Another Below Deck Podcast - The Importance of Salt | Below Deck S11 E16

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

Pat and Dylan are back to break down salt, P Diddy being a relationship counselor, the need for Kristi Noem in production, tension and how thick it needs to be able to cut it and more from Bravo's Below Deck. Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbelowdeckpodcast

I was gonna say puff daddy's got a better shot at becoming a relationship You two get married Yeah Things that won't happen that yeah, they're never getting married you sit down with puff daddy very expensive My wife and I have been having problems well have you tried beating the shit out of her problems. Well, have you tried beating the shit out of her? It's like, can you believe we're paying him $350 an hour? I don't want to go back to see him again. Yeah. And the husband's like, well, I don't know, let's, you know, let's try it out. We've done one session. I mean, were you listening to anything he said? If you're not gonna put the work in, then let's not go back. But if you want to try to save our marriage...

Welcome aboard another Brandspankin' New episode of another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Granted. Listen, it's tough to start these episodes off on this note because, you know, I mean, we always talk about it. We're, we're, what did you say? A game?

A game? Yeah, we always bring our A game. But, um, I think that this production team could use a little Christy gnome kind of energy. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, shake things up, shake things up a little bit, you know, strong arms and a, a merciless threshold for the life and death of a dog. And the dog I'm referring to is below deck. Because this episode, I mean, ladies and germs, what are we doing here with this?

Okay, what are we doing here with this? Okay, before we even get to PSA is two pots. Two pots. Two. Yeah, I gotta tell ya, at some point in the episode, we got some Sea Rat history with Dylan.

You know what I mean? It was so disappointing. You can just, there's nothing left in the tank. I mean, we had a Sea Rat story, I don't know if you remember. Maybe you were like dozing off because it was so boring. Dylan apparently when he was a little kid, he didn't get good grades, his dad was pissed. Yeah, I caught that you can go fuck yourself with that Sea Rat history okay sir that's a non Sea Rat

story don't ever bring don't ever do that again and for all future Sea Rats yeah okay this is how you do it you were at fourth grade spelling bee and you learned your dad was killed by the Colombian cartel. And listen, it's not on Dylan, you know, Dylan can only share the pain that he's experienced, right? But what we need to do is start hiring people with a lot more pain. I mean, let's do psyche vows on this on these people and let's really sick, sick on the guests that pay for this vacation. I mean, if we're going gonna do it, let's go full bore. I mean, no half measures. Let's get some people out of institutions

and have them serve the people on this boat because they're cleaning toilets anyways. Just pick the hottest people from the softest rooms and get them on these fucking boats. I felt like we were all on the same page and that's what they were doing. Well, anyway, it wasn't great episode. I think I think we got one more left. And then I get attacked

by people on our Facebook group all the time. Another below deck podcast Facebook, and I apologize for not really going on there. Yeah, you don't want to be there. People say bad things about us. They said old Patty was bitching about there being reunions and not being reunions. And what do you want, Patty? I'll tell you what I I want entertainment, okay? If it's gonna be good and there's questions

that need to be answered, then have a reunion. If everything is just kind of like this season, feels like we have all our answers. I don't know, Barbie, are you and Kyle still together? No. I don't know if they are. Okay, good, make it a five minute reunion. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, put it on TikTok. Make it a five minute reunion. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Put it on, put it on TikTok. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Anyway, I agree with you, Dylan. This was a horrible episode. Zero pots. Okay. I want to speak on, you know, the recipe for a good episode of Below Deck. And I don't know. I mean, you know, listen, I don't think that they're the social appetite is that ravenous for this show I don't know how their ratings are doing, but as we limp to the finish line with our hamstrings just completely torn apart I Don't think that it was a very good season. You know I think that it had a lot of promise in the beginning but Yeah, I mean first first thing's first, hiring Chef Anthony. Too timid, too, well, I mean, you know, his uncle did bang his wife, which was pretty

hilarious. Yeah, we made a lot of hay out of that. We did, and probably, you know, more hay than there was to be made out of it. But what you need is a firecracker right out of the gate. You know, we, we need to start getting more unstable people on these boats. Like I mentioned, but that includes the charter guests too. I don't need Reiki. I need broken glass. I like it. Okay? Yeah. What are we doing asking for invitations of breath work and and and stretches? You know, we need punches to be thrown. You

know, Dill, and I've also, so we've we've joked about this but not joked about it. Captain Carrie is way too competent to be on duty on this vessel. Yeah, I mean he turned into a little bit of a timeshare tonight, but we'll get there. I understand where he's coming from. Right, but the problem with competency is it doesn't always make great television. No. Okay? So, you know, he's the leader there.

So we need more fuck ups. I think we're both in agreement. So do better next season, please. You know, like if Captain Carrie developed some kind of addiction that was over overwhelming and you know made it challenging for him to to captain the vessel. But you know we're dealing with real people and you know people have to live their healthy lives so all jokes all jokes but listen the episode is called salt in Chef's Wounds. We kick off with some sweet b-roll of the fruit stands

and feral dogs of Grenada. That's right. Do you say Grenada or Granada? I don't think there's a preference. I feel horrible, because it's likely one of those lands that we either heavily colonized or heavily colonized and then caused some kind of CIA-fueled coup d'etat and here I am not even being able to pronounce it. I think we invaded it in 1986.

Oh that's right, we invaded it. So the feral dogs of Grenada and or Grenada are walking all over the place, they're barking, they're biting each other. I mean let's keep a camera on that for a while, you know? But we go, we go to Nick snoring and Dylan, yeah. Dylan says your story is very loud and he says, I'm not asleep. Okay. The confidence you have to have to go from Slumber to instant defensiveness about the state of slumber is quite quite insane a natural reflex to Lie is the scary part, right? I'm not even sleeping that right. I make you're snorting. I definitely didn't have sex with your sister. Oh, okay, so

What I said you were snoring Yeah, yeah, yeah So it's kind of like you remember to kill Bill volume 2 when David Carradine shot Uma Thurman with that dart of the ultimate truth Mm-hmm. So you're saying You pry a drunk out of sleep and you will get the truth. You may get truth out of that. But you didn't get truth here because he clearly was sleeping. He was just lying. I'm a little concerned over Nick now. What's that? Well just the reflex of your natural instinct is to be a liar. Oh got it. I gotta keep my eye on him for the last episode.

Yep. I totally see where you're coming from. So I got really hopped up and all jacked up because we've got a primary who's divorced and she's celebrating her 50th birthday. Here I am thinking this is going to be lit because nobody can party like someone who's happily divorced. Like a lady who's happily divorced celebrating a milestone birthday. That is all the trappings of a wicked great time. I agree. It's not good when a man does it because men are just creepy about it. I mean how many men have we seen come aboard these vessels with like young women who have no desire to fuck them at all. It's just sad and disgusting but when women go they would they turn the fuck up. Well that's why I think it's a

back channel Ben and Dylan when they hear the news we got some horny divorcees coming on. Oh yeah. They're already trying to figure out who they're gonna pork. Yeah. Which I would argue it's not really up to you. Yeah yeah yeah no. I'm gonna pork that one you can pork that one hey hey hey I think they have some say in the matter boys. Yeah and I've been saying that for years that these men think that how do I say this delicately every hole is open to them it's just ridiculous I mean you have to put in the work you know and I don't mean to frame it like work you know because it's not work. It's human connection So what happens next? Well, we get that non

Sea-rat sad story from Dylan Yeah His whole thing is he you know the only thing interesting about is that they keep cutting to that one picture they have of Dylan Yeah holding that puppy as a fatty. Yeah The puppy's like help me. I can't breathe. He doesn't like fatties His dogs can be judgey. Right dogs can be judgy The dog doesn't look happy. So you think the dad was pissed at the bad grades That little dog does not want to be held by little fatty. Oh my god. I mean think of the German Shepherds in Selma

I mean how judgy were those fucking pieces of shit, you know what I mean? Exactly Not to take away any onus of the the racist whites who were at the other end of the leash But you know, we're just joking around so Kyle speaks on the Reiki Reiki Reiki yes how he's done this before he has yeah wonder if he showed her his balls why do you say that why did you just say that well he liked showing his balls to everybody fun it's a Scottish It's a Scottish thing. Yeah, it is worth mentioning. It's a possibility. Is he Irish or Scottish? Scottish. Okay. So Dylan and Barbie talk about the merits of physical exercise. Let me find out that. Yeah. Okay. You covered it. It doesn't belong on the Sea Rat's

head scale. It doesn't even chart. Okay? It doesn't even chart. It's like a 2.1 earthquake in Los Angeles. You know, it doesn't even, it's not even real. So Paris and Fray have a little conversation. She says that there's no tension between her and Nick. Paris, in what world? Paris, in what world is there no tension between you and Nick? You two hate each other. Yeah. Yeah. I think he said that you should stick to cleaning pee off toilet seats. The expression, you could cut the tension with a knife,

refers to the kind of tension that you have. The tension so palpable that it can turn from cerebral mass into a physical one that can be cut with a knife. That's the kind of tension that you guys have. So we see a dead rat and sunny ids that the rat is female how it's a good question maybe she looked pregnant regardless it was just like this is this is what we've got on the show right now okay we're we're we're pushing dead rats off of the dock. And it's too close to home a metaphor, and it's too sad.

So I don't know why we needed to see this. But they gave it to us. Now, we get to an important edit here. Very important. Did you catch this edit by Bravo? I can't figure out if they love Barbie or if they're trying to make her look like a brat. Yeah. So they have her complaining to her friend Monica that she works so hard. And then while they're showing this, they have co workers working while she's on the phone. Right. picked up on it. Well, well, yeah, yeah, because Bravo, Barbie is a self proclaimed daddy's girl. She's already

owned this that she's a brat. You can't, you can't do any more dirty to her. Yeah, it's like, uh, Hey, I heard, uh, puff daddy's, uh, it's not a good boyfriend. Heard my old shit heard Michael Jackson was a bad tipper. Yeah. Do you hear that? He fucking kisses little boys balls. Do you hear that? It's called burying the lead, you know, Charles Manson kept a spawn. Just do it's filthy. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. It's like norm has that bit where Patton Oswalt says,

uh, you know, the hypocrisy surrounding the The Bill Cosby thing was the worst part and it wasn't it was it was the drugging and the raping. Yeah Yeah, so Barbie's not drugging and raping anybody. She's just working her tail off and vampire is pissed because you know what? You know I can say this lovingly. Vampire, fuck off. OK, where did you go? What into the wallpaper? OK, I mean, you began the season a day

walking fucking vampire and you ended it a pillowcase. I mean, what what even are you on this? I have to tell you, it just unlocked potential. I felt like Vampira really got sidelined this season by herself yeah she did it to herself yeah I had so much for her in in so many expectations for her yeah to really you had a kindling that could always light for her now but none of it came came true no she didn't hook up with anybody that that that that kindling was doused with piss.

Captain Carey is pulling a Captain Time share on the last chart of the season. And he's doing a Phil Jackson kind of thing, where he's trying to end the season on a high, so that when we come back, we know the standards that are expected of this organization. The problem is that you're trying to instill these lessons of work ethic to SeaRats. They're thinking about heading to Miami, sucking down a couple lines, and popping.

They're not focused on the standards of excellence aboard this vessel. They've made it close enough to the finish line where, yeah, kind of the work is done at this point. The guests arrive and we have a conversation about how Dylan is losing muscle mass and Nick hasn't lived up to his potential. And this is where I'm like, you know, this is where you have to pull the trigger. Not like Kristi Noem did with that puppy, but for the show, you know, we can't be seeing conversations about how Dylan has lost muscle mass and that Nick is going to live up to his potential

in the 15th episode of the show, because that's why, you know, the Twitter sphere is not talking. Nobody on x.com is tweeting at Elon saying, "'Oh my gosh, have you seen this?' You know, Elon's not tweeting about it. You know, Elon's tweeting about Summerhouse and mainly just Summerhouse.

I mean, he's obsessed with it. But this show is just not making the waves that it deserves to be making. Yeah, and even that royalty-free music isn't helping anything out. Did you notice they played that music again when the guests arrived? I forgot what the lyrics were and whatnot. But I was thinking, Dil, if you and I

ever get lucky enough to be invited on one of these vessels, this will be our music. Got a sound effect? No. You and I walking down the deck. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh boy, oh yeah Oh yeah Question, do I have a say in the matter? You absolutely do

Okay, I was very confused about that song because it started off and I was pretty much at a gay wedding and me and you were getting married. Then it turned into, I don't know, I think like free time at an insane asylum and people were just writing songs about beach balls. Now, no, it's called my big gay balls. Okay, got it. Yeah, I like to keep people on their toes. Del.

Uh huh. Man, I can't tell you how thrown I am right now. That you just, you just did that bit about that song about big gay balls and it's like where are we even now? Well there's a guy in the middle like has a rap breakdown. Can you, can you please, Pat you gotta turn it off. I can't have this anymore, okay? I feel like if Dorothy was uprooted in that house and she landed in Afghanistan, that's

what I feel like right now. And that's not a great simile, but I'm struggling to put into words just how thrown I am I apologize so let's get to an ad break okay listen you you're not gonna believe this next sponsor okay because we love this sponsor so much. We go there all the time and I can't believe that they're now promoting their stuff on our show. I'm honored. It's a badge of honor to let you know that this episode is brought to you by Tropical

Smoothie Cafe, which believes that you deserve a little vacay every day, not just once a year. And that's why we go all the time, you know? We go, hey, you know, the grind of podcasting, let's just take a little vacay every day, not just once a year. And that's why we go all the time. We go, hey, the grind of podcasting, let's just take a little break. Let's go to Paradise, and we go to Tropical Smoothie Cafe. That's right. I feel like I'm at the beach every time we go there, Dale.

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I'm like I feel like on a beach in like Mexico or something. Yeah, I'm on vacation Yeah, so do us this favor. Okay, visit one of tropical smoothie cafes 1,400 plus locations or order online through their app and use promo code bad TV again visit one of tropical smoothie cafes 1,400 plus locations or order online or through their app with promo code bad TV All right back to the show. Yeah, I think they are. This is the part of the show that gets a little stale. They do it every time guests arrive the tour and I rarely is there any entertainment derived from this. I don't know if this is racist to say but the primary has Kamala Harris energy to me. You think so? Yeah, if Kamala didn't stupidly commit her life to politics like

Kamala just go into the private sector and just fuck the country over and you know, I mean it'll be so much more fun Yeah, what are you telling Guatemalans to not come to the country? I mean who has any fun doing that? Don't come So Paris speaks on the nightmare of seven women going on the same trip. Vampira is pissed off about the makeup request from Barbie. Again, Vampira, where have you been? You know, you don't get to just do nothing and then all of a sudden, you know,

come out of your coffin and start telling people that they're not working hard enough. I mean, miss me with the bullshit. So, I want to see... oh, you know, you want to talk about the songs? Yeah, here are the lyrics. Okay. I want to see what you're made off. Let me take it again. This is what the, let me, I'm going to do it again. I want to see what you're made of pop off and make it rain of make it rain on break it make it rain on me love You know, I want to apologize to you that's okay and to everybody it's not big gay balls No

No, this is about popping off and making it rain love. Okay, which I guess that's what good big gay balls is about too And making it rain love okay, which I guess that's what good big gay balls is about too So um we move on to Sonny's lats in the end docking we pull the ropes up and yell the distances and we get to The feuding between Captain Carrie and the exterior now. I am confused about this so Carrie gave an order and Ben seems annoyed by the request Yeah, do you can you break down the game? Oh, yeah, Carrie wants three shackles to the water four shackles to the water They did four shackles to the water They did four shackles to the deck or something like that now. This is seerat language I don't care to understand but there's a difference of three meters Ben seems to think it's not a big deal

This guy is so hot on the muff of his own muff. Okay. I mean it's just You know, I can't wait to never see him again on TV because I don't think he's gonna come back I don't think so. I think that he thinks he deserves an edit that he didn't get he's very upset about that and also he Acted like a petulant little bitch at the end of the episode. You know Ben's like, oh, what do I care? What is he gonna do a fire me? No, but you won't be back on TV and your DM powers will be You know your kryptonite is not being on television. You can't just send out pussy flares when you're not on television. That's right. It's not going to work the same.

So four on deck versus four in the water. Ben wants to, yeah, listen, we've covered it. Kyle and Barbie are in love. Sea rat love. Listen, I'm happy for them, but I mean, what are we doing here? We're falling in love on boats and and Frazier and Zandy shit talk just like me. And I feel icky about it now, but them's the rules. OK, you know, these things just don't last.

I mean, never, never once have we seen a sea rat baby that wasn't ill conceived. We've seen one. It was one of the sadder things that's ever happened. Still sad. Oh yeah. Well. A lovely Brazilian woman made love to a mentally handicapped giant. With her overbearing mother. Get the blood test! How about this? Don't get the blood test test have a tattoo artist take the back tattoo of the King James Bible off your skin

How about that? Because it's too big whatever is on your back That was a magical season though magical season so Ben and Sonny speaking of a couple that is going nowhere So Ben and Sunny, speaking of a couple that is going nowhere, the way that Sunny talks about their future makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Well, let's first get to Ben's side here. So he says he thinks him and Sunny are going

to see each other after the show. Yeah. He broke down the fourth wall. And he says their relationship is back on track and he's ready to rekindle their romance. And it definitely has nothing to do with Camille telling him she doesn't want anything to do with him. Yeah.

No, I agree. And I should drop the cynicism because I think that, I think that you're right, I think that he's in love with her. So Carrie is dropping the umbrellas and the jacuzzi is cold and lunch is hummus. We've also got scallops with edamame puree and a corn foam. One of the ladies says that she doesn't like how salty the food is and because she doesn't cook with it. What kind of serial killer does not cook with salt? Okay. This was some confusion on Patty's part. Did she actually say or some of the guests say that it was unsalted and then it was a

game of telephone by Frazier who is eavesdropping to then tell chef Nick that it wasn't enough salt to add more salt? I think that the the first piece of you know unreliable narration actually comes from Barbie, I'm pretty sure. Okay. But it does, as every game of Sea Rat Telephone, you know, plays out, it gets back to Nick with the literal exact opposite requirement.

Right, because this happens to me a lot. So I kind of related to this on the show, which is generally when I order my turkey sandwiches I say no mayonnaise, right? Which normally results in a Peter North sized load of mayo on my fucking turkey sandwich, right? And what do you do then I scrape it off? But it still has remnants of mayonnaise You strike me as such a mayonnaise person. Are you kidding me? I will throw up. I hate mayonnaise hate hate hate

Hate hate hate hate hate hate. So how do you eat it? Even if it's great, even if you scrape it off my best I've taken business cards from losers that have I put in my wallet because I'm in my car. I'm always eating on the go Yeah, I'll scrape the mayonnaise off with an old business card. Oh my god disgusting human being. Wow. No mayonnaise is delicious. You imagine I'll spend a thousand dollars at Disneyland but I'll feed myself gas station sandwiches. Yeah. It's spoiled ham and wet bread. I mean you eat those things the the gradient of color it goes from gray to pale pink the cheese tastes like something you've never tasted before in your entire life the bread is it's wet and dry at the same time it's like it's like I cannot

believe that you eat that stuff so we've got scallops with edamame puree corn foam already brought that up and yeah so so it gets relayed back to him you've heard of more cowbell right oh yeah of course well they're gonna get more salt they're gonna get more salt. They gather around, or they gather the reiki healer and it looks like Barbie has overslept half an hour late to work. Who gives a fuck at this point? I mean seriously. An 86 year old Trinidadian master granted our reiki shepherd her into her vocation which is very cool. But again I mentioned

we don't need Reiki. You know we need boozing, we need screaming and little did we know how much we would miss Jill Zarin at this point. Yeah I agree. I think below deck Bravo version needs to lower the rules a little bit. We got to allow the Sea Rats to hook up with Charter Guests. Yeah. I mean they've already lowered the they've already broken down the realism of how this all works. When you're letting guests come on for five grand each, right, deeply discounted, fuck it, throw all the rules out the window.

Say, you know what? Do what you want to do. Yeah, do what you want to do. Make it entertaining. Do what you want to do. So Sunny speaks on the merits of Ben as a mate. Oh, she says that she wants a hairy, dependable man who treats his woman with

respect. But you can leave I think every single one of those boxes empty when it comes to Ben, especially the hairy part. Is this when she's talking to Dylan? Yeah. Oh yeah, although she does admit that boatmances generally don't work. Right. So, oh can we talk about chef Nick for a second? Because there was a moment where I related to him. Yeah. He's depressed. Yeah. He looks tired, he looks worn down as we do in our 40s, and he's sitting there eating a goddamn ham sandwich in the galley.

He says, I'm gonna have another one. You know what, fuck it, I'm gonna have another one. Friendly distraction to avoid all stresses and pressures of life. You know, food, it's a great thing, you know. Until one day you see a picture of yourself and you ask yourself, when did I get a double chip? Yeah, you just cram your fucking pie hole full of shit

so that you don't have to think about the problems in your life. And before you know it, you've got another your fucking pie hole full of shit so that you don't have to think about the problems in your life. And before you know it, you've got another problem. You're fat. Listen, I've been there. Yeah, it's crazy. You go, when did I turn into a raccoon at night? When the moon hits the sky, I turn into a fucking raccoon.

How's this happening? Why am I eating? I just ate a pickle in a piece of bread. I've never eaten a pickle in a piece of bread in my life. Now I'm having salsa and cottage cheese together. What's going on? Hey, Del, I'm a little older than you actually a lot older than you. Yeah, you know, we'd have pictures taken all the

time or those iPhones out. Yeah. So everyone at my age, like when I was 18, you saw a picture of yourself every like six months and I remember the first time I looked at a picture of myself at like a party from like a month earlier sure I put on like 50 pounds no clue right so I saw that picture yeah because when you're in the throes of that kind of depression that can only be cured by croquettes and hot pockets. In my case it was frozen pizza. Right. Celeste. Elios. You don't look in mirrors because it's too painful you know. I'm sure people would go what about mirrors, what about mirrors even though the pictures were only taken every so once in a while you still have mirrors

all the time but you know anybody who's been in the throes of depression knows that you don't wanna stare back at the thing that's haunting you. You just wanna keep eating. Yeah, I took the mirror off my bathroom wall. Yeah. See? And that was so that you could eat in the bathroom

and spill all the food on a very easy to clean floor without having to look at yourself. I mean, everybody's been through this. So Carrie sees the fly bridge messy while the Sea Rats are talking about Ben and Sunny's love and Carrie's ripshit. Ben thinks that Captain Carrie is militaristic. Captain Carrie is stern and chill as fuck.

I'm sorry, but Captain is stern and chill as fuck. I will say this though, Dill. A few throw pillows on the ground and a couple bottles. You know, when I worked at that North American Insurance Company, one of my co-workers, Frank, what a great guy. He was like 70, he was ready to retire. One day my supervisor Barbara, who loved me, she gave me the business, you know, about doing something with my job. And then I heard him quietly pull her aside because he had been a manager himself at some point with the company. He said, Barbara,

always let him get away with a little bit and let them think they got away with it so they know. Let them have it. Yeah. And she took that advice. Yeah. Let the Sea Rats get away with a little bit. He said, Barbara, you're behaving like Stalin right now.

OK? This is North American insurance. I took that advice from Frank and I have applied it to many businesses that I've been a manager at. Yes. Only got sued 14 times. Yep. So, you know, take that with a grain of whatever you want. Nick speaks on the adrenaline of a kitchen and why chefs become booze hounds and addicted to smack.

They're constantly chasing the dragon. You know, I have something in my chest. So if you could Oh, sure. Okay, so let's see here. What do we get? Oh, dinner. Yeah.

This is my, this is my territory. Oh, I was gonna set up for you. All right. Sorry, it was just one of those compressed, you know, pockets. You know, they call it a burp, but Yeah. Well, we're gonna, Nick is gonna give us French cuisine because that's what he's trained in. I will say that salad, you know, I like there's genius in simplicity and beauty and

simplicity, Dale, but I feel like I could have picked what he put on that plate off my front yard right now. Yeah, yeah. And that's where like, you know, people like Renee red Zepi come in, and they can take dandelion weeds and turn it into something beautiful. But Nick is not quite that, but he starts the dinner off of the French salad.

The primary does not like arugula. Was it on her preference sheet? No. She also does not like local lobster with saffron risotto and bisque. Why? It's salty. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. It's been sitting in the fucking ocean. But also salt is a beautiful ingredient. I mean, do you cook with salt? I don't cook. So dessert is going to be a showstopper. We've got a chantilly cream and lemon tart with cherry compote. What do you know the primary doesn't like lemon? Do you do you want gummy bears? What what what do we need to do here? So we hit the next day.

Well I do want to say we cut to the girls the interior they're cleaning those the toilets those cabins after years of sucking and fucking in the aftermath of that I think one of them says that the bathrooms have gone viral and not YouTube viral. No. The toilet has teeth and it wants to spread herpes. Places gross. Yeah, she equates a toilet to like something of John Carpenter's the thing early stages of it, but eventually It will consume wolves it will consume humans and

You know, we've talked about it before they're very very dangerous things that bubble up on these boats It's a little bit like the Wuhan lab These boats So next day next morning Paris slams your head and we get the news that cabin Expections cabin inspections are going to be happening today now Dell. This is a little part Me narrating what I'm seeing here, but I'm also triggered by what I was seeing. We just covered season one of Below Deck with Captain Lee. He did these insane fire drills for no apparent reason. I brought up the same note. You did. Wow. You're better than this.

Well, he found his cr- his, his, sorry. You found your camera to deliver that line. Yeah, I did, I did. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I hit my post. Pretty annoying, pretty annoying. And if you want to hear our coverage

of season one of Below Deck, where it's pretty fun season, I to tell you a lot of interviews with at least half the cast that would sometimes some of the most confusing conversations I've ever had with other human beings yeah one of the cast members that she didn't want us to let people know that she lived in Virginia and the other one didn't want to talk to us She got on the phone with us three times and was pissed about it every time I'm sorry. Did you say yes to this? Yeah, she took great on bridge when you're like, hey, you know when you first started being a sea rat

She's like, what did you call me? see rat As I got I don't think you're a rocket scientist she's like I Am I don't think you're a rocket scientist. She was like, I am. I don't think so. I gotta go. Yeah. Yeah. That was great. Well, go to patreon.com slash another podcast network to hear that. But anyway, this is very annoying. Why don't you think I'm a rocket scientist? Well, you're you're an idiot. He said that now I didn't kind of okay. So salmon Benedict and an omelet station is up for breakfast. No salt,

no salt and we move on to Kyle, who is such a cutie pie with Barbie. I don't mean to shit on their relationship. It's very, very lovely. Well, he sees marriage with her. Yes, he does. Ben is a fantastic leader. I was going to say Puff Daddy's got a better shot at becoming a relationship counselor than you two getting married.

Yeah. Things that won't happen. That. Yeah. They that won't happen. That. Yeah. They're never getting married. You sit down with Puff Daddy, very expensive. My wife and I have been having problems.

Well, have you tried beating the shit out of her? It's like. Can you believe we're paying him $350 an hour? I don't want to go back to see him again. Yeah. And the husband's like, well, I don't know. Let's try it out. We've done one session. I mean, were you listening to anything he said?

Because if you're not going to put the work in, let's not go back. But if you want to try to save our marriage, before you know it they're on a vacation they're at the Cosmo and they're they're cheersing to we did the work we did the work you know a couple pops out or on a couple cocktails later and he's fucking dragging her around by the hair in front of the fucking security cameras so don't go to puff daddy for couples counseling you know session two he's like yeah so Kyle is on the show and he is being led by Ben. I can't believe Kyle fell for this to be. What would the word be like? Why are you joining Ben in this stupid,

nonsensical fight at the captain? You haven't been that guy the entire season. Yeah, I think red pills and blue pills and black pills alike Excuse me, I you know when you go out of town you're you don't sleep well, you know, everything gets thrown off People would refer to Kyle as a sheep right now. That's right. He's being a follower. He's being a follower. Which is, you know, it's a difficult position to put yourself in because, you know, you're

being told what to do by your boss, essentially, or suggested. So I'm going to clean my cabin. So throw away food after five days. This conversation gets brought up. It's always interesting because I'm very finicky when it comes to this kind of stuff. You know I won't eat anything that's been in the fridge longer than three days. And I think some people are like what are you talking about? One day that's it. How about a pizza? Two day max. Okay. Two day max. Then it goes it goes straight in the bin. There's so much food waste in America.

Bring it over here. I'll eat it. Really? Yeah. Oh, so you're you've got the raccoon stomach. I love a I love a three day old pizza. Really? When the cheese gets so cold that it splits from the sauce. It's fine. Wow. I welcome it. So Zandi says that she doesn't have the time to flush her toilet. What? And he's just taking fucking, you know, live shits and just leaving him there? She's so busy. Frazier says have some decorum about you. You swine. Clean your cabin. Thank you very much for saying that. So we head out for a day at the beach. Barbie gets her lashes on while Vampira does all of Barbie's work. She does eventually get back to work to clean up vomit. Because the night before that woman wasn't feeling so well so she

threw up all over the place and the next day yeah Barbie has to clean it up. So Paris and Nick continue to feud with one another Nick didn't bring foil Which brings this whole thing to a head once again lunch is shrimp skewers and pesto salad and a little corn We're getting pretty close to Brittany and Jack's kind of cuisine here Which if you're not listening to our coverage of the valley of patreon or van der pump rules Brittany Jack's is betrothed cooks almost exclusively MRE food and And no human being should eat it beer cheese is on the field in Kabul and all of those places, you know

You just add a little hot water to it before you know it you got something you can dip a fucking piece of Salisbury in but anyways, we've seen this before a brulee gets sent back and it's gnarled on by the Sea Rats quite quickly. The guests are very cool about this. Right because the joke was that the charter guest that said take it away actually said you can eat it. I don't think she actually meant to eat it but Paris eats the creme brulee. She does. Now we've seen this on seasons past, as you pointed out, one was a birthday cake that I believe the Sea Rats began to devour before dinner was even finished. Yeah. You've got to just,

I don't know what to say, but listen, if somebody I was a C rat hard-working C rap and all I got to eat was whatever slop the fucking former addict threw out for us I'd go to town on some creme brulee in a heartbeat. So um we get back to the boat and This whole thing is just too congenial you know like we needs a little bit we need the charter guests to get pissed off about you know somebody needs to step in go hey sorry can we take that again can you actually throw your knife at her please so we get back and while Ben should be cleaning his

cabin he's rumbling around and flirting with Sonny and that is when Carrie begins his inspections. Kerry sees that the C-Ret cabins are on a bit of a curve. We've got a 10 for Frazier, sevens for others, but the worst of the bunch, Ben and Kyle, who leave their cabin completely askew and filthy. Now Kerry calls them up and says that they have paid him blatant disrespect. What do you think? I loved Kerry in this moment. I know that we're a little bit in fire drill mode when we don't need to be, if we're if we're here what are you gonna what I think Carrie sees this because it would

have taken them eight and a half minutes to pull together to earn a six and a half it was a blatant disregard for his request and I think absolutely is them attempting to question his authority I'll tell you what it's filthy subordination. And in different cultures and different times, you'd get your fucking kneecap busted for that kind of thing. Okay?

It was a lame cliffhanger, I'd have to say. Yeah, I mean, like Ben asked, what is he gonna do? Fire me? Absolutely not. We'll see Ben next week for the season finale. Get in the comments. Let us know Do you cook with salt? Do you think that people that don't cook with salt are nuts? Puff Daddy is your relationship counselor. How many sessions would you go with Puff Daddy?

Five stars kind words. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye Cheers!