Kill James Bond! - Take a Rip a' Mine | Below Deck Down Under S1 E4

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Dylan, Nick and Pat are back to talk corn smut, regular smut, entertainment titles, feces, the mastery of bagels, the perks of the trades and even more Below Deck Down Unda.  The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Support our sponsors: Magic MindVisit https://MagicMind.co and use promo code “Jason” for 20% off. Rothy'sGet $20 off your first purchase at https://rothys.com/BELOWDECK Athletic GreensVisit https://athleticgreens.com/BELOWDECK for FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase BetterhelpOur listeners get 10% off their first month at https://Betterhelp.com/BelowDeck  DameBELOWDECK to take 15% off your first order at https://dameproducts.com Follow our audio versions of Another Below Deck PodcastApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/another-below-deck-podcast/id1216741721 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1rmalsUw5vtXAXWo6RwsRx?si=8hzGWOciRJ6A9UKUpDV8CA&dl_branch=1  Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.com We also cover Bachelor Nation very week on Another Bachelor Podcasthttps://bit.ly/AnotherBachelorPodcast_YouTube

Let the mullet spa party begin. This is an Aussie boat. It's a little bit different. There's more debauchery, less maritime law. You know, you think Captain Jason would get pissed about Hannah taking a little toke of weed in her bunk? I don't think so. I don't either.

I think he'd rip it with her and fucking take that yacht, plow it into a bunch of innocents hey how are you welcome aboard another brand spanker episode of another below deck podcast covering bravo's below deck down under we'll work on it i'm dylan saddled up next to one real nicholas davis ahoy matey pat producer the podcast is over there behind my glass great to be here permission to come aboard permission granted psas go oh yeah sure why don't i just uh dress the elephant in the room hey you want to take a chocolate tonight? Nah, I'm trying to. No, I got to wake up early in the morning and get Botox and just

no. Big day? Yeah. I'm sad that I'm going to go out of town because I want to see it when it's really hard and stiff in your face, you know, because it doesn't soften for a while, right? It takes about five days. Five days, yeah. And it's tomorrow? Yeah. Or record Monday? I'll about five days. Five days, yeah. And it's tomorrow?

Yeah. And we record Monday? I'll get to see it. Yeah, you're going to get to see it. We'll do before and afters. Why don't we? That'll be fun for the audience. Good ad for Botox, too. What's going on with your lip?

Do you have like a busted lip? I had a dentist appointment earlier today. You got part of your face is numb still. Yeah. Ah, interesting. Because it kind of looked like you had a stroke or something. What'd they do? Oh, that's where they shot me with the Novocaine.'s a big bruise in my face now oh really yeah well you look

beautiful they shoot you in novocaine the day before no no i had a dentist appointment today oh got you i missed that i got a lot of stuff going on well the body the meat suit's starting to decay you know you gotta take care of it uh-huh fucking old man all right let me get out in front of this meat suit you know last week we did episode three down under uh our patreon exclusive uh recap coverage without the sea rat and we had a sea rat with us oh that was episode three was with gabby no no no aren't we recapping episode four tonight yeah but we did episode three in between. Oh, so it was episode two. Forgive me. Dude, your lip.

Too many shows. Your lip is. I know. It's so noticeable. I mean, can you see it? It's the hamstring of podcasters. Look at that. I was worried I was going to ask the dentist today.

I got a very important podcast to do later. Is this going to affect me? Have you heard of Peacock's Below Deck Down Under? All right, please let me talk. He's like, I didn't want to spring for peacock how is down under i love the other three iterations and then you guys hit it off all right let him talk yeah yeah all right so we have gabby how do you say her last name now we are deep we are very good friends with that sea rat we love gabby and the Facebook group loves her, but our Patreon people. We're not very good friends with that sea rat. You are. And Nick is,

and I protested. I just want to kind of curry favor with the fans real quick. You do it very often. So I could just speak for a second. I said, why are we doing this again? Can we not let this sea rat back in this Pat cave? We've talked to her too many times.

I don't want to talk to her. She's going to be here. She's going to get fucked up. And she's going to ruin the show all right well that's my psa you want to talk about the show now what was the psa we love you keep flaming us in the comments it's really fun it was uh a very divisive conversation in the comment section of the episode i just want the fans to know that i'm listening to them i hear them yeah we'll get into the show but we have a tenuous relationship with our fans we love all of them and we have varying degrees of concern for what they say and think about our shows right yeah my favorite's probably mock slang i miss mock slang you know he gave the business still i love mock slang where are you brother so

let's get into episode three season one what episode four season one fuck i'm in a pretzel um nick are you prepared to talk about knots or should we kick to i am prepared all right nick why don't you take knots first or pots whatever you want to do i tried to defend this season last episode uh when you were saying you just weren't really feeling it essentially and man this episode made it tough i mean the the oh no moment was benny in the hot tub for 10 minutes with some old whores he definitely is going to bang after the charter season culver uh culver who would i say benny benny arizona mission over yes uh but it just it just didn't really do it for me. There is some fun stuff brewing.

Obviously, Ryan's really going to act a fool and make us hate him even more. But for this episode in particular, I'm going to say 53 knots. Pretty low for Nick. Usually a steady 72. Pat? I'm going to be steadfast in my opinion and my kind of respect, odd respect for ryan the chef i don't want to get ahead of myself but he's cooked 10 meals thus far between the two charters

and he is 10 out of 10 yeah uh according to the guests and that's what he's cooking for he's not cooking for the watching audience some someone judgy like dylan right judging every aspect of his culinary uh artistry uh, it's the people that are paying for it that Ryan's playing to, and it seems like it's working out swimmingly for him. Yeah, they're getting consistent $16,000 tips every time. I don't like Benny is my problem. Benny is problematic to me. So he's a fun watch. I can't wait to see him get fired, i'm sure he will uh 65 knots yeah my issue with this particular season is that um i mentioned it last week but not only is the community del andy a

little boring a little stale but it's it's too um i hate too much i there are too many people that i i dislike uh jamie's a burger. Britt is a nothing burger. Who's Jamie? Great question. Great point. Is there someone that's on this show that's named Jamie? Who is Jamie? He's the weird guy.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I thought I was thinking of like a girl. I know who Jamie is. Okay. He's the weird one with less weirdness, less, you know, je ne sais quoi, but a bigger role can i please i was gonna correct you now then we've got benny and we've got ryan who are just who wants to watch these two you know pieces of fucking shit on television i mean i don't we've got asia who's got a boyfriend and

the hot captain is really just propelling us forward to me is lovely but i don't give a fuck about your tables i mean stop talking about your fucking table i give his roll call 15 knots who gives a shit i didn't do a roll call so you don't need to rate it there is no roll call to rate it was essentially a roll call you named every person on the boat and you gave a little description i didn't i didn't talk about culver so uh i'm gonna give this episode. Dylan, here's your problem. You forgot someone in your roll call.

I'm docking you 10 knots. Dylan, here's the problem. Too much below deck at once. We're doing two below deck seasons simultaneously. I think it's coloring your commentary. It hasn't colored sailing. I mean, if we were covering too much, would not one color the other? Would it not be a kind of messy little kaleidoscope of negativity?

Fair enough. But it's not sailing stands uh high high high on pot so let's get into it last we left off benny had had enough he wakes his captain and says there was a boat malfunction there's shit everywhere and again i've had enough um he says he says essentially to his captain in the darkness, I'm quitting. Hot Captain says, chill out, leave me alone. My robust masculine frame will go take care of this in one second. He then tells Magma that it's okay, she can go back to bed.

I mean, this was crazy that he was ready to get on his hands and knees. And I'm referring to Hot captain to clean up caca i mean can you imagine fucking lee doing this you knocking at his door yeah captain lee it's benny i'm quitting and there's a bunch of crap on the floor yeah lee would go it was me clean it up it's not my fucking contract lee would have been like what time is it dessert this late he would have been stoked about it i i your point is taken but uh this is the one time you would have been i had thought well he doesn't want to clean it up unless it's with his mouth no fucking toilets now get out of here before i start bobbing for apples in your asshole oh god damn it don't wake

me but i'll be right out i'll slurp that up, he would have said, I'll get right to it, but not before I have a bowl of Cheerios. All right, so hot captain. Because it's the early morning and he cannot wake to a new day without a bowl of Cheerios. And he can't get it himself either. A chef needs to deliver it to him. Because he's a captain with a funny hat.

I was like, why are you waking up the captain, Benny? Who convinced him to do this why would you not either a try to do it yourself jiggle the handle or wake your superior you know who convinced him to do it benny yeah benny convinced benny to do it can i tell you with the proper uh the process of this it's the engineers you knock on the engineers doors and they clean it up for you too well he knocks on captain's door and captain's got a good amount of shit on his hands he's got actual shit coming up through the floorboards and he's also got benny who is going through an existential crisis um like i said he's got a lot of shit on his hands uh culver says yachting uh is going to take you to the brink each and every day when he sees Benny walk past him in a depressive panic.

I just heard that. And I just thought, what kind of insane human being would want to subject themselves to this career? Sea rats. I think he was, I wouldn't say he was embellishing because I believe any endeavor Culver takes on takes him to the brink every day. He could be working at McDonald's and he would push himself to the limit every time he's on the clock. So I don't think that goes for everyone. Yeah. You can you can push yourself well within your limit.

It's a good point because we'll get to Ryan who refuses to work too hard for fear of his health. Yeah. So we find out a little bit more about hot captain he was a plumber for a while so this isn't a big deal uh he realized that that profession was not hot enough so i think he transitioned into you know things that could accrue a little bit more vulva for him i could definitely see him becoming a plumber just because of some of the adult films he may have seen. Sure.

He's like, this is nothing like that at all. Love that take. Well, service guys get laid, I'll tell you that. In my younger years when I was, you know, doing a little bit more, I guess, more hands in labor, like actually showing up at accounts with pretty ladies. Yeah. One time I was cleaning a turtle tank. Personal story. Yeah.

And a milf walked right by me she goes oh let me squeeze by and she grabbed my ass i keep looking at his lip i don't can you see it yeah isn't it crazy looks like you've gone to a bar i had sex with a couple clients too that was kind of cool uh best so we find uh we did find out a little bit more about hot captain and the shit is cleaned uh everything is copacetic benny takes a chill pill and a cup of coffee and says that after the horrific loss of his entire family his words with no humor at all uh yachting was the way he chose to re-establish human connection ah god can i think of so many better ways to achieve that yeah you know what

i mean um i was shocked at him going to the captain worked out so well i thought this was going to be an all-time backfire to be honest i thought the captain was going to dunk his head in the shit like a swirly like he's it's been non-stop bullying thus far he's got pink eye yeah captain's like calm down bitch i have to say this about hot captain uh i think he loves the camera time i think you could talk him into hiding a dead body with you on this show i'm up for it mate totally and i fear that we may have you know we thought he was just a hot captain but i think that we could have a caligula type monster on our hands i don't think benny's off the table i think benny is he's chumming the waters if hot captain wants to i mean benny is such a vulnerable young man he lost his entire

family and here's hot captain to uh i mean he's the first person that's given him any love in a year you know before you know it benny could be on his on given him any love in a year You know before you know it Benny could be on his knees Any port in a storm It's unbelievable I think it's Shakespeare but I don't really know what Caligula is I know Anthony Jeselnik has an hour special Roman Empire Caligula was a Roman Emperor

Who Sucked and fucked Infamously all night You gotta see the 70's movie. It's amazing. It's got like A-list actors in it too. Burt Lancaster. Called Collegial. Oh, yeah.

It's basically a porn. It was actually directed or produced by the same guy who had the magazine Hustler. Larry Flint. Nope. Sorry, not Hustler. Juggs. Yeah.

A lesser known porn mogul. i get those two confused constantly but caligula is a fun little history with a little dill famously he sent uh uh he wanted to conquer england really really badly and um he never did so i think that he staged a uh a takeover of england had people like come back to rome like they had just conquered england and everyone was like what are you doing it nobody bought it so he's like putin a little bit like putin yeah and i believe he was assassinated by his uncle or something well maybe we'll get to that later so um next day and now a word from our sponsor better help guys the world needs better help right now everybody's going through some mental strain, be it addiction to social media, burnout.

There are ways to get your mind going. Jog, yog, meditate, do yoga. Sometimes you just need a tune-up, Dill. But sometimes you need to talk to somebody, and BetterHelp can offer that for you quickly. to somebody and better help can offer that for you quickly better help is online therapy and you can get matched with a therapist in under 48 hours if you go traditional routes through insurance companies and through traditional medical medical providers it'll take you you know weeks months and cost you a lot more money i love the idea of a tune-up, Pat. Why is our body any different than a vehicle? It's not.

With this go 24-7 grind culture, we're redlining, okay? We need to take a step back and go into the shop and talk to somebody. And to your point, we're all so busy. Who wants to drive into a parking lot, have a little ticket come out that you know you're going to have to validate or get paid later, then walk up some smelly hallway in an office and sit across from some person that you don't like, you don't feel like you're connecting with. That's why Better Help is the better choice. Our listeners will get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash below deck. That is B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash below deck. Take care of yourself, everybody. Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring this show.

Magic Mind is a beautiful company. They do beautiful things like create beautiful bottles of anti-procrastination elixirs. If you have one in the morning, you will feel better about your mind and your day. And how will that happen? You will have hum. Zen-focused hum. Dylan, two questions. Yep. How many ingredients are in it?

Twelve. Are they two questions. Yep. How many ingredients are in it? 12. Are they artificial ingredients? Nope. Well, that's beautiful. Echinacea, lion's mane, matcha, and nine other artificial. What? No. And nine other organic.

Natural. Natural ingredients. Ashwagandha being one. You know what I just heard about ashwagandha? It's got like the reverse thing that like um i don't know like heroin does the the more you the the more frequently you take it you more than you need to feel the effects ashwagandha actually like it's an adaptogen yeah that you need less to feel the effects that's what adaptogens do and that's what magic mind will do to you so go to magicmind.co enter in promo code jason for 20 off again that's what MagicBind will do to you. So go to magicbind.co, enter in promo code.

Jason. For 20% off. Again, that's magicbind.co, promo code. Jason. For 20% off. Oh, and here's the kicker, okay? A little incentivization here. First three people to do that and post their purchase online,

I'll send you 20 bucks. Okay. For my bank account. I don't know if that's legal. That's awesome. I love that. Crazy, Pat. Pat putting up the cheddar. That's not coming out of APN. 20 bucks. I don't know if that's legal. That's awesome. I love that. Crazy, Pat. Pat putting up the cheddar.

That's not coming out of APN. $20. I'll mail you back $20. Wow, that's sick. But you got to post your purchase of Magic Mine on Facebook. That's an extra discount off. It is. That's what it is. It's deeply discounted.

And let's also take a break. And let's move some units. Next thing. We rise at $5.55 for a little Wheat Bix. A little Aussie cereal. Did you see that i missed it wheat bix uh and then we get an itinerary rundown the ex-stripper and mall cop runs um the day down and that is when hot captain comes in to tell jamie to uh take a seat he's got this uh jamie doesn't feel like a boat and he feels like a deckhand because hot captain is so overbearing um i would say better than a male stripper you know tearing stolen valor off your

body so look on the bright side y'all uh you skipped over a very kind of fun scene the winner of stripper of the year she made it down to uh ryan's kitchen to see if he's interested in eating her tuna taco nope didn't miss it because that's what comes next the primary comes out no bra all cashmere she thanks ryan for breakfast so naturally he thinks that she wants to fuck him she was throwing in the eyes come on dell give a guy a little credit will you i know you hate him wasn't this randall's wife though i don't think it was the fuck anybody yeah it wasn't the stripper of the year it was randall's wife she's a sweetheart strippers you know what it pains me to say this but i think you and ryan are very similar i think that's why i think that's why you've taken such a liking to him you're both from piece of shit places in the northeast uh you're both trapped and you both have a very rat-like defensive mindset so i think you guys

i think that's why you why you have such a fancy for it nick i don't think dylan's being nice to me right now you want to weigh in i would say it's not a compliment it's the lip it looks like you're gonna do a bar fight i'm sorry and i will i will say uh pat what they can't say about pat is that he's afraid of a hard day's work so that's true that's a huge difference thanks dick no all jokes um if pat was like ryan this podcast would have ended night one so um uh typical fuck face thinking from him i just fucking hate the guy more we've got plenty of ryan to get to so laundry is a pigsty because magda isn't good at really anything um any anything on this no so then we get back to fuckface who is shading asia

to her face like a tiny little pizza rat over the timing of the breakfast um hey ryan is 9 a.m okay for you for breakfast is that gonna work huh why does everything need to be a nasty little gnarly little fucking conversation with this guy well is 9 a.m okay for breakfast fuck face now dylan uh we've talked about this quite a bit where, you know, co-workers bump heads and you're trying to get a result out of it. You know, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results is the definition of insanity, right? They continue to fight over, bump heads over who will make the call on what paying customers will eat and what time they will eat it yeah yeah yeah so they got to figure that out so uh yeah it's um it seems like it's a continuing fight that's definitely been my note about him like you can't unless someone's pretending that they want to fuck him he cannot

give a straight honest answer to someone it's got to be snippy it's got to be cocksuckery yeah he's a cocksucker he's a cocksucker he's a fucking pizza rat so um he says the best chief stews can make the guests do whatever they want what a high opinion uh these sea rats have of themselves i mean maybe i shouldn't lump them all in but ryan thinks that um boat dregs can tell uh the elites of this world when they have to sit down. It's pure insanity. Kate can. Kate can. Kate can work them like puppets. But Kate is a different species.

So she's the queen of the sea. She is not a sea rat. So let's get to Magda, who speaks of her soulmate 36 hours after ramming her ass into a complete stranger and says that life is tough because of the long distance relationship and that she has to do things. don't magma doesn't i'm gonna just

start calling her mags yeah i can't i can't i don't know why you guys do that just call that broad brit what are you doing to yourselves it's true mags is just like i i don't know i i it frustrates me people that walk through life like this. There's a moment later where Ryan is, I don't want to get ahead of myself. I just don't want to get ahead of myself. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. Tom, like as you used to always say about these little ladies that basically run the town in their 20s. Shrivel, shriveling.

Oh, they get to order you around and have the guys pay dinners for, pay for trips to, you know, Europe. And then they turn 35. No one wants to pay for dinner anymore. It's like you go to the grocery store and you look at the brand, there's an expiration date on it. Yeah, sure. That's the payback.

Take it easy, Tom. Yeah, no, I completely. Yes. Yeah, I don't know why. Maybe it's just a nucleus of misogyny that exists in me. I don't know. I'm working on it, but she bothers me so much.

The aloofness attached to the prettiness. It's just, I don't know. Maybe it's just me. So dumbasses who unironically, you know what? It's right here where I was saying that I. Ryan said to Magda the locks yeah is this where the locks yeah there is a little break between the two breakfast things but all that happened was magda and her boyfriend and then yeah uh randall talked about fucking his wife right last night okay and but that was brief and then we go to the ride and magda so um it's the it's the notes formatting it's not me it's

it's all pat's fault so um ryan i'm suspicious of his printer not being able to print pdf no i don't want to go in what is this pick on pat night i don't want to go in there sheree's in there i'm scared of her um all right so um when i said i didn't want to get ahead of myself, I was an idiot because here we are. Her power continues only because of dumbasses like Ryan, who unironically talk about their dad's passing on 9-11-09 and think that her bossing them around means they have a chance with her. And this will propel her forward into further aloofness and further right you know i puppeteering puppeteering but but how would this work on someone like if mags came up to you and started bossing you around and like batting her eyes at me i'd be like what the fuck go away what are you talking about the delusion was hilarious just he was. He thought they were like in some flirting. She's like, I want a bagel with salmon.

He's like, oh, you tell me you want a bagel with salmon right now? He's like, yes, bitch. Make me my bagel and salmon. Yeah. She's not flirting with you. She does not want to fuck you. But he thinks that he's got a shot. He says that he knows she has a boyfriend, but that doesn't matter.

He'd be a hundred percent down with hooking up with max this man is such a piece of human garbage how do you feel about god like i'm i'm sure that you've done it i mean you've you've had um plenty of coxman like escapades i mean nick has two but um how did you feel about knowing that people were in monogamous relationships was that a oh i've never done that okay oh i thought they were foolish when i was a younger man i'm like why are you doing that it seems so boring no no no no fuck that have you have you ever been hitting on someone they've told you that they have a boyfriend was that a yellow or red light for you unfortunately i hate to admit this right i'm not proud of myself i didn't give a flying rat's ass you did not no

but looking back on it you realize that it is kind of a piece of shit move i mean it takes two to tango but certainly sure with the more evolved patty would not engage in that type of behavior now right so by the transitive property or whatever property it is we can call ryan an unevolved piece of shit he's a scumbag pizza dude we're on a boat there's sea rats on there dude what are you expecting these people from the moral perspective i will say though even though i haven't been the the homewrecker or whatever you could uh delude yourself pat into like you were testing the strength of these relationships if they were to cheat on you then they were doomed to begin with and you did that person a favor you were fuck hotel island in one man yes i had one lady when i owned that tour company she was from orange county yeah her name was sandra i looked

her up today still looking pretty good uh she uh she used to drive up once a week tell i guess she'd tell her husband she was telling me that the marriage was ending or whatever and we just have sex uh in the back of my uh my car it was wonderful yeah lasted a whole summer and then she just dropped off she ghosted me on my ass so um more subhuman shit from ryan he gloats about a breakfast that no one is happy about um he brings up a salmon platter and some gluten-free bagels uh and the guests have to whip out their own jar of Vegemite because they do not want to eat the one and only thing he made for breakfast. Now, when the evidence of his philosophy being completely broken

is presented to him in the form of, hey, can I get some scrambled eggs? This is all disgusting. He shades Aisha again saying, are you starting to see how right i am about this entire thing i have to talk to this guy i have we have to tell and i hope i hope you're not giving your your commentary on this and omitting other details out of this for the purposes of uh continuing the narrative that you want about this guy oh okay he did in fact pull this off

in fact one of the guests apologized to ryan right he's got some mental power with those rock horse he pulled it off you should start a cult he pulled it off with heaven's gate for rock horse tiktokers yep and rock horse i don't want to say it but yeah i'm talking about the men and women on the boat. Right. But that's who he's pulled this quote unquote philosophy off with. Well, let's see when a more higher caliber of humanity shows up if he's still playing these games. Let's see.

But for right now, can you deny it's not working? It's working right now, but ultimately it is a broken philosophy. It's like how Jake used to fix things in New Girl. You know, slapping duct tape on something isn't really fixing it. It's just a band-aid. The thing's broken. It needs to be fixed. Shitbag, fuckface, pizza rat Ryan is not working the way he should be.

All right. I'm going to see if we can get him on the show. He's going to be fired within four or five episodes. So we got to he should be. All right. I'm going to see if we can get him on the show. He's going to be fired within four or five episodes. So we got to talk to him. All right. All right. So he makes the eggs for the main charter guests, loose and gummy.

There's a difference between French scrambled. Talking about a pussy. Oh. That's funny. Oh. Yuck. Right, yuck. Right. Yuck with these eggs, too.

We talked about the G-Man's eggs and we've talked about Mark up here, White's eggs. Those eggs are emulsified with a mound of butter and they're delicious. What Ryan has prepared is a glob of snot, zero pot. is a glob of snot, zero pot. So the only reason why I'm not going negative with this is because... Of the numerical, illogical nature of the negative number when giving a rating? Definitely that, definitely that. But also because he made my favorite food of all time.

I was going to ask about the lox. I'm glad you got to the lox. Tell me about the lox, Dylan. Well, I mean, it's just the most perfect food ever created by, you know, in my opinion. i mean it's just the most perfect food ever created by um you know uh in my opinion you know it's the most perfect food ever and it is just raw salmon on uh smoked salmon smoked smoked salmon on a bagel and that's it yeah how do you elevate lox uh what do you love about varying degrees of the quality of the salmon brings the elevation up also definitely quality of the bagel i mean making a bagel is a very very difficult thing to do

uh people who are masters at it i would equate them to sushi masters they can feel it on the paddle um it's a completely kind of intuitive practice um true masters make just incredible bagels. I mean, we don't even have them in Los Angeles, really. No, my wife complains about that constantly. There's more bad bagels in this city than there are good ones, that's for sure. Oh, absolutely. Do you know Maury's Bagels?

Are those good bagels? Good for Los Angeles, yep. And if you're going to go to your commercial Western bagels, it's not bad. Cool. Come on. In a bind, you won't go over to Western bagels? Of course I'll go to Western bagels.

That scratches that itch. That's perfect for me. But, you know, alas. I can't look up. Never had Brugers. Manhattan was the best. Yeah, went out of business. Went out of business.

I can't imagine you like Brugers. It's in Minneapolis. Yeah, probably not so um we have to move on because we're in the seventh minute of the show and the 25th minute of the podcast so uh nothing else happens it's my fault all right it's time to get sexy you know what time it is right time to get sexy it's time to get sexy it's time to talk about dame dame is Dame is just an unbelievable company. Okay. Now, we all have wives.

What? We have wives and lives and girlfriends. And they all love this stuff. Okay. The air. This thing is going to revolutionize sex toys for women. It is this beautiful thing that, just a gentle sucking of the, you know,

the hood. And it is really innovative and you need to check it out. If you're a woman and if you're a guy, have enough confidence in your own abilities to not lose out to this thing, but also buy it with a little trepidation. And I know a lot of you guys are like, Nick, Nick,

haven't you been worrying of us, of technology and robots taking over? Well, this is my line. This thing's incredible. Incredible. I mean, you get her revved up, you know? I mean, back to the car analogy. Yeah. You heard our better help read.

I don't know if that was just on the heels of this or 20 minutes ago. It doesn't matter. We're in a tornado right now. yeah it's it's it's fucking it it's really i bet i could in this one but it's really incredible for your woman and that's what you want because then you get pleasure too well first help me help you you keep a woman happy your life's gonna be happy you ever heard the phrase uh happy wife happy life it true. And no strife. Yeah. She won't stab you with a knife. So you know how you get the air?

You go to dameproducts.com and you use promo code BELOWDECK to get 15% off your first order. Seriously, this thing is unbelievable. And they also have great aloes and lubes and they have the EVA and it's just the best. So get sexy.

Go to Dame, dameproducts.com slash below deck. And now a word from our sponsor, Green Chef. Pat? Yes. How's Green Chef saved your marriage? Well, it's, you know, the wife, we were ordering out quite a bit, and it caused a lot of strife in our relationship because I'd have to go out and drive 20 minutes and she'd order from a restaurant where there's a couple locations

and we'd just be fighting. And I said, we have a new sponsor called Green Chef. Why don't we just start ordering the food? We'll make it together and it will improve our relationship. And guess what? Since we've signed up for the subscription service, it's done just that.

Green Chef is keto, gluten-free or can be keto, gluten-free. It fits every single lifestyle. Green Chef is keto, gluten-free, or can be keto, gluten-free. It fits every single lifestyle. Nick, your keto, has Green Chef slotted into your life? It has. As everyone knows, been listening to this podcast, I've basically made a lifelong commitment to the ketogenic diet and haven't strayed one bit.

But like you said, it can cater any lifestyle, even the wrong ones that aren't keto. Yes, exactly. It's beautiful. It'll help the wrong ones that aren't keto. Yes, exactly. It's beautiful. It'll help save marriages. Basically, all our products, that's what we do here. We are trying to help your marriage get the one we're talking about right now. And if you're not married, then you'll get married because the-

Unless you don't want to, that will also help be accomplished. Then you won't. You'll just be good with Green Chef because they are time-saving recipes packed with fresh produce and vibrant flavors that help you make the most out of those long summer days also 100 of the plastic in every box is offsetted and with green chef you're reducing your food waste by at least 25 first grocery shopping and also with seasonal produce premium proteins and organic ingredients you can trust green chef is the number one meal kit for eating well okay we've shared our personal experience you know the the heart of this i actually have a diabolical idea and sorry maybe

our the advertiser probably won't appreciate this but you're gonna pay people to get it again no no no single guys out there you subscribe to this and then you're dating a girl. You don't even need to be into her. You invite her over to the house. You say, I don't know what to do with this. I don't cook. She cooks the entire meal for you. But the thing is, even if you don't know how to cook, you could do it, but you could also lure women and trick them into serving you. Go to greenchef.com slash belowdeck130. It will work. Go to greenchef.com slash belowdeck135 and use code belowdeck135

to get $135 off across five boxes and your first box ships free. Again, that is greenchef.com slash belowdeck135 and use promo code belowdeck135

to get $135 off across five boxes and your first box ships free. The laundry is disgusting because Mags is useless. Let's get a new storyline going soon with her, please. Jamie continues to get authority cucked and Ryan says that he's going to quote cook at the picnic. Then we head off for a little snorkeling.

Culver is lighting it up once again. Culver is lighting it up once again. He is camp counselor, entertainment officer, and Australian, evidently, in this moment. I'm a little suspicious of his self-appointed role of the entertainment officer. Right. I have no trouble believing he was a or an entertainment officer. i have no trouble believing he was a or an entertainment officer but the but the lead the the the leader of the entertainment officers is named the chief engineer of laughter and cheer so he would have used that proper title if that was his role well i mean listen it could be even worse he could be calling himself the ceo the the chief entertainment oh right yeah i mean that would be

boastful huh yeah and also a lie because the proper title is chief engineer of laughter and cheer um i like this guy i don't like the energy too much energy in the morning my next i wouldn't want yeah definitely my next note is a little much and i'm not sure they even like you mocking their accent but imagine if they just had jamie on this boat awkwardly talking about how he used to strip, too. It would ruin the day. So a hot captain sees Benny and Britt just burping around and not doing anything and laments Jamie for not having systems in place. I thought, well, that's what you get when you hire a mall cop to run the uh run the deck so paul blart would have system no he wouldn't he wouldn't he'd be trying to fight terrorists

or whatever that movie's about this is the one act of micromanaging that i was not a fan of for captain hot jason right uh he basically did the if you're bored enough to lean bored enough to clean i want you to keep moving i don't like that type of work. Hey, if there's nothing to do, let me, you know, get my own thoughts a little bit there, you know? I like it. Find something to do. No, I don't like that. The guests are arriving back.

Aisha asks Ryan if he can whip up some platters. His response is, of what? I thought he said, for what? But yeah, he could have said, of what? what i thought he said for what but yeah he could have said of what the problem with ryan and the platters is that he tells asia that he doesn't know what's on their preference sheets despite being the chef and being in the preference sheet meeting and being in the meetings where the preference sheets are discussed now i i don't want to quantify how many times worse he is, but I think he's far worse than Chef Spaz.

Oh, Spaz? Far worse than Chef Spaz. By this time, he already left the boat, quit twice, or had a bum knee or something. They're different unlikables to me. Like Matt, I almost have pity for him because he's like so gross and sad. Whereas Ryan has like this chip,

he's like a confident guy. Matt's not really confident. No, no. He's sniveling. Yeah, he's sniveling. Whereas Ryan is arrogant and gross. Right. But also, you know, you-

And Matt's sniveling and gross. He's also gross. You speak of Spaz's sniveling and gross he's also gross you speak of spaz's sniveling quality and leaving the boat but we'll now move on to i would say uh pretty much you know kind of same side of the coin kind of shitty behavior he says that But he doesn't like to work that hard because, remember, he lost his father on that fateful day, 9-11, 2009. And not of a plane or a burning building or falling debris. No. But of a heart attack 80 miles away. Right.

And the heart attack was caused by, he was there, they did the biopsy or whatever it was called. He worked too hard. He worked too hard yeah so why ryan is a d minus chef and an f minus human is because of how much importance he places on his health now he's a worker's comp nightmare that is the same bitchy sniveling mindset that chef spaz has i mean chef spaz has more anxiety and less confidence but ryan is bar none the worst chef i've ever seen on this show and i could have a little bit of recency bias and i know people are gonna be like oh well mila is overtly homophobic and a russian spy and i would say who do you think has called more people the f word or any homophobic slur mila actually mila or ryan no chance it's mila zero chance you really got it out for zero chance it's me by the way dylan i'm playing devil's advocate any she doesn't see any it's

russia she's just walking around with pure hatred in her heart if it gets brought up she'll talk about how disgusting they are but this guy grew up in philly he's calling everybody the f word he's calling his buddies the f word people who are actually gay the f word this man is all right let's have him on let's let's have him on god let's damn it i fucking hate i'll get him on i'll get him on another difference though between the two i mean ryan openly wants to do as little work as possible whereas matt is like uh people pleaser and eager to please he wants to do well and he wants praise uh where ryan if you if the boat was a startup uh the chef is an mvp yeah a minimum viable product it's the lowest you can

have to get by right and it won't work when they have to upgrade and they're ready for, you know, Series A. Series A, yeah. Yeah, they're going to get it. Chamath comes around and sees this guy. He goes, I'll invest, but you need to get rid of him. Yeah, and so then you'll bring on a big black bald guy. Right, exactly.

So he chucks up a veggie platter and some unpeeled shrimp. He could have a fucking heart attack if he peels those things. And then he takes a nap, obviously. So Mags heads up during the beach picnic setup and says, I've got some good news. I'm going to be serving you. And I thought, well, that's horrible news. But the one thing that Mags does have going for her.

Dancing feet. She's a lot of fun. She's very fun. I mean, this is tip increasing right now oh yeah good for her are we referring to the polish dance yeah the polish dancer i liked her twerking it's better it was sexier in the hot tub i understand oh right i was i understand she can't you know well you cross lines with the rock horse yeah and also i mean of course her her salsa is going to be better than her polish dancing she's lat Right. It's a great point.

She's Latina. So not sure what rhyme or reason there is here, but the deck crew is standing around while Asia sets up the entire beach picnic. Just a wild, wild move. The poor thing has to be trapped on a beach with the Philly rat all by herself. And then we get to Brisket Gate. Taco Meat Gate. The main component of his shit dinner, he left at the boat.

Because if he brought it, he could have fucking died and passed tragically on 9-11-2021. They are so lucky that the guests are these people and they were so lucky on the first charter that the guests were those people okay yeah so uh before we get to dinner we've got to me and tablescaping like i said great job looks amazing who gives a fuck yeah i got a little confession to make i i tip my my hat. I haven't been, I don't know what you would call it for Below Deck, but I haven't been a flaming lib. I watched three and four back to back

and when I mentioned that to me, she made hay during the beginning of COVID, I accidentally slipped and I was talking about what she said right here in episode four and episode three. So I apologize. Holy smokes.

Luckily that can't happen again. We are now caught up. You're a bingey bingey red pill. I didn't even know it was happening. Peacock just fucking. I'm now caught up. You're a bingey, bingey red pill, huh? I didn't even know it was happening. Yeah. Peacock just fucking... I'm a flaming limb. You're a flaming limb.

I'm impressed. I literally didn't even know it was happening. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, oh my God, I've been here an hour and 20. Below deck. Wow. What a show. So Ryan has made tacos for the second time in four episodes. Looks like we've got a well here.

He's prepared barbacoa and get this, wheat lacoche. What is that? Great question. And, you know, I've just been too negative tonight, but we do have to drill in on this insanity. So he is scatterbrained and very random with his food evidently uh one second he's making milkshakes for dessert the next he's putting

parasitic corn fungus in tacos that's what i thought it was weed lacoche is not something that is widely palatable um it's corn mushrooms. It's good, but it's just so contradictory to what he's been doing. The stunt food, and then all of a sudden we're in a bout of culinary education here. It just makes absolutely no sense. Also, this is not the time to be adventurous. And if you're going to be adventurous serving parasitic corn smut and tacos have three options don't have barbacoa and parasitic corn smut i mean that's just it it's just joker kind of insanity that's going on with this guy um how about a little al pastor please that's your favorite yeah that mexican street taco al pastor, please? That's my favorite. Sure, yeah. That Mexican street taco. A little al pastor.

Hey, fire up some chicken breast just in case somebody like Pat is on the boat. That's for poor people, Dylan. Come on. You like chicken? I love it. It's my favorite thing besides turkey. He's a big poultry guy. So, obviously, zero pots. Fucking suck bag.

So, Captain packs up all while Jamie and and culver just relax they just chill i have thought about this because i am completely convinced that captain jason hot captain came on the show been waiting to be on below deck as a hot captain he made news obviously almost killing 20 people in a marina with that boat 25 so when he got his shot i wonder if it was a gut punch to him when he's like oh i'm on uh i'm on below deck i finally made it and they're like oh uh and it's gonna be on peacock right if he was pissed like what streaming service no man no it doesn't get nearly as many viewers if if hot captain was on bravo on a monday night as opposed to peacock yeah as a streaming service it's definitely a few

pegs down the ladder as far as your uh exposure i get it but this guy's riding a dude kind of wave okay he's not worried about peacock the distribution of whatever content. In Australia, he's on HAYU. Yeah, he's on HAYU there. All he knows is that... Don't want to poke holes. I think it stands. So they have Bravo in Australia. It could be the same thing.

I got it. But the lenses are there, and they're capturing him. And I think in this moment, he is at peace, knowing that his hot captain-ness will get out to the world. Well, with Peacock, it's kind of like a tree out to the world yeah with peacock it's kind

of like a tree falls in the woods and you know nobody hears it yeah you're on peacock i don't know i think just us are talking about the show quite honestly 80 people that came on board to hear us recap and i don't know we love you guys it's a good show it's a it's the season's gonna pick up right now it's just not it's not great's going to pick up right now. It's just not, it's not great. All we've got is hot captain. I did the math. I extrapolated the results of the poll. And if you extrapolate it to the full two,

1250 patrons, it'd be 140 people who signed up for below deck at 194. Love is blind. We'll see if those numbers hold as we continue to get more results. It's going to be a fun. They're going to change that. Yeah. The first of the month is always very fun for us because of the lack of loyalty for the not ogs so um oh you you got me thinking though captain trying to get on the show uh i think there's a chance he might have crashed that boat into the

dock are you you want to try to move on on On purpose to get on the ship. he was smiling in front of those cameras. They were still pulling the boat off the top of the deck to see if any fucking bodies were under there. He's like, well, I did the best I could. I hope this doesn't get national coverage of my ineptitude. No,

it's a really good theory. I think you're right. If he looked like fucking Jabba or some pig, that coverage wouldn't have been so glowing glowing and positive trust me sully would be in prison so captain is not only lugging gear he's lugging these fucking guests around too um he hoists one of them over his shoulders and they head back to the boat ryan says it's 6 30 he's trying to be done so let's get this straight. You serve food at 5. They're drinking until 1.30.

Your hands are clean. You're done. You could have a heart attack if you make another fucking, you know, God forbid somebody asks you to make a PB&J, you lazy piece of fucking shit. You fucking pizza rat. I fucking hate this guy. I respect the commitment to traditional eight-hour work. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What did Dolly sing for? So Culver gets asked to take up the mantle as entertainment officer. And of course, he is fucking down. He was obviously voted to have the most school spirit in high school. He's gronk. He loves teamwork. He loves fucking Baltimore, Maryland.

Maybe not Baltimore, but just Maryland. I like this young man. I like Baltimore, Maryland. Maybe not Baltimore, but just Maryland. I like this young man. I like him too. Benny bitches about the toilet overflowing and how it sent him into a depression. Shut up. So before we get to Culver really letting it all out, we need to speak of hot captain batting away the advances of booty. Of Jen.

Yep. She visits him for what else to fuck him he thwarts it off but only because the cameras are there he she would be thwarts it off with a perfectly flirtatious line what did he say he said something like she said uh well you know uh pirates are looking for gold what are you looking for and she's in a gold bikini and he kind of peripherally glances at her giant fake breast and says, gold. Perfect line. Let's get exchange numbers, mate.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We'll make this happen after the cameras are gold. What's your handle? He says he naturally goes after more natural brunettes, but he definitely fucked this woman after the charter. Oh, yeah. Of course he did yeah of course he did

of course he did of course he fucked that child I guess this trip of the year alright so uh let's get to Culver I just don't know what to say they got lucky with this one he loves being part of this fucking team he heads up he is Jack Sparrow meets Marilyn he shoves

his taint into Jen's face and the crowd goes wild but he gets a little carried away Jack Sparrow meets Marilyn. He shoves his taint into Jen's face, and the crowd goes wild. Really? Yeah. But he gets a little carried away. Let the mullet spa party begin. This is an Aussie boat. It's a little bit different.

There's more debauchery, less maritime law. You think Captain Jason would get pissed about Hannah taking a little toke of weed in her bunk? I don't think so. I don't either. I think he'd rip it with her and fucking take that yacht and plow it into a bunch of innocents. Dylan, I don't know. Fight club. The rule of fight club was there is no fight club in Australia with this fucking boat. Anything goes.

Anything goes. I swear, I know it seems uh this might be going overboard but i think you're on a yacht in australia like hey i'm gonna cut this guy's head off you guys cool with that and it's australia mate we're on a yacht anything goes all right sand yes and decapitation because i was gonna say the hot captain jason probably have a conversation about what he did you know but it wouldn't be an outright refusal of bad what'd he do mate he fucked my wife go ahead get him anything goes you held your finger up i was uh telling chewy one minute he wants to go outside i'll let him out i know well we're almost done he's fine everything's cool uh well everything's not

cool because you held up your hand and told him one minute he knew he knew uh all right so we must i was gonna say i love the uh thought of captain uh hot captain busting in on hannah he's like is that a weed pen i'm not gonna do the impression because i i end up just always sound like the same is that a weight pen is that a weight pen ah damn it i and he'd be like you got a prescription for that and she'd be like no and he'd be like take one of mine i got i got a whole blank card for it i've got some fucking chocolates upstairs you want to tuck into those huh let's fucking play out this part into a fucking marina.

Let's have a good time. Oh, I'm feeling a little anxious. Why don't I take some oxys, eh? Yeah. Maybe they like it in. You know, last time I did that, they didn't even report half the deaths. I'm so handsome. So, next day.

Next day. Photo evidence was taken of the heinous crime the night previously. And that photo will bubble up. Now, we didn't mention the crime. Culver was in the hot tub with two of the female charter guests. Yeah. Ordering drinks. Yes, he was.

Well, no. No, they were ordering drinks. Oh, I thought he said, hey, to me, get me a margarita, too. I thought he did that. He said, get me a condom, I think. too I thought he did that he said get me a condom I think so um Culver is still on everyone's minds

and um you know it'll bubble up we'll get to it in a second oh I was gonna point out one thing I like how Toomey

starts out the morning by stating she doesn't want to be a rat but she uh does the uh she knows the game of telephone will happen just tell one fucking other sea rat on this boat.

Yeah. It will make its way around the boat. Yeah. Especially loser Bertini. She's going to tell anybody, any info she has to get people to like her. Bertini is antithetical to the kind of team unity that Culver so loves. Okay. You don't rat on somebody for fucking having a blast and a mullet.

No one saw it except for you and lucky for him jamie is the one who will you know this is the uh top of the flagpole or the you know the is that what you're saying the buck stops with jamie right exactly who is a former stripper slash um anti-terrorist uh mall cop or something uh so he doesn't give a fuck he's like if he was in there for 10 minutes what does it matter he's like i'm gonna have to have a word with old culver he goes to talk to culver he's like why the hell you didn't you invite me to that hot tub not only did he uh not uh he didn't give a fuck he was all for it good job mate so god i'm horrible at australia

benny refuses to be in the dungeon which is where the cord comes into the anchor comes in and acknowledges that jamie probably thinks he's a bitch and in a very burning love kind of character trope being hilariously brought up constantly and always he says with the smile and laugh of an insane person my parents died last year i don't give a fuck what jamie thinks wow it is get out of here it's burning love it's it's joe latrulio constantly talking about how he misses his son i do i do love that move and i just love the move of him admitting that he's a bitch overall he ate mild jamie well he didn't he's like yeah i'm white trash yeah yeah i'm right i work at the factory yeah yeah but m&m was hard marshall

mathers was fucking hard and benny doesn't admit that he's a bitch he knows that jamie thinks he's a bitch but benny doesn't think he's a bitch he thinks that he's smarter than Jamie. So, breakfast is drumroll, please, yogurt. He dresses it up with slivered almonds and chia seeds. Very brunch at STK. Fucking hate this guy. So, little

correction. Breakfast does turn out to be a little bit more than yogurt. It's eggs and spinach with a side of early morning sexual harassment. He slaps another eloquent log of breakfast meat uh alongside the eggs and spinach and when serving jen goes up and asks her if she's got his sausage on her plate and he kind of pumps his dick close to her face too when he does it uh again recency bias but i've never hated a cast member more than this man wow that's a lot um so ryan and asia have another little chat do you guys want to cover this because i can't uh i've been too negative and i can't spend any more breath

kermit wants him to be uh a little more flexible he thinks she's too much of a stickler for keeping uh a schedule and they're just fighting over the same dumb shit oh same dumb shit and listen you said it takes two to tango i will uh agree with you asia does not have it kate would not be putting up with this shit uh daisy wouldn't be putting up with it jenna the the big bird wouldn't be putting up with it you know you need to put somebody like this in place especially when you know that you're in the right this guy is a cancer aboard whatever this boat here's what i would say if i was uh if the chiefs do all right ryan we'll play your game we'll let you play it how you want it until it doesn't work the first complaint i get it's flipped back to me

sure yeah that's how you do it that's how you work with other and she's she's going about it like that but it's just all unsaid so uh jamie has fucked up the deck crew once again they're way behind and the dramatic music plays for another anticlimactic docking the guests apart what a great group of fucking aussies we had great attitudes giant boobs and good tippers or were they pat okay so uh they So they did this Australian currency nonsense again, but it ended up, I'll give the US currency breakdown. It was 69. I mean, someone threw another fucking C note in there. Let's round up to 17 grand.

Come on. Please. It ends up being 1400 bucks a person. I mean, here's my issue. I don't know if it's just because these are, they're smaller boats or it's,'s their more excursion things. And it's not really like the yacht full on John legend, Chrissy Teigen type of experience,

but these tips seem very light. And these people just happen to be strippers. They know you got a tip. I think the currency has something to do with it. They have a weak currency because they're a prison country. Right. No, it's just England through a bunch of fucking rapists on a plot of land so go ahead make a country um but also i love that you said chuck another c note in there because even if this tip

was let's say 22 000 us dollars if they had left 21 9 there's always the thought why couldn't you just round up even if it's a good tip it can be ruined by not just rounding all the way up 21.9 i only think of 21 22 if you give me 21.9 i'm only thinking about that 21 round up give me 22 yeah all right got it got my brain rounds down. Yes. A hundred percent. Exactly what I'm saying. Communication breakdown.

Last part of the episode is a very, you know, it's an HR meeting, but the one thing to mention is just how different hot captain does shit. Lee would have lit the fireworks for this kind of meeting he probably would have done it in front of everybody or had everybody up to the crow's nest talked about licking rectums or whatever he does he'd have his leg crossed over as he usually does a little power move yep but hot captain just says let's hit the table you guys got to straighten your fucking shit out meeting adjourned he's a hot captain big masculine big strong men yeah he's fucking hot so anyways guys jump in the comments let us know what you thought we'll be back uh in a couple of days with uh more below

deck dan anda um i will be in argentina for i think the next one or two. Um, what? Yeah. For the next one. So, um, guys, I'll miss you,

but I'll be back soon. I might zoom in. So who knows? Jump in the comments. Let us know what you thought of the episode. Uh, I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Nick say goodbye.

Goodbye. Say goodbye. Later dudes. Thank you.