Kill James Bond! - The Pupil Loves Milkshakes w/ Ruby Wrenn | Below Deck Sailing Yacht S4 E5

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Dylan, Pat and Ruby are back to break down communal food, Lord Farquaad, The Titanic, Fabio, Papa Johns, eFoils, emergency waiting rooms, shrimp nets, hairy balls and much more from Bravo's Below Deck. Uncensored content and exclusive shows including Vanderpump Rules at Patreon.com/AnotherPodcastNetwork

So Gary is last on every single person's list that ever gets on this boat. No one in this room would say otherwise. No, I would probably. Listen, Gary has a certain, you know, amount of charm to him. Chase is like, I mean, Chase is a nice guy, but he's got an eagle on his chest. And he's like, if Captain Clint wakes up and he sees that I haven't done this, he's going to blame me. It's like, well, that's not getting me

wet, you know? No. Welcome aboard another... Whoa! Are we hot? A little hot. Holy cow. Welcome aboard. Another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck Podcast.

My name's Dylan. I'm saddled up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard. Permission granted. Kalen, producer of the podcast, is over there behind my glasses. We're, I don't know how to order these things. We have a pretty big thing going on today, and it's positive positive and it makes me happy so i think that we should kind of exercise some demons before we get to ruby oh uh caitlin gave me airborne aids last

week it took us uh it took me out for i mean a serious two days and i was pissed the second i walked in because i knew that he had been sick he he was sitting in my spot. He fucked up the tax form. And the next day I called Pat. I said, Caley, give me AIDS. He said, I don't think it works like that. I said, you're completely incorrect. So I've forgiven him. Oh, good.

Thank you, Dylan. That's big of you. But it really did throw a wrench into work, our podcasts, my weekend plans. So I'm pretty fucking pissed off about it, actually. But you just said you let it go. I have. So the good news is two pieces of good news. One, I've sworn off vaping.

Can't do it anymore. It's lowering my immune system too much because I'm inhaling Chinese manufactured carcinogens, and it's bringing me down. There's not enough fish oil in the world that could save me from that. But the second piece of good news is that today we're joined by my baby sister, Ruby Wren. Hi, Rubes. Hi, Del.

How are you? Oh, you got to get on the microphone, Ruby. Oh, you mean actually... So, Ruby has been breaking down the skandal with us uh she's been with us the entire season uh vanderpump rules but she's in town from the big cheese the big apple um and we decided you know why don't you just come in and uh do a couple shows with us happy to be here yeah so what we're attempting to do is incorporate Ruby into the network

for pennies on the dollar right now. So this is kind of our first, you know, inroad into that. Now that we have that public service announcement out of the way, I think I did a great job. You did a great job. Yeah, great.

Do you have any others? Yes, I do, Dylan. Now, Dylan and I have not discussed this yet, but I'm pretty sure we're going to do it. Always scares me when he says that. Starting in the coming weeks. I don't know if it will be next week or the following week. Dylan and I are going to take a deep dive into Below Deck lore.

Oh, yeah. Back in the earlier episodes, back in the 2013s. And we pretty much landed on, we think we want to start uh recapping season two now we we've said that that was a weird choice and that it's probably best to start with season one episode one but we'll talk oh this is good though this is good we're kind of weird right we're just starting with season two. Now, Dylan, I've thought about this quite a bit. I watched season one back in 2012.

The show really didn't get any feet until Kate Chastain and Captain Lee came on season two that it kind of became what it is today. And when you brought that up, I said, that's a great point, Patrick. But what we could do is talk about how it didn't have any feet. And I still want to put forth that it's very odd to start on season two. Fair enough. All right, guys, weigh in. This is another reason for you guys to join our Facebook group, another Below Deck podcast.

Weigh in. Can we start at season two or should we go way back and start at season one? Right. That's the first piece of business. Yeah, right. Right. I forgot what the second one was. Second one is follow Ruby on TikTok.

No. Let's get into the episode. Rubes, what did you think about this episode? Because I don't want to jump ahead of myself, but I feel bad bringing you in on this one because this was a horrible episode of Below Deck. Go ahead, Rubes. I thought that it was not good.

Yeah. I didn't think it was horrible. I think that it laid a little breadcrumb trail for goodness later. I think Chase is beautifully insufferable, as is Gary, and the Lord Farquaad thing was gorgeous. So what do you rate this in? Nuts. 12.

12? That seems low. Well, it wasn't good. They almost killed someone on this vessel? Not. 12. 12, that seems low. Well, it wasn't good. They almost killed someone on this vessel this episode. Are you, I do, I'm excited to talk about little Orphan Esther, that murderous little child. Well, let's get into it. Well, hang on really quickly. Are you comfortable with the mic?

Because you're kind of, you're hovering over it. Get on it. I'm on it. You have a Gollum-like posture to you right now. There you go. Yeah, that works. All right, my thoughts and nots. Use your need to keep it up. These boats are dangerous.

And I thought this episode we had our first casualty. And I thought rather than break down the casualty, because we know how it all ended, I thought a dad how heartbreaking would it be to break the news to little jacob hey kid some bad news buddy you killed someone all right right not cool not cool buddy because that's how you gotta you get down on one knee and talk to the good news gary's gonna have dinner with us tonight right Right? And you do say not cool when you're telling your child that he's claimed to lie. Yeah, not cool, buddy. Got it.

You killed someone, Jacob. So anyway, that, I was on the edge of my seat. Is TJ, we didn't hear from him for 12 hours. He's in the ER. Can you imagine making someone wait for 12 hours in an ER? I was going to say we learned a lot about the Sardinian healthcare infrastructure this episode. Turns out pretty bad. Not good. Not good at all.

Anyway, I had a good time. Oh, by the way, sorry, a little more piece of business here. Chase, we're interviewing him this week, so head over to our Facebook group and give us questions because Dylan and I can never think of questions for these sea rats. Anyway, I love the drama between him and Gary. What do you ask these people?

I don't know what to even ask them. What do you ask these people? We're on episode four. What are you going to ask Chase? Yeah. So anyway, but they always come up with it. So Gary is really, really faltering this season. I joke.

We care. We have our questions. Not about them. You don't. Well, no, we do care, Ruby. Not about them. All right, Pat, go ahead. Well, Gary, you know, he's kind of like a beloved figure in this franchise.

But he is a sex addict. He is a womanizer. Yeah. And now he's kind of a dickhead boss. So it's starting to sully America's perception of our beloved sex addict. Samson, yeah. So we'll see where that goes. But this is kind of fun to see someone that you've followed

and enjoyed watching for a period of time. Now you start to dislike them. That's what's happening with Gary. I give it 80 knots. Yeah, I thought it was a really bad episode. I give it seven pots. There are giant swaths in my notes where i just i just didn't write anything i mean there's there's so many things that just uh happen that don't happen

you know what i mean caught it kaylin uh yeah obviously not great and i even admittedly fell asleep oh three quarters of the way through it i had to actually finish it today uh but there was a couple nuggets in there i I'll give it 22 knots. That's a good rating. Do you feel any remorse for getting me sick? I feel like half since Patrick was just as sick as I was. But I'm always sick. So am I.

I figured that out, though. I've been ingesting too much chlorine fumes, and it has inflamed my lungs. All right, so last we left off. Maybe it's because you have a small child. That'll do it too. Children. Or vaping. Can we get it?

Oh, yeah, sure. Get in the show. Last we left off, Gary and Matt were having a little smoochy while Alex was in the final form of the sea rat. The final form of the sea rat. You know, these sea rats, it's kind of like sad Dragon Ball Z. You know, they turn into these things that are really kind of biology defying. I mean, he's walking like a zombie. And I get drunk munchies,

but these sea rats transform into something where a shovel is really the only adequate utensil for what they want to do in that galley. I mean, he's hammering what looked to be dry roasted turkey breast and black rice out of a Tupperware container. Here's my thoughts. Drunk people don't get to eat communal food. Keep your fucking paws off the communal food.

Right. Right. Right. Right. I like that. Let's Jesus fucking Christ. That was so gross. And I have some other words for this blackout drunk here.

Alex, I know you listen because all of you do. Would you like to remain being called Fabio or would you like to be called Alex the drunk? Because that's where this is going, sir. Okay. So this idiot, rather than hook up with Mads, is walking around like he just lost his eyesight trying to grab onto the edges of things to find his fucking way. Right. And here's what I'm saying. Alex, your nickname will be Alex the drunk.

And you're only allowed to be this wasted for three times. Okay. The first one is, the first time you get drunk with your friends. You're a teenager. You don't know any better. Okay, got it.

Second time, your bachelor party. Okay. You know, it's kind of the ending of something and you're maybe a little depressed about it. Right, right. And then the third is when you find out your wife's banging your personal trainer. We can all understand that.

But not on a Tuesday, you amateur. Not on a Tuesday. Yeah. Ruby, do you have any thoughts on what Patrick just said? Because I'm getting pretty caught up on the, he went blind because he was grabbing onto the- Well, you described him as a zombie. I thought as he was grabbing onto the,

you know when you're so wasted, and it's only been three times for me, that you're grabbing onto things to hold yourself up because you have no equilibrium because you're blackout drunk on a Tuesday? Yeah. Yeah. Now, Rubes, I know you don't know Pat that well, but.

Well, I do now because he just admitted by transitive property that his wife is fucking her personal trainer. I guess that's how. Boy, you're a good listener. Yeah, that's true. But it was scary to see him. And it was impressive that he didn't hurt him, like hurt himself like the first girl did and she fell out of the bed. that he didn't hurt himself like the first girl did when she fell out of the bed. Well, you know what's really the most impressive thing

about this entire sequence is that he delivers a wicked burn while in this state. I mean, he's bumping his eyes into things. He's eating the turkey and black rice like his jaw is not connected to the top part. And then he calls Gary Lord Farquaad with a lucidity that was biting and apt.

Dylan, it's a common phrase on this podcast. The drunk man says what the sober man feels. Right. So it is sober. He's been looking at fucking Farquaad, Farquaad all day long. Now he's drunk and then it just spits out. Right. Stream of consciousness.

But it should be amended to the drunk man poorly says what the generally yeah right and he said it well so um colin says you don't leave your girlfriend and uh your girl alone in a jacuzzi with gary that is a rookie mistake but uh we rise to the next day well i was gonna point out though uh if you can believe it you know when they were trying to find that titanic you know and they pulled up some of that goddamn wreckage from the Titanic. That Titanic, you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

They pulled up, like, a document, and it read, don't leave Gary alone with your girlfriend, because they'll try and bang her. That rule's been around for a long time. Yeah, with these sea rats, you know. It was written in Old English. The only thing to do with this bit is to ask are you implying

that Gary is some kind of time traveling womanizing wizard or something? He was on the Titanic. The sea has no time. You know? Through passages of time. Episode title, please write that down. titan uh the sea has no time you know so through passages episode title please all right so we rise to the next day chase says that he doesn't want to go after any ladies

because he doesn't want to have tension with alex well buddy that's the fastest way to punch a one season ticket for yourself quit being a pussy okay you got to be on this show to be on this show to be on this show. Well said. Really well said, Del. Well said. But I'd also point out that Alex Fabio is ready to throw in the goddamn towel, too, because he thinks he blacked out and that blew his chances with Mads.

Right. Young man, young sea rat, the jacuzzi is just heating up. Plenty of season to go here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, Gary is disgusting. You know? I don't like the old English. Gary listens. To who? Himself?

No, to you. He's listening to you. Well, now I'm whatever. It's tough. You got to be cognizant. I don't need him in my DMs going, hey, you went a little hard on me. Am I backing off?

Right, right, right. Sea rats, don't send us that. We're not going to do it. And and lucky we know your name is lucy i love lucy so much i know lucy's great so alex wakes up and says i think i drank too much yeah no way buddy uh mads and lucky and colin and gary both recap the evening before um respectively um lucky has the right read of the situation she says what ruby said oh gary's disgusting yeah and uh she doesn't say it but i'm thinking it who wants to make out with a fucking ashtray that guy's throwing one sig after another down his throat who wants to stick your tongue in that? And listen, we don't need to defend Gary. Gary's

fine. I wouldn't use the word disgusting with Gary, but it's confusing. Compared to Colin, Alex, Chase, if he didn't speak and you didn't see his tattoos, he is disgusting. Okay, Kalen,

are you ready? I'm ready. It's time for the Preference Shape Meeting! Charter number three. I'm just going to go do-do-do-do-do-do-do. No, no, no. I looked at Kaylin and I was like, why is he staring at my sister like that? This is some serious eye contact.

What's going on? You were holding up a do-doo-doo-doo-doo. That's what was going on. All right. Charter number three has six guests on it. The primary is John Sarasani. He's a self-made millionaire, serial entrepreneur, and business influencer. Oh, wow.

He sold his insurance company in 2015 for tens of millions of dollars. He's gathered his friends and his family and friends to celebrate the launch of his new book, 2,000% Raise, which is also the name of his podcast. Okay. Wow, I didn't catch that. A little fun fact about his history. He was supposed to be starting tight end at Notre Dame before getting suspended for an off-season fight he got into with his teammate.

Oh. Then decided to transfer to Northwestern University and suffered a career-ending injury. Wow. His girlfriend, Natalia Miller, is John's dairy-allergic girlfriend, and she appears to be an insurance salesman. John's daughter, Anastasia, hates seafood, and his son, Jacob, loves milkshakes.

Okay. Also, John's friend, TJ, doesn't want any fried food or meat. Okay. Ew. Night one, the guests want a 90s theme night, including a steaktastic dinner. Okay. Night two, they want a formal dinner with a post.

Steak-tastic dinner. Go fuck yourself, TJ. They want a post-dinner drink and gelato station. Right, right, right. And day two, they want to hit the beach for games and American beach snacks. Got it. That is a disgusting thing to put on a breakfast. Hey, you know, I was doing a little digging as I'm apt to do.

Yeah, I was going to give Kalen shit for not bringing up the book. Well, I was going to get into the podcast because that's my wheelhouse. But we have the podcast. Yeah, the 2,000% raise. Well, I don't think this is going to be his next business windfall, if you know what I mean. He's been doing it for a year, and I don't think anybody's listening. Okay.

How many pots do we give Kalen's preference? She performed 100. Pretty good. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good, yeah. Good job, dude. Definitely not 100. Thank you. I'll take 100.

Of course, but it was not 100. I don't know if it's normal, but his book has its own website, 2000percentraise.com, and you should check it out it's it's horrifying all right let's move on um hey i do want to point out during the preference meeting that is special that is really really fucking special so uh john tell us what you see i I, you know, John... Try to tell us what you see. Give it a whirl. John is in a gray number suit with a red tie. He's standing next to the cover of his book.

The cover of the book is propped up on a stack of books. I'm assuming they've gone unsold. He is in a valley beneath the Hollywood sign. The Hollywood sign is very, very small, very difficult to read. This is a very, very odd picture. Everybody go to the website 2000percentraised.com. Actually, don't. Just go to Bad TV YouTube and subscribe.

Yeah, exactly. Do that. You know, I just say, you know, I don't hate John. You know youtube and subscribe yeah exactly do that you know um i just say you know uh i don't hate uh john you know his kids oh yeah i'm sure he's a perfectly nice human being it's just he probably shouldn't uh create his own logos um all right so moving on uh oh uh dylan uh during that preference sheet meeting i'm not sure if kaylin mentioned it but there is a dust up between captain glenn and yeah and that's part of the um you know i don't know if that falls under And during that preference sheet meeting, I'm not sure if Kalen mentioned it, but there is a dust-up between Captain Glenn and Daisy. Yeah, and that's part of the, you know, I don't know if that falls under his purview or if that's on us.

But Daisy and Gary, well, okay, rookie, you've done 18 minutes of an episode, actually. You're right. Daisy and Gary. Isn't it nice that he spreads it around daisy and gary have a little bit of a feud here now this is a feud as old as below deck it goes back to that titanic perhaps interiors resources the human capital of the department is much more valuable than the exterior great and if i don't know i don't know if i agree with it but but that's their perception that's their read on the situation um i might agree with it um but da Daisy having to give up one of her soldiers is something that is just inexcusable.

And Glenn is really kind of Kyle Richardson this season. I mean, he's throwing grenades at these sea rats and he's saying, deal with it with a smile. Once he's got that salami contract, he's really taking a turn for the worse as far as leadership. He really has. Too much salami. Way too much salami. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's gaslighting mama all over that salami.

He really is gaslighting mama. Next episode, Captain Lee called me, left me a message. And it was- Wait, what'd you say? Next episode? Yeah, yeah. Okay. It's the time traveling.

You are in a quantum psychosis tonight. What'd you say? Next episode? Yeah. Yeah. It's the time traveling. You are in a quantum psychosis tonight. There's no time. That's it. Oh, well, actually a fan sent it to me. It was captain Lee. He called a nine one one on a certain other captain that has a salami

contract. And I have the audio next episode. Yeah. The nine one 911 operator was confused you know yeah he's trying to explain someone who's on a boat that's on tv that sells salami killed a bunch of prostitutes in europe okay yeah you ever i'm so confused about if you have the audio or if you know you're no i have it but we got ruby we got kaylin we got okay yeah we got a lot of show got it got, got it. But you do time travel.

Well, no, there is no time. This reminds me that Tom Cruise vehicle with Emily Blunt that had two titles. Right. Kalen? Edge of Tomorrow? Edge of Tomorrow. What was the other one? Another one.

So Gary and Mads have a little chat. And Colin and Daisy have a little chat. Foreboding much? I mean, these two lovebirds. Now, Rubes, you've been listening to the show, right? Pat has been under this kind of spell where he thinks that Colin is going to have sex with everybody on this vessel. Well, two women were going to be fighting over him. Right.

Which is still possible, Dylan. Because that chef, Alicia, she's got her eye on him. And then we got Daisy. That little conversation was definitely flirty. So that's two women. That's technically a throuple. Well, so, first of all, doesn't Chef have a boyfriend? Yeah. Chef has a boyfriend and the throuple is Gary and Colin. And I'm trying to

get that through to him, but he knows no time and knows no... Well, these are friends, Dylan. I can't believe they go head-to-head over Daisy. Well, it's not really going head-to-head when Colin is in the picture and Gary is the other half of the picture because there just isn't...

He's going so hard in the picture. Boy, Gary's going down like the Titanic. It's not, it isn't Gary in a general sense. It's Gary compared to... These people are in prison on a boat for however long this charter season is. Yeah. You have three people.

Right. You have three people. Right. Four. Captain Glenn is in there. He would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Gary is last on every single person that ever gets on this boat.

No one in this room would say otherwise. No, I would probably. Listen, Gary has a certain, you know, amount of charm to him. Chase is like... I mean, Chase is a nice guy, but he's got an eagle on his chest. And he's like, if Captain Clint wakes up and he sees that I haven't done this, he's going to blame me. And it's like, well, that's not getting me wet, you know?

No. All right, so the Gary and Mads conversation is a very awkward one, and Mads absolutely regrets it. We'll see what happens with those two lovebirds later in the season. Alex and Gary have a little chat. Gary comes up to him. He goes, hey, man, I really like you, and that's why I wanted to let you know that last night I was planning

on letting you drown so i could throttle the girl that you like and he's like uh thanks boss are you leaving out a piece of other information though he says but i'll back off if you're into her, and if you believe that empty gesture, Fabio, I'd like to give you a subprime mortgage loan, option arm loan there. Okay? Interest only. Right. All right. And if that's too hard for listeners to understand where I'm going,

I have some waterfront property in Glendale to sell you. Very good. Very good. What were you talking about, though? Very good. Very good. What were you talking about, though? Spoke to Trent Chappertini.

Oh, when all those real estate brokers went to all the poor people in 2004 to 2009 and said, hey, you can own a six-bedroom home for fucking 500 bucks a month. You want in? Yes, I do. I want to come. Yeah, I'm coming. I'm going to go to my big house with all my friends and my family. Wait, wait. It's no longer $500 a month.

Where's that guy who sold it to me? Hey, Mark, what the fuck? Where's Mark? Mark isn't here anymore. And then the economy crashed. So we get to the nighttime. Nighttime! But before we get there, let's take a quick break to talk about this wonderful sponsor.

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now that your marriage is saved because of green chef i absolutely am it's uh it's changed the game for us we now uh make love three times a week. We smile at each other. I feel like we can look into each other's eyes. You've told me three times a week is too much, but... Not when you have Green Chef show up at your house, because it creates a lot more time. Well, and also, more nutrition, better nutrition. Exactly.

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Hey, call to action. You guys buy one of these things. Do what my wife and I do. You know that film Ghost where Patrick Swayze wraps his his arms around demi more while she's making the clay i did that to my wife while she was cooking some green chef fettuccine dish yeah take a picture with your loved one doing that and patty and i uh patty will give you a little shout out on the podcast it's the number one meal kit for eating well rubes any thoughts eat up pat? We've all been there. Been where?

You live in a little bit paychecky to paychecky. All of a sudden, something comes up. You got a pipe burst. You got, you know, there's water coming up through the floorboards. You got a flat tire. You got a broken leg. I mean, these things just happen. Life is a game of chutes and ladders.

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For terms and conditions, go to dave.com slash legal. Instant transfer fees apply. Banking services provided by Evolve Bank and Trust, member FDIC. All right, so Alex and Mads have a little chat in the galley. They're flirty. It's summer camp.

They're cute. And Gary is on to the next kill. Oh, yes. He wastes no time clutching Alicia's toes. He's a foot man. His fingers are intertwined with her toes. It was very primordial. It was like

watching Neanderthals couple. It's actually very good for your posture, I believe. Like you're supposed to spread your toes out like that on those people. You can buy things to put between your toes to like realign your feet. Really? Yeah. She was a former circus performer. Right, there you go. Oh yeah.

Well, I was going to say showing Gary how flexible she is, is not the deterrent that she needs to project to keep it at bay because that's not, you know, he immediately starts projecting a handprints on that guest cabin window. Right. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Sick bastard. Hey, you know, I was going to say puppy, huh? Uh, Mads denies making out with gary to i forget who she

was talking to but they were drinking wine on the deck uh yeah so she denies it so she's a little liar uh but then uh she tells us uh the only reason that she did if she did make out with gary was because he was the only one awake and breathing i guess she has a third requirement now. A third requirement. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Awake. What's this thing where she's like, a girl has her needs. I get like having an orgasm, but you're just made out with a guy. I guess, you know. No, no. Okay.

All right. So we ready for the guidos. And the guididos do arrive. Shirts off, and we are ready for the tour. Now, this is one of the portions of the episode where there were things that happened, but, I mean, I didn't write anything down. No, I just noted that Mads, right out of the bat,

says that John looks like a high school douchebag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. $60,000 a day this is what these sea rats are talking about you haven't even talked to them yet this is what they think about you there was a little moment where he said I believe who needs champagne when you have margaritas

and then he later was like these margaritas are really strong just FYI to everybody and then Natalia goes do you mean FYI to Natalia? And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. So we get a little amuse-bouche. We get sesame-seared tuna,

and I think we have smoked salmon wrapped in a little bullet of cream cheese. Didn't my charter cast say she didn't want fish? The daughter. Well, also, you're going to need to put a little bit more out there, I would say, Alicia. I mean, this man is massive. To sustain that body build, that's like 8,000 calories a day. That's like three Papa John's pizzas.

And Papa John's is your favorite. Love it. Extra sauce, mushroom, onion. What do you think about the Cool Ranch Papadilla? I don't think I've tried it yet, but it sounds pretty good. Yeah, it sounds good. I'll get you one. Yeah, we'll get you one.

You know, I saw something, and, you know, when you interact with the Internet and the Internet of Things, you go into a little bit of malaise. So I'm not really sure where I saw it, but I saw DJ Khaled's fat ass talking about how he invented the papadilla. And I was like, would you eat them and go away? Keep eating them.

Sorry. Sorry. So there's something going on with the tender and what what is happening all right so as far as i could kind of glean from the situation this particular dock or this particular territory of water does not allow it to be synced up to the back of the boat perhaps it's a they think it's dangerous with all the the other boats around but that's the whole deal it's got to drive independently on its own and follow the other boat got it But that's the whole deal. It's got to drive independently on its own and follow the other boat.

Got it. Once anchored, I believe it can be attached again. But during the boat actually sailing or moving, it needs to be separate. Okay, so not a big deal at all. I don't think so. Probably like... Seems like a pain in the ass.

Your crewman down, he's got to drive that tender. Yeah, I was going to say not a big deal, but like a stupid law that you have to follow because if you don't, you get in trouble. Right. So Gary's solution to this is to teach one of the girls how to drive the tender which seems like uh quite frankly a bonkers idea well i agree i i mean i'm not trying to like gender norm this thing but are are alex and chase not supposed to do that?

I don't think it has to be gendered at all. I think him asking anybody who'd never perform that duty before it caught in the minute. If you asked me to do that, I'd be like, I'll kill us. It's not a good idea for me to do that. Cause I'll kill it.

It was a very dumb, a dumb idea. But once again, we have the competing departments not wanting to be a person down. Right. I would say stick C-Dog on it. I mean, the engine's fixed. He's not doing anything.

He was literally trying to DW40 or WD40 a fucking drawer earlier on in the episode. Like, get him on it. What the fuck? That's what I do when I'm trying to get away from my wife. i'm gonna walk around the house with the little projects yeah yeah i got some stuff to hang um all right so there is oh well when gary relays this to daisy um a little snottiness ensues daisy um covers her ears and gear bear has a sensitive bitch breakdown. Thank you. Just let that hang because that's

kind of what happened. You know what I mean? I mean, Gare Bear I think what's going on with Gare Bear is that the younger Sea Rats do make allusions to this and I don't know if that's the right word, but they reference the fact that he is the creepy old guy.

I feel as though he's aging out of the arena that he's battling in, which is this Peter Pan hamster wheel of pussy and drinking and sunshine and oil. And he just has this neurosis surrounding his station aboard Parsnips 5. It's very confusing to these sex addicts when they kind of hit their early 40s, late 40s. I've been in the bar system probably for far too long.

And you see these sad sacks trying to hit on 22-year-olds, and it's not working anymore. And you can see the confusion in their face. No, you're old. You're creepy now, dude. Get out of here. How old is he? I think he's like 31. I don't think Gary is 40 anything. He looks it. Oh, agreed.

That sun will do horrible things to your skin it's a fine line because you need the d but it can also turn you into a bag of leather very quickly not calling though i had a friend that was in his late 40s and i just happened to see him at a bar one night where we're all there and uh he's hitting on this girl that i kind of uh know and she whispers in my ear and says, do you know this guy? He said, yes. She said, can you get him away from us? Oh, no.

Is it stuffy in here? What do you think? It's hot in here? It's a little stuffy, isn't it? I think it's fine. You think it's stuffy? I think it's fine. Kaylin, what do you think?

Do you think it's? I'm okay. All right. So, was that a lull? I don't think so. A little bit. He's the producer. All right.

So, we get a slurry, a tornado of unreasonable requests here that we have to break down. The murdering child wants a cookies and cream milkshake. Somebody wants a grilled cheese. And we want an Aperol Spritz and an espresso martini. Also, we'd like Alex to drive around the boat and throw the football to us.

American football. My God, what a bunch of monsters. And I'm kidding about that. This is what the charter is supposed to be, Sea Rats. A milkshake was ordered, a sandwich, and two alcoholic beverages. Daisy has a

panic attack at the end of this episode. Now, I'm sure that it's warranted. Daisy knows better about the interior than I do, but $60,000 a day, I mean, that's what you get. You ask for a goddamn grilled cheese, these sea rats flip the fuck out, go down to the garland, and they just fire up

the fucking animosity towards you to the Bravo audience. I mean, it's really disgusting. No, you're right. Also, despite the murder attempt, it was a pretty lax, it wasn't like they were making him stay up until 4 a.m.,

they took no shits on the deck. There was nothing crazy really that they did. The murder, the attempted murder was bad. Well, let me bring this murder up. Because Dylan, you did gloss over the fact that prior to these crazy orders by the paying customers, we went sailing. Yeah. And it was uneventful because typically a mission like this

elicits a little more blood spilling. But there wasn't any blood, and that's why I have a theory. You know, Captain Glenn, he was unfulfilled here. Oh, wow. You know, a knife didn't fly out of that knife drawer. I think he got his hands on those, what do they call them, foils? Whatever those little... E-foil yeah

efoils i think he programmed them smashed into each other just a theory that or he had a very very thin transparent line that would power strong too like something that um morgan freeman batman's morgan freeman would engineer and then he yanked the the guy into the path of the murderous child. And he was like rats. He was not decapitated, but just a little bit of blood is all Glenn needs to get him through the season. Hey, Peyton over at Bravo PR. I know you listen to.

Hey, all right. Thanks for giving us chase. We want the big guy. Okay. I want Captain Glenn. I want him to. I sent the snootiest email to pay i saw that i saw that i mean i mean the snoot i couldn't believe it when i read it uh but anyway payton

uh we want captain glenn i want him you know to have to sit across from dylan and i and explain his actions not a single person has ever asked him about the trail of bodies behind him. And it's like, why are you protecting this guy? Because he's Canadian. It's unbelievable. Yeah, the reason why he's in this profession is the messy extradition laws. You know, Thoreau's like, oh, we can't prosecute him. Was that a good Thoreau?

Yeah, that was really good. And also because it was, what, 1509? Because the C knows no time? Is that why? Yeah, exactly. Now she's making fun of me. All right, so let's get to the kid. Well, we're talking about it.

The kid tries to decapitate a family friend. He is, I mean, I think he tried to kill the guy. There's no convincing me otherwise. Agreed. They get the medic on board. He says, the wound looks like an attempted homicide. You're going to need to go to a hospital.

And there's this bizarre, like, lack of pomp and circumstance, you know, from what I saw, from the father and the father and, uh,

the, the primary and his wife, they're like, all right, have a good time. We're going to have a fucking nineties party and we get to eat a bunch of fried shit and meat now that you're, you know,

not dead. But I was like, come on, man, the guy's bleeding out. I mean, be a little bit more remorseful. I mean,

your child tried to kill the guy. My wife said something interesting to me when, uh, she saw that his wife, forgive me, I don't know TJ's wife's name, but she got on that tender to go to the emergency room with him. My wife said, what was his wife going with him? Oh, oh, that's cool. Which prompted me to ask her, would you go to the emergency room with me? Cherie has a shard of demonic energy in her. She said no!

That's very sad. It's so funny. To be clear, if someone knew that it, if his wife knew it was going to be 12 hours, no food, no sleeping, no nothing, do you think she would have gone? No. Me neither.

I don't think he would have gone. Same. Let me bleed out. Fine, I'll die on the boat. Get some bleach. I think the little captain knows a thing or two about cleaning up these stains. By the way, you want to talk about a vacation and a spectrum of experiences. Yacht, catered.

I'm not going to say five-star, but yacht. Yeah. Emergency room, but yacht. Yeah. Or emergency room waiting room. Right. They are two absolutely polar opposites. They're not that different. All right. So because the one guy was almost slaughtered,

they get to select one of the help to eat dinner with them. I hope this isn't a thing. This is the second charter in a row where the help gets invited to dinner. They shouldn't be allowed. Captains only. No, the captains only. I mean, and to leapfrog, to leapfrog back over Captain Glenn to Gary.

I mean, it's just, it's a spit in the face. But also, there could have been, with little Jacob, a second choice. And I think that's when Dad said, hey, how about the captain? The captain. And that's when Jacob told Dad, he's like, I don't like Captain. No, you know what? You know what I think?

Said he's the one who told me to run into TJ. No, no, no, no, no. Well, that's an okay theory. But Rubes is a big Dexter. Okay. Yeah. First four seasons, right? Fantastic.

So Dexter's dad knew the evil that laid dormant in his son. I think this father knows that having Glenn come and sit down, maybe teach his son a thing or two, would be too much too soon. I think that the kid would get sloppy were he... Do you see what I'm saying? I do.

You see what I'm saying? 100%. You want to talk about dinner? Yeah. I like that they leave the two play settings there like someone just died. Well, they might be coming back, Roots. Yeah, but they're not coming back.

Do you think it would take too long to say things sometimes? Yes. So Daisy says that she is, Daisy just puts the kibosh on this entire thing. She's like, no way. Gary is not going to be sitting down to dinner with these people. And it's like, Daisy, who died and make you, Julius Caesar, of this boat? I mean, it's completely ridiculous.

It was the ultimate, like, when you don't want to do something and you say, my mom said I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was that, but she was like i'm not gonna fucking let him go no not on my watch uh so dinner is bizarre yeah right it's bizarre we've got fried shrimp in nets which is just an odd thing that you find in restaurants from the Orient. What are the nets made of? Some kind of batter, I think.

Do they dissolve in your mouth? What would that net taste like? Just crunchies. It might be some kindies okay just crunchies it might be some kind of torn like fila like dough that's fried with them um that that will kind of move into a ribeye with i believe uh shishitos uh there's some type of greenery perhaps it was a green onion i apologize but shishitos i've talked about before i'm i'm not fucking with them anymore you know they do this one in seven thing is spicy,

but I got one recently that sat me down for a good 15 minutes, and it was completely inappropriate on Trader Joe's part. And I'm not eating them anymore. Creme brulee is for dessert. I think there's coconut something for one of the natalie coconut milk also dylan the steaks were 90 steaks at a restaurant uh all in all um i'm gonna stick with my stamp of bizarre and i'm gonna give it 35 pots and i just did not think the dinner was very good uh so we move on to the 90s party. The Sea Rats are made to dance for their tip. This is so bizarre.

It's like the family's like, all right, great job. We did that thing that production told us we had to do. Now we can go to sleep. You know, one thing worthy of note, though, is, you know, Gary showed all his coworkers-workers his hairy balls. Right. And I've mentioned this quite a bit on the show before, but these vessels are the last vestiges that allow workplace sexual harassment.

Right, right, right. I can't imagine this at the TurboTax Christmas party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy named Gary, who's a manager, shows some of his co-workers his hairy balls. Yeah. Debbie goes to Karen, I think we're getting a million dollars for this, but here, no one gives a fuck.

I saw Gary's hairy balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's so charming, Gary. That's why. All right, so we get this creepy uncle talk of Gary. Spot on. Yeah, I mean, he's just addicted to this like wellspring of youthfulness and it's not you know it's it's so sad because he's good you know what i mean he's good at what he does right but he's not focused on the whole career side of things it's it's a means to an end. His hobby is pussy. Alright, next day. He is 31 years old. Holy

shit. TJ and his wife are not back at the boat yet. When the primary finds this out, he has a very confusing attitude about it. He goes up to Chase. He's like, so do you have any idea where they are? Because they're not

here, right? They're not here. What's your name let me grade if where are they didn't jacob kill them i don't know why don't you ask your fucking creepy son i have no fucking idea it was weird it was a little drama that was unneeded john i understand your phone's not working but uh you know why are you taking it out on this guy and and if he knew that he had a tattoo of a of an eagle on his chest i think he would have uh kind of slow played it a little bit um so in a huge suspect type twist uh tj is fine he's just been in a clog of a sardinian ER for half a day. So bad.

Can you imagine that? No, no. I would be so uncool in that scenario. We would never wait 12 hours in a Sardinian ER. No. It would be maximum, honestly, as soon as the sun was really set and it got kind of scary because it was Sardinia at night.

I don't know. Everyone has blades there. Yeah. We're out of there. Out of there at a hotel. We're out of there. Don't let me fall asleep maybe or something if I'm not worried. That's it.

It's the language. It's the different kind of plugs they have. And it's the lighting and I don't want it. No. So Daisy has a panic attack, and that ends the episode. Rubes, thank you for joining us this evening. Yeah, sure. It was a really good time.

Listen to Ruby Breakdown, Vanderpump, with us at patreon.com slash another podcast network. The reviews are phenomenal. Oh, well, the reviews of our coverage. Yes, and our coverage are phenomenal. But I want to talk about the reviews on our page really quickly. iTunes, Spotify, wherever you leave reviews. Slowing down a little bit, guys.

This is not something that ever stops. It just doesn't stop. So keep them up. It's like that little kid in the train in the snow land, you know, and you open up, Ed Harris is in the front of the train. What's that?

Snowpiercer. Snowpiercer. It's got the whole train moves on a six-year-old with one arm fucking grinding a thing. That's what you guys are. All right, we'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye

Rube say goodbye bye bye Pat say goodbye later dudes Dylan say goodbye bye bye Bye.