Another Below Deck Podcast - The Problem with Matt is Matt | Below Deck Med S6 E7

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Dyl, Nick and Pat are back to talk the Athena, the Goddess of Complaints, cake decorations, very cheap meat, cleaning crawfish and how you can't, what a constructed caprese looks like, and much more Bravo's Below Deck.  Video of this episode: https://youtu.be/24p5CmDgr0E Subscribe to our Patreon for our coverage of Below Deck Sailing seasons 1 & 2 and our coverage of Love is Blind https://patreon.com/anotherpodcastnetwork Merch: AnotherMerchStore.com

It hasn't been the food, Sandy says. It's been Matt. That's his problem. Matt's... The problem with Matt is Matt. I'm sorry. Is this a revelation? She has superpowers, this one.

He'll still be fired, though, right? You knew this all along. This isn't something that you stumbled upon. And let's get less specific. Holy shit! Welcome aboard another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast. My name's Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one real Nicholas Davis. Ahoy, mateys!

Patrick, the producer of the podcast over there behind my glasses. How are you guys? We could turn this game off, right? Because it's like... Oh, yeah. I mean, these are just the sad guys trying to make the team, you know? This isn't really... Yeah, you're right. You know what I mean? I bet first series was the starters yeah well um i told you guys every every season i get super stoked about

it and then i quickly realize it's pre-season it's three to six in the middle of the third quarter and i've made use that as an analogy to how i feel about the first episodes of many seasons of reality television programming such as this below deck mediterranean season six episode seven luckily enough it's episode seven we're in the middle of this season kind of I think this these are 40 episodes who am I talking about what am I talking about um thoughts knots or PSAs first quick PSA Dylan thank you for giving me the platform um I I didn't know this guys because I don't listen to our shows after we record them they're done done. I never remember them, and I'm done. But occasionally.

Well, that's not really true. You listen to them on full blast while looking at yourself in the mirror. Oh, right. And just complimenting yourself. Well, truth be told, I don't actually. What are we talking about? I don't actually because I'm too busy having to watch next week's round of goddamn shows. Right.

So I can prep for the following week. Sure. Hard work. A lot of hard work. Here's my point. The boys last night, Nikki and this intern or some guy that works on his team is editing these videos.

So the audio, as you're hearing it come out of our voices, there's a full on late night show that we make out of it with all graphics and funny stuff. We have a rip. What do you call that? The sick rip cam.

These two dopes are getting high. On dope. These two dopes are smoking dope. And the editing, the way it's done, if you like Fuck That's Delicious by what's his name? These two dopes are getting high. These two dopes are smoking dope. And the editing, the way it's done, if you like Fuck That's Delicious by, what's his name, the Action Bronson guy over on the Vice. Bam Bam Baklava. It looks like it.

Anyway, get over to Patreon. All I'm asking is just try it for one month at the $10 tier. You'll get like 24 shows a month, all the videos. You can watch them with your favorite spouse. And it's like a late night show, but better than any of those hacks that are on TV right now. There's been a fly buzzing around you for the entire public service announcement. And it has been so unbelievably distracting.

And you know what's going to happen, Dylan? I'm glad you brought that up. The guy who's going to edit this is probably going to make a fly sound going around. And he'll probably put poop on my head. It's absurd what they're doing with this. I don't know how he has the time. Well, last episode, you'll remember Dick shit his pants. It's absurd what they're doing with this.

I don't know how he has the time. Well, last episode, you'll remember Nick shit his pants. So there was a wonderful, wonderful kind of investigative look back at what Nick had been fed. Instant replays of Nick's face. And he did shit his pants. I mean, there's lots of really, really good stuff. Anyway, he did. Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Yes, and then join up, please.

Yes. I have a quick errors and omissions that's specific to Pat's PSA. Brian, definitely not an intern. Damn near full-time employee at this juncture. It's paid well. And Nick is paying him. And I'm quickly building him a resume that will price him out of my budget. He's getting so good.

Shout out, Brian. Shout out, Brian. I guess he's going to hear this. And the other thing is that Pat shooed you guys to the Patreon so you can watch the video. This season actually is the first season. We are showing those videos for free on YouTube. Don't tell. We can't bait and switch people.

That's one way you end up giving refunds. That's true. That's very bad. So it is free. But there's a bunch of other stuff on Patreon that you guys would like. And the videos keep getting taken down because of the Bravo footage we're using. We're going to start only using eight seconds at a time max, but they keep pulling them down. All right.

Well, that's it for PSAs. Now we have to get into. Oh, I also want to thank the audience. Thoughts and knots. We will. But before that, I want to give our audience 150 knots. This week was our biggest week in below deck history as far as downloads. Oh, really?

So thank you all the new people coming in. We're growing every week. Thank you so much. We love you guys. And we have a hell of a show to get into tonight. Athena may be one of the more annoying guests I've ever seen on this show. Not really that, but she's no Barry. She's no Barry.

No. But God damn, did she annoy me. And lots of other fun things ensued. She's a premature micromanager. She micromanages and she always does it prematurely. That's her biggest crime in my opinion. You cut me off there. Sorry.

Okay. I know we do it all the time, but that one, it stung the way that you did it. Understood. Okay. I know we do it all the time, but that one, it stung the way that you did it. Understood. So for those uninitiated, Thoughts and Nots is a fan favorite segment. That's where we give our thoughts generally on the episode and assign a rating of Nots, which is belabored

and very mathematically drenched. It's a tough number to pull out of our brains but we do it each and every week nick you want to go first i don't pat yes i'll go next um 12 pots why don't you go all right i think the first episode uh half of the episode was stronger than the second half uh dylan once again you uh made a prediction very early on in the season and that i got a good gaydar yes yeah yeah i believe the quote from lloyd was he was 10 straight which i would argue that means you are 100 sucking cock well well it it's definitely all right we'll get to it and there is certainly nothing wrong with that but

it is what yeah it means no there's nothing wrong with it but lloyd no need for percentages we all know what you're speaking of sucking cock i cock, I stumbled across a very interesting thought experiment. We've talked about being gay before. I would 100% take the bottom because I've hit enough orifice in my life. You know, why doesn't somebody do it to me? You know what I mean? But this thought experiment, would you rather suck one cock for 100 grand or get 10 grand every time you suck a cock every time every time i mean i would take the 10 immediately i'd be a millionaire you know i'd be a fucking millionaire

i want to go on a vacation i'm gonna head down the block just suck suck some punk off real quick i think it's what they say like when you kill the first killing, killing is the first time, it gets easier each time. Right, right. I'm going to take the 10 grand. Yeah, you got to take the 10 grand. You guys are fools. You have to turn down both offers. Haven't you heard of all the stories

of people winning the jackpot and then ended up committing suicide, putting a bully in their head, hanging themselves. Putting a bully in their head. It's too good to be true. Nick, that's because two reasons. A, you didn't earn it, right?

Okay, I see where you're going and also i got a trough i can always go back to if i got two lips some teeth and a tongue and i guess some breath in my uh in my lungs not too much teeth though i yeah i think you actually named a bunch of things that aren't necessarily necessary yeah they call it a job for a reason so nick get two thoughts and knots uh okay i had to find these guys' names. Oh, did you give any knots? 50. It's so funny you say that. I actually recently received a complaint from a close friend

who would really like you, Dylan, to give your honest opinion and not say 12 knots every time. And even maybe expand on some of your thoughts. To be fair, that segment goes on too long. So it's better that he's in. Yeah, I mean, we're 15 minutes into the show right i would argue the same goddamn thing having it i would argue it's not this segment that goes too long but the segment's preceding it uh which yeah then makes us feel like we should rush through this particular segment uh right it's a very important

segment and i apologize but my thoughts are my samuels yeah he knew he knew i didn't even tell him uh but uh my personal thoughts and knots on this episode are that uh i've said it many times that i think the point of watching television is to make you feel and i felt a lot during this episode i cringed so hard at multiple times and like i've said that's what makes the beauty of this show it's crew-to-crew interaction it's crew-to- of this show it's crew to crew interaction it's crew to guest interaction it's guest to guest interaction and all of those played a part in how much i cringe tonight yeah 84 knots a tornado of cringe so guys we last left off the goddess athena was hungry for uh the myriad things besides squid that Matt was going to be serving. Um, six minutes after they sit down, um, Athena heads downstairs, a common theme of hers.

Um, they've not had a single beverage poured for them. Uh, there's really been no conversation yet. They are demanding food. This is not a cc's pizza athena take a breath and chat about the day i don't know if it was jackson or jivison but one of them really threw out quite the paradox he goes when i don't eat i lose my hunger and then i can't eat i don't know if you guys picked up on that it actually didn't. It actually has thrown me for quite the loop all week, and I can't say I've recovered. Wow.

If you heard that, Pat has, for some reason, a Darth Vader. Is it a nightlight? Mm-hmm. How old are you? In my 40s. Okay, so. Nightlights are very convenient. I mean, he's got to come out of his garage.

It's dark. He doesn't want to turn the light on. I mean, let's not make nightlights. Okay, so the Nightlights are very convenient. I mean, he's got to come out of his garage. It's dark. Doesn't want to turn the light on. I mean, let's not make nightlights. Okay, so the first dish arrives. Wait, are you going to talk about how Athena insisted she had to move her chair? Yeah, I'll get there. Oh, okay. But first, the first dish arrives, and this large, large woman is just finding things to be mad about.

This woman should not be guiding anyone in spiritual pursuits of any kind because she's, I don't know what the right word is. She's not quite a demon, not quite a bully. She's just a very problematic person. Like you said, a micromanager. Not yet a girl. Not yet a woman. Yeah, not quite a girl.

Polenta, I think that is what she was upset about, the chair. Shame on me. I was almost certain I had it well she turns out i don't as the dishes start coming out she gets really uncomfortable and she insists upon moving her chair to the head to the head of the table and some would say she's doing this uh as a power play play but i believe she's doing it because she's fat okay no judgment but at certain weddings well yeah kind of no no i've been seated at like at a six person table and you're like elbows to elbows with the other person right and it's too cramped and i am

way skinnier than her and i'm uncomfortable right right i don't know if you guys watch the nba finals probably not nba ratings no i did i went to school drew so i watched them but lebron james was inexplicably sitting courtside most likely to to promote Space Jam 2. But he was just squashing some poor woman next to him. Well, he's a giant. He should have had to buy two tickets. It was absolute bullshit. And so should have Athena. Oh, yeah, she should have to buy two seats.

Yeah, yeah, on board the charter. Are we going to be pretty heavy-handed with the heavy jokes tonight? No, that was it. I actually wasn't planning on making any. I was kind of yes-anding, and now I feel a little bit dirty about it. Okay, well, I have plenty. Oh.

Okay, so Palanta with... I'm not shocked that someone who's named after a goddess demands to be seated at the head of a table. What kind of parents are naming children after deities? It's just too much pressure. I'm definitely going to have thor and hercules davis yeah jesus ren so uh polenta with crispy uh calamari is served they hoover the shit up in four minutes and that's because the whole thing was very wet it's very easy to consume the calamari

sat in oil uh too low temperature saturating um failing to achieve a crisp another stunning dish from the pigeon uh they don't want things coursed out they want to be at a nathan's on fourth of july take a sip of wine have a conversation you're embarrassing yourself uh the next course is served it is lamb pika do you guys know what pika is no it. It's stew. It's what comes before the boo. What? Pika boo. Oh, pika stew? Yeah, so it is stew with carrots and potatoes. It is a lazy dish.

It is a hunting lodge dish. Of course, the lamb was tender, Athena. Hot pots are incredible inventions. A salad is also served. It seems that there is a stain on the table. I would guess it's some food spilled out of her mouth because of the rapid speeds of her tasting things. And she goes full Howard Hughes here. This woman fucking sucks.

There's just this bizarre OCD energy where she's like, could you clean it now, though? Because it's making me uncomfortable. Can I say something? I don't know. No, no, God. She she pissed in a bottle this is a new money thing if and she strikes me as someone if she has money it's new money they always act out like this i don't care black brown yellow whatever whatever age well especially white you forgot white yeah yeah new and they actually just some of my clients have actually acknowledged like oh she's new money when they're talking trash about another rich person and um normally the ones that are talking about uber driving oh yes exactly okay what a disgusting way of affluent people to uh gatekeep uh someone who

has like the same bank account but they're like oh they judge us it is again just like the aviator when he showed up there he was new money to to Catherine Hepburn. Catherine Hepburn's family. Yeah, Cate Blanchett, unbelievable. Yeah, so anyway, but with Athena, I got to be even-handed with her. They're paying 60 grand a day. I don't care if she gets a little OCD. I don't care if she orders three fucking different salads

and throws them off the side of the boat. Have at it, girlfriend, $60,000 a day. So Matt gets called up to say hello. He wasn't proud of his performance despite his newly inspired make-it-right attitude. Well, why'd you cook stew then? Why'd you make brown, brown stew then? He goes up with a chocolate cake in hand

and Athena, like a weird, kind of most dangerous game hunter, says, it's been an interesting evening hasn't it now run by a horse move to the mountains good bothering people she says usually the course has come out in a progressive flow in a wing eating contest they do but you're at dinner like what what are you talking about four pots for the meal two pots for athena new money or dummies all right lexi is staying up being accosted by these handsome men can we get to the next day next morning malia is wondering how to tell david that he's not handstand material. And she doesn't quite know if she's nailed that coffin shut.

We will get to her doing so later in the episode. Just jumping back quickly to the night before, the charter guests were having a great time playing dominoes. And I was just thinking, bones! Too bad we did not have the dynamic duo of Hannah and Kiko. They would have been just blown away by the desserts. Yeah, exactly. What do you do for a Vegas night?

Like chicken tenders and nachos? Can you imagine going to like... Do you mean the most extravagant dining destination? Can you imagine going to like Caesar's Palace, walking around the table games, trying to find a spot, and you're like, oh, look over there. Is that Domino's? I'm going to press my luck at Domino's today.

By the way, speaking of extravagant Vegas fare, I will be covering the evolution of Ian Kay and Carol Juju on our newest Another Podcast show. It's on separate feed. There are a couple who go around Vegas eating nice food and vlogging about it. And it is, you know, we find horsemen of the apocalypse all over the internet, but this is definitely one you don't want to miss. Another podcast show on Apple Podcasts. I think I'll piggyback on that segment with the Las Vegas cheap sheet. It's places as recent as March 2021 where you can get the finest dining for the cheapest price tag. Really, really sad.

You saddle up to a bar at Binion's and say, can I have the 99-cent shrimp cocktail? And then someone with jaundice and a fupa leans over and goes it's good i've had it and and a 599 32 ounce porterhouse oh my god those prices don't exist anywhere in vegas trust me i know i may this isn't dry aged it's rotten there's a difference between dry aged and rotten i honestly wasn't even sure if the words i put together made sense but it gave dylan a big kick yeah no that's that's revolting all right so athena says we would like two cakes one should say happy birthday fx capital with the logo on it the next should say i don't know would you just leave the fucking galley please you have all this on your preference sheet right um we'll get you an omelet

put some bacon on the side because you know you want it um so we get a word of the day and a little foreshadowing of lloyd's past problems with his boss we'll get there later do you guys have any thoughts now on it not now later on okay when we talk about how the industry is filled not only with sea rats but homophobes and racists yes i just did what a wonderful industry i did think at this moment it was a lot like uh more harmless ribbing and the guy wasn't he was just like a a bad boss lloyd was hilarious about it i don't want to talk about it right it turned very dark yeah oh yeah very very dark i'm 90 straight i I think Matt Damon was his captain. I'll explain that joke later in the episode. We get to the cake decoration.

It looks like a child mushed all of his Play-Doh together and wrote happy birthday on it. She did not go to cake decorating school. No, she didn't. I don't know if it's poorly laid fondant or sloppy buttercream, but the cake looked like absolute dick. Courtney has an idea though to on how to save it she's going to print out the logo and the letters required to spell what

athena so desires and i'm thinking this is a good fix they're going to stencil on these letters but boy was i wrong they're going to cut them jagged like an arts and crafts project and stick in the cake. $60,000 a day. Honestly, it reminded me. It brought me back to grade school art class. Like, I'm just struggling and just trying to get through to give something and something and present something to the teacher that would qualify me to not have to do it again. Right. And this is what was happening here.

But I did think all things considered, the way she saved it, having to smear off that happy birthday, that was pretty intuitive. And also, all Captain Sandy's fault. This is just like Danny having to give a massage. There's no reason Courtney should be put in a position to have to write on this cake. No. Get the cake on shore. Yeah.

Have a gypsy shuttle one over. Get a skib or something like that. In your provisions, get a giant 18-wheel trailer and back up a cake like you did for that wedding. Exactly. So Lexi and Katie are chatting a little bit later. I mean, your neighborhood's in disarray. I understand. I'm putting a big fence around this property next week.

The refugee camp next door is going crazy right now. Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to jackhammer all that concrete out. Yeah. And I'm going to extend the fence by another three feet. And I'm going to put a row of ficus there. Ficus. She heard me tell her dogs to shut up this morning oh really they're horrible piece of shit dogs uh at least her her tenants

that are living in the huts in the back are quiet they are quiet as mice well they're on heroin on the other side of this wall a guy was playing music very loud for the first time ever and i just banged on the wall and i said hey cool it and right down so you want to get evicted i can't get evicted i'm paying 215 a month for this thing california would honestly probably side with him though they'd be like sorry pat he gets to play his music uh all right let's get to dinner oh no first well i guess we don't need to cover it but you know leo dicaprio i hear he's a wild one. Yeah. This made, is this small talk? Yes.

There's a lot of pathetic things that Lexi did, but like her enthusiasm for like a kernel of knowledge about Leonardo DiCaprio, who doesn't know that this man fucks models all the time. And I'm sorry, Lexi, you have been aged out. Oh, a hundred percent. Uh, there was one other thing. She's what? 23? I think she's 27. She is. It was like was like so hot yeah it was 10 years ago or whatever she was miss bahamas 2013 um deckhand

dave gets his uh chance to practice driving the boat and then he mentions uh why he's attracted melia it's her work ethic her inner strength and her great tits. Yeah. Does he say that? He didn't say that. He's thinking it, a.k.a. like a simp does. Yeah, a complete simp. I'm so impressed by her work ethic and strength. She's such a great leader. I hope she pegs me. He's such a simp.

All right, let's get to dinner. Night time. Such a nice guy. Athena waddles downstairs to see the cakes, and safe to say she is disappointed there's not enough there you know she was thinking that each cake would have two layers this was my first extreme cringe moment i literally felt physical pain uh-huh because because she is she's a little bit much she's a premature micromanager, but she was correct in this instance.

Oh, yeah, 100%. I would have thrown it in his face. And if the man has anxiety, I mean, I got to give him props for showing her this cake. I would have been like, it's not ready yet. We'll surprise you later. And then I would have jumped off the boat and swam to shore because I'm not supposed to be coming back anyways. Yeah, pull the James Bond. Here's a cake.

Peace. All right. So the guests sit down. Looks like Bruce Willis was dead the whole time. not supposed to be coming back anyways yeah pull the james bond here's a gags piece all right so the guests sit down uh looks like bruce willis was dead the whole time athena says i'm actually hungry and ready to eat because you're so annoying you're so annoying just shut up about how hungry you are all the time deconstructed caprese is up first i'm not sure I've ever seen a caprese that's not deconstructed, but fine. Athena's not going to know. A spell is cast on her when she sees food. You know, her vision tunnels,

and she hears what Tom Hanks heard at Normandy. You know, just a kind of frequence lost, you know? People screaming for their mothers, and then she just digs in It's really fucking weird Brian you know what to do So surf and turf is up next Oh you recall that sea cockroaches

Well you know I'm okay with shrimp I like a nice shrimp cocktail I'm not okay with crab Why though I'm not okay with crab Lobster is overrated and I am not okay with crawfish i like the ritual of a boil but it's just you can't get the shit string out of them really right it's disgusting they call it defaning it's mean you mean pulling their the last poop pulling their

gastrointestinal tract out of them so you don't eat little sea bug shit while you're eating their body it's also gross i guess what i meant while you're eating their body. It's also gross. I guess what I meant is you're an opponent to people believing that eating crab and lobster is opulence because it is the true bottom feeders of the ocean. It is the chuggiest thing in the culinary world. That's so chuggie. And I don't I'm sure maybe it's, I guess, how much they are available, but like crawfish is like, oh, down home Louisiana common cooking. Right.

There's nothing that separates those from the lobster and the crab that's so highly sought after, except I'm going to be told that I'm wrong. Well, crawfish are freshwater, I guess, and lobsters are obviously seawater. You know, cleaner waters, bigger animals, different flavors. I guess crawfish are as buggy as you can get. OK, fair enough. Fair enough. But I will say one of my biggest career laments. I always wanted Theo Vaughn to do a hot ones type crawfish boil one on one with the best show with the backdrop of like uh the valley you know so he's he's bringing louisiana to like shitty and he got homeless again and he just it's too hard to pull how you

doing brother you want some crawfish i got a guy for you i hired one last summer when i did that backyard hollywood bowl thing i had a 12 people they just drop a whole thing a bin of fish and corn and all that and did you eat no no uh you know i think when we do aps i'm going to tell about my adventures to mastro's that very popular yeah i bet it wasn't a good night no i hate it yeah but i do it to shut the wife up right yeah it worked for about two hours and then she started talking again anyway we were talking about Below Deck. Yikes. Huh? No, right? Yikes. All right. So one of the guests says that they're blown away by the dinner.

What? It's tomatoes and cheese. Steak and shrimp. Deconstructed Caprese salad. What's a constructed Caprese salad? What's a constructed caprese salad? What is a constructed caprese salad? Is it a ball of romaine lettuce with some I don't even know

I don't even know what it looks like That would be impressive If you said this is a constructed caprese salad I was pretty blown away as well I'd love to join this group Wow Nine pots Next up are the cakes You know, they're not the prettiest but they

shovel that shit down and once again blown away the goddess of wisdom herself mosey's on downstairs leave people alone please but this was a pretty funny a funny moment she was like uh against all odds they enjoyed your shit cake right no jump off the boat like James next day next day Z is still air is doing slam poetry I was confused by it okay Athena loved the food which obviously gets sandy thinking oh are you talking about that little moment in the crew mess yeah Loved the food, which obviously gets Sandy thinking. Oh, are you talking about that little moment in the crew mess? Yeah.

He was reading someone's Facebook post, and then he was making fun of someone who was over a girl. Oh, okay. Why was that shown on television? Because it's just showing how weird and easy the deckhands are. They all get along. Got it. And for some reason, everybody likes Matt. Right. Very, very

weird. Alright. Athena likes Chef Spaz's cooking, so Sandy comes up with an idea, you were saying. Right. It hasn't been the food, Sandy says. It's been Matt.

That's his problem. Matt's, the problem with Matt is Matt. I'm sorry. Is this a revelation? She has superpowers, this one. He'll still be fired though, right? You knew this all along. This isn't something that you've stumbled upon.

And let's get less specific. Holy shit. The problem with the chef is the chef. You can't keep this man around. He shit the problem with the chef is the chef you can't keep this man around he is the problem it doesn't matter if he can construct a caprese sale or deconstruct it's so weird like you're a really good stockbroker but at night you cry and you rip down the security cameras well he could probably keep his job and then someone just starts stroking their chin and goes his work is good but it's him that's the problem sandy take one of your classes all right uh the guests leave obviously athena gives a bizarre overbearing goodbye and that is when matt gets called up to the bridge before we get to sandy's conversation with him let's talk about a little bit of magic mind disarray absolute disarray it sounds like a lepo over there i feel like that

dog is in heat yeah um all right so guys Mind, you know it very, very well. And the people who listen to the Bachelor podcast know it better than you. That's because they're buying more of it than you. We like you guys more. We enjoy this show more. We enjoy this audience more. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that, right? Mm hmm. say that right so imagine how profoundly disappointed that you guys are getting you know whopped in sales so we need you to go to magicmind.co use promo code below deck to get 25 off i mean that's an incredible discount and we're doing you a favor a huge favor are you sick of seeing your husband's old dick have it it's boring let's just get to the advertised benefits first though so uh matcha echinacea cordyceps mushrooms this stuff will give you a hum and a calm and a zen and a focus the likes of which you've never experienced before you think coffee makes you focus no it makes you

rattled erratic magic mind hones you in like athena when she sees a plate of hot fresh food, but this will get you focused on tasks, to-do lists, the things you're passionate about. Coupled with Magic Mind, your life will skyrocket into the stratosphere. I think placebo is an incredibly powerful tool and coupled with routine, that's a really powerful force. Even if you just woke up every morning and you took a one-ounce shot of water, that was the first thing you did every morning.

You're like, that's how I'm going to start my day. I think you're going to be better off. Priceless. Imagine if that water was like Michael Jordan's secret stuff in Space Jam. It's got all those ingredients Dylan mentioned with 30 milligrams of caffeine that will slow drip throughout the day and get you focused and ready to attack the projects you have. Quit being afraid that you're going to fail. Start now, and you'll achieve all your goals.

Manifest. Don't self-sabotage. Go to magicmind.com to promo code below deck for 25% off, and you may have a more virile sex life as well. Okay, so Matt is called up to the bridge, little orphan Esther is a mean old woman who kills people, right? 33 years old specifically. He's staying.

He's going to be staying. She looked like a child. Well, Sandy gives him this whole long riot act about giving people second chances and yada yada, not giving up on people and what i wanted to tell sandy sandy when people show you who they are believe them listen i know this read is over but uh you know it could help matt magic mind i would i would crush the anxiety he'd be like oh i have to wake up and cook meals today because that's my job. I'm going to do it and shut the fuck up. Right.

Magic mind makes you less of a pussy. Oh, what? I think I might cut that. Don't. I think I might cut that. So let's get to the tip, Patty. Who we got? All right.

We got 15K, which I believe there's only been one other charter I think was 14. So that's 1244 each. Really, really bad tip. A little light, but were they only on the boat for two days? I don't think so. Two nights. Two nights. Okay. See, this is difficult for me because sometimes there's charters that seems like four or five days.

Regardless, I think it's a bad tip. It's a little light. I think, from what I've gathered, 15 grand is essentially the minimum tip on the two-night charter. Okay. So they're essentially doing the bare minimum. If you give 20 grand on a two-night, you're like, hey, you guys did awesome. And other than the primary really being a pain in the ass, these guests were pretty. Because they, on this whatever streaming service I'm watching, they cut back to an episode of those meatheads, all the muscle heads, and what pains in the ass those guys were.

And I think they tip 22. I'll take the 15 and handle a bitchy Athena any day over those meatheads. It depends on who you are. If you're one of the women that has to be picked up by those meatheads,

then of course, you'll take probably a little bit. Yo, I know it's 4 o'clock in the morning, but we just found some fucking Ukraine whores that were taken back, okay? We're gonna spill blood

and glass all over the fucking teak. Yo, I ordered that shrimp cocktail like an hour ago. Right. Fuck you. take him back okay we're gonna spill blood and glass all over the fucking teak clean up i ordered that shrimp cocktail like an hour ago right fuck you do more coke yeah just do more coke it's a pretty significant amount of money though i feel like act as shitty as you want just just pay me you know i'm a big proponent of that attitude yeah you're taking shit on the doc i would well that's if they did something really disrespectful to me like ask me to go to bed get the fuck out of here with that noise

so can we get to Courtney crying yes she gets a little upset I love Courtney she's going through a lot and she's frustrated by Lexi getting praised for not being a demon I understand that you know I once cried at work when someone called someone I hated

Jerry Seinfeld. No, no. He said it was the next Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, the next Jimmy Kimmel. And I saw you sitting there and you turned from anger to confusion and you broke down in tears. I was very young back then. I was very emotional. It was two years ago.

No, it wasn't. It was three years ago. No, it was five years ago. I've known you that long? Yeah. Wow. It was five years ago. Wow. I had to long? Yeah. Wow. It was five years ago. Wow.

I had to talk you down off the ledge there. It was four. It was four. Probably four and a half. All right. But no, I mean, I can't believe you guys didn't mention it. The next Kimmel? What the fuck are you talking about?

I can't believe you guys didn't mention it, but this was like even the cheeriest of juxtapos... What do you call that? You're curious of... Come on, help me out. No, no. When I say this, I mean it. I have no idea how to help you. I'm thinking juxtaposition, deposition, your demeanor, your disposition.

Disposition. Oh, God. Even the cheeriest of dispositions are not immune from the sea rat breakdown. We saw it with Danny. We've seen it with a number of them. At some point, you reach a breaking point, and you're doing your job, and then all of a sudden you realize,

oh, my God, I'm wasting my life. I have to cry. And this is what happened here. You're going to get through it, Courtney. You're going to get through it. But think how much this happens. We saw she's making a bed. She breaks down crying.

Cameras are on her. Think how often this happens these people in their everyday jobs yeah cameras aren't always seeing them there's a lot of tears on those new sheets by the way darkness always creeps in especially those fitted sheets i'm glad you guys helped me out with what she was crying about because i wanted to care but she explained why on camera but her accent was so fucking thick. And then provide subtitles. I had no clue. She could have been telling me that her dog died or something.

Like, what's this whack job crying about? All right, well, let's get to dinner. Do we want to cover any of David's delusions in the car? Well, as the boys drive over, all the guys are in one car. All the girls are. And of course, boys are boys. They're all talking about who they bang. Yeah, right.

Deckhand Dave thinks he's got a shot at Malia. Yeah. And he is a simp, but he is not an incel. He's got this optimism. Right. This I can do this type attitude that I think should be commended, even though, as you said, and Katie will sum up later, he is absolutely delusional. He's the little train that couldn't. All right. So should we talk about Chloeloe and or maverick

no so love that z is fulfilling his career aspirations despite the prejudice that is swimming around this industry um he will he will be able to shammy all he likes in about a year or two right listen i, you know, it's unfortunate that he has to go through that. He made a great point, though. If they don't fucking promote me, I'll tweet about it. Yeah.

Great point. I would argue that it speaks well of other ethnicities for not being in this industry. Yeah, exactly. Seeing as what it attracts. Yeah, exactly. Broken home, people from broken homes.

If I was black, I'd be suspicious of the fucking government too, you know? All right. Kind of made sense. So Lloyd begins with his, my boss called me a F word kind of thing. What's up? I do want to get to the Lloyd F word thing. I've got a mea culpa on that one. And maybe you have to pay you money.

But Z I actually blame his family Sea rats are in no position To be adopting someone Let him be adopted by some family Of doctors so he can fulfill His manifest destiny Don't ruin his life

He's gonna be a sea rat He's gonna be mopping a teak And start breakdown crying in two years. All right, so we'll get to Lloyd later. He's just very preoccupied with his boss this episode. He's a nice guy, but he is just really struggling with the fact that he's gay and he can't come out. The goose got a little too loose.

A little too loose. So Pigeon pays for the entire meal. Chloe and Maverick get in the van and once again the daddy starts coming out um i can never hear it the same now since you brought it up daddy my name's courtney okay all right okay can we get to the main salon the hot tub is too cold to be rummaging around in. Malia is shit-faced and trying to get Lexi drunk. Bad idea.

You know who else is drunk? David. I can't name. But I love Lexi trying to... Lexi was taken aback that she was being offered shots. She's like, they're so hypocritical. Do you want me to take shots, or do you want me to be the second coming of Satan? Well, here's the thing, Lexi.

There's more than two choices, right? You feel me. You know what I was laying down. So Deckhand Dave is, listen, I hate my body, but Dave, put a shirt on. We're not quite there yet. You know, you could get some P90X going and then maybe you can walk around with your shirt off all the time. Confuse your muscles. You confuse man.

He is kind of like zombieing out, and he continues with the brilliant game tactic, or the game spitting tactic of the follow-up survey. Do you remember the question I asked you the other night, whether or not you would see me as more than a friend? I just want you to rate your response to that one to five, three being average. David, don't tell her to follow up on the question you asked her the other night,

and definitely don't tell her that she reminds you of your mother. Please. No. Please do not do this. O Oedipus find another way she was dating a guy for a year that liked to throw pans around a kitchen and scream at uh yeah his subordinates she's turned on by a different type of guy she is I do however uh believe chef Tom is probably very close with his mother so they might have that similarity in common it's a good point but uh the difference being tom is incredibly good looking and david looks like some troll okay okay i think david's nice he's super nice i love david he's not attractive enough for malia yeah he's handsomeia has 300,000 Instagram followers and she's kind of pretty.

Alright, so she shoots him down and then we What? We get to drunk Lloyd who Good God, man. What triggered this besides alcohol? Alcohol. Okay. He breaks down and says

that he's 90% straight and that he was abused for his homosexuality on his last boat. Like you said, 90% straight means you've 100% sucked cock. Great line. But what it does translate to for me, and forgive me for not being woke enough, but in my bigoted brain, it just means that you are likely a gay man who's not yet come out of the closet. Likely means that. I'm getting that vibe from Lloyd.

He's just very, very uncomfortable with the fact that he's gay. And that's why he's so emotionally unstable. You and Pat are saying the exact same thing in very, very different ways. Right. Hey, Dylan, can we role play? Can you be Lloyd and tell me you have something to tell me

and you say I'm gay and I'm Pat?'m not trying to tell you what is it what is it like i'm gay yeah no shit right did you think we thought you liked chicks yeah we'd be taking crazy pills god we are so fucking good at improv um so i i would like to be involved in your improv i try to keep asking him no no you guys have done plenty of improv together. You know how, how insecure he is. The one time I did it with you last week, he talked all over.

I said I was Robert Kraft. And then I talked all over your guys bed. Yeah. Oh, I didn't say I was Robert Kraft. No, I said I was Robert two weeks ago. I said it was a call back to you.

Oh, thanks. So, uh, Lloyd is a sweetheart and a very ugly crier, a very ugly crier. He ugly crier he looks like the drama face in drama and comedy you know just hideous he does look like that yeah he looks exactly like it and this camaraderie makes me uncomfortable if this was happening in front of

me i'd be like why do you keep bringing up your boss mal Malia. Why are you crying? Malia was genius, though. She was in this awkward position with David on the couch, and she was like, oh, my God, Lloyd's crying. Let's go comfort him. Yeah, sure. I'm ****, too. Whoa. That was what Captain Sandy said.

Yeah, that was what Captain Sandy and Captain Sandy evidently was proved right. The **** word is like the N word. I think you can say it very, very openly if you are that. Is it that bad? I was recording a podcast with a they over the weekend. And she was just all over the place, just calling people. Well, why don't you just beep it out when he says it so people won't know what he's saying? There's something about words that have dickhead some of the some of the sounds that you wouldn't hear in like french the cuz the goods right the does it makes

it harder hilarious all right so um hilarious next week is gonna be fun we got a lot of uh hot slide talk and uh I don't know. Lexi's not laying plates down. I'm not looking forward to it. But that is it for us. Guys, thank you so much for listening. Remember, reviews, five stars, kind words. Please, it helps us out so much.

Patreon.com slash another podcast network. Check us out on YouTube and all the incredible work that Brian is doing. And remember, go to magicmind.co and enter a promo code below deck for 25% off. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye.

Nick, say goodbye. I'm Boyaj. Pat, say goodbye. Later. Thank you.