Kill James Bond! - The Demands of One Jill Zaren | Below Deck S11 E9

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Pat and Dylan are back to break down pumping, dyslexia, burgers, spying, vampires, the demands of one Jill Zaren and more from Bravo's Below Deck.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcast

This charter and Linda Springer. It's important to remind people that she is not the primary. She is not They want a day with pickleball. Someone asks what pickleball is I think Captain Carrie says pickleball is tennis for rich people incorrect tennis is tennis for rich people pickleball is for geriatrics and fraternity. Welcome aboard another brand spanking episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan.

I'm settled up next to one Patrick Hickey permission to come aboard granted. Um, we are going to be talking about a magnificent company later on in the episode factor and we're not going to talk about them now. What I will say is if anybody on Patreon says, why is there a factor ad in my ad free episode? I'm just going to lose it. Okay, I'm just going to lose it. Okay, we're not doing an ad right now and because of your gripes, I've extended this and you know, it doesn't need to be extended, but I'm here with it completely understandable. Thank you. Talking about a tease for an ad. You don't hear

the ad. You just hear us. I mean, cut it out. So if you want to hear ad free episodes, completely ad free, we don't speak of factor. We don't speak of the weed companies that we're sponsored by. We don't, you don't hear any of the Pachanga casino and resort pre rolls that we put in go to patreon.com slash another podcast network reviews. Always do it. If you haven't left one five stars kind words, big announcement from me. I have a I believe it is called a stand up comedy show. Yes, I'll be there stand up comedy show. No, I don't want you to come. Why not? I don't want you to come. Why not? I don't want you to come. Come on, sell it, man. Sell it. I will. I just don't want you

to come. Okay. Brea and private April 19th and 20th. Um, I don't know where to get tickets. Probably the Brea and pride website. Yeah. So, uh, if you want to come to that, come to it and come say hi. And yeah, it's 4 20. I mean, it'll be a fun. Those are the dates for April 19, 4, 19, 4 20. Just look at those dates on the Brea improv website and you can buy tickets to see Dillon big time. Okay. So holy smoke and aces. Do we have a below deck episode to talk about aces do we have a below deck episode to talk about or do we have a below deck episode to talk about? Dill what do I always say is amazing reality TV Jill's Aaron Yeah, someone you hate right? I hate her

She has a person is Nails on a chalkboard. Yeah, I'll get to you later, Jill. We're going to spend a lot of time on you. Yeah. Okay. Joe was a pretty big part of the episode. Listen, I, I hate Jill, but Jill also is my spirit animal. She is my anchor twin, you know, cause inside I am a Yenta, but I do have a certain amount of shame and I wouldn't behave the way that Jill does. She doesn't shut up. 99% of the people that come in contact with her are asking themselves, when will this person shut up?

Right, right, right. Yeah. And you know, I mean, we have to be grateful for Jill because, you know, Jill, according to her, is the reason Andy Cohen and Bravo are successful. Yeah, yeah, but Andy Cohen hates you. You are so annoying. Oh my God. Someone hashtag this or whatever you kids do. Jill Zarin, we're going to Zabars,

we're picking up the black and whites, we're going to say bars. We're picking up the black and whites. We're going to the birthday party. Okay. And she brings that energy everywhere. You know, are we getting into our thoughts and knots? Yeah. Do we already do our like, uh, yeah, we did. Okay.

Can I get into my thoughts? Okay. Yeah. The guests, not just Jill, right? Just their preference preferences. Yeah. Okay. The guests, not just Jill, just their preferences. Yeah. Okay. All right. People with allergies and restrictions. Die. Well, you don't want to be kidding.

No, I'm totally kidding. You don't want to vacation with these people. Let me tell you why. Because they ruin your experience who is not a person with allergy restrictions. Yeah. But also, we're living in an era of, you know, we've talked about it before, late stage capitalistic nightmare, where we're being polluted by microplastics, high fructose, this and that. So people's allergens are kind of flaring up more often. Chefs have to be prepared. What you have to do is draw a Venn diagram with all of the allergies and then make stuff that goes in the middle.

This shouldn't be a dyslexic panic attack, right? Okay, there are a lot of restrictions here though, Dylan. Yeah, there are. Okay, too many for my taste. Yeah. Because I looked at this, I'm like, if I went on vacation with these idiots, they'd of course ruin my vacation because the chef is running around jumping through hoops. Yeah. Trying to appease the people with food restrictions. Hot berg. course ruin my vacation because the chef is running around jumping through hoops trying

to appease the people with food restrictions. It's like showing up to a goddamn gangbang or sex party and then you brought a sex partner with you and then you find out that person's allergic to semen. Or different types of people. So in this scenario- Well, what I said to him, like, we're going to You didn't, you should have told me you were allergic to semen before I invited you, right? You're ruining my time. And in this, um, kind of LSD bizarre hypothetical, um, you guys haven't had sex yet either because

clearly she's allergic to semen. Maybe don't know. Maybe I brought a buddy. I'm like, hey, you should have told me about this. Okay, well that wasn't a microaggression. I was just referring to you, who I know to be a boring, hateful, cis-gendered, heterosexual man. Okay? And I am sorry to everyone. So, continue.

I just, you show up to a sex party. Not with that though. Just me like 50 bucks man. I'm not gonna have a good time. Everybody knows that you should not pay less than $50 for a sex party. Otherwise it's not good. You're paying for the pasta. You want to get into the show? No I want you to finish your fucking pot. Oh, okay. Okay. I hated Jill So right. I hate you A hundred a hundred pots hundred pots. Yeah How was this episode we need a new stew We need a new still. We need a new still. We need the clown car stuff to kind of settle down a little

bit. But with that being said, I mean, begging, not choosing this shows great. I mean, you know, usually you get to the middle of the season, there are a little bit of doldrums. I'm very grateful for Jill's Aaron to come aboard because we needed a bit of kerosene to light this, this shot on fire. It's not even the primary. Nope. She is not the primary, but she is the primary in her head and that is magnificent television. High five and Dylan, uh, vampire and Barbie going at one another and chef Anthony cannot wait to discuss chef Anthony. Okay.

Four pots. Four pots. Yeah, I liked it. So the episode is titled the real housewives of Grenada. And that's because we've got who? Jill Zarrick. Who never shuts up. Okay, yeah, no, you don't like her.

No. So, last we left off, vampire was caught in the midst of a love triangle that she had literally nothing to do with. She refers to it as child's play. Barbie and Kyle, this is a very, very confusing tryst. They're viewing parties. Yeah, they're viewing parties. They

seem less like lovers and more like siblings who are scamping together. Okay. I'll break this down for you. Yeah. All right. So Barbie just wants someone to hang out with. She just, but on her terms, right? And you know, friendship, oh, and listen to our interview with Barbie. It was lovely. Oh yeah. Yeah. it was a good interview. That was great. Yep. Now Barbie is one of those people, Dill, that has a long list of turnoffs. Yeah. Deal breakers.

Yeah. Okay. A lot of icks. She does not like snoring. I get it. Eating with your mouth open. Gross. Who does like snoring?

Not flushing the toilet. These are all disgusting habits, but Barbie, I know you're listening. Here's the problem. 95% of men engage in these disgusting habits. You're gonna have a tough go if you're gonna find that, you know, that Mr. Right. Men are pigs. This is what happens when you fall in love with someone,

the disgusting things that would repulse you if people who you weren't in love with did. And I'm getting lost with the English language here a little bit, but you get what I mean, right? Love picking my nose today. And I think she's disgusted by you guys. Going to get a divorce? Oh, probably. Yeah.

It was a good run, though. I mean, you guys, let's say you guys get divorced in two years. Right. She puts on the divorce papers, it reconcile differences, differences, i. IE picking his nose. I was doing it because I had a cold and my nose was itching. You guys had a good run is what I'm saying. And it's better than her murdering you, which we've talked about a lot. Um, you know, and to the audience, I think we can wrap them in on this. If that does end up dead. She did it. She did it. 100%. I'm worth more dead than I am

alive. Yeah. So, um, Vampira is we get to the next day. Oh, next morning. You're talking about Sonny, I think is where you want to go. Well, I do want to go there. Dylan wakes dancing. Vampira might be even better. I think she says that she's actually happy this morning, which is, uh, I mean, she is an ethereal spirit. This one, I mean, she's just a grumpy grumpy vampire. I do want to say this though, uh, casting at Bravo, uh, with that application that asks, uh, people that see rats and might be on the show that says, uh, definitely not celibate. Uh, well, yeah, that's my, uh, I do have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, uh,

answer yes or no right underneath that question. Ask, uh, are you a vampire? And also are you celibate? Right? Yeah. And you can check yes to vampire. That's fine. You know, because it's cool to have vampires on the boat, uh, but not people who are voiceover. So Sonny says says she needs to get a grip and this is textbook gas lamping Okay textbook gas lamping Sonny has conjured an alter ego to describe her behavior from last night and whilst they're Kind of Was a reason there also kind of wasn't. I mean, we know what back channel Ben was doing.

Okay. I aren't in the fire sex addicts traffic in volume play. And that's what BCB was doing. Okay. So while, while he can get all kissy and smushy in the top bunk with her and then make her think like she was, Oh my God, I was flipping out about nothing. No you weren't Sonny cabway qua warrior princess, okay BCB was trafficking in volume play and you saw it from a mile away I hundred percent agree with you although he gaslit her into the point where she has to Explain away that split personality. Yeah, oh Sabrina the sea route. I know that's how gassed she is Yes, yes, I mean, it's crazy

She's an angry drunk bitch her words her words. Thank you It's not our first cast member that have an alter ego deal. We had Courtney Veal her alter ego like twerking I forget that's right. Yeah, but um, we get She read sideskill we get a little look back on Sonny's night or Sabrina's night in which she was the Sea Rat, which who is her protector to protect her from little assholes? Right. Now, Dylan. Oh, I love that take.

I love that take. I do have a problem. This guy looks like a schizophrenic shield. It is, but I have a problem with that because I don't think you can use it in court. No. I've never heard of someone using the excuse that their alter ego that drank too much and behaved poorly Is an excuse for their bad behavior. Yeah. Hey Pat You just mowed down four people your fucking car did yeah, I was like that wasn't me

That was Ted that was Ted and that's a problem that I have major problem I have with the justice system. It leaves no room for mysticism or anything unexplained. It's all kind of black and white and you can't blame ghosts and I think that's ridiculous the lawyer asked. Hey Pat. Yeah, did you uh run over those four people? Not at all No, I was Ted and people like this guy's crazy He's he's talking about Ted and it's like, well, you know, people can mock those that commune, you know, behind the veil, right with those. Ted's real though. Yeah. Ted is very real. So you, you, you could easily too much that night. He had four shots to kill.

He ran those four people over and I would ask that judge, I don't know if you've ever gone through this, but think about the lack of agency you have when a malevolent spirit named Ted takes over your body and slaughters innocence. Do you think I was sitting idly by saying, Oh my gosh, what a night? No, I was horrified. And now Ted is conveniently not here to be tried. Yeah, I was sleeping. All right. So, uh, see you're at cool.

See you're at sad scale. We have to get to the serious sad scale. I said, um, Kyle. Had a biological father reached out to him when he was five, I think was the story, which is a little early to be in really early, uh, caught up with him when he was 16 on Facebook, 16 on Facebook. Facebook. This is it's a one. I'm Kyle, I'm glad you told him the fuck off. This was a one on the Sea Rats ad scale. Did he have sex with your mother's sister? Because that's a three. Yeah. And having your father mowed down right before ballet performance is a five.

And having your father mowed down right before ballet performance is a five. That's a five. So we get to chef Anthony, who is kind of in a Colonel Kurtz kind of madness here. I mean, there is just absolute chaos. He's talking to walls. Yeah. Or they're talking to him. Are you talking about like, is this the point where Frazier? Wait, hold on. So Frazier meets with Carrie. I love you Frazier, but you are in Captain

Carrie's bridge quite a bit to make sure that you're taken care of, not looking like a bad leader, but he's kind of dropping a dime on chef Anthony. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we said it last week. I mean, chef Anthony had this, um, Kind of a foolish familiarity with fraiche and freshness job to do. Okay, if your chef is You know Venturing upriver to start some kind of cult and not paying attention to the fact that the primary doesn't like lobster You've got to drop a dime You know what this happened before that to be fair to Chef Anthony. Yeah.

But good looking out, Frasier. Kerry tells a very confusing tale after he says that chefs are artists and very sensitive. We're making surf and turf and onion omelets. So I don't know if we're, uh, we're kind in, I wouldn't call it the creative arts right now right right not quite Keller but back to the confusing tale he says something about putting so much pressure on a woman who was I think it like black mold killed her or something I think she died and he was like I'll never forget that it's like really bizarre I don't know how it was pertinent yeah this is Carrie who hired

his friend or some yeah yeah yeah she's like I don't know how it was pertinent. Yeah. This is Carrie who hired his friend or some. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's dying. I didn't care. You know, it was really weird. I didn't hurt their friendship.

Yeah. I didn't know I was pertinent. So see, right? Satsuko once again, we might have a negative rating here. Chef Tony has dyslexia and I've said this before today, but we need to normalize mocking people for talking about their dyslexia. All right, so let me break down the game film. Okay.

All right, so we get to look back on Sheffy getting some constructive criticism. And then he talks about struggles with dyslexia. Yeah. He's plagued him all his life. Right. Especially affected him when he read a beautiful card from his wife.

I love you. That's what the card said. I love you. I'm looking forward to our vacation in the Bahamas. And then his friend came over and he doesn't say that at all. It said, I'm having sex with your uncle and I just, I'm moving out. Oh no, the dyslexia again. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's dyslexia is a cruel disorder. It really is a cruel disorder. I mean To see for a dyslexic person to see Bahamas on a card I mean it throws them into a complete Alice in Wonderland kind of Adventure listen, it's time. You know what time it is. Yes, I do. It is time for the

reference sheet meeting Listen it's time. You know what time it is. Yes. I do it is time for the reference-shade meeting So I Didn't know this was gonna be the episode that Jill Zarin showed up on. Yeah, Jill Zarin. Jill Zarin will be joining the primary. This charter and Linda Springer. It's important to remind people that she is not the primary. She is not.

They want a day with pickleball. Someone asks what pickleball is. I think Captain Kerry says pickleball is tennis for rich people. Incorrect. Tennis is tennis for rich people. Pickleball is for geriatrics and fraternity brothers. Yes.

Yeah. So we get a lot of dietary restrictions. No fish, yes fish, not raw, no beef, no veggies. No bananas. Get me away from these people Tony is already flipping out a little bit again. I don't really and Tony does fine later on in the episode like with all the one flu of the cuckoo's nest kind of high-def

Shots of his mania. He does you know deliver, deliver a little bit. He pulls off the, I don't think he had to serve lunch on this Charter. I think his first meal for them was dinner. Yeah. And he pulled that off, but it was, you could tell that he, well, we'll get there. We'll get there. Burgers for lunch on a, on a Yadis. Oh, you want a veggie burger or a cheeseburger? Yeah. Today for lunch we have regular burgers and veggie burgers. Any sides? No, no, no sides. Are we at summer camp?

What is going on? This is cold. His is hot, mine's cold. Where's, and he doesn't even have one. So one of the guests is a yogi. That seems like a really heavy Eastern word for somebody who just does yoga. Like if I have a trial membership to core power, am I a yogi? You know what

I mean? It's like a very big word to me. I imagine yogis are like people that live in the Himalayas and speak to gods, you know, not anybody on below deck, but we hit the sheets and we wake for the rest of the show. Um, we wake the next day for another one of these under all under armor commercial songs. Oh yeah. These, these, I'm all at the top. No one can stop me. I'm ready to drop. Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready to drop. Yeah. But it was this Dylan or Still is getting a pump. He's got he likes the pump. Yeah, a deal

Yeah, you know who else likes the pump the rock. No, no The greatest feeling you can get in a gym or the most satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is the pump satisfying feeling you can get in the gym is the pump. Let's say you drain your biceps, blood is rushing into your muscles and that's what we call the pump. Your muscles get a really tight feeling like your skin is going to explode any minute, you know, it's really tight, it's like somebody blowing air into your muscle, it just blows up and it feels different, it feels fantastic. and it feels different. It feels fantastic. Mm-hmm. It's creepy music.

Yeah. Oh, it's a creepy thing, you say? It's as satisfying to me as coming is, you know? As having sex with a woman and coming. So can you believe how much I am in heaven? I'm like getting the feeling of coming in the gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5,000 people,

I get the same feeling. So I'm coming. I want to remind the audience. This guy was the number one action star for 20 years. He's worth $400 million. He is a real estate mogul and was the governor of the seventh largest economy on earth. In the world, yeah. If he can do it, you can too. state mogul and was the governor of the seventh largest economy in on earth in

the world yeah if he could do it you can't I have to say one Frank Zappa saw that and was like I would just like to score the YouTube video for just the YouTube clip and second it's crazy to think about how that guy wasn't that bad of a governor wasn't that bad he wasn't that bad of a governor. It wasn't that bad. He wasn't that bad. Not a bad at all. I know. Well, he had sex with his maid and that's true out of wedlock and then the kid was like 13. He's like, Hey, I'm your dad. He's like, cool. Yeah. Yeah. What a great guy. Yeah. No, I mean, imagine siring a child that you know is yours for your entire life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah, it's like coming. Yeah.

Why does governor Arnold want to play catch all the time? I don't know, so the music supervision is absolutely insane. Dylan gets a pump and then back channel Ben heads into the galley for a little, little finger activity. How are you gonna do this? Um, um, and he goes, I don't know. I confuse my D's and my B's. And that was more of like an Austrian fella. But, um, the dyslexia is just insane. I'd forgotten. Sorry. So a few scenes back, Frazier had said like, Hey, why don't you go fucking spy on cheffy? I'd forgotten that. Did he really say that? He did. He was like, check in on a more like kind of, no, he told that to carry. That's what I meant. That's what

I meant. So he didn't say that to BC. No, no, no, no. All right. So provisions arrive when we move on to walk around. So Fraser is not looking great in front of cap. He's a stew down, but there's hair in the bathtub. Let's take a quick break to talk about a company that Pat and I absolutely love. Our entire families love this. Nobody loves this more than my wife, okay? She's been taking Factor to work, microwaving her meals. They're delicious, they're fresh,

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That's the best way to do it So I had to factor dot com slash below deck 50 and use code below deck 50 to get 50% off your first month plus 20% off your next month. That's code below deck 50 at factor meals dot com slash below deck 50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box while your subscription is active. Fans, if you want this, get it. It helps the show. Love you. Let's get back to it. Okay. There's a long spindly kind of hair in the back. This is six star service to seven with cheeseburgers. Right. So, um, we'll find out how Jill's Aaron feels about

the bathrooms right now. Melinda and Jill Zarin arrive she introduces herself at the first and last which is Jill Zarin runs off the the tongue well but she starts talking what you're gonna come to know about Jill is she never stops talking we get a lot of boat stuff vampire almost poisons the guest with gluten and Sunny likes the water. Academics hurt her self-esteem. They'll do that to you. But on the Sea Rat's ad scale, that's not even.

Nope. Do we have negative? Or does it just not make it? Cuz that's like a negative four. I think we're gonna need to talk to Sean about that. Cuz he's created that for us. Yeah, we're gonna need to talk to Sean about that we're gonna need to create a dad Sean You know lest we throw more work on him while he's at work, you know

So Dylan does a little mansplaining to sunny and Jill is a woman of my own heart I have to say she hate you know how particular I am about my eyes. Well, my wife is as well. It's very annoying you know that I Will bring my own ice to people's homes who I do not trust. I've done it many times. I don't care. I'm not going to enjoy myself with foggy eyes. Right. OK?

And neither will Jill. She hates the ice they have. I think it's fine. I think it's clear. But she wants the nuggies. The nuggies. And they are beautiful. There's nothing like, uh, it looks like a little little cup, like miniature. Yeah. I mean, listen, if we're making cocktails, those nuggies can fuck off,

but if we're having swill like diet coke, then yeah, the nuggies are great. So let me ask you this at this point in the episode, because they just got on the boat. You know how I feel about this. If you paid this much for a vacation, you get to call your own shot You just gotta be polite about it Am I being a dick hating Jill this much? I just hate no Jill's awful. Okay, I Just want to make sure because I think it's because she's not the primary and she feels like she's doing she's good She's on TV right now and it's a lot. Okay. Well, she doesn't understand the persona that she's create creating

Makes everybody hate her. Yeah, I mean Yeah, okay. Yeah, so let's get to menu planning Anthony We're gonna do lobster for the main course bad idea. Maybe not a great idea because it says here the primary hates lobster The voices are talking him through the walls. Yeah, he's dyslexic. So he's hearing apparitions just yell unbelievably insulting things about his uncle banging his wife. Yeah. And that's dyslexia. His uncle's talking to him. Yeah. So sorry. No, no, no. Did you want to do? Did you want to? No, I've been too hard on him.

You know, you let me know in the comments if I'm going too hard on this bit, you know, what bit, what were you going to do? Oh, just I've chefy and his, uh, his uncle banging his wife. You know, I feel like I'm being mean, but let's get to Jill because she makes small talk with Frazier. Uh, you know, his father invented the Moderna vaccine. Yeah, yeah. You know, I love small talk massed as a way to humble brag that you're important because

you're friends with someone whose dad invented the Moderna vaccine. Not like hundreds of scientists working around the clock for 90 days or whatever. Can we imagine Noah's dad, he's in a laboratory, he's mixing chemicals like beaker from the Muppets, like meh meh, and he runs down the hallway, you know, and he opens the door, he's like, I got the cure. Right, right, right. Yeah, cause that's how that happened. He was like, I was having a tamale

and I spilled a little salsa into glycogen. Yeah, yeah, that chemical. And I have Moderna. Hey. Jill, here we go. I'll say this. You're a terrible, annoying person. Oh my God. Props to your businesses. You know, she's a successful businesswoman. Right. But you're a whiner. You're a bragger. You're shallow. No wonder Andy Cohen hates you. He can't stand you. When you're around people, they are really wondering where they can get away from you. When will you shut up? You literally suck the happiness out of every room you enter.

Other than that, I have no opinions on you. I did. Me and Jill Zarin on the Upper East Side for a day would be, I would have the most fun. I would love just going shopping and having lunch with Jill Zarin. Well, because she'd be picking be picking apart people that are, we'd have fun together. We would be rank a hollocking all over the place, you know? But when speaking of someone who invented the Moderna vaccine, one don't tread on me,

right? The two, um, that man did not do that. No. So yeah, no, you're an idiot. Hey, Joe, come on the show. You idiot. Barbie's father didn't raise a quitter and Jill's Aaron's father did raise a captain. I love the overconfidence from Jill's Aaron. Can you imagine saying you've kept in the vessel to the guy captaining a floating seven

story building. I often wonder what, like why we are not bigger on our podcast, but it's because we're real like this. Jill, you're an idiot. Everyone hates you. You've never captain vessel ever. So Dylan thinks they let you wear the funny little hat. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And drove like the wooden steering wheel. And it was at Disney World. Yeah. Yeah.

Jill's Aaron has captained two boats in her life. One at Disney World. Two, they let her drive the tender when the kids were on the inner tubes. And I'm a captain now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

She came up with her own kind of five burro pattern that she was doing. And one of the kids died actually. Oh really? Yeah. It has had too hard. That's what insurance is for. Right. Uh, next morning, breakfast, Jill notices there's not enough staff there. So she suggests that buzzer you can buy on Amazon and put it on the table. I got an idea. How about we glue a cinder block to your fucking back and throw you off the side of the boat. I am going way too hard. Yeah. All right. I'm gonna know you're fine back off for now back off for now So Jill's Erin is not happy about the quality of the rooms, okay She's teaching Barbie about what?

Bedroom should be like She says you should always have Tums right because some people can't handle it, you know the spice the food and Barbie is What's going on I just I hate her It's not just Tums. She wants band-aids, right? Well, that would be in the first-aid kit Jill. Yeah Okay Who needs tums all the time?

Do you when was the last time you had a tongue never they if you want to hurt my tummy more make me eat a Tum or peptol bismol really have to a bismol. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the only time I need a tum is when I have like You know hot things That's why I don't eat hot things. So let's get to dinner Purple cauliflower is getting ready It looks like absolute shit and the cocktail sauce will not have horseradish It will have wasabi and now we call it the line now however disgusting the food looked I have to say Jeff Anthony knocked it out of the park with this dinner Classic shrimp cocktail to start Jill Zarin asks how to eat the shrimp Jill Zarin

How many shrimp cocktails have you eaten in your life missy? Okay. What are you talking about? How do I eat the shrimp with the shrimp cocktail you pick it up and you cram it you fucking mouth, okay? What do you enter? I? Don't even know if she's Jewish I would imagine she's Jewish big disaster that Anthony has been this tofu scallop that he does is just lovely the Jewish warlock loves it the desserts are pina colada flan gluten-free and raspberry shortcake I just think he nailed it I would say it's an 87 pot dinner.

For me personally, I'd be like after eating these three courses, I'd be like, where's the rest of the food? They just seem like spoonful of bites. But you know, if we ever interview him, I bet he'd say like, I serve like eight more courses. Yeah. Or they just served scallops, shrimp and cake, which is what this show does all too often. Or are they just served scallops, shrimp, and cake? Which is what this show does all too often. You know? Here's four ounces of shellfish.

Now go binge drink or scuba. So. I realized that I went ahead. I apologize, Dylan. I forgive you. The guests head to bed and we wake for the next day. The specials are gluten-free French toast and vegan breakfast. Things are not going great though. As delicious as those two dishes sound,

there's no hot sauce at the table and because they're stewed down, there is no one waiting on them. And that's when Jill's Aaron figures out that this boat is in need of another hack that she has on the vessels that she kept it. Okay, bad talk. Talk to me about doorbells. Me? Yeah.

Well actually, you know what it sounded like when you want one of these buzzer things. It's like when you live in one of those fucking fancy old mansions at a plantation. When I said Pat talked to me about doorbells, who did you think I was talking to? Well, I thought you were just asking that as a- As like a retort? Ritual thing, yeah, yeah.

But for me, it comes like old Richie person where you're like buzzing down to the fucking quarters. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. People that live behind the walls that you don't talk to or make eye contact. Yeah. Like, Hey, I need a ham sandwich. Right, right.

Like you need a faster, you need a dumb waiter in order to have this kind of button. The dumb waiter is the elevator that comes down. Yeah. Like you put the ham sandwich in the top of the dumb waiter and then you, you f you know, put it down and then it goes into Jill Zarin's fucking big mouth. Let me just say this, overall, buzzers are annoying. Yes, they are. You should not do that to human beings

that you want something. Well, unless they're Asian and they're used to a frenetic pace, you know, the Koreans over at the Korean barbecue restaurants, I mean, they respond quite well. Okay. Also, flight attendants, you want to treat them? They want to treat you like subhumans and treat them like subhuman.

You hit that little bit. Ding, ding, need a napkin. Ding, ding, shit my pants, you know, whatever you want to do. Ding. And then you keep pressing it. And if you're one of those people, I wouldn't blame them if they, I don't know, put a fucking straw up their asshole or something. I don't know put a fucking straw up their asshole or something. What? I don't know like you're mad at them.

Sorry. You never mess with people that prepare food Dylan. No no god no absolutely not. You know how many people have spit into Jill's errands food. One out of ten. These sand dabs are a little under. So. Jill's Aaron is a tough customer.

She begins breaking down that they need a doorbell to back in the wait staff and then says the food needs to be out on time. Jill's Aaron says, um, is this is called this is called this is hot where is this at some point Barbie goes down to yes okay so she could burgus colt Barbie goes down to write out the lunch order on the whiteboard for chef Sony chef Sony. I have dyslexia as is evidenced by my inability to speak this evening and read my notes.

But I have to say seeing this whiteboard, I sympathize with a chef. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. She Barbie, I think got a little nervous here. When we interviewed her, she's like, she kind of hinted at like the next episode. I look like a fuck-up you you definitely did you got to write stuff down don't commit it to memory if you don't have

that like I don't know that you got to be such a pro to commit shit to memory how do you feel about waiters and it always works out for the most part you go to a nice steakhouse and the waiters there with his hands or the only person crazy enough to commit an entire table's order to memory would be somebody who Who can do it? So every time someone doesn't have a book, I'm like fine. This person's got it. I Don't think I've ever had an instance where somebody is that overconfident and just completely fucking Fumbled I agree you go to one of those places where they're doing it and some people have that.

I care, if you told me five numbers in a row and asked me to repeat it back to you, I can't do it. Oh no, me neither. I'm dyslexic. Oh yeah. Yeah. But not like a chef Anthony. Can I go back a couple steps here?

Kyle loves Dylan. Yeah. But he says he's an over high high-fiver. Yeah, you know, and I did that whole bit about leprosy. Yeah, but the joke is I love a golden retriever on ecstasy. The world needs more positive people in the world. Yeah, but he is a golden retriever on ecstasy. Yeah, I love ecstasy. Ecstasy, by the way. Okay, now because it's a day that we are off tonight, we cannot talk tonight. Has this been good? I feel honestly, I feel like that we have put out funnier shows,

but the past couple of weeks, dude, I am telling you, I cannot shake this illness. This illness is plaguing me. Dylan, people love the content. Don't worry about it. We're killing it, brother. I sat in the same position all weekend, just dead sick watching little women movie after movie. Sorry. It's just, you're doing great. It's just this. I think I've got long hauler. You're a long hauler.

I think I've got long hauler. Oh wow. Well anyway. The beautiful thing though is about long hauler. You can really tuck into a good book. That's right. You sit there and you know, churn through a great book. Yeah, but you might be thinking like you might die or something. I read this great book called the poppy wars this weekend. It's fantastic. But I did think that I possibly could have some type of long-caller and I think that

I think that is what I have. You know I've been sick for three weeks too. I know it's like crazy. Well anyway because it's a day that ends in Y and the earth is still revolving, Jill has more suggestions. Right, right, right. Can you imagine if you worked with her? Bergus called.

Can you imagine working with her in an office and they had one of those old timey suggestion boxes. When I worked at North American Insurance they had one up on the wall and can you imagine like management goes hey Joe can you come into HR? Yeah. And they tell her she go they she sits down and she's like what's going on? And they go I used all the paper writing suggestions. Yeah. And she goes, all the paper in my cubicle? They said, no. The state of New York. You have lots of suggestions.

Shut up. Can you imagine what a crisis? An entire state, no paper. Joe's jail wrote all the complaints. I mean, that's nuts, but that, oddly enough, was one of the things that ushered us into a fully digital age. I mean, right, you know, we had been flirting with these analog correspondences and whatnot. And then Jill Zarin bankrupted the entire state of New York paper wise.

And here we are. I think Giuliani was like, we can't do this anymore or something like that. And and then before you know it, boom, Dick Cheney is like, let them onto the planes, they're going to fly them into these towers. Ritual sacrifice. Yeah. So Boom dick Cheney's like let him onto the planes. They're gonna fly him into these towers ritual sacrifice Yeah so Man New York such as it's got such a it's a there's a lot going on. Yeah. Yeah

the hot dogs and 30 Rockefeller Center Yeah I'm sorry. I I think I took us off course. No, no, it's fine. I love taking breaks to talk about history. All right. So I think Barbie owns her shit on fucking up those burger orders, you know? And that's the best thing you can do is if you fucked up.

But I do not appreciate Vampira at some point when she gets on the beach with uh, Frazier Back channeling that barbie fuck those things up. Vampira gets so nasty nasty Josh hasn't given her any blood in weeks and they always have this issue because she goes out to sea And he's like this is as much blood as I can get you and she's like well it wasn't enough and she smacks him and He's finally got a reprieve from her, but she's running, well, it wasn't enough. And she smacks him. And he's finally got a reprieve from her. But she's running out of, you know, she's essentially a heroin addict. She's a lazy vampire.

She's a lazy vampire. You know? But listen, Jill Zarin is not happy about the cold burgers, the hot burgers, and the little corn burgers. So she has to sit and talk with Chef Anthony about dinner and this is where a real grenade gets dropped. Dinner plating excuse me dinner planning will be something that Jocelyn completely takes over okay so he's talking about what he's going to do. He's got a curry. He's got a tofu patai. Can you do chicken?

Then he goes into, um, she goes into how she wants some sushi before they eat. And she says that she, he says, I could do the wahoo mahoo. And she says, yes, all the fish. Yeah, yeah, all it. Then says, I'd like a little crudite, completely forgetting that her friend doesn't eat raw fish, just wants a bunch of sushi out there. And oh, if you've got any left,

throw some fucking hay on the table for this cow right now. I like how Jill like winks to the primary. She's like, I got this. This is how you do vacationing. Not really. No, that's how you get Common your tuna. Yeah, and it's ridiculous. So we get to pickleball island This is not pickleball the ball can't bounce we're playing on sand and we've got a feud brewing vampire The Barbie now Barbie is running around the boat while Frazier and Vamp Vampira find their key. I think that's what you do in yoga.

And also Jennifer, she does look like a Yogi. Yes, she does. A hundred percent. So it's nighttime. I'm Ira and Barbie really heat up. Okay. She says you can iron a napkin honey. And you know what?

I I'm happy for Barbie. I'm happy Barbie was running around this boat. They're they're a stew down vampire and Fraser are Meditating finding their key, right? What I'm agreeing with you and then Vampira has the hot Acety to come on and throw shade like that and Barbie says, you know what? Please don't speak to me like that I know there's a rank thing

But please don't speak to me like that because I've been running around all over this boat Which is Aaron and this dyslexic chef and you have no fucking idea what this day has been like so We get to sushi gate next no veggie options Everybody goes out for dinner and there is a sushi plate, no veggie options. Captain Carrie comes in with, I mean, a blood lust. I mean, he wants scalps for this. He's so pissed off and he recognizes that Jill Zarin is throwing everyone into a fever you know and they need to focus on the primary but the language used about

Anthony if he is terminated over this or if this is any kind of straw leading to any kind of departure I would say that it's a real tragedy. Can you imagine if Captain Carrie goes, someone needs to be fired. And he fires Jill Zarin. Everyone will be happier if you're off the boat. Yeah, 100%. And then everyone has a great vacation.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be the best outcome. Jill, I think this is the end of the show. I know you heard this because you're a narcissist and all you think about is yourself. Come on the next episode and explain yourself. Yeah. Or I'm going to beat you up on the next episode. So, um, chef Anthony did literally nothing wrong, nothing, nothing wrong. He sat there with the primary and Jill Zarin and went over what they wanted. The primary is meek

can't speak for herself nodded along with everything that just Aaron said to him and that's what he put out. He did nothing wrong. Miss me with the dyslexia bullshit, but he did nothing wrong. That's it for us. Jump in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. Join us at patreon.com slash another podcast network. Five stars, kind words everywhere else. We love you guys so, so much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, say goodbye.

Later dudes! Love