Another Below Deck Podcast - That Man's a Hot Dog! | Below Deck Reg S9 E5

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Pat, Nick and Dylan are back to talk Lee and how bad he is at finding radios, sun damage, our roller coaster with young Alexander, homemade vs. dried pasta, Jodi and much more of  Bravo's Below Deck Med.  Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2 and our interview with Lexi Wilson.  https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork Video of this episode here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgRn46VevjnBrp5A4tgiqw Merch: AnotherMerchStore.com

He says that he's really nervous every time he puts his hands on the throttle. Fake captain. Yeah. Big time. Well, I mean, that's a terrifying thing. Big time. That he's nervous about that. That he's nervous.

Can you imagine a guy who works at Southwest? Every time I touch the yoke of a plane with 250 people behind me, I'm nervous. What's your name sir welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys! The podcast is over there behind my glasses. How are you, everybody? What's going on with you, Stoney?

What do you mean? You like those chocolates, huh? I just had a little nibble. Yeah. I based it on my last two performances when I was high as hell okay i was very entertaining you're gonna start leaning into weed no i can't do that i don't like the way it smells on people that's why you get the chocolates just artisanal mint chocolate oh that's still leaning into the weed yeah that's leaning into the weed okay yeah i don't know weed's a misnomer he's actually talking about THC, the active ingredient in cannabis. Yeah, yeah.

100%. What an idiot. Hey, so we're all doing good, right? Mm-hmm. I'm fantastic. About to go to Wisconsin for the first time in over a year. Cannot wait. Great headspace.

Can't wait to talk about the lockdown. I'm going to El Paso. Oh, yeah. A little tease. I think we're going to talk with Nikki's Grammy when he goes there. We're going to call her. Oh, yeah. So listen to our next, another podcast show.

We're going to do an interview with Nick's grandma. You can find that at patreon.com slash another podcast network. She is a fire plug. Is that what you call it? Yeah. Spark plug. Spark plug. That's what I meant to say.

All right. So let's get into it. Public service announcements. Patrick, go. Oh, well, I was just going to say now that i'm starting to do some more booking you know nikki really uh was doing such a great job and i felt like a lot of that was falling on on his responsibility so i want to right so i want to take a little bit of the weight of that off so i i learned you just like dm people so easy and sometimes they get back to you right

and you say you want to come on the show right all right so the first well obviously i got lexion no sexy stuff though okay what are you talking about a married man i would never do that all right so i hit up danny that's the one that uh made the first uh baby sea rat on television she had that uh baby with that guy uh with giantism and tattoos jl she couldn't be nicer but then she uh said yeah i'd like to and i said all right great let's set up time then she said ah you're probably gonna want to ask me about that whole jl thing well i can't talk about him to which i said what do you think i'm gonna do we're gonna ask what your favorite pizza toppings are no we want to know what's going on with jl well so she said she she can't do that but she couldn't have been uh sweet sweeter however i still think uh

she hinted at that he's still a little bitch why don't we get her on and railroad her with the questions about jl after railroad her um oh and then the next person i hit up was riley uh the uh the former c we need to do the i'm hinting at i'm giving a tease i like it okay i'm getting i'm teasing all this stuff what's wrong with all what's wrong with riley's rolling through los angeles she's gonna come in this studio live and do the show with us and we'll see what happens yeah i'm not i'm not a fan of that idea at all so uh also jump in the itunes ratings and reviews leave five stars and see us over there on youtube subscribe hit the bell and mix it up with the other fans barnacles so uh we have the fifth episode of this voyage season nine episode. What did we think about it?

Let's get to thoughts and knots. Nick, why don't you let Pat go first? Sure, I'll go first. I don't think this episode needed to exist, really. Oh, okay. Lots of things going on, but they weren't really things. A lot of meanwhiles. A lot of meanwhiles.

The whole episode was a meanwhile. I got a big meanwhile. You got a long meanwhile? Yeah, I got a big meanwhile. You got a long meanwhile? Yeah, I got a big meanwhile. Yeah, I don't know. It seemed like this was just, what do you call it, filler? They just said episode, they just plugged in here to just sell some advertising. Now, see, this inadvertently happens. And I guess I'm guilty of it, too. But when an episode is objectively bad, you can count on old fucking Nick Davis to come in here with 1,700 words on the aforementioned episode.

So how many pots do you give it? Zero. Nick. Loved it. I mean, I don't want to give away some of the gold I have in these 1,700 words. Oh, can I take back to my thoughts and nods? Yes, you can. That old burnt up character that looked like he'd fallen asleep in a tanning bed for three years.

Ronnie Weiss. He was interesting. Yeah. Two nods. He was a walking hot dog. That's crazy. He was in a pink athleisure. He was a hot dog.

We've never seen anything like that. I'm going to waste a joke I have for later. And it's a good plug for patreon.com session other podcast network on pat show pmz he talked about uh the wisconsin serial killer ed gein yes who is known as leather face but i'm starting to think you might be wrong and that leather face from texas chainsaw massacre was actually based off of ron weiss the the charter guest from season nine of Below Deck. I spoke on that episode about how

horrified that movie made me, especially when the man from Grind got his leg cut off and then packed with salt. Chainsaw Massacre, circa 2004. Circa 2003 or 2004, yeah. And I watched some clips of that. Such a scary movie. We're going to have to do a rewatch this weekend

with the wife. Yeah, it sounds really good. thoughts are not yeah sorry uh no you you didn't do anything i like that tangent um i enjoyed the episode like uh these these guests are gonna be a hoot i i just had a roller coaster of my opinion opinion on young alexander sure uh i struggled with that as well uh i mean he he sold me on one line, but it's so hard not to get ahead of myself. I'm just going to say it, 82 knots. Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and give it four pots. A lot of meanwhiles. A lot of meanwhiles. We really didn't get any of the crew going out.

No ball of snake type stuff. Just a pretty lovely group of charter guests and a pretty average uh charter you know a lot of the drama surrounded a lost radio a bluff that lee cannot back up and shit flying off the boat which you know amounts to four pots it really does all right let's get into it lovely charter guest i that isn't i didn't expect that opinion from you well we'll see i i was rolling i went on a roller coaster with them as well so last we left off jake had delivered the shocking piece of news that he was engaged with really little to no care to clarify or soften this whatsoever because he was wasted and engorged thinking about Frasier. But let's see how the next morning goes for he and Raina. First, though, the sea rats are absolutely destroyed from the night prior.

There are bagels in the bathroom, and despite their headaches, the show must go on. Lee needs his Cheerios, and the boat needs to be washed. Do you guys want to talk about this text that just gets uh this is from my grammy or mommy that grammy's okay it's from chain smoking uh online poker player uh mama we can talk about later if you want to i don't have anything to add here except for grammy's fine thank god yeah exactly uh just a really innocuous text to uh send you off the rails like that yeah put you in a pit of despair was she had a procedure everything went fine oh my god yeah i know i was wondering do you send the text do you send the text if everything's okay and you have a daughter who

drives and loves eating burritos do you send that text to that kind of person? That's a great point. I think you avoid it. Any tragedy, really. Like, let them have fun while they're on TV. And tell them when they get home that their entire family is dead. Yeah. You know. It's not quite.

Personal story where my stepfather, Jimmy Dell, fucking did this to me. So I go to my coworker, Gary, and his lovely wife's uh joya's wedding down in uh where the hell it doesn't matter anyway i wake up the next morning after a lovely night of partying i get a phone call from jimmy dell and he normally even when he calls me he calls me for my mother's line i pick up the phone and he goes pat pat your mother your mother pat but i'm like what jimmy jimmy is mom dead he says no she's in the hospital though i was like jesus christ he had me thinking my mother was dead for three seconds text me and just say mom's in the hospital that's still bad that's so so serious she had a stroke but she was still talking oh thank god

he had to convince her to go to the hospital because she's one of these old uh you know people that refuse to go to the hospital Because she's one of these old people That refuse to go to the hospital They'll just have a stroke and go I'm fine Yeah one of those Jesus Christ he scared the shit out of us How recent was this? It was 2018

This is so funny Well not but I mean just the thought of you being like Will you I'm not rolling out of bed for this okay So mom had a stroke and she's in the hospital Jimmy will you, I'm not rolling out of bed for this, okay? So mom had a stroke and she's in the hospital. Jimmy, will you leave me alone?

Call me when something major happens. No, I want to. Are you psychotic? No, I said text me. Jesus Christ. All right. Say mom's okay. It didn't even move the needle

enough for him to tell his two good friends. I didn't know your mother had a stroke in 2018. All right. So Jess tells Lee that she turned in early and that all that ball of snake stuff,

she's just too old for all that stuff. Hey, Jess, you got to change that. You're on a reality TV show. No one wants to watch you act like a cat. No matter how badly you want to act like a cat, that's not what we're here for. Bring a burrito up to the fucking hot tub. I don't give a shit.

But, you know, go be a snake. Be a stick in the mud on the clock. When you're not washing boats or cleaning cabins, I want to see you sucking and fucking. Or at the very least, twerking. Twerking, exactly. All right, so. We can't say sucking and fucking now? Who's fucking PG over here?

Who is this guy over here? I mean, it's when you demand that you want to see a young woman sucking and fucking. It's a little Ron Jeremy, and it's a little weird. He compared you to a rapist. She's a woman. Okay, so Frazier says that he wants to see more of that naughty little bitch Heather come out. And can we get to the cleaning of the boat? Well, aren't you going to talk about jake gets really

into his engagement story you're going to discuss that i think that's more important so now um we had thought that there would be some type of clarification perhaps a what happens in vegas starring asha and cameron kind of thing and there is it's an age-old story an unbelievably hot australian uh gets together with a hot sex addict to get citizenship oh yeah i hope uh immigration wasn't watching what i hope immigration wasn't watching they told us they showed a picture of this woman who admittedly is just marrying for a green car are you not allowed to do that no god no when you if i don't know how. Oh, I thought it was done. No, no, no. You have to, my friend Shauna, she got married, forget this, back in 1997 when I first moved here, she married a dude for $5,000 to get him citizenship.

And they'd, even after they're married, they'd have to go to the immigration office and they'd say, so you guys are living together? And they'd say, yes. And they'd say, what color are your floors in the bathroom? And that's how, they'd fuck with you that way. Whoa. So her and this dude, whenever they'd call him in

to go do this the first couple years, they'd have to work with each other and coach each other up on those questions. Oh my God. And they'd even, they'll show up at your door

unannounced like the United States anti-doping agency surprise visits to see everything's kosher. Right, right, right. So these two people, the point we're making is, what an idiot. Yeah.

At least don't show her picture. Don't allow them to. That was his dumb move there. Like, hey, can we get a picture of her? She was absolutely gorgeous. Yeah, very, very beautiful. The Australians have something in the water. But now they're all in camps.

Right. Okay. But now they're all in camps. Right. Okay. Check out Nick's new show, Streaming on Bitchute, sponsored by Breitbart. Okay. So.

Just rolling in it. They need to sprinkle some of these hotter couples into 90 Day Fiance, I think. You know, too much Jenny and Samit is too sad and too quickly. I don't even watch it. It's on in the background on Sunday when my wife and I are having dinner. We don't pay attention anymore because they have gross, ugly, they got Water Ghost on there with that Indian Tootsie Roll. Right, right, right.

The show sucks now. And then if they're not doing that, they got a bunch of cooked up situations with all these past couples that have way overstayed their welcome on reality TV. Go fuck yourself. If you got some hot people in with Samit and Jenny, then the reunions would be really interesting because, you know, you'd have Samit and Jenny, but then you'd have like people from Love Island on with them. You know, it'd be really fun. I am weirdly filled with joy that Jenny and Samit are still going strong. I think it's for the TV money. They can't be. And Samit's mother has

since committed suicide. No, that was a dark joke. I would have believed it. She was not happy with it. So, Rach is debriefing Frej on her relationship, speaking of little Indian guys, with her little guy uh she's

a little jaded from it she calls relationships relationships rach you're gonna find the uh the kook for you you're gonna find him anything on her just that she mentions uh later too how like pot isn't her type it's short fat and funny. I feel like that's like a lack of confidence from Rachel. You're a beautiful, beautiful woman with what I assume are fake breasts. You could get like a good looking man if you wanted to. Well, I mean, yeah, maybe. Can I say something about Chef Rach?

That one was a little crass. I understand you balking. Yeah, I don't even know if it makes the podium tonight, but yeah, it was. Her and those cooter troopers, that's her followers or whatever, she's trying to make, hey, well, the sun is shining, right? Sure, sure. But I think she's going in a little too much.

She's going a little too Captain Lee with all the canned jokes. Sure, sure. She's trying to create a persona. I think she's going to spin this into something else. I think she just needs to cook really good food, which she obviously knows how to do. I think she's unabashed really good food, which she obviously knows how to do. I think she's unabashedly and truly and honestly and transparently a lunatic.

And I think it's just coming out. And it's amazing to watch. I think there's a little, two things can be true at once. I said in episode one, she's playing in, that's why they brought her back. They're like, say all that wacky shit you said. Rach, talk about dicks again.

There's a lot of, yeah. And farting. There's a lot of... There's farting. There's a lot of that from a number of these cast members. Captain Lee obviously doing too many one-liners and Heather is trying to be Kate in like every OTF. Spelling

be Kate, yeah. Alright, so Eddie, one of the ones who really doesn't have a lane, you know, the way that Rach and... I'm just the nice guy. He's just a guy. I'm the cheery nice guy.

He is suffering the consequences of telling his girlfriend that he harmlessly hoisted a 25-year-old blonde over his shoulder via her tattooed ass. But I think all is going to be fine between between him and his girlfriend he doesn't have a history of cheating or anything no definitely not so not on tv anyway godspeed to you guys but this isn't important the most important thing is what comes next and that is a little thing that we like to call the preference shape meeting Friendship meeting. Friendship meeting. Really quick one tonight, huh?

It was. He normally likes to stretch that as long as he can. Oh i was talking the preference you mean yeah well the preference you meeting was i mean maybe seven seconds uh but it but uh i they gave me some pretty good screenshots so this is gonna go a lot longer than you think oh cool i'm gonna kill myself why well i just said the most important part you like well I just hope it's not, you know, 12 minutes. Take as long as you want, Nicky. Don't listen to him. Thank you.

Our primaries. More raffle winners. No. These people? No, I think these people are wealthy. I mean... The main guy. He has the confidence of a very wealthy jewish man maybe keep your objections for outside the confines i thought you were gonna i thought

you're gonna laugh at this these people like they may have money but they're pretty trashy okay okay okay uh jeremy morton and ronnie weiss from bloomfield hills michigan okay okay uh they are friends who are bringing their families together to share the charter of a lifetime jeremy is the owner of an investment firm for an online platform his wife stacy is a jewelry designer and a stay-at-home mom which means she has an etsy account yeah they will be joined by their two means the neighborhood moms come over like bi-monthly and check shit out. And she's like, oh, I just want to make you guys dinner.

And then she rams her beaded bracelets down their throats. And the rest of the mothers talk shit about it. Yeah, but they buy them. They buy them. And Stacy's doing pretty well for herself. They will be joined by their two sons, 60-year-old Sam and 60-year-old Alexander. Ronnie is a self-made real estate entrepreneur. Dylan.

And will be celebrating his 75th birthday while on board. Joined by his wife, Jodi, and their 24-year-old son, Todd. So do the math. He was 51 when he had him. Nice. What a virile gentleman. Todd is a former pro baseball player. How sad is it that old hot dogs like that can just kind of spit fertile shit out?

Mm-hmm. You know, it's just- Well, we don't know. They could have done the in vitro thing. Honestly, I'd rather- Although 24 years ago? Maybe not. I'd rather have this hot dog spitting out kids than like a 20-year-old who hasn't like-

Sure, sure, sure. He can pay for Todd. Mm-hmm. Todd in Craig County shouldn't be having five children you know yes because todd and craig county can barely afford vilvita it's confusing that you're saying todd and craig county because i'm saying todd the son was todd the one that uh jake wants to fuck todd's the one that jake wants to fucking jake is the one that Jake wants to fuck and Jake is the one that Todd wants to fuck got it yeah yeah those two may fuck although uh not only is Todd a former pro baseball player he's also a personal trainer uh he's also a fitness instructor and Stacy uh Jeremy's wife's personal trainer oh boy I think Todd might be fucking Jeremy's wife.

Okay. That's conjecture based on street smarts. But when it said former pro baseball player, and you see this little 5'7 guy, I mean, he's built, but what are you, 175 pounds? Still a little digging. Oh, nice. I read in the Birmingham Eccentric that in 2018,

he played six out of 49 games for the Birmingham Bloomfield Beavers of the United Shore Professional Baseball League single just because you call something professional doesn't mean it is professional well I mean it's not even single a it's the United Shore Professional Baseball League it's its own league that's in Michigan and maybe some neighboring states. Got it. But he did, however, bet 512 at-bats with six hits and a triple. That's pretty impressive. And the Beavers that year won the USPBL championship. It did, however, say in the Burby Ham Eccentric that he landed a role on the team due to his relationship with the coach.

So it might not have just been skill-based. These guests are used to... Are you saying he was sucking the coach off? These guests are used to dining, and that's pretty crass, but he's a guy, so you could say he's sucking the coach off. These guests are used to dining in high-end restaurants, vacationing in exotic places, extravagant cars, and flying private. Struggled through that,

but I got there. So they will demand excellent service to ensure their charter trip of a lifetime. The guy that looks like he was hung on a piece of wood from the Flintstones and they spin him around underneath a fire? Yeah. He travels private?

That's what they say. Wow. The raffle didn't just include the charter i guess who knows what you just said i do really yeah flipstones is that like uh when you know when fred would come home from working at the quarry and uh wilma would have like some poor dinosaur thing on a piece of wood and she'd be spinning them around like a rotisserie over a fire right okay and then the the dinosaur would go like hey well you look at the camera you're like this ain't right i don't get paid enough for this something like that yeah yeah and then the bird that fred uh shits in the its mouth you know every morning he says oh he

says like i hate my job or something like that. Exactly. What a brilliant television show. Spell Flintstones. No. Spell it. No. F-L-I-N-T-S-T-O-N-E-S.

For the longest time in my life, and it doesn't make any sense, I thought it was Flintstones. It is Flintstones. No, it isn't. It's Flintstones. Well, it's not, though. Do you not think that's how it's spelled? No, I think how it's spelled but it's like it's champing at the bit but nobody says champing it's flint stones yeah it's you have to look it up he knows that's how it's

spelled he doesn't think that's how it's pronounced it is how it's pronounced because it's a flint stone right day one guests request a dinner completely of chef's choosing. They consider themselves true foodies and would like chef to impress them with the choice of cuisine, theme, and service style. That is, sorry to interrupt, but that is what everyone should do when they come aboard. Don't try to force, you know, I want a crawfish boil. Well, I don't... You know, you're on a... It's a sea rat cooking you food.

You know, it's not going to be Rachel every time. Let them cook what they're good at. But they didn't request a service style, so I assumed Rachel would then just go family style because that's the easiest. So that's the one thing maybe request you should make. But Rachel's a pro. She wants the challenge.

Yes, yes, yes. Night one, guests request a casino royale party to include a variety of casino games with the yacht crew serving as car dealers, bartenders, and servers. Guests would like to have a treasure chest to hold their winnings. Day two, some of the guests would like to go

on an early morning fishing excursion. They're hoping to catch fresh fish for Chef Rachel to prepare for dinner. Day two, in addition to the slide and all the water toys, guests request flyboarding in the afternoon. Dinner night two, guests request chef to prepare a meal featuring fresh fish caught from the morning excursion.

They also request a variety of seafood dishes accompanied by lots of vegetarian options. Night two, guests request a totally 80s dance fitness party to celebrate fitness enthusiast Ronnie's milestone 75th birthday party. And that concludes the preference. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Question. Forgive me, but I did write, I dropped down a little note here about fake Captain Lee.

Did he at some point say, you can hold your breath until I goddamn show up? What was he saying that about? Because Eddie joked, he's like, hey, Captain Lee, you going to show up to was he saying that about because eddie joked he's like hey captain lee you gonna show up to the 80s dance party and captain lee's like you can hold your breath till i do meaning he's not gonna show up and he wants eddie dead why is this old bastard so mad yeah i mean is this how he is on his birthday while he's opening presents all right let's move on so jess is in full burrito driving mode here she's giving up like uh a like a tray whose horse and when you give up, you know, you sink

into a bog. Huh? When you give up, you sink into a bog. Speaking of Jess, Jess likes Wes and Wes likes Jess. The only problem is that Wes isn't going to make a move because... Wes doesn't like

Wes. Well... I just wanted to keep a move because... Wes doesn't like Wes. Well... I just wanted to keep the rhyme going. No, that's true. He does not like Wes. Wes, he just... It's because he's a nerd. Hmm. Uh-oh, are we going to listen to Shark Ass?

Now, we don't know enough about Wes to completely discredit his nerddom, but he is a hot black guy, so I'm a little leery. It is important, though, that we do this every time someone declares that they are a nerd because it is a very important public service announcement to let people know that they're not a nerd because they've seen The Mandalorian.

You know what I mean? You are a nerd if you can name all 17 shards in the Cosmere, which is exactly what the folks on the Shardcast can do. Should we play some? Oh, please. As the Kaladin fan, I'm just going to jump in with the obvious Kaladin stuff. So if you've read the book, you probably already know what I'm going to say. But there were two things that I'll hit briefly.

And the first was, obviously, Kaladin and Hoid, the story about the dog and the dragons. That was great. Yeah, that was a great story. The last line about, like, you know, like saying that you know that there will be sunshine again. It's different from promising there'll never be darkness. Like, oh, that was cool. That's a lot.

I just shivered remembering how I felt with that line. Yeah. Now those are nerds. All right, let's get to the end of the day. And oh, can we get to the end of the day and a few beers between Frazier and Jake? Oh, sure. Sure.

Hey, one thing I want to say about Jake, it's interesting because Wes doesn't like Jake's management style. I think you touched on that perhaps. No. All right. Jake, like most people, given a little bit of power, kind of become a dictator. I've seen that happen. It's a horrible part of human nature in which you say, all right,

you're the boss now. And before you know it, it takes about 24 hours. They got their fingers pointing. Everybody's starting to tell mop the deck. Yeah. They're hitting everybody upside the head with a conk. It's that social experiment where they tell one half of a Stanford experiment where they get to electrocute the other people. Oh, not that. Okay. Oh, that was one. And of course, every time they think they're doing something bad, they're electrocuting them thinking they're really.

And they could hear the screams of the people. Yeah, but didn't that show that people wouldn't do that to people? People did do it. Mm-hmm. I think he's right. Mm-hmm. We're going to look that up. All right, we'll look that up.

All right, so. we're gonna look that up all right we'll look that up all right so before the there was a lot of stuff that happened during the day before uh frazier and wes have the beer um we start to see this first uh teaming up of frazier and heather that's right to jess first they talk about amongst themselves frazier's like we need to talk about jess and heather's like let's talk about jess right and they basically just start picking apart this dead inside person and it was it was pretty sad but then later this was more egregious to me heather has to confront jess and she's like are you sick is there something wrong yeah i i found debbie doubter i found this disgusting and if a boss approached me like that i'd be like why don't you tell me where my performance is lacking lacking we can talk about that otherwise get the fuck out of my personal

life whoa that's what i always said adore i yeah why are you looking at me like that well because that's an insane thing to say to a boss i mean after six days i i would i would couch it and say not in so many words right right right But that would be my gist. Okay, so Lee and, excuse me, Frazier and Jake are sitting down and chucking back a couple beers. And they're talking about Frazier's sexual orientation and how he came out to his mother.

And all it took for him to come out to his mother was a radio broadcast of a blood-spilling cannibal, which softly and rather humorously, I think, kind of tipped his mom off to try to pull it out of him. I love this story. I think that I want to be a part of their family, and I don't want to be part of my family anymore. Come on, Dylan.

For people that don't watch the show but just listen to our breakdown, I actually have the transcript. So apparently, he and his mom are in a car and they're listening to the radio and it comes on the radio. Some guy killed like eight people and the mom says,

hey, I'd still love you if you killed all those people. And he said, good news for you, mom. I'd never kill anybody. But last year, my son... Okay, I'm going to bleep all of it and she still loved him uh and she did and i know uh god says judge not lest ye be judged but i'm just gonna come out and say it that guy who killed eight people he sounds like a real jerk a real jerk so let's get to the um next day next day now lee said at the beginning of the season

if you are looking for your radio i've already found it which sounded like a weird fucked up prank that captain lee plays on people but what it really was like i talked about earlier it's a gigantic bluff from captain lee frazier is looking for his radio for an hour, old man. You haven't found this radio yet? Gosh, he's such a fucking fake captain. I definitely assumed this was going to culminate in Frazier having to go talk to Captain Lee, having his radio. And I assumed that, and even though it didn't happen this time, I bet it happens, where production is just on the

hunt for these radios and it's like a game to them they find them they hand them capital captain lee watch the drama ensue unfortunately frazier hit it in the weirdest it was in a cubby hole within a bag i think it packed up uh like a some beach picnic and he threw it in there or something i don't know um provisions arrive including a bike and it dude it in there or something. I don't know. Provisions arrive, including a bike. And, dude, it's such a hot take that this whole radio thing is one of the many silver bullets that the producers have in their sick shooter, you know, because they go up there and Lee's got a fucking radio

in the foreground of the shot. You know, it's like fucking Orson Welles, this scene. And Lee goes, does everybody have their radios on them today it's like what are you guys doing Svengali's I mean it's like what are the thickest kind of ropes or wires what are the thickest guy you know the super thick ones mmm you know they use them to keep the velociraptors in I don't know. Steel cables? Steel cables. That was going to be more complicated than that.

Lee, hoover your Cheerios and find that fucking radio you've got employees to threaten to fire. Let's get to the guests. This is looking like it's going to be a little bit... You weren't going to talk about parking the boat in the you weren't going to get to that what the best part of the episode when they they're

uh not parking the boat it's actually when they left the dock oh is that well i think that's coming up oh yeah because they wouldn't leave it on the board on the board sorry yeah sorry so uh we've got like i said hot dog and pink athleisure um this kind of sun damage is disgusting it's really really uh keith richards doesn't look like this keith richards is like uh paper mache skin very very pale but it kind of gives you a vibe like a keith richards vibe but it's also the kind of vibe that of the guy that like hangs out in Boca Raton a lot and says the ripping and the tear and the ripping and the tear.

And you know, it's just a lot going on. We're still talking about the guy. It looks like he went to a spray tan place and they hit him with a fire hose. Yeah. Ed Gein. Okay.

Uh, this fucking guy looks like he got mummified in a tan. Let me tell you something. If you're driving around Bel Air or Beverly Hills, it's filled with these guys. They're everywhere. And I don't think my wife's ever seen any of them naked but somehow she knows this these old farts they only get sprayed from the neck up they don't even bother going into one of those places get their dick uh sprayed or any

of that they just think people are just going to see them from the chest up and they're and they go in constantly my wife you got a spray tan before oh all the time i used to own a spray tan place jamaican it's the only business i ever had that i make money my problem oh all the time i used to own a spray tan place jamaican it's the only business i ever had that i make money my problem was all the girls were working for me i was having sex with them do you get uh spray tan stuff in your in your pee hole oh yeah urethra you do yeah what happens because all that stuff says it's all safe it's all just gets absorbed in your skin okay i just find the sun just uh it's so incredible not enough you're gonna you're gonna get depressed and kill yourself too much you're gonna look like you're gonna look like a hot dog a hot dog yeah so um jimmy oh the only problem was i'm seven six with all of them i'm

gonna fucking throw up that was a fire alarm. That was hilarious. I'm probably true. All right. So then we get to the child who, I don't know who put him up to this. I don't know if it was i didn't know what was going on with the the little treasure chest i actually thought it was going to be poker chips inside i thought it was going to be his uh his commander deck that would have been that would have been funny too but then also he said that little line which got me and young alexander off on the wrong foot he said i'm like the mini primary which i don't think anybody put him up to that line i think he's like i think he like overhears stuff where his parents might like they might joke to him like you're the mini primary and and he he seems like a he's a little

smart kid okay he picked that up and he used it and i was like wow too talkative what a little prick but do i get to like him later we'll find out we'll find out but don't spoil it i won't okay so undocking what pat called the most exciting portion of the episode. Lee is sweating like a whore in the front pew of church. Lee, that saying ain't broke. You know, don't fix it. Yeah, he ruined it. Just added more details to it.

He didn't want to take a second to go with that in front of the green screen. I'm sweating like a whore in church. I'm sweating like a whore in the front row of a pew at church And by the way The fuck is wrong with you He didn't even say sweating He said like I'm more scared or more nervous What are you saying about whores there too Lee

Jesus this is 2021 Oh Pat Judge judges whores and they go to hell That's why they're nervous Judge judges whores Did I say judge I think so maybe I'm just they go to hell that's why they're nervous uh judge judges whores so um did i say jod i think so maybe i'm just uh i'll up on them guts and them chocolates that pat has so he says that he's really nervous every time he puts his hands on the throttle fake captain yeah big time well i mean

that's a terrifying thing. Big time. That he's nervous about that. That he's nervous. Can you imagine a guy who works at Southwest? Every time I touch the yoke of a plane with 250 people behind me, I'm nervous. What's your name, sir? I will not be flying with you. Hey, Brad, why do you have your wings?

We got to get those off. I agree with you guys. It's not something you want in your cabin, but what do we expect from someone who can't keep himself upright in a shower am I right it's a great point great point great point by the way Lee you you lose use the word whore like it's your last name your mother's a whore

well I'm trying to get him to come come at me okay so meanwhile that one was that was too that made me uncomfortable oh did it meanwhile I do have a line Okay. So, meanwhile. That one was too, that made me uncomfortable, Pat. Oh, did it? Yeah. Meanwhile.

I do have a line. She's dead, I'm assuming. Yes, of course. And probably a sweet lady. Meanwhile. Just in case you want to cut that out. We don't. Are you implying that his mother's dead body is being tossed around whatever town it's buried in?

He's okay with calling people whores in church. I mean, it feels like it's fair game at this point. Yeah, how disgusting of him. It is fair game. All right, so meanwhile. Meanwhile. I've got a big one here. So you guys stop me when you want to hone in.

To disguise, okay. So this little demon is boasting about how good he is at Legos. Anything on this? Actually, a little thing. Okay. I thought it was actually pretty disrespectful to the blind. And even if I would have had more time, I would have Googled blind Lego stars

because I guarantee they're out there. All you need is feel. I actually believe they'd probably excel and whoop this little kid's ass. Again, wasn't a fan of Alexander at this point. You know, there's a famous story, I think Norm MacDonald told it

on that Marc Maron interview. He says that he was very shy and reclusive and then he walked a blind man around and saw the world through his eyes. Completely changed his perspective. And I kind of want to do that know just see a blind person and then just go up behind a little bit it'll spook him out a little bit but you just softly hold their hand and just say I'm here to help and then walk around and seeing the

world through their eyes it would just be really really awe-inspiring I think we are we already I already experienced uh there was a day in grade school uh where we all got to experience disabilities and uh you were either blindfolded or you wore north noise canceling headphones or you had to be in a wheelchair all day and obviously the wheelchair was the most fun uh well not to okay uh the problem with it, I will say, is one day. I mean, it's a novelty at that point. Right, right, right, yeah. Then you just do wheelchair races.

Oh, yeah. And when you fall, you just stand up on both your working legs. Pat? Well, I was going to, because going around the table here, I actually had experience with this when I used to volunteer quite a bit. I used to show up down at that Santa Monica Pier because I was an avid jogger. And, you know, blind people, believe it or or not they'd like to jog as well so they tether you you have to run in front and you've got about two uh feet or whatever and you just give directions

turning right and they're jogging did you see the world differently i did i did a couple things so beautiful until one time i tripped and i took one of them down the hill with me uh when's the last time you went you went for a jog path it's been 10 years because i blew out my legs okay uh you blew out your leg i'd always buy cheap uh sneakers yeah and then i'd come home and i'd have had like restless leg syndrome all night long pain talk to a daughter he's a doctor he says you got to stop running on concrete and i live in a concrete jungle so there you go well you could run a treadmill and you should have came to the ed prairie sports authority it would have hooked you up with an insole and a nice pair of if i knew uh we didn't i believe in sockanese we didn't have the high-end sock of course you believe

we had we had the full line of asics though we'll get you in some kayanas yeah oh man don't do nikes though i mean unless you want to pay up, up, up. It's too expensive. Make me go up, up, up. Up, up, up. And the other. Dude, you do such a good chat. Thanks.

And the other. I'm dating a Jamaican girl. The other experience. He's dating a fucking Jamaican girl. The other experience I had of being blind was there was this big brothers, big sisters kind of event. It was all the big and littles. Was that before or after you ghosted the one who really wanted to just do everything he could to give you a better life?

I like how you brought up that story that we told on another, or I told on another podcast show, but think about the logic. Do you think it was before or after I ghosted him when I was at this little... I don't know if it was him or if you got a new one who was cooler than Jeff. That would have been quite the crapshoot because I was embarrassed that I had a big brother so I wasn't going to go get another one. I could throw a football to my friends at that point. I didn't need some older man. At this place place they had

a team building uh exercise where there was this giant giant circle and all these different objects in the middle and uh you started on the other side blindfolded and uh your big uh had to like use uh commands to get you across there so it'd be like lift your right you lift your leg oh sure yeah sure and then you did the opposite we won the whole thing you had to get i had to get you across there. So it'd be like, lift your right, lift your leg up. Oh, sure, yeah, sure. And then you did it opposite. We won the whole thing. You had to get, I had to get there, put the blindfold on him. Okay, who cares?

Put it on him. Yeah. We won. I killed it. I was like nine and he was just like, man, those directions, that was so good. Okay. I'm sorry, Jeff.

So Frazier still can't find his radio and he's looking in these spots that are, you know, it's when you've lost something and you're frantically looking for things and you begin just wasting time. You know, it's opportunity cost at this point. Don't look where the ironing board is. It's not there. That's not where the radio is.

What you have to do is sit there and relax your eyes. Yes. A hundred percent. Hey, can I make, uh, uh, just digress for one second about Frazier and how he hates kids and watching what's the kid's name again? Alexander. But you come on here. I know you're paying 60k a day, but that doesn't include a free fucking nanny or babysitting.

It does? No, it does. It shouldn't. You should have to bring your own nanny. You have to bring your own au pair. An au pair? Exactly. I don't think that's fair. That's dangerous. These people, they're serving food. They're making sure people don't go overboard is that a Disney Channel original what au pair I don't even know what you're talking about it must have been after my time hit us up in the

Facebook group I feel like it's a Disney Channel I saw that's a fruit Dylan au pair so um lunch is chicken tenders and fries tough putt she nails it um and it was only for that kid they had other stuff they had yes sweet potato fries and salad and then they lose a soccer ball to the great poseidon oh shit nelson how dare you both all right so jack is hitting on slash getting hit on by former d2 college baseball player turned professional trainer named Todd. What are you actually playing? The United States Pro Baseball League, the USPBL. Got it.

I said too many Bs. All right. Anything before we get to dinner? I believe Frazier finds his radio. Finally. And then also the bloated primary catches up with Heather about the Casino Royale event. And Rattlesnake Skin Guy wants to know if craps will be played.

Roddy, I think his name is. Oh, yeah. And craps will be played. You know, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but, you know, he's like, you guys have craps? And she's like, yeah, we have craps. Like a real craps table? Yeah, we have a craps table. You kind of do, but it's more like thin, bumpy felt that you've like

bought on Amazon. Longly stretched across this table. You know, you throw it too hard, they're flying off onto the floor. It's not craps. And it's like a table you'd go to if you went to some casino that's 90 miles outside of Vegas, and they have itged. So it can never land on, I don't know how to play craps, but the undesirable spot or the desirable spot.

I don't know how to play craps either. I need, I want to learn. I know me too. It seems like, I mean, I love, I could sit there all night at a blackjack table,

but people around a black, a craps table and people like everybody's having to win in and have a good time. It seems amazing. All right. So let's move on to dinner hey uh before we're at dinner but i want to my wife pointed this out last night and i never caught it before now everyone the audience knows i hate fake captain lee but she pointed this out

lee always joins the guests and sits at the head of the table did you guys catch that before point this isn't master and commander we didn't just do battle with some pirates or something like that you're pressing buttons on a fucking boat i'm the one paying 60k if we ever get on that and we can raise some funds from the barnacles and we get on that we'll lastly to dinner and we'll leave that seat empty intentionally and the second he goes is you know go over go over there and then I will sit or one of us will sit in that chair fake Captain Lee you don't sit at the head of the table you didn't create

my children or earn the money to be renting this fucking boat you're driving it idiot well speaking of pirates I gotta just shape your view on this if we do have the ability crowdfunded to go on one of these charters, it is not a vacation, Dylan. We are working, and it's uncomfortable moments like that we have to cultivate for material.

Wait until I take a shit on the bow. Wait until I have my board where they make a mistake. Is he fucking shitting on the bow? I take $100 off the tip every time. Wait till the attender that we've chartered pulls up to any location that we ping them at with a small shipping container full of trafficked people that we will have fun with. And by have fun with, I mean flay and kill on board my Sienna. It's maritime law.

We can do whatever we want. And I feel like there's so many drifters in europe yeah they're happy i'll call captain glenn all right so um let's get to pirate talk lee has asked if there are still pirates out there the answer is yes and he also adds and to them it's a career i'm just confused about what this was how this was what did it contribute to the fact that there are pirates out there and no shit right it one no shit well one are you trying to imply that they're like really good at it is that what you're trying to say and also no shit and maybe maybe uh captain lee assumed the charter guests thought it was just a stop gap for the pirates before they went off to college you laugh into the mic

um all right so um the child is losing it he's yelling about vitamin nice it's not a vitamin i don't think um but that's when i that's that's when we're this is the moment you fell in love yeah alex it's it's nice to be important it's more important to be nice and young alexander despite the wealth his family as a crew it understands that uh way to be polite he's cocky and he talks a lot a little bit for a child i like when they're more reserved i was i was a little standoffish to adults but uh they wanted to get it out of me leave them wanting more alexander and quit talking shit about the blind yeah you have to stop berating the blind so um as the guests sit down heather reprimands

jess for being a sloth and i think we've already discussed that she and fraser kind of bitch out about what a stoner jess is but let's get back to the table dinner finally is burrata tomato bisque with white wine strange uh we also have asparagus with a poached egg and crispy pancetta classic dish homemade parp uh pepper dell with mushrooms we also have a show-stopping dessert. Vanilla macaron, panna cotta, and tiramisu with a zabaglione. Fucking Italians. Now, of course, the whole thing is 90 pots. Of course, of course. But, oh, and also, of course, homemade pasta is a delight.

But the aversion she has to dried pasta. Rach, take a chill pill, okay? Sometimes I like a little crunch to my pasta, okay? Maybe I want a little, you know, different texture other than just smushy chewiness, you know? Yes, of course, the pappardelle is better, you know, homemade. But, Rachel, calm down, you know homemade but it shall calm down you know don't you guys kind of like that maybe remind me of my childhood when i live next to an italian

family crunchy pasta oh we put run it through that little uh that little metal thing oh yeah how romantic yeah then we make the gnocchis and all that. The gnocchis, yeah. All right, so while dinner is going on, Hot Dog's wife is really laying it on face. Jody. She's asking to see Lee's room, and she's telling his cock underneath the table. This all amounts to him being very uncomfortable. He loves it.

You think so? Yes. It's like Pat DMing Lexi. He loves the dance. Yes. But he has to have- The tango, so to speak. It's like Pat DMing Lexi. He loves the dance. But he has to have- The tango, so to speak. The tango. But he's a lot smarter than Eddie.

He knows the cameras around him, so he has to be like, I don't like that. I'm not going into a goddamn laundry room to hammer her from behind. Okay. But him saying, I love you, when she said he was young, that was him playing into it initially. Right, right, right. He asked for her to be so into him. Well, there's also like, so like the cameras go down for the night and Lee like raps on the hot dog's door.

And he's like, Jody. Jody. That's when Ronnie just rockets out of bed. And he's like, listen, we have rules, okay? When I go down and she comes in here, she's not going out anymore. She can fuck whoever she wants, but you don't wake me up to fuck my wife, okay? You fake captain. That is way too far.

He didn't go down and knock on her door, though. He actually, under the table, slipped her Frazier's radio. He goes, go to channel 12. Okay. All right, so there's a huge gap to channel 12. There's a huge gap underneath that door. I said under the table. At dinner.

Dinner ends. She daps Lee up and then attempts to follow him into his bedroom. I was thinking what about Ronnie? He's such a nice guy. Anything on Jess and her grandparents um she just catches up with the grandparents as simultaneously fraser's talking shit about her yes he's like a little catty we do find out though that um her parents played a parental

her grandparents played a more parental role than uh than most do so you know that is that's just more c-rat stuff being c-rat stuff but it kind of you know i i loved my grandmother ruthie very very much very very small jewish woman who used to play yugioh with me or she tried her damnedest she couldn't get the mechanics of the fucking game though but it it would be so sad to have uh i don't want to get into it because he's very close to his grandma you're very what yeah who do you think raised me you're very close to your grandma she's dead she remember she thought i was hot because she lost her mind oh i thought that was just kind of like a far-flung grandma but she raised you oh yeah we lived in

a duplex she lived on the other side that must have been really weird well it was yeah yeah but i guess i guess what i was getting at now i won't be offended i might start crying but okay so yeah it's just like they're gonna be the first human beings that you're close to that will die you know if things go go normally so when you're very attached to uh other human beings and they die and you're younger you know it just feels like a sad sad loss whereas like if your parents die it's still very very sad but you're older i feel like you're you you've been beaten down by life enough to handle it more maturely. That's how I felt.

My grandma rolled sevens when I was like 41. The next grandma's still alive. Yeah, she's still kicking. So we didn't have to endure that. Right, right, right. But if they are close to your grandma, that's why you get children pets. It's not for companionship. It's so they can learn about mortality.

Yeah, death. Or both. Or you take them out boar hunting. All right, so moving on That's even better actually Moving on isn't this over Next morning Todd is walking around With his shirt off again we get it

And Rachel is not interested She did call him a snack There's a double rainbow in the sky Did you see that Have you ever seen that video Double rainbow It's a famous YouTube video. Yeah.

So funny. The guy is on so much PCP or whatever he's on. Anything before we get to Cush and Date, which is one of the most... Cush and Gate. Cush and Gate. Excuse me. I can't talk tonight. It's one of the most anticlimactic endings to an episode in some time.

Lee says that they could fuck up a two-car funeral or something like that. I don't know. What was this? He's hitting new lows with those one-liners. How mean of a person would you have to be at a two-car funeral? Alright, that's it for us. Guys, jump in the iTunes ratings and reviews. Leave five

stars and kind words. Or one if you want to, but please leave five stars if you haven't uh join us on patreon.com slash another podcast network for more and meet us over on youtube subscribe hit the bell mix it up in the comments we love you guys very much thank you for supporting us i'm dylan saying goodbye nick say goodbye bye bye i had'd say goodbye. Later. guitar solo