Another Below Deck Podcast - The Best Ben Can Do | Below Deck Down Under S4 E7

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Furbies, spitting game, bubble baths, Hamburger Hamlet, pepperoncini’s, palate cleansers, calzones, white parties and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

third up, the 15th, lobster spring roll of the season. Wow, what a surprise. I would argue. One of the guests said, I'm going to need another one. You've already had so many. And no one at that table mentioned, we've already had this. No. And the lobster spring roll sat upon just a gelatinously beautiful puddle of

bottled sweet chili sauce. This is an 18-year-old at USC who wants to get into cooking serving his roots. Email. Hey, hello, and welcome to another brand spanking new episode of Bad TV, a podcast we're in today.

We break down Bravo's below deck. Want to clear your throat? Was it bad? Kaelin? I didn't notice it. Unnecessary. Unnecessary, I think. Forgive me.

There you go. Do you have a lighter in here? Maybe. So it's bad TV and it's here for your ears. And we're talking about below deck. I'm Dylan. That's Pat. Permission to come aboard.

Kaelin. Hello. Hey. I can kind of hear it now. I can kind of hear it now. It's okay. How are you doing? I'm doing great.

What are you doing this weekend? Oh, this weekend. We record early. We're Mariah Carey. That's why. You want to know who was Mariah Carey? Who? Ben.

Oh, my God. You icking him? What? We'll get into it. I'm going to have this young woman do all my work for me while I go draw myself a bubble bath. Oh, first off. What are you, MoMar Gaddafi? What the fuck is wrong with you?

We'll get into it. That was a weird poll. I don't know why I could compare it. Yeah. I don't know why. I've never thought of him taking a bath. Yeah, I don't know what. Oh, well, he took a lot of.

of baths. Oh, okay. Yeah. Anyway, where were we? Oh, my weekend. Yeah. Okay. This weekend is Elliot's ninth day of celebrating her sixth birthday. Yes, yes. We have family coming over. Yeah. We just got through her actual birthday with 18 of her friends came over for a spa party that I floated. Sweet six. Oh, yeah. There's nothing like paying for 18, six-year-olds to come over here and get their nails done, their little toes done, get massages. I wish you would have invited me because I would have, I would have put my arm around her and I would have put my arm around her and I would have gone, you see all these little girls? They're not going to mean anything to you when you grow up. You're not going to know any of them. Maybe one. Maybe one. And your dad had to pay for all of them

to come here. Stop doing this to him. Stop doing it. That's what I would have said to her. She's not doing this to me. Her mother is. Her mother is. Her mother is. Anyway, that's what I, that's what I, I wouldn't have said that to that little child. By the way, me and Ellie and Quinn had had some great uncle time yesterday. My son, yeah. They were so fun. How about you? What are you up to this weekend while we're making small talk?

Well, you know, I was, man, you asked inville, very important. But anyways, we're going to do some time with the in-laws. But last weekend I was invited to and I was thinking I thought like a cork just for a moment, a brief moment it entered my mind. maybe I should invite Pat to this for the content only. I was invited to a screening at the Lemley for the Academy Awards collection of Oscar nominated animated shorts. This was a screening of the five animated short films in the theaters.

What would, would you go to that? I would. You would. Really? Yes. It was bad. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It was interesting, though. It was interesting. I've always thought that that's, those kind of categories are interesting because I think I could pull that one off. If I had like five years head time, I'd be like, all right. 2031, I want to win best animated film. Yeah. Because they only need to be what?

Four minutes long? No, no, no. Some of the, it's like between 10 and 20 minutes each. Well, Kobe, who's the one who a helicopter crashed? The one who helicopter crashed was Kobe. Kobe. He did a four-minute one called I Love Basketball. Yeah.

He won the Academy Award for that. That was a short animated film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so mine will be four minutes. What's yours going to be about? I don't know yet. I'll have to workshop it. But anyway, if you gave me five years lead time, I would focus on that.

Okay. And I'd win. There was one called Papillon, which had a really, really amazing art style. And there was another one called The Girl Who Cryed Pearls, which was out of Toronto that was nauseating and made me sick, but it was also really beautiful. Yeah, it was a lovely, lovely time. And the purveyor of all these screenings is the great Michael Sable,

one of the most Jewie people I've ever met in my life. And you can say that because you're Jewish. Yeah, no, he stands 5'44. He sounds like this, and he works in post-production. He looks like a turtle. And his last name is a cured whitefish that Jews put on bagels. So, you know, case in point. I'll invite you to the next one.

Thanks. All right. All right. Kaelin? Hello. I'm not going to ask him. It's going to take too. We've been going on too long.

That's right. Yeah. Right? Anything interesting of note this weekend, Kailen? Work. There you go. Yeah. We shouldn't have.

And now I feel like he's kind of like, well, I work on the weekends. You know, that kind of, I feel like there was a superiority. with that answer. One word. Am I paranoid or was he trying? That's what he was trying to do, right? Okay. Half work, half job energy.

Okay. All right. Great. You get in the comments. Let us know what you did this past weekend. And here we go and a one, two, three, four, five reindeer. Here we go getting into below deck. There you go.

Do we want to do any housekeeping? Yes. Before we get into below deck, our breakdown of Love is Blind at patreon.com slash another podcast network. I thought it was a fun season. Dylan hated the reunion.

I actually enjoyed it. There was a couple surprises there. There were a couple people that we hate. They invited actually everybody in the audience were past cast members of the franchise, which was interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Actually not. But yeah, that was fun. And we had a fun time recapping it. And then obviously you guys can't wait until we start recapping. Our triumphant. No, no, no. Our triumphant return to the Bachelor franchise with our new team, Ruby Wren and Kaelin. We've never done it as a foursome together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're doing it with Taylor Frankie, Taki Paul. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. It's going to be crazy. She looks like a Furby. She's interesting looking. Well, she looks like a Furby. Well, I can't wait to recap her journey for love because we all know it's going to work out.

Yeah. How many children is she have three? I don't know. It's unbelievable. Yeah. We're also doing Summer House Patreon. So anyways, let's get into the episode. What happened this evening?

I need to rescind a comment I made last week. Okay. What was that comment? I called the... Use the B word. I said they were bitches. Oof, that's a tough one, man. I said these women were a bunch of bitches.

And they were, don't get me wrong, but they weren't that bad. And I do, I'm embarrassed, pockmarked, pink-cheeked, and embarrassed that I fell for it again. Was this your best? Obviously, a ruse pulled on the audience. This was going to be a bit, and it was. And I think a lot of my B-word impression was drawn from the, that dastardly trick, I feel duped and I feel remorseful. Okay.

Now, someone's saying, I would like coconut water without ice, ice defeats the purpose of coconut water. Under your breath? You want to commit harmful acts, you know. But, um, and not, and not really. That was the line that bothered me? That, that, believe it or not, that was the line that bothered me. Oh, I thought it was, we are not here to minimize our palettes.

God. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to not rescind it. But they weren't that bad at the end of the day. That was that those lines. And I like these charter guests. I thought they were a delight. But what? Those types of things that come out of your mouth are on the scale of obnoxiousness. They're on par with who is that idiot that rip people off with timeshares that was married to the queen of Versailles? he said one time he was like chicken is for poor people or something he's dead now thank god uh-huh anyway it's just the arrogance is in another class uh and you've done a deep dive on pink magazine right well i did they're fine the magazine checked out it was very good it did yeah yeah yeah all right i never understand though like companies that like you'd think they'd have a

more social media uh bigger social media presence like they have like 30 000 followers on Instagram. Is that a big deal or no? I don't know. It's, you know, listen, we, you know, we're no Mavericks with social media, but we do pretty good. So yeah, yeah, there you know. Anyways, listen, I give this episode 77 pots. It was great to hear from poor Harrison. Oh my God, that poor guy. Hey, honey, I called, there's a search and rescue going on for you right now. I hadn't heard from you in four days. I called production. They said they can't talk to me. God. Yeah, everything's fine. That conversation was great. And Jenna continues to be one of my favorite cast members we've had in some time. Also, I'm excited to get to how to close more ass for less money with Eddie because he seems to be. Dylan, once again, I have to correct. I apologize. spoke to my publishers. Sorry, sorry. It's been changed. By the way, just for all the people that are excited about that book, it's coming out in 2028.

Before your Academy Award winning, short animated. In 301, yes. It's cracking the code, how to close more ass for no money. Okay, got it. Yeah. He's a mess when it comes to spitting game. I've never seen anybody. There's that kind of X, Y, game versus attractiveness, right?

He's attractive enough to not need the best. best game. He has the he, I'm excited to get it. He has minus game. He has a minus game. It's crazy. He's an idiot. Yeah, 77 pounds. This episode is brought to you by Spreaker. The platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain. Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like,

sorry, I can't talk right now. I'm editing audio. If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster. The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple. You record your show, upload it once, and Spreaker distributes it everywhere people listen. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a dozen apps your cousins swears are the next big thing. Even better, Spreaker helps you monetize your show with ads, meaning your podcast might someday pay for, well, more microphones. Start your show today at spreeker.com. Sprinker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it.

All right. I'm going to address your thoughts about has been. Yeah. Who I'm going to change his name back to Ben. Here's my thoughts on this. It's nice to see someone find themselves again. And as you know, Patty calls balls and strikes here. As much as I'll rib someone, bust their balls, rip them down to their core, make fun of them, mock them.

I also, when I see the goodness in them, just like Luke saw in Darth Vader, even though he killed a bunch of kids and blew up planets and whatnot. Yeah. There's always good in someone. I don't think Luke really. Did Luke get the gravity of what Darth Vader had done? I don't think he did. I don't think he did either. The prequels weren't there yet.

Because like it's like we're going to be compassion. I know it's your dad and everything. It makes things murky, but he killed hundreds of millions of people. True. Yeah. Yeah, that's a tough thing to get over. Well, anyway, I think the redemption for Ben has begun.

And it started with this six-course meal. he did it without another in Dillon. Okay. No? Well, I guess we'll get there. No, it was good. It was good. My point is everyone likes a winner, including Jenna.

Now, I personally would like, I think he's too old for her. I would like him just have a flirtatious banter with her throughout the charter. Yeah, he's also too Wallace and Gromit for her too. Right. Yeah. But I'm ruining for him now, and I'm going to say something crazy. I think he deserved that goddamn bath. And I liked him having a full glass of peanut.

no do war. Oh, really? Yes, I think he deserved it. Oh, cool. I would have done the same goddamn thing. That's a hot take. I actually don't mind that take. I disagree with it, but I don't mind it.

I would have cleaned up the galley with the Balkan Biscuit for about 30 minutes and said, I'm going to do exactly what he did after that. Yeah, but you would clean up the galley. For 30 minutes. Okay. Yeah, he didn't do it for one. No. Okay.

And I'm sorry that I slipped into my baby voice there. I don't know why I did. Okay. I think the episode overall was okay, but what are we expecting out of 16 episodes of watching Sea Rats? 14 knots. Kalan, how many knots do you give it? I will give it 55 knots.

Wow. That's good knots. That's a good knots. Sorry, I just wanted to take a breath to compose myself before we got into it. Is that okay? Yeah. You know? Mecca is ready for a 7.30 dinner.

It's going to be the best table ever. And it was. Did you see that goddamn table scape? Jenna, I'm on my feet. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. Who is this peacock of a sea rat?

Takes pride in her work. She's unbelievable. God, her shutting Eddie down at the end of the episode was fucking amazing. Although I think she talked to him too much. Why even bother with that idiot? She was wasted. Fair enough. Is it going to be your best table ever?

Shut, shut up. Go away. They're feeling themselves. This is my thing. I don't like the administering of quizzes and tests at every quarter. Can I say something? Just go enjoy your vacation. It's a stupid thing.

This is what new money does. It's tacky. Ben is having a tough time. Caviar service is going to be first, but he has lost his mother. Nope, sorry, he has lost his oven. Yeah, yeah. That's weird. No, no, no, no.

You would equate the two. That's funny. Yeah, yeah. No oven, six courses. His mother, he didn't lose his mother. No, she's still alive. She's not dead. I'd say losing the oven is more like losing the deposit on that wedding than you because your buddy was porking your fiance.

Right, right, right. Side note, I think pork was going to be one of the courses. Yeah, yeah. Well, it was one of the options you could do pork, salmon, chicken, or. an eggplant dish, like what I did there? A vegetarian. What do you mean? Do I like what you did there?

Huh? Do I like that you, what are you asking if I liked? Anyway. Some fucking Mark Twain Foundation Award winning comedy bit there. Okay. I think your buddy was pork and your wife. And I think pork was on the menu in more ways they'd want. Like a fucking Brooklyn janitor.

Okay. Okay. Now, before this happens, I believe the Balkan Biscuit grabs J-WOW. Jay-Wow, and she wants to have a little chat with him about that, you know, that wine date they had. Now, I have a little inside information here. A little birdie told me. There was a little editing thing here. When the Balkan Biscuit said, I don't want a threesome, she might have been out there having a little glass of wine with him.

Yeah, let's not run a foul of any narratives with information we may or may not have. Well, I'm just saying a little bird he told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Pat loves talking to sea rats. Sea rats love talking to me. I know. It's a two-way street. That's why it works so well.

I'm just saying the Balkan Biscuit, while crazy. I'm so bad at talking to sea rats. I love talking to that. I was talking to one recently. I was like, I can't talk. I don't know how to talk to people. That's why you let me talk to them. Yeah, I don't.

I can't do it. Remember, I think one of the reasons why we're not on the greatest footing with K. Chastain is because when she was pregnant years ago, I thought we had a rapport. And I was like, hey, whale, hope everything is going great. And it's like, I can't do it. I need to, I come across better in person. Here's the thing. I think Kay Chastain, I could never say anything bad about the Queen of the Sea. I think she's just over us.

Well, fuck her. We hate her. Oh, no. No, no, no. No, I'm kidding. All right. So Alicia loves her boyfriend. Don't get her wrong. But she has been ignoring him for a few days. And because she hasn't said one word in close to a week, he's starting to get pretty concerned. I'd argue the silence is more cruel than just being up front with him or just call him and say, how are you, honey?

Yeah, just communicate to him. Say, good morning, really busy. talk to you later. She doesn't do that. And then we'll get to the conversation that she has with him later. Whoa, that was, if I was poor Harrison, I'd be like, I'm more confused than ever. Yeah, which is also cruel. Here's what I would say. This is an advice to a sea rat. Screw it. You're a sea rat. Just fucking lie your ass to him. Lie. Because as we know, sea rats' relationships, they're like New Year's resolutions. That's what you call them. Yeah, yeah. Lots of hope. But quickly given up on. Oh, this is what I would say to any C-Rat in a kind of new budding relationship with somebody. Okay. You're in a two-month relationship with somebody,

right? You're about to go on a show. Lie. Do whatever you're going to do on the show. The show's not going to come out for another year. Yeah, you'll be through two more. Yeah. You'll have fallen in love seven more times by that. Personal story. Quick one, though. I've already told it, but new audience, we're growing all the time. Yeah. Dating this girl, Lebanese Lana. She punched you in the face famously. Not only that, she threw a glass at my head.

Right. So, anyway. It was a toxic relationship. Very much so. But it was not on this end. It was coming one way. Full broil, though. It was hot and heavy. This is the one that punched me in the car while I was driving.

Dare I say, very dangerous for both of us. Yeah. Anyway, we- Did she fool around with your shitter? Or was that a different one? No, that's the Latina one. Okay. Broke an acrylic nail on my asshole.

But this one was crazy in a different way. Anyway, I decide I'm falling in love with Lebanese Lana. We're together for a year. What she didn't know was the night I met her, I'd actually met another girl. And... Named Doritu or something. I forget this girl's name. But I slept with her.

So I decide, because we'd always put that date that we meant as our anniversary date, I decided, geniusly, that I needed to admit that I'd... slept with a girl on the night that we met. Now, I'd asked a couple guys at work at this insurance company, North American insurance, should I tell her this? They said, are you out of your mind? I said, no, I need to be honest. So we go out to hamburger Hamlet.

We're halfway through our hamburgers. I said, Lana, I love you with all my heart. I need to admit this to you. On the night we meant I slept with some random girl. And then you took another bite of your Western bacon cheeseburger. I did. She said, I can't eat anymore? And I said, can I finish yours?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I dumped her like three months later. Yeah. I should have never admitted that. No. No. Stupid. Is hamburger hamlet's still there?

Don't know. Van Nuys. Oh, no, that one's been gone for a while. Really? Mm-hmm. What'd they do there, big hockey puck kind of things? Don't remember. It's been a number of years.

I don't eat me anymore. That's true. Kaelin, how you doing? Good. Okay. So let's get to, well, first, I don't know who this fucking monster is, but I pretty hung up on it. I didn't ask for ice in my coconut water.

It defeats the purpose of coconut water. What are you talking about? What does that mean? We can move on. No, let me say this. I think Alicia was putting out some sort of energy. If you go back to... Smile more.

Well, I think that was a jab, and that might have been to at least acknowledge they all hated her. I think she was putting her. out an energy that the charter guest didn't like. I'm just reading into a lot of things. Okay. And she was the one that she had that little call on. Yeah.

All right. Well, let's get to table decor and the dinner prep. Jen is called off the bench because Alicia, newly promoted from a galley hand to interior, can't do tables. And once again, this is, you have to ask Daisy, what are you doing? What are you doing? You're going to have Alicia do the tables for this group of people? What?

I'm surprised Daisy didn't take a nap. You're going to have conca trucks on the fucking tape. It's going to look like a poker night. It's going to be an absolute disaster. So anyways, it's to be sexy. It's to be the best table ever. And the best table ever it is, we'll get to it. Mikey isn't working on the deck enough.

And Eddie still has a ton of anxiety because of the sea rat drama. Eddie is a fragile creature right now. Eddie, nothing is, literally nothing is happening right now. Just tie the ropes. Yeah, but haven't you ever, like, fucked up and you just want to resolve it? And you can't because you're working, you're busy. Yeah. And you're going nuts.

It's consuming all your thoughts. Yes, yes, yes, yes. When I leave the house and I'm pissed off at my wife. Yeah. And you're like, even though we've been together for almost 15 years, it's still like that young love. There's a fog. I'm like, I hope she calls me. Yeah, yeah.

She better call me. Me first, because I'm not calling her. Yeah. So then you keep staring at your phone. Yeah, totally, totally. Yeah, no, Ben there, girlfriend. Kalin, you've been there? Of course.

Let's get to dinner, drink service first, then cheese meats and caviar. This doesn't go long enough. This caviar and cocktail service lasts about 20 minutes. And Ben is right that this is not a very long time. But it should last 20 minutes. Yeah, I think 30. Okay. I think 30.

but Ben is of this mind where Ben is still, Ben came up in the boot camp kind of salad days of the first couple of seasons of Below Deck, wherein the people that chartered these vessels were Floridian trash. So you could boss them around a little bit. Now we've got people that cannot, you are not to tell a paying guest. Actually, you're going to do what we fucking tell you.

Now, I understand why Ben still thinks that because he has delusions of grandeur and he thinks that he's a celebrity of sorts. But the fact that Ben thinks that Daisy should be telling the guests no is bananas to me. And I would actually, I would really like to see Ben, hey, here's an idea, buddy. Why don't you go up there and tell them you're not doing it? You're absolutely right. Okay, because you wouldn't do it. You wouldn't do it for a second because we saw you waffle up there when they asked you if this was your best. You know, your bark is bigger than your bite.

So let's not lash out at Daisy. Let's not lash out at Alicia. Let's not have Ellie do. I don't like how he treats women is what I'm trying to say. It's a little fucking weird. Well, it's not the first time. We've seen that on this show from a chef coming from the galley. But I will say this.

being in the front lines of service is absolutely the toughest position to be in. So I feel for Daisy. Yeah, me too. And we're no fans of Daisy. Absolutely not. All right. So we get to a very rushed dinner with no oven. First up, a cured flap of Red Snapper with pepper and chinny straight from the jar.

I don't know what kind of pallets these people have, but this was a disgusting meal. First course, the first course or in general? general, but this first course was disgusting. Okay. I wanted to go through every single course, but I want to start with this. Sure. And I've touched on this before, taking pictures of your food. Mm-hmm. Okay. Now I'm going to break this down because you could just say, oh, come on. It's, you're on a trip, but I really want to ask a person. Yeah. The picture itself. Right. Right. Right. Right. If I can't imagine. I imagine sitting next to someone weeks later and they say, oh, you went on a trip?

Oh, that's great. Show me the sunset. Look at this flap of lime cured fish we ate. I want to see how you set that up that I will see that picture. So therefore, that picture will never be shown anybody. Let me ask you. Then I want to know what time of day do you flip through your pictures to look at that dead fish with the peppercini on top of it and then stare at it.

You don't. There is no reason. to take a picture of that fucking plate. Perhaps I am culinaryly ignorant, though I don't think the fans would accuse me of that. I don't want jarred, pickled peppers anywhere near a raw fish dish.

It makes no sense. I would sooner have a fucking piece of American cheese. See what you do with it. I don't know. This seems weird. But pepper and chini's on top of this makes absolutely no sense. it's a car crash of a dish, 12 pots. Also, on a vessel this size in the middle of the fucking ocean,

there is no such thing culinary-wise as five-star. Everything's in a fucking jar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a bunch of salt to make it last five days. Nothing is five-star. Now, let me ask you this. Also, unless you're a fucking food blogger, put the goddamn camera down.

Let me ask you this. What's worse? Someone's showing you a picture of their meal, maybe three courses, or someone showing you a minute-long video of a concert they went to. Oh, my God, those people. The people that hold up there. Yeah.

A minute of Jack White shredding, but you can't, it just sounds horrible because it's recorded on somebody's Android. You want to those? It is. It's always like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that solo sounds great.

You want to know the saddest thing. is the cheap seats people that keep like with their fingers spreading out the camera to zoom in and you can tell they are literally 8,000 feet away from it. It is so obscured and blurred that you're like, wow. Oh, wow. You must have box seats. Wow, I can see Santana's fingers. Oh, wait, not.

They're filming the monitors at the concert. But because you're filming the monitor, it's that problem where it's not sinking up with the camera. So it's just buzzing over. Wow. Did you film this from your Southwest flight from the window? If you go, if you're lucky enough to see a sermon in Rome that the Pope is delivering it, they have the Pope on all these screens. But because they don't want people filming it, if you're trying to film it, it's the screens are just going haywire.

Hey, loser, I have better advice for you. Why don't you rent their concert on HBO and then take a picture of the TV? Or here's a good idea. Let's just put the phones away. There you go. Let's be present. All right. Let's get to the second course.

It's a cured octopus with onion pearls and I think pickles or something. It looked disgusting. People didn't like it. Jason did. The presentation was nice. I didn't do my due diligence on what this was. I'm going to give it 90 pots because of that. That's a failure on my part.

Third up, the 15th. Lobster spring roll of the season. Wow, what a surprise. I would argue. One of the guests said, I'm going to need another one. You've already had so many. And no one at that table mentioned,

we've already had this. No. And the lobster spring roll sat upon and just a gelatinously beautiful puddle of bottled sweet chili sauce. This is an 18-year-old at USC who wants to get into cooking serving his roommates, a meal. Has been better?

Has been. Holy shit. I would have, just for me as a chef that for my own self-respect, I would have pulled this out of the courses because it had already been served, right? If you made sea rat lunch and had served a lobster spring roll as many times as you have to pay and guess to sea rats, the sea rats would have a problem with it. We had this yesterday. Yeah, Mikey'd be like, hey, mate, what's up with the lopsa spring rolls? We have that too many of these.

That's how he talks. All right, let's get to him actually really quickly. I want to ask about the palate cleanser. Is the sorbé was it? It was a sorbets. With a little chocolate, little cakey thing? I believe that the, so there was, if I recall correct, rec. And I don't know why I always say that.

It's from Eastbound and down. There was. See this black card? I love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? It's Amex. In Amex.

What do he say? He goes, this gets you, this gets you, you front row at Jonas Brothers, but this card gets you all three Jonas Brothers sucking your cock. Yeah. Who are you? I'm your dad kidding. Your dad's dead.

Yeah, great show. I love it. God, I love Little Aaron. I'll fucking cut your fucking tities. All right. Okay. Let's get back to it. The pallet cleanser.

With pallet cleanser of sorbet, made with dark fruits, stone fruits, perhaps. No, it's berries. I never want to advocate for anyone to stay in a mold. But if you're going to break out of said mold, let's do it with some cohesiveness and some vision. We're not cleansing any palate with a mixed berry sorbet. If you want to go palmello, that's something I haven't seen before. But usually we're in a citrus realm, right? We're not going to do a mixed berry to cleanse the palate.

That's a dessert. That's a first dessert. And then we can get to your fucking over-baked apple empanadas. Okay. Seeping goo out of the poorly sealed crust. The whole thing is disgusting. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess someone hit McDonald's drive-thru.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, the Alex Jones memes. I've just been going nuts. Have you seen them? No. Alex Jones famously sat down with Patrick Bet, David, and he was asked to do quick-fire words for famous politicians, Beto O'Rourke, Steve Bannon, the whole thing.

But they've taken it, and they've applied it to lots of different aspects. And one of them, my favorites is they show different McDonald's menu items, and Alex Jones says the R-word many times. So if that offends you, then don't watch them. But Apple Pie comes up and he goes, traitor. Vampire. Traitor. Anyways, check them out.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, it's just, I've seen so many of them and they make me laugh every time. Okay, I'm being too hard on this meal. Let's just break the fourth wall a little bit. It was fine. Okay, I'm just having fun shitting on it. Mixed berry is not a pallet cleanser, though. Let's take a quick break to talk about a marvelous sponsor.

Oh, yeah. You want to talk about a cleaner, a palate cleanser. Ooh. What? Go ahead. TSA. TSA. Laundry sauce.

Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, do we love laundry sauce? Oh, yeah, I do. Laundry sauce is something that we have needed for such a long time. and we have had an amazing experience with laundry sauce. Okay. My box came this week.

I love this stuff, okay? It's time for some spring cleaning. When it comes to the scent of your laundry, it shouldn't smell like the same thing you use to disinfect your bathroom, okay? Everyone is just settling for the same sense, okay? Now, don't get me wrong. Clean clothes always smell great. Do, what, what are you in the back?

back cabinets of that snow piercer train. We can have things smell better. We can have things smell better than this, okay? My box showed up this week. They had pods in there, fabric softener. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Does Australian sandalwood smell good?

I love it. Does Italian bergamot smell good? Oh, my God, I don't deserve to smell that well. What about Egyptian rose? Dude, I don't deserve that. Yeah, so maybe amp up the scent game a little bit. There are concentrated pods that are packed with cleaning power, bio enzymes that obliterate stames from muddy hikes, backyard barbecues,

and that inevitable iced coffee smell. And because spring is all about fresh starts, they revive fabrics, making your favorite pieces look and feel brand new. For a limited time only, our listeners, get 20% off their entire order when you use code bad TV at Laundry sauce.com. That's 20% off your order. at LaundrySauce.com with promo code bad TV. They've also made their target debut.

Okay. So they're in select targets. 90% of customers love Laundry Day because of Laundry Sauce, okay? And maybe the best part, they offer a full money back guarantee. Okay. So go to Laundrysauce.com, use promo code bad TV, and you will get 20% off. Try it out. Help the show.

It helps the show tremendously. Help us out. This episode is brought to you by Spreker. The platform responsible for a rapidly spreading condition known as podcast brain. Symptoms include buying microphones you don't need, explaining RSS feeds to confused relatives, and saying things like, sorry, I can't talk right now, I'm editing audio. If this sounds familiar, you're probably already a podcaster. The good news is Spreaker makes the whole process simple.

You record your show, upload it once, and Sprinker distributes it everywhere people listen, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and about a dozen apps your cousin's swears are the next big thing. Even better, Spreaker helps you monetize your show with ads, meaning your podcast might someday pay for, well, more microphones. Start your show today at spreeker.com. Spreaker, because if you're going to talk to yourself for an hour, you might as well publish it. All right, Mikey is a gossipy little bird. Yeah, I want to talk about him. He just goes up to Jenny. He's like, so you think you're done with Mikey? Or with, with Eddie? You know what he is? Stay out of this. He's a world-class swang wrecker.

And he didn't know it at the time what he was doing, but I think he did. You don't do this, dude. Bro code, man. Bro code. Yeah. Mikey hitting on Ellie is wild. Eddie deserved it. Eddie deserved it, but Mikey, you didn't need to help him out ruining his life.

Mm-hmm. All right. So let's get back to the meal because there's so much more to break down. The fifth course is a real, um, bad trip. It is a local mahi mahi served with some kind of orange puree. And we've seen this spoon swipe technique. I think Ben does a great job with it.

But if you follow the lion's tail to the southwest corner of the plate, you'll find peas. Saw that. Okay. Now obviously this is a callback to the filthy fair served in the United Kingdom, right?

mushy peas and stuff like that. But if we're going to do this Caribbean kind of English fusion, we have to stop. We have to think about the history of colonization and how none of this works on the palate and steer clear. Okay. We end with an apple empanata, which I actually thought looked really, really delicious. I thought he referred to it as a calzone. Cal's, ooh, you're so right.

I love how he dressed it up as a calzone. You're so right. Yeah. Very creative, calling something that. Oh, God. When you think Calzone, you think gut bust. You think just a pound and a half of ricotta and mozzarella sitting at the bottom of your stomach. And now you're turning on the Sopranos or whatever you watch to go to sleep.

Yeah. An apple empanada, an apple, I come up with a deal. Calzone is not a sexy name. Desserts are supposed to be light on their feet. They're supposed to be a delicate kind of thing. He must have made that up right on the spot, right? You know how when they do chopped and those knuckleheads have to come up with? Well, this is a deconstructed apple salad upside down something.

And I should say desserts don't have to be light on their feet. There's some that are light on their feet and there are some that are just proudly, you know, a gooey butter cake. And that's fine too. Overall, I thought it was a lovely, lovely and valiant effort coming out of a kitchen with no oven. and a sous chef that doesn't know how to cook, I would say fish dominant, but lovely, 64. Two fish dominant. A lot of fish. After dinner, Mikey just goes to bed.

Okay. And this is when Ellie has a chat with Joao about the wine moment. Now, Jewel wants to feel wanted. He loves feeling wanted, but we'll get to that later on in the season. Caviar pizza is requested. It looks bad. And when Alicia brings it up, they ask, is that? It.

Not a problem. Just asking if that's it. This is what annoys me about these people. What are we doing with that? You know, when you were talking about your unresolved drama looking at the phone? That's what this is doing. It's setting off these little anxiety waves that are just completely unnecessary. There's a better way to frame it.

Hey, can we also have this? Yeah. That's all you have to say. Alicia has a ton of stuff to do at night. But there's a bit of an issue. Alicia um goes to sleep just like Mikey.

She just goes to yeah, I'm not doing any of this. Well, she's stressed out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's got to talk to Harrison

and lied to him the next day. Yeah, exactly. And that's a big, big swing. Yeah. Hey, remember when I told you I loved you?

Uh, well, I'm just going to start. Uh, you know, I was flirtatious, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know what I was going to, well, anyway, I flirt a little bit, but, uh,

I love you. And I love you. And, uh, Anyway, I got to go. I'm going to go out tonight. Yeah. And Harrison's like, what?

Sorry, you love me, but you get that you're, we'll get to the conversation in a minute. Alicia leaves. It was a mess. She leaves pizza out, just an absolute catastrophe out on this table. As someone who has to clean up a lot of parties because the hickies throw a lot of parties here, grab the big trash back. And you just walk around, even with a throat. carry around a wine glass get have a call have fun just start just throwing shit in the plastic bag yeah

now um i love jena waking up in the morning and just going up to mikey and dressing him down because she gets up and she goes what the fuck is this hey mike i got a question for you what the fuck is jena is she's she's a serious operator now alicia gets up and daisy goes to her and says hey uh not that thrilled about the job you did last night what's going on and alicia begins to break down in tears. Okay. That's just emotional. Daisy recognizes, and I will give Daisy all the credit in the world,

good man management is knowing the kind of men you have to manage. Now, sorry for saying this. Neither of these people are men, but you get what I'm saying. I'm coming at it from a soccer place. You have to, as a manager, know the kinds of people you're working with. It's not all square pegs and square pegs. You have to adjust your management style to the psychopaths. Yes.

Let's get to breakfast. Hudson Valley duck breast. Would have been great last night. I don't know what this is fucking doing. Wow. What is going on? I'm going to throw duck breast out for breakfast. I think he opened up the fridge and he looked at the like expiration date.

He's like, fuck it. I got to cook this before it turns green. Chickpeas spice cakes and omelets. What Dr. Seuss nightmare is this breakfast? You said, them off in confusion and in style. The ladies leave, and they were annoying,

but they were not that bad. Let's get to the comment cards and the tip meeting. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. I want to say this. Next day, new day. Wouldn't you know what that new oven arrives? And Ben, he's still out that wedding deposit, but you know what?

That fucking oven showed up. Yeah, his mom came back to life. And Jenna is back on the Ben, the Ben trip. Wow. Isn't it nice to see redemption? Yeah. Yeah.

We'll see if it. I mean, I think the Balkan Biscuits yelling at them next week. Yeah, we'll see that. We'll see what happens there. All right. So tip first. $28,000. Wow.

Big one. You can say like little pithy things under your breath if you're going to tip me $2,100 yeah, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. That's what I'd be saying if I got $2,000, okay? Alicia should smile more. Yes. I'm telling you, she did something.

They weren't feeling something. They hated her. Because of that, Alicia gets the helmet. Now, the kitchen is... By the way, Captain Jason didn't even address it with her. No. Okay. Not good.

Alicia. If there's one person that would get the helmet on, I'd say it's you. because it looked like a World War II battlefield on the table last night. You just went to sleep, so you're going to be getting the helmet. Kitchen is a fucking nightmare, and so has Ben. There's probably three to four hours worth of work here to do. I think so. I could wrap that up in an hour.

I was a dishwasher. You think? Mm-hmm. I think Ben's very lucky to have somebody like the Balkan Biscuit who had bombs dropped on her. when she was a child. This is nothing compared to that. If he had Alicia,

staring at this amount of work would freeze people. You have to just move towards something when you have this much shit to do. And the Balkan Biscuit is that kind of bitch. Well, let me say this too. Ben understood, sometimes there's problems when you're too good at something. Ben recognized that the Balkin Biscuit is very good

and is a hard worker. So he took advantage of it. Honestly. Yep. You got to be, sometimes you've got to show that you could be a little mediocre. Yeah. He went upstairs,

took a Libyan dictator bath. He did that sound of a big. Yeah. Well, I will say this, though. Let me defend Ben here, because I've been hard on him

the first quarter of the season. Take some warm bath. Big, poor on that. Oh, perfect temperature. Big. That's right,

dear. Yeah, that was a fucking wine mom pour. Let's, oh, big time. Before she gets in that van. Sharon's teeth are purple.

Don't forget the Zad X she took. But in Ben's defense, after the hard work that he did do, regardless of what you think about the bill, or the bills he served, the tip, the tip solely rested on his shoulders. Let me,

let me break it down. Did the guests use the water toys? No. Did the guests go scuba diving? No. Did they go shopping in the city? No, you can't shop for anything. They're the only thing you can purchase is feral dogs, and you don't even need to purchase that.

Or they'll bite you and then you die of rabies or turn into a zombie. Did they do a stupid theme party and require choreography from Sea Rats? No. No. It was they ate, food, lots of it. He gets to drink red wine like Mariah Carey. He did everything. Hello, on the tape,

um, keep feeding me. You serve them six spring rules. What are we talking about? Fine, but he gets to do it. He did all the work. Alicia calls her boyfriend and says, I need to tell, this is what she said.

She goes, you be Alicia's boyfriend, okay? Hey, where are you been? Hey, honey, I just want to tell you, um, sorry that I haven't spoken to me in four days. You know I love you, right? Yeah, I think you love me. Yeah, no, I love you a lot.

And I just have to tell you, um, that there are some things that I need to talk to you about. Well, that's what I was thinking about. Like, is anything going on? Yeah, a lot has been going on and you know that I love you. Yeah, I know. But you also know that I'm flirty. Yeah, you said that.

And that's why I wanted to talk to you about how there have been some situations where I've handled them. Yeah. All right. Love you, honey. I'll talk to you later. I got to go. Hey. Hey, hello?

What the fuck? Hello? Yeah, she really knows how to put a man at ease. Hello! So, poor Harrison, my God. I would dump her ass right there. I'd call back production. I'd be like, I'd call Bravo.

Can I speak to someone on below deck? 1-800 bravo.com. Dump her ass. Yeah. All right, Alicia. And I think that we're going to have Alicia on the show soon. So, you know, I'm going to have her. Well, I, listen.

Whatever. Call balls and strikes where I'm excited to talk to Alicia. By the way, a good. opportunity to join our Facebook group, another below deck podcast or bad TV. Get in there. If you have a question for Alicia. Alicia. Alicia. Yeah. I don't know what I say it. Anyway, get in there and ask a question for her. We might have her on next week. Okay. You know what? I just broke my rule. You never. Never. Never. You brought it up. That's why I brought it. I feel good about this one. Let's get to the white party. The triangle is back. Jenna is feeding

Eddie pasta. And Eddie is still kind of doing this thing where he's trying to I don't understand what he's doing. He texted Alicia. I would drop her in a second to be an alien with you in the moon.

And now he's eating pasta and looking over at Alicia. What are we doing here? What is this? Makes no sense. And then, yeah, yeah. So from the angle of how to close ask for no.

no money. What is, what is Eddie's fault here? Uh, focus on work. Pay attention to neither of them. I mean, really. Okay. Yeah. Cross your fingers. Right. Okay. So if you focus on your duty. Yeah. That's attractive to win. The duty will come. Yes. Right. Okay. Got it. Now, um, Jason heads to the restaurant. By the way, this had to have pissed him off. I don't think for a second that he saw that the disco helmet was there, production tipped him off. I noticed when she left in this, Alicia, I can't wait to talk to you. If we could talk to you.

What are you doing? You mentioned it. No, no, no. I'm saying to Alicia, what are you doing leaving the helmet behind? It's so crazy. It's vanity. She didn't want to ruin her hair. She wanted to look hot.

But this is... Everyone else that has been doing this show for a number of years has always worn the helmet. Yeah. I get it. You want to go out. You wear it for dinner. you wear it to the club, then you take it off and you can dance your ass off.

It's a kindergarten litmus test of a small societal cohesion. This is a group of sea rats. We have a couple of rules. You have to do your job. You have to wear the helmet if it's given to you. You can drink as much as you want. You can puke up in your room. You can do whatever you want.

You just have to do your job and you have to bring the helmet back. You got to wear the helmet. For Alicia to not wear the helmet out, she's she's showing to the other sea rats. I'm not here to play. Okay, this is not good. I'm calling it right now. Alicia's getting fired.

It's either going to be a Betul who's not on the show. She's not on the show. Or Alicia. I would say that Alicia's probably going to get fired. I don't know. I think so. So let's get to a night out. And let's talk about Batul for a minute.

Don't do this. don't do this. We can't, there's really no excuse in casting. You can't cast someone who just doesn't make it on the show. You, you've done such a bad job there. And I understand what you were attempting to do here, but let's not do that here, right? Let's just have people who are going to mix it up on the show. This was never going to work out. She's a sweetheart, but no. Yeah, we're not saying that she's not a lovely person. Um, we, get to well at dinner

yeah all right so this is where jena does there was some weird editing here because there's dinner plates in front of everybody and then they show jena go like i'm out of here i'm gonna go sit next to ben but there were no plates there so that obviously some time had lapsed jena goes over

hangs out with ben gets pretty flirty with him i think he's smacking her on the ass he tells her she's hot like 18 times he's obviously not read the early uh version chapters I put out that the New York Times had published about cracking the code. Because you don't tell a woman she's hot like 18 times. No.

Say it like once, but. You say you're beautiful. You don't say hot and then smack them on the ass with a rolling pin, right? That's not what you want to do, right? Wallace. Okay, so we get to the club. There's a feral cat this time. That was good.

A couple things happening. Ben and Jenna, he's a romantic. Daisy is starting to warm up to breaking her car. that she's never not broken. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's going to happen. And then Mikey tries to hook up with Ellie again.

I don't know what, this is a little bit like, I don't know, Tom trying to get Jerry. He just never does, you know. He never, ever does. Ain't going to happen, Mikey. So Mikey, yeah, we wish all the luck in the world.

We get into the vans, and Eddie, and Jenna have a blacked-out kind of confrontation, wherein Eddie tries to continue to open his opportunity to get in Jenna's pants. And Jenna, with a fucking full hang grenade in a styrofoam cup, still has the composure, despite blowing a 1.7, to go, hey, no, you're disgusting. It's not going to happen. And he tries to lie to her.

He goes, this is how wasted he is. he goes, she goes, I saw the text. I saw you say that you would drop me in a second. He goes, I never said that. I love South Africans. She goes, fucking get away from me. Meanwhile, Batole is sleeping. Bad casting.

That's it for us. Jump in the comments. Let us know we thought about the episode of a great rest of your week. Love is blind at Patreon. Summer House of Patreon. Bachelor coming and a good day to you. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye.

Thank you guys. Hey Lynn.