Another Below Deck Podcast - The Only Banned Episode | Below Deck S1 E4

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Pat and Dylan are back to break down the only banned episode in the history of Below Deck and to talk Shark Tank, dips, the entertainment industry, dark beer, 2013, porcupine head and more from Bravo's Below Deck. PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@badtvpod  INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/?hl=en

and Lee wants someone's ass. Oh, yeah. This is all here, season one. Yeah, he wants, he wants ass, he's irate, and he wants ass. Lee probably got a phone call from Andy after season one, and he's like, hey, focus groups testing that it's off the chart. Yeah. They love you saying those three things. Yeah.

And then he proceeded to do 10 seasons of that nonsense. God damn it. Welcome aboard, the Patreon exclusive recap of season one of Below Deck. My name's Dylan. I'm settled up next to one, Patrick Hickey. Permission to come to board. What the hell? Permission to come aboard. I know, I know.

How are your eyes? Oh, God. They're great. We have more important... Nasty eye infection pets. I'm taking antibiotics. I'm on the mend. What are you so defensive about?

Well, you've mentioned it in every show. No, no, not last show. I said, we've got an issue here. You thought I was attacking your eyes. I said your coffee is too far away. You can't even drink it. Oh, okay. Why don't we get to what we're trying to do here?

And the same thing is happening right now. How are you going to drink your coffee when it's a mile and a half away from you? I've drank half that coffee. You said it had four shots of espresso in it. I'm trying not to have my heart explode. I've had health issues this week. All right. So we are here to break down all of Pat's ailments and season one of Below Deck.

Now, we've already done two episodes of this. But tonight we are here to break down a lost episode titled. Not lost. Buried. The episode is titled, Dude, that's a dude. Dude. And yes, we are in a Ray Bradbury kind of horror because this episode has been banned from public viewing.

If you go to any streaming service to buy a season of Blodak or buy season one, it will say this episode's unavailable. And it is, I should. shouldn't say Ray Bradbury type of Fahrenheit 451 type horror because that was more of a kind of totalitarian ominous

burning of knowledge and stuff like that. This is rightly so kept from public eye because it is so transphobic. Now,

I would argue that this is the below-deck franchise just trying to part of the cool kid club and it's one of those things where you're like oh you're not one of us because were the producers of below deck and the people over at bravo were they not to have banned this or shut down public viewing of it there would be no criticism received at all because no one is watching it no one is trying to watch

episode three of season one of below deck this episode could be up available and no one would bat an eye not a single tweet would be sent everything would be in order but alas it is hidden like smowg's treasure we had to dig through the internet to try to find it and it was in two parts on someone's Facebook page on Facebook watch. Now, for those who want to watch the episode, Dylan, how do we direct them to find said Facebook post? Google it. Google it. It'll take you to Google Below Deck Season 1 episode 3. Dude, that's not a dude dude, or dude. That's a dude dude. And it'll pull up the Facebook watch part one and part two. That's the only place on the internet you can find. There are multiple Reddit threads saying, where is this? So maybe there is a serious

appetite for it. But the reason why this episode is banned is because mainly of CJ. And Eddie's got some moments in here. Eddie's got some moments in here too. But there is a a drag

queen, a transgender woman on, I don't know, she's not in drag. She's just a transgender woman at a club that the loser primaries pick up and take back to the boat. And the amount of transphobia that ensues

mocking them because they're fucking a dude calling her a she-mail. It's all revolting stuff. I mean, it's really, really revolting stuff from undereducated sea rats. Now, we could still face

these problems in 2023 because of the pool that we're pulling from. They're sea rats. But in 2007, there was no chance that this wasn't not going to happen. Well, it's 2013, to be fair.

But we've come a long way in 10 years, Dylan. So, guys... 2013 was only 12 years after Dick Cheney orchestrated 9-11. Right. So it was still a very young nation. Of course. Yeah. Well, so guys, if you want to join us on this forage, I think this might be on the free feed,

give you a little taste of what we'd be doing behind the paywall. I'll post a link in our Facebook group, another Below Deck podcast on Facebook, a link of this episode. So you guys can watch it. Yeah. And then you can hear Dylan. I recap it. Mm-hmm. Okay.

So, Dylan, I want to point out by our coverage already of our two episodes that we did that we started months ago and we were going to just

do season one, season two, and just keep doing it for fun. Then Belodeck and Bravo decided they were going to pull this bullshit. What are you going to do at the parent-teacher conference?

Are you going to wear shades? Yeah, I'm going to wear shades. Are you going to tell them you have an eye infection? I'm trying to sell some here. Quit obsessing on my eyes. By the way,

God forbid you ever have an ailment. I will make your life help. I do have an ailment. I do have an ailment. what is it i have a vestigial tale back to business yeah watch along and then go to patreon dot com slash another podcast network to hear us cover this the news media outlets have already picked up our coverage we had sam from season one on she's totally said the producer and creator of below deck was full of s saying that they had walked out after episode one where johnny eyelash got caught

doing coke uh the producer creator of the show below deck had said they the entire cast had said We're not going to take part of the show. Sam came on our podcast, said, that's a major BS. Thank you for not swearing. Mm-hmm. And anyway, so we're breaking news stories, even from content that was created 10 years ago. So go to patreon.com slash another podcast network to hear us recap, season one of below deck. Did you hear the Supreme Court turned down the Sackler's payout?

I don't even know what that is. Okay. That's the kind of news we're breaking on this show. Important stuff. So let's get into the scorned episode. Um, for good reason. Pat, how many pounds? Okay.

Now, Dylan, I don't know if you've noticed this, because we've covered a lot of below deck over the years. This first season has a lot of guest coverage. We have Johnny eyelash and all those photogs that were going to go to a modeling shoot. Of course, it was never happened because they got caught doing cocaine and Lee turned the boat around. In this charter, we cover, I believe the main primary, his name is Lawrence and his friend John and a few other guys. We spend a lot of time, dare I say, 50% of the camera time is on the charter gas, 50% on the sea rats. And I actually liked that kind of proportions, or whatever the word is, percentages of coverage.

Now in modern times with Below Deck, it is 95% Sea Rats, and then we occasionally get a little coverage of people that paid to have incompetence thrust upon them. I miss the old Below Deck because the charter guests are interesting. as well. Yeah, not as interesting as they were in the beginning. Well, they're not interesting now because who in their right mind would go on this show as a paying charter guest and then let anything of your character be shown on TV. Bravo's there to ruin lives. This was in the heyday of reality television where people were like, I mean, we're in the heyday of reality television now. It's like a golden age of horror on television right now.

But people back in 2013, I mean, this was the shit. You know, you couldn't get popular on TikTok. You couldn't get popular on Instagram. You had to go on below deck if you were talentless in a scumbag and no one wanted anything to do with you, you know. So people flocked to this vessel and were confident that they be in respectful hands as far as production and editing? I'll get into pots now.

To think that somebody named Lawrence who, and I know that you do a beard dye, but you do a great job with a beard dye. Thanks. Lawrence looks like he's sharpied his face. Lawrence and his group of losers go out to numerous bars

and talk about their proficiency with bagging bitches. They are turned away even by strippers. They are... Even strippers hate them. They are so repulsive. They are such dorks.

They talk about how experienced they are. At one point, Lawrence tells Kat that he is so masterful in this game that he wouldn't even bother having sex with a transgender woman or some nonsense like that. It was shocking how transparently awful these people are. But the transparency was wonderful. 90 ponds. I went to college with a lot of these people. Yeah. Okay.

Amazing episode. I think I'd give it 90 knots. The emperor has no clothes. You're a loser, dude. I couldn't care less that you can afford this boat. All right. Let's get to it. All right.

The episode begins with an early version of the preference sheet meeting. And back in the day, they weren't all just sitting in some little area. The preference sheet meeting, I've got to say, what a market area of improvement. I mean, not only are they putting a lot more time and energy into the production of the preference sheet, but the actual tangible medium of the preference sheet has improved exponentially. This is just a picture, a birthday, maybe a zodiac sign, and then a bunch of quite literally empty lines underneath

where there should be important information. Well, yeah, there were no allergies listed just to mandate that these guys want to fucking keep the party going. That's it. That's it. They're just there to party. Now, the actual preference sheet does come a little later with the printed out headshots

and whatnot, but at this point, this is, it doesn't, you can see that production, they're still figuring things out how this is all going to work out. So yeah, these guys want to bring the party from the club to the boat and we'll see that take place later in the episode. Now I've

often bitched Dylan as we recap these things when you have and by the way we don't have a lot of groupings and we've seen it but it's it's not a lot of it. Five single guys coming on wanting to party and bring girls they meant from the club back to a yacht because that's how old Patty thought that this show would

go down a lot more. In fact generally more or not it's a bunch of people that barely know each other that were able to cobble together like 28 thousand to get on the on the show yeah and i'm happy that it's just a bunch of people who are well off and want to uh spend money that they don't have on this vacation some woman took out a loan yeah to see five scumbag loser dorks who belong in a local game store before uh a yacht they don't even belong there local game stores are beautiful

places for heart sick earnest people who just love the game These guys don't love anything. Well, they do like one thing. What? Puss. Oh, yeah. I'm happy, though, that the show doesn't have these kinds of vacations anymore because, one, it's a little rapy. And when I say a little rapy, I mean a lot of rapy.

Two, it's too pathetic. It makes, it gives you the ick, you know? And it's too profound an ick, you know? It's like, did you draw your. beard on kind of ick. It's just really, really gross. Well, Sam's excited. She disagrees. She's happy to have five single guys on Charter and... The sea rats are

really open to fucking the guests this season. I miss that too. Openly, Sam's like she's got her eye on one of the guys. Yeah. So, it's Dave's birthday. He did porn. Yes, he did. Sex work's real work. Sex work is real work. But he is a little bashful,

especially given he's having a conversation right now with Porcupine. All right. Well, actually, isn't it Trevor initially that gives them, don't we get like a little Skype phone call here? Or is that No, no, no. This is just Dave. Ah. This is just Dave talking about

Trevor. And porcupine's like, what's up with Trevor? And he's like it was love at first sight. And then porcupine, being a corn-fed ham hawk of an American porcupine, says, what does you do? And Dave says, independent stuff.

Well, Dylan, slightly a little bit off there. He says he's in the entertainment industry. Okay? Now, which that's a lot of spectrum in that occupation. Yeah. Entertainment industry, on one end, you can make balloon animals at a fifth grader's birthday party. I was going to say you could be SpongeBob yelling at kids on Hollywood Boulevard.

On the other end of the spectrum, three cocks in your ass. I mean, it is a huge spectrum being in the entertainment industry. I wouldn't say those are the ends of the spectrum. I would say that's a slice of the spectrum that's quite close together. I would say probably being Wolverine screaming at children on Hollywood Boulevard is one side and then Margot Robbie is the other, but not the three cocks in the ass. Well, in this case, the entertainment industry is in fact porn and there's no judgment there because sex work is real work.

So the guests want organic dark beer. They're vegan and they like women. Eddie says, so there are a bunch of chauvinistic pricks, Eddie, one, calm down, two, they're worse than you could have ever imagined. Although, Del, I have to point out, it's nice to know that scorn for paying customers was a constant in this industry, even back then. I love that this early on, they really revel in, so he says he likes organic dark beer. And they're like, good luck getting that, you fucking piece of fucking jean. shit. And they all start laughing. They don't care about sourcing these things for them. No. And I also love the confusion over a very, very under, what is a unknown name as a greyhound?

Oh, okay. Cocktail. I love who you brought this up. Mix cocktails. I'd say it's in the top 20. Yeah, maybe top 50, but it's definitely people in the service industry should know what a greyhound is. it's not a dog because that doesn't make any sense, right? No. They wouldn't just say I would like a greyhound. That'd be harder to source in the goddamn organic dark beer. No, he's talking about grapefruit and vodka, very simple cocktail. Is it vodka or gin?

Grapefruit, vodka, a little club soda, I think. Maybe it's some citrus. I don't even know what it is. Well, you're not a C rat. So the guests come aboard. They're all ugly. Well, you're not the only one saying that. cat's not impressed either they're too short or too gay and uh it's a scam a scam i love that

cats like yeah yeah yeah cat's like wow the the wool was really pulled over my eyes you're working what are you talking what are you huffner um but also just the freewheeling un pc parlance of these sea rats cats like that guy looks gay i'm not gonna fuck him he looks he looks he looks he looks he looks like a gay lord um but they they step up and they immediately begin just being disgusting people case and point I think it's primary uh Lawrence here he says

they tried to score some vagina at the nightclub uh the night before yeah it didn't go well uh yeah because they're losers right right right uh but they uh they're ready to get a quote unquote grip of girls and play some rap music well okay so this is one of the things that that is so shocking about their transparency and confidence given how big of losers they are. They're boasting or speaking openly and confidently about how they couldn't get any pussy that I'd before. But they're talking about it like they had a harem of women to choose from.

And then Kat steps up to give them some drinks and she's talking to them about the boat, the way the vacation is going to go. And Lawrence just begins staring at her tip. and smiling. She notices that he's staring at her tits, and he says you're very well endowed in that position. That's right. Someone smash a bottle over this guy's head.

Now, I want to remind the audience, if you watch the episode. Eddie and Porcupine at some point are talking, and I feel bad about Colin and Porcupine head, but that hair is just god awful. Porcupine points out to Eddie or maybe all the guys. Porcupine head is better. Porcupine head says they're all guys here.

They're probably going to be hansy. We need to look out for the girls. Porcupine never saw another season. No. He did not. I don't think it's because of that comment. I think it's because he's an asshole and rather homophobic. Oh, come on.

You never got a, you never got a, didn't get a second season. because you're an asshole. Think about Lee. You got 10. He's a real asshole. Okay. But yes, this was very, um,

dare I say, Asia like he knew exactly. And how could you not? When these guys come aboard the vessel, you go, we got to be careful. Because they're just not good people. Um, so Lee's docking.

Someone comes through the exit way. God damn it. All right. Louis is very, very, very, pissed off about this whole thing. And it reminds me of the Montgomery boat brawl. Have you seen this? No. Oh, is this what's happening now? What? Is there like a bunch

of people fighting or something? Yeah. You know I don't watch the news. What do you mean? Well, I don't like watching the news. You watch local news? Not really. Not anymore. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Our local five, our KTLA thing, they're having some issues with I don't know. They turned off the channel

actually. Oh, really? Yeah. It doesn't. Because of the strike? Some kind of negotiations going on. They won't give us our normal morning news show, so I just watch the Food Network. Okay. Got it. It's all propaganda, Dillon. What is?

Yeah, news. Everyone has an agenda. Would you say the Food Network is propaganda? Not at all. I think Big Bobby Flay has a lot of say in what goes in and what goes out. He loses half the time. So did January? She got a beautiful child, though, from it.

From Bobby? Yeah. Yeah, the wife's mad at Bobby because she says he's a cheater. Yeah. Bobby is a hound dog. Hey, can I talk about something on the show? Yeah. What's your favorite Bobby Flay recipe or meal that you see?

Well, you know, he's pretty good at that Tex-Mex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the Tex-Mex stuff. Yeah. He beat a guy recently. Well, I don't know how old the episode is. Well, you mean a guy working his entire life at one dish? Yeah. Yeah.

He beat that guy. Yeah. And Bobby had said, I've never made this before. The first time he makes it, he beats the pants off this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a talented chef, man. Very much so. What did he make?

It was some kind of, it involved, which I despise, pork skewers. Like, they just taste like grease to me. Okay. And Bobby beat the shit out of him, despite the fact busy Phillips was on his ass the entire time distracting him. Right, right, right. Bobby Phillips learned how to make a Moli Verde and went and beat the guy whose grandmother taught him the recipe when he was five. And then that guy, and they don't show this on the show, but he killed himself. Because if that guy could come in and skewer, a something that has.

has, you know, they say energy has matter to it. You know, your thoughts have matter. That kind of familial beauty could mean absolutely nothing in a heartbeat. You'd fuck it. I mean, what else is the point of living? That's the thing that makes you feel uniquely human, like you have a soul and a spirit. And then comes Bobby Flay and he says, no, no, no, actually, that means absolutely nothing. He's essentially a computer.

Maybe you're right about that character. Well, anyway, let's talk about another character. The guests just start impromptu just jumping off the side of the boat. And it's pretty high up there. I could like break your back if you land on the wrong part of your body, you know? You're back. Yeah, yeah. And Lee, very different Captain Lee back then, less of a hard ass with plane tickets in his pocket,

and more of a more passive. Only been an hour. And they're jumping like cockroaches. I had a pest control convention. I love being on TV. Lee's killing it Where's my vodka? I love the bottle

I'm a drunk So Lee's a drunk Yeah Do you know that? No Hides the bottles up there You're not supposed to be drinking

On Charter You're a captain you jerk Okay We gotta be careful Because this is be on Patreon Right now Oh right right But we may release it in the future

And you can't just go Saying stuff like I have someone Who could cooperate that Right But it's all alleged Okay. Well, I think if you say allegedly at the end of something, you're in the clear. Yeah, that's why A.J. Benza did that podcast.

Sharon Stone's a total whore. I heard it from a guy. Fucked her in the ass. Didn't even know her. She's a total whore. Allegedly. Oh, God. That doesn't. That's still quite nasty. You know, Bob Evans told me when I was a young man. All right. Lee's got, he's going to park the boat. I have to tell you, this was harrowing. He's got seven feet on each side of the boat.

And I think someone refers to as a very expensive machine. And this is when we get our first, God damn it, out of Lee. Son of a bitch. And Lee wants someone's ass. Oh, yeah. This is all here, season one. Yeah, he wants, he wants ass, he's irate, and he wants ass. Lee probably got a phone call from Andy after season one, and he's like, hey, focus groups testing, it's off the chart.

Yeah. They love you saying those three things. Yeah. And then he proceeded to do 10 seasons of that nonsense. God damn it! Imagine he's sitting next to his wife, you know, they're in Florida, whatever shithole they live in. Yeah. And he's like, here it comes.

Yeah. It's right here. God damn it. And then she's like, wow, honey. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they eat fucking stone crab, but bad stone crab. And they get diarrhea the next day.

But at least they're together. That's right. Oh, by the way, Lee at some point, he says some little boat, I guess some little skipper boat or something, just flies by them as they're trying to leave the dock. And he says, and I quote, I want to pound someone until they can't see. Okay, you old fuck, a sixth grader could fucking take you out. I'd like to see you try and pound someone until they're blind. Yeah. You think at this time, a sixth grader, he's still quite virile.

I think a sixth grader could take him out. Yeah. Mm-hmm. What do you mean? Like Shaquille O'Neal in sixth grade? Oh, no, just your run-of-the-mill sixth grader. I was pretty tiny in sixth grade. I don't think I could beat him.

I think you could. I was a dirty fighter. Yeah. I tell if I was the coach for the sixth grader, I'd say go for the knees. Oh, 100%. Throw a front kick to the knee. Hyper-extend it.

Zip around him quick. I mean, he's going to be thinking he's fighting the flash. That's how you've got to move. You know, his knee is going to be very hurt, inflamed and swelling. Go for the other knee. That'll take him to the ground. Then I want you to go for the eyes.

I want you to really go for anything you can grab onto. Rip his cheeks apart, rip his nose apart. And then elbow them to the back of the brainstem. Shut the entire thing down. Okay. Like super vicarious violence. Can you have just heard our last episode? They pay to hear us.

The mom calls the principal. She's like, Hi, I had a conversation with my son about what what coach Anthony he said something about Captain Lisa a show called Below Deck I've never heard a bit

my son is not allowed to watch television yeah anyways anyways okay so as the guest chat about the majesty of the views of the Caribbean they discuss what they've left behind The best job he's ever had.

Oh, right, right, right. And then the primary share is he's a sperm donor. Great. Apparently he got paid 40 buckets a shot. I think he was overpaid. But again, we have more of this, like, loser hubris where he's like, I got fired. I couldn't come anymore. It's like, it's like he has a golden desert eagle in his hands while he's saying all of these super embarrassing things.

about himself. He's so pathetic this guy. All right, so we have a really sweet Zoom from David. This guy, Trevor. Trevor, yep, he Skype's Dave and he wants to wish him a happy birthday and boy, this is I haven't seen birthday planning like this

even remotely. It's so well thought out. It's really, really sweet. Yeah, he gives him a little cake and then he pulls down the sign and it's a happy anniversary and he proposes to him. So sad they broke up in 2019. And it's so sad that depending on the state, I don't know that this really would have worked back then. Oh, 2009, the laws got changed.

Really? Mm-hmm. Federally? I think so, yeah. Oh, okay. Thanks, Obama. Mm-hmm. Seriously, though.

Thank you. Mm-hmm. I do want to say I was a little pissed. The night that it got overturned, I was on Century Boulevard and in Col— What would you consider that? I guess, almost Hollywood. When people protest, there's a lot of traffic. They protest, and I got blocked.

I almost killed people pulling a Ui and driving on a sidewalk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were like, what's going on? They were like, they turned down our right to marriage. You were like, I got nachos. They're supposed to be crispy. If you fucking people keep jumping around all gay and stuff and angry, these things are going to get soggy.

And then you started running people over softly like you were in a golf cart. All right. so um eddie congratulations uh congrats congratulates dave i want to say this there's this weird thing where the language and the joking around and a little bit of the you get a sense of condens uh what is it condescension condescension from both cj porcupine and eddie the mill staff here yet we have to mention they are very supportive of of of dave and yeah yeah yeah yeah until Dave says that he did gay porn and then Porcupine Head is like, I'm out.

This guy's, this guy's. He's in the Marines, man. Yeah. By the way, personal story, I've shared another podcast. The only time that I've ever been trapped with a male who wanted to fuck my young body was with a Marine.

Listen, Marines are gay. Everybody knows that. All right. So we move on to dinner and the roles are divided. Now, Ben has nothing to do but scream British nonsense this entire first couple of episodes. They really don't highlight his food at all. So we immediately suck down dinner and then we head out.

And David and Eddie are designated as the wingman for this group of losers. Yes. Now, they're going to hit the shore and they're going to try and pick up chicks. Now, Dave's a little judgy here because Dave meant his, it's noted, meant his a future. your partner or partner on an adult film set, you know, okay? So he shouldn't be judging. He says, you're not going to find marriage material girls at a strip club. Yeah.

You wouldn't find them to, you know, take home to mom and dad. You found marriage material in Chatsworth. Well, on a film set where someone's asshole was being treated like a French onion dip at a Super Bowl party. You know what I mean? No, explain. You're always dipping it there, you know? Anyway, or baby carrots.

I love a French dip. You know what, though? I'm not going to go near any communal food moving forward because that Dodger dog nearly killed me, and obviously that's mass-produced shit. I will say this about the French onion dip. It has to be cold. It is not a lukewarm food. It's too much sour cream for it to be a lukewarm food.

It has to be cold. Yeah, I agree. There's something very discontalienable. concerting when something reaches, you know, 65 degrees and it's got that much green. I've never gone to a Super Bowl party or a party, any party for that matter, where the dips are being chilled. Sure, I guess you could just put them in a bowl with some ice and then you put it, set it on top. I think I got a shark tank, a million dollar idea coming down. I think so too, because people, and it can have the versatility of the sponge daddy, both heating and warming the dips.

because there is not a spectrum with dip. It should either be cold or it should be hot. Name a dip that works better lukewarm than cold or hot. It doesn't exist. It is a great point. You want to work on this idea? Yeah. Maybe we should cut this out.

I don't want anybody to steal it from us. We'll call it the dip daddy. It'll cool you off heat you up. I like it. Of course, who's that witch on there that hates everybody? Barbara. Oh, Fire marshal.

I don't like you. You know what? I don't like you. I'm here still in an idea. What are you going to like like me? You can't say that on TV you don't like me. This is how we, I don't trust you.

We walk into the tank. And we go, we're here present a revolution in hospitality. And we can use broad strokes language like that because it's that big of an idea. Oh, yeah, I got one. You go, we're the new disruptors. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And then we say, Barbara, don't need to hear it from you, you angry bitch. Just keep your mouth shut. We don't want your money. I don't like you. I don't like you either. I don't like you either. You talk like Harvey Dent. Anyway.

Meanwhile, cat is... You know what I mean? Oh, 100%. Is that one part of her face is the only part that moves. Yes. All right. So I'm obsessed with Shark Tank. She has this little vein above her right eye.

Oh, Patrick, let's not tear apart a woman's features. I agree. Although she's really mean. One time one woman was in there selling cookies. The recipe came from her dead Grammy. And she began weeping as she was doing her pitch. Yeah, and Barb was like, I don't like you. Never cry in business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop talking like Popeye. But also, you know, these people get taken for a fucking ride. Oh, man. I just covered it. Remember, one of my favorite deals that got done? Damon's, uh, Damon's ribs. Yeah, well, it wasn't Damon's microwavable ribs.

It's fucking suing the shit out of Damon. Yeah. Because they tried to spin it off of like a little business with food trucks. Damon did not like that. What kind of fucking equity deals are these cats striking? I'll give you 5% for 5 grand. It's like, what? 5%.

You wish. I've never seen a deal for 5%. More like 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you $50,000 for 75% of your company. Done. All right, enough Shark Tank Talk. We've got to get to, what are we talking about?

So, meanwhile, Kat is jealous. CJ and Sam are flirting. And Sam's type on the charter is John. She likes John. Oh, yeah, thick piece of cock. So we head to the strip clubs. Yeah. And Lawrence, who is a loser, says we'll be back in two minutes.

more like four hours you are a you are a walking can of mace to women no one wants to go near you for fear their eyes will burn the strippers immediately go up to Eddie and David and Eddie gets quite a little bit of uh juge from this

he goes uh I don't think these guys are very attractive because the strippers are coming up to me and Dave. Eddie, attraction in a strip club really doesn't mean a lot. It means zero. It means they think you're a bigger mark, quite honestly. They thought those guys were too cheap to not waste their time on them. They saw you as the sucker.

Right. Because they didn't want to do that much work. And they saw kind of a little dweeb. And they were like, I could dance on that guy for 15 seconds and charge him $75 and move on with my life. so you can't get confident in yourself you can't allow a stripper to give you confidence in yourself it's all a lot by the way Eddie you want to talk about a angry former employee of Bravo oh yeah Eddie's pissed Eddie got done raw they used him up and spit him out all right so David correctly says that these guys sound like rapists when they go hey do you want to come back to my boat These guys are just fucking disgusting. They, of course, strike out, and then we head to Bliss, where Lawrence nabs the lady from Sao Paulo.

They say, two people are coming back. Porcupine says, are they male or female? And rather, he says, are they of the male or female species? Which is this weird thing where it's like, do you guys know what you're trying to do with this? Why would you ask that question? Are you an alien? What's going on? Yeah, this is where it's starting.

and this is where the episode, I think, it was problematic, but it was typical gross-mill frat-boy bullshit talk. And this is where the language kind of changes, and some people might be offended by this. Will Dylan and I are just recapping it, okay? We're just dealing with the source. No, we've condemned these people for, you know, much less than this. So it's going to ratchet up. Well, this is when CJ notes one of the guest dates is a dude, dude, dude. Yeah.

Yeah, so we get to the jacuzzi, one of the fat dorks says, I want to see you two naked in here. It's amazing that, like, I don't know, you have to be so much more wealthy than this to just command women to get naked. Well, I don't think you should have, that should be the barometer for being able to be... No, no, no, that's just the truth of the matter.

It should never be done, and it's always creepy when it is done. but you have to be, you can't charter a yacht and demand this. You have to own the yacht to demand this. Some Jeff Bezos shit. Yeah, of course.

Because Jeff Bezos strings up their families and then says, you know, I want to take you on vacation. Jeff Bezos does awful things, including data mining, you know.

Have you ever seen David Blaine do a magic trick in front of Jeff Bezos? I think I did. It's really weird. Jeff Bezos is like, Oh, how did he do that? Oh, God.

Are you more of a cock than you are human? He looks like a giant, giant cock on testosterone. So, CJ is the worst offender of transphobia on this episode. What's odd about this is, dare I say, he is obsessed with the idea that he thinks that these are, in fact, too. Obsessed. He has to go and it becomes. his mission to warn the crew or the guests that they've pulled back a freak. He does something that I kind of have a lot of contempt for with people, which is, I don't know

if we're at this point, but he basically, John leaves with the two girls. And CJ does this thing. He goes to the guys that are remaining in the jacuzzi. He's like, hey, look, man, I don't want to, I don't want to say anything, you know. But I think that That's a dude Yeah, yeah, yeah Dude, yeah.

Dude. Yeah. Three dudes. Three dudes. It means it's serious When you do three dudes. Yeah. I don't want Signing, you know.

You think CJ could get through a Harry Potter book? I don't think so. By the way, CJ himself got in a little hot water after filming this. There's a few, what do you call it, where they take a picture of you when you go to jail? Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, he's got a domestic, what do they call it domestic? He punched his girlfriend. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, CJ's not a good guy. You can tell that he's... You can tell that crows are significantly more intelligent than him

just by just two, three episodes of television. Yeah. You know? Yeah, he's pretty limited. I will say this. Dylan, and so when this episode got buried, I'm trying... There's multiple reasons why it could be buried,

but sometimes you'd have to ask the people that buried it to fully grasp, all right, what was the line in the sand? Because when they go, when C.J. tells Lawrence and the remaining guest, because John stole the two girls and brought him down into his cabin, and they say, yeah, I think it's a guy. They kind of take it pretty well. Yeah. Not the way that you'd think, like, oh, gee, what's fucking beat it? Like, I thought that was coming. Right. Instead, Lawrence is kind of like, well, you know, what are you going to do? Right. Yeah, Lawrence, I think, uh, I think Lawrence, uh, I think Lawrence would have been okay with whatever.

Yeah, Lawrence is a very desperate man. So when you, when the last time you came was barely and then you got fired from being a sperm donor, you really aren't sure what your sexuality is. You've come into contact with nobody in two decades. Lawrence, by the way, oh, I do have a quote here. Upon being informed that possibly the guy he's really attracted to might have a penis. He says, well, she's either the hottest model in Brazil, or she's a man. He doesn't say she's neither. She's neither.

Yeah. So let's move on to the next day. Next day. CJ continues with his fetishization of the freak. He's like, hey, Sam, I'm really sorry to tell you, but the guy you're into a fuck to fucking guy last night. And she's like, no way. And then she's doing these talking heads and Sam's like, CJ's probably fucking with me.

John's way too great to fuck a freak with a dick and a dress. You know, like everyone on this boat is so... And another hit is Lawrence theorizes that John is nowhere to be found and he probably has to hit the SDD clinic. Yikes. All right. So Dave tells the gang about his past.

Parcupine pet is not happy about this. Well, I want to say, did you hear how they met? They met on a porn site. But the theme was a vampire movie. Oh, that's right. Casa Nos Versocki. No pun intended. That's the actual title.

No, no, no. I know. You said, but they met on a vampire. Oh, right. Yeah. No pun intended. Nos Versacu. Yeah, I mean, these are really. I don't know what's worse. Like, Night of the Living Dicks or... On Golden Blonde. You know, that was a beloved movie on Golden Pond as a young man.

Really? Yep, Jane Fonda, her father, Henry Fonda, Catherine Hepburn. It's a film about a boy and his growing into a man in a summer trying to catch a fish, I think, called Albaugh. or whatever. Yeah. But then I dug through my parents' closet while they were away, and I pulled out a VHS tape titled On Golden Blonde.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my first experience with pornographic material. Okay. I wish they hit it a little better. Really ruined the movie. Right, right, right, right. It's like if Andre the Seal got turned into a porn. Yeah.

So I don't know, getting back to the titling of porn. I don't know what's worse. saving Ryan's privates or... How about cocoa melons? They're even like doing plays on children's television now. But the new take on titling porn, gone are the creative puns. And it's, uh, mommy-in-law fucks, sons, cock in butt, and daughter says,

can I join in the ass? And you're just like, did a robot, have a meltdown when generating this title. I don't know which porn title is worse. So, fragile dictator didn't sleep well. And it's not sitting well with Kat. There's a mutiny of foot. Yeah, this is when we get back more to the crew drama.

Yeah. So Kat hates that Adrian, who's their manager, supervisor, decided, you know what? I slept eight hours last night, but you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to go take a nap for four hours. You guys clean up all this shit. And there's an interesting, the relationship between who happened to be three females, the interior crew, is less like a manager subordinate type of structure, but more like roommates that don't get along. Because they tell Adrian to go fuck or something.

They have no respect for Adrian's position on this boat at all. Like Kat confronts her and she's like, hey, I think you're a lazy bitch. I'm not going to listen to what you say. And then when the guests leave, Sam and Cat are just laying in bed. And Adrian's like, we need to get to work. And they're like, we're not working. Or she goes, Adrian does this thing. She's like, come over here right now.

Now. And they're like, now. I said right now. Yeah. Now, get over here now. Okay. So the dorks head down to joke about mental lentils. And we get to the guest departing.

There's this very bizarre scene where the guys are sitting down while the crew lines up. and, like, kicks them off the boat. I am so happy you mention that because it is so weird. It's not like the guests pack all their shit and then they're all lined up near the exit of the vessel. The guests are smoking cigars and the entire crew surround them in a kind of gesture of get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it's like if a bunch of bros did a bachelor party at the Amityville house

and the ghosts and demons just got so tired of how toxic and loserish these people were and they all just stood in a haunting line and were like, it doesn't work on you. Get the fuck out of here. These guys are just so clueless. They think that they've found family in these people and they depart the boat

and deliver, I believe, the lowest tip in below-deck history. Now, I'm confused by this. I'm confused. They say it's a shitty, tip. Totally get that. But what did they, did they get $650 each? Was that the? Yeah. So I, I believe the tip was $9,000. Okay. Um, which was, I think, like 9% or something like that. They did say 9%. Yeah. And they wanted $20,000 or something like that. Okay. So, so I think they got 13. Because I thought I heard a 13 in there. Okay. Well, regardless, it's a very, very low tip.

the kind of fetid cherry atop this shit Sunday of disgusting people, transphobia, and just all around awfulness. Now, the money is counted in front of the sea rats. Very different back then. Very different. It is like Lee divvying up French fries in front of fat people. It's a torturous thing. and it's sad that they don't have a lot of money to go and binge drink,

but that is not going to stop them from doing so. They hit the club. And Kat is probably, and we've only had three episodes, so we need to develop a bigger sample size, but she might be the biggest drunk we've ever seen on the show. Female. Female drunk. No, but maybe she just takes the unisex cake.

Okay. We have chef Rachel with that karaoke thing. I don't think she holds a candle to cat because cat is a blackout, but she does have the power to stand and say, keep it in the fucking pocket like Rache. She just drinks so much that she blows past that point that quickly and quite literally is falling down at the club. She just falls like a strong gust of wind came into the club. We get back to the boat and we have a, I don't know. It's weird. A very messy thing with Sam and C.J.

Tonight, well, as C.J tells us while they're out at the club, tonight's the night. They've been roomies for, I don't know, a week and a half. No, more like three days. Three days. And it's, it's time. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yep. I believe Sam, when she wakes up the next morning, says she was so blackout drunk, she doesn't remember. Yeah. Yeah. so i'm not saying that this shouldn't have been banned it's totally worthy of being banned i'm just saying nothing would be different in any way if it wasn't banned you know what's funny is when we did uh the collaboration with sam who's in the show for the episode that was before this one she asked us what episode are we doing yeah and she's

the one who first tipped us off. Oh, you know, I can't find that episode. By the way, she added no other commentary to why it might not exist. Well, tonight we found out why. And we love you guys for listening. Jump in the comments. Let us know what your favorite thing is. And we'll see you next week for more content. Join us everywhere. You're on Patreon, so you already do. We love you guys very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye. Pat's sake. Bye. Later doves. No. No. No.