Another Below Deck Podcast - Sea Rat Philanthropy | Below Deck S13 E2

Episode Date: October 20, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down natural disasters, talking to walls, The Beach, mall maps, prisons, yodeling, crypto scams, Angelina and more from Bravo's Below Deck   PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

You know, one thing, and hopefully I consider Frazier a friend, there's a lot of him disappearing throughout the charters. Have you noticed? Fraser is in his, like, king of the show era. Fraser's like, I mean, they go, could we have some chips? He goes, yeah, fuck you. And then he goes inside. Yeah. You know what?

He's like, you know what, darling? They might be soggy if you have them now. Hey, go get those losers chips. And then he disappears. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm so good. How are you?

I'm doing great. We're here to talk about below deck. This is bad television. Kalin is here as well. He is our fired slash rehired producer who was fired for making Pat look fat. Go ahead. Say hi. Hello.

What's up, babe? Not much. I'm just enjoying the television we're watching. I'm enjoying a lot of new listeners and viewers coming to us. It's nice to see the show growing. Thailand A place with fire, ice. Mangroves.

Not to mention tsunamis. You were so hung up on the tsunami. Well, no, it's just they never mentioned that. But why would you, I suppose? It'd be like, you know, uh, uh. So are you saying in Kay? Never visit Northridge. Okay.

Can you get ready with the, the Google machine? because I feel like, I don't know if you just have a stick in your ass about this whole thing, or if you have really stumbled upon a secret. You know, because when you think about something, it's like Japan, right? You're like ravaged with natural disasters and some man-made ones, right? You know that very well. And like Nepal, like you know these places get hammered. Thailand, I always associate it with a bustling night culture with street hawkers and neon.

Also, women that convincingly look like women, but they also have penises. Lady boys, they're beautiful. But I don't, I don't think of natural disasters all that often. Did that 2004 tsunami kill a quarter of a million people? Well, no, no. And we should talk about the show, but can you do me a favor? Because I believe Pat had probably killed that many. Can you look up how Thailand ranks in terms of like places that get rocked by natural disasters?

Oh, no. I understand. throughout time, I assume, you know, I think that the big bang, the asteroid that hit us, they killed all the dinosaurs. Well, those are two different. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The thing that killed the dinosaurs, I think that landed on America, man, in like Arizona or something.

I mean, we have our own crosses to bear here. Sure. Who wants to visit Arizona? You're like, hey, isn't this the place that, like, killed all the dinosaurs? Right. And the tsunami was in what year? Well, that was just 20 years, though, man. Okay. No, I mean, honestly.

I mean, who wants to, you know, take your kids vacationing? You're on this little like canoe when you're floating around here and you're like, Hey, uh, over there, I think, uh, well, I think like, uh, 50,000 people lost their lives. Yeah, it's a bit of a bummer when you're vacationing. Um, do you have this problem? I don't know. You know, you hear dates, right? And we'll get into the show in a second, but you hear these, these date ranges, uh,

the you know for homo sapiens 300,000 whatever dinosaurs this many Egypt this many I don't know when any of the stuff happened when the hell did the dinosaurs get hit by that rock I've not the faintest idea

if you do get in the comments let us know Kail what do you got for us Okay so that earthquake resulted in 200 almost 228,000 dead $15 billion in damage that much money

and Thailand ranks 23rd globally an overall world risk index for natural disaster exposure. I will look that up in a second, but it is among the top four countries most at risk for severe flooding. Oh, wow. Thailand. Go? Be cautious and go. But we're not here for that, Dylan.

We're here to talk about sea rats. I can't imagine anybody is listening after that. I cannot imagine a single human being listening. The Philippines is number one. Oh, the Philippines. Okay, so we are here to talk about below deck. It is the second episode of this season of Reg. Not really, you know, it was fine.

It was fine. It was fine. The episode? Yeah, I feel as though. You're giving your thoughts and pots? Well, I want to give like my prologue to my pots. Below decks? I don't want to say they have to mix it up a little bit.

They have a great formula working. I fear as though are we see are the trumps are the tropes just a little too like we we've seen the hierarchical struggle right we've seen the betting of we've seen the emotional attachment too quickly

and the man being too we've seen all of it before but you know what hold on hold on hold on we just came off an amazing season we're like in episode two and you're already getting tired whoa no no I'm just asking if we're going to You know what I think This is what happened to you The sea rats went out And they blew their wad

They were already hooking up Yeah You like the dance, I think You need to And you like to watch a series Where the first season The two main characters They don't bet each other

Yeah In the first season Right You like the T's These sea rats Just went fucking Full bore on each other They went nuclear yeah

They went nuclear Yeah No I mean They can't help themselves Jess and Nick did not commingle for many seasons until that fateful day. Yeah, Bruce Willis and Sybil Shepard on moonlighting. I believe they waited until season three, and I'll tell you what, once they hooked up, it was done. What?

The show called moonlighting. But I know what was done. Oh, they hooked up. No, I know. But they hooked up off screen. Well, it was rumored that they did, but on the show, their characters, they teased that they were, you know, they were working together as, you know, investigators. And then once they finally hooked up, the show was like, I mean, as an audience, I was like really upset.

And, Kailan, do you have an example of this? I did. I do not. Pats will hit it out the park, so I can't be. Well, it was, you know. Little antiquated, I would say that Jim and Pam is probably the best, you know, current. But that happened a long time ago, too. But below deck is a great, it's a great television program.

We should say Patreon, just to delay the start of this episode. A little further. Go to patreon.com for Love is Blind. Love is ripping right now. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God.

We also have Salt Lake City, which just registered. One of the most seminal moments we've seen. in the last decade on the housewives. Hypocrisy and bullshit. Betrayal. I'm bored. All climaxing to Meredith Mark's screaming manipulation. Can you imagine if two strangers,

well, you allowed people to go to your 20th high school reunion and two strangers, well, you allowed reality TV to film it. Yeah. And then two strangers. And it wasn't so much a high school reunion is more like an independently thrown celebratory for me. but also nice to see you kind of thing.

I'm trying to make an analogy that the audience can understand. And then two horrible people showed up with loud microphones and mocked you in front of everyone that ever mattered to you in your life. And the microphones were bedazzled. So go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. Let's talk about this here episode. Oh, I got to get my thoughts and nuts. Yeah, I know, I know.

Let's start with your thoughts and pots. Okay. I really enjoyed the episode. I love this cast. I love Frazier. He's so snarky. Rainbow, I am, we do kind of have the same dynamic that we had last season, which is we have a first stew that has a, that has a lot of experience as a chief stew.

And then we have another person coming in. well let me set this up who was the stew last season well we had Asia and oh that's right Jen and Kaylee Kaylee so we come coming in with one was a chief stew and then the ultimately the chief stew uh overlaps that person and allows someone under there with less experience to become uh the rainbows Fraser's bitch yeah well at some point um Frazier notices how good Rosa is And he's like, wow, look at you do beds. You're amazing. I want to talk about that.

Well, I was going to say, well, I was like, well, oh, my God. How would you have known this seeing as on her CV? She has 10 years experience. And she's three years as a chief stew. And then I was thinking, perhaps producer, their little fingers dancing there as puppet masters. Because think about this. you have a person with 10 years experience, and then you have,

well, you have an insane person that are a lunatic that talks to walls. Who would you choose as your number two person? Who is the lunatic talking to walls? Because I feel like... Rainbow! Everybody's talking to walls already, though. Rainbow is special. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So it's really fun. I love the season. I'm going to give it 14 knots. What do you think about our boson? because our bosun, he is just perfect. You're speaking of Alex.

Yeah. Okay. So Alex, as you look at him from the outside, maybe he's a little reserved more so than we've seen from Boasins in the past, but I don't look at him as a womanizer. But now this is the first night out, and he cannot help himself. And he can't help himself with the booze.

So he is a fuck up. And so, yeah. Yeah, it seems as though the sea rats need a bit of a bit sometimes, right? And they need to hand the reins over to their better angels. Because night one, this bosun, who's already under fire, he's been underperforming to a comical degree. he's now going to attempt to bed

the only woman on the exterior of this ship. So just really, really good ideas all across the board. Uncle Moe, great food, sexually vicarious. He's a sexually vicarious human being.

Kind of like a football or baseball dad, but for sea rats banging each other, that kind of thing. Yeah. 90 pots. Okay. Today's episode is brought to you by my wife is never really all that jazzed about the companies that sponsor the show. I mean,

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Captain Kerry has the heads of department up to the bridge to discuss the plan for the day. And the plan is to anchor the boat in this majestic cove surrounded by limestone towers. And to quote Captain Kerry, it was this area that they're going to anchor at. It was God just showing off a bit. And then God got pissed and killed a quarter of a million people in this exact area. Right. And we all have our bad days. God, can you imagine how terrifying it would be

To be in that little alcove when a tsunami's afoot There's nothing you could do I mean, it would rip through those rocks And come barreling towards you Vacation over, dare I say life over And you know, this reminded me a lot of that crazy movie With Leo DiCaprio and Tillyo Until the Swinton directed by Danny Boyle

Oh, the beach! Which is You and I fight about this all the time We don't fight. It is a horrible film I mean, it's just so bad. I didn't understand the message. It was like a weird spin on Lord of the Flies. Yeah. But with weed.

With weed. With weed. And natives with machetes guarding the weed. But I really, you know what? I really didn't get that guy that went nuts, you know, how he finds out about the beach. There's that crazy guy. It's like, what's going on with that guy? Anyways, it was pretty, pretty cool movie. But we go to this bedroom. And you mentioned the comment. compliment that Fraser was giving Rosa and he goes, this is, this looks unbelievable. And the bed looked to be, not to harp on this, but when I am like, when I smoke a little pot on a Saturday and I haven't been, you know, pulling my weight around the house, the wife's starting to get a little upset, I'll make a bed, right? And it'll look as good as this.

The additional blanket, which, I don't know with the terms for these, they're like throw pillows, but in blanket form, that's hanging off the side in kind of a haphazard way. What I'm trying to say is I don't think she did a very good job with this. You know, one thing, and hopefully I consider Frazier a friend, there's a lot of him disappearing throughout the charters. Have you noticed? Fraser is in his like king of the show era. Fraser's like, I mean, they go, could we have some chips?

He goes, yeah, fuck you. And then he goes inside. Yeah. You know what? He's like, you know what, darling? They might be soggy if you have them now. Hey, go get those losers chips. And then he disappears.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Fraser, they're Americans. So they're talking about potato chips. Yeah. And he thought it was French, right? Right, right, right. And so, yeah, that was fun. But we have to get to the sea rats.

Well, actually, not the sea rats. The, what did they spit? What was their company called? Kenny Flowers. Kenny Flowers. Yeah, the Kenny Flowers employees, are jumping off the boat, okay? And Carrie, this is,

this is the early part of the season and Carrie is having the best fucking time of his life. Kaling, go ahead and play that clip. Was that not the longest fucking laugh? There were like three different points where I thought Carrie was going to not be so joyous. He's fucking having a good side, man. Ripping it up.

Hey, man. This is season three for Kerry. He ain't going nowhere. I wonder if Carrie knew that just two decades ago, a tsunami ripped through this part of Thailand, killing a quarter of a million people. So we're getting ready for a beach picnic, a hell of one. It's a stunning part of the natural world.

Uncle Moe checks in on a young sea rat's love. He's a matchmaker now. I would think, like, should you be fucking cutting vegetables or something? But I don't know. I guess he's got time. He's that good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he says that the pool is a little too young for him.

So he's going to make sure that everyone else cracks their wads off. And that's, uh, that's philanthropy. I'd say that's C rat philanthropy. Okay. Um, he tells Kaylee, the love addict, um, that the seventh percentile, uh, is her kind of vibe. What is it, what is his name? Oh, uh, Matt, uh, Matt. Um, now, Kaylee upon hearing this,

is really jazzed. But she loves love. She loves love. And I don't want to live in a world where we don't love love, but I definitely do not want to love love love as much as Kaylee. Because I think that's called sex addiction. That is. Or love addiction.

Yeah. In this case. The beach looks amazing and we go through the food. Well, before we get there, Dylan, is Fraser on the beach yet? Yes. Okay. So when guests arrived,

It is a wonderful private beach, or is it? There was a, like a water tuck-tuck that rolled up. Exactly. I'm not sure if this was editing, just having a little fun at Fraser's expense. But as Frazier's explaining to the guests, how they took great effort to find a place that had this much privacy, we do see a full longboat filled with tourists being pushed off into the ocean and then simultaneously, right behind Frazier, as he's explaining the work they did to get them to this private peach, there is a wooden billboard behind them.

And it's like one that they have when you enter a fucking mall. Like the map that says where like Sephora is. I can never read those things. I go, you know what, we might as well just walk around until we get lost or find it. Well, this one is, it is confusing for you. I could read it as pure as day. It like had full trails where you could like go. Like here's Sephora.

You're saying this was a commonly tread upon area. I think that's the point I'm making. It wasn't that private. Well, let me tell you something. At least it is a beach that is clean of syringes and feral animals. Uh-huh. Because for below deck, I think this is the best you can do. We go through the food.

There's this big spread, right? And everybody's getting ready. We've, you know, Mo's really rolled out the red carpet for this lunch. And Fraser goes, we've got a cucoccur. and fed a salad here. And they just don't talk about anything else. I don't know what the fuck this is. You want me to plop this down on the paper plate?

It was just like, we've got a stunning assortment of salads and proteins for you guys. This one's cucumber and shit. Enjoy it. I'm going to tell these people to go away. I know there's so many people here, but I got to kind of tell everyone to go away. All right.

So, yeah, bizarre. We just did a Mediterranean salad. Rosa says that the birth of her and Rainbow's workflow is like any other birth. It's disgusting. Her words, not mine. I think birth is beautiful. No, you don't. Although, yeah, there was like, when you see blood clots kind of fall into a plastic line bucket on the ground,

you're like, wow, this is actually pretty intense. Which is what's going on with Rainbow and Rouseret. I think my wife, I think she'll never truly get over the hate she had for me while I was in that room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's beautiful. So let's get to Alex and Matt. Alex has no clue what is going on on this boat. You know what?

I didn't realize at that point, I don't think editing had given us how kind of potentially incompetent Alex is. Matt clearly was seeing it, which is why he's talking so much shit and trying to get a mutiny going. Right. But then we see two very clear amateur mistakes at the tail end of this episode. Yeah, definitely.

And Matt's asking him like, hey, so what does the rest of the day look like? What are we doing here? What are we doing here? And Matt's being a little asshole. Like just, you know, just do what you're told. But Alex goes, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, would you ask me? Here, let's do this. Why don't you just go move shit around for a while?

And I'll, I'll radio you if I have a plan. We head back, take pictures of an awesome hat that one of the guests got. And Rainbow and Rosa get to work. And while Rosa spoke earlier about a birth being messy and being optimistic that she was going to be able to get there, she is reduced to tears on day two of this charter. So we get something that we don't get off in here, which is a montage of rainbow just a tackless management style on Rosa that she unleashes on her. And then finally Rosa breaks down in which Fraser I think finds her or maybe she finds Frazier. Yeah. And then he tells her, hey, look, I'm here to support you, whatever the fuck that means. Well, it's so crazy because, you know, while Fraser may be, you know, we've talked about it.

His father's James Bond, you know, being around these, these Tropicana people from Charleston is beneath him. So while he may be, you know, on his phone during the, and he's probably working hard, but the hardest work I think that Fraser has to do and any chief stew has to do is just keep everyone from combusting. So he's got to go put out emotional fires everywhere, right? Yes.

And that is where his kind of spidey sense tingles. He goes, I think I have somebody crying. He goes in there, he gives her a pep talk. Now, Matt and Kaylee, I just want to, there's a quick moment I want to highlight here because I feel like bros, which Matt is just an absolute bro. They're always eating shit. Like, I feel like it's very common for a bro to be talking. talking to a woman or talking to really anybody, but just shoving massive amounts of food in their mouth, like while they're trying to have a conversation, let's do this. The cantalope is not going

anywhere. And also, you could cut that in thirds, right? We're not, we're not pelicans. We're human beings. To your point. Yeah. The mess hall is their break room. This is where they can actually feel like they can actually exchange ideas. And yes. Yeah. So when they, there's a will bitch. There's a goddamn way. Fraser is... This is where he talks to Rainbow? Yeah, this is where he talks to Rainbow.

And... By the way, he tells us, while Rainbow is an amazing worker, she lacks the ability to communicate with others, which I'd argue is... Would probably cast doubt on her being a manager. I think they have like their real conversation a little bit later. That's why I'm getting so confused. We get to Alex and Matt.

Now Matt puts forth a solution that I don't think can be solved. He essentially says that were Alex to be more assertive and more alpha, dare I say, he would have a lot more respect for him and he would have more confidence in him. Maybe that's true. But Matt strikes me as the kind of guy that, I think you're going to get pushback regardless of the approach you take with Matt. I think Matt thinks that he's in the seventh

percentile of global intelligence. Perhaps, but if you establish dominance from the outset, you can keep him in line. You're talking about prison. Well, oh, you punch him. You punch the first guy you see once you go in there. They try and steal your pillow or something like that.

Or you fuck him. You know, I just heard a story on... Yeah, you do. You fuck the first guy. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I saw a clip online of a guy saying that he'd been, you know, assaulted sexually in prison. And after that, he decided that he was going to get really violent. My thing is like, from what I've been told about prison, how to survive it, you know,

I think it's very tough to rebrand after a thing like that. Rebrand. I think it's extremely challenging to rebrand. No, no, no. What I do, I walk in there. I go, I will fuck every one of you. I don't say, and say you're going to fuck us up. No.

No, no, no. I'm going to have sex with you. Right. Ainally. All of you, try it. You walk in, you go, you guys don't have any fucking idea how restrictive and suffocating societal norms are out there. I am here. I am gay for the stay.

And that puts all of you on my dinner tray. Okay? I'm going to enjoy all of it. And everybody goes, okay. So who wants my pillow? No? We're just trying to, if the worst happens. And what would you be in for?

A robbery. Robbery? Yeah. Who'd you rob? A dildo store. Okay. Let's get to dinner prep. But before we get there, we've got a meanwhile.

Meanwhile. The guest asks for chips. They do not get them. Fraser says, Um, got it, whatever. And then the sea rats. No, but this is okay, Dylan. It's okay.

They, they had to wait, I believe, over an hour. Because there's more important stuff to do because Rosa and Kaylee are figuring out what boy they like on the boat. Oh, yeah. True. True. Way more important stuff to get. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Now, there's this thing going on with, well, will James and and Matt speak? And they're talking about who, someone at, I think James, desks, who's not single? I think, and they say rainbow. And Matt goes, well, that doesn't matter anyways. And now, as right as he is, he's so full of cum. I mean, this guy is just so, he's.

We're referring to James or Matt? Yes. No, no, no. Well, both of them. And I want to talk about the difference in, we just have two peas in a pot here. Okay. James is, Rosa needs to be very, very leery of James. because James is the kind of fuck boy.

He's the final form of fuck boy. James does not present as fuck boy. That's the true professional. You can tell because he's not overtly a fuck boy. He's not overtly a sex addict. But he is, by curious, extremely handsome, and very open to whoever wants to come through. He's a good time.

Although I would argue, Wasn't an F-boy one of the descriptors of that kind of pretend like they're a nice guy and could be open to a relationship and lie their ass off? No. If you are openly like, hey, all-comers welcome and I don't want anything, wouldn't that just be kind of, I don't know, someone is just... I think if I had to guess, I would say James has more, quote-unquote, bodies than Matt. Fair enough.

Yeah, he strikes me as a true professional, Jason Statham kind of, type of dinner time. They make Captain Kerry attend this dinner. And when he sits down, they make him change. Say, hey, welcome. We got your shirt. Would you put that shirt on if you were Captain Kerry? Of course.

I've worn a full jail suit to try and sell a shitty recap of love after lockup. Right. So you would go take your shirt off and put their shirt on, sit back down, dinner? I would. I wouldn't. I know. You didn't wear the jail suit. I mean, I bought one for you. It's like 50 bucks. What I say, I just said, you said I'm not wearing that. All right, so tomato barata salad is up first.

Fraser says it looks incredible. It does not. It looks like first class in JetBlue. And that's not, that's not necessarily bad, but it only looks good when you're on an airplane. second plate is going to be marinated lamb chop with roasted carrot puree and a peanut crumble which does claim the life of a guest now this is why you've got to watch the show because it's like really crazy stuff that's going on are you serious yeah okay yeah and they get to um they get to dessert because everybody kind of goes back to the dinner table after all they are you know traveling and they have tiramisu and then we get to this I'm going to give it 75 pots.

I'm not a lamb person. But, you know. Kaelin, you a lamb person? Yeah. Yeah. Are you shitting me? Is that the most enthused anybody could be about lamb? I think that's the pinnacle.

I mean, they're so goddamn cute. I know. Like, does anybody flipping out over lamb? Like, if I had one thing, if I'm death row, I got to have lamb. Are you sure they had peanut crumbles? Was that something? Pat, no. Oh, okay.

It's like mind-blown. Okay. All right. Frazier pulls Rainbow aside to gently urge her to take it down a notch with her management style. And because it's the first day, right? And some of the, this is him, some of the girls are sensitive on board. And how does Rainbow receive it? This is a quote from her.

I don't have time for girls to be talking shit behind my back. Say it to my face. I'm not here to take care of your English girl feelings, end quote. Right. I think we can all agree this isn't going to work out, right? I think they're going to struggle. I want to go through this because first I have to give, you know, we have to give our flowers to Fraser who is playing the C-Rat strings

very, very well here. To Rosa, he goes, you are so strong. You are stronger than you know, and this is going to be fine. To Rainbow, because she's cleaning knives, and you have to be careful,

he says, and he's sensitive. I mean, it's pathetic, quite frankly. But because they're so sensitive and so pathetic, let's try to just be a little softer.

Now, this is like letting Negan coach a little league team. I agree. He's the one with the bat in Washington dead, right? He's the one with the bat. Okay. Hey, he kills Glenn.

Everybody was really sad about that. You know, who wasn't sad about it? This guy, because I wasn't watching. What was that season eight? Get out of here. Yeah, I know. I stopped watching after that. I stopped watching after that.

But I want to talk about Rainbow. I don't have any problem with, I don't have that much of a problem with Rainbow's style of management. Like, it's micromanagerial and it's annoying. But, She is second stew. So, you know. But Dylan, read the room.

The girl that is under you has 10 times more experience than you. Like I don't. Right. But this is Fraser's boat and, you know, different bosses, different rules. You know, it's like a game of beer pong every time you go into a boat. But what I will say is I don't think she's obviously not a very good manager. I don't think that her leadership style is that. bad. I think it's bad. But like

when she, they're setting up for dinner and she goes to Rosa, can you get cutlery salt, pepper, and butter? And she's like whoa. It was a lot of shit you just threw it. Okay. Well, first off, do I need to say that? We're doing

dinner. Can you get forks knives and fucking salt and pepper and butter, please? So, Rainbow's tough, but, you know. Okay, hold on, hold on. I took that the exact different way. So I think these Sue's are such pros that all Rainbow had to say is, you'll take care of the table. Right, right.

What she was offended by was like, you just rifled, just streamline it to, do you mind taking care of the table? Yeah. And I think that my big issue with Rainbow is that, you know, she's tough. And if we're not being charitable, you would say she's an asshole, right? But the big issue I have is we can't do the, you know, the. I don't have time for these sensitive little wimps and then panic attack in your bunk crying into a mirror, right? We can't have those two things.

And also, if you're going to manage the way that you're going to manage, you can't have whispers of dissatisfaction, chink your armor to such a degree where you go, I don't give a fucking shit about her fucking little tiny English feeling. It's like, if we're going to lead, let's lead here, Rainbow. well, but yeah, I'm with you. I do not think it's going to go well. Talent show? Do we have to cover this? This made me sad.

The Sea Rats are not the most talented people, and that's just across the board as kind of a genius thing. Matt is... I'll skip the talent show. Everyone raise their hand if they're cool with skipping this, and I'm the charter guest. What would your talent be? Comedy. You can't do a long-form reality television show recap.

I can't. No, no, it would take too long. Then I haven't got anything. Really? Yep. My thumb, it's called a hitchhiker's thumb. And it bends back almost 90 degrees. Yeah.

Now, that's not all of it, right? Because then it's story time. I have another thumb. I have two. This one doesn't go back as far because I was plunging a cork into a bottle a glass bottle bong when I was younger and the bottom fell out. And so the wall sank into my thumb and destroyed all my tendons. I also was wearing a thumb ring at the time.

So the ER nurse had to take that over my thing. And when I wept, she was kind of like, you're being a bit of a pussy. The person in the next room got shot in the throat. I was like, I want to get out of here. I want to go drink more shit-bagged wine. All right. So, yes, this is a very, very painful thing to witness.

Rainbow Yodels. And you know how we talk, the Irish talk about a state of grace, you know, Carl Jung's divine solutions, there are things that feel right when they come out. And there is a way to do a bad yodel, dance, talent, whatever, and make it kind of endearing and okay. then there's this and it's just uncomfortable for everyone no one knows where to put their hands and everyone wants it to just be over she sounds like a wounded animal yes so that's really really bad but to save the night up next is the seventh percentile uh matt walks up and puts

a condom in his mouth and then pulls it out of his nose or i think maybe it's the other way around but uh really really cool showstopper yeah it was a showstopper i give him a show in Vegas. How many pots would you? He has one. You don't pay for it, but he's just constantly on the sidewalk doing it. Zero. Okay.

Gisina and her boss, Alex, there's some sexual tension there. At least one way at this point. She thinks he's mysterious. No, he's just, yeah. Okay. Ross and Rainbow are clearing up the gas or the fucking espresso machine area and they mend fences for now. Now James has a little bit of a chat with Rosa and there are some butterflies there.

This is where I would tell Rosa, just be mindful. Yeah. What he should have said is, hey, look, I like you, but I'll have sex with anything. Literally anything. And it's like, I always say that the pinnacle of cool is bisexuality and not like a freshman year at Sarah Lawrence kind of bisexuality. I mean, I've had sex with so many fucking. of this gender, I'm going to open it up because I'm bored, right?

Famously, David Bowie, right? Now, imagine Rosa's heartbreak and confusion. If she's starting to feel things for... Or Charlie Sheen, although he walked that back. He's like, hey, man, it's cool. I mean, when I was smoking crack and we would just be chilling out and then like, you get with a dude, it's cool. And then the doc came out and like a bunch of people are like,

hey, man, you hear Charlie Sheen like took it in a can. And then, like, he starts coming. He's like, hey, man, when I said I was with a dude, man, I was just like, just hanging out with him. Okay. Like, you walked it back. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. And this is the thing about, see, that's not cool. What is cool is going, you know, what are you going to do?

You're not as cool as me. That's why you don't. Exactly. As you said, you should have owned it. I would have just owned it. Now, imagine the confusion and heartbreak of Russ. She starts to get feelings for James. Perhaps his bed by him.

who knows, maybe there's a child being sired, God forbid. And then she sees him just sucking Fraser off. You know, I mean, she'd be like, what is going on? I think she knows better. I don't know. Now, we rise for the next day, and we've got a first docking of the season. Now, this is a dangerous, the way that he describes this environment is a little bit like a Greek myth. He's like, we've got tsunamis, we've got whirlpools, we've got, you know,

you know, one-eyed monsters. This whole thing is really, really fucking dangerous. And on that day, while Kaylee struggles with juice. The juicer. It doesn't work. It takes about an hour. We've got an issue with Carrie and his crew.

Mostly Alex, because he's a little greener than he thought he was. Well, there's that, but also he's a lot, I think he's, Carrie's concerned that he's Let's just go with the word green But I think that Carrie might be concerned with some other things Well, I say it starts out green here

He pulls His least experienced deckhand To deal with the beginning of their docking pursuit The first of the season. Now, I don't think it's that big of an issue If it's a newer boat, but this boat, as we've said, is a pile of shit. So the inside looks like the Brady Bunch.

Outside, you have the anchor hole in the same place as you throw your garbage. So when she has this crude fucking, you know, stone age instrument where she's stabbing at the chains, it's getting caught on the piles of shit that are from the, you know, the evening's party. So she's not doing a good job. She's really panicked. not to mention the anchor is the chain weighs an absurd amount of uh it's a very very heavy not to mention the anchor is not even being pulled up because it's in the lock position and alex was thought it was caught when it wasn't it was uh it was still stuck because it needed to be unwound he goes the brakes on

he goes the chain's not coming up and carry goes the break on and he goes now look it and he goes over and he touches it and he goes yeah that one's done on it's fucking And two of them, right here. This one is. And this is where I'm just going to upgrade it from green to dumb, I think, is the concern. The dumb is when he leaves the, whatever that marker is to let them know. The dumb is everything. Okay.

The dumb is, the dumbest is the break thing because carry comes over. There are two wheels right next to each other. One is completely loose indicating there is no break on. The other is tight as. right the anchor ball being left on the mass i think is the second fuck out yeah um so carry is not happy he's pissed and he has a little chat um i believe he has a little chat with with alex he does it uh individually first i think to kind of understand what the fuck went wrong and then he pulls them both up together uh to go over the docking when they actually get into the uh the bay right now

there's a little authority challenge here from Matt. And the guests are very upset about this Jew situation. And this is going to the dock. They're about to depart. So this is what's going to lead, I believe, to the, it's very clear you guys have not worked together. Ouch, that stinks. But they are saved by Mo's breakfast.

And Mo teaches the two white chicks how to do the Mo shuffle. They don't quite have it down yet. But there's a lot of season left. Now, Captain Kerry calls everybody up to the bridge because he goes about his pile of shit, so this is going to be a tough docking. We need, I don't know, dangle life vests down on the side of the butt. That's what you have to do with this one.

But everybody needs to be all hands on deck. And this is where Alex is explaining the system and the workflow. And Matt jumps in and goes, why don't you do it this way? And he goes, yeah, you can just, but just one second, I'll explain how we're going to do this. And I just, Matt drives me insane. It's going to be fun.

He is not Nate and he's not Max, but he's more subtle than that. So I think we'll enjoy the subtlety of the mutiny. Yeah, I think so. And Matt's got a great advantage of having a bosun that is just destined to be fired. You know, I mean, just easy work. Now, Kaylee and Rosa are brought up to the deck to aid in the docking.

and Kaylee says that she is like nervous. But they docked successfully without killing everyone. Kaylee and James have a moment. He asks her to put his, pin his arm a little. I think it's not showing off his guns the way that he wants it to. So James is, James is throwing the net out as wide as he can. Of course, well, it's the night out.

This is when you start, you know, prepping for who you're going to hook up. Yeah. Harvest is this evening. I must plant seats. Now, Carrie sees a power struggle going on. The guest depart. Alex almost leaves all their shit on board. Hold on. Not before, as you pointed out, you know, I can tell you guys have never worked with each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the food was great. Here's your envelope. Did he, when does he have this, this conversation? Sorry, we're so all over the place tonight. Oh, he doesn't have, he doesn't have a conversation until later. Fraser as they leave, well, she's a shady bitch. Yeah. What a shady bitch, two quote Fraser. Now, James got his entire back tattooed.

We get a little C-Rat history with James. Do you want to take the back-town? All I know is that he's visited Thailand quite a bit. Always weird. Always weird. It's always weird. Now, he got this back tattoo, and if you're familiar with the kind of method of this specific tattoo,

is Kailen and I do. It's a hammer. It's like a boomerang. It's a bamboo hammer. So it's an extremely painful way to get a tattoo. And he's an adrenaline junkie. You know? So this is the perfect kind of tattoo for him.

Now, Alex has a chat with Kerry. Carrie says two things. One, you suck. Two, Matt is going to take over your position. If you do not shut him the fucking. I thought it was interesting how he was like he is amasculating you and you better fucking step up. And what is Alex say?

You know what? It's, I'm going to let people chill. You know, it's going to be fun. Let them be them. I'm just looking forward to a great season. I think he's a great guy.

Kerry's like, well, again, you're dumb, but two, he's going to try to take your job. So we'll see what happens. Mo is vicariously very horny.

He's trying to get everybody ripped up and we get ready for dinner. We get a little... You forgot the tip mating. Oh my God. 25K, 2 grand each. And then Matt lets us know he lost the money in crypto. And then Kerry has a surprise for everything. How did I miss that?

It's an oversight. No, I want to talk about Matt losing $80,000 in crypto. Because this is the most Matt thing I could ever cook up. So here is somebody saying that he, has, I don't know, 135 IQ or something, is a C-Rat. Oh, Mensa. Yeah, Mensa member. I can see this.

I had so many friends that were just touting the financial windfall that was coming. Should I invest in DolphinCom, right? Also known as crypto? Oh, it's a form of crypto. But they were called meme coins. So, you know, Peter fuck's tinkerbell. You got to look up the, you know, the ticker and stuff like this. And I'm sure what happened is Matt got a good tip, got in on something,

bought a bunch of shares for a 50th of a penny. And then they shot up to a penny and he had a lot of money. Now, the problem is he went to go take his shit. And then when he got back to his computer, all of that money was gone. And it's gone. So I don't know, man. I mean, I'm really, hopefully Matt turns it around. Now, we get to a little backstory on Mo.

He was in the Army. He's bullied at some point before that, and then he went in the Army, and then he learned how to cook. Yeah. And he said, you know, you're a soldier first. Moe is a different type of character on this. I think he's going to kind of play like the dad. I am, or the uncle.

I am so open to it. I think it's a great addition. Now, we go to Watkao Rang Temple, and we meet Mama Yang, who was the true heroine of this episode. Mo is really, really struggling with steps at this point. It's very, very hot out. Mo is tired of the cardiovascular strain that his body is being put through. And that's when he gets to the temple and realizes,

I have 700 more stairs to go. did not plan for this this evening. Yeah. Well, when at the Buddhist temple, they say pray for what you want. I think he prayed for an elevator. Yeah. Which is a waste of a prayer, if I'm being honest. Funny thing about Thailand.

They have 44,000 of these things. Yeah, you know, I want to talk about this because I don't, I hope I don't insult anybody, but, you know, she says, like, you know, this temple was built in 2006. It's like, okay. I thought it was going to be a little bit, like, I thought we're looking at an ancient thing. No, it was younger than I am. Yeah, they actually struggle for money to keep up all these goddamn temples.

Yeah. They keep building for some reason. Well, Buddha's a big deal. I guess so. Yeah. Rainbow flirts with James and Rose is starting to get annoyed. Now Rosa, you don't own him. It happens at the Blue Temple, yeah.

Initially. Well, then we get to dinner and my notes. Well, we get to bed. Bang LA. What is it called? Isn't it called Bang LA? I don't know. It is.

It's called Bang LA. I'll take your word for it. If you wrote down the name of the restaurant as Bang LA, let's just go with that. Well, that might be the club. Sorry, dinner, then they go to Bang LA. Okay. So I have in my notes poor Arnav. Oh, Arnav's her boyfriend, Rainbow's boyfriend.

Yes. And we get a picture of him. He looks like a very, very sweet guy that works at Google. and... Hopefully he doesn't own a television. Yeah. Hopefully he doesn't because Rainbow is not being appropriate to her monogamy. Now, Rainbow begins to flirt with James.

She'll walk back to the boat with Alex, arms linked. And listen, she's not hooking up with anybody, but she does say that she understands the responsibilities and the conditions of monogamy. but she's not fucking blind. Oh, no. And she's not, she's not a mute,

okay? So she can still act on those two things. It's like, but actually you can't, though. I was going to say, this is how it starts. Like,

I still have eyes. And then the next time it will be like, I mean, I'm not married. Right. Right, right, right.

Yeah. Babes stuff. So, so I get a boyfriend all of a sudden I don't have a vagina. Oh my God. No, no, no,

you do. It's just that you can't, it's poor Arna. What are you saying? I can't. You see a ring on this finger? I like Matt's move here. He goes, it's a real drunk's move.

He goes, I'm going to have two passion fruit margaritas. I don't want to wait. I'm going to suck the first one down in 30 seconds, and then I can have my conversation drink. But the first one is medicine. Spoken like a true drunk. It's a move I've mastered. Me too.

I've done it many times. Now, this is Mo once again turns matchmaker to see how Alex feels about justina and uh he appears to know it better uh well i think uh initially alex tells us he's going to avoid such entanglements that is uh short lived it's very short-lived it's uh i i think nat's live longer um he says you know i'm not really sure about this i mean you know there's an age old expression in this business is don't screw the crew Alex You do not. For us, please do as fast as you can.

Now, I would say this is a difficult kind of high wire act that a C-Rat has to navigate because they have to be entertaining for the show. But being entertaining for the show requires a betrayal of all of the things that make normal yachting so unremarkable. Right. So. Well, I love this. moved by Frazier, Jassina goes up to Frazier for a little like advice.

She goes, hey, what do you think about me hooking up with my boss? Frazier goes like, I think it's a great idea. Yeah. He's producer Frazier. So do not ask him for chips and dip.

He is producing the television show. Do you not get that? Fucking Hawaiian shirted losers. Go eat a peanut. Not the one that could die. I'm just saying the ones that can. All right. So there's a,

a lot of stuff going on. We get to Bangalra Road. Oh, that's why you said bang LA. Yeah. Bang LA. This triggers James. You have the personality of who was the woman that rode around in that pink Mustang? Angelina? You're like Angelina. Can you believe they made a television series about her? It was a narrative television series, too. It wasn't even a documentary. It was like they cast someone. About her life that's about nothing.

This is what her life is. Okay. She drives around in a pink car and she's old. Don't forget those massive cans. And there's one other thing that she does. What? She buys billboards advertising that she drives around a lot. Pink car. Yeah. That was her boyfriend that paid for those. But I bet she's really, really sassy. Um, okay, so we get to bang L.A. wrote. It's very chaotic and we get a big music build for Matt and Kaylee kissing. I mean, this is like a teaser for like the ninth season of the Walking Dead. It's like, we don't need these drums for this. Okay, it's two C rats hooking up in the street. I mean, my God. We get to Rainbow and Rosa having a little chat in the bathroom and it's clear that Rosa is

interested in James. So what is Rainbow going to do? She's going to go and flirt with the person who she just professionally corrected her relationship with and now has been confided in on a romantic plane. Rainbow is fucking crazy. She is, but not to skip to the end, but you know who else is fucking crazy. Let me guess, Kaylee. Yeah.

I think she's ready to hook up with Matt, and she says, well, I need exclusivity for six weeks. Yeah, and he throws up. Yeah. On her. And she's still like, do you want to go to the Sapphire room? Are you nuts?

This is booze, right? This is, this is booze. This is the muted screams of someone who knows she should be treated better than what she sets herself up for. Right. Like inside, she's like, no, this should be an exclusive thing, right?

But she's, you know, she's, she loves love, man. She loves love. So Alex, we get back in the tucktucks and it's a hell of a thing. Everybody's having a really, really good time, except for James and Rosa. Now Rosa is like, this isn't going to work. Now, the problem is James is on a buzz looking out of the streets of his old stomping grounds, reminiscing on whatever he was up to. The existential panic of his current place in life.

So she should not take it personally. He's going down memory lane. But they get back to the boat. In the tucktucks, I should say, Gisina twerks, and she has got an ass on her. I mean, that thing really, really moves. And Alex cannot say no to that. So he gets out of the car or hooks up with her in the took-took.

I can't remember. But it's a ball of snakes kind of Christmas here at below deck. And this is why I said I thought it was great when I saw you kind of back and down on this season. I'm like, come on, man. It's just getting started. It's tradition. I have to shit on the season early so that it's a good season.

Okay, fair enough. Okay. Yeah. That's why I keep telling everybody, tell me this Nathan Fielder documentary sucks, you know? Three hours. Who's got time for that, right? Cahlin, do you have anything to say? Any opinions on the midterms or anything like that?

I had great show, boys. Okay, thank you very much. Follow Kalin at Streets of L.A. on Instagram. And I am Dylan saying goodbye. Say goodbye. Later dudes!