Another Below Deck Podcast - The Ghost of Carpaccio | Below Deck Med S8 E13

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Dylan and Pat are back to break down balls, the worst X-men, throwing sea rats overboard, Stonhenge, balls, iron overload and more from Bravo's Below Deck Med. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcastGo to MagicMind.com/BelowDeck and Use code BADTVGo to BodySmartFitness.com and mention the show in your application. Use code BADTV in the Tropical Smoothie App 

Only she would take one of nature's greatest eyesores, hairy little beanbags between our legs, and turn them into a folk hero. Yeah. Balls are disgusting, Kermit. Yeah. Everyone knows it. Kermit, the patriarchy is already strong enough. Okay, we don't need our revolting genitalia put on a pedestal, okay?

Hi, hello, and welcome aboard to another Brands Make New episode of another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan, that is Pat. Hey great to be here What is up boo dare? I say boo not much. Yeah. Mm-hmm Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You want to give me a little bit more? Yeah more Yeah, yeah, what's going on permission to come aboard granted? dude hell of an episode We have a mutant on this boat. I've written in my notes, the worst X-Men of all time.

Somebody who has a genetic mutation wherein fish will kill them. I mean, I don't even think that that had professor Xavier would have would have scouted her at all. He probably like, you know, saw her in his mind's eye and was like, oh, that's a lame one. I don't even know what you do with that power. What could you possibly how could you save the world with that power? Yeah, you're like, who's the bad guy in X-Men? Magneto. Hey, Magneto is over there. I think he's going to kill us.

I'm going to hit him with some lightning storms. What are you going to do? Yeah, Yeah, not sure but I'm definitely not gonna eat fish. It'll take me out of the battle So we have some public service announcements to get to bachelorette is heating up we got the fuck shacks next week join us to patreon.com slash another podcast network for that Hmm what else are you thinking? What? No, I can't think of anything else. You can't think of anything else. Well, we might be covering.

We might be doing a, as a brutal breakdown of blood sport at patreon.com. Yeah. The near future. We just recorded a PMC where we have a segment called what the hell happened to that guy And yeah, there's an actor named Don who played a character named ogre nerds, right? And turns out he was in a movie called blood sport that Dylan has a lot of affection for yeah I mean, it's one of my favorite films of all time JCVD the kumatay It's a it's a gauntlet

approving ground of much more than martial capabilities. It's really a metaphor for life So listen we have an episode of below deck to get to I'm gonna give this episode 95 pots 95 pots. Yeah, I don't have a lot of notes on this episode Dylan I'll just admit that right out of the gate I did enjoy it because look the second best thing to having people that I hate on this show is Having an escalation of incompetence and that was on full display here. It's a little shot in front of my part I'm not proud of myself

But when I do see someone serve someone a dish of food that could kill them Yeah, and then be confronted about that. I'm kind of enjoying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know. It's an ugly part of our human nature, I think. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Couple things with this show. So, numbers spiked for us last week.

And the numbers spiked for us because people were interested in what the show was doing, that being they had some horrible charter guests on mm-hmm, right? so Below deck production Bravo figure it out. Okay, we need to have either continued incompetence from the the crew But I mean really like I know Asia's suffering and Asia is an angel and we'll get to it but that's a problem of her own making

I'll get into that with my thoughts and knots okay vehemently disagree but we'll we'll have a hearty debate on that later but we need the hottest people from the softest rooms we've said it before hottest people softest rooms TJ Fridays workers all that but also the caliber of guests needs to be either really fun or Unbelievably toxic. Mm-hmm. We can't do these milk toast kind of where did these guys sit for you? Really fun. Okay, I also amazing people. You know what I thought as I was looking at that day Excuse me as I was looking at the table. I was like, this is what the cast of Southern Charms

is gonna look like in 20, 22 years. Yeah, I think so, I think so. I can see Chef. Fried hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but just with less charisma. Yeah, I mean, Chef's hair is already fried. He has aged about 15 years. That's what booze will do to you.

You're on the sauce like he is, it ages you. That's why I had to cut back Yeah, I know when you're sucking down Fermented grain poison Like you you do that like you drink grain alcohol Well, I'm just doing this cuz I'm trying to you know, I can't drink wine anymore Yeah, unless it's on special occasions. So for me to kind of lighten up the mood get my vibes going I will drink claw. Yeah grain alcohol. Mm-hmm. Yeah

revolting What flavor is that lemon? It's my least favorite lemon, but it's all I had left in the fridge. Got it Okay, so enough demonizing Pat's drinking choices. Let's get into the show. Oh, I didn't get my thoughts at night. I mean The saddles on the horse. Can you jump on? Give us your thoughts and pots. Okay. Decent episode. There was a lot of parking the boat, pulling the boat out.

There was a lot of what we call in the biz B roll. Okay. Okay. Now, and what biz is that? Huh? What biz? The movie business. Okay.

Or reality TV. Just it's footage that you don't really, it's not consequential to the actual story. Right. All right. So Kermit, I like Kermit a lot I sometimes feel bad about calling her Kermit but I can't help myself. She is a delightful lovely person although I think if you get her at the wrong time there might be some inner anger in there but that's just I'll say that. Hey we've all got it. That's true. We've all got it.

But I want to say the problems that are taking place on this boat Excluding the exterior issues are all Kermit's fault and let me make my point. I'm gonna lay it out like a Like a lawyer. She's ridiculous You're Johnny Cochran right now. I'm Johnny Cochran. Yeah, and the glove does not fit Yeah, so Kermit is a nice person and I think like most supervisors doesn't like to fire people. Okay. In the face of wild incompetence, she has yet to fire a single person. That causes her as a byproduct of that, of working 14 hour days with no sleep.

And dare I say it also creates the issue where she neglects certain other responsibilities that she has, i.e. looking the preference sheet over with the chef and making sure that he's not preparing food that could said kill paying customer. That lies on both their laps. As far as I'm concerned, I've always seen the chief stews go over menus with the chef. She should have caught that. Why didn't she? She's too busy being overworked because she doesn't have the guts to fucking fire cheese or Balkan biscuit. This is her fault. This is her fault. Dylan, you've worked with me before in a supervisor

capacity. We had some jerk that worked for us. I didn't have the guts to fire him because I don't like firing people. And he threw a whole fucking wrench into our whole system at some point. That was the idiot that used to punch walls. Patrick, enough with your Johnny Cochranisms, okay? How did it lay? Not good at all. Not with the jury. No, absolutely not. The jury does not acquit. You're defending a man who beheaded a woman with a trowel. Two people. Two people. So we do not acquit.

Okay. Fine. Ninety-five pots. Asha cannot fire these people. This is Sandy's job. Asha could go up and make heads or tails, what? Make a bigger stink about this. But then we demonize her for that. I think that

she's playing it completely perfectly. All she can do is talk to Sandy five, six, seven, eight, nine hundred times about cheese. It's Sandy's responsibility to fire cheese, okay? There's nothing Asia can do, okay? I know this happens at the end of the episode. Your client beheaded two people with a trowel. Alright, Dylan. Only because I know we're gonna get to the end of this client beheaded two people with a trial. All right, Dylan. Um, only because I know we're going to get to the end of this episode and it kind of, it's going to move to the next episode, which we'll talk about it more. But I do want to ask you the whole issue with Jonathan, Jonah. So she wants to fire him, has actively been trying to get him someone to replace him. And he deserves to be fired. In fact, if she had guts, when the guests were leaving and handing that tip

over, I would have turned to Jonathan as Sandy and said, What are you still doing here? You're leaving too. Yeah. You're not coming back on this boat. You're Johnny Cochran insanity today. Yeah, I mean, I feel like you're a what are are you gonna do? What do you we saw what happened when they didn't have a chef? They tried to live fry a lobster on the grill And if if you cannot let this person stay on this boat and cook if that lobster was alive

I don't know what I'm gonna do there's no agency or there's no action ability because I can't go back and look to see if that lobster was alive or do the recon required but god that made me so angry. Just some stupid sea rat shoving a fucking, if the animal was... You're talking about the flashback to that said charter where Sandy decided to cook the meal herself. Yes and we had Dus duska. Oh, duska. Yeah, she five minutes earlier had a mop in her hand on another boat. Yes, and there was ash in a lot of the dishes. But it added an earth note, I believe they said. Last we left off, we were in a Jumanji storm. The guests are returning from the winery that was open for some reason and the cabins are leaking but in typical balutic fashion

It's not a leak and it's fixed Instantaneously and amounts to absolutely nothing. That's true. So let's go back to something that did entertain me Which is that ill-fated ill-advised trip to the winery for a wine tasting? Kermit this was one of Kermit's moves once again. I think she's losing her mind. The walls are talking to her This is how that would have gone had they made it to the wide hey how's the Pino yeah I don't know John the glass blew out of my hand yeah hey where's my wife oh she's up in the fucking tree yeah it wouldn't be good

who would have thought it was a good idea to put these people in a car Let me say some about old people and they are of a certain age. I'm old too. That's fine Old people are scared of things like rain. Okay, I I would have said this is a possibility if you had a bunch of 20 Somethings in there. Oh with the fragility comes fear Fair enough. You know what I mean? I mean, we were talking about it the other day. I used to be. I'll bungee jump, no problem. But not anymore. Not doing that. You know, I can't do that stuff anymore either. Not only because I have kids,

but I have a nice pool. You know, I want to enjoy that pool. I don't want to die or be in a wheelchair all my life because of a bad bungee jump. Yeah. I mean, how many stories have we heard? Countless. Countless. Trav was, you know, did a little bit too much crystal meth the night before. And your carabiner was not screwed in all the way.

And that's why now your dick fell off. You know? It's not a good life at all. You survived the fall. Literally nothing happened to you. But your dick did fall off. Oof. That's like dying good life at all. You survived the fall literally nothing happened to you, but your dick did fall off Oh, that's like dying. Yeah essentially and so

Always put the wine wine back in the fridge This is a little like this is one of those things where you know I don't know if Ellie was in the heat of the moment was to but but but to leave white wine out For any duration of time is nuts. White wine has to be. Chilled. It's like beer, you know, I need, you know, it needs to be a certain temperature.

It's just literally not enjoyable. You'll suck down a warm beer in a heartbeat. Yeah, but I'm a filthy pig. But I will agree with you. Let me tell you something. Just something like in and out French fries. You don't eat those things in the first 15, 20 minutes once they're out of the fryer later.

They're dead. They're dick fell off. They could be dog poop to me, as far as I'm concerned. Right, right, right, yeah. It's that inedible. So Ian tells the gang to clean the cabin so he can take some downtime eating open-faced sandwiches. I don't have a problem with this,

he's running around the boat. And being a manager is delegating your work to the underlings. You know, I found this quite the chasm between bosons on this series. You have bosons that are kind of in the shadows of the shell. They just kind of come out and you see clear, certain competence. And then you have the other bosons that are sexually assaulting. Front and center, yeah.

It's such a good point. There's such a chasm between those two archetypes. We don't really have anybody in between. We don't. It's either your vampire in the shadows eating open face recipe sandwiches and really not contributing much at all, or you've Gary. Or Ross. Or Ross. Or Eddie. Or some other pigs. Yeah, I mean Eddie's Eddie's slamming people up on fucking washing machines. Mm-hmm Kind of I mean, it's crazy stuff Eddie's still pissed. Yeah, he's oh, he's mad

He's pissed. So John Oh has a lot of pressure because he could kill someone this time around also Tops of asparagus and whatnot. It's gonna be a challenging chart. That's right. Yeah now Asia Incredible plays her role as the winery witch to perfection. The guests are also incredible. She's rapping, she's keeping them entertained, she is a fucking Ray. And Sandy, Captain Sandy agreed with that.

I will say, having a true knack for making guests happy while making them forget they're on a horrible vacation That is a talent. Yeah, I mean imagine if it was you or me. I would not be happy Well, the first thing I do no, no, I mean us having to be the winery witch. Oh, I just go hide in my cabin I climb under a blanket and then if they came down and said hey, you got to go back to work I'm I can't go up. I'd smash a bottle and go get out of here and they would all get up. I'm not kidding though if we you and I and our lovely wives and some other friends chartered a yacht and we showed up and they say yeah we're not leaving the dock I'd say well then I'm

I'm going back to my hotel yeah and you when you try and run my credit card it will have been canceled. Love that love that hey send it to collections. It's not good luck. It's not anywhere I haven't been before. Okay, I can dip, dive, dodge, duck these motherfuckers to the couch. I'll get a reasonable person on the phone at from American Express. I'll say, Hey, look, I charted a boat. They said I couldn't go out on the boat. There you go. And Amex customer service is impeccable. Amex customer service and I recommend everybodyable. Amex customer service, and I recommend

everybody get an Amex just because, I mean, you're treated like a human at an American Express. Not really. Yeah you are. Now my wife booked a hotel room for us in Palm Springs, turns out it was a fraudulent hotel website, contacted American Express, they said, nah, it looks real to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, but at least they were great about it. Not really. It took about six months to get my wife's money back. They were so good about it.

I love American Express. Hey, American Express, if you want to sponsor the show, I have nothing but good things to say about your service. Cheese is doing some image work towards Joe to avoid. Now, this note was very high when I was writing this. That's fine. I think I know what you're going to say said cheese is doing some image work towards Joe to avoid dousing the boat in her own lubricant I mean that's ridiculous

well first let me paint a picture of what she you did not know I was gonna know I didn't know you're gonna go that way yeah okay but what I was gonna point I mean she turns into a goddamn fire hose around this guy. That's true. So she employs a tactic, which is to create an image in her head to make her completely turned off by this person. Dare I say, a thing used for many generations for men

when they don't want to pre-ejaculate while having sex. And my device I've always used is to conjure up an image of my grandmother's asshole. Okay. You know what I always did? I thought about Harry Potter. I got lost in the world of Hogwarts. I thought the ministry is really not doing anything to help the situation and I would think about you know kind of the ins and outs of the political world of Harry Potter. I would come in two seconds. Oh wow.

You should have called your Grammy's asshole. Here's me like oh man I really want to impress this girl. Oh my god this is so hot though. I think I'm gonna go. I think I'm gonna go with my grandmother's asshole. Holy shit. Oh my god I'm okay. The girl would actually turn around and go hey everything okay. I'm gonna go I think I'm gonna go my grandmother's ass oh yeah oh my god I'm okay the girl would actually turn around go hey everything okay I'm like yeah everything's fine everything's fine and

and and after that red-faced panic attack the mood is still intact oh yeah it's still seals still on Kenny G's still I can recover and we are still hammering away at one another. Yes we are. You know we talked about it at Patreon. Patrick thinks it's sexy to sweat. Oh yes. Get in the comments let us know. I am not okay with that. Well doing the the the horizontal mombo. The upside down penguin. The upside down emperor penguin. You know that? What's what's that one? Upside down Emperor Penguin. Yeah, that's the big penguin, right?

Yeah, well, so you basically both invert, right? And then you get on your forearms. And you kind of move. Like they're those little, cute little penguin hands. Right, exactly. And you waddle towards one another and slowly kind of do the deed. It also helps to have some kind of egg in between you

to kind of replicate or act like you're trying to keep this little thing warm from the storm outside. And let me tell you, bing bong boom. Sounds hot. I'll cut it. No, no, it sounds hot. Definitely cut it because It's just embarrassing Okay, so we get to Joe and Gail Gail gives it to Joe straight

She says that she's recognizing that Joe is not only toying with the girls But trying to gaslight them into thinking that it is their fault I always love that Joe is a bag of dick. He says stupid things to The idea that he said that it was more admiral, admiral, adm? Admirable. Admirable to have gone back to the Balkan Biscuit and say, no, I don't think I want to date with you. That was more brave, I think, he said.

No, I mean, this man, I mean, lead me into battle. You know? Wow, I see some fancy stripes on your lead me into battle. You know? Wow, I see some fancy stripes on your shirt there. What'd you do? Yeah. Well, I told a girl that I had a date with and I didn't want to go on it with her. Whoa.

Wow. Cool. That is so cool, man. I'll die for you. Yeah, I'll die for you. I mean, you know, listen, we're not gonna talk to Joe, so I think it's okay to be pretty, pretty, you know, let's just let it go. Oh, no, I am.

And I'll say this. So I've talked to Bravo PR, we would need some goddamn Sea Rats this season or we're going to start going. We'll go rogue. We'll go. The fans have been here with us many times before. We'll go rogue. Yeah, I don't care.

I'll light, I'll light it on light it on fire on fire. Oh, oh, they're all working right now. They're all out on charter. Oh, okay. That's why I'm seeing all their fucking pictures on Instagram. Okay. All right. Got it. You get a screeners. Oh, I don't need the screen. I do. I don't want to be bent over a barrel by these people. Okay, I understand I feel the same way Just like my screeners. I don't want to watch the show on a Monday like other people. Well, listen, you know my back tattoo Don't tread on me. Yeah, I have to you know at some point

Push is gonna come to shop. We have to stand up to these. Fair enough. Yeah. Well, they're not gonna do it again. All right. The guests head down. Jono has a Jennifer Coolidge moment with the primary. These two, if Jono was hired as her private chef, I'd watch that show. I love these two together. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, he did try to kill her friends,

so that might sour the relationship a little bit. But she is very white-lipped. You're referring to drunk Pam making her way down the kitchen. Yeah, I didn't think Jonathan's imitation of whatever her face is was that good. Jennifer Coolidge. You have the itchiest little butthole today.

What? It wasn't that good. It was fantastic, and also- I think it's the g the case are all PAM's Drunks yeah Right most live in a trailer park Mm-hmm, and if you're a PAM out there let us know are you a drunk and do you live in a trailer park or a double-wide? Some don't have wheels saw the funniest video the other day of this guy with a breathalyzer and he goes

This thing made me I'm not gonna get into it. We got to get into below deck There's too many nuances in the performance for me to really Drive home what it meant to me when I watched it. Okay, so why Why even attempt to go into it? Well, you're pontificating about it. You could have just already told the story, right? I know, but it's not something as simple as the video I showed you the other day of,

if Lizzo was, okay, all right, I won't get into it. All right, but, uncanceled Lizzo, okay? I miss the music. I love Lizzo. Me too, she's very talented. So talented. Big Mars vault ahead. I love Lizzo. So what? She demeaned and sexually assaulted lots of people. Hey, lots of people have done that, you know? Right, exactly.

It kind of comes with the territory of having a place with power. Yeah, exactly. And what are we going to do? I thought that people who filled out the entire bingo chart of of the new world You know plus-sized powerful black flutist. I thought they could do whatever the fuck they wanted to so and so did she so uncancelled Lizzo hashtag it yeah Lizzo cut a check real quick. So you can come back. I mean, let's settle so let's get to dinner and yet another balloon arrangement mm-hmm this theme is going to be mer people or as people that Play Magic the Gathering would call merfolk merfolk yes So Steve dresses is Poseidon. I love this man so much Steve is such a great guy

Yeah, and they also have balls that extend past the dress. They're so fun and they're so fucked up, especially they are trashed out of their minds, which I'd argue I'm actually shocked that one charter guest even realized that she might be eating something could kill her. That's how trash they were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I love the kind of drunk that Pam is. Pam is a, you know, one of those... She's me! That's kind of drunk I am. No, no, not at all. You turn into Kim Cattrall. Oh. Like that. And I love it. I love it. It's sassy, it's mean, it's insane, but it's fun. She turns into one of the pillars at Stonehenge, right? So she just sits there and it's completely mummified That's fine with me get be drunk by yourself every once in a while. You'll burp up some words what I can't stand is the

The scarecrows, you know the people that start, you know hanging on to people It's like how are you this alert right now, please go to sleep drunk the Bob the Bob the Gabe Dwarf, my buddy. Yeah, former friend and now enemy. He's still a friend. He wished me happy birthday this year. He's living in Florida. OK. He used to get like that when we'd go out to the bars.

And so we'd just carry him out and lay him in the back seat of one of our cars. Yeah. Because he's a little guy. Yeah. So it doesn't take a lot of alcohol to get him trashed. Yeah. Good threat to that guy is you just

say we're going to put you in the stroller if you act up. No, I'd tell him that. Yeah. Good threat to that guys. You just say we're gonna put you in the stroller if you act up. No, I tell him that. Yeah. I mean, we brought the stroller. It's collapsible. If you act a fool, we're putting you in the stroller. He'd also get pretty handsy to a lot of people was dark in those bars. They didn't know that it was a, you know, 50 year old man. Yeah, I thought it was a little kid grabbing their ass.

If somebody comes if you if you're at a bar and you get duckbilled, right? You know, somebody fucking duck-bills you, you look around, right, but the crime was committed below the line of sight and so it's very confusing and Bob the Gay Dwarf knew that and he harnessed it. Yes he did. It's not cool. That's really really not cool. I had to speak with him many times. What did Uncle Ben say when he was dying and spitting all over the place with great power comes great responsibility? All right, so balls This was this was So on point with character of carpet. Yep. Only she would take one of nature's greatest eyesores

hairy little bean bags between our legs, and turn them into a folk hero. Yeah. Balls are disgusting, Kermit. Yeah. Everyone knows it. Kermit, the patriarchy is already strong enough. Okay, we don't need our revolting genitalia

put on a pedestal, okay? But it is, I mean, I'm happy for her and I'm happy for Scott I mean that's probably a lot of fun yeah I guess so well maybe she'll even enjoy you know cuz with balls they get older they start making their way down to the floor yeah I mean we've talked about it many times I mean you you can shit on them yeah yeah or eventually if they get wet it's like you follow behind them it's like a snail just walked on the floor you know that's how low they get yeah it's pretty grotesque it's I hope I die before they reach that length well you can just get

a sack tuck I'm gonna have mine cut off cut off huh yeah what do I need them for well you'll become one of the one of the gray swords of Daenerys Targaryen no I don't know you can just get a talk. Oh, we'll do that. Yeah. They just kind of take the eastern fold, the southeastern fold and bring it up and staple it to your tent, I think that's how it works. I don't even think they use medical equipment,

I think they just use a stapler. Well, you're done. Yeah. Ow! Can I get some drugs, please? No, you don't have a problem. Here's to Advil. Really?

There's a staple in my tape. You know, my dear father-in-law took a spill in San Luis Obispo, severely hurt himself. When was this? Last weekend when the bat attacked. You can also hear that story of the bat attacking us in an Airbnb at patreon.com slash another podcast network. The doctor gave him some water. Gave him some Gatorade Zero. He said this helps with pain for me. Now they gave him naproxen and it's like this is why the

Sacklers need to be killed. Not only did they kill a lot of people, but they also ruined the party. They ruined it for everybody. I was a responsible drug addict, okay? And you know, I got a real issue with what's taking place now. I can't get any drugs. And I've been writing to the people who are trying to prosecute the Sacklers, hey, you're doing this death thing.

You're doing this death thing. Can you talk about how the party is over? Maybe play the heartstrings of people a little bit, you know Alright, so we have we have to get to dinner. But before we get to dinner, we've got this lost black dress We'll get into cheese later cheese is Cheese is Marcus right now ABC's The Bachelorette season 21's Marcus All right, I'm over it. I'm here. I hear you. It's like Can we take cheese

Throw her off the boat and Just stick Ellie in laundry. It'll it'll be great. Yeah, Ellie will throw a shit fit Joe will throw Well, Joe won't care now at all got rid of his problem But I mean at one point are we gonna just circumvent the HR process here and just throw cheese into the ocean I couldn't agree more. So um Asia confronts her about the dress. She says just wear a black shirt. You know, this is where I will concede a little bit of the rope to you, you know, lest I be pulled straight into the muck that sits between us. And I do want to point this out, Dill,

after she's informed that Jonathan almost killed the charter guest, if you notice her ire,ire like turned up like to 11 with her two stools Which is where it should have been. Yeah, free this. I think you're coming around to my Yeah, I take care. Yeah, just wear a black shirt what? Mm-hmm throw her overboard This is absolutely insane. So let's get to the first course tuna carpaccio turns out that we have, um, God, what would her name be? Carpaccio, that would be her X-Men name.

I mean, it's the worst X-Men of all time. I like it. Yeah. Now, Dill, I have to ask you this. As that dish was laid before the paying guests, um, what were your thoughts on it aside from it possibly killing a paying customer? Well obviously a sloppy cut. Right? That's what I thought. Obviously a sloppy, floppy, lopsided cut. You know, Jono says that when you put lime on it it cooks it. You know,

Jono, you, me and everyone worth their weight in culinary salt knows that this is not a ceviche. This this fish has not sat in citrus long enough for it to be cooked. It looked like it barely had any seasoning on top of it and mandarin oranges is dorsia. So let's not put any kind of you know even if it is a supreme. I don't want it on the plate it's's just tacky now Did he lose some points from you for that lackluster? Excuse for that dish and because that seemed pretty pathetic to me lime while it being acidic does not I think cook a it the flash of a foie as I cooks the flesh of a fish if it's prepared in you know a kind of Legit a tea gray manner where the fish is stewing in it for a given amount of time. Now you go to Peru,

they're not going to let the fish sit in the citrus for that long. And that's why it's still pretty much raw. But it, yeah, it's, it's kind of a, listen, it's, it's a Johnny Cochran defense. It is. It's a Johnny Cochran defense. All right. So, um, I guess we're kind of jumping around here. So the charter guests, uh, what's her X-Men name? Calamari? Carpaccio. Carpaccio.

No. Carpaccio. You did it again. Carpaccio. And again. I can't say that word. Carpaccio. I'm gonna call her Calamari.

She reports that she can't eat this, and this is right around where Sandy's sniffing around. She loves to come up to that table right as they're taking their first spoonful of whatever their slop they're putting out that night. Yeah, sloppy floppy fish. Hey, how's dinner? Wildly inappropriate.

Well, I don't think so. I think she's checking on. You know, we're very adversarial tonight and I recognize that, but she's just checking on how things are going. Check when they've eaten their last spoonful of ice cream from dessert pop out then and say how was dinner if if if if if if that had happened carpaccio would not be around to fight magneto she'd be dead fair because of the iron overload now if i ever got to talk to

sandy that would actually be like a pretty that would be a more badass name, overload. I like that component of Superpower. Overload, I like that. Overload. And then also, like, she can manifest iron. You know what I mean? She can melt like steel beams in buildings. But she can't, though.

She just dies if she eats fish. Right. Yeah. And it's so, it would be such false advertising to call her overload, because you'd see this woman, and you'd be like, wow, she must do something badass. No Nope. It's just, if she eats raw fish, she does. Well, um, I have to tell you this. Um, we got to talk to captain Carrie. You should listen or interview with him. Hey, Dale on the Patreon, uh,

did we leave in the interview that captain Carrie did with him? Oh, we were allowed that. Okay. Um, well we weren't allowed that. You hit it behind the paywall. Are we? Well, I mean, you were quite insistent. And I understand- I mentioned the kids. I understand. The costume cost $20. Yes, the costume, it's a sunk cost at this point.

We've got to put it on the $10 tier. Well Captain Carrie had the guts to come on here, but my point is Captain Sandy has not accepted our invitation and I would had she come on here ask um would you have liked to have fired a lot of these people sooner but production told you you couldn't. I would love to talk to Sandy grilled lobster with a lemon and that that question would get axed immediately. Yeah immediately. That would be that this is how I tell behind the curtain for the audience. Hey so when did you start filming? This is PR from Bravo. I'm listening on the

call today. All right. I'm feeling very uncomfortable. I know I have the Don't Tread on me tattoo, but I would still like to play ball a little bit. So Aisha feeds the primary. Oh, yeah. She cuts. She cuts. She cuts up the grilled lobster with the lemon garlic marinade and puts it in her mouth. Ellie is leaving napkins around and Cheese can't find her clothes still. Now Ellie says, nitpicking my performance is not going to make me work better for you. At this point I would say it's not, I don't know if it's nitpicking, again, the white wine, I'm not sure,

but just, it's not coyote ugly, okay? Dylan, what Balkan Biscuit is picking up on now is, hey, why are you up my ass right now? Because she's completely unaware that Jonathan almost killed the charter guest. And that's why Kermit's kind of taken a different approach to management. Sure. You gotta be consistent, I blame Kermit's kind of taken a different approach to management sure you got to be consistent I blame Kermit for this. Okay. All right. All right. So we before we get to the next day. So next thing Sandy is pissed

Oh, yeah, she's really pissed. She's ripped shit and she's She's put in a call to deal a no-deal banker and she said I need a new chef now we get to the next day That's a Sandy. What a revelation. Maybe we can hire another person because you don't sit. It's the sixth charter. How did we not fix that front room? Why all of a sudden are we like, you know what might be a good idea? Ooh, I have an idea.

It's the sixth charter. There are three episodes left. There are three episodes left. Wild. So Ellie wakes up late, then asks for breakfast. She says, I overslept slightly. Again, we can take that adverb out of the equation, just say, I'm sorry, I overslept.

It doesn't matter if it's half an hour, a minute, you know, slightly is one of those frustrating things for a boss to hear. The weather has parted, and we are heading out. Someone, some in-fighting has transpired between the two teams, kind of. Interior is more like Aisha dealing with the bad news bears, but for the exterior Joe and Gale are going at it. Now Joe is an idiot and doesn't like to be corrected by a woman in front of the guests. And Joe's pissed about the corrections because he's lead deckhand. Now, Groucho, that's a fake title. We all know it's a fake title. So, you know, you can say, how dare you not respect my authority, but you have no authority. Okay.

Well, except for that Lee Deacon, but but but but it's fake it is and and the Lord of the Flies has has you know gone through their processes and We now see The facade of the hierarchical title. It doesn't exist. It's not real. You're just You're just a former fatty and former homeless person as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, that's it. So, Ellie left her phone in a guest's room. And when Aisha tells her, you shouldn't have your phone on you, I'm the only person that should have my cell phone on you, she says, Aisha seems to be taking me for granted, she should be mentoring me.

Ellie, listen, we had a great time speaking with Ellie, no hatred for Ellie whatsoever. You have not been good enough to get into the mentoring place. In order to get into the mentoring place, you have to be at a level where you're excelling and there is promise equity that can be recognized by the other person and by you. Yeah We can't do a mentorship if we're constantly Subpar I agree with you. I agree with you. So Sorry if that's harsh, but Joe is Joe's a bag of dick. So we swim around a little bit and get to cheese losing yet another shirt and

now We swim around a little bit and get to cheese losing yet another shirt and now we now we have Joe running interference for cheese. Well, you appreciate this. Come on. You're not going to throw. I don't appreciate it if he's shitting on Gail for getting preferential treatment from Nathan. That's what pisses me off.

I hear you. If he's going to bitch about Gail getting treated like a princess and then immediately go down and treat cheese like a princess, it's hypocrisy. I hear you. But also. But Gail's not on the chopping block, cheese is. Yeah, I mean it's a good point. But cheese should be on the chopping block

because at this point I'm ready to crown her the worst stew we've ever had. Maybe not the worst, the one who's allowed to have stayed the longest despite the incompetence. Which, if we walk that out philosophically, I think does make her the worst. Because we've had bad stews before. But we had Missy Elicit.

We had Millie Elicit. She drank during the day. Drank during the day, bad, but she got fired. No one has been allowed to be this bad this consistently for this long ever on the show I've never seen it before Sorry, I have my pitchforks out for cheese, but I'm just so annoyed at this point. It's boring I agree. It's time for her to go and welcome in the new Gail brings the sweet out of Nathan super sweet guy But also he said fuck that guy. That's true. So let's get to dinner an anniversary dinner fireworks go off

This is this is an awesome vacation for these people. Yeah, they got to spend a fun day on the boat. Thanks to Asia Got drunk almost died. You know, this is life. Let's say that these six people just paid $25,000 for this 30-hour experience. Think what you could do with 25 grand between six people. Think about that. Oh my god. You could go up to Napa, you could get a reservation at a real restaurant, French Laundry. I believe right now it's 400 bucks a person. Yeah without the wine pairing and these are luscious so yeah that's gonna be a thousand dollars. Fair enough. You could eat there three nights in a row. Yeah. I don't know how many Michelin stars it

has but it definitely has some. And then you could enjoy the wine tastings of Napa Valley. You wouldn't be sitting on a gross boat, sleeping in a gross bed with cell phones in your room. I'm just saying, this show is always an advertisement to never book these things. Period. Can I talk about the fireworks show for a second? Of course.

All right, I love fireworks. I just went to the Hollywood Bowl, and now that we have boxes, the fireworks were over my head. It is a different experience watching fireworks over your head as opposed to wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I realized something oh and this would trigger it so as the fireworks are going off I forget what the husband of the the primaries husband whatever that was their anniversary He's got his iPhone out videoing the fireworks The last show I went to at the Hollywood Bowl I noticed something it used to be the young people that always had their iPhones out

Don't get me wrong if you got out in the first 20 rows of an adult concert I get it you want to whip out your iPhone and video a full song or whatnot. Old people are the biggest offenders of, egregious offenders of, why do you have your iPhone out? At this show, a helicopter flew over the Hollywood Bowl. This woman, she fucking tilts her phone up to film the helicopter flying over the Hollywood Bowl. It was like a Neanderthal like seeing fire for the first fucking time. Well, they see a comet, they think it's God. Right. And let me tell you something, I don't care what age you are,

if you are in the first 20 rows of Adele, and she's performing, I Set Fire to the Rain, put the phone away and experience the God-like performance that's happening. That's right. I mean, that song makes it, I, I goosebump all over the place every time I hear it. She, I'm such a massive fan of hers.

She's so talented. Oh, yes she is. God. Well, why do you say it like that? Well, I just, her last record that came out, it's always so sad and melancholy. And it's like almost they handed every, uh. She lost her fucking marriage, Patrick.

You don't think she had a hand in that? Her career did, and she couldn't balance it, okay? Forgive her for being a little melancholy. Fine. All right, we gotta get out of here. Yeah, we do. All right, so dinner... Cheese and Ellie bond over their hatred for Joe. Once again, Cheese, I hate the way that Cheese behaves towards Ellie.

Cheese says, I'm sorry for what he did to you. Jeez, he got jacked off six inches away from you in the back of a van, okay? It happened to you too. Then she says, I'm never gonna say anything about that bathroom thing. As though she has some smoking gun that she can point at Ellie and fire away with. Geez, you don't have any leverage over anyone, okay?

You're being used like a cum rag by this guy with massive eyebrows. You are horrible at your job. Please don't think you're above anybody. Is this too aggressive? Not at all. Okay. First course, we got to get to dinner. Octopus with some kind of crispy salad. I always love a element of

crisp in a salad. And while John O cooks, I'm not sure what happens. We get to king crab bruschetta and we get to a dessert Which was a cookie on top of a cake with an ice cream scoop on now Normally this may pass if it was multiple nights on a charter But this is in fact a single night on a charter and is two nights. Oh, it was two nights Okay, but this is the big night. This is celebrating a 25th anniversary. And on the preference sheets, it had indicated creme brulee, souffle, something. A cookie with ice cream.

I got that from my daughter at Chuck E. Cheese last week at a birthday party. I bet it was good. I didn't eat it. They're very upset by this. And when Jono has relayed this information, he's very dispirited. Now, before we go to bed, Ian fires off a text about the cumulative effort.

Some labor laws here. What? Cumulative hours of rest. Now, I think what this is, this is a problem because while this might be in the ship binder that you have to read when you come on board, no one follows this. No. It's maritime law. Well, what they do is that binder exists for maritime laws that don't exist. Right. And someone just throws that book off into the ocean.

Yeah. Yep, exactly. So we get to the final day of the charter. Jonna leaves them with some beignets, aka a Hail Mary. A little too late. Jo tries to correct Gail's hose work she's literally spraying cleaning solution off of a window and he's like do you want to just flatten that out hmm this guy he says he's gonna shine while Ian's resting he's quietly a very annoying guy and then the best part of the show happens unless you have something else here Dylan which is uh Jonah to the bridge please. Jonah to the bridge please. Now Aisha drops a little bit of a dime on Jono. Oh I forgot about that. And and how much dessert

sucks. This is I don't know this is kind of necessary but Aisha does it in a it's her job to do it it's her job to do it we have a conversation with him about his performance and right before that we get a text from Norma she doesn't have a chef for doesn't have a chef and then we get a look back at that pathetic idiot Matt oh boy the text is going back and forth with that guy. My God. He's happy now. I'm happy. Yeah me too Boat carpet guys come that's a niche Huh my god, and then we get to the tip meeting 25 grand Sandi Sandi finally fixed the front cabin So we're getting a new stew Slimeball Joe is obviously happy Ellie is obviously seething and Asia does not give a shit everybody get in in the comments, five stars, kind words, we love you very much, join us at Patreon. Until next week

I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat, later dudes!