Another Below Deck Podcast - The 4th Trimester | Below Deck Med S11 E1

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down sex parties, Entourage, Pedro Pascal, anilingus, one star reviews, Mendocino Farms, Walmart, Las Vegas, Hugh Heffner and more from Bravo's Below Deck Mediterranean  PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en   

As the boat backs in it, well, it slams into the dock. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's boto next to him. We lost dancing. And Nathan's like, oh, no, I couldn't hear it because it was so loud. The party was so crazy that we slammed the fucking yacht into a centuries-old retaining wall. And Sandy goes, yeah, this is a big deal. It's never happened to me before.

Hi, hello, welcome to Bat TV, a brand new species of Below Deck. It is Below Deck Mediterranean. I feel like we just, I feel like the body is not left to cool down, you know? I think you're referring to us starting this new season while the last one just ended. Yeah, it's the churn of it. I feel like it's, dare I say, disrespectful to the Sea Rats that we've just spent a season. I mean, this is the game that we play. This is what we're in.

This is the business we're in, Dylan. You can't stop this. This is the machine. Yeah, and I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard. Granted. Kaelin, what's up?

Hello. So we're here for a brand new season of Sandy and the gang. Kermit is back. And so are Joe and Nathan. I knew you were going to start this way, Dylan. Yeah. But I don't want the audience to be cynical about this season just because these four knuckleheads are back.

Because there's a positive. side to this. Okay. There's lots of sea rats. And I mean lots. And what do I always say about sea rats? The more, the better. The more, the better.

Do you always say that about sea rats? I always say that about sea rats. The more, the better. More the better. Like curiosity and wisdom, the more the better. Like sex parties with no ugly people. Yep. The more, the better.

Yep. What's another thing? Hmm. Pizza. Pizza? You can get sick of pizza, though. Good point. And you, honestly, you get sick of sex parties with no ugly people. I mean, that's the thing.

I don't think so. Now, at a certain point, these sick parties... Well, I'll go home. I'll take a nap. No, I mean the lifestyle, though. You know, eventually you start, you know, I mean, look at Hugh Heffner. He's bringing German shepherds into the bed. You get to a point where you go, even this is not doing it for me anymore. It's a good point.

Thank you. Well, all right. The point I was making, though. Why don't we have two sides of the street? Why don't you be your delusional, nonsensical optimist, and I'll be the realist on this side of the street that's going to say, I'm very concerned about not just Joe. Joe is, the fans who listen to us every week know our disdain for Joe.

It's a middling Coxman melodrama that we're just over. But hold on. Nate is. Can I finish? Okay. Nate, I would say, is arguably worse. Nate is this apple of Sandy's eye that is almost too incompetent for the station. But more than that is just his management style, the way he communicates with people,

the insecurity in the position breeding this just fucking bizarre lashing out here and there. I'm not a fan of the, of the, the central, like the nucleus of med right now. Asia's great, but Asia's married to Scott. Like, I just think we need some turnover with this. I don't want Joe and Nathan and Asia and Sandy. It's just not working, babe. I agree with everything that just came out of your pie hole.

Thank you. With that, we still have six other fucking sea rats marching on this boat. And GEM or what's it? Jen. Jen. Jen with a G. That's right. Okay. We got Jen with a G. She's on Shutter Island from, you know, son up. I mean, it's nuts. We got joy. We got Lou. We got joy. I love joy. Joy. A woman after my own heart. My God. What a masterful sea rat. She's competent.

Absolutely. Getting back to Nate for a second before I get into my nods. I give it four pots. Okay. This episode, you give it four pots. I thought this was an amazing start. I gave it four, Pat. Kaelan, do you mind asking AI mode on your phone if Nate and his beautiful baby mama are still together? You love Gail. I love Gail. He does not deserve her.

He's an idiot. Also, go to Patreon.com for Summerhouse. And Real HouseWords, Rhode Island. And the Euro trip breakdown and PMZ is coming this week, too. Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Okay, as a bosun, I would argue your only job is to not smash the boat into the fucking side of the dock. Can I say one more thing really quickly? I know we've heard the patrons and we have the best patron, uh, patron, uh,

ever, but we've heard that there's some issues with the, the sending it to, we're going to fix the Apple podcast thing. Oh yeah, yeah, right. We'll get on that. Okay. Sorry. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Okay. Okay.

Your only job is a bosun, right? in the real world is to ensure that this very expensive vessel does not spash into the side of land. You were talking about how important it is to not crash the multi-million dollar vessel there on. Right. And this imbecile did that. Night one. Day one. It was really loud.

That's why. Ah, crud. Oh, crud. I'm so in my head about this now. Yeah, you fucking crashed the yacht. Okay, that to me would say that you need to then leave the vessel and be fired. Yeah. Yeah.

You need to go. Yeah. Okay. All right. That didn't happen. But I think in the real world, you would be handed your, actually, they would just, two other people would then pick your body up and sway you back and forth and then just hurl you off the boat into the water. It would be a summer camp kind of fire.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You know what? It's a really good point. I'm going to give it six pots because we did crash the yacht. Yeah. Normally that doesn't happen. I don't think it's ever happened.

And this is what we say all the time that we will not fall victim to the gaslighting of the cottage industry of vibes around the show. Okay. We know that it's not a good vacation. We know that it's subjecting upper middle class people to incompetence. So we want our bosons to put the vessels in danger. And because of that, I'm good with it. Right. Okay.

So we're going to have to accept that Captain Sandy is who Captain Sandy is. We're going to have to accept Kermit, who her persona is, which is she's not. going to have sex with anybody. She is going to make gross statements about like eating shit and I don't know, eating ass or whatever. Basically just eating shit and eating ass. Okay. And then I don't think Nate or Joe, one of the two are not going to survive the next three

episodes. It harkens back to that episode of Entourage where Ari has to choose which Sklar brother to fire. They're twins. They're twins. They don't follow those. Those two are very annoying, by the way, because they finish each other's sentences. I saw them at a bit and I want to choke both of them.

And I'll choke either of them. I was in LaMille coffee and I was with a little Lucy and I go, oh, look, Sclar brothers. It's the Sclar brothers just hanging out, having a meeting, eating some quissants. But in this episode of Entourage, one of the Sclar brothers cheats on the other Sclar brother's wife. They bang, right? but the one that committed the infidelity against the brother, the cane of the situation, is a better agent.

So Ari Gold fires the one that got his marriage taken apart. Anyways, Joe, while he's a scumbag and a worse human being, I do think can't not be better at this than Nathan, who is a family man and cares about Cuban women. And he's just, he's a great guy, right? He went to Turkey, got new hair. It's all great.

He's not a good boasts. Okay. So fire him. Is he still with Gail? They announced their split last month. Oh, great. Whoa. For that reason, and many others, I'm going to give this 100 knots.

Yeah. There are so many lookers on this goddamn boat. I am so excited for this season. And they're all single. Kaley. Kaylee. Jim. Jen.

Cat. Joy. Luke. Cooper. Joe Nathan. Ares. That's the cast. It's great.

Those are all the two rats. And a wonderful group of first guests. There's a dude there. And I always love old dudes that show up. They hang on to that long hair. I don't know what they're thinking. Like keeping that young hair. It's like, oh my God.

Holy shit. Is that Jacob Allorty? Is that Jacob O'Lordie over there? Oh, no. Oh, Jesus Christ! It's some old fat fucking white face, red face, fucking old dude. Oh, gross. Oh, no.

Oh, no. I've once again confused a 6'5-25-year-old. Don is for a fat guy that runs X country shows in Las Vegas. I did it again. How do I keep doing it? He turns around. Yeah. Yeah.

Don't do that to people. On the flight back to L.A., the... What do we call them? Flight attendant? I don't know anymore. I get in trouble. I called stewardess one time, and someone corrected me,

and I'm like, I'll never listen to your show again. Yeah. Well, oh, how dare me. Yeah. Well, you know, I would never listen to us either. But this flight attendant sees this guy,

this guy's trying to get to the bathroom. The seatbelt sign is on, sir. And they get into it, right? But he turns around, and even more perplexing than the long hair of the old man is the long ponytail with the bald top.

That's one that I just, He spins around and there's that thing on the back and you just go, oh, I am in economy. It is disgusting back here. I feel like I'm at a fucking carnival that costs $600 to get into. I told you what they have to do just to make sure you know who you are and where you are and where you stand in society is just start throwing peanuts. Hey, pigs, eat up.

Fuck. Economy. Economy. Yeah. Yikes. Hey. Hi. You know that Michael Jackson documentary just came out?

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Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Wrap yourself in luxury with Lola Blankets. Thank you for sponsoring the show. All right, let's get into the first minute of the show. Okay. Aisha's ramen is on the way. And again, we've got this, you three as a family are going to be the, you know, the strength of character that gets us through this season.

You're talking to Nathan and Joe. Cut to Joe, Nathan, quite possibly punching each other in the face. But Croatia is heading to Croatia. Now, Asia does speak about, you know, is it analingis? Is that the correct term? I don't know. Kalen, can you look that up? Is it analingous?

I believe it's analingous, right? I have no idea. Okay. You know what, Kay, you don't need to look that up. It's fine. Hey, hey. Nobody needs that on their computer. I love Croatia.

It's Sandy. It's a great port. And a little fun fact is a little popular show used to film here. Game of Wars. Oh, Game of Films. Oh, wow. Who gives us shit? Hey, they filmed Game of Fron's here.

You know, she brought this up like three years ago. Yeah. Kailen is an analingous? It is analingis, and the picture that they have on Wikipedia for it is very graphic. Very graphic. I figured he was going to wade into those waters. How could you not with the analingus Google search, right? Let's move on.

Can I say this? Wasn't Game of Thrones like 15 years ago at this point? Probably not that much, but... At least 10. It ended probably six or seven years ago, I want to say. Hey, you see that gelato stand over there? That's the very spot where Damaris walked over into that funeral pyre and didn't get burned. Wow, cool.

Do you know where the restrooms are? I need to take a shit. No, they didn't shoot any Dothraki stuff in Croatia. Oh, what a stupid thing to say, right? No, but a lot of Kings Landing was shot at Croatia. I believe the famous scene with Pedro Pascal in the mountain was probably shot in Croatia. Right. Season three.

Is Pedro Pascal the guy who plays the Mandel, He's the guy that's in everything, yeah. Oh, God. I hate his voice in there. He was also in that movie with Dakota Johnson and Jake, Captain America, Jake, about, what's that movie? You know that movie? What I'm talking about? Dakota Johnson plays a matchmaker.

It's got. He's in too many things. Pedro Pascal plays, and listen, we'll get into the show, but it's Friday. We have Rose. Just give us a break, okay? Pedro Pascal plays a bachelor that Dakota Johnson. has fallen in love with. What is the film?

Materialists. The materialists. And he, it's revealed in just the most bizarre way. You should probably check out the movie. It's one of the worst movies. You're selling the shit out of it. Pedro Ves Cal confesses to having undergone a surgery when he was younger, wherein it was a Ronan-Ferro type surgery where they break his bones because he was so short.

And they added four inches. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's how you get taller. So there's this big moment, and then they end their relationship. It's, get in the comments, let's know if you've seen material lists. I'm so sorry. Wow. I'm so sorry that I just did that.

Okay, we're in Croatia. They shot Game of Thrones there. It's very, very cool. Nathan and Gail had a C-Rat baby. Yeah. Carmen arrives first. Her wedding is just around the corner, but she's got one more season to go. And then the good news for all of us, she's got a lot of stews.

And as Patty pointed out, out, the more stews, the better. Yeah, the more sea rats, the better. That's right. And then Nate arrives next, and you'll never guess who's back on the boat. Joe. Well, are you fast-forwarding through Caden and Gale being there? Oh, well, yeah. Because this is what I wanted to address earlier on.

You know, we have this valley thing where we're watching the show and it's just all these babies throwing up and, you know, postpartum and stuff like that. Now we've got a boson who, and this goes, to further my point of the case against Nate being on the show. We've got a bosun who bizarrely white nights in a really aggressive way. That's not fun. But now we've got his baby at a rental, a block and a half away. So we're not doing any ball of snake stuff with him either.

No, he's going to be phoning back to the rental and going back. We're going to, the cameras are going to go to that fucking rental numerous times throughout the season. And it's like, but actually you guys split up a month ago, who fucking gives a shit about this? We have babies. We don't need to see the babies on below deck. We need to see fucking runaways blacking out. Yeah. Okay.

Yes. I think producers need to understand who they're catering this show for. And it is not moms and dads that want to see family home life. We do not want to see any of this. Socking and fucking. Sucking and fucking. Sucking and fucking. Ball of snakes.

We want to serve these guests lobster spring rolls a hundred times. We don't want to check in on the fucking newborn. All right. So, charter season is coming up for the captain of the game of warization. Scott are getting engaged. He has a lot of stews. It's Captain Sandy. Bringing Gail back that led to baby Caden

and also would lead to their ultimate collapse. and a split home. So thank you very much, Sandy. Nathan doesn't like how Joe dealt with women in the past. I don't like how you deal with women. You just had a baby and you can't hang it together, you immature son of a bitch. Yeah, exactly.

And also, who the fuck gives a fucking shit? Obviously, it's not great. But dead horse, you make it so much louder than it needs to be. That's right. Ugh, God. Joy. Joy. She's been cooking in kids.

chance for 14 years, I believe. Oh, no. She started cooking when she was 14. Started out as a dishwasher, I believe. Yeah, I'll get better at the franchise as we progress. You don't need to, though. The most important part is she cooked for Leo and Rihanna. But mostly Leo.

I was wondering if Leo ever ate lunch outside of the high school of the girl he was dating, you know? Hey, he already is disgusting. Let's not make accusations of criminality. Well, I just say he needs to pull a Clooney. At some point, you've got to get married, even if you don't want to. It's becoming a thing where it's like, we love you, but this is so gross. What are you putting on fucking Bo's headphones, listening to Slipknot and banging 22-year-olds? You can't do that forever, Leo.

Okay? I know it helps you get into character or whatever, but we've got to find an international lawyer. and we've got to get married. I think everybody agrees. We all agree. All right. So she says what she means. Joy is going to be a pit viper.

Aisha and Nathan speak on Joe Bradley. Aisha refers to him as a crazy uncle. Zapped. Okay. Cooper from South Carolina gets there. Stuncasting. He was apparently voted most likely to accidentally kill someone on a boat. Apparently on his CVA, it looks like he,

filled out his application while he was actually stepping on the boat. I think they're messing with playing with fire here with this guy. Yeah. Cooper sent in his application and at various different portions he just volunteered that he had CTE. He just wrote it in and it was completely unnecessary. Nobody was really asking about it. But yes, he was a former football player, a big guy.

A big South Carolinian guy. Big fucking cornstalk of a human being. He's here to be a fucking sea rat. Okay. So we'll see what happens with Cooper. Who was that asshole that I hated like three seasons ago that stole the... He used to play a character that he stole from a Miller-like commercial. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, sorry. I just, I hated that guy so much. Yeah. What was his name? Culver. Colver. Oh, God. Culver.

Oh, God. that is a that is a family that has too much money remember when they used to give us one-star reviews because i talk shit about what a loser he was uh keep him coming i welcome that me too i love a one star every once in a while you know they're not funny yeah oh wow don't even hide it fuck man the craziest thing about culver is and again sorry i know it's we got to get into the show. But I think he literally was with the hottest person to ever be on the show. Yeah, yeah, he was.

So crazy. Keith Stone. Keith Stone. Yeah. I'm sure he's doing great, though. I would rather Culver than Nate or Joe, and I'm being dead on it. Oh, no. All right.

So Cooper, I want to say, is a little bummed about being a C-Rap because he could have been in the NFL. But being in the NFL is not all it's cracked up to be. Look at... somebody like Aaron Hernandez. We meet the little energizer bunny. What is her name? Kaylee.

She's got a lot of energy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to tolerate that. Well, the good thing is you're just watching on TV. You're not dating or anything like that. But, yeah, you know, Pat does not like people with unnecessary amounts of PIP. What is it? PEP. I was, I went out, I brought my son out to lunch.

He hates PEP. Doesn't like it at all. And I don't like it either. I went to a good neighbor with my son. And we had lunch today. And there was this fucking dude. It was clearly across the room, but the place wasn't packed so you could hear his voice. He is having a conversation with a group of people that were across the other room.

And so he's shouting. He had a lot of energy. And he ended every sentence. Was it an AA meeting? No, but it felt like that. And it was like, I don't know, like 11.30 in the morning. And he's like, okay? Oh, you're going to be military?

Well, let me tell you something. When you get there, you give it, you're all, okay? And I'm like, this guy's got, is he like a fucking, like, life coach? I fucking hated that guy. He had too much energy. And I couldn't wait. The family was being very polite. And when they left, he had no one to talk to.

And I was like, thank God. Enjoy being alone. Yeah. No, it's you walk into Mendocino Farms. They go, hey, have you dine with us before? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Get your pep out of my face.

If I ever dine. What an irrelevant fucking question. I'm about to pay $22 for a $4,000 calorie tuna fish sandwich. Salad? I'm sorry, the tie crunch is 780. Calerals? How'd you do that to a salad? Hey, have you dined with us before?

All right. Luke, we also meet. And at this point, I'm going, can we get some fucking Chiron's please? I know it's tough. So we're moving through these sea rats. It's just crazy. We got Jim and Kat. The thing that we all-

Jen has been a chief stew. That's the easiest part to remember, though. She has been a chief stew. And then just remember Kat for the person that's been peed on before. Yeah, C-Rat history, she fell asleep and was a human being actually urinating on her, which is beyond a crime. I mean, beyond a crime, thrown in the back of a cruiser for that kind of shit. Cat also reminds me of Cat, the rocket scientist, I believe, who we spoke to. Season one.

From season one. Multiple times. Yeah. Yeah. Love her. She's not a fan of yours. I'm a fan of hers You know, it's very rare We talk about it all the time The number one reason for me To not be a fan of you

Is to not be a fan of me Me and Kat have a special thing Because she's one of the rare people That hates me And I love her Rocket scientist That's funny Nuclear physicist

Yeah Okay, so We get to The carpet has her first meeting With her interiors And she gives shift appointments And does not appoint a second's too No

Despite Jen being a chief stew before. It seems like all of the gals have impressive CVs. So that's going to set us up for a kind of early low rung squabble in the game of ors. Okay. And it's one that we relish and look forward to and welcome with open hearts. This is a great aspect of the show.

They've cast this perfectly. But Jen is not thrilled. Again, that's Jen with a G. I actually like her name. Are you talking kidding me? We've had so many fucked out names here that I've had to try and remember or pronounce correctly. Jen. Jed.

I like it. Kalan, have you ever heard of someone named Jen spelling it with a G? Absolutely not. Okay. It's patently insane. Endor? You know how hard that was to remember? Tatooing.

That was fucked out, man. Yeah, yeah. She wasn't even on the show. No, she was not. She hated her parents. Hated them. Do you check her out on Open Only fans? No.

$5. You can see her feet. Okay. All right. Joe and his guns arrive. He's been working out. This tank top is so goddamn infuriating. He's always trying, excuse me for being crass.

He's never not trying to get pussy. No. It's the only thing he ever tries. to do. Yes. Showing up at this boat with this tanked up on, knowing you're going to have some glances of some stews. It's just so fucking obvious.

It's, uh, well, it's funny. It's funny. It's funny you say that. It's funny you say that. Karate kids trying to catch mosquitoes out of thin air. I saw you do that too. No, I know. I know.

I know. But he was faster. Well, he's fast enough. Joe says, uh, he wants to do the boating world until he dies. And I was thinking, he loves the boating world. world because he likes having sex with 20 year olds. When he's an old wrinkled old fuck, I think the open sea will be less attractive to him. Yeah, maybe pick up some oil rig work.

I don't know what he's going to do. But yeah, I mean, you know, it's just tired. Nathan and Joe are very awkward straight out of the gate. And, yeah, again, it's this dynamic where Nathan cares so much. Oh, yeah. What did you call them a white king? White night. White night, yeah.

Then we get to sea rats all chatting with each other about who they plan on banging on the boat. It's an age-old ritual. I think it predates fire. I love it. Oh, yeah. Oh, at 100%. Isn't that funny? Like, how we all group up and go, who's hot, who's hot?

Yeah. I would say this predates fire by probably 200,000 years. Yeah. Sea rats talking about who they're going to fucking slam. Because there's always been runaways, you know? people that didn't belong to the village. So what do they do? They cast themselves out to the open waters of the yachting industry.

And they suffer for it. That's why we watch the show. Luke had a couple of different jobs. Hold on. This is our first sea rat history. Can I be a little critical for a second? It's certainly not our first sea rat history. It's the first sea rat history that piqued your interest

because we've had plenty of sea rat histories in the first like 20 minutes of the show. meeting the cast, but this is this is your favorite. Okay, okay. Fine. Fine. See, Red History. Yep. Let's judge. This one's a little murky. Ha ha. He tells us he's had so many dreams. He wanted to be in the military, personal trainer, waiter, sea rescue. I don't think those are dreams so much his job.

Right, Del? Right? Like a job is being a Walmart door greeter, right? That's not a dream. It's a job because you can do that being morbidly obese and all you have to do is still live one, wave one arm, right? People come in, you go, you're killing yourself being here and that's it. That's right. Dream is being a backup dancer for Beyonce or something, right?

So something's a job too. Right. Well, sure, sure. Something smells very fishy about this rap, minus five points. smell compulsive liar. Really? Yeah, that's a fucking sturdy accusation to make straight out of the game. Well, we'll see.

God. All right. Team meeting. Can you imagine being a, now, I don't want to be a coastal elitist, okay? Can you imagine being a, working the register at Walmart? Just the horrors that would come down the conveyor belt, really? You're going to do three packs of peanut butter orios? You.

that's a show I would last I would last an hour and I would I can't do this I just saw a woman in a wheelchair I can't even describe what she just bought

then this guy came through I can't do it first of I'd be murdered someone would kill me and then I'd kill myself I don't know how that would happen but are we going to get to the team meeting where Sandy suggests they all do a practice run of inflicting any possible trauma,

before they inflict any possible trauma on paying cats. Just skinny guys trying to get vodka with coupons. That's like, sir. There's no coupon for vodka. And he just lights up a cigarette and says, I'll wait. It's like, God damn it, get me out of here. Fuck. Hey, Walton's, you got enough money, okay?

Pay your people, all right? It's crazy. All right. Um, where are we? The boatie docks. Yes. Uh, without a hitch. Thank God.

And then we get our second C-Rat history. This is with Jen. Yeah. Okay. Born from wealth. Wants to be a purser. New York City gal went to a private school with the privileged in one. Um, and then, uh, wants to be a kid that her parents brag about, which begs the question.

What are you? you doing here? And this is her parents here. Joe and I heard Jen is in Europe and she runs a yachting company. Well, actually, she's the one that's... No, it's more... She chisles jizz off showerheads. But it's similar.

Not so much running a company, more so... Kind of chiseling the fluid remains of... the people that she's waiting on. Oh. I feel like such a fucking asshole right now. I got to say. We're disgusting. We are?

Yes. Oh, my God. You know, I don't think we need to be this grotesque. I'm sorry. No, this is, we joke, but it's a very real profession, and you can make a lot of money doing it. But every once in a while, someone does leave a mud pie in a shower drink. And that's, there are,

a lot of professions where you stumble into that kind of thing, okay? Oh, right, right, right. Also, there aren't a lot of professions where you sleep in barracks that are too small for people above six foot two. But, uh, jam is not that tall, so she's going to have a fine time. Fucking, where are we? Jesus Christ. All right.

Well, the boat heads in for the night docking. Cooper can do a split. Oh, good. as a few party boats nearby make the communication difficult. As the boat backs in it, well, it slams into the dock. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's bo-do next to him. We lost dancing.

And Nathan's like, oh, no, I couldn't hear it because it was so loud. The party was so crazy that we slammed the fucking yacht into a century's old retaining wall. And Sandy goes, yeah, this is a big deal. It's never happened to me before. But no, you're not fired. In fact, I want you to get out of this headspace. Okay. So when you're a Bosen, think about the other jobs that they're supposed to do,

which is throw out the water toys. I think any knucklehead could learn how to put a water toy out. Any knucklehead could, but I would much rather greet and or check out at Walmart than have to fold and unfold that fucking slide. Understood. hard work. But you can also gas up the jet skis or something and I don't know. But your one job, as I said at the top of the recap, is to ensure that the vessel is safe

and not slam into rocks or other hard materials that might damage it. And he failed. Yes, he did. So there you go. So the thing about Nathan doing this is that if the yacht rams into a wall, hard enough. It can damage the boat. You know, yachts are one of the, it's the ultimate finicky, um, kind of pest asset, right? So people that drive Ferraris, you know, they drive Ferrari, something goes wrong.

It's, uh, I don't know, fucking thousands of dollars to fix it. And it's like, oh, what, what are you even driving this for? Just get a Honda, you know, it'll go 250,000 miles before you even have to do anything. The yacht, if you bump up against something, it could damage the structural integrity of the multi-million dollar vessel. You would think you pay this much money would be a little bit sturdier, but no, Sandy is genuinely concerned that what Nathan oversaw could render the season null and void. That's how big of a deal this is. Now, unfortunately for Nathan and us in the production, it's just a cosmetic thing,

where the fiberglass has been massacred to a disgusting degree. It looks really, really bad, but it's fine. I love how Sandy was able to deduce this with a simple inspection with a flashlight. Yeah. You get down there as long as you've got a couple of dura cells, you can figure out whether or not we're going to be able to cast off. Yeah, I think it's repairable. You don't want to get a second pair of eyes down there.

No, no, no. Sandy grabs your flashlight. She goes, you know, this could be. a big deal. We've got a guy with long hair bringing a bunch of strippers on the boat in 12 hours. So what Nathan did could harm that. So we wake up. No, first I want to talk about Sandy's Tiger Mom Energy. She says that it's very important to remain calm in situations like this. You can't get too energized because then you'll lose focus. Okay. We've got to get the flashlight down there, we're going to see what happened. She tells Nathan

the same thing. I can't have you dwelling in this. I need your confidence restored because tomorrow we're going to do the same thing. And if you run into the fucking wall again. All right. Next morning. Day one, we've got a new strategic oh no, a new strategy.

Aisha is going to help docking. She's going to utilize Asia as extra eyes. How many people do we need what's going on? How many people do we need? What's going on? How many people How people do we need? What's going on?

We have Coupe. We've got Luke. We've got Joe. We've got Nathan. We've got Sandy. Do we really need Aisha up here? I mean, what is going on with this boat? Well, Asia used to be a Decky.

Yep. And then Sandy meets with Nate to go over to make sure they don't kill anybody today. Hi. I just wanted to reiterate how important it is for us to not kill. Anyone. Yeah, I got it. Okay, do you? It seems like you're, you might not be that cognizant that killing people is bad.

Okay. We get to our first of the season. It's time for the preference-shade mating. Angela and Matt. A bunch of porn stars, I think. No. No, no, no. No.

I feel like Bert Reynolds right now. This is art. What we're doing here is art. This is an award-winning show in Las Vegas. A voted best show in Vegas. Every show there's voted best show in Vegas. Yes, it's like the world's best cup of coffee, okay? A homeless panhandler can give you this award.

Awarded Best Show in Las Vegas by the late shift workers at White Castle. So this is X-country. X rocks, X. They have all these shows where they're scantily cloud women doing, you know, jirating at different genres of music. It's a weird thing. I don't know how you take the wife out for this on a night out. No, I think you'd probably a magic show might be better. Yeah, absolutely. Or what any, you know, married couple should do when they're in Las Vegas, eat good food and gamble and have, you know, irresponsible sex with one another, you know, perhaps create a baby. and go to the Shania Twain show the next night, not knowing that life's been conceived.

That's what Las Vegas is for. What are you going to go back, huh? I hate Las Vegas. I know, but when are you going to head back? Well, I've been there enough. Could you live the rest of your life? Let me tell you something. Let me tell you why Vegas sucks.

The people that work there are mean. And that place is incredibly expensive, and it depresses me. No one should go there. for, well, obviously I just named a couple of reasons why. I hate that place. Let me ask you. Would you rather go to the Seychelles?

No. Foxy Jacks and Pizza Shack included. All expense paid trip. I'll go to Vegas. All expense paid trip to the Seychelles. No. No. I'm not getting on.

little planes. I'd rather go to Vegas and be depressed. You have to pay for everything you do in Vegas. And you have to do a lot. I used to, you got to go to top golf at one o'clock. I used to go with you two idiots to Vegas twice a year for like four years. No. I fucking hate that place. How gross.

To see a 22-year-old sad girl dancing on a blackjack table at four in the afternoon, it is so sad there. Oh, yeah. There are lots. There's a big spectrum of sad you can see in Vegas. as I mentioned, the panhandlers. They all have bunions because during the summer months, the concrete heats up to, I think,

275 degrees, melts the feet. Yeah, no, there's a lot of sad stuff. We've dwelled on it long enough. Okay. So that's where they're coming from. That's their home. Now, Aisha says that she's choosing to look at the incident

that transpired last night, what were the crashing of the vessel, not as a bad omen, but rather we've set the bar so low that we can only go up from here. I think that's Tony Robbins' beautiful little hack. Yeah, and I absolutely respectfully disagree. Their sea rash, which means there is no bottom. It's a black hole of incompetence.

You can still swirl to some other dimension of loneliness. You know, NASA just released a simulation of what it would look like to be swallowed up by a black hole, and it did remind me of what the sea rats are capable of doing to people. Uh, the guests. Hold on. You didn't go over what the guests wanted in their preference sheet meeting. Uh, they wanted a Vegas themed dinner. I want to heart.

Did I really miss that? Yes. Unbelievable. A Vegas themed dinner. I, uh, I hope they remember to serve nachos. Um, because, you know, uh, Kiko. Yeah. That was his undoing from eight charter season.

One of the great moments of below deck history, uh, was Kiko. serving black people domino brownies and chicken tenders and nachos upon hannah's suggestion to be fair to her she was higher than michael jackson makes him nachos new doc about him on netflix three-parter yeah about the original hours to find out that uh once again yes he was talented and also sucked little boys off oh my god you know what we don't i don't need you can do it i did it I did it. Why did I say that? Because it happened.

You know, people get very fed up with our Michael Jackson. I don't care. The fucking guy, they have footage in this doc where a boy says he would show us pornographic magazines and give us booze. And the investigators go, all right, what did it look like? Where was it? He goes, I'm sorry. They go, it was in a suitcase and this and that.

They go in this room, Michael Jackson's secret room, open up a suitcase. filled to the brim with pornographic magazines. There's the booze. There's cement on the fucking mattresses. You tell me that's fucking normal for a fucking 35-year-old to have a five-year-olds in his fucking bedroom. It's not normal for him to watch Goonies with a bucket of popcorn. That's not normal. Okay.

Enough with this shit. Okay. So fuck off. He was a fucking pedophile. Yes. Fuck off, people. Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ.

Rushing to see that movie? People are rushing to see that movie. are rushing to see that movie, but the life of a pedophile. Who cares? Okay, it's a moot point. Yeah, stop talking about Michael that way. Okay. All right. Snacks are ready, as is Captain Sandy to undock. I want to see the fucking snacks, please. Okay, she's doing onion tarts. I want to see a French, a really talented French cook make a fucking onion tart, please. My God. Nathan and Joe start with the micromanaging and Nathan is already being a dick.

And we get to Joy being a little dragon. Aisha and her need to work well together for this season. The way that you work well with Joy is you do exactly what she tells you to do, or she's going to flip the fuck out. I'm excited for that. Me too. So we do a simple tablescape, and we've got some feuding already between Kaylee and Jen. Table scape wars.

Okay. Yeah, well, I mean, Jen bites her tongue, but she doesn't like the way that it's being done. Yeah. TableScape Wars is the show that comes on when you fall asleep to Is It Cake? Oh, God. You're telling me we don't live in the best time ever. We have a show called Is It Cake? Yes, I'm telling you we don't live in the best time ever.

I would say probably the most important exhibit or reason why we don't is because we have a show called Is It Cake? All right. So, yeah, Jen is not thrilled about. this and meanwhile mat and Nate we got some good old fashion locker room talk about women's tits look more form after birth this is one of these moments where an old creep corners you and i've had this experience you know many times but um god i don't even know if i should tell this story it's so repulsive it was at a wedding the uh the bride's father was he was pretty merry.

He was celebrating a big day. It was his daughter's marriage. It was blacked out. He came up to me and he said, you got to make a baby. I go, okay, I got it. No, you really have to because it's my favorite place.

It's fucking, this man, this taxpaying, homeowning man is coming out to me. Oh, do it. Out of fear. His wife was grabbing him, trying to pull him away from me because she knew he'd gotten a little torched. Sorry, we're all over the place.

Who cares? We don't need to do this. That's fine. But yeah, the old creepy guys are the worst. It's so uncomfortable. I know because I came near, well, I was going to say, I would never know what my wife's boobies look like because in her fourth quarter, she would have hit me over the head with a fucking frying pan if I came near her.

Did you say fourth quarter? Fourth quarter. The fourth, well, I call it the fourth quarter. Fourth trimester or whatever. Okay, Vrabel. Fourth quarter. The fourth trimester. Yeah.

Episode title, lock it in. Matt, you sound like a pig, grow up. Ugh, God, damn it. It's perfect when they get pregnant because they get, ugh, God. All right, so. In the galley. Gem is referring to Kaylee as a fucking bitch. As I mentioned, she's already on Shutter Island, calm it down.

We get to dinner, and I feel. the joy is just too good for below deck. I just, she's just one of these chefs. Now, I think her personality makes her, she's going to be good because she's such a firecracker, but she's just an excellent chef. Let me ask you this, though. I believe they show a shot of her eating food with her hands that she's cooking with. I assume it's done.

I don't want to see it. What are your thoughts on that? It's done. I mean, really professional. Kitchens have just an ungodly amount of spoons, right, for tasting. So it's, you know. Okay. I assume it's done.

It's fine? Yeah, it's done. Okay. Joe texts his mom. Oh, we get assless chaps for a full moon and then we get to dinner, but not before Joe texts his mom and says that Nathan is on the boat. So now, you know, we've got a little edible thing going on right now. So, so what are we doing, texting mom?

we're coming to the boat in the black tank top trying to show off the guns to the women aboard the vessel and we're also texting mom that the school bully is here on the boat. It's just not a good look. Dinner first course. Ajvar, never heard of this. Eggplant spread with bell pepper and zucchini. A seemingly kind of

desert storm ratatoue. I don't know what, an Iberian ratatooie. Actually, really, this was an exciting dish one that really showed off a lot of simplicity and a lot of confidence in what she was doing. It was a vegetal-driven kind of wonder. Well, I love egg plant, but I don't know. Yeah, really, really lovely stuff. Jim starts to go around the boat and gather allies in her fight against the Energizer Bunny. She talks to Kat.

I think Kat is a little too cool for school. She's not going to bite on this. But second course is squitting champagne risotto with a second course for those that do not want the seafood. Now, we just came off of a seven-course dinner wherein a picky eater was just not served courses. Here we have an actually talented chef going, okay, so they don't like seafood. What I'm going to do is make something else, not tell them to go fuck themselves. It's amazing. It's incredible.

I agree. The professionalism. I would give this course, which are the dinner, which ends with a raspberry and coconut parfait with gold leaf, a strong 81 pots. I don't know what else she can do. Strong showing. Yeah, very strong showing. So Gem has an issue and decides to call her mother as well. She tells her mother that Kaylee's a fucking bitch.

Embossing her around. Not going to listen to a fucking word, she says. Now, I'd argue in some sort of. This is the best way to complain about someone that you don't like, which is you're not directly sharing it with them. You're sharing it with someone that's not on the boat, your mother, and they get to hear what you think about them, right? Perfect delivery. It's like putting a pill for a dog and a treat. Well, you're not hurting their feelings.

You're not getting them in trouble with a boss. You're sharing it with someone that would not directly affect your workplace. environment and still getting the message that someone has a problem with you. Yeah, well, let's see how it goes. Kaylee does not seem to be too pleased. She calls Gem a bitch. And we move to the guests changing and people going down to get ready for tomorrow's extravaganza.

And we have a real Game of Wars moment where did I miss something? Well, I was going to say the guests make an announcement that Ellie, one of the other guests, was playmate of the month. and I was like, of what? As you pointed out, Dylan, the last I heard, Huff had sex with a dog. Well, he didn't have sex with the dog. He wanted one of the victims of his whims to have sex with the dog.

No, no, no, Hav had sex with a dog. Oh, did he? Yeah, he did. He said they have sexual needs too. Okay. This has been a disgusting episode. We don't, we don't. I watched the 12-parter on TLC.

That's too many parts. We wrap with. Game of War stuff with Joe and Nathan. Nathan feels Joe hot on his heels. This is part a knowing of the incompetence that is coursing through you. Also mixed with Joe actually being on your heels. Nathan is not in a good headspace. And for that reason, he's going to go to Captain Sandy and rat on Joe.

I don't know what about, but this is not starting off on a good foot. And remember this is all because Joe was a player on the last boat. That's right. Okay. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network for Real Housewives of Rhode Island, the last part of the Summerhouse Reunion and more.

We love you guys so much for listening. Get ready for a new season of Below Deck Med. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Bye, guys. I'm Kaylin.