Kill James Bond! - The Dangers of Hummus w/ Jessica Moore | Below Deck Adventure S1 E11

Episode Date: January 27, 2023

Dylan and Pat are back to break down another brand spanking new episode of Bravo's Below Deck Adventure PLUS we catch up with the great Jessica Moore. We talk gaunt Rob, hummus, the b squad, secrets, mimosas, hummus and more from Bravo's Below Deck Adventure. Follow Jess for all updates here - https://www.instagram.com/jessicamore180/?hl=enOUR NEW SHOW BAD TV IS LIVE AND WE'RE COVERING LOVE AFTER LOCKUP! - Subscribe right here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-t-v/id1193077828The full season of Below Deck Down Under recaps is ALREADY available only on our Patreon at https://Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkAlso available is our coverage of Below Deck Sailing and Love is Blind seasons 1 and 2 for both shows!Check out our merch!https://anothermerchstore.comThis show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

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Stop staring at your wish list and start saving at Mejury.com. I love a mimosa. I'm gonna have one after their show. It's like a little treat that I earned. So Jess is pissed again. The four that follow her because I'm a fall down drunk. Welcome to the corner. I Welcome again permission to come aboard another grand spanking episode granted of another below deck podcast adventure edition

My name's Dylan. I'm saddened up next to one pad hiki. Hey great to be here Is it yeah, man? Well, it's always great to get in here and gab and goof with you Hmm, and I hope that it's always great to listen to the gabbing and the goofing that me and you were doing on these hair microphones But this show Below that adventure. I mean my goodness gracious this show goodness gracious. This show is approaching an old yellow kind of white around the nose and eyes. And it's sad because, you know, we want these shows to succeed. We want these shows to not over saturate people's appetites for this lovely franchise that we love so much. But that's exactly what I fear. Belodic adventure is doing what with its potato chip gate and its

Seth is the bad guy now and the B squadding just who could possibly give a fucking shit about this goddamn fucking franchise But I don't want to get an idea. Oh my god. We have to get into public service announcements All right really really really important I I feel like I'm hitting over a ad on my stuff. Oh my God. We have to get into public service and ask you. All right, really, really, really important. I feel like I'm hitting him over the head with it, but you gotta do it. And you know, in marketing, Dylan, you gotta say something like more than three times before people even notice what you're talking about.

Dude, I saw like 55 blue chew ads before I got addicted to the stuff, you know? 50, huh? Yeah. All right, well, I'm not gonna stop now. Right. All right, 50. All right, so this is like 12 times. All right, well, I'm not gonna stop now. Right. All right, 50. All right, so this is like 12 times.

All right, guys, bad TV, bad TV. That's what Dylan and I are growing. That's gonna be our like, our starship. They'll rocket us into the, into the stars, you know? Totally. So we need you guys to listen to us on bad TV. Now get this. Obviously, it's not below deck.

Get that, um. It's, it's rock of love season one by Brett Michaels. Go over there, subscribe on wherever you listen to your podcast and love after lockup season four episode 36. So whatever. And it's the greatest show that we've ever covered. It is the greatest show we've ever covered. And I have to say I'm truly enjoying rock of love too because you know, we're having people

on that were on the show. Yeah. And they're coming on as guest to reflect on their journey with that lizard-like burnt-out fucking gross sex narcissist pig, Brett Michaels. And it's just a true delight. Yeah, and that sounds sad, but it's really uplifting content,

the stuff that we're putting out. Love After Lockup is magnificent. And for those of you who are missing our cover of the bachelor at, Ely. Just when we thought we were out. Yes, sadly. They pulled us back in.

We are going to be covering Zach's season of the bachelor at, or of the bachelor at patreon.com slash another podcast. Yeah, yeah, we're not doing that for free. There's no way we're doing forever. Ever again. So if you want to listen to us cover the bachelor at patreon.com slash another podcast. Yeah, we're not doing that for free. There's no way we're doing for ever again. So if you want to listen to us, cover the bachelor, go to patreon.com slash another bachelor, another podcast network.

Excuse me, I'm all over the place. Patreon.com slash another podcast network. And as you hear this, the first episode is already dropped. It's the beginning of the month or whatever. Not that's not the only one who cares. Pay us five bucks, get over and sign up for that patreon.com and hear our coverage of the bachelor. All right.

That's it. That's it. It's time to get into thoughts and nuts. I'll go first. Okay. Zero. Zero. Uh, one.

One. And I also do want to clarify something. I'm not really addicted to Bluetooth. I've never done a phallic enhancement drug. Because honestly, I'm kind of cursed with rocketing up at the slightest breeze. So I just wanted to clarify that I'm not addicted to Viagra, okay?

What it is to be a young man, Dylan. You know, I went off brand to save a couple of duckets a couple years ago when the wife said she wanted me to give it to her more. So I was like, well, I am getting a little older and you know, there's some nights, you know, when you're a couple, you don't always wanted it at the same time in my favorite podcast, Dr. Wendy Wall. She tells me, you don't always have to want it at the same time. That's normal.

But it is up to a partner to occasionally give it up. Yes, suffer through it. Then other person pounding away at you and you're like, I'd rather eat something right now. So to come right up. I'd rather be at a Taco Bell drive-through right now. I went online and I bought a generic version of Viagra from Switzerland or something.

Right, right, right. Stuff showed up. I pop it in my mouth for the first time. I lost taste in my mouth for four days. And it any time I ate something, it tasted like I was just chewing aluminum. So I think that was a side effect of a dangerous drug I was taking. Think about that. The horror of... And it didn't get me excited.

Of someone who is just trying to... Jesus wife. And because of that quest, he is rendered in the able, or should I say, unable to enjoy the taste of potato chips that Americans love so much. Pat, what were your thoughts about the opposite? Okay, I was got one last thing. Can you believe my fucking wife? I start complaining that I can't taste anything.

And she's like, well, you're not gonna stop taking it, are you? Right, right, right. Because she needed, you know, need to please her. Unbelievable. All right, here's my thoughts in plastic. Jess, she was a very important figure in this episode. I've kept my thoughts on her off the show,

like, because I was starting to lean lean towards I think this person is a monster An actual monster a real willard fall from grace, you know someone who's just Sourcing her own ingredients and then before you had you know before you know it. We've got Three different dinners of cauliflower puree and asparagus and oh Really crummy attitude to boot. Not only this, Dylan, you know, as a monster now, do you know how she kills her victims? She chokes him to death with a single strand of hair down their throat.

They die right there. She's like a wild bill. You know, he used to chuck him, fucking dead butterfly down a person's throat. I'm not sure if that's how he killed him Or that's where he left his little trail of fucking birdseeds to try and find out who the serial killer. How many pots you give it? Zero this is a absolutely horrible episode. Why did you box so much when I said zero if your pots were zero I hadn't thought about the episode yet. I hadn't thought about the episode yet But now that I've reflected on it, zero.

I mean, it's just a really bad episode. Oh, you know, one other note. The wife and I were watching this and this got me a little trouble or I'm gonna be in a little trouble. She found out you could do a 24 hour turnaround charter because I've already said to my wife, no way I'm ever paying for this bullshit.

It never, even if I had the money, I'd never do this for five days or whatever the hell it is, but these guests that will be coming on, 24 hour charter. So you can go vacation in Norway, well I wouldn't probably do it up there, I'd go down to the Caribbean. Just take one day. One day you get all your pictures,

you grub up, you drink like a pig, and you go have a lunch on a nice beach with a bunch of rocks that rip your feet open. Yeah. We should all experience that. That sounds actually pretty cool actually, I like that. You go have a lunch on a nice beach with a bunch of rocks that rip your feet open. Yeah. We should all experience that. That sounds actually pretty cool, actually. I like that.

So last we left off Oriana's chance to shine had been squandered. The potato chips did not get there. And Oriana kind of Freud's fey into the ground. She says, Her problem with me is not about the potato chips. and it's not about me. I would say there are other things going on. And I would say like, you know, kind of, but also, no, she's actually just really, really

pissed about you and those potato chips. And definitely the chips. She's pretty pissed off about the potato chips. Well, also, Orianna may be on to something because Faith says that the weight of the secrets in her hair is what weighs her down and stresses her out. And it's similar to last week where she said that she was sitting on something that could get Jess fired. Fay, what secrets are we talking about here? What, what nuclear whispers do you think you were hiding

from people here? Dylan, I am so glad you brought up this whole hair thing because I needed it explained. You know, I've touched on a number of episodes. Fay, finally, it's cool. Well, thank God you actually haven't touched it because what would pull away on your palm is someone's sightly combination of cement mix in aerosol form. Maybe. Yeah. Well she explains that fucking hairdo

And it's not that every mirror she's ever owned is apparently broken or she's blind and we didn't know it Or how she really is a phantom Mrs. Garrett. No her hair looks like a place where bees may conny. It's because it holds secrets. But again, secrets that are not secrets. You know, secrets need to be secrets. You know, what I tell you about a secret earlier. Only person, a couple people can only keep a secret of the other person's dead. Yeah, but also that is the kind of thing that would warrant the moniker or the branding of secret. You having a couple hairs and a couple dishes is that a secret. That's something that no one cares about. And it's like quite literally something that no one cares about. I mean, this is the B squad. Faye said, I could get, I just could get fired over

this. Benacopit, I could see her time aboard this houseboat come to an end where this to be illuminated to the captain. Now it is the end of the episode. And he says, hey, what the fuck, man? I can't go on. And then we're done with it. That's it. Boy, you cut ahead.

That's half the episode. Dylan. Now I want to say, we should say public service announcement. Yeah. We're going to tack on an interview with the very own Jessica Moore, messy Jesse, Milf Mommy. Yep. Her that's a company she's starting really fun interview.

Very fun interview. We love Jess so much. And it came at the perfect time because little did we know this episode was going to give us next to nothing to talk about. So should this come up 32, 33, even 28? There is an interview with Jessica Moore outside of a Home Depot coming up at the end of the episode. Exactly, exactly.

All right, now a moment here struck me as funny. So when I face bitching about this whole fucking potato chip gate thing, Orianna, I thought it'd be funny if she's like, hey, look, come on now. These guests, they don't care about any of that. They just drop down off the side of a mountain. We got some nice sandwiches here. And I thought it'd be funny if just then

like a guest raised her hand and like, hey guys, do you have any potato chips? Yeah, yeah. It shits on the point. Yeah, yeah. Because my wife, she kind of walked in, she doesn't watch this show anymore. And she saw sandwiches and she had no context and she goes

Where's the potato chips? Right she's that filthy American the captain Kerry was a stereotype totally totally I'm a little I guess I was gonna say some homies or macaroni salad. No, no, no, no, no, no And I need to talk about this on another podcast show, but And I need to talk about this on another podcast show, but Hummus is a thing that has just revealed itself to be true evil. Sure, it's delicious, but it is, it is of chickpea and tahini. It literally balloons inside of your stomach to when uncomfortable. And I'm not to, of course, there's gluttony involved,

you know, a pita chip and maybe two in your good, of course. But if you overdose on hummus, it's a little bit like fentanyl. Not that much will really take you down. I mean, you'll be leaking, you'll be bubbly. It's just, and you'll be fool. And there's plenty of Mediterranean fare that you want to consume post hummus, but it hits the table with that glistening, beautiful zattar and olive oil, and you're like, this sounds great, and then you can't have the cabob. You can't have anything that follows it. I fucking, hummus is so overrated, it's so overrated.

And this is the kind of tangent that we're going to need to be going into because of the subject which you really love to show. I love on this, I already shit on your point. No, no, it's not a shit on your point. It's just that you're objectively incorrect. I'm a pig. One of those things, what's it say, saber or whatever. It's not, bro, yeah.

I fucking, one was in the house this week. One sitting, ate the whole thing. Yeah, but how'd you feel like? Like shit. Yeah, yeah. Did you fart a lot? I don't remember that part, but I just it's not a good feeling Maybe it's just the whole I'm a pig thing that you can't take that down that many chickpeas in one sitting Yeah, I mean, it's literally I mean a case of a

A tub of a sapra is probably in a dire can of chickpeas Crazy All right. So we have to move on to talking about the show. And that is the picnic ends and the guys get the job. Hey, go pick this, go clean up this shit. That's right. Okay. We're in minute three. So Kerry is seeing bad weather on the horizon. He got hit by lightning once or some sh**. Yeah. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, these captains are all so unfund. You know what I mean? I mean, people go to the ocean four waves. Chill out. One goes over the boat. That's fun. Well, it could be dangerous, man. You never know what these waters. Seth and Mike hammer out the

sandwiches and say nothing of import or interest. And I hate to sound like the great wine and NFT Maestro Gary Vaynerchuk but there is just no value ad here whatsoever from these two. There is a moment which triggered a story. You know I always have these thoughts as I watch these shows and how to kill time because of the subject matter is so devoid of anything interesting. Kill time any longer because of that seven minute jag I did on hummus. Yeah, okay, wait a go.

Well Casey, this is me, they cut back to the boat and she's so happy Oriana will be kick the fuck out of her room. Because she's not just a bitch, her words, not mine. She's messy and she doesn't like a messy girl and I was thinking guys don't like messy girls either, especially messy girls with a kitty litter box in the bedroom.

Personal story. Yeah. This girl really attracted- Oh, can I sing a jingle real quick? Please too. It's time for a quick personal story. With Pat? Okay, so I-

I gotta work on that. No, it's great. Okay, it's time to buy holiday gifts for your friends. And you're gonna get them what? Another scented candle? Girl, please. Piper Lou has fun customizable gifts that your besties or frenemies will actually love. Unlimited by 1 Get One Free, a Piper Lou starts now.

By 1 Tumblr Get One Free, by 38 Wine Cups, Get 38 for free. Just use code radio at checkout. To avoid the fake polite smiles when they peel back the wrapping paper, go to PiperLou.com and use code radio. That to PiperLude.com and use code radio. That's PiperLOU.com. So, I'm dating this girl. There's enough dates where she allows me to come over to her apartment. And for new listeners, go listen to BelowDeccoG. We literally talk about the show the entire time.

100% of it. We can't do that with this. So go ahead. That's fine. So, we are having sex. And I look over because you know, this interesting thing, it's almost like a six sense, it's not seeing dead people,

it's seeing animals stare at you from behind him. Oh, wow, yeah. This fucking cat is on the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we're switching positions. The cat does not waver from its stance.

It is there. It's bedded. It's kind of, they can have a terrifying kind of how vibe to them. 100%. You know, like they are there to observe and to learn. And also they are hopped up on talks of play, it's most sister, whatever that shit is in that litter.

So that's why they're like that. They're like how? Yeah. Yeah. I was like, hey, you might not doing something about this. Yeah. Well, you asked the cat to move and you told me he was going to turn off all the power and the spaceship and blast me off into the middle of nowhere.

He says, I'm sorry. Thanks, how? I cannot do that. It's fucking such an overrated movie. Fucking bullshit. Yeah, we get it. It's like an intermission, but about our place in the universe. All right, fucking. Can't stand that movie. I cannot stand that movie.

Maybe my thoughts on it are, because I saw it at the Hollywood Bowl with music being performed directly under the screen live. I'm sure that was a great way to see it. And I'm sure that you thought, this is a little master bettory, is it not Stan? Well, I was with my buddy, Gleini, he's like, hey, do we have to stay here

for the whole thing? It's my only night out. And I want to see if I can hook up with a girl at Laurel tavern. Yeah said you're married, sir Yeah, anyway, we did I didn't get to see the whole film, but I'm sure it was great so Carrie heads up to tell the guests the great news We're gonna dock and we are going to have a calm dinner and I can get fucked up So Casey says that making sex makes her hungry and we have this fucking salad

Flirty conversation with her and Lewis and this reminded me of like, you know, I'm I'm fan of anime but kind of What is it tertiary is that the right word tertiary? I'll I'll watch some attack on Titan. I watched DBZ when I was a young boy, but I'll watch some attack on Titan. I watched DBC when I was a young boy, but seeing these two flirt about Caesar salad is like seeing kids who are really into anime, like the real outcasts kind of flirt with each other.

Oh, so they speak their own language? Yeah, you're like, oh, what the fuck is going on with you people? I felt the same way. I don't think it was a Caesar, by the way. I think he said he'd eat a cob salad out of a rassle. It was really, it was their own language. It think it was a season, by the way. I think he said he'd eat a cob salad out of a rassle. It was really good. It was their own language.

It's like those, yeah, those anime kids. So, Feyheads have to tell the captain about what's been going on and has a chat with the girls as well. Now, Spanicopida is just really starting to piss me off. She says, your only as good as your last meal, so hopefully the girls don't fuck it up. Jess, you're spitting in people's sandwiches and flicking hairs off plates, okay?

How about you don't fuck this up? Good God woman. I mean, what a fall from grace. Oh, and also, she's gonna be doing surf and turf to turn things around. What a firework show. Now, so I'm Jesus Christ. Sorry, Dylan, I checked out for a second there, but did we get to the point where Faye rats out the crew to carry, but omits hair gay?

Yeah, she not, but she does say she calls a meeting with the girls and then she says, uh, hair will be tied back. And as the girls hairs are tied back, a guest actually says, Hey ladies, why the hair nets your hair? So pretty, oh, I forgot about the pubic hair. I'm on my tomato. I forgot about the pubic care I'm on my tomato. Yeah, yeah, forgot about that But it wasn't I don't want to shit on your part, but how could it have been a pubic here?

So little line about Nathan helping the interior Yeah, everyone on this boat annoys the fuck out of me every single person on this boat Nathan Now having been removed from night watch because they're at a dock Has been asked to help with service or Mike is or some shit. I don't know And Nathan goes well now that Lewis is hooking up with Orianna. I Guess helping the interior out is okay now. No. You're at a dock.

You don't need to do the night shift and the sleepy is the way you normally do. So now you can help the interior. Nathan, are you thick, dude? You have so many people to take care of. How are you like this? Everyone on the boat. Pisses, Neo.

So, let's get to dinner. But before we do, let's take a quick break. To talk about this wonderful sponsor. You've heard, uh, try it free for 30 days, right? Yeah. I've heard of that offer. It's a common pitch, right? Yeah. You know what 30 days is? It's a pretty long period of time. No, it's just enough time to pass for you to completely forget that you're not meditating anymore. And that thing just charged you

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Just unbelievable. Jess prepares her meal, which is cannellini puree, another blended. Just. Okay. And it's going to be blended and it's going to be white Okay. It's going to be blended and it's going to be white and it's going to really have to be cared for.

We're not to turn like gummy like most of Jess's bottom spread because that's her that's her M.O. there is some type of glob and then she smacks it with a spoon and then she puts aparagus on top of it. Tonight it's cannellini bean mush and chorizo with either octopus or scallops. Now this is a 70 pot dinner for her. You like shockingly enough, but compared to what's been coming out of late, I mean, this has to be in the 80s, like 85 pots. Now, Carrie speaks of his husky and we speak on engagements in Breckenridge. Oh, so beautiful. And oh, also, yeah, just

left a stray onion on the plate as they're running it up face like that. I don't think that's supposed to be there. And you have to fuck up so bad on your plating for fay to be like, yeah, I'm gonna make an executive call and say that loose piece of onion is not supposed to be there. So the second plate hits, Carrie eats well done. I love steak.

Yeah, he loves steak, but he loves his steak well done, regardless of if it's Shuck or A5 Wagyu. You imagine Carrie going into like a Michelin star Japanese restaurant here? I like it. Can you cook it a little more please? Just a tiny bit more.

I wanted a brown. No, I know, they've fenced dryations and all that shit. I don't care. Carrie, do you see what Dylan and I are doing here? The stereotype that you made America's out to be potato chip eating flag football loving. Yeah, jerk offs. We're making fun of you in your palate, right? You pig. Fuck you, Carrie. No, we're kidding. We like Carrie. We like Carrie. No, we're kidding. We like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like,

I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like,

I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, a parm chrysped. Now, this is once again a decent plate for the horrors that have come out of that kitchen. Which again is usually cauliflower puree smashed with a spoon and some type of a sparing. So if he asks for help with the trash and Seth says, yeah, no problem, sexy. My God. Yeah. You're over the radio, dude. What's going on with you? And you just fall asleep?

Next episode, Mike. What? Job, get it together. But Orianna says what we said last week. Someone needs the bangarrow because their attitude sucks. Please. Please claim the pipes. someone needs to bang her out because her attitude sucks. Please. Please. Clean the pipes.

It happens for women too. I mean, women are more beautiful creatures than men are and they don't have a... Smelly socks. Well, Smelly socks and a gunk threshold that is really close to the floor. I mean, it's like if there was a leak in the roof, we would drown because we need to get the stuff out. Now, women's like if there was a leak in the roof, we would drown because

we need to get the stuff out. I don't even have a longer leash. But going on 11 or 12 years, I don't know what phase that, but I mean, things to really start to get. I think that explains the hair. It was, beaker. I don't know. I want to cut that. I want to bleep that. I don't want that. No, you don't have to clap. But I'm going to bleep that. Next morning.

Next morning. Oh, I love a mimosa. I'm going to have one after their show. Good. It's like a little treat that I earned. So Jess is pissed again. The four that follow her because I'm a fall down drunk. Yeah, I earned this. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, I earned this one too. I earned this one too. Okay. Pat, put your daughter down. Pat, put her down. I earned this too. I made this with my cup. All right, put her down.

All right, put it put it down. All right, and we're joking. Obviously, of course. Course. Also, Jess, all right, so Jess is pissed again. I just sage the fucking room again. Like what do you, do you need the palisanto for your brain or for this room one more time? I haven't seen that stuff lit up in a bit.

So maybe we need to cleanse the energy. Because you are fucking me. Yeah, and you're out of control, Jess. You are out of control. Out of control. All she's doing is like, she says, is it okay to start taking egg orders and Jess, like, for how fucking kill you with a fucking pubic hair

down your throat? She's like, hey, hey kill you with a fucking pubic hair down your throat. It's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, easy, ah, easy, ah. We said we were doing pizzas after picnic. What have you changed the plans? What's wrong? I have no clue what to get my book club secret Santa. Wine? We bring that every week.

Wine and a 40 ounce tumbler. Go on. With a clever statement, so you love putting wine in it. Noddy, but from where? Hyperloop. We bring that every week. Wine and 40 ounce tumbler. Go on. With a clever statement, so you love putting wine in it. Notty, but from where? Piper Lou, they have unlimited buy one get one free with code radio on tumblers, teas, hoodies, personalized everything, even Christmas party shirts. Unlimited buy one get one free.

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loveliest people really nice. I guess. You know, it just goes to show you that there is truth towards the bigoted stereotype that lesbians are just terrible timbers. Oh wow. I didn't know that. Oh no, it's not I've made that up. Oh, I think we probably pretty giving. Yeah. Okay, so, uh. It probably depends on the lesbian. We're all like any group of people. There are probably lesbians who tip fantastically well.

We'll never define a group or ethnicity of people by their cheapest 5%. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and it's like, sure, the Jew does metal in a lot of affairs and we do run a lot of things. But that doesn't mean that you should be sipping hate or age, just try to get up to our level. Like, why? What's, like, I don't know. How about that Kanye guy? He formed his whole stereotypical racist view of the Jews because he got ripped off by a couple agents. Right. Wow, that's how you formed that opinion that Hitler wasn't wrong.

You got some bad business dealings in Hollywood. You idiot. Yeah. Yeah, a couple of Jews ripped him off and he's like, you know what? That guy was right. That guy was right. And he was an artist too, like me. I have a kinship with him. He needs to get on. So, see, I mental health gets a mental health. Well, you know, I was

thinking about this, you know, in my homo-rabbi type utopia, where I sentence white color criminals to death and we lobotomize people, you know, if someone's really unhappy, we should have some type of lobotomy pill, right? And then we have a homeless issue too. And again, we are trying to fill out the episode because it's over. But so moved to Canada or most of Northern Europe, they have those things. So, so yes, so there's a lobotomy pill that we take. But also, this is a twofold strategy because we have this homeless issue here, right? Zombies. Yeah. So let's send all the zombies out to someplace. Beautiful.

We make it pretty. And then the lobotomize people go there, right? Two, that's where they go. And families can visit, this isn't inhumane. But what will happen is that the homeless people now have people who are underneath them, right? They are as a hierarchical structure that crops up. And they, you know, human beings need motivation

and hell have no motivation, then I need to rule over these people, right? I like this. I like this. I'm a little competition. Right. Why is Karen Bass the mayor of the city? Why am I not the mayor of the city? And this is a zombie talking. No, no, I'm sorry.

Oh, you. I want to be mayor. All right. Yeah. Show ends with a really, really bad tip. The tip is 16 grand. I got a lot more. I don't know.

There's a fair amount more. I don't know why I said that it was over because it's not. But the tip is 16 grand. And then we have the- Pretty light. And we have the revelation of. Hairgate. There you go.

Well, Kerry needs to get to the bottom of this because it was brought up by one of those guests as they departed. Yeah. You know, they were really nice, but I don't know. I wonder if a producer asked them to bring that up. I think that might have been what happened, but Kerry's like, he's, I'm not happy. I feel like a producer asked them to bring that up. I think that might have been what happened, but Kerry's like, he's, I'm not happy.

I feel like a clown. I'm pretty pissed. I feel like a fucking American at the bottom of a bag of potato chips. There's nothing left for me to go on. There is some good news though. Lewis is going to be the lead deck hands. Joe is.

Joe, yeah. I'm sorry, yeah, Joe is going to be the lead deck hand because he's really unlikable, which means he has no friends and that's a good trait for a manager. Yeah, really a good trait for a manager, someone who is like above all the stuff, but also takes naps. Exactly. Well, we'll come to find that out.

So the producers thought that this would be an engaging kind of heel turn for the episode, but because we're working with Politec Adventure in the B squad, this really doesn't give us anything, because Carrie doesn't care about hair gay. About the hair gay, like he asks Faye to come up and they chatted out and it really fizzles out, you know, kind of like, you know, I, here I'll do the scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, you know, I can't do an imitation of a carry, but he's like, all right, Faye, let's talk about this whole hair thing. Okay. One second pause. Oh, good. Let's go. Right, right, right. Back to work. That's the conversation. That was it. It's not good producing. So, Seth

is given the lead deck hand position and then we get to the preference shape. Mating. And again, they've done this to us. I think you know, they just throw this in at the end of the episode. It's there is no more formula to this. No, no pop, no circumstance. Um, we're going to be visited by a 20 or for 24 hour charter. They're going to want visited by a 24-hour charter.

They're going to want an HBCU party. Now I am privileged white, boys. So I don't really know what this party looks like. I don't know if it's like a throwback thing or if it's a modern guy. Doesn't that stand for head, bitch, and No, no, it's a black universities. Oh, I thought you said HBC party HBC you I think it's a historic black college and university party. Oh, okay So I've never seen that kind of party. It's it's a it's a unique one

I'm excited to see what what Fay and Jess have in store for these unreal and I'm excited to see what Fay and Jess have in store for these unreal, and I guess. I'm sure I'll work out. So they also wanna go horseback riding into the mountains of Sunmore, which is, oh, that is ripped from a fantasy map before you start the book, the mountains of Sunmore. Oh, such a great name. But then that's kind of the end of the preference sheet, meaning yeah, that's pretty much the mountains of Sunmore. Oh, such a great name.

But then that's kind of the end of the preference sheet, meaning that it's pretty much the end of it. They really don't do anything else. Once again, we've got another picnic that we're gonna need to set up. Sure, they'll fuck that up somehow. Seth tells Lewis that he's about to nuke the morale of the Bozos, Nathan and Mike, and then Casey.

So I'm gonna take your job, dude. Yeah, yeah. It was like, all right, I think I need to look your job did yeah, yeah, it was like all right I think I need to look out for this guy. Oh do you yeah, and then Casey and Jess have a match up Where and they discuss that they will be moving rooms and they do not consent the other two now where this conversation Takes place is jarring to me because normally the sea rats they converse you know unless it's a night out at the dinner first and then a club, right? The conversing is generally in the galley or in a bunk in your bunk area,

but this takes place at a cafe. I, it was, this struck me, I was like, what am I seeing right now? Is my eyes deceiving me? It was like the first time when I was watching a fresh prince of Bel Air and a aunt Viv got switched over in season two completely different person.

I was like, what is this? Yeah, it's a real real dirty trick they done dead on us. Oh, man, I mean, a real real dirty trick they done dead. It was jar. All right. So sunrise happens after the room swap. We swamble about cleaning up after each other. Okay, so this is a perfect moment

wherein you see the, truly how bad this show is. This is teased. This is like, oh, upcoming is a fight about the cleanliness of the boys in the C-RAT common area. They show the fight in the teased and then they show the fight on the show.

And the tease was the entire thing. Nothing comes of this. It is a silly little moment and sure show it. But to need to tease it shows you just what this show is working. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, just to recap it for the audience, Casey says in the gallery, hey, do you guys mind keeping your rooms a little bit cleaner and says, hey, do you mind fucking off? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

So, the guests arrive. Finally, we get some young, wealthy hot people. I feel like we've had a lot of like, I don't know. Not that. Well, we've had like, I don't know. Not that. Well, we've had like, I don't know. Borings and nice things and petulant, like when jobbies and stuff like that's on the other one. Oh, that was on the other one.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. We have too many of these shows. Oh, that's on the other one. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We have too many of these shows, though. Oh, that's right. It's only was I'm excited for them to come aboard. And I hope that the guests are demanding. And I hope that they're mean. No one would fault you.

Little do these people know they are about to be subjected to the B squad. Now, once again, we fight with Jess. And that kind of repeats over pizza. This is y'all, I can't do an impression of Jess, but she says, this is y'all dang honey, you have to be flexible. Jess, you can't just exercise in perium and just completely change the plans. And then guess like people into saying that the reason you did that is because you're more experienced in the industry. And this is how it goes. I mean, it's absolute insanity

from this woman. I am sticking up for five. So that's the end of the episode. Get in the iTunes Ranger Reviews, five stars, kind words, five stars, kind words. Join us on Patreon for... ...Zach's season of the Batch Lore and enjoy this interview with none other than Jess Moore. Joining us on the blow, oh, we're going to start now, Jess. Okay. Joining us on the blower from parts unknown is, gosh, it feels like it's been such a long time. The Trist with Rob, the vacation to Bali, who's a new mom, and she is none other than Messy Jesse. Hi, Jess.

Hey guys. Now I call their Messy Kato. Messy Kato, yeah. Now to be fair. I like Messy Kato. Now you were a fan favorite, Jess. And so I thought it would be fun. Well, Bravo gets their shit together and starts letting

us have guests again that are currently on the show. I think it would be interesting to take a deep dive on where are they now, some of the favorite people that were cast members on this range. Yeah, and that was back and did quite a little bit because you're no longer on the show, but you're doing cool stuff. We want to hear of the fans. There's a lot of mysteries surrounding your storyline. Again, what happened with that Gaunt man that you were with

and what motherhood is like, but anyways, I'm gonna stop rambling and throw it to Pat for a question. Okay, that was not a backhanded compliment, Dylan. What that was was kind of, all right, so what I've noticed with this TV show, which, Jess, can you believe how big it's grown even since you're on it There's five fucking versions of this thing now, okay, so I think it's success, but yeah, I believe it. Thank you We all do no one in America needs below deck adventure not a single fucking soul

No, they're a good We're well, they should have just done an adventure saying, brought you guys people from below that, for some shit. Yeah, or I don't know. Why do we do real world road rules? Something like that. Get all the, the, With, with, I've been saying that,

they need to mash up like different people. Surprise. Cause they have different episodes. How, that would be so epic. Yeah, they have a pool of seroths. They know who are not going to get along. So, you know, put everybody in a prison on water and, you know, see how it goes.

That would bring in, yep. Yeah, no, I agree. That would bring in way more people. Like, you can put us on a big, like a big crack. Like, put us on a big, I don't know. Oh, wow. Like, one of those shipping containers. Oh, yeah.

So, yeah, yeah. Like, crack off. Right. Oh yeah, so dead. Yeah, yeah, like crying awful. Right, oh, we could do deadliest catch below deck across over, see how many people are. I say fuck it, make it gladiator, hand him sorts and say whoever lives gets a million bucks. Last picture that we need to get into Jess's life and what happen, but this is what should have this is the show. Okay, so, so the all stars of the lead deck go on

and they are kind of permanent Charter guests and then other sea rats have to serve them and then it's this kind of you know Okay, done with the picture and go ahead. All right, so I found this fascinating because Polo deck is quickly becoming what bachelor and what ruined the bachelor franchise Which is now it's being infiltrated with Instagram people and Camille's a prime example. It wasn't one day after she gets thrown off the boat, she launches her new album and all the, you know, so we obviously know what she was doing. She gave me 25th on American Idol.

Fair enough, you know. She's got a great voice. It's a, we can hear you, Jess. No, no, no, sorry. I'm listening. She's got to probably a kid she's looking after in a baby monitor right now. And we'll get to that. But just what I found out what I found with this show is. And just really quickly, sorry, if your child is in danger, you just hang up the phone.

I think I go to that saying. I'm sitting outside a home depot. Her grandmother is watching. We're good. We're good. One of my least favorite places on planet earth. Too scary, too intimidating, can't go in there. Yeah, and the people that work there hate you.

Hey, hey, hey, do you know where hammers are? Sorry, that's not my, yeah, it's not my sex yet. They are so nat, they are not friendly or helpful, yeah. Yeah, try getting a fucking key made there. It's like there's no one there. I can't find anybody. There's no one there. Okay, pack, go ahead.

All right, so this is what happens with this world now. So people come on the show and they're actual yaddies and they go on the show, maybe it was a fun little thing, maybe they got to ask to do it. And then they just, they do the reunion and then they go back to being working on a yacht, right? Then there are people that kind of are trying to make hay out of it and super, they're trying,

it's there's a strategy in play. Yeah, sure. And then there's kind of what I think Jess has done, which is she kind of just said, I'll make some money off this, but I don't really need to do another season of this and I'm kind of out. Is that a correct kind of way to describe

how you've kind of dealt with your after leaving the show. Well, I, uh, yeah, because I think, um, I don't think they were particularly fond of me. I think I'm a little too vocal off the show politically. So it's not. I didn't go. Well, yeah, I've gotten it slightly like It's like a producer about wearing masks and you know, that whole stuff, we don't have to go down that. But yeah, so in the heat of all that, you know, anyway, so I think I really do believe that that kind of had something to do with it,

because there was talk about me maybe going back with. Oh,. So sorry. So are you so you were saying that like? Man We're not getting a politics. Yeah, I think I think just follow Candace Owens is where I think Jess might be going No, and I mean listen Jess. Jess probably follows a lot of people and Cloud Schwab did unleash this pandemic on us, but anyways So yeah, so bravo. I'm not gonna sell this panda so much. Bravo tries to neuter your ideology. So what's, what has been going on post being on below deck? Has it improved your life in any way, shape or form?

being on below deck, has it improved your life in any way, shape or form? Yeah, it's made my life easier. And, you know, look, it's great. I honestly can't complain. Is it obnoxious when we air and I see like, like I know certain episodes are airing because I'll get crazy comments of, you know, from people, but I don't, I think I have pretty sick skin, so I don't really give a shit.

Yeah. And that's a small price to pay for, you know, I hate even say it would be called like having notoriety or like being known, I don't know, right? Whatever you want to call it. however you want to describe it. I had that so much easier. I can get into places easier, you know, I get to count on service it. Like, you know, it saves me a lot of money.

It's chill, you're a thought now. You're an actual full blown thought now. Now, Jess, because most c- sea rats are created out of the... We're the rioting. Yes. Jess, because most re-re... There's like sea rat factories. There's one in the Bahamas, and then there's one in Florida,

and you live in Florida. Is there a bar that you guys all hang out at? Yeah. Like during the week. There's just broken glass everywhere. Wait, who hanged out at? The the sea red like people that are on the show, you're all in Florida for God's sake. Oh yeah, we're all you know, it's so wild. I don't know if there's any other reality show where it's like the cast members from all

different episodes or seasons or friends with each other like we are. Yeah, kind of with the bachelor, but they're all kind of like backstabbing snakes who all live in Nashville. And when they move there, they get their hat. They get that hat. The cost of $180 and they burn it or whatever the fuck those people do with the sats. But anyway, so let's jump into we want to we want to know a little bit about motherhood, but to be quite frank. I mean, you know, I mean It's a beautiful thing, but it's just kind of I mean lots of people do it, but we'll talk about it But the fans want to know about what happened with

Rob post show and Rob, post show, and Bali. Now, I'm sorry if you've talked about this a thousand times. But what happened with that Gaunt Gaunt man? We, I think we're together in a total of like six months. After, yeah, after Bali, because like Bali and Thailand, yeah, for months, it's two and Thailand for two months. We were traveling Southeast Asia. And then we went to my mom's in North Carolina.

That was like another month, maybe two months, something like that. And I just started touching him more and more. I don't even remember. Like you guys are gonna think I'm crazy, but I have like, premonitions or like pop into my head. I found that, but whatever. And they pop into my head and then they find,

like they're true, they're true. But I don't have any proof other than my intuition. It's like, oh, hey, blah, blah, blah. Are you saying that you're, are you saying that you're some kind of witch? Kind of. Yeah. Now, I want to say you may have premonitions, but it was pretty clear as a viewer that he was a cheating lying sack of the bone structure of that guy.

When you have that kind of bone structure, you just feel as though the world is your yeah, Jess was the show airing while you guys were still together We were separated then I actually was in another relationship that poor guy Yeah, that poor guy. Yeah, I think I think he's fine So what was he had to listen to his girlfriend have an orgasm? Yeah, what what a what a well that's done. Um, what was the premonition and what happened? Um, I think it was just I honestly can't remember and it happened a few times. It was just like Something told me that like it was something about like checking his email. I can't even remember. Anyway, he was just like on this 4G sex site.

There's a ton of shit. And or G sex. This is the thing with these bone structured people. I mean, having sex with with with Jess is not enough. You have to you have to mate with 50 people and one Andy Warhol factory kind of thing. It's just like when are you satiated you fucking demigod like Yes, or it's never never never have you had any correspondence with him in the last. I guess it's been two years since the show aired any correspondence with Ross. The answer is never. No. show aired any correspondence with rock the answers never

good for you that was that's really nice alright here's a question from one of our listeners how he barely wants to know have you hooked up with any other cast members now okay now uh... and i have been trying to be about bobby but it's like now

i think i think i've had a passed out drunk and Bobby's bad and we didn't do anything. Oh good. Well, what a gentleman. Okay. So let's speak on your motherhood motherhood and entrepreneurship. How is motherhood treating you? Oh, it's kicking my ass, but it's amazing. Yeah. People always say, oh, it's hard, right? And then that's it.

I feel like they don't elaborate much, but my God, it's, no, it's the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life. It's certainly downplayed, at least whenever I have ever heard anyone speak about it. They talk about all the positives and it's like absolutely their positives. I have the most wonderful baby ever. She's perfect. There's a little joke, Jess, that people with with kids they don't tell you when you're about to have kids

What you're in store for because they want you to be as tortured as they are Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, it's a perfect example I'm really happy that our friends are having kids now so that we can witness kind of firsthand the horrors of it Like the other day my wife was out at a picnic with one of our friends and they she brought her daughter and they're getting in the car and the baby just kind of through, I mean quite a literal shit bit and there was just shit on the inside of the car and the mom was like yeah there's that's happened two to three other times and I've had to get a detail but yeah it's there's shit in the car. And it's on the seats and stuff. I don't even know what fabric this is, but there's shit in it.

Ellie, uh, threw her donut because it wasn't to her like in this morning. And then she took a swing at her mother's face. So they are definitely monsters. So, yeah, even this young speaking of shit, I had to dig it out of my poor daughter's, but this morning, because she's concentrated in like in so much pain. Right. You know, it's just. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's really beautiful. It's a beautiful thing. Just, are you at Liberty to say who the baby daddy is and how you, what that relationship is? I love how everyone wants to, not you guys, I say everyone has been like people in my comments, but everyone always asks. I'm like, if I say who it is,

you guys don't know who it is. So we just wanna know if he's good looking. Well, he is good looking. Okay, yeah. All right, I would hope. He's very good looking. He lives in Fort Lauderdale. I actually met him from Bobby.

Is he helping, is he helping rear the child? He met him from Bobby. Is he helping? Is he helping rear the child? He is helping some. Yes. What is up with us? Us men? Men just are not good with this stuff.

You're not talking useless, man. This might have a kid till I was 40, dude. Yeah. Even a 35 version of myself, I would be like, Hey, I just need like four or five hours to go hit Laurel Tavern. Well, yeah, you had a vikin' and problem

and also you were a sex addict. Correct. Yeah, that's true. So anyways, we gotta wrap up the interview, you have to go to Hum Depot. But you gotta promote something. But we have to plug. What is a service that I think the world needs?

And I'm not being sarcastic about that. Well, okay. So, yes, I am on only fan. You know, yeah, I'm on only fan. It's allowing me to take care of my daughter full time, hoping to buy a house and other lofty like schools. How's that? I want to ask, why the hesitancy?

Who gives a crap, you know, make your money. Like promote the hell out of it. Well, and then I have milk mamas, which is a work of progress at the moment. Milk mamas, which is, yeah, it's like milk, milk mamas. Okay. Milk money, milk, mama. So like milk, milk, or milk money, milk money,

so what is this? Because I think that you're gonna get into a little bit of trouble only that like you, it's kind of like a country club in the 30s where they wouldn't allow certain types of, let's just say Jews. Now you're going to have to exclude certain people from this group, right? Because you're going to be the the bouncer outside of the club. What do you, what's certain people? What do you mean? Well, as a men. No, that's in, I, for fucking forget, I said any. Yeah,

what are you talking about? So what is it? Is this a different site than OnlyFans? No, OK, so MilkMom has nothing to do with that. It's more of, it's more like an independent, like it's for women, you know, generally the idea is like single mothers who are hustling or, you know, make shit happen. Like when you're a mom and I've quickly learned, you have to juggle a million different things

and you just have to make shit happen. I don't even know how I make it happen every day and it blows my mind and it kind of more of just an ode to like, perseverance. Being a mom. Yeah. Yeah, about being a mom and then but also, you know, you see for like even with breastfeeding, not being like shamed or embarrassed of breastfeeding or not being just shamed and embarrassed

about anything regarding being a mother or being a woman. I think we have to like be harsh about something and yeah, so I haven't fully thought about how I'm executing that to really be honest. I just think of ideas and I'm like, when you get it up and run and just, when you get it up and run and just, you will happily promote it for you. But your only fans, if you want to promote it, we got a large audience and I'm sure they're hungry for your content. Where can they find you on their only fans? Okay, sorry, I'm not on only fans, I am on

fan time. So, is there a link? I would be able to give you guys. Sure. Yeah, send us the link. We'll put it in the podcast notes. I'll send you guys a link, but I am on fan time. So I'm sure I'm Google there. Yeah. And yeah, come spend your money because mom needs

no money fair enough Jess, thanks for really doing this we were super fans you on the show and I thought you were really fun on the show too Oh, I completely forgot you read a calling for us. So yeah, we go way back. We go way back of our fans out Yeah, thank you. You kicked a bunch of our fans out of the Facebook group one time. We used to do All right, well anyways, thank you very much for joining time. We used to do it. Oh, I did. Yeah. I know. I know. All right. Well, anyways, thank you very much for joining us. We'll talk to you soon. Thank you, guys. Thanks, Jess.

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