fridge turns out the nanny drank it for her lunch yeah i walked by her yesterday she's throwing me a look like hey are you are you down? I'm like, hey, don't go there, sister. Just the look said, hey, are you down? That's right.

Okay. So, by the way, that as a thing that Magic Mind does is not on the label. It's just things that I've experienced when I drink. I think we focus on the good stuff, like the Cordyceps mushrooms. It's an adaptogen. We've talked about it. MagicMind.co, promo code below deck,est percentage they've ever given, 25% off. Who's winning?

The birdies or the barnacles, Nick? Right now, if you extrapolate it to full seasons, it's pretty much neck and neck. Okay. But I really feel like BelowDeck could... We can spring ahead here. We got a lot more episodes. Yeah, you may be the tortoise, but you need to pull ahead. Hey, barnacles, get over to MagicMind.com and showacles, get over to magicmind.com and show those birdies up.

Magicco.com and show those birdies up. You said co. So as they leave, as the guests leave, they compliment Matt in saying that he makes things they didn't know they wanted. Well, when you're hungry enough, you'll eat. Also, did they have preference sheets? Why did he not cook did they have preference sheets? Why did he not cook what they knew they wanted? What they asked for?

Because he doesn't get any days off, and he has to cook crew meals. I did think them all ordering scrambled eggs in the morning was a sign that they were incredibly embarrassed by Roy Jr.'s behavior the night before. They're like, we're just going to be easy. I want to speak about him. One final hit for these. Sure. We were going to have Asa on. She agreed to be on the show. And then, as it always happens, they actually listened to our show

and heard me talk about her loser husband. Well, I'll say this, Asa. You may have canceled to show good faith. Is that what happened? She said yes in the text. And then the next day, it's a no-go anyway sweetie you know you're counting down the days uh to serve this idiot papers and you will inevitably uh uh be negotiating when there's a remake a pretty woman that's going to be a major payday

for you okay although uh she may be an evil genius because his his behavior he's displaying well supposed to be uh the guarding of his child on this boat, is just grounds for a divorce and taking half his shit. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So she may be playing it right. And Asa, Osa, if you would like to rebut any of this, the door is still open for one more week until you become irrelevant to our world. After that, no one wants to hear what you have to say and don't listen to those below deck

producers in bravo they just don't want you talking they have no recourse spit in their face so we live in sweden those contracts won't hold up writing a high uh from that compliment you've served us things we didn't even know we wanted matt is then told uh shut up about your meal prep you need to cook the crew food also really quickly him boasting that he preps his meals the night before yeah you're a chef that's like a janitor saying, you know, before I hit a bathroom, I like to really get the mop wet.

Is that a bad analogy? I'm saying it's not anything to brag about. It's part of the process. It's very typical. This guy's a fake devil's advocate to defend Matt. And, uh, you're not going to hear me do that a lot.

Don't like the guy, but this has been a pretty crazy schedule if they're showing it accurately. We had a three-day charter. No days off. They all got fucked up that night. Then we had a one-night charter. No days off. Then they're all getting fucked up again.

It's a really quick turnaround. These sea rats could go at an incredible pace. That's ungodly. It's ungodly what you just did. Defending Matt. Ungodly. So tip meeting. Hashtag no days off.

Yes. Sandy praise. No, not that. Not the tip meeting yet. Interrupting his high of mediocre professionalism. Sandy says you have to cook the crew meals. And he says i thought i was gonna have enough time to clean sandy apologizes to him and says i need you to cook crew meals

has has sandy had a fucking blade held to her throat by these chefs or like metaphorically it seems like she's got some type of ptsd she's just not being anywhere near the um i don't know i don't want to say leader but she she should just tell him to shut the fuck up and make crew meal i don't know why she's apologizing to him he would do he's citing you and say he's gonna throw you off and give you a plane ticket. And that doesn't work out for him either. What you got to do is an approach more like Glenn. Captain Glenn, who's my favorite captain,

he'd go up to me and say, hey, buddy, I really need you to step it up and cook meals, all right? All right? Thanks, buddy. All right, can you do that for me? It's going to work out great. And then leave. Don't give them time to rebut.

Don't apologize. Right. Though, let me play devil's advocate for Sandy. No, don't. No, because she's mentioned, even if she did do the smart thing, and the second she found out he's a flake who might quit at any moment, say she got a chef quarantining at that point, there's still six days to go. She knows this pussy is so fragile,. If she's really hard on him,

he may quit again. Right, right, right. Which, hey, we see later. Don't want to get ahead of myself. So maybe that's why. She's slacklining on a trip wire right now with this guy. It's a very, very game.

You're not supposed to, you don't reward bad behavior. That's the first lesson of management. Let me play devil's advocate to my devil's advocate. Let's get to the tip meeting. She should have had that person quarantining before the season started. Devil's advocate to my devil's advocate. Let's get to the tip meeting. She should have had that person quarantining before the season started.

Devil's advocate to my devil's advocate. Pat, tip meeting. Tip meeting. Sandy praises the crew for it being the first season with no guest complaints, except for the last charter or the one before where a guest literally hunted you down to let you know what a failure you and your crew are. Sandy says. But other than that.

Silver linings this woman is addicted to and booze, but she cut the stuff out of her life many years ago. Leaving the other one. All right, so. You just fill it with something else and silver linings have become that vice. They can get you really fucking high. So, do you 21? 21 grand and they, why do they do this to us? 21 grand American broken down to 1450 euros.

I think they set that up so that we know how much Lexi was trying to. Sure. She always pays her debts. She's a fucking Lannister. So, um, Matt store. Just an insane tip for one night. $21,000. Very generous.

Oh, one night. I thought it was just, oh, that's the best tip we've ever had. Uh, fooling his money or soon parted or end up in a ditch after hit and run hey was there a little secret of that anybody who was on this charter as a guest this season paid nothing and they only had to pay the tip didn't we read that in like a blog or something i don't know i didn't i didn't see that i got in a really big argument with someone on one of the facebook groups about 60 grand a day and it was like we know that's not what these people are paying. That's the standard average,

which you should be getting the same level of service if we're trying to watch what happens on a yacht. Okay, so Matt storms off, pissed that he doesn't get a break. In three hours, you're going to go to dinner and you spent the last charter cooking chicken tenders and quesadillas. So please shut the fuck up. You're not going to get any followers from this. This is like the worst case scenario, this kind of performance on this show.

I don't think he cares. It's the most unlikable person on the show. Talentless, tough to work with. People don't care about... Like Johnny Fairplay, if he was around during a time of social media people would be like attracted to his evil but matt is just a fucking annoyance no one likes you sorry who is johnny fairplay you don't know johnny fairplay isn't it from survivor or challenging you don't know fairplay uh-uh yeah it's from Survivor. So, Malia heads into hell.

You don't know Fairplay? No. Oh my God. I thought maybe it was a different name for Banana. Dylan, just for clarity, so we can move on. Wasn't he the guy, the contestant on Survivor,

who told his other contestants that his mother or grandmother just died? Yeah, I think he was. So that it would keep him on the show and he actually played him. I actually do remember that. I think it was either here. I think that was Fairplay. I don't think it was because I've never heard the name Johnny Fairplay and I remember that story. Yeah, no remember that. I think that was Fairplay.

I don't think it was because I've never heard the name Johnny Fairplay and I remember that story. Yeah, no, that could have been a different guy. He's got a funny name too, like Johnny Fairplay. Yeah, no, no. I think that was a different guy. Tell us in the comments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sorry, I know that you guys want to throw your phone out of your window, Survivor Heads. Oh, you Survivor Heads. We're trying to kill time till happy hour at Laurel Tavern. All right, so Malia heads in to help the chef make a salad and sandwiches uh he says that he cries when he has sex uh but just a cool guy just a really fucking cool guy um so let's get to courtney this made me want to cry um she says that you know we get a little backstory she talks about her dad having alzheimer's

and she says that the thing that she fears the most is the day when he starts forgetting people. Just such a horrific disease, such a terrible thing to go through. Interesting enough, today I was, because it's my birthday, so my cousin Jimmy Burlton, who's 80 years old, calls me, he's Patrick Kawaya.

And I said, I'm doing pretty good. My mom, she wants to move to north carolina from massachusetts but she's torn she doesn't want to leave her dead parents are there she feels guilty about leaving her whole life behind he says patrick you gotta move on tell your mother she's got to move on because you can always have your memories and as he's saying that i stopped my i said unless you get alzheimer's right i stopped him dead in his tracks yeah you know how you get used to giving these people these old euphemisms and such and then they can be actually uh countered

unless you get alzheimer's is a euphemism well no you move on but you know what i would have said if i was your cousin what what a fucking bummer you are happy birthday jesus christ you'll always have your memories well not if you get alzheimer's jesus what the fuck all right um there's this abc thing yeah just when we heard this about courtney uh the whole calling people daddy thing quickly switched from annoying god too sad and creepy i didn't even think about that. Oh, it's all I could think of. I don't want to think about it. She wasn't being sexy.

She was screaming out for the father she once knew. Daddy! Oh, no. Daddy! Oh, I don't. We got to move on. I don't want to. God, that makes my balls hurt.

Salient point, though. I have a confession. I can't go to happy hour tonight. What? You're not going to go to happy hour? It's my birthday you dickhead. I know. The girlfriend is not feeling well. So what? Let her stare at a wall. I'm sorry. I can't do it Pat.

Alright. So let's get to dinner. I can't wait for the concert. Alright. We'll talk about that. Let's get to dinner. I can't come. You can come. Thank you. Can we get to dinner? Please. Mac gets a bottle of rose because he's trying to get shwasted. They talk about Courtney and Zee hooking up.

How does the bet feel right about now? How are we thinking? I'm not that optimistic. I don't want to sandbag the whole thing, but I never knew if it was going to happen, but I like gambling. Right, right, right. But you mentioned last episode how Zee was playing cool not bringing it up yeah and this was an

effect at working because she brought it up almost like hey remember this so i'm i'm not optimistic but getting more optimistic because she is a broken woman okay all Well, she's a Z-rat. She's a Z-rat. Daddy. Let's get to Matt. He's whatever sign he is, according to Lexi in the Zodiac. He's the kind of, I don't know, sign that orders a bottle of wine at the table, not for the table. And the kind that meets girlfriends at sex parties so a couple thing about the couple things about this sex party that he's talking about uh one it didn't exist um and if it did exist he didn't go uh two in the very off chance that he was at this made-up

sex party these are the kind of people there it's not fucking you know you're not walking into a victoria's secret show you're walking into a warehouse in sun valley with mattresses strewn all over the place and people like matt littering the warehouse floor that's what sex parties are like i've been to one i can tell you what you are saying is 100% correct. Sure. There was only one good couple. Big guts, little dicks. But they were exhibitionists. I was probably 22 years old when I went to it. I went as an observer.

My girlfriend that I was dating at the time was friends with the door guy. It was 50 bucks each couple. This is 1999 to get in. And you had to go as a couple. You could not go like two dudes couldn't buy their way in there. Right. We were there for a couple of hours. It was every three weeks, third saturday uh down at a

hotel near the uh airport and they'd have it catered and they'd have a dj and then everybody at two uh in the morning would start yelling out their room numbers to go in there and have like a gang bang or something right but this one couple cute little blonde and her guy with a dad bought they just kept moving around the dance floor and just banging it he just banged the hell out of her right and they were getting their rocks off with people watching them got it got it but they were all uh filthy yucky normies right right there was not a single 10 in there it was a solid four average i i take umbrage though uh these were not filthy yucky normies they are filthy and yucky yes but it's a it's even i mean normies are normal people right these people are sub normie yeah no they're not normies filthy and yucky yes they're

strangeies they're not yeah they're not normies they're strangeies that's why i absolutely believe this man's story oh i don't think so at all i think he's completely making me completely making it up he misses back page he used to go on there. He would. Oh, yeah. I think he's too big of a. I believe him about the masturbating part. He couldn't even get it up there. So like him being a pussy holds. Yeah, no, I just don't buy him.

So it's at this point the rosé is flowing and Matt is talking about all of the shit he lies about all the time. Sex parties and whores and jerking off. shit he lies about all the time sex parties and whores and jerking off and the girls rightly tell him you look like a wallaby and you're creeping us the fuck out so please shut the fuck up i don't even care to diagnose what is going on inside this man's brain but to throw the fifth that he threw over the girls telling him to please stop talking about his weird sexual kinks at the dinner table i i we're trying to eat uh spat i don't know what's happening with this person i do know that he should be cold no sterilized thanos snapped we don't need this kind of energy around i'm fine with

sterilized i'll take sterilized uh but like this was the culmination he's been he's been throwing out these creepy lines about i want to be part of a thruple i'm and but this was like just the culmination you are a weird sex crazed pervert incel who i just can't believe he's on television right now yeah i know it's really bad casting um he doesn't like that people are telling him to shut up because he prides himself on how nice and how clean he is um matt you need medication he dresses kind of cool though i like his swag all right so um leaves, and the crew immediately begins having fun while he wraps his knives up in a dish towel and begins ripping down GoPros.

Now, here's one of the reasons why you can tell that he's a fake. He doesn't even have a chef's bag. He doesn't have a bag for his knives. He's rolling them up. I mean, the guy is just a's just a complete he's a complete phony i don't know what these producers are literally subject they're subjecting the wealthy to the hands of the incompetent that's what the show is about but he's a bridge too far i bet they all the producers are just like shocked actually at how long he's lasted like we thought

this was going to be a Mila situation. We get him out right away. We'll get a real chef in there. Everybody's happy. Right. But no, he's somehow sticking around that damn quarantine. Dude, it makes so much sense that he's a fake chef. Like the first day ordering as many provisions as he did to seem like this is my, like trying

to stake his claim. And then when everything starts coming in he just freaks the fuck out can i tell you what i i think i finally wrapped my head around why we're having so much problem with chefs or mainly sandy but in this world right all right so looking at the resume if you're be if you're a really really good chef and you came down from the g-man this is a real step down for you and you want no part of being on a floating uh dumpy hotel right right then the people that are attracted to this are aren't up for the skill set but they'll take the fucking job and the money sure so what you

get is mediocrity right they they almost set the table for bad chefs. You have mediocrity coupled with what you feel to be a stress-free, what you think would be a stress-free cooking environment. Oh, I'm going out to sea. It's a private chef thing. It's not that rigorous. I'm not standing at a station for six hours a night getting screamed at having to expedite and stuff like that but what they don't know is that it's unbelievably stressful because you're in a five by five box and you have cameras on you and that these people just can't

handle it but if you are even like just mediocre but able to make your couple of dishes or what have you and get through the season without um being a sex pervert uh a la uh oh you like my meat adrian adrian look down there look at my meat without being a sex pervert like adrian or matt or a bigot like mila if you're summing how able to last i feel like it's a there is a lot of fruits of the labor that could be mined from this. You could meet one of these charter guests who would be like, oh, be our private chef. You can build a following, open up a restaurant

in some shit kicker town. I don't know. There's ways you could turn this in. Sandy could tap you and go, hey, do you want to operate my crab shack? 519 or whatever it's called. I'm going to get some sea cucumbers to decorate the table what they'll die immediately but none of these people are able to handle it okay so um where the fuck are we the sea rats all call their family and this upsets courtney obviously uh lexi comforts

her in the bathroom but what courtney didn't know is that Lexi was charging. These are billable hours. Lexi, they come out of the bathroom, and Lexi says, Malia, tell me what I owe. That's when Lloyd tells her exactly what she owes, to which she says, shut the fuck up. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Malia.

And this begins her spiraling into her talking about her physics degree, which was a biology degree five minutes into the episode. And then Matt and Lexi both continue or begin spiraling at different parts of Croatia. Who gives a shit about Matt? I think he'll be back later. But in my eyes, Lexi is the true fascinating character study. Yes. I agree wholeheartedly with that sentiment. I do want to backtrack slightly because the crew had a wonderful dinner at Galbiani.

Oh, wow. Off the shores. Do you have a TripAdvisor review? Sibonic. Yes. It's extremely boring, so I'm going to run through it. This place is evidently incredible. Stunning vistas, incredible food. the appetizers are to die die for 61 reviews four and a half uh star dots four and

a half dots one one dot two two or one two dots yeah so like it's near a bad thing to say about this place um but uh f35d betty p notorious notorious on drip advisor only had one review ever actually sorry i must be confusing somehow i think you're confusing her with f31 five yeah maybe but she reviewed on july 25th 2020 probably not too far off of when these people were there uh she said stunning, wonderful food, spectacular views of Sibenik, excellent service, and one of the best cuttlefish risottos I've had. Cuttlefish? Would highly

recommend Galbiani. And that concludes the TripAdvisor review. It's pretty mundane, but I wanted to get it in there. Who eats a cuttlefish? People eat cuttlefish, but fucking cuttlefish risotto just sounds so gross. Fish risotto, sounds so gross fish risotto period sounds gross i don't know what either of them are all right so well i was gonna say when all the sea rats were bonding over the pain and trauma i was thinking sea rats do you think the audience thinks you're in this

industry because of your love of serving drinks and folding towels you're all fucking broken people you're fighting the land of broken toys you're sea rats can you yell at sea rats all right so uh car rides home and i feel like just people get the wrong impression uh when we say sea rat they're thinking peg leg eye patch uh parrot on the shoulder no no they can be as beautiful as lexi but but nonetheless Sea Rats! By the way, we're debuting the Sea Rat official t-shirt coming next month. We're going to put a Sea Rat t-shirt on. Picture a rat.

The kind that dragged the pizza down the steps. But it's sea. That's what these people are. On a piece of broken wood with a little captain's hat on. Sea Rat! And feel free to provide your designs. Enter another Below Deck Facebook group. Yes.

But just know if you do, that becomes our property. Any compensation you get from us then becomes our choice. It's voluntary, and please don't bug us. Anyways, car rides home are sweet and sad. And can we get to the ball of snakes in the hot tub? So the nastiest snake of all is Satan. Um, who gave human beings our thirst for knowledge and snipped in half the leash that God was walking us with.

Hell Satan. But Lexi is beginning to reach the ninth circle of hell, her sweet spot. Home. Yeah, home, where she feels most comfortable. Malia and her get into a tiff. It's not a tiff, it's a tiff, about Lexi being a cheap bitch who didn't pay for dinner.

Now, Lexi replies, Hey, Malia, I don't know if you know this, but I have a biology degree, physics degree, so much money that I spent it on three cars, which made me poor so I couldn't afford nursing school. Which is a sign of intelligence. And now I live in a high rise in Miami. No, a high rise.

So I pay my debts. what what is she saying it is a cat's cradle of psychotic horse ramblings it's the ramblings of a madman it's crazy all i'm hearing is i'm a sugar baby so um yeah i had a joke i i i guess i'll tell it now i i felt bad for her because her father is never going to see her get married to an 82-year-old millionaire. Okay. And that would have made him sad. So I'm glad that he... Never mind. You put it in there seamlessly because I thought, yeah, that was crazy.

All right. So we get into the hot tub and a fun game of truth or dare breaks out. David gets naked. Nice ass. Runs around. fun game of truth or dare breaks out david gets naked uh nice ass runs around everyone's having a blast which prompts him to lean over and ask malia do you see me as more than an employee contrary to z's playing it cool game we've got david and his big teeth being way too abrasive like dude you gotta just let the net this is a slow roll what are you doing let it unfold women

don't like to talk about it. They want you to just lay one on them and see if they respond. Or like, you know, just let it slow play. You don't have to kiss her right now, you know? And even despite his shortcomings in trying to woo Malia up to this point, I mean, he told her about how he got cocked. He took that giant shit. Right.

He's very weird. Yes. He seemed to have been doing okay. Right. He's very weird. Yes. He seemed to have been doing okay. Right. She was very intrigued by the streaking. Keep your fucking mouth shut. Yeah. Although I think he has a small dick.

She made a joke about that. And I saw he only needed one hand to cover all of it up, and I'm including his balls. That's a very- That's all I need. No. Yeah, I have a tiny little penis. But either way, it literally made me shiver with a cringe when he said that to her. My dick recoiled.

All right. So, Lexi. Not that I was a wreck for David before that. Begins going in on David for being a kiss ass when Lloyd tells her to shut the fuck up. Now, this spurs on everything. Courtney puts her tits in his face, as lexi uh which prompts lloyd to cry although we could have a debate about uh her calling him a pussy prompting him to cry though i think you're not seeing what's going on there um he said it himself he said he'd already established that

this woman has no social cues how to talk to people right but he says i do not like to be touched right so he excused himself at that moment. Did Courtney also have boobs? But even with great boobs? I know. It's weird because he's such a fucking pussy hand. I don't know why this would make him uncomfortable. I'd love it.

I know. He's only in it for the real thing. Everyone knows. I'd play chicken with her. So Lexi then begins to demean the deck crew. And that gets Malia and then Katie involved. So Lexi begins shooting her mouth and her nipples off at everyone, including her boss, who she tells to shut your fucking mouth.

As Katie is trying to get her to tell her what transpired, Lexi begins weeping. I brought this up a couple weeks ago. Lexi is the kind of person you just have to call a cunt, and then if it's going to make her cry, that's the only way to stop the onslaught of meanness. And you see it here. She's just completely.

I know she's drunk, too. But like you're crying right now. You're crying. You're getting in everyone's fucking face, calling them pieces of shit. Not as wealthy as you. You're a demon and you're crying right now. Go fuck yourself. Hot take.

I'm going to down the TFC. She's bipolar. It's not specifically about Lexi, but about Lexi's presence on this boat. For some reason, Bravo has a ton of stock in Captain Sandy and her protege, Malia, who we saw for the first time on this boat. She'll be a hot captain. Exactly. But last year, there was a little pr snafu the way she railroaded and ratted out an employee had worked hard for six years yeah so they need to define the

worst person on the planet so malia love that look like a sympathetic figure so she can take her mantle in one or two seasons as a hot fake captain and it is i love that take it is working sandy's not working out i can tell you captain timeshare we gotta move her through we gotta shuffle her out and captain sandy i think is probably like she's she's negotiating playing hardball she's getting way too much money for speaking engagements opening up a restaurant she's got the crab yeah bravo's not gonna be able to pony up because this is supposed to be a cheap show. Hi, everyone. How's the food?

Where Malia will probably not even take a pay raise as long as she gets that title. Well, Malia, like you said, and I love that hot take because contrary to Lexi, Malia looks like a Christ-like figure, especially when she told lexi suck my dick uh every i this is this is a um you know that meme where you put the thing up in the bar and then everyone starts cheering the second something everyone was up off their couch or at least giving a golf clap to malia in this moment because she took down lexi that's good i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna make that meme right can you make that meme i think i can um so uh at this point lexi is completely snapped uh there's something dark behind the eyes you don't even need to get that close to see it and speaking of getting very close to someone's face let's talk about david um before they get to lexi pushing z's afrikaans ass. David is just on some kind of high that is completely unfounded.

He's going up to Malia and consoling her by rubbing her legs as though they've been dating for a year. This was so uncomfortable. And she quite literally fleed. She left so quickly. It was simp behavior from both David and Z, the way they were consoling Courtney and Malia, respectively. How do you say her name? Am I saying it right?

Is it Malia? Malia. David was a simp. I don't think Z was a simp. Z was a simp. No, Z wasn't a simp. If either of these guys had any game, they would have went and fucked Lexi, made the other girls jealous uh but instead they simped

i think he's just a really good guy yes so um malia does her best to get away from him and then in a public space uh and get to a public space when lexi heads downstairs lexi tells david that she's more employable than him because she has more money. May or may not be true. Also, she's wearing an orange Jedi cape. That always gives you more power. Yes, exactly. She looks like a scarier version of Palpatine. And then she shoves Z.

So we'll see what happens next week. Until then, guys, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network to hear us gab and goof about all sorts of stuff all the below deck sailing content is there including all the interviews with charter guests and video um magic mind.co promo code below deck for 25 off and itunes ratings and reviews guys we have been getting so many great reviews of late. Next week, we should take some time to read a couple, but we're so thankful that you guys are getting in there. Keep up the good work. Please help us out.

Leave five stars and leave kind words. Sorry. What was that? I was looking at my... Do you guys know it's our 100th episode? I was going to bring a cake, but I didn't want to. Is that true? Yeah, it's our 100th episode I was gonna bring a cake but I didn't want to is that true

yeah it's our 100th episode that's crazy whoa alright so we'll see you guys next week I'm Dylan saying goodbye next say goodbye bye bye

bye guys Thank you.