Another Below Deck Podcast - The Cinda Blocks of Santa Clarita | The Valley S3 E1

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Pat and Dylan remote in from Ruby's wedding to break down Yamashiro, Santa Clarita, love, sipping, seeing, donating sperm and more from Bravo's The Valley.PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

What is this woman doing on this television? I think she's there to make Danny's life hell. To always remind him that at some point, just when he thinks he's coming clean and he can enjoy his life, she's going to remind him that he smacked her ass and said, sweetie, go get Daddy a drink. Hi, hello, and welcome to a rogue episode of Bat TV. I'm Dylan, that is Pat.

Hey, good to be here. Is there a delay? not for me okay there's a little bit of a delay for me um i am in san juan capistrano for baby poopies uh wedding uh ruby rent is getting married out here in uh in the rolling hills and the missions of san juan capistrano so i am actually uh firmly fixed in the lobby of this hotel um broadcasting our premiere episode of Bravo's is it a Bravo show or is it a peacock show? Is it airing on Bravo?

Oh my God. Yeah. Okay, it is. It is. Okay. All right. You got the headphones on now? Are you?

Yeah, because I was concerned that because I don't have a microphone. Because Kalen, producer Kalin, screwing around here, that, you know, You could hear yourself. Anyway, it would cause some sound issues, but I think we've remitted them. Me and Pat are usually in studio. We're in studio people. We don't like these Zoom things, okay?

I don't. It sounds awful. Okay. All right. Some of our peers that make a million bucks a year that are doing subpar content, you know, they do zooms and they're horrible. We don't do zooms. We don't like zooms, okay?

No. I got to tell you, I'm at this hotel. beautiful hotel me and the way to go down to get a martini to close up the uh the evening uh bring the baby down we go to the back of the the lounge area the hostess says uh when you're ready just go up to see joey at the bar just head up to the bar so we we kind of get settled in the back to the lounge and we're looking over the menu and i look up and there is a line dancing group of runkest OC women in cowboy hats. There's probably 50 of them.

They surround the bar like a fucking watering hole. It took us three hours to get a drink. It was absolutely insane. But anyway, they're having a good time. They're having a great time. We are here too. Hey, Dill,

by the way, there is a weird thing when you get close to the microphone. Try and back away from it a little bit. Let's see if that helps. My microphone's in my headphones. Oh, is that why it sounds weird? Yeah. There's something going on there.

It sounds, okay. Well, sorry, forgive us for this, okay? But listen, this is our first episode of the third season of the Valley. I got to say, I'm a little concerned. I'm a little concerned. For the season? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

We're going around. We're doing kids things. We're sipping. We're seeing. We've got people living. in Santa Clarita with cinder blocks and fucking dust all over the place, okay? I don't know what the fuck this season is. You know, they showed,

they showed unseen footage of Lacey and Michelle almost punching each other in the face, a la bad girls club. Show us that. I don't give a fucking shit about these kids parties, okay? So I'm a little concerned, but it was a fun first episode. Well, let me say this. one of the reasons I love this show is that a lot of these people I can relate to

but one of the reasons I hate this show is that there's a lot of things about these people that I can relate to and I don't want to experience the horrible things like talking about the formula that my kids drink who gives a shit right you know

but I want to get to the parts that I don't like Dylan if we're getting into our Is it how many degrees? Is it degrees? Is that a rating system? I think so. Get in the comments, let us know.

I can't remember what it was. It wasn't snowballs. Oh, no. It was rotten hails. Oh, that's right. Mm-hmm. Yes. It's how many rotten hills.

Rotten hills. I give it 12. I give it 12 rotten hells, by the way. By the way, by the way, I give it 12 rotten hells. which in terms of rotten hells is a lot, but in terms of one out of a hundred ranking for a reality television show episode, it's not really that much.

Like I said, I'm a little bit concerned. We mentioned it. There's been no real promotion. There's been no real fanfare for this season. And usually if you got something, you want to roll it out, right? This, I'm not sure what we're going to get this season. know that Janet's gone to therapy, but outside of that, I'm not really sure what else we've

got going on. But yeah, it's a soft start, 12 rotten hells. Okay. This is what I'm going to say. I don't know how Swartz and Lala fit into this group of people. Is Swartz just going to be the hang-around guy, the good vibes guide? Because that's going to get old real quick. And then the Lala character. Patrick, it already is. It's already old. Yeah.

Yeah. Because this isn't me, but this is Swartz in his track record. He's not dating a 40-year-old single mother. Okay, that's not a storyline. Swartz is currently dating a 25-year-old model. Okay? That's who Swartz dates.

All right? Let's not. come on now um and then la la la she doesn't date guys either she's making babies with sperm banks um i think she hates men currently with luke she's making she's making the babies with luke that's right um and i just again i don't know why they needed those two and they're they just seem like weird additions and i have to tell you i'm not a fan of lego head and but there's one person in this house that hates Lego Head more than me. And that is my wife.

When he comes on the screen, she hates Lego Head. She thinks every time on the screen, he's being very performative, he's thought about what he's going to say, and he tries to be funny, and it comes off as very annoying. Is there anyone that watches Lego Head

and isn't filled with at least, uh, uh, you know, maybe not hatred, but, but does anyone experience positive emotions when they, watch Lego Head on television?

I mean, he's a grading human being with the most bizarre haircut, maybe in America. Oh, and then, oh, my God, let's get to his Botox. He needs to, I think, you know how there's third world countries and people go for, like, cheap medical surgeries or whatnot? He went to a fourth world country to get that Botox job. His eyebrows were touching his horrible Lego hair. That's how fucked up it was. And fourth world countries are.

the countries where and if you try to land in them they'll throw spears at you they don't want you to come there so i don't even know how he got botox there but he but he did um okay that being said don't call me crazy still in the episode and i'll tell you why because it bounces around it moves there are so many people in this cast that it's just flying around It's just like the scenes are very short and I and oh and I am fascinated with this Lacey character. She's so happy. She's nuts and she drives Michelle crazy. And her.

Say this and I hear your Wi-Fi shit now. They found each other for a reason and made another. Oh, really? Oh. Yeah. They made little Isabella for a reason because they were perfect for one another. You're talking about Michelle and Jess? Correct.

Well, okay, so how many rotten hills do you give it? I'm going to give it 60 rotten hells. 60 rotten hells. All right, we should mention a little bit of housekeeping. Real Housewives of Rhode Island. is going to be coming is on patreon.com slash another podcast network along

with the the scandal west of all season of Summerhouse. So excited to be digging into those guts. If they're not at that reunion, everybody's got to be at that reunion. Just get them to the dais.

Breaking news, Dylan. Rihanna unfollowed a man today. I mean, I didn't know it when, I didn't know it stretched this far into the ether of pop culture. Yeah, no, it really, really did. But you can get our, our discourse on that at patreon.com slash another podcast network. All right.

So let's get into it. Brittany's getting, uh, Britney's, uh, evidently going to be getting a new surgery this season. I think that she's going to be, uh, taking the, um, the, the, the, the, the, her tits remind me of water beds it's it's like it's it's like do people still have those like that did people still do that uh i think they might be making a comeback given uh the sydney sweeney you know how jennifer uh god what is that actress from friends you know how they all she had that hair and then that yeah jennifer anneson i think sydney swineyy came out of out with those, those boobies.

And I think a lot of young, young ladies are like, you know what, I want a pair of those. And you got to buy those things. Yeah. Brittany was inspired by a thing, a beanie weanier kind of news than Sidney Sweeney, I think. But Brittany is full trailer park this episode. She's completely evolved into a lean cuisine, human being. It is a joy to watch. Oh my God.

Already dropping L bombs with a guy she knew 15 years ago. Yeah, that's crazy. And by the way, all of this has enabled her to completely forget the weight of a $17,000 a month mortgage on top of her head. I mean, wow. To be able to just kind of put that aside to move on. Yeah. It's wonderful. Alcohol helps.

But we begin with the sign of Jacks as being ripped down to meet its ultimate fate, which is the kind of headbutting the concrete of Ventura Boulevard. And Brittany is really, really happy because she's putting herself first. And her and Cruz are doing magnificently well. Do we have any updates on Jacks Taylor? Has he killed anyone yet? No, no. Apparently he went back to treatment again.

and I'm sure we'll, I'm sure he'll pop up at some point. You know, it's crazy. Tiger Woods is, I think, a little bit, it's kind of crazy to say, I think Tiger Woods is more fucked up, Jacks Taylor. Oh, yeah. Did you, the guys, the guy, did you see the body cam footage that came out today? Oh, yeah, that was great. But, but as you and I said, he still is in line, okay, to get a president's medal of honor.

And that's what's great about that. He's got a great swing. It's got a great. So does his wife. She's in the audience tonight. Elon, you got a great swing. You're a great wife. Oh, and Rick, his drug dealers in the audience.

Rick, you're a great guy. You gave him a lot of drugs, Rick. You gave him a lot of drugs. Really quickly. I want to ask you, why is Jasmine still on the show? what what is this woman doing on his cell i think she's there to make danny's life hell to always remind him that at some point

just when he thinks he's coming clean and he can enjoy his life she's going to remind him that he smacked her ass and said sweetie go get daddy a drink all right let's get to michelle and jesse well well i was going to say uh zack we do stop by that's right that dump where he lives with two roommates which is proof that you can do three seasons of reality TV and still not get paid yeah no $60,000 a year is not enough to live in West Hollywood which is what the Valley pays I think Zach has not yet made the jump to the valley there are just too many male G-strings to slam your face into in West Hollywood and Also, he is firmly in the GLP1 camp.

You know, that's, that's, you know, does it bear shit in the woods? I mean, my God, he's a Legohead gay living in West Hollywood. He's got a extra way. So, Michelle. We get to Michelle and Jesse. She's really, she's truly single now because, um, uh, there wasn't enough room. Remember, she moved in with Aaron. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right? But he dumped her, apparently because there wasn't enough room for Michelle, Isabella, and his bees. We're not going to be able to hear it. You don't need to club a bee sound effect. He's trying so hard. Those are his roommates. Yeah, yeah, he has a colony of roommates are about 3,000 roommates, honeybees,

and it's important to recognize what a dick Aaron is because, you know, we'll find out later in the episode that he kind of, you know, he pulled a love is blind move where he said, Oh, yeah. She dated the guy from Blum's Blind. You know, you're okay, but you're also,

you know, kind of a fatty, right, even though you're not. And it's insane because if you look at Aaron and you look at his own, Norman Bates' eyes

that never shut and are almost filled right. You know, here is the universe giving you this beautiful woman and remind them that despite being a wide-eyed nutbag who lives with beans, you can find love too. You know what?

I want somebody with a better body. So you're going to need to check out. Can I say this, though, and this speaks to Michelle and her mental state. Why the hell did you move in with this guy and start having your daughter say, I love you to him? I mean, completely irresponsible. Yeah, no, it's a little nuts. I think it's nuts. Jesse heads over and we find out that there's a common theme with men on this show.

They really love to drag a divorce out, right? They love to drag a divorce out. Jesse says that she accuses him of being calculated all the time, but he's not being calculated. It's just he wants a divorce of media. And it's that simple. Okay. So it's been two years, but we'll figure out what's going to go on. But I got to say they model very well in front of that little girl, at least today.

Except for the part before he was about to show up, she's like, hey, let me clear this room of all the negative energy. Your piece of shit father's just about to bring in. Other than that. You know what? That's a really, really good point. Let's get to Santa Corita. you know, you drive out to Santa Clarita and you usually approach

Santa Clarita from from a vantage where, you know, it kind of has this patina being charming, right? There are these mountains and these hills and you're like, you know, I get why people do it. And then you get to the ground floor of Santa Clarita

and you realize that it's one of the most disgusting places in California. Okay. It is a massive, a massive amount of land. Yet everyone is stacked on top of each other like they're in Manhattan. It is a pile of dirt. And the landscaping is like I mentioned, it's just cinder blocks. There are just cinder blocks everywhere.

I always tell people, if you want quality crack at a discount price at a gas station, you aren't going to get a better deal than in Santa Clarita. And I mean that. I don't know how. Here's the thing with these two demos, right? You want to live in Los Angeles? That's fine. You can't have five children,

be a voice actor and be on a reality TV show and live in a home in wherever you want with room for five children. That's seven bodies in a house, okay? We're going to have to go move out to the cinder blog, you know, skivies. What do you call it? What's the word I'm looking for?

The boonies? Is it the boonies? The boonies. That's where you're going to have to live. And we'll get to it next week where Nia goes, you know, I'm just, it's just been a lot. It took me two hours to get home. She was just going out to get yogurt with Britain. And it took her two hours to get off.

Okay. To be, this is what I'll say about Santa Clarita. It's really not that bad. My wife and I used, because we have some friends that live over there. There's good parts and bad parts just like any places. And if you're looking for a track home that's four inches from another track home, it's a great place to live. Yeah, no, it's a soulless, desolate, barren landscape. But like Pat said, great crack.

Neon, Kristen, are throwing a sip and see. I've never heard of this event. I have not heard of this event. I have not heard of this event. I like it though. Everyone come see the baby and sip. We get our first dose of Lala. Right now, I'm, I know that Lala's been through a lot. She's a tough bitch. She had to go through her entanglement with that scumbag that killed Bruce Willis. But I think that being on this show shooting this scene with Janet is the lowest moment of her life. I really, I really,

I really do think it's the lowest moment in her entire life. You have to make money somehow, but my God, what is Lala doing? Well, I think it's exactly that. She's got to pay the bills here. I think she's got two houses. They have mortgages. She's got two fucking kids now, Dylan. But, you know, she's shown that she's had a lot of growth because we get some lookbacks

at her past. She shoved Kristen into that rack of clothes. And then, of course, as you mentioned, she had that kid with that con man for a range rover. Yeah, the guy that killed Bruce Willis. That's right. Or worked him to his final wins. Forgive me. Forgive me.

He pushed him to the brink wherein he developed a disorder where he lost his ability to understand and comprehend language. Okay. That's my bat. That's my bad. There you go. So things are not good with Janet and everyone. And I got to say, I respect the hustle from Janet. You know, she knows that she is unanimously load by almost everyone.

But she's still showing up to work. She's just fucking, she's doing it. She doesn't get to sit. She's been iced out of the group. And she stands by thinking that Danny is a fucking. little filthy drunk that gets handsy with lesbians. Uh-huh. Okay.

And she's not. She's right about that. She'll die on that wall. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? I don't like Janet. I'll die with her.

That's a perfect description of thing. So things are especially not good between her and Kristen. Evidently, there was a pool party that we'll get to the trauma of this moment. I mean, it sounds like something that, it sounds like something that you simply could not get over, you just have to continue living with it in your rear view. Oh, boy, when Janet goes after Brittany, I thought we were going to have a nice night at El Coyote. And I'd say Britney had a worse night than the Bianca's. And that was their last meal at El Coyote. Look it up. They were killed. They were brutally killed by members of the Manson family. Now, I should say that there are no good

night set up, I don't know, because even if you do have a good night at the restaurant, what you'll contract from said restaurant is a surefire way to ruin your evening

and the next day. First time I ever got food poisoning. But let's meet Britney's new man, Brandon. He's a long-lost lover 13 years ago. He lives in California. Big state.

Okay. He lives in California three hours away. Where does he live? I thought they said San Diego. Did they say San Diego? I thought so. Okay. I don't think San Diego is three hours away.

I think it's probably like a Vernon adjacent kind of play. I'm not sure. I think that we would just say where he's from if it was a, a desirable place. But yeah, she's really, really just head over heels and loves. She is giddy. And that story of him coming over, because they hadn't seen each other a while, you know, they're chatting it up on the inner webs after, you know,

they haven't seen each other since the Hooter days. And he comes over, he's going to sleep in the gas bedroom. And well, he did, but she did too. Yeah. And now they're dropping L bombs and, whoof. Yeah. And it was an incredible, just

gauntlet of skin and thrusting after a dinner of overcooked steaks and two cans of bushes baked beans. Just the food for a love maker.

Oh, don't forget cheese. Lots of cheese. That breakup is going to be a tough one. All right. Let's get you to. Who? Who is Rihanna going to unfollow that one?

Whose side is she going to take? All right, let's get to Tom and Zach, who evidently hang out. At Tin Horn Flats. Tin Horn Flats, huh? That's where they hanged. Is that in Burbank? Yes. Okay.

All right. There's some history with this place. I can't believe these people are shooting in these spots. sorry. I don't, it's got to be annoying to the listeners to hear us just like, we constantly, we just know these places so well that all these people go to. It's just, it's so funny that they didn't warm. Can I, can I just give a quick review of my relationship with this place? Okay. I've known the owner for 15 years. He refused to close during COVID. He was one of those idiots that just said, fuck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. And so,

So Burbank, the city of Burbank, decided to build an 18-foot fence around it and arrest his son for opening. And then a bunch of Yahoo's thought he was a Republican because he was doing it. And if you follow him on social media, he is by no means a Republican. But somehow he became the poster boy for it. And so it literally became like a war zone every day of riots around that place. Yeah, yeah. It was the Chaz zone. It was the autonomous zone.

It was, yeah, it was in Burbank. Yeah, and anyway, because I'm friends with him and know Mark Garagos, the high-powered attorney that's represented such greats as Scott Peterson and Michael Jackson. Chris Brown. Oh, and Chris Brown, of course. I put him in touch with Mark Garagos, who is currently representing him suing the living shit out of the city of Burbank. Yeah, no, that was a tough moment because there's not a go-fund me in hell that can stave off the city of Burbank suing you into the grounds. It's very challenging thing to get out from London. Anyway, they're there.

Okay, they're there. So Schwartz has put on a couple of clinical depression pounds. It happens to the best of us. And he's now just fully on the show. The divorce and the restaurant going up in flames gave Schwartz footspah. And now he's living his best life. He's banging 25-year-olds. and he's eating those

mini corn dogs that you can get across the street. They're the cutest little things. They're called minis. Yeah, minis. I think they're five to a pack, maybe three bucks or something. And you go to Winterset, so when you're like,

this is a good deal, but then you think about what you're eating, and you go, this should be, people should be paid to eat this, actually. So it shouldn't cost anything, though, right? And by the way, Swartz in this conversation,

he just gives us some of those uh he must watch tony robbins or something he's just like man i got my sparkle back i got my sparkle back yeah and now i own a lizard i want a lizard man he's really thriving now he's such a phony now zach and tom are really happy for brittany um but that's not Zach not without judgment okay so we cut to Zach who is judging Britney's relationship while dating a Canadian twink who needs a visa and also banging people outside of their relationship.

Now, I'm not saying, I'm saying do your thing, but also don't throw stones if that's what you're doing. Well, I agree that, and I'd also argue, what is your relationship? Right?

You guys, your friends, your roommates. Now, the problem that Zach has with this relationship is he doesn't trust this character, Brandon. He thinks Britney's making one of those mistakes again, where she's moving way too fast with a guy that she doesn't truly know, and she's got a bad picker. And they're already saying, I love you to one another. Now, here's the thing. There's one true test that, because, you know, when they're throwing into each other, they're eating baked beans, they're probably eating some of those minis. from ween or snitzel.

They're doing a thing where they're, you know, it's kind of like nance on a log, but a sexier version of it where you put little beans in between the nimmies and you just lay them across one another's body and then you just lick them off. Yeah, I think that's what's going on. I like that.

That's hot. Yeah, yeah, it's hot. Well, I think they're still together, at least if you look at her social media, but I will say generally the test of like, is this just about sleeping with each other? Generally, three months is the tester for that. So it seems like they've crossed that threshold.

Yeah, no, they haven't. Brittany will always choose the wrong person. Brittany is destined to do that. She is Brittany. She's going to continue to do this for some time. But, you know, Brittany loves her little boy. And a lot of mothers don't. let's give her some credit for that um bl t and babies christin has a three month old at a restaurant

and you can just tell she's fucking going through it the the you can it's so funny to watch the difference between nia who's on her fourth kid and christin who's just like i can't even conceive of how am i going to get this child to a cafe at two o'clock in the afternoon. It's just too much. It's too overwhelming. And this is the thing where you can relate to these people, but it's like, I don't give a shit about this. Okay? I lived it.

I, you know, I want glasses being thrown. Anyways, Jesse and Luke are hanging. And my God, the TV relationships. What is Jesse thinking? Hanging out with this fucking Jesse's

in loafers without socks, and Luke is from Colorado loves fishing. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, was Jason busy, like, writing some legal papers or something? Like, this is the raw, like, the pairing of this makes zero sense. Like, the conversation was an absolute struggle. Other than for, I guess, Jesse to announce that Lacey, his girlfriend, actually does exist. And, boy, is she an odd bird?

Yeah, she's, uh, she's, uh, she's, psycho and I'm so excited that she's on the show because we need this you know we really really need this but with Kristen sidelined as a new mother you know we we need some some animosity and some some tension in the show enter Baywatch Lacey who banged somebody from Baywatch the show that was hit in the early 90s I am gonna find so season two of Rock of Love whatever girl won that that's what lacy looks like and i thought for a second that might be her i'm not kidding um it's uh i'll have to look it up she later on got a season of her own her own version oh her name was daisy uh could be it could be who knows but uh oh i i see what you're talking about

yeah are you looking her up daisy yeah amber lake was the uh oh did amber win or daisy daisy la hoya was the runner up that season Brett michael's just oh daisy oh my god daisy has a big mullet and a star tattooed on her throat i mean we have to go back to radical love i know incredible all right so i want to talk about luke who just listen he wants to get out of the house or married men with children. We know what it's like to have sex vanish as if it, you know, went into a black hole. But I have to say the stamina on this puppy is pretty pathetic.

I mean, three months, three months postpartum, and you're like, what is going on here? My God. Are we going to fuck or what? Is she just out of baby? My God, dude. Give her some space. All right. So Lala, excuse me, Janet got a skin tag on our gooch.

Thank you for sharing. And we head to El Coyote. Coyote. By the way, we have been here before. And we've also been to Cossita later on before. So I guess they have relationships with these establishments. I love the waiter comes over. Are all of you women over 21?

Get out of here. Get out of here, guy. Come on. Now, catty patty's in the house. Okay. Welcome to the show. All the ladies arrive at El Coyote, and then Brittany arrives. And with regard to her attire, four simple words.

No. No. No. No. Yeah. We were all thinking it. I'm so happy that we have catty-patti here because, yeah, four simple words. No, no, no.

Okay. Brittany, Lala, Janet, and Michelle are going to be sitting down for lunch. Brittany sits down and starts talking about her boyfriend and it's Dick Kock. She has manic energy. And this is where it's full-blown, moo-moon and pall malls. So many pall malls, it's just full-blown porch witch. She's just embracing a red, redneck in Los Angeles, the likes of which we haven't seen on Bravo.

We find out that Aaron pulled a love is blind and he wanted a workout chick. Brittany says, that's funny. I'm over here sticking a tekeeto and a bowl of cheese. I can't, I can't hear it. I can't. I simply can't hear it. What is it? Oh, it's bees.

So, okay, so, yes, so, so bees, okay? Bees, yeah. So anyway, Aaron ended up being a jerk. Boy, you know, the rebounds always end up being worse, I think, than the husband or the person that they, then the breakup. You know what I mean? Like, anyway, it just never. You know what's so crazy to me, like, I know that like hot guys are jerks. but it's so like, sevens are the biggest jerks.

Like, how are you such a dick and your West? How are you such a dick and your honeybee? You know, it's like, have a little humility. You can't close your eyes. What are you doing? I think sevens are actually in a position to be the biggest dicks because they're the most sought after. If a dude's a 10, women actually kind of stay away from them, because they're like,

ah, they're too shiny and little perfect. Right. Right. Yeah. You make me feel weird being around. That's right. Right.

That's right. Um, okay. So Brittany, as we mentioned, is over there, uh, dipping her tequitos and cheese.

And, um, we talk about this pool party. Um, Jane, Janet did not have a good time. Okay. And she was not okay with how Britain handled the entire thing.

Um, and now the, that Janet has gone to therapy, she now is really feeling her inner child and understands that in that moment, she was in fact bullied. Oh, yeah. This is quite the guilt trip. I don't know if I could not only not be friends with a person like this. I don't think I could live in the same city with a person like this.

The guilt trip that's put on her for this. I mean, hey, Janet, I got an idea. I want you to stand up for yourself. If she's screaming at you like a lunatic, although she didn't have her kid there. But I think she did, right? Yeah, she did. Well, that's my thing.

Like, if we're going to do this, and I understand that it's a revolting impulse to want this, right? But if we're going to do this thing where we've got parents on a reality TV show, let's do it. You know, let's damage, let's damage some, some childhoods, okay? We've got to, if we're filming a TV show,

we've got to film a TV show. We can't just be going to sip and seize. And, and, I don't know, talking with Michelle and Schwartz about how they're on similar journeys. I mean, this is not putting it. Where did they throw this sip and see? Where was this? The Casida.

This was Caseta. Yeah, that's a city. You love a, you love Caseta. No, I don't. No, what is the place that you, you love? What is the place that I love? Is it, uh, it's the Mexican drug that you love? The Mexicans.

Cicitas, Taco Cantina. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay, got it, got it. It's right across the place from, uh, Yashimo, and then it's Boulevard's steak. It's same, uh, restaurant group that owns all three. They're all right next to each other. Got it. Okay.

All right. Now I know where it is. Okay, forgive us. All right. So we get to this sip and see. Not a ton happens here. We get pitched on this Michelle and Schwartz love. And then Jesse shows up with Lacey.

And Lacey is an interesting character. She's tried to sue and cease and desist almost everyone on the camera. and I was kidding. I need a little background on this because, you know, we got to see that behind the scenes footage, which was interesting, you know, because producers can be pretty, they can be bullies and they can be pretty manipulative.

You know, they'll be your friend when they need you to do something. And then they can also, when they want you to do something, they can also be very bullish. Like we saw that producer like, Jesse's like, hey, I thought we were rapping at 1030. It's like, no, we're not wrapped. No, we're still filming.

We're still filming. But I think Lacey was for whatever reason thinking possibly that people, there was a storyline about her looking bad or them talking shit about her. So just in an act of probably an offense as a good defense sent out season to sis on the cast, like you better not talk shit about me. which in retrospect might have been a pretty good move. Yeah, I think I want to know more about her. She's quite literally one of the only interesting people that I can see on this cast so far.

Well, she's with Chessie, so, you know, that says a lot. It does. It says, it says, I want to know more. That's fascinating. Okay, so we get to this Lala thing. She nipped her lip when she was shaking. shaving her face. And she has had a tumultuous relationship with Kristen.

We mentioned earlier that she'd shoved her into a rack of clothing. And now she is trying to cut the tension by saying, hey, my kid looks a lot like your husband. Way to go. That's an amazing icebreaker. Incredible icebreaker, Lala. Evidently, Luke donated his sperm. to the same comeback that Lala went to.

And when we go back to Vanderpom and we're going to the dossiers of all of our partners, it's kind of a dead ringer for Lou. Accountant, outdoorsman, very low IQ. Extremely low. No, no, no. He's a sweet guy. He seems like a smart dude. But, yeah, who knows?

Luke may be the father of that would be great. That'd be great. I think we should get them on an episode of Mori just to see what's going on, right? Oh, well, the only way we do that is, I mean, the baby's not old enough to, like, really get the gravity of the baby realizing that it's not his father, right?

And then the audience cheers and laughs as the baby, you see the disappointment and confusion in the baby's face because that's really what we're there for. And Mori would also demand that the two of them come in blackface because he only wants to exploit the pain of the African-American community. Okay. It's not going to work. You know, it's so amazing that through like Me Too and Black Lives Matter that the Mori Povid show just rolled on through, just kept on trucking right through their unscathed. Yeah, it's the single most racist thing we've done except for slavery.

and the whole civil rights. You are. We've done a lot of racist stuff. Yeah, we've done a lot of racist stuff. I told you, bitch. I told you I told you. And then points at the four-year-old that he's raised. I told you I wasn't your father.

I told you I wasn't your father. I would say that it's the most racist modern thing. Among them. Again, it's a hotly contested field. So anyways. Right now, I'll tell you, Right on par with separate drinking fountains, the Mori Bovich. Yeah.

What do you say there? Okay. Yeah. So Lacey and Michelle have a little chat. This is a very affable conversation. And it's in stark contrast to the never-before-seen footage that we got from Michelle's Zen party at, what is this place called Yamamoto, Yoshinobu? Oh, this place is called Casina.

No, no, no. The, where was the Zen thing? Oh, I forget where the hell that was. Oh, you know what? Yash, that was up on the hills in Hollywood, near the Magic Castle. Yeah, near the Magic Castle. Yeah. Yashinil.

Yeah. Something Japanese. It's a magnificent place. That's the show that I want to see. I don't, I understand that Lacey hadn't signed off on the forums, but I'm really hoping that this season in the Valley, we, get a little bit of, dare I say, Jack's energy back without all of the darkness and the ruin, right?

So like, let's have fun while we're verbally and physically assaulting each other. But let's get a little bit of that in this show, right? Because throwing drinks and saying, get the fuck out of here, you know, that's just good reality TV. You know, conversations about Santa Clarita and the commute back and forth to the ballet from there.

you know, just a little less than desired. That's it for us. Thank you for bearing in there with us. If you listen to the entire thing, I mean, good on you. Thanks. Like we mentioned, we're in studio people. But we will be back in studio next week. A lot of fun stuff coming, Summer House.

Rhode Island is fantastic. And yeah, more valley. We'll see what happens. Until next time, comment your heart away. enjoy your weekend. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat say goodbye. Later, Dudes.