Another Below Deck Podcast - The Pods Are Open with Reality Gays | Love Is Blind S5 E1

Episode Date: September 23, 2023

Dylan and Pat are joined by Reality Gays Mattie and Poodle to help breakdown cheesy show music, the boy next door, Lord of the Rings, Naked & Afraid, Dr. Drew, BBQ people, Shardcast, Hugh Jackman, firefighters, Richard Simmons, bad makeup, and much more from Netflix’s Love Is Blind.Listen to the Reality Gays here - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/reality-gays-with-mattie-and-poodle/id1477555097Ad Free and Uncensored at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetworkYoutube at https://www.youtube.com/@BadT.V.Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/badtvpodcast/Facebook Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/anotherbachelorpodcast/

video you could have shipped to your house like in three installments of him dancing with sweat to the old days i danced to it in my living room with my aunt darla do you ever do tybo oh i yes i did billy blank tybo yeah like billy blank that went out of business that was his greatest torture i feel bad for richard simmons is always having to be the nice guy and upbeat are we we can't do this right now why We can't have an earnest conversation about Richard. Oh, my God. Put a look around me and I see it isn't so Hi, hello, welcome to another Brand Spank, a new episode of whatever this is. What it is, is a really, me and Pat have been looking forward to this all week. I'm Dylan, I'm settled up next to one Patrick Hickey.

Hey, great to be here. Kalen, producer of the podcast is over there. He's going to quit the show soon, right he's gonna work part-time who cares all right i'm gonna miss him i'm feeling uncomfortable i feel like i just witnessed i didn't need to bring up you know politics but yeah we're gonna have to terminate caitlin soon it'll be a sad day but we are joined today by maddie and poodle of the reality gays gentlemen thank you for joining us hi boys this is this is one of the best gay porn sets i've ever been i just said it really is giving to me it's either giving kill room or like active duty

yes porn which is like they were they were supposedly in the military. It's the American flag over here that does it for me. Yeah, so it's like a stolen valor gay porn set. Yes. The picture of the baby is going to go in that picture with that beautiful woman. That's out. But other than that, the guitars are all hitting that for me.

I'm hoping there's a Mandalorian hat here somewhere and I can just get pummeled. There is a pastel. We have a signed autograph from Boba Fett up there. Oh, and you nailed it. Yes, and then when you come on my face and spit it out, you say, this is the way. That's what's perfect. So we're going to be talking about Netflix's Love is Blind this afternoon. Episode one.

Episode one. But there may be some spoilers of the other three episodes possibly so sure if you haven't watched all of it we may yeah and we talk about this every time we cover this show but netflix is doing its best to degrade the collective attention span of everybody so that's why they're doing this four episode dump on us um but i just gotta ask you guys what do you think about this crop of people like we had thoughts i think they're i'm the let's get into a general thought let's get into our general thoughts can i go first yes oh blind blindfolds rating system blindfold a rating system it's one out of a hundred blindfolds one out of a hundred blindfolds oh okay okay

welcome to the gay porn set i was gonna say where's the usmc uh so uh so the thing that i love about the show is also the thing that kind of drives me insane these people are all psychoanalysis they're self-help gurus and they're all fucking liars and out of their minds. So there's an interesting dynamic there. I mean, I have a fucking master's in psychology. I've never heard that before.

We've never heard that you're a bitch. I know. I feel like I'm at home. Not in front of the kids. We didn't even talk about that. But I realized, yes, these people have read... They listened to one episode of Brene Brown or Jen Hatmaker. And now they're like...

I got 20% today, baby. I got 20%. And they're on their knees. That's the best Brene Brown I've ever heard. She's great. She helps a lot of people. She does, but she also has degrees and data. These people do not.

Now I'm going to hate them more for it. Well, you should hate them because they're all monsters. They're pod rats. I thought it was a good first four episodes. Someone that, oh, what is his name? Little Milton? This is not a microaggression there. I just watched four episodes. I'm a little scatterbrained.

Uche. Oh, Uche. I, oh, when he is talking to, um, Aaliyah, Aaliyah, Aaliyah. I don't think I've hated somebody on this show as much as I hated him in that moment. But he won you back at the end, right? No, he did not win me back at all. He didn't win me back at all either. He is a fucking asshole.

Well, I said this is a person who feels like he was built in a lab to destroy women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. Like a horrible man who, a scientist who invented, like Dr. Frankenstein, who was fucked over by other women. They used a Frankenstein monster to destroy women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was Uche. Okay, I'll say this about Uche.

90 blindfolds and Maddie should go next. You're right, you're right. What? Oh, I need to go next. Oh, okay. blindfolds and maddie should go next you're right you're right what oh i need to go next oh okay i i mean i shouldn't say this because but it like the the valk the love the molten lava underneath him that i feel that it's just anger it terrifies me terrifies me so just even not even what he says the way he i we talk about a lot of what he says,

but to me it freaks, and I know it's the edit, but it freaks me out the way he looks, the way he's listening. Like it's seethed in judgment. He's gaining intel so he can destroy other women. Yeah. So I, and even when he laughs, it's always, ah, it never, it feels like the man, the inventor didn't get that right. Oh yeah.

The laugh always feels fake. He does have a kind of dead fury behind his eyes. Terminator. Yeah. I'm good. So I would, you gave 90 blindfolds. I'm going to go 95. Okay.

That's fine. I like it. A hundred blindfolds being the best. The best. The best. Okay. I'm going to say these people, this group feels like the show has been around long enough to know, to play the game a little bit.

And there are some who were influencers i think there are also some that are there we're choosing people now who are going to explode on the screen not like with anger they're going to physically pop open their guts throw out. Right, right. Like, because these people, the people who are being chosen now or the people who are being cast now are being, have, I think some of the interview questions are things like, how much trauma do you have?

Tell me how you were really treated by your parents. And I think that's a little gross. I'm going to say these are the messiest fucking people we've ever had. You forgot season two, though. Oh, you're right! But I will say, I think

season three might have been messier than season two in some ways. I forget. Shane in season two. It dumps out of my brain after week one. But here's the thing. Here's, I think this is, to me, 85 blindfolds. Okay.

Because I had a problem with, spoiler alert, two people who may or may not know each other. That was like a... In the pods. And it tainted it for me. It did? Oh, I thought that was the funnest part. Tainted.

But these are not my blindfolds. Now they are. and it tainted it for me. It did? Oh, I thought that was the funnest part. Tainted. But these are not my blindfolds. Now they are. Okay, I am glad you guys focused a lot on the casting because I think it's superb casting. All right, we have a guy who's 24 but is really 14 years old emotionally. Yes. At some point, you mentioned trauma,

is asked what his greatest trauma was. His answer is that he had scoliosis. The real answer is when his parents told him Santa doesn't exist. And that was four years ago. Okay. I think you're underplaying internal organ failure a little bit, but these are your blind. I like where you're going.

Okay. So we have H town. We're in Houston. Let's just remind the audience. Is that what they call it? H-Town. H-Town, yeah. Season?

Beyonce, yeah. What are you talking about? Beyonce. Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Never mind. He's not a B, a baser. You're not part of the hive?

I like her. I just don't know a lot of- I went to Renaissance. It's great. Oh my God. I didn't know. Okay, sorry. I will continue.

Not a problem. I didn't know. Okay, sorry. I will continue. Not a problem. So great casting. The worst casting ever was season two when this franchise was firing on all cylinders. You couldn't wait for season two. And they had a bunch of social media. It was terrible. Was that the Bickersons or was that?

It was Shake. It was Shane. It was Natalie. That was the influencer drop. Yeah. Did I hold you on my shoulders at a music festival? That comes later on when

the two drunks, Nick and Vanessa, show up to explain the experiment. They say unlike online dating, which is very superficial, we here exclude that. I would remind her we had a person on this show. If we were at a Taylor Swift concert and I put you on

my shoulders would we make two songs before my neck broke sneaky way to learn a girl's way anyway or not sneaky okay i'm going way too long here i love the casting especially no. I'm going to wrap it up. We have two female cast members, Lydia and Johnny, that bend over backwards to try and get to Mexico at that resort. I believe if you had the Golden State Killer in here, Johnny would explain to him why they should be a couple. That's how insane this is. I'm okay. I'm okay with a little bit of duct tape

i mean so what i sometimes little duct tape is nice you don't have it i like duct tape yeah i love scalpels more a hundred blindfolds oh amazing four episodes also johnny kind of talks like the the kristen wick character penelope, who is always talking like this and always likes things. You bring up a good point, though. With a show like this, I, maybe, Patrick, maybe we are, I don't know. Kindred spirits.

Probably, because I love shows like Smothered. I love shows like Extreme Sisters. Because you have mental problems. Like when the Extreme Sisters, the twin sisters, when one sister actually put her sister's foot in her mouth and chewed off her hangnail. What a smother. That happened.

Oh, you ever watch that? What a smother. Oh, it's great. I think that's either on We or TLC. TLC. I love that. You can tell Dylan hasn't been tainted by the most disgusting show ever. She literally chews off her twin sister's hangnail in her mouth on her toe.

Oh, yeah. And they take baths together. I just saw him throw up in his mouth on her toe. Oh, yeah. And they take baths together. I just saw him throw up in his mouth a little bit. It was a deep swallow. Anyway, I lean into kind of grossness. And I got to say, when you think I'm a follower, I'm changing mine to 100 because this is a great cast. Yes, yes, yes. I think it's good because you want messy.

I have ethical issues about. With changing the score? Me too. Yeah. I have ethical issues about with changing the score. Me too. Yeah. I have ethical issues with that. All right. So one, one other note that we have to get to the fucking,

you have to get out of the pods before episode after episode three, you can't go for pods. I agree with you. I agree. I think it's because we spent way too much time with Uche ritually destroying Aaliyah, Way too much time with Uche ritually destroying Aaliyah, which took like 25 minutes to break her down CIA style.

True. It did feel like a black site. And, you know, we'll start with this. Everybody seems to be having a good time. There have been these accusations levied by losers who didn't get famous enough on the show, and they're pissed about it, that they are treated like they're pissed about it, that they are treated like they're in Guantanamo when they are in the pods.

I don't know if you guys have heard about this. $7 an hour. You know, we should have $7 an hour. Well, that's what he said. If you average out how much you're paid to be a participant on this show, it's $7 an hour. Here's my response to that. But you're finding love. You're on television.

Yeah, you're finding love. That's priceless. Do you know how many fucking people want to be on television? We called that couple the Bickersons. The show is very important to our network, so I am all for unions and people getting a living wage, but not the people on this show. I could not care less.

We are reallegating the SAG podcast. We're a SAG podcast. SAG forever. SA could not care less. We are reallegated to the SAG podcast. We're a SAG podcast. SAG forever. SAG forever. All right, so you guys have never played this game before, but it is a fan favorite game.

We kick off every season with this game. I'm glad I didn't wear underwear. The game is called Is It Love Is Blind Music or Is It Not Love Is Blind Music? Shut up. Shut up.

I'm feeling something through the walls. The cru rocks of the game will be and i'm gonna break it down it's a hard time it's a hard time no lyric is too on the note sorry she's just walking out the door no no no it's fine the song will be played and you will have to guess whether it is love is blind music or if it is not Love is Blind music. Okay. I like it. I love this. We're not going to tell you how many there are, but I'll tell you it's not 15. Okay.

Oh my God, that would take me an hour. It would take a long time. Alright, so first song, Kalen, hit us. That was so dramatic Took my stuff and you threw it out. Crying such a habit. All right, you can fade us down.

Oh, man, this is a tough one. Oh, my first gut feels like, I feel like I've heard this song before. Yeah. On the show. I feel like this is Love is Blind. I'm going to say it's not because it actually has rhymes okay um and it's somewhat coherent okay oh that's true we didn't hear in the middle of it pond five no five bombed five you're a no i'm a no. I'm trusting him. All right. I'm going to go. It's a no. This is not Love is Blind.

No! All right, Kalen. Take a drink, Matty. Let's put the next song. I'll drink in solidarity. Oh, this is Love is Blind. You got to hear the whisper voice though When we're alone and I'm feeling low You know how to take it away

Yeah, you can fade us down now I feel like that song Kind of was good And for that reason, it can't be Love is Blind music I agree now I wanted to hear more of that song And the game is tricky I think that cannot be Love is Blind music. Okay. You say it's not Love is Blind music. I agree now. I agree. It's not Love is Blind music.

I wanted to hear more of that song, and I never did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the game is tricky because that actually is Love is Blind music. Oh, no! Yeah, yeah, yeah. What part was used? Wait, first season or fourth season? Listen, listen.

When they got a budget? We don't get into the nitty gritty or any specifics or anything like that. I'm feeling really rooked right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what the game does. Can you hit us with the next song? This Bud Light's going to my head. This has to be.

I think this has to be. This is Love is Blind music. Especially when they do it. Hey! Hey! Hey, oh, hey, oh! This is Love is Blind music. This has got to be Love is Blind.. Oh, yeah. This is Love is Blind. This has got to be Love is Blind.

This is a unanimous, this is Love is Blind music. I'll tell you when this is played. This is played when someone, they just shared a trauma and they cry and they're holding each other. And then the drone, this is out of the pods. The drone comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we see them and it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Good day. Yeah. Yeah. out and we see them and it's like eh oh eh oh good day no again it's a tricky game because that is not love is gone this is insidious I know I guess I gotta drink again

out of our golden goblets I'm not drinking out of a golden goblet yeah because golden goblets are revolting vessels for really anything. I agree. I put one more, Dylan. No, that's the end of the game. Oh, it is?

I only had three. I only had three. Wow. It's a short game. I think that was, was that all the same singer? In spirit, yeah. They are all the exact same song. She kind of has a voice like this, and she kind of goes, we hear a breath.

A little lower. It's very like, it's such an important part. It's like we also cover Selling Sunset and Selling OC. Oh, that music is like, you gotta be a bad bitch. I'm going to wear some heels. I'm going to go sell houses. I'm going to talk to you in houses I don't own. Boss.

I'm a boss, bitch. You guys did a horrible job at that game. We did a horrible job at that game. I kind of want to hang it up now. Like, stop podcasting. That is your profession, too. You should feel the emotion. You write music.

Well, listen, it is a difficult game, but I think it goes to show you that this is a uh a derivative show with derivative music and really everything about it is derivative but it's a fun show to recap so let's do it right now um we kick things off with the booze hound and of course uh nick lachey uh um can i uh jump in here whenever they show up guys have you noticed this vanessa and nick they seem or at least I feel, they look like they were up all night at a cousin's wedding. She called the guy.

And then next thing you know, it's five in the morning. You know, you've been there, right? Yeah. And then they're wearing the clothes. And they're like, fuck it. We got to be at the set in an hour. What do you mean she called the guy? What are you talking about?

She called her guy. And then they drive on over to the set, you know, down on Cahuenga. Her driver. Are you talking about infidelity? are you talking about her drug dealer? Her guy. Her dealer. Everyone's got a guy. Yeah, and then they walk in on set.

A little bump to wake you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cocaine's great. It always feels like, to me, that they do like a little, they do a talk like, okay, Nick, we're going to be breezy. Everything's fine. We've been really thinking that like we're like really uptight. I, we're going to be breezy. Everything's fine. We've been, we've been really thinking that like,

we're like really uptight. I know, like I want to talk about babies. I know I really want to talk about babies, but I'm not going to talk about babies and it's going to be fine. And here, let's both do a gummy. And somehow they're trying to seem breezy. Yeah.

And it always feels fake. I love that. They're on edibles. I do. I hate them. I hate them both. I do. I do I hate them I hate them both I do I don't know why

the baby thing was weird but I still you're talking about the reunion when she kept insisting that she was waiting for a love is blind baby and it was terrible

and I still think Handmaid's Tale I think I would have fun hanging out with her oh I like her she's awful so we sat near some of her friends

that came to the taping because you know we were at the reunion she has friends they loved her and it seemed pretty legit and they weren't hollywood people either i know what i'm with you i don't understand it and no shade to you you know i understand i think she's perfectly fine in regular life i like her way more than nick me too there's something about them when they're when they're hosting it feels like they number one it feels like they're giving

out a nobel prize it feels really serious what they're doing but it's not but it's not down from the show though too i i that's one of the biggest problems i have with this show is the producer who i'm sure is a wonderful human being don't come at us uh no there's no way they're a wonderful talks and interviews like he is curing cancer you're talking about chris could totally whatever yeah colon and it's just like we're we're helping people find out there what what an authentic shut up okay oh you should hear it oh my god it is so self-apprenticing. Well, Jake, you remember after The Altar, what did those three episodes that should never have aired, the whole thing that they were presenting was,

we found love based on this experiment. I mean, they jammed that down our throats, don't I? Is love blind? Is love blind? No. We find out at the end of every season that it is not. Every season. Every single season. Love is a lie there's

one couple that made it um maybe two amber and barnett i think they're just that kind of like do you mind closing that door sorry i don't know yeah the mosquitoes i think amber barnett are still together just to say fuck you to people yeah and i feel like he's he's her prisoner yeah oh gosh i think she's on so much adderall yeah it doesn't matter well yeah i i got run over by a tank she was yeah wow all right so the first thing it's literally the first sentence that um one of the guys says uh chris fox who I had mixed feelings about as we progressed. You mean sawdust as a human being? But adorable.

Yeah, but he says people look at me and they assume that I'm a playboy. And that can't really ever be said well. You're just going to come off like an asshole. Like a dick. People say my voice is sexy as well. Any take on that? He did that later on. Oh, he did say that. You know what? Maybe he's like a legit

undercover asshole. Because you like him. The whole time. I don't dislike him. I did for a while. You think he's really cute, right? I thought he was cute in a boy next door way. Yeah. Looks like I would break him. Right, me too. Fucking me too. He's kind of like boy-next-door,

could impregnate the prom queen if possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like an L.A. 8. Oh my God, he's an L.A. 8. He does look like, he looks so much like Jerry Gardner from high school. Oh no. The pretty boy in high school.

Yeah. I love Jerry Gardner because I remember when I was in eighth grade, they were playing shirts and skins at our eighth grade lock-in. Yeah. And he took off his shirt and I remember seeing sweat go down his chest and I realized. Yeah, you're gay? Yeah, I realized I was real gay. And so did all the other girls I've seen.

This is not good. But he got Tina Hammer pregnant in high school, and he wouldn't take a DNA test or anything, but everybody said, oh, he's so pretty, and he just ruined his life. That is what Chris looks like, the pretty boy who ruins his life because he gets a girl pregnant his senior year of high school. This is 80% of our show, by the way. That's what I think it is.

I have an aunt Tina who it wouldn't surprise me if that happened to her, but we call her the porch god because she's very, very overweight and people have to bring up food to her. To pay homage to her. She's like a job of the hood. She doesn't walk down. She sits atop like Xerxes.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So should we move into the next 48 seconds? Yeah, let's get to the 90th second of the show. top like xerxes okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um so anyways we uh move into the next 48 seconds yeah let's get to the the 90th second of the show i'm having a great time 50 seconds uh jared is another one he says i'm i'm the skinniest guy here i mean the the things that these people have to overcome it's just so sad and remarkably unremarkable, these people. I think this might be our most unremarkable cast. Yeah, but like you mentioned, there is this,

like when you're in the first act of a horror movie and the little things start happening and you're like, oh yeah, this is gonna be a nightmare. This is when we start seeing those things because when she's talking about, and I'll clarify she right now, if I remember her name, Johnny, she's talking about being in relationships with addicts

and rebounding into a marriage. It's all like the Love is Blind music is playing underneath it and stuff like that, but you're like, wait a second. That is fucking crazy. Go to Al-anon girl that is not a pod you you really when you think about it all of a sudden you don't when johnny was having that conversation i went i don't feel safe anymore for whoever johnny is with yeah right yeah no she she's she-lop i mean we've we've talked about another she another shelob on below deck so i hate to bring up that giant spider from uh from uh yeah lord of the rings um oh yes yeah um

so i love straight guy references so we do have a very we uh we talk about lord of the rings yes our show a lot a lot of times it's Dildo Swaggins often speaks. Who's a cosplayer who's 14 years old and his mom calls. I know Sheila very much. Jared, come down for dinner. Mom, I'm talking. I'm talking to my

friends, Mom. You're going to your father's house tomorrow is what you're doing. Mom, this is my me time. That is the saddest the saddest hypothetical yeah so we get to the first pod it is lydia and the 24 year old milton um okay i just i wrote something down and i never it didn't say it on our podcast because i so i i'm gonna use it for this because i thought it might be too offensive. Yeah. Great. He feels like a stuffed animal come to life.

There's something about him that feels like he's a non-offensive person, but doesn't feel real and doesn't have normal human cares and concerns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about Little Milton? Yes. Little Milton. Yeah, long Little Milton. That wasn't offensive at all.

Okay. I was bracing for what you were going to say. No, I think I called him a not a real person, like a fake person. Yeah, yeah. I am obsessed with his style. I want to be a 6'7", thin, cool black guy. He's 6'7"? He looks like it.

He's probably... Well, that changes everything mean he said he was gonna just everything he said he was gonna die early so i don't think six or five people say that i think you gotta be over six seven people say that you know um so lydia says that she some people think that she's a little bit too much sometimes oh no um why would anyone think that and she is in fact way too fucking way too much's way too much. Way too much. So this is a little bit of a spoiler, but the funny thing about Lydia

and a guy that knew her before the process, she explains it as a relationship that they had. Yeah. And then when you find out the timeline and how it was working out, it was actually just a booty call. It was a booty call. He broke up with her.

She broke up with him she was fine with the breakup but he says that he blocked her on instagram she blocked him on instagram she sat outside his house and you just knew she did these people are all fucking liars they're all out of their fucking mind can we talk about barbecue people for a second yeah oh 100 so we call barbecue people they're the if you remember the names of some of these people, they're the Renee's, that girl that was in every scene in the women's quarters. Oh, poor Renee. She was doing her best to kill it.

She really was. But she's a barbecue person. There's Chandra, too, who I thought was going to make it. I thought she was going to make it. And she says, and maybe she didn't make it because she's got a few screws loose she says at some point

you know wait a minute we're not going to we're not going to be able to see the people I was like I don't think she knew what she signed up for

she got the wrong show don't sign up for Naked and Afraid next thing you know ants are eating your asshole yes like know what you signed up for that was

yeah can you imagine accidentally being on Naked and Afraid? Oh. I don't, God damn.

I don't think, I don't know, I don't have an asshole anymore. I don't know why people do that show. Oh, it's a cottage industry now. Like,

those people all make money off. Yes, yeah. People have wanted us to recap. They have like, Naked and Afraid of Love, which is actually a, that show oh it's a cottage industry now like those people all make money off yeah they people wanted us to recap they have like naked and afraid of love which is actually a pretty good i think they have like a new they have an innovation to pocket knives and they need the capital to make it happen so they need to go on naked and afraid to show their you know you know who watches the guys women really yeah because women rock on that show i'm just like if can't like they put like on that ad free version

of discovery plus can we just see the other junk can we just have no blurry that's honestly the reason why i watch showing it only seems fair, but I want to see your tits. I don't want to see your day. It would make it feel very like Kubrick kind of like, uh, beginning of 2001. Yeah. I think it actually takes away the stakes.

Yeah. I think it does too. I like that. I also don't want them to kill the random animal. Like, Hey, do you need to throw a rock on that frog's head? Yeah.

Like it didn't know you or, or worse, like you don't need to kill an entire pangolin i don't know where you are but you're not going to eat all that meat no it's way too much animal pangolins can be very difficult to oh i know to gut yeah i've heard i don't even know what that is that's what started that's what started covid although although my my my character, the bat from Wuhan, still calls that, hey, boy. All right. So we move on to Izzy and Stacey.

Lydia. Izzy and Lydia? Wait. Well, Izzy and Lydia have a little thing, but it's going to be Izzy. If you have notes on Izzy and Lydia, we can talk about it. I just want to have one question for you guys. Have you noticed now that there is almost a rote questionnaire that they have? It's like they need to say, do you want kids?

Yeah. What are your traumas? Well, Stacey has a point system. So she gives Izzy five points for saying that he's into dancing. And there's two things that could possibly be happening here um she doesn't have a point system um or way worse she has a point system that's fucking either one is not great you have to be like a dungeon master and coming up with all these different categories it's just insane

it feels like the douchiest straight guy thing oh she's a two for this she knew what Skyrim was I'm gonna have to knock you for not knowing what Elder Scrolls is Dylan it's worth mentioning just to back up for a second Lydia in Milton's first meeting, she basically

shuts it down because she's 30 and he's 24. That will play a factor in later. Or it won't at all. I just have a question. What were y'all doing at 24 years old? I had no idea. We're friends with a guy named Dr. Drew. I'm not sure if he's

in your ether. Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew, yeah. The actual Dr. Drew? I'm not guy named Dr. Drew. I'm not sure if he's in your ether. Like Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew, yeah. The actual Dr. Drew? The actual Dr. Drew. I'm not friends with Dr. Drew. I was on his podcast. He and Adam's podcast years ago. Name dropper.

Really? He talked about his friend. I was on his show because I was at this podcast conference, and I won this award because I won this speech contest. So I got him to accept the award, but on the way up there, Dr. Drew was standing there. And I had everything planned in my mind to what I was going to say. And then Gay D.D. kicked in when I got up there in front of the mic. And I immediately said, y'all, I can't remember what I was going to say

because I just walked by Dr. Drew and he's a silver fucking fox. Yeah, no, he really is. He's handsome. And I just talked about how cute he was. And afterwards, producers said, come on the show. And you got on the show. Yeah, no, he really is. He's handsome. And I just talked about how cute he was and afterwards producers said, come on the show. He got on the show. And so I was gone years ago.

If you want to go on Dr. Drew's show, you just need to sexually harass him. Just sexually harass him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're great friends with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. All three of us used to work for him. So anyway, he always says

that a man's brain is not even fully developed until you're like 25, 26. I totally think it's later than that but i think 25 26 is generous i think he would know he's a dr drew no yeah i'm with i'm with you he's never held a human brain i can say say this. 24, I was a complete moron. I would be way worse than Little Milton. Me too. I, at 24, looked at mail. That was on the front very concerning. Yes.

And I would just throw it. I would sooner incinerate it than I would open it. And then the power would go out. And that's what would happen to me at 24. I was a little underdeveloped. It's important to remember that this is a black man living in Houston, Texas. And I think that culture is much more of

he needs to get married. I guarantee you he comes from a religious family. That's what I think. I, at 24, did drugs and thought I would not die. Yeah. I could not see my own die. Yeah. Yeah. I could not see my own death. It's crazy.

Yeah. I'm 32 right now. I'm starting to think of death in a pretty significant way. I'm like, whoa, where are these? Just wait till you get to 44. It's great. I didn't think death was possible. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And the amount of drugs that I did in one night at 24 is staggering. I was doing bath salts at 24. Oh, wow. Yeah, just one time. Well, over three days. Okay, let's move on. I always love the sirens.

Yeah, no. Pat's neighbor has a commune in her backyard, and they commit a lot of crimes, and they flee to that backyard. So are we at Johnny and Izzy? We're at Johnny now. Okay, so this is interesting, because she kind of admits that she's got a bad picker,

because she only dates people that like crack cocaine. That's a kind way of putting it. Yeah, yeah. But I was trying to figure out, what is with Johnny? You know, she's a lawyer, seems like she's got her shit together. And then she tells just a simple little detail about mommy. I think her and her mom have had issues.

That's a big thing for someone to say. Like, I... Her mother said you should stop dating and live out in the woods alone until you die. That's not what a supportive... Like, I have a supportive mother. We're probably too close. we're probably too close is that you are you're enmeshed i believe it was johnny but yes okay she said my mother says maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship for a mother to say that to her daughter yeah like i remember when i my ex and i broke up seven years like two months out my mom was like well you really should

get back to with somebody it's good for you to be in a relationship i was like too soon mom yeah still that's what a mom does regardless of how you feel right now regardless yeah sure he just ripped your heart out you should love again yeah yeah for a one for a mother to say honey i think you're just gonna be alone yeah yeah you're gonna die alone that's what's good for you so this rushing russian nesting doll of her pain i do think the last one in the middle is this fucked up thing with with there's something really dark there but just in case the fans because when we get details wrong we hear it i get annoyed i get resentful of our fans i want to stop doing podcasting so that could have been taylor i'm not sure one who said that um so anyways uh no i think that was

johnny i wrote that down as johnny no i know that was johnny that was johnny okay great so you can email maddie at reality gays you know uh we he someone never has a problem getting things wrong ever so here to be right i'm here to be entertaining that is johnny okay so chris fox is up next um retail development he fosters on the weekend this he has to be for hinge pictures or i just don't i maybe I'm a cynical asshole. I don't fucking buy it that he's doing it out of the kindness of his heart. It's either that or he's had a because he looks like that. Kind of kind of like the Disney Prince ish, but like Walmart level

of that. Walmart, Disney, Prince. He also kind of looks like he would be the youngest private in Saving Private Ryan. Yes. The kid that's going to die. He would get shot by a sniper. They would waste all the morphine on him. And they're like, oh my god, remember that guy?

We loved that guy. He never said a bad word about anybody. He's Giovanni Ribisi, but he's just hotter. But I think this guy has never had... When he did have a problem, I think the family was great.

I think he's just drawn to horrible women. Yeah. Because he said, my picker's been off for a while and everyone kind of says that i don't bring good good women around you have a master's in psychology did you know that what what you know i've heard him tiptoe around it before but i'd never heard it before just wait you're gonna hear he's adopted that jenks voice teacher what what is with people picking uh really bad people

all the time i think it has to do i think probably his family has very high standards for who he went out with and he internalizes that as i pick shitty girls like a little pushback yeah yeah because it's always interesting when we meet their parents because you always you always understand someone better when you meet one of their if they were we meet their parents because you always understand someone better if they were raised by their parents when you meet them. Right, yeah. Because they talk about this on the show, but we actually say this too later on.

But we often pick our patterns, not what we need or want. But I agree with Jake. I think it's a lot of the – I mean, if we go towards what we've seen so much, it takes a lot of – If your dad was an alcoholic, chances are you're going to date an alcoholic. Because you have that – and even now like children of alcoholic can live out same patterns for four generations and not have an alcoholic in the latter generations. It's that investment in our DNA. Oh, I'm that.

My mom grew up alcoholic. I am totally a child of alcohol. You're waiting for the other shooter to drop. Yeah. I think if Chris would have had a little bit of a hardship, like if he would have been sent to like a work camp in middle school.

Are you talking about like North Korea? Where they send Paris Hilton. You mean like Boy State? Yeah, or like a Scared Straight camp or something. Shake him up a little bit. I think he would be funny. I think he'd be interesting.

Unfortunately, you get him being a bag of wet fertilizer. I bet he went to church camp. No, he's adorable. Yeah, church camp. No hard hits there. He went to Balls Creek for sure. Not a funny thing, but generally sports kind of help you do this. Yes. So we're going to that chris didn't play football and help you sports help you have what gay sex well

in every movie i've seen yeah every time a football player someone ends up getting an old-fashioned yeah yeah no i've seen it before and and um but speaking of basic bags of wet fertilizer i don't want to be too mean to stacy and stacy does say something actually kind of beautiful i enjoyed her and i wound up really enjoying the sport that are you talking about the map yes yes yes that was so beautiful she is so basic she's the new wine hat she may be the new wine she might be the new wine hack. She may be the new wine hack. She might be the new wine hack. Y'all, I promise you, think of how low the bar is. That Stacy is great. What the fuck is going on?

What is that? Oh, that's that game. Oh, Jesus. Oh, I don't hear anything. Kalen, can you turn off the OutRun video game? Sorry. I apologize. Oh, it's the OutRun video game.

Who plays that? That was just the- My daughter. That was the straightest thing that's ever happened. Why are you up, sugar? Could you give me another beer? Why are you up? Thank you very much.

He's not your assistant. What? What do you want to drink? No, no, no, no, no. I'll take a water, Kalen, if you're off. Can I have a white cloth, please? We're taking a drink break. This is a quick drink break.

Okay, drink break. Drink break. Drink another vodka. Should we get another vodka? White cloth. Pat, our next sponsor is an incredible company absolutely and they help you with things like this sometimes you need a little bit of a microdose whether you're too stressed out too torqued up maybe you just want to relax a little bit. Did I say too torqued up?

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Okay. So are you guys ready to get to the next day? Pat, can you yell it? Next day! Let's get to the tears of a blonde 25-year-old named Taylor. Who's the teacher? Which is... A kindergarten teacher, I'm sorry. It's really...

And kindergarten teachers, thank you for your service. Yes. Also, you are... You're drunks. You're all fucking drunks. You're drunk. All right, Taylor. Sorry. Taylor was... you're drunks you're all fucking you're drunk all right taylor taylor was all right let me just talk about casting for this show all they need to do it kind of writes itself as an amazing show and it can go on four years the only thing they do need to do is make sure they don't let the instagram

people in here taylor is a person that's just a regular person that somehow found her way on this show and in my opinion she wandered onto the set wandered on the set yeah i don't know about jp micah's little sister you think she's why i love that take i love that take yeah i i've been i've been thinking about that more i agree with you i think not the way they act she looks like micah yeah carbon copies a lot nicer though uh oh yeah and mic mike is friend what a witch um let's be let's talk about uh jp um i think america's good he all cylinders which we're not to dawn this much regalia the way that he does is insane american socks american shirts american pants i don't understand it we still agree we still think he's thawing out like he was in Amber. And he's slowly

coming back to like he was thawed out, like he was trapped in the 30s. You know? And he's he was he's from Alabama, rural Alabama. And at that time you had to be very American.

Literally, they just fought World War I, people. Remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He says words like he might say unfortunate racial slurs. We have to be okay with that because he was born in 1890. Now, I have a different angle on this. He's a firefighter, and he's pretty good looking.

Yeah. And he's of a certain age. If you look up lists of occupations where they're the biggest cheaters in the world, firefighters always make like the top five. Is it really? It's like airplane pilots. Oh, makes sense. You know, just there because it's your schedule is so messed up.

You can be like, honey, I know I'm 24 on, 24 off, but they asked me to do two days. Yeah. You know, someone's going to make the chili, you know. So firefighters always going to make the chili. Firefighters. Someone's going to make the chili. My brother-in-law is a firefighter. I think he's very high up. He

is a faithful man and he doesn't cook chili anymore. Just in case he's listening, I had to get that out. Is he a recent cheater like the episode says? Yes. All right. Did you guys catch one of the barbecue people that looks like Jimmy Kimmel with a toupee on?

Did you see that motherfucker? No. Is that Robert? Yes. That's Robert. That's Robert. He is a teacher. And I was like, okay, this is a friend.

This is like a friend of a PA. They needed somebody else in there. It does. It feels, we were speaking to barbecue people. I love that term. We're going to use that. Oh, yeah. They'll show else in there. It feels, we were speaking to the barbecue people. I love that term. We're going to use that. Oh, yeah. They'll show up in episode seven. It seems like they all, I feel like in this season,

they really got rid of the barbecue people quickly. I feel like they hang around more in the pods. We see them talking. And because by the time we get to episode four, we kind of just see I might not get Because by the time we get to episode four, we kind of just see. We kind of.

I might not get to see Miriam. Sorry. Spoiler alert. And I'm not going to get to see Renee or who is the girl who's the stylist? No, because I guess we don't know. We can maybe talk at the end, but we're we both were kind of like, who are the couples going to be? They have five couples and we don't even have anything close to that yet. I don't feel safe. I've seen episode four.

Me neither. And I don't feel safe. Me neither. That is my big problem with this season. And let's not do this thing where you go, oh, we're going to have this be a malleable thing. No, no, no. Hit the formula.

Thank you. Get them to Mexico and make sure we have six. Just fucking don't fuck this up, Netflix. Get drunk and have fights because that's what I want to see. I need to get them together. I need Lydia to tell three men in a pool that she will marry all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the same time.

And she will. While she's got her titties out. Which you know is going to happen. We get back to what JP says that he would propose to her right now. Again, this is that kind of turn in the horror movie

where you go, uh, not good. Well, honestly, you have to because you don't know if you're going to come back from the Great War. His favorite food is calf's liver.

Yes. He's like the real Captain Americaica yeah yeah 100 so we get back to the pods with uche and the gang get back from the pods i think oh my god okay no so get this this is where we jump in with miriam who was going to be my favorite and she's talking and she does not have her motherfucking story straight. Did you catch this? Oh, scammer. You caught it? Do you want to break it down or should I? Total scammy vibes. Break it down.

Yeah, one of you two break it down. She says she lives in the Middle East and she's going to move here in a couple weeks, but she's on a reality TV show. Now, he's a lawyer, so he literally breaks her down, put a pin in that, he's going to do it later to Aaliyah. Yes, he is.

She has a skincare line, and she's also a scientist, but she doesn't know what field she is in. Well, this is human centipede kind of shit. I thought it was like the cure, the fountain of youth kind of thing. She found it, and it through like baby scrotum. Right. Yeah. And she has to practice some kind of criminality in order to offer people

the service. At least Santeria as well. Like to get this. I think, I think she's just been a call girl, but no, she's making up stories. She lived a life.

She was so cagey about every single one of her answers beautiful she could do it yes uh don't come on this television show because we get to analyze what you said i just want to say she's been on a yacht a lot of yachts yeah yeah i'm gonna leave it there haven't we all no haven't we all I actually, that made me sad. In a former life. I have never been on a yacht. Me neither. Okay. So, Aaliyah loves anime, and she lives in, or lived in Japan. She's a cardiovascular surgeon. I love her!

She's lovely. Well, she's a nurse. She is. She works as a nurse for a cardiologist. Why do you have to do that? Why do you have to tear women down like that? Have you guys noticed? I brought this up on one thing. It was like, I'm such a nerd.

I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd, nerd, nerd, nerd, nerd. And I'm a nerd. That's the way I am. Isn't it funny that I'm a nerd? I'm such a nerd. And I said, you're not a fucking nerd. A nerd was me only wanting to talk about Star Trek and only focusing on Voyager.

You know, that kind of shit. Do you want to do it? You want to know what nerds are? Do you want to do it? Maybe. Pull up the Shardcast. Just go to YouTube and type in the Shardcast. So when you say you're a nerd, and it's because you saw all three prequels to Star Wars. Exactly.

That's not really a nerd. That's not a nerd. That's not a nerd. Or what's her other example of being a nerd? It's that she likes to read... Sarah J. Moss books? Yeah, yeah. Did you find it, Kalen?

Yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry. No, no, no. Our fans know it very well. The Shardcast is a podcast run and operated by lovely, beautiful, imaginative incels who are really into the works of Brandon Sanderson, who is a Mormon storyteller. One of the greats.

Those are nerds. Mormons really go in like fantastic stories. Those are nerds. She is not a nerd.. She is not a nerd. Uche is not a nerd. Stop. Uche is definitely not a nerd. You don't know what a nerd is.

My Mormon friend who's actually the showrunner of the Lord of the Rings show, he is a Mormon nerd. Tell him he did a really fucking bad job. I wasn't named. I'm just saying he's a nerd. Dylan, can we get into where we start going down the road of a little smut here? We get a little montage oh yeah yeah now we got to talk about sex i'm sorry to insult your friend like that all right but they did do such a bad kaelin transcribed this for me we get a montage of like different

people talking about what they want i thought you said sex you were afraid no let's talk about it uh let's see here uh alia likes a dude who grunts like chewbacca when he comes uh renee's a squirter when she sees a door uh guy hang a door got it and justice knows how to eat pussy he's a barbecue person yeah he's a barbecue person and i'm very upset because i think justice could be the greatest fucker of all of them yeah yeah and he was hot i think he must have come off very poorly in the pod. Sure. What do you think of your thoughts on Carter? He was the one who looks like he wrestles in the WWE. What?

I don't remember this man. Huge. He looked like a lumberjack. He looked like he was talking about fish. He was the one who was talking about all my pictures are fish people. Oh. I for sure thought he was going to get to. Lots of barbecue people. I think if people would have seen him, the women would have

climbed him like a redwood. Oh, 100%. I will say, though, I told Poodle, I don't think, like maybe Izzy, but I'm not, I don't think any of the guys

are crazy hot. No, Izzy's probably the hottest one and that's, you know. This is, this is a remarkably unremarkable physical. But it's,

my wife said that. Great casting, though. My wife said that. She came and she's like, I kind of am bummed that none of them are really hot. And I was like, no, that's the genius. We've said that the last two seasons. What a slut thing to say.

Oh, she's really judgy. All right, so someone says Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are perfect. And fucking people, you've got to stop saying things like that. I just... What if they are perfect? i don't think they're not and it's just it's too good to be true it's just fucking can can i just point out jackman and his wife just got divorced people are very saw that comment you know i have all these he is a straight remarkable heterosexual australian you know what? Let's let

Sleeping Dogs lie. So many women on my Facebook page were just like really upset by that. Oh, really? He's a gay man? A lot of people speculated. On our show, we call them Carl's wives because they probably went,

Carl! Did you know Hugh Jackman's Wolverine is single now? I'm going to have to watch that movie again. Shoot her. Shoot her. Go get Mama's iPad. I want to watch my story.

Okay, so they wear... That's our listener. That is our listener. They wear a lot of sweats. A lot of sweat. House coats. House coats. House coats, too. House coats.

House coats. 100%. All right, so Stacy has a talent. She can guess the size of anyone's shoe when she sees the shoe. I don't think this is a great talent. Not at all. This is like if I said I could tell how hot something is by the steam, it's not a very difficult thing to do.

No, it's not. If you go in half sizes and you're getting it right all the time, that's a talent. That's a talent. But I don't think that's what she's doing. Or like European sizes when you had to go between 10 and 42. Right. Yeah. That would be a talent.

That's not what she's doing she's saying you're an 11 they go actually i'm a 14 and she goes oh i was close and then they do you have sex i think the one thing where izzy and johnny are talking and he goes are you a and he says are you um how do we talk about this are you like experimental in the bathroom? Are you in the bedroom? And y'all, when a straight guy asks you that, as everyone knows, that means anal. Is that what it means? Yes. Yeah.

I'm a straight man. It means anal. If you asked a woman if she's experimental in the bedroom, what would you be thinking of? You know what? I'm a straight man. You're 100% right. Yeah. That's what that means. And Johnny was like, I don't know.

What does that mean? Can straight men love anal too? Who doesn't love anal? I would be thinking more like spit in mouth kind of shit. Well, that's what the kids are doing now. Okay. Love that. That's like all in a day.

That's how you say hello. Those zoomers down at Barney's Beanery with the fucking poofs in the front of their head they're spitting all over each other for the kids now double penetration is second base yes there's two um this is the way all right so we uh we have virginity talk oh my gosh all right i hope this is not controversial. But let's talk about Chris getting raped. Now, the way he described it, I think this is new for Love is Blind, talking about sexual assault. Yep. In a way that you can tell Chris isn't over it.

And he's probably never talked about it before yeah and it it felt i guess it's necessary to talk about especially males male sexual assault this way yeah but i was kind of like i expected johnny to have something to say that was like i think she did say it's not your fault yeah blah blah blah you shouldn't had a fortune cookie response to it. You know, although I will say with the genders, there's new things that are thrown at you that you don't know how to handle. Yeah.

Yeah. And I don't want to sound like PJ freshly unambered. But. JP. Yeah. JP. But this, maybe I'm just ignorant but come on you got hot there's a there's a difference between how'd you get it up yeah there's a difference between him getting uh

i don't know i'm not gonna shoot myself in the foot to be to be fair there it's like sometimes women when they're assaulted have orgasms and so a lot of women feel really guilty they're like oh i enjoyed it and i think and sexual assault is called betrayal of the body yeah yeah i think if it was i don't think he was leaning into it like i've got something to share this is my trauma yeah i think he was busted up about it. It was so soon. Yeah. It's the fact that it was so early in the season, early in the episode. Well, I think if this had come like episode three, you know why I feel this way? I feel like everything in this season has been out of time. Everything.

Because y'all, spoiler alert, this one thing. When a certain couple gets engaged. He got really pissed about this. We still see them in the pods. Oh, that's right. Didn't they let them go before? No.

A lot. All right. So I have a theory about this. I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, All of them. So I think under contract,

because, and this is just from a production note, this might bore some of the listeners because they need filming and some things they want to, when they edit this, they want things in the order they want to, when they edit this, they want things in the order they want to present them. They can't make it look like

Taylor and JP left already. So that's why Taylor and JP need to be there so they can cut it together. That's why they have to stay even after they propose. I'm going to ask my neighbor. My neighbor's an editor

of Love is Blind. What the fuck? I know she barely tells me anything. They're gone. They're gone. But I think that fucked up editing for them. Really? Because you're limited on what you can do to fuck with people. They're gone. They're gone. But I think that fucked up editing for them. Really?

Because you're limited on what you can do to fuck with people. Just a theory. So they make poor grunty McAmber stay there even though all he wants to do is ravish that kindergarten teacher. Yes, 100%. The whole idea is that Chris Cuomo just wants to fuck with people. Chris Cuomo? The guy who with people. Chris Cuomo? The guy who runs it. Chris Colan.

Chris Colan. Chris Colan. Just wants to fuck with people. Dude, could you? Chris Cuomo would kill himself if he had to produce this show. Yeah, it was so close. Really?

Thank you. All right, so Izzy tells, or Lydia tells Izzy that he is her number one she is too much and he feels it in this moment um he says i'm still processing it and we move on to uche and alia uh she wants a woman cave and she writes poetry they both love spoken word i don't know what the fuck the movie love Jones is. I've never heard of it before. It is spoken word. I saw it years ago.

It's Nia Long. Long was in it. And Bill Bellamy. Remember Bill Bellamy? I love Bill. Oh, you're both younger, so I don't think. Like anyone who ever knew who was the same age as Aaliyah, like do you know what my favorite movie is? And a lot of our listeners are like, yeah, your favorite movie is Love Jones

because you just talked about spoken word poetry. She's like, Love Jones! Right, right, right. It was like 97, 96. Oh, yeah. Just a blind spot. Who was the fiend that was a little bit older? She's got a Fender guitar.

She's got a six string. Unless you're Steve Vai. There's only six strings on a guitar. I've got a six string. Okay. Unless you're Steve Vai. There's only six strings on a guitar. Please speak to this. I've got a six string Fender. Pat, as a musician, as a guitarist, how common is a Fender guitar? It's one out of the five big ones. Yeah.

Yeah. If she would have said, I have a 11 string Les Paul. Right. I'd be confused. That would have said, I have a 11-string Les Paul. Right. I'd be confused. That would have been a very different thing. He went, I have 11-string Les Paul. Yes. If she said, I play bass, that would be something, but not guitar.

Yeah. And the spoken word was enough. That's a weird thing that you guys have. We don't need to go further and say that we both play guitar. I'm going to say she's not a great guitar player. Oh, yeah. No, she plays chords, which is fine. Which is fine.

All right, so we get to the next day. Next day. Booze is poured and Taylor heads into chat with Mr. America. I love that he is fresh out of Amber. I promise you, that explains the... He's still trying to come to terms with language again. Oh, yeah, he's a fucking mute. That's why I can't talk.

That is why I can't talk. It's like he has an impulse. He's like, I should be able to say it, but I can't. Sorry, sidebar real quick. There is a movie in the early 80s, late 70s, I think it's called Iceman, where they found a caveman frozen in the Arctic. They pull him out, and they defrost the fucker.

And then they put him in like create his own world in like this like Truman Show type of thing. Anyway, the movie ends. He's romantic interest. He ends up fucking one of the scientists. Wow. See, he just knows how to fuck right away. Well, I mean.

Wasn't that like Encino Man? Encino Man was that. Oh, wow. That was the funny version of Brendan. Brendan Fraser was like hot and was like mugging and had comic timing and he'd just come out of fucking ice. I don't think I've ever seen a Pauly Shore film. Uh,

no. Oh, they're all horrible. Brendan Fraser was, but he was in that. Yes. Pauly Shore wasn't Encino man. It's so weird that you said Pauly Shore.

We were just talking about on the way here. Cause apparently Pauly Shore is jonesing to be Richard Simmons in a Richard Simmons biopic. But no, if you look at the picture, show them the picture our friend sent us. I'm not going to do that. Why? Because you don't realize Pauly Shore looks just like Richard Simmons.

I see that, but it needs to be an A24 movie if anybody's going to pay attention to it. That's the only way anybody sees that movie. It needs to be A24 because it needs to be angsty. It needs to be like the Richard Simmons version of Joker.

That I would watch. I tried to get in a Richard Simmons workout video but I wasn't fat enough but I got to meet him. Nice guy, right? Very nice guy. He tried to get me to cry and I was like, I'm not really a crier yeah and he was like come on it's been really hard for you being being a big kid i was like well it really wasn't that big yeah so i just wanted to like get a free workout i'm like yeah you were

look at your pictures because can i tell you they want really obese like very big oh i remember remember they were selling that video you could have shipped to your house like in three installments yes i'm dancing with sweat to the old. I danced to it in my living room with my Aunt Darla. Did you ever do Tybo? Oh, yes, I did. Billy Blank. Tybo.

Billy Blank. That went out of business. That was his greatest torture, I feel bad, for Richard Simmons is always having to be the nice guy and upbeat. We can't do this right now.

Why? We can't have an earnest conversation about Richard. We have to finish the show. You're right. Let me just book report this. Insino Man basically defrosted out of amber, thinks Taylor is spelled T-A-Y-L-A-R because his faculties are still coming back to him.

It's the only thing that makes sense. Great Tsugui, by the way. Way to get us back into the show. Great Tsugui. And they're both snoozers. Sugar butt. The sugar. That annoys me.

There is going to be a moment where the 1930s are going to come out and he's going to be eating an almost raw steak and he's going to throw something six seventh episode then they'll be interested did it bother anyone you didn't you didn't have a problem with it that their pet names for one another were derivative. Oh, yeah. Sugar butt and sugar. Is that right? Why not just call each other sugar butt? I don't understand that because you guys do boo, right? I call her Babu, my wife. Oh, that's cute.

And what is hers for you? Babu. Same name. I'm okay with the same. I kind of like that. I'm not okay with something that's just adjacent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It should be different enough.

Again, this may explain why I'm not in a relationship, but I think I would demand my own pet name. You can't do like Winnie and Winnie-Poo. You also, though, usually like men to call you garbage and choke you. Yeah. So I think your pet names are a little bit on a different scale. So do you experiment in the bedroom? Yeah.

I like to say I identify as whole. All right. So Stacy is, she gives me the vibe that she could be the next Wine Hag. I think she's a little too put together. When you say Wine Hag, it's from first season. That means Jessica. Jessica. Jessica.

Jessica. Oh, I love her. I love her and her drunk dog who love to lap up some Chardonnay. Who I think now have morphed into human form and is now the golden bachelor. Yeah. Anyway. No, it's, okay, I like that because the elixir she's drinking is decaying her quickly than wine ever should.

But for the dog, it turns him into some kind of golden 80-year-old prince. Yeah. Now, you had, we had a big thing. We're two straight men, but he went off on, that's true. We're trying. men, but he went off on... That's true. We're trying.

He went off on Stacey's makeup. It's horrendous. It's horrible. It looks like she just... This is a white woman with blue eyes don't need to put orange type of bronzer on her cheeks. And the eyebrow thing that's going on right now where they're

flaring them up. It's going straight up in the air. The best thing to happen to her is her to get thrown in a pool. She's sobbing. The makeup all washes off. She's a beautiful woman. But she looks like she's been rubbing her face

in the dirt. She does it really bad. She just goes back in a straight line. She's got her makeup from Claire's. The best thing about doing a show with reality gays is they get to say this shit, and we get to nod our heads. No. Yeah.

You get to say it. We get to come for makeup choices. If we want to talk about a bra that doesn't make a woman's boobs look good, we will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This fag was a makeup artist. Yeah, I know. So we can say it. I can say it.

I critique makeup sometimes, though. I can critique makeup with the best of them. You can. Thank you. That's all that matters. It's a good point, though, because the makeup is a little... It's awful. Awful. Lydia

is... And we're getting towards the end of it. So this is Izzy and Lydia, right? Izzy breaks up with Lydia and thank God there is an opaque wall between them because you do not want to be face to face

with a heartbroken Puerto Rican woman. No. You've caused the heartbreak. Or I want to say I can add Puerto Rican gay man to that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like she almost certainly would have thrown her shoe at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he would have been in a lot of danger. Also, how could she not have picked up on his reticence? I was just going to say. The whole time. She's out of her fucking mind. That is what's the most concerning with Lydia is that Lydia is so wrapped up with making sure everyone likes her.

She is oblivious to if people actually like her. I love that take, but also she will do anything to lock something down. Like she's in that place in her life. To be loved, yeah. And it gives people the ick because it seems too... It feels suffocating.

It's a lot. She's got an altar back in her room about Mexico. She is literally sacrificing shit to get to Mexico. Well, I think she offers poor little Milton like a bicycle later on. I'll take you... Look, come on. Sit down. later on. I'll take you to...

Look, come on. Sit down. Just propose. I'll take you to Disneyland first. We'll watch Yu-Gi-Oh! together and then we can go to Mexico. That's fine. I'm going to be there for you.

All right, so we end with the most revolting thing. Wait, are we done? Are we done? I thought we had a couple more pods. No? No, no. Well, this is the last part

of the episode. Uche and Aaliyah. Uche and Aaliyah. So Aaliyah... I'm just here, Pat. Don't worry. pods no no no no well this is the last part of the episode and alia uh uche and alia so alia's here pat alia tells um uche that she cheated uh two years ago um on a man who was not satisfying her sexually um it's a thing that is very very common people are too afraid to break someone's heart so they step out on them. It doesn't make you an evil person, but in Uche's mind, it does.

Why don't you just break up with him? This is... Do you have more guy friends or girl friends? Oh! That question. I screamed! I mean, the slut shaming, or sex shaming maybe is a better term.

That just poured out of this man. The doctor filling he does with her. Yes. Oh, my fucking God. Shut your mouth, dude. The worst thing was he could tell she was getting emotional and he could tell he was breaking her down. But he persisted. And that's the cruelty.

It wasn't that he made an offhand statement. He kept going until he had her where he wanted her. This isn't how you talk to somebody you care about. You guys are turning me around. I started this episode off, like, in later episodes he kind of makes a comeback. I'm with you guys.

This kind of behavior is psychopathic. I kind of... No, this is'm with you guys. This kind of behavior is psychopathic. Yeah. No, this is Patrick Bateman level. He was talking about fucking Huey Lewis in the news right after. If this didn't trigger you at first, that's fine. That just means, thank God you have the wife now because you probably dated some shitty women. I was a shitty guy too. I've gotten a little older.

It was like a ref needed to come in and say, like— I wanted someone to intervene. Yeah. I wasn't safe. No, this is a technical knockout. We can't have this much more damage get done. She's, like, sobbing and crying and trying to talk to him, and he's still just, but wait, but wait.

Yeah. And then when he admits, he's like, well, you know, I kissed somebody when I was 18, that's not i was 18 you're old yeah you should know better that wasn't the same thing and i told them you didn't even tell him wow i wanted her to run for the fucking hills and just be obviously it's heartbreaking uh the guy just beat the shit out of you emotionally but don't do this thing where you want to try to make it work to go to Mexico. Don't be around this guy anymore. Everyone needs to get to the Mexican resort.

I mean, it's so horrible for her. It does feel, it does, it is fulfilling to see what happens in episode four. It is. I will say this. No, go ahead. All right. So after he beats her up and by the way she could have and he makes this realization later on she could have just not

mentioned this but the fact that she did and he says that she did mention it um they love his blind music producers leave her with a song as she exits the door i feel shame and I can't shake it off. Shake it off. Shake it off. Not with this judgy bastard around you, Kat. His falsetto is fucking unnoticed. That was really beautiful. That was beautiful. And we're all kidding. That's a voice teacher. That was beautiful.

Thank you. Thank God she has Lydia to run to who knows exactly what she's going through. We're the same person. No, literally. Exactly. We're the same person.'s going through. We're the same person. No, literally. Exactly. You know. We're the same person. I know you.

We're the same person. It's like I know him. We're the same person. What a fucking loon Lydia is. Hold on. Later on, she's a loon. Well, we can't talk about later on because this is the end of the episode. You're giving me blue balls.

We love you guys so much. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Such a fun time. I'm so ready to have all the gay sex in your porn set here. I can just see myself looking up getting pummeled right here. You guys brought us sidecar donuts. Can't thank you enough.

That is such a beautiful gesture. That was like a $17 dollar box of donuts so we really appreciate that it was close actually everybody go listen to reality gays uh jump in the itunes ratings and reviews y'all be five stars tell them we sent you and uh yeah look out for more collabs also we're both podcasts on our free feeds it's on your free feed it will be golden bachelor uh yes it'll be on our public feed yep all right your due diligence is as listeners you need to listen to both our recaps of golden bachelor because that's necessary and then we'll we'll be checking we'll be collabing about that again yeah i'm coming back to the porn set yeah we'll let golden let's do golden

bachelor soon wait this place looks familiar heyen, you did a great job today, dude. I'm sorry you're leaving, Kalen. Yeah. He got drunk on Subway sandwiches and deleted a bunch of episodes. Oh, that happens. Some people would have had enough of silly love songs But I look around me and I see it isn't so Some people want to fill the world with silly love songs