Another Below Deck Podcast - The Legend Returns | Winter House S3 E11

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Pat, Dylan and Ruby are back to break down bumble bees, jealousy, the depth of psychoanalytical horror on display when watching Danielle on Winter House, Batman and Casey, elemental death and more from Bravo's Winter House.Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@anotherbelowdeckpodcast_Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/This show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at https://www.spreaker.com/show/5727246/advertisement

Oh my god. Throw me in a knapsack and throw me in the Colorado River. I'll take drowning any day over that. My god. Oh, no, no, no. If you guys don't mind, I'd like to point out why I can't stand Swartz. We were talking about elemental death. Do you want to know?

I understand. I just say it. I'll cover it. There's a lot of stuff on TV. Even though all of it's good. Jim Cracked. A lot of it's bad TV. Hi, hello, welcome to another brand spanking new episode of bad TV

My name is Dylan. I'm settled up next to one Patrick Kiki great to be here. Hey Ruby Hi, Dylan. Hey, bye dog girl. Hey, don't I am good. I wanted to say me out. Yeah, but it's a dog. That's fine. Are you guys? Well, I'm burning upright now. I'm running a fever. I'm wearing them. I don't get. Well, remember, you get me sick. You get my children sick too. Don't do that. Stay away from me. Don't do that to me. My God, Patrick. I can't have that on my conscience. No, they'll be fine. Yeah. Now everybody's going to be okay.

Hope everybody is having a lovely holiday season. I know that we owe you guys a meetup. The holidays are getting a little bit congested. So I think what we're going to end up doing is new year, early in the new year when Papaya.Grow is still in town. We are going to hop in this studio and have a little happy hour with you guys to kick off. That would be fun. Have a couple cocktails. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before the world starts to burn, we'll, uh, we'll, you know,

toast to the New Year. Oh, nice. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's gonna be 24. It's gonna be a fucking shit show. Well, like, just hate election years, I mean, my God. Well, we don't do politics. No, no, no. On this network, but I'll say this, what year hasn't been a shit show? I feel like the last fucking decade has been. Well, as wacky as Winterhouse, I think not.

Any more PSAs? I think that's, it just had on avertipatreon.com slash into the podcast. Network and support us over there. Lots of great content, Dylan and I are killing it with the PMZs. Listeners love it. They love the APSs. You get two hours of extra content over there, lots of great content, Dylan and I are killing it with the PMZs, listeners love it, they love the APSs. You get two hours of extra content over there, sometimes three.

Don't need a little more. Or a little more. There you go. All right, so Ruby? No. So, we have got, we record two shows on Monday nights. We record below deck and we record winter house. And I didn't ever think this was gonna happen.

I am more excited and I enjoy watching winter house more than below deck right now. Oh, that's been how I feel for a long time, Dale. Really? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, it's really flipped for me lately. I mean, if I can deliver my snowballs right now.

Go for it. If I could throw my snowballs right now at everybody like Corey did to his not-girlfriend, Malia, this episode had it all. We kick things off, which we'll discuss with just one of the saddest things I've ever heard Danielle say. The nightmare that is her internal vortex right now is something to behold.

Not to mention we've got Bumblebee coming in who was as disastrous as we knew she was going to be. Corey seems to be inching his way towards the finale of this season without being Without the the veil or shroud being lifted revealing him to be an absolute massive claymation Wallace and grommet looking piece of shit. I don't know how that's happened It is like this this this this this sorcery shit that he's pulling on people I don't get it, but the episode had everything and Santa balls back. I mean, my goodness.

I'm gonna have to issue it. 19th cell balls. Ruby, do you mind if I go next? No, no. All right, so I had a funny thought. It's kind of a dark thought. I thought about this. This is what I do as I'm watching this show. I'm like, what if there was some bizarre experiment where these people were never allowed to leave winter house? And eventually their language devolves down to just like three words and those words are shots, incend it, like zeros and ones like binary, and then eventually they just start killing each other. Uh-huh. Dark thought. Oh. Because they never get to leave winter house. They're trapped there and they'll grow old there.

Are you going anywhere with that or do you just want to see them, uh, their lexicon devolved and then have them all kill each other? Cause like, well, I kind of want to punish people like Amanda, who turned in another stellar season. Not. Well, she did a jello shot tonight. Oh, wow. That was fun.

Yeah. That was really cool. Actually, she's super annoying. I love how Malia stepped up the flirting as opposed to contained it when Sam was on. There was almost like she was kind of marking her territory. Quite conti. Yeah, quite conti. And I also loved club neon because I have a theory why Batman was asked if he do a door guy service. Sure. They didn't want him to come to the party

because he's lame. Yeah. I thought you were going to leave us in suspense with that theory, but now you just came right out and said it. His little arms and his big muscles were put outside because he is the dork of the group. No one wants to have sex with him. That's not true. Everybody wants to have sex with him. That's not true.

Everybody wants to have sex with Bambi. Joy the episode. This is so fun. I think there's only two episodes left, I think, or maybe next, I don't know. By any way, I'm having a good time. Right. Off 90 snowballs.

Ribs. I loved the episode. To me, it felt like a vintage premiere of a Bravo show from like early 2000s that we all miss. Yeah. It was sad, it was pathetic, it was hilarious, it was um, sexy. Just made me feel warm. Yeah, it was sexy, just like being so icy up there. Right.

Um, I, I, true and I agree with you Do I actually can't wait to talk about it? I'm really looking forward to this conversation 94 snowballs. How did we end up here to the mic sound weird? No, it's just I my headphones could probably be turned up a little bit But I'm good. Okay. Yeah, I'm fine Hey one last note on my snowballs, I do want to say this. You guys seem very happy to have swarts returned. No, no, no, you're not. Okay, you're joking.

Yeah, it's nothing. I would trade him like in some kind of weird trade for four sea rats. I'd give away a main cast member for Vandipump rules for four sea rats. I think it'd just be better if he was an animal. I mean, let's get a house dog dog let's get a house mule i mean what would be better if with we had a mule in the front yard or in the living room or swarts you know mm-hmm how do lama we oh my god we allama would be better because they are unpredictable. Oh, they're very aggressive. Yeah.

And they'll spit at everyone. Yeah. So Sam would love that. There you go. So, Cory, let's get into it. Last we left. Damn. Monday, March 20, 1026 PM.

Last we left, Octaña was doing her steward, Smiley, kind of moment where she was looking in the mirror. And she, okay, she is devolving into a kind of psychological fracturing where she's developing split personality disorder. She's talking to herself numerous times this evening. Oh, yes. Out loud. It's not an internal thing where you're kind of gasping yourself up.

No, she is out loud speaking to herself about herself, about other people. She's absolutely fucking losing it. Definitely case in point, Dylan. She just got finished turning it up with Batman. And she says that she, this is a quote, she feels like Alex is kind of pulling away. Quite the understatement.

Yeah, that's like someone saying Hitler wasn't a fan of Jewish people. Oh, yeah. Well, note the same and the same gratitude. Sure, yeah. Same stakes. She reminds me of those homeless people on the street that are mumbling to themselves. And every once in a while, your headphones are dead, so you listen and you're like, are they actually spouting wisdom? And then you think, and you're like, nope, never mind.

Well, really quickly, they are spouting wisdom. They're spouting the purest form of wisdom. They have no ego to protect themselves from ego consciousness, but what that allows them to do is commune with the fallen angels. Now, it's not beneficial to be speaking to them on this plane, but were we to be able to tap into the psychosis of somebody like, let's say Danielle, I think the world would be a better place, but unfortunately she's just too blacked out and hard broke. Yeah, yeah. Just to add another point to that, her saying that Alex is pulling away.

If an avalanche struck that winter house and it took her out, it'd be relieved. Well, speaking of psychology and mental fragility, let's break down one of the most painful things that Danielle has ever said. And Danielle has been saying all kind of things for a very, very long time, right? She said that over the past couple of weeks she has found a part of herself that she hasn't seen in a while. And we're wondering as she said, that, mom, what would that be, right? Because clearly you're just losing sight of everything that makes you up. But she reveals that the part of herself

that she has found recently is that she is desired. That is so unbelievably, I mean, that is ramming into an iceberg we are fucking sinking into the freezing cold arctic ocean if that's the body of what the walls are talking to the walls are talking to her i want to remind her as she said this ten minutes earlier she was throwing that man's care package this mommy bought for them all the contents of that on the floor right

but it but it not a lot of personal growth. It makes the conversation that she had with Jordan so much more. I, I'll just use the word sad again. The, the projection is just, and listen, there's no point to sit here and psychoanalyze snow rats, right? There's just no point. It's not a fruitful endeavor. But I think given the drunken transparency

that we see this evening, the conversation with Jordan was just so pathetic, telling her that the only way she derives value is from men and then Danielle later saying, I've found the part of myself that I haven't seen in some time that is fulfilled after being desired by men. I mean, it's just, my heart breaks for her. She's just gotta get into some kind of,

I think a equinox would be fine. Let movement is medicine. We don't need to class go to the show. Well, no, class go to the music. Get outside, take a walk. Yeah, I wanna pet. Robes, any thoughts on this? Let movement is medicine. We don't need to class go music outside. Take a walk. Yeah. I want to pet. Robs, any thoughts on this?

No, you know what? I'll just say no to be safe. How's that? Am I off? Am I off? Nope. Now, she's losing her mind. I mean, it's sad, right?

Yeah. Very. I mean, it's sad stuff, right? Yeah. At some point, she walks down the hallway and tells Alex to fuck off. And then meanwhile, the house gets word that Swartz has survived the reunion.

And they rejoice like the rebel forces did when they took out that ad ad in Empire. Like, hey, boy, the hierarchy really is on, like, and the ad ad is the chicken. No, that's the little walkin' one with the two legs. I'm talking with the ad ad is the four legs No, that's the little walkin' one with the two legs. I'm talkin' with the ad ad is the four legs. Oh, the four legs. Oh, okay.

Yeah, that's the cow. Well, yeah, I guess it looks more like a dog to me. What? Yeah, don't do this. It's not a problem to compare Imperial walkers and weaponry with farm animal, I don't think. Not at all. They don't have an issue for that.

They don't have advocates unless it when you want to cut their heads off and eat them. Hey, you know, I was gonna say, my point was, school is clearly the most famous person on this show. That's why they all suck his ass. Oh, I love that take. I love that take. I also think he's a bit of a puppy dog and generally a likable guy until you get to know him,

but I think he's a phony. I've seen the footage of him dump a glass of whiskey over the top of his wife's head. Well, he was only 31 when he did that. So I also throw a bottle at Stasi's head in the first season of Vanderbub rule. He's got a little bit of a touch of violence in him. He was only 31 when he did that.

So let's get back to the mast Danielle's on the verge of tears saying that she's not upset at Batman. But that she's not sure if she cannot not take it out on him. I mean, there are drunk tanks where you just people got to sober up a little bit. Maybe we should have And maybe I don't know what a 5150 is is it just you need to go in a soft room for a while because Danielle needs to go in a soft room for a while It would help her out. You know, buddy that I won't say his name help him out. Yeah I know it's got two kids. He's normal Well, when Batman says

Upon hearing that it's about other things he brings up Alex's name and she has a quiet panic, quite flip out and says, dude, and she also slips into this valve surf parlance, like kind of a lot where she says, dude, and bro and stuff like that. And I don't think that that's her. But she says, dude, it's not that deep. It is, we are drilling for oil at this point. What's happening to her is so deep. Yeah, the the pause that I've been using to dig my deep, deep hole, they're drills now. Yeah, right. And I'm not saying deep, broadly speaking, this is the shallow as we can get.

But in the well, that is her. I mean, we're worth the center of the year right now uh... well this neon party starts to rev up and not batman and and did and now when they chat and did you notice she didn't apologize for throwing his mommy's shit no she defended it kind of yes she did and then that's when that batman i'm sure he's what pretty proud of self of this one liner i he said that she doesn't care about his box because she only cares about her box good one one Batman. We'll never see you on winter house. Do you have the word and I don't mean to I don't mean to show how the sausage is made,

but do you have the word joke written on your notes? Oh yeah, yeah. I do. I've been doing that for years. Really? It's the first time you said that because I got to remind myself when I'm looking at it, I know it's a this might be a funny thing to say. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Okay, so Sam is coming the next morning. They go, oh, amazing. I can't wait to see your come. Really quickly. Yeah.

When Kyle says to Batman, Casey asked me to be the, the bouncer, but we needed the biggest, strongest guy to do it. I thought it was like when a mentally handicapped child is on a football team, I'm scared. And they are like, no, in a great way, they're like, Hey, we want you to come out and take the winning like kick for the right. Right. Right. Knowing full well that whatever happens everyone will cheer right. That's what it felt like to me when he called Brian the biggest strongest. Yeah, yeah.

Brian's Rudy is what you're saying. He without saying it, yes I am. Yeah, Brian's Rudy. And, you know, I think that's really, really sweet. That's a nice gesture. But if the game's close, I mean, it's just not the kind of... You can't put them in. It's not the kind of thing.

You've got to win the game. Parents are there. You have to win a minute. It's not the time. You got to win the game. Parents are there. You have to win the game. People's parents are there. There are scholarships on the line. You can't have an autistic kid come out and miss a field goal by 40 yards. Retrospectively speaking, if Rudy were to be Bruce Wayne, that would be a film I'd love to see.

Sure. Yeah. Make it. Right. That's the next Batman. I think Robert Pattinson's going to kind of do a method-y thing. Yeah, you think they'll make another one of those pieces of shit. Oh, yeah, they're for sure going to do it. Oh, yeah.

Now it's worth mentioning when Kyle announces that Sam will be there tomorrow. I'm sorry, when Cory announces that, Kyle suggests. I love this part. Kyle suggested to Cory Hey, maybe this is when you guys are you know bro Gonna put a label on this Cory was quick He shook his head so intensely I thought it could have fucking fought fell off like that's how I think he threw up in his mouth

So intensely, I thought it could have fucking fell off. Like, that's how... I think he threw up in his mouth. He did. And the reason why it has nothing to do with... He loves Sam. We know that, but... He is so committed to his business. Right.

The thought of commitment right now, I mean, it's just... It's not gonna work. The gyms have to be open at five o'clock in the morning and they have to close at 11 30. He has no time for people that are not him. Sure. So, um, he also says Sam is really secure and she doesn't get jealous about petty stuff. So let's tack that on the cork board for now and then we'll get back to it in a minute. Uh, we go back to the Jordan and Danielle conversation.

You're low energy because no one's attracted to you. There's this weird thing happening where I, listen, I don't think that this show is popular enough to have the kind of torrent of hashtag, rony, tweets, and stuff like that. But I hope Danielle is getting somewhat dragged for her behavior towards Jordan. I mean, it's bullying. It's It's just so fucking weird. I mean it

It doesn't matter at the end of the day and I don't advocate for bullying really anybody except a lot of people Yeah, except a lot of people. So sorry I'm gonna just I'm gonna just shrink into that hole that we've been drilling when we watch Danielle and just let Pat take it. Sure, sure. So this is actually Malia that checks in with Jordan because Jordan still pissed about Danielle accusing her of being low energy and you know not having any guys to flirt with. Jordan aptly points out, hey, look here idiot, I don't let men defy me and by the way half

the guys in this house have tried to fucking sleep with me and I've turned them down, including you're two. Right. And I'm on my feet. I'm on my feet and I'm clapping. I agree. Yeah. I'm Shia.

I'm Shia in a suit right now. I have a couple notable quotes from Amanda before she's going to depart the next day. She says, I have glitter, bitches. Those are the things that keep her on this franchise. right from Amanda before she's going to depart the next day sure she says I have glitter bitches those are the things that keep her on this franchise and then she notes later on the food arrives and she says we are energy energizing before we send it yeah sending it is not a thing. But during that scene, when they are energizing, Danielle is being perhaps this maybe this is when my hands became the drills. She's like just kind of like cleaning and like mumbling to herself and she's like, it's

just a really weird way to eat things normally. Mm-hmm. All out. What? And people are placating the situation, trying to say, no, no, this isn't an atomic flaming bomb in our kitchen in the middle of our night when we're all being pretty lovely. Yeah. Well, she also retreats to her lair, if you remember, this roob. And she's talking to herself, still talking to herself, she says, fucking idiots under her breath.

And meanwhile, Alex, Alex tells us, if she was dead, it'd be a better trip for him, you know? And then he also adds, if a coyote pulled her into the forest and devoured her by a pack of wolves, Alex would say about time. Let's break down that hypothetical that wasn't said. If a coyote dragged her into the forest and was eaten by a pack of wolves, it would be better. So, one, we know that coyotes don't really have the gumption or the jaw strength to carry a full grown human that far through the snow into the woods.

You know, that's not just not their game. Also, I don't think that a pack of wolves would really... I mean, maybe there's this kind of budding Disney movie that's happening in Speedboat where the wolves in the hyenas are the coyotes are getting along, but I'm not really sure that anything you said made any fucking sense And I'm actually I'm pretty pissed off right now No, you're so right the the form that she can enter when she is blackout drunk Is this really there's no other word than toxic and I don't want to lean on Gen Z parlance and say stuff like that. But when it works, it works. You know, Riz works. It's Oxford's word of the year. And it just works. You know,

and toxic is what is happening with Danielle, everywhere she goes, she has a gloom and a blight to her that is just shooting off in every direction. She's pissed about the Chinese food. Who could be pissed about Chinese food? Especially Chinese food that just shows up outside your door. You didn't even have to order it. Well, she did order it. Well, she did order it. Oh, she did

Yeah, you know, um, at some point, uh, club But like they're very Yeah, go ahead. I was gonna say at some point. No, no, no, no, go ahead. What were you saying now? I was just gonna say she just got so mad at them and they're eating it in a very very normal way actually and I wanted to point that out Nothing they were doing was wrong. Well the box was The box was on the island Who oh, it's it's really odd how we're we're eating with a box on the table, huh? Would you go away right now or take ecstasy or something to turn your frown upside down.

Now she does, but then Malia follows her in the room and she tells Danielle come back and join. And I always love when people give you like absolutely incorrect information. I've done this to people, people have done this to me. She assures her that Alex is definitely not flirting with Jordan at club neon. The only problem is he's absolutely flirting with Jordan at club neon. Yeah. The only problem is he's absolutely flirting with Jordan in club neon. Yeah, I know he is.

He is. Now, the club neon proceedings, you know, they go on and there's nothing really of no material. Man, it takes a jello shot. And after a few bed jumps, we head to bed at 4.30 in the morning. Mm-hmm. Um, we wake for the next day in the house is an absolute nightmare. Everyone smells of fireball.

And that is when Kyle and Amanda, I believe it's here, have a conversation about how their parents are. Oh, proud dog parents, Dylan, of course, their dogs are named Reese and Ryder. And this is when you need to leave the shop. This is the white flag that says, I give up, I'm not even trying anymore. We're having a conversation about our fucking dogs. Naming a bespoke $5,000 dog that you got from a breeder rider, is one of those things that makes me so rationally angry.

It makes me, I can't stand the people in the world. I can't stand the people in the world. I can't stand the people in, I can't do the people in Brooklyn with Bernadoodles anymore. I just can't do it. It's like they have an instruction manual. It's an LL being bullshit instruction manual.

And I just want people to live their own lives. You know what I mean? Because that was planted in your head from somewhere. You know, you can't name that dog writer. Well, I think actually there's something even more childish about it. My daughter, who's three and a half, her favorite show was a show called Paw Patrol.

The number one dog that saves the world is a dog named writer. I think Kyle's a big fan of Paw Patrol. It would make sense. That tracks. That would be his favorite show. These dogs are crazy. Send it. Manna, Ruby, can you, what's going on, writer? Can you speak on the bespoke breeder culture?

Again, just to be safe, I think I have to say no here. Okay, great. So as to not alienate. So. So what do we got? I'm so excited about some fucking Caroline. Let's call it writer. So Danielle is doing a little self inventory.

She didn't do anything wrong. She was just defeated. And she, this is the second or third or fourth or 15th time that she's done this, where she wakes up the next morning, having absolutely massacred everybody's vibe. And just goes that great Who what hey who wants a burrito because I'm starving? You know and it's like hang on a second you turned into a Sea dwelling witch last night. Um, why are we just gonna pretend like that didn't happen

But everybody's wasted the two tired. How about that half-hearted apology to Batman? She says, hey, I'm sorry, bro. That's that surfer thing. Yeah. But who opens mail at a party? I was thinking. Take it easy, turtle wax. My God.

I was thinking the order of words that that was constructed has never been set on the planet earth. What's a, I'm sorry, bro, but who opens mail at a party? You know, right? I don't think that's the only time that's been said before. Yeah, it's an arbitrary criticism to have with somebody. Fair enough.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ruby, please speak on the bespoke dog breeding culture we have right now. Again, so many people are so connected to their parents' dogs. It's not even their call. I can't, I don't want to make those people feel like they should kill themselves.

Right, right, right. Yeah, totally. So Alex is missing his time and he has decided that he's going to deflect for the rest of the day. And then we get to the plans for the roast ceremony and the moon bikes. Now, Danielle this is another thing which is just a poisonous aspect to her character. She says that things might go a little weird. She hasn't told Sam that Casey called her a piece of trash which is that kind of thing that Danielle is is so the Kyle Richards, so the one that will sit on top of a grenade and then just pull the pin right when the tallies are all up and roll. So I was almost certain that she was going to throw that out at the row ceremony.

She didn't, she delivered one of the most bizarre, it wasn't quite as sad as her saying that I haven't seen the part of me that needs men to gratify myself in a while and I miss that girl. It wasn't quite that sad, but it was sad. We'll get there. Now, Dylan, it's worth pointing out. Danielle has not didn't say it during the roast, but it still is an important piece of information that could be used at a later date from her.

Right. So Sam arrives, our little bumblebee herself. I, um, that's how they greeted each other. The only way that they could. I don't know. Okay. I don't hate Sam because I don't care about Sam. But in the world where we're talking about people that we don't care about, God do I hate Sam. Well, I mean, all right, we're talking about the winter.

I can't say. If we're talking about the winter house world, then it's gotta be the girl that owns the flower shop. Oh no, she's great. Oh okay, I disagree. Yeah. Sam belongs here. She's played the game. Sure.

So I'd have her non-boyfriend that she's not kind of dating. Be on a television show awaiting anxiously like what the fuck is this guy up to? Is it going to make me look like a complete idiot? Well, unfortunately those things are not coursing through her brain at all. She was waiting by the phone and when the call came, she came quickly in a shirt that said Corey's. Ruby? Yeah, so I have a lot of things to say.

One, and I'm saying this, I know that I look like a Berkeley pottery teacher, 98% of the time. And that's my choice. With less collar. With less collar. Yes. sure 98% of the time and that's my choice right with last caller with less color Yes, yeah, what she arrived in was not acceptable for a plane outfit of almost five hours and also Everyone in the house just looked like such ass and she looked so She looks so done. Yeah.

It made me annoyed. Yeah. And Corey saying you look hot and Kyle saying you look like a bumblebee and the girl saying you look fresh was the best way we could have done it. Right. And of course, Corey says, um, you look hot and ribs. I want you to take the limiter off because I know that you have daggers and they're sheathed right now.

And I understand that you don't wanna alienate and you're doing your anime rice eating face right now, where the teeth are all big and stuff. But I do want you to just be here with us. Okay, I know it's a little scary, but Sam is in love with Cory. And if a person is in love with Cory, then we can, we can make fun of them. It's a little bit like it would be wrong to do an impression of RFK going the FDA has been a captured agency for years. But when he runs for president, then you it's open, it's open season, you know? So, you know, just, just, we were here for you is what I'm trying to say.

So she's jumping up and down and we head to the room to chat with Sam and Corey. And this is when I'm at an 11 with these two goblins. I absolutely, I already despised them, but then we get to this conversation. I couldn't believe what came out of his mouth. Yeah. I've enjoyed letting certain people that I dated in my past know that I was uh, I was a Indomant you were suitable. Yeah, or what sought after he Dylan you probably will explain this better than me But uh or do it more justice, but this douchebag really douches it up here and let me be clear

I don't like Sam Mm-hmm. I want Cory to go to Abu Ghraib for a while. So let's not get it twisted. There is, there is Sauron and there's Saurimon, okay? One is worse than the other. So speaking of fucking orcs, let's talk about these two. Corey, when she is straddling him, because that is their dumb, dumb language, they only speak sex because they are, they are shallow worth creatures. They're, they're mud craps. Yeah, he says, all the girls wanted to fuck me. She says, I'm sure they did because that is the capital that she cares about.

That's what gets her off. That's what makes her fall more in love with Cory because she is with a hot guy. And that's cool to her. He says, I told all those bitches that I'm dating somebody. And... Boop, boop. is that I'm dating somebody. And so this is this is what's confusing to me about Cory and I hope that in the reunion he finally get because Cory has been allowed to come on summer house and winter house and just be this kind of

course like shotgunning and can smashing. I wanted to say it, I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna say the word. He also is basically the same version that Swartz is trying to project, which is the OG Willikers. I'm just a nice guy having fun, and I'm out to hurt anybody. I'm not here for anything serious,

but you are hurting people. You're laying waste of people. He is a hiena, he is not a motion. He is a hyena. He is not a lion. He is a fucking cackling dog. So. Right. And also just like shorts, we must keep in mind was a cackling dog hyena to his wife of and of girlfriend

and everyone else that he cheated on, fucked and lied to and everything. So. So let's we not forget that the G Willikers doesn't work on us because much like Ramona's singer needs to be reminded of often We have it on camera, right, right. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. I do not remember that Ramona you asked why they all had to be black for black Shabbat. I just it was a question I don't I don't think I asked that

But I just don't remember it and I might it anyways. So the next thing you know, her pants are off and they're spit everywhere. Mm-hmm. You know, I mean, it is amazing how quick her pants were off. Cool stuff, young kids. I'm having. So Tom heads back. Oh, well, the legend, dude.

When he showed up at that house, that greeting, you were to thought Oprah was given away some of those fucking cards, man. People lost their mind Alex said I'm shaking right now Yeah fucking that The the welcome that he got compared to the welcome that Sam got was Adam Sandler ruining the surprise in the beginning of big

That sure. Yeah, but Sam is not a legend No, Tom is a legend He's savoring every moment of this where he is not living across the street from a winter stencil and He makes a missed out he calls Katie Flutty and you can tell she's She's in junior high again and she's just wondering what's gonna happen? So let's get to the moon bikes. Okay. Cory is wrestling and fifth grade boy flirting with Malia.

So naturally Sam is going to go after Malia. More on that at five because while I did think when we were teased that Sam was going to attack Malia, I thought of course Sam is going to be an idiot and not take Umbridge with Cory but rather to attack Malia. I thought, of course, Sam is going to be an idiot and not take Umbridge with Cory, but rather go after Malia. And after this episode, I do back Sam a little bit more with going after Malia. I said a little bit more, not completely. Don't give me that eyebrow. Don't you give me that eyebrow, Ruby? Well, let him know why you disagree, Ruby. Because this is a big issue that I take with anybody and forgive me. Sheaves are off. Adopt, don't shop unless you can't control it in your parents bought the dog.

And if you do choose to do it, you're a monster and fucking fuck you. Okay. That being said, still listen and everything. And that's just my opinion. It doesn't matter. Right. Why I disagree is because Malia is a stranger sea rat on a show who has never met this person. She owes her not arguably, fundamentally, nothing. The person that she's not dating for eight months that she somehow loves, that's the person that she should be upset with for not making it clear that it actually isn't okay to be humped in the snow repeatedly or get in my bed repeatedly. That's not Malia's job to say, oops, you poop see, that's not allowed, but that's your, you're not boyfriend's job.

And I, I 100% agree with you. Adopt don't shop. But also maybe sometimes shop because you just never know where you're going gonna get. You know what I mean? I want to say that I really do. I don't want anyone to kill themselves and I do think that there are Accentuating circumstances and we have two dogs that we rescued and they're fucking insufferable. So, you know, that's what we got Hey, can I share a 30-second personal story? I actually have experienced this get this I'm dating my wife. We were dating for about five months It's right around Christmas time ten years ago and we show up to a Christmas party I recognize my friend austrandeer We have a brother sister relationship somehow I end up picking her up and flipping her up on

It's something that we would do because we you know have been friends for 15 years my girlfriend who's my wife Cease this doesn't say anything at the Christmas party we drive back home she lets me have it she didn't go after my friend austrand she told me she was pissed at me and she didn't want to see that again good for her but listen i completely agree that that she should be going after quarry i mean we said at the whole episode i don't know how the the g will occur stuff is flying it. It's fine because Sam is stupid. Well, and you're good looking, get away with it. Oh yeah, decmitized. But when Malia is as active in the flirting as she is directly in front of Sam, and knows exactly what she's doing,

Malia traffics in the same kind of gas-lady behavior where she's like, nothing's going on. Okay, it's still inappropriate, and I don't fucking like it at all, so please stop. But more on that at five. Tom Schwartz sits down on the inner tube, and it pops. And that's just one of those moments where,

if you've gained a little bit of weight, you know, your mind immediately goes to that place, right? And who knows? It probably is the jalapeno poppers. Because when you smell them, you can't not walk across the street in your sweatpants and flip flops. One sweatpants is high up on the knee, the other is down to the floor. He is a mess. So it probably is those jalapeno poppers. But I do feel a little bit bad for Treppi Tom because he was just like, does that mean I'm getting fat? I mean, it kind of does.

Yeah, it does. It's sad. Can I do a meanwhile? Tuesday, same day, 3.54 pm. Swartz has been avoiding floods all day Yeah, and he makes a joke because he can't force the Swartz is that his joke? I Wow

Yikes, yeah, yeah So we wrap up with the moon bike time. Tom is telling Alex to do stuff and Alex is telling Tom to do stuff and who cares. But we get back to the house, Sam Danielle and Amanda have a chat. The irony of Sam saying that she is not insecure is not lost on anybody. And the fact that she is on the step beneath

Amanda and Danielle made it so much more hilarious because she looks like She is from whoville talking about how she is not insecure at all screaming about it Why she on a step lower than them. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that was very odd. Yeah Force perspective. Yes. Yes, it was like Gandalf and Bilbo Yeah, and that is exactly what it was right so um we Refer to this blind this blind tip

This is the reality TV ecosystem. Is this the back channeling that Danielle does to Malia? Given her the 401 to dial it back a little bit. Is that your that you're referring to and now the the what do they call blind items there yeah there was something on the social media that you know Malia and Corey responded being flirtatious in spreex right so I just loved how they refer to it as the blind and then we get to the roast and I don't mean the roast like the Friars Club. I mean the beef. Casey is calling her mom in a just a fucking love actually kind of serendipity. I mean this is completely out of a romantic comedy. Two different scenes, one person's calling their mom

to learn how to make curry. The other is calling their mom to learn how to make a roast. These two should be together. And that is why we all ship them. I mean, I ship them so hard. I love Casey and Batman together. It's just perfect. I really agree with you.

So, Alex and Daniel sit down. And this is the, you know, this is the treaty that we, you know, all the leaders have to get together and we gotta figure this out, right? Alex says, you are a de mentor and you scare me. And she says something like, fuck you bitch or something like that. Look, that's the overall.

Like that's how I describe it, but I have the game film here if you'd like to hear it. She's state she's cool to be friends with benefits. He says, and then he says, he's not gonna try and teach her anything because she's old or something. And that was, to let her know that she's 10 years old in him. Yeah.

And then if he bangs her, she needs to leave him alone because he's probably going to want to try and bang someone else the same day, you know. Yeah. And then it ends with him preferring the road of friends without benefits. To which she says, riveting gets up and storms off. Now, this is the issue with Danielle. You know, there are these conversations that everybody says, oh, you should have that conversation

with her. The problem is when the conversation is over, she's gonna turn into the M80 again. She's gonna start drinking and then the fuse is gonna get lit and then everybody's just gonna watch it trundle down towards the explosive and then it's gonna eventually go off and everybody's fucking face.

So she is a a Bank robber that you just cannot negotiate with she's just gonna kill everybody. That's it Right and Amanda seeks refuge in her husband and says listen, we're contractually bound so you have to go fall on this Blaming fucking sword right stairs covered in poison. Right. And by that, I mean, you go talk to Danielle because her now it's just how to conversation and I don't want to.

Yeah. And Kyle doesn't do a good job really. He doesn't really get anywhere. Well, he not only does he not get anywhere, he asks Danielle, do you think that him and Alex are going to hook up? And I believe she says, or sorry, him and Jordan are gonna think that she says, she will burn them at the stake. She says, I would love if they hooked up, go for it, ellipses. And if they do, I will burn them at the stake, which is this kind of colloquialistic death that we know

very well. But I mean, really think about the pain that you would have to go through. I made poor Joan of Arc. My God. I mean, just flames licking up at your shins first and then just taking over your entire body. I'll take drowning. Your feet. Oh, God. Your base of your feet. Oh, my God.

Throw me in a knapsack and throw me in the Colorado River. I'll take drowning any day over that. My God. Oh, no, no, no. If you guys don't mind, I'd like to point out why I can't stand Swartz. We were talking about elemental death. Do you want to understand? I understand. I just say. That would be covered.

All right. Alex heads into Swartz's, or their shared room. And Swartz is there with his black socks on, on a pillow, playing around on his iPhone. Yeah. Okay. He's supposed to be on a TV show, right? Which means he's got to be like interacting with other people, you know, in the house. Real world, the TV show, which has not been on for about 10 years. Real world.

Famously. Famously. After the third season, a limited, remember iPhones didn't exist then. They eliminated televisions from the house because a couple idiots would just sit around all day and watch TV. Nobody wants that. So, you got to take the phones away.

They can't even have their phones. You got to get swarts out of that bedroom and he's got to interact. Because outside that door, there's a bunch of his fans trying to get his D in Floodys' peak. Can you imagine the shit fit that Pedge would throw if they were like, you can't have your phone this season? No, she wouldn't go.

I'm an influencer. I'm so sad that I've lost so much love for Pedge, but anybody that is that infatuated with Greg, I just, I can't do it. And I know. Or did she hate some? No, I think she loves Greg. I love Greg. I just I can't do it and I know she hates them. No, I think she loves Greg. I love Greg. I know everybody. He's the only one that looks good. I just watched last night's

episode. Everyone looks terrible. All the guys I'm talking about, they're all bloated. They're like right, they're rounding that corner of looking like bloated old gray hair and fat dude. Yeah. Shepp Rose is getting what the fuck is his. And in four years, he will be creepy. He is not going to be good enough at anything to want any 20, anything year old to fuck him. Right. And that's exactly in my opinion what he's fucking deserves. I think he's a courteous human being.

And that's all I have to do. He looks like a dead body. Yeah, adopt on shop. Ruby, who was the guy from the first season that had accusations of oh Thomas Thomas rabbit all chef is rounding that he's becoming right looking at the same as that dude Yeah, I will say and I mean this and a not in like a bad way and it really creepy horrific like 10 points for chef Shocking that no one has come out and said anything about him in the last however many years Yeah, I know I know. Yes great job Well eventually they come home to roost. I mean did he thought he could get away with it? Oh, yes

Okay, so let's get to the roast Speaking of the roast it looks perfectly cooked on the inside and a wet gray crust on the outside It's very difficult to achieve the kind of broil on the outside that you need for that to look aesthetically pleasing while it was a rosy kind of undercooked and tough medium rare. The outside had a dead gray crust, which was similar to chef, you know, it's just fetid and unseasoned and nobody really wants that. But the, the, the, the fryers club is what we need to get to. I mean, Rickles himself, the ghost of Rickles himself took over these young custoders. I disagree. Jeffrey Ross, they are not. Right. Um, well,

before that, Cory says, uh, Casey says, can I get anything from inside? And Cory says, Kasey says, can I get anything from inside? And Kori says, get a new personality. And then says, with head on a swivel, kind of looking for appreciation and adoration, that was an old grandma joke, but it was pretty funny. I don't know what to say other than rockham sockham. I want this guy to get rockham sockhamed just once. So. Well, not more than once. Also, Casey has the best personality.

She literally put on fur to change her energy. Yeah, she, you know, without a doubt the best personality out of anybody on this show. So let's get to the roast. This is the best idea. This is the best theme night that we could have possibly had. I agree with that. It's messy, it's shady, it should be done every season. I agree. Can I say something? It is there. I couldn't agree with you both more.

Great idea. That being said, maybe next year, we explain what a roast is. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So, maybe not to the audience, but definitely to the people who are doing it, just so that they know what to do, because a lot of them didn't.

Malia is the first person who misses the assignment and just does an all-out singular attack on Sam. There's a difference between roasting and then bullying via puns, and that's exactly what Malia did. She said, I know you've had a lot to wrestle, which was just mean. I mean, it was just slither and welcome to Hogwarts mean.

Then we get to the best roast of the night. Danielle's was the best, but for yummy cringey vomit inducing yumminess, but Batman's was without a doubt the best of the night. He said that Corey's jewelry looks so cheap. He probably got it on the corner where he picked up Sam. Calling her horror. I think the fact that that little guy came out of the woodwork and delivered that out of pocket attack on the two of them was just insane. I mean, the guy has been completely destroyed by his parents. He does not know how to operate

in the real world. And I love him for it. Yeah. And then we get to Danielle. Rubes, you want to take this? I don't. I can't. My hands are too sharp. Yeah. So, Danielle says that Alex told me that he likes me and that we've been...

She says that me and Alex have been fucking, and that he says now that they just want to be friends and that is the biggest joke of this entire roast. Now Kyle says, whoa, in his Paw Patrol kind of way, but the only thing, the only real appropriate response to that is for her to sit down and for everyone to be quiet and wonder how to get out of this silence because that is the most awkward, nonsensical thing you could ever bring to this proceeding. She's absolutely losing it. She lost her mind. So, post-Rost, we end with a chat between Sam and Malia. Doesn't go well. Malia asked to speak with Sam.

It seems like this is gonna go pretty well, you know? Malia and Sam chat and Malia tell Sam she came in hot. Sam tells Malia the internet was telling her things, one of those blind item things. And then Malia informs Sam that Corey said that he wasn't dating anyone. Yeah. And that's when the wheels come off. I don't think Malia likes Sam.

I understand why Malia doesn't like Sam. Sam is not the same kind of girl as Malia. I don't think that Malia respects people like Sam. With that being said, I think that Malia was on a mission to destroy her. I don't think that it was in good faith. I think that Malia brought her aside to give her a nuggie and push her head underwater, and that's exactly what she did. Yeah, no, she's, she's swirling her in the toilets in the men's bathroom. But I also do think that in that moment, you see Sam, she's like, oh my God. Good to know. Okay. And I do think that Malia is doing it to be a bitch. But that isn't like her place of operating all the time. Like again,

your boyfriend is the one who said, I'm single and I want to fuck everybody. And I don't have a girlfriend. And you've been posting pictures of him and you together. Like she posts vlogs of them. Vlogs. That's that's she wore a shirt with his name on it when she showed up. And he's tackling women in the sand. And not only that, he told her nine hours ago that he did the opposite of what Malia is saying right now. More on that at five, we'll see what happens next week. Jump in the iTunes rings, you'll be using five stars kind of words. Join us at patreon.com where you can donate a little bit more. Follow Ruby at papaya.gov on tiktok and us everywhere on socials at BadTV podcast. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye Pat say goodbye. Bye guys. Robes. Bye bye.

There's a lot of stuff on TV. Even not all of it's good. And in fact, a lot of it's bad TV.