Another Below Deck Podcast - Tardy Cream Pies | Below Deck S3 E14

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Pat and Dylan are back to talk about Below Deck, cream pies, It the movie and book It, holes, Vietnam, pigs, wet wet onions and even more Below Deck.Patreon - Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast

In Ireland, nothing gets us talking like Lions... Tea? Small talk. Well, Jimmy, shockin' weather we're havin'. Big talk. Even I could have played County Office Talk. I'm MIA in the AM, but I'll circle back on the KPIs. Real talk.

Milk before tea. Should be a criminal offence. You could say we talk too much, but the truth is... We don't talk nearly enough. Lyons puts the talk into tea. It's barely a big issue for capitalism. Yeah, well, a dare goes down into that hole. Ah, I never go in that hole.

No. That's terrifying. It looks like there could be a clown down there with a knife or something. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, think about who's the little kid that it beckons to? Richie. Richie, little Richie. Beep beep. Beep beep. It's so scary. Now imagine

Pennywise is down there, okay? Super scary, right? And he's also a spider alien from the space. What a, like hey Stephen King,, what does this guy do? He spent a billion dollars for this stuff? That's ridiculous. Anyways. Hi, and welcome to another Brand Spanin' New episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan. That is Pat. Pat!

Permission to come aboard. Granted. What's up? Not much. You went on a little bike ride this week. I did. I do my yearly bicycle bar crawl with a couple of my buddies. Oh yeah?

Helps clear the mind. It's like a therapy session of my buddies. Oh yeah. Helps clear the mind. It's like a therapy session. Do you? Oh yeah, it's not mandatory that you're going to drink alcohol, but we do have a rule. We hit four different places and you have to buy some kind of food and a beverage at each establishment. OK, OK.

So you could bike ride, right? Oh yeah. You can get a Dewey on a bike, right? Oh yeah, you can definitely get a DUI. Well, that wraps up one on a golf cart. John Elway killed a guy last weekend. No, he didn't. Kinda Yeah, you didn't hear that. Kinda Is he dead? Well, his agent and longtime business partner was on the back of a

golf cart. They were partying up in Laquita resorts over there. Oh, yeah, a lot of good stagecoach. A lot of good courses. I love that 75 year olds like to rock out to stagecoach. Anyway, he's tipping a few and he gets on the golf cart and his buddies on the back and he rolls off the back of the golf cart. Oh, and dead. He's dead. Wow. He's dead. What a brutal way to go let's get to get a great way to go Let's get to some iTunes ratings and reviews. We're gonna start the show with that. Oh, no, that's a bad idea We'll do it at the end. Hmm. Well now that you already teased it. Why don't you do it? We'll do some housekeeping

No Cuz we already did all that stuff like what you did the over the weekend and people really like to get us into the get Us into the hear us get into it. Oh. Is it a negative or a positive review? I got one negative. I got one positive. OK. Want to start with? Are you not going to be able to focus?

Oh, no. I can handle this. Please, why don't you start with the negative? Because I want our audience to understand what we're put through. OK. All right. I think that's a good idea.

Because what we're doing here is trying to, well, one, incentivize you to balance out the the nut jobs but to just have empathy for us because we can't do anything about this this is a two-star review you can't do anything about it is a two-star for review from torque Mano eight combined feed is a headache two stars only one buying feed what the hell is he saying about that well bad feed we do a bunch of different shows on here now oh how we got rid of the Below Deck feed, and now we're just Bad TV. Yeah, OK.

So I only watch Below Deck of the shows they review. It was already annoying waiting through the non-related content on the old feed. Now with 100% more non-related content, I roll. Please go back to having Below Deck in its own feed. Two stars. Two stars? Two stars.

OK, let me break this down, if I'm understanding this correctly. Yeah, this particular person is a listener of our below that content. It sounds like quite a fan. And they dinged us with two stars because they don't apparently have the ability to look past an episode that says the valley did I just say that's not for me. Did I tell you I got another kink in my neck? Yeah, something's going on. I gotta go to a chiropractor. Probably all the stress of this judgment from these goddamn listeners. I'd like to say this to that particular reviewer. Fuck off. Yes. And also, if you want to be constructive, if you want to

say, Hey, old patty been watching the videos, your face is looking like you're a bloated drunk. That's constructive. What you just laid down there doesn't help anybody No No, it really doesn't help anybody. So thank you for your view We'll get to a positive one at the end of the show. But listen, we got a crazy episode below deck to get into okay Wow, there is tension in the galley. I'm so excited to get to APS because I watched a nautical

film this weekend. Have you ever heard of or seen Dead Calm with Sam O'Neill, Nicole Kidman and Billy Zane? Not only did I see that, I sought it out. This might've been in the early years of just the single baby with Ellie and she'd sleep a lot and we started going through looking for good thrillers and I believe deadcom was highly rated in the lore of thrillers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll talk about it at patreon.com slash another podcast network when APS drops. But this episode, I thought it was

when APS drops, but this episode, I thought it was really, really good. Uncomfortable, a lot of tension. I was on my feet for a real moment of heroinism. Oh. Serena just standing her ground, just two fucking feet planted. It was a lovely episode. I give it four pots, Pep.

Oof, gosh, I'm trying to think if anything really happened, which is fine because this has been an amazing season. It's just, it's winding down. I just, I don't like the dinner themes where the episode takes too long. It's absolutely ridiculous to have a circus theme. They did not stick the landing.

Yeah, you don't like a circus. Yeah, you don't like a circus. Well, I don't like a circus. Who likes a circus? Yeah, it's one of those things that I think by the time I was brought to the circus, it had outlived its enjoyment for children. Video games existed by then. I think that there are all of these kind of stalwarts in our memory and people are sad to lose them. There are institutions that are antiquated, the Miss Universe Pageant, right? The Miss Universe Pageant. Or how about Victoria's

Secret? I'm supposed to tune in to see a bunch of hot chicks in bikinis? Like I got Pornhub! Right, right. Oh I thought you were gonna say that there are now Fatsas walking on stage. Oh no, I wouldn't dare say that. That's what I thought that you were gonna say. They are now fatso's walking. Oh, no, I that's what I saw that you were gonna say They're all beautiful. But another one of Another one of that speaking of fat says I am getting fucking I mean, I can't even tell you I wait till the baby's Bored. Oh my god. Oh my god. It's worse than the freshman year 15 My wife was like when you shave your beard off. I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? It is the only thing hiding.

I cannot do that right now. So the circus is one of these antiquated things where, I mean, listen, if it's a real performance, a real show like Cirque du Soleil, but we don't need a carnival kind of roaming group of gypsies and cripples, you know, just stabbing tigers and elephants with cattle products. You know, we don't need that. Yeah. So anyways, four pots. Okay. Um, let's see. Didn't like the circus thing. The drama between Zarina and Laura continuing, you know, every season there's

two people that just can't get along. Yeah. And I didn't see it coming with Zarina and Laura. I thought they'd patch things up. Neither did they. They thought they were going to be fast friends, even though they hate each other. Well, that's what Zarina claims that she was hoping for. But alas, it's just like her childhood where she was ugly Barbie and no one likes her. Well, weird Barbie.

And she's the odd one out. A weird Barbie. Is that what she said? All right, I take that back. Forgive me. I think she's gorgeous. All right um I think that's there might have been an ugly Barbie in the Barbie movie mmm enjoyable episode but I don't remember anything that happened so I'm gonna have to ding at some points for that I'm

gonna give it 22 knots you know I switched over to aqua Pana mmm just Saratoga I got too many comments on the daily routine thing when I was buying. Oh, and I was just like, I don't want to be a part of that. TikToker guy. Yeah. And they that is so in the the east. Like guys, like guys that you get your balls busted. Yeah, I have fucking old Arabic guys going, Oh, do you see the daily route, the daily routine thing? Now, it's not about that, okay?

I was a huge fan. The bubble structure is perfect. So it's a real loss in my life. Anyways, let's get to the episode. What an episode it was. Right, Pat? Yeah, yeah, it was great. Oh, it was so good?

Yeah, the crew's scrambling to pull this circus-themed dinner off. And I think, according to Laura, this is one of the most challenging themes that she's ever had to pull off. And if their goal was to provide decorations for a sad kids birthday party, they fucking nailed it. Mm hmm. Sorry, my notes were. I don't know if you picked up on it.

My notes were taken for ever. You and I, our minds are connected. That's why I was killing some time for you. Tia and Tamara. So we move the That's why I was killing some time for you Tia and Tamara So we move the dinner inside like that was ever a question. I think the wind was blowing 700 knots an hour outside like how are we how are we going to do a circus? It would blow an elephant away Um, I didn't even know wind could be like that and it sucks because this is the most elaborate dinner of the season there are many courses quote unquote many courses and we've got

circus acts like a nerd and overalls we've got a tall young man with swords painted all over his body and cream pie clowns and the nerd and overalls will be after the truffle popcorn well also captain Jason is some kind of super jail slave driver. He looked great. Yeah. You know, I think at this point, though, as they're preparing or perhaps dinner started down in the galley, Alicia not so subtly subtly hints to Nate that I think she wants to have sex without protection with Yeah, well, they talk about cream pies and you know, they talk about getting cream pies in the face.

Everybody knows that you can't get a cream pie in the face because a cream pie is when you're not in a cooter. Okay. It's you can't get, I mean, you could get that on the face, but I mean, it's like, that's we're really getting depraved now. Regardless if Johnny's watching at home, he's saying, what the fuck? Poor Johnny. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, and then meanwhile, Adair isn't thrilled to be a clown.

Hey, look, you can't be hot girl every day. OK, every once in a while, you got to pull a Sierra like she does on Summer House. She's so hot. Yeah. She'll actually make herself less attractive with some dumb costume. Yeah.

I think she was a bird in like the last episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I've been doing lately with all the fucking food. I'm last episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I've been doing lately with all the fucking food and candy I've been eating. I'm so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I put on weight. You know, my ex, her mom used to say that.

I couldn't stand her mom, and I'm not gonna say her name because she'll probably try and sue me. She told me at dinner with my then girlfriend at the time that the reason she put on all the weight was because guys were hitting on her at work too much. Yeah, right. Yeah.

No, food's good though. So we take a peek at Zarina. Oh, I got to tell you. They all save for APS. My aunt Sue. In Ireland, nothing gets us talking like lions. Tea? Small talk.

Well, Jimmy, shock and weather we're having, big talk, even I could have played county, office talk, I'm MIA in the AM but I'll circle back on the KPIs, real talk, milk before tea, should be a criminal offence, you could say we talk too much, but the truth is, we don't talk nearly enough. Lions puts the talk into tea. She crashed into a ditch. Sue, now Sue is the heavy set relative? Well they're all heavy set. It's just, you know, and I shouldn't say her name, but yeah, a ditch came up and grabbed her. Didn't see it.

Wow. And then she said that. That someone stole the car. Well, we will talk about it. So anyways, we take a peek at Serena prepping for the circus dinner. The deviled eggs are crudely piped and smoothed over with a fingertip. And while prepping for the dinner, she is asked to take a photo. There is this very odd tension

where she doesn't want to be in the photo almost puritanically. So, hey Bravo, should tell us what the fuck is going on or do me a favor, just get this out of the episode. What's going on? What's going on? Serena's being a poopy pants again. I know, but why?

Because she's poopy pants. Because Alicia is getting attention Also, she's not really focused in the kitchen. I think that's what's pissing her off now adult What is your position on deviled eggs? I think it's something that is wonderful, but only needs to be consumed once Possibly twice a year. Yeah, I think it's an annual food. Mm-hmm. I think it's an annual food. I think it's a summertime Yeah, I think it's an annual food. I think it's an annual food. I think it's a summertime, you know, summertime lunch, if you're at a restaurant.

Yeah, and they do a good deviled egg, maybe at a barbecue. Fan of the food, fan of the food, don't get me wrong. A labor of love, you know, one of the easier labors of love, but you know, you gotta get a Ziploc bag, you know, you need piping skills, and evidentlyploc bag. You know, you need piping skills and evidently you need to lick a finger

and smooth over the fucking you hooks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyways, by the way, you know these fruit stands we got in Los Angeles? Yeah, love them. Beautiful fruit. Oh, if you're ever in any city, if there's a vendor on the corner of a street

and they're chopping up a bunch of different fruit and they're throwing the lime juice in there with a little bit of, bit of that little spice they pop in there. Oh, not that it's a real treat for yourself. You know, I was driving by one the other day. That's why I brought it up. Guy was digging for gold like you wouldn't believe his hand in his ball hand in his nose.

And I went home. I was like, it's fucking disgusting. He doesn't use gloves when he's chopping the fruit. So he goes, I've like, it's fucking disgusting. He doesn't use gloves when he's chopping the fruit. See he goes I've seen him scratch his fucking ass. I Mean, it's just like I don't Watch everything getting ruined. Well, you know, you know, that's what happens when you don't have any You know these pieces of people aren't licensed then yeah, you know what?

I'm just gonna stick to nerd clusters and turkey. That's all I can eat nowadays Yeah, you know what? I'm just gonna stick to nerd clusters and turkey. That's all I can eat nowadays. Well, speaking of gross stuff, one of the guests, I forget which one it was, but he had a hairy, wide ass. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. When your ass could possibly scare children, just cover it up. Don't walk around, alright? No, no, no. God, no. There's like, with great power comes great responsibility. That's kind of like a perverted version of it. Like with a horrifying ass comes great responsibility. Like you have to protect people from that. That's right.

So whiskey sours are up first. How do you feel about a whiskey sour? That's another one of those on occasion. You know, I was at Granville on that bicycle bar crawl. And I don't know what came over me, but I ordered an aberral spritz. Oh, yeah. Now, that's a lovely bike riding drink. Somehow this bartender made it the way that I like it. I've had a few times when the ratios saying the drink really, really gets to another level now and I hadn't realized at this point that Aperol was basically long form for an apricot. Oh, is that it? That's theot. Oh, is that it?

That's the flavor. Oh, really? So if you're in apricots, then order an apricot. Well, it doesn't taste like apricots. But yeah, when you go to Italy, I mean, there's really nothing like a cobblestone street and then Aperol spritz with a bowl of potato chips. I mean, transport me there now, you know? You know what I mean?

Gosh. All right. So whiskey sours are disgusting they're too sour and if you drink a lot of them if you god forbid if you have to up check it's just just so acidic and in the comments let us know what your favorite drink is at the bar so Marina is in service she needs to see how the big dogs do it take a look it's deviled eggs and fucking whiskey. Well, Dylan and I can tell her because we've been watching this show for several years.

What the big dogs do, at the highest point in that career path, you get to tell other people to clean urine off a toilet seat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If that's your dream you're after, go for it. It's right up there with a person that puts the stickers on the after, go for it. It's right up there with a person that puts the stickers

on the fruit at the grocery store. No, no, no, I think that's a pretty mundane task. But it's not much higher. Can you believe someone has to do that? I was at such a low in my career at one point that I thought someone's putting the stickers on these and I'm the right man for the job. I gotta tell you that I would, I would, I would pay to have that

job for a while, just just a couple months, because I just want simplicity in my life. I want to just pop up a podcast on and just zone for a little bit. Yeah, what's up with this frenetic pace and all these things to do? Oh, yeah. Well, instead I went and worked for North American Insurance, which was equally mundane. I did a little thing called data entry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Drove you into a deep dark depression. So anyways, we get to Jason sitting down with them. He's really getting a lot of wheel estate out of that whip. And the next course after the devil eggs is truffle popcorn now it's got parmesan on it is a great touch it is a circus after all but this mustn't be a course this cannot be a course this can't be a course it cannot be a course it can be on the bar it can be on the table when you arrive. What we can't do is have the second course have people just sitting around eating popcorn.

That's a, you can't do that. I don't know how that could fit because I did think that over as well Dylan, especially since the first course could be consumed in a nanosecond. So then your second course is, oh boy, popcorn. Yeah. So we're off to a good start, I would say. Something I, I, oh, well, Marina

comes out as the contortionist and she is double-jointed, so I guess that makes sense. And then we get to the muscle man after a pretty ferocious ass. This is Nick. You're probably referring to that gross ass for that charter guest now, I do want to say that what they're doing Here is they're toggling between courses and these amazingly creative Circus acts now you you glossed over Harry the giraffe and I was asking myself is this no no no no no no no no no No, no, he was first. Oh, maybe he wasn't Okay, so I was thinking as I was watching this because because you know, Laura apparently takes a lot of pride in her work.

Why not call Martha the provision lady and hire someone that juggles? Yeah. Right? Spend, spend what? Yeah. $200? Someone can like throw fucking fire around? If that, you know, I would say you don't even need to call Martha. Hit the streets.

There's got to be somebody throwing shit up in the air and catching it axes or axes chainsaws knives Just say I'll give you 25 bucks come do this on the boat That's all you need to do so Nate looked like he had a pretty fierce erection or not Nate Nick Nick the nerd looked like his his penis was huge and big and hard I'm gonna see that zero not zero not zero nots for Marina the contortionist either I didn't even know what she was trying to do zero nots okay all right I give it I it 89 knots. I thought it was fantastic.

Are you gonna move on to the onion thing? What was that onion thing? The next dish is a blue but I do it is double smoked because we have a little bit of a communication breakdown. And I'm not sure if it was the fry. I'm not sure if it was the time. I'm not sure if it was the time I'm not sure if it was the multiple iterations of suffocating wood chips but it looked wet and dead it looked absolutely disgusting and there was some kind of some kind of wilted foam or gastrica top it it looked like a jellyfish and I would have sent it back but there's cream to throw the clowns go up and Serena is still flying blind big

red says it'll be five minutes it takes 30 seconds and Serena is pissed okay yes the act did not last five minutes at five minutes it lasted 38 seconds. Yeah, now we go from county fair to random Italian dinner here. Final course the chicken buttered up puree with California cauliflower little tiny rolled zoeks. This is a Hall of Mirrors. I felt right like I was out of circus. Yeah, it was crazy. It was crazy. two pots. So um, Serena's pissed and

somebody else is pissed. That's Big Red, who we should say will be driving an interview with Big Red this week. She was so lovely to talk to. Drop some bombs too. If you want to know where she's at with Harry Harry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you want to know where she's at with Harry. With Harry, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a fun interview. OK, sorry for my sniffles.

So Big Red is getting thrown all around and all over the place. She's got to clean. She's got to wipe urine off seeds. She's got to do cabins, take pictures while Laura gets bonafide. I don't know. From a clean perspective or cleanliness perspective. I don't want her

near a goddamn food dish. If you're talking toggling between cleaning poop. It's a really good point. Like that's disgusting. Yeah. That's how you get some cross contamination. Everybody's eyes are burning red with pink eye. Oh, I mean, even worse. I mean, this is the beginning of some kind of last of us kind of nightmare that I would say Possibly renders human civilization moot, you know I mean think about it The Tasmanian devils are the only thing they could stand this thing and it starts from big red wiping fucking

Common shit off his people's rooms and they go to serving wet dead fucking blooming onions. You know, it's really dangerous. Fucking crazy. Bad idea. Who's the magician? Magician is Nate. Epic fail on every level. He?

Not just one level. All of them. He is so strange to me. He's like, um. In Ireland, nothing gets us talking like lions. Tea? Small talk. Well Jimmy, shocking weather we're having. Big talk.

Even I could have played county office talk. I'm MIA in the AM but I'll circle back on the KPIs. Real talk. Milk before tea. Should be a criminal offence. You could say we talk too much. But the truth is, we don't talk nearly enough Lions what's the talk into tea? I?

Don't know he's he's like if Bo Burnham was doing like a male cheerleader Nate Scott he's he's he's definitely a doodle the magician needs a volunteer Hesitant as most are when a magician needs a volunteer. You know, you never know. You get fucking chopped in half. I'm not volunteering for any fucking magician. You kidding me? I didn't. Well, I didn't. I got picked out of an audience at the Magic Castle. Yeah, dude. He was trying to make coins disappear. Little do I know. He sneaks them in my hand. For some reason, I go along with the goddamn track track And at the end of the thing I open up my hand and drop him out everybody was they were amazed

Yeah, I knew the whole secret. He gave me like a look like don't fuck with me And that's right, and I just I just read the room. Yeah, cuz he was trying to get Pussy that night. That's what they do those magicians by the way if you're ever in Los Angeles Don't go to the walk of fame get some tickets at Magic Castle Perfect night in what you know you got to be here for a while but if you're gonna have three days in Los Angeles I would say the Yamashiro Magic Castle combo is marvelous marvelous. I agree with that. Yamashiro for golden hour right see the Sun crest below the horizon of this sacred city that is disgusting then go down the hill to the Magic Castle and have a filthy magician

hit on your wife it's a perfect night I mean I couldn't have described it any better than you did so yeah book your tickets can I tell you about this entertainment that these crew members threw yeah this is the kind of thing people would do to entertain themselves if they were trapped in a mine for three months. That's the level of entertainment. Yeah, I think that the the Thai cave diving incident, I think this is similar to what they did. The little boys were like pretending to amuse the other ones because they wanted to make them happy because they might die. Right, like I'm gonna be the strong man with an erection, you be the contortionist. No,

the whole thing, it's amazing. Like the pinnacle of service on Below Deck is theater camp in the Midwest. That's what the pinnacle of service is. Nailed it. Don't forget those dollar store decorations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's everybody who's freshly been bar and bought Mitzvah just having a good time out in the Michigan wilderness. You know, and at the end of the day, you're impressing the charter guest Dylan, but you're also impressing another person. And that is hot captain Jason.

And he just loved this. And personally, I would have rented a monkey that smells his hand after he farts before watching this or enjoyed this but yeah you thought it was entertaining so what do I know? You know people say they can be mean I've never seen a mean one. Are you kidding me? I've never seen a mean one. Oh my god that whack job documentary that came out that oh those were chimpanzees. Oh yeah sorry there's a difference yeah anyway they can eat your face off oh yeah no and I'm kidding monkeys are our evil creatures there they're closer to the primordial

cauldron than we are and that means that they can access less nuanced forms of evil but still horrifying well eat your balls off of like they don't like you. I'd say yeah. You know. I guess that's less nuanced. Nestle is like we got a lobby we can't have people take maternity leave we got to sell them formula. Now that's like a nuanced kind of evil. Monkeys will just eat your fucking testicles off. You know what I mean. Yeah man. Alright so we've got trouble in paradise. Laura seems to be dumping a little bit too much on her gal pals. Alicia says let's chat in the morning but I can't clean up after these fucking sea rats anymore they come in here they make a mess they gnaw through the wood I can't even woodwork I don't have time for this

shit and Laura says let's talk now no let's talk in the you know Laura Laura's on a high of such an amazing theater camp evening, but she shouldn't be. We've also got Big Red who really breaks down and it looks like the turns have tabled. Yes, they have. You know being trapped in the laundry room, that place will break you if you're not mentally prepared. It's like the tour of NAMM. You go there, you throw a couple grenades in someone's hut and next thing you know it explodes. You see crans flying everywhere. Next thing you know you're having night terrors, and you're never the same. The laundry room on these boats does the same. Yeah, I would say it's exactly like that. You know, you don't hear any yelling because it because there were so many of them that you threw in that it took care of everything pretty quickly.

But there's a family pig that walks out and it's wounded, but it's fine. And for some reason that animal stays with you for eternity. I'll never get that out of my head. Just the family hog. Conf hog confused where's everybody gone they've got away okay so we cut back from commercial break to a fucking cuttlefish crawling along the floor for prey don't show us that I don't like it vertebrates it's's disgusting. Okay. Serena says you can always come to me child.

And she confides in Serena, breaks down in tears and they both, you know, the conversation ends and they both say I love you so much. What are these Sea Reds doing? This is a real pressure cooker of emotions. It happens a lot. And then a lot of times when they're saying their goodbyes, they're like, I know this isn't the last time. No, it is. More than likely. I mean, you guys will yell at each other on Twitter,

but that's not really seeing each other. That stopped your life, not at all. What I was going to say about this is, we think of Game of Thrones where people have motivations. They have a purpose of what their goal or trajectory. Yeah, not the White Walkers though. They really didn't do anything. They just wanted to kill.

Yeah, well, they also just didn't do anything and then they died in the end and nothing happened. I wasn't happy with that ending either, Dylan. But with Bree specifically, she's all over the place. She'll drop a dime on Serena. She's also saying that she loves her and she's thankful for her comforting her. My point is, the agendas here are all over the place.

I don't know who's loyal to who. You know what, it really, really is like Nam. You know, when you get there and you're overwhelmed by the chaos and the moral ambiguity of everything, you do go crazy. And you will only come out the other side through a crystal and understanding of those who can make sense of it all.

And that's why Kurtz got all fat up the river. Right. That was his name? Colonel Kurtz? Yeah. Yeah. Nice. You know, he showed up to that set and the director was like, why are you 280 pounds? You're supposed to be. That was that was great. That's my Marlon Brando. He was supposed to be what's like the highest

level of like military like people that can kill like a SEAL Team Six guy. He was supposed to be that. And Marlon convinced him that no, no, no, no, no, no. He ate a lot. You see what happened was, scratches. He's a green beret. They tried their best to hide that he was- I'll tell you what though, worked out perfectly. He filmed him, he was covered in shadow kind of making him a you know a

Truly dark figure you know it's just Someone's perfect movie ever made just bar none right don't you think I told you a couple years ago It came on my wife thought it was a new movie. What do you think's better ET or apocalypse? Oh get out of are you are you out of your mind? Classic so it's apocalypse now, but I'm just saying What's better Jurassic Park or apocalypse now, I hate Jurassic Park you free doesn't have a story Just as much a fucking dinosaurs trying to eat what's better dead calm or apocalypse now apocalypse now. Okay. Thank you. I Think we talked about this, but I saw a trailer for the New Jurassic Park

They're fucking trying to take the pterodactyls eggs for for cancer research. I'm like, hey, hey, I Got a foam finger up for the fucking pterodactyl. Okay, bite them in fucking half. Oh No, I love that. I saw that trailer too. It's like, no, there's another island. Oh, we're doing the another island thing again. Wow, can we get some writers here? It's just like Star Wars. Oh, we're gonna have the third Death Star?

Guys, please. Gotta come up with something else. So, Laura's stressed out. That's why Big Red is not saying anything to Laura. Mum's the word when it comes to Laura. Laura's too stressed, she's not gonna drop it on her. But we are gonna drop off the Charter Guests. It is drop-off day, next morning. Next morning! The kitchen vibes are firing. First things first, green juice. Alicia chats with Serena about Laura going, that was a weird breath I just took on.

Did you hear that? I did. Yep. She says, you know, last night I talked to Laura about, you know, like fucking, you know, she wants me to fucking do all this shit. I'm not gonna fucking do it. Here's another thing about- Did I explain that well? Let me break the game down a little bit more. Okay. Okay. So Alicia didn't clean the crew mess. And this is going to be something that moves into the next episode and the one after that. It's a real point of contention for Lara. Now, who comes to defend Alicia but Zarina?

I mean, it's a real, was it Solomon? Were those two ladies were fighting over the baby? Fighting over the baby. It's basically that. So Zarina defends Yeah, basically that yeah, so Zarina defends Alicia citing that interior can do this if it's only going to take 15 minutes Mm-hmm, and then Zarina says well we can talk about later Laura says we'll talk about it now I don't believe she has the authority to do that They're both department heads and then Zarina threatens to talk to Captain Hotpants, and how do you like those?

Yeah, this version is more like if the mom, who was the mom, tugged at the baby too, instead of saying, no, I'm not gonna hurt my child. These two are ripping at Alicia. They want her. They want to consume her, they want her allegiance. Two, yeah, two lionesses fighting over a sous chef, I guess Laura says, did you do it? Alicia says, what? And she goes, we talked about this now. And Laura says, it should

take you 15 minutes. And that is when lioness Serena comes out. Roar. Okay, get someone in your fucking department to do it. Be gone, witch. I mean, amazing stuff. Now the tensions are really running quite high between Laura and Serena. And that is when shucks shuka is served. Now, the plates are scalding. Laura heads down says the plates are scalding. She says they're so hot that the guests could end up overboard. You know, they touch it. They turn into like kind of like a wacky looty tunes kind of thing and they're smoking they

go overboard, right? And that's very dangerous. What is this dish Dylan? shakshuka? I think it's shakshuka. It's a god. It's a pain and pain in the the took took us. I've never heard of it as a breakfast item. Oh, yeah, it's a Middle Eastern breakfast. It's a pain in pain in the the took it took us. I've never heard of it as a breakfast item. Oh, yeah. It's a Middle Eastern breakfast. It's it's tomato sauce with eggs poached in the tomato sauce. You kidding me? Yeah.

And you serve it with with bread. Wow. Parsley. You know, she's really I know that thing was so hot that it would melt hell. Yeah. But that's I like how creative that is. And another thing she did is a, what was it, a crepe station? I've never heard of a crepe station. Did you get excited?

Oh, God, crepes, lots of range. I gotta tell you, dude, there's a place in Venice that does a shakshuka. I'm not telling, I'm not even kidding. It's one of the best dishes in Los Angeles. I'll find it, I'll send it to you so you can never go there. Okay, so Laura heads down and lets her know that the guests are gonna turn into cartoons

and jump off the side of the boat if they touch the bowls. And this is when things really fucking heat up. Bad form, Zarina. Bad form here. Yeah, you think? Well, she accuses Lara of showing up late for work this morning. This seems to be, and we'll get into it a little bit later down the road, this seems to be, you know, it reminds me of that scene in what's the basketball movie with Will Ferrell semi-prime semi-prime they're all kind of talking the whole team and someone calls someone a drive turkey and the entire room stops and

he's like did you just call me a fucking drive Turkey and it is really really the highest insult You could possibly pay somebody the fact that Serena said she showed up a little late to work It's like this ripples through the boat people like I mean, I would not have said that Who the fuck gives a shit? Well, I'd also argue if Laura in fact wasn't late for work Let it bounce off of you But you know who by to tell someone how they should internalize something. Yeah, let them Let them she southern this woman that says let them I don't know Robin whatever name is. Yeah. Yeah I don't know. She had very popular podcast. I think it's number one for like the last two buds

Yeah, it's probably CIA plant anyways Alicia and Nate These two a couple of freaking dorks a couple of doodles just sniffing each other's buttholes So Nate's pretty chill about or Harry is pretty chill about Letting sea rats do the anchor thing and maybe a little too chill Harry Can you supervise these fucking sea rats? okay? We get to Anchor Gate, and this is another thing. Is this this big of a fucking deal? I mean, I don't know how much time has passed.

You know, if Jason says, let's get the anchor down in 45 minutes, go past the anchor's not done. That's a problem. But I mean, are we talking about a minute or two minute delay, in which case, what the fuck is everybody freaking out about? I occasionally wonder if this is edited in a way to create drama that isn't actually existing. I know Harry's not communicating on the radio, but it's barely a big issue.

Yeah, well, it goes down into that hole. I never go in that hole. No, it's terrifying. It looks like there could be a clown down there with a knife or something. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, think about who's the little kid that it beckons to Richie Richie little Richie beep beep beep. It's so scary. Now imagine Pennywise is down there. Okay, super scary, right. And he's also a spider alien from the space. What a- Like, hey Stephen King- like what is this guy doing? He spent a billion dollars

with this stuff? I mean it's ridiculous. Anyways. In Ireland, nothing gets us talking like lions. Tea? Small talk. Well Jimmy, shock and weather we're having. Big talk. Even I could have played county. Office talk. Well Jimmy, shocking weather we're having. Big talk. Even I could have played County Office Talk. I'm MIA in the AM, but I'll circle back on the KPIs.

Real talk. Milk before tea. Should be a criminal offence. You could say we talk too much, but the truth is... We don't talk nearly enough. Lions. Puts the talk into tea. I haven't read enough of them, I guess people say. I've seen four different versions of it.

It's always the same horse shit. They're adults and they manifest their greatest fear, which in fact is a alien spider and a real letdown given the first part of the film. So imagine a Pennywise down there, all spooky crazy, alien spider. And now there are chains to the right and left of him. I would say that maybe the chains are probably even that much more scary, because if you put your finger in that, your finger is gone.

Essentially, what happens to it is like what happens to that family back in the canopies of Vietnam where that pig walks out I mean your goner just your goner, you know So I wouldn't go in there scared. I wouldn't go in that anchor thing either But a dare doesn't know what she's doing. She's stabbing at the wall and the cord gets punched up You know, I was asking myself this question. Can a lead deckhand title be revoked? Yeah. Because he is dangerously close to that.

This is his second fuck up. Well, I mean, it gets into a philosophical question. If you give someone nothing, can you take it back? It's a great point. Yeah. We love you, Harry. Love you, Harry. Love you here. All right, dead mouth five plays and we say goodbye to these amazing charter guests who

were so sweet and so nice. They had such a good time and we get to the tip. Pap, what do we got? Twenty three grand. That's 1800 each. I think I rounded up and the helmet goes to Harry. Well deserved. Can I say this is a little too cute a measure.

Yes, I agree. Given the severity that someone could have had their hand ripped off or the boat could have sank. You know, we had our yacht just sank yesterday. Oh, did it? Yeah, I don't know why, my phone listens to me, I think. Oh, for sure. And so it knows that I'm interested in these things and I got fed a story of a yacht.

I keep hearing all these freaking tech guys go know your phone's not listening to you it just has advanced geo targeting and then it the bullshit out of here I hadn't talked about McDonald's in like six years I tell my wife should we go get McDonald's the next thing I see in my fucking Facebook feed is Big Macs yeah yeah yeah yeah did you go to McDonald's? Not for myself for my daughter. I went for myself That's how fat I mean Pat I looked at my wife after we'd consumed it. I said sarcastic. I said, you know, it's the hottest thing. I don't feel well. I Mean

Just disgusting. I don't feel well after I know that. God no. And when the cheese is rippling out underneath the bun, there's this moment that you haven't even consumed the food and the deliciousness is overwhelming you, right? And then you eat it and you're like, well, this isn't good. And then you're done with it and you feel like you're going to die. I've never talked to someone after they ate McDonald and they said wow that felt great. I'm not saying that you're gonna die Immediately, but it feels like the beginning of a very serious problem Like this could really escalate into something bad. But anyways Laura

Stay here with Serena. Oh, is this judge Jason turning into, Judge Jason, he's going to oversee a mediation here. Yeah. Okay, this doesn't go well. Yeah. You know, I think Judge Judy deserves every penny. She wants justice. She wants justice. And my God, is she a firecracker.

I can't believe she keeps going. I mean, I saw a clip the other day of her dressing down some fat Ugo, because he was like, he thought that he was going to get all these women. He was fucking a bunch of women. And she was like, you think you're handsome or something? Yeah, look at you. You're disgusting.

Get out of here. You owe them $5,000 each. The craziest trial I ever saw, Judge Judy. This guy, he got beat up. He was sitting in the car minding his own goddamn business with his window rolled down in the driver's seat. A guy walked up to him and punched him in the face broke his jaw. Yeah. So he's suing the guy who broke his jaw. The defense of the guy who broke his

jaw judge Judy goes, Why'd you do it? Why'd you do it? He goes, I thought he was someone else. Yeah. Yeah. So that is should we do Judge Judy? Like, should we? I mean, there's got to be 4 million episodes of Judge Judy. Anyways, so Jason asks if Laura can work through things to which Laura gets up and storms out of the room. And remember, these two live with each other. And remember, these two live with each other. I forgot about that. Now,

Goodness gracious. Meanwhile, Alicia reports to Brie that Zarina had lied to her to get under Laura's skin. In trading in this type of deception, it will clearly get a fan base to turn on you quickly. But you know what I love about Sea Rats? They won't let an ugly feud get in the way of a night out. No, they just move right on, right on to the night out. And you know, listen, before before we get there, I want to say Alicia, Alicia's what the episode is is emotionally manipulating us again Laura and Serena keep doing this thing where they're confused about why they're fighting

That they thought that they were going to be fast friends the entire season You two clearly hate each other. I mean Serena maybe hates her deep deep deep, deep down. Laura hates her just openly. How did you two think that you were going to work well together? I am fascinated. Was this episode? Is it the one we get to watch? The stories, the different versions of how Serena? Oh, yeah, that coming up? I can't remember where this I think it's when she talks to Jason.

OK. And yeah, Laura says that that Alicia was in tears and now she's happy and she's tired of all the fakeness and then says, you know, Serena got fired from the last book. The same kind of behavior. Yeah, the owners fired her I believe yeah, and then according to Serena She quit Classic I'm not fired you're fired Is telling the truth I think it might be Laura. All right, so we get to the night out.

Marina and Nick the nerd. These two are Jesse and Lexi, huh? Moving pretty quick. Now, Alicia and Brie chat about showing up late. Like I said, the Sea Rats are absolutely blown away by this. I need, no, no, no, sorry, bad hosting. We're winding down, you can tell. I love a stray beach cat. Love a stray beach cat.

That was beautiful to see. Do you have a strawberry coconut chocomaka? And they do. And they also have chicken bites. You can tell that a restaurant is really top notch when they have a menu item also have chicken bites. You can tell that a restaurant is really top-notch when they have a menu item It says chicken bites Carbone Muzo and Frank's the best of the best Have a good bread service a good stiff martini and chicken bites. Okay, rest assured you're gonna get taken care of now

Alisa falls asleep with her eyes open and and the boys go do a bathroom chat. Now, the boss in here needs a little gassing up, and his boys are there to give it to him. Cut some shapes, just have fun with the lads and with the ladies. I like Nick. Nick's a little Lord Farquaad, and I think he's great.

I am enjoying him on this show, But really this bathroom chat is to determine who Nate plans on having sex with. Yeah and we know that. Now let me ask you, I don't know if you wrote about this in Cracking the Code, How to Close Morass for Less Money, but what do you think about the hierarchical vulnerability Nate is displaying here? He is the head man in charge and he is asking his underlings advice for pursuing a woman. I think it humanizes him. You think it's humanized?

It's even more dangerous as a predator. Really? Yes, yes, yes. Wow, wow. You don't want to look like you're that guy. You want to look like you're the guy that gets along with everybody. That makes you more appealing. Okay. All right. Did you just pull that out of your ass?

Big time. Okay. So Brie and Laura head to the bathroom and Brie drops a dime. Big red. Shame. For shame. Zarina has admitted to her that she lied about that thing. Thanks, you Brie. And it is odd that they say say I love you and they go and they drop a time these sea rats. I mean, their moral compass is completely shattered. You get it. Oh, I'm gonna tease this. For a PS there is a couple that has a kid the same age as

Elliot's as Elliot and we were out at a group thing where everyone was eating dinner having Elliot. And we were out at a group thing where everyone was eating dinner, having pizza. And this particular couple, the wife told me that my next door neighbor who we socialize with was questioning how much money I make. And do I really make money in the podcast world? Basically, and her husband was like, don't, like, Elbringer, why are you telling this guy

that, telling me that, right? So we we I'll get into it on APS. Okay, great. Let's talk about it. We wrap with some more confusion over their relationship and some pretty serious tears. Serena is really letting them flow and Laura looks at her and says, don't buy it. Brutal close to the episode. Lastly, before we go, guys, the reviews have been coming in. They are so wonderful. Keep them coming. Let's crack through 2000. We really, really appreciate the support. This is from Sarah Monet. Hashtag eat sea bugs five stars. I'm used to listening to

the girls and the gays talk about my trash TV. So this is a nice change of pace. LOL. You know, that's what we're here to do. We are not all the way straight and we're but we're mostly straight. And unfortunately, we are filthy cis whites, but we're here to talk about reality television. And if you enjoy it, tell a friend, tell a family member, text them an episode that you think is funny join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network where you can

donate a little or a little more I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye Love.