Another Below Deck Podcast - The Evening's Wine is Red | Below Deck Med S8 E15

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Pat and Dylan are back to break down wine pairings, Amanda Bynes, subtitles not helping, disease, Bucca di Bepo and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. To learn more about microdosing THC go to Microdose.com and use code: (badtv) to get free shipping & 30% off your first order.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

What's this red you're pairing with the stuffed grape leaves? Oh, a local red wine. Great. Well, who paired this? One of the sea rats, I can get them asked on, but they're probably cleaning your toilet right now. Great. Hey, hi, hello, welcome aboard another brand spank new episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan, I'm settled up next to one Patrick Hickey.

Great to be here permission to come aboard, sir. Granted, sir, how are you? I'm doing good. I'm ready to next to one, Patrick Hickey. Great to be here permission to come aboard, sir. Granted, sir, how are you? I'm doing good, I'm ready to finish this season out. I ought to get ahead of myself, I'll talk about it in my thoughts and nots, but. Yeah, I've had it with this season, I've had it with Jeff. Jeff. I've had it with both of them.

Mm-hmm. Found out Jeff is like the primary, also a brain doctor. Yeah. He looks like someone who, and that's a scientific term for it. Right, right, right. He looks like a guy in Silicon Valley that designed an app that helps you find gilves, really easy.

Oh, grandmas? Yeah. Oh, okay. Or grandmas. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was and he turns out he's a brain surgeon. Yeah.

By the way, okay, yeah. I have two people that I've worked for that are also surgeons, not brain surgeons. They're all like Jeff. They're kind of semi-antisocial children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a sounding. I saw a lot of myself and Jeff tonight and it horrified me. And that's why I hate him so much because if I was stranded at the dock, I mean, the overrunner would be 37

times of me talking about it. I would be. So I'll give him a little credit, but still I've had enough of Jeff. I did. I Jeff deserves to be frustrated. It's just he's what's it like you got to deal with reality on reality terms. And he doesn't seem to do that and it makes him sound like a petulant child. Well, that's because he's a failed app designer.

But anyways, public service announcements. Next week, we're gonna do this thing where we announce something that we haven't talked about off-air on-air. Okay. Happy hour with the Patreon members. Next Tuesday. Next Tuesday.

What do you wanna do at six o'clock? Is that what time zone? Pacific standard. Let's do five, 30 next Tuesday. How about five? Because then people in here to five. Do it at five. We'll do it at five o'clock next Tuesday,

$12 tiering numbers. Only we'll see you on Zoom, pour a drink, and get ready to rip it up. Oh yeah. Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Oh, it's thinking I want to give some juice. I got some juice on Jason Sedacus. He's not a good person. I'll talk a little smack about him behind the paywall. Well, we, I mean, we need no juice. I mean, we can, I mean, the fans know that every time we, we do these happy hours, there's

some juice, you know, I mean, the last one was so juicy. That's right, you know. Other public service announcements, I'm on a new show called Conspiracy Social Club, aka Deep Waters, go find that on YouTube and subscribe. Also, get in the reviews, five stars, kind words. I know we're dwindling down on this season, pat and I cannot wait to see frayish and that weird captain carry, captain carry for blow deck rag. But until then, let's keep up the vibes. Okay, this is going to be fun. Natalia's back like a fucking

gadfly. It'll be a lot of fun. That's it for me. Do you mind if I get high real quick? Oh, go ahead, please. Yeah, you want a partake? No, I'm okay, thanks for asking though. Oh, okay. I'm a parent of two children, Dylan. Okay, the only disease I can have is alcoholism. Okay. Yeah, and many weed smoking parents listening are thinking, wow, that's crazy that he

just said that. That's okay for him to slam six white claws and go to bed, but it's not okay for him to hit a liquid diamond infused banana OG joint, which is, I gotta say, Patrick, you four, yeah. Nice. While you're doing that, I will be talking about my thoughts in the comments. It tastes so good.

Mm-hmm. Hey, you don't have to sell people on it, man. What do you mean? What do you mean people that are doing it? Do a lot of people smoke. Yeah, yeah. You know, I just saw a news story before I walked in here to pod, their California is trying to ban cigarettes.

Well, simultaneously encouraging weed dispensaries. It's quite puzzling. Yeah, I mean, let's not get into local politics. Cigarettes illegal. Heroin, just as long as you do it outside. Totally fine. All right, here I'm going. All right, hit it.

All right, here's my, oh, hit the joint. Oh, yeah. Okay, here's my thoughts and nots. Whenever the boat doesn't leave the dock, it makes for great television. Yeah. Because it's really uncomfortable. And then old patty gets to think about, what would you do if you were foolish enough to be talked into doing a $60 a day vacation

where you're essentially not going to get your money back and be forced to sleep on bunk beds on a floating hotel. What would Patty do? I'd be litigious. I'm not a litigious person, but I would most certainly be litigious or be... You too. I would say we're not doing this and you're going to give us our money back. Because I'd argue what other business gets to engage in this type of behavior. If you had a family of four and you're flying down the floor to go to the world's happiest place on earth and you show up to Disney and it's raining that day and they say the park's close today. And also the bad news is you're not getting your money refunded for those tickets you bought.

I'd say fuck you. I will be calling my attorney. Roder's Sacres, the Lodge are too long. It's a horrible place. Well, so I don't understand that. I would, if I'm ever going to get talked into going on one of these vacations, I will have put in the contract if we can't go out to the ocean, you know, to the yachting thing, I'm not paying. So anyway, that's a fun part of the show. All right, all right, I started on a positive note. Here's a negative part.

When you start an episode, where I guess the setup for this, what was, what did we leave the cliffhanger of the last episode? The last episode was... Yeah, cut, Deeders. Was we didn't know she was going to come back or not. Oh, that's right.

The Tomb Raider was down for the count. That's a horrible cliffhanger. Okay. There's no emotional, I can't be pulled into that. That does have no emotional groovy toss. Why did you get this idea de resmeir-toscut? I don't know. into that. That does have no emotional groovy toss. Where did you get this idea de le resmoire, dos cac? I don't know. It's a lovely cup.

Things just show up here, because so many people do their shows here. Anyway, this is going down with a whimper. This is episode 15 next week will be the not-so-epic conclusion. I just didn't, I like the episode, I just... Can't be very high. All right, I'm gonna split the baby.

50 knots. What do you mean split the baby like Kigsaw? I'm like, rip it. Oh, what is the expression? You okay? Yeah, I think I might be coming down with something. Oh, you've been through. I feel fine.

Yeah? I feel I might be coming down with something. Oh, you've been through. I feel fine. Yeah. I feel pretty good too. Listen, episode was fine. Echo all of your sentiments. It's so fun to see. Jeff, not really care about the X foreign team because he wants the slide, right? not really care about the ex-floorant team because he wants the slide, right? He wants to grease up his little tummy

and he wants to go on the slide. The guests, you know, it was fun to see them kind of, listen, I don't know how these people exist, these kinds of people that let go of the negative in their life and play a, who's the best dressed game with a bin full of 99 cent store Halloween parts. Quite innovative of Captain Sandy. How you could pay this much money and have the evening saved with that.

I don't understand it, but I gotta say it's beautiful, it's admirable, and it's admirable. Yeah, still can't understand what Max is saying. I don't know how long he's been on the show, but I... Even the subtitles don't help me. No, no. He's a mental patient. No.

The subtitles are there. He's talking, I'm reading them, and I'm like, I still have no idea what he just said. Oh, and there you know They bait you into this thing where you start reading the subtitles to try to decipher the nonsense No, don't even do it just Closure ears close your eyes take a breath take a moment of pause like Max's want to do and just move on because there's really no point trying to understand What he's talking about

Luca sick puppy. Sick puppy Luca. Asking for nudes and whatnot. But overall I thought it was a good episode. How many minutes? Seven. Dylan, do you mind if I normally you do the, no, I'm not. Normally you do the honors of kicking off the episode with where we are.

If you don't mind, may I. Because it started with a pet peeve. Sandy texts Haley, the infamous Anne Eater hater. Yeah. And she says, how you doing? She is. And she says, rough couple days. Can I call you?

Yeah. If this is Patty, Captain Patty, the answer is no. That's why we have texting. Yeah. What's up? You coming back or not? We don't need to get on the phone call. You know me, I'm a big, big caller.

I've done this to you with thousands of times. Okay, hold on. I know I annoy everybody in my life with it, but you know, it's, here's the thing. I don't want to type out the whole thing, right? So it's, it's laziness, but also, hey, let's take a beat and let's check in with one another. Let's hear some voices. It is. We are friends. We are business partners. We are creative here. Let's check in. We got to check in. Dylan, I actually have a note here just to point out, I will accept phone calls with my business partner and friend Dylan, my mother and my wife. Right. But I'm not going to accept phone calls from a friend

that I've mentioned on the show quite a bit. His name is Sebastian, who used to drive me crazy with a text that would say, call me ASAP, all text. And then I'd later learn that he needed to talk to me because he wanted to confirm what time I was picking him up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That drives me nuts. No, it's like Michael Scott texting 911.

Listen, speaking of great comedic television shows, tonight's episode was called Curb Your Stuzeas. Yes, we're on title. Yeah, so I can't even begin to think about how phoned in that was. It doesn't really have any application to what's going on in the show. And worse, listen, the show is no longer sacred,

it's no longer what it was, but Chet Hanks being a while more re-enactoring season nine or not, let's not allude to curb your enthusiasm really at all with the show. Now we love below deck. I love below deck. But that's how I make my money. Let's not bring LD into this.

Okay, it's a little sacrilegious. That can piss me off. All right, so we wake with some chat about the evening before and Luca being a pillow princess. And I know that Pankass isn't our favorite, but we gotta give credit where credits do. This was funny and it was very accurate because I think that there's an unsaid truth in light and that is that most often really pretty people

are not as good and bad as people who are not as pretty. Well, I'll have a different take on this and we are referring to just having to ride little lukega do all the work uh... i personally am not a fan of that sexual position uh... and i've heard that women often find find it easier to reach climax by being on top there kind of controlling their own destiny yet you have a hairy sweaty pig on top there, kind of controlling their own destiny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise, we'd have a hairy, sweaty pig on top of you.

Powerful way. Right, right, right. We're not getting off at all. Yeah, no, very classic. I've found that to be actually quite, that plays out in my life as well. I mean, there are certain occasions where you find a kind of cosmic flow

and everybody gets there. But most often, it is better if things are just taken out of your hand. But Luca doesn't need to eat ass or do any of that fun stuff. He's a nut. Yeah, exactly. So, we, in a used suspect type twist, can't deeter is back aboard Vessel. She is 100% better.

101% 11%. Hey, my bad. She is a hundred percent better 101% 11% Hey My bad We have the final preference sheet of the season. Let's go ahead. Let's sing it. It's no we have to get to something first Don't we oh now I was gonna play that horrible trump thing. I got out of it by the way What do you mean? Oh you got your money back? Well, yeah yeah, I get it in charge me. Oh, that's great news. That's really good.

Because that's a horrible AI. Yeah, you know, Pat and I talked about customer service in 2024. What, with most companies being part of some sour-unlike and glomerate, it doesn't bud well for people. Trying to talk to somebody to get their money back, but I'm glad that you got it back. I did. Yeah, yeah, it was really upset.

Anyway, it's time for the preference meeting. Not a lot going on here. They seem like pretty reasonable folk. They want on night two, I think, for the chef to just do his thing, which is something that should be pretty much forced onto people on this boat, right? I know that lunch is usually the chef thing

and stuff like that, but can people not just go listen, you don't go to a restaurant, and I guess you can suggest cuisines and stuff, but it doesn't need to be this like, you know, hyper-specific we want, you know, food to fit the white, just let the fucking guy cook or the gal cook, you know. Yeah, but what if he comes out there and it's going to be family-style Italian night? And then you're like, oh, I'm staring at what am I at?

Oh, am I a boogative rapper? Oh, yeah, boogative rapper. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they throw fucking peanut shells on the floor, whatever the fuck they do there. You feed this to people They pay for this you feed it to them Gross and say hey Del right don't you're a point out night two, but we do have to bring up night one They want Mediterranean food a tasting with a wine pairing

Bad idea with Syracis and I'll point out. There are not small yeas, be they level one or level five. Excuse me. What's this red you're pairing with the stuffed grape leaves? Oh, a local red wine. Great. Well, who paired this? One of the sea rats, I can get them asking ask them but they're probably cleaning your toilet right now right

Oh my god, yeah, I'm sorry our our wine kind of Connoisseur is scrubbing shit off your toilet right now But me come up also on day two, foam party at the beach club. Hello, 2004. Do you want Lindsey Lohan there too? Yeah, Lindsey Lohan and Amanda Binds are DJing.

And you are stopping around in a fucking cesspool of your own bodily fluids. Now, it's interesting. This is what happens to people who make great sacrifice. These two men have, listen, they're very, very successful, but they're dorks. They've been in and out of medical school and hospitals. It's a very, very rigorous work. You have to dedicate your entire life to it.

And that means that a lot of culture flies by you. And that's how you end up at 52 going, I've heard of a phone party. We should do that. I think that's fun. You know, like that Trump voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although they, or so they want that phone party and also Dylan, I think you're right. Because culture had passed them by pop culture, so they're just grabbing on to things, you

know. Their next request is a Hollywood glam party. Now if you're going to infuse Hollywood and be accurate at that Hollywood glam party, you better, you're going to need to book at least two homeless people with sharp, odd objects. Well, no, listen, okay, so here's why this is too vague a theme, right? Because for the people who are pretty close to the issue, you could take a sarcastic approach and be like, I'm dressing as a homeless person, you know?

Or, you know, what kind of glamour are we talking about? Are we talking about the abbey? Are we talking about the globes? Are we talking about the, you know, what kind of glamour are we talking about? There's a lot of glam about the you know, what kind of glam are we talking about? There's a lot of glam in this city. It's very glammed up. So provisions arrive lobster live

rubber banded lobster Faces max down and me and max are a kin in this way and I've talked about this before I'm not really down and me and Max are a kin in this way. And I've talked about this before. Cibugs. I'm not really, I don't know if we're aware of the karmic comet that is going to hit us because of the way that we treat chillfish. I mean, it's really, you know, when you look back on a civilization,

you know, all the wars and the genocide, that's gonna be top of the list. But as we whittle our way down when people are really needing to go on lunch break, we're going to get to what we did to see books. And it's just deranged, I mean, if you think about it. It really is. It's just so f-. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f but I think in a hundred years, how you treat your lobsters? I mean, think about it. They're smart animals.

I believe the Yorgos Lantzmovue was based off of their lifelong commitment to one another, so they're capable of love and monogamy. And here, calm we aliens. We rubber band their claws, their frozen. Can you imagine what that feels like being tied up? Awful feeling. Clostrophobic. You have no agency, so you low yourself into a calm and then you're thrown into a bed of boiling

water. I mean, it's just best case scenario, somebody takes a fucking chef's knife to your neck through the exoskeleton and you feel that right before you go. But there is only heaven for the followers of Christ and lobsters cannot follow. Can you imagine I fucking die? And I wake up, you know, I'm in the pearly gates there. And I'm like, what's with all the fucking lobsters up here

and should I be terrified? Well, they're divine creatures. I love that idea of heaven. I hope they're up there, but I don't think I'm going. Listen, if you want delicious food like the food that they're having, you know, all charter, you can literally go to green chef and get the same exact stuff. And it's way better.

I'm not even kidding. Green chef is a CCOF certified meal-cate company. They make eating well, easy with plants to fit every lifestyle, whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, just looking to eat more balanced meals. Okay. What have you guys been cooking lately? We had the chicken, was it tarragon?

I believe that was a flavor with broccoli. So don't get this on Sunday. My daughter, Ellie, she's been obsessed with planes lately. So I fit her, where can I get it? Up close to a plane. The Reagan Museum has the Air Force One there. We went there, but it was a horrible day. My wife and I fought about parking

and weren't talking to each other. Then we came home that box from Green Chef was there. And we cooked it together as a family. We fell in love again that night. You know why I think you guys were fighting? Why? The satanic prism that's underneath that fucking museum. Thel politics, this is an ad read.

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well. Hey Pat. Yeah. How's your stress lately? Well, it's, I had an event over the weekend. I went for a bike ride with my daughter, her and her first bicycle. And we drove by a zombie and I had some stress because I had to decide what I was going to do there. Thank God you were microdosing.

I was, calm me down. It, you know, this thing is reserved, usually, you know, out in the zeitgeist for, stuff that really is quite psychoactive, okay? But if you don't feel up to go and full bore into THC, why don't you just micro dose? Micro dose has tons of benefits. It helps with creative boost, enjoying the moment.

Pain, sex. You know? Oh yeah. Yeah. Sex? Yeah. I mean, who doesn't want to get better at that, you know? Oh yeah. Yeah. Sex? Yeah. I mean, who doesn't want to get better at that, you know? I mean, take the blinders off, take the blinkers off

and feel God pour through you with microdose. It really is, Dylan. I'll say this, you know, I don't like those heavy TH products. They freak me the hell out of me. Oh, no. I'm getting anxious. I am here to tell you that microtose does not do that. It does completely different things to you.

You will not freak out, right? Don't be scared of these. They come in these little package, little jars, these little gummies you can bite off as much as you want as much as you want. It makes your life better. Take one, go to the movies and fall in love with cinema again. Microdose is available nationwide to learn more

about microdosing THG. Go to microtose.com and use code, go to the movies and fall in love with cinema again. Microdose is available nationwide to learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code badtv to get free shipping and 30% off your first order links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com and code badtv. All right, so we are chugging along here. Haley returns from hell and Laura leaves, see a doctor. And I'm concerned this might be the last time we see her

But we got to get her out of here before she turns into a zombie You know it's odd to me. You know post pandemic The China virus and we did that fucking AI Trump and it got to you and we're getting to the you know the caucuses are tonight and and it's just But the beauty is Dylan the wonderful thing about this show that I think people appreciate no politics No politics. I can't tell you how many times my wife and I this week said he hits a deaters It was We're doing it in front of people and teachers. They were like, what are you talking about? Oh, teachers. So through, oh, yeah, but post pandemic, you know, you're a little bit more

conscious of the flu season stuff like that. I mean, Lara's just, I know Haley's got, you know, natural immunity or something with her surviving the disease, but she's hugging Hayley. She's going through talking to Jack. It's like get out of here. You gotta get everybody sick. You're gonna turn everybody into a goddamn zombie. Then Jeff's gonna really have a bad time. That's my kneecap. And you can't say anything back because you're annoying. And you can't say anything back because you're annoying. That's right. Yeah. All right. So a couple other hits here.

So Tumey's done quite the 180 on Lily once the black sheep of the C-Rat family now viewed as amazing. That's well done there, Lily. Yeah. And Lily and Max catch up. And I think he forgot that he had sex with her. I'd pat, but I wouldn't know. Pat, I, I haven't the faintest fucking idea. What they talked about. No, no, no, no.

And I don't think anybody should because I think that that's its purpose is to be completely fucking ignored. I agree. You know, all right. So we have to get completely fucking ignored. I agree. You know? All right, so we have to get to the weather. Choppy sees. Believe it or not, we're gonna be fucking dark the entire time, not even a close chance.

What? We're going to be leaving. But, clap the hands, snap the fingers. Here comes Sandy, we've got to kill it. We've got to kill this, because it's the last charter. Yeah, Sandy lets the sea rats know, by the way, this comes Sandy, we've got to kill it. We've got to kill this because it's the last charter. Yeah. Yeah, Sandy lets the C-Rats know, by the way, this is a new one, the pre-chartor meeting. I understand there's new information, but we rarely see that.

No, that is. It's a rarity. Yeah, Sandy lets the C-Rats know that despite the fact the guests are about to learn that they're paying $60,000 to sit on a dock for three days, they need to kill it. Kill it. Yeah. We're going to need to kill it.

Kyle recaps this entire season, crew fighting, crew getting sick. We have that weapons dealer on his bowson. And I don't know how after all of that, I still don't think it's been that great of a season. You know, honestly. On a paper, what are you saying? You'd be like, that's a great season to blow deck on Bravo.

Yeah. But no. You know what Dylan, I have to say this, I feel like I've been recapping this season since the summer. Uh-huh. And it's a new year. Yeah. And happy new year. Happy new year. You know, new beginnings. Yeah. You know, similar to the Christmas tree, you know,

my wife is a bit of a Nazi about the entire thing. She's like, you know, it's one one. We got to throw it out. I'm like, can we hold on to the pagan beauty of this random dead tree? And I mean, it's not even dead. It's sucking up the water, you know. But now it's dead. Is it dead? It's dead.

Is that how it works? You know what I'm wrong? You can actually grow a new little, out of a little twig of a tree here. Grow a root out of that. Right, but it's, that twig isn't alive. It's almost like you're reanimating them. It's like Frankenstein shit,

but actually quite beautiful. Anyways, happy new year. Happy new year. We cut that off too early. I think we should be able to say it in April. The guests arrive, they have very soft voices. And I don't like people with really soft voices. You know, walking around like, oh, that looks good.

Do you like it, if you? Yeah, well, I caught something else here. Sandy has the guest's arrival. She says, go enjoy your tour on the boat. Yeah. Because you're going to be spending a lot of time here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That did have a jigsaw killer vibe to it.

Yeah. The guests here are the news and it does not go overwhelmed. Jeff is rightly pissed, but he's asking a lot of questions. He goes down to the kitchen, not to learn, not to express any real interest in learning how to cook, but to be so out of people to complain to, that you have to go and find the chef. I love that take, because I'm like, I don't think Jeff's down here to learn how to cook, but why is he here?

Thought I'd just maybe figure out how to cook, because we're gonna be on this boat for so long. Now, in an effort to keep the guest busy, Dylan, our crack team of department heads, they really think out of the box, how do they do that? They Google. What to do in this town? Oh, visit a local aquarium.

It is so insane to me that, I mean, obviously they're sea rats, right? So it isn't that insane to me that, I mean, obviously, there's sea rats, right? So it isn't that insane to me, but don't you have some- A contingency plan. Well, or a binder with contacts. I mean, things that you know you can do just in case

this happens because, you know, five alarm fire, it fucking does all the time. It happens all the time. We might catch it at least four or five episodes charters where they've ended up on the dog. On the dog, and that's for the whole time. A lot of the time they're stuck there for a day. So yeah, maybe have a backup plan,

but it was a crack team. I mean, it reminded me of Ethan Hunt in the gang, getting on their phones and Googling, going to fucking TripAdvisor. Because what those people are paying for is essentially to not have to TripAdvisor themselves, but just do it on a, it's just insane. All right, so I have an idea, Dylan. Yeah, okay I'm gonna life hack this here's my idea and this is what Sandy should do. I love a life I she walks into all the guests. Yeah, she says have have you guys seen the movie hostile?

Okay, we know you rich people secretly want to kill someone. Yeah, yeah Okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna we're gonna gonna allow this. We're gonna give each of you a butcher's knife, but you're only gonna be allowed to kill one. Okay. And we let them have at it. And they'll go nuts instantly. They're like, this is totally worth it. Right, okay.

Let me imagine the face on Jeff. Jeff would, he'd mess himself. I don't want my criticism of this plan to take away from what I feel for it, which is nothing but true love. I think that this is a marvelous plan. They are blood thirsty. They're not allowed to express that outwardly in polite society. So let's give them something. I mean, that really is killing it. That would be killing it. But I have to say, Pat, I think allowing one citizen per guest

is it can get a little messy. Oh, no, just one C-Rat. So I think they're gonna try and track down in corner the slowest one. Oh, you're saying that they can kill a C-Rat? Just one C-Rat. Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, they can't kill each other.

They're gonna have, that's gonna be a lot of questions. No, but what I was thinking was, go out into the cobblestone streets of whatever, you know, scam city you're in and find a beggar. Don't kill out in the open, but let's, what better lure than I have a yacht? Many people have fallen prey to that.

What better lure than I have a yacht many people have fallen prey to that Let's take the fucking filthy beggar back, right and then slaughter him But it has to be done on the boat Has to be done somewhere in the galley where the floors are not expensive because Sea rats spill and they fuck. So. God, I love that. Still work shopping. I don't know.

I think we're done. Parma Handbag and Gochis Salad are sent up for lunch along with baby brands, you know, with Fennel and lemon. The guests are mentioning that the weather looks fine, but that they're not going to challenge the expertise of the crew. I mean, there are so many wonderful, little yummy passive aggressivisms from these people. Oh yeah, that's they too. They don't want to, you know, not an expert or anything, but the ocean looks pretty smooth here.

I don't want to challenge the expertise of the crew. I can do that for you, Jeff, but if we went out there in the choppy water, you'd hate me. Yeah. Do you think they're lying to you? Do you think they want to be on the boat? It is a trait of doctors. I work for them. They are insane. They don't, they are so like, want to be in charge and they do not, they will push really far to defy

their own reality. They're absolute assholes. All right, now let's talk about some other assholes. To me and Chef Jack, who I both love, are putting together that goddamn pairing. And to me as Chef Jack, what's going to go with the chicken? Any answers and I quote, white, white, white. Now, why don't you just line a bunch of wine bottles up on the floor and throw rings on

them like you do at a carnival? Yeah. Because that's the same process. Don't cheat like carnies. We're trying to figure out what we're going to drink. Okay, we don't need to be here for an hour. Mm-hmm. You know? Sandy heads around in this corner about the baseline energy and she's starting to get a little pissed.

At some point in here, Jack is texting, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, to Jack. You think he's got a shot? I don't want to get into whether or not he has a shot or whether or not he doesn't have a shot. Natalia is from a darker plane than this and we not know how those things operate. So I'm not, it's a battlefield I don't know. You know what I mean? I think he's given it his best, but I'm worried that that's what he's doing. He is and she's kind of, I'm not the tie I know you'll listen. He's not using him per se,

but he is kind of, he's her mole in that world. I don't wanna say it again, but I'll say it again and we've referenced this before, but it feels more fitting given that Jack is the same wise of this season. She loves spitting webs right now. And, you know, he might be falling into said webs. And I, you know, I hope that he uses, you know what was the sword called again? Trabaltor? No. Sting. And slices themselves free of those webs.

I mean, don't be used. And don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got. You know what I mean? Poor guy. I like everyone. Me too. So the guests are a little pissed, but Luca and Sandy had a great plan. Let's take them on a tour of the poor.

Shipping containers. So that they can hear the screams of the people in said containers and then they can go back to Apparel's Princess. Yeah, okay. So, uh, Sandy starts Google language. What language is that? Hearing people scream and like, sounds like it's from Malaysia or something.

Actually, the scream I heard while they were going through that harbor shipping containers, I think they passed by Tom Hanks and that God dim volleyball. And they're like, hey, I think that's Tom Hanks in Wilson. And they were actually, what they were doing is they were saying, get away from us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're having a better time drifting in the ocean than you fools. But they went and they were like, Tom, we're having a Hollywood glam party tonight. You're like your part, like you're kind of part of that, you know. So Sandy is micromanaging. Kyle and Tumi are going to go. Oh, no.

Kyle went on the booze cruise because he's fun. He's fun. And when they said that Lilly was going to go on the boat, that's when Sandy put the cabaret on. She was like, no, Tumi and Kyle, you're the fun ones. And that's actually a good intervention because as we'll see in the next scene, Lily should not really... She shouldn't be...

She reminds me of an anapharis character, you know? Yeah. You know what I mean? I agree with that. Let's have the people who are a little less rainbowy go out with the pissed off crew. Right? Probably a better idea. Yeah.

You know what I want to do? I want to put the kibache on this. I'm sandy. I walk out to the gas and go, hey, we're real sorry. And she hands Jeff a baseball bat with spikes in it. Yeah. I bet you're wondering what we could do with this. And then instantly it turns around.

Right. Pat, listen for the life of me. I don't know why they didn't pitch that. Soft pitch. Don't make it seem like it's their choice. Look, we don't do this all the time. Right. Because the game is, you know that they're picking that one.

Once that feast has been laid in front of them, there is no other option. But the illusion is that, you know, actually, apprehensively, we are going to pick a slaughtering in a sense. Yeah, yeah. And there'll be one charter guest that seems like they're the one that's deeply opposed to it. Yeah, and they're just like Stephanie Shit the fuck up, but then there's one that's like the most brutal murder. Are you kidding me dude Stephanie is so trapped in that marriage Put a fucking Louisville slugger with nails in her hands. I can't even imagine you know what oh wow

We're finishing this movie out. She all right, so she takes out. I probably Kyle hauled plays I can't even imagine. You know what? Oh, wow. We're finishing this movie out. She, all right. So she takes out, I probably Kyle. Hold plays. We'll finish the episode soon. And she fucking goes in on Jeff. Oh, yes.

That's how it ends. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Now, Jeff is, Jeff might be before Kyle. And she might get away with it because everybody's like, listen, you misunderstood what's happening here. But fucking, thank God, right? Because we are just sick and tired of them.

And he's not quite dead yet. So he has like a gurgling kind of like, hey, that hurts. Kind of response. So Lillian Maxx get their helmets on and start cartwheeling around the boat. She says that she's pretty confident Lillian Max get their helmets on and start cartwheeling around the boat. She says that she's pretty confident that Max and her are not going to work off the boat,

but her parents got married in 21 days knowing each other so you can't say it'll never. That is like, that is an Amanda Sikfried in Mean Girls kind of moment. We're getting married in 28 anyways. I don't need a harp on it. So they decide that they are going to drive to Portofino the next day. And I don't think the guests that goes over well with them. No, they're like, are we going to take the boat? No. No.

We're going gonna be driving. It's 30 minutes. The way that Luke is hugging Ann. Luke, excuse me, Luke is that rapist. Mm-hmm. No, Luke is hugging Ann in a very Shilob way himself. I mean, this is the most Shilob on this boat right now. What he is doing to pour the land

is nothing short of animalistic. I mean, it's just really, it's, I don't wanna take Anne's agency away from her, but it is a little bit cat playing with mouse. Well, I do appreciate, but to take that analogy, I will say the mouse knows that this is essentially a pump and dump, though. The mouse knows that this cat is

just trying to fuck it. Right. But when the wounds heal, I'm not bleeding is bad anymore. I feel like I could go to can. You know, that kind of thing starts creeping in. And then before you know it, it's done that death shake. You know, at least you bite you in the neck and then they shake. But at this point, I kind of slightly disagree with you. I think she knows what she's buying into. I hope so. Superficial just hook up a elongated tripticon.

I hope so. So Jeff talks to Sandy. He says things aren't going well. No, he says this is stupid. Yeah. And by the way, your 52, don't say things like this anymore. I know you're frustrated, but you sound like I said, it's off of the episode.

A passionate little asshole. Somebody get this guy an exacto knife and a ball pit. When he's not killing, he'll have fun rumbling around in the balls. Now Sandy hears this and she's got a plan. She will thwart the misery and disappointment and turn all of this around. Her idea, game night, game night, game night. Yeah, yeah, game night game night Wow, yeah, I think that this is what the Manhattan project looked like You know people were just like

Working tirelessly to just figure out some of these complex issues and Eventually you do land on the answer. And that's game night. That's game night. And Lily is going to be the master of ceremonies. She is so excited that she's exploding green pens. Which we spent three minutes on. I'm so happy that you just said that because I remembered, I didn't even write down how long it was,

but it triggered like, did we spend a minute and 30 seconds of the air time on that? And that's what you get at episode 15 of the series called, Below Deck Mediterranean. A minute and a half of a marker exploding. This is what Bravo needs to do. Let's have shortened seasons and let's start a new franchise called, like, Below Deck Death Squad Let's have short and seasons and let's start a new franchise

Called like below deck death squad or something like that and we you know, it might not be it might be a paywall show But um, you know, we get to see what we've been talking about this. Oh interesting interesting. I mean people love Squid games They do why wouldn't they love below deck death squad? I Let's let's work Andy. We can't keep giving you these for free. Okay, at some point we have to be brought to the table We have to have the mountain valley spring water in the green bottles. We don't want any plastic And you know we got lots of stuff we can chew about yeah Yeah, and I especially want them to ask would you like it cool or room temperature? Oh, definitely room temperature. And I'm a cold guy. So that's a test, right? Are we paying attention

to the, you know, the little idiosyncrasies of our guests here? You're listening. Okay, so the guests at this point need to fucking leave. This is what I would do. Cut, cut cost, you're going to save this point need to fucking leave. This is what I would do. Cut cost, you're gonna save five grand each on the tip. Oh, I didn't even think about that. You're not gonna have to tip. That's 20 grand, yeah.

Get outta here. Now, because they paid for, yeah, Dill, that's the right move, but you gotta pay for a hotel in town. That's fine, you can get a nice hotel for, I mean, even them like a nice hotel in Split. If you want to go pricey, let's go a grand, 1500 a night. That's a lot cheaper than what this is. It's a lot cheaper than the tip. And you can litigate a little bit of a refund after. I like that. Yeah, that a huge gift. Wow, great, great take, dude.

Yeah. So everyone is having a great time, except for Jeff and his stupid shirt. He's arguing with Stephanie because Stephanie is a total bitch. Oh, you think so? No, I'm kidding. Jeff's a live a Jeff. Jeff is that. He is an absolute nightmare.

I feel so bad for Stephanie. And in fact, she is a warrior. I don't know how you would face down that kind of behavior every day. It's a fourth child. You know, that is. She's got three boys. So dinner, first course, chilled cucumber and basil soup with a truffle.

Nothing to blow the doors off of stuck guests than a gazpacho to start off things, which is a dish that can never, ever get above a seven. Gaspacho. Oh, the Gaspacho. Do you remember on our trip, honey? Back at Gaspacho. No one's ever said that.

Do you remember that cold, pulpy watermelon and mint Gaspacho? Mm. And that big, big bowl, it and mint gospacho. And that big, big bowl, it was a lot of it. Do you remember that? Yeah, like it was yesterday. Well, Ann is talking about how she's excited and nervous to go to Cannes.

Luca is asking for nudes from Natalya and Laffing. He's laughing like a five-year-old that shit is pants. Yeah, yes. I didn't know it was her that prompted that by saying, uh, show me something and he sent a text of his feet. A feet, yeah, yeah. But you know, they're dancing. They're dancing. Now, don't let me, uh, if you don't mind, uh, handle this next part. Modern dancers arrive. Now, I don't know if we mentioned this early in the podcast. To me thought it was a great idea to really get this party started by having some modern dancers show up. We've got salmon reat and then we go into modern

dancing. Oh yeah, forgive me. I don't know. It's just like if you wanted to keep not killing it, let's do salmon reat and then have on these two modern dancers. Modern dancers that haven't showered. Now, this prompts Toome to reflect back on her history of dance performance, Dylan. And it's quite the history. At some point, right before her hip hop recital, her mother told her that her dog was run over

by a steam roller. You know? Now, after that, Toumi never wanted to dance again. And she was like, how come he didn't get out of the way? And she's like, well, I held him there. But listen, I want you to focus on where you never could show. Have a great show, kid. Get out there.

Yeah. I love Tumi. Yeah, she's really come around a bit. Yeah, not too easy to speed, right? Now, I want to say this about Barry DeLeed though in this C-Write history, because she forgot to... I mean, you don't need to bring it up every time. I'd be a bummer, but, you know. It's odd going back to the dance history when we know what we know.

Yeah. The performance. I think Jeff wanted to operate on Tumys head after subjecting him to this, you know? Yeah, yeah. Because I think he hated it. What would we do if you and I were sitting there? I don't know what I would hate this. I would flip out.

This was, it wasn't as bad as having a girl that you're dating a whip out a acoustic guitar. Sure. Serenade you where all you're thinking is, I can't wait for this to be over. Or even worse, a guy you're dating. You know what I mean? Yes.

So many women have to, because it's usually more of a guy thing. It's a guy thing. It's a guy thing. It's a guy thing. Let me show you G major. God. You gotta just walk out of those rooms

unless you're really in love with the person, you have to say unless you wanna have sex with them, but you gotta get out of there. Well, I didn't wanna make it uncomfortable aside she was in my apartment, but I'll tell you what I did do. I had never called her again. If you just took the guitar and slammed it on the ground,

you're like, I loved the, I was just doing like a rock and roll thing. I love that. I'm sorry the guitar is all squished to pieces because I want to keep hearing it. So Haley is pissed about the dishes. Hey, can't teacher, why don't you chill out? Okay, you're not really doing anything this charter or just watch the dishes. I'm not saying that in like a madman kind of thing. I mean, you get what I'm saying, right? Take a seat, anteater, hater. Natalia's on the show more than you. Okay, so Sandy heads down and says that she misses Natalia

because the laundry looks like it is in... I'm getting triggered. Disrepair. Jeff and Stephanie are going nuts again. I don't remember what, oh, they were fighting at the table. Well, they were also fighting before they went up for dinner. Yeah, they were fighting in the room. Stephanie, go up there.

I'm not going up without you. Fine. Good God. Just get off the boat, Jeff. Put them in. You're Good God. Just get off the boat, Jeff. But then you're miserable. You're willing to have for everybody else. Get off the boat. But then when the modern dancers,

like I looked at you the whole time, you were looking at that thin Italian boy. Maybe I was Jeff. Yeah, I definitely was Jeff. Look at your shirt. Uh, okay, so the games begin. First is kill me kill me kill me kill me. They're we would if we were on the show there would be a there would be a moment where one of us would go we're not doing this right? We're not really gonna do this right face painting in games. Oh wow things you do at a five-year-old's birthday party go fuck yourself

I'm out of here and my lawyer will be contacting you soon. He doesn't have half of his face Okay, so the first game is who's best dressed. The second game leads to a peek into the asshole of one of the adjoins. I enjoy that. Mm-hmm. Why do you have to say it like that? Oh, sorry. I thought we saw Kuchi.

I don't know why you have to say that like that. But yeah, no, we did. You know, she's on vacation and she didn't know that part of that vacation. You know, she thought that she could be comfortable at dinner, right? But no, what they had in store for her was some cartoon character with green paint all over her. Asking her to bend down and pick up a cereal box

with her mouth. And to be fair to her, asking her to bend down and pick up a cereal box with her mouth. And to be fair to her, who could have ever guessed that that was coming? So, yeah, she showed her whole butthole and stuff. Jack is texting the Italian. She's hanging around. She's hanging around like horsefly. You know, you know, the, you you know the sound of a horse fly. It's thicker than that. Like you can tell how big they are. Oh is Natalia. And he is very, very triggered. He's wondering if now is the right time to let Sandy know how he feels. Do it. Is it on the board? No, it's not on the board. Number one answer is never.

Ever say how you feel about this specific situation. Here's a question, and we'll end the episode on this. What is there going to be a reunion for this season? I do not think so. Why? Of course there's going to be a reunion. They've been pushing them off lately. I don't think we've gotten a reunion in the last two cycles. Have they been doing that?

Yeah. Dan and Dan. No reunion. They just had Captain Hotpants and Kermit on. Dan and Dan. Well, it was because that sexual assault. Well, that's true. And then we had Captain the sailing season.

I don't think they did it for that either. Dan and regardless of what comes, we will be covering it. The season finale is next week in the comments. Comment, comment, comment. We'll see all the $12 here, members on Tuesday at five o'clock. Is that what we said?

Five o'clock. So that will be Tuesday, the 23rd of January. We love you all very much. Patreon.com slash another podcast network to be able to go to that and to support the show, support the sponsors, give the people your love in life a big hug, a big kiss, and just tell them how much they mean to you. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat. Say goodbye. Good bye! Thank you.

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