Another Below Deck Podcast - The Iron Wall | Below Deck Down Under S4 E8

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Dylan and Pat are back to break down Taylor Frankie Paul, The Age of Attraction, Stephen Hawking, The Matrix, panty liners, twerking, The Kentucky Derby, service in Los Angeles and more from Bravo's Below Deck Down UnderPATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

Daisy's nervous because of this whole wedding day thing they have to pull off, right? It's because she says it's going to be the most important day of their lives. Her words, not mine. Now, I'm just going to say this. You can leave your 32nd birthday with a theme like cowboy hats and hot dogs. You can leave that up to sea rats, okay? Cowboy hats and hot dogs. You know, like a theme, they have a lot of stupid thieves, you know,

but don't leave the most important thing. of anything up to goddamn zeroes. They'll fuck it up. They almost killed someone three chargers ago. It's on him. Hey.

It's bad TV. What are you doing? Ordering a turkey sandwich right now? What are you doing right now? One of my buddies, his kid just turned 21, and they went out and bought Buzzballs for his 24th birthday.

Yeah. Shit. Maybe we'll start over. No, it's fun. Fine. I spilled a Diet Coke. It's fine. So that's what you get for. You sure you don't want to start over? This is kind of a bad start, I'd say. No, I think this is good. Hey, we, um, we did a PMZ that you can find a Patreon.

That's right. Where I thought we weren't doing a buzzball promotion. No, no, we stopped doing buzzball promotions. So why, why are we bringing up this quaint tale of a kid? I mean, I'm being serious. I thought that we were really not. in good standing with that company. We are now, we've moved on to big Sips, but I was hoping to lure buzz balls back. Remember, I gave them 24 hours.

Got it. That's smart. That's smart. Okay. All right. Yeah, they just got acquired by a huge company for half a billion dollars. I'd like to think we're a little part of that. A little.

Is there any podcast that anyways, we're here to break down whatever episode this was of Below Deck. Yeah. How are we feeling about this? season right now. Well, Dill, don't we want to do some housekeeping? We should break the news to some of our barnacles that probably haven't looked at their phone in three days. We're not doing The Bachelorette. It turns out the Bachelorette wanted to turn her condo into a W.W.E. Smackdown without telling anybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids involved, and she's a horrible person. And she's probably going to go to hell, but before she hits that, she'll make a pit stop at Only Fans, I'm sure, to show her vagina for $5 a month. Yeah, maybe not the vagina, but definitely. the nips. You can get by with just nips, I think. A lot of people get very far. I think only for like a year.

Yeah. And you got up your game. Yep. So yeah, we've released, it'll probably be in the feed our in-memorium on the season that could have been, you know, with Ruby Wren. Ruby Wren,

but also a chemically imbalanced, you know, brought to life. Furby doll in Taylor Frankie Paul. I mean, is that fucked up to say she looks so much like a Furby doll? No, a lot of people have agreed, especially the eyebrows. It's everything. But what a disgusting rat.

And also, yeah, so all of our thoughts will be there. It's a very messy thing. But the good news is. Hey, we got plenty of good television to recap. We got the Real Housewives of Rhode Island, which is adjacent, the Bachelor, because we have Ashley I, aka the Cryer, who was on that season of that guy who was the bachelor and then left the season and killed the guy.

Chris. Oh, was she on that one? Yeah. You know, I have to say, such a smart move. To kill a guy? Not to kill a guy. Not to kill a guy. But if you do kill a guy,

let's say you had a couple of pops and you decide, I'm the fucking bachelor, I'm just going to drive home and kill someone, run. Oh, yeah. Bore yourself inside and no, no tests, no nothing. When the police knock at your door, say, I need a warrant. Right. That worked out for him.

Yeah. I mean, he's going to go to hell. Yeah, for sure. But he'll be getting for eternity. Yeah. He's out now, though. Bleep it. Good for him.

But, uh, yeah. But yeah, when you accidentally kill someone, a lot of people get into this kind of, um, panicked place. where their adrenaline is going and they confess things and they own up to thing. Not Chris Sales. No. No. He took a beeline to that house.

We're also covering the Valley. Summerhouse, Patreon. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right. You know, Gundam Valley Persian style. I'm so sad that we missed it. We've got to do next season. We'll do next season.

And I'm Gunnam's sad, Persian style. All right. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought of the episode. What did you think of the episode? Uh, below deck? Yeah. I actually enjoyed it.

Oh, Kailen's here. Hello. Am I giving my knots right now? No, can you talk to me about how you feel about the season so far? I think it's going well. Yeah. Yeah, I, I'm enjoying the, I'm enjoying Ben because he's had quite a journey so far. Um, because he actually touched on it this episode, which is his, um, uh, introduction into the restaurant business was chef,

throwing hot frying pans at his head. And I think he thinks he's dealing with these young sous chefs with kid gloves. And they're just, they're not taking it well. And this is going to be the second sous chef to run up to the captain and report him to a superior. Right? That's kind of fun.

And then also he's got, what do you call him, Mr. Grumpet or something? Wallace and Grummet? Yeah, yeah. And he's got Jenna, who's kind of into him. But he's got a kind of, Play it coy because he doesn't want to look like a creepy old son of a bitch. Yeah, no way to avoid that. But I'll say, you know, when elder statesmen speak of the training grounds of your, it's irrelevant.

You know, in the Madman era, you used to be able to fire your assistant for refusing to have sex with you, right? And it's like, you could mention that it used to be like that, but it's completely irrelevant. but we've actually improved. People aren't throwing frying pans at each other anymore. So irrelevant. And dare I argue, I think there's a better way to get people to deal with stress in the work environment better than throwing hot frying pans at their hands. Yeah. Ballistics are usually not a very relaxing thing to have to contend with.

You know, it goes to Jay. There's this famous story of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay pranking the cast of some movie they were on where they had heard reports of Michael Bay flipping out of people on set. So they decided that they were going to get up in front of everybody and just start screaming and start being real huge piece of shit to people. And everyone was just like, what are you doing? Why are you talking to us like that? This doesn't make any sense.

This is unprofessional. Now, we'll get into the whole Ellie Ben thing, but I don't think he's being that bad to her. Yeah. Ellie's, like I said, we'll get in. Can I tell you what happened? I think it's a mid-season. If you ask me, it's a mid-season. Mid-season.

I get to the end of these episodes. I go, where's the juice? Where's the squeeze? Where's the fucking shit, man? To be fair to us, we've seen like 42 of these seasons, Matt. I mean, come on, it's hard to, the scale is, the bar is high for us to see something new. And to be fair to L. I mean, she, in her childhood, played a one-sided game of dodge ball with scud missiles.

Right? Dodge missiles. Right. So she, I think she, I think she. She's triggered is the word the kids use. For sure. But anyway, to answer your question, I'm enjoying the season so far and I enjoyed this episode. I'm curious about who gets fired because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get fired.

Right now, I think it might be, right now, if it's Mikey or Alicia. The betting markets or Alicia or potentially the Balkan Biscuit for that move that she made walking in front of the guests all huffy and puffy. Yeah, you think? Yeah. Yeah. They're going to get rid of another fucking galley hand? Imagine throwing Alicia back to that.

I would love that. Okay, so how many pots? I'm going to give it 14. It was good episode. I'm going to give it 14 as well. I thought it was really fun. I love Mark. I love a man who identifies a mark.

a mark. Oh, yeah. He goes, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to bleed this pasty white man dry. Oh, yeah. I'm going to take my sister out of poverty, and I'm going to fucking sail on yachts. I'm going to bring all my friends.

And, yeah, I'll let him tuck into me, but, you know, that's the price of admission. That's right. Love the hustle. We all do what you have to do. Love the hustle. Continuing to love Jenna and Ellie. You know, we're big fans,

Allie. Ellie's, you know, you know, a bit of a nutbag. sometimes. So am I, though. All of us are. All of us are nutbag sometimes. You snap. You lose control of your faculties. That's it. We've all done it. We didn't even sell veggies after, you know, winning, dare I say, a game of Dodge Missile. That's really, you know, we've had it easy. So we get back from a night out and Jenny, Jenna is still nauseated by Eddie. I very much love Blacked out

Jenna because, you know, speaking of losing your faculty, she is an absolute walking zombie, but she still has the wherewithal and the drother to go, I'm disgusted by you and your mustache. Get away from me. Go to sleep. I will say that, though. But she's given this way too much energy for a person that's over it. Yeah. Am I right? Like from a, from personal experience, when you're over something, you feel no need to waste your time on it or give it any energy. any more like chubby Indian girl porn. That was a hypothetical. I don't watch porn.

I'll give a real example. A toxic relationship. Why did you do that? It didn't even make any sense. And it's like such a personal thing. And honestly, I'm not going to kink shape, but I'll just say that's disgusting. Not chubby Indian women.

That's not what I'm saying. is disgusting. That's not what I'm saying is disgusting. You beating off to them is disgusting. I don't watch porn. I save it for my wife. Okay. It was a hypothetical. Yeah, again, it didn't fucking make any sense. Jewel throws a little line for Daisy to get some wine. She says, no, thank you. Yeah. Well, what he doesn't understand is that Daisy has an iron wall eating to never screw the crew and he's going to he's going to need some big guns. I think he's going to need a Nerf ball to break that wall down. Yeah, Nerf ball, water balloon, some kind of, you know, those little snapping things that

you throw, the kids throw them on the ground. Yeah. Sound like that. Maybe a toothpick. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it could blow really hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could just blow really hard. Yeah, yeah. But yeah. Maybe you can fart. Yeah. It's going to be an uphill battle, though, is what we're saying. Jenna and Ben have a little chat. And Gold said, here is my masterpiece.

Hello, Austin Powers. Can I say something about sitting there in the galley like he did? He did not go out. Remember, he sat and drank a little wine like Mariah Carey in a bubble bath, which I liked. Famously captured on Richard Branson's Island. Mariah Carey? Yeah, she did an episode of Cribs that was iconic, but then she also did one, I believe, where she was featured touring Richard Branson's island.

As a guest? As a guest, yeah. And it's important to mention also that Richard Branson fucked kids and is all over the Epstein files. Oh, yeah. Are you kidding me? Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Yeah.

By the way. Galen was telling me that before we fired it up. Is that right? You know what? I'm honestly like it's a lot for me. Don't get us in trouble if that's alleged still. You know what I mean? Get in trouble.

It's alleged. It's a legend. But you know, it's not alleged. It's important for me to say that that's alleged. This is why you've got to go to our Patreon. You know who was on that island, though, is Stephen Hawking. Yeah. And I cover that in PMZ because 10 years ago, that scumbag in that nerdy little wheelchair guy.

Yeah, it is a nerdy little wheelchair. And I have audio of him trying to pick up on some of the working girls. And let me just say, it was very inappropriate. Yeah, it's really weird. Pat was at a bachelor party and went to a strip club. and I can understand why you didn't want to, like, confirm that it was Stephen Hawking because it's rude to go up to somebody who's that disabled and stick your mall in their gaw, you know. Yeah.

But yeah, it's, this sounds crazy. I know you're like, I don't know what they're talking about, but just go to patreon.com slash another podcast network. That's right. Let's take a break for an amazing word from our sponsor. Love this sponsor, dude. This sponsor is Loomi. Love me. Consistent mellow and super delicious.

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that's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com and use code bad TV for 30% off your order again. That's L-U-M-I-Gummies.com. Code bad TV. Loomigmys.com, code bad TV. All right. Oh, I was going to talk about this. So Ben did something very calculated. He does not spend any money, waste any time out.

He knows when they're coming back. And he also knows that that little eating area is a walkway area to get to the bunks. So he's staying there for Jen, Jenna. Oh, okay. I had a roommate, which all my friends nicknamed Scraps. He was such a scumbag. Yeah. He would not go out to the bars.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He waited. Waited so we came back from the bars at one, two in the morning. And we'd bring back a bunch of girls and stuff. And we'd all be partying. Maybe we'd be watching a movie. And then lo and behold, at about two in the morning, scraps would open the door, lurk out. And he'd go, hey, what are you guys doing?

And then he'd start working. himself in. I don't like that. Therefore, he earned the name scraps. He must have had good game, though, because it's such a... It's very good looking. It's such a creepy position to take. And you don't have the context with the women.

You're coming in in the seventh inning, ice cold. Agreed. But it doesn't hurt to be a newbie because you're fresh meat. Right. Oh, that's a really good point. Yeah, yeah. It works for him. Okay.

Well, Eddie walks by and Pat's Jenna's head rubs it and then professes his love for Jenna. You know, we spoke of Scraps who seems like a real coxman, somebody who really understood the rulebook. Talk to me about Eddie's failure to gameplay. I mean, this guy's lost. He sucks. Yeah. I mean, his only gameplay now is what he essentially plans on relying on,

which is just stay away from her, be yourself and hope to God. She gets drunk one night and starts feeling affection for you again and has a renewed interest at you. But that's the only play. Sure. And that is a very common play in this one. world. It's really the main play. You just sit, wait for the kind of psych ward shit to go over, you know, to strike. And then everyone starts making love. Ellie, as we know, was bombed and sold vegetables. And she wants to be called by her name. And she hatches a conversation with Joao about

this. Now, this is a, this is a two-fold. effort that cannot be pulled off. Ellie is trying to flirt with Zhao, as we've discussed. She wants him to inseminate her. But you cannot try to progress an effort of insemination via an HR, hey, I'd like your advice on a work environment thing. You know, Ellie is not presenting sexuality here. She's presenting like I'm having a trouble in the workplace thing.

but she's attempting to exude sexuality or flirt in some way. And it's really, really bizarre and it doesn't work. Well, she's presenting as a damsel in distress, sir. And so this is for him to step in and help. And boy, some real solid advice here. I think he had to probably go look at some literature to read up on this. He said, why don't you tell him? Well, as simple as that advice is, she does not follow said advice.

She waits and then she snaps. She does talk to him one time, doesn't she? She meant. No, you're right. I take that back. No. All right. So Alicia apologizes for losing the helmet. And then we get into the kitchen the next morning, four hours before the charter. Ben says that he needs to find himself. He's not really operating at 100% this morning. So what he's going to do four hours before the charter is just head outside, take a quick dip. Now, the problem with that is that it's insane, period. Second problem with that is that he told Ellie last night, hey, I'm going to go take a massive glass of cab to the face and draw a bubble bath.

And because I'm doing that, you can stay in early or you can come in late. And that's not the case. She comes in at the same time she always does. And he says, oh, glad you're here. I'm going to go swimming. It's not. Okay. Kalin, correct?

Correct. Let me tell you what's happening here. This is what happens when you're a fan favorite, and you've been on the show. Technically, in the lore of the below-deck world for a number of years, there's a sense of entitlement. Are you a fan of Ben? No, I'm not. I just, whenever I mock him, people get in the comments and go, you know, he's kind of respecting the world. And by the way, your friend Kate Chastain is going to be pissed about how do you talk about him.

And I don't care. No. No, we are unbridled. We have no bits in our mouth. no one can steer us any way, shape, or form. And that's why we're the number one show. Yeah. I got to say, though, I love the above deck ladies.

Oh, I do, too. There's a show in Australia that's pretty good, too. There's two girls that do it. Oh, yeah. They're good, too, yeah. Yeah. All right. That new oven arrives, and it's as beautiful as Ben's dead mother, who's still alive.

What was that again? Remember, he said that oven that broke was... Oh, like his mom dying, but she's not... dead. Yeah, it confused the audience last week, just as much as him serving that lobster spring roll 15 times, I think you pointed out. Very confusing. We'll see that again.

Mark my words. All right. Let's get to a preference sheet meeting. It's time for a preference sheet meeting. Four-day charter. Once in a lifetime celebration where their love, there being Mark and Clay, who are getting kind of hitched for real. Way to go. Way to go, Mark.

You know what's funny. You little sugar, baby. Way to go, Mark. Later on, sorry to jump ahead, though. Yeah. When he tells his sister that he's gay. I don't even think that was what they were talking about. No?

No, I think his sister was like, I can't believe you're fleecing this guy. This is so unbelievable. We're so poor and we're on a yacht now. Because I was like, oh, I wish we got there earlier when he told her he was gay because she's like confused. And she's like, what the fuck is up? And he's like, you look, come on. You know. I don't talk like that. I just got to get all this guy's fucking money.

No, no, no. Him coming out is like Ed Gain and someone's skin saying I did it. Oh. Okay. It's like, it's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. I know you did. You're covered in another person's skin. I assume you killed that person. That's who you're talking about. Yeah. All right. Anyways, so they've got a four-day charter coming up way too long. long for this show. I have to tell you why.

It's we get sick of the charter guests. Sometimes what they did in seasons past where the guests would do a charter this long is they literally skip over entire days of the charter. We saw that last season, I think, where we were just fast forward through a day. And the other part is we don't get the C rats night out where obviously we always get hijinks. Yep. Mm-hmm.

You have to strike the balance on the show. The balance is important. We need a pie chart, right? We need the food. We need the mistakes. We need the gas. We need the ball of snakes. It's like that fucking train that keeps going around and it's powered and has all those people on it.

There's the poor people in the back that eat the cockroaches. That's right. Right, right. That's what this show is. It's snowpiercer. How so? Well, like you just explained it. Hey, did you start watching age of fucking,

illusion or whatever the fuck it is. Age of attraction? I've watched all the episodes. Is it good? Oh, I love it. Really? It's very slow in the sense that it is, well, it's very much like love is blind. Yeah.

It's two people that should not be together or multiple couples in any stretch of the imagination. Yeah. And then it slows down. You meet their family and their friends. It's very uncomfortable. But you're just staring at two people and you're going, how the fuck do you two people think you're going to make this? And Nick Files like, he doesn't, he doesn't.

really talk. It's his wife. She runs the show. He is horrible on television. I know he's pretty to look at, but he is not good on TV. Is his wife good on TV? That shrill, cold monster? You can tell she's taking classes and you can tell she, by the way, you want to talk about using someone. Yeah. He does not know he is a mark. Oh, yeah. You think she's with you, you idiot. You're fucking 20 years older than her. Yeah, I'm excited for the family law to take, uh, get their fucking talons in that one. That's coming. Anyways, let's get back to it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, um, Daisy says she's kind of nervous because of the whole, um, Kaelin, what do you think? Do you think Nick Vile's going to get divorced to his wife on the Vile Files podcast? I'd put money on it. Okay. Great. Everyone hates him. All right. So Daisy's nervous because of this whole

wedding day thing they have to pull off, right? It's because she says it's going to be the most important. day of their lives. Her words, not mine. Now, I'm just going to say this. You can leave your 32nd birthday with a theme like cowboy hats and hot dogs. You can leave that up to sea rats, okay? Cowboy hats and hot dogs. You know, like a theme, they have a lot of stupid thieves, you know, but don't leave

the most important thing of anything up to goddamn sea rats. They'll fuck it up. They almost killed someone three charters ago. Am I right? We're not even kidding about that. It sounds like we're joking, and we are, but it's very serious.

They almost killed someone. And now they're going to pull off a wedding. Daisy has a little chat with Ben about Ellie, because Ellie comes to Daisy, which inspires Ben to go chat with Ellie. Now, Ben has not faced down a Bosnian, AKA Slovakian woman, whatever she is.

That's played a one-sided game of dodge ball with missiles. Yeah, it's called dodge missile. A dodge missile. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Hey, I do want to, I don't. What do you not get? I want to say this. I want to back up for one second.

I, because I bust Daisy's balls a lot, right? This was very sweet of her, and I guess the Balkan Biscuit didn't get the memo. Daisy framed her talk with Ben as though she was an observer to this behavior. behavior, as opposed to throwing, like, she told me this. And that was very sweet of days. Credit where credits do. Yes, three brownie points for you. That was really, really lovely. Okay. Then Ben sits down with Ellie, and then the first thing that comes out of her mouth is like, yeah, this is what's been pissing me off about you, as though she's been telling the entire boat about how much she hates your behavior, Ben. Yeah, well, he had no other thing to do than apologize and fold because he'd been drawing himself bubble baths and swimming. So he, you know, he goes, you know, I'll work on it.

And I apologize for leaving you in the lurch like that. Now, we've still got the sweetie, the boo-boo, the honey tits, that kind of thing, which is simmering over. Now, Jewel and Daisy talk about what they're going to do after the charter. And they talk about how nobody fucking gets them. You know, nobody fucking, they haven't had any successful relationship yet. And there's definitely some undertones there. But unfortunately,

Jawal has to conquer an impenetrable edict. And we're not sure how he's going to. You know, we theorized that it would be with, you know, you know, one of those McDonald's happy meals things where you just, they're like these little figurines. You throw it out of it? We'd throw it down. knock it down.

Maybe a pogo stick. We're not sure how high the wall is. No, I got an idea. How about you just look at it for a little while and think very hard? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In that hypothetical, Joao is like that little Oracle kid from The Matrix. You know, when it started getting weird. Oh, I hate the Matrix.

The second one, the third one, and whatever piece of shit Netflix did. The Oracle is a... The Oracle was a black lady. But then there was like the kid. right who was in Kaylin, am I right on this? He's bending the spoon. Yeah, he's bending the spoon.

Was that one of the oracles' pupils? Anyways, those were bad. Two different oracles, by the way, the woman who was in part two, she died of cancer, so they replaced her, which also confused me. I hate those, the second and third one.

They didn't need to get made. No, they were horrible. They made no sense. They made no sense. I mean, we've got the fucking, we've got the little, the little data kid, the cute old Asian man

going around trying to open up. all the doors. The keymaster. The key master. What the fuck is going on? The CGI. Sorry, we'll get back to the show in one second, but the CGI in the first one is, you know, it's 2000, it's 1999, but so it's not great. Somehow it gets worse. Just so much worse. Jar J. J.R. Binks was, right? Yeah. I mean, when he's fighting all the agents, you're like, what, this looks like Wallace and Grumman. It's crazy. It was horrible. Okay. Now, back to Daisy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. They're filling each other out here, though. That's what this whole line of questioning is about. And he learned, when he learns that she loves jerks, yeah,

he's like, wow. And old Patty here, I heard wedding bells. Kidding. I heard their private parts smacking each other. You heard the cops getting called. Well, yeah, then I heard arguing. And then lots of cigarettes, which I don't think makes sound. But, yeah. Oh, no. You can hear them. Especially when you're talking to a smoker. It's like, fuck. What now, Gary? You're really enjoying that cigarette, aren't you? Gary.

You know, and the craziest thing is that the fourth Matrix was, I think, about making the Matrix. Yes. Those guys really lost their fastballs. Yeah. I'm sorry. They're girls. They both turned into girls. They lost their testicles.

Let's move on. Oh, you like that one? Yeah, he did. He's very transphobic. That's why he was laughing like that. Oh, you should fire him. All right. So Alicia left all the fucking towels in the hall.

I love Alicia. She's just like, you know, I'm really actually quite stressed out. I'm actually going to leave trash everywhere for the paying guests. Okay. So one of the women, the guests arrive. One of the women is dressed in what is, one of the more absurd hats I've seen in some time.

I don't watch the Kentucky Derby. That's the mecca. It's right around the corner, by the way. Is it really? Yeah, it's on Ruby's wedding day. I was going to go. But, of course, it's more important to go to my sister's wedding.

You weren't going to go. I was thinking of going. You weren't even thinking of going. I was going to go to a place where we were going to watch it on the screen. Right. Yeah. I don't even buy that,

but I can, you know, We can at least have a conversation. I was going to go to the Kentucky Derby. Hilarious. Okay, one of the women arrives in a Kentucky Derby hat. We have a little bit of an issue right out of the gate, though. There's a maxi-pad. Coochie liner.

There's a sanitary product. Adhered. I mean, really adhered to the side of this cabinet. What jokester did that? By the way, if you want to hear a great story, of Patty finding his own version of a coochie liner in my bathroom go to our summer house coverage there's a true story there to summer house patty was in his own bathroom and i found a coochie liner in there uh-huh you found a sanitary napkin that's right that was this a plump i mean

i can't even imagine it's fine finding your wife's that's not a big deal but a stranger strangers is that someone you don't know that i'll never forget it So I know exactly how that charter gas felt. Yeah. Well, not really, because this one was just stuck to the wall. The one you found was actually, you know, it had drank from the watering hole. Is that a way to describe that? I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Fuck. Can I say? Why did we need to bring that up? Because I'm trying to promote our Patreon. Okay. Hey, can I say why this is important? to find a koochee liner and you could just say look can you do me a favor we're not going to

talk about it much longer can you call it something else uh get ready to no no no no just call it what they called it call it what everyone what do they call it a panty liner panning line fine the panty liner is what would be perceived as a tell so uh did you ever hear the story where van halen and their rider You used to ask the venue that they were going to perform in front of 20,000 people to remove all the brown M&Ms from their thing. It's not that they liked M&Ms. It's not that they hated brown M&Ms. It would be the first thing in their rider. So when they showed up to their guest thing where the food would be, they'd look at the thing of M&Ms and they'd see a bunch of brown M&Ms.

They'd realize they never read the rider. And then they'd be concerned about their crew. Well, if they didn't fucking read this, then they didn't hang the sound speakers around. way so someone might get killed here. Right. When you see the, what do we call it?

Pennylander. That means they didn't clean the toilet bowl property. That means like there might be some semen somewhere. You can't trust anything these goddamn sea rats did. Can I tell you?

They overlooked everything. These guests were so cool about this. So cool about it. I was a little unnervous how panicked the initial charter guest was. I thought that was like, she was treating it like a four. alarm fire. Well, it is. You would have thought that thing had eyes and was going to try and eat her.

I think if you're in the service environment, if you go into a hotel and you're paying a lot of money and there's a fucking coochie whatever on the wall or the cat, that's, I would fucking raise hell. You know, one of my favorite things to do. Golly and complain. Get upgraded in two seconds after that. All right. So, Um, we talk about that and it's gross. Do you want to know what's in a paper plane? I know what's in a paper plane. Tell me,

because I have it in front of it. I know it's apparel. Mm-hmm. That's what gives it orange. Yep. Was it, is it, uh, there's a couple things I can't even pronounce a quintessentia. What is that?

What? Yeah. And an Armuro nonino, an ounce of that. Amaro. Yeah. Amaro. Yeah. Ammaro. Yeah.

. And then is it gin? That might be what this version of quintessitcentia is. It's kind of a gross drink. And also it says the highest proof of bourbon they have. Oh, it's bourbon. Yeah, bourbon and apparel and a morgue. I don't want that.

That's a lot of nuttiness. And it's orange. Created in 2008 by some mixologist for a contest. Oh, yeah. It's pretty iconic. It's pretty iconic. But I, I, I don't know what these people are doing.

You have to treat sea rats like a dive bar. Oh, yeah. Let's go with the gen. I'm happy with genitonics, okay? We're not doing a last word here. I'm not ordering a last word with sea rats. How about hand them a piece of paper with the ingredients on it? That's fine, but still it's like, you know,

you have to be able to feel the rhythm of the cocktail. It's not going to happen with these people. Anyways. They order a paper plane. Alicia has no idea what's going on. Ben continues to call Ellie, Boo Boo and Sweetie and whatnot. And one of the guys slides down the slide the wrong way. Clay does a scuba motorcycle thing.

There's something, something tells me that everyone on this charter is Mark's friend. And then Clay is just paying for everything. That's what I've said. And waiting to just crack one off at night. But he doesn't seem like. Like he's having the best time. Yeah.

Anyways, he's a sweet guy. There's a one. Do you remember that sucker? It was like three seasons ago. He paid to pay for friends. Do you remember that guy? Yeah, a little bit. And he was just like, so tell me about yourself.

It's like, what do you? How do you not know these people? I know. He just, ooh, it was really sad. He was buying friends. Oh, my God. It's almost like this guy. I mean, listen, he's in love.

He's in love. One of the women is twerking outside. I never saw a twerking result in head trouble. I've seen it all the time. Twerking is a very, very dangerous thing to do. That's why I don't do it. Okay. But she twerks and she falls and she is, I believe, concussed.

You know, what is interesting is poor Eddie right before her head hit that wall. He said, do you need help? And very rudely, she said no. Uh-huh. There must be a small part of him as a human that enjoyed her head smashing against that wall. Yeah, I mean, C-Rat's love when the paying guests are harmed. It's just part of the thing. Let's get to Pride Night.

The queen has arrived, Mark. Mark is the queen. Clay is the mark. This is just for me. And that one guy said he's 24. That was shocking. He's a big guy. He's 24 years old.

I had no idea. I know. He could have been 40. Muscles. Let's get to, let's get to dinner. By the way, ended abruptly, very quick. Yes, please, tell me what the hell happened here. Muscles and clams.

Monet. I don't know what this dish is. It looks like a tomato-based something. It's French, which I don't usually associate tomato-based things. things with French cuisine, but that's fine. This was a lovely way to start the meal. Let's put a little parsley on top. Let's garnish the dish somehow and not just serve a bucket full of shellfish, boiled open, once alive and now ready to be consumed.

It's just kind of a, I don't know, a necrotic looking plate. I give it two pots. Wow. Then we get to the mahi mahi. steamed or baked to a kind of translucent, jellied eel kind of look. It's adorned with a little bit of pineapple salsa, but there's nothing really aesthetically to round out

what is a gray square of flesh. And that's dinner. That's what dinner is. It's just mussels, clams, and a piece of mahi. Now, one of the guests says, I just want one Mahi, which I thought was actually a pretty cute joke. You know, I was at dinner the other night and I said, the waitress said, does anybody have any allergies? And I said, I was a little stoned. And I was looking at the menu and I just said, not today.

I don't even know why I said that. She said, that's a really weird answer. I go, you know what? service in Los Angeles. It's just like, what happened? Well, I don't think it's ever been good here. It's good at like four places. It's really good at like four places.

God damn, man. Everybody's just got forearm tattoos and an attitude. Everyone. It's crazy. You know who doesn't have an attitude? The Hispanic people that are working at like, you know, like Millie's Cafe and stuff, those guys don't fuck around. but you know

agreed you get somebody named jade or tanner then you're you're fucked they're gonna spit in your food anyways everyone's fucking miserable too like they hate they clearly hate they don't hide that they hate their job yeah yeah yeah okay uh so Ellie's game

I know that you wrote a book for men to learn how to close ass for no money Ellie needs help on how to close a dude Mm-hmm. Ooh.

What's your favorite dessert? I would be sure to make that for you. What? Yeah, I got to help her out. We're doing a lemon meringue cheesecake. We're not going to make that. It feels very like sixth grade love. Like, Jewel's,

Joow's not interested in that. He wants to spit in someone's face. Yeah. You know. Because the lemon meringue cheesecake is going to be made at some point. And then I can see this happening where Joow eats it and then he thanks her and then nothing really happens and then she's pissed off and closed off and you know. Well, here's the thing with the Balkan Biscuit is it's

not that she can't get a good guy, a guy in general, a hug, whatever she's looking for. It's she keeps going for the wrong guy. These are emotionally unavailable guys. Joe and Joao. Joe and Joao. Yeah. Not good. Not a good track record. You're better than that Balkan Biscuit. All right. So let's get to the next morning. Mike asks for an omelet. And I should have brought this up at the top of the show.

And, you know, I don't know if he listens or if the C-Rets, you know, how many C-Rets listen. But like we mentioned, we are unbridled. I am not a fan of Mike in any way, shape, or form. I think he's a gossipy little bitch. I think he's a mean little bitch. And I think that the lip fillers getting to his head. same with the hairspray. Stop acting like a fucking weasel and a bitch, okay?

He goes in and he asks the chef to make him an omelet. And Ben says, no, I'm not doing that. And Alicia, in a panicked way, pulls him aside and goes, dude, don't do that. Now, Alicia has been in this industry for a while and she's worked hand in hand with Ben. So she knows, don't fucking do that. he turns around like a real housewife and goes into the galley and says, Ben, guess what? She just told me that I can't ever ask you for an omelet. Is that true?

And it's very awkward. She leaves. And then he relays what Alicia did to Daisy in the most dishonest way you could possibly imagine. He says that she came up to him and she essentially screamed, don't ever do that again. not a fan of this guy, buck the fuck up, okay? All right. Jury's still out with old Patty here, but I will say it's, it was a tone issue. When your peer comes at you when you're not expecting it, I think it's okay for Ben to say,

get the fuck out, something like that. Well, when you're not expecting it for your peer to kind of come at you that way, it kind of jars you a little bit. Yeah, I don't think the tone was that bad. I maybe pull them aside and politely share that information like hey this is kind of maybe maybe you didn't know but that's kind of a no no would you drag a woman in front of another uh of a head of department and then rat her out in front of him would you ever do something like that no no Kalin I don't think Kalin would I would not I don't think he would so I'm not I'm not juries juries what is it in the jury's out for me see I'm not a fan at all see i put this and we're going to talk about beverly hills uh with ruby later on i factor in a lot of this of immaturity with people i mean these sea rats are a little bit younger yeah there you there yeah all right mark talks with his sister um like we mentioned uh he tells her evidently that he

came out um i don't think that's what the conversation was they were talking about poverty levels i believe um and uh i think she's just really really grateful of this gambit that he's he's pulled off Yeah. We made it. You made it. I was going to say, then he walks away and he, this is a good moment with Batu. Oh, yeah. Her bumming us out about the Muslim world again?

Well, it's not necessarily, I guess some parts, you know, there's, it's not, you know, some parts of that. There's bad and good things about every religion, right? Yeah, totally. Well, she tells him. No, there, there is, yeah, 100%. So she tells him, well, he tells her, he's like, hey, I'm gay. and she goes, oh, man, bummer. My dad, he wouldn't have been a fan of that.

And neither would have my entire country. They wouldn't have been big fans of you being gay with your husband. Yeah. And they said, oh, fuck, and I'm downplaying it. They would have thrown you off a roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's important to note that they, um, they, I don't know that they would. But it's also like Istanbul.

So we're not talking about, we're not talking about Ramadi. We're just talking about one of the, and we don't need to get into it, but we're not, She said it herself. She's talking about the Castro district of the Muslim world. They weren't fans. Yeah, they weren't fans. All right.

So Mike learns that there is no toilet paper. Goes in and blows everyone spot on. He's a rat. He does do that. He's a fucking rat. And he enjoyed it. Yeah, he enjoyed it. Ugh.

By the way, with this toilet paper, this was, I watched this happen. The basics of making sure a room, you're a hotel worker, to make sure that toilet paper, a new fresh roll is there for new guests, I said to my side, they're going to fucking nail this wedding. Oh my God, yeah.

And things are already starting off really well because we're getting charcutory in order for the big night, I think. I'm not sure if it's tonight or not, but I think it is. And Ellie tells Ben that he needs to go. Oh, boy. I was getting scared in this galley when this started happening. Yeah, Ellie tells Ben that they need to carry their momentum through. They need to get their regimen in order.

They need to organize and Ben needs to go get in his chef's coat to present an air of professionalism in the galley. If I was Ben, forget boo-boo, forget sweetie pie. I'd say, shut the fuck up. Okay? I don't know if this is possible with humans. I guess this is when we, maybe we turn into robots or something. I would have like unzipped her head and opened it up and let the steam come out. Right, right, right.

Because she, I was, I honestly, I had anxiety watching this. I was scared what she could do to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what she does is she snaps. So Ben comes in in the garments that she's told him to wear. And he says, we are a little bit behind. And she says, well, if you had fucking told me to prioritize differently, we wouldn't be in this position.

We need to calm down. He says, honey, it's half an hour before dinner. And you need to work faster. And she says, my name is Elena or Ellie.

Don't ever fucking call me, honey, ever again. And don't ever fucking speak to me. The way that he spoke to her was that he insinuated that she needs to hurry the fuck up. It was caddy.

It's the way Ben speaks. Also, So this is where I'll give the, you know, the older professional class a little bit of credit. We're not throwing frying pans at each other's heads, but we're certainly not flipping out about this. Right. Okay. And at this point, Ellie storms up to go find Captain Jason to tell him that the head chef of this boat told me to go faster on the Chakouder airplane. Now she's going to get into a little bit of trouble when Jason says,

okay, well, is there anything else? And she's going to say that he keeps calling her Sweetie Pie. And he's going to ask her, did you talk to him about it? To which she's either got to lie or just say no. So Ellie may be in a little bit of danger. I hope we don't lose the Balkan Biscuit. Me neither. We love the Balkan Biscuit.

And we love you. Get in the comments. Let us know what you thought about the episode. join us at Patreon for Summerhouse and Rhode Island coming up. Also, the valley. The valley coming to bad TV.

We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Later it is. Kaelin. Bye.